Dragon Friends - DF2 #3.10. Chilling Insight with Dave Harmon

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

The taste of success, however small, is intoxicating for a group of heroes so starved of wins. Dinner Munchabout stands proud as the champion on the ice, but will his newfound victory cause a re-evaluation of the fragile threads of teamwork that bind the Heroes of Yearth together? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone's got their mics ready. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Sound daddy. You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you. Doom and destruction, death and rebirth. So who can return with the heroes of yours?

Their jaws are all tizzled. Their asses are fat. Munch about needed a win. One of the most divorced men to ever live downtrodden by his peers, rejected by so many. But as the inhabitants of Oyavigotong hoisted him His puny body up on their shoulders He began to smile Maybe everything was finally coming up to him

If you remember last episode, did a munch about Faced off with the village of Oyavigoton's champion, Orcahart, in a fight to the death And without any help from his friends, wink! He was able to slay the fearsome foe. Woo! Slai! I'm not appealing to any young people

That's the literal use of that word. I'm not trying to be cool. Say Mama. Go dinner, Mama. Boots. Boots the house down. Et cetera. County. I'm 40 years old.

Hang on, wait, wait. Now you do some, Simon. You do all the radical. Our heroes are now free to continue on with their quest to track down McCath, the crimson, who may be able to tell them something by the terrifying draghorn, who's chilling called. rang out across the land. What does it do? Where did it come from? Et cetera, et cetera. Now, as you may have noticed... Before you just drift past all of the sort of plot there. As somebody who has not been playing this and did, never played dinner much about.

Hang on, let me just explain. Demi is unfortunately... This is before you, Dave. Yes, you have not introduced me. No one knows who you are yet. People have forgotten who you are. I need to reintroduce you. Unfortunately, Demi's a bit under the weather. So in her stead, we've got a sub. So we'd like to welcome back. Two dragon friends. Our old friend. Sub.

The sub-y-sub. The sub-yest sub-who-ever subs. Dungeon Daddy's. Dave, Dungeon Daddy, Harmon. Hello. Welcome to that, Dave. I've got to tell you, I haven't podcast for a few years. Since in that time, I've developed some pretty strong feelings about woke.

So, yeah, so Dave, you're going to be playing, with Demi's permission, you're going to be playing Dinner Munchabout. Yes, and is it fair to say that Dinnamunchabout in that fight with the champion, it described suffered some pretty severe brain trauma? Yeah, I think, yeah, Dinner Much ago. Didn't much about got, yeah, got kind of beaten around. I think the biggest trauma, though, was that Polly Waddle, you kind of betrayed dinner. Do you remember? Yes, so Polly Waddle was meant to be watching and cheering her friend on,

but she decided to go sneak around and look for some cool stuff instead. So nothing's changed. So she made, yeah, nothing's changed. She made a snow duck in her place, which fooled the champion dinner for quite a long time, but then eventually did not. And now dinner's quite cut up about it. All right. Yeah.

So, yeah, all you need to know, Dave, is that also you've got Dinner's character sheet there. Yeah, I'm looking at it. Yep. And it has, because I leave the character as an upgrading and, you know, leveling up, et cetera, to the various people. Has Demi done all that stuff correctly in your guys? Okay, is the only items that dinner has two potions of flicidity and a foldable boat? That sounds about right. Is that boat still in play?

I think the boat became a toilet. Yeah, we ran that into the rock. But you know what you found last episode, Al? Polly Waddle got some new armour. Sure did. I got some dragon scale. Male. Wait, is it duck-sized?

I mean, it's magical. So surely it can be used. Yeah. Yeah. I'm humanoid. All magical armor at D&D, I think, automatically resizes to fit. Does it? Yeah, so little kids don't get upset, I think.

45-year-old divorced men. Just not as it's just something really upsetting, which is I said 45-year-old, and I realized that that was probably because I'm over 40. Yeah. I've picked it up. Sorry, Simon. All right, so we all know where we're at.

Yeah, I've got a question for Dave. Oh, no. Well, you mentioned the Drakhorn, and I think perhaps Dave might have not known about that or possibly forgotten. Yeah, did you yudder? out of the dracon? Yeah, can you give us a little bit more?

All you need to remember is that after you crashed the castle out of the sky, you went back to, you went back to the council. There went gravity. You went back to the council of Waterdeep. And then while you were there, there was a chilling call that was heard out throughout the land and everyone began to be freak out about it. It was like a big brown note and the birds were like, and canonically everyone needed, felt like they needed to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone needed to drop dukey. And then. I'm just trying to work out. There really was a brown note? No, there wasn't. Eden's being funny. I heard there was the secret god.

Do you think Jeff Buckley was thinking about the brown nuts? Yes. Trying to do the rhyme for the next line, but I could only transform turd into Tord. Okay, so then the Council of Waterdeep have sent you on a mission to go find the scholar who would know the most about the dragon to be able to tell you more about it,

which is MacArthur Crimson. You've tracked her down to the... The icy waters surrounding the fortress slash village of Oyavigaton. You have defeated a champion in there. And Pollywalled, you have found a map when you were sneaking through all the various documents. You have found a map that suggests that within the main hall of the village, there is a secret pathway to the Dragon's Den, which is where you think you may find the cat. The chieftain calls over to your group.

Congratulations, dinner. Now I've got a question for you have bested our champion. And we will give you food and lodging and shelter for tonight, where you may have what your people call a long rest. And all of the villages go, oh. But tell me dinner munch about, who do you seek here at Oyvigatot? Sidebar, can we hardle please? What the fuck?

Dinner's never called a sidebar before. Whoa, victory's really changed dinner. I think it's really important that no one let me sleep for the next few hours, okay? I think I hit my head pretty bad. Where are we? And why is it so cold?

Classic dinner wit And I got to slap him on the back but I kind of accidentally miss and slap him on the back of the head. All right, roll a D20. All right. Oh, me? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's an unarmed. That's a strike. That's a six. and I'm not very good. Okay, so your hand glides off the back of dinner's head, and he feels it is a... Whoops, slippery with blood, my friend.

Yeah, it's all right, right. I'm just going to have a little nap. We will tend to your wounds in the infirmary you didn't much about, but you must tell me, who do you seek? Were you paying attention during Hing's intro? Yes, I was. I was. Yes, we have to... Yeah, yes, yes.

