Dragon Friends - DF2 #3.15. Quack Some Skulls

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

The simplicity, yet enormity of the Heroes of Yearth's task is laid bare before them. Stop the Dragon Masks from slipping into the hands of the cult of the dragon. Having already failed their task once, they have to fight not only the creatures around them, but their own hesitance to go on as the machinations of the people of Yearth weight on them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Dragon Friends. It is Hing here and I have a very special announcement. We are so thrilled, genuinely so thrilled and excited that a thing we made is now out in the world. Have you ever played a game called Mafia or Werewolf or, you know, a game of bluff? The kind of game that requires you to lie to your best friend's faces and, how can I say this? Ruins Relationships. Our game is called Big Time Murder. It's a game show that we have made in collaboration with Grasshouse, which is Auntie Donner's streaming service and production company.

We're seeing the return of a bunch of our Dragon Friends' favourites. So it's, you know, I'm there with Alex and Demi and Simon and Eden. Tom's in it. But also Dave's back. Ben's in a couple of ebbs. We have some special guests as well. Greg Larson, who's one of the funniest people in the country. Lena Moon, who is also one of the funniest people who are going to.

Mark Bonano from Auntie Donna, again, one of the funniest people in the country, David Corrius. Very funny, but also one of the most insane people in the world. And we are all locked in a bunker. And Alex Lee is forcing us to play a game of bluff and counter bluff of big time murder. The first app is out and out on our Patreon. If you like us, if you like what we do, you will love this. A serious question. Yes.

How do grandmas get all their houses to smell like a grandma? We had this discussion the last time we were here. Did you? Everyone walked in and independently said. Which grandma? Yeah. You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you.

Doom and destruction, death and rebirth. They're going to return with the heroes of yours. Previously on Dragon Friends, our heroes went to lunch at a delicious baker around the corner from here, and we all ate giant sandwiches, so now feeling pretty sleepy. But adventure abounds our heroes killed Not just a dragon But also a chimera And then found themselves deep in a serpentine tomb

Where we just kind of let a guy die Yeah well you faced a yuani priest And could have recruited Varam That was an option for you to recruit Evil Dwarf Aram But instead There's no way for us to know that His adventure was just being like

I don't know what are you guys reckon Well Recruit You watched him I believe you all said things like, I've never seen a gut die. Clearly untrue. You know what? We said, I've never seen a sacrifice.

A sacrifice. That was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I'm glad we saw it. So much blood. Yeah, what about all that writhing? My God. I've never seen a human head do a bowling strike. Yeah. That didn't happen when I watched my grandma die.

No. Was she executed? Yeah, we slit her throat in the hospital. Oh. Rip. But having conquered the serpentine tomb, you find yourselves now back and water deep at the council chambers, which have been, frankly, destroyed by a dragon that was here two days ago fighting. Oh, we're back in water deep.

At the council, yeah, the council chambers. How we go about that? What I'm sorry? How we go by there? Yeah, I guess you took a boat, etc. Okay. You've travelled back. So, did you have a long rest?

Yeah, yeah, you can have a long rest. That's good. Oh, yeah. Did it got real messed up by that chimera. Yes. 17 hit points left. And you run into, while you're in the council chambers,

you find yourselves confronted by an old man who looks like he's from the snowy peaks of... Waterdeep, yes. He's dressed in levers. What would you call it? What would you call it? Not shiny levers? Dull levers? Dull leathers, I guess.

Swade. Swade. Yeah, he's dressed in suede. But like natural, not like colored. Don't go out in the rain and that. Yeah, exactly. All right, Jay Seinfeld. Don't go out of the rain in that.

What about cows? They're all swayed. He sucks. I'm a bee. That's not true. The suede's on the inside of the cow. Is that the difference between suede leather? Really?

Why? Why? Why? The man I'm describing. is Delan Winterhound, the chief ranger of the Emerald Enclave. Oh, shit. And a delegate to the Council of Waterdeep. Oh, what's up?

He is congratulating you on besting the two. And I wrote down what I wanted him to sound like. I'd love to know what this notes are. Will you tell us before or after? Oh yeah, let's take what you guess. Don't tell us. Do those. Do those.

Like, uh... Yeah, show us. Yeah, do it. Show us. Can we all get a guess? Okay. You found... You...

I wrote down Vincent Price. I'm trying to... I was gonna guess Nixon. Oh, yeah, Nixon's fun. I heard you did a great job in that... Yeah. I like that. But now you must go...

Is he underwater? This guy's had a rough life. He's drowning in jail. Yeah, sorry, did I not mention his heads in a fish bowl? Is it? He's got a fish's head. Yeah. And he needs the bowl over it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, human from the neck, from the, from the Adam's apple down, human. Yes. But above that, nothing but fish. Okay, great. You did a great job. You did not try. A sky of a headache.

Yeah. We don't have to... We'll add the... We'll add the... We did not find the dragon mask. No, it wasn't there. But we had a vision of where it is. What is it?

At the well of dragons. And do you know where that is? In the mountains? In the mountain? Yeah, right. Okay. Because we were sort of up in the mountains or before. But then we need a little dragon mask to Solomon.

Oh, yeah, right. No, there are some others that I'm missing from the election. Oh, shit. What's missing? So we've got to find the other. Like, all right, and keep it from them. Oh, okay. Well, where's the other way?

Well, we know where the white one is in the well of dragon. So that should be our first priority, right? Or did they already have? The well of the dragons is got it and called by the, The cult is all there. Yeah, so they've got the wild. They've got it. They've got it, yeah.

So we need to get it. We heard the cat through the body. We've had to decide your next mission. Okay. All right. No, that's fine. Unless we want to do marketing. No, we don't want to do marketing.

No, we don't think we want to work in marketing. I don't think we want to work in marketing. I've met like advertisers before and they have massive cuts. So no. I'm kind of a creative, so I think I could see myself in marketing. I am. Yeah, what kind of stuff? We can't understand you.

Do you need a jingle? He pops his head of it. the fishbowl. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What do you need advertise? I said unless you want to do your thing, not marketing. Oh, no, marketing, but he's creative. No, I said your thing. I'm saying your thing. No, but but he's creative and I write songs

so maybe we could work in marketing. What about the end of the front of the world? Well, does that need kind of be, do people care about that? You're the only heroes left in the world. If they don't care about it, maybe we could write a jingle about it. It would sort of spread by word of mouth. God, take it to prison.

Oh, man. 400 guns to the council. And he goes, no, actually, you have betrayed us by bringing that dragon here. Hey, what the heck? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You put that dragon here. You, you, I don't know where those children are. Release the kids.

