Dragon Friends - #3.07. It Seems To Me That You Just Take A Hit Point Of Damage with Zoë Rae

Episode Date: May 17, 2017

Dungeon Dave was in Melbourne when we recorded this but he left a lot of notes for Ben to run the adventure in his absence. Ben... tried his best. This one is set in Australia and for some reason that seems to bring out the worst in us, so there's quite a bit of swearing even by our standards.Featuring Zoë Rae! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm gonna do this 20 20 hours have passed since your recent mission beneath the Zog Bank the five of you filled Bobby Friso Baston and Bobson said your goodbyes to Sally Gunbear just hours ago as she grav-shooted from your helo, the helicopter, I asked him, into the fetid atmosphere of Calcutta, primed for her next assignment

and her fur already looking dark and sleek as it re-grows. Oh, we shaved her, didn't we? Yeah, we did shave her. We shaved the bear. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, you are in... I'm here any time you need me to help. Dave's not going to hear this for two weeks. He's going to be so upset. You are in the Sky Crane, which I have discovered is a kind of helicopter. A very big helicopter. You're there. You're on your way.

After putting your names, after hacking into the CPU and putting your names on the list of citizens of Freeside, you are going to the needle, which is the elevator that will get you there. In order to rescue Johnny Playstick. So we're taking a helicopter to an elevator? Yep. It's the future,

baby! In what ways is this elevator similar or different to the Grand Glass elevator? In terms of copyright? Yeah. Would you say it's legally distinct? I'd say it's very legally distinct. But to be actually distinct, like the Great Glass Elevator is just a thing,

is just a rocket, right? It just shoots off. But this is an elevator that goes to like a space station. It goes to an orbiting space station full of opulence and opulent people. So where does it start? Well, that's where you're headed. You are heading for this adventure for the base of the needle. It's a good Dave. I'm doing a good Dave.

For the base of the needle is located in none other than the state formerly known as Queensland. Wait. We're heading to Queensland in Australia? Yes. What's it called now? It's, ooh.

Hmm. The Federated Corporation of... Oh, man, the wheels are coming off quick. It's called New South Queensland. It's very confusing. But the town of Brisbane... The whole thing? Yeah. It's called New South Queensland, but it's the whole state of

Queensland. Alright. Do I need to go into the law? No, it's fine. The fabulous town of Brisbane remains the same. Thank God. And you can see it on the horizon, but for one key difference. Now, unlike Brisbane, last I checked, there is, in 2075, an enormous space elevator shooting out from the middle of the city.

No, that's actually there now. Oh, is it? Good. Palaszczuk is the infrastructure premier. That is a very niche joke for our international listeners. I'm just trying to impress the ABC. So, you can see, you can't actually see a lot of the city, but you can see the Space Needle. You're flying, you've just flown over the ocean,

now you're flying over desert, you're coming in from the west. I would like you to do a perception check as you're in the helicopter. 17 plus 2 is 19. Okay, great. Hing, that'll do it. Friso, you have been on the flight for only a couple of hours because this is a future helicopter that goes very fast indeed.

You peer out the window, your eyes glance from the space needle to your more immediate environs and you look down and you can see, even from your height, two small explosions. Oh. Followed by two objects that are trailing smoke and they are headed toward your helicopter.

Oh, no. So they're sending, like, other ships to greet us. You have ten seconds. To greet us. Oh, okay. Evasive manoeuvres. Who's flying this ship? Bobson is. Yes, what? Bobson. Loop greet us. Oh, okay. Evasive manoeuvres. Who's flying this ship? Bobson is.

Yes, what? Bobson. Loop de loops. Loop the what? Loop de loops in the helicopter. That's not a thing. Oh, goodness. Evasive manoeuvres.

You know, the missile strikes the helicopter. I said evasive manoeuvres. The missile strikes the helicopter and all of a sudden you hear a noise louder than any noise you've ever heard and then a silent, quiet... That's the sort of bullshit he says. And all of a sudden, you're in freefall. You're in freefall. There are flames around you.

The helicopter's going down. What do you do? I summon Bushu. Let's go, buddy. Oh, what is it? Bushu, we're falling, help me! Oh, you should get out of here. No, you're a dragon. Yeah, I can fly, you're fucked. I hate Mr. Amelia. As a sidebar, can I get a new

one? I'm right here. Look, if I was you, I don't know, you're falling, you're in the air, what is this, a plane? Maybe they're parachutes or something, I don't know. Would you like to look for some parachutes? Yes. You have about 20 seconds in your game. I rolled a one.

He rolled a one. You strap what you imagine is a parachute to your back. Is it a plane seat? What do you think? It's a plane seat, isn't it? Quickly, man. You're going to die. I'm helping.

