Dragon Friends - Df2 A Very Toady Yulemas Pt 2

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

The Heroes of Yearth have all the pieces of a non-fatal Toadfest in their grasp, but their heroic spirit bids them to aid those in need. With time running out and dinner beckoning, our heroes will have to get the tiniest of hats straight from the source. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, sorry, you, sir. Hello, sir, what is your name? Brett. And Brett, what are you dressed as? One of the Yulmas pastimes, of course, is Titmus. And because I'm now in my 50s, I'm getting a bit bigger. Because I came as a Christmas tit, but because I'm a bit bigger, I'm a big soft titty. Oh, crossover event of the season.

Very good. Demi's not even here to hear you. Demi's doing a big soft piss. So, very nice. Thank you very much, Brett. We'll the next... A round of applause, please, for Brett. That's nice.

You, sir. Oh, very half-assed. All right. What do we got here? Hi, I'm Nathan, and I just put out a picture of Austin Powerful from like season four? Season three, a Demi Landa character.

One of Demi's goblin characters that is covered in eyepatches. Yes, and could you tell me who their secret identity is? What? Revealed in the finale of the show. I don't remember. Finale of the season?

Or is the heart of glass or some shit? Oh, Johnny PlayStation. No? Then I have no it. He calls himself a fan. No, did he reveal themselves to be like the guy who they were searching for on the ship? Brother, I don't remember shit.

I'm so sorry. I really appreciate when you said he calls himself a fan. Look me in the eyes and said, I never said that. What's your name, sorry? Nathan. Thank you very much. much a big round of applause for Nathan. That's two Demi Lardner references in costumes.

You, sir, you've been waiting? Oh, sorry? Oh my goodness, are you dressed as Simon? I am now. What are you dressed as? So what's your name? Jamie, and I guess I'm dressed as you, but with cooler socks. Take that, you fucking idiot.

Mine is just green. Yeah, see? I'm green. Wait, what's your actual costume? It's just the hell. Hell yeah. Nice. Super piss week.

Thank you very much, Nathan. Jamie, sorry. The whole thing is piss week and half-assed. Make fun of my fucking sauce. I'll get your name wrong. I am Felix and I am a level three wizard. Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good.

All right, so. What makes you level three? It's the three things. Oh, there's three levels of wizard. Okay, I get it. Great. Congratulations. Yeah, I see.

I see. Gosh, I think they were all pretty piss week, which is what we're going for. Now, the big demi, oh sorry, just so you know, somebody came as a Christmas tit and also a big soft titty, if you'd see in that front row.

Oh, yeah! You can go down to a big round of applause for the Level 3 Wizard. Look, you can't possibly know how much it means to us to make such a little effort to dress up and be in a costume of competition. But there can only be one winner

and it is judged on half a. half-assedness, piss-weakery. Yeah, not, can't... Too much effort is ick. So what do we think? I missed the first two. I don't like any of them. The bit soft titty we had...

You don't like any of them? Well, I missed half, so I've got to be fair. I also missed half, and I left the prize upstairs. Well, here's an answer. Is anyone amongst you allergic to nuts? No, it's not a true question? Anyone? No?

No. No, wait, so no nuts for you? There's a bunch of peanuts in the present. You can do nuts? If you guys come to the stage at the end of the show, you will each get to take home one of Demiland's own peanut butter. Peanut butter meat so cookies. They're really, really, really good.

They're very, very nice. I bake them today. Thank you very much. On with the show. All right. Let's recommend a Dutch of the Dragon. Guys. Okay.

Just, you know, it's, just when you think we can't get more half-fast. We do it every year. We just do it. We're just genius. We're just genius. Where's my pencil? It's behind my ear. Little magic.

Okay. Okay, we're starting with energy. Oh God, Demi. That's not my drink, it's a jar of pens. This one? No, yours over then. They fucking love that pen gap. We were told to not put these at the front, weren't we?

Okay, we need to start. Okay, here we go. Who's ready to play some motherfucking Dungeons and Dragons? So, heroes of Earth, you have in your hands a tiny hat. Your task is completed. You have one toad fest. But in all the hubber. Herney Sweetwater, you hear a tiny voice calling for your attention.

And you look down and notice a very tiny little single mother with a sick child. We're so sick and we're already late for two fists in. This hat, my friend died for this hat. You said a bitch. He was really nice. My son is still living. Well, that's great for you. Why are you gloating, you motherfucker?

