Dragon Friends - #3.10. Put It All On Red with Zoë Rae

Episode Date: July 5, 2017

Our heroes find themselves within the glitzy, sticky heart of Brisvegas with a singular task ahead: infiltrate the Haystack Casino, ascend to the fabled Skyway Lounge and make their way from there, up the Needle to Freeside. Things do not go as planned.Featuring special guest Zoë Rae! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beneath you, you see a shining city, tacky and gaudy, yet one that seems to thrum with wealth. With the desert far behind you, you can see that this is an epicentre of industry and what passes for culture in these forgotten, ugly, distant lands that you find yourselves in. What was once the city of Brisbane has become the city of Briss Vegas, a single casino that has sprawled across the land

to encompass this bloated compound town. Is that a compound town? Compound. This bloated compound. Contown. Contown. You're not helping. As your new found guard friend helps you down an inward staircase

and then escapes, presumably to the end of her shift, and a delightful binge watching of the adventures of that precocious nanny fine, you make your way through streets that proclaim in every avenue that fortunes are here to be made. Money is here to be found. Prostitutes, quite reasonable, here to be obtained. And in the distance, you hear the familiar cry of Peace for sale!

Jars of peace for sale! As you find yourselves in the streets of bris vegas ahead of you um one huge monolith uh with neon cracking facade stands with an impeccably tailored doorman allowing this um motley procession of nouveau riche scum into its doors. I'm getting very judgmental. You are getting a bit uppity, but I think we'll allow it. And as you ponder your next move. So there's a guy at a velvet rope. Is that where we are?

There is a guy at a velvet rope. He seems to be scanning something that people are flashing in front of him, which is flashing green, and then allowing them through. Does it look like a classy casino a la Crown or more like a trashy casino? I think I've made it perfectly clear what my opinion of this casino is. This is Star City circa 2001. This is Star City circa 2075,

when most men eat other men's faces. I think it's literally Jupiter's Casino. I walk up to the man. Sorry, you can see also, of course, cresting up from what seems to be a penthouse revolving restaurant style lounge that you can see far above you, the spire that is

the base of the needle. You walk up to the guy? I walk up to the guy and I just look up at him and I beckon him to lean. He leans down with a sneer that seems, if anything, genetically encoded. I lift the skull off my head. I forgot you were wearing that. And I say, excuse me, my good man.

It's me, Raoul Chamgolaine. I'm here on a surprise visit to the casino. That's a good question. Is your snob a culture snob? I think, go ahead and make a bluff check. You look, you are the spitting image of Chamgolaine. So, DC, just 10. 16.

He recognises that most impressive... Monsieur Chamberlain, as I live and breathe. Yes, of course. I must say, and I don't want to make a big deal of this, but I must say, I thought your last collection

was positively wonderful. The one before that's somewhat derivative but that's just my taste. Well we all know what is the tastes of the proletariat. Yes yes yes very good your wit is as clean and sharp as your line. Wow. That's a real... Listen to me. I have a brand new line that I can get you in on the ground floor. As you can see, I have drawn my inspiration

from the ghoulish folk outside the walls. Yes, and I love it. I love it. Then I gift you this hat. Ah! And I hand him the skull. And he's like a human, so it's- He's a human and he's wearing like a naff doorman suit,

but it's got a bit of Mad Max flair, so a skull would not be out of place. Well, I'll... And he puts it on his head, and it doesn't quite fit, but he's like, if I stay very, very still... Oh my, yes, well of course. Now, look, oh gosh. After this kindness that you've done me,

I actually... Oh, no. It's so bloody awkward, but this door here... You were French, and now you're British. I was never French. He was French. Barely. No, he was British. After this kindness you've done me,

it's barely awkward. This door won't open without a cred stick. So, of course, somebody of your funds just flash the stick, move on through and enjoy the facilities. I believe I can help with that. Yes, that's right. You have the only cred stick. Fraser has the only cred stick. Did Fraser end up liquidating his shares?

You did. Now, you bought all your shares. You now have... Oh, no, and I now have police shares. You have 16,000 credits worth of shares in RA's microtechnology, which you could sell now to turn into currency if you wanted to. Yes, I will sell that for 16,000 credits worth, and I will enter the casino. So you scan the cred stick stick and you see a blip

and it flashes green and the credit stick goes down to 14,000 credits. And do we all, like... And you, only you, Hing, are allowed through. We can't all rush in like youths at the train station? Like jump the gates? You can pass the stick back if you want to get everyone else through. What does it go down to? It costs 2,000 credits to enter the casino.