They're fine. Okay, yes. How do I do that? So you just starve to. Oh, I hope you poked air holes in your little box. Huh. You could, I think you just activate it. The time runs out.

All, I'm using my action to end it all. Oh, to end it. Sorry, there's a car over there. You see a pinhole in the fabric of space and time slightly tear open and then the blood of children's pours through. No. All visitors reappear in the location they occupied when you activated the rod. Okay, so all the children from, I believe it was Mr. McGrath's year two class, whatever it was.

They all appear. They are, they are, they are bedraggled. They are betrayed. But they don't bring anything back with them and they return as they were before. Is Piggy okay? Really? I believe so. Yeah, the little boppet.

Anything that they... A flower picked from a garden in paradise disappears that it is taken outside the extra planar space. Yes. But I don't know if they... But if they've got a scar... Yeah, I imagine they're still scar. Yeah.

They're grimy and dirty. Oh no, the dirt would stay. Yeah. The dirt would stay. They're clean. Oh, no, they're as dirty as when they left. Sticky. Equally dirty.

Yeah. One of the boys is covered in honey. We didn't betray. No, we didn't. We didn't portray. By bringing a dragon hill? That's not really, Dragon goes where it wants to go. We don't do, we don't control the bra.

We were bringing back Greg McGraw. Who died? Actually, the council gave us the teleport scroll, so technically the council opened the board. Yeah. You'll take this up with your buddies in politics, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you've got to fill in a C-32 form.

What's that? Exactly. Maybe you need to talk to some middle manager. Okay, look, let me tell you what's going on. Okay. Ever since you crashed that castle. Remember when you crashed that castle like a couple of weeks ago? Yes, we remember when we crashed the castle.

I love remembering that. The cult of the dragon's efforts to gather Tiamat's tribute have been badly compromised. You know they're trying to get all this gold and stuff. Yes, so you're saying we did a good job. You did? I'm not. I'm saying you did a good job.

I don't know why I'm being so defensive. I feel like you just bring it out in me. You're confused. We're confused about your emotions, I think. You said good job. Then you said, hey. You betrayed us. What the hell?

I'm saying you've done some. I'm trying to give you a frank assessment of what you've done. Oh. Some good stuff, some bad stuff. What I'm trying to imply. Oh, so we're just like regular people who have good days and bad days. Yeah. Are you perfect?

Yes. Oh. Okay. Let's move on. All right. As a result of their badly compromised efforts to gather tribute, the cult have begun launching several raids. Against the elves of the misty forest.

There's a whole other fucking group of people we have to learn about now. I think you guys already know about the elves of the misty forest. Everyone knows about their elves. It's pretty much in the title. The elves and the misty forest. I mean, I'm not just paying attention to every, like, people, go on, don't worry about it. Why are you so mad at them for?

I'm bored. They are led by. Don't we just get along? This is, this is. I mean, this is. Yeah, that's the dream. This is Demi as a psychoanalyst. Someone comes in.

Another one. We get it, you work for some idiots. I'm bored. The raids against the El. No, you need to go back to it. I had to go back in to breathe some water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a fish, remember?

Just go in, take a breath, come back out. Don't talk through it, you know? They are being led by water. Worms we got Nerovay. Neronvane. Sorry, Neronvane. Are you just going to do another,

oh, the prince has in another castle if we go and do this? Sorry, not you. I'm talking to God, I suppose. Mr. Snuggles, are you going to let us get this guy this time or what? I've had it. Strike me down. Just kill me now.

End of my life. Neronvane. Neronvane. He has a mask. A dragon mask. A dragon mask. You need to. Stop. I think it's green. I'll check later, my notes.

But he's certainly with the green dragon, Chuth. Chuth. Chuth? Yeah, Chuth. Who I, whoever next did out here, talks like Tony Soprano, question mark? Ah. I feel like he had a, he had a part. Chuth had a past as like a subway tagger. You know, who's like, yeah, yeah, truth.

Chuth. But having fulfilled their quota for the cult, worms, speaker and dragon have retreated into the misty forest, leaving the elven enclaves ruined behind them. Dude. The survivors of those cult raids would have been astonished. Learned the green worm speaker is actually the son of King Melandrax. God.

Oh, God. Now I'm a dinner. This is stupid. Dude, you can't dump all this lore on us. We don't know any of these people. I'm sorry. So who's the enclave? Are they goodies or baddies?

Emerald enclave are goodies. That's me. That's my crew. Oh, you said emerald or elven? Emerald enclave is associated with the elves as well. We're all part of this. We all say Misty Forest. Now here's a task for your next paragraph, right?

Make me care. Yeah, we're now Hollywood executives and you're pitching this to us. All right, let's all sit down. There is an elf. Okay. Okay. I'm listening. Called Galen.

Okay. It's difficult to say. Maybe we call him Gavin. Gavin. Yeah, yeah, right. There is an elf named Gavin. You know what? Now you think.

Wait, wait, wait. I don't think Gavin's a name that a broad audience can get behind. Yeah. What about Keanu? Yeah, okay, great. Good. I love it. Okay.

Control F. Gallin. Control R. There's an elf called Keanu. There is an elf called Keanu. And you'd think. that is an elf. He would hate the worm speaker who's recently

been raiding his forest. I'm sensing a bot! But here we go! He has pledged his fealty and service to the worm speaker. In exchange? Okay, no, I don't think that's gonna sell. Aren't the wormspeakers the bad guys? Yes, so that's interesting. Why has he done that?

Why has he done that? I think we're exiting this age of anti-heroes. I think we want going back to real heroes. Kianu... That's you! Oh, I like that. That's good. Okay.

Okay. What I want you to do is go to Kiyanu. Yeah. Okay. Note on him. I think that he should know a ton of languages, but he kind of just uses his normal accent when he does them. So it's kind of like, I don't think he goes, he talks to an Indonesian guy,

and he goes, Sampai Jumper. Like that. Oh, yeah. Das Vedanya. Knows a lot of languages, but only one accent. Only one accent. He doesn't do the accent.

Many languages, one accent. Okay. That's interesting. Mm-hmm. That'll sell in other markets. And who's the Nepo baby? Is Keanu the Nepo baby? No, Neron Vane is the Nepo baby.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, Neron Vane, the worm speaker. Yes. Is the son of who? King Melandrax. And who's Keanu? Kianu is the warden of that forest, and Elvin Warden of the forest? Okay.

Look, I'm going to be honest. This is all out of the book, you guys. I've done my best to summarize this. I'm going to tell you, I've cut a lot of fat. Okay. All right. So, Keanu is charms with Neron Vane, even though you think they should not like each other

because he came and destroyed his forest. So why did he stop destroying the forest? No, I agree. It's a good old. And why has he pledged fealty to this guy? And what race are we talking here? Sorry, can I just say that? Species.

