Dragon Friends - DF2 #1.10. The Combantrin Roulette

Episode Date: July 28, 2024

The heroes of Yearth find themselves face to face with an impassable barrier. The way back is closed off and the way forward is frought with danger, will our heroes find their ruins, or will their own animosity find them first? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers' internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. Hi there, it's Michael Hing here. You might know me as Freezo or as Gongbonga. Both great names, in my opinion. Now I have a little announcement for you, some important news. Time and time again we hear from Dragon Friends all over the world, in Australia and overseas, that their favourite thing, one of their favourite things about the show is that it is recorded in front of a live audience

and frankly that's also our favourite thing about the show as well. We love it. We love it We love being in the room. We love seeing our jokes get laughs in real time or on occasion bomb Yes So I thought I might let you know about some Dragon Friends podcast recordings coming up and some changes that are coming For a little while as well. Now our next recording our next live studio recording going to be at the Vanguard Theatre in Newtown as always. That is in Sydney, Eora, on Wednesday the 7th of August. And you can get tickets to that from thedragonfriends.com. Go there now, buy those tickets. We would love to see you there.

Now, if you've never been to one actually before, if you've never been to a Dragon Friends taping before, at each show we record two episodes of the podcast and also you get to see something like between the scenes stuff from us and most importantly I think to Dragon Friends fans you get to see all the stuff we asked our editor to cut out of the podcast. For example the time I gave out Dave's address on stage. For example, for example, or you know many of the jokes I've said that have been deemed inappropriate or have bombed, frankly. You know, anyway, look, we'd love to see you there. If you've never been before, it's great. It's so

much fun. And it's a great way for podcast freaks like yourself to meet other podcast freaks. And if you want to hang out with us and chat to us, we usually hang around for a bit after the show too. Now, here's the change. One little thing for people planning into the future, but there's going to be two shows we have to move venues. So this is important. There are renovations happening in the Vanguard. So the September and October shows of Dragon Friends in 2024, September and October shows will now be at the Factory Theatre in Marrickville instead of the Vanguard. So that's the September and October shows at the Factory Theatre in Manningville.

All those details will be on our social media and our website. But again, you can find tickets to the August 7th show at thedragonfriends.com. I think that's everything I had to say. Anyway, on with the show. I just wanted to say that when I was on WikiVeed, I was a 4.7.

But like then, so one of my soft little fans, like wrote to them and was like, you can't do that, you shouldn't be looking at her feet. And I was like, I think it's cool. They like my feet. I'm just upset how much fucking WikiFeet you've been looking up on my computer. This is incredible, have you ever done this?

Why was it in the bookmarks bar that's so weird the heroes of youth brave heroes of youth destiny be done these four freaks will become the heroes of youth Sitting around the campfire, the heroes of the earth ponder, ponder and ponder and ponder. But they forgot what they were thinking about, thankfully. But they're regaled by the dulcet tones of one professor's schneively chatterboxes they need. I'm looking for the grit rock ruins as I told you. I hope you all slept well because...

Yeah, did we? Yes, you did. Can I have my shit back? Yeah, you can all have your shit back. Long one? Yeah, have a big long one. Thanks. Oh, it's lovely. I because a few

days ago my compatriots, my porters went through that yonder sphincter and they've not come back yet. I hope they do. Well I think the thing that you'd have to think about is, did they exit the worm while it was underground or when it was above ground? Well, I hope they've not. They said they'd come back this way. I just didn't want to go through. I felt weird. Look at it.

I didn't want to go into that. I'm near pee. Excuse me? I'm near pee. I can't go through that. I'm near pee. Are you making fun of my accent? No. Are you making fun of me?

No. I'll have your skin for chompers. I'm a quarter whatever you are. So I'm allowed. So you know in worm, in worm-yology... Yes, I'm a professor of that. Is this the end of the worm? Or is this going through to a second stomach?

I'd say we're around the end of the worm? Or is this going through to a second stomach? I'd say we're- Tyro's doing it, no. We're around- It's the end of the worm as we know it. Yeah. Incorrect. I think you'll find yourself, you're around the middle of the worm. You've passed the stomach. And here we are poised at the duodenum,

which will take us through to the colon. Where's the taint? I would say beyond the colon at its very threshold, there lies the taint. And have you ever... It's a wee isthmus between Cork and Arsul. Cork and Arsul.