Alright. But no, that's just chip money. We can win that back, right? You do get that in chips, but it is a not, you can't turn the chips back into money. It's in many ways like the sausage roll. It's the same system. So it's going to take all my money to get these motherfuckers in?

No, it'll take, it'll cost you 2,,000, $4,000, $6,000. You'll get them for free, $10,000, $12,000. So you'll still have... Alright, everyone but Dobson can come in. You're going to leave? Please, please, sir. I just want to gamble. No, Dobson.

Oh, no, you know what? Frieza would like to see an addict relapse, I think. So as I said, you will still... Everyone gets 2,000 credits, but Dobson, you get 1,000. And you've got to win the rest to get in. How does that work? I know.

So I'm going to leave Dobson with 1,000 credits. You can take his chips back from him afterwards. No, no, I'm going to leave Dobson with a thousand credits. You can take his chips back from him afterwards. No, I'm going to leave Dobson with a thousand credits so he's half the way there. Because I know he wants to get in. Outside of the casino? Outside of the casino. With a thousand credits?

Yeah. So if I may... Fuck it, I'll give you 1999 credits, Dobson. And you get one credit to get in. Look, I'll bet you a credit I can stand on my head. Take the bet. Absolutely, I will do that. What's the athletics check?

It's five. Athletics check, DC, five. You've got to put a handstand. Surely that's ten. Fuck, shit, idiot. I do yoga. Yeah! Essentially, that's ten. Fuck, shit, idiot, I do yoga. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

4,000 credits are left on your cred stick. Now, slightly worse to wear, and a concierge, it's an outier even than the first, hands each of you a small pile of red discs. Me, me! And welcome, friends, to the Haystack Casino. He's mostly teeth. Radiation is a hell of a drug.

You find yourselves in a beautifully appointed lobby. Now, of course, with the impressive wealth that Friso has given you, you have these chips. You can now cash in half of them to have a room on the 20th floor, or you can take them straight to the gambling halls. Of course, the object that you need to reach is what is called the Skyway Lounge,

which is the, as I said, kind of executive revolving restaurant just at the base of the Needle but top of the casino. This is where Planetary Customs will let you up the Needle to Freeside where you already have tickets waiting and names registered courtesy of the Zog Bank, but to get there, you'll actually need to get to the Skyway Lounge. So, what games are available at this casino? Well, heaps of them.

All your favourites. Name, like, three games. Are they all, like, normal games that we would play at a regular casino? Are you asking the snooty man? Mmm! My good sir, what games are available at this here establishment? Ah, well, depending on what your taste is, you'll find we have roulette. What?

Roulette. Roulette? Roulette. Roulette. Roulette. Poker? Yeah, poker. Roulette. Poker? Yeah, poker. Roulette, poker, and...

Space blackjack. Space blackjack? That is correct. Roulette, poker, and space blackjack. Friso makes his way to a space blackjack table. Now, Dan, explain to me how this game works in the world of 2075. OK, so it looks like a baffling game. It seems that there are cards being sort of traded,

chips are going back and forth and small hologramic spaceships are flying through, sometimes being exploded as cards come down. If only we had a rogue who knew how to steal cards from a dealer. Once again, your inner monologue attracts the attention of a croupier. Come on! Two croupiers who are different but sound very similar to the militia people on the thing.

On the floor are like, um, Yes sir! Oh! Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah. What do we have here? Somebody, somebody's scheming aloud? Somebody, somebody breaking the fourth wall? To err, to err their nefarious schemes?

No, doesn't sound good to me at all. Excuse me, gentlemen. This is a small piece of performance art. It's something I'm branching out into after my dalliance with Glitter Gleam. Please don't pay him any mind. Now, quickly, while we come back to this... Bobby, steal the money!

I'm going to stop you for one second. Bobby and Friso, you're at the Space Blackjack tables. So while this is happening, McGryan, Filge and Dobson... And Baston. And Baston. What are the four of you doing? You guys don't need to...

You can go anywhere in the casino. I say to McGryan, McGryan, scan room and find richest person here. Scanning. Verb. And then McGryon points to she actually does she points to a figure

that you would not have noticed until she pointed out to you because he is anything under dressed not wearing any shoes in a wrinkled shirt that is badly tucked in with like a threadbare briefcase who is standing in

the corner of the room next to some kind of hyper poker machine. A real Bill Gates. Is that his name? A real Bill Gates? A real, a real, A-R-R A real Bill Gates.

