Dragon Friends - OKC #1.06 Computer Pass Agg

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

The Troubleshooters find themselves at the door to a mutant stronghold with no way inside. Can their better instincts previal to get them safely and surruptitiously inside, or will their conflicting motives and general lack of competence be their downfall Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, so I think we're about to start. Everybody has their rumours, they have their potential great culture clubs, some of you might even be mutants, Aperol Spritzers, some of you, not all of you, but some of you have shirts. Are we ready to play? I have a shirt, it's just open. I'm in possession of a shirt. Extremely open. First, the bad news. The world is no longer habitable to human life. Now for the good news. Your new life starts today. Deep undercover, our troubleshooters find themselves outside Hab Complex.

Lime tree tango. Now, the five of you, are three original troubleshooters, their new loyalty officer and firebrand, their prisoner slash associate double agent have found themselves outside Hab Complex Lime Tree Tango. As I said, the foyer seems full of rough and ready red, orange and infrared operatives. Your costumes feel very much out of place.

The Hab Complex itself is a large, multi-story building inside an open-vaulted dome at the back of the sector. Most of it is used with flickering power and pollution and garbage everywhere. And my question to you is, how do you want to do this? So when you say our costumes are out of place, the costumes that we've been given? Yes, you were issued costumes to help you infiltrate Scion. These are the torn T-shirts and stuff.

We're like cops trying to get into a music festival just like young folks. And everyone else is just dressed in regular suits, jumpsuits. Yeah, maybe some of them have got rolled up sleeves, but that's about as far as it goes. Do we still have our jumpsuits on us? No, you only have your utility belts, so no, you would have left your original jumpsuits. Do we have one up our butt? Well, if you were, I guess you would. But I'd have to be demoted.

Yeah, I mean, if anyone's demoted or promoted, I guess you would get a new uniform. Quatro got a fresh one. He didn't have to get, he didn't come out of his butt. We can ask for one you know of. We can ask Frank Computer to drop them. Hello, I heard my name? Yes, Frank Computer, we were just wondering, we think we actually look a little out of place with these

godforsaken punk outfits on, so if you would be so kind, could we just be issued with some regular red and one orange jumpsuit? Godforsaken? I don't understand. Were you not issued with your Scion costumes? According to SciOps research, they are 100% fit for the current fashions of all Scion operatives. Look, I'm just seeing what my eyes are reporting to me, and

do not believe they deceive me. So just a few normal outfits, please. Normal outfits. Not the costumes that Friend Computer has provided for you. They may come in handy later, but right now, sticking out like a bit of a sore thumb, old chap.

No, no, that's fine. If you don't want help from Friend Computer, I suppose that it is important to show initiative. So I will provide you with four very boring, very ordinary, very non-top secret, very unfun uniforms. Friend computer, I've never heard you sound like this before. You sound like your feelings are hurt.

Well, it's just that I thought that you were my favorite troubleshooters and I kind of thought we had an understanding. But if we're not really working together, I'll just get what you want. By the way, those hats you asked for? They're coming, and they're going to be great, and they're going to be so exciting, and I have put

several thousand kilocycles of memory into getting you the best delivery of hats I can, but now you don't want my uniform, so I guess, fuck me, I guess. Well, here are your uniforms. Good luck on the mission.

And then it closes, and then four vacuum-packed uniforms land. It has to be said in a garbage bin that is not that close to you, but is plausibly, deniably close to you. And those vacuum packs just fall into the garbage bin. We should put them on. Great, you break them out and you open up and you have a new series of red outfits. Yes, I

was not going to say anything, but you look like clowns. But now we look normal. Yes, I thought the point was for you to look like clowns. I did not guess it, but if you want to blend in, yes, it's good to not dress like fuckheads. I just really feel like I got a bit of pass-ag from the computer just then.

Maybe it's not as robotic as we once thought. Computer is stressed. Computer is slightly treasonous to say, but in for penny, in for pound. Computer is... She break down. Do we still have the kind of silence that excludes No

That was inside the lab That was just a demonstration We couldn't have that Okay Well Got our jumpsuits on Now where is this House?

I'm imagining by the way This thing looking a bit like Divers Flats You know that old IRA stronghold Like those council flats It does look like council flats Yeah cool this thing looking a bit like Divas Flats. You know that old IRA stronghold, like those council flats? It does look like council flats, yeah. I don't know the specific ones you mean, but yeah, it's a tenement.

