Dragon Friends - #3.02. Girlfriends with Bridie Connell and Tom Walker

Episode Date: March 8, 2017

Backstage is in uproar at Johnny Playstation's Chiba concert. The Dragon Friends have been found with a gun and a corpse which is hardly a good first impression. Playstation's show is about to start and there's precious little time to get their bearings before he's going onstage. This podcast recording featured a smoke machine and lasers which, in hindsight, was probably unnecessary for a strictly audio-based medium.Featuring special guests Bridie Connell & Tom Walker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Dragon Friends. If you're in Sydney and would like to see a live recording of the podcast, we do this on the second Tuesday of every month at the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Redfern. For details on that and all other live events around the country, give our Facebook page a like. Anyway, we pick up where we left off last episode, just as our Dungeon Master was introducing our first guest. Around her, the air seems to shimmer and geometrical shapes coalesce

and disappear and the face however is one that you recognize for it is a face that you were shown in a 3D photo just before Sour left. It is the face of your contact Gleam and to play her please welcome to the stage Bridie Connell. Do you like my jacket? You look very cool. You've got blood all over my backstage. That's the cost of doing business, I'm afraid, m'lady. Be cool, Simon, be cool.

My palms get sweaty. What did you call me? M'lady. It's where I come from. Just a salutation of great respect. I don't care where you come from. Because you're here now. And I'm in charge. That was a very cool thing to say.

here now and I'm in charge. That was a very cool thing to say. Kaleem kneels down at the bodies and quickly, with almost military efficiency, begins searching the lapels and soon pulls out a card. The card has on it the Starburst and Spire image that you have seen before and which you now

recognise as the corporate logo of Vos Saito Group. This is, of course, the corporation whose contract had been broken. I feel like while this is all happening, Friso is just kind of staring at his hands. Because, like, one of the troubles about...

One of the meta troubles about moving this from a fantasy world into a real world is that murdering someone feels bad. And one of the troubles about moving the character of Friso

into a world where Michael Hing exists Yeah, keep going. We're close to a breakthrough. This podcast is definitely going to be played about a year from now in like a first year psych class. I thought you were going to say a trial. Oh, he won't be caught for like five years. Yeah, Fraser's just sort of staring at his hands

and he looks up and he goes, this guy was bad, right? He was like a bad guy? Yes, but you're an idiot. Yes, he was a bad guy, but we're working for his enemy, who now are going to be after us, presumably. So...

And then, like, it just clicks, and then Fraser goes, so we need to get rid of the body. OK, I'm new to Dragon Friends, and I'm feeling, like, a lot of scary eye contact from him. Yeah, welcome to the show. This has been great. See you later. Glitter Gleam the Gnome takes you upstairs. She

is a hallucinogenic FX coordinator. She has a type of illusionary magic and surgery that allows her to create consensual hallucinations and her kind often work in spectacles of stage and screen. She's also the show director, she is the principal artist

behind the formidable talent that is Johnny PlayStation and soon she clicks her fingers and brings muscle to drag away the body while she takes you to a small green room full of flunkies and entourage. Can I say one of the people, the muscle? I tried to move past this scene. I know, but just like

as a little Easter egg in the background, one of the muscle that she kind of clicks is the toilet goblin. He just works a lot of jobs? No, but toilet goblin works

for the opposite corporation. Yeah, he does work for Vos Saito, actually. Yeah, so Simon works that out. Yeah. You have my adventure notes, so Simon worked that out on the fly. So Gold Star Simon. Now you're Bobby Pancakes and I'm the NPCs.

Welcome aboard, Simon. I'm glad that there's going to be some fucking control here. And a tall, slim person with ridiculous facial hair and an even sillier costume with spikier spikes than Glitter Gleam comes out and says, Glitter darling, I've got Johnny all dressed up in his outfits. He's ready to go. Whenever a concert's ready, yeah. He's supposed to be meditating right now

and I told you not to disturb him. Yeah, but I just wanted to give him an extra fitting, darling. Now he keeps dropping white, he never hates. Hi, it's Johnny's guru here. He's finished his meditation practice, so he's primed and ready to go. Uh, uh, excuse me, Mr Guru, what do you know about inner peace?

