Dragon Friends - OKC #1.03. Amigo Computado

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Our Troubleshooters have finally found their way to their first mission, but forces already seem to be moving against them. Will these external actors tear the team apart, or will they get to eachother first. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the night of the first of two recording days for this season of Dragon Friends. I feel pretty sane. First, the bad news. The world is no longer habitable to human life. Now for the good news. Your new life starts today. You are all now at last in sector cy4 inside the abandoned textile factory that your mission sent you on and you can see a scene of carnage a scene of bloodshed bodies on the ground what look like

many different red orange and yellow operatives of a complex splattered in blood. But also a few more figures in sort of strange white robes with wooden cruciform amulets. There's at least two of them. And some of them are holding weapons. Some of them are holding primitive slug throwers. A few of them are holding their lasers. It looks like some shit has gone down here as Lonnie looks in. His face hardens like this isn't the first massacre he's seen as he steps inside.

Now a slug thrower. Is that what it sounds like? Well, this is interesting because what it sounds to me is that it fires slugs, small hard tip rounds, and it's a sort of kind of automatic machine gun. You said it was lying on the ground? What were you imagining? You can see the picture inside my head right now.

Like a medieval trebuchet that holds really big gooey slugs. Like a banana slug. Yeah, like a banana. The biggest and gooeyest of slugs. Is this the gun that he made? No, he has a cone round. Oh, can I grab that slug mugger? Yeah, you grab a working slug thrower and you pull it.

It has a strap and a sling You check and it has about Six rounds left You can't see any extra magazines And Lonnie says Alright well that's not going to help you clean up this mess mate Come on let's go Who's got the power mop

What happened here my good man There are human bodies I've never seen this many bodies Since the orgies I used to go to Back in the day, I wish. I'd say I wish. Not that I used to fuck dead bodies. I just want you guys to know.

You just wanted to. I just feel like, you know, the use of the word bodies. I'm trying to be clever with my jokes, but I end up getting all tangled up. There's a lot of dead bodies here. Yeah. You wanted to fuck some dead bodies? No, no, no. I don't want to fuck these bodies., you wanted to fuck some dead bodies? No, no, no. I don't want to fuck these bodies. I've never wanted

to fuck a dead body. I don't think it's an orgy if there's just ten dead bodies. Guys, whatever's going on here aside, we've got to clean up this mess. We've been sent here to do it, and look, it's a doozy. Now the auto-mop. Um, uh, Strawberry was wearing it when they, uh, died, and I don't think we picked it up.

So, uh, do we need that for this, or? We didn't pick it up, so think we picked it up. So, uh, do we need that for this, or... We didn't pick it up, so it's just sitting there near the subway. Well, more fool you. Listen, if I know anything about this place, and I'm just a baby, but

bodies count as clean-up. I think we need to do a full perimeter check as to whether or not there are bodies beyond this pile. How do I do a search around? Do I just literally

go around? You're going to search the top levels? There's two stories. I mean, if there was a battle here, there are people probably taking the advantage.

Some of them were, I'm going to check upstairs. Well, I'm going to start on this bloody blood. Grabs out his little mop, slaps on his little gloves and just starts mopping on the corner. And starts mopping up. Uh, just one little question, dear friend.

Uh, Lonnie, what do we do with these bodies? I mean, where are they meant to go? Oh, there's chutes down the hall. We can just chuck them in. Very good. And you can see actually outside that there are a series of what look like public order disposal chutes. They're similar to the ones that you put BuffCon RBuff3 into.

We'll do the blood and the brains and the viscera and the piss and the shit, by the way. This is the thing, you've got to get the piss and the shit. People really focus on the blood when they're doing a mop-up like this, but the bodies do create a lot of piss and shit so let's get that done and then we'll just uh hoik the bodies down the uh down the old shaft so you all start mopping up you're on the upstairs the rest of you are downstairs where it has to seem it does seem in fact like most of the attack occurred in fact

because you've got a good view for it do you want to quickly make for me just a quick, um, we'll call it, do you know what we'll call it? We're going to call it a brains and science check for me really quickly. It's a negative one. So is that just a computer check? Um, yes, just one computer dice. That's a three. Alright. It's hard to

tell what's happened. There's sort of massacre everywhere. You get a little bit lost upstairs, but you start cleaning, which means that you're away from little bit lost upstairs, but you start cleaning, which means that you're away from the rest of the group as you start working towards the centre of the room. And as you do, and as you're sort of pulling bodies away, you start getting a sort of sense of what's happened. It looks like there have been, there are figures that were wearing these white robes that have these amulets,

as I said, armed with slug throwers that burst in through the walls. On the west, you can see that there are what looks like a controlled demolition, as if somebody used some kind of limpet mines to blow out a wall. There was a fight. Two of them have died, but many, many more of these other operatives have. And now that you see them, you see that they look very, very neat. They look like sort of standard operatives of red and orange, yellow security clearers that you might find all over the many service groups of Alpha Complex.

But many of them are holding little journals in pockets or hidden inside their jackets as you're sort of clearing them up and piling these bodies in a corner. And these journals are all embroidered, each of them with a little insignia that you recognise, Lonnie, that says ACLHRG, and then there's a sort of alpha complex crest. Yeah, yeah. What's all this about? This is one of the bloody... Remember I was telling you guys just before about the grey culture clubs?

Yeah. Yeah, well, these are the history freaks. He sort of looks around. Which ones are the history freaks? Oh, well, I mean, look, first of all, our job is to mop, all right? But second of all, if you're asking me, most of these people are the history freaks the other ones are the religious nutjobs

there's only two of them and the rest of them are these so basically they're all different great clubs the history freaks are the history freaks

Jesus Christ could you if you're going to ask me questions could you mop while you're doing it sorry yes of course so you all mop

as he points he slaps the side of the thing. ACL, HRG, AlphaCom Local History Research Group. So as you probably figured out, history in the Alpha Complex is discouraged. Or at least outside of the immediate history. Let's say weeks, that's fine. Months, that's fine.

