Dragon Friends - #2.04. That's Why You Eat Carbs with Eve Beauregard

Episode Date: March 22, 2016

With the sun on their backs and the spider's lair behind them, the Dragon Friends have made their way to Lake Zarovich and the mysterious gypsy camp of Madame Eva. What dangers lie in store, and is it possible that all of this is maybe just a little bit racist? Featuring special guest cosplayer extraordinaire Eve Beauregard! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello there, Dragon Friends. Michael Hing here. You should know for this ep, we were still struggling with mics during the recording. Sorry about that. But there's a 15-minute chunk in the middle, which we've had to reconstruct and sounds a bit weird, but once you get past that clip, it is smooth sailing through until the end. So now, on to the show! This is Dragon Friends, Season 2, Episode 4. Dragon Friends! If it's spooky, don't be frightened. Dragon Friends! Scurry home and bar the doors. Episode 4. Dragon friends. If it's spooky, don't be frightened. Dragon friends. Scurry home and bar the doors. Daylight friends.

And the fiends and ghouls delight in things that's good. So be well aware as you make your way. You'll be led astray for the goal is near. And your friends are here. And there's plenty more in store. As you travel out of the tunnels beneath the river, you feel the sun on your face once more. It has been hours now since those brief hours of snatched sleep in the church in Old Barovia. And by God, it seems like it will be hours still before you rest.

Friso, you are half dead, delirious with pain. At least that's the official story if anyone tries to question you. Filged, you are poisoned and already you can feel the poison coursing through your veins, making you feel sluggish, unwell. Bobby is missing, gone, and nobody has seen him since the fateful fight at the Pillar Stone the night before. Karina, you are for now the only healthy member of this sorry party seeking help with the gypsies of Lake Zarevich. And the sun is so great. The sun feels great because I'm human and being human is good.

We should get to the shade, though. So you keep saying. We should get to the shade. I think it's faster if we go the shady way without Sun oh you guys you guys happy to go the shady way yeah guys right I mean it is quite a bit what's happening here she's looking after her beautiful porcelain skin oh I see, that's probably what it is. It's hard to maintain. I see. Let me respect that. All right, let us check the shady way, my lady. Tanning is skin cells in trauma.

Let's go through the trees. As you walk towards the banks of the lake, you can hear jaunty ethnic music. Dave, Dave, as a, this is just breaking from characters freezo. This is now just as your friend. Is that what you expected? Is that what you were picturing, Dave? Oh, almost certainly.

Okay. Ah, my favorite. Halt, advance, I shall dance for you. And Baston does a hillbilly jig? Show us. Yeah, yeah. For the benefit of the podcast audience, show us your hillbilly jig. That's enough.

He's the best. Alright, it seems to have stopped. We can continue. As the clearing opens, you see strange, festive penance and a roaring fire, despite the fact that it's the middle of the day. Around it is a motley crew of gypsies.

I don't know. I'm just really trying to work out a way to say this without being racist. Look, we're gypsies, all right? You can say it. It's fine. Gypsies. I don't know if it is. What?

I don't know if it's fine. Is it not fine? These are my friends. Really? Let's just call them people. Gypsies? We just call them people. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, we're in Barovia. You know, we live in this... It's called Gypsy Town. That's why we're called Gypsies. Just like the Barovians are Barovians. All right, we'll leave that alone. You make your way towards the fire

and a man in a flamboyant patchwork tunic indicates with a hearty thump for a log next to him for you to sit down. Already an accordion player has picked up and they... Already, Benny? You can't on-demand do accordion music? No, I had it going but it was meant to be background.

Now it's like diegetic. He needs it. Oh, you've upset him, Dave. He's broken. I'm just here to set mood, but all of a sudden I've got to be a person in the meeting. What's a guy got to do to get an accordion playing in the background here? Come, my friends.

I already had it doubled with strings, but now you want me to be there, so there's not going to be any background music. It's just a dude standing in wherever the hell they are, just playing the accordion. Is a complaining piano player part of your customs, Mr Gypsy Man? Yes.

Oh, my Lord. He never stops. But welcome. Welcome to my village. Sorry, what is that accent? This is Gypsy. Mel Brooks, the Gypsy. My name is Lancel,

and this is my village. What, what's the problem? Should I not talk like this? We're here to see my friend, whose name I know. Madam Ava. Madame Ava. Madame Ava. Oh, you're here for Madame Ava, my aunt.