I sweep my very long fringe out of my eyes and I lock eyes with Friso and I stare deep inside and I just start sobbing. I'm curious at this point, what's Bobby doing? Bobby is standing there, quite short, and he's going,

all right, what's next? What are we doing? What are we doing here, guys? Where do I need to be? You have no idea what's going on, do you? All right, how dare you burn down the edifice I'd spent so long building by swapping back? I feel like what's just happened here is we've realised

that Ben must rely very heavily on the notes Dave prepares for him. As Glitter Gleam explains to you, Johnny PlayStation is about to take the stage. 24,000 Japanese tween fans are here to see the greatest... Hey, Eden. They're from all races. Eden, do their voices. greatest... Hey, Eden. Oh, they're from all races. Eden, do their voices. They're Japanese, they're not...

Do their voices, Eden. What do their voices sound like? They're from all... This is the future. They're from all races, nationalities. Oh, I'm so excited to be here. You passed the first test. And one of them's like,

yes, because it's so good to be a universal citizen. I'm Japanese nationality, but my first language is German. What is that, like an axis thing? Or what's going on there? I don't know what it is. Anyway. Johnny. Dave says, no laughing. Johnny, PlayStation is about to take the stage.

Your job is to deliver him after this concert to his limo, which will ferry him off to his private jet and his next performance date in Milan. But for now, you cannot be with him, for he is about to take the stage, and until that time, he must meditate and reflect. PlayStation, as you have been briefed, is a SenseNet star. His power is one of empathy projection, what he feels, his fans feel, and he has just come back from incredibly expensive and experimental surgery in Geneva,

where he has had implanted a sensory projection unit, which is something that allows his emotions to be felt even more keenly in a larger radius. This is how strongly he feels that what he feels must be felt by all. What's he... What... So we can feel what he feels? And perhaps you will soon, for a hush already begins to descend across the stadium.

You can feel 24,000 tween souls are flooded with expectation as a chant slowly begins. Even as smoke rolls over the stage. This is so fucking dumb. It starts slowly and then becomes louder as they chant Johnny Play, Johnny Play, Johnny Play, Johnny Play, Johnny Play As the lasers hit And Johnny PlayStation takes the stage! Oh!

Yes! You can see Johnny PlayStation! I feel good! That means you feel good! I love having fans and fun and there's a lot of both here tonight! Alright, let's hit it. A girlfriend is more than a friend who's a girl. Ice cream sundae with a caramel swirl. Oyster, no oyster, just a shelf full of pearls.

She doesn't live on Mars, but she's out of this world. Oh, yeah. Put your hands in the air if you want to be my girlfriend. Wow, everyone's hands are in the air. This song goes for 45 minutes. Tom, Tom. Tom, you done? I've got so many girlfriends, I can't stop at one.

Tom, that's enough. Did you betray this arrow for a machine gun? Tom, Tom. You're the pink stripe on a cinnamon bun. Tom. Whoa. What follows is a list of things that are a girlfriend. A girl can be a girlfriend. An elf can be a girlfriend. An orc can be a girlfriend. A basketball can be a girlfriend. An elf can be a girlfriend. An orc can be a girlfriend. A basketball can be a girlfriend. A basketball can be a girlfriend. A basketball can be a girlfriend.

A basketball can be a girlfriend. A basketball can be a girlfriend. Alright, second verse, that is the first. Alright, second verse, that is the first. Alright, second verse, that is the first. Alright, second verse, that is the first. And as you can hear, And as you can hear, the whole audience feels Johnny's niceness from backstage. All of you can hear.

No, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, now to go on stage and do my actual concert. I just feel like we were really accommodating. We got you the smoke machine. We got you the smoke machine. We got you the lasers. Yes. And you said you were going to do something really quick and then we could get back to it. I thought two verses would be quick.

