Dragon Friends - DF2 #3.03. Meaningful Egg Contact

Episode Date: March 15, 2026

Having failed their given task, The Heroes of Yearth stand at a crossroads; Violence or Subterfuge. Will they be able to maintain a friendly facade long enough to get what they need out of this chapter of the Cult, or will their promises and lies tumble around them in the home of their foes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

God, you're going to be a crazy old man. Don't you guys? Yeah. Like, I was just like, oh, I just was like, I'm going to be friends with him when he's an old man and he's going to be fucking nuts. We're all going to have to deal with him. But right now, we can all admit, I'm very sane. You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you.

Doom and destruction. Death and rebirth. The room can return with the heroes of yours. Their jaws are all tizzled. Their asses are fast. They're shiny and golden. Heroes found themselves tumbling. or walking down a mountain, being chased or abandoned by a family of mantigors.

Now, as they stumble down this snow-capped peak towards a familiar troll, Borage, the fore-armed troll, who had sent them on a quest to kill or bring back perfectly a manticle. They returned empty-handed. And what will their plan be? Let's find out. Oh, that was nice. Well, that was very convincing, Michael. That is good.

Well done. Do we say, like, is he, where are we committed to him? You're coming down the mountain and you see the clearing and Borreys is just by himself doing what he does best. I'm playing with four hands. Can I say without getting too much dirtier? Must have a pretty big cock. Yeah, exactly. A tiny little bit of a tiny hand.

Or you never get tired because you're just switching. Or you're just kind of going from the base to the tip and it just keeps going like a roll. Like a roller coaster. Just slapping it on rotation. Yeah. Or two hands going on the shaft and the other two punching on the tops. Which is what he likes. All one hand jacket and three hands wiping away tears.

All four hands are just pulling on the balls actually. That's what I've decided. It says four up. He's also four balls. He's got a quad-go-dads. Awesome. That guy hungs up of four balls. I'm not going to lie.

I think we just, I think we kill. that guy. He's evil, he's bad and he set my hair on fire. He's the responsible for this and I point to my monk's haircuts, tonsure. I'm not even a... I mean, oh, looks fine. Thank you, but I know that you're lying. I think it's cool. I think it's cool. Here's a hat. What kind of hat is it? It's fashioned out of interwoven branches of like spruce fur, like, uh... It's like a crown of thorns. So are you giving it? It's like a Christmas tree hat. Oh, cool. Oh, nice. Thank you. Yeah. You. Yeah. You, you're, you? You're going to keep warm.

Appreciate it. As you approach the campsite, Borage is muttering to himself. Oh, stupid. Nobody to play hangman with. It's all right. He's muttering in their back and he says, oh, you're back.

Oh, we didn't have time to formulate a plan. We just kept walking us. I said he should kill that guy, I suppose. Well, if you guys aren't ready to talk, I'm just going to turn around and mutter to myself. I've actually got quite a lot going on. Okay. You'll have a chat. You'll have a chat.

He'll have a chat. He's got a rich inner life. He can mutter. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to just fix this hangman thing. Is everything the same, like, is the fire built? Is everything the same as we left it? No, he's, he's, uh, yeah, he's put the fire back because that was, he's seen that the smoke is now

cleared. He's put the fire back. Uh, the, I guess the hangman gala is still there. The chalkboard's still there. Yeah, it's all basically the same. Okay, he's ready. you could play again. Is there,

is there any type of, like, hurry for us to confront him? Or can we have, have, like, a chat? You could have a chat with him if you wanted. He's madering. We have a chat to ourselves. Yeah, what's our game plan?

Because we got here and then I don't really, what are we going to say to him? I think your idea, it's a good point. I think your idea was a bad one. If I may be so bold. To be honest is to be friends. Yes.

Just because he needs to show us, you know, he said that he could give us the necklace. said it could take us to tell us the white. We need that necklace. Yes. So, I mean, could we pretend we have a manticle? What do you think? Yeah, I think our options stand as pretend we have a mantacour to get the upper hand on him

because be so good that we get the necklace. Pretend we have a manticle so we have the upper hand and we kill him or just kill him. Or bash him. I don't know. Can I just remind you of something that I think all of you. your characters would know. Oh. That when you left him,

one of the final things he said to is you asked him how many, how many ambush strikes he had. He said 18. And he said 18. A few. So he has, he has, he has,

his job at the cult, he's, he's a kennel master. He's a kennel master of the ambush strikes. But doesn't his ambush drakes rely on him giving the order to send them after us? I, I guess in a,

in a clinical sense, perhaps, but I think that they would defend him. So they have, Like a... If they would hear like a blood-curdling scream, they might break out of the candle.

They have like a John Kramer jigsaw trap attached to their brain power that means as soon as... I don't think... I don't fully get that reference. So as soon as they die, the... I think of them like a dog.

Oh, yeah, that's much better. Dead dogs. He's got eight big five dogs. 18, 18. He's got 18, 10 more than I just said. I could do a big illusion if he doesn't touch it. It's going to look like a dead man.

He's really trying to make illusion happen. Well, I've learned a lot of illusions recently and I haven't been able to show anyone. May I make a suggestion? Please. Let's just be honest. Let's say we did a bad job that we're terrible adventurers. And maybe we should.

And is there anything else we can do? Well, yeah, because I feel like he thinks that we're really dispensable. I'm just worried that he's like, he seems like the type of guy that is kind of nasty. And maybe he'll get really mad when we say that. And he'll be like, well, you know what I mean? I'm worried. Well, then we can kill him. Oh, yes.

I think again, you would get back to the 18 ambush drinks probably. But, okay. So have you got an initial plan? Because I was thinking we could say we got one. Like he didn't specify that we needed an adult man Drake. So we could just, mantacore, sorry. So we could just put something small like a raccoon or something in a Hessian sack and say that it was in there and that we would do the handover.

You know, once we got the necklace, throw a bag of raccoon. raccoons at him and go. No, I like that. Could I do it? Could I make a minor illusion of a mantic or smell coming out of the bag? Smell?

Did you say smell? An illusion can be a smell. Can illusion be a smell? Can allusion? Can be a cantrip? So I use my can'trip to make the smell of delicious biscuits. I go, see those biscuits?

Yeah. No, you don't. Oh. She's just got a shoe in her mouth. The one remaining shoe. Yeah. Tuchet. Could we fashion a mandicor head out of snow or?

Different parts of a mandicor head maybe we could find. And then we make a full one. Could we make a mandicor out of several raccoons? Now, this plan does presuppose that we have access to raccoons. Hold on, do we? All right. No, hold on, though. Do we have access to some raccoon corpses?

