Dragon Friends - #7.04. Start on a Lizard

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

With their first escort in flames and their second revolutionary, The Dragon Friends are forced into a choice of allies. The splendours of High Netherill or the righteousness of the Free Folk. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. If I'm listening to this podcast now, and both this bit and the lizard bit isn't in there... You're going to look like a maniac? No, I'm going to come to Hugh's house. And I'm going to say, I respect your autonomy as an editor

warning engines failing engines failing, engines failing. There is a hiss and a pneumatic snap as what feeble pressure still remains on the rapture comes undone as the ship glides gracelessly down to the scraggly rocks at the feet of the perilous mountains that were momentarily you were soaring just above. To say that the ship lands is to be rude to whoever was presumably piloting it, for it is more of a rolling crash.

The ship turns three quarters of the way upside down, and a wing comes undone before it comes to a grinding halt at the foot of a large rock. There is a hissing sound, the blast of flashpots being activated as a bulkhead flies out to the desert, startling the local fauna, who, as a small lizard perhaps, scurrying on the sand below, might see the figures of three men, followed by a half-orc, another man, a halfling, and a groggy, but somehow pleased with himself, high elf elf as they make their landing on the dust in front of the Balinok mountain range. You're saying a lizard sees this? Yeah, cinematically I'm imagining that we started on a lizard

and we tracked up. Oh, that's nice. Start on a lizard, rule number one. Revealing the figures of Ja, La Rune and Rimjob. Ja nods at La Rune who passes a small silver sphere to Rimjob who clicks it three times and throws it up into the air where improbably it stays suspended, spins around and then segments apart, opening, revealing a blinding light

in front of it that seems to float around for miles, a beacon of sorts. So cool when it does that. You ever seen something do that? Not that I remember. Wait. Yes. Ah.

Well, that doesn't take anything away from how cool I think that is. Maybe a little bit. Maybe a tiny bit. If I'm honest with you, Baston, I like you. You've got a... I don't remember you. Are you the brother of the Laroon? This is Lord

Ja. Oh, you're Ja Rule. Ja Rule, Laroon. Ja Rule Job, if you... Oh, sorry. He is so much more than a job. A job is a tawdry, dirty thing. This is something more.

This is the man who... All right, let's just put a bit of a fucking pipe in it for now. We don't really need to get into who's who at the zoo. You know what I'm saying? Nevertheless, despite the best efforts of Maisel LaRune, we have crashed, I would say, 30 minutes by dog sled. Yeah. They will come for us soon,

but it looks like we will be here in the interim. Yeah. Well, anyone for Boggle? And he takes out a little travel set of Boggle. It's beautiful. It's carved out of a beautiful ivory. Ooh, no. No, because in this... I wish you wouldn't use that, sir.

No, elephants in this world are really racist. So it's okay. So that elephant was racist, so you killed it and turned it into a boggle set to teach it and presumably other elephants a lesson. Yeah, eat shit, Baba, you're boggled now. Anyway. Dave, Baston wants to look around at the lay of the land

because not 1,000 years in the future they walked this way north, right? So I'm going to look at the geography and be like... Oh, trying to work out where you are? Yeah, where they are. Okay, so Baston decides to get his bearings, and a cynical person might notice that the way he does that is he walks up onto a flat rock, turns around with the wind in his hair,

turns, gives a half smile as the light glows behind him, but in the same time make a survival check. Hmm, what can this old nose smell? You have other senses. Four. Wait, wait. You are in the scraggly desert. Minus one. You're in...

But the profile of your face as you turn perfectly matches the jagged mountains behind you. Oh, that's really cool. And it's breathtaking. And Bastogne says, I have no idea what I am. While everybody is waiting and is lost in thought, Rimjob walks over towards Dilj. Just when you named the character.

Jarek Rim. Jarek Rim. Jarek. Did you just assume he would jump there straight away and you just it's like an easy Do you know what I did and this is very

inside baseball but I wrote the name Jarek Grimm and then I looked at it and then I went oh that's a bit on the nose and then I went Why?

Backspace and then I went fantasy. Who's Jarek Grimm? It just was like too tough a name for a tough guy. Okay.

Do you think that if I'd called him Gerard Grimm, you would all agree that it was cool and nobody would have made fun of me? I don't think we would have been doing this Grimm job, Gia. I think we would have got to Grimm job and then we would have gone, all right, that's fine. I think also, weirdly, we would have not done the lizard thing either.