I think I'm about to die. Tom Walker! Do you even have a seat? No, but I have a radio mic, so I'm more than happy to stand. Sit on the stage. Think about what you've done. PlayStation's moves are hypnotic, and even as you watch crowds of euphoria crash over the audience enabled by the hypersonic projection unit embedded in his chest. Every time he

smiles they scream, every time he winks they swoon, they are truly in his grasp. In this moment a thousand,, twenty-four thousand Japanese teenagers would live and die at his command. But you cannot watch much longer even though you wish you could for you are here with a job and his protection is now in

your hands. Oh, sorry, there's a little bird backstage. Oh, no, that's a little bird backstage. Oh, no, that's my natural laugh from onstage. You're onstage, Tom. You can't be having this conversation. Oh, what? Oh, dude, sorry.

I have a question. If you want, Tom, you can just whisper your lyrics under this scene. That would be great for me. OK. A troll can be your girlfriend. A troll can be. Okay. A dragon can be a girlfriend. A dragon can be a girlfriend. A table can be a girlfriend. A dragon can be a girlfriend. The floor can be a girlfriend.

A pen can be a girlfriend. A boy can be a girlfriend. I'm really getting his message. Grandad Biggie. He's saying that anything can be a girlfriend. Grandad. Go ahead and make a perception check. To properly understand my lyrics?

Can invest on his connection. That's a nine. All right. And did you do that one too, Bobby? I did not do a good job. You're both very drunk. What about you, Friso? No, Friso does not care for the lyrics.

No, this is just a general perception check. Oh, sorry. What's what? Instead of perceiving something, I just read... Oh, that's a... Very perceptive. All right, Friso... Do I fully understand this world

and I can stop having this personality breakdown now? Absolutely not. You suddenly become Michael Hing. The first thing you've done... The greatest curse of all. I'm afraid to say that the logical and rational part of you remains cold, but the emotional part remains stunted

and maladjusted. What you do notice, however, is suddenly a dark shape seems to flip backstage on a gantry above the stage, and at that point, as the three of you stand to the side of the stage, you get the sense that there are figures above playstation i unholster old betty you've named your gun and you've called the gun betty benny old benny davis you called your gun benny

davis that involved me where do you even get that name? After the famed viral YouTube star and later on axe murderer, Benny Davis. And sorry, in this world, you've had enough time to look up like the... No, he just, he only researched axe murderers. Yeah, yeah. He was checking to see if he was one. It's fun because the papers called him an axis murderer.

Yeah, it was part of the... And did you know all axis murderers are made with the same four cores? There's figures above the stage. Why did you name your gun after an axis murderer? it's a wonderful question but we have to move on is that going to become canon like yes if we can do this every night you know right now that it is canon in this that his gun is called Benny Davis. And Benny Davis, it was a musical comedian YouTube star who later went on to kill five people with an axe. Commit to the bit, Benny.

Wait, wait, wait. Sorry, does that mean I have to kill five people with an axe? If you don't, we fall into a paradox. Can I just interject? Just while you're noticing the dark space, you hear from on stage, Johnny PlayStation go, I found this crumpled photo of myself backstage

and I've signed it with the Sharpie that was next to it and whoever, whoever it is, just come up to me right now. Don't be shy now. Anyone can... All right. Your hand starts throbbing, Friso. Friso.

You'll find yourself in a situation where, conflicted as you are, you're the only person with the information to move this scene forward. So... What do you do? I take the hand from the body we dismembered and I run upstairs.

Which is in another room. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Didn't we cut up the body? No. Sorry, sorry. That happened, that happened in a moment in your mind that you didn't even tell us about.

By the way, it would have had to have happened on stage where you had like a micro blackout. No, but also, not only that, for that to make sense because he knows he's backstage, he believed that they dragged the body out in front of the audience and cut it up. Yeah. Wait.

