Dragon Friends - DF2 #1.02. Absolutely Doneso

Episode Date: March 31, 2024

The world is coming to an end. Having narrowly escaped a life-threatening cataclysm from the long lost god of the very Yearth itself, our heroes must regroup, discuss, and form a plan of attack. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know what's crazy? The first half was so good and you guys have clearly worked so hard on that. But now for the next, however long we do this campaign, you have to remain, you have to be like monks who have taken vows of abstinence, right? Because the second either of you finds love, the quality of this show will decline.

Yeah. The heroes of young, brave heroes of young Destiny be done, these four freaks will become the heroes of Yod. In a musty-smelling apartment. In the centre, a dining table. With no chairs. Swirling.

Above the couch, a pendant lamp. And bursting through the door of this dingy single man's apartment comes our heroes, the Minotaur Sun, Gongbonger, a duckling rogue, Polly Waddle, a handsome, some would say too handsome, human ranger, Charion Valerian, and closing the door with a slam behind him, none other than Dinner Munchabout, human wizard and occupant of this sad, sad domicile. Take a seat, I guess on the couch or the floor.

I don't, there's no seats around the dining table. Hold on. And then I roll up my puzzle mat. I put it in its special drawer. Will your butler mind if we hang out here? Let me ask him. Hey, me.

Do you mind if I hang out here? Well, now that you've asked that, a little bit. And I... Well, listen, pull up a beanbag. And you pull up a beanbag couch. I have both. Like a little one. I'm just wondering, why don't you have any covers on your couch,

but you do have whiskey stones on that shelf over there? I got to pick what I wanted to keep. Yeah. And you kept this whole, you kept a whole wall of board games? Ah, well, she didn't want those. And have you seen the dining table? It's Dutch. And extendable.

I do not extend it off. Oh, I've got a question about the dining table. Is it one of those ones that is like wood, but they've like poured resin through the middle? Like bright blue coloured resin? Guys, check this out. I turned the lights off and the resin glows. Wow.

And that was the purchase that broke the marriage. Damn. She took all of your pictures of the family, but left all the pictures of you guys at Comic-Con. Yep. In my too small shirt. So padding up to you is a one-eyed

mangy looking wolf. Yep. Hey, what's wrong? Is that what ducks sound like? Yeah, they kind of hiss, don't they? Well, goose usually hiss, but I think it's a duck. I learned it from my friend. Oh, haven't I told you about my friend?

Your friend was a snake? Oh, no, that's my friend, Jessica. She's so funny. She's a goose. Oh, she goes on about all sorts of things. I'll just remember my dad died. Damn. on about all sorts of things. I'll just remember my dad died. Because our heroes have come directly from the blasted crater. Oh, she's having a moment.

Oh, you go on, sweetheart. I'm just having a moment. Do you need anything? I've got, what do you like? I could put peas in water for you. Please. Her dad just died Put peas in wine

Peas in wine? Yeah look I'll take peas in wine I get her some peas in wine And I put them in a dish And I'm like I'm really sorry I would put them on a chair

That's sort of your head height But I don't have those Like I said I'm going to just put it on the arm of the couch and just be careful. I think... And I've got one of those dad things that is like, they're like, yeah, it was only $4 on catch of the day and it goes over the arm of the couch. Yes!

And it makes it slightly more stable. I think that... Is there resin in the middle of that? I think that if dinner is going to be cooking peas and wine, I think that requires a check of sorts, surely. I'm just mixing them together, baby. Yeah, but I still think you could fuck it up.

All right. Okay, let's see. Dex, check. You dice. You dice. What's your roll, Demi? Four plus one. A few peas fall on the floor as you shake them out.

And she bends down and has a sip. It's like, oh, that's all right, sweetie. I'll have something later. I'll just drink around the peas. So it hasn't been half an hour since the mother of the earth, Celestia, returned. Struck down all of your champions, employers, friends. Can I ask something really quick? Yeah, absolutely.

Who was my guy? Lexicon. Oh! Yeah. I thought you just glossed over my mate. No, no, no. He doesn't acknowledge you. He doesn't like to publicly acknowledge you.