I'm going to try and land this helicopter safely. Okay. Do you have that skill? I have my own plane and I figure that it's basically the same. Also, Filch is a technomancer, right? Okay. He just understands technology. Okay, great.

So you're going to kick Bobson out of the seat? So I... I'm just going to allow you to do that without an action. That's fine. Okay. I elbow him in the face. Oh, see ya. And there's like, time... I don't know why I'm starting on this.

Time for this bird to learn how to fall. Okay, you wasted a lot of time saying that. So I'm going to ask you to do a dexterity saving throw, DC 15. Oh, yeah. Oh, not a good sign, throwing the dice on the table. That's an 18. It's an 18. Okay.

I have plus five, so that's like 20. Okay, the controls of the bird, as you call it, start to shake under your hands and you start to feel an affinity with the machine. You feel more and more in control. You're regaining some control. You manage to pull up and sort of change the velocity

to less velocity And the chopper lands with a thud that you think could have been a lot worse than it was Each of you please take five hit points of damage Oh by the way, all your hit points are restored. Not now. Restore them, then take five away.

I was quite drunk during that, because while all that was going on, I was just... I had some whiskey on me that I just, like, downed. So do I get less hit points sent away because I was like, my body was so relaxed? Sure. Great. So how many? Sorry? Three. Great. It's always good to ask.

And now you find yourself in the desert and you're very dehydrated from all the whiskey you've been drinking. So the dust is clearing. What do we want to do? Do I have my motorbike with me? Okay, that's a very good question. Your motorbike was on the chopper. And did it survive the crash? I think you might want to look for it. I'm looking for my motorbike. Yep. It's an easy one.

You've got to beat 10. I did not find my motorbike. Can somebody see my motorbike? I yell out. Can I look for his motorbike? Simon, even though he failed, he can still see things. So I'll give you the lay of the land. There's no motorbike in sight,

but you are smack bang as far as you can tell in the middle of the desert. There's no motorbike in sight, but you are smack bang as far as you can tell in the middle of the desert. There is wreckage all around you. To the north, you can see just sand. There's a lot of sand. If ever you were in the need for sand, this is your place. Okay.

I fill up a couple of water skins full of sand. Do you have water skins on you? Well, I did. I mean, yes. Okay, yeah, you do. Are they full? Well, I did. I mean, yes. Okay, yeah, you do. Are they full of water currently? Yes.

Okay. I'm like, me never seen tiny red jewels like this before. Must be rubies. We rich. And then I throw them in the air, the sand, rubies. Yep, yep. And then also I fill my, I tip out my water skin. Great, good.

And I fill my water skin with rubies. Okay, wonderful. You now have no water, but you do have some heavy sand. All right, I'll write rubies. Okay. Put in brackets sand, though. Okay. Just pop that in the old parentheses there.

Would anyone else like to take a look around? From where we are, can we see the Space Needle? You can. It is probably estimating... I was going to learn miles today. I'm not going to do it. It's about 100km away. Upway or sideways?

The base of it? Okay. No, this is a fine question. This is basically a Pythagoras... Okay. Is it 100 kilometres in the sky? It's a lot more than that because it goes to fucking space. Oh, no, wait.

Maybe... Am I being stupid now? 10 k's to space. 10 k's and you're going to be in space? That's nothing. What? 100 k's to lower orbit. Say that again, sorry?

300 k's to lower... You can stay. Thank you very much. That's nothing. What? Say that again, sorry? You can stay. Thank you very much. Everyone who got it wrong has to leave. Okay, guys, here's what I'm thinking. If we can salvage scrap metal, we get the rotors, we bend them into like sleds. No, like sled kind of runners. We can use the motorbike to pull us all towards the city.

Oh, like a cross between Mad Max and Santa Claus Yeah, exactly Mad Santa Okay, that's a good plan, you're going to have to find the motorbike Guys, you've got to help We've all seen the motorbike, we all know what it looks like You're not actually looking for a motorbike, because as you know

when you were on the helicopter, you saw it was packed in a crate The kind of crate that I would say you would see in a Tintin comic Could things have gone out of the helicopter while we were spinning and falling? you saw it was packed in a crate. The kind of crate that I would say you would see in a Tintin comic. Could things have gone out of the helicopter while we were spinning and falling? No, it feels like the debris would be pretty localised. Okay. Can I ask a...

This is probably a very dumb question. Sure. I'm sorry, but didn't we give the bike to an employee for a lottery? No, we killed him. We killed him. Did we kill him? Yeah, you pretended it was for him

and then you used him as a human shield. I did or who did? No, that killed him. We killed him. Did we kill him? Yeah, you pretended it was for him and then you used him as a human shield. I did or who did? No, that was me. Simon did. Alright. So then we didn't give it to his widow or something? No. No, you have the bike.