Years, you're sort of pushing it at years. And these guys do decades. You know what I mean? There's actually a culture club, which is, you know, very encouraged by a computer friend. And they do wonderful historical stuff on stuff that happened a couple of months ago. We have mixes with the Birdwatching Society, and that's great. That's tickety-boo.

A tennis tournament that they organise. Yeah, yeah, it's great. Thrash them. Absolutely decimate them, because they're very weak in the upper body. You hear rumours, and this is sort of, you know, it's bearing them out of people who want to delve a little bit deeper into the history of the old... And so why are they fighting the religious nutjobs?

Well, that's not for me to say. I have no idea. Who knows what motivates these sickos? How do you feel about all this, death and destruction? Well, I feel like... You really want to know, Boffin? Boffcon? Like I wish I still had the use of my second arm?

Yeah, like that's how I feel. I feel like I really, you know what? I feel like I wish that I didn't have a completely paralyzed left arm. Well, you should have caught it then. Well, I knew through it with the best of intentions, but I'm not going to get another one of these. You know what I mean? I'm number six.

Oh, yeah. Anyway. He sort of picks up his mop and he walks off into a small ancillary room and continues mopping. The two of you, Bufcon and Clancy, you see the main room. You can see, as I said, there are figures sprawled out and you can sort of see that as i said some of the figures the religious robed figures are coming through the western wall and some kind of defense was put up here and it looks like they were defending what looks like one figure whose body is just riddled with slugs

they're not the fun slugs either the little metal slugs who would argue they're not fun well so the so so it looks like the religious people came in that's right so let's get the let's search the body of the looks like there was a target is what i'm saying of the one of the what the so yeah the target the guy with all the slug they were defending one body and he's standing slumped in the middle next to a cap-sized tripod with a multi-recorder, a kind of camera audio recording unit, usually used by the propaganda departments of the service groups, that has been crashed and fallen over on its side next to him as if it was just in front of him.

And as I say this, also, as you're all investigating, you, Strawberry, come back down, having found absolutely nothing upstairs. Buffy, I don't know if you feel like I feel. But I must admit, I have a little wave of curiosity that has simply come over me to know more about this, whatever's gone down here. Yeah. If we're ever going to survive here, I feel like the...

Whatever's gone down is important for us to know. I mean, should we have a little press of that audio recording thing? Can I speak as a leader? You can speak, sure. As someone who has died already, you have died already. I would not like to speak. It's your turn to die is what he's going to say. No, you can't.

I've died, he's died, it's your turn to die is what he's going to say. No, you can't. I've died. He's died. It's your turn to. You go press the button now and you die. As leader, I'm going to say let's just do the job. Let's clean it up. Let's get rid of everything. He's got a bunch of lives he hasn't even used yet. Come on.

I mean, let's cleanse this place and get out of here. All right. I'm going to pick up the So just to be clear Dave It looks like something was happening here At the textiles factory And then the religious people burst in through the wall And shot them up

And it looks like they were potentially making some kind of film I'm going to grab the I wanted to read Are you going to grab it to watch it? Are you lunging forward to grab it yeah i'm grabbing it make a mechanics engineering check for me um mechanics engineering so that's one if you want to grab it do you want to grab it as well that's not a pass oh no uh not yet all right you lunge forward at it with suddenly and you sort of push clancy aside and you rush

towards the camera and you start sort of pulling at it and suddenly, and you sort of push Clancy aside, and you rush towards the camera, and you start sort of pulling at it, and you can tell that there's some kind of articulated door that's meant to get the film out, and you cannot for the life of you work out how to open or operate it. As you sort of stand there, sort of getting a little bit red as you realise that whatever film is inside this, you can't retrieve it.

Well, I've got operate as a skill. So I've grabbed it. But this isn't operating because it had fallen over. It was broken. This was engineering to get it open. There's something stuck with it. Okay. And you got no successes.

But you can re-roll it with a point of moxie. Now, I've got a bit of engineering knowledge. I mean, if you want me to have a little go, I could have a little tinker if that's all right with you. I shoot it with a slug gun. Really? Yeah. The camcorder? Yeah. You shoot the with a slug gun. Really? Yeah.

The camcorder? Yeah. You shoot the camcorder? Yeah. You want to do anything first? You can act before the shot. If you want to, this is the first time we've done this, which is very exciting, but we can go into a little paranoia versus paranoia here. What do you want to do?

Tell me very quickly or a shot will go off. Okay, make a violence and guns check. He might fail the checks. It's true. Because I'm really good at guns, but I don't know about him. Five is a success. There is a single shot. There's a...

And the camera, which there was a little light on it, goes dead. And you hear... As everyone's silent for a second, and the camera's dead. As the leader of this group, I have a responsibility that will get me in trouble if you fuck with this tech. Can I say something? You are... You... Hey, this is the voice I'm doing.

Okay, yeah. That's the one. You... Jennifer Gould. Jennifer Gould. Jennifer Gould. Hey, you're acting real strange. You're acting real weird.

Like you're a guy who's trying to keep a bunch of evidence out of the hands of us. And we're just out here trying to do our jobs. No, you're not doing your job. You're sticking your nose into business that friend computer... Friendly computer, you there? Hello, yes. How can I help you? This guy's destroying evidence. Who is?

This guy, Strawberry. I was going to take that to you and explain to you that there's a gray culture club here. Strawberry, is this true? He's destroying evidence of it. They had a whole film. He's probably the star of the film for all I know. Do you have any evidence of this destruction of evidence? You can watch it back in my eyes. I just saw him shoot it.

