Dragon Friends - DF2 #3.06. The Dead Person Word

Episode Date: April 26, 2026

The Heroes of Yearth have found themselves closer the the pulse of the cult than ever before. But with access, so too comes danger, and a cascading castle of lies, deception, and internal strife may see our Heroes fall amongst the chaos they so clumsily spark. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you. Doom and destruction, dev and rebirth. The room can return with their heroes of yours. Their jaws are all tizzled, their asses of facts, they're shiny and golden and one wears a... ...faced one of the most powerful, powerful creatures in existence, a cloud giant, tens of thousands of years old, dozens of feet high, pure cloud. giant.

And they failed in telling him a single thing they wanted to do, despite the fact that he asked them eight or nine times probably what do you want. Instead, they found themselves scurrying down to Escarlotta's chamber, the tomb of his departed wife, whose spirit steers the castle, the sky castle they find themselves in. which is transporting treasure for the cult to the well so they can summon Tiamat from Avernus and bring back the mother of dragons.

But rather than just paying respects at the dead wife's tomb, what did our heroes decide to do? Well, they spent, I would say, 45 minutes punching charing Valerian in the dick in order to make... Uh, thank you... Balls. Balls, sorry, balls. In order to make him feel unwell

so that he would spew up fire because of the draconic curse that was placed on him at the end of last season. Now, having melted away her tomb and desecrated her bones and incinerated her funereal clots and clothes, they have heard over the tannoy the rageful screams of the cloud giant

with August, who is racing towards them. Thump, thump, thump! You hear his giant feet running down the hall In fact you hear the entire castle shaking and you remember that the hall and passages you've been through are actually not big enough to hold a giant

so actually what you're hearing is the crashing of stone and ice as he tears away at the walls and the foundation of this castle running towards you digging through the castle in order to get to his wife's two what do you guys want to do does he say something like

that's the unmistakable sound of the burning of a wife's death shroud Oh, did you employ here like security cameras earlier? Yeah, he sort of, he had a tannoy and stuff, but also this whole magic castle, as it is a castle flame of the sky, is covered in magic ruins and arcane spells that allow him to be at one with knowing all goings on within the realm. And did anything magical happen with the wife,

with the melting or anything like that, or do we just really just do bad things to a grave? You just desecrated a grave. Oh, boys. But now there's a pool of water. And actually, you notice that the foot, again, again, as the whole building is being torn apart, you notice that the, this is disturbed,

the desecration of the tomb has disturbed the magical aura of the tomb. And now parts of the walls and floor are beginning to melt as the hot water that has been melted away from the tomb cut of pools. Oh, that's good stuff for us I mean we're trying to crash this castle, right? Yeah, so in some, I mean, that's kind of what I was going for in a way To kind of Oh, okay, well, congratulations

This bad boy's going down slowly But we've just got to stay alive Well, I mean, if this giant crashing and bashing around Is going to make this thing fall over eventually Don't we just need to like lead him through as many structural walls as possible? Oh, we're going to do a crash band to go right away from a big Oh, oh, fuck You hear his

A giant's roar Roar. As he tears open the wall and you were faced with a cloud giant who's furious at you. Mamma mia, you've desecrated my wife's tune. We have a message for you. What is it? From Vesmere. What? Fuck you.

All right. Love you. Bye. Wait, okay. And I think Resmere didn't say that. Resmere, we overheard Resmere say that. She was going to destroy you using the corpse of your wife. So we intercepted it.

And we destroyed the corpse of your wife so she wouldn't know. I called bullshit. Lightning Bolt. Here we go. Damn it. And we are into initiative. I think Bluethogers I'll give you the first go. Okay.

So how close they're all around the thing? So. Yeah. It's 120 feet long line. Five feet wide. How many of them do I hit? Five feet wide. I would say you can hit all of them.

Okay. DC-15 dexterity saving throws, if you please. That's a natural one from charion. Bollarian. That's not it. That's not it. I got it. Oh, you lucky cunts.

There's rolled four ones. Oh, my God. DC-15, dexterity. save. 24 damage. Half if you made the save. Wait, that we got,

you rolled four ones on six side of dice. It's 8. No, I'm not saying disbelief. I'm getting scared for if you rolled anything but the very worst.

Yeah, yeah, could have been way worse. If I did a, if I, you take 24. I take 24, even though I got a

natural one. Yeah, yeah, just means you failed hoard. I'm using evasion so I don't take any damage. Oh,

because you passed? Yep. Nice. Ooh, la la. I passed. Oh, la. You know, but you pass, but you're not a rogue, so you take half damage, right? That's a 12.

Yeah, no, I know. Can I do a thing? I took full damage, but I got that ability where if I get hit. Oh, no, I can take half damage on that hit as well. I'm going to take half of that, and then I can, like, disappear and appear somewhere else. Okay. So I'm just going to kind of puff out of the way, kind of near the behind him, kind of out of sight. Okay.