I don't know why you're trying to bargain your way out of having a motorbike in the desert. We have the motorbike. Well, it's... We have to find it. Alright, I roll a perception and I roll a two. Great.

I roll a two. Alright, so are you best start. To stand back. Five. So I guess the rest of the episode is done. Maybe we should go into the helicopter. This is not a hard one. No, that's fine.

You can't find the motorbike. It's just... Right now, it's beyond you. What you do see, though... No, this doesn't have any interperception, because they're getting quite close. You do see some dust rising up from the west. Sorry, from the south.

From the direction that you actually saw those two explosions coming from. And you see what starts to look a bit like humanoid figures taking shape coming at you quite fast. And it's all like real blurry at the horizon. You know, like the shimmery shimmer? It's all shimmery and blurry, but with dust. Yeah, so we're shooting this in like the golden hour.

Sorry? We're shooting this in the golden hour, absolutely. It's a very specific joke, hang on. So as the figures approach, I say we should hide in the wreckage so we can sneak attack them. Yeah, you should get up on the roof so you can pick them off with a gun. Yeah, we use someone as bait. Bag's not.

Bag's doing it. Bag's bait. Okay, you want to be bait? And Bobson's like, well, I really thought that was going to go differently. I'm going to pretend to be dead. Okay, so just so I'm clear, the wreckage, there's debris in front of the wreckage. You're kind of hiding,

pretending to be dead among the debris. Hing, are you going to stand on top of the wreckage with your gun? No, because it's a cult, so it's not long range. Sure. So I'm going to actually hide and then I'm going to spring out. Okay, so you're hiding kind of in the chopper.

I'm going to put a bit of metal over the top of me and get footage to cover me with dirt so it looks like there's just ground and I'll pop up at an opportune time. Okay, great. I should say, by the way, this doesn't affect this necessarily,

but it is enormously hot. It's about 50 degrees. Have we ever been this hot before, do you think? Do you measure hot in size? Sorry? You said enormously hot. It's about 50 degrees. Have we ever been this hot before, do you think? Do you measure hot in size? Sorry? You said enormously hot. Is that a... Do you measure hot in size?

I'm bigly hot, you know what I mean? Yeah. I've got a very small hot. It is so hot that you take two hit points of damage. Well, I'm just going to use a bit of wood then instead of a bit of metal. Where'd you get wood from? The crates. Oh, yeah. Very good call. Bobby is like, oh, I've got going to use a bit of wood then instead of a bit of metal. Where did you get wood from? The crates. Oh, yes.

Very good call. Bobby is like, oh, I've got to find some wood. And he lifts off the wood revealing the motorbike, but he doesn't see it. And he just puts it on his head. So the figures are getting closer. Who has, you can't see anything because you're kind of hiding. You're pretending to be dead. Face down.

Face down? Yeah. Can someone tie my hands behind my back so it looks like I've been kidnapped? Just put your hands behind your back. That's my advice to you. I say from under the dirt. Alright.

What's Bobson doing? Bobson is really not expecting a choice in this. He's going to hide with Hing. Okay, right, right, hiding. All right, so I, like, have my hands... holding my hands behind my back. They're coming at you from the front. Like, I don't see what the problem is here.

Because I need... My story needs to be convincing that I... To you? When they come. Okay, all right. Has he got your hands behind your back? Shut up, Bobson. And then I kind of

stumble out and I look helpless, which is actually very hard for me. Very hard. Okay, so you're the only one who can see them and as they arrive, you see three figures. The first is on

what is sorry, some of these suggestions were taken from our Patreon, our supporters, the sort of stuff they wanted to see in this story. Some of them have not been taken from there. Some of them are just stupid ideas that I had. For example, the first, you see

what looks to be a humanoid figure sort of halfway between man and orc-y sort of thing. Wait, which half? No, not... Literally, like, just he looks malformed and irradiated. Oh, steady on. So this person looks like half an orc but isn't a half-orc?

No, no, it's a key difference. So it's like an orc that melted. They have... They're wearing, like, corrugated iron armour, sort of not, you know, particularly amazing. He's wearing a helmet with a slit there. It's an orange stack hat. Yeah.

If you knew what a Queensland police uniform looked like, you'd notice that those are the tattered remnants of one of them. And he's riding what in the common vernacular is known as a battle roo. Battle roo? Is that a type of segue? A battle roo is a genetically augmented kangaroo with armour. Why didn't you get me to draw that? And he has in his hands an evil-looking jousting stick.

Is he in a jousting... The kangaroo does? No, the... The melted orc. The kangaroos have very little hands, so it would probably be really hard. Right, so orcism is a misdirect. They just, they look mutated.

Yeah. So you were being racist. I was being orc racist, yeah. Behind him is a man looking similar to him on a little motorbike. It's actually a postie bike. And he's got an Uzi. And behind him, being towed by the postie bike, is a woman. And she is on what is kind of like a wakeboard.