The rules of time travel are crazy This would have been going exactly as you dreamed Rimjob, for that is his name walks up to Filge while everybody's sort of standing around and Bastogne is looking beautiful on the clifftop and he goes I have to hand it to you You're obviously the warrior of this lot but what I wouldn't have given on the cliff top, and he goes, I have to hand it to you.

You're obviously the warrior of this lot, but what I wouldn't have given to be the one to make Chiron's brain fly. And he flips off a little salute. Oh, I flip you off too. Oh, well, where I come from. From warrior to warrior. It's interesting because where I come from, that's actually quite rude. No. Here it's the ultimate sign of strength. from, that's actually quite rude. No. Here it's the ultimate sign of strength.

Oh, me so sorry that me did that. No, it was right. You were right to do it. Oh, but it was yours. I'd seen the way you were poking and prodding at that brain and you really wanted to do it. I took that away from you. But you know what?

Me see brain in a jar, me want to kick it. You see my boss over there? He's a wise man. Ja Rule? Yes, Ja Rule. He's patching up some of his wounds from the thing and he's putting a band-aid here. He's fought long and hard.

Actually, he is quite hurt. That's a flesh wound But look at him They all are But yeah yeah He's got like Crossbow Arrows and stuff

He doesn't seem to care It's just a bandaid That's Nellie It's Nellie It's Nellie So yeah He's a great man A wise man

I fought with him long ago Now I love him like a brother But he doesn't trust easily. We needed a bold move from you to know that we can trust you. But anyone that would kill Skymaster Chiron is an ally of the Freeborn. And he tries to shake your hand, but notices you're still flipping him off. And he just slaps you on the arm uncomfortably instead. So Freeborn, huh? Yeah, that's right. Those who were born and will one day again be free Despite what the netheries and his spits might think about it

What? Yes? We're kind of having private conversation over here, Chief Sorry, sorry No, right you are Yeah Bill, just calling someone Chief is such a flex No, right you are

Sorry I just wanted to chat with my numero two-mo Yeah. Bill calling someone chief is such a flex. Now, right you up. Sorry. I just wanted to chat with my numero two-mo. I'm sorry. I've got to go. But all I want to say is we should trade battle stories sometime. I am intimidated and respect you. And he sort of flips you off, feels unsure about it, and sort of scurries away behind um

hey that seemed kind of rude man just flipping her off like that no no no no it's a thing that they do okay hey what's their deal what's their deal i just need to know what's their deal you saw they killed sky master chiron they must have been his prisoners. Yeah, alright. Will you ask them? Hey guys! Yo. Yep. Yep. Hello. I think we've done all the thank you for kicking the brain out of the plane stuff so I can sort of move on. Brain out of the plane,

that's pretty fun. Brain, brain out of the plane. Alright, well, you know. I'm sort of used to when I do things people chat, so that's on me. Hey, would it have killed you? I'm sorry, I don't know.

I was thinking about, what I was doing was I was thinking about the flipping off before. And now I'm worried. Look. We've got some transports to come pick us up, but before they do I think we should probably work out why you're on that plane. We wanted to come to see you, the free folk. Why? Because we are from 1000 years in the future.

Future, future, future, future, future, future, future, future, future, future, future, future. Is Jarek chanting? Yeah, absolutely. He got swept up. I think he actually quite likes Filge. Yeah. Right. We're from a thousand years in the future.

Do they need to roll for this at all? This is quite a bold claim. If you want to see if they believe you, then yeah, why don't you, with advantage, because you're all doing it together, make for me a persuasion check. Hell yeah. Imagine eight rolls of the dice.

No, no, no. Friso was doing it. 24. 24 does it, yeah. Yeah, we're from the future. A thousand years. What are you doing in Nethra? That was a perception rule, so you're not lying, right? You're telling the truth? Yeah.

A thousand years in the future, and the thing that we're doing here is we're investigating the fall of the Nethere's Empire, who I think are your enemies? So, you're saying that a thousand years in the future, Nethereus Empire's fallen? And other crazy shit as well.

Well, fucking no. That is, like, honestly? Honestly, man? Did you hear that? That's... That's the best news. That's honestly the best I think I've ever heard. Dude, dude.