It actually is just kind of like playing with Demi. All right. McCarthy Crimson, motherfucker. Ever heard of him? Yes. Yes. And the shaman pipes up and says, Um,

never heard of her. You never heard of McCarthy Crimson. Nope. That's what the Druid said at the top of the bloody mountain. That's what the Council of Waterdeep said when we smashed that castle. Well, look. Well, look, look, you guys are welcome to rest. And then you should leave.

All right. They should leave. Yeah, you need to leave here. about with a concussion immediately falls asleep on the floor. And nobody, I assume, helps. I think Charianne will, like, with his foot, nudge him into the recovery position. Also that dinner doesn't choke on his own vomit.

Or blood, I guess. Does that mean you also, like, do the mouth scoop out, the tongue, make sure it's not there, but just with your foot and the same, like, sort of... Yeah, with my boot. With my foot. With my stoch. All right. You guys are all taken to the infirmary to tent your wounds.

All of us. I haven't lost any hit points. It was all. I'll take some because even though I ostensibly haven't been in a battle, I'm sweating like crazy with absolute, I've just gone through like essentially doing the heaviest squat in the entire world. Oh, sure. Exhaughtion.

Because you were doing several, you were doing lots of powerful spells. I think I made like a giant orca like exist there in someone's brain for like a good. Yeah. So your nose is just bleeding. Yeah, yeah. I'm like that seven from that, that hit show, Breaking Bad. Or whatever the fuck is.

Okay. So you're all taken to the infirmary. You can take a long rest. Oh, hey. Yeah. Am I okay for the concussion to memorize my spellbook? Yes. You're okay.

Well, I'm not happy with your spells there, Dave. Also, dinner doesn't have, hasn't picked fourth level spells yet. Well, well, instead of that, I think dinner had a gun. Yeah. I mean, dinner does seem to pull anything she wants out of the bag that she's currently carrying. So that's a spell in a way. You can have, yes, you can pick your spells. What spells do you want to pick?

Do you know what you want? Yeah, banishment and fireball. Okay. Interesting. I feel like a... I'll take Dimension Door and Fireball. Oh, love a dimension door. I have a dimension door with my, um, uh, quake of the mountain back.

That can only, it's only good for one person. We've got two bampers in the party already, but up to you. I can bam. I think Fireball will be really useful if you want to take that, Dave. I think our play style is going to change. Yeah. Let's do this. Um, bone carver, the shaman, um, comes in and because you have, you have,

have won because you bested our champion I must grudgingly show you hospitality and and any and she brings in a plate of rotting fish

and says we like it a little you know is this like what's the what's that Swedish fish that exactly it's like that one it's real funky lute fish no

yes so this is this island this island is like an Iceberg, basically. We're in a sort of an Arctic scenario. Yum, yum, yum. It's an iceberg and you're in a village on top of the iceberg. Okay, so you're being offered some fish that I think, what did you describe as rancid? Yes.

Rodding? Oh, yeah, rancid or rotting fish. Pemented, right? Pemented. Yeah, well, that's the same as rotting. It would be rude of you to refuse our hospitality. Any drinks to go with that? You got a Pepsi Max?

We only, no, only fish juice. You guys really should diversify your diet. I feel like this would be, I could do this with a nice cold beer, I think. What, okay, how are we going to grow hops? We're in the Arctic. Well, look with that added to you. We grow no crops. We drink the fruits of the sea.

Fish. Seaweed. Claim, seaweed. Yeah. Oh, we have a refreshing clam-based beverage. It's called Clamato juice. Also enjoy it in Canada. Disgusting?

Does anyone have a cooking skill? Oh, interesting. Or is that doing have any proficiency at, you know, food? Has anyone got culinary instincts? Absolutely not. No. Okay, well, one of you...

I can play the bird pipes. There you go. There you go. I can suck it up through a bird pipe. I'm going to get... Tom, can you give me a wisdom check please? Very wise, very wise young men. Or intelligence.

Wisdom or intelligence. Wow, well, they're both minus one. So, natural one. So minus one. Zero. So that's a zero. It's getting out where they don't,

you're really keen for this fish. Oh my God, this stuff is looking yumbo chumbo delicious. Can I have some of that delicious clam juice as well, Mr. Bone cruncher? You sure can. Bone so. Give you five minutes of play time with this fish.

Anyone? Reds sandwich? Spider-Man. Yeah. Does anyone else have any feelings about the running fish? I feel like as a duck, I would be more of a fish connoisseur. Okay, okay. And so I'd be like, God, I just, I like it fresh.

Okay. Can I go? You can do an intelligence check or a wisdom check? Yeah. Yes. Uh, 12. Hmm. Uh, nope.

You also think, yeah, look, it's not perfect. But when in Rome, gobble, gobble, gubble. I think dinner is, like I said, is a selection. objective amnesia. Yes. So if they're friends, and they assume that the people they travel with are their friends are eating, maybe this is what we always eat. So gobble, gobble.

Okay. And Charion, are you gobbling? I rolled a 22. Too cool to gobble. But I think he's going to phrase it as, I don't really like seafood. I feel like that is so him as well. Like, you know, he's a little prince. Yeah.

Ew. Baby cucumber rolls at sushi. Do you have any chicken katsu rules? Okay, guys, look, Terriaki chicken at a pitch. It really feels like we're all making fun of Dave here. Now, everyone who ate the fish, please do a Constitution saving throw. Because it tastes so good.

You're telling me there's something wrong with this rotten fish? You've got to beat 15. 15? Yep. 20. Oh, okay. Three. Oh, no.

Seven. Okay, so if you... Violent Diarrie. Oh, bra-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pah! Dave, you take two... Dave, can we clip that so I can use it as my ringtone? So... That evokes for me, like, small little bullets firing out, though.

Which is, like, the opposite of diary. I think it's got to be a wetter sound. No, there's separate rounds. That was a layer. Oh, wow. Okay. So, Pollywad. you and your Goliath friend

both get violent diarrhea Oh, straight away And you take 3D8 damage 3D8 Yeah Whereas Is this pre short rest or post short rest? This is post

No, this got to be pre post Yeah, sorry, pretty short rest Can I have a small So then we're gonna regain our hip You're gonna take two D8 worth of damage I take more No, no that's one less

They took 3D8 You took 2D8 So I still take damage Yes You have you have I would say placid diarrhea. All right, but I'm loving it critically because I won my... The rage in placid diarrhea.

Okay, so how much damage you take tomorrow? Where are you going to... Guys, where are you going to do your... In my pants. You're just going to do it in your pants? I mean, we've just had... Do I have time if I have diarrhea? Yeah, I think you're feeling...