So it's lots of tiny little apartments crammed on top of each other. Hey, listen, if you want to talk outside of the prying ears of the Amigo, there is a naturally occurring dead zone three levels up in these flats. I'm just saying. That's what I'm just saying. Everyone's got our names.

Sound off, please. Gazelle. Jellyfish. Cop. Pikachu. Firebrand. Nope. Nope.

That's your... That's Nope. That's your... That's your... That's your... That's your scab name. That's your scab name. That's a... Your real name is... Well, I'm Sykes, but that's not a codename.

That's just name. No, no, no. You don't need a codename. You don't need a codename with your people. But I want a codename. Well, you should come up with a different one. What about... You can't have Firebrand.

What about... Can't be Ice What about Mr. Big Dick? Monsieur Big Dick? Better, but not quite there. What about like... What about Monsieur Grand PP? Monsieur Grand PP, okay. Yes, all right. All right, so you're going to...

Monsieur Grand PP. So yeah, you have an automap which shows you the entire building, actually. It's a wireframe of it that you can access. But you want to go through the front door? Tell me this, Monsieur Le PP. These people inside this building, what is the least suspicious thing that we could do? It's a tough question, I grant you,

but maybe think of the most suspicious thing we could do and choose the opposite. Well, listen, here is the problem. I have been missing for two weeks. There is an assumption, in this case a correct one, that I have been captured by Alpha Complex, possibly turned. Our story that we are trying to tell together is that you are mutants who have liberated me from them. I am coming home as prodigal son. But I don't know if Dingo, who is now in command, he is a big shithead.

I raise him from nothing, from lower than the dirt. And he has his eye on my command for so long and I bet you that I would have been gone for two weeks or two days and he would be in the top spot. Well, maybe then if we bring you in rescued but perhaps injured

you don't provide an immediate threat to him and it gives us some let's say wiggle room to assess his character and feelings towards you. This I regret to say is probably a good idea. Or do we pretend

that we suspect that he's been turned into a double agent? Well, that's okay. It doesn't not have merit Keep talking You're going to pretend that he is somebody Who is intentionally infiltrating

Yes, but we're the good ones Who stopped his plans from being a double agent Now, saying this in front of Our good fellow Sykes here Might present some Obstacles This is not a bad idea. If we can mop up afterwards, make everybody happy,

but this is not a bad idea. You have, in your story, captured the double agent, the traitor, and you have brought him back for justice. But won't they just kill you when we get to the pool? Well, maybe this is a risk. Is that a risk you're willing to take? But also, maybe they let us in and then we can do some talking. Perhaps then Dingo lets us into his inner circle

because you have to pretend that they can't trust you, which actually they can't trust you because you are a double agent. Let me remind you that I'm very stupid and at any point I might get confused. Is there a piece of information an item perhaps that you have knowledge of that they would know that we would not know unless we had captured you? If we spill the beans on that

they will know that we know what you know and they... Okay. Here is what I want to do. Dave, can I get to the dead zone, some kind of dead zone without having to go into the flats? Oh, absolutely.

I mean, there's windows leading up to the third floor. There are vents through the building. You might even know of a secret bolt hole or escape hole. Does Firebrand know of any secret ways to get out? And I think I have a way in. First, we need to talk without Amigo hearing. This is still in Amigo's interests, but not technically

part of the... Guys, I need to throw a red flag on this, guys. We've been talking about Dead Zones for a while, and I understand we're looking to complete the mission for Amigo, but this Dead Zone, this language, I'm not vibing. I hear you, and here is my idea.

Will somebody, you are the biggest, punch him very hard in the back of the head? It may potentially be against the rules. I might have to write you up for that. Okay. I mean, I'll punch him in the back of the head. Who outranks who at this point?

I don't know. In terms of the... No, I think you'll be a snitch. And if I punch you in the back of the head, you'll call the Amigo out of here. What do you think, the loyalty officer thing around my neck? Yeah, I think you might well be a snitch. If you think it is for the betterment of the mission, I mean, I could allow

a back of head punch. Is it somehow necessary? Explain how it's necessary. Well, I'm just saying if it is necessary, but at the moment it sounds like I'm getting punched. Tom, don't let them hit you unless they have a good reason. Well, you know, I'm distractible. As a human being, I understand your reluctance to get punched in the back of the head. My suggestion for this was that this man here...