A real Bill Gates. A real Bill Gates. A real Bill Gates. Ariel Bill Gates. Ariel Bill Gates. Ariel Bill Gates. I sidle up to Ariel Bill Gates. That's not his name. And I say, G'day, cubba. cover you know where a high rolling gal can get kicks yeah like a casino where you are that Michael Caine it's not not my

Not Michael. Yeah, like, if you... I don't understand the question. If you want... Like, you're in a casino, love. I wink at him and then I, like, show him all my chips but pretend it's an accident. I'm like, oh, whoops. She shows you the amount of chips

that anyone entering the casino has. Is that 2,000 credits? Maybe it is. Right. He shows you in his hand six purple chips. Do you know what these are? They're purple. Do you know what...

Do you know how high up the chain you have to get when you're naming what chips are worth before you get to purple? I put them all in my mouth. All my chips? All my purple chips? Yeah, I just scoop them out and go, oh! Make a dexterity check. Yeah, no, it does, it does. It does?

Yeah. It does, it does. It does? Yes. This unflappable man, this incredibly unflappable man seems flapped. And they're just, I'm just holding them in my mouth. I'm not swallowing them. You haven't swallowed them?

Have you swallowed them? I just wink and then I like put my finger under his chin. It's like a sexy thing to do, isn't it? Just give him a little tickle. Is this how Phil flirts? Is this how Alex Lee flirts? Yes. What are you doing?

And I just give him a pat and then I say... Well, how do you... Say it like you have six poker chips in your mouth. Put some dice in your mouth and try. Don't be disgusting. You should kiss him and like a gum swap, but... I'm not giving him those chips. And then I just wink and I say...

Meet me in the high roller cloud. You say meet me in the what? Meet me in the high roller's lounge. You say, meet me in the what? Meet me in the high roller's lounge. Okay, now we're stopping this moment of intimate seduction. Meanwhile, Bastogne... So that's McRyan and Phil. How many chips? Six purple chips in your mouth.

You don't know how much they're worth. You have six purple chips. Dobson Bugnut says to Bethlehem, now look, the thing is, if you put it all on red, you can't lose. You absolutely cannot lose. What does Beth Stone say? Well,

that sounds good to me. Well, there's a roulette table there. You're putting 2,000 chips on red. Alright, so... No, 4,000. It should be... So, one will lose.

Two to nine. So, you need to roll two to nine to win. On this? On a 20-sided dice, yeah. OK, here we go. This is actual dice gambling now. We can't lose! So what does Bastogne do now? Double down, double down!

So hang on, hang on, Dobson and Bastogne both now have 4000, is that right? Yeah, they both would have read, so they've now got 4000 here. Everybody get out of my way, Daddy's on a hot streak! Oh God! Oh! I am so sorry, sir. Oh. The dizzying heights! The crushing lows!

Oh, I love it! This is Friso, right? This is Friso like round the corner just screaming at Dobson. Okay, alright, um... That's the most exhilarating thing I've experienced in years! Can we just do gambling from now on? Can this be all we do?

Well, there is a... you have six purple chips in your mouth, so... I heard that. And you said, meet me in the... OK, I take your... Oh. Who am I to deny the allure of a mysterious woman with six purple chips in her mouth, formerly belonging to me?

I will accept your invitation to the High Rollers Lounge immediately. And he walks up a flight of... So he's left. I'm following him, though, because I need to know how to get there. You're following him? Yeah. All right, so you walk... I did a good trick.

Okay, so you're going to walk up the stairs. All right, so you're... You know the High Rollers were in the Sky Lounge at different places? What? It's fine, you don't have to... Well, off I go. Meg Ryan, are you following her? Yeah, I go with her.

Okay, alright, so the two of you follow the man up the stairs and out. Meanwhile, Gloria's splitting the party fashion, we're going to keep up with this. So what's going on, Bobby and Friso? There were guards talking to me about a nefarious plot. Was that what's going on? Yeah, they sort of saying it out loud. It's not encouraging. No, no, no.

I was repeating what I'd heard. From where? From where? You see, there's sneaky people all over here trying to steal money from your good casino. Whereas I am actually a private eye hired by the casino to help you. Well, you've literally described our job, so...

So I want you to make a DC 17 bluff check. Oh, come on. 12 plus 4 charisma is 16. So you almost get away with it. Oh, we'll have to wait a minute. Oh, wait a minute. You weren't at the induction. I remember the induction was very good and informative.

Quite amusing, actually. It was the little worm. It was a little cartoon worm, and he was doing everything that you shouldn't do, and there was a bird. Yeah, I know. Don't do what? Don't do the worm?