Species. He's an elf. And melanaract. in Niren Vane? I think they're people. Uh-huh. Well, we're all people. Yeah.

Humans. Okay. So they're human men. Yes, human men. Okay. And so, hold on. It's confusing. Oh, wait, no.

King Melendrak is an elf. An elf of the misty forest. Yes. He was king of the wood elves. And Keanu is a betrayer? Well, that's what you've got to go find out. All right. We'll go crack some skulls.

Okay, let's go talk to... You say quack some skull? It's when I go right up to someone's ear to a really loud quack. Scare him. Okay, Keanu. Head now to Alton to find Keanu. God.

Okay, so is there a train or something? You could take my blimp! Can I call it a hog air balloon? Is it a big pig? Please? Hog air balloon? Take the hog. Yeah, look, it was the one I could have.

afford, okay? It's great. It was what I, it was what I could afford. Made me hungry for beef. I'm a fish. Why would it? Why would my pig balloon make you hungry for bees? Was it because it's so cute and you were like, I better not eat pork anymore. A pig is just a small cow, isn't it? No, a pig is a girl. A pig is a girl, yeah. Delicious pig. Wait, do you see that because it's pink? Is that why you're saying that? Yep. You know, pig is such a versatile animal, bacon, pork. Veal All

So you You want to board the airship Yeah Yeah Yeah Cocktail hour Oink All right

It's captained by a Captain by a little goldboard What's up That's a golden thing Simmy Simmy Simmy Okay

Simmy It's just Simon and Demi You looked at Sammy You looked at Demi Simmy I say Simmy looks about cocktail hour

in the in the blimp bar in the blimp pig what's the name of the bar in the pig bar it's called the boar's ear yeah nice

what are we having martinis yes yeah okay it's not really my job though I'm the captain I'll I'll

I'll captain while you're making drinks why don't you just make the drinks oh I couldn't I'm all thumbs okay then I'll

Timmy twist Who's taking it dirty? Dinner? I am I as dirty as they come. He pours you four. Swampy. That's swampy. That's just a cup of olives.

You know when ducks when they have a bowl of peas? They go crazy. I'm doing that with olives. He pours you four glasses of orange juice and says, oh, we forgot to restock. Damn it. Okay. Virgin Bellini.

I call it a Tom Sawyer. Understand. No, just don't. That is what it is? No, it's just what I call it. Orange juice is of Tom Sawyer? Yeah. Okay.

Okay. What? He's a boy. It's virgin. Oh, he's a virgin. Right. Tricks me into one of painting a fence. You arrive!

In the town. We just sat down to have drinks. Okay, you can have your drinks. All right. I finished my orange juice. Why do we bother learning that goblin's name? All right. Okay, we arrive.

Never again. Never, ever again. Is there anything like I can steal from the blend? Yeah, we can do an investigation check. Okay. Is there a gift store? That's a 10 plus zero. I'll give you a canister of hydrogen.

Can I get to the gift shop? Yes. I'd like some merch. Great, yeah. And I rolled a 16. Great. You can have a inflatable hat that's the same shape as the blimp. Okay, I love it.

And it goes on your head. Wait, do you say hydrogen or helium? He said hydrogen. Hydrogen. The one that explodes. Yeah, the Hindenburg was in hydrogen. Yeah, true, true, yeah. Just double-checking.

Is mine filled with my hat filled with hydrogen? No, no, yours is just a blow up like a... Also, because of the weight of your body, are you, like hovering above the ground? Yeah. No, it's just... No, it's just got, it's inflatable. Yours has just got air in it. It's just an inflatable.

We have the canister. I'm wearing that for this episode. Okay. We're wearing a boar blimp hat. Ballimp pig hat. Just to be clear, the ball limp, none of that's in the book. Yeah, right, right, right. And I've got on sandals.

From... Just sandals. Okay. We were in what to do if you changed into sandals. Okay. Would anyone else like to make any pronouncements about their character for this episode before we move on? He's got the Tiva's on. Yeah.

What's a Tiva? Ask him It's a type of sandal It's good for going outdoors Yeah kind of an outdoor brand It's kind of a cute Wet dry Yeah you can walk through a river

Yeah you can walk through a river Atland is a wood elf village The yamie and Alton We get out of the blimp And in Hindenburgs Yeah The Hindenberg No

Goodbye Simmy It's tied up Cime is tying up Captain Simmy Captain Simmy Captain Simi Yeah and at Hindenburg Is tying it up to

A large wooden Tower Okay That sits above the rest of the village. Okay, we're at the elf village. It is a wood elf. The wood elf village is partly built into these massive tree bale. So it's like in amongst the trees, like a tree village.

You know, like Ewak style. Like upstairs. There are rope bridges. There are pulley platforms. Very cool. Extremely. Where wood elves, an elf says. Oh, wood elf.

I. And circular walkways that can be used as defensive outposts if they're ever attacked from the ground. I'd just burn them down. What are you, the American government in Vietnam? Yes. I'm attacking from the ground over the tree. You just start a fire. Polly just like puts the match and the lighters out of the house.

There's a big sign saying, please don't, like, no matches. Please don't burn out of the damage down. No smoking. But there has been quite a bit of damage done to this village because you can, see the evidence of a dragon attack. Oh. A lot of people have fled. There is half-burned laundering on a line.

Oh, think of the laundry. Yeah, you see half a pair of pants, half a t-shirt. Wait a minute. Does that half a pair of pants, or were they always shorts? Oh, you can see they were singed. Investigation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Singed.

And you see a child's wooden sword that's been mostly burned. away as well. Wait a minute. I'm sorry. And you were met by the Ranger in charge of this village Gala.

Kianu. Kianu. Kianu. Sorry, Kiano. Okay. Let me work out what my... Okay. Kiano walks up to you and goes,

welcome. Welcome here to Atland, with our village. What can I help you with here? Yeah, we've got some questions, don't we? For who? For you?

For me? Yeah. I haven't done anything wrong. You pledged your allegiance to Narenvain? What? No, I'm just a regular guy. How did this all happen then? Tie him up.

Let's tie him up. Yeah. I cast web. I cast webbed. Yeah, you got webbed. You're all webbed. You're webbed, mate. So you're going to webb him to what? In between two trees.

Two trees. I'm going to spider man. And you're webbed. Okay. And you're all wrapped up like Frodo. He's, okay, he is at your, he's at your mercy. I tickle him. I say you tell us the truth. Yep.

Why'd you do it, man? What's wrong with you? You see this person's laundry? The left half of their penis is going to be. You're very cold if they have to wear the pants like that. Is that what you wanted? Is that what you wanted? Or vagina. Have you ever had a half cold dick? Have you?

