Dragon Friends - #3.04. I've Never Seen A Gooch That Couldn't Be Improved with Bridie Connell

Episode Date: April 4, 2017

The Dragon Friends are in New York City, the land of many names, apparently. They're hot on the trail of Glitter Gleam, the hallucinogeno visual artist who has taken Chiba by storm - and the last known associate of Johnny Playstation. Bobby has some recreational surgery. Philge sees a play. Freezo is a monster.With special guest Bridie Connell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Black Clinics of Little Tokyo, New York are known as a place where miracles happen, a place where faces are reformed, the dead walk again, and marvels that make mockeries of gods happen on a daily basis. Marvels that make mockeries of gods? Wolverine Origins, I reckon. Who's that? Bobby Pancakes at fantastic expense. You have been installed in one of these clinics with the impossible task of making your face match identically

that of Raoul Chamgallane, famed fashionista of these western shores. Now, you are under for two days, and once you return to the land of the conscious, you discover as the bandages What have you noticed on your sheet? I wrote it down in pencil, the name, so I can remember it. Somebody helpfully used

a highlighter to highlight it, but it smudged the word out. Yeah, I'd done that. I'd done that on purpose. Good luck getting in. At fantastic expense, you have awoken and as the bandages are removed from your face...

Mirror! Mirror! I call for a mirror. I hold it up to my face. And you see, looking back at yourself, you're exactly the same face as you've always had with your ear restored to you. So congratulations. Was my ear the part of my skull that didn't match?

Unbelievably, the fashion designer had two working ears as you do now again. Nice. So, however, the surgeon who is attending you... Mike Truck. Mike Truck. Famous for our taints. Seems to have something strange on his mind.

I went in to fix your taint. Is the kind of thing... There was nothing wrong with my taint. Well, there's something wrong with everybody's taint. I've never seen a gooch that couldn't be improved. Just read the fucking words. Some people call it the fairway. You know why?

Why's that? Because it's between the balls and the hole. Anyway. Are you looking at his chart? Yeah. Curiously, we tried to do something about the mitocariot toxin embedded in the back of your spine, but there was something we could do.

It was rather complicated, I'm afraid. The what? The mitocariot toxin embedded in the back of your spine. Oh, a werewolf poison? He shows you a series of slides, and they're x-rays of your spine, and you can see sutured on the back of the A10 nerve running down the back of your spine

small gelatinous sacs that seem to carry some kind of dark liquid in them that are slowly, even now, dissolving in your bloodstream. Roll for a Bing, not a dead shit check. Yeah, it's not werewolf juju. Okay. So this is one of the injections that we got in the prison, potentially, on the way out. At that moment, a vibrating humming seems to come from the blazer of the suit jacket

sitting next to your hospital bed. Which is yours? I get it out and I... You discover a mobile phone that you did not know was there. And it is ringing. I did not know how to use a mobile phone. You just think it's a box of bees! I was like, now where's the honey come out?

You flip it open? I fumble it until something happens. All right, it turns on. Tiny man, you hear me? Hello, bees? Is that you? I'm glad they made it to 2075. Oh, yeah.

Hello, what, is this bees? No, it's not bees. It's Mr. Sour. Oh, Mr. Sour, hi, it's Bobby Pancakes. Yes, I know. What? Yes, of course I know this. Yeah, uh, yeah, I'm in New York. So much stuff has happened. Ah, New York. The big peach. The tiny grape. The slippery bug. That's what we call that place.

The angry hornet in a shoe. He goes on to give you six more names for New York. The stinky hat left on the porch. The city that goes, hello! the city that goes hello. Stop making eye contact with me while you do this. I want no part of it. And then island one, two and three.

I'm the count. Why did I become the count? That's three names. You have three left. No, one, two and three is counting. That gets me to six So number six is Come Island Mr. Sawa continues

I suppose you were wondering about those small Sacks on the back of your spine. As a matter of fact, yes. Yes. You remember when we had that ramen in the ramen bar and I explained to you that you need a chip for identification? Hey, that was fibby fib fib. Yes, sure, you need a chip for identification,

but you also have this little file safe in the back of your head. If you do not do what I say, I do not give you antidote, and who's the word? You're fucked. Wait, at what point does it start poisoning me? You will poison is poison. It doesn't suddenly go like, oh, hello, I'm poisoned now. is poison. You know, doesn't suddenly go like, oh, hello, I'm poison now. He goes on to explain that each of the sacs are coated in a small membrane, that your blood is actually dissolving very slowly. So it really comes down to how many sudden movements you make between now and when he chooses to remove them. Like for fighting?