I know that. Unfortunately, it seems your bluff didn't work. Now, because you are... the casino is all about making money and people try to cheat all the time, so they have ways of dealing with this, but you're going to get fined. So he takes out a little electronic wand and he scans it over your chips and they shimmer

and then all the red chips turn green and you realise that they've all lost value. How much value of my chips do I have now? One, uh, well, it was two thousand. Oh no, I had four thousand before. I had two thousand chips, I had four thousand credits. Yeah, two thousand chips and now they're worth one thousand.

So what have we learned? I've been robbed! I've been robbed a thousand chips! Oh, well let's just call the police. Hello, it's us. Raoul, you, uh, not Raul, Bobby, are you doing anything? No, I'm just watching. So you still had $2,000 though? At this point, Dobson and Bastogne walk over. Oh, hey, Bobby, I don't know what...

There's been a... I've discovered this wonderful thing called gambling. I don't know what... There's been a... I've discovered this wonderful thing called gambling. I don't... I see that you're there and you're not really using those chips. I was wondering if I could just borrow them for a minute from you to use them. I'll definitely win them back.

Oh, he's going to win them back. You know, he can't... Honestly, just give them to us. We'll double your money, mate. We'll bloody double your money. One chip. Oh, one chip. All right, let's put it on money. One chip. Oh, one chip. Alright, let's put it on red!

One chip is of course 100 credits. Alright, here we money go! 100 credits! Out of daddy's way! Oh, that's... And what did you guys learn? That I need... I need another chip. So, have they wandered over to us?

Yeah. So I strike up a conversation. They've wandered over and they're spending your money. I strike up a conversation with the croupiers again. We're not croupiers. Dave said they were croupiers before. Look, our uniforms are very similar and it's been a problem. Well, officer, do you know how much it costs to get into the High Roll, the Sky Lounge? The Sky Lounge?

The Sky Lounge? The Skyway Lounge? The Skyway Lounge? The Sky Lounge. The Lounge to the Needle? Yes. I can bloody tell you've... You've written it on the page for me.

It costs... It costs 24,000 credits. Literally, like, usually when, like, Dave gives us a problem in this game, my computer-like brain will filter out all the different ways we can get around and solve the solution. And there's like hundreds of them or thousands of them. Your computer brain tries to solve the solution. Literally, the only path to success for us right now that I can fathom is gambling that is literally

like I can't think of a single other way like we just need to gamble well Phil just ate chips out of someone's hand so maybe that's a strategy

we could adopt guys talking of which meanwhile upstairs den of luxury and cheap velour that is

the high rollers lounge you see several men and a couple of women and even the odd elf or two lounging around in tuxedos. Everybody actually here looks quite classy. There is a cocktail bar in the side discreetly pouring out drinks in fabulous looking tumblers. As Filge, mouth crammed, you make your way up and somebody hands you a martini. I drink it through my chips. You're very... Once again.

All right. Filge. Filge. Filge, you're already very drunk. So I'm going to get you to make a DC 14 dexterity check. What, for drinking? No, for not drinking too much. The martini is delicious and you swallow it with relish.

How are you going to eat that olive? Something feels very strange in your mouth when you're finished and it's only then that you realize that you have swallowed the chips and at that moment you see your paramour now my enchantress my my my darling enormous lady i grab him by the collar, and I say, punch me in the stomach! Punch me! When in high stack, and he punches her in the stomach. Do I bath? Do I yaft day? You're very drunk, so make a... Constitution check.

Constitution saving throw, DC 15. But I want to fail my constitution. So she has advantage. Yaft check. Yaft check! Disadvantage to passing it because you're drunk. So what am I trying to get? Depends what you're trying to do.

I'm trying to pass. You're trying to fail this check. You need to not roll 13. Yay! We take the three because you have disadvantage so you yarf all over the man and purple chips and mid-strength beer and just a little bit of martini and a single olive go everywhere.

I gesture to McGryan to come and quickly snap up all the chips, like to scoop them up. They're covered in sick. So McGryan's very judgmental, but she picks them up and then... As an employee of this casino that we find ourselves in, I dare say those chips will be returned to their rightful owner, vis-à-vis this chap.

Wait, you the owner? No, the owner of the chip. What's wrong with you? Me very drunk. Another martini, please. No, you're actually not. You got all the sick out, so you are not drunk anymore. So McGrath has the chips.

Yeah, and then I look to Filch because we've bonded and I make sure that they're not hers. Hmm? Because I'm like, are you that they're not hers. Because I'm like, are you sure they're not yours? And then Phil's just like, no, they're his. Oh yeah, we're bluffing that guy. And then I take the olive that I've bathed on him.

