Dragon Friends - #1.12. I Step Into The Moonlight with Bish Marzook and Jordan Raskopoulos

Episode Date: December 27, 2015

This is it! The season finale of this campaign. Who lives? Who dies? Who tells your story? At least some of these questions are answered in this, the final episode of season one. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As glory's just beginning, our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends They were running from the dragon, so they blocked the door of course Using lots of random items and also Diltr's corpse Then they encountered Rumsfeld, shot an arrow in his hand, and his henchman Seamus Noggin choicet to join our hero's band. Our story's just beginning, our adventure never ends. The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends. Rumsfeld opened up the window, letting in the Lunar Knight, turning him into a a werewolf Much to Bobby's great delight

Though the werewolf's been defeated Bobby Pancake slowly dies Meanwhile Friso loots the wolf corpse Staring grimly in his eyes Our story's just beginning Our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes That they call the Dragon Friends.

The body of Albus Rumsfeld slumps to the floor, but there is no time to celebrate. Already you can hear the thumping and pounding of the door breaking open down the corridor, and you know it is time to flee. Filge quickly grabs Bobby's crumpled corpse and slings it over her shoulder while Friso unnecessarily loots the corpse of Albus. What do I get? Do wolves have pockets? No, but he's turned back in.

He's turned back in. Don't forget all that silver I threw at him as well. Yeah. So he has... Still good. He has that rapier that glowed green. He has a pair of boots that look sus and a brass key with a mechanical eye.

Sussy boots. And what about the hat with a feather in it? Okay, you can also... Shotgun. All right. For anybody drawing Filge in the second half, please remember that Filge is wearing an ostentatious floppy hat with a feather in it.

What was the last thing? The copper what? It's a brass key and it has a symbol of a mechanical unblinking eye on it, which I suppose is normal because if a key was blinking, that would be strange. Anyway. An animated key. You quickly make, you race down the corridor.

Sorry, isn't it more of an unwinking eye because there's only one of them? Hey, Dave. Racing up the stairs, it is three things are clear. First, you are desperately lost. Second, the noise behind you is getting louder. Third, Bobby is losing a ridiculous amount of blood and is not long for this world unless something is done. But what can be done to save a man whom an orc has already tried to heal?

You make your way up the stairs and quickly you find yourselves at three locked doors. One of them however has a symbol of an unwinking eye, which seems to call to you. Oh, if only we had someone here who could pick locks. The ghost of Bobby Pancakes that is tethered still to his body goes... That effort alone makes you roll another death check. Oh, no. 19.

All right, you're fine for now. Three will kill you. You've had one. All right. What do you do? I put the key into. Wait, wait, wait. That key is an unblinking eye.

That door. Me think is unwinking. You're quite right And the door on the other side of the corridor Is an unblinking eye Unblinking or unwinking? It's unblinking Okay

I turn to the unblinking door Eye door And I put the unblinking key Into the unblinking door lock Click It turns The door swings open And

You can You can already You can already hear the noise of the cultists just behind you as the four of you quickly make your way through the door and lock it shut. I close the door, I lock it, I swallow the key. Make a constitution test. You succeed either way, but this is whether or not you gag in just like you gag in a really disturbing way 14 no show us how you do it it the only way as you enter the room and the door is locked, you immediately find yourself plunged into darkness. The room is...

The floor seems to be rickety loud and echoing almost like it's metal behind your feet. You get the sense of drafts that make you feel like you're high up above the ground, but you cannot see a thing. Even those of you with dark vision, this room is so dark as to be completely... ..dark. of you with dark vision. This room is so dark as to be completely dark.

Did you see the lights just did? Yeah, they'll enjoy that on the podcast. The ghost of... Why don't we use that glowing hammer we got from the dead guy? It was a scythe, wasn't it? Sorry, the rapier. I use the glowing... I? Sorry, the rapier. Yeah, the rapier, sorry. I use the glowing, I pull out the glowing rapier.

Okay, you unsheath your rapier, and from the very dim glow, it is not enough for any natural eyes to be able to pierce the gloom. However, for supernatural... I have dark vision, 60 feet. I also have dark vision, 60 feet. The two of you can see that you're in a kind of mechanical chamber of horrors. There's sort of weird constructs and pieces of what seems like almost humanoid forms all around you you can also see a giant lever beside the door that is just sort of standing there i'll get that

one buddy is it kind of like um like the like can't talk, you're dead. No, this is Simon. Like at Disneyland where they fix all the animatronic things for the ride, where they peel their skins off. That's exactly what it is. Is one of these George Washington? It's too dark to see. Okay.

Conveniently. But let us assume that... No. Okay. All right alright I will I think should we try and save Bobby oh yeah pull the lever first pull the lever we'll see what happens

yeah you've got plenty of time alright so I pull the lever by the way you think you hear the noise moving on to the distance and it seems like these locked doors like the cultists didn't stop. They're assuming that you've run forward, further forward. Alright, pull the lever. Okay, you pull

the lever. There is a clunk and then a distant clunk and then slowly... Now we all werewolves! Except for Bobby! The blood was the antidote! You hear the distant sound of gears groaning under the weight of old and ancient chains as slowly a series of drift globes are pulled out of the floor

and up into the sky of what you now realise is a giant warehouse. You are on a gantry high above it and as the drift globes switch on one by one with strange technomantic sigils bursting into strange eldritch light, you realize that underneath you, under the balcony, serried in rank and formation is an army of glitter men. Hundreds of mechanical soldiers all standing to attention with seemingly no power controlling them Should we guess what the code word is? That'll be a fun next hour of the show. Do you want to wake up, Bobby?

Yeah, alright. Do you want to try? Because you're a wizard. Yep. Because you're whatever you are? Because you're a wizard. Yeah. Because you're whatever you are. Because you're a wizard. I cast Witch Bolt. He's still got those potions.

