Dragon Friends - #4.17. Tit for Tat with Carlo Ritchie

Episode Date: October 18, 2018

From the icy tundras of the Deadlands to the techno-marvellous corridors of the Heart of Glass and yet something feels, off. The Dragon Friends come face to face with a reckoning which is really probably their fault if we're honest.This episode features guest DM Carlo Ritchie (Edvard Ostwick, MR T3RM1NAL) as Dave was vomiting so much he literally thought he was going to die. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey there, Eater Jockeys. Dave Harmon here. Full confession, I am not in this week's episode of Dragon Friends. Do you want to know why? Because I was sick. Real sick. I'm talking like, no good. It was a bad scene. I was in ER for a day. I'm feeling much better now. I had a boiled egg for lunch and everything seems to be working again. So, that's all good news.

Carlo Ricci, our favourite son of Wixia, is coming in as DM. He does a great job. Enjoy the show. Scant moments have passed since the dragon friends discovered themselves in a laboratory with more questions than answers. What to where does the portal lead? What fits in the mysterious little dish? All these questions perplex the dragon friends as they stand in Friso's lab, surrounded by machinations most fierce,

discoveries of personal and indeed global mass murder. This is truly a horrific place. The dragon friends are now at a loss of what to do next. Hey, just a real quick catch-up. What was this mass murder that was mentioned? Did you guys hear that as well? It was weird that that voice just came in and said the word mass murder.

Oh, sorry, is this microphone on? I'll just turn that off. I believe, out of world, I believe that you're referring to all the weapons that are still available. The various things that are scattered about. You guys are in Friso's lab. There's an orb that you know

has significant powers of death, like a mysterious device that you thought might have activated the portal, which you know just kills you over and over again in various different ghastly ways. Yes. You're standing in front of a portal, which all you know about it is it has some vague

connection to Hing's innocent past. It reminds him of home. But it's not activated yet, though, is it? No. It's not activated. There seems to be some sort of hole or... Like a sort of keyhole. Like a mysterious dish would you say? Yeah, that wouldn't be my first choice.

I'm going to do an investigation check to see if there's anything in the room that can fit into the dish. It's not a dish. Let's be so clear about this. It's a groove? It's like a sort of, I guess like a keyhole but you don't know what the key is. What'd I get? Nothing is stuck. It's a groove? It's like a sort of, I guess like a keyhole, but you don't know what the key is.

All right, what'd I get? It's nothing. It's stuck. It's too big a dice for the... No, but... Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Do it.

No, it lives there now. It lives in the dice tower forever. It's the Rapunzel of dices. I rolled a two. That's a two. There could be a heap of things that go into that. But he tries. Is it like a hole that if... So Bast Sebastian looks into it, can he see the bottom?

Hello? It's a dish. It's not a well. Yeah, it's basically, it looks like something. It's obviously purposely made to fit a particular object. I put my finger in it. I put my finger in it. What happens?

It's too big. It's quite big. My finger's too big? Your finger's too small. Okay, I put my head in it. No one's ever said that happens? It's too big. My finger's too big? Your finger's too small. No, I've never said that. Your head is too big. So it's somewhere between Bastogne's head and Filch's finger is the device that will act. When you look into it, it seems to almost taper to a point.

What's the outer shape? Just like a kind of rim, like a gold rim. But is it circular? Is it square? Oh, we need an ice cream cone. Is there an ice creamery in this tower? Freezer. On screen.

Oh. What was his fucking name? Chunkerson. Chunkerson. And what did he sound like? He sound like me? Yeah. Oh, hello.

Nailed it. Chunkerson, do you know what device activates this portal? No, that was something that you never actually managed to... Do we have the lance with us still? The lance is a sphere. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Canonically, we know that Friso's chongus is disrupted. Is it perfectly conical?

I put it to you, there is only one way to find out. Law? Just to be the devil's advocate here, maybe it's not chonga-sized. So it's not donga-sized. Yeah, because they said it was bigger than my finger. Ah!

Eww! Eww! Blah, blah, blah! Blah, blah, blah! Blah, blah! What you do know is you can kind of guess Eeyore! Eeyore! Bwop bwop bwop! What you do know is you can kind of guess that this, whatever this device is, is connected somehow to the portal. And what you know about the portal is that, Friezo, you feel some connection to this portal in terms of it reminds you of home. Do I still have my wand? No. Oh, I don't know. It's a Dave question.

No, you've got a magic sword now. You haven't used. You're a hex blade. Let's jam the old hex blade in there. See what happens then. Someone in the audience just whispered, Jesus! You've got a hex blade and a hole is what happens.