So you see, just to bring you up to reality of the Dungeons and Dragons games that we're playing, you see some figures up on a balustrade. No. That's not the word. Balcony.

Balustrade is a word I said in my opening spiel. They got stuck in here. They got stuck right in the old brain hole. Wait, so I'm meant to go on stage and take the sharpie

with the photo. Wait, so I'm meant to go on stage and take the sharpie with the photo? Would anybody like to play Frieza the Wizard? That's fine. That's fine. Hello. Sir, please take the seat. Okay, Hing, let's see if a random member of the audience has more of a grip on what your character is doing.

Hi, what's your name? David. David, welcome. Thank you. I can't wait to see the high moral intelligence of a man who sits front row at a D&D comedy podcast. All right, so you have just seen some figures moving side of stage. Yep. What are you going to do?

I yell, get down, Mr President, and open fire. I mean, not bad. Alright, you're out. Hing's back. David, can I just say, you're a man after my own heart. Thank you very much. Are you going to commit to that? No, I won't because I think Friso's crisis of clarity is still happening. My crisis of emotion is...

Use your big boy words. I say to everyone... No, I think you're going to have to go with David You shout, get down Mr President and you open fire Can I roll dice? Yes, you can Disadvantage, the character's in the shadow

and you've got to beat 14 Where's another There we go You hit. Okay, so with plus three, with your dexterity, you hit. So, two things happen as you, from the side of stage, draw a Colt.45 and open fire at a concert. While yelling.

Actually, three things happen. The first thing is that a figure screams and falls from the gantry and as they fall down you recognize, injured but not hurt, the figure in their beautiful asymmetrical haircut that you recognized of glitter gleam. Man. Secondly, however, her eyes are glowing blue and it seems like there is something strange and you can actually see throbbing a blue light at the back of her neck. Secondly, as a gunshot is fired from the side of the stage, Johnny PlayStation experiences a sudden rush of terror, which is amplified through his experimental surgical unit

that's a no good sound and beamed into the hearts of 24,000 tween fans who immediately start to stampede towards the doors and like a huge catastrophe unfolds beneath you, which will doubtless before it ends, claim countless of young lives. Quick question, being drunk, does that lessen the effect of the projection of emotion? It is so sobering, in fact,

that adrenaline runs cold through the back of your necks and you both instantly become sober, but you're not scared. So your disadvantage is gone and you can think clear-headedly. And thirdly, there is a snap and a crash, and part of the gantry comes down, and a huge piece of kit falls on PlayStation,

and it hits him in the back, and he flies forward, which only makes the tweens more upset. As he smashes to the ground, you see a snap and a sizzle as the harness holding his projection unit seems to go on the fritz. All of these things happen immediately and we now go into initiative order. So, Bobby, you're up. I run onto stage and I say,

Hey, tweens, no need to worry. I've got a song that'll make it all better. I pick up his heart monitor. No, no, it's strapped to his heart. Oh. I place my hand on it. So the twins see a halfling run into the stage and try to pull his heart out of his chest.

But go on. I know you're all feeling some strong emotions right now. But that's all part of growing up. They're rioting, Simon, but go on. Listen to my sweet song. Sometimes when you're a girlfriend. Sometimes when you're a girlfriend. Johnny PlayStation backs you up, I guess.

I'm lying face down and through the blood welling in my throat. I have time for one final duet. Sometimes when you're a girlfriend, your boyfriend leaves you. But that doesn't mean it's the end of things you're going to pull through you gotta be strong it'll take a long

time maybe but believe in yourself baby and be strong strong strong strong strong listen to my song we have strong, strong, strong, strong Listen to my song We have so Level Up Dice gave us a

tungsten dice. It weighs 100 grams. It's like Sorry, sorry, 100 kilograms, yeah. Yeah, no. What? No, it weighs 100 kilograms. It weighs over a,000 tons. We use it as a dice of inspiration, which is a free roll you can use any time in the season. And I think for coming up with that song, you get the dice, so congratulations.

