Dragon Friends - #6.14. Are There Any Fursonas?

Episode Date: August 27, 2020

With Daggerford secured, The Dragon Friends take to the road to chase their next lead. During the trip they're forced to face the reality that perhaps the most dangerous thing on the roads to Icewind Dale are The Dragon Friends themselves Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shout out to the one person that's streaming this in Japan, the one person in Canada. If I was like one person in Canada and I just heard you say shout out to the one person in Canada, I would freak the fuck out. Turn off your computer. It's like 1984. I'm going dark. From the talking dog, yeah Wayfank Dark, he runs his poplar's company Dark Lord Strauss, a very naughty man Fire him together The light for hope we call the Dragon Friends

Carnage rolls in the small theaterette On the second floor of Daggerford Castle Where the Dragon Friends have at last triumphed Against an old and rotund adversary The Pomplamoose La Croix For their efforts. You have found treasures. You have bested enemies.

You have lost a friend of a missile launcher. It's true. But you have also reclaimed that familial heirloom, the banknote apparatus, which you are now proud custodians of. In addition to this. Just goes to show when God takes away a rocket launcher, he gives you a crab.

As the scriptures by the old sages did say. Friezo, not just this, you also have a new dagger, a plus two magical dagger. Did I say Friezo? You said Motley. Did I say... If I'm starting to call Hing Friezo,

that's a more upsetting version of what I was doing in Season 2 when I was calling Friso Hing. So, I'm sorry. You're different people. But it is not just the crab. You have also found some other magic items, Lion Shield Banknote. You also found a plus two magical dagger. And a lobster. Wicked sharp. Which you can add your wicked sharp dagger. And you also found that cravat pin, which in the light of post-combat studiousness,

you can see is in fact a dispelling stone. I don't think you've ever had one of these before. Now, the way this works, it's a magic item. You can throw it and it shatters. It will dispel all magical effects in a five-foot area. That I choose or just everything? No, everything. It won't destroy magic items or suppress them.

It's not an anti-magic field. But spell effects that are in effect like a wall of force, a magical fire, anything like that would be dispelled. Wall of force. An illusory penis. An illusion.

Funnily enough, yes. I suppose an illusory penis would be affected. Behold how broad my shaft is. Dispelled. It wasn't a spell. I suppose an illusory penis would be affected. Behold how broad my shaft is. Eat the smell. It wasn't a smell. It has gone inside me because I am scared. Also emerging from the wreckage are a couple of figures. One bobson dugnut, a jelly belly that bent it very good at not eating in the entire last half.

You just ate it. Well, you gave it to me. You did put it in front of him, Dave. I'm not made of stone. And other figures making their way out of the wreckage. Dignitaries and flunkies of LeCroy, doubtless happy of his demise, and one that you recognise,

not Bastogne, that you recognise, Bobby and Filge, which is Mistress Lorna of the Temple of Mystra. Hmm. Well, you may bow. As well I may. But she doesn't.

She just kind of goes on. Wallpapering over that bridge of etiquette. The king is dead. Long live the last people who were kings. Us. Do you want to be, what? We don't really want to do it all again, but I would like the respect due to us.

Very good. Perhaps while giving that respect, I might be able to extend the respect and taking care of some of the more minor duties involved in administrating, you know, getting the city back on track, opening up the temples again. taking care of some of the more minor duties involved in administrating, you know, getting the city back on track, opening up the temples again. Boring, boring Duke stuff.

This bitch coming for my crown. We stan you. We stan you, queen. Okay, let's not just. No, of course, of course, of course. Dragon puddle. All right. Some of you are on a balcony and one of you is in a crab.

Is the crab climbing up to the balcony? How structurally stable does the crab... Should we come to the crab? Should we huddle under the crab? Let's do it. Okay, so you head down some stairs on the side of the balcony and you meet the crab on the ground. Hello. Real quick.

I forget who she is. Are you going to stay in the crab the whole meeting, banknote? I'm up with the crab now. Okay. We need a plan. We killed Duke. Great job. Sorry about your rocket launcher.

It's fine. It's fine. I don't care. I don't care. I never cared. I don't love anything. It's okay to feel. No, it's not.

I don't care. His beautiful pink blazer, by the way, is like singed and burnt to the elbow. His cuffs are wide open and there is a nimbus of soot, as if he has sort of been exposed to an exploding missile launcher, for example. Now, real quick, what's her deal? Is she in resistance? Is she out? Me think it would be good to install some sort of resistance person into this position.

Do you want me to remind you who Mistress Lorna is? Yeah, big time. Yeah, yeah. Mistress Lorna was the head of the Temple of Mystra, one of the good aligned sort of civic temples in Daggerford. She produced some really, real great characters, that temple. She was, yeah, she was kind of the closest thing to a mother that Friso ever had.

More of a, I guess, the wire monkey, you know? A wire mother in a hollow kind of sense, yeah. But she sort of did her best, and we can't hold it against her. Some things are harder than they look. Is that all we know about her? We don't know where her alliance is? She helped smuggle you out of the city with Kithisee. She clothed us and gave us lentils.

Yeah, but a long time. I mean, we've all changed. So what she's suggesting is that the temples had been banned when the red houses were set up by Strahd's flunkies and that she can start reopening them with your blessing. Where is the vampire? I don't know. So you've never seen him?

No. Anyone, would you like to enjoy a big glass of blood? No. Good enough! She has passed the test. There is much to do. The red houses need to be closed. The buildings need to be opened.

