Dragon Friends - #2.02. Classic Six Behaviour

Episode Date: March 2, 2016

The Dragon Friends are trapped in an ancient land by a terrible curse and things are only going to get worse from here on in. This week they're off to try to find the holy relic, save the town and rescue the maiden - but things never seem to be that simple. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, and welcome to Dragon Friends, the podcast. This is your bard, Benny Davis, filling in for Ben Jenkins, who is on a plane heading to Sydney from New York as we speak. He's asked me to cover for him to introduce the podcast this week, but I'm not really sure what's involved. Okay, welcome to episode two of season two of Dragon Friends. Dragon Friends. If it's spooky, two of Dragon Friends. Dragon Friends. If it's spooky, don't be frightened.

Dragon Friends. Scurry home and bar the door. Daylight air. And the fiends and ghouls delight in things that scare. So be well aware as you make your way. Don't be led astray for the goal is near. And your friends are here. And there's plenty more in store.

You pass your first night on Barovian soil without sleep. The villagers lay out straw, feeble blankets, and huddle together for warmth. With your bravery at the door, you have earned a kind of begrudging acceptance from these townsfolk, but you cannot help but feel that you are truly foreigners, alien to their problems. Since I haven't been here a little while, so they maybe have seen me around, what do they think about me?

Why don't you ask one of them? Ah, I think you are not very tall. Wow, you've really made an impact on these people, haven't you? I saw a small man, but then I forget him because he was only as memorable as half a man. The acolyte, Brazley, offers you some space and offers, you know, gives you a modicum of privacy as strangers in a kind of area just behind the altar

where you guys bunker down. A few hours pass and Frieza, you can get a hit dice back and you sleep as best you can. The morning comes with the same cold sense of dread and you realize that this is life for these villagers. Every six days they get attacked and they all gather together in the church. And what kind of life is that? Not a great life, you think to yourselves. Oh, this life is not good. I think, I think, and I also talk.

In the morning, Brazley organises volunteers who bring around a thin gruel, which they pass out to the villagers as they start making their way back to their homes to see which of their homes are still standing, for the wolves have torn through the town, breaking in where they can, eating livestock. And just, like, selectively removing structural beams. How many of our pack of goats did they eat?

Oh, all of them Oh, God They ate 30 goats They ate 30 goats My bakery was very successful, I had so much money You had to sell your bakery to buy those goats What about the train sled? Oh, no, the sled's fine

Could it be pulled by... I mean, did it need to be pulled by 30 goats. What about the train sled? Oh, no, the sled's fine. Yes. Could it be pulled by... I mean, did it need to be pulled by 30 goats? No, that was an ostentatious, unnecessary... So, like, a half-hawk could pull it. What about... What about my horse, Friso? Yeah, your horse, Friso, is fine. Yes.

Yeah, but they're full from all those goats. In the morning, Brazley comes up to you and thanks you for your help. Oh, you were so brave. We would have all died for sure if you weren't there.

Please, you can't leave. Right, you can't leave. But you gotta help us find that relic. They could just attack every night now. There's no reason they'd stop. What does it look like? It's kind of like, it's about a third of your size.

So one-sixth of a man's size. He added unnecessarily. It's of a beautiful goddess, Pelor. It's like a lady and her arms are outstretched. It's a lady. It really bugs me. Sorry, it really bugs me and it shouldn't because Pelor isn't a lady.

But that's my problem, not yours. You go ahead. Yeah, that is your problem. But it's like she could be a dude. It's kind of gender nondescript, and she's kind of got a chest, but it could be muscles. Okay.

Uh-huh. Can you tell us where the father is? Tell us the truth! All right, now, Make an intimidation check That was unnecessary He was trying to help you DC 12 And I got 17

17 Alright he bursts into tears And pees himself There's liquids coming from everywhere He ran off Four nights ago He can't have gone far How could he have run so far when he having a nap?

He wasn't having a nap. Why would you lie to us? Because I was trying not to incite panic in a crowded church full of women, children and people. All right, that seems reasonable. There was one child. I'm off to work now. Even though I shouldn't be. I haven't barely seen 12 summers.

