Dragon Friends - #3.08. I'm Fond Of Castanets with Zoë Rae

Episode Date: May 30, 2017

The Dragon Friends are off to Seattle for the Stream of Annihilation this weekend! Not the characters, the real ones. But then what is real when you're racing through the irradiated Australian desert in search of fuel to make your way to Freeside and you're wearing a man's face as a hat? Hard to say.Featuring special guest Zoë Rae. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The hot Australian sun has begun to dip over the horizon As our intrepid... Stumble. Adventurers wander through the desert toward a camp of an unknown bandit tribe. I said bandit as a homage to Dave. As a homage. Very good. Up the front, a short and a tall bandit, in inverted commas,

one wearing a skull of human and one holding a flap of skin with a curious brand upon it. You get closer and closer to the camp. It's good. It's uncanny, isn't it? Yeah. It's unsettling. It is. In tow are two of your quote unquote prisoners. A

idiot man and beautiful as a dear newly born. And a grumpy half-orc who has just survived not only an explosion, which was disappointing,

but also a car that she dearly wanted being the thing that exploded. As you walk toward the camp, you see some of the detail of it. It is a rudimentary fort square in nature. The walls are roughly hewn corrugated iron. Let me ask, are there any balconies around?

How tall are these walls? Six foot tall! These walls are coincidentally about the size of the height of the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney. 20 feet. So, yeah, they're high. What happens to this theatre in 2075? Is it still around?

I didn't think about that. Well, if you... Guys, let's turn around and go to Sydney. Yeah, if you want to find out, you can go to Sydney, but right now we're in Queensland. New South Queensland. So, yeah, the walls, from the want to find out, you can go to Sydney, but right now we're in Queensland. New South Queensland. So, yeah, the walls, from the distance you can see, the walls look reasonably sturdy.

There are four sentry towers, one on each corner. They're turret-crenelated. That's a word. Yeah, like that. You can see at least one of them The one that's facing you is manned You can see that the one on the other side of that wall is not And as you walk

toward there All of you just roll a dice Wait, all the characters just roll a dice? Yeah, just roll a fucking d20 Perception check I got a two Fucking three Five, but what are we rolling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a two. Fucking three. Twelve.

Five. But what are we rolling? Okay, you, Filch, you are the clumsiest. So you trip over something and in your current state you are very, whoa, just like that. It makes that noise. You are cranky and you turn around in the way that when you trip something over you turn around as if you're about to fight it.

And you look at it and it is a shiny humanoid head with eyes that all of a sudden as you look upon them seem to flicker to life. The head rises up revealing a neck the neck rises up revealing a torso

the torso emerges from the sand revealing a humanoid AI robot to play such a robot as this torso emerges from the sand revealing a humanoid AI robot. But! To play such a robot as this, please welcome to the stage Zoe Ray! Yes! Hello. Now this is not something for the ear jockeys but the picture of the robot is very sexy.

Hello. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for doing the show. I can see the resemblance because you're also very sexy, Zoe. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Take it to the whiteboard. Yeah, same to the whiteboard. You know what, I'll be thinking on my wank board tonight. You know, before the show, Zoe was like, my mum's coming. Is that a problem? Sorry, Zoe's mum. Baston says, hark, a shiny woman.

She is indeed a shiny woman. About the height of Baston. So she was just like in the sand like a lizard. Was I like buried alive? Sorry? Like buried? You were like kind of buried like as if you'd been dumped there a little while ago and the sandstorms had kind of buried you.

And because someone had kicked you in the head, you had reactivated. Is that how you activate that robot? You kick her in the head? You kick her in the head. As far as Filch is concerned, yes. I kick you in the head. As far as Phil's concerned, yes. I kick you in the head. And you all stand in silence, in awe for a moment at this incredible feat of engineering.

