Dragon Friends - #4.13. The Chong Is Normal

Episode Date: August 23, 2018

The House Eternal. How can the Dragon Friends escape a prison with no locks, with doorways that seem to fold back on themselves? One thing is for sure: if there is a way to escape it's locked somewhere inside Freezo's purloined memories - if only he'd stop trying to set fire to the library for long enough to work it out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tanya Cushman Reviewer's Name Reviewer's Name Of all the nine known worlds circling in harmony amidst the cradle, the strangest of all must be the House Eternal. A library but also the prison capable of housing those dissidents and anarchs too powerful to dispose of but too dangerous to let go. Anarchs like that motley crew we call the Dragon Friends. The House Eternal is the laboratory of a powerful planeswalker called the Archivist whom you have already met. And who is currently doing the Edinburgh Freed Festival.

A master of magic and memories, the Archivist has the power to pull memories from any sentient creature and imprison them in crystal balls to study. He himself is one of nine such planeswalkers who rule these lands through a council you have found yourselves a foul of. The punishment, a life imprisoned within the house, a prison with no bars and no locks for none unneeded. The house instead folds in on itself and those who escape it by any means, including its front doors, find themselves simply wandering the halls

once again forever. No being has ever escaped the house eternal. No being, that is, except you have just discovered one being called Freezer. Hmm. But memories are... Freezer doesn't remember any of that, though, does he? No. He just has the tattoo.

You've only been told this by your new friend Ajax, the titan who you met in the corridors and who even now has shown you his tattoo. And there was a portion of the last episode from memory where Frieza went to the doctor and the doctor took all of his stuff, right? Yeah, you kind of insisted on that and I was feeling strangely agreeable, so I just did it. So, where are we now? We're still in prison, are we?

Yeah, you're talking right now to Ajax. So, we need to get to the archivist. Why? Because... Quick, dragon huddle. because... Quick, dragon huddle. Should we tell him that I am Freezo? Or do you think...

Is it one of those things where in prison, you want to be the big dog, or do you want to fly under the radar of the big dog? Now, I will say at this point, the Filge doesn't have much to say, for she has unfortunately stuck her lip, once again, to the top of her tongue while enjoying some taffy.

And we'll probably hear from her in about, I'd say, an episode's time. Oh, I'm the other one here. See, the thing about that is, if you're the big dog, I can fly under you. I could be under uh... the... I could be under your protection. Oh, you want to be the Scrappy to my Scooby? That's... I find that really insulting. Well, I don't know, can you think of any other size of dog combinations?

Scrappy has much more articulate language skills than Scooby. That's true. That's bullshit! Look, how else are we gonna get their memories out of you? Like, we don't have anything. You don't even have any items on you. We have nothing to barter with. We have no reputation in here.

Reputation is king. I say we go for it. Ajax? Yes? That man who escaped from this place Is none other than me Now I know that's confusing because I'm back here quite soon What the fuck are you doing back here?

I have one data point about you And that's that you're here Would you believe I came back I don't remember how I got out. Oh, you don't remember. Has the archivist been up tinkering in your head? Well, that's what the theory is. The working theory is that my memories have been stolen

by one or many archivists. Displaying a fundamental lack of understanding about the mythos of these worlds. There is one archivist. He's the planeswalker. Right. You lost your memories, if you remember, using... Eh? Eh?

According to your ship's computer, you used a magical device to wipe all of your memories before a heist, which was an important, critical part of that heist because you couldn't have the plans to commit the crime. Do we think that that piece of technology we use to wipe out

memories, do we think that was operated by us or was it operated by Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones? Are these the options? Yeah, those are the only two options. You don't know. You could only presume that the archivist may have had something to do with its construction. Right, okay. But ask me something only Friso would know

aside from how to escape from here because It's construction. Right, okay. But ask me something only Friso would know, aside from how to escape from here, because I don't know that. I once had a long chat with Friso. Told me things about his dick. Told me... Told me real interesting things about his dick. Huh. Well, the man you spoke to was a big liar

because the chong is normal. This chongus is as normal as they come. Show him your chong. Yeah, I mean, that's what he said. He said it in such emphatic terms. That's what I remember the most about him. You could be him, you know The thing is, I witnessed you escape

If you are who you say you are But the archivist took my memories and kept it in his study Wait, if you've met me before Why can't you remember me? Because you were wearing a different face But you can remember that I told you about my penis Yeah, I just can't remember when you Like that specific time.