You're feeling some rumbling. Okay, I say, oh boy, this fish certainly is making me want to shit myself, and I look at bone sore and I say, man, where is the closest port of potty? Are you still ambigand? Huh? Are you still ambigand, or are you, like, in your regular small size? I'm just a regular small size.

I'm just a regular small-sized guy. No, but you were in big and before. It was big, yeah. I think I've gotten small since walking, yeah. I go, where's the toot hole? You, well, look, do it outside and beat the penguin. I shit myself right there. I can't deal with this.

Well, what? You made me have diarrhea, so fuck yourselves. Don't look me in the eye while you're doing it. Go behind a... Oh, no! ...crate a thump thing. I can put my hand up. Yes.

Did it much about it. Chieftain is there. This is fantastic. Can I have a small to-go bag, please. You certainly may I see no reason Not to give you Here take this Chinese food container

Full of rotting fish And does it keep Because I'm probably going to eat it I'm in about say three episodes time When I've forgotten what it is This is real frizo-coded Storing garbage A spell

Holy shit Dave's left-handed I have known you For longer than I have not known you What is it? Dave Close your eyes What colour eyes does Dave have

So, Eden's fancy. Oh, wait. He's a coloured line. No, I'm the bad friend. Yeah, exactly. Who doesn't know about their friends? Wow, Dina. What are you labelling that rotten fish bag with?

I just wrote, Takeaway Container of Delicious Fish. Excellent. Um. Okay, so. Polly goes, Oh, excuse me, fellas.

And then takes off her bonnet. It puts on her bonnet. It puts on her. butt and then shuffles backwards out of the room. I've just remembered a phone call. I've got to blah. Okay, so you've got a soiled bonnet now if you want to add that to your criminalist.

I don't want to. Or you can leave it. You can leave it behind, but you're losing your bonnet. What's the armour class of the soiled? You might have to get another clad. I think I'm bonnetless. Bonnetless. Okay, you're going to be so hard to see this.

Yeah, she's going to go. I think she's going to bury. Because you've soiled yourselves. while you're well I assume you want to clean yourself up yeah thanks for that should I tell them something yeah go and while you're

because you're in this hot right and while you're shuffling around I guess cleaning out your dungarees your dungeries with snow not you not me not me rolling deep feel warm

um it's called a wettie warmer yeah Oh, yuck. I'm as a newborn babe. I've got amnesia. Maybe this is just what we do. Focus, focus.

No, right, I'm sorry. Yeah. Will you give me a little perception check? You too, Pollywattle. I'll perceive. Just those people are, Florida. Just those who chat? Bad.

Oh, I'm rolling poorly today. Five. Seven. Well, even with that. Oh, sick. You notice, I don't know why I made you roll that. I was going to tell you this anyway. Um.

You notice. a stiff breeze blowing from the floor of the tent. Chili in here, isn't that? What the heck? Is there like a carpet? Yeah, yeah, there's a carpet. It's like a little

pile of fur. I'm going to scoge that carpet. You're going to scooch that and use... And the wind pipes up underneath the pile of furs is... That was the wind. Not a fun play thing. A tunnel descending.

Oh, this reminds me of my map. What? Sorry, hang on. What do you mean? What do you mean? Oh, I'm sorry. That was just a look. I got a map. Sorry, I didn't tell you about it. It's, you know, there was the winning and the pooping and the fish. And yeah, big map. So I reckon that'll take us to where we need to go.

I reckon let's jump in this tunnel and figure it out. They are being dodged as not talking about McCaff. And let's be honest. We know she's here. Yeah. She's here. It stinks of her. It stinks of her and diarrhea.

Have we looked at the map? So the map was just a map of the village. And on this building, it was marked a dragon's head. And it was clearly marked that there was a passage to a dragon play. Wait, the fools, they put us right above where the map is. It's almost like they want us to continue the story. Did you take the map? Or did you just remember the map?

Again, the map is irrelevant now. You're at the place you need to be, and there is a tunnel beneath you. You know, sometimes with maps, there's secret westages on them. Does anyone have any lemons? Would you like to take a long rest? Yeah, they did. They woke up. Have you woken up?

We've even cleaned ourselves up. Great. Well done, everyone. Good job, everyone. And I jumped down the hole. Wait, wait, before we jump down, is there anything I can put it underneath the bed? Oh, God, it's just me. I go, Sharon.

I'm here. Please, for the love of God. Let's put something in the bed so if they come, they'll think that we're still sleeping and having a big sleep. That's my... And I'm going to rig... Some dungarees full of poo. It'll smell like us as well. He'll use my bonnet.

I'm going to put the bonnet hanging outside with a tetherate to the outside of the thing, and I'm going to put a string inside under the clap of the tent. So when the wind catches it, it moves the body back and forth, Beres Spuilar-style. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, before... And I'm going to put a tape deck full of recorded phrases, all of my catchphrases. I'm going to slap you silly.

Okay, before you descend into the hole, I will allow you, there is a variety of ice-related and snow-related equipment in the room. You can each pick one thing from your imagination that would be there. Ice-related equipment. Ice-related equipment. Arctic gun. Snowmobile. No, no, no, that's no. It's got to be in the world. And it's got to be...

Are you talking about like crampons and such? Yeah, you could get some crampons. You could get a jacket. Everyone gets to pick one thing. You could get skis. There's no snowmobile, but there... Is there hunting stuff in there? Yeah, there's like...

Yeah, you could get another harpoon if you wanted. I've got my harpoon back because you've been with the fight, but I'm wondering if there's a bow and arrow, because I lost my bow in the ship. Yes, there's a very basic bow and arrow. Okay, I'm going to get a bow and arrow. Dave, there's no snowmobile, but there is a toboggan. I don't want to carry a toboggan.

Oh, you could luge down the hole. You can skeleton down. I don't want to carry it. Is there any like sort of very white like camouflagey looking? Yes, there is a snowsuit that you can have that it will camouflage shoes. Sneaky snow suit? I'll take some snow shoes. No shoes?

Well, you've already got snow shoes. Oh, okay. They must have hot chocolate. You could. If you'd like crampons, you can have crampon? It's not hot chocolate. Crampons are the spikes you, I know, was ice wall? Yes.

On your feet. Oh, okay, yeah, I'll get crampons. Okay, crampons. Alex, you can have something that someone else had, or you can a new thing? I'd like a new hat. Because I lost my bonnet. Yeah, it's a furrary bonnet with like the, um, the flaps from my ears.

