Dragon Friends - #2.05. Some Kind of Jazz Werewolf with Carlo Ritchie

Episode Date: May 2, 2016

A full moon is no time for a werewolf. A tiny cave is no place to be trapped with a werewolf. The Dragon Friends ponder these universal truths when suddenly a challenger appears!Featuring special guests Carlo Ritchie (The Bear Pack) & musician Chris Dendle. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're professionals. Does anybody have any news, any business before we start? Oh yeah, I might have to leave at any moment because my wife is heavily pregnant. Thank you. And Simon has promised that he will call his son Bobby Pikelet. It's on the podcast now, now you can't back out. Nah, they never put this beginning stuff in the podcast. the podcast now and now you can't

back out. Nah, they never put this beginning stuff in the podcast. Dragon friends If it's spooky don't be frightened Dragon friends

Scurry home and bar the door Daylight air And the fiends and ghouls delight in things that's cursed

Beware the wear as you make your way Don't be led astray for the goal is near And your friends are here And there's plenty more in store The walls of the tomb are chill to the touch,

and the air is sweet with the scent of death and ancient incense. This was obviously once a place of quiet remembrance, but for who and why has been lost to time? In fact, whoever built this place would probably be a bit upset to see the blood you've spilt all over their nice funerary niche. Karina the Hermit has shown her true colors when she attacked you and tried to steal the relic of Pelor that her master, the vampire Strahd, had instructed her. Filge, Baston, and Friezo, you have fought her off, but you have paid a heavy toll. Filge, you are now bruised but not yet broken, burnt by fire, bitten by spiders. Baston, you are in worse shape and starting to doubt the company you keep.

Friso, you've had half of your equipment and all of your novelty eyewear destroyed by a shatter spell. Bobby is still missing. This is not how an adventure is meant to go. However, the relic is still missing. This is not how an adventure is meant to go. However, the relic is yours again. You have precious little understanding of the plot you found yourselves dragged into, but Strahd has proven the lengths he will go to try and reclaim this piece of antiquity, and Madame Ava seems to indicate that the relic holds the key to confronting the vampire and maybe freeing the land from his sinister grasp.

You quickly wrap the relic in a bag and stow it away in Filger's backpack. The answer to its purpose will have to come later for you suddenly get the feeling that you are not alone. Have we exited the tomb yet? No, you're both still in the tomb. Bobby, you're still not there.

Okay, and where is... Yes, I am here. So three of us are here, right? Yes, that's correct. Okay. So who's watching us? We don't know. Go ahead. Can I do a perception check? You absolutely can. You want to make a listen check? Twelve. Okay, does anyone

else want to make a listen check? See, I am always listening to... Seven. See, I am always listening to... Seven. Bobby, you walk back into the cave where you see the three of them facing away from you and you realise that this might be a perfect moment for a prank. I tie all of their shoelaces to each other's shoelaces.

Do you want to make perception checks? I have no fear, for I wear boots. 15. Yeah, 15. All right, okay. You know what, that's fine, because they're idiots, and they already failed their other tests. Tying shoelaces has become a bit of a motif for you, hasn't it?

Yeah. I, um... Look, it's find what you, hasn't it? Yeah. I am. Look, it's find what you like and do it till you die. That's what I always say. Is this at all erotic for you? A little. And if you could contribute to my Patreon, I'll be posting videos of me tying shoelaces together every month.

Like ASMR videos, but for shoelace tying? Very whispery. Yeah, okay. Bobby, do you clear your throat perhaps? I yell, fire! I guess we run out of the cave. But our shoelaces are tied together. I fall to the floor.

Okay, you both fall to the floor. Congratulations. Possibly smashing the relic. No! No! It's fine. Bastion doesn't want to be left out, so he falls down too. Isn't this good fun?

All right, I untie my shoelaces and then retie them to their own shoes. Great. All right. So a few minutes pass. Bobby, your friend Bobby seems to have returned and is at the doorway. Hey guys. Oh, good tiny man, you have returned. Yeah, alright.