What a catchphrase. How grateful are you that we saved the town? So grateful. Very, very. No, hang on. You didn't save the town. Most, like, all of the houses were ransacked. Very, very. No, hang on. You didn't save the town. Most, like, all of the houses were like ransacked. He said very.

The point is, we might not make it through another night if we, if you don't find the goddess's statue to protect us. Well, it'd be a shame if you didn't make it through another night. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? We, I'm your goddess now.

Make statue of me. Make statue of me. Okay. Yeah, you can have another one. He's not a sculptor by trade. That's a four. I'd say that's an 18. Yeah, alright, that's an 18.

You get the sense that you have scared him to the point that while you go off doing whatever you're going to do now, he's going to try, despite his lack of formal training, to make a statue of you. I'll try, goddess, but I don't know how to imbue this simple mud clay statue with magical powers. I don't have the enchant items.

We didn't ask you for problems. We asked you for solutions, all right? I think a solution would be to find Father O'Donovich. That is if he's not dead already. Does he have a quarters here in the church? Yeah, right behind the altar there where the sconce is, where the statue should be. That's where he should be sleeping.

We look there. So yeah, you see stairs leading past the sconce going up into the rafters where Brazley and Father Donovich, O'Donovich? O'Donovich. All right.

Where Father O'Donovich and Brazley live. Should we go look for clues? We go look for clues. We should do a perception check. Well, first of all, let's go up the stairs. Oh, stairs. Oh, two. I don't go up the stairs.

I also rolled a two. I got an 11. All right, so Filge is going to be... No, Filge will be taking... After me, says Bastogne. No, you're still here. Twelve. Oh, I'm good at walking.

I'm the best. So I guess Filge and Bastogne will be taking point on this investigation. The two of you go up first. I'm like, you first. And I'll look at your butt as you go up the stairs. Can I do a check to see if I perceive can i do it yeah yep no what uh don't just roll i got a four i wouldn't have done it anyway don't worry no well four is bad enough to fail so i was gonna say if if i could perceive that like the love triangle that's clearly happening here which is like i think which so okay, okay, you rolled a four.

You suddenly realise that you think that for all of his tough persona, Bastogne actually has a crush on Bobby. Alright. Do with that what you will. As you

make your way up to the stairs, you see the modest Spartan... Yeah, yeah, work it. I'm just walking up the stairs. Don't mind me. While muttering, yeah, yeah, work it. I appreciate, but I do not need your encouragement. Shake that healthy butt. LAUGHTER As you make your way up, you see the humble Spartan chambers

of a priest and his junior acolyte. They live Spartan austere lives. There's a bedroll for each of them and a small wooden shelf of some small curios and personal effects. There is a candle and a book by Father Donovich's bed. And you can tell that the bed has been empty for days. In fact, it is, like, modestly made. It looks like the person who left left with finality. No one napped in here for a while.

Is there anything else to... You're not up the stairs yet. You rolled a two. I try to walk up the stairs again. You make your way up the stairs. And I get a natural 20. I jump, skipping one step between each other. What a waste of a 20. Bastion looks around the room and says,

I'm still at the bottom of the stairs. Nothing to see here. Investigation closed. Can I roll a perception check? Yeah, sure. 16 plus... No, that's enough. That's enough.

That beats 15. So one of the things you've noticed, you sort of make a quick inventory of useful items and you notice three things. One is the book, which looks interesting and important, that is sitting beside the bed with a quill and a small ink blotting station. The other thing that you notice is under the pillow on the bed,

fallen in beside the bedroll and perhaps left accidentally, is a small brooch. And that brooch has a painting inside it of a woman. And then the other thing that you find is just a small sack in the corner. And inside that sack, you find a small wooden figure. Is the figure Pelor? Oh, yeah. You would recognize it as the symbol of Pelor,

one of the well-known deities of Faerun. I'm like, guys, I found it. No. It's like a small, like the kind of thing that an old man in his retirement might make for hobbies. Would it still have some magical power? Can you do an arcana? It's not magical power.

