Dragon Friends - #3.05. Am I Doing...Good? With Kate Coates

Episode Date: April 19, 2017

New York, city of angels... of demons... of high-pursuit Lyft chases down the winding streets of 5th Avenue. The Dragon Friends have had enough of high society and are trying to find a way out of this no-good crooked town... if Freezo will just stay still long enough to be trampled to death, please.Featuring special guest Kate Coates. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sirens blare. The Guggenheim is in chaos and our party is split up. Friso, you are currently completely invisible and you are standing in the middle of a panicked stampeding crowd, which is not a good place to be that thing, but really, this is entirely your own fault. Bobson Dugnut. Hello! You are nearby in a crumbly suit jacket with your pants stuffed full of

hors d'oeuvres, waiting your way to an exit, already being filled with dangerous-looking riot police. Baston, you are waiting at the Glam Clam, a dive bar on the Lower East Side. The agreed rendezvous point. You were meant to

go on this mission at the Guggenheim, but you got lost on the way. Presumably you spent the day getting going to the M&M store, I guess. Yes, Baston has discovered the joys of how they call it in the future

chewing gum is that if you just speak for heroin it's actually he's like you just keep eating this food

and it never disappears so has he just been going from like bodega to bodega like his cheeks are swollen. I will defeat you, food. Bobby, the light of the full moon shines brightly

and under the wailing sirens, your keen lupine ears can already hear the sound of jackboots stomping up the stairs towards you. Glitter gleam has vanished just seconds ago, and through the remnants of a cloud of pixelated love hearts, you just make out the form of a frantic filge, a half-orc in evening wear who has burst into the room only moments before. The jackboots cannot be far behind, and we start with you. Now, how much control do I have over myself at this point?

You have a measure of control, as I said last episode. So since your time with the gypsies, you've learnt to control most of your baser instincts. You don't need to attack Filge, but if you get agitated and if you lose concentration, I might make you start making willpower saving throws. Okay, cool.

Filge. Well. Okay, cool. Filch. Well, well, well. Well. Well. Filch starts bending down, even though the werewolf is quite a lot bigger than her. Sure. And she starts going

here's a good puppy! Have a good puppy! Don't patronize me Phil! And then I reach up and I scratch behind one of his ears. And my leg just starts like twitching. Clomp clomp clomp go the jackboots obviously the police are not far behind I'm gonna stop you for a second and I'm going to jump to you, Frieza. What are you doing? All right. So, Dave, I have some questions about the financial... You're in a stampede.

About the financial instruments available in this 2075. Can I just stop and say that Dave's glasses have fogged up? I don't know if you can tell from the audience. It's an impulsive emotional reaction to when Hing says anything. This is turning you into a cartoon. I hope we can get him so mad that steam comes out of his ears. Okay, Hing, what question did you have about the financial situations available to you in the year 2075?

Are there credit default swaps in 2075? And as a sort of a related question... As a corollary to that. Well, is the SEC still... Like, in New York, is the SEC still, like, against what you might describe as insider trading? That's a great question. You get trampled by the mob.

Take five hit points worth of damage. Bobson, what are you doing? Oh this is a bit much. Oh everybody stop pushing. You're pushy Pete's? Oi! Oh, equal opportunity, you're pushy Patricia's? Oh, everybody calm down, I'm quite short aren't I? You get trampled by the mob. Take three hit points of damage. I guess for equal opportunity's sake, Baston, what are you doing? Um, I will defeat you!

All right, and we're back to Filge. I put my hand out to Filge and I say, you want to cause some mayhem? And I look you in the eyes and I say, woof, woof, woof! So he can understand me. At that moment, the doors burst open and two, um,

imposingly dressed, um, NYPD incorporated UCAS CorpSec officers walk through the door. Their faces in passive reflective visors with huge riot shields and stun batons as the doors burst open. Freeze, asshole! Freeze! Oh, hang on. Yeah, it's fine. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to say that? It was my Freeze! Oh, hang on, yeah, it's fine. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to say that?

It was my turn! Oh, sorry. I always forget. Yeah, you kind of do! Sorry. I guess you have a moment to react. I say, well, looky, looky, I got one of those as well.

And I grab my baton and I snake it out and press the button that electrifies it Yep, great. Okay, so your Cobra you extend your Cobra and blue arc light shimmers across it and are you going into combat? Watch out Jimmy. He's possessed by the power of jazz Great, okay, Bobby you can go first Go ahead and make an attack roll. In fact, you can use dice cam. All right, I'll go for the one that said free suckers first.

That's a glorious two for those playing at home. I wish I'd said free suckers first. So, yeah, he misses and goes wild, and they both get a little bit embarrassed. Eden, what's your cop's name? Uh... Gump. Gulp?

All right, so Gulp goes... Gump. Excuse me, it's Gump. Gump. Gump. Gump and Jimmy. Gump. Gump and Jimmy, partners in law.

Wait, are they police or are they lawyers? We go to night school. In the criminal justice system, New York is defended by... One group. In the future, it's just two guys. Who are the police and also all the law? This is an idea. We didn't invent this. This is Judge Dredd you're describing.

