Dragon Friends - DF2 #1.04. My Name is Dinner

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

The unlikely and unproven heroes of Yearth find themselves thrust into their first peoples in need of their aid: a race of frog people with certain moist proclivities and access to the first of the team's hidden weapons. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Really feels like you're pitching this to your D&D group, Eden. The heroes of young, brave heroes of young. Destiny be done, these four freaks will become the heroes of yore The sounds of slurping have subsided. Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh no, their tongues are so sticky. Find yourself in a hot, wet, sticky jungle.

Jungle, honestly. Honestly, and there's lots of, sticky, jungle, jungle, honestly. Honestly, and there's lots of bollywugs, wet-looking frog people, sticky pads, big globulous eyes, and they blink at you out of the darkness, blinded by the torch carried by Sunbelt Gongbonger. And one of the large Bollywugs

steps to the front and is like, and he says, Um, hey nerds. Hi. Uh, you kind of were invited to this make-out party.

Yeah, you were invited to the make-out party. Tell them, Gek. Yeah. Nice one, Gunk. Yeah. Woo! And they high-five with their tongues. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Uh, yeah. We're trying to get our, um, our Gek on, uh, our drink on out in, that's what I call it because I'm GEC and I like to get my GEC on, you know what I'm talking about? And I'm GUNK, but I call it GEC too because GEC's cool. Yeah. Woo! Yeah.

This is my girlfriend, Freeba. Freeba? Freeba. Oh. And that's GUNK's girlfriend, Flange. Yeah. Hi. Hey.

And I don't have a partner yet, but I'm another girl frog. And I'm just waiting for someone to take an interest. And what's your name, young lady? My name's Stink There's nothing wrong with me, I promise Stink, you're bleeding from your eyes! That just happens to Girlfrog sometimes Yeah, where we're from, she's really hot.

Yeah. She's too hot for us. I've got sunburn. Oh, no. Oh, my God. I wish I was as hot as Stink. She gets all the boys. I'm sorry about Stink.

No, we love Stink. Stink, Stink, have you had some work done? Yeah, a love stink. Do you want to start? Stink, stink, have you had some work done? Yeah, a little bit. Mostly myself. I found a stapler. What? A stapler? I found a stapler and I thought, yeah, it looks easy enough.

I had some holes I needed to shut. Did you give yourself gastric bypass surgery with a staple you found? I'll never tell. And she turns around and at the back of her head are like three large staples. She inflates her jewel up and the top of her head just goes bloop. Stink. Stink. Stink. Why is Stink the only frog here with massive tits? Oh, because I hired a couple of bees to sting me.

Every single morning it's easier than a bra. You're not a mammal. Why do you need friends? You're a frog. Well, you noticed them, didn't you? Anyway, Stink and Freebur and Flange all go off into a puddle and move around in it.

Unfortunately, having known the character for only a few episodes, I do feel like Dinner Muchabout would be really intrigued by Stink. Yeah. What's Dinner Muchabout feel about this? Dinner Muchabout is holding a pillow over his crotch. I didn't know much about Phil about this. He didn't know much about it. He's holding a pillow over his crotch.

Yeah, it's kind of a mossy pillow that he's found. And he's holding it there and he's like, you know, it just got cold. And he's got like a couple beads of sweat. I think, I don't know, is there a boner check? Yeah, which one's for the boner check? Yeah, I guess that's... Is it medicine? No, not medicine. Medicine? Well, it depends what skill the bonus? Yeah, I guess that's... Is it medicine? No, not medicine.

Medicine? Well, it depends. What skill would you like to use? A constitution or you could use your strength to try and... I think... Hold it down. A lot of hands. To conceal the erection.

Well, I was going to say, because I'm using a moss pillow, like I said, I could probably use nature. A what? Nature. A nature check? I could use nature. Okay, use your nature check. Yeah.