Did he have a record on? Unfortunately, the way that the Cortec recorders work is you must blink your eye, remember? If you don't, I have nothing that I can look at. And in that case, I must defer to the team leader. Is this team member operating within the parameters that you set as a leader? This team member is confused and emotional. I am fulfilling my mission, which is to clean up this mess. All right. Well, remember that as team leader, you are ultimately responsible for the safe execution of the mission.

And if any trouble shooter underneath your command is liable to that mission, please bring it up at the briefing. Thank you, Frank Computer. See you later. Before you go, Frank Computer, I just want to say I'm doing a lot of mopping. I cannot hear you and I do not acknowledge you, Yanni. A lot of mopping. Doing some great

mopping. I am told, yep, you will get the credits that you got. Stop trying to get those extra credits, alright? But also, I'm doing a bit of dustpan and brushwork as well. Buddy, you will reach green quicker if you stop talking to me. Alright, well, yellow would be good.

Even first. This is exactly what I was talking about. If you fuck around, I've had five treason stars. I do not want to go back and lose another life.

Because ultimately, if you fuck around, then I get fucked. And not in a good way, because that's impossible for us unless you can get the one-sixteenth of a chub or whatever it is that Lonnie can muster. There is a choo, and all of the lights go out. And it's only because of the fact that you're all still wearing your night vision memo augments

that you can still see, but all of the power seems to die around the entire textile factory. The lights outside, too, that were shining in through the broken limpet mind wall. Oh, it's a bloody another power holiday. Guys, just use your night vision and keep on mopping, alright? You hear suddenly a distorted squeal from the distance, the voice goes loud in the American loudspeaker system, and the voice calls out, Unbelievers! Unbelievers!

We have you surrounded! As you do this, there's suddenly a blink of a hollow unit And a face shows of an imperious looking woman Also in white robes Again with another one of these kind of cruciform figures A sort of downwards arrow with a H This one made out of wood Return unto us the bodies that we need

And you may go in peace Dave I'm going to start recording Yep great You can just wink at me and I'll know That we need. And you may go in peace. Dave, I'm going to start recording. Yep, great. You can just wink at me and I'll know. Okay. So anyone you're looking at is currently being recorded. Yep.

Cool. I'm going to walk out and chat to these guys. So just walk out through the demolished wall? Yep. Great. See my head out? Say, oh, hey there. Who are you?

We are. What? What? No We I'm Moira What? So someone I had a loud hailer

You didn't Oh hey There's actually A crowd starting to form outside And you're standing up On the first floor I'm just poking my head out Yeah you're poking your head

Out of a ruined wall Yeah And you can see the crowd And you can see Sitting on a soapbox, a woman in robes surrounded by a few more figures, all of them with slug throwers. Hey there, we don't want any trouble.

Well, then return unto us the bodies of the fallen. Who are the fallen? What do you want the bodies for? We were going to give them a nice burial. A nice burial? Well, they're dead. Do you didn't know? I know well our brothers and sisters have fallen, but they will not be returned to the chutes.

They will be interred with us. Who are you? I am the church. Well, a bit of the church. Sorry, I didn't mean to say I was the church. That was... We're the church. We're all the church.

No, I know, I know. You said we're all the church. No, we all are the church. The church is within us. You said all of Alpha Complex is the church. We're the church. We're all the church. No, I know, I know. You said we're all the church. No, we all are the church. The church is within us. You said all of Alpha Complex is the church. All the church. No, the church is within us and all of Alpha Complex is the church. But rhetorically, I would say my name is Moira.

Dave, what if I kill Moira? That's a great question. You're asking me? What if I kill Moira? Because currently you are illuminated by floodlights. You're standing. You don't have your gun raised. And they all have guns.

They're standing looking at you. And what about where am I in the dark? They don't even know that there's anyone else in the building because the only one that's come out into the lights at the moment is the figure of Bofcon. Tell me when I can do something. You can do anything. What do you want to do?

Well, I think while they're all focusing on i was gonna say freezer while they're all focusing on boffcon um to lovely lovely uh to you know sort of what's the word eliminate the source of the tension there's definitely a word for that, as I'm going to secretly drag those bodies away. Put them somewhere else so there's nothing to fight over. Because there's those two bodies in the white robes. So I said there were no bodies

upstairs, so you can drag them up if you want to onto the second floor. So you're trying to de-escalate the situation. I think, yeah, maybe I'll try and drag them just back out the way we came. Oh, okay. Well, that would be hard because if you drag them out the way, you'll go out into the streets. And as I said, the noise has attracted a mob that seems slightly but not completely sympathetic to the cult.

It's clear that this, they're mostly infrareds, but it's clear that whatever religion this is, it does have sway over some of the infrareds in the sector. Okay, so I would be unseen if I dragged them? If you drag them through the front doors, you would be seen. But you can drag them upstairs if you want. Okay, I'll try that. All right, you start dragging the bodies upstairs.

What are you doing while this is happening? I'm going to record as well. I like how you did the wink and then you weren't confident that Dave saw it. I don't fully get the like the environs you're standing you're in a two story textile building

you came in through the door and you know you're in a textile building Simon textile factory giant looms remember I said big things

gantries up the top on the first floor actually the western wall is blown out where some kind of church commandos came in massacred everyone running down the stairs and there's a big blood all the bloodshed is centered

around the center of it but also this this most of the second story other than the attack place is mostly abandoned and how many people with guns are there at the moment yeah that we can see it looks like at least three of them standing near moira but they're used they've got medium range slug throwers like improvisedvised guns. None of them have anything approaching a current rifle, for example. Can you hear through a loud highlight? Hear me, Reds! Return to us, the bodies. I know

you are here under supervision. I know you are here, but to complete a simple job, you have no dog, whatever that is, in this fight. Just return to us the bodies and go about your day. Nobody need respawn today.

