Dragon Friends - #5.03. Are You Familiar With Electricity

Episode Date: May 23, 2019

With their only lead dashed on the streets below and a fire fueled by their incompetence nipping at their heels, The Dragon Friends are forced to return to the Sanatorium to confront a suffering artist. Bobby perfectly executes a completely necessary act of deception and Baston puts his Parkour skills to use.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does anybody know what Michael Hing has been doing and why he can't come to LA with us? Crimes! Crimes! Electoral crimes! Yeah, electoral crimes! If you think electoral fraud is a crime, then sure, I've been committing a crime. The happy crew, we joyfully join the fray. No daring do, we wouldn't pursue, but thinking it through, that isn't the right way.

What do you mean to do? Stop me? The order of the lamplighters is convened. The way is closed, but we are closing in. Seven gates hold the lost city at bay, but the lover's gate is open. In seven days this world ends and there is nothing you can do to stop the Herald. The last words of William Ascot, a troubled man to be sure but a pillar of the Daggerfordian society and one few would suspect of an evil act. It has been barely two days since the dragon friends have found themselves the new lords of their one-time homeland and already it seems the disaster is on the horizon. Seven gates,

seven days, signs and portents are in the air. A strange magical affliction called the Glimmering has taken hold of the region's artists, dreamers, and melancholiacs. A cult has sprung up to awaken some great evil, and in the face of actual, in the face of an absence of actual qualified leadership, I guess it is up to the dragon friends and their new associate, Mr. Lion Shield Banknote of the Rutherglen Banknotes to do something about it.

May the gods be kind to us all. Asgard's body is already in pieces on the ground below as you stand on his balcony looking down. Do you think he means seven days including today? Oh, I feel this is vital information. Do we have seven? Why don't we ask him?

What can we see when we look down? So as I said, Ascot was standing in the balcony when you arrived in his study, which is kind of elegantly decorated, but quite minimal alchemist perfumer's study. There's a modest desk. There's some alchemical equipment. There's racks of bottles everywhere. The balcony has this sort of cantilevered doors leading out into the streets,

and then it's a two-story drop down to the quite trafficked highway of the Daggerford Money Quarter. And is his body just smushed under... Under horses, yeah. Right, so we can't see it. Now, skid it to a stop, and you can see down there what looks like sort of Wisherswell's horrified freight carrier. Wisherswell just being like,

hope you're okay, dead guy. Hey, smooshy. He's sort of stevedores. And also, now you can see down down there a few members of the City Watch who are sort of coordinating off the street. Oh, they're going to think we pushed him. Yeah, we should have. Knowing our reputation.

I'm going to do a quick investigation check. Yeah, I want to look for... See if there's any clues. Okay, you want to have a look for clues? What did you say? I just thought you said something about your reputation. What? What is your reputation?

Because it strikes me that why would anyone think that you pushed this man unless you were sort of villains? I'm just going to think if me killed two innocent musicians last night. No, that was clearly an accident. As I've said to you all multiple times, I'm a good boy. Are those musicians' bodies in your bag of holding? I can't remember. No, they wouldn't let me take them.

You just have the clothes of the dead people, right? You have a shirt or something over there. Okay, you're doing an investigation check for me and you got a... That's a hot one. I'm going to investigate too because I'm an inquisitive boy. Oh, seven. I'd like to also have a look in the room. Twenty.

Good times are sharp. Give me my magnifying glass. That's very nice. All right. All right, Detective. That's a new thing I'm doing, Dave. So you're sure. Someone fix that for me.

Detective Filchichoo. Cuckoochoo. So you're all a one, Simon. So you can't be sure, but you think you're possibly underwater in some kind of submarine. Bastogne. Seven. Minus one is six. You find the carpet, and it's great.

You roll around for a little bit. And Alex, as I said, a modestly appointed but quite stylish study. You find a couple of things. So on the desk, you see a small, carefully, almost compulsively lined up row of four crystal vials with a kind of sluggish green liquid inside them, some kind of alchemical compound. And you also spot on a 20, you spot something else, which is in the fireplace. You see what looks like the remains of a diary that someone has tried to burn. You see the back cover.

Most of the diary is gone, but the back cover has sort of protected the back page of the diary. Bobby! Oh, also, actually, Eden, you also notice a big portrait behind the desk, which is a sort of pastoral

scene of two lovers by a maypole, but it has been ruined by someone who has, with powerful, brilliant dyes, slashed crudely into the painting that same gnarled knot pattern that you saw in Smedley's cell. So you also remember you saw that poor afflicted soul in the sanatorium who had covered his cell with these. It's also on this painting, ruining it. What's it?

Is it scratched into or how is it? It's been somebody has with a, it looks like probably one of those vials, has opened a vial of ink and then just slashed it in the air with the open vial. Oh, so it's a vial of ink? No, no, it's a different colour. That's a good question.

No, it's a, this is an ink, but the four vials on the desk, you're not sure what they are. They're all stoppered with wax and corks embedded in the wax, but you could break them and they look quite fragile. Like if you threw them, they would shatter. Okay. I'm going to put them in my bag for investigation later. Yeah, we should go back and Banknote can do some tests on them.

Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. And can Bobby help me read what's on the diary? Yeah, I'm going to use my mage hand to pluck it from the fire. Yep. That's great. And, yeah, do we read any pertinent information? Can a mage hand pat something out?