He's just... You can bully him. It doesn't your nature check. Yeah, you can bully him. It doesn't matter. He's like, yeah, I got a three on that. Just use that one. It's a natural 20. Yeah. This is new dice. Dinner Munchabout ingratiates himself with the locals almost immediately and slides into the burbling wet pool with stink and flange.

Yeah. I got a low squat and a long jacket. Hey, bro, that's not cool. Those are our girlfriends, bro. Yeah, that's our girls, bro. Hey, I'm going to threat around here, baby. And I kind of like waddle over still in the, my little butt is touching the, it's kind of going plop.

Whoa. Plop, plop, plop, plop. Hey, guys, I'm not a threat. If you need a frog body, I'm your best bet. I got slippery legs and green little toes. I'll sniff about your frog eyes with my nose. What is happening? My name's Dinner.

And I'm here to just hang out. I'm Dinner. I'm Dinner. He's Dinner. And I'll make your girlfriend shout But not sexually Whoa Alright Wow

I think I think the what's happening did actually happen in the universe that Alex said. What's happening? Dude. What the fuck is going on? That was fucking awesome. Do you want to join our glee club, dude? I'll let you know when I'm free.

Look, we're not here to join your glee club or fuck your girlfriends, okay? Whoa, dude. Simmer did. Did. Did. Although, did I tell you about my Brendan? She really thinks they've made a connection. I feel like she's been chatting a lot.

Who's Brendan? My husband. And I really hope this story's about him joining a glee club. No, it's just that one day he just said he was going to buy some lily pads

and they've never heard from him since. So I was just thinking, you know, not that I want these two, but I'm just saying I'm on a new adventure. Polly's on the prowl. Polly's on the prowl. I'm open for opportunities.

Okay. That's all I'm saying, all right? I just realised her name is Polly. I was about to say, only a name or? I have never seen a frog fuck a duck. Oh. And like, because obviously the way I came about back in the day was I imagine some sort of man fucked a. Some sort of cow.

Cow or a cow fucked a, I don't know like how it worked exactly. So I'm just thinking maybe there'd be a half duck, half frog. Oh yeah, a frock. Meanwhile. So I'm just thinking maybe there'd be a half duck, half frog. Oh, yeah. A fruck. Meanwhile. Or a dog. That's how we got dogs. Yeah, you know dogs.

You know, just regular. Yeah. Full legs, barking. Duck and frog, woof woof. That's. Yeah. Full legs, barking. Duck and frog, woof, woof. That's... Yeah. Every dog is from... Every dog is from a frog and a duck. Making beautiful, terrible love.

Just so much hopping and flapping. Yeah, it just ends up... Dog. Anyway, we are looking for some magical weapons. Oh. We've got some glug. Some what? Glug.

It's like you drink it and you feel good. It feels really good. We're pre-gaming for the big festival tonight. Oh, what's the festival? Why would you mention it? Why would you mention it? Sorry, this glug is so good. It's slowed my faculties significantly.

It's the Gloob Shaka Festival. Where we go up big gloob. What? What? Gloob Shaka. Listen, I'm getting massive virgin vibes from you three. This guy's cool, but you guys should go and sit with that little prick. Hey, Juan Wee, We got some friends for you.

Yeah, because you need some because you don't have any. Hey, I can hang. Sing a song. You can only hang with us if you prove that you're great at doing Glee Club, dude. Of course. I once saw a dog. And it was... No, I can't do this. Go with the virgins.

Go with the virgins, loser. And they point over to, in the dark, there's one little wooden stump with a diminutive little frog fella. He's got spots on him. He's a little grung. Hello there, spotty frog! My name's what?

