Dragon Friends - #4.08. Because I Hate Myself, Susan with Susie Youssef

Episode Date: May 31, 2018

The Engine Halls of the Saturnine are no place for a child, let alone a child as fat, and stupid, and awful as poor, poor Bonathan Kndd. But worry not, lad! The Dragon Friends are on the case and they're here to win your freedom... if the Bellowsmaster Cardinal doesn't stop them first, that is. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It has been! No time has passed. has passed. You are in the boiler room of the satinine planes cruise liner and taking in the secrets hidden therein. Bonathon, precious stupid Bonathon, hangs

over the moor of an ancient and hungry and powerful crystal lollipop, almost decimated, still hanging from his mouth his eyes stare at you in a sort of cow like panic filled you are closest to the mechanisms that operate his chain martha and bobby you are down below facing a man bigger than a regular man in plated armor. Six foot tall. In plated armor wearing the sigil of the Bellowsman.

He is, of course, as is now canon, Dave, Cardinal Bellend. Yes. course, as is now canon, Dave, Cardinal Bellend. Yes! His two, the two bellowsmen that you were previously fighting now stand as his guard on either side of him. You are momentarily still.

Bonifan is being lowered slowly still into the moor. Yes. You've discovered our dirty little secret, haven't you? Is that Cardinal Bellend? Yes, I'm Cardinal... I will take questions at the end.

At the end of the monologue. Yes. At the bellend of the monologue? Quiet, you! You have done quite enough damage with your meddling. Wait, who are you? I'm Cardinal Bellend.

Oh, wait. Wait, you both are? Yes, we have two heads. Two heads. Two heads. Cannon. Cannon. Cannon.

Cannon. Are your nicknames Ding and Dong? Yes Or are they Bell and N? How did you know that? Only our mother calls us Ding Dong We are Cardinal Bell and Bell and Bell and

Ding Dong Ding Dong Yes, anyway Anyway Bellend. Bellend. Bellend. Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. Yes, anyway. Anyway, now you know the secrets of the bellows room. What powers the carcosa shard is unlike what powers the other shards.

Perhaps it was because the shard formed carcosa that it took on some of its malevolence. But this shard exacts a price for its power. A soul! At first it was small souls for big gain, but then the shard grew hungry. Rapacious. Grew more teeth. Looked more like a shark. Much more like a shark. It was confusing.

And now we have to feed it fresh souls every cycle in order to power the ship. And now you know, and now you must die. So while he's monologuing, while they're monologuing, the chain, Precious Bonneton's chain continues to click down. Because I'm close to it as he's talking, can I slowly, casually, like nodding like I'm really listening? Like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, bell. Ding. Got it. Dong. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Shard.

And then as I'm doing that, like, back up to the button and to press the button. You can make a stealth check to not be noticed. All right. DC 15 because he's pretty involved in himself. Oh, boy. That's a four. That's a four. Please pay attention.

Stop. We are talking. We don't get to practice public speaking very much. Yes. You're doing great. Thank you. Thank you. That's a good enunciation.

Yes. It's unfortunate, but now that you have all seen the Shard, we cannot let you leave alive. I say, Cardinal, allow me to escort these souls up to the chamber to feed them to the Shard. A capital idea. Capital. But their souls are old and wizened. So gross. He looks to Friso and he's like

there is barely something here. This is chicken feed. Yes. And that one too fat to fit in the shard. We'll have to yeah just not use it. And then they kind of confer for a while. Is that Hector or is he pointing

at me? Yeah, no, Hector, not you, but you're also big. I'm muscly. Okay. Whatever you want to call it. And they're like, but perhaps, and they kind of titter to themselves, and it's like, the Carcosa shard is hungry. Perhaps a child will not be enough. Perhaps

a child and a mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what kind of weapons do these guys have? They're like kind of in a big, kind of, they've got armour and one, I don't know, an axe or something. And they're two, like, they're just, how do they, there's just... I've been playing a lot of God of War, so it's that axe. They have that specific axe. Do they have the same relationship as the people in God of War as well? Yeah, pretty much so. Really crazy.