Yep. So you, I'll give you a hat that will keep you warm in the conditions we're going into. So, um, I think. But only your head. No, but you lose 80% of your body heat through your head, I heard. Well, thanks goodness. She's got down. She's got that good down.

That's true. Does birds just fluff up so good? Isn't that crazy? All right. You are now entering the ice cap. Babe beneath Oya Vigotorn. Dun, dun,

they are entirely made of ice. Unless you chose crampons. Sucked in. This is all difficult. Enjoy your fucking hat, Alex. This didn't feel like me without my hat. Difficult terrain. So any combat that happens now is on difficult terrain,

which means you can only move half the movement you would previously move unless you're moving magically. Can I use my harpoon as like a stick to like keep myself up right? Oh, God. occasionally allow you to do that. But if you're using it for other stuff, you can't use it for this as well. Sure.

Hypothetically, does that affect me if I'm a humanoid duck that can fly? I guess you could fly through the cavity. Okay, so I guess it's just me then. And it affects. Good one. But you got your stick. You got your stick.

Let's hold hands. Yay. Which I imagine just reduces your... I don't know if you've gone ice skating with a child before, but... Okay. So hidden beneath the... planks at the back corner of the infirmary slash hall, there is an entrance to the ice case, which is a large shoot, a hundred feet down in a tight spiral.

It is regularly used, this is regularly used to bring supplies to the dragon and his minions. So you can climb back up, but it is very, very difficult. It's really just a one-way shoot to slam things down. I guess if you had crampons, you could climb back up. But what I'm telling you is, we're very difficult for you to get on out. Unless you can fly and you're a duck. So there's like a slippery dip down to the dragon. Or you're on a magic item.

We don't want to go to the dragon. No, it's going to get into the ice cave. Into the ice cave. Which is, you know. Just to be clear, there are ice caves you're going into when Maccath is. It is very likely discarded by a dragon. We're on our way. You assume Macass is there.

No, no, no. It sounds like the dungeon master just told us that. No. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to incentivize them to continue on with the story. Oh, true, true, true. Well, two of them went down already. Yep, all right. Who still has to go down?

Anyone else? Yeah, we go. All slide down. All slide down. Wee. You land in a room that is roughly square in shape. It is a large cavern, like 30-foot ceilings. There are empty crates that have been smashed as they've come down.

There are like footprints, like small-ish, small than a human's footprints. They look humanoid, though, around there. There's also some giant, I guess, like what you'd think of as amphibian or reptile prints as well, quite large. They're like three. I would say they're like two feet. Yeah, they're giant, very, very big. Very, very big thing. There is an exit to the north and an exit to the south of this room.

North and south. North and south. Will you go north or will you go south? Which way are the footprints leading, please? every direction. So there's been a lot of traffic. Yeah. So I'm going to, does anyone want to appoint themselves leader this party?

Jinks. Did it much about? Would you like to go? Yeah, no, I appreciate that. Dinner Much about recently won the tournament, so I'll let her make the decisions. We'll take turns. Sorry, I'll let him make decisions. Didn't a bunch about, would you like to go north or south?

Can I first of all just check all of the, you said there were crates and see what was in them? They're broken crates. So they had food and supplies. There's, you know, some bad knives that you could do like some blunt knives. Bad knife. Yeah. Ooh. Who are some crampons from bad knives?

Or are the crates held together with nails? Yes, okay. Okay. I will allow people without crampons. So that's Polly, Ernie and Valeria. Charrian Valerian. You can. How can we just make them fall over one time?

Yeah, go on. Okay. First of all. Okay, we see the nails. We go, ooh, and then we run over to it. Open it, open it, open it. So you all need to make a dexterity check and beat 10 to get over the grandparents. I hope they fall.

Dexterity. I get 13. Saving? No, just to record you're the dexterity. I got 13 as well. 19. Damn it. I never get anything good.

Wait, 15. Okay, great. So you all run over to the crates where you find some nails and old knives. It's almost like we didn't need it because. And now... I'm taking a couple of bad knives. You need to make a successful DC-10 intelligence check. This is for crafting.

I look at dinner. Not dinner. I look at Polly and I say, hey, you can do it singing the classic song from the producers. We can do it actually. So do I get in on the dust? I think you get a... You get a D-8.

You get a D-8. But remember if that's not enough, then don't use it. You only get one chance to do this. So what do we have to write? D-10, intelligence. No, not me. We have to beat D-C-10. I got it.

I got it. I think the problem here would be if you fail the intelligence test, you strap something onto your feet, which is not effectively a cramp on. Or you put the nail going into your feet. I do that. I think that that's to keep the wood attached to my foot. Okay, you take one D-4 damage. Excellent.

Simon, what did you roll? I risk seven plus my intelligence is zero, so. So, okay. So, crasty in real life, and yet he cannot make an imaginary crampon. Nice crampons, team. Look at all of us. So what did I do? No slipping in the next combat.

Only Polly Wardle has crampons, but she can also fly. Oh, sorry, I didn't much about it. They could help each other. Okay, so do you want to go north or south? South. South. Okay, so now you're in room three. So we're going down.

Yeah, I'm actually that's. That's a good point. I want to go whichever way the breeze is coming from. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. The breeze would be coming from the south. Classic Gandalf.

From the south. Okay. So you head into the room to the south. It is a extremely large room. This is a larder. So there is food and supplies here, mostly dried fish. Would you say it's a full one or would you say it's a demi larder? Hey, oh.

Importantly, the passage from one... The passage from one... The passage from one from this... room into the next slope down. Yes. So in this ladder, just fish? Why do you got to preserve fish? There's fish in the water.

Frozen fish. And dried fish. Whale, seal, walrus, giant squid and furs that looks like cobalts have used to, they're cobald size. And they fashion these furs into protective clothing. So there's large creatures down here and this cobalt. Yes.

And also, gang, I'm thinking if this breeze is coming, Cold breeze is coming from down this isn't to an exit this is presumably going to the dragon so if we follow this breeze wouldn't the dragon's breath be quite hot no no there's five different types of chromatic dragons and I would presume

that this one is an ice dragon said dinner the intelligent dragon expert yeah yeah since I hit my head I'm remembering all sorts of stuff from like Wizard University Do you guys know I know a lot of spells So there are

there are also calls of rope you can get in here, which I'll let you take. I would like a coil of rope, and I would like one of those cute little shrug. A little, a little, a little, uh, a fur shrug. Okay, you can have a fur shrug. Yeah, I'll go up one of those as well. And there are, I'll also give you all, each one

Pully. Didn't ask the one, but thanks. Yeah, thanks. I know, this will be good. So you can rig some machines at some point if you like. Oh, there's also, um, a single steel gauntlet. Ooh, yeah.

