Dragon Friends - DF2 #1.17. My Duck Hits with Dave Harmon and Ben Jenkins

Episode Date: November 10, 2024

The Heroes of Yearth approach their final confrontation. With just one more legendary artifact to find, they are once again at the place they started, staring up at the imposing spires of Frostopolis. All they need to do is get in the elevator... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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CBC News. We discussed this backstage moments ago. This is the opposite of what you said was going to happen. Yeah. You said you were going to start the show. Yeah. Ben was still in the bathroom. Yeah, I was too. I think I still have we in me. Look, I don't I don't think we all. Look, I don't think you need to worry. This is like front of queue wee.

Front of queue wee? You know what I mean? Uh, like it's right there. It's right there. Yeah, don't push it. I can't. The heroes of young, brave heroes of young. Destiny be done, these four freaks will become the heroes of yore!

From its mouth at the bustling port of mud Venice. The great river of yearn snakes its way across the plains, winds through the iron wood and up the iron hills to a great lake. And above that great lake, a towering icy peak with the shining city of Frostopolis at its zenith. I'm thrilled to see that world building has not taken a hit since Dave has. I like to think that I invented world building. I don't know what you guys do, but I talk about mud venison, rivers, etc. etc. And I thank you not to interrupt my flow again. Oh I'm so sorry, I would never do that to a DM.

Down the mountain a great waterfall tumbles, Showering in a fine mist are heroes, Charyon, Valeriant, Handsome, handsome R handsome ranger bod. Dinner munch about, sallow-cheeked. John Cusack looking kind of fella. Sad, sad, pity wizard, sad man. Sad, sad, sad, sad man. And the duckling roe, Polly Waddle.

And a big old blue cow, a minotaur by the name of Sunbelt Gongbonger. These heroes of Yrth have assembled three of the weapons needed to complete their quest. And this fine morning, they disembark from a boat, having solved or, I guess, escaped the consequences of a murder mystery. It's good to be back. And they shuffle towards the great waterfall, tumbling down the mountain with the other masses of soldiers and civilians disembarking the barges and making their way towards the waterfall.

Oh look at that waterfall! Gosh it's bigger than you'd think it would be, isn't it? What do you mean? Well when someone said imagine a waterfall, I did. And then it's bigger. My waterfall only went to the top of my brain, but this one's even bigger than that. Hang on. Are you telling me that you only can imagine things the size of your own brain?

What? Yeah, well, I can't imagine I'm imagining it. I can't go any bigger that cuz that's the roof That's the roof of my thought. That's your fontanelle So this might be a crazy question, but how do they get the water to just hang there? like a shout like nature's shower curtain I to just hang there. Like a shower, like nature's shower curtain. I don't understand the question. I haven't been playing, but does Simon's character

not comprehend time? I think Simon's character is a big dumb hunk, is I think we find. Like in real life. Polly Waddell, you have in fact been here before. Oh, yeah. Which you of course remember. You go on to say.

So you took the river from Mud Venice with your dad all those months ago and you know that behind, and you know this, the rest of you know this because as you approach the waterfall you see it as well, that there is a great glass elevator. Oh my goodness! Yeah, yeah. This is the mudflat! Your dad's probably here! Uh... What? Now I may think that water hangs but I know her father is dead. Yeah. When did that happen? Episode 1. It was a thing. For who? His daughter, me! You're his daughter?

That's crazy! I'm so sorry! No, I have been here Yeah, no, I have been here before and I run my fingers wistfully through the curtain of water. Oh, and it's wet. A lot of the dross and the soldiers are going off towards a shitty looking other there waiting in a big line.

But because you're... yeah, there's a big line there. A shitty big line. But this is more like the London Eye. You know, there's a big glass bubble thing. And there's- Is there a purple guy in there? Um, I don't know. You know what?

Is there a purple guy in there that's like, you can get in here, cause you burped, but you said sorry. What's that reference? What? Like Grimace? I think this is a Willy Wonka bit. I think this is a Wonka bit. Oh.

It's actually a great crystal elevator for copyright reasons. Yeah, and what's in there? A grimace? How many grimaces in the elevator? Tell me how many grimaces and how big are they? Rubble, rubble. One of them has actually, there's two, one goes down, one goes up. And the one that's full of grimaces closes. The pushing man from Japan. The pushing man from Japan.