Yeah, has Bobby still got the potions? Yeah, well, no, Filch now has the potions. All right, Filch, give me both of those potions, please. There you go. I pocket one of them. And I... Drink the other one. And I cradle Bobby's... I open

Bobby's eyes with my fingers. I then cradle his head in my arms like this. Gross. And I slowly feed... Put it in my mouth, not my eyes, please. I slowly feed him a third of the potion, just so he comes conscious. And then I say to him,

never forget what I've done for you. I say it into his eyes so it'll be scarred on his... And then if he's got enough strength, I give him the rest of the potion just to... All right. Unfortunately, you removed his will to live, so... Bobby, you regain ten hit points and you come back to life. Hit two.

What? Can I just be like, I got hit two. You forgot, but there's a halfling following you. I lean into Friso and go, who's that? I say, Seamus. Seamus. It's good to see you. Friso, less so.

Vilge. Less so. Filch. I say, well, how injured are you? Because I have another healing potion if you're willing to work for us. I just did. Freezo, you motherfucker, give her the potion. Well, I guess you have something I want. I give Seamus the potion and just say into his eyes,

never forget what I did. Seamus, you also regain nine hit points. As the light of the drift globes, like these chains one by one are rising in the distance and turning on one by one down the warehouse, you now realize that at the far end of what seems to be a raked floor is an altar of sorts. And at that altar, you can see through the gloom a figure that seems to be manacled in place,

a humanoid standing under their own power, but chained by their hands to the altar. Four figures in robes surround the figures, seemingly anointing, chanting, and doing whatever it is that cultists do. All these figures are about 100 feet away from you, down on the floor of the warehouse. They do not yet seem to have noticed or at least made any obvious reference to you turning on the lights. How many are there again?

Four of them, plus the one that's chained there. Do I still have that amulet that controls a glitter man? That amulet controlled glitter men that were created using the house sigil of the Artificer Enya. That is correct. Because you insisted that was her name. Also, you're still wearing the official robes of the cult. Over a baker's uniform.

No, we traded in the baker's uniform for it. Oh, that's true. Sorry. That would be stupid. And we are not stupid. I pull the hood over my head and I say, cultists. Albus? Yes, that's my name.

And then they kind of like are looking at one another. And they're like kind of. And they're like, Albus, have you grown five feet taller? I'm standing on another dwarf's shoulders. We had to get into a movie before. Alright, that checks out, I guess. I'm just doing my nightly rounds and I want to know what you're all doing at this altar. It's annoying, isn't it?

Can I pretend to be like his henchman? Because I was Albus's henchman. Well, you don't need to pretend to be his henchman. You betrayed your boss, rode him like a horse, and stabbed him in the eye. your boss, rode him like a horse, and stabbed him in the eye. And you have to live with that. I whisper to Seamus, I remember your name, but just, I'm going to commit to the character.

Shane! Arrest these cultists! Wait, what? Well, they refused to answer my question. You didn't even give us a chance. Oh, okay. What did you want to know? It was very, very vague. It seemed like a strange question for you to ask,

sort of, you know, as you oversee a lot of this, asking us generally what's going on here. Look, I have a lot of cultish things going on in my life. I can't be across all of them. And they're like, you know, I'm going to'm gonna say it don't say it don't say it I'm gonna say you micromanage yes I do that's part of that's one of my many well-defined character traits I'm aware of and then the other ones like oh and by the way when we said micromanage we didn't mean like a manager that's a dwarf, which is what you are. But...

You should kill him for that. First of all, that's very offensive. The other three cultists, murder this one who's got an insubordinate tongue. I don't know, Gary. You heard what I said. I guess. And then they just like... It's like, ah, okay I don't know, Gary. You heard what I said. I guess. And then they just like, it's like, ah, okay. Oh, he's dead.

Like, just so you know, like, we're basically not fighters. We're just like, we get. You've got those knives you're using there. Yeah, they're like. For his throat. For Albus. They're like ornamental, like, and then one of them's just like really kind of slowly and awkwardly, he's just like.

And then he of them's just like really kind of slowly and awkwardly just like And then he's like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry I guess You still haven't told me what you're doing I'm murdering a colleague Before Before you were murdering the colleague It's the procedure, we're doing the procedure, you know it Sorry, what are the three of you doing? Oh, um I decide that I should

sneak down to loot the corpse. So I've climbed down the ladder or whatever it is. Okay. And I've got robes on. Oh, I've got, no, no, I've got the hat, but he's already being Albus. So I'm just like edging along the wall, like real quiet.

So you're on a gantry above the warehouse, so there's chains leading down. You could climb down one of those chains. Yeah, quietly. Or you could just jump. It would also be weird if Filch decided to do the voice as well, in order to trick them. I don't know why you would say that, Simon.

I won't do it. I won't do it. I'm going to jump. You are wearing the hat. In this fiction, I've given you the hat as my second lieutenant or whatever. I don't know. There's a reason. If they ask, there's a reason. Yeah, but I'm hiding. So I jump down.

Do I need to roll for that? You're going to do a jump? What's the jumping one? Why don't you just make a dexterity check, DC 15? I got 13. Okay, so while this is happening, you all hear a thump and then a very embarrassed half-orc in a floppy hat gets up

very quickly. Hang on. Hold up. Put the brakes on this. Back up. Really sorry I killed Roy. Yeah. Sorry, Roy. Big stop sign here. What's going on? This is one of my magic tricks.