Let's start with Ernie Sweetwater as your furthest away. What's your move? What I'd like to do? do. I'm just going to do it. I'd like to cast Fantasmal Force, which is a second level. That's right. I change my spells and when I get leveled up. So phantasmal force is basically it's not an illusion per se, but it's an illusion just in that person's mind. But for that reason, it's a lot more powerful. I'm going to

gaslight it. But it's this weird thing where if this works, they actually like logically fill in all the gaps in their mind. It's not like, so I'm going to do, that's going to be an intelligence of 15. intelligence save okay i roll in nine and my intelligence is he a clever guy i'm gonna say he fails that excellent okay so what so what is what have you conjured in his mind happens the image of his dead wife oh and she stands there and she says blagothcus they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've saved me i can now take human form well i'm not going to act uh i'm just gonna tell you what i what i'm just going to tell you what

What do you mean, human form? You were a giant. No, I mean, no, no, not human form. Giant form. They don't want to you. My spirit, my spirit was bouncing. Oh, you're so tiny now. I am.

Well, no, I was hoping if you'd come back, we could do it, but you're too small. They says, don't harm them. Too small to do it with my wife. I was trapped in those awful bones, but now I'm free. They've saved me. Okay, so. So what's the, what happened to? Don't attack them.

Yeah, I don't know. You tell me. Do you want me to read you this, Bill? You want to watch a phantom or false. Well, maybe you'd do it. So it says you craft an illusion that takes root in the mind of the creature. The fellow and failed say a phantasmal object, creature or other visible phenomenon. There is no longer, oh, there is no larger than a 10-foot cube.

That's fine. So it's a little human-sized version of his wife. I mean, the thing is you say that, but it does say that they logically fill in anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the target can use its action to examine the phantasm. and then as an intelligence or investigation check against your spell save DC. And if they succeed, then the target realizes. Okay, so that will be on his turn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it does say, it says, don't harm them. I've been bound to this castle, but now I'm free. I need you to tear this place down for it will suck me up, and it's very painful when I'm trapped in this castle. You came back to tell me that? I've been in excruciating horror this entire time. My spirit's been in this castle.

break break it down so generally speaking the way this works is that you take one d6 psychic damage that's if i choose for it to attack it if you choose for it to attack but i don't but you don't so it's just trying to convince him i guess so yeah okay so then i guess that would be your it's your so for this round you're casting this is my next round will do an opposed uh deception check i think from you versus oh my my next move is okay yeah yeah i think i think okay um Now, Charion Valerate, your turn. I'm going to cast Healing Word of myself because I'm running low.

Okay, great. You roll those dice. Polly Water, what do you want to do? I want to use my short bow to fire a potion of flacidity into the dragon's mouth. Into the giant's mouth. Sorry, the giant's mouth.

Great idea. Can't do much with flaccid fingers. He'll drop his morning start. Okay, go for it. So you've got, So these are the potions of flacidity that you got from the hunting lodge. Yeah. From his random potions that he gave you.

So roll an attack with your bow. Yes. I got a 24. Dang. Okay, that hits. Gulp. Gulp, gulp, gulp. He drinks down the potion of flacidity.

And his hands immediately go entirely flaccid. He can no longer grasp any weapons. This is a great D&D from you. Thank you very much. And Lorgothcus drops his morning star. He has a giant morning star that has like a spiked ball and he drops it to the ground. He can no longer, mostly on his turn,

he could attack twice with his morning star. He will no longer be able to do that. Does that have any effect on the melting ice on the floor? Yeah, it smashes and chips away more ice and the whole cavern is becoming unstable now. Did not much about it to your turn. I would like to cast Blink. Okay, where are you blinking to?

Oh, do I have to pick the plane of existence? No, so what blink does is at the end of your turn, you will, you'll roll a D6. Yeah. And on a four, five, and six, you vanish from the current plane of existence. Yep. To the ethereal plane. Yeah. So nothing can hit you.

You become invincible, essentially. Until your turn. And then until your turn when you come back at the end of each of your turn. But there's a 50% chance. It doesn't work, but that's it. Half the time you're invincible, essentially. Yeah. Cool.

all right well um i'm gonna yeah so i'm gonna uh run to the entryway of the cave and i'm gonna cast blink um was it the six blit brink mhm uh six okay blonk so you're out of here and now we're back to uh the cloud giant uh blagorphus is it did what did charion had a turn yeah yeah charian yeah charion yeah chary on hill himself okay um do you know what my hands are so flaccid um but i think i can still do you know what i'm gonna do i'm going to do i'm going to do i'm going to to cast a magic missile. Okay. At that, um, at that darned duck. So magic missile automatically hits, right? It does automatically hit.

Yeah, three dots. Three dots. You take 15 damage, Alex. Is it any saving throws involved or not? Well, I'm going to use uncanny dodge and halve that damage. Is that right? An attacker I can see hits me with an attack. I can use my reaction to halve it.

the attacks damage against you. I can see you. You're pretty fucking big. Okay. Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, fine, fine. Okay, you dodge, dodge one of them missiles. And with my bonus action, I'm going to summon,

oh, actually, my wife's right there. Well, this is just, he's moving towards the illusion of his wife, so we can talk, but he's going to summon an air elemental. Yes, air elemental. And this one's going to go over towards, um,

Ernie Sweet, Ernie Sweetwater. Race traitor. I don't know. What's your armor class? So the air elemental is a force of clouds and a rush of air and tornadoes that runs towards you. It has a couple of different attacks. One is a slam.

The other is a whirlwind. Should I whirlwind or slam? What do you think? I think whirlwind, right? Yeah. So these two clouds boughed towards you. Oh, one is a 27 and one is a 19. I think they're both.

So this, you need to make a DC 13 strength saving throw. No, these are the slams. Oh, I think you're doing whirlwind. Oh, did you say whirlwind? Okay, alright, right, right, right, yeah, let's whirlwind him. So you've got to make a DC 13 strength saving throw. Okay, happily. Oh, 17.