I don't think you would. I think raccoons live at a lower altitude. This is a snowy. area. You would have potentially some deer, maybe some snow monkeys. An arctic fox? Yeah, an arctic fox. How many? What do you mean? If we sort of mash them together into a shape, could I animate dead and, and then that's it. Now we're talking. Like maybe... Does animate dead is a, it's sort of one corpse, isn't it? It's not a sort of an area of effect spell. I mean, if you're narrow-minded, yes. Well, if I'm the spell, rules, I'm probably quite

narrow-minded, I believe. Yeah, but if you're not, if you just let you just let me just, let me, let me, Let me look it up and I'll check with you. If you were to reanimate just like a, if we found a fox and said it was a lion, and then we just attached like a scorpion to the back, you could just reanimate the fox, and the scorpion tail is probably going to wiggle around. Yeah.

And it's look like it was alive. Also, can I just say... Is anyone who made hand? Sorry? Maidhand? Yeah. Oh yeah, we could little Mayhand. But also, can I just say...

You guys are going to become puppeteers? Yeah, I think we are. Within the rules, yeah. But it does say choose a pile of bones or a corpse. There you go. It says pile of bones. I can't say a pile of bones from the same guy. That is true.

That is true. Yeah, but what it makes is one undead servant. Yeah. It doesn't make a menticour. But the undid servant could be in the shape of a manichore. That's true. If we would have fashioned it together and just throw it. We all know that we're just being nice to me.

Just tell me no. And so they quest it for bones. The target becomes a skeleton if you choose bones. So you'd choose, if you went pile of raccoon bones, you'd get a skeleton. We'd get animated bones. Maybe it is the illusion If you chose zombie If you had a corpse

You could make a zombie Yeah But I don't think you could make a man to go out of this Unfortunately Why don't we fill the bag With an illusion Well I could just do the illusion Out of the bag

I don't know how good Your illusion's gonna be that time Can I just as an outsider Can I make an observation About what you're doing Or whatever I'm doing here I think everyone's got one idea here And everyone who's pitching

Their one idea And I think And I think in order to get them idea up what they're doing kind of some of them are trying to like their idea to someone else's idea so Tom's there with illusion and our actual idea is baged fracoons

and that's doing it's why we kill a bunch of precudes and I can animate and then Alex is like why can we put that dead car raccoon corpse in the bag and then Tom could do a listen with that I think I think we don't need to build we're just divergent we're just divergent

thinkers here's hypothetically as well I have a I have a spell called charm monster. Oh. I could potentially just charm the monster. Is he a monster? Is he a monster? He is a monster.

Why didn't use that spell? Oh, God. Me, I've got new things. I wanted to do illusions. And honestly, in hindsight, that's probably what you should have used on the manticle. Oh, it's a very powerful. Back up the mountain. Back up the mountain.

We've got a plan now. It's a very powerful spell. And I couldn't have done my other thing with it, which I really wanted to do. Make a big duck? No, I can do something else really... That's actually a less high level spell. It's quite easy to make a big duck. Charmonds is very difficult.

What? Trimons. Trimons. Charmonds. I can try it, but I'm a little bit afraid. We could have to have a backup plan because I think that if I fail, then he will get pissed off. We don't have a monster to charm. The troll!

He's a man! Okay, let me get up charm. Okay, if anyone... Is a monster like, ah! What are? He's got four arms and he's jacking off down there. What kind of guy is a troll? Is he a monster or a man?

So I think charm monster is potentially a misnomer. Charm monster allows you to charm a creature you can see within range. It makes a wisdom saving throw and it does so with advantage if your companions are fighting it. Okay. Why is it say monster then? Well, it's differentiated from person. Charmed person, you can only charm a person. It's charmed a monster.

So then what is he? A man is the ultimate monster. I think he's a monster. I think he's a monster. A troll is a creature. A troll's a creature. The differentiation is between creature and humanoid. Okay. If we're going to do this, we've got to buff it out as much as possible because if we fail, he's going to call his dregs. And he's like, Solitaire.

And he folds up his cards. We could challenge him to another game of Hangman. Actually, that's not a, it does seem to be his, like, Billy Goat's gruff, like, sphinx sort of thing. I mean, if he wants to play Solitaire, I have my deck of trick cards, you know. All right. Let's make, let's make a decision, guys. Because I'm getting cold. We got to make a decision. Okay.

And that was my idea, saying that... Bag of a losing. Do we want to challenge it to... And I'll still know my bag here if I don't want to put any raccoons in this bag. We make him... We attack his pride and we try and get him to play another game of competitive, like, board game. Hangman or something. Yeah.

And I reckon he might. We do... We buff me out and we make him the stupidest cunt, so he fails fighting a charm monster thing, and then he does what do we want. Or bag. bag of dead raccoons Could we say sorry and tell the truth in a very charming way? Like if we said sorry and told the truth

but did it with charm monster spell on Would he immediately forgive us? So the charmed creature If the charm monster spell succeeds The troll will become friendly to you When the spell ends the creature But when the spell ends The creature knows it was charmed by you

How long does the spell go for? It says here an hour But we can be flexible with that That's right, we can get a lot done in an hour Yeah. Okay. Also let him come out of the spell next to a precipice.

What did everyone vote for? I don't think we need to do votes. I think someone should just take decisive action. That's the freezer way of doing things. All right. Don't point it yourself and say freeze-so. You guys need to buff me out. What does that mean?

What does that mean? It means I'm going to try and suffice. Buff me out and I'd hit the Jesus pose again. I'm going to try and do a spell. And what Tom is saying is that, again, this is not something. you may be familiar with the D&D, but sometimes players help other players.

And they say buff me out? Well, you gotta say it when no one does it. All right, well, I'm gonna get it. By giving them bonuses, and I don't know if your character has any of those things. Rokes generally don't, but support classes like Bards, healers often do.

Or make somehow him, I, disadvantage in wisdom. Yeah, you could kind of attack him in a way. So if you can't attack him, Well, no, if you are, if you're... Could I perhaps buff you out with a psychic? What does that do?

I just talk to the fella in his head. Okay. Oh, and like, could that work? Would that give him a disadvantage on wisdom if we, like, confuse him and we... That's kind of like a wisdomy thing. If you pretended to be an invasive thought? Yeah, yeah. I just crack him a bit.

It's like, why is there a lady in my head? Well, we'll see. Okay, time's up. Time's up. Or you all get exploded. Okay, so you, you, you, the four. Four of you approach the troll? Yes.

Very friendly. And Borage stops muttering. Oh, you're back. Did you have a good chat? Yes. Decisive? Yes. So where's the, where's the manticle?