And then nothing else? Nothing else. But you can leave it there if you want. It does fit in. So wait, the hex blade... So the object is larger than a hex blade then? Yeah, so it's a slight... More round. It fits like an umbrella would fit in an umbrella stand.

How deep is it? Not snug. You can't really tell how deep it is, but maybe like three feet, so you can. Did, so I didn't know Friso when he first started being a warlock, but did he ever have a pointy hat? Oh.

All the time. That's canon. I put that in. Every adventure he's always had a pointy hat. But downstairs wasn't there a room full of his garments and all the outfits that he's worn? Jeremy Skaleson pipes up. Friends, Friso. I think we should get back to the ship.

I don't think Friso should come into any more knowledge that he may or may not find useful. It may be to our benefit to remove him from this place. It may be to our benefit to get out of here. It may be our benefit just to get as far away from this disgusting terror hole as possible. You know, we never thought when we were trying to jam things into the hole, should we?

Never pause to think. This could be the undoing of all of us. So let's think on it. We can always come back if we need to, but we won't. We might. Maybe we will. Who's with me? At that point, Friso is going to cast invisibility.

So if they leave, he's not going with them. Okay, you want to stay? Split the party. Split the party. Does that spell have verbal components? That's a great question. Hing? Let me get out my invisibility. Casting time.

You want to... No. V and S. V I think stands for vertical, not verbal though. No, it's verbal. I'm standing upright. I'm going to try and kick the words I think stands for vertical, not verbal though. No, it's verbal. I'm standing upright. I'm going to try and kick the words right out of his mouth. You can't.

I'm doing it too quick. It must have been while you were kissing me. Can I reach out and hold his hand? Too late. I've already done it. I throw my cloak over him. I'm running around. All right.

Do a check to see if you can get the cloak on me. It's a 17, bitch. I want to kick him too. Two, I miss. All right, do a check to see if you can get the cloak on me. It's a 17, bitch. I want to kick him too. Two, I miss. All right, so that's a touch attack. Hey, this is Carlos' job. Shut the fuck up. So because you're preparing a spell

and you're having to start to mouth and shape the spell in itself, you can take an attack of opportunity. You've rolled a 17 for that, which means you do hit. So all you need to do is it's going to ignore freezo's armor so I'm gonna allow you to make this attack to what are you trying to do though so I've thrown my cloak I have a whipped it around my neck off throwing it over him and I have a bundle I put my arms around him and I'm bundling him out of there like a toddler who's had too much you're gonna a pipe. You're going to try and pin his arms?

Grapple. Okay, sweet. Now, grappling doesn't exist in 5th edition. I know that. What? What, everyone just forgot how to do it? Everyone's like, ah! The 3.5 rules were very, very complicated.

The 5th edition are much easier. So you're just now grappled, I believe. Which doesn't exist. All right. But you are invisible. The rules for grappling are much more easy. So you're now pinned by Simon. You better stop wriggling right now, mister.

I'm taking you back to the ship. You're not the boss of me. I am the boss of you. Now you can't hold him forever, and he has a chance to break out of this with an opposing strength check, but if you want to do something very quickly, you could get out of here before it was necessary. All right, so should we go?

Yeah, I'm going to assist Jeremy Scaleson in holding him down and squishing him to the floor. Yep, sweet. Nine. Plus six for strength is 15. Yeah, sweet. All right, six for strength is 15. Yeah, sweet. All right, so you're now both grappling. So you guys are going to have to make a decision before,

unless you want Hing to take a chance to break out of this. Come on! Okay, all right. Let's, oh, should we, oh, we can press our bracelets. So you guys are going to activate the bracelets and go back to the heart of glass? Back to the sheet. Oh, or should we go to the ice creamery?

We never found out if there was an ice cream room in the tower. Hank, is there an ice cream room? Cool, so you guys press the bracelets, go back to the ship. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Logan's voice crackles into the bracelet speakers. Oh, the fences are down. I can talk to you now. Oh, hi, guys.

Who were you talking to just now? Oh, no, I was talking to you. I just suddenly realised I was talking to you. Long time no chat, hey? How long have we been in this tower for? About a week. Oh, jeez. Wow.

That's weird. It's possible the time moves different in there. Have we got beards? What did we miss? Look at your face. I can't. Look at each other's faces. You guys are alive.

Whack-a-doo. So it is possible that somehow Hing's laboratory, Friso's laboratory, has some sort of time delay. So the time is obviously travelling differently here than on the Heart of Glass. Logins, can you boop us out of here?