Bastogne's quiet because he's looking at his own reflection in the shiny, shiny robot. Greetings, I say Me apologise for kicking you In the beautiful head So she like wakes up And she says Greetings

My name You may call me McGryan Sorry what? What? What? What? What? Sorry, just, what was the name of the...

Meg Ryan, did you hear of our coming? Did you receive any missive beforehand? Did you... Get any mail? Boo, I hate myself. McGryan, for that is her name. We literally said fucking anything. We said anything.

She's like, what about McGryan? We were like, oh. Well, I love it. So McGryan gestures to the outpost and says, is this the place that you seek? The, the war

where the sentries are? Yes. Yes. Yes. But we don't know if we should trust McGryan yet. Can we trust you,

McGryan? I'm very beautiful. Let's... Good enough for me. And me. I remain unconvinced, but what can you tell us about this camp up ahead? Up ahead, there is a camp. She must be some kind of super intelligent robot.

McGryan, set timer for 15 minutes. So McGryan goes on to tell you that there is indeed a camp up ahead and that it is the camp of the local, like the tribe of the area, the biggest tribe which is called the Tribe of a Million Kings. So many kings. What is the hierarchy? This is a smaller version of that, a smaller kind of chapter of that tribe,

and that's kind of what she knows. So presumably there would be only one king in this tribe, or this tribe would have one million kings. She says it's largely just a name. Okay. It is just a name. McGryan, whose side are you on? Not the side of the branded.

Oh, okay. Okay, so McGryan, just so you know our plan, we're pretending to be the branded. So if you have some sort of arsenal that will flip out if you see them, don't attack us. It's a ruse. So now, McGryan, you notice that he's wearing a skull as a hat. It's really up to you how you respond to this. That looks fake.

Like not a real hat? Like not really cool. Whoa! Well, yeah, I'm not trying to be cool. I'm trying to fit in with these guys. So, I mean, I don't want your... I was very confident in this disguise before and now I really feel like... I just grab my face and sort of head to the

back and just sort of breathe through it. Do you grab your face or do you grab the skull in front of your face? I'm sort of rubbing my eyes through the eye socket holes of the skull. And getting like burnt gummy brain in your eyes. Okay, so what do you guys want to do? I say, Magrian, we also not on side of branded. We here to fight them. And steal any fuels that they might have.

here to fight them. And steal any fuels that they might have. Help us. We pay you with a water skin of rubies. And I hold it up and I waggle it and like waggle my eyebrows suggestively. I say to McGryan, are you,

what is your, what is your robot job? What are you... And she just says, we just call them jobs. Sorry, Ben, I was talking to McGryan. Sorry. I am programmed to be judgmental. I apologise about before.

I wish to return home. Where's your home? Get me to the needle. That's where we're going. Cool. So, if we go in there, what can you do to help us? As I said earlier, I am very beautiful and also very strong

She also, I would say can give you the layout of the camp Oh Now Is a Oh goodness I need to know But is this a sex robot?

Absolutely not Okay, okay, hang on You are asking this question in the presence of Meg Ryan in the game. That is you saying... Okay, sorry. Alright. No, no, no, you are. And again, I'm very judgmental.

Yeah, but like... I mean, I've been in that before. Well, we're not, I say. Yeah, I'd pay for that, I guess. Don't pink shame him. Oh, it's gross. You're bad. I don't like the way you do sex, you know.

Sometimes people are into that stuff. Wait, you're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're Oh, it's gross. You're bad. I don't like the way you do sex, you know. Sometimes people are into that. Wait, you are saying you would pay for a robot to tell you that you're bad at sex? That's literally the take home from what you just said.

Yeah, but I mean, I just mean like... This is the worlds of Michael Hing and Friso once again. No, I just mean that in the future, obviously, after the wave of 2017, you can't kink shame anyone, right? Maybe in 2075, being into that's fine, which it is now anyway, so don't email me. Can I ask, before my grind answers,

and honestly, it's up to you, why will this change how you get into the camp? Because I'm wondering if she is potentially a sex robot. I don't know about consent with robots. I don't know. It's a whole bunch of really bad problems. But if you're a sex robot, there was perhaps the property of, and I don't know if you're allowed to have property of robots.