I'm going to punch him in the back of the head. All right, wonderful. You roll up your fists and you do a quick melee violence attack. Always remember your computer dice. I got two successes. Two successes. And just as you're trying to work out what the reason is, you get cold clocked and you slump down unconscious.

You are now hurt. You take a point of damage as your loyalty officer slumps against the building. And then, Dave, I'm going to say to these guys, why did I just do that? What just happened? Why did my arm move just like that, just then? What just happened? Did you make me do it?

Did you make me do it? Who made me punch that man? You're saying that your hand was, let me just check my messages as well. You're saying your hand was connected by force other than your own? Yeah. My hand was controlled. It seems somebody with machine empathy would be the only one.

That's not true, actually. There are other telekines. Puppeteers are very important. Are you telling me his arm is machine? You are full of shit. Well, it is currently lodged in a giant machine. And he's got his mutant disguise on, too. So, I don't know what the fuck just happened there,

but I just clocked this young lad in the head. Completely innocent. As I is your witness, that was a classic case of machine malfunction. Plausible deniability. Yeah, all around. Listen, I can tell you it was not me, and I can tell you this for the truth.

There are mutants everywhere. This is the flats, but listen. Also, an interesting fact about mutants is that the way that mutations work in the vats is that there will always be a dominant mutation, which means you can't have more than one mutation. Because you know that he has machine empathy, it's very unlikely, unless he was wearing some kind of metal glove that... Which you were, actually.

I set my entire left arm as machine. Yeah, okay, I guess. Well, who knows? It could have been fucking any one of you. So, what's the plan? Let's go to the dead zone. Let's just quickly go to the dead zone. Carry him, make him comfy.

We don't need to hurt him any more than he is. We need to have chat. Okay, it's three stories up, so how do you propose to do it? Let's hide his inanimate corpse. Boing! Oh, you're going to activate your... Does it make a little jump?

All right, so you grab your... I'll carry Beetle. While you're all thinking, you grab your thrusters, you jump on, you activate them, and then you execute a perfect jump. She's grabbing Beetle too. Yeah, so I'm going to make a roll for it. Can you make for me very quickly a mechanics operate?

Shouldn't I get some extra mutant dice for that, Dave? Well, it's, I mean, don't believe your own eye because you know it's not a mutation. You know that these are special equipment that was granted to you by Victor. What about operating? For operating? No, I don't have an operating one.

That's alright, I've got two mechanics. I'll be okay. Alright, here we go. You can add if you wanted to spend a point of moxie. This probably stares. That's a success.'ve got two mechanics, I'll be okay Alright, here we go You can add if you want to just spend a point of moxie This probably stares That's a success I got one success, yep Alright, so boing while you're talking The figure of Clancy grabs Beetle and dives and smashes through a third story window

Leaving the other three of you on the ground A little help? We can climb up drainpipe You feel up to it? Yeah, yeah, I'd love to clamber up a drain pipe Listen, you, uh, Bovcon You come with me You stay behind for a moment

Keep lookout And then when we say coast is clear, you come up Wait a minute As leader of this team I don't think I should be left out of any decision making You can go first if you want We need two on the wall One on the ground

Do you want to go first? Leave them? I guess I'll go last. I'll go up the drainpipe last. All right, so you decide to keep a watch out. The two of you start climbing up the drainpipe. Are you using the belt? I guess I have to, don't I?

Because I don't have good athletics. Also, because otherwise you only have one hand. The other one's a dead weight. But this does give you hundreds of other little hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll use the belt. Make a little mechanics operate check for me. Oh, no. Fuck. I'm not going to succeed.

But I'm going to help him. Does that help him? You can give him a bonus dice. Yeah. My mechanic, my operator's negative five, so I'm going to fail. That's alright, as long as you get a few successes. That's one success. Yeah, that's also a computer dice. And then four negatives.

But you're in the dead zone. Four negatives. Not yet. So I'm negative three. Yep. And then I have a computer. Okay, great. All right, so you start to climb up

and at first it seems like a dream as the little tendrils are helping you and for a second you find yourself thinking, what's the point of this hand? Like, I'm a god now. I have hundreds of tiny little hands and it's working. And then suddenly you find yourself with a moment of confidence.