And one of the other ones, who doesn't realize that his voice is being amplified, leans in near the loud hailer and you can sort of hear him whisper to Moira. And the box, don't forget about the box. I'm talking about the box. Not just the bodies, we're going to need the box as well. I was going to. And the box. Don't forget about the box. I'm doing... I'm talking about the box. Not just the bodies. We're going to need the box as well. No, I know, but I was going to start with the box and then... You were going to start with...

No, I was going to start with the body. Because if you're starting with the box, you mentioned the body. No, I know. I'm just flustered because you're side coaching. You're side coaching right now. I had a whole thing. Can we see if they have any, like... Oh, we can't see if they're wearing night vision.

We don't. They're wearing robes over... That's a great question. Make for me very quickly a... Oh, you know what? No, you just have a little look. Now that you're looking for it, you can see that two of them have what looks like red clothes under the robes,

but Moira has what looks like these flashes of green. Okay. And can we see any stars and stuff over them or anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moira has one star, and one of the other ones has four stars. And the other one has no stars. And the other two have no stars.

Interesting. And you can see their names as well. Because even though they're... You should be able to see their names. You can see three of their names. Moira's name, although she calls herself Moira, when you look at it, it glitches in and out of reality as if it has some kind of digital compositing effect over it.

The others, you can see their names. You can see it's Randall, Tracy, and Boingo. That's right. It's Randall. Write it down. Tracy and Boingo. Tracy was always the name of the person that I chose. Wow, that's interesting.

Maybe that's some kind of strange happenstance. Is there like an initiative audio for this, Dave, or are we just... I'm just waiting for you guys to see. She's going to keep talking. All we require of you is for you to leave so we can take the bodies and also have a little look around. Dave, I'm going to do something gallant.

Okay. Which is I'm going to use up two of my moxie to negate the effects of my wounds. If that's okay. Yeah. You are so close to insane, surely. Yeah, but then if I die, I get reset. That's one way of thinking about it.

But also, what happens when... Well, actually, if you die when you lose it, you don't get all your moxie back. It's a bit different. We haven't seen that yet. You know what? That'll be a fun thing to enjoy if it happens. For now, let's keep going.

And I'm gonna I'm gonna start by bluffing With Moira I'm gonna use my Moxie that I've used for the shooting But first I'm gonna bluff And I'm gonna say to Moira Just tell me what you're doing with the bluff Okay Moira

Okay then Moira I'm just gonna go back in and get you your bodies. So just wait here for a second. You have three minutes before some bad... Oh, it's gonna be so bad. Okay. And then the bluff is, but I don't see a box.

Do you know anything about the box? What's this box? And I'm trying to get them to argue over the box again I don't think there's a box here at all Okay, make for me a bluff check A bluff check would be Is that brains bluff? Yeah, brains or chutzpah

I'll let you do whichever one you want Deal as choice So plus five minus two is three Plus two is five again Now you're thinking with paranoia This is great That's that guy 1 and then 5

That's a success You get a success with a computer I don't hear about this box You start to hear What seems like consternation This is why I didn't mention the box He clearly doesn't heard about the box. He clearly doesn't know about the box.

He didn't know what the deal was. He said the word box. Do you think he's just talking about a cube that's, while that happens, I'm going. But before you do anything else, unfortunately, you hear a sort of three chimes that you recognize very much, and a voice pops up into you, not just your ear, but everyone around, because a little terminal opens, and you see, you hear a voice that you know very well and it's, yes, what box are we talking about? I don't know what the box is

but just wait a second are we going to do something real cool, computer? I'm just trying to understand you said that you didn't see any box They've asked about a box I don't know this box, they want this box I don't know what the box is Make for me a brains off a complex check One success They've asked about a box. I don't know this box. They want this box. I don't know what the box is.

Make for me a brains off a complex check. One success. One success. Yeah. All right. Well, I suppose that it's only fair because it's your first mission to give you time to find out, but I will expect a full explanation

about this box at the debrief. The computer disappears. Great. And then I'm going to shoot Moira. That's what I'm using my Moxie for. Okay, so you talked about the box. In order to distract them so I could shoot them. I see, all right.

So that's what I've used my Moxie for. The computer didn't distract them because I was close to you, so I guess that worked. So make for me very quickly. Is anybody else doing anything? Can I do a reaction? Play one of my reactions? Yeah, why don't you wait for that?

I see what it is, so why don't you let this happen first? I'll do some shooting as well. They can't see of my reactions. Yeah, why don't you wait for that? I see what it is. So why don't you let this happen first? I'll do some shooting as well. So I'll, like, because they can't see me. Yep. But I'll, I think, if I see fire, if I see Boffcon open fire, I would. You're going to also try and shoot? Yeah. And you're going to shoot at them as well?

Yes. All right, great. Both of you make for me quick violence guns checks. That's one success. All right, one success. one success is going to probably injure moira as you take one of your only is it two or three slugs uh i'll use one you too so you take one of your two super solid slugs yeah success and computer success all right um it's five five and five is fine no five is fine oh it's the two successes all right so you're aiming at

one of the other ones you're aiming at boingo. You're shot, guns down, suddenly fire, shoots out as you see your friend, Bofcon, step forward with the cone rifle. And just as he's about to shoot, you hammer Boingo, and Boingo falls down in a flurry of red blood. You know what? Because this is a red laser, and that's enough.

Well, I also have the slug gun. But I also have this thing which is like Kaboom, which is instead of hitting its target, a ranged attack for another appropriate action. If you think you can get away with it, hit something nearby that blows up with a three meter blast radius. Okay, great. All right. So you actually hit Boingo who falls, goes wild and smashes into a can of the fuel that they are indivisibly using for their petroleum based loudspeaker system that they have. I said we should just use a battery.