A wakeboard? A wakeboard. A wakeboard being towed by the postie bike. Oh, not a w she's being towed. A wankboard? A wakeboard. A wakeboard being towed by the postie bike. Oh, not a wankboard. No, not a wankboard. I don't know why you thought it was that thing. Because you said it. I did. You said wankboard?

And the guy on the... Yeah, wankboard. Oh, yeah. You know. You know, where you wank. It's easy to clean. Okay, sure. You know, where you wank. It's easy to clean. Okay, sure. You don't know what a wank board is. You don't know what a wank board is. It's a board that they're using to tow, and you know what?

They wank on it too. Sorry, Ben, point aboard. Is she wanking? No. All right. The man, the weird melty orc riding on the battle rouges. Well, well, well, what have we got here? Oh, yeah.

Is he Australian? Yeah, yeah, he's like this. He's been here for a while. He's a convict. And one of the postie bike pulls up and he's like, you can't really make out what he's saying, but he's like, what's he really make out what he's saying, but he's like, Can I understand what he's saying?

Can you understand what he's saying? Absolutely not. No. I want to check my language proficiency. What language are they speaking? English, common. So I can understand that then? Because I my language proficiency What language are they speaking? English, common So I can understand that then Can you understand it? Go again

Yeah, you've got to fucking survive here, cunts If that's what you think If you're going to fucking survive here, I'm going to fucking kill him We're going to fucking kill Kill him Yeah I heard that I try and speak their language So Phil Jack clears her throat and goes

Please help me We we're like travelers. Oh boy. We've been taken hostage. Okay, we're going to go into combat. The dude on the battle route hops forward with his metal lance and there's crackling energy at the end of it and charges you, Filge, on his battle roux with an 18, makes contact,

and crackling energy shoots through you. Oh, and do you know what? Sorry. Because your hands aren't actually tied behind your back and because you just got electrocuted, you wave your hands around and the jig is up. So maybe you should have tied your hands. Well, no one tied them for me!

Wait, one second. Take a saving throw, DC 15. That's number one. So you get so Electrocuted You You Go

All freezy And you miss Your next action Bobby you are next I use my magic Magic thief whisper To freezo Now I don't know

If that's true That's the thing That Dave gave me In the castle one Yeah they have the Where Yeah yeah So I say to Friso,

tell me when somebody... I'm going to delay my turn and if there's somebody nearby, I'll pop out, get Friso to yell. So you're communicating that with Friso? Yeah, so he can hear me.

That's your action? I'm going to delay my turn until such time that there's somebody nearby. Okay. Friso, you're up. Friso just grabs some scrap metal

from around the... Yes, there's some lying around. Yeah, the ship, and just kind of, like, straps it to his body like it's armour. Okay. With what? What? With what?

With, like, some adhesive he has. Okay. So, you're gluing metal to yourself. To the clothes. To the clothes I'm wearing. Okay, while you're doing that, Uzi, the guy riding the postie bike, shoots at you with his Uzi. He can't see me, though.

I'm hidden in the park. Oh, wait, you're hidden? I'm hidden. Oh, okay, you're doing nothing. So who's around? Me, unfortunately. And you've just been shocked. So Uzi does a sick skid on his bike.

And the woman he's towing comes to an end? Yeah, he can do it. I'll make a roll for his six skid. Nine. Well, he skids and falls over a bit. But Snot, who is the girl on the wakeboard, jumps off and... Does Baston have a move, by the way?

Not yet, but he'll go next. And she's going to put Filge on her wakeboard. Okay. Because they can't see anyone else. Yeah. Okay, and she's got a strength check. Twelve. Yeah, she's got Filge.

Whoops. I didn't plan that. Okay. She has picked me up. No, she's kind of rolled you onto the wakeboard. On her wakeboard. Next, Baston. Baston.

Yeah, now that you don't want it to be a wankboard, you're on it. Baston Yeah now that you don't want it to be a wank board You're on it Baston stands up And takes a swing At a bouncer On his thing And misses

We're up to Bobson Bobson does not like this at all Yep But Bobson is a sneaky fellow I think he has a gun Yeah because he's security He has a gun Alright who do you want to shoot at, Bobson?

I would like to shoot at the roe. Okay, at the kangaroo, okay. Yeah. Bobson, you're going to reveal this if you shoot. I'm going to reveal myself. Oh, because he's inside the thing, right? Yeah, with Frieza. Can Frieza do a cunning action and just hold him down so he can't?

No, Bobson's going to do what he's going to do. Fuck. Bobson, don't. And I say, let Bobson be Bobson's going to do what he's going to do. Bobson, don't. And I say, let Bobson be Bobson. And then I fire at the guy on the kangaroo. Okay, he's on a kangaroo. 19. Okay.