Hey, no, no, you've got to... She's offering you the chips, but you've got to say they're yours. Oh, meet drunk. Yep yours. I'm meat drunk. Yep, so I take the chips. Okay. You take the chips back? Well, there's been some sort of

mistake there. Those chips happen to be mine. And then I go, ha ha ha ha ha. And I lean down and I whisper in his ear, I've got a gun. Make a... Make a TC10 intimidation check.

It's charisma based. Yep, that's... And then I sashay away into the night. Well, chips can be earned elsewhere. Chips can be attained through other means. Good day to you and please enjoy the rest of the bar. And triumphantly grabbing another martini, Filger makes her way back downstairs to the lobby

where she sees an argument beginning to happen between an increasingly frantic Bastogne and Bobby and Friso. So just lay it out for us, Dungeon Dave. From us, do we see the entrance to the Sky Lounge? So that's the top floor, right? Yeah, so we just need to get into the elevator. You're still in the lobby because you got distracted and lost 80,100 credits.

But if you think about it, it's actually a flawless plan. You actually can't lose. In the long run. Actually 90,000 because you got fined as well. What's the security? Just for the sake of the podcast, you need to fix this math. It's completely wrong. 9,000.

9,000. You wrote 40,000 here. I would look... That's literally... Four. No, you're bad at maths. Zero. Zero.

Zero. Well, I've got a bit of a squiggle. All right. So what's the security between us and the elevator to get to the top? It's a closed elevator doors at the moment. So we just need to get someone's pass to swipe us up there. You could go have a look at the elevator. Or you could just ask somebody how the hotel works.

I go over the elevator. And we need to pay 24,000 credits to get in. I know that much. Yes, each. Each. But there's all... No, sorry, no, that was the maths for all of you. Yeah, sure.

But presumably there is some sort of security pass to get us in there, right? No, it's money. Everything in the haystack, every gilded door is opened with money. Have I met up with them now? Yes, you've arrived. McGryan, how much is purple chips worth? And then she tells me. One million each.

Oh! Guys, guys, guys. Look, if we put it all on red... How much is this space? Let's buy this space elevator. How much is it worth? Nine trillion dollars. Maybe I should...

If we put it all in red Could I earn nine trillion dollars? I reckon it's not going to take that many rolls Should we buy the space elevator As an investment for the dragon friends? I feel like it would be good to control the access You know Freezo kind of trusts your business acumen

Space elevator? But if we only need 24,000 and we have 6 million... Why don't we just buy our ticket? Let's get our ticket... That's not what Keaton's thinking. Let's get our tickets first and then gamble. That's the smart thing to do. And then everything on top of that is gravy. Yeah. Yeah?

The roulette wheel seems to sing to you. Can I roll to decide? Yeah, of course. Do whatever you want to decide. You can do that in real life too, Alex. Oh, that's so handy. That was the plot of a serial killer mystery I watched on Luther. Anyway, yeah. That's Michael.

You want to see that episode? No? I'm going to put it all on red. I got to start. All right. So how much are you putting on the roulette wheel? Eight million. Five million.

You only have six million. Oh, wait. Six million all up? Yes. Five. Yeah, all right. Five and a half, let's make it five and a half. Guys, if you're gonna do it,

look you can't spit a chip away if I make it thick. I'm doing it. Six million is put on the roulette wheel. Oh, shit. And what are you doing? Before you do that, I just order a drink. Bobby orders a drink as big as his head. And I drink it without stopping. I'm going to say we did not force this to happen.

And until Alex rolls it, she can take it back. But there is six million credits on red on the roulette wheel. You literally cannot lose. I pass the dice round for everyone to give it good luck. I give it to Friso. Oh, he kisses it. I give it... Wait. Get the crib here. Get the creep here! You're the creep here!

Get the creep here to kiss it! I give it 10! Alright! Everyone's kissed it. Alright! So, one is a loss. Two to nine. Two to nine is a win.

And then I throw it down and I say, Mommy wants to buy space! So, I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space!

I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! I'm going to say, Mommy wants to buy space! it down and I say, Mummy wants to buy space! Where's Vegas? A land that can make you rich and take it away just as easy. The dragon friends have had more wealth than they could ever comprehend, but now have nothing

in a town where famously those without anything are trapped in a giant cage and thrown to slavers. The space needle is above inaccessible. Also they robbed six million from a guy that might come up again later.

To find out what happens next please tune in and remember always gamble responsibly to the next episode of Dragon Friends can I have a big hand of applause for Michael Hing Alex Lee

Graham Jenkins Mr. Bernie Davis, Ian and Lacey, Zoe Ray, and Spam and Griner. Dr. Dane, everyone! Bye.