Dragon Friends - DF2 #2.06. How Bodacious We Talking with Olga Koch

Episode Date: April 27, 2025

With their only lead fleeing from their misplaced mercy, the Heroes of Yearth are at an impasse. Luckily, an unlikely companion is on their way to provide them guidance, but can the party hold itself together in the face of a creeping corruption. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Ever heard a story so wild you just had to know if it was true? I'm Alexis Steele from Degrassi and on Steele My Story we put celebrity guests to the test. Join me and comedian Ian Fisher as we play a hilarious game of true or stolen story. Our guests share two stories, one from their own life and one they shall we say borrowed. Can you guess which one really happened to them? Subscribe to Steal My Story on the Sonar Network or wherever you get your podcast. helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Funny that we're the hungover ones, but you're the one drinking seven barocas a day.

Yeah! Look, I'm two weeks deep into the festival. I've got to keep my piss pure. You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you Doom and destruction, death and rebirth The moon can resemble the heroes of yore Their jaws are all chiseled, their asses are fat They're shiny and golden and one wears a hat That's not a husk, that is a bonus

You don't fall Previously on Dragon Friends Our heroes were tasked with reassuring the town of Green Nest in a region plagued by dragon attacks from the beautiful Blue Dragon Lennathon who canonically is married to Heidi Klum It's been a mixed campaign Some success For example they rescued those people from the basement of a cathedral Some failures Last episode we showed you how to do it It's been a mixed campaign. Some success. For example, they rescued those people from the basement of a cathedral. Some failures. Last episode, a hostage was murdered in front

of them by kobolds. And let's be honest, some broad incompetence. The end of last episode, the regional cult leader Langdodrosa Cyanrath had literally four hit points left, but rather than kill or capture him, Simon commanded him to quote-unquote leave. So he was magically compelled to escape without the group getting fucking anything from him. I mean, yes, but we don't know how many hit points Big Baddy is having. This person had a dragon head. They could be basically invincible.

I think you can tell if someone is like, you know, moments from death. I think at one point I said, man, he's really not looking well, guys. Yeah. He might have eaten a bad sandwich. Presumably we will see Sianrath later on in the campaign again when he will be much, much stronger. Oh. That's really annoying. he would be much, much stronger. Aw. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha headbutted that ogre? Why did you do that? Because I'm badass. And I don't take no shit from nobody.

Okay, that is a deception check. Oh, because that's not the truth. It's kind of true. I'm kind of badass. Oh no. Deception, you say? Be 15. Six.

Oh! Total. Total. Okay 6. Oh! Total. Total. Okay, Brian is very skeptical. Who the fuck are you to question me, Brian? Aren't you our prisoner? I'm just a man who saw you headbutt a pacifist ogre yesterday for no reason! I did seem a little out of the blue now that you mention it, and thank you, Brian.

No worries, Pollywittle, please stop waterboarding me. You're our friend now, right? Yeah, yeah, I'm your friend. A bud? I'm your friend a bosom buddy a bosom what well with all the nipple stuff bosom buddy yeah I am a titmate you might say I guess with you it's more like a I guess it's more of an asshole friend? Oh yeah, because I put, yeah, I had to suction myself off of your butthole. Your butthole, some might say. I'm gonna be honest, it's been a weird 24 hours for me. But Eden, as you grow,

our fan, as you grow angrier at being questioned by Brian, the necklace, the hidden necklace around your neck begins to glow blue again and suddenly it speaks up. Hey! Hey. I just woke up in like I was just asleep but I just woke up in a really like pretty way. Oh I actually can't really talk right now. Hey why? What do you mean you can't talk? Is there another girl? Are you talking to another necklace? No I'm talking I'm talking to a guy I've been torturing and he's questioning our relationship

and he wants to know about you. I don't want him to know about you. Well, you know what you have to do. What? You have to kill him. Oh my God. You have to kill him for me. That would be so cute if you did that.

Really? You're into me killing guys? Baby, bring me his head. Okay. Oh! Ah! Eden, as you've grown weaker against the necklace, you need to make a wisdom saving throw.

Okay. Beat 16. Oh no, 16. 16, please. Oh no. Nine plus two is 11. That's less than sixteen! You are compelled to listen to the necklace.

Okay, I draw my... no actually I'm just gonna choke him out. I'm gonna be like, nobody questions my love for my girlfriend! And I um... You say that out loud? Yeah. And I uh, and I lunched at him, but I get 11. He has... Chariot says, ooh, Arfnan has a girlfriend. I only get 11 to hit, but I do have two attacks.

No, he has zero armor because you've already stripped him naked. Okay, so one hand goes around, hits one side of his neck, and the other hand goes around the other side of his neck and starts to choke and does a total of ten points of damage. Now he is you can see the life draining from his eyes but as you... she's gonna love this... as your hands are throttling his neck you the necklace glows blue and you feel an incredible power coursing through your veins. Okay.

The power of lightning. Oh. And you now have the ability Oh, oh. to cast a lightning bolt. No way. On his head? On his head, which again, you are compelled to do.

So can you roll like 68 or whatever? Yeah, nice. Yeah. Nice. Michael Hing does not want to play this character anymore. This is... this is... You know what I mean? This is D6.

Okay, here we go. Wait. You know what I mean? I'm just going to roll a D8 and times it by 6. That's fine. Ooh, 30 damage. Fuck. Okay.

What does that look like when you cast Lightning Bolt and your hand's already around his neck? Um, I don't... I... I would say pretty cool. Yeah. So from his neck, the skin begins to char from his neck and then you see blue kind of course through his veins. Is it like one of those balls that you put your hands on in the science museum?

Yeah. Yeah. His eyes turn into Van de Graaff generators and arc through his hair as his head burns and then explodes with lightning. And then the body splatters all over the keep. And you've just witnessed Afan kill the hostage. I hope that wasn't his girlfriend. And I say, do you like that baby? Oh no, maybe it was

Orpham Orpham what are you doing what do you mean what am I doing Orpham you didn't even start by killing this man and thinking that he killed your parents what well he probably did no no this isn't you in hindsight no no you only full-on what that was a bit full on. I thought it looked cool as fuck. Hahaha. Do me, do me! Hahaha. Orphan, I'm here because you're on a special quest worth a song. And for you to just kill people for some girlfriend.

Well, I don't think I want to write songs about you anymore. What? Well... I'll write songs about you if you're killing people that killed your parents. That's cool. And worth a song. You don't know that he didn't kill my parents. You didn't scream at the start before your thunderbolt hit.

Yeah, but I was thinking it. I mean, I just thought we assumed right now that's my motivation. I don't assume anything. But I guess I better start now. Like, assuming that you have a fucking girlfriend as well. Well, yeah, I mean, I didn't want to tell you guys about it, but she's real. Hey, Ernie, if you're looking for things

to write songs about, how about this? A boat. How would that go? Oh, like, you want me to sing? Sure. Oh, boats, they rock along the sea. George Castell in The Dwarf Re-enters. And he says, wait, look out there on the horizon.

