Dragon Friends - #7.17. Elasticbandinarium

Episode Date: November 14, 2021

Having left their desolate future behind, The Dragon Friends find themselves once more where it all began; A new loadstone, an ancient city and an arcanist about to wake. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Six or seven years ago, I forget, we started a Dungeons & Dragons podcast. It was a stupid idea. We never should have done it. Now we do it until we die. They cannot stop us. Venues come and go. COVID variants appear and disappear as ether into the wind. And yet we are still here, it seems. And so are you. And who is the matter? I do not know.

Are we ready to play some Dungeons & Dragons? Friendship is forever Friendship never ends It doesn't matter what time you're in You're still a Dragon Friend A fucking Dragon Friend It has been some manner of days Since the dragon friends stood face to face with their greatest and oldest enemy the vampire count Strahd von

Zarevich how long it has been is tricky to say since you have been flung backwards and forwards in time Travelling always between the scene of that showdown and traveling always between the scene of that showdown and 1,000 years earlier to the heyday of old High Netheril on the eve of that despicable empire's greatest folly. Twice now, the dragon friends have been thrown back into this age of wonder. Twice, you have broken bread with the Netherese archmage Karsus, who the sages say will bring doom to the world. Twice, you have been flung back into futures

where you have discovered the results of your meddling. The third time will be the charm. The nurture of chronomatic dysfunction is all-consuming and then passes by in a rush. The world spins, stops, and fills the half-orc, Bobby Pancakes, the halfling rogue. Baston, the handsome man. Your eyes all open with a new friend.

Lion Shield, Banknote, Hing's second character, who he has brought along for the ride. Hello. You find yourselves in a laboratory. The lodestone that brought you here here now pristine and newly carved. The doors are closed, the stage is set, and unconscious before you, though already stirring, is the figure of a small gnome,

the arcanist Marceline Val, who is already beginning to stir. Point of order, Dave? Yeah. You went through all the characters. I could feel that I'd forgotten someone. Yeah, you forgot Frieza, but is Frieza not there? Frieza's there.

Frieza's there. Okay, okay. Cool. How did that make you feel? Gosh, erased, I guess. It's just upsetting. It's a funny thing because I went through and I was counting in my head and I was like, that's not all of them.

But then, and I surprised myself at this moment, I discovered I didn't care that much. Dave, if you want to start our first show back on this antagonistic note, that's fine. Splat! And the figure of the possibly human, possibly high elf, probably now human warlock who has suffered so much and travelled so far and pissed himself in time travel, let's not forget, he has also pissed himself on the floor, is the figure of Friso Friesopherson, played by Michael Heng. Hello.

And Val's eyes snap open and she looks at you and looks at the lodestone and goes, holy freaking dooly, it works! No, who are you? No, don't tell me who you are because I'm going to figure it out. I'm very, very smart. First of all, obviously you're from the future because it works because I'm very, very clever,

but where from is the future? I'm going to say the ninth age of Nethere. Oh. Oh. Hey, we've done this a couple of times, so I'm just going to speed you through it to catch you up on what we've been doing. We've been travelling back and forth through time.

This is like the sixth millionth time we've been here. You need to go invent us some medicine that we'll take as a powder to stop our time sickness. That's very important. And then I have this spear that's actually a key to a spaceship, and you need to take us there. I need you to make for me a persuasion check

because that is a lot. He doesn't need to persuade him for the time sickness because she can already see that he's pissed himself. And she's a woman of science. When you say the key, do you mean the claw of Chiron? Yeah, I've got two of them. So I could dual wield the ships if you need me. Hang on, does that work in this timeline?

I guess so. Of course it works. That wasn't intended to work, but he does have two of them. I guess I can hotwire a car in this. No, I'm going to give you advantage because that's proof. My highest one is 19. She's got some ice in her mouth. First time doing a live show in a while, Ben?

She chews that ice and then says, is that the key to Kyron's ship? The very same. Two of them? Yes. How did you come by not one but two? We've been back and forth in time twice. He's stolen it both times.