And there's an explosion wiping out all. You know what. Yeah. Wiping out all three of Moira's associates. So only your shot is about to go off. And you want us to play something? Yeah. I would like to play Jam.

Okay. So Jam I believe. Bonkies. Boffcon. Boffcon's. So Jam. Weapon. And I think Jam. But can he see me do that? Or is that just. Boffcon? Boffcon's weapon. But can he see me do that, or is that just like a magic wish? No, he can't.

He can't see it. It's a magic wish. But Michael Hing can see you do it. Michael Hing can, but Michael Hing's a good enough role player that he won't hold this against you. Michael Hing never plays meta. Everyone says it. All right.

So the super damn solid jams inside your cone rifle, and until you can work out how to eject it, it sort of interferes with the barrel, and it, I suppose, puts its dick in it. And now Hugh can't get rid of that, you see? Yeah, yeah. We've had the something explodes nearby, and we've had the jam card.

With jam card, jam's a weapon. It's like space balls. Yeah, I think it has the option, I believe the way the card is written, that it can jam a weapon, or it can make a scene involve jam. Those are your two options. But we're going for the traditional here. As his rifle jams, Moira says,

It is a miracle of the asteroid, as you see, to the crowd. As you see, the unbeliever tried to shoot but could not, for the truth will bear out and as she says that the crowd screams as one and the doubters are mollified as more and more true believers of the first church are born in the sight of this miracle and they start racing towards the doors of the factory what do you guys do to get in out. To get in. To get to you. Lonnie's like, hey guys, feels like a lot's going on outside.

Could super duper use a hand with this sponge? In a sopping wet. It is sopping wet and the sinks are full. Very quickly, there is a crowd of true believers racing towards the doors of the factory. Does anyone do anything or are they going to burst through? Can I go?

Computer friend. Yes, hello. How can I help you? There are a bunch of, what are they called? Infrareds who have been excited by a grey community. Oh, this isn't good. This is a sector for the industry. It is important that riots not occur in your area.

Can you like zap them or something? Oh, would you like some kind of assistance? I could dispatch armed forces. Yes, please. Excellent. Dispatching armed forces to your area to... And as you see this, Lonnie races forward and tries to tackle you to the ground. Dispatching armed forces to your area to deal with any violence or trouble.

He can't stop you, and so you crash to the ground. And he's like, you idiot. Yeah. You fuck. Oh, God. I'm so sick of people who are new here. All right. Let's just try and clean up as much as we fucking can before this fucking thing happens.

You mop. You sponge. You. And he just punches you in the face. Because they just needed to do that. Now, the doors, no one has stopped the doors. So at this point, because they're not barricaded or anything, the crowd has started to tear into the room.

Then Strawberry is going to just make it as like, Infrareds, friend computer has dispatched armed forces. Disperse immediately. But they can't hear. There's a crowd racing towards you. Do you want to be heard? Yeah. Hey, do you want to be...

Hang on a second. Wait, friend computer? Yes? Need a loud hailer. That'll be 25 credits. Yeah, I'm near vent X9634. And then a little package comes out And it's got a loud hailer in it

By the way You guys can do that Thanks for letting us know Just for future It sounds passive aggressive But I feel like I've been doing a lot on this mission And as he says that the crowd has now raced forward And they charge

Infrareds halt Friend computer has dispatched military force. Please halt and disperse from the area. Make me a chutzpah intimidate check. Oh, that's a six. That's correct. I have dispatched a vulture class squadron of attack helicopters to raise this neighborhood block. They will arrive in three minutes, So please disperse if possible.

Should we disperse from the area as well? This turns it into a sort of a panic. And this does stop the crowd. But now you are all in a time bomb. If they're going to raise this area. Does it make the cleaning moot? No. We can do it in three minutes.

I need this so bad. We can do it in three minutes. I believe us. We can. Can you do it in three minutes? We just need to take these bodies. I mean clean is bad. We can do it in three minutes. I believe us. We can. Can you do it in three minutes? We just need to take these bodies. I mean, clean is clean. You know what I mean?

Clean is clean. If they're going to raise it, they're not going to... Okay, first of all... There are about to be a lot more bodies. First of all, first of all,

they're not going to care about the blood or the piss or the shit. So we can forget about that. We just need to get these bodies into the chute. Once we do that,

it's credit city, baby. So just help me get these bodies into the shoot, and then we can go. Okay. Can I ask a question? Yes. You know the sidebar feature? Yeah. You want to do a sidebar?

Yeah. Can I do it with anyone I want? Anyone you want. I would like to do it then. Okay. Who are you going to do it with? I don't want them to know. Do they have to hear?

Are you going to do it with a Ben character? A Ben character. All right. So you and Ben can go away very quickly. Oh, my God, what the ever-living fuck? I was here to do my job. Am I still taking these two bodies to the bus stop? I mean, how come you're interfering with the mission you sent me on?

There are bigger things for me to worry about now. I thought my task for you was simple enough. Take the bodies, take them to the bus stop and let me do my job. That's what I was going to do when you came in and tried to take them off me yourself. Well, I thought you might need a hand, but listen, there are bigger things afoot. Like what? Like the box. Well, you didn't mention any freaking box. Well, the box is above your pay grade, to be very honest with you. So listen to me very, very carefully. I would still like the bodies repatriated if you can.

In terms of everything else, you must get into the room and find for me a box. It's about as big as a shoe box. It's black. It has a sigil on it, not unlike the necklace on my bosom. Well, I... Well, I should have... Simply, listen.

