Dragon Friends - #5.02. I Am The Second Wind

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

A mysterious outbreak of an unknown affliction at the Mericival\Skidders wedding sets off a chain of events that leads the Dragon Friends to get closer to Father Brackenvald and his masked and muted priests of Ilmater. Banknote discovers new talents and depressingly familiar outcomes. Philge stops to smell the flowers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you. We're going to be doing games, playing content, making things, and you can catch all the action live because you can bypass us to the event or on twitch.tv slash dnd. Did I say making things, doing content? Whatever. It'll be a hoot. Come along. We happy crew, we joyfully join the fray. No daring do, we wouldn't pursue, but thinking it through,

that isn't the Dragon Way. It is a time of celebration in the town of Daggerford, a wedding between the Merceval and Skidder's families, and yet already the scent of ruin is in the air. Three days of feasting have resulted in a bridal waltz in a grim, deathly pallor. The guests frozen in a rictus grin swaying in a breeze that never comes. The sound of a fiddle's bow scratching what? You just really led heavy on the word comes there. I did not.

Audience, did it? Why are we... A hundred percent. I did not. Audience, did he? Why are we... Yeah, 100%. The sound of a fiddle's bow scratching time and time again against the same strings of a fiddle and the sound raising the tension in the way of a good Alfred Hitchcock score, I suppose, as the dragon friends stand at the doorway of a bridal party doomed.

To have more fun than before. Fiddle, strike up a jig. The Dukes of Daggerford have arrived. Y'all ready for this? They learnt that in Future Tokyo. Yep. Which was the national anthem. We never mentioned it, but it was.

Alright, there is nothing more awkward and sad... Now everybody rise for the national anthem. Womp, womp, womp! Okay, so... Yeah, there is nothing more awkward than three ducal emissaries self-hyping themselves into a room full of frozen people. But you manage it as you make your way into the room. And only as you approach the deathly frozen bride and groom does your confidence, Baston, begin to wane. Come on, guys.

As you feel that perhaps they might not indeed be ready for this. Look, I know it's day three, but there's one more day to go, so let's push on. I am the second wind. Dave, can I ask, when you say frozen, do you mean like literally frozen? Or not, sorry, there's no movement at all? No, well, there's clearly, as I said,

they're swaying backwards and forwards. In fact, the fiddle player is just playing the same note again and again. And they all seem sort of, their joints have been frozen. They're locked in kind of a rictus grimace, their faces. And they're all staring in the center of the room where the bride and the groom hold each other. And they're just swaying. Now, is this, like, Phil, do you want to say before if this is a cultural thing at all? Do we know this is some bad juju?

Are you asking if you've ever been to a wedding where everybody stops for an hour and stares at each other? Yeah, I don't know. It's fantasy, Dave. Make a religion check. This is why I skipped your wedding, Dave. No! That's a three. No! Wait, what?

So we don't know? It's weird. Okay. Oh! Wah-bah-bah-dah-bah. Are you trying to turn your wah-bah-bah into a yawn? Into a... But you have danced your way into the centre of the room and now the little

emissary, who is a little man by the name of Butterworth, comes in behind you. A toast to the bride and hello. Now, this isn't a cultural thing, is it? I don't know. I thought the same thing too. But it turns out, no, it's actually bad juju. Oh, gosh.

Okay, everybody. Look, you've booked the hall till midnight, so you're going to have to get a move on, I think. Somebody do something. All right. Okay, so Lion Shield is going to step forward and there's an opportunity to try and prove himself to his new masters.

What do you mean, his new masters? Well, the new... He said it. Because he's new landlords, I guess. Oh, because you stay in the castle. Yeah, because I'm living in the castle. I'm going to use a cantrip. See, Dragons and Dragons is so much

easier when you get to make your own fucking characters. I've chosen the cantrip like Shocking Grasp. Okay. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go up to the I've chosen the cantrip like shocking shocking grasp okay so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna I'm gonna go up to the

fiddle player do you hear that noise I'm gonna I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do is assault someone no I'm gonna go up to the yep you're gonna go up

it's like I imagine I haven't read up on it but I imagine it's like a so much easier a buzzy handshake do you know what I I imagine it's like a... So much easier. A buzzy handshake. Do you know what I mean? Like a fun buzzer.

Like a trick buzzer. It kills people. It's like a fun buzzer that kills people. Does it actually kill people? It does. It's more fun, you will discover, if you let Hing live with the folly of his own mistakes. I reckon, I reckon I'm like a, I'm like a, I'm a hundred years old.

What level are you? I am level, oh fuck. Wait, let me see that, let me see that again. Oh no, it's the default, no I forgot to. Hang on, let me see. No, because when you do it on his own batard. Yep, you are a level one artifice, sir.

David, what would you say this adventure that you've designed is? Challenge rating seven. This is great. Cast your feeble little spell. Phil says, this is going to be good, guys. And we all watch expectantly

so I'm going to walk up to the fiddle player and I am going to cast shocking grasp so it's a I think it's an attack roll with a plus 4 and I use my instantaneous verbal somatic

well actually it's it's 15 plus 4. So what's the... That's what you rolled to make your attack, so it hits. Now roll 1d8. Lightning springs from your hand to deliver a shock to a creature you try to touch. Make a melee spell attack, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda. On a hit.

I rolled a 6. 1d8 lightning damage. Okay, just 6 damage, which is for a common level zero person. Enough. So you kill the fiddle player. No, no, no, no. I want it to be clear, though. I want it to control.

He collapses in a heap. No, Dave, I was really clear. And the music stops. Sorry, what, what, you... You feel like a big man. No. I feel like I was really clear about this. I wanted to, I wanted to like...