Well, there's something I wanted to say to you. I look him in the eyes and I hit a chord and before I go, now. But I say, piss on him. That's an evasive thought. into the head Hang on Wait

I don't think I I don't think I quite Follow it what's happening there You're using psychic whispers To whisper To Borage the troll

To piss on who Tom So your psychic whisper To borage Is that he has to piss On Ernie Sweetwater Yeah But it's more just to make him

feel like Why am I having this crazy thought Susceptible to a wisdom If your brain suddenly started telling you To piss on people You'd start down to yourself You don't ever think of the thing like when you're walking on a bridge.

You're like, throw the phone off. Kill my dad. That type of stuff. You jump, jump. Yeah, that kind of thing. No, I understand what an intrusive. I understand what an intrusive thought is. Of all people.

But I don't. It's make him wobbly. Make him malleable. Make him like, what the fuck? How do you think he reacts to it? Do you think he's like, oh yeah, I will put on him? Something like that. I don't think that's what.

Suck him. I don't think that's what. psychic whispers is. It is. So psychic whispers is you established telepathic communication between yourself and others. Yeah. Oh, do you think he knows it's me? So I think he'd be like, what?

I just put up. Yeah, you say, you say piss on him and having already talked to you and knowing your voice, he looks at you immediately. You like what? And he says, did you just say piss on it? And then you just say it. I could have sworn I heard you say piss on me. Oh, no, no.

You didn't say that? I don't. How could I do that? I haven't moved my beak. Yeah, that's why I asked. Maybe you're going crazy. Maybe I am. Imagine it.

You were trying gas like that. Maybe the wind hissing through the pan. I spent a lot of time up here on the mountain just standing outside. I wish I could go into the Hunter's Lodge up there, but they won't let me in without that mantigore hit. Now where is it? Yeah. Oh. Kissed that.

go inside? Yeah, I wish I could go into. You wish you had your own little place? Yeah, no, well, that's place. I want to hang out with the guy. No, okay, I cast Charm Monster. Oh, man. I cast Charm Monster and you've got to succeed in Wisdom 15.

Okay, so I actually think, is he wise or he's a big dumb troll? He is, he's not super wise, but he has a advantage on wisdom checks that rely on smell. But I don't think this is the smell. No, I don't know. No, lucky we didn't do the smell of the magical. Okay, so he's making a wisdom save is minus one. And what's he afterbeat? 15.

15, here we go. Two. Minus one is one. Borage, the forearmed troll, is suddenly very friendly to you. He's so charmed. Oh, what were you saying again? Just saying, look, buddy, we tried as hard as we bloody could. Like, we really sweat and bones.

Look at these guys. They got bloody blisters and bruise. He's only got one shoe. We tried so bloody hard to get that, because we appreciate you. I lost my wing gloves. We lost his wing gloves. One of my favourite shoes. Oh, you...

You only got two favorite shoes. You only got one shoe. And just, look, we tried so hard, but look, we could, we couldn't... You didn't get the manticle? He had two other manticles there. That's a big ass champion. Oh, well, Carl and me disappointed. And I think, you know what I think?

What? You should put on that man. I just think if they, they should, if you want to make new friends, they should. should love you for you, not because you've come in with a big manticle head. They say I've got too many arms. No, no, no, no, no. No, here's what I'm going to give you a new, listen. I think I'm going to imbue you with something here.

Okay. Sing along with you. Okay. She likes me for me. Now because of my manticle head and all the people I have pissed on, she just likes my face. So I guess you've charmed him to not be mad at you? I don't think I get it He's just friendly right now

So he's just very We say look That's look you know what could be good What I mean we'd like to apologise To the head honcho That Talasan guy Talas

Talas Talas guy Talas Potentially Because well you were saying Before that he's not really On great terms with Well I could introduce you

Could I just quickly ask Just before you introduce us to anyone Is he He said he's not on great terms With the other Look Talas and Resmy have been fighting There is tension there

There's tension there. It's like they won't sit at the same tables in the lodge and they'll be like they won't talk directly. You know, they'll talk to their mate, Cammo. And they'll say,

Camo, can you go tell Talison to pass the salt? That sort of thing. That is so dysfunctional. Is it sort of a level of like, you know, just friends bickering, it's going to be okay?

Or is it a bit of a, I hate to say, a bit of a coup sort of vibe. Yeah, no, I think the beef is they're probably vying for power. Within the, vying for, you know, one of them,

they all want to be purple robes these dragon cult types, you know. Well, it's something about white guys, they like power. That's one of their favorite things. I hadn't heard that. That in shorts with big pockets. Did you mean cargo shorts?

Yeah. Yeah, right, big pocket shorts. Anyway, yeah, well... If you could give us a little intro. Yeah, just so we could apologize to him, you know. Yeah, absolutely. I could take you up there, no problem. And look, I don't know if this is.

is over stepping the line. But, you know, if everything works out, I'd really love you to invite you to the games night when this is, when this all blows over. Really? Yeah. Up in the lodge, like the games nights, they have every Thursday?

Yeah, but better. What? What? That's right, isn't it, fellas? Where's your place? Yeah, where are we going to have it? Oh, we've got a little hut that pops up. Yeah.

Oh, like camping? Yeah. Oh, I love camping. It's called the Star Casino. So that's... Yeah, what's something we'd like to do with you one day? Okay, well look, I am as per the mechanics of the game, friendly to you. Yeah, so I'd be happy.

Take us there, and very quickly, if possible. Yeah, well, let's go right now. So, I'll describe the hunting lodge, okay? So you are now in sort of a dark pine wood along the slope of this snowy mountain. I jump off it. There is this sort of, ancient building of wooden plaster. It's two floors.

Wooded plaster isn't going to be ancient, dude. Show some architectural now. Come on. I miss red, I miss red. MDF. I miss red. I miss red. The lower floor is entirely made of field stone.

The upper floor is wooden plaster. Oh, it's a reno. Yeah. Yeah. Had to get a D. Strong bones. Yeah. A real Teutonic vibe.

It's nice. It kept the original character. That's what I like about it. But it's got a modern twist. It's got a lot of windows, but they're all closed. In parts of it, the roof is overgrown with moss. There's a single door that's... At this altitude?

I don't think so. Yeah, snow moss. Yeah. And raccoons scuttering around all over there. Go on. I'm getting this from the book. Okay. So take this up with Wizards of the Coast.

Wait, reindeer eat moss. They actually do. They're probably a sun moss. There are three large chimneys. and smoke pores from one of them. Okay. Hey, Mr. Look, I think it would just be important as well.

We don't really want to get in the middle of this, so I don't think we should be near Resmir, you know? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Orange, let you in the kitchen door. Orange tells you at this point that Resmere has left the hunting lodge while you were up the mountain. Oh, good. Yeah, he went out.

She went out. She went out. Oh, my God. went out to the shops. Watch. Well, that's, again, not exactly true. Well, that's what she said to me. She said, I'm just popping off the shops.