That's true, actually. All right, so Judge, Jury and Executioner, I suppose, why not? They miss and gump. Well, they think that. It's definitely not the case. Gump, you go. Gump attack! What did he just do?

I just used my hidden stick to swing and I got a 15. All right. Well, you've gone wide, Bobby, so I'm afraid that means you've gotten hit. This is an attack with the stun truncheon. You only take, however, four points of damage. So that should be fine for you. And now, Filge, what do you want to do? Hey, doesn't Jimmy get a turn?

Jimmy, we're going to go after Filge. Okay. So, Dave, all I've got so far is a laser pen. Is that correct? Yeah, you could have anything all I've got so far is a laser pen. Is that correct? Yeah, you could have anything you wanted. And you asked for a laser pen. And you didn't specify. You also got a jet plane, so I think we've been pretty nice to you.

It's not really a weapon, though, is it? What are you doing with your jet plane? A jet plane is really a type of horse in the Dungeons & Dragons world. Yes, you can search around the room if you want. If you can look around. All right, I'm looking around. Alright, so these are the digs of Glitter Gleam. You can see some of her stage costumes,

a device that she uses to refine and perfect her hallucinogenic imprints, and she also, there's a meat platter, a fruit and meat platter, and there's a wickedly sharp knife on it. Okay, great. Pick up some fruit. I grab the two platters.

Sure. And Filge walks, sneaks up. Knife clatters to the ground, uselessly. She sneaks up behind Jimmy. What sneaks? You are in front of me. She sneaks up in front of Jimmy. Sneaks up in front of? That's not a thing.

Well, just you wait until we see if it's a thing. You're a half-orc barbarian. I've got two platters and I bang them so hard next to Jimmy's head that he falls down. Okay, Jimmy, I want you to make a DC5 very easy perception check. That is a 10 that I have there? You notice a half-orc tiptoeing towards you. But so daintily, right? And I've got two big

platters up like this, like above my head. Lady, what are you... Lady, please, please ma'am! Please don't come any closer! And then he takes his stick. Is it a stun baton or is it just a stick? It's a kind of stick.

Yeah, and he whacks her on the head. All right, go on. Can I ask, what's the room? Is the room... It's the digs of... No, I know, but like what? Entrances, exits? Okay, so there's a double door leading to the staircase that came up into it.

There is a huge, as we remember from last episode, floor to ceiling window, which the light of the lunar moon is shining through and you can see Central Park beyond. There is also, just by the bed, there is a sort of secret door that Glitter Gleam opened only moments before when she disappeared, which is leading to steps leading into darkness. How big is this doorway? It's like, I guess gnome sized, but anyone could get through it, even Filch. Okay. It's not that small.

Okay, I still whack her on the head. I'm glad you asked for all of that clarification then. Great, you roll a 16. Yeah, that'll do it. Kabunkity! Kabunkity. Did I ever get to slap my cymbals together? No!

And if you had attacked normally, you probably would have gone, fine. But I get to keep my two platters, right? Because I've written that down in my weapons list. You are dual wielding. You are dual wielding a fruit platter. Aren't they traditionally plastic, those platters? Oh, these ones are pretty fragile. Five hit points.

It's the Guggenheim. It's fancy. They're silver. And next. Ooh! That's the sound of everyone in this room realising something.

And okay, Frieza, you're being trampled. You're on the ground. You're prone and there are people running over you which you hate.

Personal space! In fact, you're being trampled. Make a concentration check. Make a willpower constitution saving throw, DC 12, 17. Your invisibility spell is holding, which is the last thing you would want. All right, using my stock ticker...

Because the stocks... If you make a financial action, I'm going to trample you again, but go on. I just need to do it now before these guys fuck up my money, all right? So I'm going to sell my 20,000 shares in Voss Saito. Wait, so you're like on the floor being trampled? All right. Money's money, baby!

Make a willpower saving throw. Two... All right, you rolled a six. You accidentally buy more shares in Voskodo. At a substantial markup. Eliminating some of the profit.

You now have 12,000 instead of 10,000 shares. And you really have to start diversifying that portfolio. Bobson. Bobson, okay, I'm going to try and walk. Because I've actually got nothing. Oh, sorry.

Also, he gets trampled by the mob. Three more hit points, yes. Yeah, I've already got trampled with four. Not you. Okay, right. Can I try and stand up? I would. Okay.

I stand up. No, you can stand up, yeah. Okay. I stand up and go, oh, I don't want to be much. And then I've got nothing to hide because I'm a citizen. I've got all the right papers. Yeah, in fact, as you're looking for somewhere to hide a figure, the crowd is starting to die down.

The stampede is stopping because a sergeant has fired a shotgun into the air and taken off his helmet, revealing a grizzled old face. And he... Everybody shut up! Boom! And then he fires his gun. Unnecessarily. And the Guggenheim is further damaged. I apologise, citizens,

but this building is currently on lockdown. We'll get you out of here, back to your fancy fucking homes, you assholes, as soon as we can. You sniffing butt heads. Anyway, we're just going to have to do some routine scanning for illegal chipsets. So imply or I'll kick your ass.