That's a good question. I suppose so. It would just be pushing air into it, if anything. If it has the force to lift it, surely it has force to... Yeah, to push air into it. I think I will say by using Mage Hand, it means that you don't have to risk danger, you don't need to wait

because time is a bit of the essence, and you're able to just pluck it out, so you are able to read. It looks like, for what it's worth, the leather is smouldering. It looks like this was probably burnt moments before, possibly while you were storming up the stairs. He was burning his papers. Maybe he was just reading by the fireplace and heard footsteps.

Whoa! We can't discount it. So you open it? What'd it say? All right, so most of it has been gone, but there's a tiny scrap of paper that's left, and you can just see these words in Ascot's precise hand and it says the herald has seen the first gate

in the glimmering dream. Two lovers stand suspended in their bridal waltz. It is the first secret way to the lost city and we, his chosen, shall deliver it to him. And then it is signed with a cipher you don't recognise and another one of those gnarled knot symbols. I'm going to say we've got six days

passed on. Good to know. and another one of those Null Knot symbols. I'm going to say we've got six days, Baston. Good to know. At that moment, you suddenly hear footsteps pounding up the stairs and you realise that someone has entered the house. Okay. You have a little bit more time if you want to do anything in the room. Is there anything, what's in the drawers at the desk? You're going to open the drawers?

Yeah. Okay, inside you find alchemical supplies, like enough to make an alchemy kit for someone. Oh, for Filch maybe. And then you find a couple more empty vials and also a vial of what looks like ink. Backnote is going to hide on

the hinge side of the door so that when the door opens... He'll get smashed in the face? No, he'll be in the bit that doesn't the door opens... He'll get smashed in the face? Well, no. He'll be in the bit that doesn't crush, where he doesn't get crushed. All right. Filch is going to pretend to be a rug.

Uh-huh. Talk us through that. Did you say... I feel like I've done it before. Wait, was that a rug or a rock? I'm going to be a rug, like an open mouth bear rug

on the floor. Wait, does that mean that... Oh, but I'm going to take all the vials in my bag first. All those vials. So you continue to rob the room establishing a strong alibi. I'm going to cast disguise self as our dead fellow. As William Ascot.

As William Ascot, yeah. I'm going to go out on the balcony and just stroll as our dead fellow. As William Ascot. As William Ascot, yeah. Oh, great. Interesting. And what are you going to do best on? I'm going to go out on the balcony and just stroll and take the air. Very conflicting alibis are being set up. The doors burst. Have you ever thought about coordinating any of your approaches?

The doors burst open and you see three figures that in their livery, particularly Friso and Filj, natives of Daggerford, you recognise... Friso's not. Friso's dead. Friso's dead? Do you know something I don't know? Friso's not here. Yes, he's not here.

So Filj, something that you would recognise and only you, which is that this is the livery of the Daggerford town watch. And, in fact, you even recognise a figure that you had very little to do with except once or twice in your sort of misspent youth as a young, cool, ruffian... Oh, yeah, I was a graph artist. Up to no...

I graphed on horses. Back in your tagging days, you would recognise... What did you tag on them? Given that you're illiterate. Smaller pictures of horses. I'll draw it for you. What were you drawing? Phil, do you recognise this as the face of Inspector Boggins?

Commander now, once a sergeant, now commander of the City Watch, and two of his sergeants were standing behind him. You've already fucked it up. You've fucked it up twice. That's a P. He's a Superman, and it's a C, but it's a P. It's a C, but it's a P. So that was Phil just tag?

Yeah, it was my tag. And I would call myself Peek Pog. To a P very quickly. So that was Filj's tag? Yeah, it was my tag. And I would call myself Pig Pog. That was my tag name. You would call yourself Pig Pog. That was my cool graph name when I tagged it on horses. You might see them around still. Some of the old horses. Make for me quickly some stealth checks.

Bank notes, Filj. Make stealth checks for me quickly some stealth checks. Bank note filled. Make stealth checks for me quickly. Tell me who beats 12. I got 13. I do not beat 12. All right. Boggins gets to the stairs and his two sergeants fan out, holding short truncheons as he looks at you,

looks pointedly at you, banknote, and then turns to face. Wait, so have they turned around after coming in through the door? Bizarrely, they've missed the far fork pretending to be a rug, but they've spotted you as they've walked in because of your failed test. Sir, please move yourself from behind the door. My good man, I'm a local alchemy and person, and I have no trouble with you. Sorry, you say you're a local alchemy and person? I've momentarily forgotten my class.

This is one of the two figures, a police sergeant by the name of Eddie Wick. I apologise. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lion Shield Banknote of the Rotherglen Banknotes, a distiller of the finest whiskies and most mediocre shinsanos, which you might use in perhaps a martini if you'd like to make one. It's a type of... Vermouth. Vermouth, yes.

There's been a disturbance down the streets. They say that the lord of this house was thrown from his balcony. Thrown? Torn to shreds. Nasty business. Happened to catch his corpse in the streets. They say that the lord of this house was thrown from his balcony. Thrown? Torn to shreds. Nasty business. Happened to catch his corpse in the street we just did. They turn and they notice for the first time you, Bobby, disguised as William Ascot. Um, so.