She was heading to the village of Parnas. To the shops. Oh, yeah. I guess there were shops. To the village of Parnas. I guess there were shops at Parnas. Yeah. But also, Borage tells you that there's a lot of cult activity happening in that, in that village.

So, who knows? Yeah, there's a market. Craft market on Sunday. I'm sure Tals will be able to give you some more exposition. Yeah, yeah. Talison will know more about the craft market. What kind of things? I bet you can get candles there.

Cheese. So you approach... Cheese candle. Magnets. Fridge magnets? The first... You arrive at the first gate of the hunting lodge. And Talas is spent by two guards who go...

Oh, Talas, what have you got here? Who are these, riff-wrath? Yeah, Talas. Let us know. Are we still wearing... Are we still wearing... Are you? Do you mean borage?

Oh, sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I mind. These are actually my new friends. You've got new... Who would be friends with you? You're a forearm troll.

You wank funny. Well, you're right. But that doesn't mean... And I saw him use that power for... Are you evil or good? I'm good. I saw him use that power for good. What do you mean?

I saw him wank a mantacore to death. He drained it. Well, everyone knows if you wank a man to call to death. You'll bring us back the mentacore penis or head. Where is it? Well, I think you'll find Here we go I cast a minor illusion

This bad boy And I It's a can't chip I don't have to use a special And I You take it out of a bag? Yeah, yeah Yeah

I put you Whoa And I pull out Amanticolecock Oh Barbed I guess that is a magical penis So you better

Leave him alone Oh Hey Borage I was wrong about you I thought you could Never Whank a Mantle quartered death.

Hey, Jeremy, I guess I owe you $40. Yeah, you do. Pay up now. I always believed in you, Boris.

I always, when they all said, he could never wank a man to cord a day. I said, he's got four arms. What else does he do it with him? Yeah.

Not wanking me off, that's for sure. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, you're all right. Come on in. Come on in. Good.

Put it up on the wall when you get inside. Oh. So you guys go here. There is the, there is the fireplace that you, You saw from the outside, the borage knew,

and there's a prime placement above the fireplace, which is empty where he wanted, where he planned. Wait, wait, wait, wait. But you said you didn't kill the mantricor. Where'd you get that cock from? Do you trust me as a friend? Absolutely. As per the mechanics of the game, I am friendly towards you.

But it's important that you don't ask, because this is something very special to me. Oh, because it's about trust? It's about trust. That's right. Okay, I'm not going to ask where you got that manicure. Cork, because I trust you. That's right.

Can you nail an allusion to a wall? Like, what happened? I think you could have a secondary illusion of the nail. You'd have to do a new minor illusion. Oh, I'll do it. I mean, couldn't you just get a nail, hold the, move the illusion? You could. And then just like a nail and then leave the illusion there.

Now, can I just check in on Borage? Yeah. What is, I know you know Borges is meant to ask questions, but if Borage's mind, what does, how does, Borges is probably like flipping through the Rolodex of ideas, how does Borage think that they got, what does Borges think, like, why does

Borage think they wouldn't tell him where they got the Manticorcault? I think they would just, you know, when you're like, oh, um, uh, you come back from the grand final and you're like, we lost and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, psych, we won, that kind of thing. He thinks they were just tricking with me. Yeah, just tricking with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, Borage, I want you to say that you were the one to find the man to Corkock.

No, that wouldn't be right. I just told them that. I literally just told them he wanked it to death. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, listen, it's very important as friends that you let us do this for you. You claim ownership of this and say everyone you're responsible for anything that happens to this. My mother told me it was bad to lie.

She whacked me with her forearms. Don't you lie? With a laughing ship four arms. Four of them. If you guys don't say anything, then this, this mantacore cock will actually carry me a lot of favor with the denizens of this lodge. Is there anyone inside the lodge? Yeah. So, can I just give you an opportunity to prepare yourselves for what's going to happen?

Oh, for. Oh, great. So how do you, can I? You've got a second. How do you want to place the penis and the nail and everything else? Do you want to do it? We've got to do it. We can't let him do it.

No. Did you say you have minor illusion as well? Yes, I do. So should we use your powers together? To get a nail? Sure. So we can nail it? We can all three illusions.

You can all do it. We could, well, you have the hammer. We put the sack over the... I mean that three of us are going to be concentrating for as long as possible. You're going to have to talk. I'll talk. I've got things to say. Um, all right, are we doing the minor illusion?

So you put it, so someone is, who is doing it? Well, I've got the cock, so I walk, how many people are, I've got the cock. There's no chance that I have a cricket machine with me that can make sort of a 3D, um, sticker of a ventricor cock is there? I don't imagine so. All right, yeah. So let's do the, you run out of things. So, minor illusion. Yeah, okay.

You can create an image of an object such as a chair, muddy full prints. Oh, it's this manticle cock here. No larger than 5 foot So that makes sense So it's like 4 foot The image can't create Sound, light, smell or any other sensory effect Physical interaction with the image

Will reveal it to be an illusion Put it up nice and hard Yeah Let's put it up high yet So we go over Put it up So the roof is peaked Right

And this is the far side chimney The fire is lit Which is the room The chimney smoke was coming out of And at the top of the peak Are you doing the mantle of? penis illusion so that I guess so it's out of the way so that no one's get

interacted with it. Is that what's the plan? And I'd also like to. Who's in this hunting lodge at the moment? You don't know. You just know Borges is here. And Borges said that Resmi is left and so that probably means the Talus is still here. I'm actually going to put it up and I'm going to face I'm going to kind of draw up as much like

bardic sort of like charisma and like charm speaking in front of an audience and I'm going to say none shall touch the cock bought by this troll for it has poison that would kill even a mere man. Ten man who touched the head of this penis. Oh my goodness, I'll never touch that manticle penis in my life.

How did you do it, boy? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are we inside yet? Yeah, you're inside. Who is inside? The room is empty. It's you and the guards. Okay.

You're talking two guards. You're talking the two guards and the group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I ripped it right off. You what? I ripped it right off the manticle. Nobody touched that. cock.

Don't forget to tell them about your special gloves. Yeah, because I used my, I used, uh, if anybody else touches it, they'll be dead. Yeah, if anybody else touches it, they'll be dead. Okay, well, I won't touch it, then will I? And tell everyone, all your friends not to touch it either. And put a sign up. Yeah, say nobody touch. Oh, I'll put a sign up.

Say, no touching. All right. Thank you. Anything else? No. Oh, yeah. Where's, Talas? Tallas.

Oh, Tals is, oh, Tows is just in the kitchen. You want to go get him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have a gin and tonic for one. going. So what? A gin and tonic? Okay, one gin.

Does they want us want to drink? Shirley Temple. I want a gin and tonic. Shirley Temple, gin and tonic. I want another gin and tonic, but I want a different gin. We've only, we've only, we've only got Gordons. Oh, Gordon. Oh, God.