Thank you for your time and attention. And already the crowd is starting to comply As two SWAT officers With chip scanners Start detaining, pushing Members of the Upper East Side Fancy set up against the wall And scanning the back of their necks

Now you know that the illegal chip sets The black market chip sets that you got in Chiba Will not stand up to this kind of scan. Not this guy! Oh no, I guess Bobson's fine. Can we hear him from where we are in the booth? No, no, but Freezo can. Right. So I guess your fate is in the hands of

Freezo. Alright. I cast Burning Hands using a level 2 spell slot. It is. On what? Just civilians, it seems like it.

On art. The crowd. Now, Dave, traditionally in Dungeons & Dragons, like a sort of generic crowd person, how many hit points have they got? Well, you know, I don't want to be too much of a dork about this, but I just got it, like, into the beta for D&D Beyond, which means I've got all the rules for spells right here, so... Dave's

in the internet, Hing. Don't fuck with me like usual, alright? I know what your spells do. Yeah, I know. I'm using a level 2 spell slot to cast Burning Hands. That's 4d6 worth of damage. I'm going to kill some people, get some temporary hit points, which I wouldn't have needed to do if you hadn't trampled me.

No, no, no. Look what you made me do! You don't get temporary hit points for burning hands. That's just witch bolt. No, no, no. And he's killing anyone. He's a warlock. Oh, warlock. You're so evil. Hang on a sec. Oh, this is really bad. There's so many people! Yeah, and they're all very tightly packed. How many people?

What did we say, like a thousand people? It's a 15 foot cone, so I would say that it will be... This is worse murder than usual, Hing, you realise. I'm invisible! No one's going to know! You're complicit with this! Don't clap at that! There are eight people. There are two aides one junior artist two art students from Columbia who are excited to be there one art critic who deserves everything they get

And and and and and and a cat okay, okay? Yeah the victims before he kills them. Do you want to hear it? No, it's gonna be horrible I would like to make a request that- Oh, and they're all level one commenters, so they all have six hit points. All right, I would like to make a request that the people from Columbia are from the university, not the country.

Are you only gonna do this if they're all white? Yeah. What? What? Why is that? Why are you laughing? My wife graduated from Columbia. What's she doing Why is that? Why are you laughing? My wife graduated from Columbia. What's she doing in 2075?

All right. Fucking hell. A three, a four, a five, and a two. Nine, 11. Yeah, they're all dead, mate. That's 14 damage. Okay, you know what? You kill nine people. You gain 18 temporary hit points.

Can someone please draw each of those victims and a loving tribute in memoriam? Again, also... Back to 24! Hing, as you would know, casting spells breaks concentration. Oh, it's cool. I'm like, oh, there's a fire!

There's a fire! No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, my friend. What happens is, in a room full of New York City's finest, in a lull in the riot, in a moment when the sergeant has brought everyone's attention into sudden clarity, you appear in the middle of the room

and toast nine people, including one of the Guggenheim's most treasured art critics. And now, it is the sergeant's action. I'd just like to say that before the art critic, as the art critic is set on fire, he's like, he's like, derivative, next one. Oh, fire. Oh, I'm being burnt to death.

Actually, I will come back to the sergeant. I want to hear some more from this guy. Actually, I will come back to the sergeant. I want to hear some more from this guy. I'm going to come back to the sergeant because upstairs, the electric fire sprinklers start also to now pour down, adding to the chaos of the klaxons and sirens. Yeah, that wet dog smell. And, Bobby, it's your turn. And there's still two cops in front of you.

Am I at the window? Where am I in the room? The window is to your back. You are in front of the cops because you charged at them. You are both standing in front of the cops who are standing in the doorway with the staircase behind them. I smash through the window and leap into the night. All right. leaving village for

me you have you have like lupine dexterity so you've got bonus to jumping at the moment so advantage you can roll two dice roll the highest but are you stronger than glass I'm to say yes and you smash through now this is on the second floor so we're going to say that it's you're going to take D6 damage I hope you're happy with that, you take four hit points worth of damage

from the glass, from the fall and you land on the outskirts of Central Park next up is Gump oh, you see that? He jumped right out the goddamn window! It was my turn to say that! Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry.

Oh, look, well, uh, there's one of them left. We can't let her get away. Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to not jump out the window. Eden, what do you do? I'm gonna hit her with my stick. We don't get very good training. Eat stick, lady. You know what? That hits again. You're doing really well.

You're rolling well. This is unusual for me. Once again, d6 plus 2. You take 4 hit points of damage. Filch. I take 4? Crikey. What are you up to? I'm down to 11. Yeah, because you were already injured. Yeah. Filch suddenly is poised to fight and then she just stops and goes,

I suddenly have a feeling that enough damage has been done tonight. And then I jump backwards out the window, shining the laser pen in their eyes just to teach them a lesson but not really hurting them very much. Oh, it's really dangerous. Now, my vision i am below her yes you are bobby and i and i am poised with arms outstretched to he's quite strong he's a warrior are we like roughly the same size i want you to make a strength say um make a strength saving throw. DC 12. 18. Do you know what?

You catch Filge in your arms. Like a baby. And then the two of you roll down a low incline, which means that you protect Filge from the damage of the fall. And as the glass falls down like a shimmering curtain around you, you find yourselves in the tranquil surrounds of Central Park. Jimmy? Oh. You do nothing, I guess.

