Dragon Friends - #4.04. Speaking Ten to Ten with Montaigne

Episode Date: April 5, 2018

Life moves pretty fast as the Dragon Friends find themselves departing the glittering forests of the Feywild for altogether warmer, if not sunnier, climes.Featuring special guests Montaigne and Carlo Ritchie with music by the Sonic Boom Lords. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi! Above the glittering forests and roaming mountains of the Feywild is a ship, the final truth, a flagship with some 1,000 souls working under the powerful tutelage and command of one Admiral Jane Steyr, first of the Primarian Guard, child of Primus, and sworn keeper of the truth and awesome powers of the Shard Treaty and the Council of the Nine. Now, Steyr has, of course, imprisoned the dragon friends after the fracar at the Summer Palace. You find yourselves in a holding cell on board his ship, your own ship impounded and far from reach in a hangar bay somewhere on his big white thing.

So, dragon friends, you are locked down. Bushu, imprisoned by association, you are locked down. Wahoo, the berry. New stranger to these lands, also appearing at the wrong time. You have been imprisoned with them. The six of you can do little but wait for Steyr to return. And for the first time, you have a chance to properly introduce yourselves to your new compatriot, the high elf, base base, Wahooverberry.

I'd like to make clear that I'm a half elf. Oh, I'm sorry. You are. No one would want to be a high elf. I'm a half elf because Wahooverberry is very proud of her mother, who is a human. Her name is Guitar Guitar Wahooverberry. I don't like that.

She works at the vegan sect of the food production guild in the town they come from called the Golden Archers. I don't like that. Man, I don't like that his guest's, like, backstory is more rich than ours, and we've been doing this show for four years. I thought about this shit, Michael. I sat down, I had a good think,

I was like, I'm investing in this character, she's going to be my baby. And I thought, and this is what it is now. And her dad, she didn't care. It's a fucking elf, I don't know. Dad's like, yeah, dad's a high elf. He's like a bit too like snooty for his pootie. High elves are the worst.

He just doesn't want to spend time with her. And she's like, I'm not here for that. Does that mean that she has a natural disdain for Frieza, him being a high elf? Yeah, she has also, I'm not here for that. Does that mean that she has a natural disdain for Friso, him being a high elf? Yeah. She has also, here's another fun fact. Should I be saying this is like, BassBase is like, hi, I'm BassBase.

And my mother is blah, blah, blah. Here's my life story. Yeah, and also, my other thing is that I have this sick necklace, which makes me have to tell the truth. But it also gives me enhanced vocal abilities and also beauty. And so I very much disdain liars. Oh, come on. I mean, all of this is true,

but the fact that she's telling you all of this now in a cell at first meeting suggests that she also enjoyed her goblet of summer wine. Okay, okay. And Boosh is like, okay, well that was unsolicited. What the fuck did you do? This is my one chance and then you

come in here and get Oberon sucked into a thing. Man, you saw what I was doing. That wasn't my fault, dude. When you sung Moose Tea, this all went to shit. You don't know if it was the Moose Tea. You also don't know if it was Wahoo for Berry's song.

The fact is that something caused Oberon to disappear. Wait, Bushu. Yeah. Titania said that a friend of hers who was a planeswalker picked that rose for her. Yeah, that's okay. Who would that be is a planeswalker pick that rose for her? Yeah, that's... Who would that be? A planeswalker? Okay, so there's like tons

of planes. Like nine? There's nine known worlds. There's nine known worlds and you can go between them. That's how you do it. I don't know how you do it. How the fuck did you get here, by the way? Okay. Anyway, so a planeswalker is someone who can pierce the meniscus between planes and walk there.

But do you know who that was? Oh, I mean, there's a lot of planes guys who come and go, you know. There's nine planes guys? There are nine planeswalkers in the nine known worlds. That's correct. One per plane. Nine planes. So, Bushu, guys? There are nine planeswalkers in the nine known worlds. That's correct. One per plane. Nine planes. So, Bushu, you would know this.

Okay. And, in fact, Wahubaberry. Wait, is Bushu a planeswalker? No. Oh. So, both Wahubaberry and Bushu know this as denizens of the nine known planes. Since the Shard Treaty, the nine worlds, everywhere from the Blessed Fields of Elysium to the Nine Circles of the Abyss, have been spinning in concordant harmony inside the cradle.

Now, these worlds were created as all worlds were created when originally what was known as the prime crystal shattered into a thousand pieces, forming a thousand worlds. Though the nine that are banded together inside this cradle, each of them contains a shard, and the owner of that shard, be it a scion of a noble family, be it a filthy goblin, be it an adventurer on the bluffs of chance, they are the planeswalkers, and their ships, vessels, magic cloaks, whatever that allowed them to travel between these worlds

are powered by those nine crystal shards. The Heart of Glass has no shard. It is a new invention capable of doing what once only the ancients could do, and this is of some concern to the powers that be. Oh. So we're busting up that status quo, and they wanted to shut us down. I get it, Dave. We're rebellious fighters. This is industrial action. We're

freedom fighters, if anything. Okay. I get you. Alright. I'm a hero. Cool. Can I look around the room? Are there any ways out of this jail cell? This room, quite high-tech and futuristic, you're only kept in by nine powerful girders of light that repel you back of what is otherwise an open portal. All right.