What? It's a perfectly fine. It's a standard. We're running a hunting lot here, okay? What kind of tonic is it? This is the Schweps one. No. All right.

I'll just have four Shirley Temples. No, no, no. Do you have warm sake? Sake. Hang on. Yeah, we've got warm sake. Yeah. Okay, great.

I'll just take one of those. Okay. It's just... Is it a gin-bye? No, it's just a regular. It's just, again, we're just running a hunting lodge here. It's not an up market bar. I want show you and I want the lady to hit it off

and do the impressive thing with all the beers. I want an altar land. Hang on. No, I think we're doing drinks. Not sort of flaming birds. I'll come back and take your food order. We'll do flaming birds. But again, we're just a hunting lot.

So one, two, I think the waterland is on fire. It's not on fire. It's just under a blanket so I can't see you. Four Shirley Temples was the order. Four Shirley Temples and a virgin gin and tonic. And then another... And then another Shirley Temple.

And you over there with the skeleton arms, a skeleton wings, why you want? You want a drink? Oh, yeah, I'll have a... Mojito. Do you mean me mehito? Mojito. It says it right here. Mojito.

Oh, you pointed to I meant you that we've got. I'm sorry On the menu It does say It does say It does say stocking I thought it was a weird thing We just read the menu

I can't make sense It says here Mojito or Virgan Mojito Yeah Vogan Mojito Okay one virgin Mojito Somebody say my name

A rough looking cowboy With four eyes turns around Virgian Virgum Mojito So the Guard

Scurries out I immediately kill Tom's character so he can play Vergen Mojito from now on Well, you look like in the adventure in time Imagine if she becomes a Virgan Mojito podcast The whole thing is sliding doors

The adventures of Bergen Mojito Well, I'll see you Virgan Mojito walks outside And skis on the mouth Vergen Mojito looks over to the window and says Well, Looks like this is my right. And he jumps to nowhere in particular, but a great big dragon flies.

Like that. And he's like, fuck, no one who salutes looks cool, but he fucking looks cool. Flats off into this and he goes, I still haven't felt the touch of a woman. The dragon explodes. Everyone cheers. The guard has gone to get your drink order from the kitchen. where Talas is. And when he returns,

it's not just him, it's also Talas, who I realize now referring to as a he, it's actually a lady, but we'll stay with he. Because we've already been doing this. Yes. Well, we've already got Res.

I feel like we've already got... We've already got... One woman. And my concern is... I'm a woman. My concern is if all of the villains in this adventure are women potentially we're going to get some comments.

Don't you think, no, you know what great roles they are for women. I think the main problem is when you get two women in a scene, how do you tell them apart? Especially when all their boys are sad. Yeah. And they're both, are they all dragons also? No, Talas is not a dragon.

Okay. That's a good indicator of a different character. Well, you can't just do it by Ray as Eden. A human woman. So, Talas comes in, there's also the original. There's two more bodyguards and also two dragon claws, which are humans,

but they're in like cool armor. But you've fought both, you've fought both cultist bodyguards and dragon claws before. So these are people you're unfamiliar with. You know you could kill them. Lots of cult types. Lots of cult types come with,

with Talas. And if you don't mind, I'll play Talas if that's okay, Eden. And do you want to play... Please. It seems like Kings really wants to play. a white woman. Yeah, do you know what?

I could have played Talis if I knew anything about the character. Yeah, no, but I didn't brief you, so that's my fault. And I apologize for that. That's fine. You're going to play the character, and I'm going to be... You want to be the side... One of the dragon claw sideks, maybe. No, I'm going to keep being the ogre who I'm playing.

Oh, sure. You were impressed with the cock. I've got a great character. He's a troll. Who I'm very invested in. He's a troll. What's his name's Yugolof or something? Borage.

Borage. It's Hugo. You pulled out of your ass, an incredible fantasy now. It's like, no, it's borage. It's the name of a monster, I think. I think barrage is a fun. What's wrong with porridge? It is really good.

It is really good. It's a great name where you take their word porridge and put a B on. Exactly. I love borage. I love boltana bread. Bipo Bopo Bops. Bobobobobo cops. I love begs.

Bags on boats. Guys, guys, I like bacon. Benaman boasts. Bull binglish breakfast Guys Baked beans This is the best podcast that exists Damn son

All right Bunchy butt born flakes Bunchy Bunchy Bones Bunchy Bunt Borg Fong Foy? I like Bidgermite Fegs Madgey? Bamblet Bamblet

Oh please Can there be a little guy called Bomlet We beg you One of the guards is called bomblet. Yes. And he's an egg. He's a, he's six foot tall and a giant egg with legs and arms.

Oh, I love that. Any face, no? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but a sense, but a sense of, but he's ripped. Yeah, oh, yeah. He's a ripped. He's a sense of he's ripped. He's like, he's like a ripped egg. He's like a ripped egg.

I love that. Like, you know, people have a bit. ripped aura but it's not necessarily like it's an egg so you can't really tell but he's ripped he's got confidence he's got the confidence I bet under that there's a lot of definition under that shell

bomblet that's a bomblet that's bomblet the egg bombop the egg slams it's like spear into the ground three times and the steps aside that guy seems ripped

I'm just trying to get rid of me. Are my crazy? Is that egg ripped as hell? It seems like it's going to vibe. Yeah. I would fuck the shit out of that. Borage. We'll go porridge.

Barrage. Oh, sorry. Too much. I think we're all. You need to have a bup of bees to calm down. The egg doesn't have eyes, but it makes sort of egg contact with you. It makes it. It makes it.

It makes it. entire body. You feel the egg, you feel the eyeless, you feel the eyeless egg staring deeply into your soul barrage. Oh, oh,

it's a little stuffy in here. I might duck outside. Makes eating, makes meaningful egg contact with the egg. Rivalry, but egg. Oh, well,

I guess it's not. The egg just stands there. The egg was the herald of tell us the what. He has a name, call him bomblet. Bomblet. He has a name

He has no eyes His name is Boblet else You never know this But this is our third episode You see at this point A At this point A humanoid step forward

You recognise this person to be a half elf They look quite powerful They have ornate Blue and purple armour and they are holding a giant staff the head of which is an icy spear and around that icy spear is snow and a very very contained small blizzard

around the head of the spear. Whoa! Very restrained. And you would recognize I think, yeah, the wizard amongst you did a bunch of it would recognize that this is an elaborate wander. of winter.

Okay. Cause all kinds of snow spells. It fits into my crap. I'm a snow guy. Steal that. Do you have an idea for a voice for Talas if you? I'm just thinking of a... I would do lady voice, but keep it a strange.

Okay. And Jamaican. Hello. Oh. Hello. Tallas. He steps forward and he says, Welcome to the hunting lodge.

