Dragon Friends - DF2 #3.08. Femalestrom

Episode Date: May 31, 2026

With their new stations and their path laid before them, the Heroes of Yearth set forth on their continuing adventure against the Cult. But as the air gets colder, so too does their prospects. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'll just do some sound. Can you do the, what do you call it? Like the soundscape for this? Yeah, okay. Okay, great. Great. Soundscape. We're building a scene.

The docks of Waterdeep. You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you. Doom and destruction, death and rebirth. The room can return with the heroes of yours. Their jaws are all tizzled, their asses of water deep. Ah! And Haggard.

Yeah. For hundreds of years. Trade ships have moored here to unload their wares. I'm a sexy crab. And pick up Lost Souls, who are searching for adventure on the high sea. Looking for a good time, Governor. Yeah, I'm looking for a sexy crab. I'm going to say one.

You have been tasked with finding MacArthur the Crimson. Last scene in the Sea of Moving Ice. You've been told a vessel awaits you. It is called Froskimer. Oh. Hey, adventurous. You look like the kind of guys who want to go to the Sea of Moving Ice. My name...

Hello. Hi, my name's Cherian Valerian. We are the Heroes of Earth. We want to go to the Sea of Moving Ice. Yeah, I heard you with becoming. Step aboard my ship, Frost Schimmer. My name is Larusta Hafece. You can tell, don't look at my face.

I had a horrible case of frostbite a few years ago. And I'm looking so... I just put this mask on so the children don't scream when they see me. The mask is wearing is a Phantom of the Opera mask. Also, I'm a huge fan of Andrew Lloyd Weaver. A massive fan. Yes. Okay, so you, the captain gives you all cold weather gear.

So you all have snowshoes suitable for traversing deep drifts. We're sponsored by Norface. Oh, that's good. How'd you get them? Well, you know, they're kind of losing ground in the market to Arcterics. So they thought they would, you know, try and reach out to some pioneering adventurer. Like myself, I have a podcast. What's it called?

It's called Wet and White. It's about the sea of moving guys. It's about the sea of moving guys. So the ship, the vessel... The vessel, you are about to... A light, is that the word? A light? No, you want to go.

You're about to board. Frost Skimmer is a light long ship with a shallow draft driven by a single sail. or if there's no wind oars are an option the combination of wind and oil power is effective and can actually travel quite

quickly this is my first mate Rodney he just wants to tell you how it's going cool both specs oh yeah well my special interests I love

no we don't need to hear the others is it your special interest or your job well if you love what you do you'll never work a day in your life. That's what I always say. Well, that's original. Just like, because you know what, my mom was a, she was a cop and she hated being a cop. So that was a real job for her.

And I thought, oh, I'm not going to be a cop. I'm going to do something I love. So that's what I'm doing here. Well, that's cool. Okay. Okay, so you are aboard a ship now. And I'd like you all to declare what your job on the ship is. Everyone gets a job.

Cabin boy. What do you think a cabin boy does? Stays in the cabin. Yep. Beautiful. That checks out. Polywater, what are you doing on the ship? I'd like to be up in the crozeness.

Cushness. Fuck. Shit. Ducksness now. Fuck. We did not much about you. You can challenge her for the crows nest if you like. I don't want, no.

She belongs there. Karen's already there. Oh, no, Karen's there. All right. Scrap the decks. Scrape the decks, did you say? Scrub the decks. Okay.

I'll scrape them. Okay, you're going to scrape the deck? I'll scrape. Nice. Okay, and Charityle-Lerry, what's your job? Seaman. Oh, my job? Abel Seaman.

I think I just like a general hand, a helping hand. Do we get stripy a little shirt? We get white shorts and white shirts and just little stripy little hats and the stripes on the colors. Which we have to like stretch over our snow gear. Yeah, you're heading to an Arctic Sea. Yes. So you're dressed in like really, really. like warm leather gear with fur on the inside.

There's not a lot of time for stripes and silliness. We're going to look so cute. This is... We're going to play some Dunders and Dragon. This is serious business. All right. I want to look like Maggie. When she's got too much puffer and she can't move her arms or legs.

I said I want to be a star. Jenner as a big star too. So the first day of traveling north, the seas are calm. Ernie Sweetwater. Can you roll for me a D6 please? I love that. I would absolutely love that. I can't remember which one's a D6.

It's a regular dice, regular dice. Well, that's good. We've got one of those. Four. Okay. And that night, I guess you're in the crow's nest, you can stay awake.

All right. Yeah. Do you sleep one hemisphere at a time in your brain? Like a bird? Like a duck will sleep half of their brain with one eye open so they can like look. Oh. And then they'll do the other.

Is that why they stand on one leg to run? roost or is that it whole different thing? Oh they tuck a leg in. Tuck a leg in. So it's dark at night. The seas are calm and Polly Waddle then. Can you do for me a perception check please? Oh, it's tense on the sea of moving. Oh, nights are 20. Oh, dang. Okay, dirty 20. Okay. So first of all, you know that on this ship, there's obviously the captain with the mask, the phantom of the captain. Um, now, he also has a large crew with him. There's 40 guards who are on this crew. Yeah, there's lots of them.

Okay. And you see, off in the distance, as you're looking out, the exact direction where the frost scrimmer is heading, there is like a weird dip in the ocean. Like, the ocean would be flat, but for some reason about... How do you see that on a flat ocean?