No, I haven't. No. You know, you wouldn't know. It's the worst thing that can happen to him. It's the worst possible thing. Skiddish and nervous. One of your nuts goes up and the other one stays out. Yep. Yep.

And it feels really weird. So unusual. Would you want that? I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. No, no, no. I don't. Lady got one cold flap. I didn't want that.

Look, look, let me. It's time to talk. I saw the dragon come through here and Elfro the dragon, don't you know? I thought you were, yeah, but what's your, what's your deal though? I'm asking about your allegiance, you're trying to change the subject. And I'm telling you, I saw him swallow a priest's hole. A swallow a priest's hole? I saw, I saw, so the priest had the back of his pants burnt off.

Jesus. The dragon went to town. Oh my god. Was it a green dragon? They called it, yeah, yeah, they called an analingist. Yeah, I heard that. I have. Yes, it was a green dragon and it was written by an elf, but with a dead complexion.

Dead. Oh, right, right, right, right. A dead looking elf. So what's going on there? But you know this? Is this Niren van? Oh, I couldn't tell you. I don't know.

Shut up, man. Just fucking tell it. All right. Let's get working on the penis. Yeah, here we go. Yeah, yeah, so I'm playing the penis. Yeah, only half of it. Yeah.

We undcheat half of the penis. Okay, get your rod of, um, a cold. Yeah, let's put some frost. Let's frost up half that dick. No, no. I'm pointing my very cold rink. Trink it! If you only shrink half of it, it might rend the whole thing asunder.

Yeah, that's true. Now, it's time to talk, big boy. I'm going to intimidate it. Can you, okay. So we've peeled off half of his, the front of his pants. Okay, and you're going to freeze his. And I'm pointing my staff of frost, which is very pointing right at it. If you don't want...

Ah, chili. If you don't want the other half frozen, you'll talk. Now, while. I've rolled better than that. Can you roll a polywaddle, can you roll an insight check, please? Absolutely. To be more insightful because that's a one. Oh, dang it.

I guess, yeah, you are not able to gleam anything from his hands. I put my fingers in his mouth. Oh, oh. Like to relax him? Have you like those massages? Oh, internal mouth massage? Yeah, I'm doing the, it's fun. Okay, you're doing it, give him a jaw massage?

Yeah. You guys, oh, you guys, I've been so stressed. Yeah. So, that's what I was thinking. It seemed like you were stressed. I'm asking you to tell us the truth. Okay. Okay.

Okay. What do you have to, and look at me. What do you have to do with this? I don't want to be in trouble. I'm not going to get you in trouble. Promise me you won't be mad. I won't be mad. I won't be mad.

I promise me. I'm promising you. Everyone else? I promise that I think you're, good boy and whatever you did was a mistake and we all learn from mistake. I promise I won't be mad but I'm lying so I'm going to do a deception check. Oh yes. Oh, he knows.

Okay, he tells you, he tells you that. Yes. I saw the, I saw the dragon. They killed my whole. family. And now I'm racked by guilt that I couldn't say. I should have made out but to save them and I didn't. Why?

What do you, but that's my job. Oh. They're my family. What do you mean? Why? I don't know. What do you mean why? I just, why did you, I guess I was saying like, why do you, why did you think you had the ability? But I don't mean to cause dispersions. Okay, wow.

You seem like a weenie. What? You do? I don't know about that. Well, you've only complained and cried since we got here and you're scared we're going to be mad. You wet me up and my penis cold. Yeah, yeah. That's what happens when you make a fuss. It's easy to say you've got a normal temp penis.

Well, mostly. Mine's Chile. What are you mostly? I'm from Chile land. Okay, well, look, I saw my wife and children die. Well, maybe you shouldn't have betrayed them. No, I betrayed them afterward. Oh, that's okay. Because everybody died. Uh-huh.

And I just thought, too much death. Too much death. I begged. I begged him. I said, please leave us alone. Please, I beg. I offered anything. I said, I'll do anything, please. And so he said, for my allegiance, he'd stop attacking us. Oh, so you're just like, this is like a self-sacrifice thing.

That's stupid. No, no, no, your wife already died, and then you're like, oh, how can I help? Other people have wives and husbands and children. Uncle's, aunts. There's all kinds of family members. I don't buy it, man. What does he want for your allegiance? Sorry, I don't understand the question.

You pledged your allegiance. What does that involve? Oh, it means I'm not going to fight him anymore. Next time they come back, I'll just give them all our treasures. What are you fighting for? What are you, your family's dead, man? What's left for you? Are you saying I've got nothing left to lose?

Yeah, dude, pretty much. All live for. He takes, what? He's webbed. He takes, oh, okay. He's wet. Just look at my pocket. All right, I look in his pocket.

There is a small pot of war paint. Is there anything else? Yeah, there's a, um, a small pot. of ward paint. He's just carrying around. He's carrying his wall paint around? Yeah, what is this? Fluor pink zinc?

No, it's... No, it's... It's green. It's black grease paint. It's for... Put it under my eyes. You've inspired me. So you look tired.

Oh. No, you're making me a... It's wallpane. Put the wallpaint on me. Put it under my eyes. All right. I'm making my kitty cat. That's not what I want to...

Too bad. You were the ones telling me. I had nothing to live for. I'm trying to live. Now you're a cute little kitty cat, on you. Meow. Yeah, meow.

Do you know where Nervynne is going to return? The dragon flew to the southeast of here. That's what we wanted to hear. Thank you. And also, can you tell us why there are dragons with dead people on them? This is like the second dragon with a dead pilot, right? Or is that the same dragon? Because there was a dead...

Oh, yes, that dragon had a dead wizard on it, that old dragon. Yeah. Had a dead wizard. This is just an elf that has a death. deathly complexion. This is like a real, this is real James Cameron level shit where they're like,

how do we do the same thing, but only slightly different because I don't have a new idea. I need to sell that I'm creative and have new ideas, but it's just the same shit over and over again. I guess out of sexy goth. Yeah, that'll work.

Wait, what films that happen? That's Fire and Ash. Oh, I haven't watched that one. Yeah, third avatar is a very, very sexy goth lady in it. I'm obsessed with it. So he tells you... Alien, yeah. Like a red Navi.

He tells you the following things. The writer is definitely an elf. Okay. Not dead or yes, dead? Is it Nairn Vane? Do we know? Yes, he tells you. Is Nerovain?

Oh, so you know Nairn Vane. Well, I didn't want to admit it before, but now that I've been inspired, oh, you've brought me around. And was he... So he's a dragon... Worm speaker. A worm speaker. And is that a position that you are born into, or is there some sort of ritual? Oh, you rise.