I'm just going to, um, yeah. I'm just going to put that on. The single steel gauntlet? Yeah. Is that my hand? Yeah. I've got a question. Yes.

Is there anything labeled like dragon treats or, you know, schmackos for dragon? No, but there's a lot. There's a bunch of like fish and stuff. I think I might take some dried fish that'll be nice and light. I'd like to pack that away. Have you met a dragon yet in this? Yes. Yeah, yeah, a couple of times.

Have we? I mean, we've seen one. They've fought a bit. Didn't we fight the one up the hill from that, from Green Nest? I think there was a fire? No, they were wyvens, I think. Oh, well, and they were little dragons and we still got out. The giant blue dragon that you've met, but I don't think you've, yeah.

But it sounds like, yeah, you just give them like a bit of fish and they'll be fine. Okay, so now you can continue to head south in the cabins. And you're leading the way, Dave? Yeah, I'm going to cast invisibility on myself first. Ooh. But wearing one of those furs on top? I'm going to straight up invisible manor. Guys, do you want me to disguise myself as bone sore?

And I can, I'm a really good actor. I can do some wonderful voice work. Oh, you want to pretend to be bone carver as you come. Yeah, okay. Okay, so I'm just going to disguise self as bone carver, and I'm also using my mimicry feet because I'm a very good actor. I don't know if I've shared with anyone here. And so I'm very good.

You just keep handing out your head shot. Yeah. I'm looking for work. I've written a pilot. And I do a really good impersonation, which sounds just like, it's just kind of normal. Yeah, I'm just like, how. Who do you do a good impersonation?

Bone cover. Oh, yeah. Can you do it as much a man, Ranti Savage? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So this room that you come into feels much colder than anywhere else you've been. Oh, it's down again, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're on a slippery slope. Oh, yeah, actually. So, I'll just, the cold issues from a yawning pit in the floor that twists down into darkness. And above which a heavy iron hook is anchored in the ice. of the ceiling. A five-foot-wide walkway extends around both sides of the pit, connecting the entrance to the exit across the room. Carved into the ice are the walls and images of white dragons in flight. So you can also see beyond this, there's another, so there's a pit that goes down,

and then south of this, there is another exit if you go past the pit. Is anyone else getting the feeling that he really wants us to do some Minecraft? I don't, I've never really played Minecraft, but I'm happy for you to do whatever you want. You can say. tell us. No, really, I tried to play it when Ben and Dave started a server, but I didn't think it was violent enough, so I gave it up. Now,

chilling insight. All right, well, we've got some pulleys and some ropes. We could belay somebody if we wanted down into the pit. Why would we want to go down in the pit? Just walk around. Did you say the breeze? The breeze is coming from the pit. Oh, God. But you could... That pit is yawning. Are you seriously want to go down there? I'm not going down.

I'm nice and invisible with functional crampons, but I was thinking that perhaps charion or someone that's not like someone we could I mean you could fight out what what was that look was that leave well yeah they piss us off I suppose but like this is scouting we're we're spulunking we could do a YouTube series so we could do one of those YouTube series you know where it's like I could get into some YouTube spolunkers who said that no there's some good stuff I haven't seen this this is I thought This is a very niche algorithm of direction. I'm...

I'm doing much about as an Erbex Explorer. Yeah, I think that's... Yeah, thank you. Our divorce friend did a much about is starting to sound like his old self-again. Ernie Sweetwater, can you do an intelligence check? Yeah, sure. Keep giving me intelligence minus one checks.

Or wisdom, whatever you want. No, they're both minus fucking one. Stupid ass. I love. Seven. Um, okay. I will... For seven, I'll...

A doy? You get the sense that there are many, many more rooms. Like, you can hear an echo of much larger cabins in this floor, where there may be things too fine. But you can also go into the yawning mouth. We can spalunk any time, but if we go down, it might be hard to come back up again. Well, I don't know they shouldn't think so because we can fly, we can cast magic spells.

You know, you're giving me a look. We'll explore the rest of the level. One thing, I know you're the leader for now. I know that you hit your head and now you're confident and suddenly have this incredible magic power about you but it's fine. It doesn't sound like I'm the leader because I don't want to get it but it's fine. Okay, you decide what we're not going. I'm not going to get

I don't want to get into this right now Ernie. All right. You obviously have this weird boner for exploring this entire level methodically bit by bit. This is incredible. So okay yeah you killed the you beat the champion. Yeah I did by myself. I would actually say I beat it with

negative help because the only person who was supposed to help me turned into a fucking snowman. Yeah. And when you were fun... We haven't talked about that, by the way, Polly Waddle. No, we haven't. And I think you did a great job, and I think you learned something about yourself. And sometimes a mother's absence is the best thing she can do.

Oh, my God. And I'm not your mother. You want to unpack that? You know, like you discovered an inner power. And look, you killed that fella. I didn't kill her because he fed us fish about an hour later. No, no, no. No, no.

Oh, my head. A little spurt of blood just comes out the top. And so I think, you know, you should be saying thank you, Polly Waddle, for letting me discover all the things I could do without your help. Yeah, and hypothetically, thank you to anyone else that was, I don't know, did you notice that the champion was like at some point it's kind of just like cowering and fear on the other side of the field while you fell over four times? Yeah, I did notice that. Yeah, but that was all you. You're wonderful. I fell over and I thought it a very compelling, intimidating way.

Yeah, very good. Hey, dinner, can we just explore the rest of this level? It seems like we're going to. Wonderful. Well, after you. After you. No, I insist after you. Thank you.

And I've been talking to an invisible force. I've been looking around and talking to like his left ear the entire time. I just say, I don't know where you are at dinner right now because you're invisible. But I had a distant mother too. And look how I turned out. So you make your way around the pit that you, in your brain, you remember where it is in case you want to come back to it. You know. It is a certain yawning that we're doing to.

Behind us. When you head further south from the pit room, you get to a narrow corridor. It's a T intersection. So you can either go left or right over here. Sorry, I should. You can either go east or west from here. Do we see anything differentiating them? East.