So what you've decided is that Friso was being coy enough that he had cast a disguised person but then told several incredibly specific details about his penis. Have you met him? I also love the idea of the archivist going through your memories and being like, which ones do we need? Which ones do we need? Oh, this is just the details of some man's penis.

Don't need that. Keep going. Um, if we... What's the best way to get the archivist's attention in this place? Imagine you could break a rule or cause a ruckus. What are the rules? The archivist, you see, he comes and goes.

He is mostly obsessed with study and this is the inconvenience of housing all these prisoners is something that he puts up with for the council, but he has very little interest in you. What if we somehow convinced the archivist that we had our memories back? He would want to take us back to his study

to take those memories away and we could like... But he didn't take your memories originally. But maybe he could give them back? He was able to pull out of Filge, if you remember, memories that she didn't know she had. I think he did pull out of Ajax a memory of

of Friso escaping. I think in terms of causing a ruckus, there's that big library that we could set fire to. Why is it always burning books with you? I just think that we live in a digital age now.

We might as well burn them. No. So Ajax has told you that the only person who's ever escaped was you. You had perfected a means of escaping the prison, but the memory is gone now. Well, do you think Friso planned it, or do you think Friso just ran by instinct? Because if it's instinct, maybe I could just do it again.

Yeah, yeah. You have to be the most Friso you can possibly be. I think that involves burning the library then. All right. To the library. All right, think that involves burning the library then. All right. To the library. All right, we're going to the library. You are in the library. The whole building is a library.

Oh, then I need to find two sticks. What a shame that you gave everything that you had to an itinerant doctor who was very surprisingly good at improv. Are there any shelves nearby? Yes. All right, let's break out some shelves and make a... Are they wooden shelves? Is Ajax just watching you do it?

Yeah, I'm going to have to step in here. What are you doing? We're going to set fire to the library to get the attention... This is going to be the ruckus that gets the attention of the archivist. Just... Sorry, I'm a little bit slow. Then what? Once we...

No, my theory is... If Friso can be the purest form of himself, he will happen upon the way that he escaped last time. And when he escapes, he's going to take all of us with him. That's the most Friso thing I can imagine. I mean, that might well be true, but I do recall when he was in here for a couple of months, he was doing a for a couple of months He was doing a lot of studying

Don't burn the books! Didn't seem to be particularly... it was pants sort of thing Ah Studying, eh? Okay, what if we can search for my fingerprints? Do we have any of that dust? The library is quite dusty, yeah. So, can I do an Arcana check? Is that Arcana...

LAUGHTER What do you... OK, Hing. Trust the Arcana check. When you watch a crime procedural... Yes. ..do you think that's magic? No, but in this world

There's no CSI fake rune, alright? There is an investigation check There is literally an investigation check I thought that I in CSI stood for Arcana Alright, I'll do an investigation check to try and find my fingerprints I rolled a 14 plus investigation Which is intelligence, is it? That's 16.

What do I get? Okay, you got a 16. All right, so you start, you pull some dust off the books and you start sort of patting them around. Thousands of beings have over the sort of hundred years that the House Eternal has been here have made their way through these places. And Ajax watches you bemused for a while. And you do indeed start to find prints and you notice books that are gone.

But this is a mammoth task. This is a task that would take months. Is this Dewey Decimal? Oh, yeah. What is the system they use to organise these books, Ajax? It's biggest to smallest. It's just physical size of the books. Now that you notice,

every book along the walls is slightly larger, heading one direction. It just looks like they're all the same size, though, because of the vanishing perspective. Guys, I don't know if I'm overstepping my bounds here as a person you just met slash NPC, but it occurs to me that I saw you escape.

The archivist took my memory of watching you escape and then stored it. Ben, I can't. What kind of dungeon master would I be if I would let you do this for them? All right. If the books are organized... What the fuck's that? In order of size, okay, the largest book will be some sort of magical tome. Yeah.

There is this giant book over there. It's an autobiography by the archivist about how he... Wait, wait, wait, wait. Friso, did you write an autobiography while you're in here? Potentially, but the smallest book available to us will be a match book. Ah. Six days later. Everybody make for me their second

exhaustion check because you don't have any food. What's exhaustion again? Is it strength? That's Filch. Filch has already failed her first. Filch has now got two levels of exhaustion. Six.