Oh, you wanted to do non-fatal electric damage. Tom has walked off the stage. Tom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill you, dude. No, I wanted to just like, like, shock the fiddle player to wake him up. Yeah, you can shoot someone with a gun and be like, I wanted to make him the fiddle player to wake him up Yeah, you can shoot someone with a gun and be like I wanted to make him smarter

I would remind you dragon friends that you don't know this man But in a way, don't we This inventor of poultry amusements this feeble conjurer of mechanical delights walks up, looks at the fiddle player,

and then... Artificer magic, by the way, is also an interesting thing about artificers that I read in the break is that their magic is created by machinery. So he actually looks

and he slips on... So he did have a fun buzzer on his hand. He slips on a glove that has a kind of armature over it with wicked talons on his fingers

and he tests it. He puts his fingers together and they spark and then he makes eye contact with a fiddle player and he puts his hand on the shoulder and electrocutes him to death. And this is all done not with like it's weirdly cold. It's really like hmm

interesting. And then he makes some notes and he turns around looking at you for, I assume, approval. You have to believe me, this was quite a mistake. I did not mean to kill this poor person. I just meant to shock them out of the trance they were in. Look, I know some other spells. Maybe I can try and fix him up again.

Hey, hey, hey, Banksy. I know cure words. Let me try it. I can prove myself. Hey, hey, hey, Banksy. I know cure words. Let me try it. I can prove myself. Hey, hey, hey. This should be really awful and shocking. I'm trying to fix it. But, but, but, but, but.

This kind of just feels like normal now. No, no, no, no, no, no. Why do me feel like me home? I want to be very clear. I did not mean to kill this poor boy. Hey, hey, hey, it's cool. No, it's not. It's not cool.

Who are you people? Who are you? This is horrible. Yeah, that's amazing. At this point, they're like, oh, that is a bonus. What do you mean? It's not okay.

This poor fiddle player. The fiddle is the most beautiful instrument known to all of Daggerford. Are you going to take it? You're getting more wild, and you're gesticulating wildly, and you're still wearing the armature in your hands, so make a dexterity check for me. Oh! Okay, you kill another one of the bands.

No, no! This is not what I want! I'm a good man! I'm a good man! I'm going to... I swear to... Baston is following

he's thinking Baston thinking yes of course the evil magic is probably coming from the band I'm gonna do I'm gonna fly kick

someone in the band following Lionheart's lead well the fiddle player's dead the harpist is dead you rolled a three I rolled a three so I just gotta fly

through the band you fly through a harp fly through a harp I didn't land on the stage and you kind of look like part of the band. There's not enough levels of monk in the world to make you manage to do a fly kick. You fly, you do a

kick and you perfectly execute it and you land on the other side of the plinth they're standing on. Do I land it? Yes, and now you can make it look like you meant to do that. Alright. Do I need to roll? You need to explain why you just kicked air. I'll be like, Ha!

Be gone, evil spirits! I think I got one. Is Luke Croy there? I can't remember. No, he's not there. Butterworth is there. Oh, that's right. Okay.

Did anything happen to the, like, did that affect the people dancing? It affected the two people who died and their families. But that's down the track. But can I see anything, has anything changed? People are still dancing? No, no, they're all still swaying. And Butterworth says to a little boy behind him,

and he says, summon the priests. And a little boy runs and starts ringing a bell on a rope. So the violin music has stopped, but everyone is still swaying and in a trance. And now there's a bell ringing as Butterworth tries to summon help. I'm going to do an investigation check. Okay. That's an 18. Oh, nice.

Okay. You investigate the room. It was obviously, like, everyone by their untidiness, this is one of these huge Daggerford three-day weddings. This is with the culmination of it. This was the Bridal Waltz. You can see that the priest of Tamora was there. This was the crux of the ceremony.

And you notice something else as well, which is that the floral arrangement through the room is incredibly consistent. Rather than like a mix of flowers, there are these kind of bright purple flowers in all the arrangements, and they're also in the buttonholes of the full bridal party,

or as corsages on their wrists. They're all wearing these bright purple flowers. Give that a big old sniff. Okay, make for me a willpower saving throw. You need to give me 15. One. That's a one. Uno.

That is a critical fail. Filch walks forward before Baby can say anything. Don't these look like dainty little beauties? And she takes a big old sniff and she keeps sniffing. And she begins to rock backwards and forwards, her body locked, leaning down smelling the flowers and at that moment the bell ringing ceases and you hear a voice

say, we'll take it from here and you turn around and Father Dreykenwald is there with two priests of Milmarte in white orderly robes and in custom with their vows of silence white sashes over their mouths. Father Jebediah? Father Jebediah Dreckenfeld.

Okay. Okay, everybody cover your mouths right now. Sorry. Wait. Everybody cover your mouths. Stay away from the flowers. And Bobby uses his legitimate, his fancy invisible hand to start collecting

the flowers in a pile. You use mage hand? Yeah, mage hand. So you take it and you push the flowers into the corner of the room. All the flowers into a corner of a room. It's Brackenvald, not Drakenvald by the way. If anyone was going to give me any shit about that. Looked at my notes. I was wrong. I found it before you did.

I'm golden. You really have internalised the bullying. It's not fun when you hit yourself. Father, I'm sorry to interrupt you there, but... It's Rackenwald! Okay. Okay. Sorry, to be clear, did you come to a

wedding before going to the asylum? Why are you here? What can I do? Can I just... Can I talk? Am I absorbing any of this? You failed your save and you are now paralysed. I need to talk to all the guests. What's going on? I've been summoned here. You, bride and groom, what's going on? You, duke, what's going on? Why are Duke, what's going on?

Why are there two musicians passed out on the ground? It is the rock style lifestyle. Did you say it is the rock style lifestyle? Yes. And it slowly starts to dawn on this man that something is very, very, very wrong. Has he seen this before?

I wonder. Okay. Jebediah, this is what happened. We came in here. There was no vibe. It sucked. It was an awful party. And then young banknote over here got a good idea in his head,

started dispelling the evil, and then the duke, in her magnificent excellence, sniffed a flower and uncovered that in fact, all of these people have been sniffing flowers, and that's why the vibe was dead.

He says, Mordica, take a sample of the flowers, and Mordica, one of the sashayed orderlies, goes and takes out a glass vial and he grabs some of the flower and he corks it in it and he says, they will all have to be remanded to Old Hill Sanatorium.