Doing D10 damage. Okay, so you do seven points of damage to the kangaroo, which kicks Bouncer off. No, I did it to Bouncer. Oh, you were shooting at Bouncer to the kangaroo, which kicks Bouncer off. No, I did it to Bouncer. Oh, you were shooting at Bouncer on the kangaroo? Well, he is upset at you. My turn! No, you're knocked out by the zapping.

Because you got zapped out. Am I near any of these other people yet? Has there been an opportunity? Yeah, the snot has come to a glide near you. Okay. And I'm on that board. Yeah, she's not on the board anymore. She's rolled you onto the board.

Onto the board. And what is the board connected to the motorbike with? A chain. A postie bike. A postie bike. Okay, Bouncer has got up because he got kicked off and he's hurt and he's going towards where the gunshot came from. So he's going towards you, but we're back to you, Bobby.

Okay, I'm going to sneak a little peek. Is the guy still on the postie bike? Yep. I'm going to use my electric rod to electrify the chain to carry the current all the way through the bike and electrocute him through the motorbike. You will maybe also electrocute Phil if you do that because she is connected on the other side to a corrugated wank board.

I can cop it. Is it a metal board? Yes. You'll definitely electrocute her if you do it. But it's up to you. Bobby, what do you do? And I lower the bit of string

back down. No, I mean, you do nothing. Okay. No, you don't do anything. I will say you will electrocute her but he will come off a lot worse. Alright.

I say, sorry, pouch. And I do that. Can you do a check for me? I just want to ask what kind of check this is. Mm-hmm. You could do it. But it's quite hard. You have to

hit the chain. The chain is like just a little thin little chain. But I'm near it. I'm right near it. I could reach out without Okay, do it. Why not? Let's see what happens. What do you get? Four. Misses. Okay, Frizo, it's you. Alright right, all right.

So just a bit of context. Remember last episode, Friso gave Bob's in the piss pants and asked for one act of loyalty, yes? Yes. This is that act of loyalty he's calling on now. Okay. Friso grabs his gun, puts it to Bob's head and says, you need to trust me, and then swings out covered in metal armor and goes

yeah I've got one right here okay okay do a um a persuasion check persuasion and these people are not bright so let's say a dc11 um it's not necessarily enough to convince them immediately, but it does give them pause. And Uzi goes... What's going on? It's Cass! What the fuck are you doing?

Yeah, it's Cass. Huh, Cass? Has this marauding warrior been watching a lot of Tool Time? Yeah, it's all I got here. Intertextual. So, yeah, they're confused. You could use this moment of confusion. Filch, you missed your last action,

but now you wake up. I'm making up for it, baby. I'm going to go into a frenzy. Okay. Got to give a reason. Always got to give a reason. I'm mad about being on a wank board, which is disgusting,

and you should never be put on one without giving your permission. Okay, what do you do? I'm going to pick up the wank board. Okay. And I'm going to attack Spork. What's snot? Snot. I'm going to attack snot with it, so I'm going to use the side of it to get her in the neck.

Okay, great. Just whack her. Give us a roll. Just roll the dice. No, I have to roll two, I'm pretty sure. No, I want you to roll a d20. You've got to try and hit her. I have to roll two when I go...

Oh, the wheels are falling off. The bloody wheels. Sid doesn't even know. I'm going to roll two just in case. Two under one. Oh, my goodness. All right. Have you rolled anything higher than a five this whole fucking game?

What are you doing? Okay. Snot nimbly dodges out of the way because you're still a little hazy from the electrocution and hits you with her rake. Oh, yeah. Snot has a rake. That's all she's got. A rake.

But it's a metal rake. A metal rake on a wank board. And 17, she hits you and does, oh, eight points of damage. By a rake. That's quiteon takes a swing at the man on the roux and hits with a 20. I'm the best. And does fucking two, does eight. Just slices the fucking guy in half. Just shakang. So, hang on. That's with your sword?

Yeah, yeah. Just slices him from neck to gizzard. Great. And because that is a 20, yeah, it does actually do that. You went for Uzi on this, the guy on the motorbike or the guy on the roof? No, no, the guy, he was by bouncer who was going towards. Yeah, great. And as you do that, you feel the sword glow with an eldritch magic that is uncommon yet familiar to you.

He says this shit all the time. No, but normally it's relevant in some way. A detail would be relevant. Do I need to know that? I don't know. Do you? Fuck. Okay, Bobson.

Bobson. Bobson's next. I still by my count have three bullets left in my gun. Okay. I turn them on Uzi. No, no, no. Bobson, this is the act of loyalty. He's not allowed to.

Oh, yeah, that's right that's right yeah bobson goes yeah bobson guys I got me oh just like you and he's got me okay and I want to see if you can skip the smile off his face. He can. So, but given pause by the fact that their leader has been sliced in half, Uzi and Snot kind of take pause and their focus is on you, Freezer. Yeah.