Cork and Arsul. And what's that thing you said you were looking for that you've mentioned twice so I assume we had to pay attention? Well the grit rock ruins. The grit rock ruins? The grit or grit? Are you saying grit? Grit.

Grit or grit? Like grit like sandpaper. Oh grit rock as in rock? As in raw? Grit rock ruin. Grit rock ruins. Grit rock ruin. Alright, grit rock ruins.

If you've got a map of Yrth it would be right on there. Saying grit rock ruins 17 times in a row makes you remember that wonderful poem that was told to you once and the resting place of the Axe of Sands, the second weapon of ancient Yrth. Ancient Yrth. I... Well, it's been a while so that sphincter will open any minute. And did you come across the great, the axe at any time? In the sphincter up the top there is an

axe shaped hole right at the top. Kind of like when a coyote just runs through. Like a wily coyote. Yeah just straight through it. Does that mean it went through sideways? So we can tell it's an axe? And there's like two arms and legs like B bleh! Ah, it's been smashed. And just when you start to question the structural integrity of this Schwingter, a rumbling calls through the entirety of the worm and it shakes your feet. Oh no, the worm's coming! And with a mighty and grotesque orgasm, the worm, the sphincter, unfurls itself and opens up

and a puff of stagnant disgusting air smashes you in the face. Reverse ass. Reverse ass. As you peek into the unknown. And what can we see? The... Like the... I guess the middle of the sphincter. How high up is it? Well, you know, when it opens

it would be probably five feet high, but as it opens it turns into a full diameter hole. Big old hole. A big old ten foot big old hole. Should we just should we just hack through the sphincter? Oh the sphincter opened. It's open. Let's go through then.

And shambling towards you through it you hear the sloughing and slopping. It's like a choking sort of sound. Yuck, stop. What look like... Oh, damn it. That's just it I'm much about. LAUGHTER Through slide, the shambling muscular forms.

They look like orcs crossed with worms. They've got big like, they look like they've got a big tentacle-y arm. Wait, wait, wait. Does this worm have worms? It seems to be so. And they shamble towards you. They're moving very slowly. Charyon Valeriant, you may act first. Oh, I'm slicing and dicing baby Yeah, jumping in slicing and dicing. Yeah, make an attack roll for me, please

Okay, you're gonna be next sloughing and sloping disgustingly towards you flicking out their tentacly wormy Okay, so that that hits for 22. Yes, that hits. And that's gonna be... Oh my god, that's 6. And then I get to do another attack with my other sword, which is a 5.

You slugged. And then, are there two within 5 feet of each other? Yeah. Then I'm gonna do another attack, cause I've got that new action board breaker. Oh yeah, sure. That's 18, so that hits for six. Oh my gosh. So two, five, six on one,

and then the other six and five. Charion Golarion, spinning, slicing, dicing. Is there anything you say as you do these cool moves? Um, no. Okay, he says nothing. No, but I am. Charion Golarion is silent as he spins! I'm just humming.

He's just humming? Like a tune? Yeah, like... Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm. Sunbound Gongbanger, it is your turn as the wormy worms worm towards you. Can I dual wield hand axes and attack with both? Yes, you could attack with two hand axes, absolutely. You would get two attacks. Fuck yeah, I'll do that.

Do it. I'm furious about... Whoa... Being in a worm! I'm mad that I'm in a worm! Okay, that makes sense. That's not where you imagined you'd be. Yeah!

I wanted to be in an arena killing some Minotaurs, but instead, I'm here in a worm! And you fly into a rage launching yourself at the worms. And I attack twice, so the first one is a critical fail. Okay. The second one is 17. Does that hit? That hits.