I'm going to bring the bracelet in my mouth, and I'm going to call up Logins. Logins! Logins! Logins, I can see you just doing that with your mouth. Logins, I can see you. Oh, I'm stuck. I'm bloody stuck. No, that's not going to work, Logins.

We invented that, alright? Alright, okay, you want to talk?, Logins. We invented that, alright? Alright, well, okay, you wanna talk? You wanna talk now? Yeah, man. Well, why the hell is there an auspice of team having a look through me right now? I'll tell you that's why. Because you didn't just stay put.

You had to go and open something. Okay, I promise I wouldn't get mad. I've had my vent. Logins, how far away are we from being able to escape with the ship? Oh, I don't know. Can you get me out from being impounded in the... Have a look at the crystal. Have a look at the crystal heart on your bracer. What's the...

Oh, no. What's this mean? So there's a crystal heart on your bracers. It's about 50% red. So that means we're only halfway there. Yeah, we've got to wait a little bit of time, guys. Can you still charge while you've got people inside you?

Yes, I can charge while I'm impounded. Oh, God, it's like a every grape a different branch, I say. Once again, you can't help but feel that's not a real expression. Look, guys, if you can if when you're on your travels if you see anybody selling idioms buy them up load them into the central

computer and just let me have a good time so to come back to you we're here for barry you um your journey that's brought you here is slightly different you were a itinerant bard on the bluffs of chance Chance with an enchanted necklace and an enchanted voice, and you have been summoned by a planeswalker ally of the Fairy Court and brought to the Summer Palace to sing at the Moonday Revels. However, now you've been thrown in

with a bad lot, and you are imprisoned alongside them, far from home, far from the Bluffs of Chance, the world that you came from, and it seems in trouble with the quality. Yeah, and she does have some questions. So why the fuck are you talking to your arm? Like, what? What's going on there?

Why is there a voice? And also it seems like maybe there's some stuff about charge and shit. I don't have one of these braces. How do I get out of here if you guys get out of here? Like, I want some help. I want in on this shit. Ah, well, I get out of here if you guys get out of here? Like, I want some help. I want in on this shit. Oh, well I have no reason to...

Oh, so you guys didn't even introduce yourselves? That's a bit fucking rude. Oh, sorry. That's on us. Oh, we're sorry. We're very rude. We're just very narrative focused. We're sorry. We're very, I'm Bobby Pancakes. I believe your actions helped save my life back there in that fight,

so I guess you could say I owe you a debt of gratitude. If we get out of here, you're coming with us. I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah, them some freaky noises. In the background. I'm Bastan Andrirovich. Just kind of

what you see is what you get. Hello. I'm Friso. You gave me dead ice before when you called me a liar. I remember. Oh, no. But

I'm interested in do we have time to do a quick chat with with the Bard or are we going you can have a quick chat there's nobody else here yet I am so what is this like a full time gig for you are you still like

are you still waiting tables like I don't know because I think you could make it you know what I mean well my shit is I just wander around from place to place getting commissioned gigs. I write and sing full time.

I have help from mum. I mean, like, she's doing pretty good over at the Golden Arches. But, like, mum, she, like, believes in me, so that's cool. Supported parents are always important. And then I take out, like, a little stick a little stick that looks wooden but resembles a flash drive. I'm like, here's my mixtape. Oh, cool, man. She gives you a magical twig.

Yeah, man, I'll tag you in social. And my band's called Just Me. It's Just Me. She has the fantasy version of them. So your band is called Just Me? Yeah, it's called Just Me. It's Just Me. She has the fantasy version of them. So what was your band? It's called Just Me? Yeah, it's called Just Me. It's just me playing the bass guitar and singing.

And I sing folk songs. And I just sort of like go around land to land, see what's happening, scope out the sights. Do you reckon Oberon's still going to pay you for that gig? As you ask that, you hear a laugh, short and abrasive behind you, and you spin around, and you see that Jane Steyer, Admiral of the Primary and Guard, is at the bars. Ha!

Well. If it isn't Cirque du Soleil once again. Listen, I'm going to have to say this right here and right now. You're the worst circus I've ever seen, but I still have a soft spot for you, wacky bunch of tumblers. But enough of me. This is about you. I'll have you know that you're under arrest

because I know what you did just now. I told you you were messing with some powerful magic and you've messed too far. That ship of yours that we've got our auspices going through, what the hell is that? Do you know what you're doing every time you fly around in the cradle? You're tearing holes in the thing. It's like a bucket full of holes. It's leaking water all over the place and that water is space and space is full of people like me and you. Cirque du Soleil. And he blinks away as he dematerializes for it's a hologram.

Oh, he's a hologram. Oh, there, back I am. And there I go. See, that's how you turn off a hologram. See that? You like that? Good. Have fun in the cells. You're all going to go to trial. And you have been told, since you were

impounded, you were told that there will be a short journey back to Prime, capital city of the Nine Nones, on the capital plain of Primus. And there you will hold trial for your crimes and misdemeanors. Okay, this is bullshit. I'm not having you bastards fuck up

my once-in-a- century chance to join the court of the fair, okay? So you need to do. I am out of ideas, but we need to. I am upset. I am upset. I do not like what is happening. Can you, now that you're no longer a... A familiar.