I guess I did. And I guess, reflecting on that, maybe I didn't need to steal it the second time. But also, it's kind of fun to have two. Make for me an insight check, because the figure of Val is backing towards her desk away from you. Ooh, insight's pretty good.

You can all make an insight check if you want. That's a maths 20. Oh, a maths 20. A maths 20. I got a 12. All right, a maths 20. I have a mathematical... 15, yeah.

And I have a mathematical 3. Okay, we're not calling... It's only maths if it's a 20. That's the only one we're going to do. So, Frieza, you realise as she nods and smiles at you that she's backing away at her desk and you look and you can see that there is a panic button or some kind of button recessed on the back of the desk.

Ooh, okay. In that case... Oh, God. What was that? No one else can intervene here because only... Not with a 15? Not with a 15. Okay, then.

No, we can't kill her because she needs to give us the medicine. Yeah. Okay? I've listened back to the podcast. Are you saying this out loud? She's backing up. She's backing up, she's backing up She's about to touch the button

Wait, wait, wait Don't press the panic button I have something you might want He says, checking his inventory That is frozen her, but only for a second Would you like a core of chyron? I've got a spare and I'll give you one if you

don't press the panic button. This is it. This is a key to the king's ship. And not only that, it is proof that your invention works two times over. No, that would require two claws of chyron. Are you going to give two claws?

No, no, but like to see... No, I see what you mean. This could actually prove those little doubting Thomases that my machine... Because this is uncopyable. You cannot copy the core. You've got to go down to Mr. Minute and just say, cut me this.

Do you know what I mean? They don't have the machine that could do it. They don't. But this is proof. And blue powder, you say? You need some kind of blue powder? I didn't say it was blue, but I guess you kind of know where we're headed with this.

All right. Yes, there is a certain line of thinking that I abandoned long ago. We've travelled from the future, so we're afflicted with a thing called time sickness. Yes. Sure. I saw the future, so we're afflicted with a thing called time sickness. Sure. I saw the piss, yeah.

Yeah, that's why I piss myself. It's the horrible time sickness. And yeah, so we need your blue medicine. But more than that, we know that in your brain you have the power to create something to send us back. The elastic band that links us to the time we emerge from

can be released to send us back. And I need you to put on your thinking cap and manifest. The elastic band theory was mocked by my... Was it? Is that you? Are you waking off a ghost? This horny ghost will tell you unequivocally. No, the Chlor of Chiron is the proof that this can be done.

So is your last band theory. There's something else we know about you. You are a beautiful, confident woman. You walk into a room, you think, am I the smartest person in the room? No, it can't be. Yes, You are. You have

a whole life full of your dreams to fulfil. You are. You can pull off bold colours. We know this about you. So you've met me before. Yes. What happened? Oh!

Oh! Oh! There are timelines where your beauty and success echoes. But we can't talk about it right now. We're very busy. Luckily for you, a spark, ever since you mentioned rubber band theory, a spark has lit up in the junior arcanist's eyes and she has begun scribbling almost automatically on a notepad

as she continues to work. She seems consumed by it at her desk and so you have the run of the room. It'd be funny if she was just drawing that guy from The Big Lebowski with the dick. Would it be funny, Ben? Not funny enough to stop the podcast for. You know what is funny, though?

Drawn on Ben's page are two parts of faces. One is a little man with a moustache with his mouth shut. The other one is a man with a curly moustache and a little kissy face. That's Friso and Bastogne. Those are your notes. That was a study in chins. These are my notes. These are your notes.

I've written Val, Cassus, Itheria and then there's a dot point with nothing next to it. And then I drew Friso's chin, which I think you'll agree is a pretty good likeness. Ben, I would understand when you get burnt out. She's nodding! She's nodding! I just feel like I would understand when you get burnt out when we do these month in and month out,

but this is the first one back. First ten minutes. Also, I would say it's incredible to do a joke and then declare it wasn't funny enough to stop the podcast and then keep it going for another two minutes. Hing, that's a dragon friend's wife.

