Dragon Friends - #6.01. Bobby Bobby Blini Boy

Episode Date: February 13, 2020

Three years after the Dragon Friends secured a narrow, costly victory against a resurrected Strahd von Zarovich, a handsome man steps off a gangplank to meet an old friend. Instead, he is met by a dire situation and an enigmatic message of hope for the city of Waterdeep;BANKNOTE LIVES Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Three lost years were torn from time Outlaws cast by a foursome malign Field after the spirit runs plenty Dark land saved by a natural Twenty Where's Bastogne? He was training in the jungle Bobby Pancakes

He was running with the wolves Where was Fields? 20. The Dragon Friend It has been three years since the vampire count Strahd von Zarovich was returned to life under circumstances most unfortunate and most dire. During that time, from Barovia to Dagafed, the common people have suffered terribly under the yoke of a mad tyrant who has made use of his familial wealth and hereditary titles to cement himself again as a major player on the sword coast of Faerun. What opposition there is to be found to Strahd's rule is limited and scattershot, for who has the mettle to challenge a man who has cheated death twice already?

Sadly, it seems, not the dragon friends, who have not been seen or heard of on continent since that fateful night three years ago when they fled the town of Daggerford, exiled and penniless under threat of execution, should they ever return. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Oh, how the fallen have triumphed.

Oh, how can four such as these possibly remain united in the face of such an old and mighty foe? It has been three long, dark years since the dragon friends said goodbye to each other and went their separate ways. Baston has sought meaning on the jungles of Chult. Banknote went back to his roots in Flosin. Filge found new adventure in the dusky shores of Calimport. Bobby found old demons in the moon-drenched woods of Old Barovia.

But even this the cleric's teachers shall pass. And so it is, one cold and lonely deep winter morning, that Baston Indrirovich, handsome man, steps off the gangplank of the merchant line of the Feathersail and onto a thick, water-deep loam. He is back. It has been too long. And it's time to meet an old friend. Ah! The smell

of the morning. Fresh. You're holding up the line, sir. Don't rush me, boy. Oh, you're a small man. Sorry. Yeah, well, I'm not.

I'm about 5'4". Well, it's below average. Well, it's... Yeah, but... Baston Indrirovich, human fighter. You have spent three years training. You've taken another level of monk. Feels like you spent three years on this gangplank.

I'm taking a moment here. It's been a journey of self-discovery, of new horizons, both spiritual, mental, sensual. This is far more information than I require. If I could just sneak past you, I just need to... I'm doing my stuff here. Okay. I'm taking a deep breath. Yeah. And I'm going to do past you. I just need to... I'm doing my stuff here. Okay. I'm taking a deep breath. Yeah.

And I want to do a flip on... From... You know, you've got to make an entrance when you return to the... Make an unnecessary acrobatics check. Okay, here we go. 18. You nailed the landing. Yeah. Even this slightly below average height man.

He's like, that was worth the wait, I've got to say. There was a time, of course, that Bastogne would not be able to do such a pedestrian acrobatic trick, but your time with the Arakokra of Chul deserved you well. Yes, Bastogne's been taking part in a lot of training montages over the last three years. A lot of slow movements in front of big red sunsets. Okay, but now you are back in Waterdeep. Now I'm back. And the town, it seems, has changed since last you were here.

It's pretty clear that even in the cold, deep winter morning, that there is something in the air. People aren't talking to each other. They're huddled in groups. They seem to be waiting for something. And as you see, you notice a group of ragged-looking commoners scrubbing a wall under the watchful eye of what seems to be a guard with an iron mask, trying to clear some graffiti from the wall.

Well, Bastogne's always had a love for graffiti and street art, particularly the work of Banksy. Fantasy Banksy? Fantasy Banksy Banksy. Fantasy Banksy? Fantasy Banksy. What is Fantasy Banksy? He's just called River Banksy. Fuck you! Don't give that anything.

Welcome to the first salient plot point of the new season of Dragon, friend. River Bank is barely fantasy. It's just a thing. So he wants to go and see if he can read the graffiti before it's... Make a perception check. With his one eye. Oh, you've lost an eye, haven't you?

Yeah, yeah. Bastion looks heaps grizzled. He's got an eye patch. And he's cut his hair? Yeah, he's bald. He's gone for the full thaw. Bald? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bald? Well, he's shaved it, but he... Is it male pattern baldness or has he shaved it? No, I think he's just... Or has he shaved it into the pattern of male pattern baldness? He's done it monk style where he's just done the back. Oh, he's got a tonsure? Yeah, yeah.

Simon, who is going to have to draw this, is so unhappy with these decisions. You draw it how you see it, Simon. All right. Yeah, so perception is, who is going to have to draw this, is so unhappy with these decisions. You draw it how you see it, Simon. Yeah, so perception is 12. All right, you can make it out even though it is mostly coming off the wall. It seems to say banknote lives. Ooh.

Ooh, banknote. I knew a banknote once in a past life. Get this resistance filth off that wall. And as you hear this, there is a thin, reedy horn. And it seems like... My throat just did something that it's never done before. You know what you did? You started making that sound. At the beginning, you thought you could make a thin, reedy horn.

I really did. And then my throat collapsed. Is it like a clarinet? Good. It's like an oboe. It's not like I really did. And then my throat collapsed. Is it like a clarinet? Good. It's like an oboe. It's not like what Ben did. If that's... Is this more or less what you expected when you

came to the show? Is this what you signed up for? It seems like the necks on all of the commoners in the street go bolt upright and they all turn and down the promenade leading to the ship line, six guards march in with two figures at the front, one of them a tall, imperious man in a high-necked, black collar

and unnecessarily severe suit. And beside him, with his hands bound behind him, another figure with a Hessian sack over his head being dragged by a guard, and behind them a palanquin with black curtains and the sigil of the masked Lords of Waterdeep. The crowds part, and the figures walk up onto a platform. It seems that you are about to see

some kind of speech or public demonstration. All right. form. It seems that you were about to see some kind of speech or public demonstration. Alright. Well, I find a pole to lean against or something like that, you know? In front of the guy that's trying to get off the ship? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get in his way again. Once again, I...

