Dragon Friends - #2.08. Was Me Even Eating Thyroid with Ben Jenkins

Episode Date: June 22, 2016

A dinner with a vampire is predictably awkward. Freezo tries to cope with his friends' many betrayals. Dave gets mad at Ben too. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And back from hosting for Mark Vennel, The Feed on SBS, Michael Hing! Here's your character sheet. Hi, Fraser. Good time! Dragon Friends! If it's spooky, don't be frightened. Dragon Friends! Scurry home and bar the door

Daylight air And the fiends and ghouls delight in things that's scarce Be well aware as you make your way Don't be led astray for the goal is near And your friends are here And there's plenty more in store The air is thin here Yet the ever-present fog of Old Barovia

Continues to swim around you. The castle that you find yourselves in seems abandoned for centuries even, and yet here you stand at the doors, at the gateway of the vampire himself, and the torches already sputter into life. and the torches already sputter into life. The corridor in front of you is dark and seems to go on forever as the four of you and your pet pig ask yourselves, Steed, as the four of you and your brave battle pig ask yourselves, is this a wise thing to do? For the vampire seems all-powerful.

All who have come to stop him so far have met untimely ends. How can four such as you succeed where so many have failed? The wind rustles the newly lit torches, and suddenly you hear... Russell. Russell. Suddenly you hear what seems to be far off distant strains of music and organ playing in the distance, deep inside the castle, beyond the corridor you now find yourself in. There is nowhere to go but forward. There is nowhere to go but forward. There is nothing to do but advance.

Should we go back? Nah. JK. Rowling. Yeah, boo indeed. Fear not. Stout of heart. Friso shall lead us forward.

All right. As has been his want this entire adventure. I step forward into the hall. Are we in a hall? Don't forget, you're half naked and covered in chalk and pigments. I have no idea what's going on. All right, so I walk in, and I guess I've got to find some clothes.

Are there any doors in this hallway? Are there any rooms I can sneak off into? I'm glad you asked. So the corridor seems to go off into the distance. You can make out what seems to be a shiny reflection, possibly a fire, possibly, you know possibly some kind of reflective surface playing off. How far away is that? It's a long corridor.

How many metres? It's like 60, 80 feet. And I can't see that it's a fire from 80 feet. It's very dark and it's only lit by these torches. If it's very dark, I'd be very able to see a fucking fire. Sorry, I don't know why I'm getting angry about this. I guess I'm just a little bit afraid by my friends. I don't know.

I've got some leather armour that you could just put on your naked body. Sorry, you have dark vision, don't you? You can see, so there is a metal reflective thing. I run towards the metal reflective thing. All right. You run down the corridor. As you run, sputter, sputter, sputter, burst, burst, burst.

The torches all come to life as you approach them, and as you get to the end, a fire roars into life in front of you, and in front of the fire, in the small alcove, you see a figure. Six foot tall. Hmm.

A suit of plate armor of ancient Barovian design, oiled, glistening, and it seems in perfect shape. I put on the armour. It's going to chafe. I mean, you can. Can he still cast spells? He doesn't have a spell book.

That's the least of his problems. Yeah, I reckon I'm going to need something. I put on this armour. Okay, make a strength check. What do I need? Just make a 12. Oh, six. Okay, you can put on the breastplate and the helmet.

Can I put on the helmet and the shoes? Oh, I see. So you want all of the movement sneaking penalties with none of the damage resistance. I want to be able to kick someone in the dick. All right. Probably Bobby, I reckon. Okay, you put on the helmet and the shoes,

which seem to fit perfectly. Cool. What else is there in the... Oh, and it had a sword. Oh, cool. I can take the sword then? Yep. Yeah, 10.

What are you rolling for? Yes, you take the sword.? Yep. Yeah, ten. What are you rolling for? Yes, you take the sword. Well, the ten is a perception check then. You see a sword. And you answer the others. All right, it's safe, guys. Come here. We make our way towards Friso.