Okay, so Freezer goes, I've had some orders from the commander. We're all meant to just take a bloody minute for a second. Oh, I can't. No, actually, it's not a two-way street. They're like, what? bloody middle of the second. Oh, I can't count. No, actually, it's not a two-way street.

They're like, what? No, you hang on, man. Okay, this is starting to get very suspicious. What are you talking about?

I'm telling you what I'm going to do. You're going to shit on Daniel Whitman. This is going to be a fine time. No, you're looking at me like that.

No, no, no. Look at me. Okay, great. Snot and Uzi. Snot throws no, no. Look at me. Okay, great. Snot and Uzi. Snot throws her rake very hard at you.

Plus, that's a 20. Yeah, she can hit. But not natural. She hits you with a rake for one. No, three points of damage. Three points of damage. But the jig is up. The jig is up.

All right. Whose go is it? It would be Who was that? Who just took Bobson took his go Bouncer is dead Uzi has an Uzi

So I guess Uzi will use his Uzi Yeah Uzi uses Uzi Uzi uses his Uzi And misses Is his Uzi called Suzy? Suzy the Uzi Uzi the Suzy

Okay And he just sprays bullets Just sprays bullets wildly. Okay. And we're back to you, Bobby. Okay. So if my calculations are correct, they're between me and the plane. Yes.

And those guys facing that direction. So you're behind them. I'm behind them. So I'm going to do a sneak attack. Yep. And go for Uzi. Yeah, Uzi. Yeah, Uzi.

And just give him a massive crack with my python. Is that what it's called? Battle snake? What's the name of my electric stick? Save it for the wakeboard, mate. What's the name of my electric stick? You've got like a shock mace or something. Yeah, it's got a snake name.

So you hit Uzi. Yeah, like a crack him in the back of the head, but electrify him at the same time. Yep, yep. I'm going to use my dice of inspiration because that was a shit roll. But your toss was sneak attack, so you get advantage. Oh, okay, great. That is a 20, my friend.

All right, and... Yeah, okay, so you hit Uzi. Because this is a critical hit, you hit Uzi with your stick. He starts convulsing. I grab his Uzi. You grab his Uzi. Great, you can do that because he's doing that. As he starts convulsing, he also catches fire.

Unnecessary, but all right. It's like in The Green Mile. Oh, really? Yeah. When do the bees come out? Hello, bees? And, yeah, he's a smouldering wreck atop his thing. That is so distressing that Sue's...

Not Sue's. Snot. Snot just turns and runs. All right. I take aim. Do. And as she runs away, I fire at her. So what do I have to roll to hit?

What'd you roll? I rolled an 18. Yeah, that'll do it. Okay, you shoot her in the back of the head. How'd that feel? And she falls and it's kind of sad. As she drops, there's just kind of a lull. Can I ask a...

It's sad. Okay, sure, but can I ask a question? If I kill someone with a gun and not a spell, do I get temporary hit points? No, absolutely not. What? No. See, if you'd asked me that, you could have gotten past me,

but no, of course not. Why not? Temporarily hit points. The hit points don't know who killed them. Because there's no link between you and the victim. I kiss the gun at night. If you can find... Because because there's no there's no link between you and the victim they're like For the whiteboard man if you can find a magical Person to give you a connection with your gun you want to enchant the gun then yes, okay?

I've tried that day never comes does have to be a magical connection to new Well then if everyone's what you were thinking. All right. Well, then, if everyone's dead, we loot the bodies. Oh, we loot the hell out of those bodies. Okay, great. Well, you can't really get at Uzi because he's still like a smouldering mess on top of his motorbike.

He has his gun, though. I got it. Bobby has his gun. Okay. On snot, you find some coin, like some rough coinage. Is it just one and two cent pieces? It is old Australian one and two cent pieces. You find her rake.

Oh, no, she threw that at you. You find a water skin. And you find very little else. On the leader. The leader. Bouncer. Yeah. What do they find in Bouncer? They find two halves of a jacket and

oh yeah and the battle route just kind of hopped off. Oh no no no. No I want that route. I wanted to check in her pocket. Hang on. Do any of you have an animal thing? Yes. Wait, I feel like... She's kind of milling around.

I speak draconic, open brackets, beasts, close brackets. Okay, can you work out what he has to do to tame the Rue? Make a Rue taming check. DC 12. Is that Arcana or is that Insight? It's Rue taming, mate. It's not fucking rocket science. Well, it's just not here on the list.