And so that does 2 plus 3 plus 2 is 7 damage 7 damage slicing off one of the appendages of this worm I don't want to be here Polly wattle you are next and do you will be after that? The one who just his appendix just come off I attack it with my blades of grass Yeah, you've got to attack I get a 9 and a seventeen. So how many of them hits just the first? What's your plus to hit? Plus seven? Both of them hit. Yeah yeah okay. And then for a... and that hits for seven and seven. Seven and seven damage. One of the slothy worms slops to the ground there are two remaining uh dinner much about before dinner you get an opportunity uh sneively

grabs you and says no they're they're my helpers that's actually pretty good they're the ones that got sent please please you've got to save them um do they look um uh you know like they can talk or they look like um, you know, like they can talk or do they look like monsters? Their mouths are sort of like silken, like tied. Did they attack us at any point? Uh, not yet, but they looked weird. They looked very unusual.

Um, okay, but why, what? Dead in my health, but why, what? They went away the other day. Were they like this? But were they like this when they went out? Are you asking me if they were zombified worm style before they left? Well then can't I just keep fucking killing them? No, that's my brother. But I don't think they're in there anymore.

The worm sloughs towards you, slipping and sloughing. Jackson please stop. And the sloughing worm sloughs out one of its slops and slaps. Okay before that happens I'm gonna I'm gonna use an item that I have in my inventory. In your EDC kit? Yes, and it's Combantern. What is Combantern? It's a worm medication. Now critically, is this the little orange tablet or the chocolate? It's the chocolate Combantern. Okay, okay. And you just pop it in his mouth? I pop it in my gun.

And I shoot them. Make an attack roll. I will. Nine and I don't have a Comentran score. It would be your spell attack roll is plus. What are you asking? Help. Your little attack roll there down the bottom, your little attack roll. Yeah. Plus. Yeah. Attack. Plus. Yeah, where? Spell attack. Plus. Yeah. Where? Plus. Where? Plus. Where? Plus five! It's plus five! 14! Yeah, that hits! That hits! The Combandron! Where is it? The Combandron smacks into the gullet of the worm and it shudders and shrivels back to its original form which is not so shrivelly it's a it's a hulking half orc who lies... My brother! Oh you're back you're alive! Where am I? Well you went through the sphincter and then you came back and you looked like a worm

I don't feel like a worm Well you were one I promise you Steve Lee This kind man gave you some convention and you're cured I'm cured? You're cured I only had one brother before but now I suppose I've got a second one Don't I come here you beautiful little thing But now I suppose I've got a sick one

The other two worms come in and go for some... No, there's only one dead. Quick, give him some... someone kill him or give him conventrum. I shoot him with my conventrum gun. Oh, he lies down. Oh, Dennis is back. I didn't... didn't I like Dennis that much? Yeah, I didn't like Dennis. I shoot him again with just normal bullets.

Oh no! And let's never speak of him again. Alright. I'm gonna loot Dennis' body. Okay. Can I roll for like... Yeah, you can investigate. Investigation?

That's a 16. You find a little pickaxe and a little trowel and a little map and a little... and Ayn Rand's fountainhead. What? It's... Abridged. Pocket edition. Are they wizards in this world?

Yeah, Ayn Rand's a wizard. So just to be clear, what I've found is some archaeological equipment and a libertarian text. Correct. I said we didn't like him. Always spouting off about footin' this, footin' that. Schneevely, we've got to find a way out through the mouth. Why? I cannot, I will not go back there. Why, what happened?

We found the runes. The runes? That's what we're looking for! But you don't want to find the runes like this! Why not? Silk everywhere, last thing I remember. Oh, I like silk. No, it's not good silk! It's not like your mama's gown!

Get to the... It's bad silk. Oh, right, like... Like your auntie's gown! Oh, raw silk auntie's gowns! Oh, raw silk, yucky! Not nice at all. Anything's better. I'll stay here. I'll wait for anything but can I go back? Well, we've got to get to the reunion.

What's that? What's that, brother, dinner? No, nothing. It looked like you had eaten a bee. LAUGHTER Yep, it's my favourite letter. You didn't want to say anything? Well, I'm going through. I'm no scaredy. Seeing as you've come back and told me...