You also fail yours. I got ten. Is exhaustion strength? Just make a constitution save. Constitution? All right, cool. I got seven. Yeah, ten then.

No, constitution saving throw. Yeah, ten. Oh, saving throw. Yeah, you've got to beat 15. Yeah, plus zero. right, cool. I am... I got seven. Yeah, ten then. No, constitution saving throw. Yeah, ten. Oh, saving throw. Yeah, you've got to beat 15. Yeah, plus zero. Yeah, ten. Okay, so all of you now have exhaustion, except for Phil, which I'll track, who has level two exhaustion, which means now for skill checks,

it's disadvantage until you get some food. You've now been in the House Eternal for a few days. Ajax has been following you at a respectful distance. Yeah, he's more or less given up, though. You can't help but notice that every now and then he pulls out a few apples and things to eat, but he just sort of looks at you. And as you walk, the books get smaller and smaller,

and after a while, you go from hardcover coffee table books until you find yourself in sort of magazines, and then it goes from there to magical spell books, but then it goes from there to... So are there magazines next to magical spell books? Yes. Is it like the Necronomicon and also like... Necronomicon.

Oh. Yeah. And GQ, which stands for Goblin Quantity. Until you get to trade paperbacks through to Chick Tracts all the way to matchbooks. So... How many matchbooks are there? There's just one.

How many matches in the matchbook? Just one. Ooh. You know what, though? If we light the smallest book... You can cast fireballs! No, because a certain dodgy doctor took my spell book today. Oh, that's true.

Which is why I'm back to campfire politics. Let's, um, alright, let's do it. Alright. Let's stand on the side where there are no books, so nothing is timeable, so we're at the very end. No fingers books! No, but we're at the end, because all's not... Or does the smallest book end up with the biggest book of the night? You travelled four days down the corridors

and all these annexes, tributary corridors, fed into one and the books got smaller and smaller and smaller until you got to the smallest bookcase. And it is the end of the bookshelves and all you see is just a door on the other side of the corridor and that's it. Okay, so it doesn't cycle around. It doesn't match up with the large...

No, you've found your way down what seems to be the longest corridor in the place. Let's light the match, burn the books and go through the door. Yeah, why not? Yeah, better not check through the door first. That would be stupid. Are you going to... Sometimes in order to go through the door, you need to light a fire behind you because otherwise I'm scared.

Do you know what I mean? It's like when I quit my job to do stand-up comedy and had no savings. I need to do it now. You needed that. All right. I strike a match. This is a moment.

Is Freezo saying that? Freezo. You just need danger to inspire you. This is a moment of truth. So you take your hand and you take the matchbooks. Your finger's unfamiliar with this wax paper of it. And your finger's starting to tremble as you pull out the only match. You work to deftly strike it and make for me a dexterity roll DC 12.

And he's got disadvantage, doesn't he? Yes. Yes, bitch. And because of all the dust, make a constitution roll not to sneeze. No, no, no. DC 12's enough. Oh, three. No!

You know how dexterous I am. You spike it, drop the match, it lands on the ground and goes out. And there's suddenly a crunch and you look up and Ajax is eating a small apple. And there's suddenly a crunch and you look up and Ajax is eating a small apple. Are we committed to this fire idea? All right, Bobby, I think we just go through the door then. We've exhausted all the fire options unless you've got something. Oh, do you have any fire on you?

I should have asked. I'm so sorry. You have a tinderbox. I actually don't have a tinderbox. It says here I have so sorry. You have a Tinder box. I actually don't have a Tinder box. It says here I have a motorcycle. No, the motorcycle is on your ship. Oh, okay. Is there any light in the room?

Yeah, there are drift globes built into the walls. And how hot is that heat? Drift globes exude no heat. Well then... Zero hotness. Well, I would say absolutely zero hotness or like a little bit of heat? They are cold to the touch. Could something get so cold that it could burn? Are you going to spend the next few days rubbing drift globes against paper?

No, because I've got that harmonica. I thought if I could focus the light through it, then maybe... Yeah, or no, light can't exist without heat. Why don't you just open the door? No, no, no. So you're going... We're going to get a drift globe. We're going to focus it on one of the smaller books

with the magnifying glass, the magical glass that Bobby has. And then we're going to... I'm just going to look through the door. with the magnifying glass, the magical glass that Bobby has, and then we're going to... I'm just going to look through the door. No, no, no. Bobby sits there and he pulls a drift globe. They're on short chains off the wall, and he pulls out his lens, and not using it for its magical properties,

but merely as a magnifying glass, you start holding the dull glowing orb in front of the lens, trying to focus a point of light onto a book, correct? Yep. Make for me a... I want you to make for me just a perception check. It's a 20. It's a 20.