100 kilograms, ladies and gentlemen. 100 metric kilograms. And the riot seems to subside. You have doubtless saved countless lives. However, there is still enough panic in the air that there is no control in the stadium. At this moment, however, Glitter Gleam, it is now your action.

Am I capable, like, when I fell, am I capable of doing anything? And is she still under a kind of blue eye? You are. So you still have your own personality, but you have suddenly been filled with a burning desire while this is flashing in the back of your neck to kill the corporate asset named as Johnny PlayStation

and reclaim Vos Saito's property. Yeah, okay. So I think what I'd like to do is get a little bit punchy and have a stern word. I'd like to remind you at this point that you are a powerful hallucinotelopath, which means that you can create images, shapes, anything. Do you want to punch him? You can punch him. I did also say a stern word, and the power of words, you guys, is not to be underestimated.

Okay, you have the powers of what we would call today a god, but you will... Alright, what's the stern word? What's in the stern word? Yeah. Well, it's sort of the way I say it,

with the creepy eyes going on. Okay, this is for... This is for Bobby. And who are you saying it to, sorry? To Johnny. Okay, yeah. As I punch him. Okay.

Alright, can I hear the stern word and then can you punch Tom? Oh, yes. Okay. No, I don't think we need dice for this. I wanted to see how effective my stern word was going to be. Okay, roll the dice and you have to beat at least eight, but then the higher you beat it,

the more strong stern word you can use as a person. We're going a little bit off book, but that's fine. Okay, that was a seven. So this is a stern word that would almost be enough to convince someone but critically not strong enough to convince someone. Johnny you are a meanie cuckoo. Meeny Cuckoo. And now punch him. I can't really do it.

He's my friend. Eden, punch Tom. Stop getting your friends to punch your friends. I will destroy everyone on this stage in one force. Wait, wait, Tom. Listen to my song. Tom's a big fan of professional wrestling. It could be dangerous. Maybe I'll just poke him with this. No, that's fine, listen to my song. Tom's a big fan of professional wrestling. It could be dangerous. Maybe I'll just poke him with this.

No, that's fine. Make an attack roll. You have acrobatics. You can use your acrobatics. So roll this plus three. Use this one. Okay. But I'd just like to say that I know some guests would have punched Tom,

and you didn't, and that's fine. But I won't be invited back because I didn't punch Tom. It was a test. It was a test. It was a test. I wasn't sure that would happen. It's a 12. A 12 plus three will do it. Tom is lying on the ground in pain.

I am pinned to the ground. Not wearing armour and, in fact, not wearing, it seems, much of a shirt. So, Tom, you take four hit points of damage. So I've got your hit points here. You've got nine hit points left. That's what it sounds like. The next up is... Wait, do that again?

Baston. Oh. Baston, seeing a fellow gorgeous human. Oh, Baston, by the way, probably I would say if you took the baton, didn't you, the stun baton? Yeah. So if you wanted, you could have the nunchucks. He ran away, though so if you wanted you could have the nunchucks he ran away with it there's one one there's one nunchuck I I I don't so she's hitting him I'm just gonna get straight in there bodyguard style pick up later I need to wait okay so she's on top of him

Can I in one fell swoop, like, run in Fly kick her in the face Pick up Johnny PlayStation and leave with him You've been so unsuccessful at fly kicking But if you can make a 16, I'm gonna let you do it Yes Fly kick That's one

Best on, leaps out in a moment of bravery says something cool like Hi-ya and fly kicks off the stage into the audience Sorry, he fly kicks off the stage into the audience

into the face of a five-year-old boy. Who shouldn't be there. Friso, you're up next. Alright, so what danger is there right now? Well, there is a gnome punching, slowly, very slowly punching Johnny PlayStation to death. There is a stampede of 24,000 tweens. Baston has fallen three feet into the audience.