See, what's happened here is... Have you seen the movie The Prestige? I'm sorry. You see, the trick all along was that there were twins, I believe. And what's happened is Ascot here... Lionfield Banknote didn't go to cyber-fucking Tokyo. Where does this come from? What is the movie The Prestige in the world of Faerun?

As an artificer, I have access to technologies perhaps beyond the regular thing. Specifically the films of Christopher Nolan. Could he have found a DVD? He could probably pick up... Where? That he wore as a hat? I reckon across the dimensions you could probably get HBO if you like. Toodle your nose hard enough.

He's got interdimensional TV. Look, let me do a deception check and what's the decent of this? You can just come up out of whole cloth the plot of the Christopher Nolan film The Prestige to confuse a police officer. I will let you

do that. That is a difficult with disadvantage that is a 17 with disadvantage. That is a 17. But it also assumes that he'll do such a good role that he'll convince you to. That's a D8, a D12. But no, the 16. What's your deception? Plus three.

You make it. Oh, my God. All right. So, Lion Shield. You see, no, what it is, is there's Tesla, I believe. He's in it as well. Who's Tesla, mate? Oh, well, no.

In what? Are you familiar with electricity? No. So, do you know how celluloid works? Oh, God, sir. Lord Ascot, with your leave, we'll leave you as be. Yes, I'm afraid I've got a rather troubling simpleton on my hands here. I won't

bore you with the details but as you can see here. So the guards look like they want to leave but Boggins isn't quite having it and as the rest of the guards sort of walk down, he goes, he looks at them and he says fan out and search the house. Don't let anyone in or

out. And they look at him and he looks at you and he says, fan out and search the house. Don't let anyone in or out. And they look at him and he looks at you. And he, because of this stealth checks, he seems to sort of, he doesn't quite understand what he's seeing, but he, the urgency has gone out of his voice. And he goes, I have, there is a body downstairs and I don't know who it is anymore. And it's in terrible disrepair, but I have four eyewitnesses that say that they saw William Ascot fall from this balcony not four minutes ago. Well, I was on the balcony, certainly. This gas bag was gas bagging.

And to get a breath of... Ha-ha! You see what I deal with? So I went out to clear my head, and I looked down and I saw the most horrendous traffic accident happen downstairs. A gentleman stepped right off the curb, I think a drunk, right into an oncoming vehicle.

Make for me a deception check. DC 15. Is he the only one left? Is Baston just still strolling around on the balcony? They're not on the balcony yet. You're still lying on the ground with your mouth opening pretending to be a bear because of a surprisingly good self-check.

That's a 10 plus 9 deception. I see. Apologies for this. What a terrible thing to have happened. I know I won't be able to go out on my balcony without remembering guts. This balcony is ruined for me. I may as well just draw the curtain on it now. I draw the curtain on it.

Yes, of course. I understand, sir, because look, the body such as it was, as we saw, was pretty mushed up, to use the policing term. This is terrible. This must have been another one of those unfortunate, glimmering

cases that we've been hearing about. Poor souls just suddenly lost catatonic, sometimes driven by terrible demons. But this is the first, I have to say, that we've heard of someone throwing themselves into traffic. This is unfortunate news indeed. Are you prepared to make a statement? Well, certainly.

I will do my civic duty if I must. Would you like me to write one down now for you? Save you the trouble of coming back. Okay. Unless, of course, you can't read. In these unenlightened times, sometimes the writing arts are considered above mere understanding of law. Something seems to really rankle Boggins.

Okay. I could read. Of course, I'd love to read whatever you happen to write. I was reading a book. I was reading a book. I was reading a... Oh, what book were you reading? The Adventures of the Tiniest Ruby.

Oh! You've obviously caught a sore point. Yeah, it was so good. I get lost in a book I do. What did you think of the first one in the series? What? The Adventures of the Tiniest Sapphire. Oh, it was a triumph.

You know, I said to my book club the other day, which I'm the president of, Eddie Wick and Lou Smith are members as well, boys. We're not here, we're downstairs. He's looking forward. Anyway,

yeah, sure, write a statement and I'll be happy to read that at my leisure once I'm done with the novella that I'm currently working through. So you're near the desk, are you going to bring him over to the desk? Yeah, I'm going to bring novella that I'm currently working through. So you're near the desk. Are you going to bring him over to the desk? Yeah, I'm going to bring him over to the desk.

Okay, so he walks into the room as you beckon him over to the desk and he steps on Phil. Do I have to do a... Can I do a holding in a scream check? Yeah, you can do a little constitution save. So DC 14. 15. Wait, is that a saving throw?

Yeah. You hold it in. He's momentarily surprised by the sudden gradient of the carpet. Oh, one of those rugs I see. Yeah, careful with that. It's imported. From Iraq, no doubt. He walks over to the desk.

