Dragon Friends - #6.15. He Loves To Drop Plot Points

Episode Date: September 10, 2020

Exploring the frigid heights of Icewind Dale, The Dragon Friends are forced to contend with a sinister operation, and a mysterious figure from Bobby's past. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you guys decided to come tonight, did you kind of make the calculation about having to tell a contact tracer where you were? Gladys Berejiklian comes to us. Let's get our story straight, alright? Yeah, just tell them it was a sex party, that's fine. If anyone asks, we were all fucking and sucking in here. And that's how we all got it. Where's Bastogne? He was training in the jungle, farming pancakes. He was running with the wolves. Where was Beelzebub? Learning to read from the talking dog, yeah. Where's Banknog? He runs his papa's company.

Dark Lord Strahd. He's a very naughty man. Fire him together. The life of hope we call the Dragon Dread. Of all the natural splendor to be found in Faerun, few sights can match the majesty of the spine of the world. A wall of frozen, jagged, virtually impassable mountains that separate the warmer southlands from the rigid wastes of ice wind dale.

It is a grand and terrible, beautiful and desolate place. And while the wind bites bitterly here, it is undeniably a sight to see before you die. Remember, if anyone asks, sex party. And die you may well might. Die you... And die you may well might. And die my boyle you may. The dragon friends have been brought here

by rumours of conspiracy most sinister. Your most evil of adversaries, the vampire Strahd, has been shipping vast tablets of enchanted Vader stone up here for a purpose you have yet to ascertain. These blocks were empowered literally by the blood and fear of villagers up and down the Sword Coast. I don't know if empowered is the word you're looking for there. It sounds like they were like,

you go, girl. You big monoliths. I realise we've been doing this podcast for a while now, but two or three years ago, I used the perfectly acceptable word ensorcelled in this situation, and you all mocked me for, I would say, about eight or nine days. So it's fucking empowered. Ensorcelled is normal.

Yeah. I'm in SawSaw right now. Why do you think in SawSaw that isn't a word, Dave? Does anybody want to switch seats? But you are not... Dave, you go girl. But you the dragon friends

are not necessarily alone at the foot of the spine. You have met Abram and Puffy Quickness, haberdashers and outpost owners in this hardy land they have offered you bed and board for the night and bobby pancakes while the others sleep you have spotted the telltale sign of an old friend from your time in the barovian wilds and you have left a message for that friend and deep in the witching hour Enter. Bobby.

Bobby? Do I recognise this voice, Dave? Why don't you make a little wisdom check? Wait, what? Oh, Jesus. Why don't you make a little wisdom check for me? That was a five. There's something very familiar about it. You can't quite place it. You're going to have to open the door.

I open the... Do you guys have doors? Oh, you're going to have to pull aside the lovely brocaded rug. Okay. Letting in all the cold. Yep. In Shaking Snow Off a Massive Cloak,

you see a figure that you will not need to roll to recognise because it is none other than Nikolai Landsten, who is somebody that you met only a few years ago, and what seems like a lifetime ago already, but someone that you have sweated and blooded and bonded with. This is one of your young pup, youngling partners in the initiations that you took into the Wolfen when you joined them a year ago.

Nikolai! Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. What's up? He's pulling a face like he's just eaten a bit of candy that he didn't realise was incredibly sour. Bobby, it is you. a bit of candy that he didn't realise was incredibly sour. Bobby! It is you!

It is my friend Bobby! Yeah, what's up, bro? How's it going? Oh, no, how are you? You look good. You look, um, changed. Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm just chilling, you know, just keeping it real.

Just, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is so good to see you in Icewinddale. Yeah, man. This shit is crazy. Yeah. Hey, listen. I, like, wanted to talk to another of the Wolfen about this. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I had, like, a vision.

So, um... You're doing great. You're doing great. You're doing great. You doing great You're doing great You go girl But Nikolai also wants to know why you are here before he starts

dropping plot points I just get ahead of myself I love to you know the one thing you know about Nikolai is he loves to

drop plot points That was the thing you always used to teaseai is he loves to drop plot points. That was the thing you always used to tease me about when we were little pups. Anyway, that's another plot point that I can't help but drop. Let me just tell you that, so to be clear, this is going to be a great one. Nikolai has, so Nikolai was initiated into a group of rangers in the Wulfen called the Nightclaw Rangers. The Wulfen are something that you, Bobby, have not explained yet to the rest of the dragon friends.

But they are a group of werewolves who date their lineage back to the time of Strahd's Rise. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago where they were formed out of hunting lodges. The Wulfen are protected. formed out of hunting lodges. The Wulfen are protected. They live as peaceful werewolves inside the old Svalich wood away from the rest of the civilised parts of Barovia and they are feared

and they are reviled and all unfairly. But they have dedicated themselves to the quiet and thankless task of trying to keep Strahd under control and they are protected and supported in that task through the Nightclaw Rangers that only the strongest of the Wolfen join.