That is the pig in the eye. All right, the sound as you come forward, the sound of the organ music continues to grow. This is a huge high-vaulted corridor. You are impressed and intimidated by the architecture inside. Ruined though it seemed, under the light of the fire, it seems born again. Now, at the suit of armour that is, frankly,

Friso has made a mess of clattering on the ground, trying to tug his boots on. You see a stairway leading up to the left and to the right, a doorway. Underneath, you can hear even more powerfully the sound of the organ music. Beautiful. Guys, I don't know if you know this about me,

but I love music. I agree. This is a jam. Guys, I don't know if you know this about me, but I love music. So... I agree. This is a jam. My jam. What's it called? For organ in F minor. That's a thing, right, Benny? Now it's in F minor. That's a thing, right, Benny?

Now it's in F minor. Alright. Let's go downstairs. So you're going to head towards the music? Head towards the music. We're drawn to it like moths to a flame. Who's going first? Rizzo. We're drawn to it like losers to organ music. We're drawn to it like moths to a flame. Who's going first? Rizzo.

We're drawn to it like losers to organ music. Sorry organ lovers. We head downstairs towards the organ. I've seen a musical about a haunted organ. I reckon this is going to work out perfectly. And that musical was called Starlight Express. Is Phantom of the Opera about a haunted organ, Benny?

No. Oh, okay. I don't know. I don't listen to that garbage. All right, we head down the stairs towards the organ. All right, as soon as you go to touch the door, again, familiar, the door slams open and a gust of wind hits you, and beyond it, a few short steps down,

you see the room open up into a huge high-vaulted dining room. A large table is laid out in the centre of the room and already the smell of beautiful sweetmeats, exotic pies, delicacies, steamed vegetables. What's a sweetmeat? It's like livers and stuff, but it's good in the olden days. Okay. I believe sweet bread is the thyroid gland.

Sweet bread is the thyroid gland. Lots of beautiful glistening thyroid glands on a plate. Or is it the pancreas? Sit at a table that you can already see is seated for six. At the front, an impressive throne, places for each of you, and even a little baby's high chair for the pig. Each place has been set with a plate

and a beautiful golden goblet full of what looks like a precious amber liqueur, but already your attention is drawn to the end of the room where, flanked by giant ceiling-to-floor mirrors, you see the largest pipe organ you've ever seen. For Filge, the only pipe organ you've ever seen. Yeah, orcs have no culture. And sitting at that pipe organ,

playing in what seems like rapturous ecstasy, pounding the keys with a melody that seems to be imbued with a great sadness and despair is a figure in a black cloak. And as he suddenly, rapturously concludes his song, a deep silence fills the room and that figure says, played by Ben Jenkins, you're nuts!

Don't you dare! You cannot make another character snagglepuss! I have worked No! No! No! It has been no! No! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it.

You have been. You have been in New York. You have been in New York and I have spent four episodes trying to have a little bit of dignity in a gothic Ravenloft inspired campaign creating the character of Strahd and you gallivant in here

and you cannot make him sound like Snagglepuss. For fuck's sake! It's just that the audience were chanting Snagglepuss. The only problem with that is they were chanting Snagglepuss. I actually can't... This person's probably been around for a while and I can't sustain it. But maybe he'll slip into it every now and again.

Maybe when he's casting spells. Okay, so he sounds like he's like... He's a Dracula, right? We just say vampire. We just say vampire. It's like pasta boy for us Why wouldn't he sound like a dracula? Let's just find out

He says Fine Dave, it wasn't going to be good no matter what What did you expect? Just be thankful it's not snaggle boys Because I could commit to the bit Can you do Huckleberry Hound? Ooh, Top Cat Ooh, what did you expect? Just be thankful it's not Snuggle Force, because I could commit to the bit. Can you do Huckleberry Hound? Ooh, Top Cat.

Ooh, what about Troopy? He could be like, well, well, well. Okay, fine. Fuck it, he's Troopy. If it isn't the dragon friends. dragon friends. Dave, don't tear up the story. I've got spare copies.