So you passed. Okay, so what happens? On a failure, target takes 15, sorry, it takes 3D8 plus 2 damage. but if the target thrown yeah he just doesn't get thrown he takes the damage or does he try and slam me doesn't say if a thrown target no I don't I don't think you take any damage

oh sorry if the threat is saving throw it takes half the damage half the belgium sorry okay so it's nine I rolled 11 so you take five damage five damage and now we're back to Ernie sweetwater your turn do I get it was there any benefit to him thinking that there's his wife's there

Not really just so I can move on Well this is going to be Now the deception you're going to make Where you're going to try and Make him believe that she's But he's got to make an insight check And if it passes that That it does fizzle

Okay So you can either So you can, it's kind of a gamble I guess You can either just take the damage And you know you can do damage Or you can try and deceive him And maybe make him skip around

Until he gets his Okay So you are letting me do Let's say he was in a rage He's moved over He'll talk to her next turn Okay so I'll just leave that No, it's your turn.

It's your turn. Yeah, I know, but do I, I mean, that's kind of, I've just done it. I don't know if I have to use it. Do I, is it using my action to... I thought I was going to suggest. I think it's, uh, it's concentration. So you got to, you can't cast another concentration spell, but you can do anything else. Yeah.

So, so, so first let's do the deception to see if he, to see if he calms down. Okay. So can you roll the deception? I'll go against your, or deception or persuasion. Probably deception versus your insight. Okay. Um, it's going to be persuasion. Uh, yeah, I guess it's deception.

Is it? Probably deception. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. Here we go. That's 24. 14 is the inside check.

So you failed the inside check. He still believes that that is why. So what do you want to do is your action? Oh, I want to fuck these fucking stupid ass. I'm going to use... No, I won't use... Yeah, there's a big cloud. There's an air elemental sucking you off.

I'm going to use... While I'm doing phantasmal's, I'm going to do phantasmal killer. On the air elemental? Yeah, yeah. So basically I... I'm going to create something. hopefully try and create something in this mind. It's basically taking out its like worse nightmare,

possibly than anything that's just going to terrorize it. A Dyson. It's going to be a really big Dyson. This is like a level four spell. This is like quite catastrophic. No, don't suck me up. Huh? What's it called again?

It's called Fantasmal Killer. It's big biscuits. So you've got to save a Wisdom 15 saving throw. Oh, this guy ain't that wise. He ain't wise. D.C. 15. Wisdom save. Wisdom save.

Eight fails. Bad news. What happens? What happens? A giant fucking, yeah, Dyson. You become frightened for the duration. By a D-D-D-10. 4D-10 psychic damage every round.

Oh, dude, that's all. Wait, is this concentration in this spell? Fuck off. Yeah, no, it is. No, it is concentration. It sounds like if it's every round. No, is it? Yeah, it's also concentration.

Oh, you're such a little bit. Well, you can drop, you can take whichever one you want? No, I did the other one. Okay, can I do something else or do I do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, all right. I always got to fucking do the fun.

All right, I cast, I don't even have... Okay, I use third level thunderwave, please. Okay, cool, yeah, thunder. To try and thunder... Is he flying in the sky? Ooh, here we go for it. Is it a ground thing? He's an air elemental.

He's lying around. He's lying around you. Is it a ground base of the back? I think he's still thunderwave. He's not on the ground if he's flying around. But that's what I'm asking, to be... No, he's a creature. He's right there.

He's right next to you. That's going to be... It's kind of a sweep of a... force in front of you. So 2D8, so it's going to be two more, it's going to be 4D8. Um, okay, yeah, yeah, is there a save?

Yeah, sorry, it's con 15 safe. Here we go. Oh, he passes. Oh, fuck. Half damage here. Half damage. Uh, four, seven. Oh, sorry.

Seven, yeah, yeah, six and five. It's 11, so that's 18. The thunder cracks. Your attack is ineffective. Um, so you take, half of that? No, he takes no damage. He's an air elemental.

He's immune to lightning and thunder damage because he is an air elemental. I went to fucking putting it like the worst nightmare in your brain ever to like throwing. Okay, and I'll use his bonus action to give Alex Lee a Bartak inspiration. Ooh, he's inspired. Polywaddle or Alex Lee, the human. Alex Lee can take this. He's currently watching the pit. Charion and Valerian, it's your turn.

Okay, I'm going to cast command on the air. Elemental. Interesting. It has to, and I'm going to ask it, I'm going to say halt. And so it has to do a wisdom saving throw of 13. It's a bit 13. How nice do I feel? I think you're feeling not very nice.

Why? Because I think if I had to look up command and I had to read it, guys, I'm sorry. If I had a character, I'd be on your side. But Michael Hing has actually done this to you. Oh, a creature within range. Yeah, sure. Why not? Let's do it.

Great. What do you want to say to it? Halt. Halt. So that means it will we... It'll stop running around. It'll stop running around. It means that it doesn't...

But it also means that it's... It doesn't take a move and take some action or bonus action. Okay. Okay. What's the DC? 13. On what? Wisdom, wasn't it?

DC, 13, wisdom. Fail. So the aerial lantern will not take a turn. He halts. He halts. He actually halts. Great work. Polywadle, your turn.