No, my name's not spotty frog. My name's Onwee. Onwee. Onwee. Onwee? Onwee. What? My name, you can call me spotty frog. Your name is Pondwee? Pondwee Onwee Onwee Onwee What? My name

You can call me Spotty Frog Your name is Pondwee? Pondwee No Pondwee You can call me Spotty Frog If you'd like No I think you should be proud of yourself

Okay Thank you Oh I heard that you could go and stay with the ladies But you decided to come over and talk to me too Yeah we're looking to go to regionals, but... That's cool. I wanted to do Glee Club before as well, but they said I couldn't rib it quite as loud

as some of the other Bollywugs. That's not how loud you have to rib it. It's how much heart you put into that sound. Gee whiz, whenever I asked about sound before, the others would just kick me in my frog nuts and tell me I'm a virgin. But you, obviously the most charismatic and handsome of your group, are being nice to me. Yeah.

I would like to give you a handshake. Let's do that. Okay. Now, just so I know, we both think a handshake is the same thing. With our tongues. We use your tongues with your handshake. All right, here I go.

And how, do I have to? His frog tongue just comes and slaps you in the face. All right, cool. Hey, thanks. Thank you. I would never kick your frog nuts. And what's with these guys? They're a little bit A little bit stroppy

They're kind of jerks They're kind of Yeah Oh they're just They've already done The ceremony They're already men You can see

They've got the tattoo And everything I'm just I don't know I guess when Look tomorrow When I go up And I become a man

And I do the ceremony Then it's all gonna be It's all gonna be good guys I'll be able to hang out With them And have some fun What is the ceremony? Are you guys Don't know a ceremony? It's all going to be good, guys. I'll be able to hang out with them and have some fun. What is the ceremony?

Are you guys talking about a ceremony? Are you stupid or something? Now that might be why sometimes you get a little bit excluded. Maybe you just want to speak with kindness. Sorry. You've been showing me the way, the truth and the light. New friend dinner. It's the Goob Shaka ceremony.

It's where all the young kind of guys go over. And to be men, we got to go up into a volcano. And he points one of his little froggy hands and over the tops of the tree, you can see it just in the distance, is the top of a quite active, fiery volcano, grumbling and bumbling. But it's the only one day of the year tomorrow when it's not as active as the other days. So that's the only day we can go up there. Hey, Polly, do you remember that shitty song the guy sang? One of the rhymes was volcano.

I think one of the fucking weapons is in the fucking... Yeah, I remember the word volcano, but I couldn't really make much sense of it. And I didn't write it down at the time. No, I didn't either. Even though I got to hear it about three or four times. Someone's weapon is in the volcano, though. I'm pretty sure. I think if we just go up there, we'll find out which one it is.

Yeah, we'll help you. What? We'll help you. What is your name? Onwe. Onwe. We are going to help you get to that, and we're going to make you a man. Really?

Yeah. Do you reckon that after that I can have a girlfriend? Yeah. Onwee, you're bleeding from your eyes. Yeah, I've never had this much optimism before. Oh, that would be great, guys, just to hold her hand, have her talk. Is there anyone in particular or you just want a girlfriend?

Is there a special girl you've got your eye on? Special girl. Your bloody eyes on? Let me think and sing. Well, but then one of the other frogs throws a rock at his head. You're not on the team, dude. Don't sing.

Sorry. I'm imagining his head is quite soft. So it sort of takes a second for the rock to fall off. Go back into place. Give me back my rock. Sorry. He really likes that rock. It fits his hand really well. Look, you guys, I appreciate the help,

but this is just something a young man, a young boy has got to do by himself. If you all go, I was going to go back into the carnival before and they're having a big party just before the ceremony tomorrow. You can just stay here and... You can have a bath with that hot frog. My concern

is that if I stick around here I'll have to have sex with a frog. Who knows what animal could come from that? It's like when someone with a double-barrelled surname marries someone with a surname and then what do you do with all the surnames?

Except with animal species. I guess I heard you talk about sex a few times. Can I ask a question? What is that? What is sex? Yeah, what is it? Basically, what is it? In my experience, sex is

what my wife does with... I think her seven other husbands. And that's cool. That's cool, you know? It's something you watch from a special chair in the corner. No, no, no. Sex is just a thing that you have to... I write down.