You were inducted into that order, and you were inducted in at the same time as Nikki. So as I said, you have been blooded together. Dave, can you repeat that? You're not there. I know. What are you doing here? You saw a scratchling sign on the wall

that meant that there was a Wolfen here, a Nightclaw Rangeranger symbols that the rangers use you were not expecting to see him and he's not expecting to see you yeah dude i'm on a mission like this is my claw business what that's so cool yeah yeah so um you know basically we're following some leads. Basically, I mean, we want to cut off Stroud Supply, whatever. In Icewind Dale, like, do you know what's going on? Oh, my God. Like, a little bit, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm getting, like, shades of Villanelle from you. It's really messing with me. Anyway, let's get going. Oh, yeah. Well, can I tell them why I'm up here? Well, you know, like, you know how we all got those visions from the mistress when we got initiated? Yeah. Yeah, and like how we're not meant to really talk about them?

Yeah. Okay, well... What Nikki's referring to there is called a grey dream. Madame Draskov, the leader of the Wolfen, gives you a vision quest to perform. You have it on the night of your initiation. gives you a vision quest to perform. You have it on the night of your initiation. Okay, so, like, my dream, first of all,

my vision, which is not, like, germane to anything, was that I just, like, turned up to school and I was without any clothes at all and everybody saw. Yeah, I had one. The mind started. I was eating a sandwich and my teeth fell out. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah, so that was the first thing and then the second thing that I was told in my dream

was in Icewind Dale underneath everything there is something that will destroy the wolfen which is really bad and something that will be our salvation which is really good. So that's be our salvation which is really good. So that's like a real double-edged sword and I thought maybe it's a double-edged sword.

So I'm like here to find that. You know like how we're not supposed to talk about it but we're like bros so we're talking about it. Yeah, we're talking about it. The salvation. Is that bad?

No, it's fine. You sure? Yeah. I feel guilty. Yeah, I gotta get off my... You've already said yours. I need to say mine. Oh, it. The salvation? Is that bad? No, it's fine. You sure? Yeah. I feel guilty. Yeah, I gotta get off my... You've already said yours. I need to say mine. Oh, okay.

The salvation? Yeah. It's me. What? That's the prophecy, man. I'm gonna save the day. What are you talking about? I'm gonna save the day.

What day? I'm the one who's gonna, like, fix everything. I don't understand. Is this real, Dave? So, is that bullshit? No, so, fix everything. I don't understand. Is this real, Dave? Or is that bullshit? No, so Madam Draskov... Madam Draskov... Try to remember, Hing, that you're not here in this room.

No, I'm asking as someone watching this. I want to know if Simon has to make a deception check. No, that is correct. Madam Draskov granted Bobby Pancakes a grey dream. Whether or not he's telling the whole truth is... He's obviously not telling the whole truth. He's only alluding to it. But no deception checks are necessary.

Okay. That's so cool. That's still fucking metagaming, just so you know. What do you mean it's metagaming? That's just a game we're playing, Dave. We're just playing a regular game. Also, the metagame is a valid part of the game. So, like, you're, like, going to save everything,

and I get some dream where everybody laughs at my weenie? I mean, when my teeth fell out in my dream, they all turned into bees and stung me, so, like... Yeah, I guess it's just a roundabout, huh? But the thing is, I don't know exactly how. So, like, any information, I'm just, like, picking up info on the way. You don't need to, like, share everything with me, but, like, do you know why you think that?

Because sometimes wording is, like, ambiguous. It said, like... Someone will kill Strahd. Oh, well, that could be anyone. And they have... Heart of glass. Okay. And Bobby, like, opens his shirt and, like, shows his, like, big, like, crystal scar.

Oh, right there in your chest! Just to remind everyone that Bobby has this crystalline scar, and, in fact, you can see his heartbeat flashing. If you stare into the inky depths of this ruby scar that crosses his midsection you can see a heartbeat pulsing as light underneath it deep inside Bobby's

torso. His heart is made of light? It's made of crystal. When he was brought back to life. That's gotta be worth something. What's that gonna to fetch in your Dungeons and Dragons pawn shop, Dave? Remember, Bobby, you're not here for this conversation.