This is what I'm talking about. We're full to bursting and now an entire wedding party catatonic in my quarters yes I'll have to go in my quarters that's where I live but there's no room for me anymore so they're living in my bathroom and in my sitting room and that man will have to I'll put a lamp on him those two I'll put on as a rug and I'm just working it out spatially

in my head. It's going to be a disaster but this is what I'm talking about. Strange doings. Right. Dave, Bobby gets one of the flowers and sort of wraps it in a piece of cloth and just keeps it for later. Okay, great. So you take some, being careful not to smell it,

and you wrap it in cheesecloth which you, from your rations. Probably a bit of leather or something. Okay. Where do you get the leather from? I just rip it off my pants. Which bit? Yeah, which bit?

We're talking cuff or butt. I cut off one of the pockets so that I still have a full butt covered in pant. And I have the pocket and I was wearing leather pants, in case you didn't realise. And... The best bit about this is your cheese is still happily covered. Well, the thing is, Dave, cheese cloth is full of holes, so it would have been... But it smells of cheese. It doesn't matter.

That's not what cheese cloth is. Why did you cut off your pocket and wrap the flour in it and not just put the flour in your pocket? Ah. Undone. Because if I took it out of my pocket, a bit of the flour could come off and land in my nose. So where are you putting...

He goes to put it where his pocket was and it falls to the ground. You, Lion Shield steampunk, do you have any little vials or anything? What? I have a thousand! A thousand ball bearings and an anti-matter rifle. I just need a small...

And how many hit points? Oh, look. It appears I have eight. Oh, no! Oh, no! I realize at this point that you've all now been in the room full of the poison for a while

so everybody make for me I told everyone to cover their mouths But he's talking very loudly That's true It's from behind my arm don't you see I can yell through an arm Alright Can I ask an out of character question

Oh really I would hate for you to break the magical artifice of the game All right. Can I ask an out-of-character question? Oh, really? I would hate for you to break the magical artifice of the game, but go on. Look, I need to work out what I'm going to do with these two dead musicians. Because... Oh, no, no, I've changed, everyone. And I don't...

I don't want blood on my hands because I'm good nowadays. I'm a good boy. He says standing over the bodies of two innocent men. You know we saw you play, Friso. You don't get to just make a new character and then the sins of your past are forgiven. I feel like the seasons of Dragon Friends

will one day be taught in like a psych class. The unravelling of my body. You've definitely said that before on this podcast. No, no, look, I want to be good, so I could cast Cure Wounds on these people, but I also realise I have... These dead people. Yes.

Well, no, they're sort of... They look dead to me. That one fell and hit his head real bad. That one's neck is in a strange angle. Okay, so given that they're definitely dead then, we've moved past the possibility that I can save them. You do have a shovel. Yes, you could take them home to their families.

Okay, a couple of things I want to know. I have a bag of holding. How many bodies can fit in a bag of holding? You can fit two. You keep putting them in there, I'll tell you when it's full. I'm going to put the bodies in the bag of holding. Okay. And then, the other thing I want to know is,

I've got here next to my level one. In front of the priest? Three priests. Why are they worried I'm muscling in on their turf? The funeral turf? What I want to know is though, Dave, next to level one artificer, I've written... What's your strength? Minus one.

You're going to need some help. So, eight. Okay, but it says I've got zero experience points, so I imagine I need to collect experience points to level up, and I don't want to be level one anymore. It's 300 experience points to get to level two. Okay, so how many experience points do I get for killing two commoners? I was going to do this on milestone achievement,

but I'm interested to see where this goes. So I'm going to say you get 30 points. Each? 15 experience points for a commoner. We learn from our mistakes, don't we? We are 10% of the way there. to see where this goes. So I'm going to say you get 30 points. 15 each. 15 experience points for a commoner. We learn from our mistakes, don't we? We are 10% of the way there. By these calculations, I only need to kill 18 more commoners

and we're on our way to level two. That was one episode and a quarter before he started working out how many people he needed to kill. But you've changed. That's right, you're good now. I made very clear it was meant to be a non-lethal... Oh, fuck!

In the name of science. Would anyone... Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Dukes of Jackaford, it appears I found myself in something of a pickle I would like to store these bodies inside this very innocent bag for research

He says feverly grasping at the collars trying to drag them into what seems to you to be a mundane Hessian bag But also like nobody is paying attention to you anymore like you could have just left them there to rot I just

Bobby goes over to Filge and sort of prizes open her hand And takes the coin And just goes over and says It's fine Unfortunately I do need some help Getting them into the bag So who's the strongest among you We found that the best way to

Deal with these things is to just Walk away Don't take the evidence with you We found that the best way to deal with these things is to just walk away. Don't take the evidence with you. Are you sure? Yeah, absolutely. The body in its complete form is too heavy for you to move into the bag. People will think it's plague. Plague kills a lot of people.

A lot of people. Electricity plague. Lightning strike. I'll just take off the shirt where I touched him and put that in the bag then. He starts to strip the bodies down. Well, he's dead, isn't he? No, this is... Okay, don't do that, though.

No. All right. Okay. So let's... Here, help me load the former duke into the desk. Already, in fact, already the orderlies that came with Father Brackenvald are, they have two donkeys with carts, and they are sort of picking up the guests one by one

and loading them into the carts. You already see two of them just pick up Filge with sort of... Hey, wait a minute. That's a duke. Yeah, dude. They put on fancy gloves and then pick up... That's better. Remember, they've taken vows of silence,

so only Brackenbald will talk. Load her into the palanquin. We're going to treat her at the castle. I don't have my equipment at the castle. Well, you'll bring it to the castle. Isn't that right, Duke? Yeah, bitch. If you don't want

to bring it, we could shake on it, perhaps. With the greatest of respect, if I am to treat the Duke at the castle, could I perhaps maybe bring some of my other patients, including the wedding guests, to the castle as well? Now, you do have the dungeons underneath the castle.