Yeah. Can you bamf? Can I bamf? Can I bamf? Can you still teleport? Yeah, you can still... Yeah, you can bamf. I know you've taken objects away with you. Yeah.

Can you... If we are touching you, such is the canon rule of... Bamfing. Bamfing. How good is my teleport, Tiff? What is bam... What's that? Like nightcrawler?

It's not a real thing. It is. It is? Yeah. You can teleport... You used not a real thing. It is. It is. Yeah. You can teleport. You used to be able to teleport back to Faerun, but unfortunately your contract is over. Oh, so I was just going there and back.

Yeah, you would need to have a new contract. So you can't Bamp from here to the other side of those bars. No, not unless he's sworn to another... Oh, well, I guess you could... Hey, Bushu....swear yourself to me again, Bushu. sworn to another... Oh, well, I guess you could swear yourself to me again, Bushu. I might have some more favourable employment terms.

My dudes, I'm just going to cut through all this like a cry shot like this right here. I have this sick necklace, right? It does some shit. And she pulls out a crystal necklace that she's wearing. Yeah, and it's studded with opals, and it's beautiful. It's the most beautiful shit you've ever seen.

It's so good. That's nice. It just has cool powers. Like what? Okay, that'll get us out of here. Oh, yeah, well, firstly, I look real hot. You do. I look real hot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse you. That's me. I feel like objectively I have the, you know, as a hottie. You know, speaking 10 to 10. I have to say that all of the dragon friends are struck by Wahoo Burberry's ethereal beauty, but Bastogne, you're fine. She does

laugh a little bit and then brushes some hair out of her eye. She's like, that's fucking business, alright? She's pulling off this opal necklace and she's pulling the crystals one by one off the necklace. Yeah, I've forgotten what the fuck it does.

She goes on to tell you that the necklace was a gift back on the Bluffs of Chance that was given to her by a small child, a child she saw only at night wrapped in a tiny cloak. Oh, a night child. Gremlin.

Who approached her after one of her underwhelmingly followed performances and instead of taking a mixtape, offered her this necklace and swore to her that it would help her at a time of great need. That's what happened. Do you end all of your stories like that?

Yeah. Best believe it. So what, do you think these crystals... Can I check on the crystals? Yeah, you can, absolutely. Wrong dice. That's a 13 plus a counter is 5, so 18. Alright, so yeah,

you can tell that they have a powerful transformative power to them. Transformative power? So they can... They can transform something to something or... Or can they transform into something? It's... What?

Are they like a transformer? Hey, look, just step back and let the hot people take care of this, alright? No, I'm sorry. You're ugling up the whole situation, okay? Frieza goes back under his bridge like the trolley. I remember when Bastogne used to think that Frieza was beautiful. Yeah, well, that's until I saw Base Base.

And now it's all thumping. You got it, baby. What's imprisoning us again? It's powerful beams of light. And it's like columns with separation between them? That's right. Okay. Like how big is the gap between each column? Not big enough to walk through. Okay, gotcha. But most people that have tried

it, when you've tried to reach them, you've been repelled by them. But you hadn't... Wait, it's like... Oh, never mind, actually. Never mind. Go on. No, I was just going to say, it's light. So why don't we just like walk through the light? Well, it's magic light. Okay. Do you want to try that?

You're holding the crystals now. Try what? The crystals are walking through the light? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. Bass Space is like, listen, I've got these crystals. They transform shit. Why doesn't one of you

try to walk through the magical light I'll do it I don't know if I want that though because you're my hot friend and I'm kind of into this partnership that I've got going one of the filthy ones

ugly ugly Bobby steps forward I mean I can smell a little bit of throw-up around. Like, just this vibe. That's us. That's us, sorry. The order of throw-up around. I'm the only one who didn't throw up.

Bobby, you take the crystals and you walk up to the bars, and as you do, the moment that you touch the bars, they wink out of existence. I jump through to the other side. The light's still on. It's still gone? Mm-hmm. Guys, we're out of here, and I've got a magic necklace.

You have to give that back. However, the moment that you do, the moment that they absorb the light, it started to hum, and the hum is getting louder and louder and louder, and the crystal is starting to thrum in your hand. I go, light, out, and I shoot it down the corridor. Okay, you throw it at... No, no, no, I don't try to flick the light out. You down the corridor. Okay, you throw it at... No, no, no, I don't try to flick the light out. You aim the light.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you aim the crystal, suddenly it thrums and thrums and thrums as there is a rising sonic sound, and then a portal seems to open up inside the corridor that seems to, again, go out to another new world. Oh, shit. Do you recognise this portal, Base Base? No.

It doesn't look like the Bluffs of Chance. It doesn't look like Faerun. As far as you can tell, it looks like a city. You think we can see shit up? Yeah, there's a city. Let's do it. Let's do it. It's better out than in.