It'll be okay. Alright, I stake him in the story. I've got spare copies. It'll be okay. All right. I stake him in the heart. Not... Please sit and enjoy my wine. And sweetmeats, you must be weary for me. People, we're going to cut this in the podcast because it's not fair to the people in the podcast, but can we please give this every possible chance to work?

Can you give it a cool soundtrack with some red lights and then can you invite them to sit with you? Yeah, I'll do this again. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Will, Will, Will

The wheels have come off Once it's not your fault Ah, the famous dragon friends arrived at last. You must be famished from your journey. Please, sit at my table. Eat of my

food. I think you will find it quite to your liking. Can we do it again, but make him maybe 30 kilos fatter. I'll keep going. Okay. liking. Can we do it again, but make him like maybe 30 kilos fatter. I want to keep going. It is to me liking, I say, and I look up

and I've eaten an entire chicken. Yeah, a woman after my own heart. Can anyone understand what he's saying? Yes, he said a woman after his own heart. The punters bloody love it!

Every time he talks again they make him fatter. This is not sustainable. Oh well, I see the field has tucked into the festivities. Bobby Pancakes, Friso, Bastogne, Storm, lovely to see you all. You don't get to live for as long as I have without learning a thing or two about research.

About research? Research. I'm sorry, what did you say? About research. You know, it's rich and crazy. You know, it's books. And reading. I will not eat at your table, demon.

Where is my beloved? Oh, yes. Bastard. Do you know, I thought that that would make you sit down They hadn't really planned past Saying your name I would have been intimidated by your figure But you sound as one who has Many rolls under his chin

Well, well, well As you behold me You see this is not true I am tall and slender. Behold my bony arm. Actually, it is true. He is a dashing figure of a man with jet-raven hair and a powerful frame belied in his aristocratic finery.

The voice is, if anything, completely inexplicable. Step away from your organ and face me. No! If I had a penny for every time I'd heard that. Ah, yes, the famous Bobby Pancakes with his quick tongue and sharp

balls. May I ask you, dragon friends, do you enjoy stories? Yes. Of course we do. Do you have a storyteller who can tell story for you in a more legible voice? Are you all standing at the door or are you sitting at the table?

Well, Phil's just at the table. I'm gobbling down. Alright, I, um... This guy's evil, right? Yeah, I'm not eating his food. He's alright to me. Alright, I run at him with my sword. I don't have a witch bolt anymore.

You mean your magic sword that you got at Albus Rumsfeld? No, that's mine. Because he has that. Yeah, no, the sword I picked up from the suit of armour. Oh, okay. That is a great sword, and you're a thin, scrawny elf. With a broken wrist. With a broken wrist.

Damn it! I know your mind, Fido. I just love how you've just given up. Like, your friends have your stuff, and you're like, oh, well. I just don't want to be in that game. I'm just trying to run at this vampire with a sword. I'm the only one doing it,

and the rest of you are just sitting around making quips and eating chickens. These sweetmeats is delicious. She says as she cramps another thyroid into her mouth. Alright, I take off one of my boots and I throw it at the vampire. Alright,

you're going to George W. Bush him. Roll the dice. That is a, it's a nine! Damn it! No, okay, you know what,

you throw it and it hits, it misses him. It goes wide and it hits the mirror. But, all of you looking at that, can you all quickly make an intelligence roll for me?

Come on. Who gets the highest? 19 plus. I got one minus one, so zero. I got 17. Three. I got 28. Phil's got a critical fail. What does she do?

I got below a critical fail. Okay. She chokes on a chicken. Bobby, you realise that in the ceiling-to-floor mirrors, you can see Strahd's reflection. What? What? You realise that the organ is flanked by ceiling-to-floor mirrors. Me very big!

Me very big! Ah! You realise that by throwing a shoe at the vampire, you have lost one third of your outfit. But did I smash a mirror? You do smash a mirror. Is that seven years good luck for a warlock, or what? If you're a vampire, it's 14 years of the best luck.

I threw my other shield in. Let's go. Come on. Nine. That's the other mirror. It's a six. Does Strahd have anything to say about this? You are an idiot.