Like you write down when you want it or when it's done? No, no, no. Like when they're doing it, I sit in the chair. And then I've got the diary. And I've got to write down, oh, they started off in cowboy. Why? Why? And then they went to, Then they did a big swing.

Yep, say it. One more. No, actually say three more. Three more. And then they did... Okay, that's one. And then... You're right, aren't they? They just cuddled for a bit.

And then... Big finish all in. And it's a big... Big finish all in. And an eight-way kiss. Okay, I just... I've written... An eight-way kiss.

Eight-way kiss. I wrote down swing, because I like swings. And you hear drums coming off from deep into... Platonic drums, don't worry. Platonic drums from off in the jungle in the direction of the volcano.

Oh, that sounds like Showtime. Yeah, Showtime. They're going to do a bunch of stuff in there. There's parties, stuff, everything. I won't go. I won't bust your father. Oh, God. You are a very handsome young man.

Really? Oh, yeah. And I saw some of those other girls stink. Do you know what stink? Oh boy, stink's my older sister. Wow. I think she could teach... No, no, I don't...

She seemed like an experienced young woman and I thought she would have told you about the birds and the frogs by now. Oh, you know, we don't talk that much. What? She's too busy fucking. Who's the girl? Tell us about the girl.

Oh, well, if I had to. Her name's Sandra. Well, if I had to. Her name's Sandra. And you see the most disgusting shade of green fill his cheeks. It's like blushing for a little frog. She's cool. She was a spawn of the two houses down from me.

So we were eggs pretty close together. I don't know. I feel like she doesn't even know who I am. But tomorrow when I get my lava mark, I think I'm going to be a big strong man. And then maybe she'll say hello when I say hello to her. Is that her over there? Yeah, no, it's not.

Is she fucking that other frog right now? Is that Sandra? She's got the S on her back, right? That's her? Yeah. And that frog is so big. Yeah. Yeah, he's my age. ass on her back, right? That's her? And that frog is so big. Yeah.

He's my age. But I'm small. Can I just gauge, do you guys want to go to this party or not? Yes, let's go. And so, off you go. Go. Whiffling through the Tulgeywood to the town of Gloob.

In the shadow of the great volcano. And set up is a thriving festival. There's a Ferris wheel. It looks rickety as hell. But there's frogs climbing all over it. And they're doing the thing where they jump down. It's like one of those manual ones. And there's a long

table laid out with the gauze filled with weird jelly stuff. And there's all of these bollywogs around them just slamming down shots, falling down drunk. And and there's all of these bollywogs around them just slamming down shots, falling down drunk. And then there's the weird clown squirt thing

where they're like this. It's just a bunch of fish men and they're on their knees and it's weird. And they're throwing bits of bread into their mouth. That's what's happening. And then there's also There's a stage set up

And there's a banner above the stage And the stage says Gloob So this is Gloob It's pretty good You can have some fun There's some stalls over there There's some drinking over there

You just basically Just have a good time I want to win a dog You can win You want to what? There's You can win. You want what? I see a store. They're offering prizes, which are life dogs. Yeah.

And I want to win one. Yeah, there are. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Is therapy dog still with us?

The what? Is therapy dog still with us? Oh, yeah, therapy dog. Yeah, therapy dog's still with us. Could you ask your dog to stop with us? Oh, yeah, therapy dog. Yeah, therapy dog. Is therapy dog still with us? Yeah. Could you ask your dog to stop biting my leg? It hurts quite a lot.

I will ask. I will ask. Okay. Therapy dog, if you don't mind, that's not a biting leg, okay? You can have a go at mine. If you want to, not too hard. He's not going to stop. Thank you.

He's biting harder now. He's not going to. This is, no, I can't. Okay, so there's dogs. There's the dogs. They're all up on the shelf. What game is it? It's the fish man game.