Well... I kind of feel if you hadn't squandered this on such a stupid thing, people might be more on board alright the perception doesn't help you use the globe however suddenly by the prickling of your little halfling ears you realise before anyone else that the door behind you

is opening and that there is a figure watching you with that information, I freeze up and just stop moving. And I whisper... You're really hoping that figure's a T-Rex, aren't you? Really banking on that.

Can I tell that he's looking at me? Yeah, the door is open and somebody has been watching you. Try to set fire to the library. No, maybe he's trying to read a really small letter. That's what the, you know. You haven't noticed anything. In fact, you're loudly talking. So what would Friso be saying at this point to Bobby?

No, Bobby! You need your phone. No, give it here. Give it here. Friso, Friso, Friso, Friso. Give it here. Friso. You always say I don't have the passion, but that's what sounds funny. Friso.

There is someone coming through the door. Don't look now. Friso definitely would have looked. Friso definitely would have looked. Friso instantly looks behind him. I turn around. I stand up. No, no, no, sorry.

But you said Friso. Don't look. Friso instantly turns around and looks at the archivist who is standing in the doorway of what you now realize is his study. Oh, hey, cheeky monkeys. What you doing? Are you trying to set my library on fire? No. No.

No. What's this thing? We, we, we, we, we, we wanted to have a chat. Yeah? We love... Is that what he sounded like? Kind of? He's vaguely German, yeah. Vaguely German.

Do you want to try? Oh, okay. It's just kind of the same. Yeah, that's fine. All right. You keep doing it. Okay, bye. That's my familiar. The archiv keep doing it. Okay, bye. That's my familiar.

The archivist is a tiny version of himself. That sits on his shoulder. Yeah. I'm going back to watch Sons of Anarchy. Okay, you do that. Yeah. Sons of Anarchy is a play. That's touring.

We have a theatre here? It's a tiny theatre for me. Of his size. Anyway, what are you doing? You wanted to have a little chat with me? We love to study.

Oh, well. Do you need a study buddy? We thought we'd come to the very end. We thought we'd start at the beginning and work our way to the end, but... Yeah, we just thought, since you're here, what is a great place to start? Oh, what are you interested in? Oh, don't say escaping. Well, it's funny...

They always say escaping. When we do executions and we say, any final requests? They always go, don't kill me. You know, like, that's the. They always say escaping. When we do executions and we say, any final requests? They always go, don't kill me. You know, like that's the thing you could do. I mean, I think, why not take advantage of the enormous, beautiful brain that you have in your head? Oh, thank you. You noticed. Yes, I have a magic monocle that lets me see through your skull.

Oh, that's neat. And we have an SME here, a subject matter expert. Oh, yes. So why not go to the source and just like, what keeps you up at night? What makes you interested? What's the most beautiful piece of information in your little brain? Oh, that's such a good question. piece of information in your little brain?

Oh, that's such a good question. It's probably a butterfly's dick. Tell me more. What's going on? Can I just pull us out of this for a second? Simon, are you familiar with the concept of a

you know when they have hackers? You know hackers? The last season of Dragon Friends was basically all about hackers. You know how there's two types of hackers, right? There's malicious hackers, and then there's the hackers that work for Microsoft or whatever. You mean Black Hats and White Hats. Yeah, is that what they're called?

So there's White Hat hackers, I assume, like the good guys who look for vulnerabilities in the software. Do you think we should say to the archivist that I am someone who's escaped before and would he like me to try and find other vulnerabilities in the prison system in order to earn my freedom? Our freedom.

Or is this dangerous? Is this too dangerous? Look, it might be the best thing we've got going for us. Alright. Archivist? Yes? Jax told us of a man who escaped from here once. Who's Jax? A Jax? Oh yeah, him, hi.

He crunches his apple and nods. I call him Jax for short. Oh, that's neat. Do you know about this man who escaped from here once? We don't like to talk about that. Well, I heard rumour that you stole that memory. Yes, well, I have a memory that I like to look at from time to time to see how he did it. The studies are ongoing.