Did you think we made you fall over and didn't give you any other characters? Where's my guy? So since the disaster at the stadium, Lexicon disappeared, made himself scarce, and the city has been in bedlam You've retreated to Dinner Munchabout's apartment To get your bearings

And decide on your next course of action Well, I feel like we should get to know each other a little bit first I mean, I didn't even get any of your names What's your name? You big blue barrel of muscles? My name is Sunbelt Gongbonger

and it's a cool name that I'm committing to this whole time. The thing is, the guy I lost, Callasus McFluffin stuff. Callas Bunyanson. Callas Bunyanson.

And the image of a short, what is the name of it? He ran the mine that I worked in. And, well, you see, back at the mine, it's where my wife is, and she's about eight and a half months pregnant. And I've come on this adventure, and my concern is that with the end of the world, I am going to miss the birth of my child. That is a concern that I have. Concern that I have. But I also know that getting you guys to come back with me to my village so I can see the birth of my child may not be interesting for all of you,

but it is quite emotionally meaningful to me. I guess I'm a bit torn about everything. Oh, sweetheart. Oh, God, have you called your wife to make sure she's all right? I don't have a phone. Because they aren't invented yet. Well, I suppose that's an excuse. Quick question.

No, I love her. I'm not a deadbeat dad. I'm going to be a good dad. Then why are you here? What? Why are you here? I just thought'm going to be a good dad. Then why are you here? What? Why are you here? I just thought we had to do it every month. I didn't realize you could take time off because your wife's eight and a half months pregnant or whatever.

And I guess I didn't know that. And so we had a conversation about it. And she said she was cool. But now that I'm here, I am worried that she could be giving birth any moment. And I turned my phone off because I'm on stage and I don't want... So it's just something that I'm dealing with right now. Both as a character and as a guy.

that I'm dealing with right now, both as a character and as a guy. And as a character and as a woman, Alex Lee's character, Polly Waddle, may have a unique perspective on this. Listen, Sunbelt. Now, you know, I've got a couple of little ducklings myself going on 16. Is that the age or the number? Both. You have 16 16-year-old ducklings. They range from 0 to 16.

I've actually got one under here somewhere. That's just an egg. One has popped out in all the excitement. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at that. And then the... And I stand up. Like how you're a duck with arms, is it an egg with arms?

I think it's like an egg with gloves. It's an egg with feet. It's an egg with feet. It hasn't popped out. Yeah, okay, it's just an egg with feet stumbling around, bumping into things. Oh, don't worry, It'll figure itself out. Now, listen. You can't.

Let me tell you something about kids. You can't change your whole life to suit these kids. The children are like seeds that grow up around the tree. What? The children are like little seeds that fall in the ground that grow up around the tree. And am I the... You're the tree. I'm the tree, right.

I wasn't sure. And the tree can still, you know, go on adventures or fly to Melbourne to do the project. For example? The important thing is that you bring them a toy back from the airport. Yeah, no, I think I get what you're saying. Yeah.

With all this talk of parental love over in the corner, Chalarian sort of looks a little uncomfortable. Yeah. I know I look cool. Wait, what's he doing at that point in time? Is he doing something cool? He's like sitting on the chair so weird.

Like one of his foot is up really high for some reason. Like his buttocks are quite low. And he said I know I look cool. I'm not a dad myself but if I can offer you some advice. Sure.

What's your advice? Like, when you're offered advice, you've got to have something. Otherwise, because what it seems to me, like now, anything you say now, it's going to sound like to me, like you're just making it up. Because I gave advice, but I had the whole tree and the seed thing. It was an analogy. She was talking about, like, a news and car and a fashion show. I have an analogy as well.

Being a dad is a lot like holding a drink. Sometimes you'll spill a bit. And it'll go everywhere. But that's okay. Because there's always more drinks. Hang on. Sorry. And sometimes...

Just so I understand what you're saying. And sometimes someone will hand you a drink, and you say, I didn't even ask for a drink. And you'll drink all of that drink, and it wasn't even a drink you wanted. But that all goes inside. I have... Dude, I have so many questions. In this analogy, are you saying that children are unlimited supply, so it doesn't matter if some of mine, I guess, die?

Question number two. In this analogy, what is drinking? Okay, okay. I guess some people here aren't operating on the same level as the rest of us. Let me take the first one first. Last time I checked, we make babies with our dicks. It's pretty easy to do. Okay?

It's harder not to. Jenna's taking notes. Wait, what did he write down? We were babies with our dicks. If you spill them... Also, our lady dicks, whatever they may be called or look like. Lady dicks. What was the second question?