I drew you a map of the castle, so there's some space. And there's also the guest bedrooms, but I imagine you guys want to take them. Yeah. Is the castle on... Which is close, the castle or the asylum? The castle is in town. The asylum is just outside of town. Well, yeah, let's go to the castle. Alright, so he makes... He whispers

some information to his men, and the donkeys take off at a trundle and head up to the castle. And the palanquin skips along after, and the three of you, with Filge in the palanquin, make your way up the drawbridge, past the guards, and soon lay her down on the floors of the dungeon, at the bottom basement level of the castle,

where already Brackenwald has cleared a table and has his men place Filch on the table while he instructs the other patients that they had with them to be locked into the various cells. Just quickly, are there any other prisoners in the dungeon? No, the dungeons are mostly empty. The jailer was sadly killed by three entertainers two and a half years ago.

Is there like a Cathy comic pinned to the wall? It's really sweet. There's a plaque. Everybody signed it. Yeah. To Barry Swift features still in our memories and then just in inverted commas it just says, Ack.

It was very sad because he was murdered for no reason. Yeah. Unnecessarily, many would say. Yeah. You're writing that down, Inge? was murdered for no reason. Yeah. Unnecessarily, many would say. Yeah. So... Are you writing that down, Inge? No, he's scrolling 300 in dark texta over and over again

in a sort of manic sort of script. I want you to know that me as Michael Hing, I've been going to therapy recently, and my therapist said it's important to have goals. recently and my therapist said it's important to have goals. Baston asks Brackenwild, so are all of the people in your asylum sanatorium catatonic like this? Absolutely not. This is the first I've seen of something like this.

Oh, so this is a different... The madness that is plaguing my asylum takes many forms. No uniformity, but I haven't seen anything like this before. Because I'm no scientist, but I was once... Oh, I was just going to ask,

which forms? What? You said there were many forms. Could you name, I don't know, seven? Of course, as a man of science, I'd be happy to enumerate the forms of madness to seven, certainly. Allow us to happily count for you.

One, hairy brain. Two? Two, Suddenly speaks Chinese Three Does the language of Chinese exist in Waterdeep? Is it the equivalent of like Elvish or something? Or is it like Three

Three Thinks they are a panther but are not. Four! Thinks they're not a panther but are! Five. Five.

Bad mood. Just a bad mood. That's a real nasty boy. Six. Six. Backwards guy. And seven, the glimmering. If I'm honest, the glimmering is probably making up about 90% of the new arrivals. But a backwards guy.

He eats with his butt. but a backwards guy he eats with his butt huh all of those you notice that as he says the glimmering as he says the glimmering all of the orderlies around him

look down at the air and then triple cross themselves with the sign of Ilmata yes all of those seemed quite self-explanatory. Except for this glimmering. Well, are you sure you don't want me to talk more

about the backwards guide? I have a question. If the backwards guide eats with his tongue... The glimmering, he explains. I'm going to... None of you get to talk! The glimmering is a relatively recent affliction. One that Brackenvald suspects

has been increased in its occurrence by the proximity with an ancient celestial celestial alignment that is about to occur in eight days called the celestial convergence and under this sign that occurs once every hundred years

more and more people seem to be afflicted by the symptoms that are referred to collectively as the glimmering. I'm writing a paper about it. You can read it at the university. But yeah, it's a form of mania in many ways. My library card still works there even though I'm not enrolled. The glimmering... The main symptoms of the glimmering is a hyper-focus on certain catchphrases, catechisms, and dogmas,

and it is an affliction that is the artistic and hypersensitive are particularly susceptible to. And patients, the glimmering did not exist in Daggerford until a few weeks ago, but more and more patients are being admitted to the Old Hill Sanatorium, patients are being admitted to the Old Hill Sanatorium and they make up, as he says, about 90% of the cases that he is currently dealing with. And that's why his caseload is so heavy. Does it match the flower thing? No, it's different.

That's different as well, okay. When is this celestial... Eight days. Eight days hence. And what will it... Is it like an eclipse or... I don't really go in for this theory. It's sort of like people say that,

oh, children act up on a full moon. But look, I... It's a perfectly harmless astrological phenomenon. Sounds like your Mercury's in retrograde. And tell me, when he eats with his butt, does he use a knife and fork or...? Well, I'm also writing a paper about...

I want to know where the vomit comes out of. Would it be worse to shit out your mouth or to vomit out your ass? What does everyone think? Does he eat shit with his butt or food with his butt? Sometime later. A few hours pass.

It goes night and you guys retire to the various bedrooms. Who's taking the Ducal bedroom, by the way? Well, I've got the Ducal coins. So you're taking it. I have a room. You have a private guest room. You can take one of the guest rooms. Dibs on the tower. That night, can you take for me quickly another, this time a constitution saving throw, Filch?

Oh, yes. 19. Yeah. Alright, so you're you wake up with a start and you find yourselves in the dungeon of Daggerford on a slab and a masked priest of Ilmartis looks at you with a start and backs away. I punch him in the face!

Alright. Alright, make an attack. Oh, that's a two. So I swing and a miss? Yeah, you clock yourself. But he gets up with a start and he backs off and sort of flees the room and you're by yourself. How am I feeling? Am I feeling... Groggy, angry, a little bit rage-filled, maybe.

Gassy. But your head also, you have this cloying sensation of a taste that is somewhere between garlic and aluminum. Me must have made a curry when me passed out. Me gotta find the other dukes. The three dukes. So you rush upstairs and you make your way you sort of stumble up the great stair

into the hallway and start bashing on the doors Bobby! Baston! Okay it's the middle of the night so you guys all emerge in your knight clothes Bobby's screaming because he has night terrors because he was dead

in space and I see him and I Because he has night terrors. Because he was dead. In space. In space. Yeah, and I see him and I run up to him and I go, what happened? Did you have the bad curry too? I come to think of it, I haven't eaten since I've been here. Brackenvald emerges out of one of the guest rooms as well which he's obviously taken for himself

and commandeered as a kind of study. And he goes, remarkable. An extraordinary metabolism. And he starts investigating Filch's vitals. Hey. I'm going to get an awkward drink first. What's he doing? What does that mean?