You hear noises coming from the west. You hear noises and clanking coming from the west. Listen very carefully. See if we can hear more. That's what I do. Perception check, please. Batskill, engage. 14.

14, okay. Yeah, you hear the clanging of steel coming from the west. You hear, you see some squabbling. You hear some, you know, just various noises. Coboldy swobling? Yeah, I guess you might know it's cobaldy squabbling. Is it in Draconic? I think it's, I can speak draconic.

Yeah, yeah. Are these Japanese-style cobalds or Western-style cobalds? More dragony style. Yeah. It seems like the furry ones would be good for the word. with it, but that's just me. Yeah. I'm going to sneak a little closer in visible style and see if I can understand it.

Oh, I speak to a chronic as well. You want to come with? Sure. Can you turn invisible? I can. I can, I'll do, I bend his arm behind his back and I walk him. And I go, no, no, no, it's okay. We're playing bone carver, remember?

Be scared. You two, duck. Oh, you're like your prisoners or whatever? Yeah, yeah, your prisoners. I'm taking you to see Macarth because you have some information to tell her. I want my lawyer. Shutty, you don't have to be held out. We'll just see if they catch us.

We'll do this. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. We're sneaking. The clanking immediately ceases. There's like a voice like, is someone out there? And then I yell back. No.

Okay, you make your way, we're going to do this room. You make your way around to a room. The squabbling gets louder, and you can make out 12 distinct Cobalt voices. Let's hear them all. Okay. What are their names? And I'd like to know something about the inner drive of that, each Cobalt. And their names, please.

I, my name is Darren. I'm a cobalt. I'm just, uh, fuck. Glad to be. So that's not a squad of Australia's best improvisers. Yeah, look, life on the mainland was tough. It turns out there are 12 cobalds who are filming like dating profile videos. Hi, my name's Janine.

I'm just looking for someone who's scaly and ready to love. My name's Bob. I'm a cobald. I'm also looking for love. My name's... Jin, my name. Are they a pollicle looking for love or are they individuals looking for love? No, they're all individuals and they're all distinct.

Oh, yeah. Clearly. Are you guys not able to tell the difference between? One of the voices sound pretty similar. Oh, okay. Two of them, one was looking for love and the other one was also looking for love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. The charions were laying this in whispers to the rest of the party.

There's 12 cobalts in this room. Yeah, and they're all talking about their trauma. Oh. They're like, yeah, I hadn't. just a father. In fact, he just wasn't even there. I hatched out of my... It was so distant, was he?

I hatched out of my egg. I assume I don't even know I didn't... I don't even know... The cobalds hatched from dragons? No, but I imagine they're egg. They're like egg based. They worship dragons, that was gods. Exactly, exactly.

You know, I'm just glad to be here near Arrawatah. tour. I know that it probably won't work out between us, but I feel like... Sounds like you want to fuck our araratum. Yeah, and you don't. Don't talk to me. I'm just an incorporeal voice. Yeah, well, I won't talk to you.

Guys, my improvising is, I'd say better than usual. So you guys, so who's at the actual Cobalt Cave right now? Are we like around the coin? I think you're listening around the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, didn't mind you, you're there because you're invisible. And Charon Valerian, you're there, you're just going around the corner.

Okay. I reckon, Ernie. So you see 12? Dave's whispering. Ernie, this is what I'm thinking. You go in and you see if you can trick them into letting us pass and give up anything. It might be useful. And I'll be here invisible and I'll be plan B.

And if you need help and if it doesn't go well, just say plan B. Or make the sound of a dying duck. Okay. And I'll do plan B. Wow, this is a really well-thought-out plan. Okay, good work, nice work. Are you putting your thumbs up right now? Two thumbs up.

Two thumbs up. Okay, okay. Okay, so, Ernie Sweetwater, you... Hang on, I'm just warming up my voice like I learned it. Magical woppa. Woppa. Woppa. Woppa.

Okay, I'm ready. The floor is yours, Eniswitwood. What would you like to do? I march in, I say, Discussing. Perverts. Doing your dating up again, I see. Oh, what?

You're one of the upsiders. We're just looking for love. Nothing perverted about it. It's very wholesome. And I spit on the ground. I look back up to them. That's hot. Janine looks at Robbie.

He's like, oh, you're Robbie, no. What's all this clanging and banging? I saw broken boxes on the other side. Yeah, well, we took the stuff out of them. What are you supposed to do with a box? Recycle them! You fools! And I slap one.

The green bin was full. The green bin was full, bone cover. Oh, then take the green bin out. Wait, you can't put a box in the green bin? Yellow's recycled. Kill this one! It's wood, though. You put wood in the green bin.

Yeah, but it won't decompose. Do you think because you can put, like, twigs and stuff in the green bin, you could also just put timber in the green bin? Like a broken down table? That's where I would put it. It's wood. Oh, Michael. I come very close and to one and I say,

if you caught me on any other day, I would feed you to the great white death, but I am feeling generous today. Okay, these are terrified cobalt and you're quite intimidating. Is it intimidating? Or is it a performance? I think it's, I think, yeah, you're right. Okay, so first of all, I guess the performance.

performance so that they believe your bone carvers. Let's do that. You've got to be 12 because there's 12. I have a plus 10, so I'm going to do. Oh. Yes. Okay, so they do fully believe your bone carver, the Sharma from above. Now, you need to do an intimidation test.

And I'll check. I'll give you advantage because they're so terrified. Okay. But there's a lot of them. So you've got to be 15. Okay. Yes. Intimidation.

is also wonderful. Yep, I got 26. Oh, we're so terrified. Oh, we're so terrified. They begin pissing everywhere. We mean that honestly. Yeah. We're really, we're not, there's no, we're not being sarcastic or anything.

I'm literally so terrified. We're so scared. Now I'm in there. Can I just see now that, actually, in what was all the clanging? What are they, what is this room? So there's a series of warrous tusks that they have been carving with steel, putting draconic imagery into them. Mm.

They turn them into drumsticks. It's sort of like a stomp. It's kind of like a stomp group. Yeah, they all painted blue. And you, with your key and I, you know that these are worth a lot of money. They would go for 200 gold pieces each. Are they big or they just little? They're like a foot long, I guess.

Okay. I wonder what they're being used for. I wonder what they're for. They're decorated. They've got a little stall outside. They're so much than a tourist. These are not up to stairs. Get against the walls.