Because you can see the dip. You see the dip. You're on the close next. There's a whirlpool where there's a sucking happening. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Sorry? A whirlpool where there's a sucking happening? Oh, there's a sucking happening.

Does that make that makes sense? Malestrom. Yeah. Or female strum. Or non-viris stream. Can I get bloody away with nothing these days, can you? So the rest of you are asleep in the bunks in the, what do you call? They sleep in the cabin.

You're all asleep in the cabin. They're getting tucked in the hammocks. I've been here all day. Really good job. But Pollywold, you see that now. I ring the bell. Is there a bell? Is that a boat thing?

Yeah. Do you have a bell up there? Yeah. Ding-l-l-ling-dong-doing. Yes. You ring the bell? Yes, there's a big bloody maelstrom down there. Oh, that's so cool.

That's good ever get it. You come have a look. Oh, that's so crazy. What could that be? Probably. I think he would know this. He would know what this is. Probably like a washing machine.

Somebody's doing their laundry. The gods are doing their laundry. Oh, how whips are doing their laundry. Oh, but seriously, what is it? Probably a sea monster. A cracking. Yeah, maybe a cracking. Maybe let's go in the other direction.

Oh, no, we're getting pulled in. Well, so you can try and avert this disaster if you want. Yes, who's got the wheel? Oh, that's my job. All right, Captain, I'll get you to. to run to the, you run down, you climb down the ladder. Yes. And then you head towards.

What, the tiller is down below decks? No, I'm up in the crows'ness. Oh, the cron nest. You came up to He came up to Hebel. Okay, I'd spin it. So you run up to the thing. Wait, this is a test. Do you spin it to the right or the left?

Starboard is the right. Well, but you pass the test. The way you're never is there's a little bit of port left in the bottle. That's the other one So this is a strength check So you are barreling You are barreling towards this maelstrom And so you need to do a strength check

And beat 15 to try and avoid it Yeah if you're running up to the deck You can Oh, I'm in dingin, ding and digger Who takes me out of the cabin I'm just a boy now And I I cast Enhanceability

Which is going to be strength You have advantage On all your strength checks That's nice 15 Oh, yeah, I've done it already. I guess that's a dirty 20. Oh, yeah.

Okay. So you are able to avoid the maelstrom, and you were no longer, you see in the middle of it a crock and going, no. Like tentacles crust like that? I wanted to eat some able semen. Nice try, Jerry.

Suck my ass. Oh, I'd love to suck your ass. Not this time. That's why I've got all these suckers for. What do we think? Tenticle on butthole. How would that feel? Oh, amazing.

Yeah. So what we do? It's all with mouth with humans. I mean, better than that giant beak. Oh, yeah. The beak is the beak on a cracking. You don't want beak on ass. There's a lot of tentacle sex in Japanese traditional.

I really just thought Demi was going to come in there. Like an encyclopedic knowledge. I mean, I'm trying to be good. You were saying it like you just found out and gotten into it. Yeah, actually, yeah. Actually, pretty good. Not bad. I mean, if you like that.

So you've avoided the cracker on the first night. Well done. I think that was easy. Wow, guys. You also have double your carrying capacity. For how long? Until I stopped focusing on this. Forever.

Ernie Sweetwater exhausted being like, do you need to carry all these? Makes you're out. Yeah, I'm carrying a lot of hentai. It takes three days to get to the sea of moving ice. Until the last night, until the last rest. I'm still focusing on you yet. Polywold, you can do the roll this time.

Do a roll a roll of D6, please. Six. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, dang. Okay. So, uh, you guys are looking for the Drachhorn, too, huh? Mm-hmm.

You're looking for it as well? Yeah, no. Well, a few years ago, I took this Tiefling lady up north. She was looking for Dracorn, this, draghorn that her name was... MacArthur? Yeah, MacArthur, the Crimson. Oh, that's why she's red. She's a Tifling.

Yeah, she's a Tifling. And she was like, she was weird. She would always say, no, it's not just Macass. It's MacArthur the Crimson. I'm trying to do a branding thing. And I thought, even when it was just me and her in the cabin saying, hey, McCath, she'd say, it's Macat the Crimson. She would just kind of be like, hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Like, she was mad, and I would say her name over and over again, and she would ignore me until I said Macat the Crimson. Yeah, so she was going to the Sea of Moving Eyes to look for the drag horn. She kept talking about this ojevigotone. Sorry?

Oh, you have it, Oh, it's that great big mountain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Giant iceberg. Yeah, where a rat or the white death hangs out. Oh, what the F is that, sir? Yeah, he's a famous big white dragon who hangs out on here. Have we played this adventure before?

This is very familiar. I am in a fugue state. Yeah. He goes on to tell you there are actually two dragons that have been started in the area. There is the Great White Death. and then also a second dragon. His girlfriend. Who's been spotted with...

I mean, Elia. What's her name? Her name is Arvia Tarachi. And she's been spotted with a corpse of a wizard on her back, riding it as a saddle, but that's clearly a dead, it's clearly a dead wizard who's being... It's a crazy thing to do if you're a dragon.