I'm checking on your pulse, looking in your eyes. Would you object to tearing me if I took some of your blood? Not only if you give it back. I can't do that. You give me some of yours. What? I think in these magical times

it's only fair to have a failsafe. Swapsies. Okay. He draws some of his blood. I've taken... Again, these are medieval times It's only fair to have a failsafe. Tip or tat? Okay. He draws some of his blood. I've taken... Again, these are medieval times. So he takes out a blade, holds it over one of the torches nearby.

In fire, he sort of cleans the blade and then he draws a line on his wrist while one of his orderlies... He bleeds out. ...holds a silver ball underneath it until he's collected a bowl of his own blood and then he gestures for your arm, Filch. Okay, I give him my arm.

And you take three hit points of damage. Yell! He draws some of your blood and it's collected by another orderly and a bowl and he says, I must take this back to the sanatorium to study. And I would like it very much if you would come with me. Have you already got my blood? Yes, but of course,

I need to see how you recover. I have several other tests. This is remarkable. The other wedding guests are still in state of such catatonia that you wouldn't believe. Well, you would. It's just how they were.

You've seen it. It's just nothing. I have no space for the rest of the wedding guests and I'm very grateful indeed to the three dukes. Is it? Is that the new system of government?

Yes. I'm very grateful that you are housing the rest of the guests, but if we are to wake them up, I'm going to need the tools and support of the sanatorium. Well... Okay. Okay. All right, and I give him an arpeggio.

I'm sorry, what? That's a sort of music thing, right? I give him one of the coffee pods. My final coffee pod. You have one left. That's your penultimate coffee pod. You're right. I go, this should do the trick.

That one is cappuccino dream. To do what? This money for you to build a sanatorium on you, old hill. What? That's not what I, that's not even close to what I asked you to just do. Are you? Oh, you're still coming out of your dream. Didn't anyone, weren't you bitching about money before?

Yes, of course. Always, always the project can have more funds, but I need you to come with me to the asylum. Okay, if you shut up, I'll come with you. In the middle of the night, all of the villagers and townspeople of Daggerford are fast asleep as you make your way through the caravan quarter, through the money quarter,

towards the Temple of Ilmata, cross through the caravan gates and out up the hills towards the old hill sanatorium. In the night, there is no one to waylay you or stop you. You wait for no one, and soon you make your way to a tall Gothic building with two impassive silent priests of Ilmata, orderlies again in their white robes and sashes, standing impassive with torches at the doorway. Brackenval gestures, and they open the great oaken doors, and he surges into the building with you in his wake and heads quickly down a corridor and down low steps into the sub-basements

underneath the house. As you pass cell after cell, all barred and gated, you see wretched figures in filthy robes, lying, trying to find what pitiful measures of sleep are afforded to those afflicted by the glimmering as he makes his way into his laboratory. In one cage you see a man

hunched over like a leopard. Fuck you! And in another cage you see a leopard Sitting in a desk, reading a book. Yeah, reading a book. You see a man who is talking in a language you don't recognise.

Elsewhere, a man is eating, but not as you know it. Does he hold a knife and fork in his feet? That's what I want to know. He's shrouded in darkness you cannot see. And as Breckenfall makes his way past these men, he finds us into his sterile lab where he strikes, and the sulfur burns your noses as he strikes a match and lights three lanterns, all of them hooded,

focused on a single metallic plinth, and he beckons you, Phil, to lie down on it. How much blood... Pillow! How much blood does he spill from the cup? He's holding it very carefully, none. Wow. Phil just asked for a pillow and nobody's...

Pillow for the Duke! Oh, actually, Bobby's the Duke now. I give her back the coin. Pillow for the Duke! No, no, no. Fair's fair. Okay. Okay, could someone get Bobby a pillow? Two, three.

Wait. Okay, one, two, three. One, two, three. Amazing audio content. Simon just played rock and Alex just played scissors. Oh, no. Fair's fair. No pillow for old Filgy.

And yet while Brackenvald examines Filge. I'll take that Oh, no. Fair's fair. No pillow for old Filgy. And yet, while Brackenvald examines Filge... I'll take that pillow, though. But, Bobby, you're standing in the corner of the room next to the corridor.

And at that moment, suddenly, you feel a tug at your jerkin. It's lower back pain. A jerkin, by the way, is like a shirt. I know what a jerkin is. It's just a funny word, right, guys? It's second base. It's lower back pain. A jerkin, by the way, is like a shirt. I know what a jerkin is.

It's just a funny word, right guys? It's second base, it's fine. Yeah. And you hear a voice. And you suddenly realise that there's a hand, a bony hand, pulling at you from a cell, one of the closest cells to the corridor. You, half-man, you've been touched by her, haven't you?

I can feel it. I can sense it in you. Touched by who? You've been touched by her. Who? You stand not in this world, not in her world, but in both worlds. Are you talking about that old lady I had sex with?

Maybe. Because I was touched by her a number of times. Stop bragging to everyone you meet Now her world is part of you The favor of the lost city It is in you And he keeps grabbing at you He's pawing at you

I slap his hand away Ow, he says Ow, owie Why would you do that? Who are you? What are you talking about? Ha ha ha ha! They call me Simple Tom,

but they not know that I am slightly smarter than Simple. You! Give me two numbers! Three. Rackenbald notices this conversation. He says, Thomas Smedley. Inducted this, admitted to this academy

just three nights ago. A most tragic case. Be not so handsy with the Duke, Smedley. A thousand apologies. Ha ha ha! Two and four. He backs away. Both numbers!

He visibly... He visibly wilts in the shadow of Brackenveld. He's clearly terrified of him, and he sort of crawls back into the corner of the room. Don't let him poke and pod me, and I just have dreams, such wonderful dreams, of colors and her and the lost city. Ha-ha!