As he exclaims, a small monkey in exactly the same outfit as him jumps up onto his shoulder. Ah-ha! Ooh! That's all the monkey says, because he's a monkey. Okay, so does the monkey dress up to you, or do you dress up to the monkey? Just curious. We take turns. He gets to where he is the monkey.

He's the monkey man. He gives me the strangest outfits. And explains a lot. Lancel, we are also looking for a halfling rogue from the House of Pantags. He has a thing. He has a thing. Yeah, you would have seen him travelling. He's about yay tall.

He's blonde. He has eyes and a mouth. He has a relic with him. Two arms, two legs. The relic is important. Listen, relax. You all look like hell. And by hell, I mean total shit.

I look fine. I'm on a paleo diet. Yeah, well, I don't know what to say about that. Maybe take some carbs in pill form. I don't know. I'm going to stop. Look, you all look like hell. Come in.

Sit around the fire. My aunt will be out in just a minute. She'll see to your wounds. It'll be great. Here, come, sit, sit. You all look so skinny. Eat, eat, please. And, um, indeed, gypsies come bearing trays of meat, strange

cheeses, and flagons of a cheap ale for you to partake in. In Dungeons & Dragons, is there like a suspicion check? Yes, there is. Can I do a suspicion? Because I'm quite suspicious. Yeah, it's called insight and it's wisdom based. So go ahead and make a roll for it.

And I rolled a natural 20. Boom! Give me all the secrets, Dave. Friso, this is going to become a bit Cassandra. This is going to become a bit Boy That Cried Wolf because if I told you right now that they're all here to eat your face, no one in the party would believe you. So come here and I will whisper to you what these gypsies are about

and then we'll see what happens. Well, me happy to eat. Oh, you're a big one. Hey, we don't body shame here. I'm not body shaming. We don't body shame. She's at least two foot taller than me. I count that as big.

All right, you're a big one compared to me. So for the benefit of anyone in the podcast, what we've done there is that Hing's come over and I've whispered to him his insights such as they are. Ooh. Hey, you guys, I've got a pretty good feeling about this. All right. Wink!

You're a monster. What? Friso, me wondering why you said wink out loud after that. Oh, it's... No, he's right. He's totally right. Just go with it. I'm wondering why you said wink out loud after that. Oh, it's... No, he's right. He's totally right. Just go with it. I'm uneasy. Can I do a perception test?

What I would really like to do at this point is because Eden's playing two characters at once is... Let's make it three. Does Lancel have anything to say to Bastogne? Can I cast a minor illusion? Can I do that at any point? Can I cast an illusion at any point? You absolutely can. I cast an illusion of Bastogne. Can I cast a minor illusion? Can I do that at any point? Can I cast an illusion at any point?

You absolutely can. I cast an illusion of two times horse. Tiny and adorable. All right. Do we all see that? The My Little Pony version of Horsey Two Horse.

You don't even need to roll for that. That's minor illusion. Appears... Friso's a fedora. He has a weakness for My Little Pony I'm a part time

pick up I was full time brony that's what they said just really into brony like My Little Pony not a big deal just part of the fandom

yeah it's got nothing to do with anyway just really appreciate the writing Baston is overcome and says

horse it is can it be you? Does he perceive that it's an illusion? Why don't you just go ahead and make a quick wisdom roll. It's a lot. DC 13 which is Karina's spellcasting ability. Nine. No, you believe it. Oh, I thought you were

dead, but you are not. Come, let's frolic. Well, Baston goes away to play with his toy pony, why don't we actually, while we're talking about cute sidekicks for a second, you've just turned level three, Hing. I have. So yeah, you've taken back to the chain,

and that means that you now have the ability to cast Find Familiar at will as a ritual. Anytime your familiar is gone, you can bring them back. It's a magical creature. Normally it would be like a cat or a bat because you're... Or a rat? Or a hat?

Or a gnat? You were right at first but now you're going way off. Because you are a warlock, you have also the option of magical creatures. So it could be a quasit or an imp or a pseudo-dragon. Ooh. I choose dragon. A dragon dragon. A dragon? It's a tiny dragon.

A dragon dragon. A dragon? It's a tiny dragon. It's a dragon is what it is. It's a dragon. It's a little dragon. Like a big dragon. A tiny dragon.