Okay, he's gone back to his ice. So, you have the dragon huddle? Is it time? You actually can have a dragon huddle. She's busy doing the Lebowski dick. All right, she's drawing a dick. We've got some time. Man.

Or doing science. What are we going to do not to screw this up again? I mean, last time we came here, we screwed it up. What happened? Is that Alex asking? But I thought it would be a nice opportunity for people coming to the podcast to squeeze a bit of exposition in. And also for Dave to say it really succinctly. Filch goes on to tell you. A story that of course you all remember because you have done this fucking podcast with me for a year.

But this is your third time back to old High Netheril the first time. Of course, you killed an old man who you believed was Strahd, but you discovered it was his father, thereby unlocking his fury so that it was directed towards you for a thousand years. You went back in time, this time determined to do it right. You killed Strahd again when he was but a mortal man, before he became the vampire count and abomination that he is. However, you returned and discovered that

in his absence, a power vacuum was filled by Karsus and the world was worse off again. This is your third time and third chance to get things right. Did I get that right, Alex? To get things right. Wow. Great explanation, Phil. Here were me thinking. I mean,

we kill... Both times we either kill Strahd or we make Strahd so mad he turns into a really big, mean vampire in the future. Remember last time me said maybe we make friends with Strahd? We know Karsus is a monster. Okay.

What if we team up with Strahd? To kill K Cassus? Exactly. Okay. I'm new to this time travel thing. I wasn't here the other two times, but I'm in. Wow, you are a quick study. Thank you.

What do you think? I mean, maybe we got two monsters here, Cassus and Strahd, but we could, you know, kill the other one this time and maybe, you know, tame the other one. I think we have to come to terms with the fact that there's no possible way we can fix this. That's gross. What?

That's gross. That's Dragon Prince gross. Yeah. Oh, I thought Ben said, that's gross. That's what I heard as well. Yeah. I also heard gross, yes. Yeah.

But we have to do something. So instead of trying to fix it, let's just do what we think is best. And whatever happens, happens. And we'll just deal with that then as well. Why we can't fix this? That's stupid. We just fixed it the wrong way the other two times. I mean, me took more than three times to learn how to tie shoelaces.

It's just not going to go back to the way it was ever. There's no possible timeline where everything... Because we shouldn't exist now. But that's... But, but, but, but... Oh, no, wait. I don't know that. Never mind. Excuse me.

What, does your other character know it and't know that, never mind, excuse me. What does your other character know it and they could say it? Friso steps forward. How you, how you going? Let me just check in for a second.

How you going hotboxing two characters at once? It's good. I'm going to have to hire one of those bots from Russia to play,

to play Friso for a bit but that's fine. Friso steps forward and says, I've forgotten what I was going to say in all of our... Very good. Look, even if we could return to our own time, in retrospect, it was pretty fucked.

That's what I was going to say. In our own time, we lost. Well, that's right, I said it, so don't come around and say it's you going to say it. I forgot because Dave distracted me. It was my poignant moment. What? What?

Who's Dave? Yeah, who Dave? Yeah, who is Dave? Okay, good. Well, then we're agreed. Right. We have to do something. Let's go to the ship.

All right. What ship? We would like to go to Kyron's ship. Can you Could you take us there please And Val's lost her notes and she's like Of course it could work I could just get and then she lists some compounds

That I can't improvise She would probably say what they are There's probably six of them I think Ben Sure Name six compounds What I would need to do is It's just going to say come six times guys We're running out of time

I might not even say it once Well I'd like to see you try The ground down wings Of the highland butterfly That's nice, that's world building Captured dew Of a morning frost On a baby Val's not a poet, mate.

That's true. Simple calcium. Of course! It's tea. The secret ingredient is tea. Then, magicanium. Oh!

Real James Cameron special there. Of course, we need the sparkly rocks that you find. And the secret ingredient is... Calm, it's calm Alright That's all we got time for Thanks for coming out Now that's gross But also gross Where were we? But also growth. Growth.

Where were we? Listen, she goes on to say, I cannot tell you, if you need me to make this compound, it will take time. I have things to procure. However. However.