Do you think the dragon is doing that as a saddle? doing that as a puppet or do you think the dead wizard is some sort of necro? I think she's like it's like a pet or something, you know? Which one? When you're sad, your cat dies, so you make... You taxidermia. You're taxidermia and you strap to your back. Yeah.

And you say, where to boss? Yeah. But then you go where you want. While he's explaining this to you, I think he's explained to anything. There are two dragons who you may come into contact with. Yeah. in Oya Vigaton.

And the second one was called Jitjit, Chichich. Arvita d'arajee. Arousatator and Arviaturachetre, the boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyway, so Oia Vigaton, she was, the Crimson lady, she was always talking about Oia Vigaton.

You know, the local people, it means island of eternity. Because so many people have been frozen as trophies in the side of the thing. It looks like it's meant to be flat, but with big peaks around it, she was looking for it. I took her here and dropped her off, but now I have not heard from her. I hope she's okay. She's probably dead. Michael, can ask a question?

Yes. Has Cherion's fireburps developed, been consistently happening? Does he have control over them? No, he doesn't have control. It's the same as before. They will happen at a moment when you lose control of your constitution. Okay. How long ago did you take MacArthur?

Oh, probably three years now. Oh, God, you know, she's probably dead. Yeah. Sometimes she would send me post cards. I mean sending cards, you know, like through the sending spells. Yeah, sending. She'd be like, hey, miss you. And how long ago was the last, hey miss you?

year. A year or so? Yeah, you're ages ago, one year. Okay. It was for Christmas. Um, out the front of your... Cute picture on the front? Uh, yeah, just her with some corpses.

And the seal. And the seal. Out the front of the boat, you see 12, uh, I'll say Pollywolders are spotting this because you're in the crow's nest. You spot 12, uh, travel warriors in characteristic boats, um, kind of flooding on the These are ice hunters, and they are, they're just up ahead. What kind of warriors did you say they were? They're referred to in this as tribal warriors.

Tribal warriors. They're all dressed in like seal skin. Oh, okay. And they've got mittens on, and they're all trying to pick up their spears. They're really struggling. They look like they're out hunting on the ocean. Oh, okay. All right.

Are these fellows with the spears, Captain? Are they something to worry about? Oh no, they're just locals. They're normally friendly. They're probably just trying to kill a whale or something. Okay. Probably stole their kids. They, you see one of the leaders with an elaborate hat.

It's like a, it's like a Texan 10-gallon hat that he's wearing. Perfect for sailing the high scene. Exactly. Really good. He spots you and then they immediately turn away from you. and all of their boats, the four boats they're in with three warriors each, they begin like paddling really quickly away.

They're like, fuck, it's the cops. The sea police. Polly, I'll let you choose what you want to do. Oh, so are they taking us in the direction of... They're heading towards the ice land. They're not out into the ocean. They're heading back to land. So you can...

I guess your choice is out to follow them or to avoid them. Which direction is the... So they're heading away from where we want to go? You have not seen the iceberg yet, but they're heading towards land. So you know that to the west is the ocean. That's the sea. That's... To the north is the frozen...

The hard frozen north. And then to your east would be the land. And they're heading, like, I guess north-east. So towards the frozen land. Not out to sea. More towards land. Yeah. Well, may, should we follow them?

Get some info? It sounds like we're going that direction anyway. All right. Yeah, we can probably go as fast. Hey, guys, it's time to get on the oars. Wind an oars. Wee. Remember Rod was talking all that shit about wind and oars before?

Was anyone paying attention like four days ago? Oh, yeah. He would shut the fuck up about that. Get a different hobby. Okay, well, now you guys need to do a boat. So how would you like to power this boat now that, you ignored Rod's explanation. He said do both things.

It wasn't a big explanation. So what are you guys doing? This is a test. So we're chasing these. Yeah, we've got, it looks, I bet they're packing something. They look guilty. Better pull them over. Who's got wind powers?

Who's got a windy little? I have wind powers. I think I've got wind. Yeah, I've got wind. Yes, I do have wind. Because I remember fighting to move really quickly. But I don't know where my shells are. I don't know where my shells are.

Maybe on the next pages. Yeah. You gave me three separate. Yes. You gave me three different things, dude. Well, I don't know which one is yours. You gave me so many things. Just tell me what you want to do, Demi.

I want to... Make a wind. I want to make a wind. I want to make a wind for our sails. That's what I would like to do. No, point it into the sales. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm making a wind into our sails.

Okay. How many oars are there? There's heaps. Who wants to get buff with me? We're about to do a double buff move. I'll get buff. All right. I cast the same one, the great big enhanceability.

This guy's getting strong himself. I'm also going to use one of my... What am I again? You're a Goliath. I'm a Goliath. I'm a double size. Get big. I'm going to get big.

I'm going to get big as big as I can. So I also have... advantage on strength, just while I'm a big boy. Great, okay, so the strength and the wind allow you to really power down these tiny little ice fishing boats. Yeah, you're really chasing them down.

Pull. You do like a skid stop. Yeah, yeah, you can do that. Pull over. Do you have any lights we can put on the top? Actually, you know what? Let's see. So, yes, as you do a massive turn, it causes a huge wave.