And at the gates of the keep you see a party of horses arriving on the hill. It's two horseback riders. I can imagine a horse with one of those whistles that you blow at it and unfurls. horses arriving on the hill. It's two horseback riders. I just imagined a horse with one of those whistles that you blow at it unfurls. Because they're a party of horses. Are we all happy with what we're doing now? He's got a little hat on one of his ears. Behind the two horseback riders are another four horses pulling an ornate carriage.

You notice as they come closer to the gates though, that the two horseback riders and the driver of the carriage are slumped and becomes very clear that they are dead. I don't think they're driving those horses. The next thing you notice is that the ornate carriage is actually a giant fishbowl. Cool. This is all very cool. This is very wow. Does that carriage look like a big old fishbowl to you? Yeah. That's very cool world building in my opinion. What is it translucent? Can I see through into the fishbowl? Yes, you can. But there's like there's like some sort of brass

holsters to keep it in place in the carriage. Is it is it tinted glass like a celebrity fishbowl? Yes. Who's in there? I bet a big fish. And they crack. They crack the window a bit. There's water pours out. Flags on the are Are there flags on the, are there any flags on the horses? Like, you know, when you see a motorcade.

Yes, but they are from the Keep of Greenest. So this is, this is clearly from, the horse riders, you notice, are from the town. Okay. But they're dead. But they are dead. I gotta tell you guys, this is a great distraction from me killing that guy just to be a little

bit. That was like heaps not cool. No, no heaps cool. Guys, concentrate on the fishbowl. You know that dinner was getting a little bit attached. I mean he had a very interesting relationship. Once you have analingus with a man, you grow a very strong bond. Yeah.

I know. with his ass oh you know what and also I had already bought so much fantasy Listerine to continue our relationship George Castellan has something to say and he says they're all dead and he ushers you down to the front of the gates to inspect the fishbowl. So much happens in this keep, honestly, so much. It's one room and we're all having a fun time. Inside the fishbowl, you see sloshing around in there.

Is that a mermaid? What, is it? Yes. I can't see through this dark glass. You see a beautiful mermaid with long fish scales. Does it say on the outside, please don't knock on the glass? And to play that mermaid, would you please welcome to the stage comedian Olga Karr.

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Coming through, Olga. Now, Olga, you- Hello! We kind of just riffed out a character this morning. Tell us a little bit about your mermaid character. What's their name? The name is Marlin Monroe.

Oh! Pretty good. It's pretty good. That's good stuff. And your character is, they are royalty. Can you tell us anything about them? Like what's their vibe? All I know is that she speaks with an Australian accent.

Oh. For the entire time. She. So, for listeners of the podcast, Olga is not Australian. Olga is. What? Olga lives in the UK, but-

My accent isn't British either, so. No, but that's confusing for everyone. But let's just, I'm on board for Australian accent. Oh, right, nah, yeah. Just try, can you try a quick, like, if you need to get into it at the start of a sentence, you can just go like, gnar. Gnar.

Oh, that feels good. You can also use the drop-in phrase, you can just go like, gnar. Gnar. Oh, that feels good. You can also use the drop in phrase, oi cunt. Olga's head pokes up, sorry, Marlon's head. Marlon's holding Olga's head. Marlon is holding the head of UK comedian Olga Koch. The severed head which she throws out. Olga's head does pop off if you know what I mean. What is the second time you've said something to that exact effect since I met you today?

You gotta keep the brand strong. And George Costello goes, He inspects the riders who are dead and realizes that they were a party who he'd sent to the Raiders camp in order to While the attack was happening in order to gather information. Are the Raiders the cultists? Yes, it's all one big group of baddies. Okay, right, with different job descriptions. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So should we approach?

Yeah, yeah, you can approach if you'd like. I've never seen a, have you seen a mermaid before? Once. Where did you see one? At the zoo. Oh. Working there? Working, yeah, she-

She was doing the seal show. Yeah. That's racist. She was in charge of the camels. Look let's just go I'd like to have a little squizz at that mermaid I've not seen one before we'll handle this we'll handle this storage all right. Go talk to the mermaid. So I just um fly down is everyone else coming? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we're out in the courtyard. I'm gonna drag the two bodies off of the horses. Okay. Okay. And make them kiss. Why? For my girlfriend. I think my girlfriend might like it. But she didn't say it. She didn't say that. But I'm going above and beyond now. What does the necklace think about two dead bodies being forced to kiss by our fans? Baby that freaking sucks. You don't know me at all. I just sit down on the ground and just look at the floor. That's a huge ick. And then Polly's like, hello! I noticed your riders are a little bit dead.

You all riding there? Do you want some fish flakes? Or I don't know, what do you like? Do you eat fish or do you eat human stuff? What I like to eat is, I got a prop. Swedish fish! Yay! For the podcast, Olga is holding up some candy

she purchased at a convenience store I imagine. Correct. Olga, sorry, Marilyn goes on to explain that she was captured about several weeks ago out of the ocean and has been kept prisoner by the cultists in their secret hideout. But she wants to be returned to the ocean. And if you, she offers you this, if you promise to return her to the ocean, yeah, she will show you where the cultist hideout is.

Wait, so how did you get here? Did you? I'm in the fishbowl. Yeah. I almost got Stockholm syndrome like like Patty Haas. We gotta get her back to the ocean. I can't stand it. This is incredible. This is the first time I've met a mermaid

and they truly do have a beautiful singing voice. Someone stuff things in my ears like Oedipus, otherwise I'll jump over the ship and swim to her. Can I do a copyright free version of Under the Saves? You can do it with copyright baby, because we don't. Okay, so I have the lyrics here. I haven't thought... Okay, so it's...

Beneath the waves... Beneath the waves beneath the waves Sweetie it's moisture down with Keep going How do you feel about that song in awe I'm like, oh my god, I have heard the angels and their name is Marlon I'll go for that. You get a dust of inspiration. If you ever want to reroll a dice, that's for you. That's your reward for singing your song. Oh, thanks. I tried to sing a song before and you just cut me off.

Yeah, well, yours was getting in the way of the narrative. Are you affected by this song? It sounds like you want to get out of the narrative. Are you affected by this song? It sounds like you want to get out of the water. You know what? Let's do that. And he just like elbows the glass. What the fuck, dude? Okay.

She has to be free. Oh, I can't breathe. Okay. So make an attack roll. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you got it. You got it. It's like strong royal glass. You've got to be 15. Strong royal glass, no match for me.

That's a two. He elbows it and then Castellan goes up and taps the sign and says, don't tap the glass. Do you have one of those small aquatic snails in there? Cause I noticed you don't have a filter. Now we could get you a nice plastic castle as well. I really feel like this isn't a suitable environment

for a nice young lady such as yourself. Yeah, I prefer Evian. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. She's turning into a Swedish fish. Ha ha ha. Can we get this woman some Evian, please? So do you, will you all agree? First priority, replace her ball with sparkling Evian.