You know what? You can move around me. I can't. You've got a wideness to you. You've got a wideness to you. You've got a wideness. Thank you very much. You're wide of thigh. Oh, Bastogne's thick now. Extra thick.

I hesitate to use the phrase, you're dummy thick, but do be like that. Well, I'd just like to say thank you for the compliment. The figure in the severe suit is now on the platform. He clears his throat and another guard gives him a scroll which he opens and begins to read. Citizens, in these troubled times there is no greater crime against the common good than dissidence, sedition and treachery.

This one stands accused of all this and more, treachery against your masters and dereliction towards his own duties. As judicator, I have gathered my own evidence and kept my own counsel, which I shall proclaim thusly. And at that moment, you hear suddenly a noise as if someone's trying to get your attention

just to the side near a small outcrop of cargo boxes. Cargo boxes? Cargo. Crates. Just cargo. And I say... Right the first time, I hate that something has made you doubt yourself.

I'm going to get to the bottom of it. It's like you hear a thin whistle. And I turn and say to the small man, I say, quiet! I'm trying to watch the thing that is... No, that wasn't me. I've been doing a fantasy Sudoku. It's got runes.

But it's the same basic... Nine runes. The nine by nine grid. It's the same basic things. But if you get it wrong, it explodes. Yeah. Anyway. It's the same basic things But if you get it wrong it explodes Yeah Anyway This has been Worldbuilding by J.K. Rowling I turn to see who's whistling at me

Okay You going to go over there? She's fine She's got more money than the Queen Yeah sure I'll slink over there Slinking over there? She's fine. She's got more money than the queen. Yeah, sure. I'll slink over there. Slinking over there is very easy to do because nobody seems to be paying attention to you.

Yeah, I did it. A million. One million I rolled. That's pretty badly slunk. No, it's 12. I rolled a 12. You slink over and you can see behind the crates two figures. One of them, a goblet in what once must have been an inexpensive

suit, but is now basically rags, and next to him in a dark... Well, actually, you can tell me how he's dressed, for it is Bobby Pancakes, who we've not seen for three years. What, what, what? Do I have to say what I'm dressed as first, or do you want me to talk?

Um, you... You don't have to say it as dialogue. Okay, Bobby. But if you can seamlessly work it into the dialogue like it's a radio play, which in many ways this is. I'm dressed as Sagat from Street Fighter, who you are dressed as.

This is very important for anyone who's going to draw any fan out. I don't know Street Fighter. It doesn't have to be from Street Fighter. Is that one? Blanka? The green dude? So you're green, crackly lightning.

You have brilliant orange hair. And you're wearing a pair of loose cargo pants. But no shoes. You can have a do-over if you want. Yeah, I'll have a do-over. He's just wearing black. Or black. Like Steve Jobs black? Or want. Yeah, I'll have a do-over. He's just wearing black. Or black. Ooh.

Like Steve Jobs black? Or like... Yeah, turtleneck. Rimless glasses. And he says, Hey, you want to fly kick someone for me? Why, yes. Yes, I do.

And Bobby nods Gribbets is there of course as well Who is the pitiful goblin that I described Aren't you a sight for sore eyes Which I don't have, I have very good eyesight actually And my conjunctive eyes has cleared right up So that's not an issue any longer You came just in time.

Is this a chance encounter, Bobby? You didn't tell me we'd be running into Bastogne. Does he know Bastogne? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ribbit knows Bastogne, yeah. In and out of the podcast, I don't sound like a fucking idiot. I'm on my way to Daggerford. I found this note from Filge

and I pull up my eyepatch and pull a little note out of a soggy, rotten eye socket. And I kind of flick it out and there's bits of chud going. Don't say chud! I'm positively covered in chud. What's that?

Filge must have poked this into my empty eye socket before I got off the boat in Flowson or something where she went. Or one of the cities. Anyway, she said to meet her in Daggerford in three years. And I believe this next week, tomorrow, will be three years to the day from the time that we left. What are you doing in Waterdeep? What, who?

She said Daggerford. What are you doing in Waterdeep? Well, it's landlocked. It's not landlocked. There's a river. Well, there's not a deep water port then. It's not technically landlocked, though. Look, direct flights to smaller cities are a lot more expensive, all right?

Did you say flights? Yes, ship flights. That's what I call them. Direct flights to smaller cities are a lot more expensive, all right? I took the comment... Did you say flights? Yes, flights, ship flights, that's what I call them. The figure who has continued to drone on the platform reaches the conclusion of his list, his litany of crimes of this individual, and he says, for this reason and more,

I, under the powers invested in me as judicator, find you guilty with the punishment to be death by hanging by the neck until you are dead. Dave, can you leave a dramatic pause there? Until you are dead. Everyone's like, is it gonna say sore? Do you have anything to say before you pay for your wretched crimes?

And with that, the guard, two guards, one of them slings a noose around the neck of the besacked individual and throws the rope over a nearby arch, while another pulls the hood off the head of the figure to reveal the furious beet-red face of Janos Myr, Begadip of Waterdeep, standing on a small stool. Do you want to do that again? Do you want to say Begaking of Waterdeep? Did I say Begadip of Waterking?