Like a massive dragon. What's the deal with this dragon? I mean, because dragons are big, so it's a little dragon. It's like an Eddie Murphy and Mulan dragon. A what? It's a lizard. What is it, Dave? You're saying Eddie Murphy and Mulan.

Why did you pick Mulan, Dave? What up with that? First the jaunty ethnic music and now this. Well, I think I know who's running this. Okay, you have a dragon. What's your dragon's name? Let's take one from the audience. Anyone got a good dragon name? Mooshu.

That isn't Mooshu. Yeah, let's keep this Disney fraud going along. His name is Booshu. Legally distinct from Eddie Murphy's character in the film Mulan. Okay, so while Bastogne goes off to frolic, you take the opportunity to summon into existence your pseudo-dragon, Bushu. Does Bushu talk? Oh, he does.

Who does the voice of that? I do the voice of Bushu. Hey, man! Hey, man. Hey, man. Why you summon me now? I was just sleeping, man. Watch out, Bushu's angry. I just...

Can I... I hate to be a killjoy about this, but can I request a different voice? What, man? What's wrong with my voice? I just feel that some people would hear you doing that voice and might think that it's not a super accurate Edie Murphy voice It could just be a racist voice And you would just be through

Do you have any other other Bushu voices? Or racist? I'm gonna go away from it, I'm gonna push away a bit. Uh, eh, that's it. Hit it, yeah? No, no, no, no, no. I have a quick request.

Can you be the Colonel from KFC, please? Why is it less racist? Because it's a white person, obviously. Wait, uh... Wait, so... Let's do this, we'll do this whole leg, then we're done, alright? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... Wait, certainly. You do this whole leg for one week, alright? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, well, well howdy there! I am your new familiar!

Now to be clear, this is the voice of a chicken, and has no ethnicity or race. It's just the voice of a chicken. Yes, it's Goghorn Beghorn. What if I was like, hello, how are you today? Fine, South African. That does it. All right, buddy, to South African.

All right, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Yes, my name is Bushu. And I'm here to serve as your familiar. Bushu, what powers do you have? Well, I have all of the powers that a dragon has, but only Tanya. You have a green fire, you can fly. Yeah, I've got tiny wings, look at this. Do you have a board of gold?

Oh, no, I have one piece, but that's for me. Alright, is that all my questions have been answered? We can now move on. Alright, so, well, my son is playing with my little ponies, and Freezo is introducing himself to his strange, genteel, South African, pro-apartheid pseudo-granger. strange, genteel, South African, pro-apartheid, pseudo-Grego. Milge, you have an opportunity for some girl chat with Karina. Men, huh? Right? Yeah.

Let me tell you. As a human woman. Well, me half-orc, but you flatter me tell you. As a human woman. Well, me half-orc, but you flatter me. Listen, me really want to put that little dragon in me mouth. You know what? You're a strong, independent, half-orc woman. Yeah. Me gonna do it.

Me gonna do it. Me gonna do it. I pick up Bushu and I just put him in my mouth. Get your hands off me. Ow. Do you smell that? No. You're just holding my familiar in your mouth. Yeah.

That's cool. We can progress. Let's cool. We can progress. Let's progress. Alright, at this point you've had some chance to eat and while you haven't slept, you've at least had some measure of relaxation against the horrors of the tunnel and Friso.

In fact, anyone who needs it can gain one hit of ice when it went back. After a while of revelry, another gypsy, a young gypsy lady, comes and beckons you to follow her towards a tent a little further away from the fire, but by far the most ostentatious tent in the encampment. This, of course, must be the tent of Madame Ava. She beckons you towards the door, but then will go no further, and indicates for you to enter.

We should go in. I think that's what she's trying to say. Yeah, I mean, why are you laughing, though, while you tell us to go into this strange tent? I mean, it's funny. She's super rad. We went to university together. Let's go in. You guys like sorority sisters or whatever? You know what, dude? Your fantasy is in front of my face.

Okay, cool. Alright. Go in. Should we wait outside or should we go in as well? We should follow them in. What about the best guy? Alright, shall we wait outside or should we go in as well? We should follow them in. Yeah. What about Bastogne? Bastogne's off in the corner.

Yeah, just frolicking. We're the best! We're the best! He's going to be so upset when that spell ends in one hour's time. Oh, sad. Yeah. You leave Bastogne to be f in, and the three of you enter a room filled with the smoke of sandalwood. Woo!