All right, we're all going through. Charge. Hey, Logians, meet us at the city. And then we jump through the portal. Oh, come on, guys. Before he can finish what he says, Hey Logians, meet us at the city and then we jump through the portal Come on guys! Before he can finish what he says, his voice is cut off as you all jump through and you find yourselves

in a dark city The light seems to have been sucked out of the air There is an oppressive, heavy feeling to the very atmosphere Roiling smoke appears around you Make for me once quickly a religion check Religion check? No, investigation sphere roiling smoke appears around you. Make for me once, quickly, a religion check. Religion check?

No, investigation, investigation. That's 14. Yep. You actually realise that this is, as the texts of Mystra would speak, this is the world of the abyss. This is very likely an abyssal place. The abyss? In fact, you would know this also from the tomes of lies that you have sworn in supplication

to as a warlock. Yeah. This is the source of your power. You are on one of the nine circles that make up the abyss. So... And the Feywild is long behind you. Friso turns to Bushu and says, Well, well, well.

Look who's on whose home turf now, Bushu. I'm on yours. I can see that. Is Frieza really buff now? No, no, you're not. The way you aren't, unlike Bushu, you are not a creature of this world. All of your power was derived

by your patron, but your patron will reside here. You can, like, your patron is the source of your power. Oh, finally gonna meet your dad, huh? And as a warlock, you know where your patron is the source of your power. Finally going to meet your dad, huh? And as a warlock you know where your patron is. In fact, they're not far from here. Somewhere in the city you'll be able to find them.

So tell us about your patron. Tell us about your patron. Yeah, I want to know. You said that you had sworn the Pact of the Chain to a patron that was an abyssal power. I think you said some Cthulhu shit. I don't know. This was like the first episode.

Yeah, I think in a throwaway line I said something like, it's probably just you, Dave. This is a really good chance for you to bring a real world character of Dave like he did to you last time in the Labyrinth season. Yeah, I might. Well, who's going to be playing?

Are you going to be doing this? If we do it? Or who's going to be playing? Are you going to be doing this if we do it? Or is Carla going to be doing it? Well, I'm going to be Dave. I'm trying to game it. You realise actually, to move things along, that you're actually in the courtyard of a building. And that building, you can tell your patron is here. You've been summoned near them.

We're at the house of Dave? No, it's not. All right, I'm going to... Your patron isn't me. So I explain the situation to the rest of the party and I say, like, hey, I think this could be really big for me. You know, I haven't seen them in a while. I think you guys know that me being more powerful

is only a good thing. So I'm going to go chill with the patron, gussy up that bond, you know, between the two of us and maybe I'll come back with some new spells, perhaps? Some new tricks and powers? Do you guys want to come along?

Yeah. Yeah, sure, I guess. We've just met, but I'm really cool. I don't think I have anywhere else to be right now, quite frankly. Wait, we need to find...

Wait, we need to find Oberon. This looks like the world that Oberon was sucked into as well. Or through the portal, yeah. The creatures came out from. Okay, it's chill. All right, so let's go ask my patron for help in finding Oberon then.

All right, so you're going to make your way through? I'm going to make my way into this building. So through a yawning portal with candles on every side, you soon enter into what seems like a cloistered space, unholy and unfit for all but the most evil of souls. This is a space of darkness, a space of peril, and it is a home for several of those most unholy creatures that become patrons to those wicked souls on other worlds

that swear a life of servitude, the life of a warlock. Yeah. Souls such as yours who swear to promise even more souls that their power might be increased. Your patron is someone that you have not spoken to in a long time and as you wait eventually a small demon I suppose summons you to a office. Is that the is that what yeah okay an office and after waiting for a while with your friends, you were summoned in to meet a figure, which is huge, glistening, with a stinking maw and a thousand eyes,

with papery, useless, leathery wings, who's peering out from behind a desk. wings who is peering out from behind a desk. The small creature clears its throat. Introducing beast of a thousand tongues, archaon of the tomb of lies, warlock for all occasions, Romy Silver!

Well, bloody...zy, freezy. If it isn't me, Robbie Silver. Robbie Silver, mate. If you want gold, you start at bloody silver. Okay, here we go. You notice behind him a wall of

glossy 8x10 headshots of other warlocks. Fresno, Fresno. From, oh, where is it? Oh, bloody kill the cleaners if they've dropped this. Fresno, from Fai... Hang on, can I just, out of game, can I just ask, Carlo and Dave, have you decided that my patron is like my agent or something? Is that what this is?

Is that what you were writing down before? He scrambles through a filthy file of facts. Oh, here we go, here we go. Freezo. Hizo. Yeah, Freezy. Freezy from Fave.

You must be, oh God, it's been, freezy, freezy. From Fay Root. How, how the blood. You must be, oh, God. It's been, how long has it been since we had a meeting? Oh. I think it's been several hundred years. Oh, I know. I'm just looking through the books here. And, God, I haven't got you. You haven't been working in a.

Have you been getting my dreams? I've been sending you dreams. Got a lot of big gigs. Fay Root. Now, you know getting my dreams? I've been sending you dreams. Got a lot of big gigs. Faerun, now, you know Dracus? Now there's a warlock. There's a warlock. Hey, uh... Wahooberberry?