No, I reckon don't. Why not? Cos it seems like it's bad. But I've been looking for the crit rock rooting for my hoolies. But for, okay. What? But for serious, you found someone who has found it

and they were like nah. So you gotta not. If we all take, if you shoot us with your magic gun, we will be immune to the wormification. Ooh. Okay, but to be clear, it's gotta be the Combandron one, not the bullet one. You shoot... Alright, look, there's gonna be one real bullet.

We're playing Combandron Roulette! Yes, that's right. Can we just have a little meeting? I don't know what to call it. Let's gather around.... Let's gather around. Yeah. A yurth yak? A little yurth yak. Oh my god! Yurth yak, yurth yak. That's not including you two I'm sorry. All right we'll just be over here playing tic-tac-toe. They get a big tooth and they're just like scratching it onto the side of the worm. Now they're looking for the great rock the great rock ruins Yeah

But isn't that what you're looking for? Isn't that your axe? I believe my axe is the axe of the sand But that's one in the same I believe they're not in it You can't they're not in it They're not part of it you can't We can be in it We can be in it I'm just worried that they're looking at what we're looking for. So you're saying we should kill them?

I'm saying we at least, you know, I don't know if it's worth killing them over because that's not really our style. Sure, sure. But I do just worry there will be a little bit of awkwardness at the end when we want it and they also want it. Okay, here's what we're going to. I'm gonna take the rope we have, we're gonna tie them up, and then we're gonna put them in the acid bath. What? Here's a-

See, that seems very much like killing to me. Here's a suggestion. They're obvious experts. I'm no expert at this, but they are experts at this. We use their experts. Then we tie them up with their rope and put them in the acid bath! If you want to put them in an acid bath after they've found the axe and the ruins, by all means. Okay.

But up until that point, let's use our brains to use their brains to get the thing that we want. Which is also the thing that they want. Brains. I, yep. What's your suggestion? Um, I don't know what distinction to draw between us that's saying why two of us are acting like psychopaths. Who can just um, end things.

It could be three! Oh go on, let's tie him up! Stop it! Alright so we tie him up I guess? No no no no! Not yet! Not yet! We have to use their brains first.

And then maybe let's just see where the wind takes us alright? Let's just leave that open-ended. So it's not so I don don't know, premeditated. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hey guys! We're gonna help you on your mission and we're not gonna kill you afterwards.

See, I told you these brave heroes had come with us. No fear of backstabbing or nothing. I got to say, before I thought two of them looked pretty bad, maybe a third. Yeah, the premeditated type. But now they're on our side. And with the six of us, we'll be failed. All right, so we go through the sphincter.

Do we have to take a bench, Professor? Oh, yeah. Shoot me in my... You can just eat it. Do you want to get shot? Go back to School with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers' internet.

Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Okay, yeah, alright, yeah, I'll do the shoot. Yep, go ahead. Which way you want it. Alright, CLAG! It's a regular gun just with different bullets, right? Yeah, there is one bullet in there, so you have to roll one and six at a time. Just in case I shoot you in a revolver bullet.

Is it a one, I die? Six is a die. Six because it's a revolver. Okay, so one to five, I am cured from worms. Six, a bullet goes cured from worms. Yes. Six, a bullet goes through my skull. Yes. But, through your body.

But then, yeah. No, through my mouth. Through my mouth. Oh, through your mouth, okay. Yeah, your mouth's part of your body. Yeah, Simon, I'm sucking off the gun, dude. All right. This seems a little risky.

Let's go. One, two, five. It's a one! Yay! Yay! My turn! All right. Here we go. B, two, five. It's a one! My turn! Alright. Polly one-o. Before you do this, you can't roll a one anymore because I've rolled that.

We need a five-sided dice. One is a reroll. Okay. But wait, no. That's not a one. No, no. Because the odds are getting worse. Spin maybe when you spin the barrel again, and it could be nothing. Yeah, it could be a reroll.

Yeah, it could be a nothing. Yeah, so that's why one is a reroll. Yeah, do you want the compantion or not? Yeah, but one is fine, it's still a one in six chance. Oh, one compantion. It's still a one in six chance though. Yeah, totally, but if she hits the one, she doesn't get compantion, that's what we're saying.