The pushing man from Japan. Sorry, hang on, let me translate. What the fuck has happened to this podcast? What Eden is referencing here is that it's some Japanese train stations. No, Eng, don't do this. Let him cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is the pushing man from Japan?

At some Japanese train stations, when it's really busy, the rail companies employ people to push people and squeeze them onto the train. I know that but do you think that he would have been that articulate? This one's going this one's going down implying that all the grimaces are going to hell. No all the grimaces are going up. They're going up. Yeah the grimaces are going up. So all the grimaces are gone. What food is Grimace? What food is he? He's a taste bud. Yeah. Really? It was revealed a couple of years ago he was a taste bud.

So as that elevator ascends, another descends, and as the doors open, two figures who you've seen before dinner munch about are in there and they are bickering. And to play these figures names untold... This is when we would have come on stage. Yeah, this is the moment. Yeah, this is pretty early. I could have done so many ways. So who do they see as the doors of the elevator open?

One of them is a very sort of tall figure, of young, sallow-faced tiefling, um, with sort of ice blue skin, uh, horns that go back around his, um, scalp that are sort of festooned with copper and gold rings and smoke around the edge of his robes, very sort of magical-looking arcane robes. Uh, and he's big... Hang on, are you playing a... You can't play a blue character. I'm playing a wall... I'm playing a blue warlock,

motherfucker. Oh, Dave! Yeah, I am. I'm playing a blue warlock, motherfucker. Oh, Dave! Yeah, I am. I'm playing Semantics the Affirmator. Uh- L- L- L-

L- L- L- L- L- L- L- L-

L- Level 6 Tiefling Warlock. Why does Dave get to be level 6? I'm fucking level 2, this is bullshit. You're level 2? You don't know, your level 4 character sheet's behind your level 2. Okay, I'm level 4 then, why does Dave get to be level 6? Oh, this is great, this is wonderful for me, this is bullshit. You're level 2? You don't know, your level 4 character sheet's behind your level 2. Okay, I'm level 4 then. Why does Dave get to be level 6? Oh, this is great. This is wonderful for me. This is excellent.

But I'm arguing with another figure. Yeah, this guy's a... a gnomish fellow in a... Sorry, I can't help but notice that Dave has a character sheet and Ben has two beers. And Dave, can I just say, that's a beautiful original character. Thank you. With reflections on some of our old adventures. Yes, thank you.

It's really nice, thank you for putting in the effort. Wonderful. And so, sorry Ben. What's your character, Ben? You'll get your compliment when you describe your character. My original character? Well, yes, you're true. So it's this gnome guy and he's wearing a tatty suit That feels like maybe he got it from a fantasy

charity shop But he's probably taken it to a tailor to get the pants taken up But not the jacket, you know what I mean? So the pants fit pretty well Yeah, but the jacket it's not like like he like he got the full coat and then he was like that would cost more than a New suit. Yeah, do you know what he said which might give a hint of where I'm going? He said um, I'll just do the bloody pants then. That's um, that's fine by me. Did he do, but he didn't do the sleeves? No, I'll be, I'll tell you what I'll do with the bloody sleeves. I'll just roll them up.

Great. Just roll them up and if you roll them up on the inside nobody can tell. Can I say- No, if you roll them up on the outside, nobody can tell. If you roll him up on the outside, it looks like you're from Bloody Wham. And if you roll him up on the inside... Ben, is this character just Bob's and Dugnut? Yeah, his name is Jobson Nugnut. Is it fair to say that if you had well-fitting pants and then a suit jacket with rolled-up sleeves that was too big for you...

On the inside! ...you would look not dissimilar in silhouette to a ringmaster. Ooh! Whatcha cha! Yeah. Um, Jobson doesn't know what a ringmaster says. Like a circus ringmaster? I just think with the big cuffs and the long tails and...