Okay. Let's go. So I need to put some bread in the fish clown mouth? You put the bread and if they shit it out in the right alley, then that'll go down. What number am I trying to get? That's an excellent question. Why don't you roll it

and I'll tell you no. I rolled an eight. Oh, it goes, you calculate that if you do it, if you want to get it a little more to the right. And the fish man says, I'm so full,

so full, no more breath, I'm hungry. Wait, these are actual fish, man? I thought it was like a fucking plastic fucking cage. And the guy next to them is like, Free us. Our lives are in endless pain.

What the fuck are you guys running here? And presumably it's just a string that's coming out. It's just twirling and whirling back and forth. The next stall across with the corner of the cobs is like Fishman foie gras. Hey, hey, Fishman! Yeah?

Do you want me to put you out of your misery? Kill me! I'm going to attack the Fishman with my axe. And seeing their suffering has made me quite mad. Okay.

So I go into a rage and I've got advantage. Okay. The highest one is a nat 20. Look at that. Wow. Don't applaud that. No, I asked first. I asked and said, do you want to put you out of your misery?

That doesn't mean they should applaud. At least one of them said, please kill me. No, that's true. And you absolutely slice him. We're different this year. Sure, but it's a broader philosophical question that we haven't got the time to get into. I'm believing euthanasia for fish men.

I'm just really quickly going to turn to Chari and be like, this is not how I got my dog. I did not have to do any of that. So what do you do with your axe? How do you put him out of his misery? I'm going to, because they're all in a row,

I imagine. Yes. I'll do a swipe across. Wow. Are you going to see how many? I'll try and kill how many fish men I can kill. Okay. Well, that's a 20.

So I guess roll some damage. Great. Let's see how many die. By the way, there's one at the end. That's eight plus six, so 14 damage, I think. What's the armor class of a fish man dressed like a clown?

It's low. They're in the prone condition. So you decapitate three of them and they say, sweet death. And then a guy comes around from the back and he said, oh, machine's broken. And he gets his spear and he prods a few more

and a few tied up fish men come out from the back. Oh my God. Over from the drinking table here, oh, we got a big man going around with his big axe here. Hey there. And you turn to see a huge toad-like dwarf. You were the guy fucking Sandra before. Yes, I was the guy fucking Sandra.

I was having my way with Sandra. What you going to do about that? Come in here with your big axe, kill her and add a fishman. Can I let this last? You won't play again. You come play a game with me, big axe, kill her and add a fishman. Can I let this last? You won't play again. You'll come play a game with me, big boy, huh? Come on, sit down. Come sit down at the drinking table.

Play a game with me, huh? I think, can my friend come? Which one? My friend Polly the duck. Yeah, see no reason. Not do. So, yes. And he goes and he sits down at the long table lined with gourds

and there's various Bollyworks coming out, filling up the gourds with this viscous, it's kind of like chia seed. You know when they make chia seed drinks? Oh, yeah. Chia pudding? Yeah, chia pudding drink. Yep.

And everyone's wasted and like falling asleep. But the dwarf seems quite together. I thought he was a toad. Well, he's toad-like. Oh. So he fits in. We've got a bit of a game around here every year. We have a bit of a drinking game.

If you want to play over there, you can play over here as well. Three big sips of this beer may stay around here. You get a little prize and it's better than any dog. Oh, could be a cat. It's not a cat. It's not a cat. Is it like four dogs? Cool.

Not. Let me check. And he opens his jacket and goes, it's not four dogs. A cat is when a capybara and a bat have sex. Maybe that lady should destroy this world. It's not good. If you want to beat me in a drinking competition,

it keeps flicking into something else. You get one of these and it goes like this and he pulls out, you see he's got this necklace on that's like this little beer mug and it stinks to high heavens of this liquid that you've put in front of you. Should we just go in? She was aggressive.