Yeah? Wait till you find out about Pog. About what? Okay, so... Separate... Yeah? out about pog about what okay so separate yeah to okay wait do you guys have Tarzos here we don't oh god this is gonna be hard to explain all right okay glow caps do you have glow caps we don't okay what does this have to do with the sworn enemy of my life I'm just telling you about how things are different a thousand years in the future.

I didn't ask that. Well, I mean... He didn't ask that. Well, I was... Do you know about Tokyo? What are you talking about? Okay, fine. Ask a question, I'll answer it then.

Fuck. How does it have to do with Empire 4? We don't know. That's why we're here. Oh, no, we do know, actually. Filch has a good history, right? Yes. Yeah, Filch, me think back to class and me remember

I don't have good history. I've got minus one history. But me remember anyway. We will see. Nine? Nine facts. No, so again, this is the second day that you've tried to recall your history lessons and you still remember what most people know which is that the netherese known as the terrible and cruel

netherese empire was destroyed 1 000 years ago the cities fell from the sky their wondrous relics and libraries lost to all time and the evil that they had perpetrated that would that dare not speak its name was buried forever that is what you all know that dare not speak its name, was buried forever. That is what you all know. That is what the bards tell. We don't know why. Any of those songs, any of those stories and songs, nothing about the Freeborn Uprising. Think about things that would maybe rhyme with that.

Freeborn Uprising? Peacock. Oh, Nethro, they're not around. Oh, Nethro, boop, boop, bo Nethro, beep, beep, beep, beep, sound. Nah, it's just a bit hazy. God. Damn it, we wish we knew. I'm going to go back to the ship. What?

Sorry, I thought we were just saying what we were doing. I'm just going to go back to the ship quickly. I'm going to stay standing here. Oh, can I take my book? Yes, you can. So wait, so very quickly. Bastogne is going to stay on the rock. Friso, you're going to go back into the ship, which is...

Just mid-conversation. That was a psycho thing to say. I just needed to go back. I realised I forgot something. Have you ever had a conversation with Hing where he's just like, I'm going to go back? All the time. Yeah, you spend time around me.

It's actually kind of nice. But when Hing is done with you, he just goes, all right, see ya, and just walks off. Sometimes he just gets out his Nintendo Switch and that's it. That's fine. I've actually had Friso. I've seen Hing do this sometimes where he does that thing. He's like, anyway, my Uber's here.

And you're like, what? When did you call an Uber? And then he just walks out. Yeah, Friso's going back to the ship. All right, so it's burning. Friso walks back into a burning ship. And what are you doing in the ship? I'm going to grab the glaive.

Oh, interesting. Okay, you walk back to the ship, and you can see, lilting on its side, the throne, which is ruined beyond repair, but plugged into the side of it, you can now see there was a simple release clasp that you'd missed, is a spear.

You can write on your character sheet, Claw of Chiron, if you want. It's a plus three keen smoking spear. Excuse me? It's keen, which means that it has a critical threat range of like 19 to 20. It's smoking, which means it can cast a fog cloud once a day.

You can make smoke come out of it to obscure you. And you can see it gives you dark vision that also works through the smog. The Claw of Chiron. Very cool. I need dark vision because I'm human now. Yeah, yeah. So you have the Claw of Chiron. Oh, I love this! Bobby, how do we feel about these three folk? As you say that, you look that Bobby is

actually pouring through an old book. How is it going reading while I'm still talking to you? It is hard to read and talk. You do them both at the same time? What did you just find out? What did I just find out, Dave? Sorry, I don't know.

You said you wanted to. What did you want to do? I wanted to look in the book. The terrible lamentable history of the House of Strahd? Yeah, if there's anything about the fall of the Nethereus Empire. Just go to the back. There's an index. There's not.

Now, we've always famous this. And sometimes in an index, you can find there's all the things that are in the book. It's crazy. That's crazy. I've just been going by the contents. Nah, man. There's a different kind of contents. So the book is a genealogy of the Zarevich family, who are an ancient family

that traced their time well beyond the Netherese, like way back into prehistory. They were part of the Tyrants, which is the sort of oligarchs that came before all of this time. It's very much based on the family history. There's not a lot of geopolitic around it. The context?

No, it's like if you read a book about a family history, there is a talk of the age, the end of the age of wonder. The time that came after, which is the advent of the age of ruin. And there is a little bit of detail about that.

Other than that, you're going to need to make for me a wisdom roll. Wait a minute. It's got to be chronological, so just go to this year. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together

and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. That's a 13. A 13, yeah. A 13 is not enough to get any more than that.