I'm not gloating. I saw my husband. Yeah, I guess he's my husband. Yeah, I just didn't want to give you that. I just didn't want to give you the hat. You've only asked me for things. Excuse me. Oh, yeah, right.

Uh, Mary Toadbis, you're a stupid ass. I think I, as a wise minotaur, I think I have a solution here. Akin to the wisdom of King Solomon. You have a sick son and want a hat. Yes. You have a hat and a dead friend. What if I were to kill your child? And he swings his great acts at the boy.

He has advantage because the strength attack. The highest one is 12 plus 9 is 21. So he is a very tiny child. He's tiny tiny. So you have disadvantage to hit. So you can roll both of them. It's about when I say, teeny tiny single mother this big.

Okay. He's holding out his, for the audio listeners, Simon is holding out, hold out your fingers again. That's what, like eight inches? Okay, yeah. That's like an eight inch tall.

Oh, Tom. Tom, I'm so sorry. It's like eight inches easy. I'm so sorry to tell you this. You want this marriage to keep going with my fucking wife? Just keep. It's eight inches.

Wait, I have advantage but also disadvantage to the cancel each other. So it's one dice. We'll re-roll. And I have plus. nine because it's a string and I rolled 15 plus nine is 24 oh oh dear you've killed my son but we've also solved your problem you said he was sick I'm quite upset about this oh you want to play double or

nothing look I'm not gonna get us up here emotional acting who's fucked who's fuck who if only there was some cleric who could bring back my dead son a level one A level one cleric who just had a little bit of healing power. Is there a cleric around here? Please. I'm up here. Oh, hello. Hi.

Why are you up on that sign? Well, I got levitated up here. Okay. Did you make the one Chinese character in this thing a fucking doctor dude? I just wanted to ask if you need someone to play the piano at your son's funeral. Or the violin. Oh, no. We have too many pianos.

violin. How will we do the math on this? Ernie sees this tiny little boy cleaved in two and... We said we weren't going to do the Chinese shit. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You said we're not going to do the Chinese. No, I know, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your son's death. I know what it's like to lose. Son?

Take the hat. What for my dead son? Yeah. He'll look good. Okay, thanks. I've actually got like 12 other kids. I probably have more, so I'm Catholic. Okay. She goes on to tell you, she's very grateful. She is.

No, I am grateful, though. She is grateful. I am grateful. Thanks so much of that. She mourns her son quickly and efficiently. Yeah, we've met Irish people. Jesus. She goes on to tell you that she is from a village.

of tiny little guys like her in the crossroads where all the tiny hats in the kingdom are manufactured. She mentioned it before. She talked about the corridors of the crossroads. She has an uncle there who will gladly give you a tiny hat. She can't go there herself to get it because she's mourning her dead son. She really got over him quick. But given the nature of her predicament

and how small she is, she just couldn't get there in time. But you guys can get to the crossroads in time. And as a token of her appreciation and in honor of her dead son, She gives you a shrinking potion with a warning. Do not take it until you get to the village, she says. The potion only lasts half an hour. And then she also gives you a tiny map.

How far away is the tiny village from here? Well, so you're heading down to the swamp lands in the spring kingdom anyway. The crossroads, well, funny you should ask. Hey guys, sorry, just before we head off. and I grab the potion of shrinking and I put it on my head. Is this not a hat? What are you? Do we want to like entertain the idea that we could make our own

or possibly just half-asset by saying something is a hat by putting it on the toad loaf? Yeah, does it need to, I mean, who's the toad, toad specials? Does it need to be like a special hat or could it be any kind? Oh, no, I think we're looking deeper here. Like what defines a hat? What does define a hat? If it's on your head, is it a hat?

Guys, we all know Toadfest. I've had to bury five family members for wearing the wrong type of hat because they had their throats cut, crushing the threshold on Toadfest. No wonder you hate Toadfest. It's because of your dead family. It's because of my dead family. I didn't really want to get there. Why did you ever tell me you had a dead family too?

Yeah, first of you told us that you hated Toadfest because of your live family. Yeah, well, the thing about them is I hate them because they're not dead. It's a confusing thing. And I didn't tell you about my dead family because it's kind of your thing, okay? and I didn't want to take... Bro, it could have been... We don't have family. Like, we could have been my family.

Yeah, you guys could have been to talk about it the two of you and not involve the rest of us. Yeah, we could have been like, whoa, it's... Are you sad? And you would have been like, yeah. I would have been like, me too. Yeah, but you're about...