What? What are you doing? I've been throwing my voice. From elsewhere on that gantry, they hear, There's more of us everywhere. You're surrounded. I think that they are so unsettled that perhaps the figure behind you

can seize the opportunity here. So shall we introduce them? Yeah, absolutely. All right. To play the we introduce them? Yeah, absolutely. All right. To play the hooded figure who suddenly, shall we say, a rustle of wind flies through the warehouse and pushes back the hood over their face, revealing none other than the paladin,

Kithisi Galantara, who we have met before. I'm very sorry, Jordan. I was worried if we didn't do this we'd never see you Enter stage center Heavens to Kithasi Kithasi Galantara Paladin of Wrath's Eternal Righteousness Beholder unto the truth

Power butt. All right, Ben, what are the cultists doing? Oh, they just lose their fucking mind and run out of the thing. Yeah, they run away. You have scared off the cultists whose one great fear was six Albus Rumsfelds. One of them was afraid of that. The other one was just afraid of snaggle boys. You find a rickety technomantic elevator of sorts.

And you, using chains and a leverage system, you are able, because Filger's on the ground, to bring yourselves down. Walking through the glitter men, you quickly see that they are all standing to attention, but lifeless all of them each of them on a dais um which seems to be plugged into a groove built into the stone floor itself all of these grooves follow the raked floor of the warehouse up to the central altar. It all sort of flows out from the centre. And around it is strange lab equipment. There seems to be diagrams, devices.

It seems that this is a place where a master artificer works. There is a huge desk covered in what seems to be important papers and devices. And then there is another, as I said, there's the altar. And by the altar is a small granite basin and a wickedly carved ritualistic-looking knife. There are no keys to be seen anywhere, and you are still manacled to the altar.

We get down and we run over. I run over to Kithisi and I say, what's going on? Like, how did you get stuck here? Yeah, it's a funny story. I was researching some things and then I fell asleep and I woke up in a bathtub of ice.

And now I'm here. Kithisi tells you that for the last week, she has been searching for a death cult of Nerul, the god of death and decay, and has been sent there by her temple. She really likes kidneys. And she was investigating, and in fact, this is why she's come to Waterdeep.

You'll remember, Kithisi, you travelled with her on the King's Road, and she was searching for this cult when she was overpowered and knocked unconscious, and when she awoke, she was here. I unpick her manacles as she tells the story. Excellent. DC, 12. Nope.

Oh, wait, is dexterity... Oh, no. Phil, do you want to get this one? Just take 10. Just take ten. How? I can't pick locks. Can you rip her out of the wall? Oh, I go and then I'm like, wait a second. Oh, not my arms! Didn't you leave us in the city?

No, I left you outside of the city. If I have to be truthful. This checks out and then I like bash all the the maul, I maul all the manacles off the wall but I do it a little bit more roughly than I probably should have. Alright, you take three hit points of damage as the as Filch goes for a power play.

Excellent. You are released and you have some time now to search around if you want. Yeah, I would like to start by looking for a character sheet. Oh, la-di-da, look at this one. What's a character sheet? Kithesi, this is Seamus. Seamus, this is Kithesi. Hello.

I think I remember you from earlier. Kithesi is a paladin who likes to follow the rules so you can see why we didn't get along Seamus is a union rights activist oh well I'll let you guys I'll let you guys chat

and then the three of us huddle together and I say to Filge and Bobby I'm like alright we've got two of them we can make them fight if we want huddle together and I say to the I say to Filge and Bobby I'm like all right we've got two of them we can make them fight if we want if we need to oh okay No. Okay, let's go.

You're probably right. If anything, they should fight with us against other people. Oh. All right. Group huddle over. I mean, nothing's over. KFC, do you know your way out of here? What information have you gained? No, no.

I was taken from outside of this place. I have no idea where I am. I was brought here unconscious. I was hoping you guys could help me out. Guys, I know how to get out. Oh, yeah, you do. You remember that a small halfling is travelling with you. Are you still here?

Nobody lets me do anything. Are you still here? Nobody lets me do anything. So I ask, Seamus, do you know how to activate these glitter men? Yes, but I don't think you're going to make me do that. Seamus, you do know, of course, because you are a member. Do you want to tell them the purpose of this room? Yes. All right, so Seamus lets you know that the glitter men require a blood sacrifice.

Specifically, they need the blood of a pure, lawful being in order to bind them to the service of Nero. Did somebody say I want? Now... We all want, mate. Kip, you see, does that mean we'll be able to control these if we sacrifice?

I guess there's only one way to find out. Roll for initiative. No, no, no. Nerul is a god of chaos, which is why the sacrifice of the paladin of lore is required to complete the ritual. So that that no rule we will be controlling this army of glitter they will be inhabited as they will become aspects of narrow right so we can't use these glitter men to fight off the cultists what if you um sacrificed someone that wasn't a good lawful well that's a Roy oh yeah we

string up Roy's body and and then just empty of it if it's I don't know it just tell me if I'm near it I just sort of empty I drain the blood from Roy's body and then just empty it. I don't know. Just tell me if I'm near it. I just sort of empty. I drain the blood from Roy's body. I guess we'll smear it on the glitter. The answer to this, Simon, would be where would you find a creature of chaos? Roll for initiative. All right.

Seamus, we need to get out of here. Without the robots? Well, I don't think we want to risk killing our only chaotic evil person. I take that knife because it seems like it might be important if I can hinder them. Great, so you're going over to where the desk is. So you pull up the knife, you leave the ball where it is. As you get closer, you also can see laid out around it these papers. You see diagrams and writing that you don't understand, symbols that you do recognise

as the secret names of Nerul, the 66 secret names of Nerul inscribed in benediction and you... What are they? Bobby shit cakes. Rum and raisin, chocolate, vanilla Bobby kill joy Thankso And you see pages and pages of what seems to be diagrams of a mature dragon And instructions listed around it

And a device which is a kind of collar, which seems to have wicked barbs and strange wires attached to it, and what seems to be instructions for building this collar. I think we should burn it. We should burn them up, so if they come here, they won't be able to cast these blood ritual spells and summon up this army. We need to ruin it.