And two of the boats immediately capsize and sink. So, yeah, so there's only one last one. Okay, so two remain, but two sink. And because of the heavy cold weather, sorry, the heavy cold weather gear, six of the ice hunters immediately drowned. Oh, no. What the heck? there are now

there are only six remaining and they have stopped terrified of this boat so what was your plan just to chat to them just wanted to have a chat yeah hello

I saw look yeah no that was on purpose what the fuck what the fuck the leader's looking up at you be like what do

what would you do now Whenever I see someone running away, I think guilty. So what have you got on the line? We weren't even running, man. We were just paddling. We just, yeah, we were just out then doing some fishing and then we're heading back to our village. My dad didn't even know I took out the canoe, man.

Oh, we're in so much trouble. Oh, man. We're in so much trouble. These old teens? Yeah. They're dead, man. He fucking dead. They're all like 11, but the leader's like 16.

Yeah. You guys turned around real quick. conspiratorially style. Look me in the eye and tell me that you won't try and something. I was intimidated by the size of the boat. Yeah, you guys look like you're crazy adventurers. We're just a bunch of teens

smoking bongs and fishing. Yeah, mom doesn't want to smoke and bongs. Prove it. Where's your bong? He produces from his seal skin suit these wearing. It's a small whale. It's a glass.

It's a glass whale. It's a glass whale. Yeah, this is what? We were just, what? What? It's a crazy. to smoke weed on the high seas now? Yes. Out of a live whale?

Yes, it is. You cannot be operating this vessel while you are under the influence, my good boy. What are you a fucking cop? I could be. Could you imagine that? Fuck, I'd have so much power.

In fact, and then I get the little badge out that we were given from water deep. And then I try and, no, no, it's just water deep. Otherwise, deep water. We don't want to need trouble, officer.

What do you guys want to, what do you need? What do you want? We'll... What do you know about Oriiagantan ton? Do you mean the Eternal Island? Yes.

Oyavigatah? Yes. That's what I said, you fucking loser. Sorry. Dragon friends do not do well with being in power. McCarthy, the Crimson.

We'll put you in chains or drown you like your friends. We'll throw you in the brig, my dear boy. Oh, well, you're going to know. That's just over there. It's about, It's about one more day's sale up north.

Oh, we probably would have found that by ourselves without Darnie. I think you would have. I think you would have. We're sorry. Being locals, do you have any extra, like, backdoor entrances? Excuse me? I'm just trying to make, we did we kill your friends in Bain or we could get anything out of this? I don't know what?

I mean, I would say yet. And I tried to intimidate. And I just try and scare the shit. Like, if you don't tell us the best way to get in there or? Intimidate. Roll that dad. Yeah, roll an intimidation check, please. What do you call it?

Oh yeah. Holy shit, I'm a scary guy that only rolled a 10. You also double the size as well. Yeah. Does that include your intimidation? If you want to give me an advantage. I'll give you advantage because we have killed all their friends. I go that's better.

20. You don't have to waste all those murders. 24. Yeah. Okay. I mean, what you need to know is, Ovegatan is a giant ice island. Oh, we know that.

Down one end is a flat plateau. Not the other end. It rises into the sky. Maybe 100 or 200 feet. It's really tall at the other end. It's lopsided. Isn't that crazy? That's not that crazy.

Down the plateau end is a village. Okay. Is that where you're from? No! How many are you coming there? I kind of want to waste these fucking dudes. Yeah, yeah. And the people are you.

people who are there, maybe they can help you some more of it. Okay, look, if you don't know anything, you don't have to make up, like, geography to, like, satisfy me. I'm going to think it's important. Well, look, here's what I, here's what we could have offered you. We could have offered you plus one advantage to your next daytime role, depending on which encounter you're going to have. But you think you kill all our friends. Here's the thing. I want to tell you about some place.

Okay. Imagine a place on the beach. But instead of palm trees on the beach, it's filled with. skyscrapers. Wait, what? And there's all the bongs and all the alcohol and all the beach parties you could dream of. Oh my goodness.

How about you give us that little dice thing you mentioned? Uh-huh. And I'll take you to a place you could never imagine. It's called the Gold Coast. I will take you to Schoolies Week on the Gold Coast. Oh my goodness. If you give us some

that thing that you said, you would. Okay. Okay, so you'll get plus one to your next role for your daytime, for your daytime encounter. And I want your shoes. But you've got to take these kids to the Gold Coast. Yeah, we're going to take them to the Gold Coast. Schoolies week, boys. Hey, are we all going to go?

Yay! It's weird if I go. We need someone to buy us beer. Yeah, we'll buy all the beer you like. All right, let the duck buy the beer. I'll just go to the movies. So you're going to use your... Yes, I'm going to take the...

Use my rod of security and I'm going to take them to Schoolies Week on the Gold Coast. Okay, so... You have a nice big apartment, and I'll put my name on it so you don't even have to worry about the landlord being mad at you for breaking things. Get you a nice Airbnb right on the...

Surfers Paradise. Can I tell you? This makes up for killing all my friends. I'm hoping so. Yeah. Those guys were... Deadbeats. We were trying to organize schoolies, but they said they couldn't afford it. They just wanted to go to Sussex Inlet.

But I was like, dude, there's not, it's different. It's not as cool. All right, so you use your rod of security transport. Everyone would a quick little adventure to the Gold Coast. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Guys, can we go to Dracula? What, the theatrical restaurant on the Gold Coast? Yeah, I've heard it's great.