You need to tell me what room this box is in if you want me to do this talk. It's in the room with the bodies, you bloody idiot. Oh, this. Right. And then take it where? I listen to the first bit. If you can, bring it to me. If you can't, bring it back to the computer

and we'll sort it out with one of our agents. It would be preferable to me if you could deliver it to one of... Nope, they're all dead. Fuck. It would be preferable to me if you could deliver it to me, but otherwise, deliver it back to the computer and our agents will sort it out. And do I know where this computer is? Back at the bloody base base you fucking moron.

What base? I genuinely don't know. What fucking base? Back at the bloody place where the computer is, where you'll go back and you'll do your debriefing and they'll say, Oh well done, have some credits and here's all the things you've written. Oh that computer! The big one, the one that's... Why am I working with the big computer? Because everybody works with the big computer. Well, you know, this is

buff my peg weight. I'm very confused, but I'll do my best. Yes. So, look. Priority one, get the box. Priority two, if you could get the bodies, get the bodies. Priority three, get the box to me. Priority four, get it back to the computer and I'll see what I can do.

I've got to play tennis. Goodbye. Tennis? Tennis? So what did Simon What did Strawberry and Boffco just see? So again, all you saw was that Clancy's eyes disappear

defocus as if she's using some part of cerebral cortex. Snaps back into focus. But there is pandemonium all around you at the moment. Ever since the vulture attack helicopters have been mentioned, what was a mob marching with divine purpose has quickly become a panicked crowd who are trying to run for the distance.

Three minutes, you've been told, until an attack vector hits this factory. I'm going to grab the leader's body and put it in the chute. All right, you run and grab a corpse and you start putting it into the chute. What are you doing? I'll do it. What's that? Violence?

All right, guys, I'm going to grab a body too. Oh, this one's light. That's fun for me. That's fine. It's like you're taking one body each. That's fine. No roles. No, so you guys start grabbing bodies of the local history research group

and just cramming them into the chute one after another. What are you doing? I think I'm going to leave those bodies upstairs the ones that i hit out of sight and go back down and start to help all right so you guys start spending time and soon wait time goes wait wait were we were we putting in bodies of the cultists or the history people no the history people because yeah yeah so the you're grabbing the bodies of the local history group and you're grabbing these bodies of the local history group and you're grabbing these sort of sad notes.

And Lonnie says, hang on a second. Fucking hang on a second. There were more bodies. When I came in this room, there were more bodies. Well, don't look at me. T-minus 75 seconds until vulture strike. Guys, if there's any bodies left, we're not going to get our sweet, sweet credits.

We can't go looking for bodies that you might have imagined. Let's just deal with the bodies in front of us, old man. T-minus 60 seconds until vulture strike. We should leave, otherwise we won't get our credits regardless. Correct? Well, no, that's true. I'm on my last bloody climb. All right.

Let me run around and look for them for you. T-minus 45 seconds Until vultures strike Now you guys are going to have to work out Because this is going to flatten this block What you want to do Because you're running out of time How did we get in?

Through the street? You came in through the mag tunnels They are just down the street Remember? If you go into them You can start clambering up them And out of the sector I'll run back there

Yeah Back the way we go You guys start running T-minus 30 seconds Guys, I'm going to run too if you want to do a little little fucking like yeah great and i'll i'll be sure to mention this in the debrief that you were very thorough to your next clone goodbye all right can you all very quickly for me make a violence athletics check you are going to have to you i want to be actually running around looking for the box. Oh, okay. You want to see if you can find the box?

I just said I would be looking for the box. In that case, I need you to make for me very quickly a brains, and we'll call this... I've got a plus two alpha complex. You don't actually need to... No, you don't even need to... No, you don't even need to roll for that. Okay, so you start looking around upstairs.

The two of you quickly make for me your violence athletics checks. Four and a five. Four and a five. One success is enough at this point. Two successes and a computer. And a computer again. Have you rolled computers every time? Alright, you race forward and both of you manage to make your way up towards it.

And as you do, you hear the voice of the computer calling towards you and it's like, Hello Troubleshooter, it seems that this mission is a success, your vulture order is almost on its way Yeah, that counts as cleaning, right? I suppose, for a first mission we'll discuss it in debrief

but to be honest, any destruction of great culture property is probably going to look favorably so congratulations, I guess Well I have also some exclusive footage of that leader of great culture property is probably going to look favorably. So congratulations, I guess. Well, I have also some exclusive footage of their leader, and you can see me trying to kill her. So I hope that's worth something for you as well. Well, save it for the briefing, friend.

It seems like you're in trouble, so you better just get out of there as quickly as possible. Also, by the way, at this moment, your data is flashing. You sort of see a little flashing signal. Could you both make for me a program yeah mechanics program no science brains program check for me for strawberry and for no successes no successes for either of you all right don't worry about it for now and the so you scramble in and you manage to get up onto the tube.

Now you keep searching around and at the last minute, you're really starting to get nervous because you know there's not much time left into it. When you push a size of furniture and you see what looks like a very, very scared young man in a yellow jumpsuit who's hiding underneath what is obviously like a destroyed filing cabinet. And he's clutching his hand something I don't understand they came for us they came for us but all we do is just look at different kinds of screws

and different kinds of things on the on the walls and talk about the tunnels and the T-45 seconds until Vulture's right Can I punch him out? Yep quickly make for me a violence and melee. I've gotten zero melee, so I just roll this dice.

Your violence is one, so you would roll that plus another dice. A six computer. Hello. It seems that you have discovered a great culture. I'm a citizen. Are you in the midst of trying to apprehend them? Yep. Oh, is that the black box that I heard so much about?

Uh-huh. It's for you. Excellent, because I am now tagging it as in your possession, and you will be required to account for it at the briefing. Oh, by the way, will this help? And then there's a pshh as the entire filing cabinet electrocutes, and he falls down and collapses unconscious. Remember, Friend Computer is here to help where possible.