Yeah, I absolutely can. I've got strong readings on all of you. Before I do, though... Yeah. Can you guys make a real big promise not to be cross, okay? I can't see any reason why I wouldn't promise that. Okay, that's a yes from Bastogne. All right, promise.

Promise. I permiss. Hang on a second. Did you say... I plomiss. Did you... I think your word you're looking for is pumiss. Yes, for that scaly skin of yours.

Friso? I think I'm still bundled. I take that as a yes. Unless I can speak, in which case I cast the spell. He's good enough for me, and he hits the button, and you feel your stomach lurch in a familiar way, and the room around you dissolves. And you appear in the lower deck room,

the lower deck rec room of the Heart of Glass. What's in this rec room? Billiards table, coffee machine. Full size? Nespresso anyone? It's half size. And very tall. Very tall. Taller than you'd want. Did we remember Bobson? Bobson was still on the ship. Oh, cool.

There's like an Atari game thing and you think it's going to be free. You're like, oh, that's great because they put that on it to be free. But it takes credits. Is there Big Buck Hunter? There's Big takes credits. Is there a big buck hunter? There's a big buck hunter. And there's a painting of a dog with the eyes of a human. Just sort of on the back wall.

Yeah. Legends! So you guys have landed on the lower rec room. Hing is still under a sheet being held by you guys. Hing, you can now, if you want, try and break free of that grapple. Yeah, all right. So there's two of them holding you, so you're going to need to roll 2D20s. I rolled a 14.

Oh, I need to roll 2D20s? Yeah, and take the lowest score of one of those. All right, a 14 and a... Six. You are trapped in a sheet, my friend. Dang it. Immortal. Power beyond Imagining

Oh yeah If I kill myself And I come back to life Do I get out of the sheet? No you just You die in the sheet And then You come back in the sheet

I'm gonna hold my breath For a long time anyway Actually we have in the past Sort of had a glitch So he's about a foot away Potentially I just want to see him Die again

How are you gonna Kill yourself Under the sheet? Hold my breath I don't know if you can Hold your breath until you die Although if you know That you're only gonna potentially I just want to see him die again how are you gonna kill yourself I hope a breath I don't know if you can hold your breath until you die although if you know that you're only gonna come back anyway I think that's a pretty big constitution of willpower yeah yeah you really you want to try this yeah we're gonna hold my breath so unpleasant that is a 10. Is that enough constitution to hold your breath? Do we just hear? You hold your breath for 30 seconds and then make that noise and you piss yourself.

Write it down. Write down that you pissed yourself. Do I take any damage? Do you take any damage for pissing yourself? Piss damage. Only to yourself. Legends. As you guys look around,

as you guys sort of take stock of the room that you're in, you notice that immediately there's something that's quite off about the space. It's not the heart of glass that you left.

The sparse chrome and crystal retrofuturism of the heart of glass has been replaced with sort of intricate brocaded walls and, you know, old lounges, sort of rotting velveteen curtains. It's altogether very different interior design than you remember

at the Heart of Glass. What do we think? Yay or nay? As captain, me have to approve all interior design choices. Me furious. Me promise not to be cross. Me furious. Lodgins.

Yep, I've got very little time. Very, very little time. I can probably answer. Lodgins, you son of a mum. What have you done? Filch? Why did it look different? Well, that was a decision that was made.

Don't use passive voice to get out of this problem. Wait, so... Sounds like a conversation you've had with Ben before. So Filch is illiterate, but she understands grammar. Is that...? Yeah, because I think she's got low intelligence but quite high wisdom. Okay.

Grammar's wisdom and spelling's... Yes! Read a fucking book! I can't! What have you... Why everything look different and weird? Where did creepy dog painting come from? Okay, if you'll let me talk.

If you'll let me talk, Phil. Oh, you've got some attitude, young man. Guys, guys, can we all just calm down? Guys, I'm going to be somewhere, but look. You live here. You're in a ship that you are. Yeah, well, you know, you said that and now I kind of realise that you were talking down to me a lot

and that you kind of didn't really... Who gave you self-esteem? I thought we programmed no self-esteem. Can you listen to what Lodge is saying? There have been, in the time you were gone, and I want to say this real up top thing, knowing that I thought you were dead because I couldn't reach you and that towel was really scary there has been a change in management and to that end I

have to go attend to some guests wait who is who's the boss beep oh yeah because because you know that's not how calls end here. When calls end, we say over, and then we go... Over! Just the gall to come onto our ship, and after not even a week, redecorating. You notice that the air is kind of cloying. It smells of cigar smoke, death, and lilac. Oh, yeah of cloying it smells of cigar smoke death and lilac oh yeah that's exactly

the smell of cloying yeah it really is huh wow you're a great dm carlo oh you know i just am reading the notes that dave gave but they sound so good when you say them. Love you, Dave. I'm going to tell Dave you're flirting with this DM. All right, so let's follow this scent. Bastogne, use your nose to follow the scent. Yes, what do I smell?