You said Begadip of Waterdeep. You said, I think you actually said ging, ging, Begaging. You said deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. Ding, dang, bong, bong, bong. Ding, ding, ding, ding ding ding ding ding. You've just been singing the Crazy Frog ringtone for 20 minutes Dave. You okay? You haven't wanted to say anything.

Just like the dream. Ding ding ding ding ding. Sorry. And with that he pulls the sack off the head to reveal the bulging beet red face of Janos Myr, mega king of da ding ding ding ding ding ding. So, Bastogne, you can appreciate that we as the Resistance are in a bit of a jam right now. It'd be great if you could give us a hand. Bobby, can we trust him?

Yeah. Wait, what did the... Why are they going to... Put me up on your shoulders. Okay. Just to be clear, you're behind three small crates, obscured by the crowd, obscured from the side of the guards. There are two guards with the Judicator on the platform, four of them standing in single

file in front of the platform, two off to the side next to a black palanquin with heavy black velvet curtains draped all around it, impossible to see into. Bobby, I just want to say I think age has really suited you. Are you that kind of grizzled look?

It's hot. No, nothing to say. I've got something to say. suited you, ain't you? That kind of grizzled look? It's hot. No? Nothing to say? I've got something to say. Please, please, eat my whole bum! In death as in life, guards and one of the guards kicks the stool out from underneath Janos Mir's legs. His feet fly out and he begins to choke to death. I'm rolling now how many rounds before he dies of asphyxiation.

Dave, I want to throw a knife to cut the rope. All right, well that's going to throw us straight into combat, which I've got your initiatives from last time, so actually Bobby will get to go first. Bobby? Okay, I'm going to shoot an arrow right at the rope. I've got your initiatives from last time, so actually Bobby will get to go first. Bobby? Okay. I'm going to shoot an arrow right at the rope. Is this your own idea? A vicious crossbow.

That's a 16 plus 7. 16 plus 7? 23. 23, all right. To hit a rope, that's pretty good. Unfortunately, I'm going to say it's very hard, so it's a 25. So it goes and it hits and it twangs, but it's close enough that it catches everyone's attention.

It feels like you waited for him to roll for you to choose what the number was, Dave. It really feels like you were like, whatever it is, that plus two. It's a real N plus two situation. No, no, to be clear, to be clear, the way the DC checks in Dungeons & Dragons work It's whatever I fucking say.

I'm dead. Well, I could say it's nearly impossible, but I've decided to say it's very hard, which makes 25, not 30. Get the fuck off my case, Michael Ng. Can I cast a spell as a bonus action? What? Can I cast a spell as a bonus action?

You can. You can correct me if I'm wrong. You've taken a level of Bard? I have. So one of my new spells is Earth Tremor. I cast Earth Tremor. Is that a bonus action spell? It's instantaneous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it is an action. So you're going to have to wait until next time. That's what that means. So you cast it and it hits the rope, but the rope hasn't severed just yet. And the next one up is Bastogne. I'm throwing my knife, but I'm going to do like a run and fly through the air and flip and throw my knife. I was going to say DC 25.

DC 25 with disadvantage. No, Dave. All right. No, no, no. You can choose not to do that. No, I'm going to do it. Everybody get out of my way. Hang on.

Hang on. If you pass a DC 20 acrobatics check, I will let you do it as a bonus action. Yeah, I'm going to do it. At the same DC. DC 20. Okay, three. No. Hot three.

I don't pass my acrobatics check. I believe in the downtime. When we did the downtime session, you had an old wound. It was three plus six, so it's nine. You had an old wound in the gooch? Yes. Yes, an old wound. It was three plus six, so it's nine. You had an old wound in the gooch? Yes. Yes, it's true. While wandering through the jungles of Chult, destitute, um...

Best destitute? Yeah, desti- Is that what you call a wound in the gooch? Yeah, destitute. He, no, he got into, he stumbled into the jungle and like landed on something and seriously injured his gooch. Okay, make a constitution change. What did you just roll for? Gooch check.

Ah. Constitution 12. All right, okay, you're fine for now. You ever fail that gooch check? But he flips over and lands and goes... And the dagger goes wild, clatters to the ground, unfortunately, as the guards race forward. But before they can, Gribbets gets to go.

Are people kind of distracted by all this hullabaloo? Instantly, the judicators yell, guards, someone's behind those crates, seize them. Are they distracted enough that Gribbets can make his way to the stage? He can, that'll be his whole action? Yeah, he's going to make his way, not on the stage, he's going to make his side stage. Is he going to sing a song?

Yeah, this is his chance. No, he's going to try and, do I need to roll for that? Yeah, just make for me quickly. Just a little athletics check. That's fine. So, Gribbets races up behind a little dagger in his hand. And it strikes you that Gribbets is looking more competent than you've seen him before. As he races quickly to the stage,

the guards fan out. Two of them race up onto the stage. The other two actually go back to protect the palanquin as two of them run forward towards where you are, Baston, lying on your wounded gooch. And one of them successfully hits you for six points of damage. Ouch. The adjudicator is content to just watch for now

as he takes a step back with the two guards behind him and takes a total defence action. So, Bobby, you're up next. And we increment the counter on Janos' choking to death. Oh no. Okay, I'm so what's the crowd like in front of the between the... It's about 30 people. It's about 30 people.

So, yeah, I'm going to make a... Decent crowd. I mean, they didn't do a lot of flyering. It's more of a trial execution. There's no small crowds. No small crowds. Yeah,. Only small executions. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm going to make a dash to the stage. Yep, that's a bonus action.

So you run up. Okay, I run up and I will hold up Janos by the legs. Okay, you're going to have to run past two guards to do that. How big are they? They're medium-sized. Does that mean I can run through them? By medium-sized, you seem to infer... Make an acrobatics check for me, DC-15.