Inside the room, you see a wizened figure, a quite old lady, sitting in the smoke at the far end of the room, and with a gnarled finger, she beckons for you to come closer. I ask you if she's ever seen, like, close-up hand trick magic before. Hey, you wanna pick a card? Any card. Can you just get to it?

I've gotta get better ventilation in here. Is that really her voice? Yes, it's her voice. She's Madame Ava. Madame Ava, we are looking for our friend. He's a small halfling with eyes. He has a relic. He's in front with the relic. Silence! And as she puts her finger up for silence,

from within her robes she pulls out an old deck of pasteboard cards that look hundreds of years old. And she begins to place them in front of her. Come, sit. I know all of you. I have seen your past and something of your future too.

Well, we went to uni together, so... Oh, I didn't recognise you. It's so dark in here. You are a mature age student. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. Never stop learning. And I sit down. You. Me?

Yes. Phil G. Phil G is your name. You have suffered great loss. It's true. Of a friend, a hairy friend. Yes, me rat Katie died. And one of your own blood left you

yes me brother and I burst out crying and I spit out the dragon I'm fucking living bye and he flies out you Karina And he flies out the window.

You, Karina. What up? You have a great thirst for knowledge. And you, Frisook. Yes?

There is darkness in you. That's right, Dad. A darkness that suits this land well. Oh. I get the sense that Madame Ava is trying to recruit me for something. And they say, yes. Oh!

I am having a vision. Oh, somebody hold my hand. And she pushes her hands out towards you, wanting both of you to clasp their hand each. Ah. I'm gonna do it! Alright, you grab the hands. They are old and clammy and gross.

Uhhh... Alex. Okay, let's hang on to it. Oh! I see a small man! He's running! He's running through the woods! Do you see a relic? Oh, he has a small... He's carrying an even smaller person.

He has had a vision. But he is safe. What? What? Oh, I just remembered. I left something on the stove. Hang on. Wait! I see a beautiful maiden. She is locked in a great castle. She cannot escape.

She cannot escape him. A great darkness that hangs over this land. A darkness that will not be lifted until his reign has ended. Where, where, where this castle? You know where, you know what it looks like, where it is? I know the castle from my vision. It is Castle Ravenlot. The traditional seat of power of the Von Zarevich

family who have ruled this land for centuries. Can you take us there? I would not go there. It's like a day and a half walk. Nothing. I got things to do. What am I, a tour guide?

People seem to just tag along when we ask. Not me, sister. Ugh. All right. Well, I mean, we should go. We need to get out of here, right? Yeah, but should we take some time to heal up to full health? You're welcome here.

I will see to your wounds. How many people are in this village, Danny? About... No, I know the points don't stack now, so it's not going to be some sort of... About 20 to 40. You! I don't want any shenanigans in my camp. Alright?

You hurt anyone in here, I'll take your schmeckle, I'll put it in a soup and I'll feed it to you. Her ethnicity is getting really specific. Yeah. I'm channeling my grandmother. Well, I'm sleepy. What is the relationship between the people in the village and Madame Ava? They have pregnant? Madame Ava is like the

matriarch. Okay, so they're on her side. Yes. So they would be upset if you killed her. Okay. Well then I just don't know what to do. As you go to leave, Madam Ava, suddenly you feel Filch, a hand on your shoulder,

and you look back and her eyes are white again, as when she had a vision, and you realize that she's having a second vision. Just you two have already left, and Filch is alone with her, when she turns to you and says, I see a great tree, and underneath it, a cavern.

A small man holds a small man. That's it. Where this tree? Oh, oh wait. Oh! Great sadness and calamity lies ahead. Oh, oh wait. Great sin and calamity lies ahead. If you seek your friend of the

flat bread, you'll turn on friends. Death and ruin will be the result. Result. Result. Oh no, my best friend Bobby LaVoche.

Nah, pancakes. Just kidding. Oh, okay. Thanks for that. No problem. The night passes. You get your spells back. You get another hit dice and in the morning

the day is yours. In fact, the gypsies who tend to sleep in late all slumbering. They partied well into the night. They kept you up. It was a bit irritating that you were polite. And so they're still sleeping when you awake up. Baston is searching under all of the caravans for his tiny body. I've counted to ten.

This isn't funny. Come back, horsey two horse. Seriously. I'm getting... Come on, man. Seriously. Oh. I'm kind of considering casting the illusion again just to keep him happy.