What's drinking? Drinking is... A good time. A good time is people coming together. And what are we here if not people coming together, having a good time? Her dad just died. Just because your dad, if my dad died,

I would be cool with it. Do people just let you talk because they just enjoy watching the face move? Yes. Also, I'm very rich. Oh. Okay, I'm starting to understand. Anyway, who is that big chick with the tentacles? I think that was the spirit of the earth.

That was bloody Celestia. So that's real? It's confusing because she was Vanessa, the stagehand who we all met. And now she's... I think it was real. Paige Hand, who we all met. And now she's... I think it was real. I mean, those people looked very dead, including my...

father. Fucking up the timing a bit, Dinner says, I know I look cool. Wait. What's Dinner doing? As he starts saying that, he goes to like... You know when you lean and put your arm on your knee? But it's like the cupboard, it's like one of those old TV cupboards

and he puts his leg way too high up. Do you want to roll a Dex roll for that? Yes. Ooh, 15. Oh, damn. Surprisingly limber for a man of his height. I know I look cool. But I think we might need to just sort of...

Let's just figure out what happened because I don't feel great about killing a man gooch-wise. Oh, yeah. And having that be the last thing he tastes also doesn't feel good. I wish I'd put a strawberry in there with it. But I didn't because a lot was happening. Well, that would involve a level of premeditation

that would frankly border on psychotic. Have you heard of everyday carry? Because I can show you some stuff. I've always got trail mix. They're dried strawberries, but it would have been better than a gooch. I bet it was really salty in there. Is that a pack of playing cards there? It is.

Would you like to see a trick? I am sorry. We were talking about your dad. I think it would distract her. No, this would distract her, I think, right? They'd like to see a trick. If my dad died, I'd love to see a magic trick. I gotta agree with that.

What's a dad? I mean, so my dad's dead. What's your dad's situation? It's good to know this about new friends. I always ask, what's your dad's situation? Go. I have seven dads.

Is that a minotaur thing? Was that relatable? Someone's in a polycule. I love twins. New bullying is so weird. I have seven dads and I have seven mothers. So this is how minotaurs are.

Oh, so you say when your wife is at home, eight and a half months pregnant, is she home with her seven other husbands? She's home with like Gary and Tom Bill and Stefan And Will Smith And what six other husbands The last one is I'm trying to think of a famous cow He died

The thing is about him is we killed him No we didn't. We didn't kill him. And as you try to deny the fact that you killed one of your suitors, you hear a thump, thump, thump, thump, thump at the door. Let me in. Let me in. My door just does that sometimes.

So we can ignore it, all right? Oh, it might be snacks. Let me get this. All right. I know you're in there much about living in. I open the door, and what do I see? Bustling through is none other than Lexicon the Magnificent. Who is this guy?

He was, well. Excuse me. And he grabs you around the collars. Are you still wearing your backpack? Yeah. Take that off. No, I've got my, we just came in. He was, well... That wasn't what we wrote. No. That wasn't what happened. You said, let's do the cataclysm. Let's do it again. Let's do the origin story. It'll be great. So the people weren't meant to love it, but then she came back. It was real. You weren't paying attention then. What did I miss?

You missed that it was real at the time. Well, I knew it was real. I was covering. I was trying to sell it, but then it turned out shit got too crazy, man. That's psycho. What's psycho? Why did you do that? You're a psycho.

You could have helped. You could have helped. What do you do? Why do I have to get you out of this situation? What's like your relationship? I'm his employer. And boss, like boss. Wait, you're the butler?

What? The butler. I'm not the butler. I'll have some hot nuts. Some hot nuts and a cold, wet drink. Lex couldn't look anything less like a butler. He's kind of dishevelled. His curl, the famous Superman curl in his hair is now strung out.

A bit permy, actually. And he's got tears in his nice blue velvet. So you need me to get you out of this? Look, I just need... They're after me, man. All these freaks with black emo hair came out of nowhere. They were talking about a cult.

They were trying to drag me under. I barely got... This isn't what I'm talking about. This is my real voice. I'm revealing this is my real voice. I've always talked like this. Look, I've got to come clean with you. I'm not what you think I am.

I mean, all I'm doing, it's all illusions. I can't do shit, all right? Look, now the world, I'm pretty sure she said that she's going to come back. She's going to end the world. And I don't know what to do with that. I hear some massive banging and scraping that's coming up your little... They're coming to get me, man. You've got to hide me, man.