That's about it actually. Someone needs to get me a coffee. Perhaps we could offer you an assistant. Someone who would just do things for you, boring things, very helpful. Not at all anyone who would be keeping an eye on you. And I said, Bob said, do you want to be this lady secretary but spy on her actually? Yeah, righto.

Sure. Hey, can I just ask a really quick question, guys? Because I feel like we've got a bit of downtime now. Now that LaCroix's dead. Now that LaCroix's dead and that was a bit of a thought on our side for a while when are we going to go back to Chiba Chiba

yeah it's where it's where I'm from and where my family is oh my god wait is that Japanese oh right

are you Japanese no it's a global city oh it's a global city that's where that's where that's where Cindy lives. Yeah, for Cindy and the twins.

Yeah, right. I can definitely do this gig. I thought you were all in on this revolution. After the lamp work, I sort of thought we'd be going back to Chiba. But you've been doing this revolution thing. Yeah, I didn't want to be a bother. Well, listen, Bobson, you're free to go back anytime you please. We're not giving you in.

Go then. How did you get here? How did you get here? I'm a fat, thorough-thumb sort of portal, I think. Yeah, I think we said that he spent three years doing a kind of sliders ripoff, having adventures, each one worse than the last. Each one of leaping. We found him in the heart of glass.

Is that where he reappeared? You found him in a lot of places. I'm just like a bad penny. Keep showing up, but I'm a good penny. But technically he is the head of security to Filger's vice president of Horizon and has still been working out of this sort of misplaced feeling of corporate duty.

Have I been paying him this whole time? Well, technically, yes. I've been keeping note. Great. Oh, man, a lot of balls in the air for old Phil G. You understand. Yeah. A lot going on.

Sure. While we're on that, why did we come here again? I don't exactly remember. We're on our way to Icewind Dale. All right, so we were just stopping through. We're just rolling on by. We were just coming here to check in on things. We happened to kill the Duke.

I happened to get a crab. Let's go north. Is there some kind of like slightly impatient, nervous tick that you're doing with the crab? The crab is tapping its claw. Dave, while we do have a bit of uh downtime i'm just going to do an investigation check inside the cockpit everyone can also take a um a short rest of the uh cockpit uh it's uh 14 to see if i can reconstitute any of the rocket launcher bits. The rocket launcher, unfortunately, has essentially... What you do find is you find firing tubes and cylinders

and some broken parts, but it is not easily repaired. So you can have some... Oh, just some firing tubes and parts, Dave. Is that all I get? Just some fire... Well, well, well. All right. Am I going to regret that?

I don't know. All right. You find that, and other than that, you familiarize yourself with the controls. You work out how the seatbelt system works. It was much simpler than it looked. Oh, click, clap. It was actually just turn and twist and pull. Turn, twist, pull.

Baston is going to go and, seeing as we were also surprised to find this theater here, he's going to explore upstairs. Oh, okay. Yeah, see what's up there. Do. He's going to explore upstairs. Oh, okay. Yeah, see what's up there. Do an investigation. The rafters. I mean, sure. I drew a map.

You didn't prepare this? No, I drew a map of this castle last season. You could just give me a magic item. Make an investigation check. Okay, I'll see what I find. It's going to be a 20. What was it? 18.

18, that's pretty close. All right, there's a tower. The third level is the tower, and it's full of an artificer's study. To be honest, it's a study that I assumed was banknotes, but it never really came up last season. Yeah, right. And that's what it was in the map. So there's a study, a workbench. There's a library.

There's a cauldron. I'm going to do... Wait, who set off my alarm? He's just going to... I feel like Bastion's just going to go up Wait, who set off my alarms? He's just going to... I feel like Bastion is just going to go up there and there's like a beaker on something

and he's just going to do it like a cat and just be like... Until it falls off and smashes and then he'll just walk back downstairs. Do you want...

There's some potions there. Oh yeah, give me potions. I'll take all the good shit. Give me that. Alright, you can take a potion of giants. What did you roll? A four?

Four. Oh, okay. You can get... No, sorry. Give him a potion that makes him attacked by get, no, sorry. Give him a potion that makes him attached by bees, Danny.

Can I make up a potion? Give him a potion that has an illusory penis. Yeah, give him an illusory penis potion. Potion of what, Dave? Should we do a dip

in the potion bag? No, we're not doing the pee thing. We're not doing that. No time for the podcast. What about a potion of, okay, you say an adjective and I'll say a noun. Okay, ready? One, two, three. Jelly. We're not doing that. No time for the podcast. What about a potion of... Okay, you say an adjective and I'll say a noun.

Okay, ready? One, two, three. Jelly. Quick jelly. It's a potion of royal jelly. A potion of quick jelly? I heard quick jelly. It's royal jelly.

It makes you go quick. What? Sorry, it's called... The potion is called a potion of royal jelly. It's made from dire bees and it hastes you and makes your penis go phantasmal. But only for like two hours. Now, Dave, given that a phantasmal penis is probably,

I imagine, is it quite large? Is it like a bee sting? Would that at all affect the structural integrity of Baston's gooch? Oh, no, it's phantasmal. Because a phantasmal penis could... Phantasmal means that it has nightmarish, illusory appendages coming off it. Well, surely those weigh more than no appendages at all. That big hand, that doesn't feel heavy.

It doesn't physicalise it, it's just like... Why are you trying to destroy this man's gooch? Are you still dirty about the rocket launcher? Because Bastogne's gooch is incredibly... Yeah, I know. Incredibly sensitive. You know what, you don't have time for a controlled experiment, so you're just going to have to take it sometime in mortal peril.