Now, and I get them kind of aside. And I say these walrus tus are not good. Walrus tusk handlers. And I clap my hands. And I try and do the best, like, improv yes and, like, I go, Warrest Tusk Handlers, come through, pick up this filth. Hang on, what are you, what are you, are you wanting, are you wanting to this Polywater.

He's trying to imbue us with a character, but we don't know improv. And I, well, I think Polly would give it a red hot go. Yeah. I will go, oh, come in me, go. for now. Like, try, oh, oh, thank you for these walrists. She's not very good accents. I think Charyin puts one of the furs over his head and he's like,

yes, master. And I like, I stare as the cobalts, I like stare at them. I'm like, you guys are fucked up so bad. And like, I'm trying to scare them. So whatever's happening here does not require. Just don't tell Arroato, so. Hang on, I think we now need two more performance checks. No, we don't.

No, we don't. I've got a boyfriend. You've brought them in. I don't know. Yeah, but they're... I'm just adding all this extra stuff to my character. All right. Okay, so Polly Waddell, you've got your performance check and you've got to beat...

I guess they're kind of terrified. So you've got to beat 11 with your performance check. I do not. I got six. They begin to become suspicious. Charion very earlier. I roll the 21. Hey.

I have a rich backstory. The 12, um, cobalt. The optics of this aren't good, but the 12, um... The 12 cobalds immediately attack polywaddle. You have 12 cobalds rushing your polywaddle. What do you do? I say, the optics of this aren't good. Maybe fly up?

Yes, I am going to... A wild duck. A wild duck. I want to use my rod of security. Whoa. What does that do? I'm going to send them to a lovely place. Oh, so this is your...

This is the rod which I can use to transport. Oh, I've got to come too. Yes. I always forget that. Me and some other willing creatures to a paradise. They always have to be willing. In an extra planar space. Yes.

I was like, so I hold my rod and I go, ooh, it's Love Island for cobalds. And it's like a tropical paradise. And I was like, oh, there's a lot of beautiful and handsome cobalds here who just want to have a chat. get to know you better. Oh, I don't mind if I do. They've already, they, they, they already are suspicious of you. And they are attacking you.

It doesn't, I mean, I know what motivates them deced their heart. It is a nice, it doesn't take you a nice place. That is the one thing. That is their drive. Okay, okay, I'll get, this is it now. Looking for love. I'll give you a persuasion. There's a lot of them, but they are quite stupid. So if you can persuade them and beat 10, um, the fight won't happen. But otherwise, you're being, you're being rushed by 12. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, so.

Sorry that I was just doing a bit of a character there. I am actually a television producer. Okay. What? Deception slash persuasion. You just need to be 12. No, you need to be 13. The TV layer of me it's more difficult.

You've got to be 13. Oh, fuck. This dice keeps... Did you buy a stupid dice that only rolls three and put it in our stuff? No, I didn't. That's a three. Eo. It's actually you rolled a 19.

Fuck. Fuck! They attack you. You being attacked by 12. Now, cobalts are very weak. They're sniveling and weak and stupid. I use my thing. Do I get to do another thing against them?

No, they're going to attack you. Ouch. What's your armour class? Well, I don't currently have on my dragon scale mail. I know. You'll take a turn to put it on. So what's your... My armour class is 14.

Oh, okay. So most of them miss. They swipe at you and they miss. Two of them hit, though. They swabby you with their little knives They cut you a little bit You take four points of damage But most of the miss

Like the vast majority of the miss And they're just swinging their arms wildly at you Um Ernie Sweetwater You're in this room What do you want to do? I There's 12 of them

I just absolutely I do I use it Are they all kind of grouped together? Yes Okay I'm going to do a Thunderwave level one please

No Who's standing there You can take it go on do a thunderwave No you don't have to Tell us when to jump in the air So we don't So we avoid the thunderwave

Is it not? Are they how In a 15 foot cube And my friends It's standing with it Yeah they're sort of trying They're clambering all over Polywaddle

I've learned this Okay they're all over You know we could use the rod of security To have our friends duck away And then you and me could just blast The room For area of effects magic

There is a room There is a love island paradise awaiting anyone who wants to go Yeah Horny Cobolz Can't we go to a different paradise? Haven't I already made this one? I don't know how many different ones I can make.

No, you're just schoolies. On the Gold Coast one time. I made schoolies once before, this time. This is horny cobald paradise. Yeah, I've already made it. I'm not going to make it again. It's a whole world. Then it won't be a paradise for me.

Ernie Sweetwater, what are you doing? Um, I... I... I'm fucking... I don't know if I'm going to try and convince them. I'm still who I am. I was going to use vicious mockery and... You could try and convince them.

They were pretty taken with it. I go, don't touch her. She's a bad, bad improviser, but that's not her fault. She's my niece. Okay, this is, I'll like this. This is another persuasion. Can I back him up by going, it's true. His sister-in-laws are back.

Why would he, why would, oh, I see. Yes, that's why. You have to give these stupid children intern job somewhere, even carry a goddamn, wants to be a pop star, always on the TikTok, doing dancers. Always with that little... A nepo duck. Okay, yeah, you roll a persuasion, or an intimidation, whatever you want. Okay.

Or a performance, yeah. Okay. 23. Okay, they all cower in fear. Sorry, we just... We love duck. It's delicious. Yes.

Such crispy, succulent skin. We're trying to eat you. Not French duck. You know, the way the French do duct, the skin's never as crispy. Oh, stop talking to me. What's that crispy skin, duck. Stop talking. Sorry, sorry, I forgot to use your niece.

That's weird. You may go through, you may go through and you may take this walrus to us. We're very sorry. We're very sorry. Don't tell Arroato, we've thought about, look, you want to be careful. I just, as a friend, I want to say to you. You're not my friend. Oh, I thought we were talking.

Isn't a friend just someone you haven't met? Listen to me. What's your... Which one were you runt? Gint. Gint. Sorry, their names were like Dennis, Robbie and Gint. Gint?

Yes, that's me, Gint. There's two things I want to tell you. One, you're pathetic. You're worse than anything. And number two, you're still worthy of love. And I point to one of the other co-bots, I say, I think he's into you. No, I'm not. No, no, no.

Shut up, everyone. Oh, one more thing as well. friggin, is MacArthur, where's, we have to, I had to, um, have a quick word with Macarth. Oh. How is she today? She's fine. She's around, she'll just be in her hall past the trophy room. Of course, yes.