Can I turn it to this year? The year that we're in? Year four, I think it is. Or was it year one? No, it is year 493. 493? Page one. So 493.

So we'll know which strata is around here. It's 493. The current patriarch of the strata is around here. It's 493. The current patriarch of the family was Paternias von Zarovich, who was a last... Sorry. Was the father's name Paternias? Yeah. It's a good fantasy name for a father.

Now you cut him some slack, okay? I'm sorry. I did have the lamp people last week. It's fine. Yeah, you shut the fuck up. Petrnios Vanzarevic. And it talks about how he fought against, like many did, that he fought against the Netherees,

that their family's wealth was taken away from him, and all it says in the book was that he was captured by the art and flight and made to pay the ultimate price. Oh, that can't be good. That sounds like too much to pay. Do you know a dude named Peternius von Zarovich? Who are you talking to? To, um, Ja Rule.

talking to? To, um, Ja Rule. He lunges at you and grabs you by the collar and says, how the fuck do you know that name? We are from the future. This is my magic future book that tells me everything about the Von Zaroviches from time immemorial

to a thousand years into the future. Can I tackle him to the ground? No, you can't. I can't! You do that and you. Okay, you do that and you look up and you see that he's looking at Bobby but instead of fury

his eyes are filled with wonder. Holy fucking shit. You're for real? Yeah, he says he paid the ultimate price. You want to meet Petunia Sponzarevic? Tell us what you know. You want to meet Petunia Sponzarevic? I don't know.

Who is he? Alright, well our dogs are here. Let's go meet Peternius von Zarovich? I don't know. Who is he? All right. Well, our dogs are here. Let's go. Hey, where's your mate? Hello. Back again. Walking out of a burning building, a beam collapsing behind him, oblivious with a huge, glowing, magical spear on his shoulder.

What you got there? And the biggest fucking smile. You've never seen Frieza look this happy. Hello. I have a new spear. Anyone want to go? Of getting speared? That's a hard pass from me, champ.

Well, me already said yes, and that teach me for not listening to end of a sentence, so... Okay. 16 plus 3 is 19. Does that hit? That's a critical because it's keen, so that's double damage. Filch was hurt quite badly in the teppanyaki restaurant.

Well, what does a spear do damage-wise? D12. Filch was hurt quite badly in the teppanyaki restaurant. What a show. 2D12 plus 6. What a show we make here. 8. 8 is nice.

17 plus 6 is... 23 hit points of damage. Oh, la, la. It's like I feel alive. Hey, cool smoke, buddy. Thank you. Cool smoke. Who's next?

Who's next? That sliced through me like butter. Do you need a cure wounds or anything? How am I feeling? Are you good? You know, when I went cold turkey. Oh, make for me a constitution, sir. Thank you for reminding me.

I meant to do this at the beginning of the episode. Oh, Val's there, but still unconscious. Yes, unconscious. 19. 19. Okay, you're managing to hold it at bay for now. But again, it feels worse and worse and worse. That could be the bleeding from the stab wound.

Impossible to say. The dog sleds have arrived. And I can't say that Zah says, The dog sleds have arrived. And I can't say that Zah says, hey, does she need a potion? Because we've got some. I'll take a potion.

No. You've had enough, man. Just cut him off. I'll take a potion. He grabs one off his belt and throws it to you. I'll take one. He grabs the hurt. Yeah, I got negative.

He has one other potion. He gives the other one to Bobby. All right. Sweet. I slam it down fast and I go He gives the other one to Bobby. All right. Sweet. I slam it down fast and I go... It's light on fizz. All right, so... You want to meet this man? Do I get hit points back?

You want to meet this man, little guy? D12 plus four. We're going to go fucking meet him. Is he cool? Let's bring him out. He seems to be in actually a surprisingly somber mood as you ride through. A few more of the howlers come.

Okay, question. The freeborn, yeah? The dog sleds. They arrive, right? Is it snowy? No, no, these are like desert coyotes. Are we riding the dogs? No.

Sand. Do you think the dogs are in the sled? Well, that's what I'm trying to clarify. Yeah, what's a sand sled? A sand sled? It's a sled on sand. It's magic. It's got runes on it.

Wait, so the dogs are magic? Yeah, the dogs are magic too. The dogs have little runes on their paws. What a good boy. Little cute runy booties. You know where dogs have little booties on to go in the snow? Yeah, and they go like... Oh yeah, and they can't walk. Idiots.