Priceless. Priceless. This was ancient old Carcassian magic that the witch planeswalker Lady Casilda used to bring him back the first time. Mistra was able to bring him back to life properly after, but he still literally bears the scars of that dark carcassian magic hey look um i don't want you to be like self-conscious at all but could you put your shirt back on why is this making you uncomfortable yeah because look at it no look at it I don't want to Look at it Okay

Is that enough time? No Okay Hey Eyes Down here Yep Six hours later

Okay So I think I've looked at it a lot And the sun is coming up And there is a knock On the door Hey but look Just before you answer that I think I found looked at it a lot. And the sun is coming up and there is a knock on the door. Hey, but look, just before you answer that,

I think I found some men who are digging under all the mountains and things. And maybe they're going to find the thing that will destroy and also save us. That sounds super relevant to what you're doing. Yeah, that's great. There's some people I need you to meet. Okay. Bobby flourishes at the door and the door opens as he indicates without looking at good morning bobby turns around with his shirt like completely open hands on hips

excuse me oh well you are excused everybody's having fun and i'm with it okay that's of course abram quickness who has a tray of knucklehead trout broth And some plates of hearty elk bread Nothing like trout and elk bread for breakfast You ever got this out of your system? Nope Okay, I'm done now Good to see you

But Puppy Quickness is coming in as well And he's got a similar tray He's like, oh I thought I was doing room 4 I'm doing odd numbers you're doing even. That's what I said, room four. Okay,

I misunderstood. The noise has woken up the rest of you and you can come out of your yurts if you want. Hubbub, hubbub, what is,

what's going on? I ordered, I believe I was ordered a tray of schrubruggen for breakfast this morning, and I have not received it yet.

Oh, very sorry, no schnuppnuppen, only trut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut-brut- and wink twice if you're having a stroke. I'm okay. Again, I'm just imagining our two listeners that we know are in Sweden and Denmark. Just imagining them right now listening to that. Just grimly going to their phones and pressing the unsubscribe button. Or just like 30 seconds forward, 30 seconds forward. It's like, once again, put the answer board, put the beat, the elk in the mood.

Of course, Lion Shield Bank Note. you have exhaustion, don't forget that. You didn't sleep last night, but your work has been a massive success, exceeding even your own expectations. Yes. At the end of the night, you have placed, you've collapsed down the apparatus back into its barrel. And of course, now, little Bushu D2 lives in it as well. Yes. But because you succeeded your role so well, you're also able to place in a quick-release lever,

which will eject Bushu D2 in the case of a catastrophic... No, no, no, no. The quick-release releases me. Okay, but that would mean that Bushu D2 will die. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But, importantly, there's a projection sheet that... I said that you had the mechanism. It's your choice how you use it.

Fine. It releases you. So, wait. You want to be able to drive it, but it's now powered by Bushu D2's brain. Yes. So, really, you're just going to shout at Bushu D2 to drive it. Is it like when you put an R2-D2 in an X-Wing? No, we said it wasn't like that. No, it's different to that because you can't really take it out, really.

Okay. It's controlling the whole thing. Okay. Yeah. Basically, you used to have to press levers and pull levers, but now you can just shout at Bushu D2. But it does mean that I can now have my own separate turns in combat to the crab.

You can be firing, hitting things with a sword out the side. I can be spellcasting in the turret as we walk around. But if Bushu D2 decides, for instance, to turn on you or in some way is charmed or otherwise, you will lose control of the thing. Yeah, you can't charm robots, Dave. Try again. Also, isn't Bushu D2's allegiance to Filch?

Yeah, I adopted Bushu Ditu. Yeah, but now I've given him some crab legs, so I think he's got to thank me somehow. We'll see. Filch, you, however, had a wonderful night and you are already tucking into some hearty elk bread. Yum, yum. Oh, you like it?

Oh, yeah. And I go... And I suck an antler out of my mouth and it's just like a snowy white bone. Wonderful. You also see that Bobby. I put it in my hair. Bobby is standing there with his shirt off next to a quite handsome,

very hairy, short man with a gigantic heavy fur coat. Bobby had a little midnight visitor, I see. Little short hairy handsome man. Good for you, man. Yep, I mean, we're also good together. We are good friends. We're bros, we're

friends, and guys... My friend, your shirt's still open. No need to pretend. Your hair tussled there, a twinkle in your eye. Oh, hey. Hello. Hello, I'm Nicky. Nicky.

Nice to, who am I talking to? Oh, depends who you're looking at. You know, it's a question I ask every time I open my mouth. Who am I talking to? And in this case, I fix my little papers on you. You are a little cutie. Me feel very cool. This bank note.

You know, there you met Bobby, obviously. Yeah, like, we're super old friends. We're super tight. So, like, he's my friend. And I know all about him. So, that's fine. If you want to roll with us, you've got to get a matching suit. Okay? This grey, it's going to put

off our colour scheme. You guys have, like, matching popper vests. It's because we're in a team. We're in a team. But we've got space for more, right? You want to be in our team? You've got to get the suit. Are you talking to yourself, Abram?

No, I'm talking... Oh, wait, no. This is Bastogne. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying like Abram is the one that sells the suits as well. But you can talk to my friend Abram here. Rip-a-thoo! 30 seconds, 30 seconds, 30 seconds,

30 seconds. And, alright, sure, and as long as, I suppose, Banknote is paying another extra

30 gold pieces, you can outfit your new friend in a kind of weird Nolan-esque jumpsuit. Bobby, is this guy cool? This guy is so cool.