It's just that Bastogne's a virgin, so it's probably got heat stored up. If you need access to the Carstus' flagship, the flagship of the ardent flight, it's docked on his personal launch pad. That's not the word. That's not the word. That's not the word.

She says a fantasy word. Launch pad McQuack. Which is just up this elevator shaft to these giant brass towers that you can see through. And she points, draws you out a little map actually from her little notepad, tears it off and gives it to you Bastog. Quick dragon huddle. Yes. The second dragon huddle. Yeah, yeah. We could leave her and we're going to come back here anyway if the

plan is to kill Karsus. So if we get her to make the thing... No, because I think we'll get sick before then. Oh, right, okay. So we need to bring her with us. And it'll send us we'll take this stuff and it'll send us to the future and then we'll be in the future again. Right? There's sickness medicine and there's time travel medicine.

Yeah, there's two medicines. There's sickness medicine and there's time travel medicine. The sickness medicine has completely different ingredients. But I don't need time to make them. I can't make these on the hoof. What, you don't have a little mobile lab set up? What, you don't have a little mobile lab set up? No, I don't have a little mobile lab set up. Little pockets full of different disgusting ingredients?

She scrambles inside her desk and she pulls out a little twist of the powders you recognise that she gave you in another lifetime, in another timeline to protect you, to offset the sleeping sickness. But remember, this is only... Time sickness. Time sickness. But this is only... Time sickness. Time sickness, but this is only a stopgap. This will let you

survive a couple more days in this timeline. She's going to need time to make you the product that will get you forward. The elastic band denarium is what it's It's not called that. Well, I think let's rack up, shall we?

Let's do it. It's party time. So Dave, the dragon friends just rack up, I think let's rack up, shall we? Let's do it. It's party time. So, Dave, the dragon friends just rack up, I guess, one line. We'll go half a line each first. We'll see how we're feeling and then we'll probably do... You're not sick yet. At the moment, you are just recreationally taking medicine. Oh, well, no, we'll keep the little vials then, Dave. No point wasting it all already.

All right, great. Just rubbed a bit on my teeth. You can all write on your character sheets that you have a vial of grey powder. You don't have the twist of blue. Okay, so what's the plan? Take Val with us, take the ship, go to Feinstrad. I think we don't need Val

because she needs to stay here and work on the time pill to take us back to the ship. It's the elastic band in there. But we're going to have to come all the way back here. How are we going to get back here? We'll have a station. Let's go. Our plan is to come back and...

What? He's going to jerk off a ghost. Let's... It seems like Friso is already just racing down the corridor. Let's do it. He's holding his one remaining Chlorofcarsus, Chlorofkyron, and heading towards Launchpad McQuack. Okay, so as you head off towards Launchpad McQuack

with the other dragon friends in your wake, you stop for a second and have pity on the slightly bewildered junior artificer from the Academy of Approved Magics, Lion Shield Banknote, who presumably is going through a minor episode, having been transported for the first time in his natural life into the past 1,000 years ago. I studied chronomancy in The Other Future,

so I actually understand this theoretically. I'm doing fine. No philosophical issues there. He's doing fine, everybody. Wonderful. As you make your way to the elevators, you can head on up if you want to the launch pad. All right, everyone on board with this idea?

Yep. Too late now. Let's go. Bing. Okay, before you, can I ask, so you're all on the elevator? Mm-hmm. Who's leading generally? Who's leading the group?

I think it was Friso. Friso. Okay, yep. Friso, can you make a perception check for me? Can I? Perception is plus zero, so that's not good. 18. Okay, yep. Friso, can you make a perception check for me? Can I? Perception is plus zero, so that's not good. 18. Okay, great.