That is if you rolled them out on the outside. What does he do? He rolls them on the inside. On the inside. This is a big part of his character. It just looks like it doesn't quite work. He's got very bulky forearms. But I think I was talking to Dave backstage

and I said to him, I was thinking, like, I had this character idea and I was like, I don't remember who this is. And then I was like, wait a minute, I think we kind of established that, like, in every multiverse there is a Bobson. Yeah, and in our world, he's your father. So what is he... What are they arguing about? Yeah, what are they arguing about? Yeah what are they arguing about? Um look at each other and just

argue. Look each other in the eyes. The entire way down, the entire way down Jobso. Jobso, was it Jobso? Yeah that's how they pronounce it in Sweden. Did you did you really think that the Sheep's Metal Staff, is that what it was called? Oh the Sleet Staff. Did you really think that the Sleet Staff would have made it all the way down to Frostopolis? This is a huge waste of time. Oh well, look, I just think we've looked up top, we've looked to the side, we've looked under the fridge, and I just think, where haven't we looked? And it's all the way down here.

It's all, any of the... Also, I've got a coupon for a deli that they gave me two years ago when I was here because they didn't think I'd come back. So you know they said oh I have 50% off pastrami thinking that I've got to go back in the bloody lifts and I'm not going to redeem it. Well here I am. We're going to need to go to ai. Because the staff might be there. Um, uh, Denimunch about, you know these two

because they are also employees of your employer, Lexicon, the magnificent mayor of Frostopolis. Yep. And they're standing right there, they're bickering over whether to go to a deli. Okay. I just sort of shift behind Polly Waddle. Can I make a perception check to see if I spot? A six foot two man shifts behind a duck. Are you crouching at all?

I guess make a stealth check. You know when you walk in and you see like a bunch of stuffing out of the couch And then you see your labrador, and it's going like this why it cuz it's mad Do we get advantage for spotting absolutely, what's your passive perception? Oh my passive perception It's a giant huge man in front of me. Let me check. 12. 12. My passive perception, 4.2% alcohol. Yeah.

Yeah, you still see it even with 4.2. That's bloody, that's the, oh, hello. Dinner munch about. Hello. What are you doing down here? Now, what is this tone about? Because as far as I remember, we're just buds. Everything going well?

Everything since the celestial convergence? You're having a good time? Fallen down four times, I got a dog. I just can't help but remember who was it who thought oh I've got an idea for the celestial party this year why don't we reenact the cataclysm that would be fun. That was me. Full power to you, I don't want to be a nasty man. Yeah. Did you know that I have a coupon for 50% off it? Anyway the point is. The deli? Yeah the deli. But they you know that I have a coupon for 50% off it? Anyway, the point is- The deli? Yeah, the deli.

But they, you know what? They pretend not to remember you. Well, well, well- Hey, they pretend. They can't fucking stop you. Oh, well that is just- Do you know what? What?

I'm gonna call somebody. Yeah. Hey, what was I saying? No, listen, I've been your number one bloody advocate up there. But people are very cross. That's okay. Oh, you can't walk down the street without somebody saying, oh, dinner lunch abouts are cunt.

And that's a horrible thing to hear. That's just completely not my name. Yeah, well that's good because there's another person called Dinner Lunch About. Yes. And they... Yeah? They shat. What?

On all the graves. Right. So you know why they're saying that. They sound like a bastard. Yeah, but when people talk... And so if they did it on all the graves, it was probably just because they were trying to run around the graveyard

and they were just having issues with some liquid shit. And if they didn't, it probably wasn't even on purpose. You gotta take control of this dude. You gotta- I'm not there man! You take control. You're a character. It was probably just because they were shaking it out of the bottom of their pants. Anyway, what they say about you, what they say about you is you're the bloody idiot. They don't say cunt. Jobson's acting up because Jobson had a perfectly good idea for the solstice party and then

they decided to go with your whole cataclysm idea and it ended the world. I said bossanova. Bossanova? That's what Jobson wanted. It's a funky Latin beat. Jobson wanted to get Solbass to play bossanova. Wait, you wanted to get what? Solbass, the famous graphic designer. Yeah, the option wanted to get soul bass to play bossa nova Yeah, wait you wanted to get what? Soul bass the famous graphic designer

Yeah the famous artist Hold on you wanted to get soul bass to play So that would be like a soul bossa nova right? Wouldn't that be like a soul bossa nova? Meanwhile at the bottom of the mountain Were people always this cross with us? Now cut it out Now I just want to say

What do you mean that it was dinner didn't cause any sort of end of the world? This one is the reason that we've all gone to shit. You remember the solstice? You remember that big explosion? You remember the goddess coming back to life? We were there! Yeah, the opening ceremony! Why do you remember, yeah? Her father died! Yeah, well whose idea was it? Right here!