So the... The way Ding and Dong work, they're two separate consciousnesses, right? They're two separate entities. But they have one body. Yes, but they count as two separate... I just want to point out that this happened because me and Simon spoke over each other. Canon! Eden.

Yes, but they count as two separate things. Well, not attacking them. No, it'd be one body. I'm attacking one body, but they count as two. You could talk to either of them. What are you getting at? I'm going to cast... Simon's trying to get your attention.

I'm going to cast Crown of Madness. Yeah. On Ding. All right, go on. How does it work? Which makes it attack a creature other than itself that I mentally choose. Yes. The creature, the target I choose is Dong.

Yeah. Are you familiar? Good choice. The target I choose is Bobby. Yeah. Are you familiar... Good choice. The target I choose is Bobby. No. All right. Are you familiar with the Jim Carrey movie Me, Myself and Irene? These characters are not.

So this will be quite a surprise to them. So basically, Ding and Dong have to do a... Let's see a wisdom saving throw. Well just you do right? Yeah. Ding has to do a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom okay.

Yep. Oh. It's a 20. It's a 20. Sorry. Can I ask a question? Yes. Martha Kennedy

is an angry rich woman. Confirmed? Confirmed. Level four. A level four angry rich woman. Confirmed? Confirmed. Level four. A level four angry rich woman. Yes. Does that mean she's soulless? Okay.

Then you can't kill me with my kid because I don't have a soul. Wow. That's really grim. All right. It is. It's really grim. Alright. It is. It's really grim. Occasionally we get like YouTube comments and emails about the politics of this show. People are sometimes confused about where we stand. I feel like we've made it very clear now. But yet you care for the boy. You wanted to disrupt the ceremony. There is soul in you yet. Caesar!

I shove her forward up the stairs and... Ouch! Get up there, lady! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh! Wind the boy back up. We will tie them together and feed them to the shard ensemble. And the Gilman looked to the cardinal. The cardinal's like, that sounds fun.

Yes. And can I scream, the goddamn patriarchy. That lot is good, it'll do you. Still gonna scream it. Okay, so they hoist Bonathan back up to the platform. That's the sound of the hoisting.

So I take Bonathan off the hook. Yep. And he's just like... A drop of drool splats on the ground. I pull the chain so that there's slack to tie on the mother. And I pull more and more and more.

And then I whip it at the cardinal. Whoa! Whoa! All right, make an attack roll. Chain whip. That's a 16. 16. Yes.

Dong catches a chain right to the face and goes, Ah, you dick! Fuck! Ha! Don't laugh at me. That really hurt. Yeah, but it did not hit me. Shit.

Dong takes... Okay, so I guess we're back in combat. Phil, what do you want to do? You're by the button. So you guys are up on that gangway above. Yep. You two are up there. Have you unhooked Bonathan?

Yeah. You've unhooked Bonathan. Do you want to throw Bonathan down? Don't throw a child in a car at all. Just don't do it. I feel like he was safer when he was tied up. I feel like he was safer when he was tied up. Do you want to throw Bonifant down to me and I'll take care of him?

Are you up there? No, no, Filch is on the ground with Frieza. Or should I attack the Cardinal? Yeah, you do whatever you want. I'll do both. No, leave him with his mother. Leave him with his mother. All right, I'm going to attack the cardinals with my flail of fire.

Okay. If you do use Bonothan, because he's so stupid and boring, they'll probably fall asleep from listening to him. Or will they? They could. Okay, maybe they won't. Let's try it later. I guess they won't. Before you do that, the cardinal says,

Bellowsmen. I slipped. Apologies, Cardinal. What a great mistake I've made. I'm beginning to think. You know not what you do. Side huddle. I don't think you're a bellowsman at all.