Wait, you already told me. Follow your nose. Is there anything, is there any, is the smell coming from behind the couches? It's sort of,

I guess you would say it's ubiquitous, like the whole space. It's kind of everywhere. There's probably not like an Andy Perth thing plugged in. You can hear the little

every now and then. It sounds like someone's sneezing in the corner. Let's, well, if someone's taken over, they're probably in the boss part

of the ship. To the bridge. The bridge. So, I mean, before you go there, you're going to have to leave the room. Do you want to leave the room?

Should we? Yeah, I'm going to go press the button that opens the door. Okay, when you open the door, you see that this room is not the only one that's been redecorated. Someone really went to town on this ship, let me tell you that. This corridor has now been painted a kind of burgundy with tacky gold. Oh, like that. Ben is referring to the theatre in which we perform.

I was like, I can't usually describe things with imagination. How am I? Oh, I'm just saying what I see. And, yeah, more drapes. And you see, for the first time since you arrived, a figure at the end of the corridor. He seems to be kind of potentially just sort of standing. You don't know if he's standing guard or if he's just idling, but he's just there.

Am I still bundled in the sheet? I'd say we probably have him. Well, I've gotten off. I forgot he was under there. Hey, if Frieza is invisible, maybe Frieza should sneak up and have a good look at this spell. No, I never got to cast this spell. No, no, never got to be invisible.

Well, you can cast this spell. Well, you could do it now. Yeah, but it's not for mischief. Jeremy's going to say to Friso, you behave or you are going to bed right now. He hates bed. All right, I'm going to cast invisibility. Oh, don't I have an eye? Don't I have an eye I can cast?

Two. Two eyes? Oh, come on! That was a damning silence. I am going to... No, no, no, we don't need to. Let's just walk up to him. Let's walk up to this person.

Are you just trying to figure out what this guard is doing? Wait, you said he was a guard? He's a guard. What this figure is doing? Wait, you said he was a guard? He's a guard? What this figure is doing. You can just take observation. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's approach. All right. As you approach the guard, you see this mysterious figure.

It's just sort of deep in thought looking at something at the wall. Do you guys want to try and move silently? You want to sneak up on this character? You want to just walk right up to him? Should we do a hand over mouth drag away for questioning? I think we're approaching him from the front, aren't we? No, he's got his back to you. He's got his back to you.

Yeah, let's do that then. I sneak up. I sneak up. It's carpet, so there's not going to be a lot of noise. Whenever you sneak, by the way, I always imagine, I may have said this before. She has to say the word sneak. You are correct. But also I imagine it's like when Fred Flintstone bowls in his old twinkle toes.

Yeah, very much so. Quick poll for the audience and the Dragon Friends. Is Move Silently Check still in 5th edition of Dragon Friends? It's just called Stealth. You're dragging it. It's still just called Stealth? Stealth. Make a Stealth check.

DC14, you're on quite plush carpet. It's real nice. Oh, it's very, very nice. The carpet's new too, you can tell. Dexterity. Eight. Eight? No.

Yep. Okay. Somehow the carpet creaks. Or it just goes flump quite loudly. Yeah, yeah. It really flumps. And the figure, started by this noise, turns around and you see that he does not have a face, but he has a familiar lacquered mask.

It is indeed one of the favoured. From the fucking ship! From the satinite. Oh, those bastards! Jeremy keeps walking straight ahead and is like, What do I guard? Stand aside for the

captain. Yes! I don't know you! You know me! Step aside, you little rat. The guard kind of hesitates, not really expecting to see anybody here, not quite sure what to do. Yep. And then he's like, oh, Lady Casilda. And then he looks at you.

Oh. And he's like, oh, I thought you said the captain. Yes, the captain of the Heart of Glass. Lady Casilda. No, I think you'll find that Filge, surname withheld, is captain of the Heart of Glass. Well, that may have been the case some time ago. As it stands, you are guests on board the ship

until sufficient conveyance can be found and you should be lucky to not be contained to quarters. Quick dragon huddle. The last time we saw Lady Casilda, she and Bobby had a tryst of sorts and I think he left her somewhat jilted. But now Bobby is dead. Let us tell her we killed him to avenge her. And win her favor.