Look, I don't know. I don't know the ethics of any of this. I just want to know, are you a robot that belonged to the camp? Is that why you hate them? Because they used you as some sort of sex robot, you weren't into it. Is that, that's what I'm asking. Up to you. Uh, no. Alright, well.

I'm glad we got that out of the way. I'm sorry I asked. Look, I'm... Oh, goodness. Look... You know, this is going to keep me up. I guess you'll call me Sleepless in New South Queensland.

All right. Boo! Although there is a space needle there, so not dissimilar to Seattle. Um, McGryan... It's just an observation, not a joke. You don't have to groan. I mean, there's a way to ask her about where she came from

without opening, are you a fuckbot? Would anybody like to do that or are we just going to move on? No, she's going to finish telling us, right? Do I just offer this information. If you want. To be honest, which I am also programmed to be. Oh, but if she wasn't programmed to do that, she could lie about that anyway.

Just go with it. I am very strong and very technically minded. I was stolen. From who? Strong and very technically minded, I was stolen. From who? From my other robot friends. What are their names? There's Kevin and Timmy.

Uh-huh. And? And also Tim Hanks. He sounds like a very powerful robot indeed. Yeah, so she goes on to tell you that she was stolen during a routine visit from Freeside down the needle. Raiders came and stole her and then ultimately discarded her because they couldn't get her to work. Couldn't fuck her.

Couldn't find her. Couldn't find her. Well, hang on. No? No. Sorry, I thought it was one of these finishing each other's sentences sort of scenarios. Don't put this on me. She is a perfect, she's a robot.

There are no orifices on the robot. That we have been able to find so far. Do a perception check. No, don't. What did I roll? A two. Do a perception check. No, don't. What did I roll? A two. I rolled a two. Bastion goes, enough!

While we have been dilly-dallying the most beautiful creature in existence, Johnny PlayStation is imperiled. We must get to Freeside. And to do that, we must get fuel Freeside and to do that we must get fuel for our iron horses alright so

I think what we should, Freeside pipes up and says guys I think what we should do is stick with the plan, now we've got an extra hostage who obviously is valuable because um hostage or leader he does finger quotes around hostage who obviously is valuable because... Hostage or leader. He does finger quotes around hostage

because you guys aren't real hostages either. Wink and then... Who did he wink at? It's a double wink. You winked and then air quoted. That means it's true. Wait, wait. Are you talking to Bobston now?

Does Bobston know that? Oh, he's here. Hello. I just like to say that you seem really nice. Thank you. Let's take the cue from the robot who lives here. What shall we do, McRyan? So you can give them the outline of the camp

and you can tell them where the weaknesses are if you want. Do I say that out loud? Because me as Zoe doesn't know that? Yeah. You can tell them that... Yeah, you can tell them that there is a gate at the front. There is a gate at the front. That's heavily guarded by a sentry. That is heavily guarded.

So you're very strong, very beautiful. You're not that smart. Just describe this picture. There is a square. There is a square with many boxes and scribbles. Okay, I'm going to say our best chances

of getting in there with the original plan and have Magrind with us as our servant and she can be managing the hostages. Okay. How do we feel about that? I'm into it. Let's do it. So basically we're going to knock on the front door.

This has never worked for you in the past, but let's go. Yeah, but we've got our hands tied behind our backs this time. Alright. Night is falling as you approach the gates. Bobby with his skull hat. Friso with, I suppose, I mean, what are you doing with that

flap of skin? Have you stuck it where you found it on the other person on you? You know, I've kind of made a mask out of it. Wait. What? Freeza made a mask out of the flap of skin. Yeah, but isn't it meant to be in the same place

where you found it because you're impersonating this other guy? No, this is totally like an in the wild, like crazy marauder move. Hark! Yes? You hear a voice. It's from the top of the century. It's the top of the century tower.