Yeah, so I may decide to roll or not. So if you get one, you don't have compantion. But also, can I just say, you could die. Yeah. Yeah, so I may decide to roll or not So if you get one you don't have but also can I just say you could die? Yeah, so you should say something that could be your last words before you Play Russian roulette. Oh, I don't want that sort of pressure. I'm just here to have fun Come in an oculation. I think the professor has to do it. Oh no, I think I like Simon's character more, so they're going to get the best chance. Alright, so you can't, like, if you roll a one or a three.

Now I'm not a smart man, but I know what bullets are. Yeah. So I crack open the gun and take out the Combandtion and put it in my mouth. Okay, great. Okay, hey, wait. But which chamber did you take it from? Oh, I mean the bullet. Oh, is that dangerous?

At one point, you can shoot a bullet out of your ass. Yeah, write it down, write it down. That's a power now. I told you there's too much stuff up there already. He's always got one in the chamber. But I... I do take a Combandron and eat it. Okay, good.

And I'm gonna roll...I put the gun in my mouth. This will be a nice... It's a four! Yay! Okay, so who has a conventor in now? You already have it, but you don't! No, Steve Lee, you need to take it! Alright, I guess I'll suck off this gun!

Brilliant! You guys all seem fine! Has Dina put another bullet back in? Huh? I ate the bullet. Oh, he ate the bullet. Yeah, but if you put another bullet back in. That would be so- Oh, it's a four. No combats for me.

No commander for you. Better try again. Four. Better try again. Six. Oh, lucky me. Well, that's empty too. It's empty. Can I just eat the combats? Yeah, you can. You can.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Delicious. Dave's gonna get the strangest sponsorship email this month. Have you ever had... Don't gamble. I don't. I've never felt more alive. Now I don't.

It's ironic because if I took a bullet I would never have felt more dead. So you guys start, you walk through the sphincter? Yeah. I think what you've discovered is a taste for Russian roulette. As you wander through, the worm becomes very small at parts. No. It becomes thin. You find yourself kind of pushing through a very thin worm,

reaching through until you come up, it starts to slope up, all the worms going down. And you come over a little bit of a sort of a mount and as you do, Gongbong puts his fire up and you see this huge kind of wall of silk, all across with one small tiny little hole in the middle, probably just enough room for each of you to climb through. In the middle of the silk? Yeah. Oh a lovely silky hole. Off I go then with no fear of forums. What's his name? What's your name young man? Jackson. Jackson you've gone through this hole. I went through aye What's through the hole? I mean, let's just not go willy-nilly

She's the way I saw a great Rune through there through there and what okay and what else it's well I went there with with the other ones Dennis Dennis fucking asshole and spaniel Dennis, that fucking asshole. And Spaniel. Spaniel. Oh, I miss Spaniel. And then we did kill him and that is on us.

You can see the ruins there and he points up to, you can see kind of stones jutting out. It seems like this silk thing has been there to keep. Is this silk just regular silk? Like, Gongbong is going to... No, it's like your auntie's gown. Gongbong is going to try and cut through the silk. Okay. Does it cut?

I guess I'll make an attack. Yeah, attack that silk. It's a 17 plus five, 22. Yeah, you saw through it. It's stringy, it's almost like cordage and sticky. It kind of sticks around your axe head as well. It's not your grandmother's silk, clearly. So we have to weave our way through the maze?

No, it's just, it looks, something has made a portal. Can we just go through it? Yeah, you can just go through it. Oh, okay, we can go through it. Yeah, we're going through it. I'll go first, because I'm the smallest. Okay, you flit through the hole, and it's dark, because Gongbong has the torch.

Yeah, and that's on me. But he comes through, soon after you he thrusts his hand through and a chamber is illuminated. lined with silk and at the far end the crumbling edifice of the grit rock ruin it's got some crumbling old wobbly boys these guys they're called this pillars these boys are called parapets cre Crenelations. Crenelations thank you. But the sharp creelations have been worn into soft wobbly boys by the ages of time. A ruin from long ago. Can we see the acts of sand at all? No, but in the front wall of the Cryptrock Ruins, a Wile E. Coyote style, standing up silhouette of the axe.