How sure are you that that's the... I mean, is that the only way that someone could escape from here? Yes! It's the only time anybody has ever slipped the clutches. But don't you wish you had him right here so you could ask him how he did it? I suppose so, yeah. But what if he didn't remember? All I know is that his name was Freezer and he had a weird dick. Freezer, I'm going to have to ask you, Hing, at this point, to make a persuasion check. Now, because you are still not eating food, this is a disadvantage.

But if you are willing to reveal who you are, the Archivist wants to know how you did it. And so that will be a DC 10, but only if you're willing to reveal who you are, the Archivist wants to know how you did it. And so that will be a DC 10, but only if you're willing to reveal. Yeah. I kind of drank a little quickly with Bobby. Bobby, do you reckon we should do this? Yeah, I reckon we should do it.

All right, okay, cool. So let's do it. That is a nine and a three. There's that three again. Fuck. You're going to need something else. You're going to need to sweeten the deal. I have nothing to offer, though.

I have a magic monocle. Oh, yeah, join the club we meet on Tuesdays. We do. What? It's Magic Monocle Club. Are you looking for another member in Magic Monocle Club? Yeah, sure. Well, sign me up.

Okay. Is it Tuesday? Yeah. Are you trying to give him the monocle? Why not? He's invited me to join his club. I'll have a look at the monocle. So he takes the monocle and he

looks at it. That's nice. He kind of puts it on. He goes, oh, that's cool. You can see through some stuff. Can you? Because, again, I wasn't DMing this one. So what does this monocle do exactly? It's just an x-ray monocle. It's x-ray specs. And you're giving it to him?

Well, is it... We're offering it as part of the deal. You know what? Fellow travellers, I get kind of lonely and you seem like you have inquiring minds. You have cool tech. You like small books. As you say that, you realise he's looking you up and down with the X-ray monocle.

Well, that's... Wait a minute! Freezer! What did he say? What did he say? And he grabs Freezer and he grabs Bobby and he drags you into and Phil just well and he drags you into the office

leaving Ajax and he slams the door behind you and starts rifling through shelves each of them holding miles of crystal spheres. I'm going to show you and you're going to show me how you did this. And he takes out a glowing sphere and he puts it in the um um uh into a pixar

emotions movie machine yeah he put it onto a pedestal in the center of the room that has a kind of clockwork armature around it and a small recess where the sphere is above it there are roiling clouds of mist and what looks like raw magic and as he puts the crystal in he starts fiddling with the armature um and he's sort of ignoring you. It's almost like he's forgotten you for a second. And he takes the crystal and then he puts his hand on it. His eyes glow white

and the clouds above him begin to form into a milky white that then forms into shapes. And you realize that you are seeing through the eyes of another figure and you're seeing what they're seeing and in fact this is a memory that has been taken from Ajax the day that Friso escaped and I actually I have written here something that I want you Hing to read along with so it's this and it's on the other side of this page and it's the memory so you just read

your lines you're gonna read the stage directions's the memory so you just read your lines. Are you going to read the stage directions? As the clouds form you see the house arrivals hall from the perspective of Ajax waiting in a shadowed corner of an otherwise abandoned room. For a few moments the room is silent but movement draws Ajax's eye to one of the many hallways leading into the house proper.

A figure emerges laden down with a bag, bulging with scrolls and spellbooks, a huge tome under each arm. The figure gives off an intense, powerful energy, but the face is unmistakable, impassive under trademark spectacles. It is Friso.

Every time we meet, that bag of yours gets bigger, Friso. Ajax. Yes, well, there's power here. There's no fear anyone will escape, so the archivist shares all his books with his prisoners. What's your point of all that learning if you know you'll never leave? Never say never, friend. Friso draws from his jumpsuit a silvered dagger and holds it in front of him, looking at Ajax inquisitively. Easy, friend. I'm not your enemy. This isn't for you. Friso walks up to the giant vaulted doors of the house.

A sharp spell word from his tongue and light blossoms, illuminating the words carved above the doors. Walk these worlds no more, for peace is found within. That door doesn't work. We've all tried it. Walk through there, you'll just find yourself somewhere else in the house. It's a trick. Yes, well, all tricks hide a secret. You watch as Friso pulls out the dagger once more and then turns it around. As he faces Ajax, there's a faint smile on his lips,

and he suddenly plunges the blade inward into his own heart. The vision surges as you sense Ajax run towards to grab the collapsing Friso, but it is too late, for he is dead. Oh. Suddenly, something strange happens. The world seems to glitch, and Friso's body shudders out of Ajax's hands and disappears, the dagger cluttering uselessly to the ground. As Ajax looks up, he sees beyond the barred gates

a figure slowly, painfully get to his feet, a bag of precious spellbooks on his back and a huge tome under each arm. Now, the line you've written here, can I do an alt reading on it? Is that all right? The one you've written is, Goodbye, Ajax, I can't stay, there's too much work to be done. But I think what Frieza would probably say is, fuck you, goodbye!