So just a quick catch up. I was kind of in another dimension for a while. So who is this? What are you? The lackey-faced guard also is like, yeah, I'm also, I'm just going to step back from this huddle. You are not invited into the dragon huddle. I got caught up and I thought I could be part of it.

It formed around me in a way. Alina Gisilda is a planeswalker from the planet Mean Stuff. She's very old and very horny, famously. From the plain of Carcosa, but close. Skaleson, is she cool? She's a baddie. Oh no. And we were on her ship which was called the

Saturnine. But now she's on our ship, which is called the Heart of Glass. And I mean, to be honest, fair's fair, we did try to start a revolution on her ship. Oh. So. But you weren't there and she's quite horny. Tit for tat.

Mmm. Tit for tat, eh? All right. I will sleep with her. Take me to your mistress. Bring us to Lady Casilda. Oh, you want me in the huddle now? Wow.

We're out of the huddle now. Right. Well... Bring us to her. We wish to make talking with her. You want to parlay with the captain? Yes, party with the captain. I don't just take anybody up to the captain.

If I did, I wouldn't have a job. And I have a nice job with good benefits and super. What's door standing? The lacquered face guard kind of hints at the fact that getting to the bridge won't be any easy task. You remember from the past that the lift shafts, the elevator shafts are now full of bodies. Oh, we did not clean them up.

I thought we told... We told Bobson to do that. I thought we told Bobson to clean up those bodies. Where's Bobson Dugnut? Oh, do you mean Bobson Dugnut? Yes. He starts searching through some notes that he has in his book

Box and Dugnut that name doesn't no ring a bell I've got his most exalted Dugnut master of beverages favoured of our

mournful mistress and chief sexual consort of the lady Casilda Could that be who you mean? That little horndog Well Well Fast on Could that be who you mean? That little horn dog. Well, best on. Can you take us to his horny Dugnut?

I may be able to see if Bobson Dugnut will see you. In the meantime, please confine yourself to this deck and the deck above. And then he walks off. All right. Let's go to the deck above. Deck above. Deck above. Deck above.

Deck above. Deck above. Deck above. Deck above. Deck above. Deck above. Okay, you guys follow through. There's like plush hallways where they're sort of rotting. Everything is very close and sticky. It's all kind of gross. Why is it all so sticky? They just used a lot of second hand stuff. The orgies.

They didn't clean. They just put it up straight away. You really get the sense that this has been done in a real rush. I mean, the heart of glass was very sterile, very easy to hose down. They've made a huge mistake. Yeah, they've had some real cowboys up in here, you know what I mean? They've really rushed it. The wallpaper's already kind of coming off.

It's like they put the ship on one of those renovation shows where they do your house over in a weekend, but it's on TV budget, so it's real cheap and nasty. Yeah, it's like that, except they've knocked all the holes in and then not rebuilt the walls in a way. On tapestries over them. Yeah, yeah. And as you walk through the corridors, you kind of see your Tinkernomes,

your loyal crew, now in sort of gaudy uniforms, not unlike the crew that you saw in the Saturnine, and they don't acknowledge you. Yeah, they seem totally busied about themselves and totally unplus that their former captain and crew are walking past them at any time. You guys get up onto the middle deck of the ship, and boy, is it a fine deck.

I'm talking columns, and that's about it. It looks like it's being set up into some sort of communal hall. Yeah, or potentially also, you'd think that this could be based on a couple of the tables that are around the beginnings of a casino that is going to be built. But it's, yeah, again, unfinished.

There's like loose tables in various stacks and chairs. The Tinkernomes are just walking around doing various odd jobs, painting the walls. One of them's done a blackboard. They're doing some cool art on that. It's like a person but with the eyes of a dog. Are there any windows on this room to the outside? Just to see in space? Yeah. Yeah, the far end of this column is just a massive round window. It's projected on the

inside of the room. So this is actually a window, it's being projected from the outside. Do we have a sense of, is the ship where we left it or is it like, do we have any sense of where we are in the Nine N are we in outer space it hard to say for me it's not moving the ship is definitely stable you can't hear the drum of engine but can we see the ice planet but you can see the deadlines yeah okay so we're still on the deadlines okay hmm what did this used to be what what did this what was this room before it got changed into the Quasar Casino thing? It was the Heart of Glass Casino, but you just never went there. Yeah, I mean, you haven't really had a chance to explore a lot of the ship.