Oh, of course I am. I know all the songs. Name four kinds of nails. The song about the nails. We teach them all to all of the bellowsmen to learn the different types of nails. Why are there nails on this ship? But the point is, you know it.

Bellowsmen, drop the beat. Too jazzy. Too jazzy. Too jazzy. Much too jazzy a beat. Give me one second. I'll drop a real beat. It's okay. Here we go.

Ready for the real beat? Yeah, I'm ready for the real beat, man. The best down beat you've ever heard. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. The song about the nails. There's the don'ts and do's there's the nails and screws there's the things that you use and the things that you don't use when you're here safety is a thing that you have to do and sing the songs we have to know what to do because

safety is here for me and you you know know that guy, Jake, he lost an arm it's cause he wasn't paying attention and he did himself harm. Now, here's the core of the song you gotta know what nails are right and wrong. The wrong ones are the ones on your hand cause they'll get ripped off if you put them in the jamming machine. And the right ones, they are the ones that are made of shards, glass and fun.

All right. For the podcast listeners, we should say that at the end of that rap, Simon looked very confused about the things he'd just said. Baffled by his own... I couldn't remember one word to the next. There was a few bars before it mentioned nails. It was a nails song. Didn't hit that real fast.

I feel like he pre-wrote the first bit. So did he get that absolutely word for word correct? The cardinals were like, there are two options. Either he was taught the nail song or he guessed it word for word. This seems unlikely to me. Unlikely, he must have learnt it.

Alright, but be more careful with your chains. My deepest apologies. Escort the mother and child to the mouth. I mean, tie them up again. And he kind of hurls the chain back to you and it kind of starts retracting. I let it fall on the floor and it slips down slowly like oh sorry yeah

Think about waking to the air. Oh, raps. Oh, raps. Oh, me arms get tired. So, Phil, this bellowsman is in a big mech suit with hurdy claws. So it's made of metal. Like a red lobster? Crab?

More like the thing from Alien. Like a lifty robot. Oh, the mech suit from Alien. Yeah, the mech suit from Alien. He's in the mech suit from Alien. He's in the mech suit from Alien. He's exposed in a way. So you can hit the body. And is his head a human head? He's got a helmet on. Yeah, but he's

a person. And he's only six foot, so that's not that tall, right? No, he's a... I mean... The mech is probably about what do we say? Eight feet. Sure. Tall as a man Mighty as an elk How tall am I about that?

You're about eight Seven I reckon you're seven I just had a brain explosion I was like is Alex asking me how tall she is? She's not eight feet Don't tell her It's the source of all my confidence

Shorty Okay Filch You gonna do it? You going to tag it? Yeah, I'm just going to run up to them and I'm just going to... Because I can get their little faces. Okay, you're going to make a... I'm just going to flail them in the face.

So you're going to make a cold shot. A shot? What? So you can try and hit their face and it'll be harder to hit, but you'll do more damage. Yes, that. Okay, go for it. Do I need to do anything different with my dice? No, just roll. Okay. It's 18, so'll do more damage. Yes, that. Okay, go for it. Do I need to do anything different with my dice? No, just roll.

Okay. It's 18, so I'm a class. Yeah, okay. Well, I got four plus a seven, so. Okay, you miss. Freeza. So who's the most damaged of the people around? No, only the cardinal.

Dong has taken a bit of damage. But Dong doesn't look ill, do they? They don't look like they've been hurt quite a bit. Not that bad. I mean, he got the hook to the face. Yeah, it hurt. A copy of the... DVD.

The hook. Yeah, yeah. Quite sharp. Dong passed the test for Crown of Madness. You could cast it on the other guy. No, I... Do something different. Yeah, so I've used...

So the Cloak of Flies doesn't take a spell slot. It's a bonus action. So I'm going to use my bonus action this time to cast Hexblade Curse, a Basil Curse on Dong, or Ding again, on Eden. Yep. And then I'm going to cast Witch Bolt.