Is there silk all over the floor as well, or just the walls? Mainly on the roof and the walls, and at the far end, the silk is woven around this, the stone of this ruin. A huge obstruction to this colon. Okay. Yeah.

Colon what? Colon chamber. We can't get through to the ruins? No you, the only way through the colon is through the ruins. I'm going to charge towards the ruins. Just charging across? Charging. Charging across.

And as you charge across, I'd like you to make a wisdom saving throw for me, please. Make a wisdom saving throw. Sorry, I'll just... It's a 10 plus wisdom. It's a 10. 10. It's a ten. Ten? Wisdom is zero, yes. You hear whispers.

Whispers in your mind. And as you turn, you charge away, but you hear your compatriots calling out from behind you. And they're calling out the most heinous insults. They're all saying- They're saying, we're about to go into battle and take this axe of sand. I found myself on a roast of sunbelt gong bongers.

Yes, absolutely. They're like, oh, well you hear them say- I think everyone can have a crack. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. They're like, oh, will you hear them say... I think everyone can have a crack. Yeah, yeah. So that's what's happening and Sneebly is like, oh, I wish that other Minotaur was still alive. He would have been a much better father. Yeah, I bet he would have been a great father. This one looks like a cuck to me. Yeah, a cuck to me looks like a cuck to me. What do you think?

You look more like an aqua than a blue. Ooh. You're not fit for fatherhood. Fuck, Jesus. I just felt like Simon was talking to Michael just then. Really? Really? Yeah, look, how about the fucking baby at home

to play Dungeons & Dragons with her friends? Yes, okay? Oh we all did, it's okay. Sunbelt Gongbonga, you look like a cow had sex with a strong guy. And then the baby looked like shit. Hahaha. So from your guys' perspective, you have seen Gongbonga run across and then turn around. And just start crying? Yeah, I don't know what you guys are talking about.

I'm actually a cool dad and I'm going to be great at it. You know, obviously everyone has doubts about things because it's a big change in your life and I'm not looking forward to the lack of sleep, but I think I'm actually a cool dad and I'm gonna be great at it. You know, obviously everyone has doubts about things because it's a big change in your life and I'm not looking forward to lack of sleep but I think I'm doing okay. Okay. What? What happened? Weird time to share, dude.

What? I think it's good that you're being vulnerable but it's a weird time because we're running through a worms arsehole looking for treasure. Can I like... I don't know what happened. Can I do like an arcana check on him? Sure you can do an arcana check, absolutely. And also do a wisdom saving check while you're there. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Do the arcana first. Alright. 14 plus 5, 19. Yep. Your arcana thinks, notices that he was acting weird.

That's my no! No! Magic! Sorry no, arcana is the thing that lets you run across ropes really well, right? You would get the sense from the erratic way that Sunbelt Gongbonger acted that he was perhaps under the effect of some charm or a chant. Okay, but I also get that from my brain. So can I have one little more little tiny detail from Magic? Oh, no, so it was a charm or a thing, but because of that, I'll give you advantage on your saving throw against the same effect. Oh, fuck! Which is about to fucking overcome you as the whispers whisper in your little ear lids. Alright what is this? Roll two dice and add your wisdom save it'll be on your character sheet. Add that wisdom boy. I got an eight and a 13. Eight and a 13. Last one. Yeah I did it. That is not enough even with your... I know how to play it now by just adding one now.

Just add one. Always add one. So Dina even as you reckon with your big brain that there is some sort of enchantment happening you are overcome and you turn to your friends. As they look... Are you saying more mean things to her? Yeah, they... Jackson starts to say, he's not even prepared enough. What's he got in that backpack? Probably just Ritz crackers. You couldn't rebuild society with just Ritz crackers. You look lonely. you look lonely Simon the characters not the players dinner munch about you look like a pile man had sex with a pile woman and the baby looks like shit Looks like shit!

You didn't know much about I've met your husband and he fucking sucks Do a real one fucking insult me as a person Michael go ahead as a person don't insult my husband Insult me because women can be flawed as well do it right now Michael Think of a fucking insult for your friend of 10 years Demi Lundner! Demi sometimes I think you are like, like... Oh Jesus. Everybody likes me except for you. Laughter Applause I don't know what to tell you, bud.