I should have had to, when I rolled a one last episode, I would have had to make her... Dave, I would like to hang on to my wooden stakes, please. Oh, okay. So you take a bundle of stakes from them and wrap them into a quick draw bandolier around your arm. That's right.

Yep, that's... I was gonna wrap them in my smoked salmon. No, actually, that could keep me insulated in the cold place. I'm gonna leave the smoked salmon strapped to my tummy. That's going to smell so bad. Two weeks later on the road. Guys, I'm just going to stay here with this nice lady and remember, remember Chiba.

Got to get back. Me think your heart not really in this revolution. Well. I mean, I didn't say it. We didn't say that um so does the revolution now have that town we were just in which goes by the name of so so miss lady mister goes on to say that she is going to bring the priests back reopen the temples and they're going to do their best to be a bulwark against strads encroaching control of the Sword Coast. But she warns you, as long as Strahd still lives,

when he turns his eyes eastward of Waterdeep again, they won't be able to hold for long. So you've brought reprieve. You've doubtless saved dozens of lives and slowed him down. But Strahd is still the big villain here. Bit of a party pooper, isn't she? Anyway, sorry. So you work for me now?

Yeah, I'm sorry. You're going to love me. If you need any prawns, he got them. Yeah, my pants. The road, the long road north from Daggerford past the Florson Estates winds its way past the Svalach Wood on its way to the Spine of the World Mountains, the border into Icewind Dale. It's a long and hard road, and so Lady Mystra,

Lady Mystra, Lady, Mistress Lorna of the Temple of Mystra gives you a small mule and wagon, which you are able to, after you have pulled the lever that causes the... The crab eats the mule. The apparatus can, remember, transform back into a barrel. After a few hours every day, it needs to do this to recharge its engines. Yes.

And you're able to load it into the wagon. You can also name the mule if you want, I suppose. You can probably name the crab as well. No, for now the crab will be unnamed. It was traditionally known as the banknote apparatus, but yes, I guess that suggests a lack of a name. Yes, yes. And so with the mule that I suppose...

I want to hold the mule's head in my hands and really stare it in the eyes. The mule hates that. Or the name of the mule. Hold Ben's head and see if a name comes to you. Phil. Phil. No, my name's Phil. It's Phil. Another one. Phil. Phil. My name's Phil.

It's Phil. Another one. Phil. Phil. That's going to be confusing. The mule's name is Phil. That's my name. Well, you're going to have to earn a nickname.

Anything you were classically known for amongst your friends. Stubbornness. Stubbsy. Stubbsy Phil. All right. So with your mule, Stubbsy Phil, you make your way north. Can I just say that Phil is really characteristically resistant to change on this. He keeps calling himself Phil. Doesn't answer to the name Stubbsy.

Now, this is our first time we've done overland travel for a little bit, so I'd like to know what order you're all travelling in. Are you travelling by day, by night, by the main roads? Tell me a bit about your travelling situation. Are we wanted? Probably there will be vampires who've heard that we've done some killing.

So we should probably do it undercover. I should also say that particularly bobbies, but also bastons.on sorry your blazers all of your familiar clothes are actually fine because you were dressed in your costume of a judicator so banknotes normal clothes a sort of what would you describe that fashion this is uh i guess i don't know carlton chresley i was going to say Game Show host in a dystopian future. Yeah.

I see it as just like kind of Cup Week top man. I don't know what that is. Yeah, I was going to say like Tarakash. Yeah. What's Cup Week? Like Melbourne Cup Week. Oh, right. Yes, races.

Yes. Cup Week Tarakash. Is it like Osher Gunzberg Bachelor in Paradise finale? I think it's someone who's really into microfiber because you don't have to mind the shirts. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, all of those clothes are fine,

but unfortunately most of your Judicator costumes have all been destroyed. Also, the wand has basically given out at this point, so you're no longer travelling as Judicators. Or dragon cum in it. Okay. Do you have any dragon? Jack off.

Then we'll talk. There's two things you need to do to get that to happen. Or find a lab where they keep it. Well, we're in the castle. Can't we raid the wardrobes of Daggerford Castle to find some appropriate attire? Yeah, we can dress as noble people. You can if you want to.

Yeah, but I'm saying that the illusion doesn't work anymore. So you can rug up. Just some nice warm clothes, please, Dave. So Daggerford is still pretty southern. And also LaCroix, because he was even from further south, tended to wear lots of really kind of disgusting, light, gaudy clothes. Big shorts guy. He's a big shorts Hawaiian shirt kind of guy in casual.

Are there any like furs and stuff upstairs though? Not this far south, but as you get north. Are there any fursonas? Are there any of the soup? Any of the soup? What are you talking about? First soup? Are there any of the soup?

What the fuck are you talking about? Dave, Dave, is there any of the soup? I'm so tired. Is there any of the wardrobe? Dave, Dave, in the wardrobe. Are there any of Of the soup. There's no first soup. There is a Tom Yum in Tupperware, and that's it.

Oh. Yeah, there is some. Boo. There is some. Yeah, it sucked. It fucking sucked. There are some blankets. It's this.

Fuck. There are some blankets that you can get. Oh. Fuck. There are some blankets that you can get, and there are some of the old Duke's clothes that are a bit more sensible. Can Banknote just go up to his old room and get all his old stuff back? Yeah, including your winter ski suit.