That's enough. You can't do it. All right, so you race forward and you grab it. So you hold on to it for one turn until you're pushed aside. He's not going to choke this turn. Okay. As you bear his weight and Bastogne, you're up. So how far am I from the stage?

You're about 20 feet away. So I'm going to use my step of the wind. What? Monk action. I'm a fourth level monk now. So it means that I can spend a key point to take a dash action as a bonus action. And my jump distance is doubled. All right.

So you. So I can just run through these guys, just jump onto the stage and draw my sword and chop him down. Okay. That's an accurate, still an athletics or acrobatics check? It's going to be fine, Dave. Don't worry about it. Nothing bad is going to happen. Yeah, 24.

Excellent. So you and Bobby are now on either side. You sure we didn't need 25, Dave? And Gribbets is there too. Yeah, Gribbets is there as well, but now all of you are with Janice Meir on the stage and it's the guards' turn. Two of them, as I said, are still attackingets is there as well, but now all of you are with Janice Meir on the stage, and it's the guards' turn.

Two of them, as I said, are still attacking you, Bastogne, and they attack you again, but they both miss. Aha! Well, another two and the Judicator suddenly turn on Gribbets, and one of them hits you. Hits the other one, misses. Gribbets, you take seven points of damage. Okay. Yeah, good.

I mean, he's got loads of hit points, so it doesn't... While the Judicator as well pulls out a small dagger and attacks you and hits you as well. Me, Gribbets again, for five points of damage. Okay, so that's 12. Yep. And do maths. You don't know how to do hit points, do you? No, it's all there.

All right, okay. I'll track them for you. That's fine. Yep, no, I got it. The last two guards attack you, Bubby, and one of them hits you, and the other one hits you for a crit, I'm afraid to say.

Oh, no. I uncanny dodge. The crit? The crit. That makes sense. Yep, so you I uncanny dodge. The crit? The crit. That makes sense. Yep, so you'd only taken that case nine points of damage from the two hits together. And it is now Bobby's go.

Okay. There's a huge fight breaking out on the stage. People are in danger of falling off at this point because there's about 11 people in a kerfuffle. With you, Bobby, desperately trying to hold onto the legs of Janos Mir to keep what little wind is still in his kerfuffle. Oh, it's like a... With you, Bobby, desperately trying to hold onto the legs of Janos Meir to keep what little wind is still in his lungs.

Okay, well, from there, I'm going to... I'm still holding on to him. I'm going to cast Earth Tremor. Okay. Ooh. You're casting that.

You'll actually have to let go of him. He won't die yet because you've come quickly, but you... Okay, yep. So you cast Earth Tremor, which makes everybody on the stage suddenly the stage is rocked

by an earthquake using some of your new bardic magic. This is all very competent, I have to say. This is deeply unsettling. As everybody make quickly a DC 16 Athletics or Acrobatics check to stay onto the stage.

18, baby! Gribbets is fine. Three of the guards fall off, leaving three of the guards. You're both fine? 22, yeah. Bobby, you just need to roll. We're good. Okay, so three of the guards sprawl into the crowd. Aha!

Giving you a moment's reprieve, and now it is Baston. I cut the rope. All right, great. And sling him over my shoulder. You successfully cut the rope, sling it over your shoulder, and you... Can we head towards the palanquin? You still have your move action. Yeah, you can.

There are more guards near the palanquin. Yeah, that's nice. There's also an alleyway to the side. Ooh, what do you think, bud? Alleyway! All right, with racing, with Janice Meir over your shoulder, you begin to... I follow them. Grib as follows?

Yep. You begin to race down as the guards slash at you as you make your escape, but miss and miss you, Bobby. Oh, there's three of the other three are down, so only one more attacks. Gribbets, and that's a good one. That is a critical hit. It is that number.

No, you have 12 hit points. It is that number that we all know and love. 20. Oh, man, gets left behind. That is a 20. Can we get the dice cam up in there? That that we all know and love, 20. Old man gets left behind. That is a 20, can we get the dice cam up in there? That is a little 20. You have 12 hit points. I've been hit with 12 hit points, yeah.

I've been hit by... Oh, you have eight hit points in that case. You only had 20 to begin with. Gruberts is a goblin, not a level eight adventurer. He's a clerical goblin. He's mostly a clerical goblin. Now this is... I had eight hit points.

This is double damage. Yeah, you're going to get whatever. I think this could be fine. Whatever twice this roll is, and you're not an adventurist, you don't get death saves. Please, Dave, allow me to do this. So it's a five or more. That's a three.

That's doubled. Six. He's fine. Well, not fine. Who did that? Skin of your teeth, dribbits. King, try not to look so upset. I haven't been doing a lot this episode,

and I thought even if I could be involved in killing a main character from the side, it would have been quite rewarding. You agree? I mean, just describe his a main character from the side, it would have been quite rewarding, you know? You agree? I mean, just describe his wounds just so we can hear about it. For completely unsexual reasons. For deeply non-kink reasons. Go through where on the body... No.

OK. Grim, it starts to pass out, and Bobby, you have to sort of heave him over your shoulder as well. OK. As you pelt it down the street. Janos Mir indicates as he kicks you in the back as you're running down the alleyway. Hey, all right. If you can fucking walk yourself, all right?

I'm not a horse. And he points at what looks like a cart full of straw. He says, under the straw. Cool. Good idea. You throw him on the cart? Yeah, yeah. No, no, you idiot.

Move the cart. Underneath the cart. Oh, okay. Yeah no, you idiot Move the cart Underneath the cart Oh, okay, yeah I thought we were going to hide in the straw That was my idea What do you think this is? Assassin's Creed? Yeah, what?