Sorry, did you say that you're a vampire? I am a vampire to and fro. That's interesting because, if memory serves me, vampires don't have reflections. More wine? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, please. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, It's the vampire Strahd von Zarovich Oh Idiot Hey Strahd Yes Look me in the eyes

Please Tell me you're a vampire I'm a vampire You know what? I ain't buying it Turn into a bat or something He does Does he?

No, he doesn't Okay, okay, bat He does. Does he? No, he doesn't. Okay, okay, Bat, fly up to that rafter. He does. No. I don't feel like it. Enough of this chit-chat. Baston's going to charge forward and punch him in the face with a dagger.

All right, Baston. Yeah. You're face with a dagger. All right, Baston. Yeah. You're charging forward? Yeah. All right, great. Make an attack. A-glug-glug-glug-glug-glug. 17, that will do it.

Baston, in a moment of ADD addled rage, charges... Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. Yeah! It's actually Attention Dungeons and Dragons Disorder. That's A-D-D-D. You charge forward and you draw your trusty knife before no one has yet trusted you with a sword and you stab at the vampire's heart. But, surprise of surprises, when you do, the image of him

seems to shatter into twelve pieces, and then you realise that the entire organ and the figure of stride is but another mirror. At that moment... ... ... At that moment, an irritating mocking laugh seems to fill the air.

Stop mocking me! And as the laugh gets louder and louder and louder, You okay, mate? I'm okay. Wind seems to rustle through the chamber, and all of the torches are extinguished anew and as they do, you see the room for the first time again as it truly is.

This time, not a beautiful vaulted dining room, but in fact a... The danger room from the X-Men! No? Okay, that's fine. I see now what you were doing in the other episode. Yeah, that's what he does. Annoying, huh? Yeah.

Very annoying. No, instead you see a room racked in centuries of neglect, part of the ceiling already gone. In place of the finely laid out table is an old table, worn and rusted. In place of every one of your golden goblets is, in fact, a tin flagon full of rusted in place of every one of your golden goblets is in fact a tin flagon full of rusted water the vegetables are naught but roots and soil and the beautiful delicious spread of chickens is the figure lying decaying in repose of a giant minotaur

oh tastes like beef pose of a giant minotaur. Oh! Tastes like beef. Yeah. Oh! Was me even eating his thyroid? Oh! Me feel so stupid. The thyroids are still thyroids.

Which already, now this figure begins to slumber and starts moving, jerking as if controlled as a puppet and begins to rise from the table, its flank already cut and carved, partly by Filge, and around it, through the mess of decayed foodstuffs and raw flesh flesh emerge a pair of skeletons that already are moving up

from the table. I clap my hands in delight. Skeletons! A skeleton stabs Bobby. And we go into attack. So the first one up actually is you, Bobby. So are you going to waste your action clapping your hands and saying, yay, skeletons?

No, I'm going to charge Storm the Battle Pig towards the Minotaur. You were sitting at a table. You weren't... I wasn't. I was in the... You have to get Storm the Battle Pig out of her high chair.

Oh, I was sitting at a table. Okay, I run. I run. Wait. You better look after that goddamn pig or you'll have hell to pay. You look after her. Okay.

Well, I won't do that then. I thought I was on her. I run along the table. I make a dash towards the Minotaur and slash at his legs with my short sword. With your magical plus one long sword. Or that one as well. One in each hand.

That's harder to do. Okay, just the magic sword. He's a halfling. He can't use a long sword with one hand. No, you can use a long sword. Okay, I'll use a. He's a halfling. He can't use a long sword with one hand. No, you can use a long sword. Okay, I'll use a long sword. Now. Eight.

All right, you slash with an unfamiliar sword that seems strangely familiar to Friso, and you miss. Next up is Friso. What are you going to do, buddy? Fuck. Can I summon my dragon? Yes, you can.

I summon my dragon. That's all I got left. Bushu, away! And then I get on the dragon and we fuck off. Get your fucking nuts off me, you freak. Let's get out of here. Why are you even here? You do the dumbest shit.