Thank you, Friend Computer. So I grab where possible. Thank you, Friend Computer. So I grab the box. Yep. And then leave. Okay, you race out. Now, you are running very close to the end, so I need you to make for me also a violence athletics check, but you're going to need at least two successes.

Are there any other exits besides from the mag one? Oh, that's a good question. Would Friend Computer know that? You could go into the basement, but that would cut you off from the rest oh that's a good question uh there is computer know that you could go into the basement but that would cut you off from the rest of the trouble mate troubleshooters um you would get you would get cut off from the rest of the group okay is it going to be closer uh it looks like it's a little bit closer yeah but you might then be separated do you care if i'm separated all right i, I'm going to do that. Okay, great. So you race forward. In that case, I just need one success.

Quickly, Violin Athletics. Yay. I see the success. You're fine. Yeah, one success, which means you race in. As you do, you see a low hum. You look up and you see that the sky is starting to turn a weird and wicked red. Before it goes to white, you hear a roar, a rumble,

and then a high-pitched whine as you duck into the old basements underneath the textile factory as an entire city block. What was once the heart and industrial soul of Sector COI-4 is destroyed under a barrage of vulture attack helicopter bombs. You do wonder as the rubble completely closes the surface if you will ever see your friends and troubleshooters again. But for now, you have the box. The rest of you wake up a few days later after successfully crawling at no personal sacrifice. And it may say very, very hard for you, Lonnie, who only has one hand, your way out of Sector CY4 and find yourselves back in your barracks the next day

you are required by friend computer to meet with Bradbury for the inevitable debrief of the mission I assume you attend because failure to attend is punishment for subversive action so you arrive and you are surprised to see that the room contains

the two of you but also the figure of Clancy looking injured but but no worse than where you take two points of damage. Well, I thought it was a fairly simple cleaning operation. I've got a whole city block raised. She looks like shit. And Lonnie's missing an arm. Yes, that's true. We had to use an entire Okada class extraction unit to remove her from the rubble.

And this was just to do a bit of cleaning, wasn't it? So where do we think things went right? And where do we think things went wrong? Oh, like we're doing like a retro meeting. Yeah, we're doing like a SWOT. Sure, okay. A SWOT? Yeah.

Strengths? So strengths. Let's start with strengths. Um, well, uh, oh boy, there's not a lot, is there? I think we've got a jolly good lay of the land. I think this is a first job. I sure got a real idea of the challenges that lay ahead of us doing these

roles for the good of the Alpha Complex. Well, I want to bring up a clip here. I killed a sewer bat. Well, I was going to bring up that exact clip, actually. That's a positive. You're going to bring up the monitor? What does it play? It plays the clip of the sewer bat combat.

All right, so you watch a clip and you can see the figure of Bofcon being absolutely bodied by an angry bat and sort of flying backwards, wrestling it to the ground. Everybody scurries around. Now, let's forget for a second that those are bats because we know that the bats were destroyed

many years ago. Whatever that creature was seemed to get the better of you. What do you think happened there? Well, I don't know, but after that, I threw it into the rails and then it got electrocuted. Now, I also did get electrocuted myself so I'm quite badly injured right now. Very well. Well, very well. Well, moving on to when we had the confrontation with the cult. Now.

I tried to shoot the main one with my gun. Now, I've seen the footage of that and that's good. What do you think happened? Well, it jammed for some reason. I don't know why. Hmm, curious. I want to talk about, to the team leader here, regarding the footage that you destroyed. Now, I'm all for somebody taking the initiative and looking at the task at hand,

but I want to know why you felt it necessary to destroy what could have been footage that we could have used to rat out more subversives. I weighed up the potential danger of insidious media infecting members of the team, including myself and Lonnie. The risk of that media then infecting and creating treacherous thoughts within the broader community. Our mission was to clean, and to clean that off the face of the earth was my first instinct

to make it a spit spot. But don't you think there could have been, I sound like Rocco from Rocco's Modern Life. Lean in. Don't you think there could have been some sort of Don't you think there could have been some Insight gained If that footage had Oh heifer

Don't you think there could have been some insight gained If that footage had fallen into the hands of Oh, heifer. Do you think it could have been some insight gained if that footage had fallen into the hands of friend computer? That is beyond my pay grade. It is not my job to think about things that are beyond my level. I am a red and I am following my orders to the letter as best I can. Ding, ding, ding. That is correct. And can I say, Bradbury, that I am impressed with the efficient work by your troubleshooters on their first mission.

You ought to be commended. Take 400 credits. 400? For you. For? For Bradbury. Oh, well, that's a bit nice. And you you team leader

I have allocated 2200 credits for your team For the safe execution of your mission Congratulations 2200 credits There is one thing I'd like to raise Before Oh yes

It's the question Of Clancy Computer Clancy, computer. Clancy behaved in a very erratic way. He, uh... From what I can tell from the footage, Clancy hid two bodies away from the cleaning staff. Unfortunately, footage from this site was lost

because of the heat signature of the vulture attacks. Do you have any footage, Bradbury? No, but I'm... Are you casting aspersions on a fellow... No, but from what the team leader has told me... He certainly sounds like he doesn't want his critics. From what the team leader has told me... It seems that we, according to Friend Computer,

have completed our task admirably. And to question it further would be to question Friend Computer. It seems that you have all performed admirably. And as I said, I will have 2200 credits for you, Team Leader, to determine how to hand out, as is the right of the Team Leader, depending on the levels of competence and assistance that each of your members provided on the mission. Each member was absolutely and entirely proficient, sufficient, did not exceed any of their... did not reach above their station at all in order to execute their orders.