Look, like you'll be fine in like a week. My point is, like, you'll be fine for a week. Sorry, this is preposition very important there. You'll be fine for a week, sorry. This is preposition very important there. You'd be fine four a week. This is my way of saying, like, don't fly coop. And what about Freezer? Oh, yeah, he got sex too. Wait, what? He got sex too.

This punk boy got sex. Wait, at what point? Okay. Is that Bobby trying to work out if he's gonna like do this little bit with the man who's just said he's poisoned his neck? Yeah. Anyway, I hear you have big party tonight.

You get dressed up, you do chit chat, you eat tiny, tiny food, all on glamorous Cam Island. Can you tell me anything about this Raoul Chang-lan? Yes. Well done. Yes, tiny Frenchman look like you.

He big fashion man. Is there anything I should know about him personality-wise? He's not sufferful lightly. Okay. He play the trombone. In a ska band.

And he's an excellent, excellent lover. Well, that will be a stretch. Anyway, I have to go now. Uh, receiving a shipment of, let me say, drugs. The phone goes silent, and Bobby, you are left in peace by your doctor to change, but change is unnecessary for just the knowledge of this poison now in your bloodstream

makes your heart run cold with terror for you know now that Mr. Sour cannot be crossed. Which I guess means that Friso and Bastogne and Filch have had a day in the big city. Obviously this is crucial time to prepare for tonight's heist. Did you guys go to the M&M store? What have you guys done in New York for a day? It's completely up to you. You can go different places. We had some credits, right, that we were given? Yeah, you found that cred stick on the body of the game. I have the cred stick, thank you very much.

No, no, we got given credits by the company. You have working... I had so much money, right? You have an allowance if you take Bob's and Dugnut with you. Great. Well, Bob's and Dugnut and I go to Wall Street. Okay. And we go to the stock exchange. You mean... And we begin to buy

shares. I smell a tangent. No, I like it. We buy shares in Vos Saito Group. Ha ha! I'm going to allow that. Please put in your inventory 10,000 shares. Vos Saito's stock obviously took a hit when PlayStation reneged on his contract.

So they are actually, their stocks are in free fall at the moment. So you're able to pick up 10,000 shares in Vos Saito, which you now own. Bob St. Dugnett, however, has seen this and he's not happy about it. And I, Filch, cannot know about it, otherwise it's corporate sabotage. Filch doesn't know about it. It's insider trading is what it is.

Yeah. Luckily, Filch went to Times Square and she runs back into the hotel room. We just saw a hip-hop musical. Yeah. Good shot. Yeah, she's insufferable now. All right. You wait at the Atlas Hotel where you're staying.

You're not throwing away me. Shut. You're not throwing away me. Shut. Yeah, me feel. Try to do what he do When a man in a van had a shot Also me met Elsa from Frozen

18 Sing that song too Phil Oh let it snow, let it snow Phil loves it when it snows Me not throwing away my snow. Doug Nutt brings around an Uber Black and the four of you. This is all a bit fancy. This guy, Liam, he's usually a teacher.

He just rides an over black on the weekend. On the one hand, it's a very convenient thing, and that's a bit of an inspiring story, but if you look at it a certain way, it does seem to suggest that a normal person can't hold down a steady income. A bit sad, really. This is the time he could be spending with his family and friends.

I've put a whiskey glass in his mouth. Oh! Oh! And the limousine, Uber Black, that is, makes its way through the winding streets of 11th Avenue and deposits you outside the... Hang on, hang on, hang on. No, I'm sorry.

Absolutely not. No, no, no, but you are forgetting, of course, the great disaster of 2034, the great crash which saw most of New York destroyed during the Richmond Treaty, which also saw the Confederated American States split from the American Canadian... So why is the road winding then? No, because they rebuilt it.

And they built it winding. Yes. So they took a famous grid pattern of a city and they thought, no, no, no, that was too efficient. Grids are symbols of the Confederacy now, so all the streets in New York are winding. Can I ask, is everything bendy now in New York? Yeah, there is no straight lines

in New York. Yeah, it's bloody it's not Times Square, it's Time bloody Octagon. No, that'd be straight lines too. Time Circle. Yeah, that would make more sense. It's Madison Blob Garden.

Hey, can I ask a question? Hopkins Blob Park. This is definitely This is canon. This is becoming canon. This is definitely

live-os only. This won't go to the podcast. Not for the ear jockeys? Not for the ear jockeys. The face-os.