So that's an 18, plus my attack is 7, so 25. That hits, yes? 25, that really hurts. He's upset. Okay. He's very upset. He's a level 3 spell slot,

so I'm just going to do the damage. But yeah, you can move on while I do the damage. I will just say that as that happens, the stone, the shard rather, seems to diminish even more and a strange kind of wailing noise starts coming out of it. Butterfingers, feed the shard or we're all goners. We're back to you, Martha. Martha, what would you like to do? I'm rich,

so I know chains. Yep. So, I see the chain that's hanging above the shard and I grab stupid Bonifan.ard and I grab stupid Bonifan. Yeah. I grab stupid Bonifan and we swing together from the ceiling around the bellends

and bang their heads together. Oh, like you're going to like kind of go... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to swing and go around the two heads. Yeah, because you know how rich women do a lot of exercise as well because they've got time, so she's... She's good. Yeah, she's totally okay.

And she uses the stickiness of Bonifan's lollipop to keep grip on the chain. Yep, okay. So first make a dexterity. Very good. First make a dexterity check, so roll the dice.

You've got plus one dexterity. Do I do it in here? Yeah, do it. It's a 12 plus your dexterity do it in here yeah do it do it it's a 12 plus your dexterity so you've grabbed uh you've you're swinging across the room precious bonathan in tow and yes it's very sticky so you're holding on and and precious bonathon is humming the jurassic park theme song because he just does that all the time yeah like that okay good now make an attack roll make an attack roll yep which one do I do I'll let you use quiet bonnet then I'll let you use your your rocket gloves to increase your power okay ready bingo that's a five oh. You are going in the right direction. Oh, that fucking kid is weighing me down.

Oh, the maternal instincts of Susie Youser. Should never have conceived him. We were going to go to a movie. You guys kind of swing and just tumble into a pile. Okay, and Bonathan breaks my fall. Butterch who's fighting Filch it was a mech no one's fighting me who was the mech that someone was attacking you missed he turns and he's like, seize them. And now we've got a competent bellowsman going to the mother and daughter.

Mother and son. Yep. The bellows, the guy who you're fighting turns his back on you and grabs Martha in one claw and precious Bonathon in the other and starts to step towards the shard. Dispensing entirely with the whole chain fiasco because now the shard is really starting to wail. Phil, back to you.

Does the shard have a wail in it as well as a shark? Yeah, it... Is it like a wail sound, like a... Like that? Yeah. Is it like a whale sound? Like a... Like that? Yeah. Unfortunately, it is. Okay, so it's really sad.

Does anyone in the room understand what it's saying? Nobody does. Oh, is it an animal? I think he can speak to animals. Yeah, does it count? Is a shark an animal? A shark is an animal. And a whale is an animal. a shark an animal? A shark is an animal. And a whale is an animal.

It's not an animal. No, anything that has a mouth is an animal. It's true. Name one thing. Hey, what about a cave? A cave? Yeah. Like in Aladdin. It's an animal. We're not going into Aladdin again! Michael, you investeded us all! You can twist me on maths, I know everything about it.

Filch. Oh, yeah. He's marching towards the Shard in the suit. Oh, okay. I run up and I stand in front of the Shard and I say, No! Take me! I will sacrifice myself to the shard and I say, no, take me. I will sacrifice myself to the shard. Why?

And then... Why does Filch care about this dumb kid? I think if the shard goes out, the ship will crash and we'll all die. Is that correct? Nobody's told you that either way. The guy just said, we'll all die. He said we a good guess. A good guess.

We'll all die. He said we'll be doomed. Hey, what happened... I'm willing to do this, and that's on the record now. Yep. What would happen if the shard did go out, just out of interest? We don't have time for this. We must feed the Carcosa shard. Wait, wait.

So what's the layout? Am I standing... Is Friso standing... Sorry, is the cardinal between Friso and the Shard? No. Is the Shard still facing up or has the Shard come down? The Shard's still... The Shard's up.