What's been going on? Something terrible. Me fell down just now. Bobby! Me shoelaces still undone and you know me don't know how to do them. I go over to her village and I give her a hug and on her, like, knee, I guess is how high up I go, and I tie her shoelaces up for her. You don't tie them together?

No, because one time a prank, shame on you. Two times a prank, shame's on me. I explain to Bobby what's happened. I tell him that Karina betrayed us and my heart. And I say, who's Katrina? You never met Karina? No, he never met Karina. Karina, let me tell you. Let me tell you a little story about women.

The one that got away. It was a night unlike any other. I walked into a bar. I want to hear another episode of Freezo Nights. Several minutes, boss. Bobby, I presume you tell them that, why are you in this cave? Oh, yeah. I was here because when I got the relic, like ran as fast as I could

and then I just felt like electricity surge through me and I suddenly saw like bright white light

and a voice just came to me and said go to a cave and put this statue in the cave and I was like in the cave. And I was like... Was the voice Bill or Ted?

He also said, send demons before rules. So you had a vision from Palor when you... Yeah, I don't know what to call it, but like, yeah. I just, I knew where to go. I just like was in a complete daze and I just ended up in this cave and I was like, I'm where to go. I just, like, was in a complete daze and I just ended up in this cave and I was like, I'm going to hide it here. And then I kind of just, like, came to...

That not explain why you run away in the first place. Oh, me coward. Me coward. Well, I think we try now to exit the cave. We have the relic. Wait. Have you seen a tiny horse? Oh, yeah. We're trying now to exit the cave. We have the relic. Wait. Have you seen a tiny horse?

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. A tiny horse? About Nehi? Exactly! No I have not. The search goes on. So you can leave the cave. It took you a while to get here from Madam Ava's encampment. So don't forget that you have no horses anymore. Because you know what you did.

What'd you do? Where's all them horses at? Bobby, there was one horse, and I was running low on hit points. And I also learnt that if I kill a thing, I get hit points. I'll let you fill in the gaps. So you can leave,

but it will be night in a couple of hours, so you will be deep in the woods if you want to leave. And you're all, you're injured. You're still poisoned by spider venom, I think. Actually, you are. Do you want to make... Me forgot about that.

Yeah. It can happen. So why me lose feeling in arms? Why don't you... Guys, why don't we stay in the cave and just like rest up? Before you do that, can you make a constitution save for me? This will be DC 15. And I get a plus two, yeah?

You get a plus four because constitution... 13. Does not pass. All right, so you are still poisoned, and this actually also means that you have lost some of your maximum hit points for now. But I've gained some tiny little fangs and the ability to throw webs, right? Doesn't work like werewolves, no. God damn it.

All right, we'll stay here tonight and rest then, I think. Okay. Can Baston do a perception? You certainly can. I'm going to do a perception check. 16. And I go,

Hark, uh, tiny man, you seem somewhat encumbered by the things that you carry. Why hast thou so many stuffs? That's true, actually, and well spotted, Eden. Tinyman has come in with... Look, just call me Bobby, please.

Bobby actually is dragging a big sack, which is clinking, and also has, like, a chair lashed to it. It's a big, ludicrously large amount of stuff for a halfling to be dragging in. Do I have enough strength to lift up Bobby by his collar? Attached to a bunch of chairs? You're actually almost dying, aren't you? Yeah, but do I have rage strength? How angry are you at him?

Well, I'm not angry. I'm just a wildcat. Why don't we just... Hey, Bobby, what's in that bag? You bring presents for your old pals to beg forgiveness for abandoning them? Does anybody have any black eyes? What's a black eye? It's like when someone punches you in the eye, it goes black.

Anyone got one of those? So I just want extra steaks to put on it, like in an 80s television show. Oh, me could go a steak. Alright, well, you guys can have one to share. And I just need to keep the rest of them just in case. One to share amongst all of us? It will not be enough for dinner. Do you have a sack of food?