Did 9-11 happen in this world? I am leaving this the fuck in. You are going down for that. Yes, yeah. Everything that has happened... No, wait, Dave, you just had the opportunity to stop 9-11. You were You were literally given the power

to stop my mother I just couldn't be sure that something worse wouldn't come along Hey Benny Will you keep this in the podcast if I call Dave Jihad Dave or not? I reckon that clinches it. The Uber Black deposits you outside the

Guggenheim and you can see already a crowd is beginning to form by the red carpet. In your pocket of your impeccably tailored Armani suit, Bobby is an embossed, discreet black card that is an invite to play states. The retrospective of the career of Glitter Gleam, esteemed hallucinogenic visual artist,

and the hottest ticket in town. The invite is for you and a plus one. photogenic visual artist and the hottest ticket in town. The invite is for you and a plus one. So you're going to have to work out either who you're taking with you or how you're going to get the third member of the party in. So, Phil, is it basically sort of public knowledge that you and Raoul Chamgalan had a thing? It was in all the papers. So it wouldn't be

out of the ordinary that you would be accompanying Raoul Chamgalan on a... We had very public fallout. Me threw him off a balcony. Inside a plane. I had one built inside my plane to throw him off. Were we able to rest in the trip over on the plane?

Yes, you were. You know resting doesn't give you your bullets back, right? No, no, I make them out of my tears. All right, never mind. So, Simon, Bobby is taking field. Yeah, I'll take field. So, Friso is being left on the street. Oh, if only I had a spell to get me inside.

Because I'm afraid Baston has gone to an eight-hour punch-drunk show, so he won't be back for the rest of this adventure. What's a punch-drunk show? At the McKittrick Hotel. Oh, yep. Yep. Phil George also went to sleep no more. How did she find sleep no more?

Easy. You just go to top floor and win. Phil's won. Easy. So, Frieza, you're being left to your own devices for now. You make your way through the red carpet, past all of the high society that New York in these... What's Bobson doing?

Bobson also has an invite. Okay. Wait, so Bobson got an invite and I fucking didn't? Would you invite your ex to a retrospective? You all got the email, you just didn't fill in the form. It was very simple. You just had to say yes or no on the RSVP. And I said yes.

I take it off Bobson and I give it to Friso. Right-o,, that's not... All right. But where is Friso? For he is invisible. We make your way through the red carpet. Bobson's still rejected, so you have an extra ticket. But Friso walks in invisible.

Bobson, I suppose you go to Soho. I've got to stick outside the Guggenheim and have a look at the gift shop. I dropped the invitation as I was walking. Oh, so I've got one? Yeah, but it drops into the mud so you've got to pick it up from the mud. Well, that's fine. I spat on it as well. A lot of substances

on this. Okay. So he walks in. Oh, Bubson gets in as well. And he whispers now Glitter Gleam cordons herself off into a special dressing room as meditation and preparation for this show. She'll be unguarded because she doesn't like the attention and she needs to focus. If we can get back there, we might be able to get some answers.

While Bobson is telling you that she has secluded herself in meditation, you can see over his shoulder on top of a balcony at the foot of the stairs leading into the G over his shoulder, on top of a balcony, at the foot of the stairs leading into the Guggenheim, the figure of Glitter Gleam. Now, I could be wrong about that. Who, as two spotlights hit her, gives a speech to the crowds below. And to play her, please welcome back to the stage,

Bridie Connell! Woo! Ladies! Ladies and gentlemen, what is art? No one knows. Except one man. It's a painting. Shut up. One man knows, and that man is my muse, Johnny PlayStation. Welcome to Playstates, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Glitter Gleam.

And as she says, that huge curtains fall open and you can see giant 3D hologram revolving faces in the distance of the exhibit behind her, her own face and PlayStation's shifting and morphing into one. I was expecting more of an audible reaction from you when that happened. That is kind of my whole exhibition. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

You've already taken a huge step by entering this world today, this world of hallucination. Experience what is real, what is not? I know. Do you? Who knows? I already told you. It's me. Her speech continues. It does. I just need a little sit down. Thank you. I'm back. Fantasy and reality are colliding tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I invite you to walk through my exhibit,

where you will see my face. Is it real? Is it not? Some of them are, some of them aren't. This one is, or isn't it? And at that point, she disappears, and on a stage at the other side of the room, she rematerialises. Ah, that's where Friso went. Which is baffling for the audience below.