I write on the piece of paper, this man is a danger affected by the glimmering. Arrest him at once. Arrest the bearer of this note. And I fold it up and give it to him. He looks at it, reads it and says, oh yes, very good. Oh, I especially like your use of words that you've used there oh i can't

wait to recall these sentences that you've made using the building blocks of language in many ways words oh there's a there's an r oh no i make out oh there's a there's a P. There's a B, as in Boggins. Yep. A P, not unlike the, I don't know, you might be too young for this, but there was a scourge of graffiti. And he takes it, he folds it up, he pulls out an official office of the City Watch business ceiling wax kit. He seals it, puts it inside his coat, and he says, very good, Mr. Ascot, as you were. And he calls out, Eddie Wick, Lou Smith,

we're going back to the watch house. And they've left. Congratulations. Hey, guys, I just remembered the way the dukes and we didn't have to do any of that. No, I was certainly thinking that. Just a little bit more. These high status characters.

Why didn't they recognise that the rug was made of the Duke? In fairness, very few people know that you're the Duke. You just have to show them the coin. We've got to send out a newsletter, guys. Memo. Write this down, banknote. Send out a newsletter. guys. Memo. I'm going to say... Write this down, banknote. Okay. Send out a newsletter.

We're the dukes now. This is a minor milestone. So for the rest of you level sevens, it doesn't really matter. But this is enough for you, Lion Shield banknotes, to go all the way to level two. So... Woo! Ha-ha! Congratulations.

You get another hit dice of damage. You get all the level two bonuses. Just for the listeners at home, to get another hit dice of damage and you get all the level 2 bonuses. Just for the listeners at home, to get into character, Michael Hing has insisted on wearing a scarf and a jumper while doing this podcast. And I can see he's gradually getting warmer and warmer. It's hot. These lights make me sweat quite a bit.

So I guess the house is still yours and you now know because of what the two guards said that it is empty. All the servants have mysteriously vanished and you have a bit more time if you want. Bank note. Is it within your powers to analyse these vials

of goo? I would be happy to, madam. You have proficiency with alchemy so with proficiency just make an intelligence check for me. So add two to it, and you need to just beat ten. Ten. All right, great. You recognise vials of alchemist's fire.

This is a compound that is manufactured, not in small towns like this, but probably in places like Waterdeep, and it is a fire that when it comes into contact with oxygen or water, it will burn fiercely. So it's violently flammable. One each. And I toss them out to everyone.

Oh, God. Everybody make a dexterity check. Yep, you're fine, you're fine. You're not throwing it to yourself. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a five. All right, take 2d6 fire damage. Oh, boy.

I don't know if I can. He's got like eight hit points. Make him. Oh, that's a five. All right, take 2d6 fire damage. Oh, boy. I don't know if I can. He's got like eight hit points. Make him. Six and four is ten, but I haven't done my hit dice yet, so let's see if I get more than two on this d8. All right, do it on the... What's that?

Well, that's not useful. Why? I need a d8. Still don't know what the dice look like. All right, here we go. A three. I have one. Hit point left. So everybody, with practiced grace,

all of the dragon friends who are used to Filger's mercurial ways grab a vial each. Lion Shield, who has never met her, and thinks it's strange that someone would throw Alchemist's fire when he's just said what it is, misses the vial and immediately screams as his sleeve catches on fire and smashes it against a tapestry on the wall and the room immediately sees old tapestries crackle with flame and like a tinderbox, the study is suddenly violently

on fire. Oh, we must away. This fire has caught the tapestry. And as we back out... You say that like it's your new catchphrase. Ha ha! Yes, well, well, well. Looks like the fire has caught the tapestry

this time. And as we back out... You have one hit point left. I'm well aware! And as we back out the door towards the staircase Lion Shield taps his sunglasses and

sunglasses? yeah remember I was wearing sunglasses? yeah like kind of steampunky goggles taps his steampunk sunglasses and a kind of a very dark blue lens shatters across them and he casts Ray of Frost out of his eyes. Excuse me?

How did he get Frost? How did he get Frost? That's valid. That's valid. Yeah, it's one of my spells. Ray of Frost. As I said, Artificers create small trinkets. So you're saying that your Ray of Frost is a pair of sunglasses.

Yeah, because what happens is... It's the anti-cyclops is what you've done, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, yes. Okay-cyclops is what you've done, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, you put out just enough of the fire momentarily that the way to the door is clear. But the room is going up

and the fire is now lapping at the alchemical table and the doors are sizzling and the lock snaps and it bursts open and you can see inside the desk rows and rows of the small vials with the sluggish liquid that you now recognise as vials of alchemist fire. What does Baston hear from the balcony?

Oh, God! The curtain drawn behind. It's a heavy curtain. Make a perception check. Oh, no! That's a three Okay, nothing as it turns out So, for the rest of you

Momentarily, the doors are open Also, it means that you have two vials I had two of us And there's a tapestry on this side Yeah, you only have six So, as I said You've now noticed that this alchemist's desk Is full of vials of alchemist's fire.

Unreachable because there's fire all around it and the desk itself is beginning to burn. But for a moment, the doorway is now slick with ice. When this substance comes into contact with air or water, it explodes. But you didn't say anything about fire. So is it possible that it's completely safe? Actually, alchemist's fire, when it comes into contact with fire, releases flame-retardant foam. It's very good like that. I'm going to use my Amulet of the Black Skull

and bamf out onto the balcony and rescue Bastogne. Excellent. Make a DC 100. 100? Yeah, fuck you, Alex. No, roll this and this. And you need to get anything below 96. Do I add anything?