So we wouldn't know. So you wouldn't know, but you imagine it could have been some sort of enormous mess hall. Are there any crew around who we can talk to? There's a bunch of Tinkernomes, yeah, just painting the walls. Alright, let's go up to... I want to find the one who looks like they're the worst at their job like the most incompetent is there is there a tinker gnome who's just like really flubbing about and he's he's he's there's like a tinker just sort of morosely stirring paint just staring into its eddying pools just contemplating a bit yeah yeah

having little sips from a tiny hip glass all right, so I'm going to approach this tinkernome. Are they a lady or a man? A wee lady. A wee lady? Alright. Hello, madam. My name is Friso and it looks like you've got... What have you got there? Some paint?

Is this charm? Is this? Yeah, are you trying to charm this? No, this is just how people start conversations. It's absolutely not. Yeah, this is the formula for a conversation. Hello there. What have you got there?

Insert thing that you can see. Yeah, that is literally something that Friso learnt from a book. Yes, but when you talk, like, wait, wait. When you talk to someone, you say hello. That is universal. And no one's disputing that. Yeah. I think that part of the interaction, tick, tick, tick.

Is that what you said to me when you saw me, what, you got there a shirt? Oh, you're wearing that? You're wearing that, are you? What do you got there, Simey? He's got a nice shirt. That's cool. Yeah. I thought it was a nice compliment. It's very off-putting. Is there a shirt? Oh, you're wearing that? You're wearing that, are you? What do you got there, Simey? There's a nice shirt. That's cool. I thought it was a nice compliment.

It's very off-putting. And she is off-put. She's put off. She leans away from you and continues to stir. Sorry, did I lie to you? Is that not paint? Is there an inaccuracy in my claim that it is paint? She puts her hand up like this. High five.

And her supervisor kind of trundles over and says, is this man bothering you? Jacinta. And what? She just kind of nods and goes back to the paint. Kind of a little bit embarrassed. Because you've embarrassed her. What do I see?

Describe to me this supervisor. He's wearing a little pair of kind of Geordie overalls. They've got little golden frills on the shoulder straps. Wearing a little cap. And on the front of it, it's got embroidered foreman. But that's obviously not been factory made. It's been done by themselves. Yeah, potentially in his own hat.

They've been four quite big and then man is squeezed into a tiny little corner. And it's a tinkernome. Tinkernome, yeah. So taking all that in, Friso is going to say, Oh, hello there, foreman. What have you got there? A nice cap and some overalls? Is that what you got? That's cool.

Sir, I appreciate the attempts to be friendly, but this area is closed off to guests, so we don't mind you milling around. But in the meantime, please don't talk to employees. Oh, I'm very sorry about that. What guests? don't talk to employees. Oh, I'm very sorry about that. Wait, uh... But just between... There are... What guests? The, uh...

Well, there's, uh... Well, all the investors that have come on to see the ship, you know, to make it ready. Gotta be awful nice to them. Ready for what? Including yourselves

if you've put money into the ship. When did we go public? Thank you very much, but, um... It's a bit dangerous here, as you see. She's got some paint.

As you yourself, sir, observed. So that could splash. He's got a ladder that could fall on you. Oh, yeah, this is a ladder that I've got here, and it could go any which way. Hey, what do you got there? A ladder, is it? That's cool. Carl has a sword that we told him to stop bringing to work. I just like to have the sword on hand is all.

What I'm saying is there's a lot of, uh... What if there's a sword fight and I don't have my sword? The day I don't bring it is the day you all regret I didn't bring my sword. And I think you all owe it to me that I've never threatened any of you. It's a very sharp sword. I keep it very sharp. I sharpen it every Saturday, thank you very much, after breakfast. Carl. Half breakfast.

Sharp my sword. Carl. I'm sorry. I just, I'm sick of people ragging me about my sword. Nobody's taking your sword, Carl. I was just pointing. They better not be taking it. I get it, man.

I get it. I've had swords too. Carl. You all get to keep your swords. I have to explain mine every day of my life. When was the last time you got to have a sword fight, Carl? If I'm being honest, I've only ever practiced against trees and the like. And when I say trees, I painted trees and then I fought them.

And this is a den of gambling, is it not? We are guests, we are investors, as you yourself, Mr. Supervisor, claimed. And we are here to partake in some gambling before we put some of our golden dragoons on. That's the money we use in this world, right? Sure, credits. That's the money we use in this world, right? Sure, credits. That's a nickname for credits. Yeah, golden credits are brought to this ship and we demand to put our money on a cockfight of sorts.

You notice that all the Tinkernomes, as soon as you mention the fact that you're investors and that somehow there's some importance of impressing you, they're all like right to it. They're like, well, of course, of course. They start hustling around, pushing Carl forward. He's stoked as well. All right.