Let's burn the secret base. I feel like this column might be some manner of way of controlling the dragon. In which case, let's not destroy that. Oh! Alright. I say let's take all the documents. And burn the documents. Well, let's just keep them for the moment.

So, Bobby, you take the documents? Yeah. I'm like waving a torch at Bobby. Come on! All right, you take the documents. Can you just give something, like, can you give Fraser something else to burn? Yeah, here's his length of rope.

I burn the rope! All right, you take the documents, you take the knife. Now, sorry, is the collar a thing that exists that is... No, no, yes. So there's these instructions, but also as you look at them, you start recognising that this collar device, there is a kind of rough prototype device that seems to match it. It doesn't seem to be moving or indeed look finished.

Do the instructions, can I read the instructions? They are of a craft. They're in Taiwanese. Oh, there are key here instructions. Are there any Allen keys? How big is this collar? It's flat packed. It's large.

Is it large enough for like... Bill, to wear this. Yeah, could it fit like a half-orc? A half-orc could wear it around its forehead. Yeah. Pretty crown! Wait, so could it fit someone's neck? Loosely.

Whose neck? Well, all of your neck. It's too big for all of your necks. Let's all put it on. And then sneak into a movie! Can we test it? Can we test it and see what it does? Show me.

What are you going to do? All right. Bobby, you have it. So you have to give consent. I say, Bobby, we should test this. Okay, Filch, put this on your head. Okay. Okay, so Filch wears it like a crown.

All right, Friso, all yours. I then, is there a clear on button on this? Nope. Are you doing Arcana check or something? What? Are you doing Arcana check? Arcana check it Are you doing an arcana check? Arcana check it is. Alright, I'm doing an arcana check. This is 23. Nope, didn't

get it. Alright. Looks like you've got a useless crown. You gonna keep wearing it? Yeah. But hang on, you're also wearing a hat. Yeah, you have to choose. Oh! You only have one head equipment slot. You know who I bet would like a hat?

Our good friend Seamus. Yes. Me missed being a queen. The hat of my master that I slayed. Yeah, that's real grim. So I take it off and I give it to her. The crown or the hat? I take off the hat and I give it to Seamus.

It's adorably oversized. It's so big it goes over her overhead and I lean down and I whisper, never forget. Suddenly you hear a rumbling as the air becomes charged. A great piercing light shines overhead long enough for you to realise that what you assumed were the dark reaches of a far-off ceiling are in fact leaden panes of glass already shattering and falling to... Glass doesn't exist in this world.

Oh, you're right. Lucky pedantry does. Is it? Elf glass. It's fucking elf glass. And probably gets a heart attack. Shards of elf glass break and fall like diamonds through the sky. I like put my head up and stick my tongue out. Okay.

And you feel the beating of a hot, acrid wind as suddenly through the ceiling, feel the beating of a hot, acrid wind as suddenly, through the ceiling, crashing through the ceiling, and landing on the gantry, crushing in its powerful claws, is the red dragon that you escaped from earlier. It beats its wings twice and snaps its neck once, as you see on its, I love these lighting cues. Don't get distracted by the pretty lights. It beats its wings twice and snaps its neck once,

as you see a figure... It snaps its neck? Yeah. All right, let's get out of here. We're done. We're done. That was easy. As you see a figure riding on an ornate jammy-encrusted saddle

on the back of the dragon, it is none other than your old foe and nemesis, the right duke of Daggerford himself, Davin Tyrrell. Did the dragon crash through from the outside, letting the moonlight stream into this warehouse?

Yes, I suppose it did. Just checking. Just checking. Bobby, you are currently hidden from the moonlight because you're small and the altar's there and you're standing in the shadows. If you move, this will become different, but for now you are standing there.

Davin. If you move, this will become different, but for now you are standing there. Davin. Davin stands up in the saddle and with a booming, irritating voice addresses you. Hello! Cunts? Do you like my dragon? Don't answer that, of course you do. The name of my dragon, I know you're dying to know, is Gabustrath. The dragon that I have. That's the full title.

Gabustrath, colon, the dragon that I have. What's your dragon, colon? Oh, wait! It has been a week, but you remember how much you hated Davantiro. God, I hate that guy so much. Anyway, time to die. And he pulls out a slim, slimline, murderous-looking hand crossbow and makes an ostentatious show of cocking it.

You have a second or two to act if you want to. Quick, get close to crossbow. Again, he is standing on a gantry. Didn't we get a lift down from the gantry? Yes, so he's on the gantry and you're not. Okay. Is there a way? No, never mind. Alright, we need to get that collar. Let's take

a gamble. I say we try and get that collar on that bloody dragon. Alright, maybe since Seamus did so well. Actually, all of you make a perception check. Okay. Tell me if anybody gets 20. No. Perception. I got 21.

19 plus 2. Sick. Friso, you notice that the dragon is wearing a collar. Let's burn this one then. Come on. Is Davin wearing any other collar? Is's any sort of connection to it or anything? The collar is... He's wearing sunglasses.

Indoors. Elf glass, elf glass. He's wearing them indoors because that's the kind of guy he is. His hair is plugged into its mane. It seems to be... It seems... It seems to be... The collar seems to be built into the gemstone in a sort of high-tech saddle, and the reins that he is holding in one hand

as he holds the crossbow in the other hand are all plugged into this collar, which is pulsing. How robust is the collar? It looks like an ornate thing, but he is is again, you know, he's 60 feet above you. Ooh. And it's attached by wires to the gemstone. To the reins. Yeah.