Wahooberberry wants to make a check as to whether she needs to be in this room right now or not. A question worthy of everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why didn't you make for me an inside check? It's 16. We hope it indicates for the rest of the dragon friends to sort of follow her out to the courtyard

and leave Friso alone. So we'll come back to you guys in a second. But Friso, you're still here with the archon. And also while we're hanging out in the courtyard, we're just like all just like jamming, just like throwing out harmonies and stuff. Just like beatboxing in the courtyard, we're just like all just like jamming, just like throwing out harmonies and stuff, like just trying to I just like beatboxing in the courtyard. Yeah, exactly, we're just

like having a sick little glee club So we're splitting the party, I will come back to you guys in a second but we're still here with you guys for sex I'll tell you what, if I had a bloody ten clients like Dre, I I wouldn't need to pay rent, that's for sure Wait, Silver, did you say that you were

that you should be getting me work? Oh, I've been getting you... You've not been getting my dreams. I've been sending you dreams non-stop. You've been sleeping? You've been sleeping? You've been getting my dreams? No, I don't...

No, Freezer doesn't sleep. Wait. Oh! Wait. Oh! Oh. All right, this is why... Oh, this is fucked. You fucked me. You have fucked me on this, Dave.

You have absolutely fucked me on this. Answer your agent, Hing. Oh, this is bloody... I don't rep many high elves. I don't rep many high elves. I'm going to write that down. Fresi? Fresi boys? Freso!

Huh? Yeah. I'm writing it down. High elves. What do we say? High elves don't have dreams? No, don't have dreams. That's in the book. No, we just meditate for four hours together.

While the conversation goes on, outside, in an ante room, slightly embarrassed, the rest of the dragon friends, Bushu and Wahooverberry, are waiting as a small little imp with a tray of waters comes by offering each of your water.

Can Bushu sense other beings from the Fae plane? Yes. Can he try and sniff out Oberons? You can have a go. Make an insight check for me. Sick. 19. Woo!

All right, cool. You do get the sense that there is another Fae presence nearby, and it seems centered in the city somewhere. How good is my sense of smell? You always ask me this. Normal. All your characters have a normal sense of smell. No, but it's a dragon, so a dragon might have more smell.

If you want to make a character that has more smell, you can, but you don't. Well, look, you know, if anything I'm going to complain about, it's the limited smell sense that you find in this. It's not enough. You do get a sense using your fey presence. You realize that yourself, obviously, were Hooverberry, and Friso are creatures of the fey, but there is another fey figure somewhere in the center of the city.

And the little imp sits there and goes, will there be anything else? You haven't seen a... Wait, that's the wrong character. You haven't seen like a... like a king around, have you? Well, we have many kings. King.

Around, have you? Well, we have many kings. There are kings on each of the nine circles of the abyss. Okay, but like less demon, more like plant man? More like a, how would you describe him? Excessive? Bobby steps in and says he's extra. So, I mean, a lot of

really wicked shit goes along on here. I hear there was like a sweet kidnapping from another plane tonight. You know anything about that? Thievery, you mean, he says. And he sort of perks up, excited. I don't know if you'd call it thievery if it's a person. Do you have a problem with thievery?

Thievery is fun. We love thievery. We're big fans. We're like real. Yum yum yum thievery. The bastard's like I just stole your heart. And Bobby picks his pocket

gets a natural 20. I can't believe we, that's, Jesus, all right, yep. And says, and I just stole your, insert contents of pocket here. A whole bunch of sand, a whole lot of sand. Oh, you stole my pocket and a picture of my dad? Can I have that back? Of course, here you go. Here you go.

Nah, here you go. And he gives it to him. He's like, so, as you can tell, oh, we love the thieving arts. And we, you know what, we'd like a confab with your number one thiever here in town. Well, every thief in the Nine Circles is, of course, in the employ of the Winter Palace

today, for it is the night of the moonlit revels. Oh. Yeah. How do you get an invite to that? Ha ha ha ha ha. And then he vanishes. Meanwhile. Meanwhile. Anyway, and then Dracos, he said,

not this time, you bloody air. Anyway, it was great. This Dracos sounds very successful. You've got to look him up. You and me, let's have lunch with Dracos sometime. I feel like this was really on you to find a different way to communicate with me. No, no, Fresi. You're right.

You are right. You are right. You know, I could get represented by a lot of different wall... No, look, look. Patrons, you know what I mean? Look, I could go over the road right now to patrons... by a lot of different wall... No, look, look. Patrons, you know what I mean? Look. I could go over the road right now to patrons... I walk in and I cast Charm Person on him.

Oh, okay, you're sneaking in. Quickly make for me a Deception check. Okay. Also, doesn't she have to tell the truth? Yes, she does, but you can still cast Charm Person. All right, so you creak the door ajar and quickly make for me a Charisma check. All right, so you creak the door ajar and quickly make for me a charisma check. Alright, so

you are charmed at this moment. However, you're not charmed by Freeza, you're charmed by Wahooverberry. Look, Resefison, you know, you got some fun looking friends. You look like you're having a great time up there. It's kind of my bad. I didn't realise high elves didn't have dream, but that's

in the book now. So, look, what I'm going there. It's kind of my bad. I didn't realise high elves didn't have dreams, but that's in the book now. So, look, what I'm going to do, I'm going to take out the pen of holy lies, what I'm going to do, and I'm going to write down in my book, here we go, Free... Free... Freezo. And that's with a... I've got an alphabet. How do you spell

your name there? Double E-Z-O. I interrupted. What's his name again? What's your name? Robbie Silver. Because if you want gold, you bloody start with silver. Okay, there we go. Listen, listen, Robbie.