Imagine. But I guess that's not how it's... I like what we... I like what we have in common already. Yeah, well, I'm only here for this episode, so I don't get used to it. God, I miss you in the other episodes. Yeah, and while you were doing that,

we could have been over here I could have been learning how to play mahjong for my friend Jenny. Oh, dude. You are such... All right. As all know well, the land of Earth is divided

into four seasons. But between each of these kingdoms lies the corridors. The corridors, thin strips of land with temperate meteorological conditions. I like the tiles. The tiles do you get together. It's very satisfying.

They feel good. Wrap it up. The corridors. Thin strips of land with temperate meteorological conditions that mark the transition between the perennial seasons, where you could comfortably wear jeans in a light sweatshirt or shorts in a nice jacket. Running along the interior borders of the four kingdoms, the corridors meet at a place known as the Crossroads, home of a kingdom of its own.

The heroes of Earth head on their way, on their quest for a tiny hat, and perhaps within the walls of this kingdom, they will find the answer to their Toadfest prayers. time is passing you're heading towards do they walk or do they take like a teleporter do they just run they just like run real let's book it we're talking like a Lord of the Rings

like following the hobbits you know when they're like oh my god fucking orcs came this way and shit and they're just running and they don't make a camp and they don't like eat or anything they just run for like four or five days

have you read that part the actual book no but tell me more about it fucking running, anybody? It's for fucking age. It is running, running, running. It is running, running, running. Did you ever look through Aragon's list of, like, aliases? It's all like strider, he who walks.

Mr. wears shoes out a lot. Can you imagine? Mr. going that way. It's crazy. He's got like 19 names and they're all like, this bitch goes from here to there. Hey, guys, I don't want to interrupt you, but this isn't a nerd fest.

It's a Dungeons and Dragons. Sorry, Simon. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It doesn't take it's four days to get there, because Thomas is the next day. We're there in the year. No, no, no, no.

You have to be there tonight. Yes, so you've got to be there for first night of Toad Fest. Let's just take the Eagles then. Yeah, great. The Eagles, boom. So you get an eagle to the corridor. And also, I'm not meaning to be the interpreter,

but your co-DM was like, how do they get there? And we're saying, and how do they go there? Well, someone didn't think through the logic. gaps in the narrative. All right, Mr. fucking 45 minutes of combat? Shut the fuck up.

There were multiple points. They could have just been dead. Yeah, that is true. That is true. As you get closer, as you approach along the corridor between winter and spring, you see in the distance

a fortified city sitting right within the center of the crossroads shaped like a perfect X. Or if you will, a plus sign. Or a short, lowercase T. But as you get closer to it, you realize that it's not quite so far away as you thought. It's a trick of the eye.

The fortified town is not big and distant. It's small and pretty close. Perspective. But it's also not that small either. But pretty small compared to a regular city. If you can imagine, now work with me here, a big X shape that has been extruded up from the ground about three meters high. A thick stone wall runs along the perimeter of the X shape,

essentially forming four closed-in stone corridors that meet at the center in which the city is housed. So we have a picture here. I extruded an ex on Adobe Illustrator. I think what you're imagining for Listers at home is, is anyone aware of the line in the desert? Yes. The beautiful line.

Neon and the planned line that has recently been for corn. Oh, did they quit the line? Yeah, they quit the line. They stopped the line. Can't tell we had shit live on stage? Yeah, sorry. But we were going to have rivers of boys going to school on the river. Imagine if there were two lines that intersected to form an X.

That's what we're talking about here. But for tiny little guys. For like tiny little guys that are about the size of a thumb. Wow. So, the only way in is a tiny gateway about 15 centimetres high. And guarding the entrance is a giant iron figure with a bladed arm and an elaborate full-faced helm. The whole thing covered in intricate filigree and ornate decorative motifs. The creature's armour glimmers in the afternoon light.

and you realize times are wasting Toad Fest officially starts at dusk and Polly Waddle is waiting for her Toad life. What do you do? We, I'm gonna approach the figure. Halt. Who goes there? Merry Toadmas there, you fucking sack of a metal? Yeah, why'd you suck my big metal dick, you fucking ass?

If I suck your big metal dick, can I go in the little city? Welcome. No, absolutely not. Damn it. Absolutely not. This is a city for tiny people. We've got a potion of insomalding. What?

What? What? It doesn't matter. Where'd you get that? We didn't. Merry Toad Miss. You pig's asses were streamed. Yeah, well, I hope you die in a ditch.