Yeah, I'll get my ski suit. I'll get my skis. All right, so Banknote, because he used to holiday on the spine of the world with his family, you have quite expensive um heat tech unique low styles um you know the puffy jackets and things yeah and i want i want two little heat warmers you know those little heat packs you put your gloves i want two of them and it should be clear that as well banknight has enough probably to outfit more than himself but he brings it all in a trunk and everybody else has their own clothes just in like the same white parkas like that level of

inception oh that would be fun can they do it like that level of Inception? Oh, nice. That would be fun. Can they do it like the level of Inception? No, you're going to have to find a winter outfitters. Or how do they do it in Inception? They probably have a costume design. No, no, no. They went there in the dream.

They went inside the other dream. Well, can they do that, David? No, they can't go inside the dream. I have an important character question for Banknote. We have so much more adventure. Well, you want to know what order we're going in and we're just sorting out our clothes, okay? Is he a tight pants ski guy or a puffy pants ski guy?

Oh, no, it's very tight. Ah, that's what I hoped. Very revealing. And Bill is walking behind. Fast forward. Can I fast forward? Puffy pants ski guy is a good name for an NPC. Just write that down.

Well, we get all the nice clothes and stuff and we put them on. And we look like travelling nobles? No, you look like people that have raided two guys' wardrobes and then split the clothes. You look insane. So we'll travel by night and stay off the main roads. If we travel by night, then we'll probably run into vampires. No, travel by night, sleep during the day,

vampires can't get us to sleep. Yes. Great. Travel what? Travel by night when we're awake, so if the vampire attacks are awake, sleep during the day, vampires can't get us to sleep. We're on vampire hours, baby.

Off the main roads because we are outlaws. Okay, so you're going to go off, which puts you in the more dangerous roads going through the forests and woods on the outskirts of the Sparledge Wood as you skirt around Barovia. Yeah, but if we go on the roads, you'll make something shit in the roads. So, like, be quiet. Alright, who's leading? Me.

Yeah, Phil, just. What? Ah, we're going here. You've actually had a bit more training as a ranger, obviously, in the last three years. Yeah, that's true. Are you still Robert or are you back to Bobby? I guess that only lasted a day, an hour. You're back to Bobby, yeah. Okay, back to Bobby.

Everybody's taking a rest. Yeah, I mean, I can go up front. Do you say the Spallage Woods? Yes, you're going to have to go past Barovia. Oh, okay, okay. When I said that Icewind Dale is north, it is the northernmost tip of the continent. It's the thing that's furthest away from you.

Most up. He really can't remember why we're going there. We are going because that is where the bodies and the vials are going. Oh, right, from the piss machine. From the piss machine. Yes, yes, the stone we pissed on, all the stuff from there that's going up north to Icewind Dale. We think something's coming back from there

or perhaps there's a building machine of sorts. Alright, so if we're going through the Svalich woods. No, you're not near like the town of Barovia or anything. The woods are huge.

I'm just saying you're in this part of the world. But I know the woods, right? You know the deep wood? Yeah, you've been in this area. This is the outer woods. Like you know what wood is The soup one

Oh my god Are there portals Can we just like Up there Are you willing to let We're going to temple Temple has portals Yes but to

Civilised places in the world Mostly the major cities What are you saying About Barovia Dave Wow Wow Dave Wow No no no

No no no We need to throw Dave Under the bus Preemptively Wow. Wow, Jay. Wow. No, no, no, no, no, no. We need to throw Dave under the bus preemptively. We've got to get ahead of this. So I didn't want to take that away. Robby and Twitter is going to drag you there. I didn't want to take this away from Filch. So, Filch, do you want to lead? In which case, make for me a survival check.

If you fail it, you die. Well, if Bobby knows where we're going, he can help. He can give you an advantage. I'll walk up front with Filge. All right. With advantage, Filge. Make a survival. Plus four.

How do you know what my survival is? I was just looking. So quick. I got a very good score. 23. 23. All right. Filge is making her way up, leading the way as you –

with Bobby a small way in front of the track from where the mule is in the in the back and as you are with bobby you suddenly put your hand on his shoulder and he looks up and you point filge and you can see just beyond the tree line what looks like four figures goblinoid small two of them with bows being spoken to. Goblinoid doesn't feel good. By. Didn't that feel weird in your mouth? No, Goblinoid is a.

Goblinoid. You're allowed to say. No, you're allowed to say Goblinoid. Cancel day. Please don't cancel me. Goblinoid Twitter is going to be wrapped here. We give David Wilkins. The.

Bye day. We give Dave a Wilkins. The... Bye, Dave. The dragon friends hugely regret our ongoing association with Dave. He's imagining the first episode without him. And that was the end. That was the end of it. Yes. Four goblin-esque figures. Two of them with bows, one of them with a short sword,

and one of them... Did you say short sword? Short sword. Go on, David. I am going to play some fucking Dungeons & Dragons before tonight. David, we did an entire episode that was all fighting. That was two weeks ago in the real world. Oh yeah, because we're in somebody's dream and time

moves differently. That's why you have those great jackets. I'm just fitting a top. Filch, you see them and they are obviously trying to set up what looks like a kind of ambush and they haven't noticed you yet,

that you've noticed them. I throw myself onto the ground quietly. I'll take the cue and hide. The cube? The cube. Yeah, the big cube. The big old cube. Yeah, the soup cube.

I still don't know what you're talking about. You'll take the cue? I'll take the cue. She's like throwing herself flat on the ground. Oh, the cube. On her shoulder. I thought you meant like QAnon, like the cube. Is that the most famous association with that letter of the alphabet? It is now, unfortunately.