I once saw him drink so much and he is... It was so much cat piss. Why'd you do it? It was bro stuff. Where did you get the cat piss from? Cats.

Did you buy it commercially, or did this character milk it from cats? You think you milk piss? Well, cats... How would you describe it? Collector maybe is the better term. Much better. Okay. Absolutely no way I'm going to let you do another episode of Shopping for White Ski Parkers.

So... I will buy you this white ski parka if you look me in the eye and tell me you're not going to betray us. Are you on our team? No, I'm not going to betray you. No, you didn't look me in the eye and tell me you're not going to betray us, are you on our team? No, I'm not going to betray you. No, you didn't look me in the eye. I'm not going to betray you.

All right, Dave, what's the check I need to do to see if he's going to fucking betray me? Make for me an inside check. Inside check. That is a 413. All right, now Nicky looks at you and he says, look, the truth is... I'm going to betray you

stab you right in the neck I don't work for you little man I work for a people much older and wiser than you I work for a leader much more profound than you and at the moment it seems you travel with

one of us that makes you okay but if you get in mine or Bobby's way I will not hesitate to rip your throat out with Which is actually quite an amazing power play to call him little man because he's definitely significantly shorter than you. Yeah, yeah, he's staring out. Yeah. He says that so quietly that nobody except Banknote can hear it and then he suddenly, the big smile flicks back on and the friendly handsome man is back on and the sort of

friendly handsome man is back. Hey, I'm back. So this is like some frat you two were in together or something? We don't really talk about it with not us. Oh yeah, so frat. Alpha gamma bing bong or something.

Hey, just one question. How does she know about Alpha gamma bing bong or something. Hey, just one question. How does she know about alpha gamma bing bong? I don't know. I literally don't know. That could be a lucky guess. Let's just say that this guy, although not literally my brother, is my brother. Then as you say that, Nicky looks at you and he pulls back the sleeve. He shucks back his cape and he pulls back the sleeve of his bodysuit underneath it

and he shows you. What, he's wearing a bodysuit and a cape? It's cold. It's cold. What's a bodysuit? Is that just what you call clothes? A body glove. Like a leotard.

I think Dave means a leotard. Like a leotard. You are all imagining this very wrong. I need to drag this back because you are imagining this very wrong. I think the fan art will speak for itself. A jazzercised leotard. Okay, and so he shucks it back and pulls back his sleeve and he shows you where it looks like about a year old

there is a deep gash as if he had been clawed in the arm and then he points at Bobby, and Bobby turns his arm around with his shirt off, and you can see the same claw. And then they do a kind of handshake that involves about 17 steps, ends with a chest bump, and then they both howl.

Yeah. Wow. Following that, Filch turns around and puts her back to them and pulls up her shirt, and is like, yeah, you think this, okay, this mark here? Like, me think it a bit funny, maybe growing, maybe a bit lumpy, me don't know whether to get checked out or not.

Is it just a rash? Is there any redness, Dave? What does it look like? It's puffy. It's puffy. Oh, there's a puffy redness on your back. That's weird. I'll do a rash check.

Which of these skills? You got a 14. That's a medicine check. Medicine of these skills... You got a 14. That's a medicine check. Medicine. 14 plus medicine is... Filge is allergic... 15. 15 in total.

Filge is allergic to these Nolan-esque jumpsuits. What? We gotta look. She slept in hers. It's actually a polymer... It's a poly blend. It's 15% artificial. And Filge is very allergic to it.

She needs natural fibers. All of these furs and their importing polyester fake fur? Yeah. This is madness. The quicknesses love a buck. Yeah. You could have just said she was allergic to elk bread. So what, am I very itchy?

Yeah, no, you're not yet. But you will get itchy as the adventure progresses. Oh, boy. All right. Aller boy. All right. Allergic. Good times. So if I'm like in this white jacket crew now, do you guys want to know what I've been looking at?

Definitely. Yeah, this rash. Now, what do you think? I cannot underline how much I do not know about your rash. No. I know next to nothing. Well, let me see. Oh, yeah, that looks like fungal, maybe.

No! All right. You want to see what I know? Yes! Yes. Follow me. Like, do a wee and eat, because it's like, what, like a couple of hours away.

Oh, yeah, today's high. Stay close, friends. This looks like the kind of guy who likes to drop in a plot point here or there. Okay, so we ready ourselves, pack up our stuff, and we follow Nikolai to the next plot point. While we're doing that, Dave, Banknote is going to sleep in the apparatus.

You can't sleep in the crab. Why not? What, you don't sleep in the car? You've't sleep in the crab. Why not? You don't sleep in the car? You've never slept in the car, Dave? The car is not a steampunk invention with six legs. Oh, you wouldn't sleep in the cart. No, no, in the crab.