Oh, I moved the cart Okay, I moved the cart aside There is a manhole cover Oh, okay Because that leads to the beggar's court Okay, cool Alright, I'll lift it up And the two of you drop into it

And you find yourselves in tunnels With his hand still bound behind him He starts to lead you down the tunnels and the two of you drop into it and you find yourselves in tunnels. With his hand still bound behind him, he starts to lead you down the tunnels, back towards the true water-deep underground, the Beggar's Court. Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. You're about Gribbets Conjunctivitis, speaking of.

Bobby Pancakes. Robert Bloody Pancakes. As I live and breathe. I'll stop you right there. Right, yeah. Robert the Cake Man of Wheat. As I see it. Little Bobby Breakfast.

Bob Flapjacks. Bobby Bobby Blaney Boy. Yeah. Are all the characters just chipping in? Yeah, yeah. And then Gribbets is like, yeah, yeah, Bobby fuckhead. And Jonas is like, what did you say? This man saved my life. Sorry, you were saying?

The tables have turned. Oft have I been in your pockets, so to speak. When you were dead. Now, Janos, you owe me one. Well, look. Technically, I believe it was the idiot who cut me down, but... Thank you. Technically, I believe it was the idiot who cut me down.

Thank you. I take your point. You didn't play a small role in that. So I'll put it in the ledger and we'll settle up later. Put it under my name. Put it under my name. No. Take it.

No. So what is it you want from me, the mega king of Waterdeep? Mark it under the Wolfen. The Wolfen? How am I spelling that? The Wolfen. Has it? Sound it out.

Wolfen. You can do this. Wolfen. Yeah. No, I'm writing it down. Let me see. His hands, again, are tied behind his back.

This is all metaphorical. No, literally they are. I know it's dark down here, but my hands are tight. And then Gribbets cuts his hand. Gribbets! Bit of a scrape back there. Ben's having a conversation with himself. Make a note!

We owe the wolfen. Come with me. And he taps on the door at that point and he bangs on it. And the door, he seems to know where to bang because a lock, a tumbler clicks and the door in the tunnel slides open and you find yourselves in what looks like the basement of an old inn. Completely abandoned, some barrels, a stink of old cheese, but no food to be seen. Brutal. A stink of old cheese. So there's not even old cheese there. There's not even old cheese, but no food to be seen. Brutal.

Stink of old cheese. So there's not even old cheese there. There's not even old cheese there. And he goes, you've done me a service and I will not soon forget it. You will find that the resistance can be a powerful friend

even if at times it needs things of you. This is a dangerous time for Waterdeep and a dangerous time for an honest man, my friend, but I will not forget this favor that you have done me. This is one of our cells, unknown to the masked lords. They will be at your service. Anything that you require, you have but to say my name to the cell leader and it shall be done for you. It's also a safe house and I cannot tell you how important that is in these trying times. I'm going to go set some scores, work out who ratted me out to that bastard and also

do a wee in order of sort of priority there. By which I mean I don't actually need to wee that badly. You'll find the cell leader upstairs, remember that Oh actually, you know what, I think I do Yeah, sometimes you're like, oh I've got it, this is a bit of a murder It creeps up on you, doesn't it? Yeah, it does Are you looking good? I like the hair and the Yes, I've been humbled by my

I'm just saying you look good Don't ask me a bloody life story, mate I've got a pretty good monologue coming up I'll save that for later tell you what share it with the cell leader

go piss alright fuck off give it my name give it my name and the password banknote lives and with that the door slams

shut behind you you get palpably excited every time I say that just because banknote lives suggests that like because Inote lives Suggests that I haven't talked to you about this but I imagine what's happened is Sorry that laugh made a fan

Banknote's become this sort of larger than life You know almost mythical figure In the resistance Some sort of Charles de Gaulle-esque person That's your go-to? Not Robin Hood, Charles de Gaulle-esque person. Let's do that. That's your go-to? Not Robin Hood, Charles de Gaulle? They even airport after Robin Hood. Charles de Gaulle's pretty good, isn't he?

He fought Nazis. What, you were on the side of Nazis? Come on. Did Charles de Gaulle fight Nazis? I think he did. Thank you. I love that you... It's the panic of someone who thinks they got it wrong and Charles de Gaulle fuck Nazis? I think he did. Thank you. I love that you... It's the panic of someone who thinks they got it wrong

and Charles de Gaulle was actually a famous Nazi. Why did they name an airport after him? That is the French. So there's a stairway leading up, leading up into the inn and the two of you are alone for the first time in three years. Ribbits is gone with Janice.

Bobby, that was harsh, man. Jumping off the boat, leaving Filch. She cried for ages. It was literally three months she stood on the prow of the ship, thinking that you were swimming alongside it like a dolphin. Did you cry? No, man, I was in a dark place. You know, it was really humble. But you didn't cry? No, man, I was in a dark place. You know, it was really humble.

But you didn't cry? Well, I've only got one eye. My other eye was the crying eye. Bass don't only have one functioning tear duct. Yeah. What comes out of the other eye? Rage? Yeah. Nug out of the other eye? Rage. Yeah, yeah.

Nuggets of gold. And sometimes bits of sleep. Oh, yeah, that's just sleep, isn't it? Okay. Yeah. She was real sad. And I, well, look, it took me a while, a lot of soul searching. I ended up in the jungle and realized there was something more important than being beautiful.

I've taken on a new path. Path? Yes, path. Path. Path, path. I think they're both correct pronunciations. Depends on your accent. Hasn't it?

Anyway, I'm taking a new path. I've realized that looks aren't everything. I now follow the way of the 11. Is that famous or something? Should I know what that is? Yeah, there's something. There's a hotness higher than ten. And in my face being so physically scarred,

I realised that beauty is within as well as without. And I seek that in all things now. Way to both learn and not learn a lesson. It's quite impressive, actually. Yeah. All best done. Seems like a lot has changed around here since I've been gone. Yeah, looks like it.