The trophy room. I knew that. I knew that. Yeah, of course. I didn't even ask where she was, but good, good, good, good, good, good. So you can go through the, uh, the, the, the, the cobalt den into the next room. Mm-hmm. Now, this is the trophy room.

where trophies of the dragons many battles are displayed in this chamber. And I just say that there's an audible sigh beside you, Ernie, someone who's a little bit upset. Not seen, not... You're trying to get my attention with a real... The walls are sad, I guess.

I go, yeah. It's hard to be performative when you're invisible. It's like... What did... All you've got saying. It's nothing. It's just... What's up?

There are... I told you there was a plan B if you needed it. You were literally. Literally invisible. You improvised a plan C. You didn't even ask for my help. Did you want me to...

Okay, I had a quick idea to do... Just cast it. Look, did you want to... You wanted to kill things? I just... I could help. I can... I've realized since fighting the champion

that I have not been utilized peak combat effectiveness. Do you know what happened? I think we had a good second there. Why are you trying to ruin stuff right now? I feel like we were on. We were on. Can we just continue with that energy?

Do you think that next time, if you need my help, you could ask for my help? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

That's all I want. That's all I want. In this room. Good chat. There are a series of creatures and heads that have been nailed to the wall as trophies of the various battles that are a Bartokorahas. We're talking abominable yeties, a giant squid, creatures frozen in their deaths. A ramaheys. Ramora.

Ramora has that. Okay, a bur here. And yeah, five abominable yet They're all frozen into the walls. It's so evocative when you name monsters that you don't know and they don't know. Yeah. Let me look it up. Arimahaza is a, it's a giant ice worm type thing.

Yeah, there's lots of spooky monsters nailed frozen to the walls. So, like, they're the ones that has been killed by that dragon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, but I didn't even know the abominable snowmen were real. And look at them all. Well, they're not anymore. They're dead. If I was pressed, I would think that not only were they real, there would only be one of them.

Yeah. Well, there's many of them. A whole family. Five of them. A mother, a father. Oh, no. Three young, abominable children. Oh, that one's got a dummy in its mouth.

Oh, Bar Mitzher and Maggie. No, this room's a bit of a bummer, really? The dragon's bad. There is also a giant long ship, a complete ship with its sail raised that is just, all the trophies along the top of the wall. But just in the middle of the room, there's just a giant long ship that's there. And on the deck of the long ship is a treasure chest, glistening in the light, with many gold coins and emeralds spilling over out. It calls to you.

What does it say? Hi! I'm some beautiful treasure. I have value. I have inherent value. The mantra of the affirmations of the treasure chest. Glisten, glisten. Is there any passage beyond this room?

Yes, there's a passage beyond this as well. But there is a beautiful treasure chest. Do we spot... Does anyone want to address that obvious trap? Hello? I'd feel like, unfortunately, Polly... Would love a little bit of jewelry. She's working out her new look.

She already got her hat and her shrug, and she just thinks a little pair of emerald earrings would really make that fur pop. So I think she's going to fly over, and her little fingers are looking a big grab. The way you've like labeled this pit as well, it's a very Aladdin going to get the lamp and baboo is being held back by the carpet. Oh no, Polly's the airbo. Okay, so you need to be very specifically what you're doing.

Are you going and looking with your eyes? Are you going in touch it with your hands? I think she's touching it with her hands. Unless someone's stopped me. Polly, no! Well, why not? Because it's literally, it's been whispering to come together. When have you ever seen treasure that's done that before?

Maybe it's just some treasure that knows what it wants. Wow. It would be fond of it. Can I make a little arcana check? You can, but you've got to be quick. I've rolled a perception check in the meantime. 21. 21.

Okay. So, yes, the chest is magical in the origin. 17. 17. You notice that it is a lot of money. Like, it's, and you also notice there is a, there is, you look up and you see platform suspended above the treasure chest. But as you notice that,

Polywater flies onto the deck of the ship. And with her grabby little hands, Polywater, you now have, you were able to haul up 1,500 gold pieces. Oh, ho! The tiny hands. Yeah, yeah, it's a big sack. It's called a magic sack. You have 1,500 gold pieces.

It's good they left a magic sack right next to this treasure chest, isn't it? You have... Shavele, shovel, shovel! $1,500. Any emeralds, though, because I did want those emeralds. Yes, you have a necklace full of emeralds. It is bedeweled. It glistened.

It gives you, I'll say it's not magical, but if you are flirting with anyone, it's going to give you confidence, it'll give you advantage on any sort of flirting or attraction-based interactions you have. It's like one of those surfer necklaces that you could get like a... Like a pukeshell necklace. Yeah, exactly. Why do you think that's one shark tooth? Why do you think that's attractive, Dave? Oh, it's a thing makes it look real cool.

Does it? That's what you think. And as you disturb the chest from. the roof, a giant platform begins to lower down and on it you see two formidable ice trolls who have been guarding the chest waiting for someone to eat and or fight. Yes, that's right. This is a proper fight we're going to do in the next episode of Dragon Friends! The cast of Dragon Friends for this episode is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Tom Cardi and special guest Dave Harmon.

Our dungeon master is Michael Hing with NBC voices by Eden Lacey and post accompaniment by Nick Harriet. Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon who get early access to ad-free episodes, uncut videos of recording sessions, and an exclusive backlog of content for just $5 a month.

Until next time. Gather good people, I'll tell you a tale of heroes and cowards dressed in chain mail of kings and children beggars and lords and dragon fire that burned them all hear the roar draconic choir foretold this fear has a name the terrible drake will drive men insane but look to the ashes of phoenix's burst with six wondrous heads the heroes of yard you can pray but your gods won't save you the worm's fire will not spare you doom and destruction Death and rebirth The moon can we tell

But the heroes of you're Their jaws are all tizzled Their asses are fast They're shiny and gold In the playground Doesn't matter No, no, no, no Carry on

What's the segue from shit in hat To where the story this is I was at the playground On a climbing frame So up high I saw this little kid Do a shit No

In the bark like on the edge of the garden But on the bark at the playground Dropped Trow On the wood chips Did a poo And then his grandmother who was minding him, saw it, looked around, didn't think anyone was there, and shuffled bark over the poo with her foot.

Did you say anything? Clean up after your dog. You can't say anything. I was like, I would say something. To a grandmother? I'd be like, excuse me, madam, I believe you've left something behind. Oh, that would have been good, yeah. Are you just sitting on a jungle gym like Spider-Man, like looking for fucking villains?

I'm the hero that Paramapark needs. Critically, all of Alex's kids were with Ben. Like yeah I'll just press with that man Um okay