Also, I have a dream of my old PE teacher. They can't all be relevant to the narrative. And I turn up, and it's time to the narrative. And I turn up and it's time to play volleyball. But all I have is a ruler. Brackenbald looks at you and he goes, the glimmering, a classic case.

Thomas Smedley, four nights ago, a most promising artist in this town. He spent his time painting our gardens, which are of most remarkable beauty. And now he's coo-coo-ca-choo. We don't like to use that phrase. This is the glimmering, a typical case.

Wait, you say he painted the gardens? He was a painter, yes. A brilliant one. Where can these murals be seen? Are they of merit, artistically? In your opinion. He was a painter, yes. A brilliant one. Where can these murals be seen? Are they of merit, artistically? In your opinion? They bring him some comfort, so we have lucked them in there with him.

Oh, you've got them in there with you, Smedley? Yes, my idle hands. Ha ha, ha ha ha. Well, do you need a professional curator, or do you think you could have a little showing? No, of course. Please come see my work. I've been busy, busy, busy, busy, busy as a bee buzz. Brackenbald looks at you curiously and says,

I can't admit to you, but we cannot let him out. You must understand. Unlock the door. I will not let him out. The Duke proclaims it. I will go in. If you unlock the door, I'll do some stabbing. Brackenbald indicates to one of his Ilmartian coterie,

and they pull out a heavy key, and they open the doors, and a hooded orderly of Ilmata beckons you into the room that is shrouded in darkness. At the last moment, he pulls from a sconce in the wall a torch and offers it to you, for the room is shrouded in darkness. At the last moment, he pulls from a sconce in the wall a torch and offers it to you, for the room is shrouded in darkness. Aha! It happened, didn't it? It happened. It happened as they said it would.

It already happened. Aha! Bastogne's going to go in to guard the Duke. Which is Bobby? Yeah, which is Bobby. Right now. So I'm looking at these paintings. What do I see? So you walk into the room holding the torch, and as you do, the room is slowly illuminated illuminated and one thing you immediately realize is that the room

is empty these these area these these chambers are barbaric but scratched into the wall with food and with whatever he could find um what little furniture was in the room he smashed and turned into implements to scratch in the wall again and again is a a symbol, a seven-pronged star that seems almost like a knot or some kind of broken point of light. And above this symbol, repeated again and again in the wall, are words that say in the common tongue, the lovers will rise, the waltz will begin, The world will end in seven days. Is that from now?

When did you write this? This is my newest work, you see. It's my brand new baby. So would you say the world will end in seven days? Scattered on the floor, by the way, are landscapes of the surrounds

of the old Hill Sanatorium and they've all been ripped to shreds, as if by an artist no longer satisfied by his old work. Yeah, and the father is like, I'm so sorry, I didn't know he'd be showing... I thought you were going to see some nice landscapes. This is not in keeping with... Bad man!

So seven days including today, or... When should we expect this? I can smell her on you. He's looking at you. He's ignoring Bastogne as if he means nothing to him. And since you have entered the room, Bobby, his eyes have never left your eyes. Thomas, I am your lord. Liege.

Duke. Where were you painting the gardens? I only serve one. I serve the city. Her streets will rise again, her buildings shimmering in the day. Again, I have some other non-germane things. Once I dreamt I had teeth made of hands. Oh, I've had that one too. Oh, I think it means that you're scared that your teeth will become hands.

Breckenwald looks and he says he was a chartered painter from the city, from Waterdeep. He has come here on commission. He kept simple lodgings at the Decorated Man. He worked day and night for William Ascot of the Painters and Perfumers Guild. But it's happened, hasn't it? It's come to pass. The lovers have risen. The waltz has stopped. The world is going to end. Ha ha! Well, it's been nice to meet you.

Lock him up. You walk out again and the Elmartian guard locks the door and... He didn't even get to stab anybody. Drachenwald is again remarking at how remarkable the physiology of Filch is. Yes, look at my lovely butt. It's good, isn't it? Once again, you did not need to take off your pants.

I was really just looking at your pulse. But this is incredible. Nobody has made a recovery like this of you. There must be something remarkable about you, I suppose. Jukiness? No, I don't think it's jukiness. Have you... Just a quick question.

Have you encountered any sort of interdimensional travel in the most recent time? Oh, yeah, me meant to space, met God. You mean some such like that? I'm putting it in the notes. Bank note. I'm not here. Oh, we didn't bring bank note?

No. You woke everyone up in the castle, but then said... Meanwhile, bank note, you wake up in the middle of the night and you go out for your cup of warm milk, as is your custom, and you discover for the first time the door to the Duke's bedroom is open. Ha ha ha!

I'll do an investigation check. Dave, I've rolled a one. And back to bed I go Meanwhile In Old Hill Sanatorium Breckenwald is examining now These flowers And he says

You say that these came From the bridal party Yes that's right Interesting Yes They smell very nice No don't smell Oh god she smelt them again from the bridal party. Yes, that's right. Interesting. Yes. They smell very nice. No, don't smell them. Oh, God, she smelt them again.

Make a willpower saving throw for me. One. Oh, my God. One. You know. That was... It went to nine... Oh, wow.

I can't believe this is the audience. Oh, my God. You freeze up again. Me, me, me, me, me. And Drakkenwald is so embarrassed that he refuses to acknowledge it and keeps talking to Bobby. Look, it shouldn't be particularly hard to find the providence of these flowers.

There's only so many people in Daggerford that could produce such a bouquet. I haven't slept very much. And he looks at it and he goes, the interesting thing about these, this is Floson Lily. This is not native to the region and a thoroughly unremarkable flower one that you would not even need to write on your character sheet it is so unremarkable lily it may be important but this scent this scent is not of the flotion herb this this is a dusty alaska concoction This is obviously some kind of perfume that has been sprayed on these flowers.

The flowers are unremarkable. Dusty Alaska? From Alaskan. Dusty Alaska, like a porn star name. Well, not native to the Sword Coast. Oh. Somebody has created a perfume and sprayed these flowers with it. Its effects are fading, yet still it seems remarkably...