Pleased to make your acquaintance. My name is Bass Bass with Hooverberry. Great to meet you, Bass Bass with Hooverberry. That's an easy name to remember. Come on. Listen, I... Are you currently represented? You look like a musical type.

Not yet, but we'll talk about that later. And then I just like quickly quickly flash another mixtape and then I'll just shove it in my pocket. We've just met and I don't quickly trust people that much, but you just seem like the kind of guy that we can get along with. I was wondering, could you please help Friso and us you know like we we would really appreciate um just like oh we we need we have some questions really we would like some help whether it be powers but also like some intel would be cool

you're charmed so you have to help her in any way you can. Base Space, let me help you out here. Let me just finish this. I've got Freezo in the book, putting you down. What are you, Hexblade? There we go, Hexblade in. Bang, that's in the book. What's Hexblade? In the representative time.

What's Hexblade? I'm a warlock for all occasions. There we go. What's Hexblade? Base Space? What is Hexblade? What is Hexblade? Freezo Baby, I'm having a chat here, okay buddy? Fucking agents, man

Fucking agents Listen, Base Base, what do you need? Okay, well, firstly We are looking for a friend of ours in this here city. I mean, it would be helpful if you had any intel on where they might be. What's the name? His name's Oberyn. Oh, I think I might know where they are.

And he pulls out a filthy atlas. You see, it's got pornography in it. Yeah, sorry. I sent a fold. It's an pornography in it. Yeah, sorry. A centerfold. It's an atlas full of sexy pictures. How did these get in there? Look, what you need to know about the abyss, there's nine circles. We're right now, we're on the first circle, the shadow prime.

Ninth circle, that's just a bloody shadow abyss. They are kind down there. Weird place. But the seventh circle, that's what a bloody shadow shadow abyss they are kind down there weird place but the seventh circle that's what you're looking for that's the shadow fell the shadow fae world you know it's the it's the opposite and i reckon uh oberon if i know oberon which i do uh i've been to a few soirees of my time base base uh oberon i think you'll find him right down there in the possible audience of the Winter King and Queen. There you go. Hold on, was that where we just came from?

No, no, so he's saying that he... Every circle of the Abyss is a reflection of one of the other nine known worlds. The seventh circle, the reflection of the Feywild is the Shadowfell. So what I'm going to do here, what I'm going to do for you, bang, there we go. Opened a portal down to the seventh circle. Which he does by opening a filing cabinet.

Sort of ferrying through. There we go, that's the cabinet open there. You can get down there. If you need representation, let's take 10% of everything you earn. Sometimes we'll take 20%. I'll change it around if I want. Stop talking,

Robbie. Hey! Thank you so much. Thank you so much for your help, Robbie Silver. Face to face, I didn't get to meet your friends. I'm going to guess, I want to say Robbie. I want to say Robbie hotcakes. I want to say Bastion, like a castle. And, uh, Fres, we're going to get you... I won't be seeing you in your dreams, and I hope I don't see you in your nightmares. But I will send you a letter, though. I will send you a letter. We'll get down there to the seventh circle, guys.

What am I doing here? Oh, Fres, you can take this. I've got a heap of them. Yeah, and he pulls out a cardboard box and then rifling through what looks like about 24 identical plastic cling-wrapped swords. He finds one sword with a purple gem in it and he pulls it out and pulls the cling wrap off it.

Now that blade, that's a special... That's a good one. You take that. Hex blade that you are. We're in the book. And, well, Robbie Silver is Robbie Silver!

We jump into the... How much? What kind of commission do you take? 10%. That is fucked, man. Oh! I was wondering why I'm leaving you off, Fred. You are way overdue. So I'm just going to take all these rupees.

I give Robbie Silver 30 of my 300 rupees. It's really good of you, Fred. It's really good of you. And I'll get you some work, man. I'll get you some work. And I cut in because I'm getting bored again. And I'm like, hey, guys, let's go. You can thank me later or now, whichever suits you.

Thank you. And you all jump through the portal. Keep it cut. All right. Inside, you find yourselves on the seventh circle of the shadow. In the shadow fell the seventh circle of the abyss. And there you see a twisted replica of that shining city of Sylvania that you discovered in

the Feywild and there at the top of a hill, a twisted mocking effigy representing that beautiful summer palace of Oberon and Titania. This is the shadow of that splendor, the darkness of that light. It's like Persona 5. Sorry, I haven't just planned that a lot lately. It's like Persona 5.

Carry on, carry on. So does this mean that they'll be singing songs to each other about how not horny they are? About how chaste and disdainful for each other they are? And in the dark shadows that you are, you're able to creep your way to the periphery of a party that seems to progress, where you can see on two twisted thrones at the top of the room,

accompanied by the music of a foul-smelling set of Formosians playing a pizza oven that is also a bagpipe's... LAUGHTER ..is... Now that's posh. ..the Witten King and Queen, Barbarus and Morgana. Oh, Morgana, long have I loved you so deeply. Oh, Barbarus, put your hot, stabby tail into my gut and jiggle it out.