Damn it! Where's your fucking spellbook, dummy? Did you get robbed? I think so. I was in a bit of a trance for a bit. Well, that's just fucking careless. Who gets in a trance? Not me.

I've got, I'm always on. Look, at least I'm always in the right existential plane. It's not an existential plane. It's a plane of existence. Okay, well, Friso has an argument with his imaginary familiar. Phil, cheer up. I'm gonna use the Minotaur's

own great axe against him. Whoa. I pick up the great axe and I say, remember this? It's your new worst nightmare. And then I swing it at his head. All right, great. Make an attack.

You. And I got 10 plus 4. 14. Yes, that will do it. Congratulations. You connect with him and you... It's a great axe, isn't it? We don't have one of these.

Hang on. You... Great. 2D8. No, wait. 2D8. No, wait. 2d12. Oh, God. D12s are the most unappreciated of dives.

Thank you very much. Oh, perfect. 12 sides. Oh, wow. Okay, you do 19 points of hit points to it. So it staggers back. Yeah, it staggers back into my mouth and I finish eating him. That feels, okay, let's do one thing at a time.

Firstly, it was 15 points of damage, not 19. I'm sorry. Oh, I thought I beating him. That feels... Okay, let's do one thing at a time. Firstly, it was 15 points of damage, not 19. I'm sorry. Oh, I thought I got him. So, no, you did not get him. But now you're going to try and bite his shoulder? No, I just thought it was a cool finishing move. But if the battle's still happening... Like a fatality.

Battle's still happening. In fact, it is now his go next and... And with his mighty horns, like gores. Oh, charge. Yeah, he's going to do a charge and gore action at you. Okay. All right, great. Can I roll a thing?

I'm going to use dice camp because I care. No, it's a two. It's the angle. It's definitely a two from this angle. All right, so... Dumb cow. So he makes a lunge at you, the holder of his axe, and he's, however, still unfamiliar on his legs,

and he stumbles off the table, kicking chicken carcasses everywhere, and the next one up is Baston. Oh, Baston. So Baston's over in the corner. Yes. Is he close to a skeleton? They're both at the table. Baston's just going to charge in and get into it.

Great. We're going to take on a skeleton because... With his little knife. Yeah, he likes his chances. He doesn't want to look dumb. 12. 12, that'll do it. Excellent.

He hits a skeleton. D4, baby. Get out my way. Wait, I got a D4. I got a D4. Thrilling action. Thrilling action. D4.

It's a 1. What's his strength? Probably 18. It's plus 2 So 3 3 damage Gah The skeleton looks

Mildly inconvenienced The next up Is the two skeletons Which now attack One attacks Bastogne And the other one Attacks Filge Bastogne

He misses you Filge The skeleton hits you And it deals 5 damage Next up is you again, Bobby. So I... How hurt is the Minotaur?

What's his... He's not even beginning to look that hurt yet. Oh, okay. So I... What way is he facing? He's facing Filch, so away from you. Away from you. So you can sneak attack him.

I sneak attack him, like run up his back, and like try to, with my short sword, try and get it right into the back of his neck to sever his... So you're dropping the long sword? Yeah, I'm dropping the long sword. It's too unwieldy. All right. Great, make an attack.

No. Seven, that won't hit, unfortunately. Not having a great time. And the next up was you, Friezo. I instruct my demon familiar dragon to attack the Minotaur. Please. Please. Please.

He's a pseudo-dragon, right? Yeah, tiny. Do you have a breath weapon? He's got a tiny breath weapon. All right. All right, I'll breathe on him. He does succeed and the Minotaur takes two hit points

to frost damage. Yeah, was that good? Yeah, it was really good. I'm really grateful. Thank you for doing it Okay, bye Phil, you're up next I'm going to cast a Witch Bolt at the Minotaur. With your great club? Yeah, with my wand.

I don't know why you keep calling it that. So I wind up my sleeves and I take out my wand and I yell, witch bolt. I don't even know how it does it. I yell, witch bolt, and I point it really hard at the minotaur. Okay, you point it so hard that it hits, connects, and does. Congratulations. Another 11 points of damage.