So you're heading the way, racing, but trying to keep an eye on things. You make your way up the elevator, and soon it arrives at the top of a beautiful promenade, and you can look and again see the beautiful horizon. Ilanar is, of course, a floating citadel in the sky that flies above the forgotten realms of Faerun. The sun is breaking brilliantly off the bay. You can see the Balinox in all their majesty. And little ships dart left and right in the sky,

looking for all the world like birds, but each one of them a technomantic marvel to behold. And pride of this fleet is sitting before you, docked on the launch pad. It is, of course, the personal flagship of Cassus, as piloted by his personal Skymaster Chiron, Grand Admiral of the Arden Flight, who you know, because you have been to this timeline before, is already heading downstairs for a dinner that cannot be missed. And it looks like the ship is open and empty and awaiting boarding. Humming slightly in the launch pad, there is a ramp that descends down from it leading into the darkness of the ship. You can see in the distance on the launch pad there are several figures working at other craft, but

there is no one near you, Friso, as you sneak onto the launch pad. Let's go! Yeah, I head for the ramp. Make for me a stealth check. Ooh, a stealth is alright, actually. Ooh, but the roll was not good. I asked

behind the curtain there, Dave, if Hing had done a better perception roll, would he have noticed Tom's pervert in the lift? Oh, we did forget about your garden variety sewer pervert. Yeah, and he's not dead this time. It's a glass lift, may I be so bold as to say that. As we go, we just see a man in a sewer wanking and we're like,

what the fuck is that? No, you don't see because you didn't roll well enough. So it means that... 18 wasn't good enough. When you go a thousand years into the future, you will get to see

a society in which Trevor the sewer pervert survived and thrived. Yes! Next season's big bad What did you roll? I rolled a six A six

Okay, Friso, you make your way up the ramp And as you do, one of the panels gives a click With the others following behind you There's a loud click And you suddenly hear a figure from inside the ship call out What does Valentine sound like? What does Valentine sound like? It's a guard.

Imagine that there are two guards. What's his shtick? His shtick is that the engines are at 62 capacity and he's very upset about it. Oi, you lot. What are you doing here? Well, it wasn't that. No, I do a different... Depending on the time of day,

I'm doing a new thing that my therapist told me to do, which is do a different voice for every hour. Is it your therapist or Valentine's therapist? Valentine's therapist. So, you know, if you met me... They did come earlier. They did come earlier. Yeah, if you met me three hours

from now, I'd probably sound like something completely different. But as it stands, you can't be here! Hello, friend. How are you today? Oh, I'm bloody what? It's a blessed morning, isn't it? It's... Look around you.

All right. What a majestic world. You have to roll something You can't just do that I'm still doing my gambit It was a gambit We were just playing it out Oh yeah That's a nine upside down

Keep going, keep going I want to try and deceive Valentine If that's alright Well let's just Let's see where this plays out. Yeah, look. Great day for a ride, huh? Yeah.

Come on, let's go. What? Let's just take her out for a spin. No, no, no. It'll just be our little secret. We packed a picnic. Yeah. Yeah.

We got one of those red balloon vouchers. To go on a trip on a big old spaceship. And here we are, we're cashing in our voucher. Well, I think I would have heard about that. Oh, would you? If you'd heard about it, wouldn't you have been invited to the big state dinner? Oh. That's good enough for advantage You rolled a nine

But let's let Let's let Phil Draw the advantage here You're rolling This is a deception check Because believe it or not You do not have a voucher For red balloon

Red bubble That's a What's the good 20 called? That's a A critical 20 Seven years What is the opposite Of the maths 20? 20 call? That's a... A critical 20. It's seven years. What is the opposite of the maths 20? A natural 20, Dave.

There you go. The rat goes wild. There we go. Oh, no, of course. Yeah, no, of course, of course. Yeah, no, you're the Redbubble people and you're... You're kept in the loop, right?

I mean, you're a pretty important guy. No, yeah, no, of course. The only hitch is, uh, we obviously can't operate the ship without Skybus' card, so... That's why he gave us the, uh, skyclaw. Oh, yeah, we got the, uh, the key right here, and the, uh, Frisian hits a little button on it, and then he goes, beep, beep.