And in that moment, you were distracted suddenly by a chime in your head. Ding, ding, ding. Hello, computer here. Have you found the hats that I supplied? No, we didn't get the hats at all. Where are the hats? Confusing. I will get an update on those. Those hats are meant to be coming towards you. How's the mission going, by the way? Should I talk

quietly? Are we already deep undercover? Yes's the mission going, by the way? Should I talk quietly? Are we already deep undercover? Yes. He's just blasting, by the way, out through a speaker. And you know what, computer? You're ruining this right now. Okay. Oh, I'm so sorry. You know what I'll do? Is I'll put down a sound nullification zone centered on you for the next ten minutes. And he hits you, and now you can't speak.

So he hits you in the center of your voice. He's like, all right, tell me if you want me to get rid of it. Otherwise, I will keep it there. Computer, out. And he stops. But from the distraction, you take a center of your voice. He's like, all right, tell me if you want me to get rid of it. Otherwise, I will keep it there. Computer out. And he stops. But from the distraction, you take a point of moxie. And you start realizing that while you were talking to him, you lost slight control of the tendrils. And as you look down, you see that you continue to climb up.

But your tendrils have dismantled the drains leading up, just tearing them out. And now many of your tendrils, you're sort of trailing about, I would say 10 to 15 kilos of drain pipe behind you in a sort of dress but you manage to haul yourself through the window You know what I've realised, Dave? My athletics is negative 3 and I was like, well I'll get

this to make up for my negative 3 athletics and it wasn't explained to us that we'd be using operate to use these, which is negative five. What did you think you would be using? Well, I don't know.

I just thought we'd be able to use them. I didn't know what that's what operate was. I don't know what any of these skills do. So actually what that means is I'm bad at everything.

It seems like you're in a worse situation than you were. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's almost like you withheld that information on purpose, Dave. I don't want anything

to do with that, but I do think, so now we just, as long as we know, you're missing your fingerprints on one hand, you have a big piece of metal strapped over the other hand, you're trailing about 15 kilos of drainpipe, and you have cut off the team leader from the rest of the group by destroying the means of egress into the building.

However, as you are pulled through the window, luckily, a small mercy, the silence bubble that was put around you pops because you've entered the dead zone and you find yourself being dragged into a side room by the figure of Firebrand. Quick word. We don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to be very, very quick. I know what you are, and this is fine. Don't deny it. I know what you are.

I know you have powers. I know you've been in contact. It's fine. Don't freak out. Listen, you spoke before about triple agents. It's true. I know you've been in contact. It's fine. Don't freak out. Listen, you spoke before about triple agents. It's true. I never lost the faith. Keep your head down, listen to what I say and we'll be fine. Prove to... You gotta prove to me

that you're a triple agent then. How? There's a box I need that you know where it is. Okay. Tell me where it is and then I'll trust you. Fantastic. I know about this box because I was the one who took a drone with my

machine empathy and I took it from Alpha and I moved it to where we are right now. Where is it here then? It is in the flat. It is in the most diabolical hiding place of all. It is in, you. It is in that most diabolical hiding place of all. Okay.

It is in... You know, there is a chest of drawers in one of the flats. The main flat. In my office. In my old office. It is not in the first drawer. Okay. It is in the second drawer.

Second drawer. But wait, the plot thickens. Okay. You're writing this down. You must not write this down. You must just think about it in your mind. More diabolical than the second drawdown, it has a manila folder on top of it.

So were you to open the draw, you would never see it. Now, my concern is this. Dingo has contacted the free enterprise and they are paying for extraction. Now, let me tell you something. Scion is a lot of things, but they are paying for extraction. Now let me tell you something. Scion is a lot of things, but they are not cash rich. So I am assuming that he has something of great value to trade and I think he is going to trade the box.

We cannot allow that to happen. But don't, wait, but don't we want Scion to get the box? Yes, and he's about to trade it to the Free Enterprise for extraction. Right, the Free Enterprise and Scion are different people. Very much so. That's why they have different names. Right, okay. So then we need to decide if the box is worth all those mutant lives. Yes, I've made this calculation.

Even second-hand through the drone when I was delivering it this morning to the secret, secret hiding space, remember, second drawdown, under a folder, I know. Even then, through a drone, I felt something about this box. This is a machine that dreams. Okay, why is that important? It is something I have never encountered before. This is old, old, old technology and I feel it might give us some insight into what

Alpha Complex really is about and how to bring it down. Okay then. Well, alright. I guess all these mutants have to die then. Yes, but you really... Well, we don't have to kill them. We just have to... Well, we're rendering their suffering. That seems like the most generous thing we could do. I wouldn't have to kill them. We just have to... Well, we're rendering their suffering.