So. We've got to come up with plans that don't involve hitting people with sticks. Yeah. Oh, they got away. See you at night school? We follow them out of the building to night school. All right.

Friso. No, Bobson. Bobson. I have nothing. Well, a lot of people have been incinerated. And I go, oh, my goodness. That's a warlock. There's some bad magic.

Anyway, here's my chip. Sorry, Bobson Dogman is a coward. So Bobson hands himself over to authorities, is chipped, released. Not chipped like a dog, like they scan my chip and go. No, they pick him up by the scruff of his neck, scan him, and then they throw him out the doors. And I had, we're meeting at that, did you say we're meeting at a bar? You were all told by Mr Sour to meet in a bar called the Glam Clan.

Okay, then I start making my way. You catch an Uber? in a bar called the Glam Clan. Okay, then I start making my way... You catch an Uber? Robson would catch a Lyft, I think, not an Uber. It's more of a Lyft guy. Oh, yeah, because you get to have a chat with somebody. You get to have a meeting at the barn.

All right, I call a Lyft to take me downtown. All right, Freezo, you are standing in a group of NYPD Inc., Corpsec, who until recently were using the stunt truncheons in a group of NYPD Inc. corpsec who until recently were using the stun truncheons but are now all pulling out snub-nosed riot shotguns. And the sergeant points a finger at you. Get him, boys and ladies. We are an equal opportunity employer.

I'm sorry that slipped my mind. Everybody beat the crap out of it all right so is there anyone between me oh sorry you only have one level one spell slot left because you've used don't forget twice now you cast invisibility cast burning hands yeah yeah so I've got one spell left yeah okay is there anyone between Friso and the charred corpses made A 15-foot cone of charred corpses. No, no, but I'm saying there's no cops blocking the way or anything. No.

You've got a clear field towards the sergeant. Watch out, boys. He's got that murder look in his eye again. And ladies. Quickly before I decide, in this world, is it... This is a financial question. I know, no, no. Oh, what are the tax benefits?

No, no, in this world, are the cops... Is this like a fascist state we've all devolved into where it's like a... OK, so it's a really good question. OK, so in 2034, the New York Police Department Incorporated formed NYPD Inc. It was then bought out when New York and many of the northern states consolidated

with Canada after the Richmond Treaty and formed UCAS. They were purchased by a mega corporation. Thanks Giuliani. So they are now in fact NYPD is owned by Ares Microtechnology and they've become actually yes you're right really

despotic. If you don't have corporate citizenship as well as New York citizenship, they're going to treat you very hostile. OK, so as the cops are running towards Friso, he pulls out his stock ticker, sells the shares in Fos Sido, and then purchases shares in RMS... R.S. Microtechnology. R.S. Microtechnology. And then says,

I'm an investor, don't hurt me! What I want you to do, Hing, Hing, you're going to have to succeed in two skill checks in a row. I need you to make a dexterity check of DC 12, and then I need you to make a charisma check of DC 14. The dexterity check is to actually buy the right stock, and this is going to cost you all your stock.

The charisma check is to convey complex financial information to a police officer who just saw you roast nine people. So, beat DC 12, you got a 15. And beat Charisma, DC 14. Okay, but I've got plus four. So, you need an 11. I need an 11. That's a 20!

Oh! That's a 20! Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I had no idea you were an investor. I am so... Please don't tell my boss. Any of these folks, just roast them. Would you, honestly, anything you like, sir, we can give you an escort.

I am so sorry about all these poopians you have had to deal with. Heng, at this moment, you could probably ask him for pretty much anything before you leave. Do you have anything? Yes, I'd like the bullets from his gun. Oh, what are you... They're shotgun bullets.

Oh, I like his shotgun. I swap him the revolver I have for the shotgun. Oh, all right. Just so you know, this is a riot shotgun. It's a beanbag shotgun. It's non-lethal. All right. No, I've said I'll do it.

I'll do it. Oh, so this is where you draw the line? Okay, you have a right. Well, a deal's a deal. All right, you lose your... I trade in Benny Davis, the gun, for a yet unnamed riot shotgun. It's called Lean Amo.

Oh, you could call it Beanie Davis. Very good. I'm writing that down. Very good. OK, you know what? This is a single-use riot shotgun. It fires a small beanbag slug that incapacitates a victim or protester. You said beanbag. Beanbag.

Beanbag. Beanbag. Beanbag. Beanbag. Beanbag. Beanbag. Beanbag. All right.

You know what? All right. Fine. It fires a limited AI beanbag, which is... Beanbag slug. A beanbag... Like slimy. Alright, fine. It fires a limited AI bean bug, which is... Bean bug? Slug? A bean bug... Like slimy? A bean bug is a type of bean bag that is designed with limited intelligence.

So first it wins you, and then it calls for backup. That's good. And you have four of them. Excellent. Alright. So you're saying at any time I can shoot this thing four times and cops arrive to deal with the problem? No, to deal with... Not to deal with all the problems in the area. To deal with the situation.