And kicked a child. And you have a gun. All 24,000 tweens. Bastogne has fallen three feet into the audience. And kicked a child. And you have a gun. All of these things are dangerous. All right, I shout out to Glitter Gleam. I say, Friso says, oh, God. Friso yells, that first one was a warning shot. But Benny's killed before and Benny will kill again. Benjamin Davis has killed before.

And Benjamin Davis will kill again. Benjamin Davis has killed before. And Benjamin Davis will kill again. Victim number six for Benjamin Davis. Please. You're six and a half right now. We can make it seven. Are you trying to frame me? When this gets played in court five years from now, are you going to pin it

on me? The thing that's really upsetting is that I think that for someone who's been playing D&D for two years Frieza has realised that in many ways a gun is just a level three spell with six spell slots a day. Mate, six spell slots and like three rifles. You gave me 18 bullets, you fucking idiot.

And you've shot I've used two. No, you've shot four of them. When? You shot old mate three times in the head. You shot him once and then he fell down and then you shot him two more times execution style. I've been keeping count for this very reason. And let us not forget that Bobby got a kiss in the same deal.

I'm still going. I yell out a bit of glean. That was a warning shot. Back off from the package. And then what do you do? I brandish Benny at her. Okay, you're going to make an intimidation check. Yeah.

All right, that's using your charisma, and you're going to need to beat her willpower. Saving, so that will be DC 13. You rolled an eight. Eight plus my charisma is four. Great, so that's 12. So that is not quite enough. What was Bridie's roll?

What if he turns the gun to the side? Yeah. Thoughts on turning the gun to the side? Not enough, friend. So you're not intimidated. In fact, if anything, you are more angry. Yes. And you turn and face him.

Bobby, your turn. I get the electric baton and go like... And extend it telescopically. Pre-action, baby. What do you do next? I stun her. Zap. What did you roll?

A nine. Oh, no, a six. All right, you run forward and you swing your baton through the shape of Glitter Gleam, which then seems to fragment, pixelate and disappear and you realise that she's to the side. She's already manipulating the space around you

and you miss her. Glitter Gleam, yes? Can she, when she's been punching Johnny PlayStation, has it been as a hologram or in corporeal form? She's been invisible next to him punching him. Oh. Seems a bit slack. Glitter Gleam, you're up next.

Okay, I would like to... Actually, no, sorry, I'm sorry. Johnny PlayStation, you're next. Okay, cool. I do this. And all the tweens in the crowd go... Great, everybody has disadvantage for the next round. Glitter, you're next.

Okay, so what I think I'd like to do is I'd like to use my powers to create some sort of hologram which is going to distract these guys. Yep. Okay? Because what you create is virtually indistinguishable from reality. Yeah. So I want to conjure up something which is going to strike fear into them. Now you don't know them, so you're going to have to come up with what that is. Huge teddy bear.

Cute sloth. Don't give her any ideas, Best Dog. Pumpkin. I think I'm going to use the real life personality of Michael Hing and conjure that up. I think I'm going to use the real-life personality of Michael Hing and, like, conjure that up. Now, in order to do that, you're going to have to explain to us why in the year 2075 the mental concept of Michael Hing is a universal signifier of the...

And bearing in mind that whatever you say will become canon... I just... For the next... Six months. OK. Okay. Avenge me, Bridie. As it turns out, Benny Davis did not act alone. For the podcast, I just asked Benny to high five and he denied me. Invoking a giant image of that famous Touchstone serial killer Michael Hing

will require all of you to take a willpower saving throw DC 12. You guys don't know who it is, so only really Johnny PlayStation needs to worry. Oh, no, it's Mitchell Hinge! Make the save, Johnny PlayStation. Make what? Make the save. 20.

Finally, in my dying minute, I'm not scared of you, Mitchell King. In that moment, PlayStation has the inspiration to write a song that will perhaps revive his career. Okay. You want to know? Yeah, okay, sure. That wasn't what I meant, but go on. Oh, okay.