But like it sort of offers some resistance to bad guys. Baston says, that's just a trinket. Everyone in town has one of those. Okay, Frieza, you were raised in a temple, weren't you? Yeah, but I've rolled two twos trying to get up these motherfucking stairs. I know. Why don't you just quickly for me make a DC-16 religion check? Yes.

Okay, you realize that there is a modicum of power in this device, mostly because of the piety of the man who made it. It is not a powerful relic by any means, but it may offer something. I keep it. I want it. You're going to take it. I'm going to take it, and I'm going to take the book and the brooch. All right.

What's the brooch made out of? Gold. Good. Oh. Oh, um. I say, these are important clues that I need to analyse in my field laboratory. Baston recognises the brooch. Yes.

And goes, that brooch! And tries to snatch it off. You going to let him take it? No, sir. Alright, dexterity check. Snatch check. 18. 16 plus 5, sleight of hand.

Yeah, I'll make it opposed. Okay, you actually manage to dart out of his way and hold it, and you snap it open again to look at it properly. So it's a young woman with a very pale face, a sort of high-necked collar. It looks quite not that old, actually. It looks like it was maybe painted a year or two ago. I look at it and I'm like oh, looks just like me. It's not a mirror.

It definitely does not look like Filch. This is a human woman. Baston, who is this? That's my betrothed. Legally distinct from Belle. Yeah, her name's Elle. Her name is Elena.

Her name is Irina. Oh, you're right. She obviously made a big impression on you. Irina, Elena, look. Look, she was a six and I'm a ten. It was never meant to be. I didn't notice her in the church last night. What's the deal?

She disappeared some weeks ago. Well, about a week ago. And after that, well, you know, the father started getting a little loopy. She ran away with the father. He took your bride. Maybe. That way he has the bride. Seeing as she was his adopted daughter, I should hope not.

They could have run away together as... Woody Allen style. No. Not what I meant. Maybe they went away together just as a family. Bastogne tells you that, in fact, Irina disappeared a couple of days before Donovich disappeared. So she was his adopted daughter and, indeed, Bastogne's betrothed.

And she was the light of the priest's eye. And when she disappeared, he's been acting strange. He hasn't been able to sleep. Donovich's piety and his craft has been what's been protecting this village. Amplified, of course, through that powerful relic of Pelor that his church owns. All right. So we've got to find a Donovich. Baston, do you have any leads on where this Donovich might be

or where we might find something to kill? I only found out he had disappeared last night. Maybe he left something, wrote something about it in his diary or something. Yeah, let's have a look in that book, yo. Smooth, Ian. Or maybe he went to climb a tree.

I'll go look in one of these trees. I opened the book to the last entry on which there is writing on the page this entry is from four days ago and it actually it seems to be written in a frantic

hand it's much more wild and scattered than the rest of the diary and it says The voices I must appease him Take to the pillars The pillars I'll have her returned Must appease him Voices

The pillars Do we know what the pillars are? That's the god Bobby, do you want to check? You've been here for a while, haven't you? Yeah, how do I know if I know it? Why don't we just call it a flat We'll call it just a flat wisdom check

DC 12, because it's Come on, come on Bobby I spent a lot of my time here Just meditating He rolled a four I spent a lot of my time here just meditating. He rolled a four. Baston, do you know what the pillars are? Pillars?

Maybe he's talking about the pillar stones. That's an old place out in the woods where the old graveyard used to be. No one goes there anymore. Too spooky. Well, guys, since it's not going to be another Attackfest another six nights, this is probably the safest time to go and explore the pillars. Lead the way,

Baston, or at least give us sufficient directions. Okay. I'll draw you a map. He draws you a map in a way that seems to suggest that he is not coming with you. What about that little youth group kid?

Oh yeah, what's his name? Mr. Bandana. Brazley. I'm right here! Do you want to come to the graveyard? No, Brazley's making you a statue, isn't he? What do you think, goddess? Offering this ball of mud. It's just a rock with a smiley face drawn on it.

And I'm like, it perfect. And I give a little kiss. And I'm like, this will keep you safe. And I put it on the mantelpiece. And I was like, this will keep you safe. And I put it on the mantelpiece. And I'm like, everything fixed, everyone go home. All right, so the Pillarstone is about a day's ride away.