They seem like wires, but you're quite far away. They're probably fantasy wires. Elf wires. So, like, I'm still, like, the hat is still over my eyes, and eyes and like I haven't seen the dragon or anything. He hasn't even seen you yet. I like push the cap up and I see the dragon and I get my rope out and I'm like guys I got this. Okay initiative we're going back into initiative order. Same as before so Bobby you go first.

I step into the moonlight. And I yell, Mother Moon! You know, you could be a werewhale. That's a thing. I want you to make a very hard constitution check. Beat DC 25. Jesus Christ. No.

You turn into a werewolf. Could you briefly outline my werewolf abilities? Okay, your werewolf... I mean, I could make assumptions. While you are in werewolf form, you gain one to your armor class. You gain a bite second attack, which means you can attack twice if you're in Malia range.

And you also are better at... You get bonuses to jumping. And you have keen hearing and smelling, which means you have advantage to wisdom perception checks. Is he like a halfling werewolf? Oh, and you're susceptible... Is he a werepuppy? He a werepuppy! Scrappy dappy do!

Oh yeah, you also feel a tenacious belief that you could fight any ghost or carnivore. Let me at him, let me at him! This has been a real Carnivore Bear episode. And you have a vulnerability to silver. Does Bobby look to still be in control

of his faculties? At the moment you can't tell, he's screaming in pain and his head is bent backwards and he's howling and it sounds like aoooooooooo aoooooooooo That was much better than yours.

It was different. It was much different. You sound like Snagglepuss now. I quickly turn to the rest of it, the other three, and I say, don't worry, I picked up those coins, so we've got the silver if we need to, you know what. And I just yell, wink! Bobby, you feel immediately the incredibly strong urge

to feast on flesh. So anything that you do, I will give you a difficulty check on actually doing it based on how much you fulfill this need from now on. Does that make sense? Okay, can I still wield the sword and stuff? You don't need to wield the sword because as it fell out of your hands, powerful claws popped out. Okay, cool.

Does anyone else want to get bit? I don't. Like, I'm happy how I am, but I just wanted to throw it out there if anyone wants to get bit, you know. No, I'm good. Okay. All right. Seamus?

No, thanks. Okay. Kifisi? No, no, no, we're all right. Let's carry on. This is just a Simone? No, no, no, where we at? Let's carry on. This is just a Simon fantasy. So, Bobby, what do you do?

I start to climb her up to the gantry. Okay, because you're trying to fulfill the prime directive of werewolves, you are able to do this. So you immediately jump forward and you start using your powerful arms and forelocks to climb. And with pretty natural speed, you make your way up. You'll be up there next round. You don't even need to test because you've got natural climbing affinities. So that's the end of your turn.

The next person is Davin Tyrrell. Okay. Davin Tyrrell goes, that's a neat trick. And then like as if he had something else to say. As if he's put out? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, as if he had something else to say. As if he's put out? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, as if he had something else to say, and he doesn't. And so he's like, all right, enough of this,

and then turns the dragon toward Filge, and we'll just set general area. And he's got his hand crossbow. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, no, actually, yeah, he's like, yeah. He fires a hand crossbow at the werewolf that's coming at him. Okay, he fires a bolt of his hand crossbow at you, and he rolls a, oh, it doesn't even, nowhere near. I catch it in my hand and snap it across my knee.

That would make you fall. I hold on with my mouth while I do it, just to show you. How incredibly ostentatious of you. All right. Next one up is our little halfling friend. It's Seamus. Kill him. I'm going to go up to Filch and ask her to throw me up to the dragon.

Okay Filch. She's like, can you throw me up to the dragon? I'm like, yes. Filch, DC 15, check for use in bit 11. What? Yep, don't forget you're still raging. The adrenaline has not died. Oh, you had a very

confusing fight. How angry are you? Very angry. Roll a second, guys. Get advantage. 19. 19, okay. You throw

like a keen bullet, like a wolverine. You get thrown. Sorry, I actually got, I forgot to add my strengths. 23. 23. Okay, be careful that you don't hit the ceiling.

You fly through the air and now I need you to make a dexterity check, which is also 15 minus your dex bonus. Or add your dex bonus. Six. Six? Yep. Alright, you are incredibly accurate and strong and you throw her right at the dragon. She

Seamus hits the dragon and falls. I don't think... Take that! The dragon takes two hit points of damage. Yes! That's pretty good. And you are free falling through the air.

So that's the end of your turn. All right. Next up is Friso. Friso has one spell slot left. But I'm going to save that, I feel. I think I'm going to need to do that. So, I I crossbow. I mean, not crossbow, I shortbow. I shortbow at

Can I hit Davin? Or is Davin or is it all just... Is it like in World of Warcraft where you have to kill the dragon that they're riding first before you can kill the rider? Or is this like a... I can aim at the... No, this is the magic of your imagination. I'm just... There have been rules in the past, alright?

I fire my short bow at Davin Tyrrell. The jerk. Make a d20. Roll a d20. Roll an attack. 14 plus 5, 19. Your short bow. Alright, that'll hit. Davin is put out by that. Deal some damage. And I roll a

4 plus 3, 7. 7 points. Excellent. Davin takes the arrow to the knee and... And he goes, ha, memes. Yeah, even though he's in pain, he can appreciate the comedic. I love a good meme. I hate this guy so much. And now

it is the dragon's turn. So the dragon its entire body trembles and pulses and it dives forward, Davon holding onto dear life as it smashes down to the ground. Twelve glitter men fly up into the air off their dais and tumble down, becoming non-magical suits of armor and cogs,

scattering around the ground as it pounces forward and with its serpentine neck, makes a bite at its deliciously prepared meal, which is, of course, Eukithese. And it attacks. Oh, wow. Wow is right. And it rolls a 16, which I'm pretty sure is going to hit, meaning that it's... Oh, wow, dragons are huge. Wait, isn't your armour class...