You rancid, fuckface. Mm-hmm. So we can't get in? Because we're too big or what? Yeah, you're too big. Also why would you want to come into a tiny city There's always big people trying to come into our tiny city Trying to buy up all the houses

And Yeah so they could have a shoe Yeah exactly that's exactly the problem One big person comes here It displaces 500 littles And that's not right That's called Bigification

Yeah We're just coming for a quiz though While this is happening Longong is going to whisper to Jenny and be like, Hey, you still got the potion? Yeah. Drink the potion and sneak in there. Oh, that's a good idea.

Do it now. Okay, well, bottoms up. And I drink just a little bit. And I'm keeping this guy distracted. Yeah. Yeah, so just go back to your big lands.

Yeah, do you like this dance? Tiny Jenny walks forwards. Hello. Just a tiny person looking to get past. Oh, welcome back, and he lifts his foot. and you can see behind his foot there's a tiny door. Okay, and Jenny saunter's on in

and then looks behind her and mimes drink, drink, small. Okay, so you've got to do a performance check to see if that's coming across. Okay, I'm gonna roll a D20. Looks like we got a plus two to performance. That's a four. Govong is they being like,

okay, it's the title of a movie? It's six words? Italian job. No, fuck. Italian job. Italian job, Italian job, Italian job. Do the action again. Okay, so it's a...

Uh-huh. Yep. Drink, drink small run. Drink, drink small run. Oh, Willie Walker and the small guy. Guy. Okay, you have... You have the tiny potion.

Demi, you're still talking to the big iron guy. Yeah. So why didn't you like my dance that I was doing? Oh, did you do a dance? You got to do a performance check. Okay. How good it was. While this performing, I'd like to take a slip of that potion.

It'll go through as well. What did you get for your performance check? It was a six. Six, huh? Yeah. I didn't like it because it was a rhythmic. What if I... I don't go in for that modern dance shit.

Okay. I think if you're going to dance, give me a five, six, seven, eight. Give me, give me karaoke. Give me Fossi, all right? Also, I think like solo dance, what's karaoke and solo dance? How do I know that you're keeping up with the others? Uh, you didn't keep up with the others? didn't keep up with me.

Well, I didn't know the choreo. I didn't know who were doing a dance together. Let me teach it to you. Okay, here we go. Excuse me, just tiny little bard walking through while you guys are doing your day. Oh, come on through, welcome back. Welcome back. All right. Okay, five. You're going to count me in? Yeah. Okay.

Five, six, seven, eight. And then front foot, forward. Front foot back. Okay. Walk into my knife. Okay, he does. He walks into your knife, but he's a massive iron golem. So it tinks up against him. He goes like, oh, sorry, too close.

Oh, man, that was weird. It was. Sorry. Okay, give me another try. I feel like I can make it. A little mother pokes it head over the top of the wall. It's like, leave enough room for Jesus. When you're dancing, the devil's dance.

I am painfully aware that we have half an hour and that was. Ernie and Jenny have snuck it. Yeah. Don't forget to take the antidote for that disease that's made you unseemly large. Oh, God. I really, hey, sorry. Can I take my meds really quickly? Sometimes things get a bit much.

I don't know why I would get in the way of that. Sometimes things get a bit much. Okay. I can't focus on stuff. Okay. It makes it so I can do my taxes. Oh. And I still don't do them for three years.

Um, uh, okay, well, you... Glug, all right. Oh, I didn't realize you were a tiny person. Yeah. I'm such an idiot. Yeah. Fuck me. No, don't, no.

What a ding-bong. No, not a ding-bon. What a lig-nut. I'm going to send you a pamphlet on. We're all inside here. Yay! Oh, well, I don't want to keep you from your friends. Um, okay.

Wait, I thought you were. Yeah, Gongbong has got the last remaining dosage of the potion, I guess. So he removes the peanut butter jar and goes to 10. No, he drinks the... He's going to sip the potion. Hang on a second. Does the peanut butter jar stay the same size? Oh!

Oh! No, it does not. Absolutely no. Okay. No, it does not. Well, if it does, it stays outside. And the big iron go and go... Oh.

On the floor drops a peanut butter jar and eight gerbils. We've got to go into the X, everyone into the X. As you enter the walled city through the gate. Bye, good to chat. You see rows of dwellings, atelier stacked one on top of the other. That's what the peanut buttertie I was keeping in there. Shut up. That has hit me just right.