It'll be evening when you get there. Can we get out of the town or we can't get out of the country? No, you can't get out of the country. This is within the gates of Barovia. So it'll be dusk by the time you get there. And Bracely says, The Pillar Stones? That's where Irina disappeared from.

What was she doing out there? She just liked to pick flowers there. Doesn't she know it's too spooky? Classic Sikhs behaviour, if you ask me. I guess I better come with you to find Father Rodonovich. Yeah, you better.

So let's get on my horse. We'll get my horse and we'll hook Friso up to the sled. The sled up to the horse. Wait, what? You're going to make the horse... Attach the horse to the train sled and we're going to head out to the...

That's one horse. Yeah. And a sled. Powerful. Yeah. Okay. If we had that goddamn wolf, then maybe this would have been easier. Yeah.

All right. Well, I said it would take you till dusk, but with one horse driving the train, it probably takes... We don't have any other horses. It takes about three days. Could we have any other horses? We've got time. What if Phil just jogs alongside it?

If you walked, it would probably take... Oh, let's just walk then. You said it was a day's ride. Yeah, but it's much, much longer for one horse to carry you. All right, let's steal some more horses. Where can we get horses from? You got a horse? You got a horse?

How many horses you got? Your dad got a horse? Yes, my goddess. I'm an orphan. We need 30 horses. We don't have 30. The wolves killed most... Look, do you want to be saved or not?

Yes. Then find me 30 horses. Okay. Just do your best, kid. He runs off. And finds them three horses. Three horses. I only found me 27 horses.

Fair enough. Okay, you're going to go? Yep. All right. You make your way through the Barovian woods. Who's going to be in the front? Who's going to be in the back? I'll go in the front.

All right. I'm in the back. Great. Did you need to level them up, Dave? A little table talk? What do you need to level them up, Dave, a little table talk? What do you need to do? Oh, you know what? We'll do this really quickly.

Okay. We can do it at the end, maybe. We're in the story now. I want to find out what happens. All right. I've also already leveled myself up, so whatever. Sorry. Okay.

Just wanted to check with you. Yeah, no, you're right. We'll do it maybe at the end. Okay. So you're going to be writing point, Filge. Yeah. Excellent. And you make your way uneventfully through until,

as you reach the late afternoon, as the shadows of the trees begin to lengthen, you, and the mist, the ever-present mist, begins to strengthen itself again. As the feeble light of the sun is drowned out, you find yourselves arriving at a parting in the road in the middle of this and this is a very sort of um almost overgrown forest road in the old civilisation wood at this crossroads you see a self-standing obelisk with an ancient symbol

carved into it this must be the pillar stone which you've been told of, which marks the entrance into the old Barovian graveyard. You can dismount now, do you want to? Or are you just going to ride on in? Let's ride on in. Let's ride on in. Dave, would you describe this as dim light we are in now? It will be dim light very soon. You can still see.

Well, okay, cool. Well, I can see anyway. I have dark vision. I just wanted to just, you know, point out that I have dark vision. You all have dark vision. Oh, wanted to point out that I have dark vision. You all have dark vision. Oh, do I? No, he doesn't. Oh, blindy over here.

The horses are all spooked. We spook on in to the graveyard. So you're riding on in? Yep. I don't want to tie up our horses and have them get eaten by wolves. Make a perception check, Alex. 11.

Okay. What's your wisdom? Wisdom. Oh, you... 12. You had quite a lot of natural wisdom, didn't you, for an orc? No, just one. Oh, all right.

So I got 12. Well, that's depressing. It was plus one, but it was just she had very low intelligence, so comparatively she was... Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. So. It was plus one, but it was just she had very low intelligence, so comparatively she was... Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. So you make your way into the graveyard, and as you do, the horses' hooves start to clatter again

as you leave the grassy road and enter into the sort of broken-up cobblestones that make up the graveyard's streets. As you make your way in, you basically almost trip over a man who is in a wizened robe, standing in the center, building something, what seems to be like a pyre. Father O'Donovitch? Foreigners, blast you.