You said you, Michael, said you said that Gongbonga was different. You said. You did. You said that. You did. You've said it. And can I, I'm just going to have a word with my colleague,

if you don't mind. I don't like this man, and I would like to free all those fish people. So could you distract him, and maybe I'll sneak around and untie them? He will take on your drinking offer. He's the best drinker in our town I'm going to go and do a wee, bye

I'm afraid your wife cannot cheer you on now What kind of kid do you even have if you have sex with her? Because you're sort of a half-half She's not my wife. She's just a duck that I know. I've heard that before. And he

drinks down his first sort of jello shot drink. Alright, Gongbonga is going to drink the jello shot but then also eat the glass. As like a show of dominance. Okay. So what check is that?

I think that's going to be strength. Make a strength check. Because you're still enraged, I guess. That is nine plus three is 12. Yeah, you crunch down. Okay, so now you've destroyed the glass, the gourd, and he's suitably impressed. But now we need opposing constitution checks.

While this is happening, we're just eating that thing where it's like a stick and it's a potato and it's like a spiral. And we're just enjoying that very much. I like it. I like it a lot. Constitution check. That is 13 plus constitution is two, so 15. Okay, that's a six plus a...

Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Six plus a million. Round one, Gongbong. You kind of... Does not taste quite as much. I'm drunk.

Okay, one more. Come on then. Round two. We're just eating like a bag of mini donuts. Yeah. Like really small minutes. Oh, the little pop-a-jays? Yeah.

Oh, I love a pop-a-jay. And what is Polly doing while all this is happening? Oh, yeah. Are you going to do some stealthiness for me, Polly? Yes, I'm going to do some stealthiness, and I want to go behind where all the fishmen are kept. Okay. All right.

Make me a stealth check. Tell me what you're going to do. Do I get any special roguy stuff? You've got the skill. You're just using your skill. Oh, yeah. All right. You're using the skill.

Oh, yeah, baby. 21. You are so... Oh, you. All of the Bullywugs, you are significantly below their eye height. Yeah, and I'm just like head down, running really fast. Okay, so back there, you find a bamboo cage

filled with fishmen, Kootoa fishmen, and they all look full already. Oh no! Why would they make them full already? They like to torture us! They want us as full of bread as possible before the games begin. Oh, a duck, not a mean duck.

Save us, duck. You're not like those frogs, are you? No, I'm not. And I'm going to get my dagger and I'm going to... What is keeping the bamboo closed? Just a bit of rope. They've got very wet hands, so they can't grip to untie it. All right, so I'm going to slice it open.

And now are they all tied to each other? Yes, but there's a little stream just behind them, and they kind of go and they start flapping towards the little stream and say, Doc, you've done us a good turn. Please tell us your name so we may sing it in praise for our children and our children's children. And our children's children's children's children. And then they will maybe forget. After that, there will be quite a lot of generations.

But until that day, we will sing the name... Polly Waddle and her friends. What? What? Polly Waddle? What are you giving me attitude? No, it's a beautiful name. It's a beautiful name.

What's your name, sunshine? Oh, the... Cod. Cod. Well, don't you feel silly now? No. That's a type of fish. Yeah, but it's my name.

Well, I hate it. I'm not. Well, I hate your name. Well, I still believe in your freedom. Fuck. Thank you. So off you bloody go. Thank you.

Jeez, some people. And they splash off down towards the little stream and disappear into the river. Hing is still drinking. What are you doing? Corn on a stick. I was, yep. And what about you? Dagwood dog half dipped in a lot of sauce.

That's a lot of sauce. That's a lot of... Are you allowed... What are you doing when you run out of sauce on a Dagwood? Double dip, bebet. Am I watching a drinking competition

or what? Right, yeah. Final round. I've... This... Constitution checks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constitution.

I've already rolled. 15 plus two is 17. You've won... Not only has he taken this shot and tried to take it but he's like not doing well. He's tried to crunch the glass

in his mouth again and he's just broken down and he's gone and he's face planted on the table. You have won the drinking competition. You!