Rows of dwellings and Atelier stacked one on top of the other all the way up the walls on either side, connected by ladders, scaffolding, and walkways. you're on what is essentially a Grand Avenue that runs to the center of the X where there is a town square which then branches off into three other avenues enclosed within the wall. Does anybody know what an Atelier is?

We're looking for a hat maker. Atelier is someone who makes hats. Really? No, it's a milliner. Oh, fucking I don't know. You don't know anything, Jane. I think an Italia is kind of a tailor, isn't it? A craftsman's off.

It's a workshop, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, hello, Mr. Atelier. Thank you. Thank you for the... Looking for the hat district, Mayor. Um, well, the whole place is a hat district. This is our chief, uh, economic, uh, uh, output is hats.

We make all the tiny hats for the kingdom of the earth for this very town fest. Uh, but, uh, the factory's closed. All the hats went out three days ago. Oh, shit. Fuck my ass. Um, do you have, do you have, like, two normal hats? We can make have sex and make a little one. Well, if we have that, you'd have a hat.

Do you have a niece with a very sick son? Oh, no, that's... You're thinking of Frederick. That's Wendy's uncle. He's a crazy old guy, but yeah, you'll... If you head down the back to... If you go straight ahead, through the town square, all the way to the back, you'll find him there.

Well, let's go. All right. Can you all roll a perception check? Tiny little. Nat 20. 8. But Arfan Bortnam notices that at intervals along the walls of these avenues between the homes and workshops, there are massive iron spikes protruding from the wall.

They look enormous to you in your diminished state, but you realise that in real terms, in relation to your regular size, there are five vertical columns of five spikes spaced about at half meter intervals running parallel to each other on either side of each avenue. Each spike is roughly 65 centimetres long with not a lot of space. between them. Within that 20, you realize that particularly you, Rfam, if you were to get big in here, you would get spiked real bad.

Oh, no. I'm really enamored by the big spikes. Kink stuff, huh? Just letting you know. Okay. No, I'm kind of like, I'm a spike, oh, don't spike. You love you.

As you travel along the avenue, you reach the opposite wall of the fortified city. You see a mailbox with the name Frederick painted on it. The house is at the end unusual compared to the others in that it is three stories high. A tall, skinny building nestled between two of these enormous spikes. Frederick himself is standing there in the doorway, an older little guy with tufts of hair upon his face. Where?

Up on. Like, like forehead and nose kind of thing? Yeah? He's got chops into mustache. Oh. The old Waris look. Only his chin is. bear.

And it's got a big cleft in it. He really wanted to show those cheeks off. Those chin cheeks. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When a chin looks like a butt. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Real deep. Are you Frederick?

Yes, I'm Frederick. Merry Toadmas, you fucking animal. Oh, Mary Toadmas to you, you retina's snot slurper. Well, now that's out of the way. We rescued your niece from the horrible robbery that was happening at the grocery store at the Whole Foods. Oh dear Wendy? Yeah. This awful Chary and Valerian killed her kid.

I didn't. He did. And now we're here to help her by getting a hat. Was that what we were doing? Kind of. Yeah, maybe now that you're not a grand uncle anymore, you could maybe help us. Well, to one less. Maybe you could help us out with getting us a tiny hat?

An aura of truth surrounds you, merry people, that leads me to forward the narrative. Come on up for tea. And he goes up a winding staircase to the second floor. Guys, we're going to have to drink this tea real fucking quick. The room is appointed with a roaring fireplace, several large inviting armchairs and Chesterfield sofas around a coffee table piled with toad biscuits and seasonal fare

as well as tea and teacups. Well, no. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Make yourself comfortable. Please, a tea, tea, tea, tea. Okay, guys, just really quick. Sorry, sir, just one second. Guys, it's going to be super rude if we don't have tea and eat these biscuits, all right? I got a feeling this guy's going to be really upset. And I don't want to upset an old man on Toadfest Day.

But I also don't want to get big and die from Spike. So we've got to eat some biscuits real fucking fast. Is everyone in? I am. Me. Oh, my God, he's already eating. All right. I don't get my biscuit in my tea, so it goes down easier.

No. Oh, a bit about me. I study the wizarding ways, you know? I under a graviturgy mage named Brown. Do you know him? Get to the hat! Get to the hat! The hat! The hat!

Yes! Let's get to the hat. Have you ever thought, What makes a hat? Could you, for instance, take a tiny potion bottle? Put it on your head and say, well enough, this is a hat. I'd love to answer this.