After making the... Cloud Giant's fingers flaccid, what will Pollywater do this term? Do you think the elemental could be whispered too, psychically? Or is it just some... I think it could be, yeah. But it has been halted, so it is stopped for now. Yeah. But I guess...

But for when it resumes, how long will it be halted for? Just for this turn. So you could ready your action when it's about to move? Yeah. Okay, great. Didn't much about your turn. I'm going to... I need to roll a dice to see whether I boot back into existence.

No, you come back. I'm still, at the end of my turn? At the end of your turn, you'll see if you disappear. But I can't cast from here, can I? Because I'm on the ethereal plane. At the beginning of your turn, you pop back in. Okay. So I'm back in the ethereal plane.

I would like to cut. No, no, you're back. You're back in the material plane. And I would like to cast shape water on the drippy dropy water sloppy. Oh, that's true. There is water right there. Yeah. Yep, what do you want to do?

Well, what I want to do might be different from what is able. Okay, let me have a look at this spell. So this is from the fifth edition of Dungeons Dragons. It's shape water. Well, I can just show you. I choose an area of water that I can see within range and that fits within a five foot cube. How big is Glungo's head? Ooh, I think it would be bigger than a five foot.

Oh, five foot head? No, no, no, I don't think it would. It might be exactly a five foot cube. What about just the front of his head? Because what I want to do is put a cube of water over the front of his head so that he can't breathe or concentrate. This is what I want to do, the front of his face. I want to make a water mask because he, I assume, doesn't have water breathing.

And he's looking kind of wrinkly, you know. And he looks wrinkly. Okay. And I say, hydrate, babe. Hydrate, babe. Okay, so you can cause the water to form into a single shape and animate it your direction. Yeah.

Okay. You can change the water's color or opacity. I'm going to make it pink. And you can freeze the water to form. provide there are no creatures in it. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. All right. Well, I don't know. I think if I freeze it, then he's going to be able to just pull it off and I'd have to put it back on. So I want to leave it as water. I don't think, okay, do you think shape water? Shape water is, okay, you could choose an area of water. Yeah.

And you can manipulate it. You can move the water and you can change the flow of the water. But I don't think you can make the water stay in the air. So you could move the water onto his face. but I think it would, I think gravity would just wash it off. I think you'd give him a little face wash. I think you'd be splashing him. No, listen.

I feel refreshed. Sorry. You're ready to fight. You cause the water to form into simple shapes and animate at your direction. This change lasts for one hour. Yeah, sorry. Animating at my direction. It's a fucking mask, bro.

No, okay. I guess you're right. I apologize. Yeah, you're right. Okay, okay. So you are putting a shape. You're shaping some water onto the giant's face. Yes.

Okay. And I guess he has to pull out of that or something, or he has to... You'd have to move away. I'm going to keep it moving with him. Well, let's see what happens. Okay, okay, okay. So now... So the water pulling from his dead wife's grave

is pulled into the air and magically wraps around his mouth and nose, I guess, is the most important part of it to ring around. And he begins to struggle. And what? His eyes. And it's okay. Mouth, mouth. It's going to be blurry.

Yeah. Mouth nose and eyes. And he begins to struggle with that. I'll give him disadvantage on his next attack. Cool. Who's turn is it? It is now back to Balthogas' turn. Okay.

So he doesn't get a turn. He's halted. No, that's the aerial. So what Boghothus is going to do is... Oh, yeah, I'm talking about my microphone. He's going to... Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. So he currently thinks that these people are his friends Because his dead wife has told him that But he also thinks That one of his friends just tried to drown here No, he doesn't because he can't see me Because I might pop back out of existence

Okay, so roll a D6 again Also the water is pink Four Off you go again And the water is big So off I go, he doesn't know, it's just happened So some water has appeared on his mouth and nose Okay, so he's skin

Can he drink? Oh fuck No, because I'm going to put Hey, guess what? It is quite a lot of water. Yeah, it's quite a lot of water. And if you do that, I'm going to suck it back out of your mouth because it animates for an hour, bitch.

So it's not happening. Well, I think he wants to talk to his wife anyway. Yeah, so he could drink now because you, but also this is complicated. But he could do whatever he wants now because you're in a different plane of existence. All right. I'm just going to bring it back.

But you can come back and then you can manipulate the water inside of him again. Yeah. It's going to come out the front. I'll tell you that. He piss his pants. Oh, no. Pissing it. He's like, wait, so in front of my dead wife.

You want to talk to your dead wife? I want to talk to my wife. He splashes the water off his face. He, like, clap, tap, tap. And goes to his tiny wife and bends down and says, Uh, caramia. My name is Escolata, your son of a bitch. Escalata.

Um, uh, babe. What's, what happened? You're back. And so is he taking, so what did you say before to him? Like, you said, crashed the castle down? yada yada. These are all my friends. The justification was,

is I've been taken out of like this, I was in this castle, my spirit was in the castle, but it was causing me incredible pain. Uh-huh. And it was actually a prison. And I need you to, I've been rescued by these people because they've...

Set me free. Yeah, they've set me free, and we need to destroy this castle. So, okay, Blugothcas would know that the spirit of his wife, is held not just in the bones and the tomb, but also in the entire castle. So I think if he was to truly believe that, he would then start just tearing away at the floor and the ceiling.

He's just trying to ruin the whole cabin. Well, it says here they can take a study action. So he's gone up. Yes. So he's gone and he's talking to, so he's going to talk, because he doesn't believe this, he's going to go. So he's going to make an intelligence check against your spell save DC. Which I think is 15. To see if he buys it, hook, line and sinker.