The crab's going to clink clonk along. Remember, the crab only has enough power to last for about two hours and then it needs to recharge. Isn't this only an hour's walk? Yeah, but so you want to use it now? No, actually I said it was several hours. Oh, is it?

No, okay, fine. No, I'll wheel the thing and still be exhausted then. Okay, you're going to still be exhausted. Unfortunately, you are going to have to suffer the most minor of consequences for the thing that you chose to do. It's fucking bullshit. So, you all quickly pack up.

You're given some rations. Everybody has full hit points, except, of course, for Hing. Hey, just reminding you to, like, leave a nice review for us. On what? What's your preferred platform? Fantasy Yelp. Fantasy Yelp? Okay.

Or Blondor. I'm on Fantasy Yelp now. I'm seeing some of the previous reviews people have left here. Someone says that the toilets were very unclean. Another person says that your accents were indecipherable. Well, they're not really getting into the spirit of things. This person here just gave it one star and said, I'm Swedish, this is offensive.

That person is racist. Skip, skip, skip. 30 seconds, 30 seconds, 30 seconds. And you all make your way saying goodbye to Abram and Puffy Quickness, two true diamonds in the rough at the foot of the world. You will not see the likes of them again. Maybe you will. As you make your way up

the spine of the world. This is a hard trek and after a couple of hours you are forced to leave the cart aside. It will go no further. Your donkey, what was your donkey? Stubsy? The donkey will go no further. Stubsy.

So I'm going to take Stubsy off. You detach him from the So I'm going to take Stubbsy off. You detach him from the wagon, and he'll still function as a mule or whatever, independently of the wagon. That's the fucking weirdest way you could have said that. Well, you're like, well, he'll go no further. We're like, you'll fucking go further, mate. All right?

And I put all the shit on him. We're like, this is how it is. You're going to put the banknote apparatus on the donkey's back. Yeah, that'll work. Can I carry it? You're way too exhausted. You actually could never carry it. All four of you carried it together.

How much does it weigh? How much can banknote lift? I want you to name a number of kilos, and I'll tell you if I think banknote could lift that. Okay. This is so stupid. The problem here is that I need to say it in Imperial. Okay, say it in Imperial.

I'm bad at Imperial. Well, I mean, famously, six foot tall. I know, I know. I've not forgotten that. It weighs, I would say that it probably weighs about 1,200 pounds. That's half a tonne. What? Really?

Just a barrel? That's like 500 kilos. But first of all... What a strong donkey. It's a magical... Oh, a strongie. No, a strongie is just pulling the cart. So who's been pushing the barrel?

No, I mean... The barrel is... This is a physics thing. The barrel is in the cart which the donkey is pulling. But I can pull something in a cart much heavier than I can lift. What do you mean cart? What are you talking about? It's like, what do you mean no you can't?

You can. This is like one of the first inventions that people came up with. You know how, like, you know how, you know the difference between... What would be the point? Why would you have carts? Because you get someone else to do it for you. Could you just get someone else to lift it for you?

Don't complain. Do you understand the difference between pushing a car and lifting a car? I can't do either. I have a corollary to that question, Alex, which is do you believe that the cart and the wheel and the axle was invented by someone to trick someone else into carrying something for them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe I'm on the right side of this for once.

Maybe. What do you think? What do you think they invented first? The rock or the stick? What? In terms of like tools, rock or stick? That's a good question because where did the rock come from if not from the stick?

These are the big questions, aren't they, really? And back to the wheel. How are we going to get this dumb barrel up the mountain? questions, aren't they, really? And back to the wheel. How are we going to get this dumb barrel up the mountain? Nicky suggests that you hide it under foliage and he says, it will not take long. I have something I want to show you. We will come down

this mountain again. Okay. Yeah, leave it next to the foliage. Okay. I'm going to trigger the alarm system on it, Dave. So if anyone touches it, their dick gets zapped. What alarm system? The, Dave. So if anyone touches it, their dick gets zapped. What alarm system? The alarm system.

Of course. It's beep, beep. It goes beep, beep. Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Okay. If there's a lot of other barrels and you can't tell the difference, you just beep, beep, beep, and it goes off.

Your one's the one that dings. If you're too far away, you put the beep into your head and it gets, you know, it's more range. Beep, beep, beep. Covering the barrel in some beautiful local foliage you've decided to bring we've given you

two opportunities to pronounce that correctly four okay I know I'm wrong but you haven't told me what it is correct one two three foliage

foliage so I was wrong the second time you were wrong both times so why is there an A why is there a fucking A no it's not foliage

foliage foliage rhymes with no it doesn't rhymes with what foliage foliage They're a fucking A. No, it's not. Foliage. Foliage. Foliage. Rhymes with fill... No, it doesn't. Rhymes with what? Foliage. Foliage. Foliage.

Rhymes with oily fridge. Oily fridge. Oily fridge. Remember? No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Oily fridge. Foliage.