To re-enact the cataclysm I did that and it was only my idea I didn't tell them to do it but I did say maybe this would be a good idea You were in the writers room and you were like We all got a say in the room and the best idea wins Yeah and you were sulking for a bit and then you were like, what's the matter dinner

and you were like no it doesn't matter and we were like no no, give us your idea and you were like it's just that nobody't matter. And you were like, no, no, let's give us your idea. And you were like, it's just that nobody ever listens and nobody actually wants to hear my ideas. And you put a whole lot of your palpable bad energy into the writer's room. So they said, let's go with it. Yeah.

To just make sure that didn't. Oh, you can't choose an idea just because someone, you think that that person's gonna sort it. Well, yeah, now the world's gonna win. Excuse me! Are you going to get in the elevator? All right. There are people waiting!

Sorry, is this the angry Japanese man? Yes! And he pushes you in and the door's closed! I don't like that. Ladies and gentlemen, the People's Hero, Eden Lacey. Now continue your arguing. So, well, you know what? It's not like dinner, maybe the setting was dinner's idea, sure, and I think it's a wonderful idea by the way, all those people didn't die. Yeah, me too, that wasn't part of it.

But I mean, the goddess, what was her name? That old piece of work. Celestia. Celestia, I mean Celestia was dinner's fault. Well by reenacting the cataclysm she made Celestia manifest. She bought Celestia back. I know there's no bad ideas in the brainstorm, but that was a pretty- There's no bad ideas in the brainstorm. That was a pretty bad one. That was an all-time whopper. Yes, except for the one that ruined the world. And so now we have to leave.

Lexicon sent us all over up, down and around and about. And you know what? I love just riding his little adventures. That's what I'm here for. We're back to where we were and we need to keep moving. Now according to my notes we're looking for four different weapons of sorts. And I feel like you mentioned one before and you left it at a deli so let's go there. Nope you are so fucked. Let's go there, let's give it a go. Send the elevator back down to where we were and let's go to the deli. Let's see what that does to Eden. So, you're in the elevator, climbing ever higher. The lake and the boats and the barges shrinking away.

They're getting smaller because of perspective. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah, that's you. I was legitimately worried that some sort of shrinking magic was occurring again. Maybe, or maybe climate change. Oh my God, climate change is real? No honey, don't worry about it. And as you climb ever higher,

you see the autumnal hues of the ironwood, the burning sounds of the desert and the twinkling of the sea far off in the distance is this world flat yeah pretty well yeah yeah you're so we could see all of the lands well you've gotten up higher now like a big disc with a sort of spike in the middle yeah and you hear suddenly a thud thud great work Dave thank you and then several more what do you want me that's great Dave you're doing great I'm looking at you in an encouraging way and you hear a no a fuck horn we hear a... twang. No, a foghorn. We hear a foghorn. You know what? Why not?

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Acast.com. Well, I say, I say, I say. You hear a thud and a twang. And as you look up danger music, we never pointed that him and told him what to do. Well, I did first Things have changed now you see on top of the glass roof elevator masked figures dressed in black with very

emo haircuts Do we recognize these? We were attacked by emos in an earlier episode I believe They're the cultists Truly, truly, truly Alright, when the doors open I fucking charge Okay so you're at the doors Off the elevator?

The doors are very much They're on the roof They're on the roof of the elevator You're gonna open the door of the elevator and charge out I'm gonna charge upwards What I meant was I'm gonna grab it to a flip up. A flip up, Ethan. You're inside a glass sphere.

When it opens though, I'm doing a flip up. Just hang on. Let me... And you see that there are 10 of them on the roof. And there are 4 cables at the corners of the car. And they are sawing maddeningly at the cables. And we're not ne... Well, we're just in the middle of the air. A hatch opens in the roof and two of them drop down in your midst. We're in initiative, dinner munch about, of course pre-rolled Dave style.

Dinner munch about, you are first. There are two cultists in your midst. What do you do? How far away from me? I love this and one of them is making a cocktail. How far away from me are they? He's 10 feet away. That's gotta be advantage.