Yes, I have. And what do you think? Do you all agree? Gather around, share your thoughts. I can fill my ass getting a little. little bigger and I was like oh my god I need that fucking hat oh I'll hold it shot these cookies are delicious nice for you you you must share your recipe I'm gonna do perception check to see if there are any loose hats in the room uh I rolled in at 20 um you how are there this many natural 20 I don't know

look at it no I know it's actually crazy it's actually crazy it's actually crazy three and two shows it's a eummus miracle with a natural it's a musical it's a musical it's a musical Google. It's a miserable. With a natural 20, you see a hat. It's simply... On his head. Wait a second.

He parts two tufts of hair to reveal a tiny, even for him, a tiny hat that sits on his head. That's the smallest hat of all. Yes, well, do you? You know, the hat... What? No, go on. You've got a curious mind boy. I want to know what you're thinking.

He's muttering under his breath. Wait a second. My wife said she fucked a tiny man with tufts of hair on his face. Oh, shit. Oh, an attractive minotaur? I bounced up and down on her clitoris like it was a trampoline.

She loved it. She is always asking me to do that, but my hooves are too big. Well, you've got to be small. As a young man, I actually found myself caught up with a rather extended bout of polyamory, but I suppose it's not so much in fashion these days.

I'm gonna lunge for the hat. That's a 15 plus decks. So 16. 16. Eden? As the engine of this... He's an old man. He is an old man, but as you lunge forward,

you feel that time has somehow grown sticky. No! That you are... slowed down. Maybe it's the tea, maybe it's the cookies, maybe it's just the boringness of his stories. No. But there has been a mystical effect which has happened.

So all of your speeds are halved. You have minus two to your AC and dexterity rolls, and you can only take an action or a bonus action, and not both. Okay? No. So you find yourself in a sticky morass

and he is able to pull his head back away from you. Now, what brings you to the crossroads? Where the corridors meet some say that the devil waits at the crossroads waiting to trade something sweet for your soul. Perhaps I'm the devil. Ha ha ha ha.

A handsome devil, that is? Have some tea. Have some tea. Ernie, what would you like to do? Now, I've never done a glyph of warding before, but is that just going to explode at this feat Or is that going to catch him? I like that takes a minute to do.

Like you would have to be drawing on the man's walls. You would have to be like, hang on a minute. Let me draw this thing and then you need him to read it. Or it's more like something that you sealed something. I don't want to kill this guy. I'll speak with him and... What do you want to say to him? You can try and persuade him.

I want to say, man, I've seen two people die today. and I don't want to see a third. I just want to have tiny bread frog style with a tiny hat. I had frog style once with a large minotaur. Was that my action? Or can I fucking Eldridge Blast this kind? You can try and persuade him. Are you asking him something?

You're trying to intimidate him? What do you want to do? I'll say, sir, if you are the devil at the crossroads, then perhaps there is a trade to be hat. Would you take something for that tiny hat? Why, I would give the hat freely. Any friend of Wendy's is a friend of mine. Then be my friend and place the hat upon my head betwixt my ears.

Inside your hat? Inside your head? Between your ears? Pon my head. Upon your head. Pon my head. Twixt my ears. That's where you'll find the hat.

It is where you'll find. Now that reminds me of. of an elder, a very old poem by Chauncey Whistlebund. Dinner, it's your turn. What would you like to do? Upon my head, a season here, twither, nither, whither, weir. The festive season comes and goes. And as it does, I smell the rose.

Oh, a poetry fanatic, just like myself. Oh, my beamish boy, it's nice to have a kind of. spirit in the house. Well, you see when you're amongst roughabouts like these, it's so it's difficult to get a moment to yourself to think about the flowers of

words. Flowers of words. Dinner has been stuck in the slow. Dinner, did you want to do anything? Go on. You're just going to keep talking to it. Do you know this one? Where it is, nobody

Nobody knows. But where I walk, that's where it goes. Everybody moving near. Let me whisper in your ear. Oh, cut of me intrigued. I'm very close to him now. So you lean in and whisper in his ear. What are you going to do?

I'm going to shoot you like minority report. You're going to shoot him? And I shoot him with my tear gun. While I'm doing poetry, I loaded it up and I shoot him in the gut. Okay, well, making an attack roll. All right, I will. With advantage. You're real close.

Can I just ask how many inches were you from his hat when you did that? I was really, really close. Excellent. Okay. Uh, one. You have advantage? An advantage? 20.