Did you want sparkling? That might burn her lungs, I don't know. Gang up her guilt. It tickles. How far is the ocean? I might burn her lungs, I don't know. Gang up her gills. It tickles. How far is the ocean? The ocean, there's like rivers and estuaries that will lead to the ocean. Okay, so just some body of water.

Yeah, you just, well, probably not a lake. Flush. Flush? Yeah, like, oh. How big is your toilet? I got a really big toilet. I mean, that's true. We do know where the sewers are.

Do the sewers lead to the ocean or should we just go nice style? I prefer nice style. I can tell she's a classy lady. I think I feel there's not much everyone in the sewers. Olga's accent is making me how to forget how to do my own accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your life like before you were captured?

Well, I traveled through a lot of oceans, so I'm doing a lot of accents at the same time, but only the white ones. Yeah. Classic. Didn't do the Indian Ocean at all. Took a detour. Classic. Didn't do the Indian Ocean at all.

Took a detour. So you're, do you, uh, Castellan says, alright, this seems like a good idea. You'll agree to help this poor mermaid, uh, go? Yeah, so we'll take her back to the ocean and then she'll show us where the hideout is or you'll show us on the way. I think you should- We can finally find the boss of the cult then. Don't fucking talk to me. We can finally find the boss of the cult then.

Don't fucking talk to me. You know what you did yesterday. Huh? You had him in your fucking grasp and you let him go. He was going to kill a mommy. They did it anyway! Not before I told them to go away. That was all on you Michael Hing. Just like on that,

do you have somewhere for me to put these two kids? Because right now they're just under my jacket. Oh no. Yes, cause Dellen is in, you know, the local school teacher and a nurse to check out the child for injuries and also educate them. The nurse is going also educate them. The nurse is gonna educate them? No, there's a teacher and a nurse. Oh, sorry. There's a Mary Poppins character.

There's two people. It was two people. Yeah, and it's basically a Mary Poppins character. So, clean your room using magic, let's all fly away, bye! Okay. Dying of inspiration, come on, we've set a rule. All right.

No, I'll cause one that's funnier. Okay, wait, how about this? Okay, Marilyn, Marlin, you draw us a map to the hideout and we'll drop you in a nice stream or estuary or the rivulet on the way. That way we're killing two fish with one stick Yeah, that works all right, yeah, okay, so just not a sewer yeah, that's that's fine I got a pencil and piece of paper into the tank there you go

All right, so you set off Following the map that Marlon has given you now that we pushing we pushing the ball or do we get to use the horses? The horses, you can use the horses. Who wants to drive the carriage? Me. Okay. I guess it's an animal husbandry check. You've done riding before though, so it'd be ten.

One. He's actually never, he's only ever been driven around in a carriage. I get on the horse, on the saddle, and then I slide around till I'm hanging upside down the horse. The horse then pisses all over you. It all goes in your mouth now and everyone's watching. You know who's gonna ride the other horse. Oh, I suppose I can do it.

There's horses for everyone. There's enough horses for everyone. All right, good clop. Yep. yeah all right so you're all in horses motherfucker the Raiders path is easy to follow across the rolling grasslands of green nest a wide swath of grass is trampled down but you see that it's impossible to determine how many Raiders have followed this path back towards Green West? In fact, can you guys make a perception check? Beat 15. Anyone?

Yep, I got a 23. From underneath the horse. As I wipe the piss from my eyes. So... 14. Okay, so, Charyon, you realize that the main army of the Raiders has deviated away from the path on the map that Marlon has showed you. So the map is taking you presumably back to the base, but it looks like the main army of the

Raiders has gone elsewhere, which makes you think that perhaps the camp is empty. Okay, I convey this to the others. Now I think we have an option. We can go to the camp and see if we can find clues as to where they're going. Or we could... Are there tracks? There are tracks. You could follow... There are so many tracks. A deal's a deal though. We do have to get to a rivulet or an inlet or a fjord or a stream or a lake attached to a wharf. No, yeah, it's gotta have an outlet, a lake with an outlet, otherwise she'll be trapped in the lake her whole life.

She'll turn into some kind of monster. Like me. Oh yeah, actually can I make a roll too? I had fuzzy handcuffs last episode. Can I just, I already have one on my wrist. Can I just snap one to offence? Cause I don't like, he's fucking up. He's fucking up real big. So it would be your right arm to his left arm, I guess.

Or your left arm to his, whatever you want to do. Did we decide whether I was left or right handed? No, it doesn't matter. It didn't come up. Choose, choose. You can choose. Sometimes stuff does. Yeah, no, my left under his right arm.

Okay. You gotta make an attack roll on me. So that's a slight of hand. An attack? A slight of hand, I think. Okay. But he's conscious and awake, so it's hard. Oh yeah, but I'm sneaky.

Yeah, you gotta 18. I gotta get 18? Yeah. Can I cast invisibility on myself first? Yeah, you have a long rest. You got spell slots. Right, I'm sneaky. Yeah, you got a 18. I gotta get 18. Yeah, can I cast invisibility on myself first? Yeah, you have long rest you got spell slots right? I'm gonna do that so then now you have advantage, okay? No, not again. Oh all right and now another one oh 14 plus 2 16 oh Shit, you said fucking you try to hold my hand, bro

Yeah, you want to hold hands you should ask me all right. I hold his hand. Here's what I'll give you okay you get the Handcuff around his arm But he grabs your hand like does it and he knows exactly what's happening and he challenges you. All right. I say I Don't want you to handcuff me I say... I don't want you to handcuff me. Please, please don't do that. Okay. Without my consent.

Alright, so I'm sorry I did that. Are you sorry? Let me see. No, and I lied. No, alright, inside. I want to know if he's lying. Okay, I don't know. I don't get it. Listen, I'm just going to be straight's lying. Okay, I don't know. I don't get a good insight. Listen, I'm just gonna be straight with you.

You fucked up like so fucked upingly. That was like really bad. So what I wanna do is I don't think you're like safe even with yourself. I need to handcuff you to me. Because you're my friend, because we're friends. And I give him just a little kiss on the hand. I feel like this point the necklace pipes up and is expressing a very strong opinion about that.

That's so...no. You stand up for yourself, honey. What? What did you say? You have to stand up for yourself. You tell...you snap his wrist, baby. I just snap his wrist? You gotta make a wisdom saving throw now. Did you say- hold on! Beat 15.

Okay, I beat it. And I just- I don't be like, oh, I just slap it away. This from a man who killed two kids? Judging me? I also saved two kids today. Okay. Net zero! I guess that works out.