And it's a guy who says, Identify yourself. What's this business? And he does this. What's all that? No, we're just returning from patrols. We've got some prisoners and hostages. Okay, that's really nice. Who the fuck are you?

We're from another chapter of the Million Kings, cunt. Yeah, right. Oi, Kev! Yeah? And he's calling from the other diagonal to him centre. It's the furthest away it could be, really. Yeah. Pythagoras theorem strikes again. You're really getting a run in this. These guys

are from another chapter. Oh, you're shouting across the hypotenuse. I can't really hear you. Oh, yeah. Give me a sec. Give me a sec. What chapter are you from? We're from the Glen Innes chapter. Glen Innes chapter? Yeah from? We're from the Glen Innes chapter. Glen Innes chapter? Yeah.

Far from home, but a Glen Innes chapter. Yeah, we're an advance party. We got lost. That sounds like bloody Glen Innes to me. Oh, watch it. Anyway, he goes, yeah, righto, what you got there? We got some prisoners crash landed in the desert

they made short work of looks like some of your people Luckily we were there to mop up your people and I go and then Fraser puts his tongue through the like that puts his tongue through the flap in the skin That's insanely disrespectful and I should say against the charter through the... Puts his tongue through the flap in the skin. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. That's insanely disrespectful.

And I should say, against the charter. There's no charter. That's a trick question. Or statement. A trick statement. He just called it a lie. Yeah, righto. I tried the charter thing on him.

Oh, there isn't a charter, though. Yeah, no, I know. Oh, I saw right through that. Oh, there isn't a charter, though. Yeah, no, I know. Oh, I saw right through that. Yeah, no, it wasn't on you. I was giving it to them. Oh, because I know there's not a charter. No, I know you know there's not. We went through the cadet thing together. I know that you're on it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, look, if they're from Glen Innes, they're probably all right. Yeah. Where are your brands? Why do you not got brands on you? Ah. Where do you guys are your brands? Why do you not got brands on you? Ah, where do you guys put your brands? On the upper arm. Ah, well as long as you don't check we've got them there as well. Actually, mind, I'm real short so they went to do it on the arm but they got me on my bald head and then my hair grew back over the top so it's hard to see. Yeah right. Far out.

Far out. Oh, in you come. Alright, thanks. And he pulls a lever and a counterweight, a crude counterweight with like a barrel with a bunch of sand in it, drops and the gates open. It's actually pretty ingenious engineering,

the gate, you know. It's actually quite clever. Absolutely. As he's walking in it's like, sorry, clever. Absolutely. Oh, and then as you're walking in, it's like, sorry, forgot to ask, but now who's the metal one? That's our robot slave, McGryan. Can I vouch for them and be like, where's your cat? Oh, she seems all right. Yeah.

All right, in you pop. The chief will be out shortly. I'll grab him. He's doing a poo. I'm nearly done. Oi, chief, you nearly done? Yeah, working on it. Well, look, I'll just make them come.

And he goes, down the century thing. And he pops his crossbow down. He's like, g'day, hooroo. How's it going? Yeah, good. Yeah. No, it's pretty good. Yeah, pretty good.

I'm Trav. Hey, Trav. Who are you? I'm Friso. Sorry, that's a nickname we call him. His real name is... Oh, sorry. Yeah, that's my nickname.

My actual name is Gunt Puncher. That'll do. Close enough. You see, we do things a little bit different in Glaniness. Hang on. Your nickname's Gunt Puncher. Gunt Puncher? Well, my friends call me Freezo.

Does Gunt mean the same thing as it does here? Yeah, the thing is... I can't miss the bit which we did. No, that's a gooch. That's a gooch. You said the wrong thing. What? No, no, no.