You rise to the cult. Does he have the mask? You, you? I think so. Is that the truth? I think so. You think so, does he though? As far as I know, he does.

Does he wear the mask? I've seen him wear it. And so are you seeing the mask or are you seeing his deathly complexion? Oh, deathly complexion on the hands, the feet. He wears, but he rides barefoot as well. I get a glimpse at those piggies. So you think he's got the mask? I was supposed to look at the feet.

I don't know what else would go. But you knew. This guy is so pathetic. I hate him so much. You didn't need to see his face. You're like, I know those big ears. I don't believe he gave this guy the name Keanu. What a waste.

Can I also say, Neal to everyone here? Oh, yeah. Now, they flew south. Southeast. You must go through the forest of father, please. Help me.

Are you coming with us? No. Can you cut me down? No. Oh, come on. Okay, just put that banana over there in my mouth before you go. I need to eat something. Peel it. Come on, peel it.

No, no. No, you put it in here. We put it in. We put it in it. I put it in it in. I put it in unpeeled and sideways. Come on. Oh, ho.

Oh. All right. Bye. Hi, kitty cat. Why so serious. And then we're off. We're gone. We're off.

We are heroes. Yeah. We help that young man. That's fucked. Oh, I betrayed my family, but now I want to be a kitty cat. I'm a banana. I'm a banana. I'm a little bit of a banana.

I need a banana. No, I'm a kitty cat. I need a banana. Oh, fine. Miam, meow. She'd take him back to the hills to be sacrificed. He sucked. Fucking idiot.

As you're wandering through the forest, you hear a tree crack, a branch crack. And you hear a voice of an old woman. Just so you know, I've got all the same stuff for a forest of like danger awareness. Oh shit, this guy knows his way around. And you hear a woman cry out and go, oh, help! Wait, I look in the mirror. Is that you, lady? Oh, I'm still here.

Okay, well, it's not you. Keep quiet back there. Okay, sorry. You hear an old woman cry for help. Where's it coming from? Just beyond a ridge that you're walking past. I ready my gun. I'm going to sort of leap ahead and sort of peek over the top of the edge. So you see an old woman trapped beneath a fallen tree.

There's a branch. Sorry, there's a trunk that is falling over. A woman, she's struggling underneath it. Is she a ghost? No. We're not in a tomb anymore, so maybe. Yeah, but there's some real James Cameron stuff going on. Could be just the same.

This seems like a trap. She's trapping us. Someone's around. They're going to ambush us. I know it. Can I do it up a piece? perception check to see how like realistic is trapping us by being underneath the

branch? Yeah, because they've put they made a cracking sound, they gently placed a branch. Oh, okay. They're going to come from behind. Does it look like that there's any other danger around? No, you're not getting a sense of danger. Okay, I'm going to get in there. I'm going to grab a, uh,

does it look like I can safely get a branch of the tree and sort of start to lever it off her safely? Yes. I'm like, guys, I'm going to lift the tree up by pushing down on this lever. I want you to pull her out. She says, please help me, kind sir. I've been... I'm still in the same voice.

Excuse me. Jess. Why don't you do a different voice? But it's still old? Just pick a different one that you can do. Good. Please help me. Oh, that's nice.

Very good. Very feeble. I was just out here. Picking some flowers and... What for? Save your strength. I'm trying to get you out of here. For my art project.

What's your office? project. A flower. I press the floor. Guys, I'm trying to lift the tree. I've done like a 16th strength test. You are able to lift her. You're able to lift it up.

All right. And I try and push her out. Is she an elf lady? Yeah, she can be elven. All right, yeah, we'll pull her out. And what did you say you were doing, Polywater? I said we push her out.

Yeah, we're working on either sides of the log. Mainly we're pulling. Some of us are pushing. And Polly's nipping up them hogs. She says, oh. you're so kind. You're so kind. For not letting you die.

Yeah. That would have been an arc on chips, I think. Yeah. We just met a guy who did something similar, and it makes you so annoying. I'm going to, I'm going to scoop her up her in my arms.

Oh, my hero. Now, do you live around here? Can we get you kissing your neck? Like, oh, oh, madam, please. I'm very thankful. I know, I know, but please, it's, it's very wet. Sorry.

And at that moment, She unfurls her beautiful gown. She's where it sort of like begins to roll out of her hair and then a vibrant emerald ball gown. And she rises up into the air and she says, I am the protector of this forest. Sick, good ghost. My name is Garland.

I think, yes, Garland. Judy Garland? My shore. Yes, he starts tap dancing. And she gives each of you... Anybody got any barbituric? Oh. Sorry.

Poor Judy. The studio says, I need more energy. The studio says I got too much energy. She's trapped in between. I'm dancing this dance. She opens a locket and takes a huge sniff of a line of beta blockers out of a locket. And she hands then each of you a flower necklace. She says, let this protect you.

Is she Hawaiian? No, but they're like... Do the voice if she's Hawaiian. She's not Hawaiian. Do the voice? I'm not going to do the voice. Mahalo. She gives you each a flower necklace.

Thank you. Is it like real flowers or like ornamental? They are real flowers. Are they magic? They are. Yes. Cool. And they...

You feel a sense of protection. Yay. Didn't help you much, did it? Do they... I think it was a test. It was a test. Guys, I did the test. I passed the test.

Yep, great job. Oh, Lady Garland, thank you for bestowing these gifts upon us. Do they give us any extra AC? Um, what does it should do? Well, if you, if you, if any of you wear a face with an awful dragon called truth, maybe this will come in handy. Okay, okay. Okay, say thank you all for being nice to me.

Oh, that's okay. And then she turns into a deer and scampers up a tree. Later. Oh, my gosh. That was awful. Oh, no. Oh, yuck. Let's never do that again.

I do fuck on that. So good. Oh. Thank you. I've forgiven you for Keanu. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

It's like upside down. Oh, shit. Okay. These nemeses give us protection from truth. I'm wearing mine as a flower crown. Oh, okay. I'm wearing mine as intended. I as well.

Shall we keep going? Anklit. As you continue along. In the forest, there are many dangers. Which? It's bloody typical. Isn't it? Oh, yeah.

Name three. As you. As you continue along the path towards the southeast, you start to see webbing along the ground. Oh, have a baby. And in between the trees. There is a sort of a mist in the air. And then as you continue along the further, you start to see birds and animals that have been cocooned in the trees. Simon, I guess you're quite perceptive, aren't you?

of your... I'll have a... I'll have an... Extra advantage. Yeah, extra benefits. Advantage on a... Oh, that's a natural 20. Natural 20.