Yeah. You absolutely blow his brain to smithereens, and the little hat spins in the air and lands with a plop on your head. There we go. The old man, the innocent old man, is dead and as he dies you feel a rumble within your thighs. The expansion of your muscles as you start to grow. You are in a race against time.

Jenny, what would you like to do? Guys, this isn't just a regular pump like you get in pump or even pump flow. We need to get out of the city right now. Now I'm going to make an athletic but unhurried rush for the stairs. Come on, everybody. Follow Jenny Penny. Okay, off Jenny goes. What would you like to do, Sunbelt?

I'm going to goering, I mean, yeah, goring rush Jenny. I'll run after it. You're going to goring rush Jenny? I'll chase off. Okay, so you're running to Ernie your turn. I run also. Okay, you're all running outside and I assume you also. Yes, okay, so you're out.

So you're outside. and as you step out into the street, you boom, start to grow by a foot and you see down the end, I don't understand scale in this instance, but you are far from where you need to be and growing bigger. I guess roll some dice,

and I'll tell you what happens. Also, I rolled a 19 plus whatever. 19 is a good roll. That's a 5. 5 is a bad roll. I'm going to come back to you, Jenny. What did you get? I've got a 3.

Oh, three is also that... Do we plus anything? Can I plus anything? What do you get? 12. So 12 is fine. So you guys are running down. You've made it, I think, to the central square.

There is more space around you, so your biggest size isn't going to be impacted as long as you're in the square. Yes. But Jenny and dinner get tangled in an embrace and fall down and find themselves face to face. Yeah, thank you, dinner. Should dinner roll to see how close Jenny's ankles? Zadha Dinah's grabbing little hands. Oh wow.

About at 18. Yeah, they're right there. You could reach down and grab them if you wanted. It feels like this might be the last chance we get, so I just want to say that lullaby you sang to the gorilla

was really beautiful, okay? I'd written you off as just a regular pervert. And I think you probably still are, but you know, who doesn't have their flaws? Me, I sometimes push too hard on the reformer. But when

comes to you, I can see that there's true beauty in you. That you are more than just a nasty little freak. That you are worthy of love, especially today. Get your hand the fuck off my ankles. As you look back Ernie and Sunbelt, there is an awkward pile of people growing. And you can see as they are all tangled up together. What do you do? you keep going, you go back.

Yeah, yeah. What are you to do? What are you to do? What are you to do in this moment? Well, I think one of them has the hat. That's true. Dinner has the hat. I have the hat.

So Sunbelt's going to run, Sunbelt's going to, from his beginning size, going to reach across and take the hat. Okay, you're going to try and take the hat? Yeah. Okay, you're going to let him do that? I guess it's dexterity.

It's an opposed dext check. I mean, he wants it. Yeah. Who has the toad loaf at this stage? Who is the toad loaf? I was carrying it because I'm a cryer. Crying on that bad boy. And he tries the toadlove?

And are we near wires to each other? I'm, we're in the middle. We got space. So you're right in the middle and you find yourself growing, I guess? If we look up, is there, can we, is there an out? Yeah, it's sky above you. The walls are. Wait, way, way, way, wait.

That is crazy. So there's just spikes on the walls, but the roof is open. What is the risk of getting big? We get spike on the side. Okay, new plan. You see the fucking show? Okay, so you get bigger and nothing happens because there's no roof. No, there's like 60 centimeters of space between the spikes.

Oh, it's small. Yeah, I said it. Okay, okay. I did the map. I don't. I extruded an X on Adobe Illustrated. Look, I'm on Imperial. I'm playing D&D.

It's all Imperial. Ernie, show me your loaf. Show me the loaf. I whip out my loaf for dinner. I say cop that. I whip off my hat. Yes. And I insert the thinnest part of the loaf onto it.

So you put its face, you put the hat on the loaf? The hat's now on the toad loaf. Great. As you place the tiny hat on the toad loaf, you feel its crust ripple beneath your fingers in an unsettling way. The toad loaf seems to exert a force that makes it float up in the air, lifting away from your prying fingers. It starts to grow and grow, casting a shadow over you in the tiny town.

It reaches down one of its toady arms to each of you to hang on to. Ha ha ha ha. Hello, children. It looks like you're in an nickel-bickle of a pickle. Jump onto my back and hold on tight to my crusty folds. I'm a holiday miracle. I do it. I do it.