I understand that I need to pass quite a few things before you start to... To just make him destroy his own castle. Okay, so an investigation check, he's not proficient, but he does have intelligence, DC15, so he needs a 12 or more for you to be wrong. He does. He rolls a 6, he fails. He fails and he says...

Hookline and Sinker. Oh, no. No, he believes it. So he then begins to tear apart at the floor and the ceiling of walls of the cabin. With his flaccid hands. He's shoulder charging. Just slapping. Oh, make him spin.

Make him just spin around with his arms out. Yeah, while he's coughing and splattering because there's water all over him. Yeah. The Aerimental skips its turn because it's been halted and we're back to Ernie's Sweetwater. It's your turn. Fuck, what do I have? Do you need to book it? Yeah.

I mean, why are we? We don't need to keep, if he's believed it, we don't need to keep fighting, do we? Back to the Drake's? Yeah. Let this guy tear it down. There must be chaos going around. But we have to stay for sure to make sure that it happens, right? We can't just fly away.

I'll stay in the plane. I'll just watch. I can scout. Is there any fire left? No. He's used all his fire. Okay. I'm going to give a, what is it called?

inspiration to Charyon. That's your bonus action. That's my bonus. And as my action, I guess, I'm going to punch this. I got, I got, how do I punt? You know, I'm going to charm monster, the, the, Elemental. Yeah, yeah.

Is that concentration? Maybe. Where does it say? So you can attempt to charm a creature you can see within range, wisdom saving throw, which is 15. So the Aer elemental has, uh, plus is your of wisdom. You just put up to be 15.

Otherwise, you've got to be friendly towards Ernie Sweetwater. Come on, be friends with me. Oh, you want me to roll the dice? Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah! Be friend with me. Five. Fails.

And so now the Air Elemental, which has been halted, can now act but is friendly to you, only sweetwater. Polywater, it's your turn. Well, I was going to do a thing. Did I know, can I see he's doing something? Because I had something lined up to do to the Air Elemental. I think you would see that the Air Elemental. I think you would see that the Air Elemental has now gone and joined your side

and is now facing off against the giant. If I do, if I whisper to it, will Charm Monster help? Yeah, probably. It's friendly. Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah. I'm going to say, I'm going to whisper in its brain, whatever it has.

Sure. In its air brain. In its air brain, I'm going to say, Resmere plots against your master. She must be destroyed. Oh, that's good. That's good. Okay, so immediately now, I guess that's a deception check.

Okay, I'm very good at deception. Because it's friendly to us, do we get advantage? Don't have to. No, I think you just are allowed to do it. It's friendly to you, yeah. It's listening. It's more, it's not more likely. Why?

Do you think friends are more likely to deceive, Tom? I think if I say to you, Mugglings, we are friends, hey, if you lie to my face. Simon really wants to bring you down. You probably. You let me give it a good goal. You believe me more than a stranger on the street. Yes, I agree.

Okay, so yes. So a double? Yes, double. I've got a very good deception. Give him a double. Plapao! Yes, I got a 26. Okay, then the Aerimental immediately books it out of there.

And it's off to, I guess, try and kill Resmir. Now we're at dinner much about it. It's your turn. Right, so I'm still... Oh, sorry, no, I skip channel for later. Charion, it's your turn. Guys, the floor is like kind of crumbling around us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think we need to get to the river and get out of here. Get to the escape parts. Get to the chopper. Get to the jopper. Get to the louisans. So is there an exit? Yeah, you can go out of the many of the many walls he's torn apart. You can see, you'll have to go down some stairs or like jump out,

but you can see the court you up beneath you. Stairs! Okay. Um, what's the, what's the most direct route? Uh, you could jump into the clouds. They would catch you. They're soft. Okay, I'm gonna do that.

Yeah, okay. I spread my wings and be like, your clattery bony wings. Yeah. You run out the side of the tower and jump into the courtyard where you softly land. Actually, you know what? You got to do it. Let's do a acrobatics check. A little.

And that's a 17 plus a six. Lans it. You softly, you definitely land. You do a beautiful, uh, what do you? He does it like, cool a roll? He doesn't. death drop. Yeah.

It just lands straight in the splits. Yeah. Yeah. No, everyone's like, dosh. And everyone's giving you finger snaps, et cetera.

And you have, you can see directly beyond the gate your, your ride. Yeah, dinner much about swiven that you wrote up on.

That I guess still respects you. Is the gate shut? Or are they guards? The gate is shut currently and the guards from before there. So you can run towards that.

We'll come back to you. Didn't much about it's your turn. Okay. You've just seen Charing Valerian and book it. Yeah. I'm going to blink back into existence. Where is the closest, like, edge of the cloud that we're on?

As in the edge of the tower? Literally just the edge of where it turns into just the air. It's nowhere right now for you to get through, except through that gate, because the castle walls are still intact. if you would wait a little bit longer. Oh, and I'm not within like 15 feet of the gate. No, because you're up in the tower still and you've got to cross the courtyard to get to the gate.

So you would probably have to wait for the cloud giant to tear away the walls. But listen to me for one second, because I am on the ethereal plane, while I'm there I can move up to, I think, 10 or 15 feet. So can I move that way? I will allow you to appear outside the castle walls if you want. what I would like to do.