Sing us a song about Mitchell Hinge. Yeah, pop that smoke. Yeah, pop that smoke. Oh, it's Mitchell Hinge He's got an impinging force on my imagination He got a special on my view across the nation. It was well reviewed. But I poo-pooed it because he was scary.

He killed seven people with an axe in the year 2018. You've put so much smoke you've broken the projector Okay, do you know what? Yeah, you get a dice of inspiration too Well done, Tom Hing, you're a monster Not as deserved What happened to this podcast?

Just to get things back on track to actually play Dungeons & Dragons. Let Mitchell speak. Can I ask if, because again I'm failing to distinguish between some elements of this world and the world we live in. I think we all are at this point. But when Friso is confronted with the image of this, I guess, God being Michael Heng... He wouldn't know.

He wouldn't know who that is. He wouldn't know, but he might feel something. Would he feel like some sort of internal inspiration, some sort of bloodlust, or... Can I roll with advantage, Dave?

You can roll with advantage, but if you're making that character decision to now get one dice to roll with advantage, that will mean for the rest character decision to now get one dice roll with advantage, that will mean for the rest of this campaign, if by any means you find yourself face-to-face with Michael Hing, then you, Friso, would have to try to kill him. But that does mean that for this one dice roll, you can roll with advantage.

Well, Dave, Friso is nothing but short-sighted, so bring on the dice roll. Oh, my God. Okay. All right, well, we'll tell you what it rolls, because the roll's dice. You've got the advantage, so... All right. What are you doing?

I think I'm... Oh, oh, oh, I worked out what I'm going to do. I'm going to cast Pact of the Blade. And sorry, by the way, Baston, you lost your go, because you're trying to find your way back onto the stage. I'm going to cast Pact of the Blade. And sorry, by the way, Baston, you lost your go because you're trying to find your way back onto the stage. I'm going to cast Pact of the Blade so I have a knife

or a blade of some sort. And I'm going to cut... No, wait, wait, what? No, Pact of the Blade? That's not a spell. That's like... It's in the book. Is it? Sure. I... Dave, are you going to sit here and read the book in front of all these people? How. I... Dave, are you going to sit here and read the book in front of all these people?

How many spells... How many spells... Raid the book! Raid the book! Raid the book! Raid the book! Raid the book! The thing that gets me irritated is that... We've become a parody of ourselves! The thing I

just find is that you talk've become a parody of ourselves! The thing I just find is that you talk a lot of shit and you spend... I warlock, as I know, I can pretty much... I know this book well enough that I can flick to any class page. So you keep making things up. Pack to the blade. You can... I fucking

know where it is, man. Check out these fucking calluses. Yeah, no, you're calluses you can use your action to create a packed weapon in your hand which is not the same as casting a spell um which means that um you can choose the form that this melee weapon takes each time you create it you are proficient with it while you wield it the weapon counts as magical for the purposes of overcoming any resistance. It is third level. You're fourth level.

You can create your fucking sword. What do you want to do with it? Nobody. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hey, wait. Make an axe. Hang on, let go. Make an axe.

Very good, no. Hang on, let go. Make an axe. Very good, Hank. How proficient am I when I, as Fraser, when he has... An axe, for example. OK. Thank you for that suggestion. He cussed. We're losing control. I was sorry, what was that? Yeah, wait a minute Wait a fucking minute

Damn it Come and see me afterwards for a pin You're a fucking familiar warlock What are you doing with this sword bullshit? In fact, just by trying to invoke Pact of the Blade, it creates a vortex and pops into existence your familiar who sees you do it. What am I, dog shit?