Also, I want to go to a theme park. Holly, can you take us to Dream World? I like that one. There was sort of an accident. I'll take you to movie. Yeah, movie world. Okay, cool. I did say, it sends you to a paradise.

Hey, that is a wonderful paradise. It's a surface paradise. Is that the real Batman? He's kind of fat and sad, but maybe that's what happened, I don't know. The Warner Brothers entities you could imagine. They've got the Batmobile from Batman Returns. It feels like they should update this. Okay, so you spend a night in the Gold Coast

Everyone is fully rested, fully healed Got all your spell slots back You meet a magician But there's no souvenirs I'm sorry fellas And then you are transported back to the ICC My SDDs are cured They get left behind

I just read this probably We can't use the rod again for 10 days They used it to get like seven, 11-year-olds And one 16-year-old drunk I forgot they were 11 Yeah, but they like to movie a little Condo Oh no

They all made water balloons And had a big fight with them Yeah, it was a very wholesome fun Yeah These hold a lot of water Okay, these are water They're just kind of bounce off But they're giving me a headache

Because they won't burst You find yourselves back in the boats, the remaining tweens and teens have rode back to their village. Okay, did a munch about. Can you roll a D6 to me, please? That's D6, you said? Yeah, it's a one. Oh. Mm-hmm.

Uh-oh. Plus one. Plus one. That's true. That's true. Okay. As you are heading towards the north, which is where it's. they told you the island eternal is.

There is on the horizon, sort of some huge waves that begin to like batter the boat. And from the cold, icy waters springs a large monstrosity. You are being attacked by a merrow. This is a murpho creature. but like has dexterity enough to hold weapons is intelligent

and strong like a King Triton sort of situation Yeah yeah yeah Oh Bad Sharkface Cool twist How big? It's large

It's like Darkface killer Yeah like I'd say like 15 feet tall Like huge Yeah But you can't see the bottom half of it Yeah

Oh, wow. How many guys at 15 feet? That's like two Tom Walker's at a bit. Yeah, yeah, two and a half of your husband. Yeah. No, two and a little, but he's pretty tall. Yeah, how many Tom's wide is it? It's two and a half Tom's, the great new TV show.

We're me and Tom Walker. And do we harpoon it? Can I harpoon one of them? You can try. Okay. Is it one or is it multiple? There's only one merrow A harpoon flies out of the water

And goes towards you Charion Valerian Oh you're the marrow And you're harpooning there Yeah What the hell Charing what's your armour class I just wanted to kick it off

13 Yeah Oh Uh huh And misses Okay the harpoon Misses you But glances and hits

Because it's a one right You roll the one It glances and hits Into The mass of the boat so now the marrow cannot escape oh fuck me fucking harpoon

suck is the harpoon on a rope connected to him and it's your turn charing valerian well I'm going to I'm going to cast a thunderwave into the ocean

and see what that does it's more than the impact so that's a it's a relief so do you go over to the edge of the boat or do you do it from the middle of the boat? From the edge of the boat.

You cast it in the direction of the mirror. Is it around for me? No, no. It's out. It's out. It's out. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So it's, um, sorry, that was 12 plus 8. Um, 20. 20 damage. 20 damage. Dang. Okay. Um, dozens of fish float to the surface.

Oh. A bunch of cold water turtles as well. Oh. What about his undercarriage. It's under the water. What? Yeah. Yeah.

This guy takes damage. Okay, yeah, right. And you killed a bunch of fish. A bunch of fish. A bunch of fish. Yeah, yeah. They were hanging out. A diver floats to the service as well.

It's like Paul Hogan at the beginning of Procodile than D2. Dinner, much about. You know what? You guys remember? But the marrow is damaged and looking pretty worse for wear. And thrashing about attached to its harpoon, it's your turn. Give me my fucking harpoon back. Hey, what's your fucking problem?

What's your fucking problem? What is, well, I didn't do anything to you. Yeah, well, you're in my ocean. It's everyone's ocean. You can't just say it's water. It's space in the water, cunt. What are you doing with your turn, though? Just yelling?

No, I'm doing an intimidation. I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to, I guess, get advantage, distractive and be like, you know, be intimidating. Okay, roll charisma then. Yeah, probably come over here and say. I will do it. I will do it. I will.

Eight. mate you couldn't fucking swim if you were wearing fucking flippers yeah and just because I am and two condoms just in case doesn't mean that you can talk to me like that bro nice fucking braces what are you 13 I'm 49 polywaddle it's your turn I'm gonna make an attack with psychic blades

I'm gonna do a harpoon back at him psychic harpoon okay oh natural 20 Oh! Mew! Seven damage. And then I'll do it again because I can.

And I get a... Math's 20 on that with a... Whatever that. Yeah, six. And a six plus three, so nine. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my self-esteem. Took a hit.

Yeah, the marrow... The marrow is looking extremely insecure now. My shark face is stupid as hell. My teeth aren't sharp enough. No, I can't even shoot a harpoon at a prince. Oh, only sweetwater, it's your turn. The marrow is thrashing around in the water, and it's clearly... He's wrestling his demons.

Yeah, clearly not well. I'm going to get big once again. Oh. And... Because I can keep getting big, so you keep letting me sleep after. Oh, that's true. And I'm going to... So is the string attached to...