That's what the runes are for. The journey is quite quick. You have a last chance to talk if you want. Unfortunately, after your conversation, Zar and the Laroon siblings and... Jar? Sorry? Jar, Jar. Who's the other Laroon?

Sorry? Moira. Moira and Maisel Laroon. Moira and Maisel Laroon. And they're both albinos, white hair. They look like twins. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Maisel? Maisel Laroon. Moira and Maisel Laroon. And they're both albinos, white hair. They look like twins. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Maisel?

Maisel, yeah. Baelish? What happened to Baelish? Baelish is... Oh, what happened to Baelish? Baelish died. Yeah, he was... Unrelated, though.

No, no, no. Maisel Laroon probably killed Baelish when they attacked the bridge. Yeah. Right, okay. So, yeah, they take one of the top things. Rimjob is still there. And Val has woken up. So if you want to talk to anyone, otherwise it's a very short ride back.

I'm going to talk to Moira. Yeah. So Moira is in the top carriage. She's in the top sled. Talk to Maisel. Maisel is in the top sled. The top sled is Moira, Maisel and Ja Rule. What sled am I in?

is Moira, Maisel and Ja Rule. What sled am I in? You're in a sled with Val and Baston and then Filch, Friso and Rimjobber in the other one. So they've just given us our own sled and left us alone? All right, let's see some countryside. Okay, so no one's talking and so you make your way... Who are we going to talk to? Val's there if you want to.

Val's awake. Val. And she's like, where are we? What's happened? We need to go back to Neserio. Are we with the Freeborn? We're with the Freeborn. Chill out.

We're on our way to see Paternius von Zarovich. Hey, before we get there, Bobby. Yeah. Can you have a little look in that book and see what year Strahd von Zarovich was born? that book and see what year strad von zarovich was born okay you have another look through the book and it seems actually that there is a page that has been ripped out after peternius von zarovich there is of course it's a fucking page ripped out but then the very next page is referring to strad von zarovich so there's a section in between Paterni. That's correct, yeah.

And Strahd, but nothing in between. Well, a page. Oh, only one page. Yeah, it seems like only one page. What did you do with this page? I didn't do anything. Did you use it for craft? Oh, it's crafting!

There's one of like fortune tellers where you flip them around. Oh, they are useful. always crafting there's one of like fortune tellers where you flip them around oh they are useful this was a book this was

remember this was a book that you found years and years ago in Castle Ravenloft yeah right so yeah um Val

who are these what do we need to know going into this these people are are I cannot believe this is it's gonna be fine

they're gonna be rescued. Everybody just... They're mad people. It's okay. It's very lucky that Val was unconscious while you killed Skymaster Kyron. Kyron, wherever he is, is going to work this out.

He's going to come rescue us from this... This... This... Can I ask you a science question? Sure. How well can a naked brain fly? Do you mean aerodynamically or... Yeah, to start with.

Very well. It goes... And then survivability of said brain upon impact with... Oh, instant death. Excruciating pain. Yeah, it is said that a brain like this, when removed from the body and removed from the jar, it...

I'm French. I'm so frightened that I'm French. It's bad. Cool. Just everybody, just listen to me. Just keep your head. Just remain cool.

Help is on the way. Don't listen to these people. How will they find us? Oh, there are ways. Some of the weapons have tracking devices in them. I'm sure that, you know, they've seen the airship go down. They'll be following us it's fine

I mean you're free folk originally yeah originally what so you're like leaving your roots behind that's not how it works you don't know how it works

it's fine I was selected it was very good my family was happy so you were abducted no you were taken away re-educated

yeah she goes on to explain, as the journey goes, that Arcanist Val lived in a small village called Fenwick, up near Mirambar. She was born into obscure poverty, but a travelling... She lived in a single-bedroom house with her mother and four grandparents who shared a bed. the mother and four grandparents who shared a bed.

And none of them could walk until the golden ticket came when he could miraculously fucking dance around again, which sounded like bullshit. Anyway, go on with the story. Essentially, you're kind of right. It was a sort of Charlie Bucket situation. A travelling arcanist, and there are arcanists that wonder the lower the lower world of the free folk came through testing the children for a magical aptitude three children that year

were taken from fenwick and at a young age she was taken to a house of the arcane where she was trained in the studies of magic because magic is otherwise illegal in the free folk and then she was allowed to because of her diligence and study, to be promoted and promoted until she became a senior arcanist, was able to extend the study of chronomancy and was uplifted. And she still occasionally goes back to Fenwick.