But made me laugh it's just a little mantra that I have. Now ladies and gentlemen as well as being here for this very special exhibition tonight I have a very special announcement for you. A lot of you know that my muse, Johnny PlayStation, has had some tough times recently. There is a murmur in the crowd and you can hear, that's right, the riot, the scandal, he hasn't been seen since Chiba. I did hear that. Yeah. Some of you are murmuring louder than others.

I am delighted to announce that he is breaking his Horizon contract. He is returning to Voss Saito. And as we speak, he is working. It's very good news for anyone who's stuck with Voss Saito with their shares. Let me tell you that. As we speak, he is secluded, working on his greatest album yet.

Ladies and gentlemen, I eagerly await his return. Now please, art. And with that, she disappears in an explosion of fire and smoke as the crowd erupts. And the exhibit doors open to a wide space full of flickering shapes and silhouettes. And the crowd begins to stream in to the exhibit hall. Now, is the Guggenheim in the future as it is now? Yes.

No straight lines. Architecturally identical. In fact, its shape obviously was very good for this sort of anti-grid. Yeah. It did very well. Unfortunately, MoMA was burnt to the ground. So we need to get to Glitter and ask her questions. Yeah, she disappeared at the end of the speech.

Can I do a... Is what she does magic or is it technical? You recognise it as a kind of magic. So if I do a detect magic, I can sort of like... Let's see. Yes, yeah, yeah, I just do... Yep, absolutely. A little arcana check.

It's a four. It's a four. Also, isn't all of her artwork magic as well then? Yeah, yeah. I just do, yep, absolutely. A little arcana check. It's a four. It's a four. Also, isn't all of her artwork magic as well then? Yeah, but I could have like... It is. No, it is. It's empath hallucinogenic skill, which is basically magic. But he did roll a four.

I did roll a four. You did roll a four. So for you, I don't know. What does magic look like? Someone knows magic. It's like... It's like the opposite of that. It's a miracle.

I think it's just... The more magical something is... Puppets. You think it's puppets opposite of that. It's a miracle. I think it's just the more magical something is. Puppets. You think it's puppets. All right. You can see the strings. This is shit. Phil starts going around punching every image of Glitter Gleam

she can see to see if it's real or not. Okay, so the room is full of hundreds of plinths and there are figures that seem to click and morph into different recognisable figures in pop superstardom. Sometimes Glitter Gleam, sometimes becoming the beautiful face of PlayStation, sometimes other figures that you would not recognise. What are their names?

Willie Dustus is one of them. You can see all five members of the Big Wizard Six. Sounds like a racist group. Wait a second, is that Dave Gonzalez? Or Sleeve McDiagel?

What's the Big Wizard Six? The Big Wizard Six was an experimental future psych-prog rock rap group. A what, Dave? What was it? Pick a genre. No, it was a fusion group. It was psych-prog rock rap.

What does that sound like? What are you nodding at me for? Like, just do it. Go on, use your two hands and make that up. And many other shapes. So, Phil, you're just going to start. Punch it. All right.

You're punching all the art. I'm punching the art because they're just like projections, right? An attendant in a single-sleeve bodysuit approaches you discreetly. Hello, madam. First of all, may I just say I hope you have a wonderful night. Second of all, you look wonderful. Third of all, you may see dotted along the walls here, there's one there, there's one there, there's one over there,

signs in several languages including common, please don't punch the art. Please don't punch the art English please don't punch the art it says it reasonably clearly and if we could all just follow the signs tonight that would be wonderful goodbye

I draw feels like draws herself up to twice her size like just with corporate presents Dave is corporate presents. Dave, is corporate presents one of my... Yep, definitely, corporate presents.

Yep. Not to be confused with corporate presents, which are essentially bonuses. Are you doing an intimidation check? Yes. So I draw myself up and I say... What do I need to beat for this intimidation check? Yes. So I draw myself up and I say... What do I need to beat for this intimidation check? No, no, she needs to beat your willpower savings.

So beat DC 13. I say, don't mansplain Art to Filch! Uh-huh, uh-huh. And I roll a two. Okay, do you know what? A two is so bad that, Fil bad that you feel a tap on your shoulder. And you turn around and see a figure that you also see to your left, to your right, and above you in a giant 600-foot face.

It is the figure of Glitter Gleam, now in a stunning black cocktail dress. But all of them are her in a cocktail dress? No, this looks like she's mingling. This one's mingling. How's she to my left and my right? Well... These are Filge's thoughts exactly. I'll let her explain that. Filge thinks...