Make a perception checking. No. I haven't told you where the DC is. I got a nine. Oh, okay. You get good perceptions. Oh, yeah, plus perception. I trip and my sack falls open.

Chains and rare steaks fall everywhere. Rare steaks? Yeah, like meat. Oh, thou hast cooked them already. No, she's a vampire. These are the wrong kind of steaks? Yeah. Like meat. Oh, thou hast cooked them already. No, she's a vampire. These are the wrong kind of steaks. Come on. Oh.

Damn it, Bobby. You had one job. But Bobby is a werewolf now. What does that have to do with anything? Oh. Bobby. Yo, freezer. Bobby.

Yo, freezer. Did you run away because you're a wolf? Fuck. I feel like I'm, you know that, you know that theatre sports game Crime Endowments? I think I'm playing like a 30 minute version of that. Bobby, did you run away because you were a werewolf and you need us to feed you these steaks and chain you up? Yep.

Oh. Oh. Guys, I'm just like, since our last adventure, things have been getting a little out of hand. Sometimes I just blank out and I turn, I think, and I just wake up covered in, like, guts and brains and bones. And I don't know what the fuck I've done. While Bobby is talking, I eat all the steaks.

And the only thing that will save me is these steaks. And fortunately, I've got so many here. And if I was ever to go without steaks, then... Oh, I see. Burp. Well, Bobby, what causes this? You were with him

when he was bitten by a werewolf. I mean, is it full moon? Is it half moon? How much moon do we need to make you a wolfman? Tonight will be the full moon. It will. Tonight is the... But if he stays in the cave, no moonlight shall touch his pure skin and he shall not wolfman become. Is that how it's been happening?

I don't know why I'm talking like this. Guys, I don't know. Like, the science is a bit beyond me. I'm not there to take notes while it's happening. I'm snarling like a savage beast. So you'll have to tell me, all right? Guys, me know. Because I have arcana knowledge or whatever.

Can I do a check of a... I've got a 15. Okay, for a 15, you know that lycanthropy is a very strange... Disease. Disease. Yeah. It's Lycanthropy Awareness Week at the ABC. And it can affect people in different ways.

However... When Eta Phillips is doing a special reporter. It is often something that gets worse over time as well. Oh. So... And the only cure is a silver bullet. Gotcha, Dave. Definitely didn't say that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Loud and clear. Well, let's stay here tonight. Let's chain up Bobby as a precaution. Let's stay here tonight and we'll rest. We know you guys might be angry at Filch for eating all the steaks, but if were-spiders don't eat eight steaks a night...

You're not a were-spider! Me is were-spider! Me sure of it! Make me some silk. Make me no were-spider! Okay, and then... Make me a where? me no web spider Make me a web Build shits herself

I shit meself Night is falling I start wrapping chains around old mate Bobby Pancakes over here I'll use my webs And I just point my wrists at him Get your poopy webs away from me I want you to Just for me I want you to quickly make a dexterity check.

No, no. No, don't tell me. Don't tell me. I saw it. And, Bobby, I want you to make an escape artist, which we'll also call a dexterity saving throw for you. Excellent. Okay.

So you chain him up with chains and locks. With chains. To the comfy chair that he provided? To the back of the comfy chair. He dragged that a long way, presumably. Should we chain? How big does a werewolf get? Should we chain the chair to a wall or something?

There's no... Is there any kind of loops? Yeah, there are sconces for torches in the walls. Remember that this cave broke into sort of old barrows and tombs. All right, yeah. So we chain... Bobby did the chair and the chair did the wall. And then we...

That's enough chaining. And I say, guys, call me crazy, but does anyone else feel real sexy? And we learn more things about Bobby than we dare to imagine. Yes, I do. And we learn more about Baston than we dare to imagine. And somebody is already writing the fan fiction. Baston builds a little fire in the cave-y spot.