So he came into the elevator and he's 10 feet away. It's quite a big elevator. You can move 30 feet in a round. So it's a 30 foot elevator. It's a 30 foot elevator. It's a big elevator. 30 feet by 30 feet. Yes, it's a big elevator. You can move 30 feet in around. So it's a 30 foot elevator Yeah, it's a big elevator. 30 feet by 30 feet. Yes. It's a big elevator That's like a room, brother. It's 10 meters by 10 meters. Have you never been to the Alps? I have the most painful pressure headache right now

Just drop down in your midst. It's 10 feet away from from you dinner munch about I'm gonna cast ray of sickness Then well hell yeah, do it you're gonna make an attack roll on that bad boy. Is that what I have to do? Yeah, pretty sure yeah Roll your attack Seven do you add your numbers to it probably? Twelve she was thank God you okay you hit him. What does the Ray of Sickness do? 2D8. A Ray of Sickening Green...

2D8. 2D8. He goes, oh no! Okay, I got a seven and an eight. Dave got a seven and an eight. He goes, oh I shouldn't have eaten that bone marrow taco. And he shits himself to death. He keeps shitting until his head shits out his asshole. Okay. There is an awful smell in the elevator. Sunbelt Gongbanger, it's your turn.

I am going to, and we discussed this and it's totally fine, but I'm going to pick up Polly Waddle. Imagine I'm an ice skater. Imagine I'm some sort of ice skater at the Olympics, Eden. Can I beg of you to tell us to hit the deck at some point? Otherwise we're gonna die. Absolutely not. There's no time. Okay. And Eden, as I do this, I'm gonna be using my reckless attack, which is from page 48 of the- Even better! You're recklessly attacking with a duck. With a duck? Can I just say this? There's one of them in the elevator, and there's six of us. There's one of them.

There is one. We're making this into one of those ninja sort of blenders. We already decided this was cool and we're not gonna back down now. I really think you're just like mistrunge bullying a duck into a man. Okay, what I rolled is an 18 plus 4 is 22. guess duck hits okay. I guess everyone make a dexterity saving throw to dodge the duck Jobston rolls a big hot two. I rolled a three. Okay, so roll your damage. All right I've rolled a 13 and 18 by the way Yeah, and then I should be able to do I get duck damage and then Alex gets like gets like weapon damage, right? Yeah, okay, you know Dave how happy are you that you don't have to answer questions like, Do I take duck damage?

Do you know what? You guys can do all this. So how much, tell me how much damage you- I got nine, I got eighteen, I got two nines. Okay. And then I got two plus six is eight damage. So it's eight damage plus Alex's damage. Okay. So, who failed their saves?

I got thirty twenty. Okay. So you take half damage, everyone who failed takes full damage. Hold on. The cultist is dead, you killed him, but you also have badly damaged all of your friends. Sorry, how much damage? How much was 26? 26.

Oh, he's dead. I have a character sheet. Ben doesn't have a character sheet. Well, according to this, it's brood in South Australia. Let's say you've got 12 hit points because it's 1.2. Yeah, I mean like, Jobson and all his iterations have never had anything close to 26 hit points. Jobson is unconscious. What is his job? What's Jobson's job?

Jobson is like the PR fixer. Yeah, 12 hit points sounds about right. Okay, so Jobson is unconscious. Did you guys take damage? Yeah, I took 13 damage. No, because I saw Polly Waddle and I was like, oh yeah, duck, and I ducked. You ducked. I did that too.

Smart. And how many points did Dave have? I took 26, I have 13 hit points left. I'm going to say, you're not smart. You take half damage, Simon. Okay. But you can duck duck that's okay You're quite intelligent. Thank you, okay?

Like hey guys how cool did that? Oh my goodness. We're very sorry about your very sorry Okay, he looks like hot shit two more That's Goblin sashimi two more. Oh Two more... He sliced, that's Goblin Sashimi! Two more... Oh my goodness, Polly Waddle, a two cultists drop down in. One of them lunges at you, some go gong bonga and misses, but the other one hits you with a 20 and does 12 points of damage to Polly Waddle.