Ajax grabs at the door with a beam of white light, envelops his limbs and he freezes. And the last thing that the memory sees is Ajax turning around, his limbs turning leaden as white chains gather and collect his limbs. And the figure of the archivist racing towards him, his hand slams on the forehead and the entire memory goes white and ends. Yeah, so that's the video. Any questions? Did you recover the dagger? Yeah. I've done thousands of magical checks on it and you know what?

As he does that, he rifles, he runs up to a desk and rifles and he pulls out a dagger. It's just a dagger. You can get them for like 12 bucks. Ah, interesting. You did magical checks, did you? Yes. Did you ever do an arcana check? Yeah. He sort of confusedly gives it to you.

Oh my god. That's a one. That's a one! You have disadvantage! Just ask him for a burger, you idiot! Ask who for a burger? ANYONE! You rolled a one while investigating

the dagger, so you cut yourself and you take four hit points of damage. He's like, sorry friend, I thought it was kind of clear which end was the point to you. Take four points of damage. So he's like, sorry friend, I thought it was kind of clear which end was the point to you. Take four points of damage. Wait, how many points did I have from when I was healed by Dr. Dave? You stabilized

and it's been a few days. But you are exhausted. We'll say you have half your hit points. Does he have like a tray of candy or like nuts or something like sitting on his desk? Yeah, I've got like a big bowl of pistachios. If you leave one shell! But may I? So Bobby's just big bowl of pistachios. If you leave one shell! But may I? So Bobby's just munching on pistachios. Phil just too. You guys don't have exhaustion anymore.

Oh, uh... Could I trouble you for some nuts? He doesn't want you to. You'll get blood all over them. Yeah, that's gross. And tell us how you did it! How I escaped? Yeah, no, how you cut yourself. How you escaped! How I escaped? Yeah, no, how you cut yourself.

How you escaped? But what will you do with the information if I give it to you? You'll seal it off so no one will ever escape again. You just said you were a white hat investigator. Yeah, but now that you know that this is me, you need to tell me what I'll get if I tell you. Like nothing, you're a prisoner. Well, then I'll never tell you that. All right, well, I guess we'll just sit here.

And they just sit looking at each other. Ah, look, if you tell me, I would be willing to perhaps put in a good word with you, with the other planeswalkers. You know, good behaviour and all that. You already have an ally with Titania on the panel. If I were to

grease the wheels so much... That's true. You had a few members of the panel that looked like they would potentially stand up for you and another ally could help. So the archivist hasn't seen this memory. The archivist has seen the memory. I just played it to you!

Yeah, but I wasn't sure. I'm sorry. I wasn't clear if you were playing that and you needed me to interpret it or not. So in actual fact, I'm bluffing entirely here because I can't actually tell him what I did, can I? No, I think we need to go to that door. Yeah. So you want to go to the door? Yeah, yeah.

I think we'll go and invest. We'll go find out and we'll come back. I'm coming with you. And the archivist does come with you. He gives you some food, Friso, and you make the journey much quicker for some reason. He seems to know ways to turn. He gives you all a segue.

Well, a journey that took you four or five days by turning through a few corners, he seems to make it there in about 12 minutes. Can I keep note of where we're going? No, you lose your way almost immediately. OK. And as you make your way, soon you find yourselves in the Arrivals Hall once again

and you see the giant portal through which you entered, the words, Walk these worlds no more, for peace is found here, still carved above them. So what are we looking for? Do we have the dagger again? Yeah, there's the dagger for you. Don't two-step me! Alright, I think I need to plunge the dagger into my heart then. Is that...

Yeah. That's exactly what I was about to say. If you want, I can do it for you. You won't get a better offer than that. Unless, for it to work, you need to do it yourself. We have to recreate the moment

as best as we can. Okay. From that memory. Okay. You guys aren't whispering when I said that, so I assume this is what we so I assume this is the plan. So...