Look, you wouldn't get it, but England, obviously we live at a higher altitude than here because it is the New England highland. Yay! And up there we call it... How does Friso know this? I'm so tired. And as this happens, the rudimentary outdoor dunny with a moon carved in the door, a grotesquely fat dude with dreadlocks and a beard with rust in it

kicks out and does up his belt with a rope made of metal, a chain, and says, and says, Oh, well, well, well, what have we got here then? Hey, boss, how's your poo? Oh, mate, I'll tell you what, it is not pretty in there. No entry and he flips the sign around that says do not enter on the door. Oh, one of those ones, yeah.

Look, we've got some fellas here from the Glen Innes chapter and a couple of prisoners. Well, look, any bloody Glen boys coming up, buddy? Mate, some mine. Grundle Coxblatt at your service. Oh, g'day, I'm Gun Puncher. And I'm Skullfarter. This is Skullfarter. My friends call me Freezo, though.

This is our robot friend, McGryan. McGryan! Well, you didn't get bloody far, did ya? Damn it. Bloody sneaking out of here. I told you you're bloody powered on D cell batteries. You know you can't get too far. No point trying to escape it Meg Ryan. She's my TV robot. I watch old episodes of Tool Time on her. Yeah it's really good cause like she doesn doesn't have a cathode tube or anything,

so there's no vision, but she knows all the episodes. She's got it in her log by heart. She just says them. Really? Yeah, a lot of the humour is very universal. Does she do all the voices? Yeah. Go on, McGrind, do a bit.

I do like the middle of episode four, the one where Tim's talking to Al, that bit that we all bloody love. Oh, yeah, that's a a bit. I do like the middle of episode four. The one where, you know, Tim's talking to Al, that bit that we all bloody love. Oh yeah, that's a good bit. Tim, that nail's not gonna nail itself. Oh! And it's bloody, it's bloody rip his stuff because it was made almost a century ago,

but it's true. The nail isn't going to bloody nail itself. Did you know he wrote... Oh, no, he probably wouldn't know that. Never mind, sorry. He wrote a lot about how he was in prison for a cocaine charge. Wasn't that true? Yes, it's true.

But who knows that? What? We've all read Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man. No, only me. In my defence. Anyway, so what do you guys want? Oh, look, we've just got a bunch of postie bikes and a battle row we need to refuel.

So if you could spare any precious oil. And then the warchief starts to laugh quite loudly. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That tool time is a very good show. The Warchief starts to laugh quite loudly. Tool Time is a very good show, and it's very funny, but I was quite serious about the precious oil. So can we have some, please? Mate, mate, oil, as you know, is bloody precious.

So, look, we're glad to have you here. Any Glen Innes tribe member of the tribe of a million kings is bloody welcome under our corrugated roof. Corrugated roof, episode 492 of Home Improvement. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. Once she starts, I've got to hear the episode. Tim! Oh, it's a bloody classic!

Anyways, yeah, by all means, make yourself at home, have a cup of tea, have a sip. Wouldn't have a poo for a while, I'll tell you that much. But, yeah, vis-à-vis the oil situation, you've got to be fucking kidding me. With all due respect. You've got to be fucking kidding me. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Nah, you've got to be kidding me. What about, I mean, we're all part of the tribe of a million kings. We have very important business that will really bring the whole brotherhood up to a day of true glory. Wait a minute. Yous are in on the plan from him upstairs. Damn straight we are. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How do we know they're in on the plan from him upstairs?

Oh, yeah. How do we know you're in on the plan? here upstairs? Oh yeah! How do we know you're in on the plan? Well look, I'll bloody tell you then if you know. Well you know, obviously, all them smarties in Freeside reckon we're just bloody buzzing around, you know, doing what not, scrapping this and that fucking about. Freeside, the city of angels. Absolutely, that's what they call it. Yep.