The minotaur is now looking injured. And I look at Hing and I say easy peasy. I mean Frieza when I just said Hing. The Minotaur is next and it attacks you

back, Filge but misses again. You're lucky because it looks very powerful. Its arm's powerful enough to rip even an orc's arms

from its sockets. The next is Baston. May not scare you. Oh, Baston keeps stabbing a skeleton because he's badass. Hits 16. Watch out. Here comes my knife. Three damage.

Bam! Ha! You are very, very slowly whittling the skeleton. I am stab-erific. Next up, Bobby. I take a couple of steps back. Oh, sorry, no, no, skeletonsittling the skeleton. I am starboardific. Next up, Bobby. I take a couple of steps back. Oh, sorry, no, no, skeletons. First of all, and the skeletons both hit.

And one hits Baston for three, and the other one hits you for another eight. Eight? Yep. You've got the good skeleton. All right, I had to do some maths. You should get into a rage, maybe. Okay, from being behind the Minotaur,

I, like, dash between his You should get into a rage, maybe. Okay, from being behind the Minotaur, I dash between his legs and slide on my back, drawing my short bow. You did three attacks with three different weapons. Why not? This is very ostentatious, but go on. None of them have worked. And fire an arrow up into his face, aiming towards his eyes.

Sure. Still a sneak attack. That'll hit. And so you're going to do D6 is for your arrow, but then another 2D6 for your sneak attack. So I got a 6 for my arrow. And what's that? 5.

5. So plus 4, and that's 5. 15 points of damage. Yes. So the Minotaur reels, cries in pain in a voice that reminds you all too keenly that you were having a pleasant conversation with him just an hour before. And the next up is Friso.

I don't have anything. Fuck. When you're ready, Friso. I run at the Minotaur and I headbutt him with my arm and head. All right. Let's go. D20 disadvantage because you're not good at headbutting.

All right. Lowest number. 11 plus 12. That'll do it. All right. D4 plus minus one because of your strength. Two points. Two points of damage.

So I just want to point out that your headbutt is as ineffective as a pseudo-dragon's breath weapon. And the next up is Filch. I'm going to fuck some skeletons up. I'm really angry. I go into a rage. Great. Roll two dice. Highest number.

I'm raging. Oh, high. 18. 18. Excellent. Roll this. D12. It's 18. 18, excellent. Roll this. D12. It's a D12, guys.

12. 12 from 12. Congratulations. So using Sita's... Don't I get plus two? Yeah, plus... No, plus four. So using Sita's great axe,

you cleave one of the skeletons in half and it falls apart in a rickety cascade of bones. And the next one up... Benny Davis, everyone. Rickety, Cascade of Bones. And the next one up... Benny Davis, everyone. Rickety. Is the Minotaur which attacks you and misses again. He's trying to get the axe off her.

This is terrible. Okay, he's trying to grab the axe out of your hands and failing. Moo. Last skeleton, Baston. Baston. Baston. Soon. Baston. So is his skeleton dead or is his skeleton still alive? His skeleton is very much still alive.

I'm going to stab you. Skeletons are not going to stab. Die, it's Cam. 18. 18, he hits him. Where's that D4? Get out of my way. Three damage.

The skeleton is looking worse for wear. If you do anything but long enough, you get a result. I whittle in my spare time. And the skeleton hits you back for a very reasonable eight points of damage. Ow, fuck, dick. So the minotaur is like sort of staggering around. That's right. Okay.

I like leap up and grab onto his straggly beard and hang from it. And with my new dagger that used to be Friso's, stab up into the soft part in his neck. He's a skeleton, but whatever. That's a four. Realising that he's a skeleton, you miss the soft part of his neck, which is not there. No, it's for the Minotaur. I just think that wasn't his beard you grabbed.

What was it? Oh, good grief. It was his ghosticle. Friso. Okay, I run across to the shattered mirror and I grab some glass. And then I take a shot of glass. Take two points of hit points damage. Why? Why? I'm being careful with the glass. Take two points of hit points damage. Why?