Foliage. Foliage. Underneath the trees. You put it... Stubs in the dog's... Holy ridge. Oh! No!

Holy ridge. No. Holy ridge? This is not the point of the podcast. Making your way up the mountain. You know what? You are going to have to deal with some fucking scouts, but there's no time for that, so you make good time.

You're rewarding them. And as you go, Nicky explains, and he says, there's something underneath the ground here. It is important. He looks at you, Bobby, as if to say, no more in front of these outsiders. And he says, there is something. It is important that we retrieve it. I have been sent to find it, but I did not know what it is,

and I think I have possibly found it. But you need to see with your own eyes what is happening here and as he says that you crest for the first time the ridge at the top of the low mountain at the foot of the spine of the

world that you are currently cresting. You mean the coccyx of the world? And Yeah, yeah I I think so. That'll work. Clap that. You don't, don't, don't pity clap it. You can't just make them clap things.

You don't have to do that. Also don't tell the audience to clap that. Clap that. Clap that. Like a slightly more aggressive Jeb Bush. Please clap. No, it's fine. Like a slightly more aggressive Jeb Bush. Please clap. No, it's fine.

Are we talking like Everest base camp? Like what's the altitude we're talking here? The spine of the world is a mountain range. This is one of the lower mountains, one that you could climb in a day. But he's just trying to get a bit of vantage so you can look down into the basin of Icewind Dale. And the sun is still high enough even though it is thin and feeble here that you can see out and one of the first things that you notice is big belching smoke coming from different points around the basin of the dale

and you can see even though the sun is still in the sky you you can see sort of waning, flickering lights that are obviously massive bonfires or some kind of factories or braziers burning out in the plains, surrounded by tents and little... You just nodded at... Did you nod at me? Why did you nod at Ben?

That completely threw me. It's pronounced braziers. It's pronounced braziers, but it's fine. I actually, I said, when you said braziers, I mouthed to the audience, leave it, I mouthed, it's fine, leave it. In retrospect, Dave, what I showed you is nothing, because now we're just on a whole

thing about it, and you feel self conscious, and you've lost your flow. Dave, is it, so does it look like these are like civilised settlements or more like camps? No, this looks like a giant military dig site or a frontier camp that has sprung up quickly. And it is a massive engine of industry and otherwise a frontier land. There is perimeter of fence work that you can see patrols have been sprung up. Are they looking for dinosaurs?

Rows of tents in barrack formation, yeah. Is there... I'm going to do a... What do you call it? A looking check? Perception? Yes, perception. It hasn't been that long.

With exhaustion, you have to do this with disadvantage. Get less tired, dummy. Okay. I'm trying to perceive if this is avalanche prone And I got a seven Then you would have to make a small experiment to find out You're at the top of a mountain, they're below, I can't tell you more than that Are there other mountains around the side that I could trigger an explosion at

That wouldn't affect our mountain but would potentially crumble the people below It's a basic I can't tell you that for your role, you couldn't work that out i can't see if there are other mountains you are so exhausted you can't think straight it is like you tried to read some quite well written and well structured dnd notes had five coffees went to a separate cafe and still couldn't work it out your brain is just like beautiful minding all over the place you're seeing symbols weird words more coffees, your infant son.

It's like a mess up in there. Okay, great. So I've got some... Great, so I'm a real fucking moron, I understand. I'm a piece of shit, and I should apologise to my friends, obviously. But just off into the darkness then, Dave, at the altitude from where we are,

just across the mountain range, I'm just going to fire an eldritch blast with my spear that has a 300 foot range, just to see if I can trigger an avalanche on the other side of the ridge. Just to see. Just before you, just before you, just before you make, you have

taken considerable pains to sneak up to the secret vantage point with this ranger scout. I was going to say, yeah, the best case scenario, Michael, of what you've just tried to do is that you bury a plot point that has been coming for four episodes in snow. But can I also add to that that you wish to, because you don't want to use any of your precious spell slot resources, you believe you can trigger it with a level zero cantrip spell. The other thing I just realised is that momentarily

I thought I was playing Friso. And the banknote doesn't have that spell. So I pass my turn. I'd like to apologise to everyone at the table. What does he do? What does that look like to the rest of us? Like a Hadouken? Banknote sits there muttering under his breath as he looks

and starts scratching geometric shapes in a little notepad before looking out at everybody. His eyes are bloodshot, huge circles under his eyes. He was up building his apparatus all night before he suddenly stands up and Nikki goes, what are you doing? Get down. And he very proudly points out a finger,

makes a little gun and goes, and then suddenly hears Nicky say, what are you doing? But like 12 seconds too late and then tries to jump down into the snow, misses it and lands on the fire, some squeals, jumps to the side, sparks fly and then rolls to put himself out.

What a ride. Wow. Hey Bobby, your friends seem really cool. Hey, Nikolai, what's the deal with this whole stuff going on? Does it seem regular to you? Hey, you don't talk to him. I talk to him. Oh, okay.