You don't have Rue taming? No, it would be your no it would be just your animal care animal handling that's it that's right that's wisdom all right so it's plus nothing all right here we go charisma is not for your charisma DC I'm going to change. DC, 14. DC, 14. Yeah, nice. That is a 15. Yes. I want that fucking Roo. The battle Roo kind of looks at you and lowers its little face and kind of does this and nuzzles you. Then it kicks you.

Nah, nah, nah. I just very calmly, because obviously I've got good animal handling, I just rub its belly to see if it's eating that little couch. There's a baby kangaroo. Oh! Gimme! Alright, I say the challenge is on. Whoever best does the adventure will receive this child, Roo.

I pick up the rake and I shove the end of it into Friso's throat. Ah! And I say, give me that baby. I just walk up and I wave the Uzi and say, give me the kangaroo. I place the, it's a healthy little baby, right? It's a healthy little baby. I place the healthy baby on the ground and I say, let the rooster sigh.

The thing is, okay is okay battle rooms are hugely maternal it kicks you held the baby? The battle route did it because all the battle route is concerned is that Freezer just took the baby out and put it on the ground. She's such a good mother, why didn't you bring her baby into battle? Oh, so a woman can't have a job, it's dangerous? Is that what I'm...? I stand corrected.

Well, clearly, the Roo will not trust Freezo now, so I'm also kicking Freezo in the face to show that I understand what it's like. All right, do a roll. What have you got? OK, go. You've got to make 14. Oh! Two. You fall over. The roo's still...

You can have a new dice. The roo still trusts you though, but the baby's back in the pouch. Alright, so we've got a roo, we've got a postie bike. Can we all fit on those? If you look for Bobby's bike, I would also say if you want to do another search of the crash site, you can. Let's give that a crack. Would you roll?

Oh, my God. Dice on the table, please. I got a 16 plus my perception, which is two. I got an 18. Okay, so you find the crate that has Bobby's motorbike in it. You also find a crate that has an all-terrain vehicle. Well, alright. That was strapped to

the side of the heli thing, which you would have noticed earlier. Wait, wait, we looked around and we didn't see... You rolled like twos! It was like partially buried in the sand, but not by a lot. It was one of those things you know what it feels like? It's like, where are my glasses? They're on my head.

That's how stupid you feel. You see that? The fuel gauge is empty. There's no fuel in it anywhere. Bobby's motorbike has about a quarter of a tank. It seems to me that I probably would have filled it up before going on a mission. Well, it seems to me that you just take a hit point of damage. I don't know.

Can we put... It's very hot. Can we put... Guys, guys, guys. Let's put helicopter fuel in the motorbike. Siphon it off with water skin. That is very good.

That is very... And if you don't let it do that... No, no, go for it. You're a bad DM. If I was Dave, I'd probably give that a dice of inspiration. I will not do that. Okay. Okay, so you siphon off using your water skins,

and which motorbike are you going to put it in? Are you going to clear the corpse off the other one, or are you going to put it in Bobby's? Wait, how big... Is Bobby's Bobby size or regular size? Bobby's is half split the diff. You could fit two people on it. Yeah.

Wait, so it's just not a good size for anyone? No, it's a bit big for Bobby. A bit small. Yeah, yeah, it's terrible. Which one do you think? It's a terrible motorbike. Which one do you think? Or you can try it in the ARV.

I think we should put it in the all-terrain vehicle. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's put it in the all-terrain vehicle. Okay, great. I will ride on my room. So you use your water skins to put the helicopter fuel, which is kind of leaking out of the side. It's kind of gashing in and out.

Okay, cool. And yeah, we fill it up. The water skins that are full of rubies? No, the one that we took off snot. I'm obviously not going to pour out my rubies. So it takes a little longer. So you pour out more water. Pour it into the kangaroo's pouch.

Yeah. Oh, the water, not the petrol. I was also confused. Yeah, we water, not the petrol. I was also confused. Yeah, we pour it into the pouch. Okay, great. And you put it in the all-terrain vehicle. We're not going to drown that baby. No, the baby's having a kangaroo jacuzzi.

A jacuzzi? A kangaroo jacuzzi. Yeah, I tried to. I didn't get it either. You would have got dice from duration if you had. Yeah, well. Okay, yeah. Who's going to start?

Me. Okay. Wait, were you going to say the all-terrain vehicle? Yeah. Good. Okay, yeah. Who's going to start? Me! Okay. Wait, were you going to say the all-terrain vehicle? Yeah. Good. Okay, and not to give too much away, but how close is everybody to the all-terrain vehicle? I'm quite far away.

I'm starting my bike a good 100 metres away. In fact, I probably have a head start. I'm heading off towards that space elevator. Freezer is on his battle roux. Just so we're clear, what he's doing while he's riding the battle roux, he's meditating and just recovering some hit points.

So here's the thing. Field, you have the key in the ignition. I'd like you to do a wisdom check. Where are the expensive dice? I think Dave took them to Melbourne. You can't have them. They're gone.