All right, the two of you go down on the ground. How far behind them is Bastogne singing We Built This City on Rock and Roll? That's what they're paying attention to. You're about three minutes down the track. You're off the main roads. You're on a small track leading through the Svaldage woods. And so you both go down and you watch. I'm rolling the barrel like a Dwardian boy might roll a hoop.

It's much heavier, but it's good cardio. And where's Phil? Phil the mule? Phil the Mule Phil the Mule is with Beston I'm leading him Leading Phil Are they singing that song together? I'm trying to teach him the words

He's trying to teach him the words He has thus far not used any words We built this city Alright, rock and roll, okay You're coming on the next verse We built this city Alright, rock and roll, okay. You're coming on the next verse. We built this city. Okay, next time.

And the goblins, two of them get up on the trees. They've completely missed you, the two of you, now that you're hiding. And they're quite close, but they haven't spotted you on the ground because of the angle that they are as they get up onto trees. And Bastogne is coming nearer with the Edwardian boy and the obstinate mule. I am just going to hide in the trees. Make a stealth check. Yes.

And, Bobby, you can do one as well. 18. Stealth. That's a 15 plus 10. Super stealthy. Okay, great. 25. They don't see you and they take up positions and in...

So two of them in the trees? Two of them are in the trees and two of them are hiding behind those trees. And after a minute or two, Bastogne and the wagon and Friso come into view. I keep saying Friso, yeah. And Banknote come into view. keeps her thing in the freezer, yeah, and Banknote come into view, and as they do,

they, the, one of the figures, which you now see is a hobgoblin dressed in chain mail, comes out and blows on a little horn. Oh, excuse me there, young man. Might I,

I seem to have broken down here by the side of the road and I was wondering if you might be able to help me here. Well, you can help me by giving me all of your money. And at that point, there's a rustling in the leaves and the two figures with bows up in the trees, who you now realise are quite young for hobgoblins and their chainmail's a bit big and ill-fitting on them, try to sort of work out how to, with one hand,

hold the leaves and then point the crossbows and then they try again and the goblin's like... Just focus on what I just did, though. See how that was confident and clear and a little bit polite? It's just I can't... Because if I have the crossbow, then the branch comes back in my face. It doesn't matter.

It's not important. Just eyes on the prize. Remember that? Eyes on the prize. What are the three R's? Readiness. Respect. And relaxation.

Yeah. And who are you? I just thought it was an R word. Oh, we're playing quick draw? Okay, give me another category. Anyway, your money or your lives? While this is happening, Bobby's going to sneak around to one of the trees And try and stealthily get up behind

Yeah, make for me an athletics check Athletics? Athletics or stealth? You're trying to sneak, so you're going to need to make an athletics check And a stealth check Okay, so that's a 16 Can I make it? Athletics was 5

And stealth was 27. Okay, so you fall very stealthy. You can't get up onto the tree, but you are able to get behind the trees. So you can choose. Do you want to be behind the one that's got a short sword who's still hiding or the one with the horn? Because they're the ones on the ground level. You try to get up the trees, but you realize you can't find footfalls.

You're confident in it. I guess sword guy. All right, so you sneak up behind. What about you, Filch? I want to sneak up behind the horn guys on the ground. Make a stealth check. While you're saying that, he just says, oh, by the way, I do need to tell all of you

that we do have some trainees on this robbery. Eric and Steve, they'll just be observing. I'm Steve. Yeah, no, you don't talk. So are we all fine with that? Are we observing or are we using the bows? Well, you... So while they're talking, so I got 21.

Okay, so you're both now behind the two on the ground. Yep. Can I... Is that my action or can I do something else? No, any time you guys want, you can show yourselves and we'll probably go into combat. An important part of learning is failings. Steve, was it? I learning is failings. Steve,

was it? I'm Steve, yeah. Yeah, well, look, you just do what you think is best. And what was your name, leader of the goblins? I'm Frisco. Frisco, how interesting, yes. I'm... Are you Frisco? Was Frisco the... Frisco was the hobgoblins that ambushed... Yeah, I was thinking about

a dagger for the person we haven't seen in a while. Okay, so remember the big fat hobgoblins that ambushed. Yeah, I was thinking about a dagger for the person we have a team. Okay, so remember the big fat hobgoblin that ambushed you guys? I've decided he's fallen on hard times. When you were level two, like episode three of the first season. Was I the queen of the hobgoblins? Well, you were, and then in my head he created another faction. Yeah, there was a schism, and some of them went to follow you. Frisco, who was a very fat, successful bandit captain,

is now looking quite gaunt and he's training up. Has he got lots of flaps? Yeah, there's flaps. And he's training up a new group of hobgoblins. Because we are quite close, I suppose, still to Daggerford. I'm going to grab him and put my hand over his mouth. Okay, make an opposed dexterity check quickly for me. Or strength.

Whatever you want. We'll go strength for you. That's not 20. So you know what? You do it so silently. Breaks his jaw. You do it so silently that there is just a rustle in the leaves and he's disappeared and you've absconded behind the tree

with your hand over his mouth and none of the other hobgoblins have realised yet. Just put your fingers in his mouth a bit. No! And Steve's like... See if you can pull out single teeth. No, I'm not going through! Mr Frisco!

Mr Frisco! And that's the one that I'm behind. No, no, that's the one that Pilch has. And the one that you're behind... No, the guy's talking? Yes. Yes. I'm going to try and disarm him.