That seems like the most generous thing we can do. I don't think I... I wouldn't put it... Okay. Firebrand pulls out a patch of what looks like... You don't even notice it. It looks like just part of his sleeve. But someone has concealed underneath it

two small needlers. They're basically little pneumatic guns that fire syringes. And he pulls one of them off. They're so small you can conceal them in your palm and he hands it to you. Take this. I had it concealed on me when I was arrested.

You might find it useful. I have another one. What does it shoot? Needles. No, but does it have like a... Ultronox. It's the same heavy paralytic that Tom has a copy of, that Beetle has a copy of.

Okay, bye-bye. Okay, so meanwhile, while Firebrand is having a quick chat to Boffcon, downstairs you see a figure of a blue coat as you sort of stare up, trying to work out how you're going to get up the side of the building now that you've watched in slow motion and dawning horror as you've seen Boffcon meticulously tear apart the gutters that you were planning to climb up. You suddenly feel a tap on the shoulder and there's a blue-coated security officer.

Hello, friend. How are you today? Yeah, not bad. What are you doing lurking outside this stronghold for mutants? Okay, so he knows what it is. Do we want to have him not? Is he doing his job very well? It's just a lazy thing.

As you can see from my holographic readout, I am a orange man from Alpha Complex. And Friend Computer is my friend

and I'm a troubleshooter with a team under me. I am currently scoping out mission stuff. And I would love for you to help out

if you're available. Well, help out is remember interesting because you outrank him by two uniforms. However, troubleshooters do operate outside the blue coats.

We're above this. Surely we're above this. To the side. This is a uniforms. However, troubleshooters do operate outside the blue coats. We're above the... Surely we're above his security clearance. To the side. This is a secret mission. Sometimes troubleshooters do go above the security mission, but that doesn't mean your clearance is higher. If you would like to check in with Friend Computer as to our mission and the legality

and express consent of Friend Computer, you may do so. In fact, allow me, Frank Computer. Hello, yes, is this about the hats? The hats are coming. There was a problem with the hats, but I've sorted it, and the hats are on their way.

Frank Computer, whichever hat you get us is fine. As you can see, Frank Computer and us are very good friends. Yeah, he's very impressed by that. Frank Computer sounds like... Very pretzel. Did Frank Computer ever get you a hat? Oh, great, there are more hats now?

I only have enough? No, no, no. No, it's fine. I will waylay some more hats. It's going to take a few more subroutines. ever get you a hat? Oh, great. There are more hats now? I only have enough? No, no, no. No, it's fine. I will waylay some more hats. It's going to take a few more subroutines. Would you like a hat? More hats are on their way. Well, if it's a trouble for you.

Apparently it's not. Apparently it's a high-priority requisition for a, admittedly, very important, top-secret, ultraviolet mission. Friend Computer, if I may ask you a minute of your very precious time. This security officer here is doing his job, and I just want to assure him that we are here on official business. Oh, well, I cannot, of course, confirm or explicitly say the nature of the business, but yes, you are currently assigned to an ultraviolet-level mission. Ultraviolet?

Well, yes, apparently. He pales at that. Is there anything I can do to help you? Yeah, what weapons do you have on your person? I have my laser rifle and I have a few grenades. May I take those, please? They will help with the objective, as we can see the stronghold is strong. You also have your blue-coated key pass, just so you know,

and, of course, your blue laser gun. Well, that's not a weapon, but I like my key pass. Well, let me ask you this. I've got a lanyard with my name on it. I made it myself. So the joke's on you. It is a weapon because blue coats have this more concealed knife that they keep inside them. Frank Computer, would this be advantageous for us to use?

Would this give us an advantage on our ultraviolet mission that otherwise we wouldn't have without? Obviously, all resources required by ultraviolet missions must be immediately obtained. For example, an evidence C, escalating demands from hat-based subroutines. Well, Frank and Peter, can I keep the lanyard? I put my name on it and stitched it in.

Has the lanyard been requisitioned? No, I mean, yes. Do you feel that ultraviolet missions should not be provided with suitable equipment? No, I... Do you doubt the veracity of the mission once explained to you by friend computer? Oh, no, my bum's feeling weird.

It flexes once, three trees and stars come, he pales, he passes off the lanyard, turns around, just takes off his entire utility belt with the power packs, the pistol, which is technically illegal for you to have, all of it, and then just bolts in the other direction. So I've got a power... The lanyard is like a pass?