No, it's a 4% chance. 90. No, 9. Okay, you're fine. So you bamf behind the curtains and suddenly you're standing face to face with Baston who is currently... What a lovely day today. Has he set up like a little painter's board and he's like... Quick, Bastogne, Lion Shield set the whole place on fire.

Me had nothing to do with it. We've got to go. I knew that boy had potential. All right. Now, I guess we'll... Quickly, while you're there, you guys, what are you doing? Because you have just seconds to get through this door. I've run downstairs onto the street and I'm trying to corral people to stand around to help.

Okay, so you guys race downstairs. Probably now the room is now so on fire that you can't get through. I'm going to bamf out onto the street again, holding Bastogne. Okay, great. You grab onto Bastogne. Roll if you bamf. Oh. All right, that's fine.

That's 18. And you bamf, and immediately you go incorporeal, and you appear down on the ground clutching nothing, and look up, and Baston is still there. Oh, that's cool. I'm a monk. I can climb down. I'm good at climbing.

Me got a rope, I think. I don't know if you have time to climb. You could jump if you want. Don't worry. I know parkour. Can acrobatics check? 12. What's my acrobatics check? 12.

What's my acrobatics? Plus five. Plus five. 17. Baston jumps. Breaks his leg. Just a little bit. No, no, no.

It would be two dice of damage, but you negate the first dice. You take two points of damage. And you land. You don't really stick the ending. You sort of land successfully. Does he trip and fall into the bloodied corpse of Ascot? No, no. I think it's pretty elegant. I think he's okay and he's down there and just as he sees that Bobby... But like one foot, instead of a perfect landing it's like one step forward and it's like

into some blood. No, but like in gymnastics you really you just, you stumble and then you recover. You sell it. Bobby and Banknote you race out of the doors and all of you are together when suddenly there's a corona of green fire and the house ascot explodes in a fireball, silhouetting you all.

You notice perfectly for the shape of Boggins who is strolling down the road towards his carriage when he turns around and sees the four of you exit the building as it explodes. Now, hang on a second. Buildings shouldn't do that. And we walk slowly and we don't look back. Yeah, we walk really slowly. And some really cool music plays as't do that. And we walk slowly and we don't look back. Yeah, we walk really slowly. And some really cool music plays as we do it.

There's like a guy on the street with an accordion or something and he's playing some really cool music. Really cool accordion music? Yeah. I'm just picturing... Yeah, badass. Oh, yeah. Just a...

My back's really singed right now. Ascot! Your building! Anything for science. Oh, well. Back to the drawing board. Ah, yes. Ascot appears to be fine with this,

so nobody call any sort of investigatory police. Or, in fact, would you say the fire brigade shouldn't even come? I reckon don't even call the insurance. Oh, this one's on me. What a silly billy I am. Ha ha! Indeed. Okay. I'm profoundly wealthy. You can't understand how...

You're not that wealthy. I've met you before. You're like... I've come into some money. Look, I'm going to deliver your statement to the new jukes, so I must be away, but... Until that time... I'm sorry about your house.

And a profoundly uncurious commander of the watch boards his private carriage and it bustles away. Okay, me think it getting a little bit spicy in this town for us and me not just talking

about the green fire enveloping the town as I speak. Oh, did you say enveloping? Oh my God. You idiot! You're the new Dave!

You're the new Dave! You're the new Dave! You're the new Dave! How does it feel? Can I make a correction? Sure. Retrospectively? Oh, no! Just joking.

It's fine. I'm the new Dave. The diary entry we saw before, it mentions some sort of herald. Did you see that? A herald who's claimed that the, uh, that the gates have now opened. That's correct, and that, if you remember, is also what Ascot told you, that nothing would

stop the herald. Have you come into contact with anyone recently who, who, uh, who might, who that might be? I have an uncle, Harold. Is he healthy? Is he a giraffe? Did he have a weird thing in the late 90s where he was the figure of perfect health

and then for a year suddenly he was super into drugs and then the next year they never talked about it again? For our internationalists, we are referring to a New South Wales public school program. For anybody who didn't, we're within 20km square to where this podcast

is being recorded. And by the sounds of it, a lot of our live audience is. There was sort of a bus that would travel around to public schools in the Sydney region. It was manned by a giraffe. The greatest... It was in Queensland as well, was it?

Oh, it was across Queensland as well. Okay, so it was throughout the eastern states of Australia at least. But did anyone else think it was just like, he was fine, he was like, hey, apples are good for you. Oh, don't forget to brush your teeth. And he was just like, I spent the last four days on a cocaine vendor. Don't end up like me. And his kids are like, what happened?

I don't think we ever got this gritty reboot of Happy Hours. The Christopher Nolan. Oh, no. That wasn't Harold at all. That was just a smacky giraffe. Staying on your dad's couch for a while. Did you loan that giraffe money? Well, obviously this is deeply upsetting.

Did you meet anyone recently who might be the herald of this bad news? Or anyone with a trumpet, perhaps? They mentioned the order of the lamplighters. Are they known within these parts? Is that a... It is not a term that means anything to anyone. What about... What's the local paper called?

The Daggerford Herald? Daggerford Times, unfortunately. Oh! Well, no more clues. Pop. There was that painting, though, that you saw. And the symbol. That you all...