I'm going to knock his short sword out of his hand with the flat of my blade. Okay, make a quick attack, opposed by his dexterity. That's a 15 plus... Unarmed. No, it's with the short sword, so 8. 15 plus 8. All right, but you're not trying to be quiet. You're just trying to be quick.

Yeah, I'm just trying to be quick. All right, you knock. You cut at his sword belt, and before his sword is drawn, his sword belt falls down to the ground and he gives a little scream. And his pants fall down and he's wearing a heart box assurance. And it's his birthday! And he jumps out onto the road. And Bastogne says to Steve, it's not your fault.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. I know, man. I'm up in the tree. Yeah, just drop you up and just come down. But you were looking at him and you were saying, all right, Steve. I think you thought his name was Steve. No, I thought you were.

Look, he's obviously incapacitated. I'm worried about you, friend. You're up in that high tree. Must be scary up there for you, huh? Well, no, because Frisco's going to teach us how to Frisco. Yeah, well, he went home, didn't he? He went home? He pissed himself to death. What? I've heard. That's what I heard. De to Frisco. Yeah, well, he went home, didn't he? He went home?

He pissed himself to death. What? I've heard. That's what I heard. Deception check, deception check, deception check. Deception check. Yeah, 14 plus deception is, yeah, 16. Why would he leave us here?

I guess he just didn't care. That's why. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. I know, man. It's not. No, I know. Stop saying that. It's clearly not our fault It's not your fault I know man It's not No I know Stop saying that It's clearly not our fault

Come down and get a hug I know I know And then he comes down And he gives Yeah but the deception The deception check passed So the two of them

Sort of very slowly Come down What are you doing out here man We were just Well we were Just got off the rails So quickly We're gonna learn

How to be big tough Hobgoblins Like Frisco You don't want to do that You need to get yourself A trade This is a trade in a way What are you going to

Fall back on What if we hadn't Come past Well we could have Gotten somebody else And had a better time I reckon You don't know that

Well I don't really have Any other skills Put your hands Deep into the earth And see what fruits it can bring you. Alright. You mean now?

Sure, why not? Let's do it. He walks over to the road. It feels good, doesn't it? Let us pray. I've never said this before as a Dungeon Master, but can we move on because I don't want to do this encounter anymore. We send him on his many way.

Changed profoundly. We can check in on young Steve later, but he's walking home and he's thinking about what you're saying. What are you doing with Frisco? While they're disarming the three of them, Frisco is now alone by himself. I would like, so I...

Filch? Yes? Could I make a request? You can make a request, but it won't necessarily be granted. Okay. Previously, when we were in the bar

filled with vampires, I acquired something of a taste for blood. His eyes go bolt wide. It's sort of been a while since I've been able to do it. And it just seems you've got a body here, a person here, which is probably filled with blood. And I was wondering if I might be able to drain the Frisco

and then have the blood, please. And I whispered to Frisco, what do you think of that, buddy? And he's like, I know that voice. to Frisco, what do you think of that, buddy? And he's like, I know that voice. Wait a minute. What do you think of that, buddy? Is that the lady who turned all my hobgoblins into fuckgoblins?

Forcing me to go and do a short elocution class. That's Phil! Oh god! I would really Prefer to keep enough of my Blood to live That's fine with me I only need a couple of quarts

That's fine Does hobgoblin blood same effect Well let's think of it as something for experiment I think No no me not comfortable With this this is your own thing And you just gotta do it in your own time, if at all. It's fine.

I understand. Frisco. Phil. My old friend. Yeah. I've been thinking a lot about you in the past eight years. What in particular? Nice things.

Name one. Isn't she someone who I don't, who didn't ruin my life? That's just one such thing I was thinking recently. You look like you're doing all right, buddy. Yeah. You got some, you got Steven. Oh, they're gone. Yeah, they're gone.

Where'd they go? Listen, who you allied with. What? Who, where your alliances lie. With Frisco. Who else? I'm number one. Bigger picture.

What are you talking about? Vampires. What? Vampires. What? Vampires? What about them? You like them? I've never really given them any thought. Are there vampires?

How many? Yeah, there are vampires. Are you kidding me? What? Big, large amounts. Where? In the woods? Pretty much.

Oh, no. Listen, you've got to run home. You tell those hobgoblins that mummy's home. Oh, no. Listen, you've got to run home. You tell those hobgoblins that mummy's home. What? No. I don't want to tell them that. Tell them that. Can I not?

Can I do the blood thing instead? I don't know. I mean, yeah, you can choose. Back notes there, just sort of like picking his teeth with the new dagger he got. I'll tell them that mummy's home. Hey, what's this stuff about vampires? Yeah, real bad. Okay.

You tell all hobgoblins that they lay off dragon friends and we'll fight the vampires for you. Can we do anything to help? Yeah, you want to? Sure. Do you have a number? No. How can I reach you? A number of what?

Where are you all hanging out these days? It's just me and my three friends and they're gone. Where are the other hobgobbs? They went off. Went with you. What did you do with my hobgoblin? Oh, not sure. Old Filthy got a lot of balls in the air.

Hey. What? My brother, Cannon, did you, did you, you took my brother Gribbets. Name don't ring a bell. You know, I hate to bring this up again. I don't ring a bell, Gribbets. It's not too late for me to drain his blood and drink it if it's not too late. Well, me thought he was going to, you know, like, we could make an alliance and, you know,

Oh, no, no, we could make an alliance. It's just you and your brothers around. Hey, I'm very charismatic. I'll find some more people. Where have you come from? I mean, do you want to come along on an adventure with us? No, not really. Is that a possibility?