It's a multi-pass, yeah. It'll get you into anywhere that is red, orange, yellow, or blue security clearance. Okay. So pistol, extra pistol, three grenades? Three grenades, yeah. Exploding grenades? These ones are marked smoke.

Three smoke grenades and a laser rifle. A blue laser rifle, that's correct. And so you grab all of this. But meanwhile, upstairs at the very, very top, landing, demounting, is the figure of our wonderful troubleshooter, Clancy. And the still-passed-out body of Beetle. I suppose, yep. Yep.

All right, what do I see when I look around me? You look around and you see what looks like, surprisingly, a luxury-fitted apartment. There's something almost old-fashioned about it, as if it's been fashioned, like almost forbidden technology. There's like old plush beds. There is a wooden desk, which is very, very rare here. It's not made of plastic or metal.

There are fabric surrounds. It looks like it's a tastefully made-up bedroom. There's a door leading out to a corridor, which is currently closed, and there's a desk, but other than that, it's pretty empty. I want to run my hands over and feel that substance. Okay, great. The wood. The wood!

Yep, so you walk up to the desk, and you start feeling that substance, and it feels organic and cool to the touch. Does it bring back any memories for me of, like, feeling, have I felt wood or trees or nature or Well you've seen wood before, yeah there's wood obviously. Of course. Yeah, but the

it sparks something primal in your kind of clone vat brain and it feels incredibly decadent and luxurious and you really discover that you want more than anything is a wooden desk but you don't think you've ever seen one. You don't think you've been in this room before? No, I was just wondering if it's awakening any knowledge in me

from the outside world. For example, if I've ever gone, you know, if I've ever, if it is true that I have come from the outside world potentially or have any memory of the outside world, I imagine that could be a thing that could bring it back for me. Yeah, make a brain psychology check for me. But I don't have good brain psychology. All right.

Nope. No, nothing more than I said, which is that you feel that it feels very, very important, it feels very rich, but you're not sure. Can I open the desk and see if there's any letters in the drawers or anything like that? Yep, okay. So you shift your...

Is it sleep no more? You shift your weight and you start moving towards it. And as soon as you do, you hear just enough time to suddenly remember the venting button on the side of your harness, which you haven't pressed, before your leg kicks out from underneath you. And you throw yourself into the desk as the discharge of a three-story jump violently hits into your sternum. You are instantly injured.

You take two points of injury. Oh, man. Can you make for me very quickly an athletics check? Violence athletics? I would love to. One, two, three, four, five. This guy. What you're dealing with here is one pass.

Yeah, one success Alright, you managed to You get thrown towards the window Smashed through the window And at the last minute Managed to grab onto the windowsill As the violent automatic venting of the legs Stops you from being kicked back

Gal, wow, whoa What a way to wake up, huh? What's going on? You're wide awake now Jeez Louise, talk about a coffee. Not that I know what that is. Wait, do you? Huh?

Whoa, do I? Yeah, mandatory brown drink is allowed, especially like... Boy, boy, I tell you what, don't talk to me before my mandatory brown drink, huh? Or MBT for short. It's so odd how you say that. It just... Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee. It feels like I've said that before,

leaning against some sort of fax machine or something. Perhaps it's just a dream. Anyway, Beetle, my good man, at least we've finally got some time together. Yeah, it feels good. Just quickly, why has the back of my head hurt? Oh, I think it's because... Hanging by one arm.

Oh, sorry. I'll pick him up. Thank are you are struggling now you realize ever since kicking there's something very wrong with the legs of the oh i didn't even get to do anything cool you didn't vent them you got told in the lab that you had to vent them so now one of them is very broken and you're walking unvent one of them well that you can try but the problem is they're strapped you're sort of strapped into them and they're underneath your jumpsuit. So what am I walking like now? You've got a waddle. You've got a real strange waddle. You can sort of keep moving around

but it, and every now and then your leg is just kicking out and there's a blast of steam from your knee. Oh man. Which is now the best, I suppose that's your mutant power which is an uncomfortable blast from your knee. Maybe we could change, we're going to have to change your name there. Maybe you could be the mule. Okay.

All right. Mule it is. Or alternatively, we take it off. We just put it in the corner. That's all fine. And we just make it. We can make a new mutant. That Victor guy was a bit of bogus.

Maybe it's just you and me and like you can juggle. Can you juggle? You can be the juggler. I can't juggle. Okay. Oh, boy. You waddle forward. You grab the figure of Beetle.