You're looking at me, why? What? I'll punch! I'll punch! I was like, what's this magical spell the audience are yelling out? It's punching. I heard fudge, which I hate. Fudge. Fudge!

Fudge, I say. And I pull a small packet of fudge out from my pocket and I offer it to you. Offer it to the one on my left. BYO Canapes. I scrunch the fudge up in my hand and it oozes through my fingers. Gleam, I say. What a pleasure to see you here tonight. Raoul?

Yes, it is I, Raoul Chamgolan. My dear, I see my reputation precedes me. I'm happy to see you again. And I... What do you... Was that filch a little hint of envy? Don't you know that Gleam and I know each other quite well? Sorry, did you say envy or ennui?

I said ennui. That has not cleared this up for me. I'm sorry. I'm French. I'm not apologetic about it. And if you know anything about me, Gleam, it's that I do not suffer fools. Not that you are one,

my darling fashion angel. Okay, go ahead and make a deception roll, and you can have advantage because this is phenomenal. All right, 16. 16 plus... You have not seen Raul since those heady days of the Riviera, yet you are convinced that this is him. So, Hank, can we just set the scene?

There is one version of Glitter that's real. Yes. And the others are projections. And the others are wearing her normal stage uniform. This one is wearing like a mingling cocktail dress. Oh, okay, great, great, great. So you can recognise which one it is. I'm wearing my mingle clothes.

And she's also not on a pedestal and not illuminated and not shifting into strange androgyne shapes. But she could still be a hologram projected from somewhere else. And I'm on a pedestal to Raoul. Well, now you're playing Glitter Gleam. What? Glitter Gleam, can I have your ear for a moment? Anything for you.

Now, I would not be so bold as to part the curtain and look behind your magic arts, but... What? Buy me dinner first. I said... I respect you as a woman and your art form

and the arts are very attractive. Stop that now. I'm just going to stop. This is incredibly successful subterfuge. Far more than I normally expect. So I just have a question at this point, which is Filch and Frieza, who are not part of this plan, what are you doing right now?

Is Frieza still invisible at this point? Frieza is invisible and he's thinking really dumb thoughts so that Glitter can't get inside. Okay. Absolutely not her power. No, no. Filch? He's thinking to himself.

No, no. Frieza's got a plan. But if Filch wants to say what she's doing first. So, Frieza, you think she can get into your thoughts? People can. Like, people can get, like, in a magical world, Dave, like, there are telepaths and there are people who can read your mind and with this technology, you don't know what the government's doing.

I do special effects with lights. What? Special light effects. Yeah, I know. I'm just wary. But I'm thinking... What's one of your dumb thoughts? He's just walking around being like, ah, man, art's so good.

It should be funded by the government. It's one of the... I say a person who works at ABC and SBS. Thank you for your taxpaying dollars. Phil just feeling very confused because one part of her has a plan to get Bobby to get a kiss from Glitter Gleam so the real one kisses him.

The other part of her is very confused and very jealous. And they're fighting against each other. And also she just saw a really emotional musical. Her emotions are on edge. So she's battling with those two things in her mind and maybe there's dice involved in that scene. And what are her dumb thoughts? What?

We heard some of Frieza's. What's she thinking? Well, she doesn't think that Glitterglen can control minds because she's not a maniac. It's a perfectly reasonable assessment of the situation we're all in. All right, have you told me to think dumb thoughts? No, but I have a plan. Okay, Filch, just make a charisma saving throw.

DC 12. So, guys, I make a charisma saving throw. DC 12. So, guys, I have a pretty good plan. So, will this decide which plan I go with? Yeah, that's a D12, but, you know, go with it. What? Sorry, what? Oh, beat 12, not yet. Oh, it's a cheeky little one. Okay, you were, I guess the jealousy takes over.

Yeah, and, um, I punch Bobby in the mouth. Why do you punch Bobby and not Glitter? Because she's jealous. She can't control her fists. All right, while you are having this kind of steamy moment, Half-Orc in a tailored Armani dress lurches forward and punches you in the mouth,

but she misses and is quickly dragged away by security. Hi there, sorry. Once again, and I do feel like this actually might be my fault. He nodded, I'd say, and I flashed the laser in his eyes. Ah, ah, ah, yes, good, okay, bye. And he goes away. I sort of pick myself up and I say to Clem,

I apologize for that. A jealous ex-lover sometimes can have the wrath of an orc quite literally in this instance. You know what would be a salve to my poor aching face?