Bastards. Father O'Donovitch? How do you know me? You shouldn't be here. He'll be coming soon. Him, him. And he goes back to stacking things up. Yeah, that's right, and he just ignores you. Father, the town needs you.

The village needs you. There was an attack last night, and you weren't there to help. Nothing, nothing will save those sinners. Nothing. Dead. All dead. No hope. No hope unless we appease him.

Who's him? Him. Him. The lord of the castle. The lord of castle Ravenloft. Wait, did he just turn into a bat? And the logo appears over the screen. What was that?

I think Friso's pieced something together. Oh, has he? I think. Can I show you a check to see if he has? Yeah, all right. Yeah, he did. Sure, why not? Do you feel good about that dice roll?

Yeah. All right. Did he? Okay. He says, I know what's happened. I know all about you, Father Adonovich. I know the man in the castle kidnapped your daughter and you're just trying to get her back.

But if you don't help us now, he'll just keep taking more stuff from you and you need to stand up to bullies. And I say, he would know. Adonavich, his eyes are wild, he barely sees you and yet there seems to be a flicker of humanity inside him. So, why don't

you make a persuasion check? DC 18. While you're doing that, I take the brooch and open it up. 19. 19 plus 3 is 22. And show him the portrait of his missing adopted daughter. Okay, between the portrait of his missing adopted daughter. Okay, between the two of you, that is enough to stay his hand. And the old man, almost insane from lack of sleep and tragedy, pauses for a second. And for the first time it seems, he looks you, Friso, in the eye clearly.

And you see the man inside the husk that remains. I can't... I can't take it anymore. I can't lie to these people and say there's hope when there's none. They all die. We all die. He'll take us all.

Him. Look. Count Strahd von Zarovich. His family have ruled over this land with an iron fist and a bloody tooth for generations. And now that he's taken my Elena, Irina, I've got a slippy tongue. I've got to get her back. This statue belongs to his family.

He's wanted it for years and he'll... Trembling, he pulls out from within the folds of his robe a stone figure of a woman with arms outstretched that looks like it would have fit perfectly in the alcove of the church. He won't stop till he gets this. That's why I've brought it here to give to him. He talks to me in my dreams every night. And I've summoned him here.

As soon as the moon appears above the clouds, he'll be here. By now, the night has hit us proper. Ah, so we can only see him in dim light now. It is dim light. Bobby, you're screwed. I say to the priest, I'm like, can me see that

statue for a sec? Never. It's too late. I'm sorry, friends, but your fate will be like the rest of us unless I do this. I have to do this for the whole town, the whole country. What about the wolves attacking the town? They're his minions.

Okay, I don't mean to pick plot holes, but... What? What are you speaking of, plot holes? In your little story you're telling. Old man priest or whatever you are. But if the relic was protecting

everyone, and you've taken that relic to build a thing here to protect everyone... Not to protect... Just stay in the fucking church and protect everyone. What are you doing? No, he's giving it to the vampire. I know he's giving it to them, but now you don't... The vampire really wants it to destroy it.

As you raise your voices, you see what little flicker of humanity remained in this man's eyes begin to extinguish. I recognise those words from his diary. Again, the clouds part. Again, the moon pierces through the mist. And you hear what seems like the rustling of a thousand wings. We hide, we hide, we hide, we hide, we hide. And I whisper, I'm like, that's the bird that we heard about.

The priest. So you guys are going to hide? Yes. All right, stealth checks for all of you, please. In graves. Yeah, where are you hiding? In a grave. In a grave.

In a grave. In a different grave. How many empty graves do you expect to find? I get behind a headstone. Is there a mausoleum I can hide in? Behind a mausoleum, behind a headstone. In a mausoleum. In a grave. Oh, wait. How many empty graves do you expect to find? I get behind a headstone. Is there a mausoleum I can hide in? Behind a mausoleum, behind a headstone. In a mausoleum. In a grave.

Okay. I got 25. I'm super hidden. All right. So you got 25. Yep. What's the... What's the hiding the grave one?

Which... Stealth. Stealth check. Stealth. So add your dex. Don't have any. I got... What did I get? 17 plus three. 20. All right. Great. So the your dex. Don't have any. I got... What did I get?