And a giant magical halberd erupts from its collapsing horse. Ah! Oh, well, I mean, there's only one of them. Can't go down to bloody Mr. Minute. Believe me, as soon as I got this, I tried to take it to Mr. Minute. He was like, oh, I can't cut this. And we're like, well, while I'm here, can I get a watch fixed or some shoes fixed? And he was like, sure, we do that.

And that's weird, isn't it? Isn't it strange? That they do both things. Because they're very different things. It's a different skill set, isn't it? Isn't it strange? That they do both things. Because they're very different things. It's a different skill set, isn't it? It's a completely different skill set. Different tools. Different training.

And yet somehow everyone you go to, it does keys, it does watches and boots. You know, I sometimes wonder if, you know, some people just get into the key game and resent having to do the boots. Dave, can Friso be having this conversation on the deck? And it's just slowly rising up. Yeah, absolutely. Valentine and Friso are having a passionate conversation, allowing Banknote, Baston, Bobby and Filge to take the claw up to the Sky Throne on the ship

where they plug it in and one of you can now pilot the ship. Is Valentine on the ship? Valentine is on the ramp as well with Friso. As it begins to close, we like scrape her up and go, we'll continue this later. Yeah, no, that was a fun riff though. Fun riff. Is he with us?

Is he coming with us? As the ship begins to take off, who's piloting? Who's sitting on the Sky Throne? What attribute is good for piloting, Dave? I think that if you're asking who would be, probably Banknote would be. Filch, did you say? Filch, maybe? Well, I've...

Filch has got a pilot's license. I was the captain of the Heart of Glass. Yes, yes, you were, but it's a slightly different skill. So if you want to use the Skythrone, why don't you make Banknote if you're happy? Okay, sure, sure. Banknote can make a Arcana check if you want. And while he's doing that, I say to Ballantyne, now I believe there was a teppanyaki dinner

involved in this voucher. Well, because of the banquet we gave the chef... No, that's not... I'm sorry. I'm going to have to stop you there. Oh, no. As much as I hate this riff, I know for a fact that the slug who works in the teppanyaki restaurant in the base of the chef. Sluggy beer.

Sluggy beer is working tonight because you made him do that in a previous game. That's true. Oh. As much as that upsets me, it would truly upset me if we fucked up the continuity of this night. You've got this. You guys are in for a treat if you're going for the sluggy beer salt free experience. That made me laugh so much I broke my glass. I did forget about the sluggy beer salt free experience.

That's right. Yeah. Oh, right, yeah. Oh, yes, well... They say all the other senses are stronger because of the lack of salt. That's absolutely right. You're going to fucking umami yourself to death. All right, now banknote. Banknote rolled a 16 plus 2 is 18. All right, so banknote is able to work out what he's doing

and soon his eyes glow white, and he stops responding, but the ship begins to fly up into the air. Sigils flash on the boards in front of you. Arcane glyphs and runes all illuminated in sinister red, as you can see, and you start to recognise now that the ether fuelling the ship is at critically low levels. Oh, fuck. Enough to fly, perhaps not

enough to return if you go on a long journey. So, Banknote is going to open, I guess, Spaceship Ways or Google Maps or whatever and type in like Strath's Cave, I guess. Well, we want to fly low over the Balinox. Yeah, low over the Balinox.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Low over the Balinox. I think the hope is, as last time, they will come to us. Okay. So low over the Balinox it is. So Bobby walks over to the... Sorry, Valentine goes... I'm sorry, what?

Are you still on a ship? Yeah. I think Valentine is at the moment giving a tour to a lucky contest winner of a three-hatted teppanyaki restaurant. So I'm with Phil. Yeah, unfortunately. So I guess Banknot and Bobby are in the bridge, flying low of the Balmocks. Meanwhile, at the teppanyaki restaurant, Dave.

I didn't think I could get too much umami, but I think this might be too much. I mean, this okonomiyaki is something missing, and yet there's something so much more. And Freeze was like, I like that they threw an egg at me. Okay, we had enough of that? Sluggy beer is furious.

We have not had enough of this. Sluggy beer has never been insulted like this in her own salt-free experience restaurant, not least of all by people who haven't paid. And she says, you red bubble scum! She gets really angry. And Valentine's like, oh, whoa, there's Sluggy. She's got a drinking problem.