Oh yeah. Morgana, I could just eat you like I could eat a person that was shaped in your size. Fabris, you have a gift for Morgana. Fabris, you're... I've got a gift for you, Morgana. Oh, put it in front of me and I'll I'll rub myself on it

and then take a shh wow no finish your thought I'll take a shite and cover myself in my own instrument because I know it pleases you I'm comfortably erect I'll tell you that, Morgana.

Sorry, what was that? All I said is that I threw up a little bit in my mouth. Yeah, that's fair. That is very fair. I think I actually did that. Part of the key. Don't let my comfortable erection distract you from my powerful gift. distracted from my powerful gift.

And with that, he moves over and a filthy black orb with a thunk deposits a gemstone on the centre of the room. Oh, that, the, I tell you, the sound of a thing thunking into another thing really gets me going. It's like when you and I

make passionate love. Inside, the gemstone locked in a Richter's scream. You can see over on Prince of Fairies the Summer King himself. Oh, he's a bit... Look how smooth he is. Gross.

He's not the good on him that I am. Why are they Scottish? Well, you see, I was being the opposite of... So I was putting the Scottish accent on. Oh, so what should I have done? So should I have done... I should have been English then? Look, you know... I'd be like, what are the English people?

Really, at the end of the day, they're not so different, you know? No, it's true. Now, you are all at the periphery of this party. No-one has spotted you yet. But the Oberon... You have found found Oberon and he is here. I'm going to cast Disguise Self as a dark fade dude.

Basically I look like Tommy Wiseau. From The Room. Yeah, that'll work. I was going to say Tommy what that is. But yeah, okay. So do Tommy Wiseau. Do your best Tommy Wiseau. Lisa, you're tearing me apart. All right, so you turn up dressed as, like,

maybe a crazy Los Angeles actor or maybe a vampire. Yeah, and I've got a football in my hand. You've got a football in your hand. And we quick make charm checks. That's an 11 and that is a 2. So for now, the spell holds and they believe

that you are a failing actor who believes he has written the screenplay for a generation. Great. Or the fantasy equivalent of that. I'm still in the shadows. You've walked out. Oh, have I? Great.

You said you'd walked out. Well, no, I said before. I've walked out. Your majesties, I come bearing a gift of great artistic value for you. You know, I come into this world and I give you this here monologue from a screenplay I write for you.

We're going too deep. We're going too deep. Basically, it's a reimagining of like where like lust and sex is just the way a human being is. But also an elf and also a fae because just sex, you know. The demons start to hiss. Sorry, yep. I was just going to say, I see a remark. What is, is Oberyn in this room? It's Barbarous and Morgana. going to say, oh, see, remark, what is... Is Oberon in this room?

It's Barbarus and Morgana. And then Oberon's in the crystal thing. Screaming. Oh, but in this room. Yeah, yeah. Okay, just needed to check why we're doing this. Damn right. So, the demons start to hiss, but Barbarus puts his hand up.

Stop your hissing, I want to hear the wee man talk a wee bit. I want to hear more of his screenplay. Hey, also... Thanks, Carlo. Does... We go on to hear more about his screenplay. Hey, does Oberyn have... We go on to hear more about his screenplay. Hey, does Oberyn have... Like, if we were to free Oberyn,

would he be, like, a proficient battler? He is a powerful sorcerer. Okay, cool. And the crystal... Like, the crystal... Where is the crystal in the room? It's in the centre of the room. It's about 15 feet away from you.

How big is the crystal again? It's Oberyn's size, right? Oh, like, it's human size. It's like Han Solo in Carbonite, right? He's trapped in a crystal, yeah. Now, I still have Uwe Brie's necklace in my... You do, and that's correct. And so I make my way up to where Oberon is

and where the King and Queen are, and I just keep rambling on and on and on. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm just like, portal! And I shoot it like I did last time. And as he's talking, Bastogne goes up to Hooverberry and he's like, bees-like?

Hello, bees? Listen, people are ugly as shit down here. We've got to, I don't know, I don't know what I'm feeling here, but I feel like we've got to take a chance or something. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I think I know what you mean. We've got to take a chance, take a chance, take a chance,

take a chance, take a chance, take a chance, take a chance. If you change your mind, I'm the best in line. Honey, I'm still free. Take a chance on me. If you need me Take a dance on me It's a bard song. That is enough.

That is not only distracting enough to give you a chance to dive towards the crystal, but it also counts as bardic inspiration. So you get an extra tier six to this roll. Make a quickly dexterity check, because the moment you do it, the guards go. I rolled a 15, you rolled a 12, but your four makes it 16,

which is one more than what I rolled, which means that, Bobby, you race forward and you plunge the crystal, which suddenly feels like jelly Soft and yielding as your hand flies through it and its power is absorbed back into the necklace which begins to glow and Thrum as it becomes red hot this seems like a much greater energy almost impossible to Control and painful to touch as the... It's tearing me apart! I'm stalling!