You've got a new look? I mean, it's functional. I have like eight of these in my wardrobe, so I don't have to think about what I'm wearing. That's... Instead improves brain function. Yeah, it's really smart. Yeah. I don't really want to talk about it.

You still seem kind of moody. I don't really want to talk about it You still seem kind of moody I haven't said this in a long time but I died in space Still not over that, huh? I'm glad that you found like a new thing inside you

but word to the wise the quicker you learn this the better thing inside you, but word to the wise, the quicker you learn this, the better. The only thing inside us is emptiness. That's ape talk. There's so much inside you, Bobby.

Bobby says, an ape. Alright, I'll take it. So the only way is up. Upstairs we go. Alright, the bar inside is as empty and derelict as it was downstairs. Not derelict, it's a fine, looks like it's a nice inn but it's empty. And again, mostly devoid of food, although there's some crates by the door. And there is a figure, a small figure, wrapped in a big hooded cloak who is sitting nursing a very small glass of milk

at a table near the bar. Anything to drink back there? He looks up at you. The crows, they fly at midnight. Why would they do that? Crows are arboreal. No, arboreal. What's the daytime word?

Ional. Ional, that's it. The crows, they fly at midnight. It's very dark. They wouldn't be able to see each other. They might have a mid-air collision. They fly at midnight. I've got this one. I've got this one. Perhaps you have something to say each other. They might have a mid-air collision. They fly at midnight.

I've got this one. I've got this one. Perhaps you have something to say to me. Oh, God! No sort of passcode? Bank note lives. Oh, that's what he meant. Well, well, well.

And he pulls up his hat. He pulls a hat out from under his hooded cloak. And then he pulls back his cloak. Only to reveal another hat underneath. And then he takes that hat off. And you recognise the figure of Bob Sandugnut. What, what, what?

Wait, how did... Aren't you from... I mean bloody pancakes and Bastard and Drearovich! I mean... I mean... Hello. We don't use names and we certainly don't shout names. At the top of our lungs. But bloody goodness, I've got shit!

I can't believe it's you! And you've got your hair! I don't? You're haunted! Wait, you can see that? You have some kind of pallid aura of despair! There's a bloody trauma up and down the wazoo! I honestly don't remember the last time I saw you.

Oh guys, space! Ever heard of it? You die in space too? Oh did I die? No that'd be awful. No, um, no, oh god, funny story. Um, so big explosion, etc, etc, etc. In the Deadlands, you were in the Deadlands.

Yeah I was in the Deadlands. Friso's Tower. So there I was, Deadlands, Friso's Tower. Well, I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands.

I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands. I was in the Deadlands. I. In the Deadlands. You were in the Deadlands. Yeah, I was in the Deadlands. Friso's Tower. So there I was, Deadlands, Friso's Tower. All of a sudden I'm thrown out of the bloody dimension and I've got a special bracer that's meant to get me home, you know, to where I belong. But I've got a hippity hop between all these sorts of dimensions,

you know, solving people's problems. With a crew. Hoping that the next jump is the jump home. What? Anyway. Oh, yes. Long story bloody short, here I am. Wow.

Aren't you a sight for sore eyes? Did you hear about Gribbets and his bloody shit eyes? Oh, he had quite bad conjunctivitis? That's what he said. I reckon he got some shit in there. Anyway, you know the password. I suppose that means that the entire cell is at your bloody disposal. Welcome to cell 17 of the resistance.

Oh, we've got a bit of a celeb in this cell. We've got a bit of a celeb, by the way. Well, you know, I say celeb. He's celeb adjacent. Bagnor! Get out of here! And the door, there is somewhat a tremorous door quivering. Go with it. And in walks a figure in a pink power blazer,

dark slacks and an incredibly white scarf. Lion Shield, Lili Banknote. Ha ha! Banknote! Banknote lives! He literally lives! Yeah, I thought you'd say in the graffiti, well that's his son! Oh.

Wait, what? Son! Oh. Wait. Fuck you. Fuck you guys. Anyway, before the disappearance, etc, etc, he said to me, well he didn't say to me, he said to Janos, who said to Sally, who said to Jonathan, who said to me, take him under your wing,

make him, put him, put him to use in a cell, and we're here in the cell, and we're a bit of a team, aren't we? Of course, of course, a primary sort of underlying mantra, motif, if you will, of the entire resistance is that titles are meaningless and hereditary lineages is shit.

So he has come into the Resistance as a new swaddled babe with no titles, no power. Basically, he's lower than shit! Banknote. I wouldn't say. I've got epaulets. Is that what they're called? Epaulets? You brought them from home! Banknote. I mean, no, I wouldn't say. I've got epilettes. Is that what they're called?

Epilettes? You brought them from home, Banknote. Oh. Epilepsy? Banknote. It's been three years since we've had Banknote. Yes, it has. Banknote has taken over a commanding interest in his father's distilleries.

Banknote is making a new product called Untitled Goose Vodka. Distilleries. Fact note is he's making a new product called Untitled Goose Vodka. Which I think was going quite well. It is going quite well. I think you described it as a top shelf vodka. It's a top shelf vodka, yeah. It's only bought by like... Whoever came up with that is making a lot of money.

Well, it's him and he is. Yeah, and I'm level eight now, Dave. That's correct. All of those are artifice. How many people did you kill? No, killing isn't the only way to level up. Oh, he's learned. So you have 5,450 gold coins after the sale of Rutherglen House

and after inheriting your grandparents' nest egg. Yes. 5,400 gold pieces, you say? 5,450 gold pieces. Woo-hoo! That's correct. Just for injuries while we're playing this, Bastogne, you are penniless.