And Phil picks up her javelin. Fuck. Okay, yeah. And just holds it gently and says, I know you have cheap menu for voucher. Me want to have what you serve, Cassis. Me want the really rare fish. The ones where there's only like one left in the whole scene.

And you know what? Because of this, Sluggy... Make an intimidation check. I don't know why, but make an intimidation check. I want your rarest fish. Five. You rolled a two there, champ. Oh, no, I added my maths to it.

Sluggy Beer goes, Redbubble scum get what they want. And if you won't eat this, not what they want. You said. I know, but I'm a slug. I'm confused. Actually, no, she is a little confused. She goes, Redbubble scum get what they want, and they know this. And you know what?

I don't think you're even really Redbubble customers, and that's enough for Ballantyne to get a chance to make a charisma save. Well, that's hot five from Ballantyne. No, no, no. No, they are. Oh, no, no, no. Are you sure? Because I think these people are savages.

No, Kars is himself, actually. He said, oh, come to the dinner. You know, you've got the best stories and we love all your different voices that you do every hour. You know, come. And I said, no, mate, I've got to do the Redbubble thing. And he said, all right. He didn't say it like that.

He was like, no, I can't do the voice. But he was like, all right, well, you do that. You can't do the voice but he was like alright well you do that you can't do the voice of Casas a character that you play nah I mean I think we all know that midway through this discussion though

I think the clock strikes 12 does it not yeah I was actually I believe there's a new hour and perhaps a new voice and he's like so you know I said I would look after the

How do you say I would look after the That's not a new voice That's a new nationality Is this Sluggy? No this is Valentine Is this Sluggy or Dave, this is Valentine. This is Valentine's new voice. No, is this Sluggy or Dave talking right now? Who's Dave?

Technically, a new nationality is also a new voice and vice versa maybe is a worse sentiment there. Okay, time has indeed passed and this train wreck is happening. However, other things are afoot as well because at that point I need the spry young halfling at the navigation console to make me a perception check.

Right. Sorry, perception? Investigation? No, perception. Perception check. That's a nine. Never mind. The conversation continues Anyway

These guys are Why don't I get teppanyaki? We have to offer them every hospitality You can leave the navigation console I'm going to go down to the restaurant Great, nobody's looking outside I want to leave the restaurant So I run into Bobby in the hallway

Hey Bobby, I was just going to Go and open the door on the ship so that they can walk right in. Oh, yeah. You know, they won't need to blow a hole in the hull now. That's a great idea. Should we make a sign? Like, well, no. You need a lot of print. You know, how big can you write?

We just put it. How many? Is it windows along the side? There are small portholes. It gives me no joy to report. Is there any? How many portholes? How many letters do we have?

There's 16 portholes on the side of the rapture. Well, welcome is only seven letters. I don't want to do this. I could be doing anything with my free time. I want to go and open the hatch on the side of the... You walk towards the wall and it explodes. Oh. Oh. Oh, really?

Come on. As you do, air whips around you. Quickly make a dexterity save for me to avoid falling debris. Ooh. Yeah, I get like a 13. 13. Okay, 13. You take half damage, which means that you, Baston, you take 11 points.

No, half of that, you take five points of damage as you stagger backwards and in the ripped hole on the side as klaxons begin to wail on the rapture and as it lurches in the air, a figure in an oilskin stillsuit emerges through the crack in the hull.

The figure has the visage of a snarling bat and it's riding a skimmer. As you can see, more of these figures starting to whip through the side of the ship. These can only be the howlers that you fought before. Welcome, friends. We have prepared. And you are punched in the face. Oh, fuck.

Bobby's right there, right? Yeah. He yells out, Strahd Von Zarovich. That's quicker and that takes less syllables. Baston, unfortunately, does get punched in the face. So, Baston, you take four points of damage. One of them is charging towards you and hesitates as you say that. You have a second more.