Oh, that's nice. So that we can just be warm while we watch him. Smoke goes everywhere. I feel like an internal cave fire is a terrible idea. Oh, that's nice. So that we can kind of just be warm while we watch him. Smoke goes everywhere. I feel like an internal cave fire is a terrible idea. No, it's done now. Alright, well we go to sleep and we try to recuperate. Everyone's just going to sleep.

Yeah. And they all die. I'm on four hit points. I need to build this back up now. Anyone who sleeps, have a hit dice, have a hit dice, have a hit dice. No one's keeping watch. Bobby, are you just going to... Night, Freezer. Night, Filch. Good night, Tinyman.

Night, Bastard. Incredibly negligent for an adventuring party. We chained him up. Can somebody scratch my foot? It's just real itchy. All right, the... Guys? Guys? Where is sleep? As the just real itchy. Guys?

Where's sleep? Guys? As the hours wind on... Guys? I can't sleep when I'm itchy. I'm getting real itchy. I have no trouble sleeping at all. Yeah. Okay, now you guys are all asleep,

so I want you to just close your eyes and put your heads down. And... I'm spooning Bastogne, just so you know. Ooh. your heads down and i'm spooning baston just so you know um so i'm as you you know you suddenly feel you know your fingers and incisors lengthening your back breaks in six different strange places you talking to me, Dave? Yes. And you turn into a werewolf, Simon. These are well-made chains, but sloppily tied. Diamond.

These are well-made chains, but sloppily tied. And you feel the powerful need to consume flesh. So I'm going to, unfortunately, take some power from you as a player and tell you that you immediately try to break free from your bonds. You pull once and twice as sconces pop out of the walls and the chains fall down. Make a perception check, all of you, DC 10. Can we open our eyes yet? No.

11. How? 15. I wake up. Do you want to do one for Al? Yeah, because... Four. Sleeps like a baby.

Keep your eyes closed, Alex. And you guys, as you wake up to see suddenly a huge werewolf. If anything, it seems like Bobby's werewolf has grown larger than when it was in the... More Scooby, less Scrappy. Can I ask

about placement? Am I... Is Bobby between... Oh, is the werewolf between myself and the exit? The werewolf is in a side room. You guys are in the sort of... Where the tomb was, where you found it. So can I get to the exit? You probably could, yep. I go to the exit.

Okay, Filch is still asleep. I go to the exit. I've made my decision, all right? She ate the steaks. Baston? You're still being spooned by an asleep... He tries to... I guess he should try and escape. Strength check, because you're being spooned by...

Escape the loving, spooning, big spoon of bilge. 19. I'm the best! You make your way out. And as you try to scramble up to help, presumably, Friso is already making a beeline to the exit, where you bump into a strange figure. It's a young man wearing a shiny chain shirt,

a pot on his head, and a white cloak and leather boots. And you basically run into him. I run into this fraud. Sorry? Well, he's dressed as a knight, but he's got a pot in his head. He's got a pot in his head, yeah. Yeah, so he's not a real knight.

He's like a play knight. I have no respect for this person. And now that we've established that Hing has no respect for this person, please welcome him to the stage. Played by Carlo Ricci, Edvard Ostwin. The human Fighter. Hey. I didn't know it was Carlo.

No, you made your bed. Alright. I say to him, Sir, I have no respect for you. Well, I don't hardly know you. All I see is a pot on a head and a human face. Did you stop running away and abandoning your friends

to have this semantic argument? I'll have you know that this pot is the finest pot in all of Auschwitz, I'll tell you that. Wickshire. Wickshire. The Auschwitz household of Wickshire. What are you doing here in this here tomb? I'm stalking me a vampire done eat all our guts and brains and bones and such.

And I suspected that it's in this here tomb. There is a vampire in there, but you know what? It's a special vampire. It's covered in hair and it's got big fangs all around its teeth marks. And it only responds to silver, don't you know? Sidebar, sidebar. What are you doing? I'm going to make this idiot kill Bobby.