Who will fight Carl? I just sort of feel like I need to sort of... First of all, I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself. And I think this is a real taste of the sort of thing that when the project's finished, you could enjoy. And I would say also that my name isn't Foreman, it's Jeremy... Is it? Is it?

He's lying! His name's Foreman! It's Foreman. But if you could maybe mention to Lady Casilda how hospitable me and my team were, that would certainly go a long way. We're truly devoted to her. If you could just keep putting a good word. I mean, we're just, we're totally, I love her. I love her so much.

I love her face. I love her. I'd give her my sword, I would. I would give her my sword. Do you have any of your last captain who you also loved very much. We've only ever had Lady Casilda. Yeah, as far as I'm aware. What the bonk?

Carla, do we get the sense that these people are being earnest in their decries of love? Or can we sense that? There's something kind of potentially glassy in their demeanour. Right, so do we sense a fear in their voice? No, it's free of fear, but there's something odd about their behaviour. Can I do an Arcana check and see if they've been cursed? You can do an Arcana check, yeah. It's 20.

20? Amazing. You notice the telltale signs of charm. They've all been charmed by quite powerful magic. I can't remember anyone from the show. I wanted to say that that car... Oh, fuck it. What?

Charmed. Oh, like Alyssa Milano? Yeah, I was going to say I want to tell it was Alyssa Milano. Do you want to do it again for the podcast, buddy? No, it's okay. This should stay in as a warning to others. But yes, they're not acting under their own free will. They're definitely beholden to Lady Casilda or somebody's charm.

Quick dragon huddle. Bastion, I think you should fight Carl to see how strong the charm spell is. All right. Sounds good. Apparently, I have counter charm, and I could spend a turn performing to give all allies advantage versus charm. Yeah. You could definitely use counter charm in this situation,

but in terms of uncharming the whole ship, there would just be too many... You'd need like a master spell. Yeah, you would need to... Need a microphone or something? Really, really work at it for a few weeks. Okay, all right. Well, shut down then, I guess.

You could certainly un-charm these couple of Tinkernomes if you wanted. Yeah, might as well get some info out of them. Either that or we're making them fight to the death because we're bored. Maybe we un-charm them and they can get us out of here. Work your magic, Skaleson. Alright, well I guess

I don't know if you guys know this, but actually I'm a bard. So what are they, like song spells or something? Yeah, I guess so. Dave wasn't real clear on this. We did make this character in the five minutes after Bobby died in the interval. Yo, drop the beat. You were very emotional.

Yeah, that's right. So bards traditionally do sing... Okay, I'll sing you a stirring tale of your previous master. Okay. Do you want a beat? I think just a... Not a rap beat, just a musical. Or I could just

do a cappella. Uh-huh. Alright. I guess. Oh, Captain Filge was a wily cap. She travelled through space. She had a very lovely face. But more than that She had the will of a thousand iron orcs

And she would have beaten up all these dorks Who else? And a round of applause for the Scarrett brothers doing the music tonight. Did that do it? I don't know. Yep, the small crew of Tinkernomes around you suddenly come out as if from a deep sleep. So Jacinta, Carl, Foreman. Yep, and the other one.

And the other one. Who had a ladder. And ladder. Oh, where the hell am I? Where's my sword? Oh, thank goodness for that. Oh, yeah. Weren't you the captain? Captain Filch and Bastogne and Free, Free. I don't remember your name.

I think it's Phil. Phil? And, nope, you, I don't know. I'm new, that's fine. Great song, though, can I say that? You've all been charmed. Do you know what's been happening? No, we've been charmed.

There's been a spell on you. There's been a spell on you. You've not been acting under your own free will. Alright, that checks out. We are your only allies and we are your only way out of here. Well, we've got each other. We are your only allies and we are your only way out of here. Well, we've got each other.

What was the last thing you remember before just now? Last thing I remember, you guys had just left for the tower. Then a couple of days passed. And then there was like a boarding party with this very old and horny lady. And then they locked themselves in the bridge and they sealed us all down here. And then, you know what? Here I am. All right.

We need to get to that bridge. This isn't cool, guys. Is there a service passage? Are there secret tunnels in this ship that can get us up to the bridge? That can get us there undetected that you guys know about? Well, there's the wet ways. And they're not called wet because they're dry.