Let's go. You feel a tingling on your neck and you spin around to see a spider, a giant spider that's dropped silently through the mist from a... From a tree behind you. Guys, guys, look, it's a spider.

Hello spider. And the spider has in its, not tentacles. No, no, not tentacles. No, this spider has tentacles. Oh, that's an octopus. Baby, you got yourself an octopus. But also has fangs. It has fangs.

But same, same amount of limbs. Yeah. Wow. But this, yeah, okay. Whoa. That's crazy An arachnipus Yeah an arachnipus

Oh arachnipus I'm just Okay Nice spider Hi little guy How big It's giant It's a huge

Giant spider And you see in its tentacles This one It is wrapping up and cocooning a body What did? Hey!

What's you doing? Stop it What do you do What are you doing that for? And then you see it Go fump back up into the tree Oh I gotta see who that

The body is. And then... The body goes up or the spider goes up? Both. And then Charing Valerang, you look up and, because you rolled so well, you can see, there are in total seven spiders in the trees above you. Oh, that's heaps. That's actually heaps.

What would you like to do? I think Charon is like, hey, spiders. Come on down. I think he really likes spiders. This is a nice little brinkle. Don't you guys like spiders? I've never seen a spider like spiders. like this before. I mean, I've seen spiders. I've collected spiders. I've studied spiders,

the mages in my castle at home. Um, to me all their poisons and the different ways they catch their prey. Someone's going to hyperfixation. Yeah. Special interest. Okay, immediately as you start talking and monologuing, um, the spiders begin to descend on you. You have drawn their attention because you've disturbed their web. Guys, they like me. They're coming to say hello. Seven giant spiders. One, two, three. 4, 5, 6, 7 times 8 equals... 56. 56. 56 legs!

Guys, there are so many legs around me right now. They're touching me. Okay, so the fight... I'll say five of these... Five of the spiders attack you initially. And then what's your armor class? 12. Three of them hit with their bite.

You're being descended on by seven spiders. three of them have hit you. Yep, okay. With their bites, you've taken 16 points of damage. Okay. You also need to make a DC-11 constitution saving throw because of the poison. Da poison.

The poison. The poison. I got a two. You fail the... So you take another eight damage because of the poison. Okay. Guys, I feel weird. Weird as hell.

Can I go? Let me look at my... When is it my turn? initiative. Dina Much about it, it's your turn. Is that character just saying that as he's watching his friend getting eaten by spiders? So the spiders are only attacking... Chariang, yeah. Well, I guess we kind of

lost us, huh? Let him go. Were that 5 and 8 that I lost? Oh gosh. Yes. Yes. Yes. 13. Didn't much about what do you want to do. Hello. Seven giant spies are attacking your friend.

Yeah. All right. Well, I'm going to... Here's what I would like to do. I'm going to... to cast Phantom Steed. What's that too? A large quasi-reel horse-like creature appears on the ground in an unoccupied space of your choice within range.

Mm-hmm. Right? You're going to cast a flaming horse? Not flaming. Oh, sorry. It's just large. Oh, okay, large. Within range, 30 feet. But it's going to, I'm, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm casting. I get to, oh, I get to pick what it looks like. Uh-huh. Fat mule. Is that an option? or that's what you've chosen? It says you're allowed to pick it and it's equipped with a saddle bit and a bridle.

Great. But it's got Jack Black, fat guy style agility. Okay. It's like quick. So I'm casting him just behind him and I'm casting him as he's running and I'm going to whip up onto the back of him.

You're riding a horse? I'm riding a mule. I'm riding a fat mule. So you've got a fat mule. And you're riding a fat mule? Yeah, I whip up onto the back of it and I'm going to charge at the spiders. Oh, cool.

Yeah. With the intent of both You're running straight up a tree Can you do an intimidation check? I'll give you an advantage because you're on an advantage of Steve Yeah, let me do that Hold on a second

Just to paint the picture while that's happening Am I wrapped up or am I just bit? You're bit right now Oh they didn't wrap them up So you're back to have wrapped You will be wrapped very soon Oh right I got an 18

Oh okay no you won't be wrapped up very soon You were able to, can mules kind of like rear up on their hindquarters? Yeah, I think so. So I'm sort of like, yeah, my idea is... Pop a wheelie? Yeah, I got a pop a wheelie on my muley. Yeah, I'm popping a muley on my mule. And I'm trying to scare them away from my friend.

And then once they've backed up, I guess like my intended action for the rest of this is going to be to circle him. See if I can get him up on my mule or just get to keep them away. Okay, well, you've scared them off so they rear. back off him. They don't run away, but they're no longer on your friend. Charon Valerant, you are free from the spiders now. We're going to stagger away. Holy Waddle, it's your turn. Are they, do you know what their intelligence is?

Very stupid. Three or lower? Yes. Okay. Lower, yeah, much lower. Well, I'm going to try, in that case, the first thing, I'm going to use my ring of animal influence. Ooh. Okay.

And I would like to, um, how does animal friendship? It's a spell that you cast. Yeah. And then are they more likely... Can I also then talk to them? Or should I just use speak with animals if I want to talk to them? It lets you convince a beast that you mean at no harm. Okay.

It must... Because I don't care if I mean a harm or not, I think. They just want to eat me. Okay. I'm going to use my ring of animal influence to speak with animals. Uh-huh. And I'm going to say, brothers, sisters. Mums and daddy.

We bring you a delicious human sacrifice back in Oltan. Just like you, we are. We have wrapped him in a web as a gift for you. And you will know it as a gift by the banana in its mouth. Feast upon it, brothers and sisters and enjoy. You're sending the. back to eat Garland. To eat Keanu.

You'll send him back to Ekeanu. You've already said he we've already said he we've I think it's pretty clear that's what's happening. Yes. We hated him. Okay, I guess it's a, I guess it's a persuasion check. But I'll give you advantage because they're much smarter than that. Well, I've got a ring.

I've got to persuade them. Yeah, what's your ring? It's a ring of animal influence. Yeah, they all have to follow me on Instagram. I'm sorry, what was I rolling it for? Just a persuasion plus five. She's charismatic. Spiders are real.

Maybe she's born with it. That's a 24, baby. Let's go. Influents, the spiders rear up. And yeah, they immediately pull out their phone and follow you on Instagram. And then they buy whatever, I don't know, food supplements and bikinis you're selling them. They race off in the direction. of Garland and you hear

Moments lady hear some very pathetic cries. I just send a horde of spiders to a village where we know they're children. We'll never know. Congratulations, you have best of the spiders as you continue on. The webs in the forest begin to thin. Let me just see how much longer my steed stays.