But, you know, what they don't realise is we're all in his bloody back pocket, you know? All right, I'm willing to trust these guys if you show us your brand. And they do, immediately. So what does the what is the brand what is the brand the brand so you have your guys about that close the brand is on their upper arm and it looks like a burnt skull yeah but this

details that you can't quite make out because you're a bit far away okay as can I assume they're distracted and sneak away? You're very big. Do a stealth check. DC 18. Oh, come on. Okay, you need a win. Do a stealth check.

DC 14. 15. Needed that. All right, so as they're, like, rolling up their sleeves to show their brand, Filch, like, tiptoes away, very, like, surprisingly sneakily. Filch tiptoeing has been one of my highlights of the season. She's really getting into it.

She tiptoes, like, backwards, and then she walks to pick up the crossbow that the guard put down. Yep. And then she does. Yep, she does. Yes. So she's got that and they're about to notice. What do you do? I fire the crossbow into the side of the head of the chief. Whoa now!

Yes! Good! Good! Good! I will bless this crossbow for you later. All right, well, I guess it's how close are you to him? Were you putting it right up on his... Well, I was, yeah, right up against. Okay, well, it's an attack of opportunity,

so I guess you have advantage. Two? Yeah, sure, why not? That's advantage, right? Yeah. 20! 20! Oh, my God.

And as Grundle Coxplat is showing his tattoo really proudly, a crossbow bolt just thunked through his eye and he, with a smile still plastered on his face, slumps to the ground. And I pick up the bloody helmet that he's wearing, which I assume is also a crush hat or something, and I put it on my head and I say, He's your fucking chief now, cunts! Now, people who have been listening to Dragon Friends since season one

would know this is the second time that Filch has murdered a chief to become a chief, so... Also, I should point out to our largely American audience that in Australia... LAUGHTER ..cunt is certainly a bad word. Sure. I'm not pretending it's a bad word. Sure. I'm not pretending it's a good word.

But it's not as bad a word as it is in America as I discovered when I lived there. No, no, in Australia you might say to a good friend, how I cunt. Yeah. I reckon if we found a usage guide of that word, it would be like 60% uses the term of a demon. Yeah.

Ben, did you walk into a party, like some fancy soiree, and just go, sup, cunts? More or less. Some of the details are wrong, but that's about it. The editor of the New Yorker asked you to leave. Yeah, his monocle flew across the room. Oh, really? you to leave yeah this monocle flew across the room

i'm amazed that it's taken us this long to throw about the c words so we've never seen this yeah wait didn't didn't strad chuck a few c-bombs strad was fond of it yes certainly certainly uh so now you're the chief, congratulations. Yeah! Yeah, Trav, do an intimidation check. You just killed his boss, it's fine. I say go stand in the toilet. Yeah, but the sign says... The sign says whatever I fucking wanted to say, dickhead. Weirdly, she's gotten more verbose. And her grammar's fixed.

Sort of. I fucking love Australia. So Trav goes to stand in the toilet. Go stand in the bog. What do we call it? The bog? The bog horn. Guys, is this better or worse than that episode of The Simpsons

where they go to Australia? And we're Australian. No, this is like our country. We're allowed to talk about it because it's our country, you know? So he goes in there. There's still one person left. Oh, it's me, Kevin. Because you killed the other three out on patrol look look just bloody the the the shed there's bloody there's bloody drums in the shed drums not not like uh bongos or anything oil drums

there are bongos but just go for the oil please please please leave my bongos they're all i have Just go for the oil. Please leave my bongos. They're all I have. Okay, but I'm taking these congas. Well, there goes Latin night. I'm taking the maracas as well. So you're taking some maracas. You've got some congas.

But you are going to leave the bongos? Yeah, we're leaving the bongos. We're not animals. McGrath, would you like to take some sort of percussive instrument from the collection? I'm fond of... Castanets. I'm going, get the bloody sheila some castanets, Kim!