He's about the same size as Gribbets and very chest strappable. But he hasn't really had any training in any. Oh, yeah, I can do a backflip. Yeah. Are you a lawyer, perhaps? No, no, Grimms is always the brains of the operation. I was the brawn.

Yeah. Why'd you just look me up and down when you said yeah? And why'd you say it like yeah? Because me think you did not much brawn.

Oh. Yeah. I sort of thought that, but it's so much worse when you say it. Can't, well, I just feel weird about just giving,

like just, then we as bad as them. If we give him we as bad as the vampires. Then we just vampires, basically. Oh, okay. Guys, I'm going to go.

It looks like the moment's gone. Do you remember Phil? She's back. Yeah, I remember that. Do you remember Phil? She's back Yeah I remember that And do you remember any other You're on our side in the future And if I see any vampires And if you see any other hobgoblins

Tell them Mummy's back Yeah I'm gonna tell him that And then he just kind of Walks off Cause if I meet a hobgoblin He's walking away If I meet a hobgoblin

And he doesn't know Mummy's back I'm gonna make my my friend suck your blood. Yeah, got it. Swear to God, we're never doing a fucking random encounter again. All right, so a few days later. That went really well. Really well.

I thought there was like a secret meaning behind the hobgoblins. No, I rolled above a 15 and that meant you had to see something on the road. Oh, you could have made it a deer's day. A deadly, deadly deer. Now, the roads that wind up to Iceman Dale, the air gets thinner and thinner and it gets colder and colder and soon you find yourself at the foot

of... Do we go past a truck stop at all on the way there? Yeah, there are small trading outposts. Do you want to go to one before you go in? Just quickly. They sell white parkas? There's one called the Foot of the World which is just by in the footstep of the spine of the world. And it's the kind of place where people would stop to get their wagons fixed. Hey, welcome to the Foot of the World.

And in fact, that is Abram Quickness, who talks like that, and he runs the Foot of the World. You need ski gear? I get you guys. I tell you what, you're not fitted out for the snow. Just want to point out that we do know that there are people from Sweden and Denmark watching the stream. None anymore. That's Abram Quickness's off-sider, a man called Puffy Pants Ski Guy.

What is that supposed to be? It's the list for Sweden. Hi, it's me, Puffy Pants Ski Guy. And Abram Quickness. And they run the foot of the world haberdashery and trading outpost. I think that is what Sweden

is like. Definitely what we sound like. Yeah, have you ever met anybody? Like, ever? Anyway, what can Abram and Puffy Pants S Pants do for you? Can I have a fur? Yeah, no, this. Like the soup?

Candied elk soup. Yeah, we got candied. We got elk. We got wolf. We got the bear. We got the bear. We got the wolf. We got the elk.

What funny pencil? We got the bear. We got the wolf. We got the elk. We got the... What funny pencil? We got the... We got shoes. We got hats. We got gloves. We got... We got snow globes. You kind of feel that this entire building has just popped into existence

in the side of the road to fulfill one request by Hank. But they're all here now. Hey, you guys look like your friends. I think the way to go is to get all white matching jumpsuits. So when you go in the snow and you want to hide, all of the people go, where are they? Where did they go? I cannot see them. All I can see is snow.

And then you say, boom. Boom. We were here the whole time. Like an Inception movie. Boom! Oh, I've got a machine gun and I'm on skis. Look at me. You should get a Jeep, but without wheels,

tank tracks. Very cool. We do not sell this thing. Anyway. But that I imagined it It would be cool right Abram and Puffy As he affectionately Called Live together

With only their own Companionship In this outpost Serving the frontier Hardy frontier folk Could I please make use Of your garage Like to do a wee?

They have stables. They have a stable. I'll stay with your workbench. Sure. I'm going to tinker away. You have to buy something first. We're going to buy... You have to stay the night if you want to use the stables.

Because they have sort of yurts by the side of the outpost. Lovely. But good news is tonight is trivia night. Oh, oh, no. I'm really good at trivia. There's no one else staying there. We should enter. We should enter.

So, Dave, later on at trivia night. All wearing our matching white polka. Okay, what have you spent? Do you have money? I would like to buy. Yeah, we've got money. How much is it? You're very rich, aren't you?

We've got that much. Should we say, yeah, yeah. Excuse me. You're very rich. You were splashing out money at that school. No, no, no. What happened? My money went into a Bitcoin operation.

You know, behind him on the- I know this is Michael Hing not wanting to spend money because you covered up the thing that says how much money you have on your sheet. Yes. Which is banknote wouldn't have to do that. Oh, yes. Michael, buy some snowsuits for your friends. Oh, how much is this?

60 gold pieces. Oh, fuck yeah. I can afford that. Yeah. You want two? You want a white one and a grey one? Yeah, cool. All right.

Instead of a grey one, can I have. All right. You all have grey. Instead of a grey one, can I have snowshoes? You're going to get snowshoes. If it's 200 gold pieces, you can also give everyone snowshoes. I want snow leopard pants with a tail. Okay. Is that your persona? Abram and Puffy are beside themselves with the amount of sales that they're making.

This is so good. Wow, you guys look really cool. Yeah. They throw in a night accommodation in the yurts. Hell yeah. Could I buy this pen when I turn it upside down? No! And after trivia, it's time for the discotheque.