Let me tell you that. Why are they called the wet ways? They're wet! Yeah, the Tinkernomes explain to you that running all through the ship are like a very, like ventilation tunnels and things. But because of like the various humidity

of running a ship this big, they're like very dank, damp passages that run all through the ship, and you can't access the bridge that way. Would we fit in them? Yeah, you would, yeah. They're made to do maintenance on the ship, the Tinker Gnomes can kind of run along them, and their

passages are sort of hidden in various points along the ship. Tinker Gnomes, you are now our secret agents. Well, I mean, we just got out of somebody else's thrall, so... All right, yep. What? Yeah, no, sure. But not...

But, you know, of your own free will... Oh, yeah, so it's paid gig? Yeah, and they bring out a copy of the firm, which I took from the tower. Oh! That's for you, for your loyalty. Thank you. This is very big. Never forget you're real captain. Maybe

some promotions are in order, Phil. Yes, promotions will be in order. If you can possibly, is there a way for you to now un-charm your friends? No. Okay, well, just stay loyal. So you guys are trying to persuade these guys to help you now?

Lead us to that. I mean, technically they will follow you. Like, they're your... Yeah, but, you know, it's nice to, you know, respect your employees. That's a copy of the firm for you. Carl, you can have one of my swords when I'm done with it. Two swords! Oh, that'll be

Sunday covered. I've got written down here, I've got some gum. That's for you, Jacinta. Oh, thank you. And she puts it in her mouth and chews it. Very good. And anyone else have any little trinkets to give her? You've got some little ivory animals. Oh, I've got an ivory miniature for you, ladder man.

Oh, thank you. Okay, so don't forget us. All right, so are we going to come with you? Yes, take us to the bridge. Yeah, then take us to the bridge. What animal did you give him? I don't think I was told what we had. So you're talking about the necklace that you got?

The ivory miniatures that I found in the pocket of a coat. Oh, yep. So you've got an ebony fly, a golden lion, a marble elephant and a wooden man. What's your favourite? Ooh! I like the bee. Was that listed? No.

I think you heard the word ebony. There's a dead bee in your hand. It just happened at that point to die. You can have the bee. And I have a dead bee now. Okay, great. The Tinkernomes lead you along the wall. When they get to a certain point,

they kind of fiddle around with the wall, touching various points of it, and that opens a hidden compartment that slides backwards in on itself and then slides out of the way to reveal a sort of web work of quite close passages running through the ship. But they can guide us to the bridge from here? Oh, we can take you right to the bridge, yes.

Alright, Dragon Huddle, when we get to the bridge, what is the plan? We've got to think of a way to kill her and then take her to the ship back, I assume. Well, do we want to just... Because the... Look, as science officer, I am confident that we need a plan and a plan would be good.

More pressing. I'm mythicking me chopper head off. Yeah. Wait. What about the ball? The lance? Oh, where's the lance? The lance is in the throne. She's probably got that. But Jeremy, you've got the other thing. Yeah.

I've got the other sphere. But I want to know, Friso, from you, can we trust you on this? Why wouldn't you be able to? Friso, we need you to promise that in your quest to be a god, you don't plan to do anything naughty or mean. We're not saying you can't be a god.

You just have to be a benevolent god. I feel like, given that I'm immortal, why can't we kill this person and take the ship back? Aren't planeswalkers immortals as well? Well, look, then her and I are just going to be caught in some sort of eternal tango. Works for me, let's go. Murdering us. Murdering each other forever.

The worst case scenario is she's also immortal, alright? Cool. But best case scenario, we just wait here for a hundred years while I murder her. Over time. What? However long it takes, I don't know. Are you like one of those dogs that thinks it's the size of whatever dog it's looking at? Like, do you not think everyone else is immortal?

No, I'm saying that's the worst case scenario, she's immortal. Sure, okay. Do you guys want to go into the tunnel or, I mean, I've got other things. I've got bread and I've got a bacon. Oh, don't you want that sword? I would actually like that sword, you're right. Okay, take us up and we'll make a plan on the way.

Alright, so you guys are going to go into the tunnel and make your way to the bridge? Yeah. Alright. As you make your way into the tunnel, you start working your way into the dark confines of this mysterious space that you've never been on the ship. What mysteries will lie there

and wait for you? Will the dragon friends find their way to the bridge? Will the wet ways prove to be more wet than imagined? And will the Tinkernums be as helpful companions as they thought they would be? Find out in the next episode of The Dragon Friends!

Hello Richie, ladies and gentlemen. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, Eden Lacey and Simon Greiner and usually DM'd by me, Dave Harmon, but this week are DM'd by Carlo Ricci. Shakira Khan designs our website. The podcast is mixed by Beth McMullen, recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre with music by Dan and Liam Scarrett. Bye. recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre with music by Dan and Liam Scarrett. Bye!