Sure. It's a gun that calls the police. It's... It's a gun... If anything, I've never seen a gun more worthy of Friso. It's a gun that declares its use in a legal act. All right. of Friso. It's a gun that declares its use in a legal act. Alright, now let's jump forward to

Central Park. Now you, we find Friso, we find Bobby and Filge in the light of the moon running through Central Park away. Yeah, where is the glam clam? Lower East Side. So you are a long way away.

Is your, um... Sorry. Field. Is there any way KD2 operates on autopilot? KD2 is currently in customs

at the... What's the New York airport? Donald Trump Airport. At what has since been renamed after America's 45th and greatest president, Donald Trump. The man who. Donald Trump Junior airport. After our greatest ever president. So yeah, at the moment it is out of your reach.

Robert Pancakes, by the light of the moon, what do you do? Do you know how to use the subway? The sirens of NYPD Inc. are all around you. OK. Me, yeah, me can call Katie too, but... No, you can't. But actually... Me can't.

And then I sit on the floor and I start crying. The floor is the grass. And as I sit down, I hear a little squeak. And I look down and I go, oh! These are not things you're in control of as a player. Yes, there's a sleeping squirrel. All right, you know what? Sure, there's a sleeping squirrel.

Go on. Let's see where you go with this, Alex. There's a squirrel sleeping under my bottom. Oh. You've found a squirrel. It fast asleep. Must be cosy under my bottom. What are you saying?

Pick it up and I give it a little kiss and I tuck it into my front pocket. It's dead, right? It's dead. She was sitting on it. It's a dead squirrel. What are you going to call your dead squirrel? Squatey.

Squatey. Squatey. That's S-Q- U-A-T-I-E. Squatey. Write's S-Q... U-A-T-I-E. Squatey. Write it on your character sheet. You have a dead squirrel called Squatey. A sleeping squirrel called Squatey.

If you say so. So were you hearing approaching... Yeah, you are again from the streets, so you might want to get away from traffic and... Okay, so... You're on the edge of the park, so you could just... Yeah, so I run into... I sort of grab Filge by the arm

and pull her into sort of a thicketed area. You are nailing this, Benny. All right, you guys, you make your way further into the park. Friso, you are being given an officer's salute. As you leave, you make your given an officer's salute as you leave. You make your way out of the Guggenheim and Central Park is in front of you

and you can see already cop cars piling up outside while Bobson Dugnut is sitting, nursing a bruised bum and surrounded by broken hors d'oeuvres. Ah, alright, well I'll go and rescue Bobson. From himself? Bobson, you're alright. You wanna go to the park, little fella? Is this a... Is this a thing? LAUGHTER What?

We're meeting the others at the Glam Clam. That's not in the... It's not in the park. Do you wanna go to the Glam Clam with me? I in the park. Do you want to go to the Glam Clam with me? I mean, yes. Sure, yes. Let's go. At that moment. At that moment.

I've ordered a Lyft. A Lyft pulls up next to Bob's and Dugnut. And inside, it's funny because it's crowd sharing. So there's a driver. And that driver is not a full-time driver. She's also the kindergarten teacher. Her name is Betsy. Hi. Hello, I'm Bobson.

This is Friso. Bobson and Friso, what a pleasure to have you in my lift car. We're going to Elliot's. Yes, we are. Wait, was that the noise of the sirens we could hear before? And the car drives off. So I guess you guys make your way to the Clam Clam, leaving Filch and Robert by themselves.

So there's a section of Central Park that is divided by a road that cuts through it. Yes, there is. So there's a wall and it goes down. So I suggest that we... So you're the upper side. So we run downtown. Yep. So you're the upper side. So we run downtown. Yep.

So you're going to cross past the fountain? Yes. We stop by the... Check out John Nash over here with his mental map of Central Park. What are you doing? We make a quick do to pay our respects to John Lennon at the Imagine thing on the footpath. At Storyfield.

Wait, which fountain? The Angels in America fountain? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's uptown of Guggenheim, my friend. Is it really? Oh, look at us. We all lived in New York City. La-di-da.

But you came back in New York. Do you know what? Do you know what? Fucking you fuckers. Do you know what? She's better. She's better. It's fine.

I know, okay. So do you know what? You make your way downtown, which means passing the Donald Trump Jr. commemorative fountain. He died on the toilet. He pissed himself to death. And Patreon supporters will know that that's a horrible way to go. Shouldn't have touched that gemstone.

So nobody gets that. Nobody gets that. Yay! You got it. Shout out to our Patreon subscriber. Thank you very much. So, you make your way past the Donald Trump commemorative statue, which is located on the centre meridian line of Central Park,

because you're heading to the lower east side. You're the one who's made me go here. Okay, do you not want to go there? Yeah, I want to go to the bit of the road where you jump... You're like a drunk baby, man. Where there's a wall, where it goes down and there's cars around. And you're going to jump on it. I'm going to jump down on a car,

have it scratch the... smash inside through the window, pull the driver out and get in and drive it werewolf style down to the lower east side. Without Filch? No, with Filch in tow. Probably surfing on the roof like some kind of teen wolf. Yeah!