But I won't. Might need it. Alright, so I think we've got to go find... A big tree. We want to find a great tree with a small man and a small man. Yeah. Can we ask one of the locals if they know? What about we ask Lancel?

Yeah, Lancel. You have to kick him to wake him up. All right. So I walk over and I give him a kiss on the mouth to wake him up. Gypsy custom. Instinctively, Lancel kisses back. Oh, anyway, hi. Good morning. Good morning to you. You, uh... What?

There was a dragon in that mouth. Just FYI. Do I taste pseudo-dragon? Lancel, we're looking for a big tree. Is there a big tree in these parts? Yeah, real big. A great tree. Sure, a lot of big, great tree.

There's a lot of trees around here. Anything more specific you can help me with? It's a big tree and there's a cavern beneath it. You take us there. Oh, I don't know. That's like a 45 minute walk from here. I just woke up. I got a hell

of a hangover. I haven't had any breakfast. No. No. I... Oh, man. What's Lantel like? I know the tree, but I'm not taking you there.

Take us there. Why not? You go yourself. Why are you going to take us there? I don't want to. Just tell us where it is. Yeah, tell us where it is. All right.

You follow the river, say 20 minutes. When you hit a big rock that looks like a, I don't know, like a beholder, you take a right. None of them know what that is. Yeah, right. Like a big eyeball. We come with eyeballs with a mouth. Wait a right. None of them know what that is. Like a big eyeball. Wait, one eyeball? Yeah, but with more on it. You can imagine it.

Alright, you take a right there. Follow the beaver trail up through the swamp. On your left, there's gonna be a big, kind of like a cave, on top of that a big old tree. Alright. I say, thank you, Lancel. No problem. P.S.

We're breaking up. Oh. Alright. I flounce out of there. Alright. Having made your mark on that. Lancel, if you want to get good with women, I can teach you some things. I run seminars. You follow Lance's instructions

and you soon find yourself at an ancient cave, as he described it. A tree is growing from a boulder that seems to be like the cornerstone of a natural archway leading deep into the earth. Now the night is already falling on you because... No, it's not, because you slept. It's fine.

It's like 11 in the morning. But this also means that tonight will be a full moon. This is the last night of the lunar calendar. And as you make your way towards the cave, you can't help but feel that this is a sacred, even possibly dangerous place. Should I do an Arcana check? Yep.

Four. You think it looks cool. All right. Karina, have you ever been here before? No, why would you say that? It's just when you got here, you, like, kind of leant on the tree and said, good to see you again, old friend. I, look, I'm a vegan, and I just have a really emotional connection to the earth.

Did you say you're vegan paleo? Sure. That seems really, really hard work. I don't ever want to go eating with you. I'm really committed, okay. Hey, Dave, is it a sunny day? Yeah, it's, you know what, actually...

Look, you know, I think we should just go inside. I think we should hang out here for a while. Yeah, I'm kind of getting that sense. Wait! Perhaps Horsey Two Horse is in this cave. I cast a mind. Suddenly, blinking into existence is a tiny friendly horse. Horsey Two Horse.

And sort of coquettishly winks and wiggles its bum and then skips into the cave. Come back here, you little minx. Bastogne charges in after her. One of the most ethically conflicting decisions I've ever made. All right, let's, I guess... Is Bastogne going to follow the horse in? Yeah, Bastogne already has. Bastogne's inside. Okay, cool. So I guess we follow Bastogne in then.

That's a really good idea. Okay, the three of you make your way into the cave and quickly you realise that this is, again, it seems like almost every natural underground area has been repurposed once at some time as graves and tombs and barrows in this place. They're already, as you walk in, you can see architecture, archways, and you feel that this is obviously some kind of mausoleum,

primitive though it is. It also feels like it's not been disturbed for a long time, although possibly it might just be the air of importance around the area. How cool is this place I'm just seeing now for the first time? I'm super surprised by everything I'm seeing. Guys, did anyone bring a torch?

It's really dark in here. You pass a piece of graffiti that just says Karina was here. You know, it's a common name. What are the odds? of graffiti that just says, Karina was here. You know, it's a common name. What are the odds? Super high. Don't think about it. I won't.