Laughter Um, you shake it off, dinner. I don't know what to tell you bud You shake it off You can tell your friends. Well, it looks like they've just insulted you You're okay, okay, you're okay. Okay, I'm good. Okay. But I feel like Polly Waddle should make a saving throw. With a big thumbs up, you're like, she seems weird.

Yeah. She seems weird. Let's check it out. Make a little wisdom saving throw for me. Alright. I've got minus one wisdom. What's with that? Minus one, I think, will hinder your roll.

Yes, I only got a ten. As you give the big thumbs up to Dinah Munchabout, he looks straight back at you and insults you in whatever way Demi Lama chooses. You can tell you've had fifteen kids. The thumbs up slowly face. And she lowers her thumbs slowly. Hey Polly Waddle, I saw your feet, they're like a 1.3. Well they're flippers. What? They're like a duck's feet.

Webbed feet. Yeah they're flippers. Yeah paddles, flipper paddles. Paddles. I don't know, just yells into the darkness. What are they? What? Web feed Yeah, they're flipper, yeah Paddles, flipper paddles I don't know, just yells into the darkness What about the scotch, what do they have to say?

Oh yeah, oh um Yo, that bonnet isn't flattering at all Not at all, it's out of fashion Look at my pantaloons. Much nicer, but very cool. You look like a goose.

Not the very hot one either. You're like an ugly duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck. duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck. Oh! Charyon Valerian, you look around as your friend. Yeah, and you're the only one that has not been affected but you've seen people trying to support each other but then turn into fury. Sorry, before that I just look at Tom's character, I just look at Jackson and yell, I'll kill ya!

She flies and ducks do not like to be referred to as geese. And I fly and give a peck at his face. A peck, yeah great. Do you want to take an attack roll? Yeah, I'll do an attack roll. Ah, yes it's an 18. That hits. 18 you peck, you take one of his eyes out of his head. What did I do?

I said I did not want to go! I told you I did not want to, this is what happens to you! Can I see? What happened? Did this happen last time? I just felt, I heard the whispers and then I, and then blackness and then nothing. Eww Jackson cover your eye up again! I can see the same thing all in there!

I've probably got a, I've got a first aid in my EDC I can patch up the face Patch up his eyeball? With my first aid gun Do you put one, one bullet in? No no, let's load the eyeball into the gun We've got one shot This could be the coolest fucking shit that's ever happened

Alright cool Alright so load it in We put an eyeball in the first aid gun. Alright. Roll it and then roll a six-sided dice. The lightning-chewed eyeball. So we've got four contraband, sorry, we've got four conventerans, one bullet, one eyeball. Okay.

Which one number is the eyeball? Eyeball's five, bullet is six. Eyeball's five, bullet is six. Bullet is six. Okay. Jackson, how do you feel about it? You, you... What?

You... What, Tom? What? What is it? I just had a flashback to every character I've played that you fucking killed me. Jackson! Nooooo! What did you roll, baby?

It's a six! Oh, shit! For a second, he smiles as the gun shoots and he thinks his eyeballs coming back and then and he smiles all the way as a bullet goes if he had an eye he would see very clearly the bullet going towards it but he does not so as it goes through his head taking through his prefrontal cortex amygdala and making its way to his occipital lobe. He dies with a smile on his face and a hand on his heart. And Jackson...

Fuuuck! Fuuuck! You know you always think about playing Russian roulette as a fun thing but you don't think like Tom could actually die. I mean it does make the thing I look I did look less bad. You fools! You fools in your medicine gin! It's not a smart combination is it? The chances of survival are not worth it. Look with every medical breakthrough it comes with a risk. And as he yells at you holding his brother in his arms you see he looks up and he stares and his eyes flick to each of you as if responding to something that you are absolutely not saying

We have done the worst thing possible And he as he My guy yeah Steve Lee Steve Lee put his hands on his brother's face his brother's face. Who's his brother? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And kisses him. Oh. Gross. And as he kisses him.