Well Tuesdays aren't going to be the same anymore. And then for the toy year, you know, not least of all because of the murder, but yeah, I mean... Oh bloody... He had the voice of an angel and spoke in very convincing Spanish. But he's dead now. I mean, we were talking a lot between us about whether it was racist or not, but now I guess we'll never know.

You can't sing a Latin song in an Australian accent. So, you now have run of the camp. Grant. What do you want to do? Are there only like four people in the camp? Well, you killed three of them. You might want to ask how many people are in the camp. I don't know.

It's your bloody game. I think we should refuel and then look around and then head out. Do we need any more vehicles? I mean, always. Sure. What have you got? There's a ride-on lawnmower. Yeah, nice.

With a trailer. Yep, bring that out. So are you going to go into the fuel shed? No, I'm going to send someone. I'm the fucking chief. Okay. Kevin, go to the tool shed. Bring me whatever vehicles you've got.

Alright, so he drives out the ride-on lawnmower with the trailer and then he goes back in and he's got one of those little, you know those little tiny, yeah, peewee bike? It's like a little tiny motorbike that, like, that Bogans hooned down the street in cul-de-sacs. Yeah. Because, of course, like a lot of this stuff has just been taken from the before time, before whatever the calamity was.

That's all they've got. You've got the postie bike and the battle roo. Postie bike, battle roo, Bobby's bike. Right on lawnmower and a peewee. Yeah. All right. And a fair amount of fuel. Okay.

So just showing that battle roos are fuelled by just grass or whatever, right? Sure. Absolutely. Don't force me the kangaroo petrol. All right, so we refuel. Should we look for weapons and stuff? No, we should ask them to march on Freeside as part of the plan and that can be the distraction we'll use them to get in.

That is one person. Yeah, Kev, where are your mates? Where are your closest mates? Well, my good mates, Bouncer and Uzi and Snot went out a while back. They haven't come back. I'm waiting for them. Actually, Bouncer's here in a fashion. Have you been on his battle route this whole time?

Yeah, but it's a different battle route. That's odd that we didn't notice that. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's all hit me in a terrible way. Thank you. What instrument did Bouncer play? Oh, he was the bloody... He really, really wailed on that Spanish guitar.

Oh, that's beautiful. He could even do the thing where you play the bass line and do the other bit at the same time. It was quite complex. He was the only one we knew. Can I come out of the toilet now? It's horrible in here. Yeah, but other than that,

everyone's gone into the... in towards the haystack to get... You know, causing a ruckus in the slum village. Yeah, slums. Sorry, once again, I am being quite helpful in this conversation and it's awful in here.

Yeah, all right, come out. Should we take them with us? Yes. here. Yeah, all right, come out. Shall we take them with us? Yes. Yes. Yeah. All right, boys, as your new chief, you're riding with me. Now, make me one of those trucks from the Mad Max movie that I somehow know about with it playing the Spanish guitar

on the front. And, boys, make it on fire. Alright. Well, this is a... Now, it's quite a waste of fuel when we set it on fire. We have quite a ways to go, but alright, I guess we should do it for when

we march out. Yes, and just before we march out, Friso just says, and we're going to go, but all right. I guess we should do it for when we march out. Yes, and just before we march out, Friso just says, now that Filge is your new chief, we're going to need all the documents you've got about the plan. Give them to McGryan so she can put them in her hard drive. Okay. Yeah, so... So now McGryan has all of them.

Yeah, yeah. So the... He pulls out a... Kev pulls out a Hello Kitty USB stick. It's from before the war. Yep. And, yeah. And puts it in McGryan.

He asked first. That's like... Maybe he should just hand it to her and be like... Yeah, let her... Do it and put away you, I don't know how this by I have concealed orifices

Can we go one episode of Dragon Friends without somebody saying that? So now you have a lot of the information In fairness, a lowly war chief within the sort of structure of the tribe of Million Kings. Well, can we

get Magrider to tell us the battle plan? What information is there as opposed to just giving it to her? So, can I tell them? Yeah. I tell them from behind a fence like Wilson.