And he doesn't. We follow Karina and Baston into the little mausoleum and we say, Bobby, are you here? We follow Karina and Baston into the little mausoleum, and we say, Bobby, are you here? Bobby! The sound rings out unpleasantly,

and as soon as you shout it out, you feel a whirring of a great sense of wind coming towards you, and bats fly out. Oh, this is definitely a trap! However, also, you can see in the distance what seems like an opening, and far off in the distance, you can see a tomb that is sitting there, and it looks like there's something on top of it.

Oh. All right. What could possibly go wrong? I'm starting to really doubt that you're our friend. That really hurts me. He just nagging you don't worry about it sister. And I like take her under my arm

and I go come on we don't need those men. And then we walk together up to the tomb to see what's on top of it. Mostly human women. As you make your way towards the tomb you see it is an old

ancient granite affair. The lid feels almost too heavy to pick up and indeed even if you could it feels like it's been petrified into the tomb.

What's on the top? On top of it is a small cloth bag that looks like it's been placed there recently and it's full of something.

You know what guys? I'll check it. No, no, no, no! Speak check, speak check. Check it. Everybody wants to check the bag. Make dexterity checks quickly. Who gets the highest? 15, 15. I got 17. 16 plus 3, 19.

19. Friso, at the last minute you managed to grab, what did you get? 7. Thanks for drawing attention to it though. You dive forward and grab the bag, and as you do, the Hessian covering falls off, revealing the relic of Pelor that Bobby had taken. You have the relic again. All right.

Can I, some of my familiar, give him the relic and then send him back to the Netherrealm to keep it safe? That would make the relic fall on the ground. Oh. All right, I'm holding the relic, and I say, why did you want the relic so bad, Karina? No reason.

I cast Firebolt. Roll for initiative. All right, okay. All right. Is that an initiating? Do we have initiative? Yeah, we're using the same one. Karina, that. All right. Is that an initiating? Do we have initiative? Yeah, we're using the same one. Karina, that means like before, you go first.

Who are you casting it at? Do I roll this one? Yeah. Five. All right, a fireball splashes on the ground. I'm really weak from my diet. Bastogne, you're next. I knew you were a she-devil.

I gave you your last moments with your horse. Just keep it in mind. You're a tricksy mean lady, and I'll stab you with a knife. Which he does. Seven misses. Miss Filch. I pin Karina up against the wall. All right, we'll try.

That is an athletics check. You're not in a rage, so just roll normally. Plus six. 14. Okay, great. Make a dexterity check. 19. Yep. Wait, me?

No, she does. And she rolls a nine, so you've got it pinned up against the wall. Well done. All right, next freezer. What about the sisterhood? All right, because my spell slots are all replenished, I'm going to use my new spell, Crown of Madness. One humanoid you can see must succeed on a wisdom saving throw at DC 13

or be charmed by you for the duration. So I'm going to cast it on Karina. You need to make a wisdom saving throw. You roll an eight plus, what's your wisdom? Plus one, nine. You're charmed by a freezer. Okay. Pick up artist extraordinaire.

I finally have it. All right, now. But rather than. No, I'm sorry. I'm just going to say, because you didn't read Crown of Madness, so now she needs to... So rather than using my charms to try and do anything gross,

I will be... Because he doesn't need to use charms. So now every turn she must use their action. Use her action to attack someone in the room. Which is not going to be really different, is it? Can't she attack... No, it's got to be a melee attack, and it's a target I choose, and can I choose her?

No. Stop hitting yourself! I choose Bastogne then. Karina, you're next. Quickly. Make another wisdom attack at the beginning of each of your turns. 18. Pass.

No, no, so you're no, so this is the only turn it's going to work. So you've broken the spell, but for one turn you have to attack Bastogne with your dagger. No, with a melee. I still got it pinned up against the wall though, right? Oh, she does. Yeah, that is true. She's got to try and grapple free. So try and break to a strength

check as well. One. You do nothing. I said, that's why you eat carbs. Best on, you're next. I'm going to stab you right in the face. No, that's kind of mean. Wait, no, she's pinned, right?

Who do you work for? Tell us who you are, she-devil. I mean, it's a complicated question. There's NDAs involved. I can't tell you exactly who I work for, but if I did, it would kind of be like the Lord Vampire Master. Baston, being an honorable gent,

will not slap a woman, but he will tickle her. Tell me who you work for. I'm tickling my one weakness. I work for the guy. Strahd von Zarovich. That guy. Excellent. All right, that was weird.