You've got to fucking hide me, man. Get in the wine. Get in the wine. Get in the wine. Get in the what? We have a bowl there of wine and peas. That is a tiny bowl. I am a regular sized man. I thought you were a wizard.

Shrink yourself. I can't do shrinking. I just do ice. Okay. Can I ask what kind of... So when we went into the original Frostopolis, there were billboards of Lexicon around. What kind of celebrity is Lexicon?

Is he like the governor? Is he an actor? Is he a singer? He's like Brad Pitt crossed with Captain America. So it's kind of like he's just a catch-all superhero. He's kind of like a superstar of the... Even in the far-off lands that you come from, you've gotten bootleg DVDs

of Lexicon the Magnificent. So we'd be like quite excited to see him, right? Story Prisms. Yeah, you thought that this guy was the most powerful and he's just absolutely shat the bed in front of you and told you that he ain't shit and that he's terrifying. And so he's saying to us he doesn't have powers, he can't do anything. Well, I can't stop Unstopped World. I don't know what to do, man.

Okay, let's go. Let's go. It's so important. Okay. In Thrashers 2, where you ride that motorcycle and then do that jump, was that real?

The crashes are getting closer. This is not the time. Wait, wait, wait. Yes, I do do all my own stuff. I fuck it up. Wait, wait, wait. Yes, I do do all my own stuff. Fuck it, they're budget cut. I've got a question. Can I get an autograph? Because my darling Daryl, he just loves the one where you played all the characters.

Was it Mrs... The Muddy Confessor. The Muddy Confessor. Yeah, that was so funny. And you did the voice. You did a lady's voice. You did an old lady's voice. Hello.

Oh, it was so funny. I love that Chinese character you do. Yes. He's so funny. Oh, it's so funny. I'll do the voice. Do the voice. There's a gang of people in hoods with daggers standing at the door,

but they're waiting quietly while they hear Lexicon do his wonderful character. He's always apologising. Stop! Lexicon stands for a second, spins and runs and dives through the closed window with a smash of glass and the cultists with their black emo masks rush into the door

and we are in combat. Wait, can I try something really quick? Yeah, alright. Where's my, what's my... You've got a split second to do something before these weird emo dudes fly into the room. Alright, I say to them,

it went that way! And I point at the painted tunnel on my wall. Can one of them do an intelligence check? You've got to make a deception check for me, David. What's my deception? Hold on. These emos are stupid. Oh, that's a 20.

Yeah. New dice, new dice, new dice. The cultist spins and with absolute surety, Wile E. Coyote style slams into the... My mural. And does it spin up up and poster him around? Can I just check? If he'd got a natural 20, would he have run up the road?

He runs into the tunnel. But lunging towards you, seeing that he has failed at that, lunging towards you, dinner munch about, a cultist pulls out his sword and fucking misses you. Okay. And the next one hits. What? Doing six points of damage.

We didn't roll initiative, you fucker. I pre-rolled because Dave showed me how. Thanks, Dave. Thanks, Dave. Polly Waddle, it is your turn. Wait, hold on. How much damage did I take? Six. Six and we didn't have it is your turn. Wait, hold on. How much damage did I take? Six.

Six, and we didn't have a rest? No. Fucking hell. Sometimes you've got to say out loud you want to take a rest, otherwise you don't rest. You've got to learn. We've got to teach them. Polly Waddle, it's your turn.

So how many are there? There are two. Three left. Three. The one ran into the tunnel. I've got something here called a taunt. Okay. Yes.

So I can unleash a string of provoking words at a creature. Okay. And they must succeed on a wisdom-saving throw. Okay. What will Polly Waddle's taunting words be to a man with sort of emo hair who's just burst through the door? Nothing's right, all. I chopped him. Yeah.

With her arms on her body and her wings on her body. This is the signature Polly Waddle stance of double hands on hips. Double hands on hips. Oh, fuck. What did she say? I don't know. What did she say to him? What did she say, Alex?

That's a nice haircut. Did your mummy do it for you, big boy? And he lunges at you because you've successfully taunted him. That's what you wanted to happen, right? And he's pissed and lunges at you. But he misses because he's so infuriated. Sunbelt Gongbonger, it is your turn. I will attack the emo with my great axe.

Actually, you know what? What? I'm furious about this. Okay. That burst in on us when we were having a lovely conversation about... What were we talking about? Oh, dads. Dads.