Why? When did that become your objective? Because Bobby's done. Bobby's a liability. He's done, Dave. I got the relic. I'm out the cave. I've's done, Dave. I got the relic. I'm out the cave. I've got the relic.

Phil has the relic. Am I out of chains by now? Yes. I'm going to get back to you in one second. Now, I have a proficiency in tall tales. Oh, what did you get there? But what about your character? One teller of tall tales can tell another teller of tall tales.

I don't think that's true because you are, as Carlo Ricci, a teller of tall tales can tell another teller of tall tales. I don't think that's true because you are, as Carlo Ricci, a teller of tall tales and I have fooled you many a time in real life. Fool me once, shame on all of us. Suddenly, out bursting in hot pursuit from Hing is a giant werewolf. The largest werewolf that you've ever seen. It has like old chains dragging off it and it looks really angry and really fierce. That's the biggest werewolf I've ever seen. It has old chains dragging off it and it looks really angry and really fierce. That's the biggest werewolf I've ever seen.

I, I, I, uh... Can I ask a lore question? Yes. Uh, because there's probably more flesh on a human than an elf, probably. Yes. Is... Young Edvard is likely to be target priority for the war. He's wearing a chainmail shirt.

You are wearing a baker's outfit. As the chains fly by. And full of pockets with delicious spices. All right, I'm going to push Friso out of the way. Out of my way, baker's man. Your fresh spices have no need for here! For Wickshire! And charge the werewolf.

Okay, excellent. Bobby, you're going to have to fight him. Oh. I was going to say... Hey, daddy-o. Okay, you can say that too. What's all the hubbub? Robert's just here and he wants to eat

his steaks. Just hand him over and there'll be no need for bloodshed. Baston goes, can I just say, Chris, your music for The Werewolf is perfect, so thank you. What kind of ill-mannered beast is this?

Ill manners? Me? How dare you, sir? I've on good authority that you ate all our guts and bones and brains and like in Wixier. I did no such thing. I've only been a werewolf a couple of months, and I ain't never been

to Wixier. Oh, is that right? Then how come your tracks come all the way back to this cave, and you're covered in bloods and guts and all sorts. While they're having this chat, can I try and grab the chains that are still attached to Bobby? You can try to break out of the half-orc's loving embrace. No, I was 19. I did. Oh, you were.

I'm still asleep, right? Absolutely, you can. So you make a lunge, and that is enough to trigger this into a combat for you, Simon. So I've got your initiatives here. I've pre-done them. Which means that you guys break into a fight. And the first one is Bobby. Don't forget you have two attacks when you're a werewolf. You have a bite attack as well.

How much of my own wits do I have about me? Every now and then I'll let you sort of pierce through, but for a while you'll have to fight. Okay. So you should fight to kill. You shouldn't fight to... That's an eight. All right.

So plus five means it's a 13, which will not break through. So Edvard, presumably you raise... You were attacking Edvard? Mm-hmm. So you raise your little shield and you get out of the way. Make a bite attack as well at plus five.

Fuck me. Eleven. All right, nothing. So Edvard, you're up next. For a wickshire! 19. That is a hit. That is a hit.

D6 plus 2. What are you attacking with? A half axe. With a hand axe. D6 plus 3. 8. That's 8 points of damage to you, Simon. Frieza, you're up next.

Alright, am I in sight of this lovable scam? Yes. Alright, now if I kill Edvard, will Bobby feed on his

corpse and let us go? I'm not telling you the answer to that. I think they only like to eat things that they kill. Well, if I weaken him... Yeah, you could do that. And shove a man down my throat. All right, I cast, as an incantation, as an evocation or whatever, a cantrip,

I cast an Eldritch Blast. So I guess... Gravy. What's my spell attack? One. Okay, it doesn't work. No, it doesn't. You rolled a one?