Yeah, no, yep. The symbol, the scrawly, circly symbol. Yeah, you've seen that before. We've seen it at the Squibbly. What's his name? At the Old Hill Sanatorium. At the sanatory. Smedley.

Smedley had drawn it all over his cell. Who's this Smedley? I wasn't with you. You forgot to invite him, remember? Yeah, sorry. Apologies about that. And by the way, I was thinking about that. When you had forgotten to invite him, remember? Yeah, sorry. Apologies about that. And by the way, I was thinking about that. When you had forgotten to invite him,

Banknote was like sat by the door with his special adventuring boots on waiting for you to come and get him. I thought he was wanking in a hyperbaric chamber. Sorry, and then he went and wanked in a hyperbaric chamber. Yeah, but... The oxygen flow really lets you come hard. Thomas, oh, oh.

It's like high altitude training. You always pick the episodes of Dragonfoot that I invite my mother to. It's like high altitude training for your chongas. Hello. What are you training for? The sexlympics. The for? The Sexlympics The Daggerford Sexlympics The Daggerford Sexlympics

Cut it Thomas Thomas Smedley was the artist Who was recently Incarcerated in Old Hill Sanatorium That terrible asylum That's run by the priests of Elmada Outside of town

That you all visit Father Brackenfield runs it And in fact I've drawn a map incarcerated in Old Hill Sanatorium, that terrible asylum that's run by the priests of Elmada outside of town that you all visit. Father Brackenfield runs it and in fact I've drawn a map. I put this on Twitter as well. This is a map for all of you and it's on Twitter and this is the areas that you are now due of. Everything

from the Floshan Estates to the north to the Lizard Marsh to the west all the way to the Bone Hills in the east. That is the area. The grounds where the Sexlympics will take place in the Bone Hills. Could I see that map please?

Don't draw on my map! Do it in pencil so it's not rolling. He's not drawing in pencil. That's a pen. The Bone Olympic. It's the Boner Hills. Ha ha. Worth it. Okay, so.

All right, all right. Smedley. Smedley. Dave's upset because you've boned his map. So Smedley was an artiste, and the painting in that dude in Ascot's office was an art. Do we know anyone who is an expert in sigildry or runes or archaic forms of writing? Symbols.

Who might be able to translate? What about the, well, let's go to the artist's quarter. Maybe there'll be. Yeah, so there are a lot of artists in town. Obviously there are, there's the temples there's two temples, the temple of Timora and the temple of Mystra. Both have acolytes that would work there.

As I said, Ascot was the head of the perfumers guild so he was probably somebody who mingled in the same circles as Smedley and there would be other artists around the town. What have you drawn on the map now? Well no because there's a thing same circles as Smedley. And there would be other artists around the town. Yeah. What have you drawn on the map now? Well, no, because there's a thing called the Tradeway going south from Daggerford.

And so just south of that, I drew a big sheep and called it the Big Merino. Again, if you're listening to this podcast and not within 30, 35 kilometres of the Sydney, there is a large fibreglass. Fair play to the thing. It's huge. It's enormous. Have you ever seen the Big Marino? I've been to the Big Marino.

It's simply enormous. It's quite big for a fibreglass sheep. Hey, would you say it's worth the trip for someone coming from out of town? I would say it's not worth the trip. Oh, well. Look, come on. Fair go. Let's support each other.

Let's support Australian tourism. Likeable businesses. What is the chance of the guy that designed the Big Marino what listens to this podcast and has for the last four years? And he's like, not even for the likes on Insta? Trashed. Anyway, that exists now in this world. That's the last thing I'll draw. I'm going to take this away from him

because everything you draw in this map does exist. So, as I said, yes, Smedley also drew this all over his cell. This Smedley you met the other day, what was he like? Could we go and question him perhaps? He was bazonkers, man. He was talking about

the same sort of stuff that Ascot was talking about. The bride and the groom, the lovers and there was the painting of the lovers in Ascot's office, and I think that was the first of the Herald. The other thing you mentioned was the seven-pronged star. You mean to tell me there's a troubled artist living in a horrible sanatorium? You know, my family, the banknotes,

have long term been patients of the arts. And I would like nothing more than to take this troubled artist under my wing and allow him to live in this castle where I also live and perhaps paint me a fine picture or two of a sheep that's very large.

Or even of a transporting thing that's actually a cloning machine in my basement where there's lots of dead... Because I just came up with this idea to fool the captain of the city guard but I think there's something in this story.

You see, first there's the pledge and then the turn. Finally! Yes, that's right. It's the prestige. Don't forget as well that Smedley recognised you and he saw something of himself in you. Okay, should we check him out?

Why don't we... We could check him out and take him to the temple and... And if you stay disguised, maybe he'll talk to Ascot. Fantastic idea. Great idea. Okay, yes. And then we can take him to the temple and get some god spells on him. Yeah, do that.

Yeah, dude. All right. So, Dave, here's the plan. We're going to the Old Hill Sanatorium. We're picking up Smedley. Then we're going to the temple. The temple of? Mystra.

Yes. Okay. Excellent. All right. So you head up to the Old Hill Sanatorium, up on the hill to the northeast of the city, and again, as you cross through the doors, you see, you find yourself, and Father Brackenvald is not there,

but the priests of Ilmata look at you. One of them recognizes you from the day, nods at you, and waves, recognizes you, not you, because you're disguised as Ascot, and waves you in. Obviously, Brackenvald has told his priests to give you the run of his sanatorium. So you can go anywhere you want.