Oh, yeah. When I was trying to explain the complex situation I was in with my many husbands and wives. And I will... I'm so furious about this. I'm going to attack him in the head with my great axe. Three and four. Neither of them hit. Swing and a miss.

Swing and a miss. Charion Valerian, it's your turn. All right. I'm going to draw my short swords. Yes. Two of them. Cross my hands over, pull them out. I look cool.

That does look cool, actually. Thank you. That's what my character says. This is really good. This is doing it for me. Very cool. Is that your arm? Not your wing.

That's your arm, yeah? Does 13 hit? 13 hits. Okay, so two shots, two hits. That's a seven and a one. That's a eight in total of damage. You slice this dude from rib to gooch. I say, I say, I say, I say, slice to meet you. And he says, what are you?

Why? nice to meet you. And he says, what are you... And he's absolutely dead. The look of disappointment on his face. Dinna, much about it is your turn. How close am I? You're probably about 20 feet from the two... How big is my apartment?

10 feet. 10 feet. You're on the far side of your apartment. There are two dudes. I pull out my gun. Not like a proper gun, though,

so I'm... You 3D printed the parts off the internet or what? I do. You can hear a whirring from the next room. So I have my gun. I've got angry tears

running down my face and I let them drip into the bullet holes of my gun where they freeze. That's right. Do you want to explain what was your subclass that we made? I'm a pity wizard. A what wizard? I'm a pity wizard.

Pity wizard. What's that? So, like, you know how you can become enraged when you're... Sure. I can get very sad. Is this real D&D or did you make this up? It's real. It's in 5D.

It becomes real. Okay, that's the rule. It's real D&D if I say. So I'm letting my frozen tears fall into my gun and my hands shaking as I point it at the nearest emo. There's one right in front of you. Yeah, I need this right now. What happened to his voice?

What do the tears do? Well, the tears go in the gun and become frost bullets or you can activate your... The great thing about that is when the police come, there'll be bullet holes but no bullets.

That's exactly what I was doing, Simon. There'll be no bullets. There'll just be all of dinner's DNA inside the person. Where's the bullet halter? I think they go in this. He just shoved his DNA right into this person's food. I'm thinking, why would you do that? Looks like he just stabbed him and then cried into the hole.

This is one sick fuck. Do you want to activate your pity aura? I think we decided that you get disadvantaged. Other enemies get disadvantaged on you because they get really sad. Yeah. So I think by shaking hand and yelling, I don't need this right now. Okay, he's going to make it. Just seeing a grown man cry into a gun is pretty rough as well.

He fails. He's about to lunge at you with his sharp pointy sword but he's like, are you okay? I will be. I know I will be. Okay. So he's not

going to attack you this turn and it's back to his turn and he kind of So we have two emos. One of them is

super pissed off with you and one of them is just like, oh my God. Love the emotions. And he comes in and he kind of... So we have two emos. One of them is super pissed off with you. And one of them is just like, oh my God. And he comes in and he's like, do you want a hug, man? Yeah, I think I do. I think I can use one.

Okay, so he goes in. So it's your turn, Polly Waddle. The remaining cultist is gone and is hugging Dinamunchababu in a tender embrace. As he hugs him, I run up and stab him in the back. Okay. That's a sneak attack, baby.

Which is a sneak attack, so make your attack roll. I mean, it doesn't get any sneakier than a classic stab in the back. Do you run up or do you just kind of tip it? It's a classic for a reason. That is a 14. Yeah, that hits. Do your d4 plus your 2d6. Uh, 10...

Uh, 13. 13 damage? Yeah. You feel a sharp point in your chest dinner munch about. Not enough to... Pierce me. Pierce the skin, but... But it's hurt my jacket again.

Yeah, your jacket has another hole in it. Okay. And the guy, the cultist hugging you, looks you in the eyes and he's like, are you okay, dude? You look kind of, and he coughs up blood and he's like, oh, sorry, I got some blood on your jacket. This, I've made, oh, I've made this about me. Oh, I've made this about me.

I just want to... I just think we need to... support each other. I just wanted you to know that... blood all over your face. Yeah, I just look at him. Somebody cares. Yeah. I just...

I touch his eyes and I slowly shut them. And he slides. And I say, the gods need you for a moonbeam. Wow. And I lie him down slowly. Yeah. When did you write that line? Was that straight off the dome?