You proud of you. I like that voice. I think it's going to hurt you. Borich points up to the cock on the wall and says, I rip that off of my own hands, tell us. Is it cool if I hang out here now? Borage, I've been long doubting your ability

to jerk off a man to court of death. But that severed penis atop our fireplace tells me different. You are truly a hunter extraordinaire. Yes. Welcome to the Lord. Yes, now I get plus fours.

These are my friends. Oh, I, okay, you're all. Hi. This is Polly. Okay. What's up? This is Ernie. Uh-huh.

He used to have a better haircut, but I cooked him a little. Real monk style, hey? This is, this is dinner much about. He looks sad. Yes. And this is, this charion. Um, oops, skilletful wings. They all saw me jerk off the manticle.

Yeah. Wow. Uh, we were kind of like sort of, like, sort of, Can I ask when someone's jerking off a manticle? Yeah. I mean, obviously we know that's the only way to kill a manticle. That'll cut off the head. When he's doing it, though, is there a bit where the manticle is kind of enjoying it a bit?

The entire time. Really? Right till the end. Because the thing is, I once cut off a manticle's head about, I don't know, 10 years ago. And so I thought the only ones left on that mountain were the woman and the two kids. Yeah. But there's another, there's a fully growing, I mean, that's a big end, that penis you've got that. from a fully grown man

so there's a new man of the picture there. Hiding in plain sight. Hiding in plain sight. What do you mean? So big you didn't see him. The magical was so big I didn't see him.

That's right. I almost didn't see him when I first saw him. Break that down from me. How would that work? I, uh, no. No, I don't think I will.

I think it makes sense. When I first went up there, I was like, yeah, smooth sailing. And I looked up and I was like, oh, fucking hell. That's good enough for me. All right. Now.

You're turning me to roll. No, it's fine. I'm just messing with you. Okay. Now, Borage, these friends are you. How did you meet them? We're just gaming friends. Gaming, what games are you playing?

You never come to our game, start, Borage. Well, that's because I'm normally tending the drakes. But also, you said I couldn't come until I ripped the cock off a banter call. That is true. I did make that rule. That's why you have that poster up there. No, Barage. From a tree that says hang in there and rip the dig up a manticle.

Okay. It's a kitten hanging on the dick of a manticle, struggling. Hang on, hang on. Trying to pull it off. Well, you look like a... And it says, hang in there. You look like a rag-tagged bunch of adventures. Am I correct?

Uh, yeah. Yes, Polly? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We rag, we tag. Yeah, we were even thinking about joining a cult. It seemed like a really cool thing to do. Well, here's a little off-ray out for you.

Have you heard of Resmere? Resmere rings a bell, don't think we've come across them? Is that an erectile dysfunction drug? Is it? They named it after her. Is she such a son or isn't she? Yeah. I previously had troubles in that department.

I'm not ashamed to say it. One look at Resmere. Bazinga! Bazinga, you say? Is that not what we say when we're hard? What do we say when we're hard? Not Bazinga? It's from that show.

Yeah. They say Basingo on that show. Yeah. I heard that he says it when he's hard. I've been watching a different show. All right, look, here's my thing. Oh, my God. Let me ask you, what is your thing?

Here's what I want. I mean a thing called the Cult of the Dragon. You're familiar with it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So it's Resby. So is resume. You know, Resby is a bit higher than me.

And she's what we call a word speaker. She's very powerful. She's got lots of status. I think. I should have her job. That's all I'm saying. Right now, what I would love, what I would love is if you could help me bring her down a peg or two

or kill her or something, and then maybe I could take her job. That'd be nice for me, Talas. Now, here's what I can offer you if you help me out. Oh my God. It's always going to weird. A different... It's great.

It is, okay, if you... Now, she is currently trying to transport a large treasure hoard. Oh, yeah. Have you heard about this large treasure hoard? Oh, yeah. They're trying to bring back Tiamat, Mother of Dragons. Just quick, quick one. How do you feel about that?

Is that... I think it's great. I think do it, but I want the credit for it. Sure. I would love to do it, but it's a perfect time to bring back Tiamat as well with the Mother of Dragon. But... Why do you say that? But, well, I mean, look at the clock.

It's dragon a clock. Is there a clock on the wall that says dragons on every single? It's like a cookie clock in a hunting lodge that comes out. It's like, roar. Also, it's dragon a clock. Also, next to the hanging there poster is, it's always a good time to bring back to you. Talk.

It's dragon, a clock. In like a Guinness class, but there's a dragon in it. I think you, I, look, I'm going to. be honest, I saw you will fall out of the sky. Okay, I know who you are. You've fallen out of the sky through that portal. She was carrying you, Ernie. I know who you are.

She was carrying you. I saw the troll. She had a fight with Borage. And then Borage, I think she had to flee because you stole a necklace, I think, is what happened. Is that, that's what I'm sort of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what? He had the necklace.

I took the necklace. She had it, and then you took it, I think. Yeah, right. There was a scuffle of sorts. I know. Here's the thing. I know you're chasing after her. I know you want her dead.

And I'm happy for you to kill her because that means, oh, Dallas can climb the greasy pole. Oh. Well, you never climbed a greasy pole, my dear? It's difficult. That's why I need your help to get up there.

Give me a boost up the pole. You don't really climb a greasy bowl. You just build a stack of boxes next to the pole. I did. I had a grandmother. who has a special glove for opening greasy things, if you want that. No, thank you. I don't want your dead grandmother's glove.

Great, wait, right. So if you... We'll talk later. Resmir is currently heading to the local town, from which her giant flying castle will be used to expedite the delivery of the treasure to the hoard, where they can then summon the dragon.

I will offer to help you get aboard the castle before it departs and give you a banner which allows you to pass through the castle and also give you the pass phrase so you can get on into the castle

then you can you can try and take down Resmir from inside the castle or thwart her plans you kill her I take over Bing bang bong we're done that's a pretty good deal don't you think

I'm Talas Talas Oh, my God. First of all, love everything about you. Yeah. Secondly, if we do kill Resmere, I mean... Or you can just crash the castle. I mean, do whatever you want.

But wouldn't that foil your plans to bring back Tiamat? No, I'll swoop in and save the day, don't you see? Oh, I see. And you're all fans of the cult. Oh, we're pro. You all want to bring back to Tiam as well. Yeah. Yeah, we all want Tiamat back.

It's Tiamat o'clock. Yeah, it's always time for Tiamat. That's right. I would put it a day. on that try not kill us when you swoop in. Oh yeah, sure, you've helped me. I'll give you plum jobs. Plum, plum, plum, my four-not-flop.

I don't want a plum job from you. You what? I said, never mind. Can I just, can I just, can I look? I just want to kind of see, what is it called? Intuit, not intuition. Insight, yeah. Can I just have a look and just see how trustworthy this fella is?