Oh, possessive. No, it's just that we just like share a language. Yeah, we're buds. You got a problem with that? No problem at all. Not like I have any best friend here or anything. No feeling jealous. Oh, that's good.

Okay. So look at this dick site. What do you see? Should I roll with this? Can we answer this question or is this like just a U2 thing again? No, it's like a Billy Joel thing. God damn it. What did you roll, Bobby?

That's a 24. Okay, so Bobby, you look down and you can see beyond everything that I said, perimeters, watchtowers. It seems like some of the watchtowers have big... I'm so scared to pronounce anything now ballistas in them um spear throwers and uh you can also see as i said these these furnaces that they've built and in the center of this engine of industry they are digging a big uh

these these huge towers with kind of strange and imposing architecture, literally out of the snow. They're digging them and raising them up. And it's semicircles around them you can now see as your eyes adjust to the height and to the altitude and to the thin air, you notice blocks of tablets of Vader stone that are being placed around the perimeters. And now as you look at them, you suddenly feel as if all the way up the

mountain you've heard what you thought was rushing in your ears is actually a strange hum and it feels now that you notice it like it's getting louder and louder and louder. You spot that? You spot that noise? There's like some like powerful energy up here.

This is big magic. Let me ask you, have you seen a single animal in the past hour? Other than us. The mule? Yeah. The donkey? He's like only very stubborn animals

can pass through. Yeah, I guess I haven't even heard a bird. No. It's completely deserted. And look at those buildings. I thought they were building them, but they're raising them. That means the same thing. I wasn't talking to you.

Those buildings, Nikki says, those buildings used to be here a long time ago, before this was snow, when this was beautiful arable land. used to be here a long time ago before this was snow, when this was beautiful arable land. Those buildings belong to the first and cruelest of the empires of man, the old

Netheril Empire. It was buried under the snow for the crimes of the Netherese and they are digging them up again. Shit. Yes, that's what I said. I said shit. And who are they?

Well, actually, the only person who would probably know about this is our academic friend. So banknote, exhausted as you are with, unfortunately, again, disadvantage. Do you want to roll for me? A quick intelligence check. History check? Mm-hmm. 18. Oh, really?

With a disadvantage? Hell yeah. Look at it. 12 plus 6, 18. Checking. All right. 18. Oh, really? With a disadvantage? Hell yeah. Look at it. 12 plus 6, 18. Checking. All right. So the nephiris.

Oh, my God. Made up word you can pronounce how you like. We're not going to do any more pronunciation jokes on you anymore. We've reached our quota, so go nuts. For this episode. I don't want to become a mostly pronunciation joke podcast. I don't want to be in that category of podcast. I swore a vow that we would never become that. Yeah.

I listened to Lexicon Valley once and I will never listen to it again. Okay, so the kingdom of Old Netheril was a kingdom of mages, the first and cruelest empire of man. They were slave keepers. They were genocidal. They believed in the superiority of wizards, essentially. They built huge cities in the sky hundreds and hundreds of years ago in Faerun, and they dominated this world and they planned to dominate other worlds

until a huge alliance crushed them. It's said that the gods were involved and their cities fell from the sky and were buried under what is now called Icewind Dale. Not only that, so Netherese magic, Netherese artifacts are some of the rarest and oldest and most powerful in the world. And one reason for that is that they had access to one of the rarest and most magical resources in Faerun, which is... Dragon Cups. Does anybody else want to guess one? It was going to be one of those two.

It's Shardalyn, or Spellstone. And it is stronger than Mithril. It is shinier than silver. It is taller than a man. So that stone that Phil pissed on, was that the same stone? It may well have been, Dave. Vader Stone is made of an alloy,

but it's like the only way that Spellstone still exists in the world anymore. Spellstone is so mythical and ancient, and it was lost when Netheril fell. There is very little pure Spellstone left in these parts. You only find it hidden amongst whatever he said. Vader Stone. I have one more thing that I want to show you, Bobby. Yeah, so I thought this was a mining site.

Like I say, it's not. Look at this stone. Right, got a lot of things wrong, didn't you? Nicky walks here. I'm sorry, are we going to have a problem? Do we have a problem here? Oh, yeah, we got a problem. Me getting bored.

Hey, Phil, you know what? Be cool. This guy was here for me when I needed him most. Oh, oh my gosh. Oh yeah, it would be so bad if someone had left their friends and didn't have any friends. Because they left their friends. Glad you got a new friend.

You're being a real baby right now. Yeah. Exactly. I really enjoy remembering the visuals of this, that Bobby is like a halfling and Phil just eight or nine feet tall. I kick snow in his face. And I plonk down in a flurry. A McFlurry?