I just thought. Wow, that's good. You pull out your pad immediately and go... I can use that later. I can use that later. So, Polly Waddle, that is your turn. There is one cultist dude standing left in the doorway and he looks at what he's seen and he spins and runs out the door.

We chase. Chase, chase, chase. Sunbelt, gong, gong. I am actually going to use my ghoul rush and dash to him and then hit him. Then I'm going to do hammering horns to pin him against the wall. Yeah, do it, man. So my rage attack is, what's his armor class? 12.

That's 15 plus 5 is 20. That hits. Whoa. That's 15 plus 5 is 20. That hits. So I hit him with... I rush and I hit him with the axe and I pin him to the wall with my horns. So you just kill him to death? No, I do it... No, no, wait. I do it through his hands.

I get his hand and I pin his hand into the wall with my horn. Okay. So you slash him, he spins around, puts his hands up in surrender and your two horns stick, stick, martyr his hands and your huffing

nose is, your face is so fucking close to his face. It is indecent. He's like, oh, don't eat me. And can I waddle up? Hands and wings on hips.

I'm like, thank you very much, Sunbelt. That was good work. This is my friend, Polly. Now listen here, you. Have a look at me in the eyes. He can't. Because, like, my face is in front of his. Oh, right.

And I sort of swish my beak up so I'm right there. Oh, this is really, I never thought I'd have two faces this close to me. This is so close. Charion comes in and just, like, sticks his face in for good measure. On the other side. Oh, boy. Take, kill me, I don't even care. I wasn't running away because I was scared.

I had other stuff to do. Now, we want some information. Are you going to give it to us or do we have to go through your other hand? Oh, I've got your information right here. You all stink. I hate you. And he tries to turn his head, but he can't. Ow!

I slap him. Ouch! Ow! That didn't hurt that badly. I didn't even care. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You can't make me talk. I'm too cool.

Look at how I'm standing. And he's got his legs crossed at the ankles because that's all he can do. That's cool. That's all he's got. Okay. This is so funny. What are you going to do? Do it.

I put my beak inside his mouth. And I open my beak. Polly, what are you doing? Polly, no, no, no. No, no, no. His tongue is waggling inside your mouth now. Chariot throws up. It's weird.

Sorry, I was really good. Everyone else make a constitution check. That's a nat 20. You don't borrow. I think, honestly, some don't kind of like you. What about you guys? 19. Oh, yeah, tough.

I got a nine. I'm like spitting on the ground. I'm going to, well, something that dinner at Munchabout definitely has a lot of is like those dare chilies that come in the mail. Yes. So I put the. Because he watches hot ones. Yeah. I put the

chip from the one chip challenge into his mouth on his tongue. Wait, did you get your duck mouth out of there? Oh, it's on his tongue. While it's open, I put it on his tongue. I don't think ducks have fucking tongues. Yeah, they do. They do. Alright, they're not big ones. Okay. So is your tongue

under his tongue? No, no, no, no, Okay. So your tongue's under his tongue. No, no, no, no, no. So it goes human head, duck beak, human tongue. No, no, chip, human tongue, duck tongue, duck beak, human mouth. Yeah, great. She's not. It's what we call the world's hottest sandwich. She's not like pashing him. I can, like, put it on just his tongue.

I'm prizing his jaw open as a method of torture. So, wait. So, you think that your beak strength is stronger than the human mouth strength? No, because the beak will open up more than the human jaw. I think this requires a strength check. Otherwise, you're going to be eating chips. Okay. Well, look.

Once that... He's about to bite down on you. Good luck. But once he's got that chip in his mouth and he tastes that hot ghost chili pepper, he doesn't want to bite down at all. Okay. So it's like when you put a stick in like a cartoon mouth. Yeah. Yeah, you've got like a stick beak. Yeah.

He's like. Okay, great. And I'm like, I don't have any milk. Because if we go over and we look in dinner's fridge, it's very sad. Mostly peas and wine. Peas and wine. There's eight mother energy drinks. There's three yaoi's.

Yes. What's your plan here, Polly? I pull my beak out of his mouth. And he crunches down and he's like, oh, God, please. Not such a smart, smarty mouth now, are you, mister? It's not even that hard. Now, listen here. We want answers to three questions. Okay, well, do them one at three questions. Okay, we'll start.

Do them one at a time. Oh, God. Who are you working for? That's actually a really good question. What is Celestia's plan? Yeah. And a third one I'll open to the group. I don't know.