So, uh, so, dinner munch about, are you gonna unlock the handcuffs? From me or from him? Okay, net zero. I guess that works out So So dinner much about are you gonna unlock the handcuffs? Are you gonna from me or from him either? You got a lot. Well, I didn't get him. Did I not didn't get it? Yeah, I guess I'll Yeah All right, so which track are you gonna take? Well, do we do we have a sense of where um, you can either go basically towards where you think the army has gone, or you can follow towards what you think is the empty camp. I think we should go to the camp because we're compromised in terms of our maneuverability

with this fishbowl and we have made a promise to free Marlin. So to the camp! Do you remember the camp Marlin? Is there somewhere you'd like to live the near there? Like you had Stockholm syndrome you said do you want to go back to the camp? Just cuz she has Swedish fish doesn't mean she has Stockholm syndrome I want to go to the south of France Um, the Caribbean I'm so confused. Why did he become Shrek at some point?

I don't know. I'm not very good at accents. That makes one of you. Let's go to the camp. Okay. Okay. Oh, it's catching. All right. Okay. The fish has spoken. So I'm not a fish. I'm half I'm have beautiful bodacious, babe

Have you got you which I will surprise you? How about they just are we talking like it are we classic mermaid like shells for bikini? Yeah Yeah, I'll teach that mermaid or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, released Splash, they did a really bad job of animating the most difficult thing to animate hair, so when she ran down to the beach, it covered her butt in a very strange way. But you said covered her roots. Yeah, well, front roots, back roots, bottom roots, front bottom roots.

Totally. If you're into feet, foot roots. Yeah. No, I look like an illustration that's been drawn by a 13 year old boy. Oh, how bad. Wait, crucially one that is good at drawing or bad? No, I look like an illustration that's been drawn by a 13 year old boy Wait crucially one that is good at drawing. No, I defy the laws of physics My rib cage can't hold up those triple J

Weirdly it makes it very hard for them to swim because they are just giant flotation devices. They always just end up like floating on her back. Just like arms. Yeah, my center of gravity is all four. Hey, Hing, you seem somebody like somebody who would know this. Where classically would the vagina be on a mermaid? I imagine it would be classically. First of all, I don't think I'd look like someone

who would know that, but logic would dictate that it'd be a sort of a caviar and egg situation, wouldn't it? Not a classic pussy. Okay, so, well, like, they have sort of like a fish cloaca situation. That would be my guess, but again, I'm not the mermaid. You can ask the mermaid if you want dinner much about, but I feel like that might be rude. Cover your roots with hair.

Wait, no, I want to ask. I think you need to make a constitution check right now to stop yourself from asking. Okay. Beat 12. Okay. It's alright, I checked my constitution. It's zero. I got a 10.

Okay, so now what has done much about you? Uh huh. It's zero. I got a ten. Okay, so now what is dinner much about? Sorry, so what? That was quiet to me and I was like, no, not that. Excuse me, Marlin. Yes? Madam Monroe, if you will. I'm writing an essay. My friends and I have a bet. And I

don't want to be too forward but there is a question I've never gotten to ask a mermaid before about their reproductive pussies. And so where's yours is it is it where is it well given my amazing head game and also the size of my breasts I we usually never get to Fullpenny and just finish at third base. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm getting quite a quote. Full Penny. Fuck. Full Penny. The trail leads out about 12 miles to a more rugged region where steep-sided rocky plateaus replace gently rolling hills. The land between the plateaus is largely flat, broken only by outcroppings and some very dried creek bed, stream beds. This isn't a good spot. Too dry.

And I crumple the dust in my hands like so many dreams. Jesus. You are hungover today. And then we go on. Yeah. You see though, actually, Charyon, you're though, actually, Charyanne, you're riding, are you at the front? You're riding the carriage, I guess.

I am, yep. Can you, as you spy over a plateau, can you make a perception check, please? That's a 19. Oh, great, okay. So perceptive today. Yeah. Yes, well done.

I went to bed early. Yeah, you did. You pull the carriage up along the side of the cliff adjacent to a plateau, you see down into a ravine. It's a fairly tight ravine, but down there you see a party of three. One, you clearly identify as a warrior, a cultist warrior dressed in all black robes. He looks formidable, like he's got some pretty sick weapons. There's his like buddy who sucks

and would probably easily die. What's his name? Uh, I guess we don't know yet. Is he wearing a name tag? Yeah, he's wearing a name tag that says Trane. Yeah. His name is Tranee, yes. And next to them, they're sort of like inspecting something.

And it's clearly a sleeping lizard-like reptilian thing. You can inspect further if you'd like. Sure. Can I do that from a distance? No, you'd have to go down. Okay, so do you want me to, so I do that thing where you hold up your hand in a fist that indicates not resistance, but to be quiet in an army scenario.

Okay, now it does- And Polly says, I'll do scissors then! Yeah! Yeah! What? Did she choose the wrong one as well? Why would she? Why would she?

Why would she choose the wrong one as well. Why would she? Why would she choose the wrong one? He just needs the win. When you have kids you'll understand. Oh good on you, you got me that time. Alright, I'll do paper now. Has that attracted the attention of the cultists? Yeah, let me see if they hear. Yes, no, they hear, they absolutely hear. And the veteran warrior and his accomplice shake the lizard awake.

And as they... Is it a one-eyed lizard? No, it has good perception. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Here's a show that we recommend. A VP at HBO said no one would ever watch Yellowstone. Stephen King was rejected by 30 publishers. Charles Schultz was told he'd never make a living scribbling.

And Missy Elliott was dropped by her label. The stories of famous names, their lesser-known rejections, and the insights those rejections provide. We regret to inform you the Rejection Podcast. Listen to season six, wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. And as it unfurls its... It's what? Mighty shaft of a neck!

Yep. You see its wingspan as well, and it is in fact an ashtray, a small dragon which is under the command of this warrior. They look up and see you the dragon immediately takes flight and rises into the sky and the other two begin to clamber up the rocks let's go into initiative am i above the Drake you yeah no no it's risen up you it's now it's in the sky I think we should all get in the fishbowl. We'll be safe from the fire.

Um, you're up. Charing, Loverlaring, what do you do? Um, I'm gonna get in the fishbowl. Are the drakes fire breathing? Do we know that? Do we need to do a history check? Uh, you? To know about... I went to the zoo once.

I'm pretty sure I saw one of these. Yeah, you can do. Okay, you can use a nature check. Big 12. Um, I got a 19. This is an ash drake. Uh, the ash drake can spew blistering hot choking ash, but not actual fire. All right Okay, well in that case I'm not gonna get in the water I'm going to barrel down the path where I have a slight advantage of like height of coming down there

Okay, you swords swords already. Okay, cool. Did aabout, your turn. Okay, um, which rocks are the other two- are the two cultures- They're clambering up the cliff that you guys have parked on towards you. Okay, can I, um, use my, like, mind palace or whatever to, um, to figure out the best way to, like, are there boulders nearby that I can, like, can I use something to crack off a rock and try and hit them with it? Yeah, that'll be a strength check, but boulders are quite heavy. I thought that maybe, like, looking at them and being in my mind palace sort of made it an intelligence check. Like if I had to...