You pull him through. And at that moment, a door that you hadn't noticed to the other side of the corridor door opens. The figure of Firebrand walks in. And a second later, the figure of Boffcon walks in, trailing now. It's about 15 kilos of gutters, a big metal thing on the side of his head, and also half of a lounge chair that's sort of just now also glued because your tendrils are now starting

to just glue themselves onto things around the room. And Firebrand is trying to be cool, being like, okay, so you think it's a mole? That's good. I was worried that it was a sunspot or something, but that's... He was just checking out if my back... There was a spot on my

back, and I was concerned about that. I'm kind of confused as to how you might think you get skin cancer down here, like a melanoma, when we live underground. Well, I feel so relieved that you have told me that it's fine.

Well, I'm not really a trained doctor. I was just born, like like two days ago, so... Are we in the dead zone now? Yeah, you're all in the dead zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. And while you're in the dead zone, by the way, you don't need to roll computer dice,

just so you know whenever you make checks. Dave, you said that like you were also like looking over your shoulders to see if the computer was watching. It's the first time I've played this game. Sometimes I have to say rules out loud. I don't have any chance at all of remembering them. Well, I believe it's high time to cut the shit.

Fuck! Excuse me? What? Excuse me? Let's cut the shit. Is that a saying or are you being literal? Because we already did the cup thing. No, no, no.

This is a loyalty thing. As you say that, there's a... And then like a blue square appears on the floor as if a secret door is appearing, elevating itself pneumatically, and then it flips open, and there's little stairs leading up, and you see the figure of Strawberry march up through a side access board,

a security access board, that your past used. Oh, my past, sir. You said the magic word. Cut the shit. Oh, my past. You said the magic word. Cut the shit. And I shall appear. Sykes. Yes.

What's going on here? Are you really? Now, what's your real mission here? I just can't believe that they would have turned you so fast. They have very good drugs. They are yummy as. Toffee?

Yeah, they are yummy drugs And I see the error of my ways I realise there are good things about the mutant movement But, you know, you change things from within gradually I'm a centrist now Make a brain psychology test for me I know it's not your favourite Five!

Five, you look at him and you don't buy any of this. No, no, I don't think so. I don't think it's the drugs. Well, we are here to do a job, so we go in, we have a snoop, we maybe kill some people. This is fine. I get relocated under a new name, maybe Petey. Not Monsieur Big Dick.

Actually, maybe I start a new life Not Monsieur Big Dick? Well, actually, maybe I start a new life as Monsieur Big Dick, a local pervert. Do you know what they were offering me? It was a chance at a new beginning, at a new start. Yes, it is nice to have principles,

mutant rights, etc. But at the end of the day, you have to look out for number one. Number one being Monsieur Big Dick. Yes, I just... If it's a drug, is it just the drugs that you're after? No, it is a new life. No, a new life. I mean, but what kind of new life is possible here?

I mean, I'm sorry if I... So he was a wanted criminal, and by collaborating with INSEC and registering himself as a mutant, they're basically offering to wipe the slate clean, remove his trees and stars, and let him take life amongst Alpha Complex. It's not a great life.

Particularly as a registered mutant, you have many fewer privileges and rights. They're going to move me far away from any machines because they fear what I can see and do and whatever, but it will be nice. I will take up whittling. How do you know they will keep their word with you though, son? Because I

trust friend computer. Now, here's a question. Your mechanical empathy, does that extend to digital artificial intelligences? In the Golden of Silence? Yes, it does.

Can you maybe get my tentacles to unhook from all this drainpipe then, please? It is done. It touches your belt and the belt clicks open and collapses down dead but it does disengage all of the... The thing is I need to and the belt clicks open and collapses down dead, but it does disengage all of the... The thing is, I need to bring the belt back, otherwise they're going to charge me for that.

I didn't take out the insurance policy. You should have told me before you... That's why I asked if you could untangle... Yeah, I did untangle it. No, you didn't, because it's still tangled against the drain pipe. Yes, I thought you meant untangle... You were tangled, so now you are untangled. That's not what I asked though

What I asked was can you untangle the drain pipe This conversation gets louder You hear a knock on the door Oi is anything alright in there I thought that room was empty No it's full What It's full of people Oh no no no no

Dingo said you've got to stay out of the guest quarters We're guests here You're guests? Yeah. The door opens and you can see there's another mutant. This one has what looks like stone skin. Their skin is hard like rock. And they go, I don't recognise you.