To see you in the flesh. I say this only so much to know your way with lights and shapes is such that I could not tell whether this vision before me, captivating as it is, is either real or fake. So, please, if this is not you for real,

let me come to you. And if this is real you, let us steal away. Hold this. Well done. Oh, there's an echo. Is that all the hallucinations? They're very suggestive. Applause for you. Yes Is that all the hallucinations? They're very suggestive.

Applause for you. Yes, from all my hallucinations, which are just me. Because all of the plinths, all of the statues start clapping slowly. That went differently to how I imagined. I was applauding you for figuring it out. In fact, I think you're one of the only people who's really ever truly understood me. Well, an artist knows an artist. For figuring it out. In fact, I think you're one of the only people who's really ever truly understood me. Well, an artist knows an artist.

As light is your medium, draped materials over the human form is mine. So... Fitting then that I am in fact in my dressing room and not immediately before your eyes as you have been imagining. And at that point, she takes an invisible kiss in her hand and blows it to you, and as she blows, she dissolves into pixelated love hearts that swirl towards you and disappear into dust and light.

But wait, you did not tell me where you are. Where's your... I did. A voice comes over the crackly tannoy. Dressing room! And in the middle of the crowd, I just say, take me into the dressing room.

The PA keeps talking to you. I point to the security. Security! Uh, hi, yes. Have you washed and set backstage? That's a good idea because I'm filthy dirty. Uh, yeah. Oh, my.

Right this way. And he takes, moves you past the crowd through a bit opens a door the back end of the Guggenheim is a lot less glamorous. Bathtubs as far as the eye can see. Six of them. If Saw would

sit in one of these six bathtubs and then I just spray Bobby with hose. I'm like whipping my hair back and forth in slow motion. Alright, while Bobby is having essential erotic hosing, Phil and Friso, what are you guys doing? We're talking in the corner. No, I thought, Phil, I don't think we're together.

Are you still invisible? Friso's still invisible. Okay, I think I'm talking to Friso in the corner. Alright, so Phil, we'll come to your imaginary conversation with Friso in are you... Friso's still invisible. Okay, I think I'm talking to Friso in the corner. All right, so Phil, we'll come to your imaginary conversation with Friso in a second. Friso, when you left the East Coast Stock Exchange, you were given a ticker, and now you're looking at it, and the stocks of Vos Saito have increased by 230%.

So you now have the equivalent of 23,000 shares in Vos Saito. Wait, no, Dave, that's not how shares work. No, but... 23,000 times what you... Oh, 23,000 times what I originally had. No, 200... 2.3. You're right, I made it needlessly complicated. You are now much richer.

All right, so here's what Friso is going to do. I've been writing down some numbers. Here's what Friso is going to do. He uses the cantrip. Weren't you gonna be nice this season? What? No, Friso's main thing is like finding one thing and like fixating on it, because that's my thing,

and we're very similar in that respect. Where's that image? So what I am doing is, What was it? Freezo. What Freezo is doing... Yeah. As he holds the... As he holds... As he stares at the stock ticker, he, using his cantrip,

casts Prestidigitation in the form of Johnny PlayStation in the middle of the Guggenheim, right? Okay, once again, as you well know, Prestidigitation can create illusions up to about the size of something that would fitheim, right? Okay, once again, as you well know, Preston Digitation can create illusions up to about the size of something that would fit in your hand. Yep, yep, yep.

And included in that illusion he's creating, right? It's him kneeling down on, like, it's... Very small. Yeah, but key to this, it looks like a hallucination and just kneeling down and opening up a ring box okay so there's any looks and he looks at the ticker and presumably people like so they think that you're taking this now showing a video feed of Johnny PlayStation getting married. No, sorry.

I think I can translate this from the original Hing. Please do. He is trying to ape one of Glitter Gleam's projections. So people think that Johnny PlayStation is proposing to somebody, maybe her, and it's part of the show. But it's a tiny one. Yeah, but it's like in the middle, so everyone is singing. They're like, what?

This portion of the art was so obscure. A crowd gathers around it because they're all different sizes. Oh, my God, I'm starting to think like him. All right, go on. Why did your eyes go sad then? Have happy eyes. Have happy eyes. All right, so yeah, he's trying to,

as if this is a part of the the Glitter Gleam okay so a crowd starts to form meanwhile Filch what conversation are you having with a shadow that you think is Freezo okay Freezo here's the plan well no you go first I say and then I listen

patiently for three whole minutes. Do you want to know what Bob's and Doug Matt's doing? No, but I feel like you're going to tell me. Okay, so he's cornered a waiter who's got canapes. Yeah, sir, can I... Think about these, though. This is a bit of a prawn puff, isn't it?