12 plus a classic minus 1 I think you can be pretty confident that Talis is not lying to you he has no he has no reason to trick you he genuinely wants to wants to de-thrown or take down Resumir

so that he can climb the greasy pole that's all that's all and that is the book climb the greasy pole I've added so much to see last year why did you make it sorry can we just a really quick pause Hing why did you make it greasy did you mean to or was that just in the moment

you made it greasy? I think climb the greasy pole is a saying. You definitely need help. It's really not. I think climbing the pole and then you're like greasing someone's palm but I think maybe you... I'm pretty sure...

I don't want to Google greasy pole right now. Climb the greasy pole. No, Simon's looking it up. I think climb the greasy pole is a saying I think it's like to advance in one's career or social status. Often through a difficult, slippery and competitive power.

Sometimes implying the use of unscrupulous methods to get ahead. Oh, you fucking nailed that. My God. I have never heard that before. I'm sorry. I wrote that entry. Yeah.

I've got one question. That's so crazy. Maybe Google AI was listening to us and then it was like, oh, okay. Oh, yeah, I know. Let's put it in. One question tells us. Duck, what's your question? We have faced off against her in the past quite powerful.

I mean, does she have any weaknesses or allergies? As with many of the worm speakers here, once you get to the hiring. The chalons of the cult. I mean, you would know this because you're all lowly. I don't know, fucking virgins and losers or whatever. But once you get to the top, really everyone's down for is their own hubris. Mm. Oh.

So she was climbing the ranks very well. Then she went too far and now I will stab her in the back. I'll hire some mercenaries like yourself to crash your castle. That'll be her downfall. And then I'll get up there. But I'll be different. Obviously, I won't succumb to that. No, you wouldn't.

No. To stab her in the back. perhaps you could supply a wonderful dagger to do that. Sure, you want a dagger, do you? Oh, no, I was more metaphorically. I mean, we faced off. It's been... Okay, he throws us a dagger out the window.

Goodbye, dagger. Oh, no, free dagger. Oh, my goodness. Um... That was, uh, Vergen Mahito. He had climbed up the mountain after the dragon. And he only looks cool because he's like half wraith now. Yeah, yeah.

dead ghost. Killed by a silver dagger. Yeah. Okay, I suppose we just do it ourselves. So you're not going to give us anything? Well, I guess we're a banner and a password.

What have you got in your pocket? He said he gave a banner and a pass. You got a banner to get you in and a passphrase to get into the castle. Maybe just some nice, I mean, surely you have access to some nice armor or some potions and stuff. That would be nice just to get a bit of stuff. To give a potions.

Who wants a potion? Who wants a potion? Botions. I'll give you all. A random potion. One second as I rifle through my cabinet. What's the egg doing? Eden,

let's tell us what the sexy eggs are. Push-ups. It's really, is he just letting go of his arms? He's just, he's actually rolling around. My God, he makes Pilates look so good.

God, he's got a strong. He's just rocking back and forth, but you can tell it's crunches. A muscle aura. Potion. For sure. Fuck, I know what came first.

I want potion. Me and that egg. Okay. You all get, Oh. You all get a potion of flacidity. Oh. What?

Flacidity. So it's a sparkling liquid that is cyan in color. A wine skin made from cows. So it's in a wine skin made from a cow's udder. So that four people can drink from it at once, but you all have one. Ew. And anyone who drinks from this, their fingers become completely flaccid for 24 hours. And they cannot hold anything in their hands.

Why would we all want to drink from that? Well, you could, I could. I don't know why you'd want it, but you could about be able to use it to poison someone else. Their fingers become flaccid. Yes, they can't hold anything. The rest of their body could be as rigid as you like, but fingers flaccidic. Is this an actual potion? I just Googled a random potion.

That's crazy. It might have been an internet one that's been made up. It's still fun. That's good. So you all have a potion of flacidity. Do you think players sometimes just want to play on hard mode? They all drink them. They all drink the fingers of flacidicidity.

the person playing the monkey with prehensile feet is like, ha ha ha ha. He's my feet and tail. Ha dozy. All right, you've got yourself a deal. Talas? Talas, that's my name. Oh my God.

Now, all you need to do is head on down to Parnast. The village is about a five mile height from here. And it's on the far side of the mountain over there, through the forest and hills over logs, rushing creeks, etc., money trails, about half a day. walk, you'll be fine. The last thing for me to tell you, and also, can I say thank you for not

killing me. That storyline, very difficult to come back from. I'll give you the passphrase to get into the castle. The passphrase is, Hello, I'm here. Let me in, please. The past phrase is Tiamat,

our mother and strength. That's all you've got to say. ask the pass race is ATR mat, our mother and strength, and that'll allow you to reach the castle unharmed. I think maybe next time you want something a little bit stronger, like something that last pass would recommend to you. Well, you don't understand that actually on that, it's alternating capitals. Alternating can, do we say that or do we just? No, you don't need to.

If you're typing it in, you'd have to say it. Special characters. The O in mother is a zero. The E in strength is a three. What about the O in hour? Is that also? No, that one's a capital O. That's a capital O, yeah.

The H and strength is a four, so really it's strength four. Yeah, T and mother is a plus symbol. Wait, the E is a four? Yeah, the E is a four. It's very confusing. It's very confusing. It's a three. Come on.

I'm Talas. Are we going to try and get in there? We're going to say the password, and then you're going to get like a pigeon with like a second level of like coding. And then you're going to have to confirm that. Yeah, it's two effect or authenticate. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. I got the rich you're trying to do, brother. I really appreciate that.

You know, recently I was in Japan, and I was trying to make some, I was trying to do a transaction, and my bank was sending me a cab, I didn't want to pay for the roaming. So I had to set up a thing where I had to get someone to go to my house in Australia and get my other phone and put the same,

anyway, it was a whole fucking nightmare. What? That cheap. Well, it's $15 a day. I don't know what kind of money you have. $15 a day? I'm waiting for two and a half weeks. There's $200 and something dollars.

Fuck that. Why didn't you just get an ESIM? I did, but that's, that, that E-SIMs data only. There's no SMSes. Oh, yeah. What I came with. Gah.

SMS? Do you know how many, do you, do you know how many bowls of rice and pickles I could have had for $200? Oh, the rice and people? When you go into Japan The 7-Eleven The Onagiri there are $3 It's crazy

And the best fucking thing You're in all day Yeah You could have had A hundred strong zeros I could have The big ones I could have 70 onagiri

Yeah So you were saving so much Onanagiri Why didn't you fucking pay For the roaming Because the roaming Pets Yonagiri I'm in a lot of debt right now

I recently left a commercial television job And the ABC doesn't pay Look you don't need to get I am What's my name? I'm Talos. Dallas. On catchphrase.