Polly Waddle takes the damage. On the roof you can see... Wait, sorry, how many? 12 points of damage to Polly Waddle. Polly Waddle takes the damage. On the roof you can see 12 points of damage. You can see through the glass roof there are six dudes still up there madly sawing at the cables and with a twang. Will everyone please make a DC-12 dex check as the elevator becomes unstable to stay on your feet. I'm just gonna once again... Fly. Fly. Yeah, yeah, good.

I'm not in danger at all. Oh shit! I'm gonna fly too. I'm gonna cast Ascendant Step and Levitate. Is that a reaction, Dave? I didn't say this before but it's like I can cast it at will so I assume I'm always levitating. Okay, so you are levitating very good. I'm gonna use my magical weapon Michael that you've given me. Yes, that makes me transport. Yes, and I'm gonna I thought it was a reaction. It was a reaction to that.

It's not a re- oh what your misty step. Yeah, it's not a reaction. Do you pass the thing? Yes. Okay, so you stand up anybody anybody fall down Okay, no problems guys very beautiful very lovely very stalwart very stable. I'm loving this the Cabin shutters you can see that he's so mad that one of the four cables has snapped you dudes my guys Okay, he's dying. I'm to make a little death save for Rob. I'm going here. What do I need to beat? No, it's a little secret.

Oh. He rolled a 15. Shut up. Fuck you, Dave. Dave, what do you do with your action? I'm going to cast. You said that there were six of them trying to saw through the thing.

There's six on the top. There's two in here with you. All right, underneath the six of them that are around the thing, I'm gonna cast shadow portal as an action. I'm gonna create the second shadow portal on the side of the infrastructure of the elevator, meaning that they fall through the elevator, through that portal, out the side, and presumably all fall to their death. Okay, how big? Ten feet by ten feet. Ten feet by ten feet.

Thirty feet room. So you can get you can get three of them. Well alright okay well yeah I make a portal. Well there's three no two. I'm feeling quite mad. No but it's 20 by 30. I'm feeling like I don't want to advance this. No but it's 20 by 30. 30. So you open up a portal. So what is the portal exactly? So Shadow Portal is like the video game portal. I create a blap portal, and I go blap another portal 200 feet away.

So what happens to the cables that are passing through the portal also? That's probably why I can only get two of them, because I probably don't want to hit that portal. Okay, very, very wise, David. Very wise, not destabilizing. But I think it blaps them through. Yeah, it blaps them through and, so how many on the roof?

Okay, four on the roof. Okay, now- There are four on the roof and two inside. I'm gonna try something that I haven't tried before. Okay. I have the Heart of the Ironwood bow. Okay, yes. That the person who previously owned it, when they plucked it, had some effect.

Yes, okay. So you're gonna play a little song this allows you to cast the suggestion spell Which I believe only targets one of them, but you can target any of them that you like within range, okay? I'm gonna talk. I mean I am in range can I hear this the sound from outside there is a The hatch is open. Yeah, I guess you've got magic voice. Yeah Yeah, you've been dropping in you get magic voice and you play a little song. What are you gonna suggest to one of them? jump I'm pretty sure is it one word or can I say? Okay, he jumps down into the portal, okay, he jumps down inside Does the portal stay open yeah Yeah, I've got it concentrating.

Ohhhhh. Yeah! He doesn't know that. He jumps into the portal. To be with his friends. Do you know, in the new D&D book that we just got given, in suggestion, you can use up to 25 words.

Okay. That's a fucking tweet. That's crazy. Yeah, what- Do you wanna say something else? What is the exactly 25 word suggestion that you make? Up to 25 words, Simon. Walk in the direction of the portal, cross its threshold, and keep going.

Okay, we got extra words! Tell me to do the math, Harina! What are you doing? It has the same effect, didn't much about it, it is your turn. Okay? How bad is the what's up? Oh how bad is the? Like they're soaring through crap, right? Yes, okay Now can I ask something? Yes, absolutely Why are they doing that while they're on it? These guys are straight crazy

They are so lit fam! How many have they sawn through so far? They want to go to the clitoris. So wait, so you're saying, alright, how many have they sawn through? Uh, one so far. And how many are there? One what? One of the four big things.

And it's unstable table. Okay, well then I... Yes, and there's three in right next to you and they're all like, yo, Kappa Kappa. Okay. You've been hanging around with a lot of children. Yeah, absolutely not. I just say back, Maca Paca, Maca Paca.