Why? I'm being careful with the glass. You didn't pick up the sword. I can't use it because I have a broken arm and it's a great sword. I already tried that, Ben. Idiot. What other sword?

He's not listening to you. He's too angry. I dropped the long sword. You also could have just asked to have your spell book back I could have asked to have the When did you drop the long sword? Hey Hing How was your day Hing?

Oh it was pretty bad It was like Dungeons and Dragons A lot of people were heckling me You were on Australian National TV an hour ago Like what's happening to your life? There was a lot of nice tweets And I'm here getting bullied by my friends. Pick up the long sword!

I try! Do it! Pick up the long sword. Alright, I pick up the long sword and I fucking cut my own throat. Fuck this, I'm done. Oh look, I roll a 13. What do you think of that, Dave? What do you think of that? Are you really cutting your own throat? No, suicidal Friso has

gone. Booshu pops back and goes, do it. I, I, I, I. Do it. What? Go on. Don't just, don't tempt me. Don't just half jerk me off. Come on.

Do it for me. Big boy. End it. 13 will do it. Roll this dice. I rolled a six. Oh, a six. All right.

Nine points of damage. You deal a devastating blow, but more important... Oh, to the minotaur, yes. To the minotaur. But more importantly, the moment that it tastes its flesh, the blade of the sword seems to glow with a powerful, potent magic. Have I ever used this sword before?

No. I have waited eight episodes. And it's fucking witch-balled this. Why do you have the sword? Anyway, it begins to glow and instantly does, as it burns with power, another six points of damage, which is enough, and the Minotaur, as it is embedded in its throat, seems to vibrate and then explode in a shower of sharp bone shards.

Take three hit points of damage. Damn it! But the Minotaur collapses. With the last skeleton easily overwhelmed by the amount of you, you have control of the room, and you are at last able to analyze the mirror that Bastogne broke. Beyond it, you see a small chamber and in that chamber is a figure in fine clothes suspended by black cords in the middle of the room. Investigation shows that it is in fact a puppet of the vampire and indeed the figure that was used to presumably communicate with you before.

Cowering in the room next to it is a filthy, wizened, either a human or some kind of lesser race, but very gross. Is that racist? Oh, sounded it. Just the way you said lesser, it was the tone, really. Is a filthy figure cowering as you, from the light,

as it is now entering the room. Don't look behind the curtain. Wait. I have seen a musical like this. I am stride the curtain. I have seen a musical like this. I am stra-powerful. Mew. I pick it up by the scruff of its neck. It goes right up.

It doesn't weigh very much. Not my scruff. And I stare at it in its eyes and I say, bring me to your master. I don't know where he is. I throw him against the wall. Ow!

I say to him, listen, Strahd, why did you erect all these trickeries and mirrors? Obviously not Strahd. He's got the same voice. It's Strahd. Work it out the same voice. It's Strahd. Work it out, you clever little nanite. What do you mean?

It's Strahd pretending to be a puppet. Pretending to be a powerful puppet. Yes, fear me. The whole point, this is like Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz doesn't exist. Will the dragon friends ever solve this, the greatest puzzle yet?

What's going on? What is more likely? What do you think? Is it that Strahd speaks with the voice of an imbecile or that an imbecile pretended to be Strahd while puppeteering? For the answers to this and many more questions, tune in to the slow series of realisations of Michael Hing that forms part of the adventure of Dragon Friends.

Thank you. Dragon Friends is recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney. It's DM'd by David Harmon with music by Benny Davis and voices by me, Eden Lacey, with Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Ben Jenkins and Michael Heen. Shakira Khan designs our website and our podcast is edited by Benny and sponsored by PAX Australia, Australia's largest video games and pop culture expo,

on this year from November 4 to 6 in Melbourne, with panels, showrooms, tournaments, free play and more. If you like the podcast, we have a Patreon where you can support us and earn bonus content including this month an 8-bit ringtone download of the Dragon Friends theme. Thanks for listening.