You're going to need a lot of dice. Does that mean I'm driving? Make a dexterity check. Because I've got a driver, so I don't really know how to drive. You rolled an 11, so, you know, what's your dexterity? Oh, you've got a driver so I don't really know how to drive. You rolled an 11 so you know what's your dexterity? Oh you've got crazy dexterity. You're up at the

okay you are now up at the top of the wall make a dexterity check as cars go past. I fall in front of a car. You dive in front of a car. Can I swerve to avoid him as the driver of the car?

I think a husband and wife are in the car. Watch out, honey! It's a werewolf! It's just a regular dog! I can't stop, honey! I rolled a six! Smash! Okay, um,

D8 damage. You take one point of damage. You're very lucky. So a pile-up starts and already cops are starting to arrive. Now, quickly, in your Lyft car, Friso. But what about Filch? Filch is up at the top of the wall watching. Yeah, has a pile-up started?

Yeah. Because I'm going to jump down and then run on the top of all of the cars to the Glam Clam. It is a 45-minute run. Yeah, I got it. And on cars, that's 60. Yeah. No, be quicker because they're going the same way. They're stopped.

It's like when you run on that travel ladder at the airport. You've got to make sure you're on the right side of it. It's on a bit of a hill, right, Dave? I use one of my platters as a skateboard to slide on top of all the cars and I skateboard to the Glam Clam in record time. Because you're not Legolas. And once again, I must emphasise, it is a very long way away. This is DC 20.

Also, I've been hit by a car, so... DC 20. Miss Skater Boy. Roll an 18 or higher. That is a four. It's a shit dice. You also got... Miss Skater Boy. Roll an 18 or higher. That is a four. All right. It's a shit dice. You also...

Blame the dice. You take 10... Oh, it's 10 on a D8. It's fine. Let's not overthink it. The cars are reinforced. You take 10 points of damage. She's down to one.

Excuse me, David. Yes. I've only got one hit point left. Well, then, you should have thought of that before you tried to ride a fruit platter down Fifth Avenue. So you have one left after that? Yeah, she's down to one.

Oh, you're down to one. Okay, great. Aiden. Yes. Betsy is driving her lift down Fifth Avenue when she sees a four car pile up and is forced to stop. Oh no! I'm sorry about this, boys.

I always try and pick the fastest route, but it looks like there's been an accident. Well, hang a right, because this is going to affect your rating. Before you say... Oh, look, I will say, Betsy, I will say, I will say,

I'm the one who called the lift, so I get the ratings, and I'm not into punitive ratings lift, so I get the ratings. And I'm not into punitive ratings, but you probably should hang a right. But there is no right to be had. For already, you can see Friso, you can see Phil and Robert Pancakes both groaning in pain as already a police cordon is forming around them. As you step outside of the lift, you can see two more police cars and a police riot van pulling up

as the sergeant from before comes out on a megaphone. We're letting it slide. Let's go. What if it was a fawn that yelled really loudly? We're letting it go. All right. The escaped felons have got to be around here close. They've kidnapped a investor in the corporation. Destroy them with extreme impunity.

Already you can see ten riot police appearing. Two of them pop up from the top of the riot van with a sort of pintle-mounted gun of some description and they fire it at you, Filch. Well, she's very unwell. Well, she is lucky that this is a non-lethal shot. A net hits you and grapples you to the ground. Robert, it's your action, but you are surrounded

and Phil just grappled with the net. Oh, it's like me, a fish! Did she go from being really upset about that to finding it quite funny? Yeah. What's this net made out of? Flip, flip. What's the net made out of? Is it nylon,

the net? The net is made out of a razor sort of filament, so if you try to fight too much into it, you actually cut yourself. Again, these are very cruel police. I go at the nearest one and try to bite his throat out. Alright, as you try

against... It was the calm nature which really freaked me out with that one, Bobby. As you try against impossible odds with something like now 15 police surrounding you, two cars and a van, you feel a thrumming in the air and a downward whoosh.

And at that moment, a huge form crumples at the top of the van. As you look up, the light seems to bend, refract and distort as if being controlled by some kind of thermoptics. At that moment you see a face begin to appear, the grinning face of a bear inexplicably wearing Ray-Bans. The figure shifts and appears and you see it stand there with a rifle. It clicks it and one of the police cars explodes and takes, let's say, six of the cops in the fireball,

slams a Pepsi, strikes a pose and joins the fray. And to play that bear with a gun, that gun bear, if you will, please welcome to the stage, Kate Coates! It's literally a gun bear. She's aged a bit since then. Always important to start with a high energy opening, Kate. Oh, wait, so I go now, right? Yeah, so welcome to... Okay, hello.

And very quickly, just some table talk. Have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons before? No. Okay, so I would like to paint the scene for you. I've given you a character sheet. Um, you are standing on top of a- Do I need to write stuff on this? You can if you want.

Sure, there's a pen. Write something. You are standing on top of a crumpled riot van next- right next to two startled NYPD Inc. officers operating a net gun launcher. You can see cops around you. You have come down from the sky where you base jumped off a building to get here under the instructions of your employer, Mr. Sauer, who's told you to look after the dragon friends. You are, of course, armed with your favorite weapon as a gun for hire,

a street samurai on the streets of New York, a sort of razor girl. You are armed with this combi rifle, which is a weapon of your own design. And I have given you here all of its functions. It can do a lot of things. So familiarize yourself with that. How many cops do I need to take out right now? How many what?