All I need you to do is I need you to incredibly specifically explain to me what you're going to do. Oh, fuck. Okay. Don't take that! Now, so Dragon Huddle. Yeah.

Frieza, once you do this, Field and I will be standing right behind you to catch your body. But we'll also catch that knife. No, the knife has to fall to the ground. Yeah, if it falls to the ground, we'll pick it up. If you get through,

we're going to kill ourselves really quickly too. But you have to go first. What a way for this fucking show to end Just three fucking idiots killing themselves Oh no no no Because if you don't appear on the other side of that door We're not going to kill ourselves We'll find another way to sort it out

Wait wait wait So you just let me go first and you'll be fine? Well they have to recreate it exactly as it was. You're a man of science, are you not? A man of magic. Was there a thing I said before I... Archivist, you've watched that a hundred times. Did I say something before I did it?

You don't say anything. Your last words were very well, yes, well, all tricks hide a secret. And what's it say at the top? It says, walk these worlds no more, for peace is found here. It's the motto of the House Eternal. Okay. I guess, at the end of the day,

the only way out of living forever is to die. It makes sense, Freezo. It makes perfect sense. Make a persuasion. No, no, no, I'm not going to force you. Perfect sense. Make a persuasion check. No, no, no, I'm not going to force you. It has to be your decision. I guess I do it.

Describe it specifically. This is a sex thing for Dave. You know what, actually? You know what this actually feels like? This feels like a motherfucking Price is Right. Do you know what this actually feels like? This feels like I'm on the fucking Price is Right. Do you know what I mean? And everyone knows exactly what the answer is, but I'm there being like,

do I stab myself in the heart? And everyone in the crowd is like, higher, higher, higher! All right. All right, so you are all three of you standing in front of the portal. The archivist is at a respectful distance. You, Friso, are holding the dagger. All right. All right, so you are all three of you standing in front of the portal. The archivist is at a respectful distance. You, Friso, are holding the dagger. All right, I'm going to walk up to the door

and I'm going to plunge the dagger into my heart after saying, is it all tricks, hide secrets, or whatever the loss? That's not specifically accurate. It's fuck-a-sucker-ding-dong. All right. I park my Segway to the side. I wander across.

I very cavalierly yell, fuck-a-sucker-ding-dong, and plunge the dagger into my heart. Right, you all observe this. The moment that he does it, his body crumbles as a red wound blossoms in his jumpsuit, and Fr friso you fall to the ground dead give me your character sheet however as you all watch suddenly his body seems to glitch and then disappears in a kind of shuddering motion that for a second it seems to contort into impossible shapes.

And Friso, suddenly you find yourself ethereally standing, looking at your body on the ground. You feel like there's something wrong with reality, like it wants to snap back like a rubber band. And this tension is getting stronger and stronger but right now you feel completely weightless formless and a strange sense of control all right then can i wave at them or something they can't see you the tension's getting stronger all right i guess i bolt then you go through the you're gonna run through the door go through the door. Go through the door. You run through the door. You pass through it like smoke. It holds no resistance to you. And on the other side, you see the beautiful expanse of the cradle, just stars and the cosmos and the phlogiston,

the pavers leading to the doorway fall away into nothingness. It is as if the house is floating in air. And at that moment, you feel a snap. The body disappears. And, Friso, you feel yourself snap back together and you have escaped the house eternal. You are on the outside and you have done what has only been done once before

in the hundreds of years of this plane's history. By you. Here's your character sheet back. Bucket sucker ding dong. Fuck-a-sucker-ding-dong! Bobby grabbed the knife and stabbed himself in the heart. Bobby, give me your character sheet. You have died. Will the Dragon Friends escape from this?

Bobby is dead! One of the first Dragon friends to have died on these adventures while Friso is in prison outside how can they make their way back to the cradle what of Logan in the heart of glass to find out the answers to these questions such as this tune in to the next episode of dragon friends

Bobby no oh my god what's gonna happen to Bobby Bobby, no! Oh, my God. What's going to happen to Bobby? Oh, God. The Dragon Friends are me, Eden Lacey, Alex Lee, Michael Hing. I'm so upset. Simon Greiner. What's Simon going to do now?

And a DM by Dave Harmon with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins. Shakira Khan designs our website, but we'll have to take Bobby off it. The podcast is mixed by Beth McMullen and recorded live at Giant Wharf Theatre. Music this episode was by Dan and Liam Scarrett. Oh, God.