Did you talk to them? What did they say? Did they say anything about me? They just were. I'm lying. Oh yeah. I go, they did. Yeah, they said that was the cool guy from the castle.

Wow. Yeah, they said, oh, and hasn't he grown into a strapping young man? So they were the little spiders and they grew big? And then they came to live in this forest? Huh. Huh. I'm just still writing my steed, but I'm riding next to these guys. Hell yeah.

And his name is caramel. Oh, caramel. Caramule? Caramule. And does he like to eat little caramels? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's allowed to as well. A horse would love a caramel.

The webs begin to thin and the sound of water grows. Oh, the trees of the forest part to reveal a moss, dark cliff in front of you. With a waterfall, yeah, above you. Wait, above us. with a waterfall spilling into a deep, veiled pool. Skinny dip, anyone? Okay. Oh yeah.

Yeah, let's do it. I'm leaving my shandles on. Behind the falling water, you can see a cave mouth. And there are huge, fresh claw marks in the stone either side of the cave mount. By any chances, it's just a dragon mask. Just the move fell off. Sort of around.

Floating on the surface. Yeah. Floating. Next to a folded pile of clothes. The book says, so here's what the book says. Somewhere behind the waterfall, you hear something enormous exhale.

Oh. I feel so fat in this. Do you want to go into the cave? Do you want to play in the water? Sorry, I need the picture repainted for me. There's a cave. There's also a waterfall. The waterfall is in France.

of the cave mouth. Okay, so it's video games. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a large, it's a large caveman. Very large. Is that a Lion Del Rey reference or a video game reference? Video games.

Cave behind the waterfall. That's a classic thing in video games. Are you talking about the song video games? I'm talking about Lion Del Rey. I'm talking about video games. I'm also talking about video games. I don't know any music. I don't know any songs.

None? None one song. I can't. I bet you can. You know suddenly Seymour? I know suddenly Seymour. I don't know any new songs. I don't know any songs.

I know one song. I know one song, it's Suddenly Seymour. I didn't listen to any of the rest of that musical. It was just that. I don't know who the fuck Seymour is. Your mum goes to, where's Demi? She's in her room listening to Suddenly Seymour. We should get her another CD.

On the branches of the trees around you that have parted to make way for this emerald mist and waterfall, there are birds, there are squirrels. There are all kinds of animals. And you notice they're not paying any attention to you. What? But we're so pretty? What the fuck? Hey, bird.

Look at me. Too good for us? What are they doing? Charing Valerian, can you do a history check for me, please? How do we know? Hold on. How do we know they're not paying attention to us? Are they watching a game on a big screen?

Are we trying to? Yeah, there's a squirrel boxing match happening. They're all watching. You know when you walk into a room with animals And they all turn to look at you I don't know why you're Well, you have to explain Okay, okay, okay

18, okay So you know that in this part of the woods The animals are known to be spies For wizards But you can also see that these animals Are not paying attention to you They're not watching it. It's almost like

They'd be pretty bad spies If they were just looking at us Yeah, yeah Well, no, it seems almost like something has allowed you to pass through here with a certain protection. There's someone trying to... Who? It's our an anklet.

Oh! Well, I'm not an anklit. No, I'm not an necklace. Right, it's your hat. Don't you call my head an ankle. Don't you ever? Don't you ever? So you're saying we could skin dip as long as we keep our necklaces off.

Ah, yeah, let's do that. We're protected. We're going to skinny dip. I'm going to let caramel milk skinny dip with us. Okay. Bless you. Everyone's getting naked. Mr. Wants Attention.

Caramel. Watch our stuff. Yeah. Okay, you guys all get nude. How do you all feel about being nude in front of each other? Fine. Pretty good, my body's great. Yeah.

You're a duck. You're always nude. Yeah. I'm happy with myself and how I... Is dinner happy with himself? Did Dina have a surprising tattoo? Ooh, yeah. Yeah, he does.

What is it? Let me just... All right. I'm going to pick a number between 1 and 30. 29. All right. It is a tattoo of, oh, it's a kitty cat. Oh, it's a kitty cat.

It's a really cute kitty cat. Is it Garfield? It's Garfield, yes. I had an idea, but no, it's Garfield. It's a Garfield tattoo and it's a cute one. It's kind of the old style Garfield, not the... Oh, it's like weird triangles in a pile kind of Garfield. Sort of, yeah.

And kind of going like this. Yeah. And it says, hang in there. Hang in there. for a bit. It says hangary in there. Yes, it does. So you guys are skinny depending on the waterfall.

Yeah, do we notice anything while we're swimming? The animals are literally ignoring you all. There's no... You know, in the cave you've heard something enormous exhale. And we're just choosing to ignore it. And then in your mind, you hear a voice say, come inside. I prefer meat after it's tired. Why would it say that to us?

Come inside. I don't want to do. Hey, I don't know. No. This is the Tony Soprano voice that he mentioned earlier. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I think you should come inside my cake. It's actually not a bad Tony Soprah. Can you say Gavagoo? Gabagoo. I haven't really worked on it. Yeah, okay.

I think you should come inside. The mouth shape is good. you're talking about you can't see my mouth I meant I was talking Oh okay Michael Oh okay thank you

Hey do you have a freaky elf in there with you Yeah Is he around right now Hey hey he's asking about you Okay well I'm gonna stay Naked But I am going to cast I have a shield thing

I'm going to cast... I have like ghost armour stuff. Nice. I have like armour. Or mage armour? Yeah, mage armour. And I'm going to inspire everyone and say, hey, everyone's looking really good.

Thank you. Yeah. And I'm going to inspire you. Oh, you can inspire me. Thanks, bud. Yes. What do you say? Yeah, what do you say to me?

I say, like, it's big. It's a pretty impressive. It's a pretty impressive one. No, but wait. Isn't Kanoically his dick bad from when it got cursed? Well, it got re-done. Oh, it got fixed, did it? I think it went back to normal.

Probably not, like, thinking about it all the time. It's usually wearing clothes. I'm going to put my clothes back on. Okay. Get my weapons. Okay, but that was a nice little interlude, guys. Yeah, do we get any healing or anything with that? Yeah.

No, it's just a waterfall. Is it like a short rest? Yeah, actually, you've been attacked by spiders, so I'll give you a short rest. So, with my major armor, my AC turns into 13. plus my dexterity, so it's 14 now. That's cool. Plus I still am protected by my hat. Your hat?

Yeah, the flower hat. Oh, your flower hat. You idiot. So now I've got, yeah, my armor class is 14, and I'm just going to have to remember that. Nice. Should we have a little plan? Ooh, good idea.