Yeah, the harpoon is attached to the boat. And is it... Janned into the mast. And what is it actually attached to him by? He's holding on to it. He could let go. But I'm not letting go. Okay, because he's going to grab the other side.

side of like the rope and I'm going to I'm going to try and yank him on board because... Oh dang, okay. That is a strength check. Opposed? Opposed strength?

No, because the stronger he would be the longer he'd, the tighter he'd be holding onto the grid. So I actually think that this is just an unopposed strength check. Just to yank him. Yeah, it's just to pull it's like pulling a, it's like pulling a

a flooding barrel out of the water, I guess. But it is hard. You've got to be 50. But he's got advantage. Yes. I don't get it. What was your highest score there? Seven.

What's your strength? Can I yank him back? No, it's stuck into the... Well, this is the thing. I can do that one thing. It's a bit of a... Not a great build that I can make myself big in strength,

but I'm just like really jacked, but I all just test. It's just... Show muscle. It's like one of those big suits that he puts on. It's saline that you just like injected in the head. Yeah. Okay, then you try and pull

the marrow onto the boat but you're just not strong enough and you go if I can't my rope burn is it the marrow turn? Yeah, it's a turn I'm going to if I had legs

like kick you I want to try and I want to try and tug a war him back okay great I'm going to try and yank it out of the thing oh you're quite strong as well I am quite strong I've got 18 track to this gotta be 15

oh 23 oh dang okay do I yank Ernie into the Yeah, so first of all, the harpoon comes loose from the mast, and then it catches Ernie Sweetwater in the back. Eurney Sweetwater, you take 2D6 plus 4 damage. I got it. On a reverse harpoon. Yep, in your back, can't.

Because you're holding onto it. Yeah, it's got to come through. 10 damage. Does it rip through your hands? I don't know. I mean, when do I let go of the harpoon? Do I keep going. You're right.

You're right. Sorry. No, you're right. It wouldn't be full damage because it's not going through you. on the way back so it would just be half damage. So it's one D6 plus four damage. So half a chance five. Okay.

And you get pulled 15 feet straight towards that, take him into the water? It takes you over the, yeah, yeah, it would be here. It's a thin boat. Let's fucking do it. Dude, you're in the water. I'm not worried. Well, I'm going to, I'm going to teleport an hour. I could, or I could sit here and fucking grapple you.

Yeah, well, let's go. Well, you, well, do you want to give him a deck check to see where he goes over the side? No, you definitely go outside. Can I have a, can I have a reaction? Yes, you can I have a reaction? have a reaction? I whip out a cardboard hat and I flop it on my head. As my feet hit the water, I say, ding, ding, cunt, which is the magic words that make a big

bubble appear over my head. So you can now, this is your magic how that allows you to breathe underwater. Does it give you any, like, movement bonuses or anything underwater? Or is it just you can't. It allows you to breathe all the world. The bubble saves you until you speak the command word again, until I say ding, ding, ding, cun again. It protects you from the icy temperatures of the Arctic Sea. I actually also have stones endurance

Which would have been a cool way for me not to get cold Oh sure You've taken that away from me So yeah no I can just breathe underwater Okay Okay well now I guess the rest of you left on the boat And now the Mero is Well that was his turn

Yeah wrestling with you Oh actually no I can be gonna bite you Oh yeah you got a bonus action Yeah I've got two attacks Two attacks Here we go can't What's your armor class setting Oh that's a hit

14 14 I fucking claw the shit out of you I'm like, Rao. Four and six plus four is ten. Yeah, you take it. So you've taken 15 damage in.

Okay. Charion Valerian, do you want to hear anything? Yeah. Your friend's just been dragged into the water. So is he, they both underwater? Yeah,

well, yeah, they're slowly starting to sink. But no, sorry, is the marrow underwater as well, or is he still visible? I guess they're fighting on the surface now.

Okay. I'm going to get my long bow. I'm going to shoot into his eyeball. Okay, but remember, this is a difficult shot because Ernie Sweetwater is also... They're thrashing. They're thrashing him down like a teenager to like a younger sibling. No, no, they're wrestling in the water.

They're both kind of in and out of the surface. I harpooned and clawed him. Yeah. What did you get? I rolled before and I missed it and then I rolled again because I forgot what it was and then I got a one. So it seems unfair. I don't think that's punishment for not remembering. Cool.

So I miss. You, not as, well, yeah, but I hold on to the arrow and my bow flies up into the ocean. That's funny, yeah, you lose your, you lose your bow. Oh no, I suddenly got really good at bowing. And the bow flies into the water. Oh, man. And it lands next to any sweet water. Dinner much about it, your turn.

Get my bow! I'm going to cast levitate on, on, well, hopefully on the marrow. On the marrow? Yeah, on the bone marrow and hoist him up onto the boat. Am I, yes. I want to levitate him as high as I can, which I think is 20 feet, I'm pretty sure. And I want to drop him as hard as I possibly can under the spikiest thing on the boat. Which is, what would the sparkiest thing on the boat be?

I guess there's like a rack where they have all like spears and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, weapons rack. Yeah, drop him on that. So what's your DC save? because he gets a saving throw to resist your levitation. DC, save. DC 15, Constitution.