If I die, I want you all to kiss me on the lips. Everyone, at the funeral. At the funeral, everyone line up, everyone kiss me on the lips at the funeral. Okay, but then I'm gonna give you a septum piercing. Hell yeah, brother. He kisses him on the lips as tears fall. And as the tears fall, the skin gets wet.

Go on. That's so beautiful. Stay with me. Stay with me. With wetness. And the skin, under the wetness, the skin begins to melt and meld as their two faces join together and their bodies elongate and distend into a worm. A big old worm, Voltron, and a... I've only got four bullets left in my fucking head.

A voice booms through the cavern. You fools, You absolute fools! You've come this far only to be defeated! Stupid idiots wanting the axe, wanting the ruins! Never! No, no, no, no! Okay, is everyone else hearing that or is this another like hallucination? Alright, and you're a different guy speaking. Is it coming out of the mouth of those two or is that sound coming from somewhere else? No, they're still like bubbling and mutating and growing. It's coming out of a... Speaker system.

Yeah, kind of a speaker system. Do you notice a bunch of UE booms placed around? You hear the Bluetooth blu blubl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl No, no they won't. Well, just you wait and see because so far, so good. That's all I'm saying. Well, I'm not like the other one, so it's not going to happen. So there. Prove it. Prove you're not a fiery horse.

Show yourself. You'd like to see your fear, your destruction, Charyon? Oh, you know my name. And what's your name? I know all of you. I've been inside your heads. You may call me Scarabus the Omnipotent. Scarabus the Omnipotent you say?

You'd like to gaze upon my form? Yes. Whatever, if you're half as good looking as that horse was. And if her hiring policies are anything to go by this far, she's only hiring Hardys. Well of course I am the hottest, the sexiest of all the guardians. Gaze upon me. And as Polly Waddell kind of does the equivalent duck thing of like licking her fingers and flapping down her eyebrows and this grotesque form of the two Scots gets lifted up into the air by our webs of silk, not webs, silk strings We're talking family opera chandelier going back up at half time, that's what we're talking about

Oh shit! Raised up on so many strands of silk. From the roof comes down, it looks like just one single silken vine. But if you look very closely, you see at the end a tiny little worm. The size of a bean. Oh! Gaze upon me! Your sexy destruction is here, fools. Will the heroes of the earth survive the sexy seductions of a tiny worm?

Who could resist such a sexy little worm? Inside a worm! Inside a worm! Tune in next time to see what happens inside the worm! Inside a worm! Tune in next time to see what happens inside the worm! On the next fantastic episode of Dragon Friends! The cast of Dragon Friends Campaign 2 is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hinn and Demi Lottner. Our Dungeon Masters are Eden Lacey and Tom Cardy with live accompaniments by Nick Harriot. Shakira Khan is our producer, the podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh

Guest, and new episodes recorded live every month at the Vanguard Theatre in Sydney on Gadigal land in the Eora Nation. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early access to ad-free episodes, show recordings, and exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. When a goddess returns from years of imprisonment, promising ruin for all, the rich and the poor all pray, please don't unmakeake us Who will protect us from what is in store? The heroes of yore, brave heroes of yore Destiny be done, these four freaks will become

The heroes of yore I have an issue with the WikiFeet people because they've rated my feet as not good. But I did a Q&A with an enthusiast. There's a guy called Feetimc, well there's a person called Fetemic Feet Face, who posts a lot of Instagram content about... Ooh, 3.38. That's rough. That's bad. That's rough. I gotta tell you, these people do like five stars for the most putrid feet as well. No, I know! So, here's the... That photo is just on my face. It's on my feet. That's why it's fucked. The photo they have of my feet is a screenshot.

4.86, bitch! of my feet is a screenshot. 4.86, bitch! Oh! So I've been I got upset about this and I DM'd several foot fetish accounts being like hey, people in the community, what's the fuck

is wrong with my feet? And it's because the photo they've used of my feet, it's me in a swimsuit, which is obviously yuck but then you can only see the tops of my feet and apparently what people want to see is the fucking souls. And if I give away that on the internet, then I'll get a higher rating. Well why don't you? Well I haven't just had the opportunity yet.

Why don't we make it a dragon fence? What? Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Oh no not this baby! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!