And you see as his face slams down to the table, he's got an interesting looking kind of locket hanging around his neck. I loot dat locket. What do you want at Fair and Square? It's an amulet of drinking. And it stinks, right? Yeah, it stinks.

But if you drink any alcohol from now on, you can heal yourself like a healing potion. Once a day, if you can find yourself a pint of drink, it's going to be like a healing potion. That's cool. We thought it's Dungeons & Dragons. You've got to give them magic items. They love it.

Do you love it? I love it. If you guys want to explore, you might find some cool shit around. Or you could find a banana full of chocolate. One or the other. I think I'm really going to get into home brewing now. Well, I'm walking around there and I've got a candy apple. I'm walking around.

What do I see? You see that a little bit away from the maddening crowd. The what crowd? Bees. They're far away from the maddening crowd. The what crowd? Bees. From there, far away from the bees. Far away from the, where the bees are.

Where were the bees? Is it what? You walked away from them. which is a book and then I talked about bees. Is there bees in that book? Yeah, the front cover has bees on it.

Just keep going. There's a big old fig tree and in the fig tree, it looks like there's a little house built. There's a little house. And there's lots of like skulls and vines hanging down. And there's a little sign above the door.

And the sign says, shop. Ooh, haunted house. All right, what else is there? No, no, it'll be fun. Come on, let's go. Alright, let's go. Are you scared? No. Are you scared? No. You're scared? No! It's okay if you wet yourself a little bit, as long as you don't wet yourself

full. I haven't. And if I need to, I've got extra pants. So don't you feel a bit silly? Uh, Ludi. Did you hear that? Oh, looks So don't you feel a bit silly? Hello there. Did you hear that? Oh, looks like it's a bout of toners.

Haven't seen the looks of your... Am I interrupting your conversation? I'm what we say. You see a spotty looking frog, slightly smaller than the other ones. But it's not... It's not one-way. Can you just spell the name? W-O-N-W-E-E. One-way.

One-way. Thank you. Like I said. Oh, some out-of-towners. Would you like to come in and test my wares? Sure. What wares where? Where do you just...

Inside my shop. Which? Is the signage not effective? Wait, which... Which wares where... Right behind me. Lead on. I've got it...

Here, come inside. I've got all... I've got all manner of trinkets, doodads, what's it... What's the best thing in your shop? Well, I'm... Spit it out! I'm partial to this little bird that you put next to a glass of water. That is...

Look, he drinks. He just does it all day. He's a thirsty bird. I'll take it, however much it costs. Alright. What do you have to trade? I will trade this

song. Birds are drinking. Never stopping drinking. Dipping down and going up Oh, birds Never stopping drinking Always, always drinking

Fill it to the top Oh, drinking bird Oh, wow. Oh. Though I shall never see this drinking bird again, I shall always remember it in song. There you are, my friend. Is it a magic thing?

Yeah, it is. It drinks the water. Where does it go? It's a drinking bird. And if you put it next to a glass of water, you don't have the ability to discern its magical properties yet. But when you know... When you hear a voice next to you, you go,

Dad, you didn't give him a drinking bird, did you? Oh, did you want that? Listen, son. Dad? Son, it's time to put away such childish things. Time to become a man. Time to climb the mountain. Time to burn yourself with a brand of hot lava. Oh, dad, okay. There's no reason to be afraid, my son. Tomorrow

you will climb Gloom Shaka. Come back and find a girlfriend. Just like you, Dad. Just like, just like I found a girlfriend. Well, actually, Dad, maybe thank you for giving me away the childish toy.

Now, you know, it's good. You know this isn't for kids. Adults can like it too. I like it. I'm an adult. I'm a cool old adult. Not that old, but cool. Look at how I'm sitting. What do you think dinner is?

Do you agree? With fucking what? I don't know. I just think that what you say is pretty alright. The next morning we go on a quest. What the fuck is happening? I think you're allowed to like whatever you want, but I don't think you need any of that stuff.