How many cops do I need to take out right now? I love this guest. How many cops do I need to kill? Give me a number and they're gone. I should preface it, my father is a police officer. He doesn't listen to podcasts. There are seven police officers and a sergeant. Still a right around.

Two of them within reach of you. Okay. And it's your action. Okay. So, I face the cop who's closest to me. Yes. I stare at him, put on another pair of Ray-Bans. Okay, you are already wearing a pair, so this is two pairs.

Did I throw them off? Didn't I throw them off? Oh, great. You threw them off and then you had a second... Didn't it say when I dropped it, I threw them off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You slammed a Pepsi. Oh, okay.

Well, when I slammed the Pepsi, it got bumped off, so I put some more on. And I say, All right, alright motherfucker you want to dance sorry sorry sorry no what the fuck was that I told you she's Irish, she's a bear with a gun. Duh. No, Kate, we sent you that image like four days ago. Yeah. And that's the voice you've chosen.

Look. Oh, I got an itchy belly. Let me just get it right over here. And what did you say? All right, you mofos, which of you motherfuckers wants to dance? Yes. I said that just to one of the cops. That'd be confusing for him.

Suggesting that he's the one that wants to dance. I said, all right, motherfucker, you want to dance. Okay, man, I'm on duty. And what do you do to him? I lean forward slightly like I'm going to kiss him. But then... Unnecessary detail. Yeah, well... I lean forward slightly like I'm going to kiss him. Unnecessary detail. Yeah, well.

But then I instead pull out my flashlight and try to dazzle him with it. Okay. Nice. Correct? I have given you the most powerful combi rifle. You should know there's a big list here, and that's at the bottom as the weakest thing to do. All right, you have a small flashlight. And he thinks that you're going to kiss him,

but then at the very last second, you try to torture his eyes. I'm like three inches from his face. And he has to make a DC 40. He fails. You have dazzled. Oh. I'm seeing stars here and then he collapses but he's also is this Fifth Avenue is that where the Hollywood Walk of Fame is that's in LA never mind just just give us a peek behind the curtain what was gonna happen he was

gonna be like I'm seeing stars here and then then he was going to be like, oh no wait, it's John Goodman! Look at the crows! I didn't start hating this until we went to New York and then it became all about what we know about New York. We are leaving New York, this adventure.

Going to LA? Okay, so you waste your turn. That's why I put the sunnies on. That's why I had to have the sunnies on. He is now disadvantaged. You know what? You killed seven of them before you started talking,

so it's a wash. Bobby. So I go to the nearest one and I say, eat this. Always important. Have a strong, yep, go. And I swipe at his throat and pull it out. Okay, quickly make an attack roll.

You've rolled a 13 plus your dexterity. That's great. So you attack him and you tear out his throat. You are in werewolf mode. Is that a six left? Yeah, do you know what? I was going to roll to kill him, but let's say he's dead. I think if you've torn out his throat...

It's about... We haven't ever really decided how strong the werewolf attacks are. He kills him, alright? It's one cop worth. Well done. Congratulations. Phil, do you have one hit point? Yeah. So I yell out to, what,

Barry Bearmouth, what's her name? Sally Gunbear. Sally Gunbear. SGB, for short. Do we know each other? My only friends call me that. No, you don't know the Gun Bear. Sally Gun Bear. SGB for short. Do we know each other? My only friends call me that. No, you don't know the Gun Bear. Well, I take a stab in the dark.

Sally Gun Bear. And my little ears prick up and go, ooh. But Sally knows them. She's been sent to look after them. She's been sent, yeah, holo-vid pics of all of them. I say, get filled out of here. You have as many

water coolers as you like. You're traditionally paid in credits, of course. And now I respond with a thing, right? You've already been paid for this job. Yeah, but water coolers. Okay.

Does Filge still have her trays? Yes. Does she still have one tray? She has one tray. Okay. Sally goes right up to Filge and says, Oh, could you hold up one of them trays for me, actually? I hold it up, my arms shaking with the weight.

Your action is to hold up your tray? Well, she asked me to. We're friends outside the show. One day, one day, two and a half years into this, we will, like, you guys will learn how to fight. Why would I

fight her? She's nice. You're surrounded by cops. Free zone. All right. Looks like someone needs to kill some police officers. You have no spell slots left. No, he has one spell slot left. Yeah, because I didn't.

Oh, you didn't need that. That wasn't a spell, was it? That was just you. Stock market manipulation is not magic. You know we were talking about how different this show is from the very first episode. It's not that different. There's a lot more finance chat than there was, that's for sure.

What do you do, Hing? So, Friso bails out of the car. I think that's probably the first thing he needs to do. Betsy? Oh! Yes, and? And then, as he arrives, he declares to the cops, it's me here, your investor,

and I order you all to put down any weapons you have and then bow down to me. I feel like you're over-egging this, so I'm going to say this one's DC 18. Go on. Oh, boy. Do you use this fancy dice? Nah, it's all right.

I'll just use the crummy dice. 11. Oh! That's Do you use this fancy dice? Nah, it's all right. I'll just use the crummy dice. 11, man. Oh! That's a 15, old mate. So that's not going to do it. Hey, wait a minute. He just told us to put our guns down. Don't!