Before we go in and I assume fight a dragon and some sort of undead wood elf. What's the plan here? I don't think we're ready to, I mean, we have killed a dragon before. Yeah, I don't think we're ready either. You know what we should do? Ask them if they have the mask.

Okay. We're out of here. Is this voice in our heads or is it actually out loud? Is he like telepathically talking to us? Yeah, he was telepathically talking to. Okay, so can he hear us think? Or can you just project his voice? No, sort of a presence you're hearing.

Also, we can't talk telepathically, so we are just talking. Should we pretend where, In the cult. We've done it before. We could. We could. We could. And then we could sneak in, get the mask, destroy it or do whatever we need to do.

Bring it back to old Del Roy. Delroy. Delroy. Del Rylindo. Del Rylond. You mean Del Arne Winterbound? Yeah. Galand Winterbound.

Yeah. I mean, come on. Let's decide something. Let's go in there with a sense of purpose. Or we can just go in there and say, We're here to kill you. I mean, we have been splishing and splushing in the pool, so he probably doesn't think we're there to kill him. Should we get our clothes back on?

I mean, I'm dressed by now. I'm a doctor. That's true. You put your hat back on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dinner, did you get dressed again? No, I cast the mage armor. So you're just naked, but with mage armor.

Yeah, because I don't have armor anyway. I don't have normal armor. Yeah, you don't even need clothes anymore. I can get them off. No, no, that's fine. I haven't put them on either. I'm just kind of enjoying this. Yeah.

I don't want to, like, if it's, if you're done, then I can be done, but I'm not really done. Yeah. Okay. I'm not done either. You guys are all still naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I'm, yeah, and I've got, but I've got extra armour because of my mage stuff. As you approach the cave, you can see a lot of different times, a lot of different sizes of footprint heading into the cave.

Oh, are we going in the cave? I'm just saying outside, you can just see. Oh, we can see the footprints. So there are clearly ones that look like a dragon as the claws. Okay. They're also giant footprint, like the size of. A giant? Six feet?

Yeah. Six of your feet? Six feet. Six of my feet? Yeah. I'd say that's not six feet. No, six of your feet. Oh, okay, so it's pretty big.

Yeah, huge. And there are also lots and lots of L, light, yeah, lighter footprints. It looked like they might have been done by L. In shoes? Hmm. Okay, so there's a whole thing going on in there. There's a lot, there's a lot of people have been coming and going.

Okay. All right. Oh, by the way, I've got my, I've got my little utility belt. I'm naked aside from that, but I want to take my gun in. So I've got my utility belt just hanging over my... Would you like to do anything else to prepare before this? Are we going to pretend we're in the cult and we're doing a delivery? What do you think?

Open to suggestions. I mean, look, there's no point in... I mean, we can try and light... There's so many footprints. We don't know how many people we're going to be fighting. Yeah, I guess that's be cult. Do we still have our robes? Oh.

Yes, you would still have your rope in, yes. And I'm going to cast... bark skin on everyone it gives everyone an armour class of 17 you can do it on everyone That's all your spell slots

Okay well I guess I just do it to myself Yeah I've already got some extra Yeah but do it to yourself I'll just myself You'll be a real tough guy Do it to yourself What happens to when you cast cast Does it apply it?

Does it change your thing on your character sheet? I want to know about D&D beyond TM It does, yeah. It does. Well, you have to go into armor class. Does it do it for you? No, it doesn't do it for me.

You have to go into armor class and be like, I have a Misk bonus. So you have given every, you've given your self-barked skin, you're naked with a utility belt. I've put on my dragon scale mail. Do you remember what type of dragon I got it from? Was it a cold dragon? I think it was a, I think it's so crazy that that armor is duck-sized. It shrinks to fit.

It shrinks to fit. I think it was a, it wasn't the red one, it was the one before that. It was from the ice dragon. Yeah. The cold dragon. The white one. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, he just said it was dragon skin armor. We don't know if it's particularly from that dragon. Yeah, no, it says if it depends about what, then I can ascertain. We can't remember. It's a roll a D-10. Roll a D-10. Ten, sided. D-eat.

That's an eight. Where are the tens? Yeah, so eight. Okay, I'll put my fucking clothes on. Red. So, red, so fire. Okay. Resistance to fire.

I'm going to... Yeah, put my clothes on. Okay. And you're heading in? Yeah, but I dry off real good. Why? I don't want to be wet anymore. Okay.

The first thing you see when you come into the dragons, it's a huge... The first thing you see when you head into the cage, It's a huge expanse in front of you. You hear the waterfall behind you. There are torches that light the way. But in the opening to this monstrous cave, you can see smoke from the very, very end coming out.

And then you see in front of you like 30 elves, all of whom are in various states of distress. They are wounded. They've been fighting. They are afraid. Could someone do an insight check, please? Let's go. Didn't much about you.

You do inside check. Let me have my insight. Let me go to my skills. Let me press the bar. And do six. Okay. You see some of them are wearing chains. Ah.

Take prison and get up. And beyond them, you see some huge creatures. Two-headed giants that you know are called Ettings. And you see three of them. So six heads in total. And they are patrolling the far end of the cave, watching over these 30-odd elves who are cracking rocks and mining things and carving stone statues.

Are they guarding and patrolling because they can, one of them can sleep while the other? So there's always a guard? Is that why they're doing it with two heads? Oh, maybe, yeah. Genius. And this, you see, these are a bunch of elves who have been captured from the village before. And also they're captors. Beyond which, who knows?

Maybe the Green Dragon must. Maybe the princess is another castle. Who knows how the writers of Dungeons and Dragons wrote this book? Find out the next episode of Dragon Friends for this week is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner and Demi Lardner. Our dungeon master is Michael Hing with MPC voices by Eden Lacey and post accompaniment by Nick Harriet. Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early access to ad-free episodes, uncut videos of recording sessions,

and an exclusive backlog of content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Gather good people, I'll tell you a tale of heroes and cowards dressed in chain mail of kings and children, beggars and lords, and dragon fire that burn them all. Hear the roar. Draconic Drake will drive men insane, but look to the ashes of Phoenix's burst

with six wondrous heads, the heroes of y' art. You can pray, but your gods won't save you. The worm's fire will not spare you. Doom and destruction, death and rebirth. The room can return with their heroes of yours. Their jaws are all tizzled. Their asses are fast. They're shiny.

He swayed the inside of the cow. Yeah. Why? What? How? Do I have suede? What? Yeah, you got sway.

Is that what I have swayed? Exactly. Oh, now I lost for the forbidden shoe. A human hide. Heel. Oh, what if he's on? a foot and turned it inside out and used that as a shit. It's terrifying.

Look, this simply can't become a human leather podcast. Good.