All you have to do is listen to your heart, feel the sun on your face, and remember, the only one that matters is you. Dad, can my new friends stay with us tonight? They sure can, son. They sure can. Can they sleep in my room?

I'd rather not. We're adults. And so the next day dawns. I'd rather not. We're adults. And so the next day dawns. Ripe for a quest, it would seem. I didn't fucking get anything. You could have burned. You got an option to get choked off by a weird frog.

You could have had an experience, which is worth more than any item. You got that in my song. Yeah, that's true. Everyone that don't want to jerk me off wants to jerk me off. No one who's cold wants me to suck them. When's dinner going to win? When will dinner win? It feels like now's the time to ask that question.

Is it? You get it. Whatever. Why don't you say the mountain? Do it. So you leave. You file out of the house in the morning. And the town of Bollywogs are arrayed in the square.

And gloob shockaka, the great volcano is quiet. All of the juvenile Bollywugs are lined up on the starting line, ready to go. And with the crack of a whip, off they run up the mountain. But then you hear a cry from the house you've stayed in last night. Would we? Would we?

One week! And out from the shaman's hut, the shop, as it were, comes Wanwi's father. He says, Baisad, have you seen Baisad? He's missing. Is he with you? He seemed to take a real liking to you.

No, I didn't want to sleep in his room, no. I haven't seen him. But he has to. This is the one day. Did he go with the others? He didn't go. I've looked for him. He wasn't with them.

And this is his one chance to become a man. You see, we have a very short lifespan. What happens if he misses this? Well, I'm the shaman and he's the shaman's son. If he doesn't reproduce then we have no shamans and we are responsible for raising all of the children of the village. We face nothing short of extinction if he does not become a man and I've got to say I'm pretty stressed about it. Please, will you help me find my son? Of course. We like that young man.

What was his name? That was very well done. And as the four stand consoling a father, they think is this new quest something they can do? Can they deliver the young man up the mountain to become the adult that he wants to be?

And will he find a girlfriend or will he, even after being saved, be a sad virgin and just not be ashamed? All these answers next week on Dragon Friends! Woo! The cast of Dragon Friends Campaign 2 is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hinn, and

Demi Lunt. Our Dungeon Masters are Eden Lacey and Tom Cardy with live accompaniments by Nick Harriet. Shakira Khan is our producer. The podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest, and new episodes recorded live every month at the Vanguard Theatre in Sydney on Gadigal land

in the Eora Nation. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early access to ad-free episodes, show recordings and exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. When a goddess returns From years of imprisonment

Promising ruin for all The rich and the poor All pray please don't unmake us Who will protect us from what is in store? The heroes of Yerf, brave heroes of Yerf, destiny be done These four freaks will become

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You've fucking stressed me out properly By saying what happens when the sauce goes And so I'm just trying to tell you that I'm wiping it down so that it's uniform. They should make a Dagwood dog that has a little tray at the bottom of batter.

There should be a tray. You should just put it on a fucking plate. You should just have a sausage on a plate. So it's like a very tall cowboy hat. Or it should have a really long cylinder

that you fill for the sauce and you can dip it in like a dipstick. Why don't they do that with ice creams? You know an ice cream cone? Yeah. Why isn't there a little like a, you know with a sword? Do it.

There's the bit that goes across. Yes. What's that called? The hilt. The hilt. Why isn't there a hilt for ice cream cones? There fucking should be, Michael. Like a mochi hilt.

Uh-huh. And then you can put your hand underneath it. That's just the hand. And then you can stab people with it. No, because then it can get caught in the moat. I haven't slept for two weeks. There's a thing that you can get that you get, it's like a syringe, and you stick it inside of a banana

and then you take out the core of the banana and you shove it full of Nutella like it's coming and you freeze the banana and it's a nice treat if you want it. Right.