I rolled a one. Okay, don't forget also that was your last spell slot. No, no, this is a... Because you've used half your spell slots. It's a cantrip, though. Cantrips don't need a spell slot.

No, no, that's fine. You can only cast Eldritch Cantrips from now on. Okay, well this is going well for both of you. Eden, you're lunging for the chains? I want to try and grab one of the chains and throw the chain at Filge to hopefully wake her up.

Because it's like, how long a chain is it? You could just try and wake me up. You could just try and wake her up. All right, I'll be like... But I want to try and grab the chain. So I'm going to go, Big woman, wake up! And I'm going to try and grab for a chain.

On the floor or the one on the werewolf? The one on the werewolf. So that's, okay. In that case, it's a dexterity check. So you've just got to make a touch attack. Right, because I want to try and grab the chains and be like, wrap them around and restrain them. Well, if you grab the chains, you can probably trip the werewolf off and make it fall over. Great, great.

I'm going to do that. Ten. Ten plus your, no, that's not going to do it. So you swing and miss. However, that wakes you up, Phil. Take your time. What's happening? Tinyman is big.

How do you communicate so easily? Everyone else struggles to get through to Phil. We have connections They're on a level And then I wink And you don't know why And I'm like yeah Oh well I'm gonna

Hold on So you've woken up And the first thing you've seen Is a werewolf Charging towards a man With a saucepan on his head And your friend Half elf Gib Gob

What have you Whatever Friso is. Yeah. So I'm just going to help you with the chains. I'm like, you need help? Grab the chains and restrain him. I grab one of the other chains. All right, why don't you roll for me these

and take the highest one because you're getting help. 18. All right, you grab with your hands the chains and you are lurched off your feet and onto the ground, snapping your more wildly. Hey, lady, take it easy, all right? He's infected with the power of jazz. Skitty bop, skitty bop.

This ain't cool. I think you mean cool. Damn it. He's good. So your options here are do you want to try and pull out

of Filger's grasp or do you want to try and shirk off the chains? I'll try and shirk off the chains. Okay, quick dexterity check. I'm not going to do it. Alright, so you're pinned down there for now

for one turn at least. Danny's in a tight spot. Edvard, your go. I'd never killed anything chained up before. Well, first time for everything. 19 again. That's it. Now, you have improved criticals because you're a fighter,

so this is double damage. Bizarre. Seven. Four plus three, seven damage. Bizarre. Seven. Four plus three, seven. Times two, fourteen. Okay. Have at that, you big wolf. How many extra points do I get for being a wolf?

Do I double up or something? You don't gain extra points for being a wolf. However, no, you don't. Question. But he would have rested in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had 28, and you've taken 14, and you you don't. It was Jen. But he would have rested in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had 28 and you've taken 14 and you've taken 6. So you're on 20.

So you should have 800 points left. If we kill the werewolf, do we get Bobby back? Is that how it works? Is that how Filch thinks it works? It's how I think it works. So, yes. Frieza, you're up next. All right.

I will try to prestidigitate another thing. Prestidigitation, yes. Frieza, you're up next. All right. I will try to prestidigitate another thing. Prestidigitation, right. Yeah. Do you want to explain what that is? Yes. Prestidigitation is a cantrip. So it's one action, range 10 feet. And I can, for one hour, make something chill, warmed or flavoured.

Hey, I'm already chill. Around about one cubic foot and it can't be living. And that's going to be useful, is it? So I can't... I always think my initial thing was to make Edvard the tastiest. Make him real tasty.

I've already got spices for that. Yeah. But instead what I'm going to do is I'm going to make the chains real tasty. Like they're going to be like salivating. They're going to be like... Meat chains? Meat chains. And. Like, they're going to be, like, salivating. They're going to be like, ooh. Meat chains?

Meat chains. Meat chains. And he'll think they're like sausages all made together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the plan. I'm going to make the chains all tasty, and I rolled a... Don't even think you need to roll for that. Okay. I think they're just meat-flavoured chains now.