It was big when I was little. They do look threatening and like they've got villainous intent they're lunging towards you with their swords Oh they're lunging towards me? I wanted to do something cute. Okay, never mind. Okay, you can. Alright, I want to cast Mending. Okay. On the, on the lift. Oh that's good.

But I'm gonna- Smart. You gotta climb up there. No. Yes! UGH! I'm sorry. But it says anything that I just can touch.

What's the range? that I just can touch. What's the range? Yeah, range is touch. Yeah, but it's connect. It's on the roof, my brother. I can't. Damn it, I'm trying to create a cinematic event here, alright? I can't let you just fix problems.

What if we gave her a boost? What if we gave her a boost? The cables are attached to the roof, you can't fix it. Don't worry about it. Alright. I pull out my gun. I'm sorry, I really had fun. Is this what you, is this the cinematic event you were hoping for? about it all right I pull out my gun

is this the cinematic event you were hoping for? yes I wanted more gunplay thank you very much I pull out my gun and what I say I'm a pity wizard obviously I have my gun open and I'm holding it near my face and what I well because of my shut up okay as I'm talking and letting the tears fall into it, I'm like, All I wanted to do was fix elevators! I was in elevator repair school! And Jack said I'd never be able to do it!

And I failed again! I FAILED AGAIN! And then I go, click! You were in elevator repair school? Yeah. Not just elevators in general, specifically elevator repair. Elevator repair school. When you go there... Now they're built, don't give a shit. And when you go there... Installation, no dice!

No, here's the thing. So I went there and they were like, so you have a new idea for an elevator? And I get in the elevator and I would say like, yeah, so here's my elevator pitch. And they'd be like, it was just a pitch. And they kicked me out of the elevator. And I failed the first test. Another cable cable snaps everyone please make a dexterity check 15 yeah shoot it. I rolled a one. I don't want you fall down sucker take D Damage two points of damage 11 with a third so it is now like on its side

You're all sliding down. I rolled in that 20 Absolutely absolutely we're gonna shoot someone with that gun Demi. Yeah, you gotta roll the stuff. I fucking didn't you didn't Okay, so you shoot him how How much damage do you do? I don't know! Demi! Demi! I've got a lot going on! I need you to take care of your own damage! He's dead! Yeah, he's dead! Obviously! You shot him! Yes! Yes!

We see they love you! They just want you to roll damage. They don't. Pollywaddle, it's your turn. How many cultists are left soaring away? There's two, there's four on the roof soaring away and there's two right next to you. I think it's more important to get the ones on the roof so I'm going to fly up to the roof as a dash, which I can do.

Great inspiration. Yes! There you go. Every time I remember one rule I get a dice. That's all you have to do, all you have to do is remember one rule. That's all I want. That's all I want from all you Okay, what do you do? You attack the guy? Yes, and I attack him with my blades of grass. Yes, you hit what you need You need 12 days got 12 Six damage do you have another attack or did you miss with the other one?

I missed with the other one. Okay, so he is like, stab it, he turns to try and stab you. The other guy keeps on soaring. Sunbelt Gongbonger, it is your turn. Okay, so I reckon I'm gonna use my Misty Stab. Can I have a bonus action because I rolled a Nat 20 on the Dex check? Come on! Can you have a- you already have a bonus action. I mean like Nats wedding on the decks check come on Can you have it you already have? What I want to do is pick up Ben's body, okay, then I want to misty steps to the roof And then what I do I want to do with Ben's body what I did with Polly Waddle Why do you want to know where to bring jobs and back into the game?

Yeah, okay, you're upset, and I'm gonna. I'm gonna use Jobson as a mommy knocker on the roof now. How is that bringing him back into the game? Because I imagine it's gonna wake him up. Being swung around. He's already, we already know from Dave he's passed one death check. No, it's a great way to wake somebody up. Who's unconscious? No, I...

Swinging them around will help. I said we allow it. So I'm gonna swing Dave at the... You're gonna swing Dave? Sorry. Sorry. I'm gonna swing Jobson the three- You're gonna swing Dave? Sorry. Sorry. I'm gonna swing Jobson. So you- Jobson?