Like, does he know any good recipes or like restaurants nearby? Does he know any good recipes? Do I know any good what? Simple ones in like under 30 minutes. Like something Claire Saffitz would say. Maximum five ingredients. Yeah, but actually 30 minutes. Not one of those ones that says 30 minutes but then all the chopping is magically done by who?

Or something you can put in a bag that you just dump into the pressure cooker. Yeah. And I'll just say Claire Saffitz is doing a wonderful job with that grey streak. I think it's really beautiful. I agree. Because dinner watches a lot of Claire Saffitz. My mouth is on fire.

Oh, God. Just kill me. Just kill me now. Who do you work for? We'll unmake the world. Oh, God. I wish the world would end right now. It's too hot.

She'll unmake the world. she'll unmake the world she she can't she'll unmake the world okay so you're you're working for oh god please any milk milk at all anything any hot baby beverage where's she at someone spit in my mouth listen one thing one thing that i did keep in the separation was the last generation's Dyson vacuum cleaner. I will vacuum your tongue if you give us what we need. What? What do you need? Anything.

Anything, please. Answer our questions. Well, that's a question number two, if you all remember what it was. What does Celestia want to do? She wants to un-make the world. Well, the answer for question one was the same for question two. So now we get two more questions. That's why I said to go one at a time, but you went, you double-loaded them first.

You've wasted the whole question. Oh, don't you get mouthy with me, young man. Just kill me. Where is she? Oh, I don't know. Okay. All right. Well, I don't know. Okay. All right. Well, I guess that just brings us to the recipe.

Oh, I'm vegan. And he's vegan. So it has to be vegan. I know it's controversial. But he needs a lot of protein as well. No, it's controversial, but try the stew. I won't say who by. But it's kale, it's chickpeas.

Oh, the stew? That's called a bloody curry, mate. And she stabs him in the neck. And he drops to the ground. As his body drops to the ground, Sunbelt unhorns him, I guess, and catches his body and cradles his body and just sort of looks at his eyes and sings.

When I was a young boy, my father, my seven fathers, took me into the city to see a marching band. And Lexicon walks out into the hallway. He's been singing along. He knows the hey, thanks for saving me, guys. That was awesome. Okay, well, what are we going to do about saving the world?

Am I right? Am I right? Hey, so while I was back there cowering on the fire escape, not cowering, cowering, cowering there cowering on the fire escape. Not cowering. Cowering, cowering, cowering scenes. I remembered my old, I want you guys to do something for me.

Go see my old screenwriting teacher. Oh my God, this fucking guy again. He's not a screenwriting teacher. What are you talking about? He's not, he told me to my face he's not a screenwriting teacher. You keep calling him that. You keep sending people there.

He doesn't like you that much. It becomes very apparent that Lex has been sending his apprentices and everyone to a very powerful wizard who he keeps calling his screenwriting teacher. Look, he's got the best stories, though. Look, he knows about all this shit, okay? I've got one little portal stone left that I made out of Lego. But it's magic. It's magic. I 3D, look, you wouldn't know because you 3D print everything,

but some people buy things from the store in kits. Look, if you, look, dinner. What? I pay, you want to keep your fucking job, man? No! Okay. Well, there is a great crash at the bottom of the stairwell as more and more cultists come pouring in.

No, no, no. Look, I've got to get the fucking... Are you coming with us? You're staying here. Why should we be helping you? What will this city be without me? Don't answer that question. And boom,

he opens up a portal and through the portal, the blinding snows of the wastes. Alright, come on guys, I've done this before, it's fine. Alright, thank you. Goodbye, Lexapro. Lexacon! And he jumps out the window again.

So I guess we... Am I bringing my dog? Can I? You can take the dog. He jumps right through. All right, this is my dog, therapy dog. Therapy dog jumps right through, and I'm like, look, it's fine.

I've been here. Come with me. This shit's all fucked anyway. As we go through the portal, I think we're all commenting on all the cool stuff that Dina is leaving behind in his apartment. Yeah.

We're commenting on the cool stuff I'm leaving behind? My sword? Yeah. Wait, you don't want your sword? It's just for looks. I see. Oh, look, I don't know. I don't know who I've become. I mean, I've killed so many people. What? I'm going to bring my dice in, I see. Oh, look, I don't know. I don't know who I've become. I mean, I've killed so many people. What?