Oh, no, wait. It's probably got a strength. Yeah, I see. 11 hit points. Oh, wow, okay. As it bites you. This, however, does take up all its action, so it doesn't breathe fire or anything else.

And it stands in the middle, stands there. Can you just make a wisdom check for me, DC19? Oh, minus one makes it a no turn. You're terrified. So in its frightful presence, you find yourself backing off. You can't directly attack it next round, but it is now your turn.

I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on myself. Selfish. You still have the healing potion you stole from Bobby. Yeah. Actually, no, as a lawful good paladin, I should think of others before myself, and I'm going to try and overcome my terror

and cast Demand, Demand, Command against Davin. Okay, that will work. You can cast on Davin You can now remember First of all Is it a wisdom check He has to check He has a DC against Wisdom at DC 13

13 And the command word I'm saying is Dismount He rolls an 11 And immediately Before he can Come to his senses

He hops down Ostentatiously I'm saying that a lot He hops down willfully and lands on the ground beside the dragon. Opposite of willfully. He's being forced to do it. He doesn't realise that. Devin's the kind of guy who tries to take

ownership. It's like in Jessica Jones. Yeah, it's just like in Jessica Jones. Oh yeah, I'd love to piss myself in the cupboard. And then he pisses himself. He pisses himself? Yeah. Does that go into his wounded knee? He dismounts and...

Is he like disinfecting his wound with his own urine? If anything, he's making himself better. He dismounts and throwing the reins aside and with his free hand, he draws his rapier. Bobby, it's your go. I use a cunning attack and leap from where I am directly to where Davin is on the ground. You're up high now.

Yep. Now, cunning attack means that you get this as a free action, so you can do it. Now, I'm going to give you a bonus six points of damage because you're coming up from high, but if you miss, it's going to do damage to you, so you better hit. It's an 11.

So you add five, so 11, 16. You hit Davin. From above, with Primordial Scream, you jump and you land on top of him. You deal... Well, actually, you're using your natural claws now, which means that you deal D8 plus 2D6. So three dice, roll three dice.

That's an eight and a four and a three That's 15 damage Alright Oh, he's not well He doesn't like that What does he say? Yeah Really? That's what he says?

Yeah, and then he's like, very good And he does like Sarcastic clap Alright, next up is Davin himself Very good. And he does like a sarcastic clap. All right. Next up is Davin himself, who, as I said, has just drawn his rapier, which glints with a silvery sheen and makes a dashing riposte at Bobby. Rolls an 18. I'm so much better at rolling than you guys are.

He deals five hit points of damage to you. So what's my total hit points now? You had 10 and then you lost five just now so you're on five. But I didn't get more

from being out. Remember you got 10 originally so you're down to five again. Okay. I brandish the potion and just say At Friso

it's your go. I yell at Davin, you have a choice to join us or die. And Davin's like, what? I have to do this thing where I give you a choice. That's part of my thing now. It's part of the 10-step program that we made you take. They're forcing me through it. I'm working through my issues. I a lot of yeah abandonment stuff from when I was left at the temple, huh? Anyway, look join us if you want. Otherwise, I'm gonna kill you right now

well, I cast which bonus motherfucker You know, this is your this is your last spell slot of the day. Yeah, I'm going to waste this guy and then make best friends with that dragon. I'm going to take that dragon home. Roll. Nine plus my spell attack, which is like 14. Does that hit?

Yeah, you don't have to roll to hit. It's a witch bolt. Oh, right. Sick. How do you not know this? All right. Then I do 12 damage to Davin Tyrell. Okay, um...

Oh wait, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. Actually, no, I think you do need to roll a hit, but 19 will do it. Because again, he's at 15. 1d12. Where's the d12? Alright, I roll and do 1 damage! Yes! Yes! Um... By now the words... the words... none of you are spellcasters and yet the words of the

Witch Bolt spell is now sadly known to you. As Hing creates the familiar sigils in the air, you all stand back in horror as the smoke begins to pour and indeed even your dismay and trepidation makes Davantyril step back for a second but then basically nothing happens? Yeah, the one time that someone deserves to be killed. Damn it! And then he's like, oh, righto. I wish I hadn't wasted my sarcastic clamp earlier.

Kithesee! I will... I presume I don't have any of my gear. No, you don't. Okay, I'm going to run... Oh, but don't forget, all of Bobby's gear is on the ground. Oh, fuck it.

I'm going to... There's no time for that. I'm going to run forward yelling, power butt. I will cast... Power butt! Roth will smite on myself and then punch Davin.

Great, alright. With my power bot. Roll to attack. 20! Natural 20! Okay, well alright. Then roll twice as many dice as you do and add whatever you add. You've got the spell in front of you.

Yeah, so the... What is that? Ruffle Smite. So that adds another D6 psychic damage to my unarmed attack. So that's 2D6. Your unarmed attack is D4, so 2D4. Eight total. Eight? All right.

A lot of ones. That's a lot of ones. However, he has taken a werewolf and an arrow and a disappointingly lackluster... All right. And that is enough to... So you power butt him into the floor. Nice.

And with the rage that is justified of somebody that has been held in a warehouse for a week, you... A week? Well, I don't know. It's been a while since we saw you last. Anyway, you turn his face into paste. But before you do that, his dying breath, he turns to the dragon and says,

finish them, and then turns to you guys and goes, fuck you. As he says that, the dragon's collar pulses twice and it rears in pain, and then with its eyes, it zeroes in for it. It is now the dragon's turn on you, Friso. Damn it. And with a flame attack, it exhales fire in a 60-foot cone.

So can I make you, Bobby, and Phil, and indeed Seamus, all make a DC 21 dexterity saving throw? Oh, no, sorry. It's underground and it doesn't have good air at the moment. So bring that down to DC 14. Oh, 18. 19. I nailed it.