So you... You- you're gonna pick him up, you're gonna teleport onto the roof. Yep. And you're gonna swing this- Ignoring the weapons you have in your hands. Mm-hmm. Magical weapons. You're gonna swing this...

Dying man into another man. Can I tell you something interesting- Can I tell you something interesting about Jobson? Yes. Like a week ago, it was his birthday. And his sister, who's like basically his only friend, knows that he loves cowboy stories. Okay, he's always fucking going on about them.

And she finally got him some cowboy boots with spurs on. Oh yeah yeah I'm gonna yeah so and I'm gonna hold him by his hair while I do it. So the spurs... Arms work, arms work fine. No the spurs, the spurs are at the at the foot end. A lot of spurs at the foot end. And I'm holding Bob's and Job's and Yob's hair. And I'm probably doing some great car factory stuff as well. So if he survives, he's going to feel better than ever. So... He'll be three centimeters tall.

As you grab this gnome by the hair, this gnome marketing manager by the hair, you hear... He does a lot of stuff. You grab him by the hair, pick him up manager by the hair you hear he does a lot of stuff you grab him by the hair pick him up and you hear a snap as the final cables holding the elevator snap and the glass chamber begins to tumble down the mountain will the heroes of yurt survive probably they've got more chance than Rops and Ragnar. But let's see what happens on the next stupendous episode of Dragon Friends! Woo!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! The cast of Dragon Friends Campaign 2 is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hing and Demi Lott. With special guests Dave Harman and Ben Jenkins. Our Dungeon Masters are Eden Lacey and Tom Cardy with live accompaniments by Nick Harriot. Shakira Khan is our producer, the podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest and new episodes are recorded live every month at the Vanguard Theatre in Sydney on Gadigal land in the Eora nation.

This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon. You get early access to ad-free episodes, show recordings and exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. When a goddess returns from years of imprisonment, promising ruin for all. The rich and the poor all pray pray please don't unmake us Who will protect us from what is in store? The heroes of yore, brave heroes of yore

Destiny be done, these four freaks will become The heroes of yore You're I know we've got a game to play, but what noise do you reckon Grimace makes when he nuts? What do you reckon? Is it... BOO! I think it's that. What does a regular Grimace make? Rubble Rubble. Rubble Rubble. That's the fucking Hamburglar!

That's a Hamburglar noise And I'm really sorry, I don't want to bring it to you now but you stupid piece of shit The Grimace and the Hamburglar are twins and they have this secret twin language Shut the fuck up! You're thinking Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeMille

You're really embarrassing yourself because you're thinking of Mayor Big Mac and Constable McCheese I think youoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo president of snacking. He is the vice president of snacks. What does he look like? He looks like a headless, sorry, a bodiless aggro. Yeah. What? And he was completely CGI. Yeah. Do you know about Captain Crook?

How did he show up in the restaurant if he was all CGI? Well, this was... Sorry, he wasn't... How did he show up in the restaurant? He was doing appearances for kids' birthdays. Why not? He was appearing in one advertisement

for St. Patrick's Day Day I think he appeared in. No, you're thinking of Uncle O'Grimacy. Okay, okay, okay, Eden. And he was in the IRA. I thought you guys eat as children. Alright, hold on. You're thinking of Uncle O'Grimacy. Who was briefly embroiled.

Shamrock Shakes, right? Yeah. He was brought in for the Shamrock Shakes, but he was briefly embroiled in a scandal where an advert appeared to show support for the IRA. Is this a true story? Alright, alright. Eden, Eden, final round. Eden, who is the guy, who is the cunt dressed in yellow out the front of all the shops who's sitting on the bench and he will not talk to you? He's just an unfriendly man.

Okay. He's his wife left him. It was Ronald McDonald. Oh, yep. Still stands. He doesn't. He won't get up. Do you know I think that Birdie is the only McDonald's mascot that we eat. Big Bird? Big Bird? No, we don't have McAutland.

Oh yeah, we eat all those fuckers, you're right. We eat Grimaces. We eat Mayor McCheese's fucking head. So, all the Grimaces are gone. A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Who is the dad? For years, a Canadian lab promised people the answer. It's obviously legit. It's a DNA company. But one by one, its prenatal paternity tests gave people the wrong answer.

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