17 plus 3, 20. All right, great. So the three of you hide. You can't tell if you've been seen, but the sound of wings gets louder and louder and louder, and suddenly there feels to be a shift in the air. And in that moment, what seemed to be just a spot of blackness in the night

coalesces itself into a figure in a robe. You are far enough away that you can no longer hear what transpires, but you see him and the poor, crazed O'Donovitch talking. O'Donovitch pulls out once again this statue and seems to pass it forward with outreached, shaking hands towards the figure. I've got to get that back. Do we... Can I whisper to the other grave from the walls of the am?

Yeah. You can't, but this might be a moment to talk about the fact that you have picked up Arcane Trickster, is that correct? Yeah. All right, so you do have the ability now to cast message. So if you point to one of them, they can hear you. You can't hear them. Sorry for a little bit of just very quickly doing levelling up. That's what happened.

So I can't hear them, but they can hear me. It's a cantrip that you can cast that means that if you point at someone and whisper, they can hear your voice. And Hing can do cantrips too, can't he? Yeah, I've got a few cantrips. Do you have message? I don't have message, but I do have Eldritch Blast, so if you message me, I can kill you.

Does he have every spell in this book? Definitely not. What about Whispers of the Grave? Just out of interest. It says we need to be level nine. Are we nine? No. Patience.

Patience. One day. One day we'll be able to cast Speak with dead at will without expending a spell slot oh that's the dream i point i point to friso and i say let's bum rush this fall and then i point to filge and i say let's bum rush this fall and then i point to friso and i say on the count of six and then i count for three and i say to filge on the count of six and then i count for three and i say to field on the count of three and then when we get down to zero i run out towards them okay great thank you um friso you suddenly hear a voice in your head which is probably not the first time it's happened

telling you that you need uh let's bum rush these fools on the count of three. What do you do? Look, it's the kind of thing that I always hear, so let's do this. I step out into the dim or dark light. You're going to do it too, Frieza? What about you? I'm going to do it.

Great. In for a penny, in for a pound. Don't heaps know what bum rush means, but I'll figure it out. All right, Bobby, you move first. Is the little priest with us? Did he come? He waited with the horses.

Okay. So I make a dash towards them with the aim to grab the statue and just bolt. Excellent. Okay, now that is, you're coming in while hidden, so quickly make a dexterity check. You're trying to beat 14 14 you dive forward and you tumble grabbing the statue out of donovich's hands just as the other figure is about to take it as you do this two things happen at once. Donovich curses. You fools! And with a screech, the figure

in the robe seems to pulse and then turn into a cloud of bats that fly up into the air and you land holding the statue. Oh! Nailed it! Donovich, what's your response?

You ruined everything he'll kill us all and I lunge at Bobby Pancakes excellent alright so combat starts I'm gonna try

Bobby's just gone I'm gonna try and touch him alright so you're going for a spell yeah I'm gonna try and I don't wanna kill a priest I've got to I'm gonna lunge at him

so I and try and cast inflict wounds okay great so I need to make an attack roll so I should touch him I'm going to lunge at him and try and cast Inflict Wounds. Okay, great. So I need to make an attack roll? Yep, just roll. So I should touch him? 12, that'll hit, plus your dexterity.

Oh, no, wait, what's your dexterity? My dexterity is plus 5. Oh, no, okay, yes. I miss. He lunges forward, his hand glowing white, and then swipes at the air just in front of you, but misses you. Next up is Freezo. Can I try and talk reasons

to this pose? Or does he have crazy eyes? He has crazy eyes. Alright. I mean, you can try. You made this very clear. Are there any animals nearby I could convince to kill him? What if we need him to tell us how to defeat the

vampire? Yeah, can I use an animal to attack him? There are bats. There are bats all around. Ooh. I can only do one at the vampire. Yeah, can I use an animal to attack? There are bats. There are bats all around. Ooh. I can only do one at a time, though, so I feel like one bat's probably not going to do much. Not unless you lock him up and you have a few weeks. All right.