Can I help with this and move my move as well and help assist? Yeah, yeah, you want to help? So you'll have advantage on this check, but it's a big ball though if you want to do damage. Now crucially, I have gone down in front of this ball though. What? Yeah, Debbie didn't seem to care so um. Hey Simon, remember all those thunder waves you used to send down? You've got. You didn't want to kill, you killed one kid.

It's a strength check, you have advantage, you gotta beat 13. Alright, here I go. Wait, what's my, oh yeah, okay. Oh no. Okay, I'll just roll that again. And two. And two. And one. You rolled a two and a one? Oh, hold on.

A minus one. Okay, so. A zero. So you rolled a zero. Okay, so you went out, you go to push the boulder, but you sort of trip and somehow pull it up on top of you. Yeah, okay. And then my legs.

You'll take another turn for you to get out of that. That's okay. What are you, no, you,, uh, what are you, uh, no, you, uh, Arfan, what are you doing? Um, I'm going to use my... Celestial Revelation. And, uh, as a bonus action, wings spring from my back. What?!

Um, and I gain a flying speed, and I shh... Jump into the air and, uh, draw my... How high up is this dragon? It's about ten feet above me. Okay, I can, I straight up jump into the air and draw my how high up is this dragon it's about okay I can I straight up take to the sky and I swing my frickin sword I honestly is too much going on and I miss both times and my word put it was all looks and no product I'm a class 16 you Yeah, I got a 1 and a 2. Alright, you are... It's a bust, it's a bust guys. Marlon, what do you want to do?

Well, I have a mace of terror. Can I terrorize the Drake? You can, so... I'm just British, I'm so sorry. The Drake has to be... The Drake spits ash, but not bars, am I right? Team Kendrick! Okay! The Drake spits ash but not bars, am I right? Team Kendrick! Okay.

So, yes, okay, you can release a wave of terror from your mace. Each creature within, of your choice, within 30 feet must succeed a DC 15 wisdom saving throw or become fraught. So, can it be the Drake and the two, and the two... I don't think they count as creatures, but the Drake will work. Okay. And the two, and the two. I don't think they count as creatures, but the drake will work. Oh, okay.

Okay, he fails. So the drake then becomes terrified and flees. Oh! Yeah! Into the sky. Yeah! Come back! Yeah, but the-

I just played the entirety of Kendrick Super Bowl performance. But the necklace speaks to you now, Arfan, and is disappointed in you for attacking the dragon. What? What did you do that? I'm so mad at you! I'm not talking to you!

Don't cry baby, I'm sorry. How did you attack? You know I like dragons. Oh, I totally forgot. I mean, I didn't hit him. I just was trying to scare him, my little babe. It's cool. I was just trying to impress you.

Do you love me? Why did you attack? You know I like dragons. Oh, I totally forgot. I mean, I didn't hit him. I just was trying to scare him a little bit. It's cool. I was just trying to impress you. Do you love me? Of course! Cause I... What? Dude, that's big! More than... Hahaha!

More than anything! More than I've ever loved any other jewelry! Hahaha! Honestly, I think we look so good together. I don't trust your friends. Me neither, honestly. I mean, I don't even know them. They're not really friends. I don't think you should let them come between me and you.

I totally agree with you. Totally. They're not, they're not a problem. They're just like roommates, you know, it's, it's they're here because they have to be. Is he speaking out loud? Yeah, he's just, so the rest of you, the rest of you see Arfan just muttering to himself and sort of like rubbing his neck. Have I heard what he's saying?

You can, let's do a perception check. Because I know that he has a necklace. But you don't know that it's magical. So perception check, beat ten. Okay. Oh, twenty. Fuck it, that's twenty. Alright.

So yeah, you hear everything that Arfan just said. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to claim my brand. Okay. Oh, 20. Fuck it, that's 20. All right. So yeah, you hear everything that Arfan just said talking about I love you baby or something. More than I've ever loved any other jewelry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I don't trust my friends. Immediately your mind's like, ah, cockering. What are you gonna do? Well, I'm still lying down, but can I cast a spell from down here? You can just go under a rock. I'm under a rock.

But I can stay there for a sec. I'll take a little bit of damage if you want me to, but I wanted to cast a spell. Okay, what spell do you want to cast? I want to cast, make me find it, I can't remember what it's called. What? Let me find it, I can't remember what it's called. What? Let me find it, I can't remember what it's called.

Open your ears, Michael Hing. Alright, well you're fighting that... I'm casting Web. Web? On who? On my bingus over there. On Arfan? Yeah. But I'm flying!

Well, he's in the sky. Yeah. Big ol' plummet. Yeah. So what does Web do? Can you read out? what is at this point the the veteran warrior clambers to the top of the cliff and He so as you cast this spell he attacks you didn't much about what's your armor class?

Well, have I run into him because I'm hitting down the cliff Yeah, you can grab you can have an attack of opportunity against him if you like Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna stab him Apple him okay, I'm a class 17 hits for 21. Oh dang and that's six damage fuck Okay, okay. He he cladest I go in What does web do Danny so I What does Webb do, Denny? So, I conjure a massive thick, sticky webbing. The Webb feels a 20 foot cube from that point in the duration.

So basically what I want to do is, down here a thing is, Webb's layered over a flat surface have a depth of five feet. So I want to encase him in the cube while he's up there so that when he falls to the ground he's kind of cushioned and then can't move. Okay. So he has to roll he they when he starts his turn in the webs he not he got to make a dexterity saving throw or he's trapped. Okay. Right so I gotta make a dexterity saving throw? No you I just cast the web on you. Are you webbing me? I don't get a saving throw to dodge it? No. What are you talking about? You're not even looking at me. I know that I do. He's not

make a dexterity saving throw there. Here comes my big dick. But you're in the air and you've and you're also um you're distracted by the necklace so you have it you have disadvantage. Oh no. You haven't told me why um I'm distracting him wise to for it um you haven't told me why I'm distracting him wise to for it. Um, you haven't told me why you like me specifically It's just it's just it's everything It's nothing if saying everything means that means the same as saying nothing. Okay, I gotta I go ahead that rolled up the tongue Really easily for you out Time you actually said that in real life. I Rolled a 20 and a 6.

Why did you let him roll for that? He doesn't have to. Well the 6 fails anyway. I fail. I fail. So you were encased in webbing and you hit the ground. Now the veteran warrior clambers to the top and attacks you dinner munch about. What's your armor class? Well I'm under a rock so it doesn't matter. Oh yeah you are broke.