Come on, man. you do it what am i dog shit it's just like it's just like every time I con you into existence you just never help just don't wanna fuck off also you just so it so we're done is that what this is you're over you're making pecks with other things like blades I just look cuz I can go I have places to be okay there I have options okay I'm wanted okay no I'm sorry Boosho you can stick around I'm sorry I just oh I can can I yes yes I look you better thank your lucky stars That I even respond to your call Okay I'm going back to the spa Where I am pampered

Where I am wanted I'm getting my talent Did Okay So don't be doing this shit on me I'm going for good alright Last time Alright

That's your go That's your go A bush who spits in your face and pops out of existence and can I just say that it is refreshing to see people

call hang on his shit feel free to do it anytime alright now quickly very quickly Bobby because this is this is becoming

a long episode of the podcast you're up okay so I try for another attack with the electric baton quickly Bobby because this is becoming a long episode of the podcast. You're up. Okay so I try for another attack with the electric baton. That is a 15 plus

performance Performance? Performance? I don't know. What's the thing that makes me a baton twirling act? Yeah 15 plus 6. You clock and with a shudder gleam, you fly backwards and in that moment,

you take 11 points of damage because it's a finesse weapon. So you are starting to look seriously woozy. The next up is... Bastogne doesn't get a go, so it's you. It's Glitter. Okay, so I think I'm going to need to affect Johnny's feelings so that I can affect everybody. That's a good idea.

Yes. Uh, probably with a negative feeling. Okay, so how are you going to do that? I'm not very scary at the moment, except for my crazy blue eyes. That's true. You also, you are a listener telepath. Yes. I do know that.

So I'm thinking the Michael King projection didn't work very well. So I'm just going to go for something generally, just a little more. Generally or more specific? I was just thinking like a bear. Just what kind of bear? Well. Because you will need to be specific. Because otherwise you might just like, might just be a teddy bear.

No, no, no. Well, that's it. It is a teddy bear because I've worked with Johnny for a long, long time, right? And I know everything about his life. That is all true. Yeah. And so I know what scares him.

And he never had toys as a kid because of this one teddy bear that had an eye that would pop out and give him nightmares. So I want to show him that bear to make him feel fit. Okay, I'm feeling that. PlayStation, why don't you roll with disadvantage because this is targeted to you. A DC 14 willpower save. All right.

Lowest roll is a nine and a nine. That is not going to do it. Devil 69. No, it's not a 69. It is not going to do it. The devil's 69. No, it's not a 69. It's not a 69, Tom. The devil's 69. It's not a 69. Yeah, 99.

The devil's 69. Okay, so what happens? What happens to you? So the bear pops in front of my face, this teddy bear from my childhood. I'm like, aha, it's a bear. Wait, no, it's one specific bear. Oh, I'm feeling sad and scared at the same time because I'm a complex individual. And that floods out of me before I can meditate

and bring it down. A wave of incredibly neurotic childhood terror flashes out in beams as the heart seems to fracture and explode in light and the screams of 24,000 tweens pick up and the dragon friends you find yourselves washed in the terror as well in a way that is so physical that it seems to drive you back so kinetic is this terror in the center of it you can just see the figure of PlayStation and Gleam, even as black, dark figures who seem almost teddy bear-like and therefore in this instant terrifying as they drag him away from the stage and towards what seems to be more of these figures,

moving towards him in steps that seem as though through treacle. You try to reach him, but as slow as you are you cannot And you see these shapes bundle him into a car That then squeals out of the concert One mission in And already your benefactor will not be pleased The dragon friends have failed even this The most simple charge that was their duty

And now national treasure PlayStation is lost to the intrigue of corporations without end of their power that now control this dark and sinister world that you find yourselves in how can you find your way out of this town what of these dark chips in the back of your neck that were placed in a moment that seemed so impossible and where is your friend filled the hard orc with a half of gold that you lost in a dark portal thanks to a vampire's pact whose power was without end for the answer to this

and other questions like it please tune in to the next episode of Dragon Friends the dragon friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, Eden Lacey and Simon Greiner and are DM'd by me Dave Harmon with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins Shakira Khan designs our website and Simon Greiner and are DM'd by me, Dave Harmon with NPC Voices by Ben Jenkins. Shakira Khan designs our website and the podcast

is edited, the theme written by and all live music performed by Mr Benny Davis.