But you would... And then I will cast feather full. Bye! Okay. So, Dena Munchabout... Dine Munchabout does not fall on his ass. Actually, you don't see Dina Munchabout. Dinner Munchabout is gone.

Dina Munchabout is in the ethereal plane and then... And then reappears outside the castle walls. I'm fine. Get out of here. And then begins to cast... Move his hands and speaks some whispers. I don't want to get hurt. as he plummets towards the ground, but suddenly Hagan's due drift.

Now, just to be clear, is it, are you falling from below the level of the entry to the gates, or have you put yourself above the clouds on the outside of the gates? I think Demi has said that she's put herself out into the sky, which is skydiving. Yeah. Okay, so you're not feather falling to the outside of the gates. You're feather falling to the ground.

To the ground proper. I mean, hopefully. Which, and I did make this clear, is over water right now. Oh I got shape water Bitch It's a lot of water I give a fuck

There's a lot of water To shape I can swim That's such a big mask Imagine what I can do Yeah Samoaking Okay it's now

Blagothcus's turn He Just keeps slapping ice Yeah And he's tearing away So at this point He rips He grabs his hands

And tears At the actual The rest of the Marble sarcophagus and the remains of it and it brittle under his hands it crumbles begins to punch at the ground

and reveals beneath the ice of the tomb is the steering room of the... It's a V8 is the steering room of the castle and who's remaining here Polly Waddle and

Ernie Sweetwater are still here? Yeah. You see what? You see revealed to you a simple steering wheel Like you'd see it in an old-timey ship And Where's the accelerator? Let's put a fucking brick on the...

I'll say there's a throttle next to the castle, a magic throttle. Like a, not a pedal, it's like a hand-operated one. Yeah. But there is a gear stick. Yeah. Oh no, I don't drive manual. My husband always said I should learn

And I said, no, what's the point? We never going to get one. See the cultist staffs who were there manning the various consoles at the castle bridge are fleeing. They're getting out of here because the whole castle is falling apart. But it is your turn now. No, yeah, Polywaddle. It's your turn. No, sorry.

It is your turn now, Ernie Sweetwater. What can I see? There's a steering wheel and there's a throttle. Yes, steering wheel is a throttle. And a gear shifter. And a clutch. And a glitleator. Don't.

And a clutch. Accelerator and break Which bit is best to fuck with down there What? Which bit is best to fuck with? Use normal words Which bit? You're going to fuck this shit?

Oh my God, I cast mage hand And I just I put it on the The Wet, are we, look There's two options here We're gonna crash this thing into the mountains or the sea Okay, what would you prefer?

See, because I can swim Okay, hand on the hands on the steering wheel and I just Point it down Okay so you Bernie Sweetwater

takes his giant Goliath hand and begins to again and again just spin the wheel Oh sorry I want to be standing as close as I can to the exit

so I cast mage hands Sorry yes So a fantastimal hand appears and begins to spin the wheel again and again towards the right The whole castle lurches to the right

Everyone loosens their balance And begins to tumble and you are now booking it towards the exit, I hear. Yeah, I'm out. And I also do my booth out of existence. You can do a little misty step? Yeah, misty step, just to get even more distance. Okay, then.

Charine Valerian, it's your turn. Okay. I didn't get a turn just then. Oh, sorry, Pollywaddle, it's your turn. Can I, is there, can I fly out? Is there a route to fly out? You would have to follow the way that... Because you're still in the tower, you're not in the steering room.

You would have to follow charion down to the courtyard and then out through the gate. All right. I'm going to try and fly out as fast as I can. Okay, great. So you're moving. That's your movement action. You can take another action as well if you want. What do we see outside?

What are the people? It's chaos. The cultists are now running mostly to the treasure room. I would say most of them are running to the treasure room to try and safeguard the treasure. Others are fleeing and the cowards are trying to, are running towards the gate. but you're the first one there because you were the, you moved first. You were the most cowardly.

All right. I'm going to dash and just to make myself go faster. Okay, great. Okay, so you actually overtake charing Valerian. In cowardness. And there are, the two guards are there from before the ogre and the zebra are there. And they're like terrified and they're not really sure what's going on.

And they look at you. What do you say to them? Repent. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? This thing's heading to a watery grave. Oh, we've been betrayed by the giants. I knew it. No!

You can't trust a giant. Now, if you swear off the cult, we need people to come back and tell everyone how cool we are. Because if we come back and say it, no one will believe us. So, we'll save your life if you promise to disavow, leave the cult. forever. Sure. And live a life of telling everyone how awesome the heroes of you. Feels like you are getting us to join a new cult.

If I'm honest. Hey, you like cults? Well, I've been in this one for a decade. Why change things now? And I hoik him up onto one of the Wyverns. Well, no, you're not there yet. So he begins to open the gate to all that you guys through. Right, right, right.

So you can get the hell out. So you can ride. All right. Charion Valerian, you're up. Well, so if the gate's being lifted, I'm like, just like, running towards it and skidding. under the small gap already. Skit check.

Instead of closing, it's opening. That's a 14 class. Acrobatics of 18. Very cool. Skid. I'm quick to the Wyvern and I'm like, jumping on. You're on and you're fucking off out of there.

I'm circling. I would say I'm up and as much as I can control it. Yeah. Scouting for Ernie and for... Polywater. And I haven't seen dinner. Dinner disappears, but I don't know where dinner is. Yeah. Well, you would probably see dinner has really appeared.