It's the ultimate armor. Oh I've got rock armor. Yeah okay. Well my armor is under a rock so it doesn't matter. Oh, yeah, you are broke. Okay, you've got ultimate armor Oh, I've got rock armor. Yeah. Okay. Well, my armor is 11 plus rock. Okay Dang, okay. Well, I said it's three-quarters cover you take you take you take 22 damage Okay, long sword Slashing damage. He's attacking. I can heal her. Oh, okay. I'm a healer from your Sorry It's an Australian dog. It's good. Yeah What what what what as a clip you're a cleric on you so you have to cure wounds if you want to do that Yeah, would you like me to kill you?

to kill you? What is that? What do you like me to kill you? Yes, thank you! Face women. Okay, it's giving ungrateful. I'm sorry, I was trying to be like that. I was trying to do a little joke because it's kind of weird but I would love some healing if you have it to give away. Okay, so from the fishbowl Marlin looks at you and sort of gestures towards you and your wounds begin to heal. We'll work out what dice that is. Polly Waddle your turn. I am going to attack the competent warrior with my short bow. So I'm going to dash over there.

Yes, that's a 17. And I get a 6 damage. Short bow? So I'm gonna dash over there. Uhhh, yes. That's a 17. And I get a 6 damage. Dang, okay. He's looking pretty healthy, to be honest. But if it's fine. Chariot. Chariot, it's your turn.

Okay, is he still clinging onto the cliff? No, he's just reached the top and he's right on the edge near the rock where dinner munched about his course. Could I grapple him and try and throw him off? You could, but if you fail You could also go over with him. So I haven't thought about that Let's do an opposed. I guess it'll be opposed strength. It's gonna be like Lion King style 18 for me, okay, so sorry you're older 12, so he fails so you are able to grapple him What are you trying to do? You trying to shove him or put him the ground? I'm trying to push him off the cliff okay, so you are able to grapple him what are you trying to do you trying to shove him or push him off the cliff?

okay so you you push him and yeah he fails so he falls backwards but is saved just below the cliff by his little buddy Trainee who grabs his hand but he but his hand is sweating and he's losing his grip but now you all have advantage of this Tom it's your turn. I would... oh are they... is there anyone around these two? Just just across... you're at the top of the cliff looking over. They're just on the cliff. Oh can I do this? Alright I would like to do a vicious mockery and is it potentially because we're in such a big space with my words echo and give me some sort of extra power? I'll allow it! it. Okay. Um, I, uh, what is it?

It's a saving throw. You got a Wisdom 15 save. Ooh, he fails. Oh, I say, Oh, you'll never make it in this drop. What are you, a trainee at fucking 35? Jesus. You're old as shit, you dumb...

Oh, fuck. So you're mocking the trainee, not the veteran. Yeah, yeah. I want him to drop that son of a bitch. Okay, yeah, no, it works. He loosens his grip and goes, Master! Oh no! And the veteran falls. It's actually really hard to break into this industry and, you know, there used to be more

opportunities and, you know, maybe I try to mid-career shift and it's not working out. Alright, I'm gonna go back to journalism! I'm gonna go back to journalism! And the veteran warrior falls to the bottom of the cavern where you hear a blood curdling scream and a thud. And the cracking of his spine echoes through the valley. Is that fun? Whenever you do a graphic description of someone's violent end, there's like a spark behind your eyes that I don't see in any other time. And I've seen you look at your own child. The acolyte is able to climb to the top of the cliff, but he's surrounded by you and he's clearly very very afraid.

Do you want to kill him? What do you guys want to do? Hey do a dance? What what what dance you want me to do something sexy? Okay, he um Let's do a performance check Yeah, 17. All right He starts to fucking throw it back very confidently He's like twerking all over you. He's like, is this what you want?

Is this what you want? And he, um, he strips out of his armour as well. He's like, do you want, do you want to call your daddy? I don't know. Like, what do you want? I don't know. I don't know. Is this, is this okay? Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. I told you I'm gonna go back to journalism. It's too much.

He puts his armour back on, he's like, You idiot, you idiot trainee, you fucked it, you fucked it! And I say, oh trainee, oh, come on now, I thought that was very sexy, you've got another career right there, at Hens' Nights and whatnot. Now tell me, who are you, what were you training for exactly? I was trying to join the Cult of dragon. The cult of the dragon because I hear that they're bringing back They're really bringing back mate The most powerful beast who ever roamed the earth Wow that'd be cool wouldn't it I wanted to be a part of that but now I, just seeing my boss die and we had our dragon,

he's fucked off. Yeah, he was a little fella, wasn't he? Yeah, we were raging. What? Tell me what's the name of that most powerful beast that ever ruled the world? Because you're going to journalism. Dragons! We're going to bring back dragons.

Dragons, are you? Yeah. You're giving scary Ben Mendelsohn? Yeah. Anyway, I've got to go tell the cops about this, is that okay? No, we're gonna kill you mate. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. I really thought if I told you what you wanted to hear, you wouldn't kill me. Trust me, did you see what we did to the last guy?

You'd be very grateful that we killed you. Okay, well he starts to run he he bolts away from you across the plateau do you want to chase him down I'm gonna get at my longbow and I'll get yeah yeah get your longbow his armor class is 10 so you gotta be that's a natural 20 my friend okay you shoot an arrow and as he's running the only unarmored part of his entire back is just the the top of his the base of his neck, the top of his neck. There's that glit in that eye of him.

No, no, go on, go on. And the arrow that you fire, it rises slightly in the air and pierces the back of his neck all the way through to the front and it actually it... what? Come on, if we're having fun. We love it. No, it's good. It's really good. And you have and you hear him go... as he chokes on the blood that is spilling out of his throat now. Bull's throat!

Again, you probably could have got, I don't know, four or five more questions out of that guy, but you guys are psychos and he's dead now. We're psychos? Is it hard to get back down to the bottom of the ravine or is it really far away? No, you could climb down. Okay, cool, I wanna go check out the body of the big fella. Oh, you're gonna loot the body?

Yeah, loot that body. Hey. Hey. Fuck myself. Someone is looting that body. Okay, so first of all, you gotta climb down. So that's an athletics check or dexterity, whatever you wanna do.

Yeah. Beat 12? Uh, beat 12? Yep, beat 12 brother. Yep, 15. Nice. Uh, so you all watch as Ernie Sweetwater clambers down. Are you climbing down with your guitar and stuff? Yeah. Are you taking your shit with you?

Yeah, I am just in case there's a song to play down there. Uh, okay. And you reach the uh, the bottom and this veteran warrior has fallen all the way down this ravine and landed on a very jagged rock you can see that his spine is broken and the And the armor is the armor and the armor has been melded around the rock Such was the impact So do it look at me. I look at him and I say, I wonder how he died. A broken heart. Now do an investigation check and I'll tell you what you win.

I love doing investigations. 18. Oh, shit! Alright, for that that Tom Cardi, you can have a dip in the bag. Dip in the bag. Dip in the bag. Dip in the bag. Dip in the bag.

Dip in the bag. Now for new listeners. Olga's eyes just went very big. She doesn't know what's going on. Tom for 18, you get a random magical item out of this magical item cards that I've got here. So I don't know, I guess I'll just say you can- Can I ask Olga?