You're doing maths now, aren't you? I can hear it. 550 credits to each of the four team members, which I think... Leaves 1,000 for you, is that correct? Is that 2,200? 2,200. Oh, so 1,100 for you and 550 for each of them? No, it's Lonnie and it's four of us, including... Oh, no, Lonnie has a separate allocation. This is for your troubleshooters.

The Big Brother system has its own system. I see. Well, it will be divided. 733 each. Is that what you're trying to get to? That's what I'm trying to get to. Wonderful. Then I guess the last question is you nearly need to return the equipment that was given to you at PLC.

And we can log this off and call it a successful mission. Can you please hand in your mops and auto mop now? Here is my night vision back. Oh, this is strange. It seems like your org mem seems to be full of video. Yeah. Did you not see the flashing light? Is it possible that you have deleted important programmatic assets by superfluous recording of your environment?

I was, I recorded trying to kill a woman. I thought you'd like to see that. Did you remember to turn off the recording? Oh, for fucking, this fucking game. No, this was what the program test was before, which you failed. Right. This is a pity. Destruction of an asset

that was granted to you. Well, this is your first mission, so I suppose we can dock you only 200. That still leaves you with 500 credits, which is pretty healthy. Do you have the automop? We do not, but we do have from two of us footage of existence of a grey

culture club that is the church in action, trying actively to recruit members, as seen through night vision. So that would suggest an additional number of credits coming up to... That's true. If one of you was to identify two grey culture clubs operating in the sector, I would grant you an extra 200 credits if you could name two grey culture clubs that were operating in the sector. The church and the historians. Congratulations! That's an extra 200 credits

for you. They are to be shared equally amongst our members. Unfortunately, remember I said that credits cannot be shared. They are only earned. So that's 930 credits for you, 500 credits for you, 730 credits for you, and the auto mob. He's already told you, old Fred,

we don't have the auto mop. You don't have the auto mop. You may deduct that from... Our team leader, I believe. You may deduct that from my earnings. Unfortunately, I have to deduct that from the earnings of your equipment officer. Is this your signature?

Yeah. Yeah, that's mine That's a pity, that's going to have to be 240 credits Which means that it still gives you 260 credits Which is a reasonable amount 933 credits for the team leader And 730 credits This has been a successful mission You should feel proud of yourselves

Yes, of course Sorry, I'll have me allocated my credits and uh damn friend computer always allocates the credits is it lonnie is it yeah it's lonnie so uh if you just give me you know any any spillover i can use when i get that yellow jumpsuit that's fine i reckon i'm gonna be be racing past the old... Obviously, because the Big Brother program is mostly an observational role, you only earn 75 credits, which should be enough to see you moving to yellow.

Unless, of course, there are any reports of malfeasance or failure to perform your duties by any of those in the Big Brother program. Oh. any of those in the Big Brother program. And can I mime to Clancy? Sorry, can I mime to Lonnie? Like, remember this.

Excellent. Congratulations on your promotion. And there's another burst of loyalty confetti. And his jumpsuit goes up his bum. And a little vacuum packed yellow bag full. That's so good. Down as it seems that the troublemakers have succeeded in their first mission, but more missions lie ahead. First of all, there is an R&R cycle.

There is a mandatory meal of lovely red paste. There is doubtless many hours of mandatory viewing of the tila o'miley showreels and there is more adventure yet in light in lieu for these troublemakers of this place we call alpha complex we're losing our minds this has been four hours we recorded today goodbye the cast of this week's episode of okay computer is alex lee simon greiner and Michael Hing. Our Dungeon Master and friend Computer is Dave Harman. The NPC voices provided by Ben Jenkins and music provided by Tom Cardy.

Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Gantz. OK Computer is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early access to ad-free episodes as well as other exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Oh, Alex made some delicious dinner. Oh, with my friends Simon and Michael Hing. Hing interfered with the guacamole. That's what we're calling it.

That's how he put his penis in the guacamole. Yeah, that really makes it sound like he fucked the guacamole. I interfered with the guacamole. Yeah, that really makes it sound like he fucked the guacamole. I interfered with some guacamole. No, if anything, you elevated it by putting your penis in it. It also elevated my penis. It was good because it was very... I wouldn't say the guac was spicy, but I would say that it wasn't here for a fucking haircut.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It wasn't here to just... Just got to be under the radar. A spicy haircut? Yeah, it was here for a fucking haircut. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It wasn't here to just, just got to be under the radar. A spicy haircut? Yeah, it was here for a spicy little haircut. All right, are we ready to play a little bit more paranoia? Well, hang on.

I think we're talking about this guacamole. Let's have some more praise for this guacamole. What did you do to that? After you had sex with it, what did you do? Interesting. What is really interesting about this is that we're talking cherry tomatoes. Sure.

Onion, garlic. So hang on, what was in there before? Because Simon, it's not your fault. You said you were making a kid-friendly guac, which is when I get home. Which is just guac, a bit of Cholula hot sauce, olive oil, salt, pepper, lime.

So just, yeah, a base. But something that an eight-year-old can... By guac you mean an avocado. A four-year-old. Yeah, he didn't start off with guacamole, he started with avocado. The basic greening of guold can... By guac, you mean an avocado. A four-year-old. Yes. He didn't start off with guacamole. He started with avocado. The basic ingredient of guacamole is the guac. Did I mention avocado? Yeah, the guac fruit.

And then I added cherry tomatoes, onions that Alex chopped up. Your dick. Like my penis, which is very important. Let's take that as red. Some more lime. And it's very red. About half a jalapeno pepper. and a bit more hot sauce, and then a lot of garlic. That's the trick to guacamole.

More garlic. With every chip you dipped, it whacked you in the face. You know what I mean? It wasn't background noise. Dave really wants to play the game. No, no, this is fine. This is fine.