I will... I don't want to do this. I don't want to kill this guy. I'm going to quarterstaff him, all right? We'll start off because I don't want to... I'm worried that the vampire's going to come back. Do you know, actually, you have leveled up. You actually have a level two spell now.

Yeah, that's the... You've already picked one? Is it Melt Sassadaro? Oh, the level... Oh, no, no. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah. I was going to pick...

Oh, look, yeah. I was going to pick, as the Eldritch Incantation, I'm going to do Eldritch Spear, which gives my Eldritch Blast like 300 feet range. Okay, he's right next to you. I know, I know. It's not relevant now, but that's the one I want to pick so I can just sniper shitheads like from, you know...

I could have stayed in the town and just been popping these guys. Sorry. Anyway. Do your magics. So, I'm going to quarter staff this guy because there's no... As we discussed, there's nothing such thing as a non-lethal witch bolt. So I'm going to try and knock him out. Yep, his armor class is 16.

I do not hit it, sorry. All right. So you swipe and miss your shite, Filch. I'm going to try and lasso him, lasso his arms to his body. So I don't hurt him, but he can't hurt anyone else. Okay, you can't... I've got a rope.

I know you've got a rope. Alright, so you fashion it into a lasso and make... Now this is going to be a hard check. In fact, it'll be with difficulty because you're not trained in rope usage. So two dice, lowest amount, and then beat 15. 15. Lowest one? Oh God, five.

Alright. You drop a rope. Next up is Bobby. I just, I hide. You hide? You can hide as a bonus action, of course, because you're a rogue. Oh, okay. First of all, stealth check.

Make a stealth check. Beat his passive perception. Nine. All right, you're not hidden, his passive perception. Nine. All right. You're not hidden, but you think you are. Go on. Wait. So can I do an action and then go and hide?

No, no. Now you can do your action. Okay. I tried to just punch him out. Just knock him cold. Yep. D20. Nope.

All right. Great. Next up is Father Adonovich I'm going to cast Command And command him to give me the statue Alright, so he turns because he's seen you Because you're hiding with shit

Shite, you're hiding shite You're all shite Make a will save, DC, 13 16 Alright, suddenly he looks at you points and he says, drop. And for a second you feel like you need to drop the statue, but your little plucky halfling resonance is just too damn strong. My spells are shite!

Friso. I go again with a quarter stuff. All right. That is a two plus one is three. Excellent. Filch, this is high octane stuff. Filch. Keep up, everyone.

All right, I'm just going to, I guess I'm just going to maul him because that's classic and that always works. All right, you're going to go, are you angry? How's your rage? Oh, yeah, I could. I could do it, couldn't I?

You could if you want. How many times can I go into my special rage? Twice a day. Yeah, okay. All right, I'm going to go. Is it a bazooka? It's a berserker. Berserker.

I thought you gave me a berserker. You have advantage. Roll two dice and pick the highest. 15. All right, that'll hit. Yep, and roll, that'll hit. Roll. Yep, and roll, add the damage. And add two more to the damage.

God, this is a heat. My mind's at seven. All right, you with... Two is nine, so it's nine, yeah. With an orcish war cry. What's your war cry? I'll get you! You leap forward, and before anyone can say,

don't hit that old man with your giant two-handed hammer, you hit that old man with a giant two-handed hammer. How much? Three, seven, twelve damage. Not lethal, right? And he's... He's knocked her out a bit. You definitely break one of his arms.

What the fuck? Bobby, you're next. God, it's giant. Oh, to Donovich? It's Donovich's go again. Oh, Donovich. How many spells do I get? As many as I want.

No, that's not true. But you have another. No, I've cast... I can do... I've done Inflict Wounds and Command. I'm going to cast Hold Person to paralyze Bobby Pancake so I can go and get the statue off him. Okay, with his good hand, he reaches forward and invoking Pelor's name, white light seems to shine from his eyes and hit you square in the center of your body.

Roll. I think, well, he's got to make a wisdom save. Oh, wisdom save. Thank you. Do you see 13 again? 13. Okay, once again, you're,, no, wait. Is it wisdom? Yeah, wisdom.

Your plucky halfling Resolence lets your feet keep moving. Fuck off. Bobby? I, uh... Can I do a non... What's that? Pick up the statue. Oh, a bolt.