Maybe you see. dinner falling. Like I do an end alone. Let's slowly, very slowly. Yeah. I'm falling slowly. You would probably see dinner, I think. No, it's a fool.

Okay, no one sees dinner. Oh, well. Dines are slowly falling. Okay, so you're out there. There's one Wyvern left. Dinner, much about you're falling towards the ground. What do you want to do? I'm falling actually towards the water and I pull out my folding boat.

Oh, with the toilet. No, I emptied the toilet out. No, no, no. You're right, it's a toilet. It only carries one and has a toilet. Yeah. It has a toilet. So I'm just going to, I'm going to featherfall, land in my folding boat and sit on the toilet.

You have made this bed hing. And now you'll sit on it. I'm going to turn the cramulator off. The cremulator, is that what it is? The thing that decimates the poops? Oh, it's a cremation toilet? No, no. Oh, I use the wrong.

I use the dead person word. There's a machine in the toilet. I'm going to turn it on the thing that chops up the poos. Oh, sure. Yeah. The blender. The blender. I'm going to turn it on as like a little rudder.

I'm just going to kind of like. But I'm going to go and poke it out there. Okay, and so dinner munch about gracefully unfurls his portable toilet, his floating boat, and... Sails off into the sunset. Sales, I guess, back towards land. Yeah. Well, yeah.

Are you underneath this falling castle, though? No, I think dinner was to the side. I went off the edge. On the side, yeah. But I was thinking that, like, would it be, I don't know, what's... How far away from falling into the ocean is the castle? It was hundreds of feet in the air, like hundreds of metres in the air. So not close at all?

No, I think you have enough separation for you to say. It's not going to squish you. Does it look like it's going to fall into the water, though, where I was? Yeah, well, not where you are, but elsewhere. Because actually, you were facing at the front and it's diving towards the right now, so I think you're fine. So is it like listing on an angle? Yeah, it's tumbling. It's now tumbling.

Okay, cool. Blothorgas at this point, Blagothgus at this point. What a silly name. Oh, my beautiful wife. I can't wait to be dead with... Wait, you're alive again. Oh, but...

It's a logic puzzle that's too tough for me. In fact, at this point, he... He is in the steering room and punches a hole through the back. He's just trying to, like... tear away the castle and he punches a hole through that floor and he begins to fall into the ocean now

because he's lost his balance. Ernie Sweetwater, what are you up to? I'm trying to get to that Wyvern so I make some more dash. Okay, great. So you can, you're there. Charing of Larian, you're flying safely down. Polly Waddle. Have you gotten onto the Wyvern yet?

I'm trying to drag one, either the ogre or the zebra. You're a recruit. Oh, okay. So the wyven can only hold two people. So I'm standing next to the toilet. I see you trying to get on a wyver and the troll. You've promised you've promised a seed. You've found a new friend.

You've promised to sit to the ogre. And at this point, Ernie's sweetwater runs. Oh, hey. Hold on. Hey. Why are you getting on the wiper? I don't need to get on the wiver. But I'm with, but I'm with, but the ogre is in your fucking,

It is quite big, though, isn't he? Yeah, the ogre is on the wife. Immortalised forever. Save friend. Yeah, the ogre's like... Could be a cult leader. Save work colleague. Polly, who is this?

This is... Well, you don't remember my name? No, we never really... But, you know, we... I thought it'd be good to get some recruits. I thought... Recruits for what? The cult.

I mean, the telling you right about how good we are. You want to start a cult? Immortalized in history forever and all this will be for nothing. You're a mother of 17. You'll be immortalized. No, they drive you into the grave. Wait, wait, wait, wait. A duck who's the mother of 17?

Are you Polly Waddle? I love your Christmas album. I would actually follow you anywhere. So yeah, I'm actually a huge fan of yours. Oh my God, no way. How close is he to? How tippy is the ground? The rest of the castle is basically twisting off.

You're right at the front, so this is remained stable. I'm going to... I'm going to send two Eldridge blasts that have like the knockback effect. I'm going to try and kick him up over the edge. Oh, wow. That's a huge fan. That's an attack roll. I think with Constitution, right?

No, no, it's just a straight-up attack roll. It's a sharp row. Yeah, and I just leave one of these bad boys to hit. Oh, good. Yeah, they both hit. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

And the damage I'm not even really that concerned. 20 feet from the edge? Yeah, he's definitely. He's over the... So, in this man's mind, he let you into the castle, suddenly the castle started to fall apart, so you're running out,

he then... He then... He then left the cult under your promise that you would save his life. He committed his life to following you, then your friend turned up and pushed him off the end of the castle.

My mind, Paul. The ego on you. You see an ogre just foop off the edge and begins to fall, fall, fall thousands of metres into the ocean. And when he hits the water, nothing broke the surface tension to the water. So his body explodes. Like it is liquefied and immediately sharks and all other kinds of fish begin to come up and eat his remains.

Wow. And I'm like, but that's half my cult. Who's the other one? The zebra. The zebra fucks off. The zebra runs. Because Eberra runs back into the steering room, which was just torn apart.

All right, bloody, hop on then. Appreciate that even though I sent the Eldred's Blast out, you did that. That's bloody debatable. I'm about to fly this Wyvern away. Oh, come on, go. And their voices get a little bit quieter and quieter. As they natter off off of the Wyvern.