She's gone a couple of times to see her family. It's awkward. I have nice things now. But increasingly less because she has very little to talk to them about. Yeah. So does that answer your question? Yeah.

Okay. So you're an enemy. Excuse me? Well, we've kind of thrown a hat in the ring here. Should we just push you off into the desert? Push me off into the what? Into the desert. Why?

How many drugs do you have left? I have a few. All right. Well, just know that we're only keeping what? Into the desert. Why? How many drugs do you have left? I have a few. All right, well, just know that we're only keeping you around for the drugs. That's really unsettling. Okay. Look, obviously I don't mean that. I'm acting. Just be cool when you're with the free folk, okay?

Pretend like you flipped. That's what I think. Everybody be cool, okay? Yeah, be cool. Help us on the way. There is suddenly a whoosh, and you can see as Moira LaRoon stands up and waves her hand, and an entire illusory wall on the side of the mountain

fades into translucence, and you can see that there is a cave system dug into the side of the cliff, and the dog sleds ride into it, into what looks like a giant cave that has been filled with war material. There are crates stacked up, weapons along the side. You can see a few gliders that are being retooled and refueled, and there are other members of the Freeborn walking around,

and they all turn and snap off salutes as your dog sleds ride in. A bunch of the crates at the back of the cave near the fires have been erected in the shape of a crude throne. And up hops Jaarul, who saunces over to it, smiles at you, beckons you over, and then kicks his heel and leaps up until he's sitting on top of it as he leans in to get a good look at all of you. Welcome to the court of the exiled.

Thrown? Bit on the nose, isn't it? Bit on the nose, how so? Well, you thought you free folk were all about, you know, not having rulers, being evil. You misunderstand completely. You very much understand the situation. We've been mostly going off vibe up until this point.

Sure. You have the honor. Me be honest with you. Me don't know what your deal is. Grimmjob goes, well, you have the honor of addressing all of you, the great Jha, king in exile of the freeborn folk, rightful lord of the plains and lowerings, last born of the Jarrs and tyrants from the time before the masters. This was the man that is our direct descendant

to the original rulers of this land before the Netherees. And he spits, took over. And you asked me a question you asked me before about... Paternius. Paternius von Zarovich. Bring him out! Are youovich. Bring him out. Are you sure? Bring him out.

I know I said we could trust them, but they... Bring him out. Grimjob snaps and makes a point to two of his other howlers and they walk away through a curtain as Ja continues to talk. Now you're going to see what the Netheries are all about. We're not... A lot of you... I'm sorry, I'm getting a little bit pissed off here.

We really need to understand about what the Netherees is. You don't even see the tip of the iceberg of what's going on. When you look at their airships and their beautiful cities and you wonder what's powering them, bring them out, show them. There is a rustle behind the curtain and the two howlers are back and between them is a man

and he's dressed in simple clothes like many of the people there that make him look sort of out of place for underneath you can see that his skin is pure silver. He's an old man with a white beard and as he looks, he sees you all and he bows low.

And Ja looks at him and says, stand him upright, show some respect, and they jerk him upright again. It's a Magian. One of the Magian figures. Petronius is a Magian? He says, look what

they did to him. And he looks at the Magian and he looks at his court and a few people have like kind of gathered. And he looks at him and he gestures to him and he says like ceremonially, he says, as if it's like an incantation or a rite, he says, we never forgive and we never forget. And everybody in the room repeats that. We never forgive and we never forget. And everybody in the room repeats that. We never forgive and we never forget.

And while they're starting to chant that, Val goes, this doesn't make any sense. The Magian are creatures of pure magic brought about by the Nethereese. Acasus himself created them. They exist only to serve. They blink into appearance until their deeds are done and disappear again. How close am I to Petronius? Petronius, you're close enough you could touch him if you want. I take out my shortsword and I stab him.

It's clean and it's simple and I like it. It's classic. It's classic, Bobby. You're going to have to move fast. I'm very fast. Yeah, you are. I make a dash. Yeah, make for me with advantage because nobody is expecting it. A dexterity attack.