Ow. He rolls a one. He fails. He gets levitated. So you hoist the marrow in the air with your levitate spell. The marrow is still holding onto the harpoon, which is also attached to any sweetwater. Who's holding on to my bow, right? But how long, well, we don't know that yet.

How long, how high can you raise someone in the air? I can raise them. I think it's 20 feet. Hold on. Yeah, 20 feet. And then I can keep them suspended there for the duration. So what I want to do is levitate, levitate this person,

make sure that Ernie is okay, gets back on the boat, maybe at the end of the... I don't know that you can lift both of the... What? Yeah, because he's attached to the harpoon. But there's quite a bit of slack on this rope. So if you're only raising him 20 feet, there is 60 feet of rope.

Fuck. So he would have to be climbing up. All right. Yeah. No, I just... And then I'm just dropping... this kind on some sharp stuff. Okay, so he takes 2D6 damage from dropping onto the boat.

Okay. Ow. How much does that? Three. He's thrashing around on the deck of the boat. But he seems like a fish out of water. Polly Waddle, you're on the boat. What do you do?

I was just laughing because doesn't this boat have 40 guards on it? Yeah, but they're all rowing. They're all rowing. They're all, they're all, I guess. They've got their orders. You told them, they're doing what you told them to do. Oh, yes, sir. All right.

All right, so he's flailing around. He's on the deck. On the deck. All right. I'm going to stand over him and I'm going to use my quiver, my bow of potions. He just stands as fucking execution style? All right. It's his open mouth.

Have you got your potions there? Say something cool, Alex. Say something cool. Yeah. What's your fucking Schwarzenegger? Oh, okay. What are you roll and see what it is? And then you say whatever the cool line is based on.

what it makes him do. Okay, got it. Is it digital? It's a web arrow. On hit, it's a 10 foot cube in sticky wepping. Okay, I'm going to say, my spidey senses are tingling. Okay, now the way you describe this is you were standing...

The way you described this is you were standing directly over them execution style. And you said you'd shot it into his mouth. his mouth and it's 10 feet. 10 feet. So not only does, do you choke a mirror to death on webbing? You are also in case to this weapon because it's 10 feet of webbing. That's what she said.

She goes, oops. There's a part of me that kind of likes the idea that, like, you prophetically, whatever your line is actually makes the spell effect. So you said that. Then you accidentally went, oh shit,

no wait, Yeah. And like his, the meros jaw is completely unhinged by all the webbing. Oh, yuck. And he chokes on all the webbing and you are also now encased in a 10-foot cube of web. Yeah, I have to make a deck save or, yeah. But you've killed the marrow. You've killed the marrow.

We killed the marrow. And so that wasn't just on me. And my conscience, it's everyone. Hey, good work, guys. Cabin boy, would you clean up all this web, please? Yeah. Any sweetwater, you're still flailing around in the ocean. Oh, okay, I try to swim.

Oh, cabin boy? Where are you? Can I make a little swim? Can I swim over to the... Yeah, you can swim up. Yeah, yeah. I swim over. I get up and I say,

guys, so cool, I found a frigging bow down there. I'm going to become an archer and I put it in my back. It must be an ancient relic of this land. Is that a regular bow? It's a special bow. It's my bow. It's just a regular bow, though? It's probably pretty fancy.

I'm rich. Yeah, but it wasn't like it doesn't have any magical. It's got a name. my name did. Finders keepers, that's the rule of the ocean. That's yours now. What was his name?

Jeremy. Jeremy? Jim Jeremy? Jeff Jeremy? Jeff Jeremy? Strong bow of the force. Hey, I'm going to loot the marrow. What?

I'm going to loot the marrow. Oh, great. Okay. Can you roll a D20, please? I'm there in it. 20. You roll a natural 20? I'm there in it.

Then you get the harpoon. Oh, sweet. And you, finder in his gills a bunch of roe. Turns out he was a she. Oh. Delicious. Sorry, Queen.

Really? You're weird for doing that. You are so weird. Okay, so you no longer have a bow. Now you have a harpoon. The harpoon has plus six to its attack. It can, it can, it has range of up to 60 feet.

Sweet. And can only hit for one target. If it hits, it's 2D6 plus four damage. And you can, pull something towards you. Yeah. Can I have one of its scales like rainbow fish? What does that mean?

Can I have one of its scales like rainbow fish? What's rainbow? Is rainbow fish just a type of fish? It's a children's book. No, it's a type of fish that I read about in an adult's book. It's true. Okay, so you loot the harpoon. Simon, you loot the harpoon. Deen a munch about, yeah, you want to, what do you want to do?

You want to cut a scale off the mirror? Yeah. I got like a trophy? Yes. Okay. Well, because I think it would be like a cute neck of a list. I don't assume that it's magic because this just seems like a fish guy. Yeah, it's just a fish guy.

Okay. I just would like a scale. Do you, you don't have to, you could, you can have a scale. You could take, I mean, he's got like hands and stuff, so you could take a finger or an ear or something. I think that would start to smell, wouldn't it? You could take a finger or an ear. Or an ear or something. It's such a fucking psychotic DM.

Yeah. Crazy. Like, freeze are coming out as a DM. I'm thinking these are the kinds of things that, uh, in medieval. time, not in medieval, and like, fantasy sometimes people take these things as trophies. You know, you kill a beast, you take an ear. You know? I want a scale.