Me, me, me, me. ...effective to certain souls, but otherwise this seems to be the work of an airborne poison. Hmm. We should probably get this to our artificer. Yes. He may know things. Scurry, scurry, scurry, scurry,

and soon you'll make your way back to Daggett Castle, where you see outside the open... No? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry. I was saying outside the open door of the Duke's bedroom, riven with indecision, paralyzed with self-doubt, the figure of, I want to say, Sebastian Dollar Sign?

No, Lion Shield banknote. Dave? And I think you knew that deep down. of, I want to say, Sebastian Dollar Sign? No. Lion Shield Banknote. Dave? And I think you knew that deep down. So, I really didn't. Real quick, are we just going to leave Filge asleep at the place? At the sanatorium?

Unfortunately, she is again paralysed and she'll need a few more hours before she wakes up. What if we tickle her? It does nothing. You rolled another one. I am powerless to... Even tickling could not wake her. You know what?

I actually think Lion Shield went back to bed, and I think he'd still be in his room, I think. You just don't want to admit that you almost tried to steal from the Duke. You're a coward, Michael Hay. He went back to bed. I think I, yeah, went back to bed. All right. And you're a coward Michael Hay He went back to bed I think I Yeah he went back to bed Alright And you're a coward He's back in bed

And there's no evidence Of his crime So as As Baston and Bobby Walk back through the night Again Down the hill From the spooky sanatorium

Baston's like So what's it like to be dead Was it cool Dude it was Not cool No Bastion's like so what's it like to be dead? Was it cool? Dude, it was not cool No If I shut my eyes for too long I see profound

emptiness But was there like like any, like a buffet or No, no, no. Just like pure void. So empty that it was full. It's kind of hard to describe. Could you do... Was it kind of cool?

Like, could you fly or do backflips or anything? It was like... passing out drunk, face down, in a well. Cool. I think I might be a little fucked up by down, in a well. Cool. I think I might be a little fucked up by it, to be honest.

Yeah, okay. It sounds... Well, look, if you need to talk, maybe think of someone who could be of more use than... I don't know really what to... I don't think I can help you with this. And at that point, you have made your way to the castle. Are you going to wake up the Artificer?

Good chat. Is he with us? Good chat. Yeah, Bracken Viles has come with you. Professional psychologist here. Father Sebastian Bracken Viles. Jebediah?

Jebediah. So let's go straight up and bust into Banknote's room. What are you sleeping? The nude. Something to either hide or reveal my very normal

penis. Do you have aviation goggles and just a mechanical cog necklace? Is that it? Actually, I'm going to make the decision. You sleep in an oxygen tank. Like an iron lung?

Well, one of his own device. Oh, cool. Like a room that he thinks gives him immortality. Is that fine? Are you happy with that? Wake up! The Duke is here! Are they banging on the door?

They're banging on the hood. Alright. Don't come in! I'm not doing anything! And if I was, I would not need to be ashamed of it! Ha ha! What do you want? Your Duke seeks an audience

Alright, just give me a second A very normal amount of time elapses And I fully clothed Yeah, and the north swings open And it takes me a while to get out of the old tank, doesn't it? As you can see, I sleep in that very normal Okay, what do you need from me, the Artifact?

Oh! Alright. We have this sample of Dusty Alaska. Uh-huh. The flowers don't smell as they should. They've been perfumed. Can you tell us the source? Ah. Have you done an Arcana check? You actually have

alchemist tools, I saw that So make for me, with proficiency So it's plus five on yours Make for me a DC 12 check Ooh Three plus five is eight With advantage Because the grogginess makes you smarter

Well, I was Okay You have no idea what it is Hmm But What I can do I was... Okay. You have no idea what it is. But what I can do is if this here flower is of non-magical origin, I can perhaps magically tinker with it. So is it?

I don't know We don't know But also like what would that even do? I'll show you Why are you rolling more times? It is an arcana check I have rolled a 10 plus 2 Which is a 12

What does that mean? I don't know But can I tell if this flower, sweet as it is, perfumed as it may be, is of magical origin? Yes, alright, you know what, you can, um... What if it is not? The flower is a flotient flower, completely non-magical. non-magical. However, a dusky Alaskan unguent, magical in origin

it seems, has been imbued in some kind of tincture or perfume that is creating a magical smell about it that could only have been created by a master perfumer. Now. Well, I have some information for you. That they had, like, five minutes

ago. Well, look, now, putting my cool Sherlock Holmes hat on, if I... Where is that man who we are both around? Need a new hat. Anyway, so, because I've been listening, now, it seems that the guy with the glimmering, Smedley,

was working for William Ascot, who's part of the Decorators and Painters Guild. And if anyone... Am I on a red hair? Tinctures, Pigments and Perfumers Guild. Tinctures, Pigments and Perfumers. If there's anyone who's going to know about tinctures, about unguents, it's going to be the head of the Tinctures,

Pictures and Perfumes Guild, William Ascot. Do you know of him? Back note? Do I? You know, you kind of flubbed the delivery there, but I'm going to give you a dice of inspiration. Yes, I'm inspired.

Yes, William As inspired. Yes, William Ascot, the head of the Tinctures, Pigments and Perfumers Guild of Daggerford. Tinctures, Piglets and Permature. What? He lives in a townhouse in the Money Quarter and he... The Money Quarter? That is literally law

and he's a... Yes, he is the supplier of Thomas Smedley, the artist, but he's also the main perfumer of the town. OK. Well, I... What I'm... I want to make this particular flower not poisonous for the time being,

because I think it's a risk right now. Do you know what I mean? If someone sniffs it, again, they could go into catatonic state, right? Yeah, I mean, this could be achieved by putting it in the bin or something. Yeah. Or a jar. Or wrapping it in a pocket, for example.

Don't we need to take it to the... Yeah, so... Or just put it in a jar. If he's going to look at it and find out its provenance, etc, etc, it probably needs to be intact. Which is fine. I, well, the flower itself is non... I don't know how the science of smells works.