I'm just, I'm actually on my way to the VIP. Yeah, no, no, no, you don't get prawn puffs like this anymore, except when I get in Chiba. You know the secret to a good prawn puff? Perhaps I could get someone to help you. The good thing is you've got to have about 90% prawn. What happens is people go really big on the puff because they think that the puff is what everybody likes.

The puff is, we're here for the prawn. That's what I say. That's the main event. A crowd begins to form around the shape of PlayStation. Meanwhile, backstage in a beautiful boudoir, the digs of our prestigious artist, who is an artist in residence. And in 2075, that means she actually has quarters of residence in the Guggenheim and she has invited you into her parlour. Bonsoir.

Inside you see the figure of Gleam, not wearing the cocktail dress this time but in fact once again in her artisan clothes that she so prefers. Always working. Why won't you give yourself a

rest from creating beauty? It's a heavy burden that I bear but it's my responsibility to carry that burden. But you must rest that weary head of yours once in a while. Why not on my chest? She adjusts the lights of the room so that they begin to dim and begins to walk backwards, beckoning you into the room proper.

What do I say in the room? beckoning you into the room proper. What do I see in the room? It's beautifully decorated. There is a bottle of champagne, a bouquet of black roses that look incredibly expensive and tastefully laid out Edwardian style chaise lounges

and old sort of Chippendale chairs. I'm sorry about the roses. They're black because they've died. They were very expensive though. Pink originally. The thing about beauty is it fades. The thing about the human condition is that if it were not to be one that dies... to be one that dies. As Bobby works his way through this thought,

you make your way to the giant, full wall-to-ceiling windows that are covered in heavily brocaded curtains. Because death is part of life. Life is part of death. Without one, there is not the other. Beauty, death, death, beauty, truth, etc. Why must you speak of art instead of just appreciating it? Look at this view.

And as the windows dive open, you see for the first time at night the beautiful sights of Times Square, the serene... Times Circle. Times Circle. It wouldene... Times Circle. Times Circle. It would also be Central Park. The serene splendour of Central Park and the shining, geometrically appropriate for New York figure, of the full lunar moon,

which now begins to shine into the room. Glitter, I come to you because I have been working on something new. Already you can feel your back begin to restrict. I am reaching inside myself to find a part of me animalistic. Bobby's joints seem to crack, snap and reform as powerful hind flank segments of his legs separate themselves as he rises a full foot further off the ground. Raoul, I didn't know you felt this way about me. I just lock eyes with her and snarl.

I don't know if this is sexy or scary now. Hey, baby, this is sexy. If you say so. And, Bobby, you have become a werewolf and are suddenly filled with a burning desire to feast on the blood of mortals. So you're going to have to make a willpower save to do anything other than attack Glitter Gleam.

Oh! I knock the champagne away and eat one of the flowers. It's that kind of night, I suppose. And you roll a six, which is not enough, which means that you dive at Glitter Gleam going into combat. But Glitter, your initiative is higher, so you go first. Ah! There's just a spell on here that I want to, I don't know what it does, but it has a cool name,

so I feel like it's a time. All right. Sounds like a good dance move, maybe. The Misty Step. All right, you cast the level two spell Misty Step, which means it's a free action. You can move 30 feet in any direction and rematerialise. It's the spell you used to get from one side of the balcony to the other.

Aha! Cool! Right. So he's diving towards you, so you can use it to get away from him? Yes. Yes. You can go anywhere you can see within 30 feet. Ah, within 30 feet. Cool! It's a really tall ceiling, right? It is.

Great. Top of the curtains! Top of the curtains. You materialise up on the heavy metal sort of... Curtain rail. Curtain rail, and you are standing up above him as he smashes into the glass, which cracks but doesn't break. Come on, baby. Robert wants to play. At that moment, as the glass breaks, a siren begins to wail in the Guggenheim and people start screaming and disappearing and running wildly.

Filge, what do you do? Filge runs into the bedroom. Well, hang on. What? No, no, no, Filge as a student of the Guggenheim knows the layout perfectly. I'm going to allow that. So you make a beeline to the bedroom of the artist in residence. And I...

Shayla, surely that'll take her a turn to get there. Yeah, so that's fine. That's your action this turn. So Friso, what do you do? All right, as people are like fleeing out of the Guggenheim, Friso... Ignoring your great illusion. No, well, are they? Yes.