Meat-flavoured chains. Well, I got a... Is it kind of like a smoky barbecue? You immediately start sucking on the chains. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, ooh, sossos. And yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I rolled a 14 plus my show notes, so on the chains. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, ooh, sossos. And yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. I rolled a 14 plus my spell attack, so that's 19.

Okay, good on you. So I nailed the spell. And the chains are now meat flavoured. All right, Eden. So Bastogne and Filge, you are pulling at these chains, trying to get to the werewolf, which is snapping, trying to break out of them. Edvard, you are just sort of happily poking an axe in

when you can get a second. Well, I start just relax and then just start licking the chains. I ragdoll and just stop moving and stop. Gross. You don't know where that microphone's been. No.

For the benefit of the podcast, Simon just licked a microphone. Do it again. So there is a moment of pause podcast, Simon just licked a microphone. Do it again. So there is a moment of pause here, Edvard. We will pause. Go on, Jerry. And in that moment, you sort of, you guys are you have a chance to stop attacking for a second if you want.

Or you can just kill it. Why are you helping this werewolf? Hasn't it eaten all your things? This werewolf our friend, Bobby. Please call me Robert. It's a proper name for a big boy.

Me think we should tie him up. He our friend after all. Yeah, we tie up Edvard. I'm trying to help you. You've got a werewolf here. I'll kill it if you want. No, you're a danger to Bobby, and I'm a loose unit,

so you're getting chained, Edvard. Do you want to try and tie me up, Baker Boy? Yes! I do, Dave. Alright, well, go ahead. You think it's fruitless and not helping. Gentlemen! Gentles, though I should dearly

love to see you wrestle, I suggest that we restrain this wolf-wear before he enrages again. What the hell is a baker, a half-orc, or orc, I'm sorry, I've not met too many, and I don't mean to offend.

Me offended. And a handsome man. Handsome man, yes. Doing out here with a wolf in a cave. We were searching for something very unimportant that won't trouble you. Well, I'm glad to hear it.

We are on a quest to rescue my, um, beloved from the grasps of Strahd von Zarovich, tyrant of this land. You're on a quest?

I'm on a quest. I'm on a quest for the whole of Wixure. That's my home, sure, you'll see. Well, any questing man, be him potted or not, is welcome with me. Can you make one more strength check because they're sort of going on a little bit? It's a 17. Okay, 17.

You pull at the chains while they're sort of, you know, sharing local geography trivia and with a snap you are able to pull yourself free from the chains

that Filge and Bastard are holding but you overcompensate and you slam into the wall beside you and a old dusty shelf on that wall contains a series of urns, and one of them falls off the shelf and smashes to the side of you,

and a sort of strange vortex of dust starts to rise up. Ah! Someone's going to have to clean that up. Me ashes! And it also surprises't seen that offer. Me ashes. And it also surprises you into a moment of lucidity. You've broken me ashes. As a swirling, kind of like a spectre-y, swirling, purpley, cloudy, misty ghosticle appears.

Is that the testicle of a ghost? swirling, purpley, cloudy, misty ghosticle appears. Is that the testicle of a ghost? Yeah, it's got that kind of same wrinkly quality about it. You've disturbed me, ashes. That urn's been there for a thousand years, and it was pretty. I liked it was pretty.

I liked it a lot. What are you talking about, nut ghost? Ah, a jazz cat. Die! And the spooky ghosticle does some spooky ghost rays. That's a technical term, right? Right, so this thing, this spectre has risen up as well and already you can feel like the air is sort of turning in this kind of old tomb

and you can suddenly hear thumping coming from some of the sarcophagi and there's many of them in the room and they start to sort of snap while this thing is coalescing and it's just fired a bolt at someone? Yes, a witchy killer bolt great so it has its action now and it casts it at um at bobby because he disturbed the

does that make sense yeah yeah yeah absolutely so it casts and rolls an 18 and bobby you get hit with the specter's ray which lowers your maximum hit points by six. So you're down to 22, I'm afraid. Whoops. Just until you've had a proper rest. This means that it is now Baston's go. Oh, spooky ghost. Baston, I guess, will attack, lunge at the ghosticle. Okay.