Yeah, I didn't say anything about a finger. How would people know that you killed it if you only take a scale? That's true. I could have been its friend and that was its little fancy for me as we were eloping. Okay, I'll take a head. Uh, I'll take a head. A head, no, don't take, you want to hold of it? That's crazy. It's hard because his mouth is full of a webbing.

Yeah. Oh, sticky deuce. So how? Now, now, okay, you can take a tooth. This whole time. Oh, God, come on a moat me? Oh, yeah. Are you trying to rescue me?

Are you just looting the body? Well, I'm going to pour a bunch of, like, olive oil over polywaddle then to get it. I'm going to do my... Yeah, you know, if you get the sticky off of, like, a jar. If you want to keep the jar, if you're, like, a hoarder and you want to, like, pickle stuff. You get the sticky off. Look, jars are useful. You can put a lot of stuff in jars.

I think the way you're going to do this is the way you have to do it. So you got to roll. Yeah, I do my dex save, but I'm quite dexterous. Thank you very much. and I, yeah, 16, I got it. So you wiggle out. Come in an oil. This oily bird

wiggles out of the spider's web. It's like a green piece advertisement. And now you are just on this long skimmer boat with a dead merman marrow. Hey, what's that over there? I'm not falling for that. It looks like a big iceberg. Oh, you have a ton?

Oh, you have a ton? So this is an iceberg where the wizard you're looking for was seen in... But it's also known as the lair of Arathetor, which is the white dragon. The old white death. You see the lowest portion of the iceberg is still floating 100 feet out of the water. And then the jagged peaks on the other side rise. 200 feet above that, so 300 feet into the air. Does that make sense?

Yes. Yes, okay. One side pointy, one side knot. Yes. Down the not pointy side, you see a village on the horizon. Lots of snow shelters and tents. You can see some campfires burning. And there's, I don't know, a couple hundred people who were kind of in this little village.

It's a small ice village of hunters. Yeah. And as you see. them in the distance, as you see them, see you, they all kind of scatter. Oh, not again. Yeah, they start to scatter. They know who they're... It's the cops.

They want to come to the goalcoast? Well, we can't do it for another 10 days, but we'll... Your captain brings the ship alongside the ice wall, which is getting way taller. The iceberg is way tall. Yeah, there's not like a... There's not like a slope or like a deck, right? It's just like big. Yeah, it's a cliff.

Yeah, it's a cliff. And there's a giant sort of cliff face. Again, 100 feet into the air. And he gives you, he says you what you've got. Okay, bye! Oh. Well, you know, this place I'm going to be honest. You know, all the talk of the white dragons freaks my guys out.

I'm brave, obviously. I'm chill with it. but these guys really freak out so if it's okay we'll just leave you here and maybe just hover offshore you know if you want to call me back

here's my number I could pick you up when you're done but yeah all the boys are freaking out he doesn't yeah he doesn't want to leave his ship all the boys freaking out the guards yeah but they're professional okay yeah not as a manifest they're all there's a lot of peace on the floor

Half of them have diarrhea There's a lot of peace and diarrhea They don't talk about it But there are signs Yeah So I guess good luck I hope you then Don't get eaten like all of these other people

You know Good luck What are you gesturing to Or on the shore There's a bunch of Like big bones And they've got big toothmarks in them And like whale corpses

They've got tooth marks in them. There's like a big loaf of hard bread. It's got tooth marks in. He's got no tooth marks. No one's touching that. He drops you on a little ice ledge that is about the same height as the boat flooding in the water, but above you is still 100 feet of cliff that you'll need to scale. Our adventurers have found themselves on the Eternal Isle. Oyavigoton! A plato on one side. Mountains down the other.

A lair of not one. One but two dragons, one of whom has a dead wizard on her back as they search for Macath the Crimson. Was she killed by Arethaator? Is she still alive? It's only been three years. Find out on the next episode of Dragon Friends! Woo! The cast of Dragon Friends for this episode is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Demi Lardner and Tom Cardi.

A dungeon master is Michael Hing with MPC voices by Eden Lacey and post-accompaniment by Nick Harriet. Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon who get early access to ad-free episodes, uncut videos of recording sessions, and an exclusive backlog of content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Gather good people, I'll tell you a tale of heroes and cowards dressed in chain mail of kings and children, beggars and lords and lords and dragon fire that burnt them all.

Be insane, but look to the... ashes of phoenix's burst with six wondrous hands the heroes of york you you can pray but your gods won't save you the worms fire will not spare you doom and destruction death and rebirth so you can return all the heroes of yours their jaws are all tiseled ramo fish they're kill a fish and they take his scale he was read the dictionary oh yeah that's true well i went to see the lion king musical recently and that's for kids and that was pretty harrowing You guys went to the Lion King. We all went to the Mike.

None of us knew that the other ones were going to be at the Lion. And me, the only one who's never seen the Lion King and loves puppets more than anyone else, didn't get to go. You should go. You had a great time. Yes, I know. The puppetress is the best part. Julie Tamor designed the whole thing. You should take your kids and teach them about death.

Too much? My kid was strangely unaffected by the death. He was like, no, right. Mommy's here. We didn't take our child. I just went with my wife. life and she cried a lot. So, you know, pussy.

She normally only cries an avatar. It's true, it's true. Okay, so you...