Money has no meaning for you. Boo. And... That's a minecart, right? Bobby, you have 120 gold pieces, which is all that you have after your time in Barovia. Banknote. Yes! So you're not the banknote lives. which is all that you have after your time in Barovia. Banknote. Yes.

So you're not the Banknote Liv. Did something happen to your cool dad? No, I believe he's disappeared. To a realm of hotness? No, I think what's happened is... Speaking of a living, the guy with a... My father has sort of abandoned me or something. Oh, God, yeah, you wouldn't know.

I mean, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You wouldn't believe it. Oh, bloody Bake Note Senior. He hasn't abandoned. He's a martyr for the cause. He's bigger than that. He's an idea. You can't kill an idea,

except with maybe a big gun. A really big gun. It'd have to be huge. When did Bobson become Dave Hughes? You know, of course, because you've been a member of the resistance, that Great Heart Banknote has managed to mobilise, as Waterdeep, and indeed many of the big cities of the Sword Coast, have fallen under these kind of new dystopian, despotic powers,

such as these in Waterdeep, exemplified through the Masked Lords and the Judicators. There have been voices of resistance that have rung out in the countryside, and they have found a figurehead, a hero of the rebellion, and that figure is your father. He disappeared from Flossan about a year ago, and it been about a year After about a year the house has been seized By the Lord's Alliance And you have been made destitute After which you came to Waterdeep And you have joined the resistance

And I feel like Bagnor would be trying to work his way up The resistance maybe Trying to get ranks or something But 12 months makes a big difference in seniority And you have found yourself as the sole employee of Cell 17 in Waterdeep. Cell 17! Cell 17!

The stupidest cell that you ever have seen. I hate that song and I wish I hadn't written it. Would either of you like to tour around the cell at all? Technically your title is Junior Revolutionary Assist and you report to cell leader Cum Chairman Bobson Dugna. I'm a Cum Chairman!

He's the what? No, no. You know we spent a whole day trying to think up cool names. Cell Leader Cum Chairman. Yeah I'm a Cell Leader and I'm a Cum Chairman. I mean technically it's sell leader slash come chairman did you title thing we're trying now I'm starting to think when you read these notes you see this shit and you don't tell me. No, I just control F, type C-U-M, and that is my prep. You just go, uh...

Um, Bobson, we need to get out of town and get to Daggerford. I'm not going to make them feel weird, but a member of the audience looked at me like they were genuinely really disappointed. Hi, Ben's mum. That's somebody who appreciates nice world building and not your dirty tawdry jokes. You can't get out of town.

The resistance is here. We need to stay and fight so my father will approve of me. But we... Look, your father will approve of you even more if you bring back his hot girlfriend. No, I mean, you keep saying that she's his hot girlfriend, but Filch and Papa, I don't think they ever actually...

Oh, come on. There was a free song there. I mean, but we all... We brush elbows, we feel things. There was a whole period where they were outside, the rest of us were inside. Yeah. It was like 20 minutes.

That's enough time to have some sex. And I can say that as chairman of cum. I mean, personally, look, I spent hours, I spent hours in a coach with an old woman and we didn't have sex. 20 minutes is not long enough to have sex. Especially outdoors. All the cold air blowing through you will take you ages.

Weird flex, bro guy. Look, you need to get out of town. Wait, who am I talking to right now? You said you need... I'm Bobson. I'm the sensible part of Bobson. Do the lisp. That's not obsessed with bodily fluids.

Do the lisp, Dave. I have multitudes. Do the sensible part of Bobson. Do the lisp. That's not obsessed with bodily fluids. Do the lisp, Dave. I have multitudes. Do the lisp, Dave. I'm doing the lisp. Yeah, thank you. That's better. Look, you said you've got to get out of town? Yes, that's right. You said you've got to get to Daggettford?

That's correct. Am I saying that right? Daggettford? That's correct. Well, tonight, the role of Bob's and Dougna, we played by Sylvester the Cat. Well, maybe we can, maybe we can, how you say, kill two birds with one sword. Go on. Well, it just so happens the revolution has some business in Daggerton. I've got

a letter here. I've been holding on to it because I'm pretty bad at my job. He goes on to tell you that there is a task that they need you to do in Daggerford. A task of great importance and mystery. A task so complex and the only three such as these

Yeah I'll send someone else but they shat themselves to death. Can we can we unfreaky Friday this? Episode one of season six.

Goodness gracious. Explain the thing! Okay, so he passes to you a letter that has just a bee embossed in it in a gold hemisphere. And he says, Now be very careful with that. That's a magical rune. And it will explode if it's... Ah, Sudoku.

It's similar technology. It's the same technology. It will explode if it's opened within 1,000 miles of Daggerford. No. No? 1,000 miles is so far. 1,000 miles is like longer than from Sydney to Melbourne. It will explode if it is opened in a distance

that is closer to Daggerford than Daggerford. All right, so what you're saying is... Wait, what? What? If it's closer to Daggerford than Daggerford... It explodes! Wait, how does that... Walk me through how that technology could possibly work, Dave.

Well, it's basically a technomantic system of global positioning based off a wall. But what you said was... If it's closer to Daggerford than Daggerford is... It explodes! Is to what? To what? There's a missing element in this entire...