Getting out of the way. You get out of the way. I got 15. Okay, 15 will... Did I say DC 14? You said 14. You said DC 14. You're fine.

You're fine. You're fine. Seamus? 10. Okay find Seamus? 10. Okay, Seamus. Wait, I gave you that potion, didn't I? Yeah, I did.

Seamus, you take with a burst of brimfire, you take 12 hit points of fire damage, which I think is going to knock you out. I'm down to four. All right. A crispy four.

A crispy four. Is your hat still intact? The hat is unfortunately bears the brunt of the flame and burns to a crisp. RIP hat. In some ways, Phil giving you that hat saved your life. Bobby, it's... Welcome.

Bobby, it's your turn. Oh, sorry. Oh, God, Filch. No, Filch is meant to... You missed two goes. I'm sorry, Filch. The first go, you were just admiring the dragon work, but it is now your turn.

Well, I've had a lot of time to think. I've had a lot of time to think. And so I have noticed that some of Kifasi's blood is on the ground. Yes, that is correct. So I'm going to scoop it up and take it to the altar. I think maybe Filch missing a go might have been a good thing for you guys. All right, you take some of the blood. And before anyone can say so, you scoop it in the altar.

It now begins moving down through the channels from the altar, dripping inexorably towards the first rank of about 60 glitter men. Fuck. And it is now your go, Bobby. So, wait, who controls those glitter men? Not you! We discussed this. Oh, what? They're controlled glitter men? Not you! We discussed this. Oh, what?

They're controlled by the... Bobby, it's your go. They're controlled by the chaotic god Nero or whatever the... I thought that was my nickname. Nah, whatever. What's done is done. On you go. I make a dash towards the dragon, try to clamber up to the saddle and to where...

Okay, you're excellent. DC, because it's down on the ground and because it's busy burning Seamus, we'll say DC 15, so for you, 11. Yeah, 16. 16. Okay, you jump up onto its neck and you grab with both hands the collar.

What do you want to do while you put the hands on it? Well, can I, I actually was aiming to go where the saddle was, where the controller was. Yep, you've succeeded. So where do you want to go? So I'm going to try and drive it by like pushing the levers. I don't know if you're as good a dragon driver as Seamus Noggin, but okay. What's your animal handling skill? It's, I don't have any, but I.

But he is an animal. But I am an animal. Yeah. So wisdom? Wis animal. Yeah, I'm just... So, wisdom? Wisdom, okay, great. Dragons are very smart, so this is... You need a... What's your wisdom?

Zero. All right, you need a 20. Half a 20! You're up in the saddle, straddling the dragon, and you're up there for now, but you aren't able to control the dragon. Frieza, your go. I take the collar off Filch.

Can I have the collar? All right. I attach it to an arrow, and I fire that collar. How do you attach the collar to an arrow? The same way we did it with the silver coins. Oh, we did, didn't we? Yeah, the sticky arrows with the blue tack on them. All right.

Do I have enough strength to throw this to Bobby then? Yeah, you can throw it to Bobby. Absolutely. But it's a strength. It's a, no, it's not that heavy. It's dexterity. Yep. All right.

Cool, cool. What's my DC? You just want to be 13. I got 17. All right. So he throws the collar to you and with one claw you're able to grab it. And this brings us to Seamus.

Can I go to the bathroom? Bathroom? You should have gone before we left. Where do you want to go? Can I try and push over the first robot? The glittering man. So, like a domino kind of...

Make a strength check. DC15. No. Seamus goes up and seems the halfling pushes very heavily. Leans on a robot. Yeah, and leans on a robot. And takes five. Excellent.

All right, cool. Kithisi? Seeing that my blood is being used for the ritual and knowing that it will bring the end of civilization in this area, I have no choice but to break the laws. And so I decide to abandon my paladinliness. Are you going to try and make your alignment shift to chaotic before the drag the blood hits the... That's what Are you going to try and make your alignment shift to chaotic before the dragon, the blood hits the...

That's what I'm going to do. All right. Okay, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. I just want to say, okay, a paladin breaking their vows is a big thing, but you, a round in Dungeons & Dragons

for anyone that doesn't know it is six seconds. So you have to tell us in six seconds how you can turn your back on your faith. I do a on daven's corpse

i on a corpse i on a human's dead body i go to a dead body of a human being that had a soul and interests and a job and a family, and I defecate on it. I do a shit on a dead body. Well, Kithesee... You've been holding it in for like a week. I've been here for a week! Yeah, we know you had that one in the chamber. As Kithesee soils herself, imperceptibly, you can see that a golden shine on the blood

that was flowing through the rake seems to disappear and it becomes more mundane and dare one say, fetid, and the blood trickles down and hits 60 glitter men, as I said, who hum, choke, and collapse into armor because this ritual has been ruined. It's been soiled. At what cost? Filch, quickly. I'm like, what's that smell? Well, we've got to deal with this dragon, don't we?

Maybe you should throw up the one with animal handling skills up to the saddle here. Throw the hobbit. It's a dying thing. She's got some points. All right, okay, I do. I wrap her up in the hat. The hat's gone. Oh, yeah.

I've got a bed sheet. Make a strength check. Me? Yeah, if you're throwing her. All right, I got 19. You know how to do this. All right, Seamus, you better make... I'm going to wrap her up in my bed roll for, like, protection.

That's pretty. You know how to do this. Make a roll. So you've got to now make a dexterity roll. And I throw her up to the table. All right, 19. Yeah, 21. 21, all right.