And a mind like Charlemagne at work. All right. So what a waste. Okay. Bobson, what do you do? And a mind like Charlemagne at work. Alright, so... What a waste. Okay, Bobson, what do you do? Does Bobson know Sally? Yes, Bob... Yeah, no...

Bobson works for Horizon, Mr Sour... No, nothing to do with each other. Okay, right, but he's pretty sure she's there to help them. Yeah, well, she's killing cops. Alright, he goes, Sally, I've gotten out of my lift. She's not getting five stars. If you want five stars,

bloody get us out of here. And then what do you do? You got an action. He shits himself. I don't know. Okay, I'm not even going to roll for that. Okay, the cops advance.

The sergeant indicates and one of them fires at you, Bobson. And you take four points of damage. He is very unwell. Another one of them fires at you, Robert, and misses. And now again, Sally Gunbear, it is your action. Use the grenade launcher. I'm working my way up the list. Shut up.

Can I just check? So what happened with Filge's tray thing? Did she hold it up? I think she's holding it up for you. She's holding it up and I'm looking into it still, correct? Great. It is reflecting your beautiful face back at you. So Sally is gently stroking her own face and looking at herself

and then she lets out a deep mournful sigh. and looking at herself, and then she lets out a deep, mournful sigh. She then flicks up her gun. So angry, go on. Using her thing. A single tear rolls down her face as she uses her grenade launcher, which has two attack and starts a fire. So, okay.

Plus two attack. Plus two attack. So, all you've got to do is, first of all. I roll? Yep. I just need you to roll. You've got a bit of 12. You've got plus four to that.

So, just eight. 15. All right. Well done. And, okay. That's, yeah. All right. You toast three more cops.

That is a one use. That is the only time you're going to get used to this whole adventure. But you fired a grenade. You've killed three more cops. There are four cops left. Bobby. Are we surrounded or are we? Not anymore.

You were surrounded. I say, hey, guys, let's book it and run away. Who's agreed? Betsy. Hey Jimmy, it's those two. Oh, those guys have made us feel real bad about ourselves. You here? Yeah, Jimmy and Gump are here.

Yeah, Jimmy and Gump. But we're on our way to school, so we're off duty. Partners-in-law. Na-na-na-na-na-in-law. Partners-in-law. Do you want to use that as well? You can still use that as well if you want. Is it my go again? All right, boys.

This is your action. This is a free action, so you can do this any time you want. Am I doing good? Woo! All right, fellow cops. Keep stepping towards them real slowly. As I said, there were 15 of them before. There are four.

So now you have definitely broken a hole through the cordon, and there is only a few of them clustered on one side of you. Two of them, in fact, I guess, still running by the net launcher right next to you Sally gun bear okay the flame from the previous grenade has dried the tears on her face so she is now ruthless she she flicks her little arm thing oh Oh, the Layla link, yep. Yes, to call her car called Layla. Okay. So you're going to call your car? Yes. Alright, so that's a free action, so you can do that. Great. So you dial in and

a white panel van, a dirty white panel van screeches around the corner and a door flies open. This is a large panel van. That's a free action. Robert, your go. I dive into the panel van. Excellent. Friso? Also into the panel van. That's a free action. Robert, your go. I dive into the panel van. Excellent. Friso?

Also into the panel van. All right. Filch? I crawl towards the panel van. You're in a net, so I'm going to quickly make a strength check for me. Okay, roll towards the panel van.

What would a fish do? I got a five. Okay, and in that case, Filch, you start making your way towards the panel van already as the cops are piling themselves I got a five Okay and In that case Filch You are You start making your way Towards the panel van Already as the cops Are piling themselves

On your body One by one Dragging you in Bobson Your move Into the panel van Alright Sorry I've got poo in my pants

You have to make a decision Now really quickly If you're going to drive off Or if you're going to wait for Filch Oh I go to drive Up to you And then I remember the tray And I wait for Filch? Oh, I go to drive it and then I remember the tray

and I wait for Filch. I leap out and I like swipe at the cops that are piling on her and try and drag Filch towards the van. Okay, quickly, I want you to make a strength check. 15. You have advantage on your go. It's your guys' action.

The cops start attacking Filch. One misses on a five. One hits on a 19. And Filge! Four points of damage and you start to go into death saving throws. I need you to quickly roll for me for your first death saving throw you need to roll an 11 plus. Jesus Christ. Stop dying. That's an 11. Woo! Oh, boy. And yet, that moment, you are dragged into the van, which is already hurtling away.

Down the winding streets of a now-curved Fifth Avenue, the dragon friends are racing with the cops in a high pursuit. Bastogne, gum champion that he is, is waiting for them at the Glam Clam for a date that they will remember. Mr Sour, their employer, has plans for them yet. But this gunbear, this instrument of Soviet technology, this street samurai, if you will, is on their side. And it seems that anything is possible for this,

the next adventure of the Dragon Friends. Thank you! The Dragon Friends are Simon Griner, Michael Hing, Eden Lacey and Alex Lee. Dungeon Master is David Harmon. Thank you. Bye.