This whole letter returns an error message. 404, Canada. Anyway, I'm sure you get the gist. Just be careful with it. If you are, Jesus, if you are closer to Daggerford than you are to Waterdeep,

then the letter will not explode. What? Well, you need to explain this, Dave. Is this one of those things where it's like... He hands you a second letter and he goes, it's the same letter but there's nothing magical about it. I'm just gonna take this letter back to the lab. I didn't think about it I just thought that'd be cool if there was a letter

that you couldn't open outside. But don't open it till you get to Daggerford. But don't, nothing will happen. But, um, but yeah, no, this needs work. Okay, don't. I'm glad it was friends I gave this to, though. Can you imagine if it was just a regular person or whatever? This one definitely doesn't explode. That one, I'll put it on, I'll write it down. Don't open it till we get to Daggerford. Yeah, if you could.

I could, we could, though, because it wouldn't explode. I can open it right now. Well, yeah, but don't. Why wouldn't I though? But also, you work for me. Oh, because there's a horrible curse. And should the letter be closer to water? Closer to what?

Then it's... Oh, no, there's a... No, I can't... No, just please don't open it. I mean, it's... oh no, there's a... I can't... no, just please don't open it. I mean, it's a security issue because this whole place is crawling with spies. I don't know if you saw before, but Janoff's buddy, Mere, got ratted out to the Judicator. Judicator Mannix. Yeah, so we're really trying to keep things... our lid on things.

Alright. We're all obviously badass revolutionaries here, so... Okay, okay. No, you've just joined, so you're lower on the rung than he is. Excellent. Now, I'm going to second my employee, Junior Revolutionary Assist Banknote, to you. That means he answers to you in this situation.

Correct. Thank you very much. No, no, no, that's not fair. I'm co-assist at the... You are co-assist, correct. Everybody's equal, and that's not fair. I'm co-assist. You are co-assist, correct. Everybody's equal. And that's really important. Thank you.

You are lower than everyone else. I bet he's got a point. No, I don't quite understand the social dynamics of this. Yeah, technically though. Anyone who needs epaulets to show authority, I won't finish my sentence. And honestly, that's definitely not the credo of the

resistance, but it does have a point. Anyway, so you guys can add a louder dagger foot. Can we have like a water deep? Oh gosh, I'm going to go. I need to wee. You can't use that for the whole season, okay? You can use that twice when you run out of jokes,

but all your characters can't need to wee. I've got to go. Oh, gosh, it's just crept right up. It's coming out. I've got to go. Do you need to wee? Sorry? Do you need to wee, Ben?

I need to wee, yeah. And before he goes, anyway, Bagno, you know the corridors underneath the city. It's part of your training. Yes, I do. I actually have them written on the back of my hand. All the way from here to Daggerford. The big tunnel that definitely exists.

You can't take it back. It's there. That's fine. I don't really care that much. Anyway, I'm going to go wee. I'm sure you've got lots to talk about. Go with my blessing, with my guide. He'll get you out of the city.

What are we doing with this letter? You've got to open it. It's got special instructions. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Am I saying that right? Instructions. Also, there's not... We had some problems with...

And I won't say who it was, but we had some problems with people thinking I won't say who it was, but we had some problems with people thinking there was invisible ink on these letters. Okay, no, the thing is, it's never, people just say it's invisible, they don't ever tell you how to make it visible, do that, you know? There was some problems, there was some problems,

it goes without saying. Some letters got pissed on. Don't piss on your hands. In my head there was like, oh,'t piss on your head. In my head, there was like, oh, you piss on them. That's how you... That must have been

a Michael Hing inception. Just, hey, and with that, he goes to the bathroom to piss himself empty, leaving the three of you together. Bobby, Bastard,

it's so delightful to see you both after, what, it's been three, has it been three years? Now, can I ask you something? Are you missing a sort of a top shelf vodka in your life? Do you wish when you went to a bar you had some sort of drink that was both tasteful but also a bit splashy? Let's go.

Yeah. You leave back in it and just walk past it. It's like rolling a crate of vodka. Banknote is at that point pulling out vendor samples of what seem to be bottles of vodka to discover that the room is empty. It's been triple distilled, you see, so it's minimal. Are you bringing them with you?

Yeah, of course. Bring some samples with you. You're going to take a crate of vodka. I will let you take it with you, but until you get rid of it, it's disadvantage on all ability checks. It will essentially be a level of exhaustion carrying a crate of vendor samples

of your family's shitty vodka. You never know who you're going to... Canonically, it is top shelf vodka, Dave. I roll for it in everything. You can take a crate of vodka with you. 12 bottles of vodka, and you're a fucking idiot because these are going to make some great Molotov cocktails, you dumb, stupid idiot.

Foolish man. So there's like tunnels that take us out of town? There are, and with Banknote leading the way, you make your way through a beggar's court that you discover seems almost empty. The heydays of the flourishing underground trade of Waterdeep is but a shadow of its former self. It seems that these lands have been sacked,

raided one time too many, and Janos Myr has lost control of the thriving trade that once sat under the proud city of splendors. This may well be the last time in a while that any of you see these gilded shores laid low as they are under threat of constant judication and despair by the masked lords

who no doubt swear allegiance to a lord's alliance ripped asunder by powerful new power brokers on a sword coast in turmoil that has basically been a shitty vodka cocktail mixed with a mixer we call Strahd von Zarovich. Okay, okay. You've got Okay, okay. But the worst cocktails can be improved by a surprising citric hit that in this instance we call

The Dragon Friends. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Greiner and Michael Hing. Our Dungeon Master is Dave Harmon. NPC voices are provided by Ben Jenkins and live accompaniments provided by Tom Carty. Shakira Khan designs our website. The podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest.

And this week's episode was recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney. Until next time. I went there and my boy's like one and he's sitting in his pram kind of being very cute and the barista hands me my coffee and then hands me a marshmallow and kind of winks at me. No. I already know how this ends. It is literally the moment that it is on an unstoppable trajectory into my mouth. And I see that Marissa's face just fall that I realise it was not meant for me.