I'll get Olga to do it. Yeah, because we've only really just met today Olga, but this is gonna really color the rest of our relationship. I think whether this is good or something that fucks me up. Dip in the back. Dip in the back. Dip in the back. Dip in the back.

Dip in the back. Dip in the back. Dip in the back. Dip in the back. Dip in the back. Over to him. Last one over. Tom, what did you win?

I've got a beautiful bag of holding. Congratulations, Tom Carter. You no longer have to carry your loot around like a fuckwit. You do strike me as a guy who brings a guitar to a one night stand. Yeah. Today. It's like, it's a sure thing. I've got my clothes off. It's like, no, no, one more verse.

I know how to make a mermaid wet. Today. Hey, Ernie, I'm stuck to a wall over here. Yeah, that's good, mate. You've lost your way We'll go and talk to him. Yeah dinner much about you've been able to struggle free from the rock at this point And you can all go and interrogate Our fun, I guess if you want I put my Holders what the fuck fingers? No, no

bracelet, yeah Jesus hand holders, what the fuck? Fingers? Nah, the- No, prison bracelet. Yeah! Fuck! Jesus! Um, can I fucking- can I put them on him now? Get that prison bracelet away from me! He's stuck! Yeah, so do you wanna- do you- but do you wanna handcuff him like to himself or to you? Or to a horse maybe. What do you guys- Yeah I guess that's a thing. You can handcuff him whatever you want, you know? Well I'm just gonna ask, hey do you guys think it's safer if I just handcuff all of him so he can't do stuff

or should I just be on him at all times? What do you think? What? Handcuff his, oh no. What? I was gonna say, handcuff his hands to his helmet. So, he's walking around like this.

But you'd only have, you've only got two loops. All right, I'm gonna handcuff him to a rope that I tie around my waist. What? So it's like, I'm, it's like, if you know, when you see parents with a toddler on a leash, it's like that, but I'm the boss.

I'm the boss that's a toddler. I'm the toddler boss. But also because a toddler I'm a toddler boss but also because often is so much stronger than you I'm gonna give you a free go and just do that's not gonna hold me I'm just gonna rip this right out and I do it and you're and the rope comes out from around your pants and your pants fall down. All right, well he's still handcuffed, I don't care. He's handcuffed to himself though, right? He's handcuffed to himself. Okay, so you're no houndcuffed and wed.

Oh no, I've given him a grot. Oh no. Look, we just all need to relax. I don't understand why everyone's being so weird. Hey, take your fucking necklace off. What necklace? The neck, I've seen it, it mate and I saw you talking to it It's glowing on the shirt

Reaches in to try and pull it out Going are you gonna? Oh, yeah Where you think this is going? Are you gonna? Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have a bunch of little You don't need a pussy I'm gonna, oh yeah, I'll just spoof on my necklace, I'll have a bunch of little baby rings What are you doing? Then the necklace hears this conversation and is gonna counsel Arthur and what should he do? I'm gonna go. Hey You can't let your friends talk. If you take me off, I'm gonna be dead.

Baby, I'll never take you off. Can we take it off? I'll never take you off. Or get you off. I love you. Look, I don't- And you know I can pleasure you, baby. I'm just not ready yet.

Really? I know, I believe I'm ready to wait. I can make you feel so good. I think it's gonna be worth it. Yeah. It's gonna be so worth it. But soon, right? Yeah, it's just something I need you to do for me what yeah

Why is there anything I should say? Um kill that divorce guy We're saving throw you got to be 16. No, he doesn't he's fucking trapped in the web I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm do. Can I just take the necklace off of him? You sure? Yeah, you can do it if you want. Yeah. Okay, you unclasp the necklace from our friend's neck. I don't like it! Stop! You pull out from his breastplate.

I pull out, do I? Okay. You pull out from his breastplate I pull out do I? Okay A glowing iron blue necklace with a beautiful lightning orb at the base of it And every single one of you sees it and now every single one of you fucking wants it And you are all now compelled to get the necklace But also Marlon also recognizes the necklace Yeah, and she can tell you some stuff that she knows about the necklace. Oh, yeah Okay, I am Marlon. Yes, no Sorry, it's under the section necklace

You know your name sweetheart. A few months ago, you found a magical necklace that glows lightning blue at the bottom of the ocean. Oh, no, no, it's me. I mean. I love how she tells a tale, third person and first. The Raiders then took it. I love how she tells and wears a tale. The Ra then took it when they captured me.

The necklace was found on the way to adventure to Eden. It's an evil corrupting necklace. What? Sorry, I don't like tearing other women down. Women support women. But all, so everyone now make a wisdom saving throw and you got, you got to beat 15. Anyone who wants to?

So we all want it. I want it too. I want it too. Girl on girl action. Anyone who fails the wisdom saving throw wants the necklace. I got a four. Oh, I could really do with some new jewelry now

that you mention it. And I lunge at it. Do you want the necklace as well? Yeah, I want the necklace as well. I got a five. Okay, I got 15. Olga got a five. Okay, I got a 15. I'll go to two. Okay, so Marlin-

Thanks man, geez. Marlin jumps out of her bowl and lands on Arthur. The other three- I stick it down my pants. What? What? I lick it and stick it down my pants.

I rip his pants off with my bare hands. I fly at it and try and grab it down my pants. I rip his pants off with my bare hands. I fly at it and try and grab it with my beak. Okay, so now it's... Wait, do I need to see if I accidentally pick my friend on the dick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's go a post-dexterity... Everyone do a dexterity saving throw. So whoever gets the highest wins.

I got 26. Fuck wins. I got 26. Fuck yeah. I got 18. 18. So, Polly Waddle, you're ahead, but now you need to make it. Oh wait, but Marla's going for it too. Yeah, yeah, I was in Marla's.

Did you roll? Did you roll? I've got a sextain. Okay. So you are going straight for that necklace. You now need to make a slight of hand check, or slight of beak check, I guess, to make sure you don't um, I guess

Peck his dick Or how hardly you peck his dick so beak ten. Okay. I beat it easily. Okay great So you are you would you definitely put your beak down dinner munch about pants, but are able to somehow Get the necklace without touching a single shaft nor ball. Clean sweep baby. You can fly into the air now away from everyone else. Have I got it in my beak? You've got it in your beak and what do you want to do? Talk to myself for an extended period of time. Oh the necklace can take on many forms. Oh yes okay all right someone else could be the voice of the necklace now. You want to be the necklace Simon?

Sure. I fly up and I perch in a tree and I put it on. I go, well this looks quite spiffy actually. It suits me, it's nice. Hey love. Huh? Yes? You look like a million dollars.

Oh, thank you so much. I think, you know what, I just, sometimes you just gotta buy something nice for yourself. You know? You do, I think you so much. I think, you know what, sometimes you just gotta buy something nice for yourself, you know? You do. And you deserve it. I do deserve it. And what, thank you so much.