I'm going to bring my dice in, I think. I mean, I'm a mother. Can I do this? I think mothers can do anything, including murder. Support women. Back at the ranch, I'm something of an ally. That means a lot. Thank you, Sunbelt.

As you walk through this portal, you come to this huge, dark, frozen tundra and you find, as the portal winks out of existence behind you, a black wasteland with the only light is this small hut which is just in front of you. And as the portal winks out of existence the hot door opens and quite a tall broad broad a tall broad says all hello sailor what's the deal around this bus no or maybe a tall broad gentlemen bald of

head and hairy of chin, opens the door. Classic reverse hair. Yeah, and he's doing a handstand as well. It makes me think he bumped his head once and all of his hair went through his head down to his chin. What's his puke situation? Go on his butt cheeks. Yeah, like bald's similar, right?

Are we saying ball above the dick and then, like, beard on the balls? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying all the pubes are on the butt cheeks. All the pubes are on the butt cheeks. They came out the back. Smooth up front. Yeah. Smooth up front, Harriet's back.

It's kind of like a downstairs mullet. Yeah, he's got bum hair that goes across his two cheeks instead of up and down. He's had a lot of very specific hair transplants. Doctor, give me the arse mullet! I need this. Why would you go across the cheeks? It's the worst possible place to have hair.

He's a trendsetter. The figure has the door open and he looks at the three of you and he looks at dinner and says, Oh, my God, what are you doing here, Munchabout? Dude, I didn't even want to come. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? Lexington sent us back. Lexington.

Lex, Lex, Lexapro. I don't appreciate him, but his name is Lex. Rolodex sent us back here. Come in, come in. Shit's fucked, dude. You had your little party, you had your little solstice thing. I didn't even want to be at the party. I spent most of the time on my back.

What do you mean? You fell over again, didn't you? I fall down again, yes. Oh my god, he comes over and he kind of gives you a prod. Dexterity check. It's a two. Oh. No. It's a two. It isn't fair. I have an inner ear infection that will not go away. And it's not fair for you to keep doing this.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. March about. Who are you three? Well, my name's Polly Waddle and I've killed three men today. I'm Charion Valeriant and I've killed two men today. But in my life, many more. So it's not actually a competition, so we don't have to keep on listing how many people we've killed. But let's just all know it's heaps.

And my name is Sunbelt Gongbonger. I've never killed a man. Well, that's not true. You killed a man earlier today. We saw it. We've never killed a man. Okay, a bunch of assistants, not with any of your masters, it seems.

Why aren't you at the big dinner party or something like that that Lexicon is probably having? We're done-zo. Pardon? Everything's done Lexicon is probably having? They're done-zo. Pardon? Everything's done-zo, mate. Oh, so done-zo. Absolutely done-zo. Oh, my God.

Dinner's ready. And out of the door from the kitchen, a little flappy ice imp comes in and says, Oh, Nilmire, didn't tell me we were having bloody company for dinner. Here we go. I didn't know I was... having bloody company for dinner. Here we go. I didn't. I've made froggin' off. Everyone, this is Gavin.

This is Gavin, my ice method. Hi, Gavin. Hi, Gavin. Oh, hello again. Hello. Well, look, there's plenty for everyone. Why don't you all come in? Come in, come in.

Have a bit of grub. Thank you very much. Have a bit of tucker. I have a question. How long did this take to cook? 30 minutes or less Was that the actual cooking time? Tune in next time

For another exciting Installment Of Dragon Freak Dragon Friends! Woo! I did. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. The cast of Dragon Friends Campaign 2 is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hinn, and Demi Lunt. Our dungeon masters are Eden Lacey and Tom Carty with live accompaniments by Nick Harriot.

Shakira Khan is our producer. The podcast is edited, mixed, and mastered by me, Hugh Guest, and new episodes are recorded live every month at the Vanguard Theatre in Sydney on Gadigal land in the Eora Nation. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early access to ad-free episodes,

show recordings and exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. When a goddess returns From years of imprisonment and exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Stop. The heroes of youth. Brave heroes of youth. Destiny be done. These four freaks will become the heroes of youth. Do you know that when you get a Brazilian butt lift, you can't sit down for four months?

Yeah, Eden. I'm on month three, Demi. I'm telling you, it's tough. It's tough back here. Give it to spin, Nicky. The doctor told me not to spin too much. What the... Yeah!

Get ass!