Well, I want to see the man named Thomas Smedley, but on the way, can we see the panther who thinks he's a man? How have you heard about that? Oh, everybody knows. No, you were there. I was there for that bit, yeah. Great, so you head down into the basements of the asylum, this terrible place full of suffering and uncaring priests,

and they walk you down, and on the way you see a cell. And Ben, do you want to? Sure. And it's not nice. He's there, and he's got a little desk, and he's trying to use a pen. But he's a panther. He's a panther there and he's got a little desk and he's trying to use a pen. But he's a panther. He's a panther and he's got pants on and he doesn't know if they go on the front or the back

and he says, it's really crook. He's like, roll, roll. And as you continue past that, Christ, roll. And he snaps a pencil in his hand. Is this Panther? I mean, just to paint a picture, Ben, are we imagining

sort of a Black Panther, a Penrith Panther, a Pink Panther, perhaps? No, he's a Black Panther. A stand-up Panther except for the... Except for thinking it's a human being. As you continue down, you soon find your way down a long dark corridor lit only by flaming torches, and in the final cell, you

see a figure, and he looks at you, Ascot, but doesn't at this moment say anything, but he seems to not have eyes for any of the rest of you. Hello, Thomas. I see you've fallen on hard times. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Well, well, well. This is quite a shock to see because you should be gone and I saw you die in my mind's eye and yet here you are. And my mind's eye does not lie. That rhymes. Hoo hoo. My poor boy,

we're coming to take you away. I can taste it again. I can see it. I can feel the lady upon you. You're the tiny man. That's who you are. I know, I know. Thomas is clever. Listen, it might not be...

He's a clever little bean. And not only that, something has happened, hasn't it? Since last we said you were there. You saw it, didn't you? You saw the opening of the lover's gate. Did we? I don't know. I think that was... I think he's talking about the wedding. Oh.

There's a crash of thunder because it's always storming for some reason, specifically around the Old Hill Sanatorium, and the light through his window illuminates again his heavily graffitied cell, where you can see again he's scratched all over the walls, the figure of the gnarled nine-pointed knot, and also the words, the lovers shall take their waltz and the world will end in seven days.

And there's a pea there. There is surprisingly a Stussy-like P that looks very old. It used to be the school, the Daggerford Primary. Then they turned it into a sanatorium. Canon! Does that mean the desk the panther was sitting at was like a kid's desk? Yeah, look underneath. Half man, half life, touched by the

light of her song, I see you inside him. This foolish disguise does nothing for one with the sight of the glimmering dream. That's me. The one with the sight. And the avoidance of confusion.

And yes, if I am indeed, as you say, the consort of the lady, surely you should answer my question. I will do my very best, but I am, as they say, cuckoo. The first prong of the star was the lover's waltz. What is the second? We do not say star. We say gates, seven locked gates that bar the way to waltz. What is the second? We do not say star.

We say gates. Seven locked gates that bar the way to the lost city. To enter it, you must cross them in your dreams. One, past one threshold

and then the next will be revealed to you. That is the way. How do you get one of these dreams? I talk only to the tiny man. How

do we get these dreams? Excellent question. Perspicacious How do we get these dreams? Excellent question Perspicacious, oh, tiny man Very clever, very good at Dungeons and Dragons The dreams are thrust upon the sufferer of them But also they are a gift They are a gift from our dark lady.

You see one of us, the first of our order, the one we call the herald, walks every night the glimmering dream and every night the gates one by one reveal themselves to him. Who is the herald? It was to be me. I was chosen.

I was to be the one. I bought new shoes and everything. I went to the shops and we have to be very secret so I said I have a new job, Teehee. And are you not still the herald? My mind could not

perhaps right now bear the burden and so I am here. And then who did you bestow this gift to? It is not mine to bestow but I still hear and see and I I am here. And then who did you bestow this gift to? It is not mine to bestow but I still hear and see and I am allowed visions. It is a very sad affair and suddenly behind

the rest of you, standing respectfully behind the brilliant Bobby Pancakes, you feel the figure of Father Brackenvelt who has found you again. A sad and sorry state of affairs of a mind that is quite brilliant, but sadly of late laid low. We have business with this man.

He has committed some crimes, not just of the brainzo kind. What? What? Are you familiar with... There's a movie with Tom Cruise in it, you see. And in it there is precog computers. No! Anyway, look, he robbed a bank.

He robbed a bank? Yes, and so this place is of no use to him. We are taking him under ducal arrest and locking him up. So we will be taking this man on our way. Thank you very much, Father Brackenvold. This is official business of the Duke's court? Yes. Does it look not official to you?

Well. And we both turn and all the dukes put our hands on our hips. Uh, is that the head of the perfumer's guild? Are you bonkers? You're talking crazy talk, Brackenvold. And I shove him in the cell and I shove out the other guy and I close the door. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Come close, come close.

I've got to take your keys. Give me your keys. Give me your keys. I'll roll an intimidation check. It seems like... Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. You are, if this is ducal business, of course, Domenico and one of the El Martian priests comes and he says,

it seems that Thomas Smedley will be leaving our meager house. Pack his bags and take them with you as you follow them up past. I am sorry. I'm confused. This has been a strange day. Yes, of course, take him to the Duke's castle. Dave gets there in the end.