You just find a low fence and get behind it? And then I wear a little hat and then I tell them. And I sound much wiser. Yeah, you absolutely do. And you tell them that your plan is to start an uprising in the slums and to overpower the Haystack, which, as you know, is the enormous casino in Brisbane that surrounds the Needle. The Haystack which as you know is the enormous casino in Brisbane that surrounds the needle the haystack casino yeah yeah oh I take it back, we did it. Alright.

At least I wasn't the last. Eden, did you get it yet? Yeah, I... yeah. It's just everyone else went, oh yeah, and then you wrote it, didn't you? Yeah, I got it. It took me... when I heard it, I was like, ah. So that's the plan. Are you guys going to leave the compound? Do you want to look around or anything, or do you want to just go?

They are in my pockets. No, that's true. This was the camp that shut you down, so you could look around. Oh, yeah. It's a fixed turret in the middle of the yard. Does Magrian know? And she's, like the yard. Does McGryan know? And she's, like, pissed. Does McGryan know what?

Where stuff is. Yeah, I mean, like, McGryan knows the whole outlay. Tell us. You can just match it up. Okay, yeah, here I go. So she just, like, marches straight for, like like a really cool old-fashioned TV because that's her thing. Yeah.

And then she like knocks it over and it's under there. Yep. And then she yells like, Dickheads! Like that. Okay, you see under there an incredible cache of weapons. You see grenades. You see a lot of sinister-looking guns.

You see some very old, sawn-off shotguns. You see meticulously drawn plans of what looks to be both a slum city that surrounds in a kind of like egg yolk idea, a casino in the middle of it. Yeah. Are there any like plastic explosives or like bombs? There is a crate of C4. Okay.

And just so, okay. So Friso is first and he grabs all the. This is really everybody. Okay. C4, grenades, anything that's sort of boomy. Yeah, you grab that. Takes all the boomy stuff. Yep, awesome.

And loads it into the back of the trailer that's attached to the ride on Lonro. Or do you put it in the kangaroo's pouch? There's a Joey in there, just remember. He tearfully, tearfully, while stroking the very soft fur of the battle roo, just... tearfully while stroking the very soft fur of the battle roo. Watch. Just...

He begins to pad down the armour of the battle roo with C4 and stuff the pouch with grenades. with grenades. Take the baby out, the audience just yelled out, by the way. And not for the first time. And he explains, he just sort of goes, Ballaroo, we've had some good times. And you're the best damn Ballaroo I've ever used or had or strapped C4 to. But there's a higher purpose that you need to serve.

And I love you for that. But are you willing to make this sacrifice? And then Rue's like, I think that's a yes. And so the dragon friends, now armed with a veritable armory of arms, are headed toward the city of Brisbane. As we now know, majority slum, some casino, all with the goal of getting toward that one needle. Let me hear that Spanish guitar.

You killed him. Someone else learn quick or you're next. And as they ride out in a kind of motley formation, the dragon friends leave behind one camp of the tribe of a million kings while a man fumbles around on a Spanish guitar. Learning guitar is difficult at the best of times, but when threatened by a half-orc and it's on fire, it's not simple.

So instead of a kind of wailing cry, you get basically the first couple of bars of Smoke on the Water. Yeah. Will he learn classical gas by the time they get to Brisbane? Will the battle roo actually wise up to the plans on what I assume is about an hour-long commute? And what of Bobson Dugnut? What's his deal?

Did they forget him? Will McGryan be of help to them once they reach the slums? With her knowledge for all these answers and more, tune into The Dragon Friends next week. Thank you very much. Thank you. Round of applause for Ben Jenkins. He did so well. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Michael Hing, Alex Lee, Simon Greiner. Please give it up for our special guest, Zoe Ray. Benny Davis on the keys. She's Kira Khan. Eden Lacey. We'll see you'all next time