I put my hands above my head and say, We stole the ship from Cassus. We are on your side. We are here to help. Then you just tell me one thing. And the figure rips off its mask and you can see the face of Jarek Rym as he says, Where have you heard the name Strahd von Zarovich? This will sound crazy.

But from time travelling, it sounds crazy to me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All I can say is we knew you would be here. We have taken his ship. We have the claw of Chiron. We have no love for Cassius. We want to help you take him down.

If we turn this ship around right now, we can make it back in time for dinner. All the nobles of Karsusland, where he lives. All his bros. On a floating island. All his pals. Seems like you have very specific knowledge about certain things.

And not so much knowledge about very obvious things. High Netheril is what it's called. New Islander. Nope, New Islander was from a different timeline. What do you mean New Islander? There's only one Islander. Well, we're just proving you that we're time travellers because there's a lot of information.

Shit, that checks out. While he's saying this, two more howlers have disembarked. They pull their masks off and you can see the albino faces of the wild witchling creatures. What? The runes. The runes siblings.

As they look at you, this is, yeah, you've called them the runes? We know you guys. We love you guys. We're big fans. We are here to help. Let's all go in and have some teppanyaki. Moira. Jarek.

Come on, let's go. I'm Bobby. This is Baston. You'll meet our friends. You'll have some teppanyaki. It'll be great. It's going to be great. We're going to take down an empire.

Whee! But before lunch? No, come on. Come on, let's eat. Now you listen to me. Is that bloody sluggy beer? No, come on. Come on, let's eat. Now you listen to me. Is that bloody sluggy beer? Yes, it is.

Is that the bloody salt-free experience? Yes, that's what you're talking about. Tell you what, I'm not made of stonk. And they say that an army marches on its stomach. An army flying in the air does much more than that, as Jerek Rim, the Laroon siblings, and the Howlers, last known fighters against the tyranny of Netheril, who call themselves the Freeborn,

finally take control of a ship they have set their eyes on for months now. Much has been risked. All could yet be sacrificed. The great shah, Strahd himself, climbs on board as the Laroon siblings and Jerek form a perimeter, his proudest soldiers behind him. As the wind whips his hair, the figure of the young warlord, Strahd von Zarovich of the Balinox, takes in all of you.

And after a whispered word, two Jerek Rim turns and says, Someone say anything about a free lunch? I'm just kidding. Let's fucking do it! Tune in to the next episode of Dragon Friends! The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Eden Lacey, Simon Greiner and Michael Horn.

Our Dungeon Master is Dave Harmon with NPC voices provided by Ben Jenkins and live accompaniments by Tom Carty. Shakira Khan is our producer. The podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest and new episodes are recorded live every month at the Comedy Store in Sydney on Gadigal land in the Eora Nation. Boy, doesn't that feel great to say.

Catch you next time. Friendship is forever. Friendship never ends. It doesn't matter what time you're in. You're still a dragon friend. A fucking dragon friend. A fucking dragon's friend Some of us have been working on something the past three weeks.

We've been making a musical for television and Dave Harmon has been directing the whole thing. Give him a huge round of applause because he... I'm very surprised that he's still alive, but I do want to share with you some incredible, and you've got to remember that Dave went to NIDA to train specifically in directing,

and this is the sort of stuff that you really only get from an accredited director. We were doing a very, very, very big shot. Oh, no. A lot of moving parts. We had a cast member from Hamilton in it who could only give us a day and a lot of extras a camera that was on a special rig that meant that it

would destroy the camera operator if they held it for too long and we did the take it went for about a minute and a half it was incredible it was really really great and then Dave stood up in his little excited way and wanted to say, that was so good. And also wanted to say, that rocked. I wanted to say, that's sick. And that's so fun. And what he said was, that sucked. And you just don't come back from that.

You really don't. It's very hard to regain the trust of the crew and cast. What I liked about it was the intonation. Like, you said it with a really excited voice. You weren't like, that sucked. You were like, that sucked! I would actually argue that 90% of it was that intonation, but I heard myself as I was doing it,

so it was really more of like, guys, that sucks! Actually, it was just like that.