Now, both are 14s. Dexterity plus 7, so that's 21. 21 will absolutely beat it. Suddenly you dive forward with your sword, and you lunge forward, and you stab it through Paternius von Zarovich's neck. And any misconception for Val or anyone left that these are creatures of magic is instantly dissipated

because although the skin is blue, blood, red and human, wells up around his neck as you see the figure of Paternius von Zarovich fall to his knees and look up at you. And for a moment, the cloudy, expressionless eyes of a magian clear and you can see the eyes of an old man who looks at you with what looks like exhaustion and relief before his eyes roll up and he collapses down on the ground dead as bobby turns around slowly and nobody has moved ta-da has moved. Ta-da!

Yeah! Ooh! We are from the future. Yeah, and don't... That's very important. Don't forget that we are from the future. Where we come from, killing someone by stabbing them through the neck is considered a crime. We were sent back in time to kill this man.

Yeah. Yeah, because... He paid the ultimate price and we just took the payment a little earlier. Shah is like, grab them. He's like, he's like apoplectic. Are you going to stop them? He's tightly controlled. There's no violence in his voice yet, but he says grab them he's like he's like apoplectic are you gonna stop them he's tightly controlled there's no violence

in his voice yet but he says grab them and people move towards you to grab you I'm gonna run away you're in the middle of caves surrounded which direction

are you going to run back out through the invisible the magic door into the desert yeah okay great make make for me

another dexterity initiative check. It's a three. You're grabbed. I think there's been a pretty... Grabbed? A large, sizable, medium misunderstanding. Grimjob looks at you all and says, We brought you here.

You killed Chiron. I don't understand. What is going on? We are from the future. This person's progenitors will cause such a ruckus, you wouldn't believe it. He's my father, you cunts! And as he says that, everybody is quiet, as slowly the figure of the great Jai himself,

Strahd Vamzarovich, stands up at his throne. See, this is bad. Because, because now it's all our fault. You know? Like. Unless. Unless.

We kill. Everybody. Because. Well. kill everybody. Because... Well, you know, in for a penny, in for a pound. Attack! And as a chaotic fight breaks out in the court of the exile, there are two great powers holding sway over these dying the dying days of the last days of wonder, the freeborn of Zastrad von Zarovich

and those gilded lofties in Old Ilanar. And yet it seems the dragon friends have found a third way, which is fucking killing everyone, I suppose, surrounded in blood and stolen weapons, fighting ever stronger against ever more impossible odds until either they die at the hands of the vampire who never forgot or they die at the hands

of the empire which would never end or they die of the inevitable time poisoning that they all have because the one person who was giving the medicine they threatened to throw out of a car. This is the way that they go, the third way, the dragon prince way, and this is the way that they will ride the third way, the Dragon Friends way and this is the way that they will ride

until they die. Thank you! The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Greiner and Michael Heng. Our Dungeon Master

is Dave Harmon with NPC voices provided by Ben Jenkins and live accompaniments and lizard spouses by Tom Cardage. Shakira Khan designs our website.

The podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest and new episodes are recorded live every month at the Comedy Store in Sydney

on Gadigal land in the Eora Nation. Until next time. Friendship is forever. Friendship never ends. It doesn't matter what time you're in. You're still a dragon friend.

A fucking dragon friend. A fucking dragon friend. It's like a lizard sees this. Yeah, cinematically, I'm imagining that we started on a lizard and we tracked up. Oh, that's nice. Start on a lizard, rule number one. And then he goes, and then he crawls back into his hole. He's like, honey, I had the strangest day.

And she's like... Well, Tom can play the lizard's wife. Okay, great. I can't deal with it right now. I've had a shit day myself. No, you're not going to believe it. It's the fucking whole... That, okay?

What is it? There's somebody else, Veronica. You're jumping on this now. What? What could it possibly be? Seriously, this is my birthday as well. You were supposed to go out. You didn't make the reservations. I'm putting on my lizard trench coat and my lizard fedora and I'm taking my lizard phallus

and I'm leaving. Michael, what do you mean? We can work this out. Look, I'm trying to get out of this riff right now. It's over. It's done. Michael, please. Let me leave, woman. Let me leave. No, I can pay you more attention. I can be home more with the kids. Please don't leave. There's no juice left in the tank. The joke is done. It's over.

He walks out and she grabs hold of his tail but it comes off and is wiggling in her hand. And as he walks out the door, two big lizard eyes blink and there's a little lizard holding a little frog teddy bear. Daddy, where where you going?

And the camera tracks up, never to fucking return. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress

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