All right. You know, can I just say, Dave, when we started this show, I offered to bring Kismet's Erotic Dungeons and Dragons guide, you know, so we could learn how to do sex in Dungeons and Dragons. And you told me it was inappropriate.

And now all this filth is going on. Hang on. That scene is a werewolf trying to kill somebody. What do you think? No, before. now all this filth is going on. Hang on that scene is a werewolf trying to kill somebody What do you do Friso Friso still invisible I guess runs Probably cuz he doesn't know where anyone is so he just runs in the opposite direction. He would flee with everyone else he flees So he just runs in the opposite direction.

No, he would flee with everyone else. He flees. He flees. Bobson, don't. Because the siren is blaring. So it's triggered the alarm in the Guggenheim. Because the glass was broken on the second floor. Bobson, what do you do? He takes as many hors d'oeuvres.

All right. Meanwhile. How much? So, look, it's been a while since I was first turned into a werewolf. How much control... A little more. Since Barovia, a little more. Your time with the gypsies has given you a measure of control over it,

so you no longer need to just attack. Every second turn, you can control yourself, but every other turn, I'm going to make you willpower not to attack. Okay, so I have to attack this turn? No, this turn, you can choose. Okay, so I will, that's in 11. What are you doing? You're just rolling dice.

Oh, that's a willpower one. No, you don't need it. Oh, oh so I'm cool. So you can kind of do what you want this turn. Play the saxophone. It's the trombone. Oh sorry, it's been a while. Glitter, I have been experimenting with art.

As you see, I have changed my form. I think it is the ultimate fashion statement. But it's hard to control. I need you to help me. Your eyes have gone slightly red. But I do respect your artistic thesis statement. Then come to me and teach me all your cunning ways. I know that you have been playing all the sides.

Tell me really what's going on. Why is my accent changing to German? Okay, I want you to make, I want you to make... It's a werewolf thing! I want you to make for me a persuasion check and I want you to beat DC 11. Yeah, only 11 actually for Glitter Gleam. You rolled a 15.

So Glitter, you cannot forget that time in the Riviera and you want to help him twisted and deformed as he is. I need a spin on this for the media, for the public. Tell me, how did you... Oh goodness, I'm trying this accent out as well. Is it how you think? It works with this form or not? I love it. Whatever you need to do for your artistic creations, I will help you.

Despite my best judgments. And with that, she pulls out an emergency button that is inside her robe, and she clicks it, and an escape, like a panic button, and a door in her private quarters opens, leading to a staircase far below the Guggenheim, and at that point, she also pulls from her, inside her robe, a single rose that seems to have a card attached to it and holds it down from the curtains for you. I take it gingerly

between my claws and open the tiny card. Inside you see a writing that seems to say GG, excellent work in Chiba. Our mutual friends can take it from here. PlayStation's cryo cell was signed for on a black flight this morning at 0400.

The pilot has no idea who's on board. All the best with your opening night, my love. By the time you read this, Johnny will be in Freeside and all of this unfortunate business will be behind us. That is a lot of information. I tuck it in my pocket to read later as well.

I'll write it down for you. Thank you. Gleam, what does this mean? You know exactly what it means. But I want to hear it from you. You know exactly what it means. But I want to hear it from you. Ah.

I've been working with Vos Sio. Good gasp. Thank you. And Johnny is planning his triumphant return. And I will be part of it. And already you can see that her figure is starting to fracture and you realise that once again she has played her tricks with you. And as the figure disintegrates, she seems to lean in for one final line. A girlfriend is a friend who's more than a girl.

And she disappears. What? more than a girl. And she disappears. What can a man or a halfling do whose heart has been broken so coldly? What of Friso, a newly made man with money? It seems a high elf on the rise. And how long will

Filch continue to run through the Guggenheim towards apartments that are already sadly abandoned? For the answers to these questions, obscure and strange and perhaps irrelevant, and for a card and information which I'm sure we will forget, remember, and finally use one day,

please tune in to the next episode of Dragon Friends. Thank you. The Dragon Friends are Simon Griner, Michael Hing, Eden Lacey, and Alex Lee. Dungeon Master is David Harmon. NPC is played by Ben Jenkins. Special guest this episode was Bridie Connell as Glitter Gleam. Music and editing by me, Benny Davis.

And our website and all the other technical stuff is done by Shakira Khan. Music by Ben Jenkins. Bye.