Bolt. Yeah, I'm just running. Have you got the statue, though? Running clear. Bobby grabs the statue and runs as far as he can. Freezo. All right, third time lucky. I'm going to quarter staff this guy.

No. Surely there is a part of you that is just screaming out to use magic. Yeah, I know, but I don't want to kill him. I'm trying not to. Do you have any non-lethal magic? No. Phil, you're up next. All right.

Is there any talking sense into him now that he's broken? No, you're in a rage. I'm still in a rage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bazooka. All right, so double this again. Yeah. I got it.

My highest one is a nine. Nine, yep, plus your five plus... Fifteen. I got 16. It nine. Nine, yep. Plus your five. Six is okay. Does that hit? Fifteen. I got 16. It just misses. You're shite.

And O'Donovitch. I'm going to cast Blindness on Bobby Pancakes. Bobby Pancakes is out of sight. Oh, shite. Suck it. Well, I'm going to cast... How many spell slots does this guy have? Six. If I've already cast Inflict Wounds, can I cast it again?

Yes, you can. I'm going to cast Inflict Wounds on this shite bastard. You reach forward, make an attack roll. 18. That'll do it. And he hits you. For 3d10 damage, sucker. What?

19. 19 points of damage. I have 19 hit points. Oh, a wee one points Freezo goes down Oh wait Have I killed anything temporarily? Did I kill anyone before? No I didn't No no no

Damn it Should have killed those horses On your way in How many XP points Do I get for killing Hing? This is what I get for being I'm never being non-lethal again You should have died

You should have been dead Ich, you're going... You should have been dead. I don't think I have any healing powers or anything, do I? No, you're... You're a raging half-orc barbarian. Okay, all right. I'm going to take this sucker down. Actually, Bobby, you're next, but you keep running.

I turn around and I notch an arrow to my short bow and fire at him. Go for it. That's an eight. Plus five. Thirteen. Alright, okay. What are you two filming? I'm going to like...

This combat is the worst combat. This is a new episode. I killed someone. Come on. You're not a character. Well, I'm going to pick him up and throw him against the tree.

Okay, grab it. Excellent. All right. Make it a check. She's in a rage. Yep. Two dice heist. All right, 15 plus your five is 20.

You grab Father Antonovich and suddenly the flicker of rage in his eyes passes and again you see a human pleading not to die but unfortunately you throw him against a tree and as his skull hits the oak you realise that an old 70-year-old man does not usually survive being thrown against a tree. I say really sorrowfully, I got ya. that an old 70-year-old man does not usually survive being thrown against a tree. I say really sorrowfully, I got ya.

And I shed a tear. The body slowly drips down the tree, a trail of blood on the trunk, and suddenly as you stand staring at his broken form, you hear a voice. What did you do? Oh, my. You monsters. He was an old man.

What did you expect would happen if you threw him against a tree? I was like, he was in pact with the vampire president. That's what you say. I say, you're in a pact with the vampire president. That's what you say. I say you're in a pact with the vampire president. I'm going to go back to town

and get an angry mob together. Wait. Who are you? What does she look like? It's Bracely. It's Bosley. Oh. It's Bosworth.

What was he doing during this whole fucking fight? He was with the horses, remember? I got bored and just came to watch. But I'm glad I saw your heinous crime. There were so many things I could have killed to give me hit points. This is so frustrating. I could have killed this guy.

How will the dragon friends deal with killing the only hope of a small town? Will Friso ever live up the embarrassment of being killed by a septuagenarian? ever live up the embarrassment of being killed by a septuagenarian. And what of this statue that Bobby has found? The answer to these and more. Tune in to the next episode of the new campaign of Dragon Friends. Dragon Friends was played by Simon Greiner, Alex Lee and Michael Hing. NPCs played by Eden Lacey.

Our Dungeon Master is David Harmon. And music is provided by me, Benny Davis. Dave and I edited the podcast, which is recorded live at the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney on the first Wednesday of every month. Give or take. For more details of the live show, plus a bunch of other cool stuff, like us on Facebook and check out thedragonfriends.com.