And be sure to pack up his art supplies as well. I want him to make me a masterpiece. And be sure to ask him if he had anything from the mini-bar. And so you can, yeah, you can take Smedley with you. Okay, can we restrain him? Is he in shackles? He's given to you in manacles.

Okay, perfect. And he's shivering with cold, dressed in rags. As I said, they're not well treated in the sanatorium. The priests are doing what they feel is necessary, but this is kind of a barbaric place. By minibar he means how many rats did he capture and eat? And he gets charged for that? Yeah.

Five rats and a capture and eat. And he gets charged for that? Yeah. Five rats and a Toblerone. Which was inside one of the rats. And they don't know what a Toblerone is. It's poo! Oh, we all knew. Okay, you make your way back to the castle.

He's basically standing, kind of shivering to himself, and you walk through the wall, into the great hall of shivering to himself, and you walk through the wall, into the great hall of Castle Daggerford, and there LaCroix is waiting for you. That small, rotund man with the impeccable moustache. Oh, welcome home. But that is what it is.

It is your home. And you said, I think, last time we did this, that his surname is Pomplamoose. I was giving Ben the invitation to it. I think that's canon. I think we're going to retro... As opposed to calling him LaCroix Simon Grime. I think his name is LaCroix Pomplamoose.

Okay, great. And also, if I may, I've read something from last episode as well. I know we don't like to do this, but welcome back. Your pelican, it was very sick. No. Yes!

So I took it to the local vet. The vet said, oh, sacre bleu, this pelican is on death's door. I said, we'll take it from death's door and take it to life's window. And the veterinarian, who is a good friend of mine, a very nice man, I greased his palms with several gold pieces, which I assured myself you would repay me in full. And I said, bring that pelican back to life, back to the hell of his health. And as you see, and then you hear, well, hello!

Crawford! Crawford! Barocca in a breakfast juice, I'm good as new. And yeah, Crawford the pelican is back, and he's with you now. And thanks, Ben. What are you going to do with Smedley? Just while we're doing little admin things, sorry, just very, very quickly,

that fire that we left burning in... Ah. Yeah. Just quickly, what was the result of that, Dave? The house Ascot burnt down and there is now a fire raging out of control in the money quarter. Okay.

First item of business. There is a fire raging out of control in the money quarter. Have there been any casualties with the fire? One person got a burn on their bottom. No, no, there's about six people so far No, Dave, don't give it to me It's just one experience

It counts It all counts, David Although, to be fair You get 90 experience points At what cost? You keep telling me that you're going to play this character differently No, but this is true To be clear, I didn't choose to kill these people You keep telling me that you're going to play this character differently. No, but this is true.

To be clear, I didn't choose to kill these people. It was a fumble of the fingers involving some sort of alchemic fire. So you shouldn't get the experience points? No, it's from my hand, but it was unintentional. You're straddling a very fine line, Michael Hing. What am I talking about here? It's the difference between murder and manslaughter, David. Sorry, I'm very loathe. A very fine line indeed.

I'm very loathe to stick up for Hing's bullshit, but he accidentally killed the two musicians last time and still got the experience points. All right, you get 90 experience points. That's basically one-fifth of the way to your next level three. And LaCroix looks at Smedley and kind of gives a little sniff. He's like, and I see you have brought yourself a friend home. How nice for you.

Yes, clear out a cell in the dungeons for him. Make it nice, though. One nice dungeon cell coming up. Yeah, get him cleaned up. Get him comfortable. Yeah, you know like those rescue dogs? He's a human man. He was a brilliant artist and he has the glimmering.

Let's not call him a rescue. I'm just saying the next time I see him, I want to feel good about myself. Okay, very good. And can I, and also might I request, Jukes, I know I'm not one of you three, but might I ask that we give him these supplies so that he might be able to make us something of value while he's there in his comfortable cell? Of course.

And how many days, just a quick check-in, how many days have we got left? What are you talking about? I'm not talking to you, LaCroix. Keep your mouth shut when I'm not talking to you. As excellente. You're talking to Smedley, I believe. Smedley. Just a quick day check.

How many days left to the end of the world? Six. Six. Very good. It is the same day, isn't it? It is. But already as the sun reaches its zenith, you realise that half of this day is gone already and it occurs to you perhaps for the first time

that rests both long and short will be hard to come by in this year's adventure. For but five and a half days remain, and six gates lie between what seems like salvation and rack and ruin as the order of the lamplight exacts's terrible toll upon a city that you now find yourselves in charge of with a terrible threat hanging in the air, but with a new friend in the dungeons who now has a studio, I suppose. It's confusing. It seems that perhaps salvation may be at hand. To find out what happens next,

tune in to the next adventure of Dragon Friends. Thank you. Tune in to the next adventure of Dragon Friends. Thank you. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Greiner and me, Michael Higg. Their Dungeon Master is Dave, Dungeon Dave Harmon, with voices from a man with at least three voices, Ben Jenkins. Tom Carty does our music, Shakira Khan designs our website and this episode was recorded at the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Redfern, Australia

and is edited, mixed and fixed by Hugh Guest. See you next time. Bye.