Okay, so anybody who doesn't want to be a huge baby about things, come see this other thing I found. And he walks you over to another side of the cliff face where he has placed and left up here a sort of easel with a telescope on it. Okay, but pop your eyes on that. I do. With just one of your eyes.

Not both. Okay, I know how these work. Okay, cool. What do you see, Bobby? What do you see? Hidden in the cleft of a nearby mountain, you can see a much smaller cleft of a nearby mountain, you can see a much smaller camp,

just a single watchtower, where it looks like fewer guards, and definitely a mine cut into the cleft of the mountain. At first I thought this was another site where they were raising things. Yes, I got another thing wrong. This is a mine. And look what they're mining. And he points out, and even as you see now,

you can see another miner walking out of the mine with a huge, pulling a huge cart filled with what looks like gravel and ore. And as he pulls it out, he calls over in a language you don't recognise, and more of the miners come over and have a look as one of them starts digging inside the ore and holds something up and it flashes a brilliant purple spark

as it catches the light that you can see even from where you are. Can I just say that the guy, they can't hear this in the language, but the guy who's pulling the cart, one of the first things he says is, I could never carry this myself. No chance at all. Thank God for the axle. And Nikki says,

that purple flash from this distance can be only one thing. Pure spell stone. They found a deposit of shavelin. So there's... And the fire, is there smelting this? They're digging it up, yeah.

So it was used to make the most powerful of magical weapons and items. So this is quite rare and strange. And Nikki says, Madame Draskov's vision, she said something under the ground would be our salvation. Do you think this could be it? A weapon crafted of this ore?

Of spellstone, yeah. A spellstone could be the thing that gets rid of that vampire guy that we hate so much. Strahd. Did you forget Strahd's name just now? But doesn't it look like those people have the big empowered blocks? Like, Strahd's people are already down there. They've made a big semicircle of Strahd blocks. But Vaderstone is much weaker, and the circle of stone that they're building around these ziggurats is not complete.

There are gaps all the way through it, just so you... As well, they're still constructing whatever they're building here. This is a work site on the go. It's a real fixer-upper. So we're going to go down to the mine, look around, probably collapse it, or turn it into a natty kind of bungalow underground adventure escape room but we'll be escaping. Are you okay?

Look, I know they don't seem like much but like... Yeah, man. I've got to be honest with you. They really don't. Look, come crunch time. Are these the same guys you were telling me about? Were you maybe like exaggerating a little bit? These are the guys that vanquished Stra bit? These are the guys that vanquished Strahd? These are the guys

that went to space with you? Well, not that guy. Hello! I don't really have a strong view on him other than he seems very tired. I mean, yeah. Look, they're cool. I'm a rich character.

I'm not just tired. I have a many-faceted personality. Hey, look, man, I'm going to be honest with you. If you want to split from these guys, just say the word. We've got a thing going on. You know, we do adventures and we have, like, you know, social events as well. We'd love to see you again. I'm on a mission

And these guys are part of it So like Okay I appreciate that We were just talking about guy stuff You know And high at the top Of the lowest part

Of the tallest mountains It seems that the heroes That may yet fight Strahd Are at something of a crossroads Literally One giant's Dig site below them A smaller mine to the left, a giant, confusing, very heavy barrel several yards down the road,

and adventure just within their grasp if they can find the resources, if they can find the magic items they speak, if they can find the impossible magics that may still provide a means to stop one of the oldest threats that Faerun has ever known. Now entangled with one of the most ancient and despicable empires of man, such is the times that call for true heroes. And when those times call true heroes, do come a knocking, and surely they will, as the adventures continue. Of these, our greatest adventures yet, those wonderful heroes, the times and the fates called the Dark Claw Rangers and their friends,

those weird dragon friends. Thank you. The dragon friends are Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Griner and Michael Hinn. Our dungeon master is Dave Harmon with NPC voices provided by Ben Jenkins and live accompaniments by Tom Cotty

Shakira Khan designs our website the podcast is edited mixed and mastered by me Hugh Guest and this week's episode

was recorded live at the Vanguard in Sydney until next time where's Bastogne he was training in the jungle bobbing pancakes

he was running with the wolves where was Beale learning to read from the talking dog yeah He was training in the jungle. He was running with the wolves. Learning to read from the talking dog, yeah. Way back when, he runs his papa's company. He's a very naughty man. The life of hope we call the dragon friend. Did you know that the new guidelines released in Queensland today is you're not allowed to dance at a wedding,

but you are allowed to fucking suck at a sex party. That is actually true. It's true. It's funny as well because the Queensland government, off the back of that, had to release guidelines on how to hold a COVID-safe sex party. Did they really? Yeah, so if you go to the Queensland Health's website, there's a PDF, a 14-page PDF,

on how to hold a COVID-safe sex party, and they do recommend using plexiglass where possible. And I don't know if you've put the math together like I have, but, ladies and gentlemen, that's a fucking COVID-safe glory hole is what that is. Hell yeah, baby.