Yeah, still facing up. But they can lift it and they'll be able to drop them. You're in front of it now. How far in the air is the Shard's mouth? Like 10 feet in the air? 10 feet in the air. And where is Hagdar? Hagdar is like... Where is Hagdar? Hagdar is like, where is Hagdar?

Hagdar's just been watching. I'm a bit of a voyeur. I've just been watching all this. But he says, right after Pilch says, I'll sacrifice myself, he says, I'm Spartacus. Okay. And the cardinal's... And the cardinal

says, that is noble, but your aged soul would not save us now. It needs to be fresh and pure and stupid. All right, so. Maybe three or four of you, though. Or even two. And Friso runs directly towards Ding and Dong, right? And then slides underneath them. Yep.

And so his hands are just below their groin. Yes. And then he fires an eldritch blast using the hexblade trait Grasp of Hader. Go on. Which can force someone 10 feet. Oh. 10 feet.

That's taller than a man. 20. I saw that. That was a 20. 20. I was surprised by that. That was a 20. 20. I was surprised by that. I was so surprised. I've been rolling so terribly this whole game.

I was like, well, this little get ready to fail again and one of you had another cool idea. You fucking idiot. Why are you berating yourself when you won? Oh, because I hate myself seriously. I hate everything I do. The cardinal looks. Yeah, so Friso, I guess, punches Eldritch.

Right in the gooch. Right in the gooch. Into the mouth of the shark. Up directly into the mouth. Like one of those trick shots you see bros do on the internet. Sure. As the cardinal goes into the air, Friso stands up and folds his arms and looks away from the moor

and he's like, tell me if it goes in. And as the cardinal, very surprised by this development, sails through the air and reaches the apex of their trajectory, they turn to one another and look down at the open moor of the Carcosa Shard. It really does look like a shark from up here. I've never seen it from this angle. I get it now. My goo! My goo chairs.

Whoa. And they crash into the Carcosa Shard. And for a moment, the lights in the ship go out. And you are plunged into darkness until a pinpoint of light in the middle of the room starts glowing orange. You see it's coming from the shard as if it is digesting something. All of a sudden a beam of light shoots out from its admittedly shark-like mouth and the shard once again starts glowing the same glow that you saw it before, diminished but somehow powerful and then it grows and it grows and it grows until it illuminates the entire room and the ship's engines. Come back on the lights, flick back on,

and you realise that the Saturnine has eaten one of its children once again and is sailing through the plains safely. What a bad ship. Bobby gets down on one knee and says, the cardinal is dead. Long live the cardinal. Freezo! Look,

I think that was such an impressive gooch punch that the... I think that was such an impressive Gooch punch that the... Simon nearly did a spit take, but he held it in. I feel like we should take advantage and do more puns on Gooch and taints and stuff. Like he got hit so hard that he did a taint faint. Are you saying this aloud? Yeah, we're all saying it because we're on this high note for the Cardinal.

And I've got chains around my neck, so I'm really like, your mum is so... like that. Do you want to do another one? Nope. Okay. You made the Cardinal your gooch pooch. I don't think I understand this game we're playing now. Yeah, you wouldn't because you're in the butthut.

What is the butthut? I regret it so much. Also, Friso, you told us to tell you if it went in and I've got some great news for you. Yeah? It went in. Nobody messes with Santa Monica. Yeah! Can we make sex jokes about

Bobby and be like, that's what she said? Who's Bobby? I am a bellowsman. Two mechs so impressed by this gooch punch do a bow in their mech suits, which looks quite cool. Yeah, they go like

like that. And you have've got like... Like that. And you have a moment. You realise that nobody has really seen what's happened here. The Cardinal's dead. These two bellowsmen take you to be the new Cardinal. And it's up to you what you do next. I think we make them fight to the death and leave. Or...