I don't like the big ones. So we don't have dice, Cam. Dave's the only one who knows how to operate it. It's, uh, no, I got wisdoms. It's a nine. It's a nine. It's a nine. Not enough.

No. You start the car. It's a nine. It's a nine. Nine. Not enough. No. You start the car. That's great. Yeah. Okay, so two things happen quite quickly. One, the car starts. Yay. And then it explodes.

Like almost imperceptibly. Imperceptibly. No, if you were, you would think that the car just exploded, but I want to be very clear that it started and then exploded. But it would seem like the same event. You are thrown quite far and you take... How many hit points did I get? Upwards or...?

Diagonal. Oh. Towards the space elevator or...? Away. It's not even... And you take... What do you reckon, Sphere? Give her a D10.

This one, this boy. Six. Six points of damage. Oh, shit. You guys are messed up. Yeah, man. You guys weren't that far away from it, so you each take two. And so do you.

Oh. So does Bobson. Actually, Bobson takes a bit more. Bobson takes like five. Why? Because he was really close being really supportive. I believe in you! When we searched the bodies were there any sort of like ID chips that we could take or like some medals or like a badge or anything. So if we ran into some people. Yeah, there was a kind of brand on them. No, we don't need to do any checks. There was a brand on all of them.

Like a cattle brand? Yeah, like a cattle brand. Obviously, you can't see it on the charred body. It went through the other one, so that's not in a great state. But yeah, it's on there. All right, I'll cut out one of them. I'll cut out the remaining one. Are you going to look at it or anything, or are you just going to cut it out?

Oh yeah, what's it look like? The brand, as far as you can tell, it's not really that model. You can tell it's like a skull and there's some other details. Cool, cool, cool. But it says that. Gimme, gimme, gimme. And you can also see the direction that they came from, I should say. Okay, so we've cut that out. So, should we... Okay.

So, we've cut that out. So, do we want to go? As in, I've cut it out in case we just show anyone who we... Yeah, if we need to show somebody... What did they say? Where's that flap of flesh? It's a flesh. Yeah. It's a trophy.

Look, in the wilds of Australia, sometimes you need a grizzly trophy to prove you the alpha dog. Oh, should we all grab bits of the other remains just for trophies? If you'd like, sure. You cut the other skulls out, one of them's cut in half. And one of them is badly, badly charred. Are any of their heads big enough that I could wear their skulls as a helmet? Oh my god! They're all!

Being the size that I am. Yeah, the charred one. Yeah. Alright. You're gonna cut off his head and wear his head as a helmet. Not his head, his skull. Why? Because his flesh is burnt off. Mad Max, baby.

Okay. Now, to the north, like I say, there is sand. To the east, about 100 clicks is the needle. To the south, where they came from, about a kilometre or two away, you can see kind of the shape roughly of what looks like a camp. And smoke rising. Alright. kind of the shape roughly of what looks like a camp. And smoke rising. All right. So if we want to do Dave's story...

We have to go to the camp. We'll go to the Space Needle probably. Right. But I think there's probably some good treasure in the camp. Also, do we have enough petrol to get all the way into town or do you think we need to get... Absolutely do not. Okay, so that will be our best chance for guzzling.

Well, all right. So, yeah. Friso says, all right, I'm going to – because Friso's in the battle armour that he made. He's on the battle roof. He's got the grizzly trophy. He's definitely going to the camp. So, just Friso, what are you guys going to do?

I'll go with him. If you guys want to come with me, we can make rudimentary skis out of bits of the crates and I'll tow you behind me like water skiers. Why don't we use the chains and do the prisoner idea and pretend to be prisoners and you can

be like our captor. Indeed. Can I be one of the captors because I have a skull head? Yes. Second in command. My scum nickname will be Skullfarter. Oh, do me, do me, do me. What's Freezers? Okay, Freezers is...

Skullfarter. Just getting that down. Yeah, Freezers is Goochpunter. G'day, I'm Goochpunter. All right, is that the right voice? G'day, I'm Goochpunter. All right, is that the right voice? G'day, I'm Goochpunter. You have a while to work it out, because as the dragon friends,

with Filge bound with rudimentary lashings, and Baston the same, and Bobson just happy to be there, as three fake prisoners, three, are taken toward the camp, the unknown, by two dragon friends But are they pretending to be otherwise? Will this deception of all deceptions get past the wily wiles of these unknown raiders with the skull for a brand?

As these dragon friends march, or dare I say, glide over sand into the unknown. You must find out the next time on this, the show you're listening to, The Dragon Friends! The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, Eden Lacey and Simon Greiner and are DM'd by me, Dave Harmon, with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins. Shakira Khan designs our website and the podcast is edited, the theme written by and all live music performed by Mr Benny Davis.