You land up and you're sitting right behind up to the dragon. Yeah, 21. 21, all right. You land up and you're sitting right behind Bobby on the dragon's saddle. And Bobby, no, the dragon is next. It rears and bucks and fails to dislodge either of you. And it makes a bite with its multi-attack at Friso. And that's a four. Friso, what's your armor class? It is 14. All right, you're fine as well. And Bobby, it's your go. I crawl down the neck ofzo, and that's a four. Friezo, what's your armor class? It is 14.

All right, you're fine as well. And Bobby, it's your go. I crawl down the neck of the dragon and start biting its face. You want to make a were-dragon? What are you doing? You are going to make a were-dragon. That's not what you do, Bobby. Until such time that you can control this dragon,

I'm going to try and slow it down as much as possible. Okay, quickly, make an attack roll. You can make two attack rolls, claw and bite. Thirteen plus strength? Three, plus three. Okay, so that's sixteen and a sixteen. Sixteen and a sixteen. Alright, cool. They both hit, so... Let's say the eyes

specifically. That would have been different. You'd have to have rolled differently. I'll just roll those for you if you're okay with that. And you do twelve hit points of damage and possibly turn the dragon into a werewolf. A dragon? Let's see what happens. All right, next up is Frieza.

All right. I take off from my robe of many items because I think I'm out of weapons and stuff. I throw a patch that has a boat on it at the drag I throw a boat at the dragon I think I don't know how this works but last time I tried to try to throw a snake at someone. That patch that patch is a boat. Last time I tried to throw a snake at someone you're like no it's a rope but this is a boat. Yeah okay okay, go ahead. Attack roll. Alright. 16.

Alright, 16. Roll these. I do 6 plus 2. I do 8 boat damage. Is that damage to the boat? Alright, you throw a boat at the dragon, which probably confuses you, Seamus, more than anyone

else, because you didn't know he was wearing that. Wait, a boat just appears? And Seamus, it's your go. I'm going to jump ship. I advise you to try and control the dragon with your animal skills. Okay, am I near the collar? You're right near the collar, yes.

Okay, can I... Are there buttons? There's a latch on the collar that you kind of... Oh, so, okay, it's bad. All right, I undo the latch. Okay, this is a dexterity check. You're up on it. You're small, so DC 15, so 11 for you. Yep.

All right, you grab a hold of the collar and you twist your hand into it and you pull as hard as you can. Make a strength check. You just have to beat 10. Actually as hard as you can. Make a strength check. You just have to beat 10. Actually, no, forget that. Make a strength... Sports, sports, sports.

Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports. All right, you've got to roll. What's your strength? 15. 15, oh, okay. Then you've just got to beat 8. So roll that. That's a 20!

Natural 20! You grab the collar and you twist, and with a strength that nobody suspected this tiny halfling had, you pull the collar loose. It falls to the ground, and as it does, the red light piercing from the dragon's eyes seems to fade. It snarls

at you and both of you feel this is a good time to dismount. Do you do this? Aye. Alright. And it shakes itself and finds its voice. This is the voice you haven't had a chance to do this whole time. Oh, I hope it's voiced by Eddie Murphy like in Mulan.

Ahem, ahem. No, it's okay. I actually completely forgot this thing had a voice. Oh, yeah. Gabu Strath. The tank is dry and it goes, hello. It goes, hello. It goes, excuse me, thank you very much for... It's challenge rating 29, man.

For getting that collar off my neck. Is this a very fat dragon? It's feeling increasingly so. Oh, now typically, is this not what you? No, keep going, you're nailing it. Typically, I would of course lay waste to all of you, but given that you got the collar off and killed the nasty man, I'm inclined to let you live. It wasn't a southern gentleman when it started talking. I can turn multitudes. gentlemen when it started talking. Architired multitudes.

So that's what that is. That's what that sound is. Eat shit, Bennett Cumberbatch. The dragon begins systematically laying waste to the room. You take this opportunity to take stock and I assume leave while the going is good. I wipe first. An hour later finds you at the court of the Beggar King where Janice Meir has been waiting for you with bated breath. You arrive and throw at his feet the ruined colour of the dragon and show him...

I give him the spy pen that I have that recorded all of the things No, you didn't turn it on. I give him the spy pen and I say it's been playing up but you should be able to... it'll take hours but check it later after we've gone.

And he's like, well, you've done it. If what's on this pen is what I think it is. Yep. Yep. Now, it's rude to obviously check it while we're here. But you trust me, right, Janos? Janos does. And he pays you a small pouch full of precious gemstones

worth probably about 1,200 gold pieces for your trouble. Kithis is going to buy a really cool leather jacket. Kithis is getting, fuck all these 1,200. These are mine. Freezers, gold pieces. I'm starting up a bakery. Janos tells you that this is troubling news indeed, that a cult of Nero would be active in the city of Waterdeep itself

with as much power as this one had is one thing. To understand that it would be able to create an army of the size of which you've seen, presuming that he believes you, is because there's no... Inexplicably, I do. Because there is no evidence to the contrary or affirmative means that he has much to do. For now, you have, however, managed to live up to your end of the bargain and, Bobby, you are contractually no longer obliged to the beggar king.

Oh! A week later sees you back in the town of Daggerford with your good friend Grim Saltback, with many an adventure story to tell and a small pouch full of gemstones that presumably you're going to argue over who gets. No, I've got them. What argument is there? I gave him the spy pen, I got the gems.

And for now, the Sword Coast is safe. But for how long? With heroes such as these, what can any man, good or otherwise, do to be in control of his own destiny? Who knows who can say, but to find out, tune in next year at the next adventure of The Dragon

Friends. Thank you! Thank you all so much. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Simon Greiner and Michael Hing. The show is DM'd by David Harmon and edited by me, Ben Jenkins. Our special guests this episode were Bishma Zook and Jordan Raskopoulos and our bard, as always, was Benny Davis. You can find old episodes, character sheets and a bunch of other stuff at thedragonfriends.com.

Thanks for listening.