Filch. Oh. What am I going to do? Do you want to keep our grapple or do you want to attack it? Yeah, I want to ask him more questions. Go ahead. Okay, I'm like, okay, so what do you want with us? All I want is the relic.

You guys can do whatever you want. You know, I think you can spend some time with you, relatively nice people. It's totally fine. I'm just going to take the relic and be on my way. You guys, yeah. The relic is the only thing that protects my village. I'm going to go, yeah, sure, you can take it,

and then I take it off Freezo. How are you going to take it off me? You're holding up against the wall. With my other arm? You're going to have to let her go. No. Okay, fine.

I let her go and she slumps to the ground and then I grab it off Friso and I chuck it out of the cavern into the sun. Dexterity check.

How many? Just one d20. Oh, wait. That's for her. All right, okay. For you two. I rolled a 16 plus dexterity of three's 19. Yeah, right, okay. For you two. I rolled a 16 plus

dexterity of three's 19. Yeah, I got 13. You can't. You miss him. And Frieza, you're up next. All right. Look, I also realised we've been misreading

how to do a witch bolt the whole time. Really? That's like the main point of this podcast. But apparently it's not just you do one witch bolt, you do a witch bolt

and then you just hold it and the longer you hold it, the more damage they take. Each turn, I think. Is that right? Yes. See, I'm sorry. So I've been doing it wrong

the whole time. Should we start again from the beginning? Now you can kill them even more. Yeah. So I'm going to... How's she looking? How's Karina looking?

She's fine. I'll start off with an Eldritch Blast then. I'm still not slightly tall. Natural 20 on the Eldritch Blast, plus 525. I've been rolling up a storm today. You have. Well done. That's a d20, except for when you know you died.

And then I roll a d10 for damage. When it's a critical hit with a spell, do you do double damage? No, no, no. So you do 10 damage? Yep. Karina, it's your turn. I can cast spells again now. I don't have to hit people.

I want to do shatter. So a loud ringing noise will be unbearable to hear for everyone. So, all right, who are you focusing it on? This guy. Okay, she's casting on Friso. Go ahead and cast it. 20. Oh, my God. One!

One time! Piso, give me your character sheet. Give me your character sheet. Alright, excellent. Okay, so how much damage does that do? A lot. A creature deals 3d8 damage on a failed save or half that on a successful one.

So make your save. Each creature within a 10-foot sphere must make a constitution saving throw versus DC 13. Oh, so it's a saving throw. You know what, you rolled 20, so I'm going to give you a bonus for that anyway. And the rest of us have to do one too? Make a DC check, yep.

I rolled a one. Oh, goodness. 18 hit points of damage. I got three. And Bastion gets nine. All right, three points of damage nine points of damage and because it's centered on Euphrezo and we did roll a 20 even though we didn't need to

I'm going to go ahead and say that yes your quarterstaff smashes because this is a shatter your magic sword is okay and oh okay I'm afraid to say that all of your sunglasses were destroyed.

Dammit! Excellent. All right. Ed, Karina. They were good for peacocking. Excellent. Everybody is deafened by the shattering, and you're all driven back.

Karina, you take this moment to make one last grab at the relic. Go ahead, make a dexterity check. Beat his armor class. 11. 11. No, you miss it. And she's not able to grab the relic, but at that point, you're already charging past them while they're driven back

by the hellish sound of your shatter spell, and you dive into the air, in which point you turn into a cloud of bats and disappear, leaving the dragon, in which point you turn into a cloud of bats and disappear, leaving the dragon friends alone in an unfamiliar place with some of Friso's weapons and favorite things broken, spell slots spent, and Friso, I think you're almost dying again.

Damn it! How will the dragon friends escape from such peril as this? Where is Bobby Pancakes? And what of this beautiful woman trapped in a castle? For the answers to these and more, tune in to the next episode of Dragon Friends. Dragon Friends is recorded in front of a live audience

at the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney and is DM'd by David Harmon. Your bard is Benny Davis and the NPCs in this episode were played by Eden Lacey. This episode also featured Alex Lee and me, Michael Hing, and our special guest was Eve Beauregard. Shakira Khan designs our website and the podcast is sponsored by PAX Australia, a three-day gaming festival of video games, board games, panels, free play and more. This year's show is on November 4-6 in Melbourne and tickets are on sale right now.

You can get them at thedragonfriends.com slash packs.