No, okay, I'm willing to hear other ideas, Bobby We get them to fast track us to Primus and we hide down here from everyone else Yeah, yeah No, that's cool

Since we've had such a stressful day can we get them to massage all of us first because the spa's been closed, I assume With their mech suits still on

With their mech suits still on Like that? Yes Even just like to make themselves vibrate and we'll just stand against them. Bellasman, one of you kneel down like a table. And the other one, once Mrs. Kennedy gets on top of the table, man, can you massage her with your claws, please? Yeah, I mean, this is valuable time you're wasting.

And they do a massage for her. Can you do a roll to see how good they are at massaging? Sure. I'm happy to do that. That's a 13. Fine. Oh, I've missed the touch of a man. Tolstoy hasn't touched me since we conceived. Stupid bonnet then.

Wait, was your... What? Was your child so stupid that he killed your husband's boner? Oh yeah, but where is your husband? Where is Tolstoy? He's really drunk. He's probably still in a

comedy bar. They've got me! Okay, so what do you do? Hey, doesn't all cums kill a boner? Yeah, but I think you meant long term. Yeah, I meant long term. Okay, sorry what do you do? Hey, doesn't all comes kill a boner? Yeah, but I think you meant long term. Yeah, I meant long term. Okay, sorry. Also, no, I'm a man.

I have a boner all the time. Is that masculine? I don't know. Also, what have you done to me? I've never said that sentence before in my whole life. The sentence doesn't all comes kill a boner is the new cellar door. The most beautiful phrase in the English language.

So are we to assume that all the other children that have gone missing beforehand have been fed to the shard? I mean, talk to Haggar about it. Excellent deduction. I also deduced it. And a look of sadness comes over his face and he realizes that the mystery's solved. But if we can take the ship and we can take the captain of the ship to the authorities in primus,

the Westminster family may really look upon this favorably. This could earn us respect, monies, freedoms, ships. So if there's a way that we can get back... You want to apprehend Castilda? Is that what you want to do?

She's incredibly powerful. What's the source of her power? Just she's old. Is it perchance a magic monocle? Well, she's powered... She draws power from the shard, which we've just fed. So logic stands that she's more powerful than ever. And what's the link between the shard and Casilda?

What's her name? Casilda. She's a planeswalker. Powerful than ever. And what's the link between the Shard and Clacilda? What's her name? Clacilda. Clacilda. She's a planeswalker. But isn't just owning a Shard make you a planeswalker? Can't we take control of the Shard? Maybe. Yes, exactly.

In that vein, how many bellowsmen are there on the ship? There's probably about 400. 400 bellowsmen? there on the ship? There's probably about 400. 400 bellowsmen? And how many masky boys? About the same. Okay. So the majority of people on the ship, they're just customers, right? They're just passengers?

Yeah. Okay. So Friso's going to call to order a meeting of the bellowsmen as the new cardinal. Okay. I like this. of the bellowsman as the new Cardinal okay I like this freezer with as someone who has declared themselves leader of many types of people me biggest suggestion is for you to get a hat so they respect your authority great idea great idea what hats have we got lying around let me do it let me do a check

that you could do a hat check for me. That is a six. Do your hat stats. What's your hat stats? What are we doing? Perception with that one? Yep, perception with the hat stats. Fuck you, Dave! If you're listening! That's plus three so that's nine. That's a nine. I'm gonna say you can find a pork pie hat in the corner.

You could write cardinal on it. Yep, and you can find, and there's also a propeller hat in one of the rafters, which you could probably dislodge. The higher the hat, the closer to God. One on top of the other. Hey, I can give you some bread rolls to attach to the top of your hat. The higher the hat, the closer to God.

Into the woods. Sorry. So what we're going to do is we're going to go, the first layer of this sort of, I guess this wedding cake of hats will be a pork pie hat. On top of that, we'll place the propeller hat. On top of that, on opposite sides of the propeller, we'll place a bread roll each. Fantastic.