Morgana! You scream in surprise as the crystal disappears and Oberon you roar in surprise What has happened to me? And the demons hiss and scream as you stand in the middle of them suddenly and there is a moment of silence. All of you, as Oberon collapses to his knees,

gasping in breath like that scene in Star Wars, I now realise. He's blind, but you also feel like he's going to be okay. Bastion goes to help him to his feet. You race towards, the demons are circling around you, and this crystal is becoming hotter and hotter and hotter, and you're going to need to start making constitution checks and potentially taking damage if you want to keep holding it. Okay.

Is it like the energy building up like last time with the light? Yeah, like last time, but it's much, much more powerful. Okay. I aim it at the king and queen standing together, and I'm like... What are you going to do? Oh, this is... It's just killing me.

It's just pointing the thing at us. I hope it doesn't... I don't know what to do. You have... I'm still comfortably erect. I say, Oh, hey, dark elves. And I push the end. And you throw it or?

Yeah. You throw it at the ground where it shatters. And at that moment, everybody screams as there is a sound that is very painful and your ears start to bleed and rupture. As everybody in the room takes back. And all of you take a D6 points of sonic damage. No! D6? But it seems to push them back.

And at that moment, as you throw them, you suddenly also realise that you can hear what seems to be like a siren or a whale. As the pain continues to hold in your hand. Wait, so it didn't open a portal? It just did damage? No, no, your hand seems to still be vibrating with it, with the power.

Okay, I just go, Portal! And create my hand in a circular motion and just try and push as hard as I can. What do you think? What's he doing? Nothing happens. What are you doing? What are you doing?

You've done nothing. You've just waved your hand about. Let's fight him. And they start menacingly walking towards you. However, with your hand outstretched, you notice for the first time that the hearts on your crystal bracer are now 100% full. Guys, we can back.

Logians, can you hear us? Yeah, I've heard the whole bloody thing, mate. And it smells terrible. Well, let's's I feel like I feel like we need to kill these people though Oh really? Just jump I feel like we need to get the fuck out of here

Hey Oberon you good? He looks up at you And he sort of nods But he's shaken and drawn And white as a ghost I don't feel at all aroused. I take my hot, hot hand and I place it on his chest. Oh, there it is.

And I move it towards his nipple and I just start very tiny circles with my middle finger. Yeah. Slightly, just like vibrating it ever so slightly. Okay, the energy starts to flow out of your hand into Oberon and you feel the vibration cease as your bones stop creaking and the power slowly thrums out of your hand as you see his power grow again.

Yes, yes. And... Oh! Yes, yes. And let the portal begin. And he just spews out a portal. From whence? I need not say. Power seems to rush from him very quickly and the power starts

to consume the room as the demons quick my friends into the portal let's jump through let's do it this is not in my notes let's do it

let's do it alright a portal yeah back to the farewell so you're not going to press the crystal

alright cool so you all jump through the portal. All of you quickly make for me a dexterity check. One. Roll again. You're rolling a d12, you idiot.

Oh, am I? 18. Yep. I got 18. 18. I got a six. Six and a four. All right.

Three of you. So Baston. Yes. And Bushu and Wahoo for Berry. You dive through the portal and the portal closes in a blink. However, as you missed your rolls, the rest of you are trapped in the abyss. And for the first time in a long time, the dragon friends are trapped not just in two locations, but in two different worlds. The party has been split in a way that it cannot be split any further.

For between the Feyworld Land of Enchantment and the Shadowfell Heartplace of Misery lies an adventuring party that does not know when to quit. Can the dragon ferns find their way together again? Will the Shard Treaty be broken entirely by the reckless voyage of their vessel and what of this child

helping Wahooverberry from the shadows who seem to help you even in your darkest moment and where indeed is she going for the answers to questions such as these, tune in to the next episode of the Dragon Friends, thank you that's your own fault g'day episode of the Dragon Friends. Thank you.

That's your own fault. G'day. Robbie Silver here. You're listening to a promotional package with some of my best clients. I'm talking Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Griner, names you'll never forget, Dave Harmon, Ben Jenkins, with NPC voices by Carlo Ritchie. Shakira Khan designs the website,

and it's also featured Montaigne and the Sonic Boom Lords. All of them excellent, ready for parties. Abyssal parties. I'm talking Feywild. I'm talking every kind of dish. Every kind of... They've got it all covered.

These are names you won't forget. And of course, last of all, how could I forget to mention one? He's a best friend. He's a legend in the industry, McElhang. Now, there's a guy who's going places. Now, guys, I also want to say if you're looking for someone else fun, you can also check out another podcast that I represent. It's called The Bear Pack Podcast.

A lot of fun there, a lot of laughs. And they'll do anything you want. They'll do a bris, they'll do a birthday, funerals, they're there for you, you know? And, uh, oh, oh, no, they, oh, sorry, guys, I've just set my abyssal steep, they're, they're, it's just getting towed, they're towing it away, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, oh, no, they're gonna, they're gonna, oh, uh, I really want to stay and chat, I've just gotta, oh chat I've just got to run but keep listening to the Dragon Fan, have fun

I'm very sorry, sorry, sorry, bye