I do it. I also do it. The giant toad loaf rises above the crossroads. Growing as you grow. as if by some yeasty magic. I am a manifestation of holiday magic. He-he-he-he! Where to now, my children?

Our friend Polly's house and stat. The Toadloaf sails through the sky above the corridor between winter and spring. As you ride on in the friskillating dusk light, to your right, the lights of Frostopoulos glimmer across the plains of ice and mist lengthening blue shadows. And on your left, you see the warm glow of lanterns linking on across the marshlands as homes ready themselves to welcome guests.

The toad banks left and swoops down low over a meadow of long grass, gurgling with laughter as the tall swishing blades tickle his charred underbelly. The wind whips in your hair as you barrel forward impossibly fast, and then suddenly the toad is small again, just a loaf of bread in amphibious form. For one glorious second, you are each flying, hurtling through the air, before you tumble to the ground, rolling and somersaulting into a heap

at the front door of an earthen house. Can everyone roll a dex check, please? 15. 4. Oh, that's not good. That's not Pilates' dexterity. 15. We don't train for this.

Penny, you don't your noggin on the thick wooden door as you roll forward and slump to a stop. It must sound enough like a knock, because the door starts to open. There in the doorway, crowned by the golden light of a warm welcome half, is Polly Waddle. And she welcomes you in. Oh.

I see you managed to bring the loaf and the little hat, she says, surreptitiously placing a rather nasty-looking ceremonial blade out of the way behind the door jam. Right, you're really going to kill us, huh? Well, you know, fashion, uh, tradition dictates. And who am I to be a stickler? That's not the voice, is it? Close enough. And she says,

why don't you all say what you're grateful for while I go into the kitchen? Waddle, waddle, waddle. Hmm. Well, I guess standing at the precipice of Polly's house, I guess I'm grateful that we got to make friends with that giant toad. I'm grateful for all my friends and need them the most, but even when I don't. I'm grateful my parents are dead.

Shut the, come on, dude. Are you still here? Yeah, guys. I was holding onto the ass. I was wondering who that was. Well, I guess I'm grateful for lesson schedules and for mats that don't make that weird noise when you want to stick you back from them

and also for new friends. I'm grateful for bonds, new and old. I'm also grateful for my friends. We've got music. Sad, orphan. You don't need to do that one word summary of me. Well, what? I'm going to say fine ass.

Oh, well then go ahead. Chinese. Polly walks back in, back in. She says, Well, speaking about music, how about a jolly old song? What? Cherryon, you're a bar, aren't you? Oh, you're not here.

And then suddenly a vision of charion appears. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Christmas ghost, rattling chains. And Yoda's next to him. Charion turns to Ernie as like, I could sing a toadfest, Carol.

Would you, would you accompany me? It's been a while, but I guess I could. You need to highlight it than press it on. Or you can double click. A child was born on Toadfest Day.

A miracle divine, Clushed in its arms, Or so they say, Birth from its mum's vagina A toad so jolly green and fat And on its head A little hat, a hat, a hat, a A little hat, birth from the mum's vagina

O Toadie Toad our best sim king Your tiny heart makes our soul sing, Is it tied on with twine or string? Ding, ding, ding, ding DING S you fucking cons! One, two, one, two, three, four. A blessing, it was true,

The doctors cried, so I've been told it It made our... Oh, Tone, Tote, Toad our festive queen, the joy we feel it All your skin so green, born from the four... And as the heroes of earth break bread together, warmed by the spirit of friendship, eyes shining as they basked, in the wonders of the day, let us bid them adieu, and which all of you gathered here, a miraculous

Toad Fest. Good night. See you all for Lunar Toad Fest in six months. Good up for Simon Griner, please. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Look, that's our last show for this season. We'll be back next year with more dragon friends.

We would like to invite you to partake in the Toadloaf. I believe it's a bit cheesy and a bit hurt. and it's got gluten in it. So if any of those things offend you, do not. Don't eat it if you will die from it. Our first show of the year is January 31st. It's we're doing an improv show. No Dragon Friends, no dice.

It's just going to be straight up, standing up. And we have plans of foot to do things. Do something cool next year. That hasn't quite been confirmed. Stay tuned for something cool. Pretty short. I think, I think. Let's just say a few of us are going to Bunnings to buy a rope and some beans.

Okay. No, no, it's genuinely very cool. Dave was working on something very special and it's like the shrouded to-rin. It's a shout of Turin. All right. Thanks to The Vanguard. We'll see you next time. Bye!