Now I'm an older gentleman and I've not really dated much recently. But I find myself supremely attracted to you. And I apologize if I'm a little rusty at this, but if I may stick around with you a little bit, I think you might have a bit of fun. Okay. All right, and I nestle it deep into my soft downy breast.

Okay. Just because of the character Simon has chosen to do, you have advantage on all wisdom saving throws against the necklace now. You don't think this appeals to- Appeals to Polly? Yeah, a recently single- I'm a widow.

Widow, that's hot. Oh, no, you're right. Sorry, no, no, yeah, you're right. That's what Polly want to really want. Yeah, yeah. I surf, so I've got great arms. Oh, an older surf man. Do you have a good relationship with your sons?

Oh, I don't have sons. I'm a, I got three daughters. Yeah, no, she's fucked. Ha ha ha ha. All right, so the necklace is now hidden from view in Polly Waddle's feathers. Ah! I'm so stuck in this cocoon like it's, like so much pupa.

Never to become a beautiful moth. You as a troop find your way to a little creek where you can release Marlin into a into a watery highway where she may swim freely forever and escape your... We want to be clear this is not a watery grave. When you say watery you just want to say grave. And I was like no you can't say grave Michael because she's a mermaid and she'll live. but before she goes she has something to tell you about Some descriptions to tell you about the game which is just up the road that there are two guard towers One of the prisoners is an old monk leocene

Irlen far Say that again question Leo sin Oh, is that a question? Leo... Leo Sin Erlenthar. What kind of stupid name is that? Yeah, it's giving like Engelbert Humperding. Who tells you to get captured on purpose... Oh no, he got captured on purpose and he's trying to find out more about the cult.

You guys ever heard of Leo Sin? No, but he's some kind of ally to us. I mean, I'm not sure, depending on how you treat him, I guess. What's he like? I don't have high hopes. And at the back of the camp, there's a place that no one is allowed to go. There's a back place in the back of me as well when no one is allowed to go, if you know what I mean and then a cave that smells hell of heavily of smoke and tar and I've heard several

cultists refer to eggs which I think are a type of man row. Look you tried you tried. You know Marilyn Monroe? Man row Oh, there you go. Fish Row? Yeah, look, they're just an honest crowd. Sorry, it's just how it is. You gotta understand, our audience, they're nerds, but they're fucking stupid. Yeah, if you'd have said, a big bowl of fish come, they would have been like, ha ha ha. Come come come come come. They're nerds, but they're stupid. Come come come come come

Nerds but they're stupid What? We don't we see them? We get messages from them. I'm in a discord with many of them I think that also describes me as well. You know, I'm one of you guys after after a couple of those nerds have Come into the sorry never mind I've come into my fishbowl this waters mostly come can you please? Can you please get me to the ocean stat we tip her out of a bowl? Okay, there you are sweetheart now no hard feelings about the necklace. I do just have to hang on to it right now

But you know if if we're ever in the water will like it will give you it We'll give you a yell if you want to hang out or I'm okay thanks though. I didn't feel much of a connection either just being polite. Now I'll go there's one last thing you can do if you want but you don't have to. If you want you want to do that? If you feel like you've been nice enough to your character I'll show them the abandoned camp. You want to show them what If you feel like you've been nice enough to your character. Pfft. I'll show them the abandoned camp. You want to show them, you want to show them where the treasures

of the abandoned camp? Yeah. Okay. So Marla, are you sure? You don't have to. Yeah, why not? Okay. So, Marla tells-

You don't have to, don't do it if you don't want to. Fuck these guys. Let's go do our own podcast. No, so you know where the abandoned camp is, but this is an option that I gave Olga to tell you guys that at the start of next episode, you all will be at the abandoned camp and you'll get to find the treasure room of the cultists

and everybody gets a dip in the back. Ooh. Thank you Olga. Thank you. Can I have some sort of spell to help me with my back problems because of my giant tits? Can I trade my bag of holding and make it into a bra? That's so nice.

You give Marlon, yeah, you can get another dip. So you give Marlon a bag of holding that she wraps around her ginormous bosoms. As she- Just pop them in. And it feels like they weigh nothing at all, man. Wow. As Olga swims.

You could do running in that. Okay. Does that mean that there's like an, there's another space in that just has like a pair of massive tits. It's like boating into nowhere. Yeah, in another dimension. Want to be in that dimension, baby? Just tits floating around on their own.

Like two planets that get sucked into an orbit. The funny thing is because this was that warrior's bag of holding. There's a bunch of other trainees in that bag. And huge tits just came through and they're like, oh, I bet the boss is having a good time right now. The world's best sports bra. So will the dragon friends or heroes of the earth be able to investigate this empty camp and find any information?

Will they make friends with this monk who could be an ally depending on how they treat him? Or will they just fuck around? Because who gives a shit what they fucking wrote for this whole adventure? Who could be an ally depending on how they treat him? Or will they just fuck around? Cause who gives a shit what they fucking wrote for this whole adventure? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Friends! The cast of Dragon Friends for this episode is Alex Lee, Simon Griner, Demi Lardner, Eden Lacey, special guest Olga Koch, and Tom Cardy playing double duty on the live accompaniment.

Michael Hing is our dungeon master, Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. This week's episode was recorded at the Comedy Republic in Melbourne on Warren Jerry lands in the Kulin Nation. Dragon Friends is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early access to ad free episodes, show recordings and a backlog of exclusive content. Until next time. Gather good people, I'll tell you a tale Of heroes and cowards, dressed in chainmail Of kings and children, beggars and lords And dragon fire that burns them all.

Behold the skies of fire, hear the roar of Drakon and choir. Foretold, this fear has a name The terrible Drake will drive men insane But look to the ashes of Phoenix's burst With six wondrous heads, the heroes of Yark You can pray but your gods won't save you The Wormspire will not spare you Doom and destruction, death and rebirth

The Worm can return with the heroes of Yark Their jaws are all chiseled, their asses are fat, they're shiny and golden and one wears a hat. That's not a hat, that is a bonus. You don't fall. Been in Melbourne for a couple of days, well I've been here for a couple of weeks, but you guys have been here for a couple of days, well I've been here for a couple of weeks, but you guys have been here for a couple of days now.

Yeah. And I would say, as the DM of this group, you are each day, I see you, more and more hungover. Yeah, it compounds as it turns out. We're having a great time, we're supporting live comedy and we're supporting live venues. I just drink all of their alcohol until late into the evening. But also you guys were out late last night partying and doing god knows what and I wasn't, I wasn't, there was no text to me, no invitation.

Because you don't like doing anything. Yeah. Well I'd like to be invited so I can say no. We know you're just going to sit at home. Do you think that makes us feel good when you do that? ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. A VP at HBO said no one would ever watch Yellowstone. Stephen King was rejected by 30 publishers. Charles Schultz was told he'd never make a living scribbling, and Missy Elliott was dropped by her label.

The stories of famous names, their lesser-known rejections, and the insights those rejections provide. We regret to inform you the Rejection Podcast. Listen to Season 6 wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com