With his dagger. He needs a better weapon. Rolling a 17. 17, you hit, but the blade seems to pass right through the spectre, which sort of ignores, completely ignores it. Oh, he is not flesh. Not flesh. This is looking very bad for all of you.

Can we just ask, can I be like, Hello, how can we appease you? You like warlocks? Put my urn back together. Sure. Alright.

Who got glue in their backpack? Anyone? Wait a minute. Would a saucepan do? Take off my saucepan and gesture it to the ash. I can put your ash in this saucepan. In the finest saucepan in all of Austerwick household.

That's no lie of a truth. Does it have a lid? Well, as a matter of fact, it does. I have it here in my backpack. See? I said like an old bit of bread. That's the finest lid of a saucepan in all of Wiltshire.

And probably the best in the whole country. Is it a snug fit? Very snug, ma'am. Very snug indeed. Why, I had a grandfather who slept in a saucepan very like this. We'll explore that later.

There is a moment of confusion and if you want, this is probably the moment to leave because already more of the granite cases are breaking and you can now see skeletal hands raising out of the tombs. Chatter, chatter, teeth chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter. teeth chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter. Chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter.

Armour, dinkle on dinkle. Dinkle, dinkle, dinkle. That's the sound of skeletons with armour. I don't think my swordsman's roots work and I'm running. You guys leaving? Can I summon my dragon to act as a distraction while we leave?

Your dragon, Mushu, absolutely. I forgot about that. Mushu. Mushu. Mushu. I'm sorry. we leave? Your dragon, Mushu, absolutely. I forgot about it. Bushu. Bushu. I'm sorry. Legally distinct from Disney's Mushu, yes. Oh, yes, your familiar blinks into existence. And I say, Bushu. What?

I need you to act as a distraction. Go dance with the skeletons. Why don't you dance with the skeletons? That sounds like a waste of my fucking time. Truly, one does not get the familiar that one wants, but the familiar that one deserves. Holy shit, there's a fucking

spectre and skeletons. Why are you just standing around like a bunch of idiots? Let's go. We roll on out of there. Or I roll on out of there. I don't know what these motherfuckers do. I'm going to grab the chain and quickly wrap it around the werewolf's mouth. Muzzle?

You're lucid enough, you're going to let her do it? Yep. Okay, great. Muzzle? You're lucid enough, you're going to let her do it? Yep. Okay, great. I'm going to muzzle him and then I'm going to put a leash around him and then drag him along behind us. Excellent.

All right. In that case, you're going with them? I'm running. For now? All right. As you make your way out, you can already see more and more of these tombs as you pass through the corridors waking up. Obviously, some kind of old cataclysmic magic has been awoken

here and the space is no longer safe but what safety can be found outside for such as you? With no horses wounded, some of you poisoned, with a werewolf in tow and in chains, things have never looked worse. For now it seems

this may be your darkest hour and yet the threat of Strahd von Zarovich awaits. There is surely much work in store to find out what happens next. Tune in to the next episode of Dragon Friends! Thank you!

Dragon Friends is recorded in front of a live audience at Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney. The show is DM'd by David Harmon, with music this episode by Chris Dendle. NPC voices by Eden Lacey, with our adventurers Michael Hing, Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, and this week's special guest, Carlo Ricci. Shakira Khan designs our website,

and our podcast is edited by Benny Davis and sponsored by PAX Australia, a three-day gaming festival of video games, board games, panels, free play, and more. This year's show is on November 4-6 and tickets are on sale right now. You can get them at thedragonfriends.com slash PAX.