Listen. But it appears that the magic is linked to the scent of the flower. Correct. The perfume associated with it. Yes. Listen, if we need someone strong-armed, we need some muscle, we'll come to you, okay?

Let the big people do the thinking, yeah? Okay. What are you going to do? Well, it's late at night, is it not? Yes, we should... It's the middle of the night. Yeah, we should wait until the morning time. Let's take a little nappy poo, sleepy time,

have a hearty breakfast, and head to the money quarter. Okay, everybody can take a hit die of healing. Do I get that? You're back. Yeah, you wake up again and you somehow make your way home. You call it Uber. Fantasy Uber.

And soon in the morning, you make your way down to William Ascot's townhouse. Okay, in the money quarter where the gilded gentry, mostly from Waterdeep, buy and trade the likes of mortal men, you soon find yourself in an impressive brownstone townhouse, one of the only few in the town that is the home of the Ascot family. You are outside the doors. Did you come by yourselves?

Did you bring your guards? Are you on your palanquin? Am I? Did I come here with us? Yes, yes, yes. Where's Crawford? Yeah, where's my... Crawford died.

No! You killed... Alcohol. Alcohol poisoning. Yeah. Pelicans shouldn't drink. I had a problem. Well, absolutely, he should...

I was fun, but I felt like I had diminishing returns. I feel like Crawford should absolutely be taxed a dirty. He is now, however, a mundane item, non-magical. Something to file away. And something that you, with your puny minus one modifier to strength, could definitely stuff in a bag of holding. Oh, Phil Chazard did. Yes.

Maybe we not tell him we're dukes. Maybe we tell him we in the market for some poison flowers. Yes, excellent. You knock on the door? I billow my cloak to look more evil. Okay, you knock on the door and soon the door actually, the moment you knock on it, it swings ajar. It is not even closed.

And the hallway leading to stairs to the second level is empty. Echo! You shout into the room, giving away any element of surprise. Echo, echo. The room is surprisingly acoustic. Which is good because Bastion operates on echo locations. You're going to head upstairs? Hello, some evil customers here.

You make your way up the stairs and you turn around. You go down a small hallway where you can see giant portraits of the Ascot family. And you open two glass bay doors and they open into a perfumer's study. Small alchemical tables on the wall. Small vials of different rare unguents everywhere. And standing at a giant balcony in a window of the second floor above the city is a man looking out at the sky

I didn't plan a voice for him I'm a stinky boy um why didn't you plan a voice for him? that's not good enough I'm a stinky boy. That's what I've always been called,

a stinky boy. That's why I got into perfuming. Below him, you can see the traffic now picking up steam. This is the main road through the money quarter and there are like trolley carts heading left and right.

Banknote, announce us. Ha ha! Hello there! Did Banknote know this guy? Ascot, yeah. Yeah, announce us. Ha ha! Hello there! Did Banknote know this guy? Ascot, yeah. Ascot! It is I, Lion Shield Banknote. You might know me as a tinkerer

of contraptions and a distiller of the finest whiskies and most mediocre gin. He spins around and you can see that he is fingering between his fingers. Go to hell. A small, flotient tulip.

A brilliantly blue, small, flotient tulip. Do you know the thing about flowers? Ha ha! I know a thing or two about flowers, but which one do you mean? So soft to the touch, so sweet to the nose. You, the big one, care to smell? Oh, I don't mind if I do. Make a willpower saving throw.

No. Eight. What's your willpower save? I don't know. Which one's willpower? You're naturally wise. It beats the feeble DC10 that I had for this. You almost go rictus and you recognise the paralytic

symptoms and then you manage to pull yourself together. I'm going to dance it off. Dance it off. Ask it. Why don't you give me a whiff of that delicate thaw? Please. Aska looks at you, and he's a sallow-faced, surprisingly young man, yellow under his eyes, and his fingers stained,

as is typical with his trade, almost black with the chemical compounds that he works on. From one tinker to another, of course, of course you can. I'm a stinky boy. I know you are. And look, I've seen this flower before. I know what it should do. But how about I offer you a wager of sorts between gentlemen? He looks at you and he says,

I know why you are here. If I can smell this flower and beat whatever test it is, you think I'll fail? You are here, my friends. Okay, nope. Yep.

Because you seek to stop the work. And you think in your folly that you have found the one you seek and he crushes the flower in his hand and as he pulls it apart the feathers fall to the floor and he goes feathers?

magic! magic! a feather is a kind of petal. And the petals fall... It is absolutely not. What a beautiful bouquet of birds. What do you mean to do? Stop me.

The order of the lamplighters has convened the way is closed but we are closing in seven gates hold the lost city at bay but the lover's gate has opened last night you think that you can stop

me and my work my work ended the moment the bride and groom took their fateful waltz and with that he holds his hands up and lets the last of the petals fall to his floor and he says you have no power over me and when the time comes and carcosa is born again i shall be rewarded in seven days this world ends and there is nothing you can do to stop the Herald. And he takes a step back and he falls into the traffic of the trolley cars below and is ripped asunder by the passage of horses. Oh, poor horses. Are they okay?

The horses are fine, Alex, for the dragon friends have seen a suicide that seems, though pyrrhic, somehow triumphant. Although you have found the poisoner that you seek, his work has already been done. And time and time again you have been warned that in seven days something is coming, something with the strength to tear this world apart. The dragon friends have found their home at last, but that home is imperiled. And if nine worlds were not enough to hold them,

perhaps these seven days are enough to find a home that they can hold dear to their hearts, protected from the damage of this lost city. But what is this lost city that those afflicted by the glimmering talk about? What of Brackenvald and his evil, speechless priests? And who is La Croix? That name seems derivative and strangely reminiscent of California.

For the answers to questions such as these, tune in to Season five of Dragon Friends! The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, and Eden Lacey, and are DM'd by me, Dave Harmon, with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins. Our season's theme music was composed by Scott Edgar, performed by Tripod, and orchestrated and mixed by Austin Wintory with M.R. Miller. Bye!