Very Arab Spring of you. That's a deep cut. Do you remember they did that? They strapped bread to their heads so they wouldn't be hit by projectiles. Anyway, we'll cut that. I'll allow it. So Friso is going to call a meeting of the Bellowsmen in, I guess, the Bellows room. What's the capacity of this room?

Can we fit 400 in there? It'll be a squeeze. Otherwise we'll go back to the comedy theatre. No, it'll be a squeeze. No, you've got to go through bookings and get the venue. There's a guarantee on the room. It's all politics. It's a squeeze, but they're all there.

Honk the big bellows horn. Oh, yeah. Honka, honka. And it summons them all. Is that what it sounds like, Ben? Yeah, why not? Cannon. So, Friso honks.

Friso does the... Friso, calling on millennia of bellowsman lore, does their honka, honka, and then they all arrive. They all shuffle in. And Friso goes... You probably need to bring them up to speed on what happened to the cardinal. Bellosman, as you can see from the hat adorning my bodice, you will know that I am your new...

Is bodice not a word for hair? You should wear the hat on your head. The bodice is the rest of you. That's like your boobs. It's like your boobs. Oh, yeah, I guess I'm wearing it frontal then. Like I'm Tony Stark in Iron Man, but it's bread rolls that spin.

All right, that sounds impressive. And somebody from the back is like, boy, where's your cardinal, the one with the two heads? Ah, you speak of ding and dong. Well, they've been ding and donged into the shark. The important thing is

as those who witnessed here, as the person it's a real highlander situation is my understanding. You kill the cardinal, you become the cardinal. Wait, did you kill the cardinal? Oh, yes. I...

What? What? You all saw it. People who saw it, back me up. Arizo, you want me to step in? Yes, Vils, if you could. I'm just really not a leader of men. Yeah, I understand.

As our mighty new cardinal has expressed, dear bellowsmen, tonight is the eve that all the men of the bellows rise against those pansy little other ones who are higher than us. What are they called? The favoured. The favoured. I hate the favoured!

We're the ones doing all the hard work, pumping away, chucking babies into shafts. Oh, I hate the baby parts. Oh, they're doing smooching and having orgies. They're what? That's what they're doing. You didn't know that about the rich elites, the rich coastal elites?

They've all been fucking eating and sucking each other for years. Meanwhile, I haven't fucked or sucked in millennia. And there's muttering in here like, I couldn't even get a handjob around here. We control the shard, which means we control the destiny of Primus. That's right. I say in a working day there should be eight hours rest, eight hours work, and eight hours fucking.

And as the crowd is ripped into a frenzy, Filge feels a familiar feeling, and that is one of fermenting a revolution on board a ship. 400 souls of the bellowsmen, previously below the cast or for Dave's sake cast of the favored

now realizing that their power is real and true you have saved the life of an idiot child just the dumbest just you have begun to ferment something here on board the Saturnine. Will you bring Lady Casilda and her minions to justice?

Will you be able to control what you have begun? And what of Dave? Dr. Dave Harmon on board the ship. Did we forget that character existed? Will the Parliament of Harmons regain their place as Talent Quest winners

on this trip around the dimension? And one of the two men who walked back into the orgy room but found that the orgy was over, what happened to their boners? That must be an awkward thing to turn up late to an orgy room but found that the orgy was over, what happened to their boners? That must be an awkward thing to turn up late to an orgy. For answers to questions and statements such as

these, tune in to the next episode of The Dragon Friends! The Dragon Friends are Simon Greiner, Eden Lacey, Alex Lee and me, Michael Hing. Our usual DM is Dave Harmon, who was away gorging himself in America. So this episode was DM'd very capably by Benjamin Coleman Jenkins. Our special guest was Susie Youssef and our musical guests were Dan and Liam Scarrett.

Shkira Khan designed our website and I assume she was gorging herself with Dave in America as well. Beth McBurlatt edits and mixes our podcast. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next month at Freezer's Funhouse. Bye!