What? I'm Dallas. You're going to go down to the village now. Get on the castle. Sabotize the transportation of the treasure. And but a bittababobo, I'll swoop on it. And I'll swoop on it. And I'll give you a plum jobs.

Plum jobs. We want the plum job. You do, you do. You have to use the intonation. You have to put the stress on the other words. It's never the same. No one else has fore hands. Now, Porch, do you want to go along?

or I'll give you two weeks off if you want to go Or you can go back to your kennel Oh actually you're part of it You're a member now We'll have to find a new person Yeah I'm probably gonna hang out here Just stare at the cock Okay

Hey why is that cock flickering Uh the candles It's not Oh okay Well Have you got your You on your way then Got your flaccid potions on your way

Any other questions Or you go Just trying to like get people To leave your dinner party Well I can start cleaning up Well you guys are probably pretty tired.

He goes in the kitchen starts washing up your Shelley Temple glasses. Okay. You know, I've got a really... Oh, you're still here! I've got a really early thing tomorrow morning.

Gotta go... Oh, you do. It doesn't matter to you, but I've got an early meeting tomorrow. How's the nachos here? We don't. We don't. Oh, no, we do.

We added that to the menu, didn't we? I'm going to be honest. Not great. You should leave. I don't know. We'll try it anyway. I haven't eaten for a while. Who's he meeting with tomorrow?

Tell us over nachers. My meeting? I'm meeting with Severin, don't you know? Oh. Oh, it's not really a meeting. He's going to sort of just appear. Sort of a mystical. It's a zoom.

Zoom. Severin's the head. He's the real head of the cult. Severin. And he's here around? Oh, he's zooming in. Yeah, he's zooming in. Yeah, he's zooming in.

You know what I can give you, though? Just to make you leave Yes Does anyone here use a shield Nope You all look pretty banged up Someone should use a shield Who wants a shield?

Any of us are really that None of our builds Really use a shield Literally You could have a dinner I keep falling down Okay I'm gonna give you This arrow catching shield

Oh You get a plus two bonus To armour class Against any ranged attacks And then And then once the arrows Are stuck in my shield I'll know exactly where my shield is.

Yeah. Because they're all pointing at it. And you could eat those arrows however you like. You could eat them. Roast them. Smoke them. Sorry? You could fry them up real good.

I love that. Thank you. I love this shield. That's my cool shield. I'll send you this in a text, but whenever an attacker makes a range attack against you, you can take a reaction to become the target of the attack instead. So if someone else is trying to fire a, an arrow at your friend

over there, Mr. Chari-Villarian, but the wings, you can go and in your five feet, you'll go, no, it'll be me instead, and then hold up your shield. That's nice. I like that. I like that. You just add that to my character, just need yourself. Okay. And there's also a bag of tarnished silverware worth 100 gold pieces. I don't want, I was going to take it

to Vitties. I'll take it. Yeah, there we go, Charan, you get that. The rest of you, empty hand, it only had two things in the treasure section of this bit. Barich. Um, no, this is, I'm Bored. Boring. That's helpful.

Your Talas. And, hey, do you want to play backgammon? I see the board set up over there. What I really want is everyone just to leave. Including you, Barrage. It's like 11 o'clock. No, I know. It's like 11 o'clock, though.

I got to, I got to, I got to get home to the wife and kids. Why don't you bring them here? It's a club. Not appropriate. their children. We have gin in the other room. Yeah, you could start a crash. His penises on the wall.

Everybody out! Okay. And he casts a spell that means you all leave. It's just gust of wind. It's called, end of the night. End of the night. That's it. Otherwise, he goes, jump.

No, no. What is he doing? What is he? I was going to say Chamba Wamba, but I was thinking of the wrong drink. It's the closing time. him. I got tub thumping mixed up with closing time.

You were getting Chumbumbas tub thumping mixed up with semi-sonics closing. Yes. Exactly, exactly. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry. I had a girlfriend once. All right.

And that's the end of the episode. No, she said she went to a birthday party in like a Hollywood Hills thing where they hired Semi-Sonic to play but they only wanted them to play their one hit. closing time.

So the entire party, there was just an infernal drone of closing time playing the inside time. Oh my God. I don't know if that's true. Now that I hear that, it sounds improbable.

Yeah. As our heroes venture down the mountain towards the village of Parnas, now with a new shield and a bag of silverware, but with one shoe. And also pretty beaten up, although they did have that one rest.

Their friend Borage sits alone in an empty hunting lot, Jack and his dick with four hands, staring at the... Can we have an alternate reality of what he's doing? Sure. I guess he's... He sees the magical penis disappeared.

Yeah. And Jack's his dick with four hands. Jack's his own dick off. At the point where he's about to finish, he comes to his senses and realizes, wait a second. I didn't like them at all Yeah

Ghe Gour! Gour! Gour! Gour! Gour! Gour! A castle

filled with treasure about to float through the sky an evil wizard slash witch who you have commented on it before and also the promise of crashing a castle

to allow I'm Tallas to climb the greasy pole. Find that all of these adventure the next episode of Dragon Friends. The cast of Dragon Friends for this episode is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Demi Lardner and Tom Cardi. A dungeon master is Michael Hing with MPC voices by Eden Lacey and post accompaniment by Nick Harriet.

Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon who get early access to ad-free episodes, uncut videos of recording sessions and an exclusive backlog of content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Gather good people, I'll tell you a tale of heroes and cowards dressed in chain mail of kings and children, beggars and lords and dragon fire that burned them all. Hear the rain, but look to the ashes of Phoenix's burst with six wondrous heads, the heroes of yours!

You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you. Doom and destruction, death and rebirth. Fair jaws are all chiseled. In my mind, your mind, what is he, in your mind, what is he mumbling about? He's just muttering. Don't you ever just walk around and mutter? Absolutely, no.

At the shops. I'll talk to myself at the shops. I got west to feel mad and I just start talking out loud to myself. I, oh, I'm muttering, I would say, if I'm, if I'm alone, I'm muttering. If I'm in the car, I'm muttering. If I'm in the radio studio and I've turned the mics off, I'm muttering. And what are you saying words? Yeah, I'm just saying like,

I'm just stupid society. It's that or it's... Society? Yeah, society or it's like, I hate the money. It's always the root of all evil. Because it's fun because you don't have to... You're just giving out the vibe, you know?

You don't have to make coherent sentences. You're just muttering. Who's the vibe for if you're by yourself? You're just muttering. God, you're going to be a crazy old man. Don't you? Yeah. I was just like, oh, I just was like,

I'm going to be friends with him when he's an old man and he's going to be fucking nuts. We're all going to have to deal with it. But right now, we can all admit a very same. Now, the troll...