All right, so everybody can quickly take a sleep. They can get all of their hit points back. You've been traveling for a while. Not time for sleeping. Keep dancing. Okay. What did you want to do quickly? I want to play trivia for a good day.

Instead of going to the stables. Oh, no, no, no. We can come into both. Well, I mean, yeah. Pop quiz, hotshot. Okay. In world, yes. What is your Daggerford world trivia question you would ask me?

Question first. Who looks the best? You four. Bonus round. Who is the high sitting high lord, open lord of Waterdeep? You've been told this in the adventure, by the way. TikTok is my favorite app. Boo.

I believe Waterdeep is under the control of the Masked Lords. Yes, there's the Masked Lords. They haven't been in some time, so who knows? Ding, ding, ding. Ten points. Fine. It's fine. Final round.

Final round. I hope that we can win something that will let us spend more at the shop. Final round. Match these famous faces. The final round is the Jeopardy round, in which... Because we have done so little. In which the...

You know Jeopardy? Where you have to... Jeopardy. What's that? Jeopardy. Famous game show, Jeopardy. Jeopardy. Where you have to ask,

I will ask, say the answer answer and you will do the question. Very fun. Okay. I have been petrified by a big spiny monster. What is a gorgon? Oh, yes. Now that I think of it, there are many answers. So, yes. Ten points. Ding, it, there aren't many answers for this So yes, 10 points

Ding ding Okay I'm not discotheque So in the stables So banknote slips away Do I win anything? You win the mug Congratulations, you have a mug that says Abrams Haberdashery and Puffy's Frontier Outpost.

Try the candied elk. And that's written in like a serif font at the bottom. Okay. So in the workbench at the workbenches, Friso is going to. Bang, don't. I'm sorry. The reason we're doing it is because Frieza's in Beef Babes. And you sit there.

Three, two, one. So in the... There's no way that's being edited. Go on. You've got fucking Harry Radio on you. I'm so tired. Harry Radio.

So in the stables, Bagnote is going to take out Bushu D2 and try... Take him out? Yeah, and install him in the crab. Oh, God. Okay. And put the AI... You're trying to put Bushu D2's brain in the crab.

In the crab. Or are you doing Like a droid Like R2-D2 In the back of a spaceship No no no Fully in control This is interesting

Okay So you're going to Work on this It'll take you all night You won't get the benefit Of the sleep You will have exhaustion Or the benefit

Of the discotheque You will have exhaustion The next day And you will need To pass a DC-15 Intelligence check And even if you fail You'll still have the exhaustion But you won't destroy Bushu D2 It just won't work You happy with all that Exhaustion the next day, and you will need to pass a DC 15 intelligence check. And even if you fail, you'll still have the exhaustion, but you won't destroy Bushu D2.

It just won't work. You happy with all that? Yeah. Can I have proficiency? And if you fail, your pants fall down, and you're wearing boxers with hearts on it, and it's your birthday! Yes, 16 plus five.

So while you tinker away, muttering and laughter coming from the stables, the rest of you wind your way past a discotheque that none of you decide to partake of. Doesn't bother them at all. You get the sense they do this every night. Abram and Puffy change into their clubbing gear and the little disco ball descends and they're having a great time. As you quickly make your way to the yurt, thankful of the winter clothes that you have.

It is cold here in the north, colder than any of you have ever felt. Your time in space and beyond in the nine known worlds at the bottom of the earth have not prepared you for the bitter cold of Icewind Dale. But what surprises you more than that bitter chill, Bobby, is something that you see as you make your way into your yurt. It is seven simple lines scratched on a beam on the side of the building that you recognise, though not many would, because it is scratchling.

The secret ranger's cant, the scribblings of a group called the Nightclaws, the Scouts of the Vulcan, a group that you, a year ago, met in dark and deepest secrecy in the woods of Old Svalich, where a deal was made between Bobby Pancakes and those who would fight Strahd,

who have fought him longer than ever, the wolves that lurk therein. The scratchling note is simple, that this is a safe house, that these simple folk can be trusted. And that a night claw operative is available and operating in the area. You know the secret ways to contact them. Certain powders to be burnt in the windows. A window to be left open at night. Do you want to make contact? Yeah, dude.

Alright, so burning a simple tincture of sandalwood and sage leaving a candle in the window Bobby doesn't sleep as Filch and Bastogne make their way to deep Morpheus' rest. Bobby sits waiting to meet an old friend

from an old, old group called the Vulcan of Old Barothia. And we will find out what happens next episode of Dragon Friends! We were meant to meet that guy this episode. You were meant to meet him like 15 minutes in. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Greiner, and Michael Hing. Our Dungeon Master is Dave Harmon with NPC voices provided by Ben Jenkins and post accompaniments by Tom Cardy. Shakira Khan designs our website.

The podcast is edited, mixed, and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. And this week's episode was recorded live in front of a Twitch audience from Dave's studio in this age of isolation. Until next time. Oh, no, this is fine. I did erotic fan fiction about... It was for a comedy night where you went to write erotic fan fiction. I wrote one about a Disney movie. I think I wrote about Milan, maybe?

And it was like an erotic fan fiction thing, but mine was so horny that two people got up and walked out during it and I was like, oh, no, these people have left because they're so disgusted by my horrible filth. And then they very sheepishly came in about 12 minutes later, they walked back in, their clothes were all dishevelled. And the librarian afterwards, because it was in the top bit of a library, the librarian was like, those people went to the bathroom together.

So, yeah, my Mulan. And did such big poos that their clothes became dishevelled.