Are you on or off? As the group of you find their... way back to shore, you see, the first thing you see is Blugorthkas's body fall slowly as a cloud, out of the castle down towards the ocean where his entire body is swallowed up by the sea. And then a huge rush of air occurs. like a, like when they're doing nuclear bomb testing in the ocean, just a, you hear a huge explosion and a rush of air rises up from the water and his spirit,

like when his wife died, she inhabited the castle, he has now decided to take on the castle as well. And his spirit is in there. But filled with rage about the many, many betrayals he's felt and feeling as though he has been utterly, humiliated in this he in an act of defiance takes the castle

in his mind's control and flies it directly not into the water but into the mountains just above you where previously you'd seen a hunting lodge and various beasts and crush crashes the entire castle into that

those snowy mountains causing all kinds of avalanches and ruins. Oh, no, I worry for Blomlet. My thoughts would go out to Blomlet. And you guys are left on a beach

observing an entire castle that, frankly, you have crashed into a mountain. Any son of Resme? No, you never met Resme. You decided to not interact with her at all. But sent that air elemental to a tale of her. I will say she's quite powerful. The air elemental is she.

just a large but not imposing creature. More powerful than a mountain? Nothing's more powerful than a mountain. Except for water. Erosion. So we're all... Shut the fuck up! Time.

And time. And time. Nothing's more powerful than time, my friends. So we're all just on the beach. Do we see a role in 18 investigation? Do I see dinner on the horizon? Or has dinner been caught up in the... Yeah, you see...

You see. In the waves. Yeah, you see. Deanna's little boat is riding a tsunami. Yeah. And gracefully is being, sorry, he is supplanted on the shore. Hello. And I will say there's no trail of treasure and riches behind the castle.

So the cultists who gave their lives when the castle crashed, they have been able to secure the treasure. How? That's what they were doing. It said it wasn't all falling out. It's probably in the mountains. It's in the mountains. It was smashed into the mountain.

Yeah, it wasn't trailing and needs to be collected now because it was all kind of held together by them and then when it crashed into the mountains, it's down. There's no treasure on the beach is what I was saying. Oh, right, right, right, thank you. Well, there's one treasure on the beach. Yeah.

I try and hold everyone's hand. Dinner recoil. Yeah. Yeah. No. Well, I mean, is that... Did we do it? I mean, maybe?

Sort of, I think so. Well, I mean, there's not... Badie's in castle. Castle in Mountain. No dragon come back. No dragon return. No, no overlord of giants. Yeah, we kind of killed a fairy tale for me.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. And Talus was in the lodge, so he's probably gone. Yeah, wow, we've kind of... Wow. No survivors except us. Doesn't feel like the happiest. No.

I think we did it. You want to make one of those little huts? And maybe we can... Sit down and hold our knees up to our chest. And let the water drip down our face. Yeah, I cast Leopold. tiny heart, which is a knockoff of

Leerman's tiny heart. Anyone want a cider? Yeah. Sure. Do you guys want to get sort of shit-faced? On a beach? Yeah.

Take my shoes off. I just drum my guitar. I sing boat drinks. Long tone else. Yeah, I choose... Very fucking long tone out. Tune the loot to like ukulele tuning and try and play

somewhere over the rainbow. So you're playing somewhere over the rainbow while I'm singing boat drinks. All right, let's do that then now. Some world. Boys in the band or a bold drinks. What's boat drinks? It's by Jimmy Buffett. I think I only know Margaritaville.

Wasted away again in Margaritaville. And as our heroes get shit-faced on a beach, it seems, at least in their minds. As though the adventure has been concluded. their evidence for this? Well, no dragon. They saw no dragon. Now, there was a dragon in the castle,

but again, you didn't meet that dragon because you didn't go anywhere else aside from the church. Didn't see a dragon come out of the castle? Oh, there's a stupid dragon just like, watching the ground rapidly approach being like,

oh, well, I could fly, but I guess that's your assumption in this. Hello, ground, says the dragon. Your other assumption. assumption is that a kind of an already weakened air elemental that you sent after one of the most powerful wizards in the entire world was able to assassinate her when she was probably already aware that something is going on given the customer was falling apart around her. So what are you saying?

I'm saying that you are drinking margaritas on the beach, brother. And you are filled with the contempt and a genuine sense that you have saved the world despite the fact that you already, if you were to look close, you could already see, cultists rushing from all over the land to the crashed castle in the mountains to rebuild their wealth and get to the wells

so they can re-salent Tiamat the mother of dragons arguably we didn't do anything I think you've slowed it down there you've definitely slowed down their return and you may have killed

some very important people yeah we killed a widow and you killed it you killed you killed you killed her You know what you did? You killed an old man who loved his wife. Yes, and you can't take that away from us.

We'll like you to be monsters in the next episode. Find out. Dan, I'm Dragon Friends. The cast of Dragon Friends for this episode is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Demi Lardner and Tom Cardi. A dungeon master is Michael Hing with MPC voices by Eden Lacey and post-accompanement by Nick Harriet. Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon who get early access to ad-free episodes,

uncut videos of recording sessions, and an exclusive backlog of content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Gather good people, I'll tell you a tale of heroes and cowards dressed in chain mail of kings and children, beggars and lords, and dragon fire that burned them all. Drive men insane, but look to the ashes of Phoenix's burst with six-one-dress heads,

The heroes of you! You can pray but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you. Doom and destruction, death and rebirth. So who can return with the heroes of you? Their jaws are all tiseled down.