What's a bunch of smooth skins doing here in the zone? Oh, no. It's reverse anti-mutantism And I can say it Because I've got You see It's in But hang on

You guys Oh and this is my friend Yeah Are you trying to tell us Who you're mutant Yeah I'm a mutant What do you do My mutant power is

I can do this And then I'm going to use My actual mutant power And I'm going to use my actual mutant power. Oh. And I'm going to make Strawberry shoot Beetle with his blue laser rifle. Oh, this is exciting. All right. Now, this is really interesting.

But I think we get to use my gun score because I'm the one controlling it. Really? Do I get a reaction or anything like that? No, you don't. No, no, no. You don't roll straight away. You're actually going to use your Moxie. Remember? Using any mutant powers

Takes Moxie Sure sure sure So how many points of Moxie Are you prepared to spend Because you're very close there That's why I'm asking yeah Why don't I go two And I'll just go crazy insane

The other question is If I go insane Do I get to do this And then go insane Of course you do Yeah yeah Let's go insane Good

I see Friso's playing As your character right now I just want to say That I do feel like that the day that Hing finally snaps and kills one of us possibly me, let's be honest, me you are going to say something like well that's I guess because I can do this

just to be clear how does this prove to these guys that you're a mutant because it would just look like I shot someone well enough time to find out about that now because the first thing that happens is I need you to make me, yeah,

so first of all with your mutant powers, if you did two dice, I just want you to roll now two and we'll actually add your violence

as well. Two and my violence? Yep. This is just due to the mutant power? That's right. We should have

known because he was the only one that knew about two successes. That's two successes. All right. So you grab Your laser

Now do I Do I Does my brain know What's going on Or am I like As if A non-bullshit version Of Boffcon's power activated

You feel like a bunch Of psychic tendrils Grab your hand Like there's a puppeteer With strings around you What's going on here Jerks your hand My arm's on my own

Sprays laser fire Oh my god Dave And I'm gonna film this as well Yeah What's going on here? Jerks your hand in front. My arms are on my own. Sprays laser fire into Dave. And I'm going to film this as well. Yeah. You piece of shit. And it blasts through two shots. You take two points of damage, my friend. You're already hurt because you went through the window.

Yeah, so I got one left. Yeah, so you're now almost dead, but you're still alive. But this is the first time we've had this happen. Hing, you have lost it. Now, the way that you lose it is that in some way that makes sense to the scene or makes sense to one of your personality traits, played up to 700%, you suddenly have a major psychotic break. He just gets so gallant.

And then you can choose how that works. Just opening all the doors he can find. But the more honestly you play it towards having the break and playing Chaos towards the scene, the more you will be rewarded in your next clone. You got that? I think then the most generous thing for me to do is probably give all my...

Give my three grenades and my two bottles of Clor-X, Scumbigon, to the most injured person, and my two bottles of Clor-X, scumbagone, to the most injured person, which is Beetle. So I'm going to throw them to him. Throw the grenades and the scumbagone. Well, three of them are grenades. And one of them is an acidic...

Yeah, but this is good. This is like, I can see the internal logic. I can see how it's going to be a disaster, but that's excellent. I can do the rockets, but that would block the building and you have grenades you did you bought three grenades high explosive but in his mind he's giving everything away so i'm instantly having a panicked breakdown because your friend shot which you and your adult poor clone out of mind you've forgotten that you caused you instantly just start grabbing gear out of your

utility belt throwing it at the engine party um The pins of grenades clattering to your feet as you throw one after another, one after another at Beetle, who staggers out of the door, turns and looks at you, mouths the word, why? As then the automatic bolt head slams through, protecting most of you from the blast as a huge detonation explodes in the corridor, annihilating both of the clones that were there, but also dear sweet Beetle, who has completely evaporated and has lost his first clone. So the two mutants are gone? Yes, but there is a worse case as well, because the only dose of Ultronox that any of you had

that you could use to sedate somebody who was losing it and rampaging it in the room is now in the room with you, and they are continuing to feel very, very gallant. So, quickly, Strawberry... So Tom had the Ultronox, and now Tom's exploded feel very, very gallant. So, quickly, strawberry. So, Tom had the Ultronox, and now Tom's exploded. I had almost everything that he had. Well, I also... Well, just the grenades and the scumbag on.

I also have a dose of Ultronox that's been secretly given to me, but I don't have the wherewithal to actually shoot it or to actually administer it. Would you be giving the gallant... Well, no, you've done your action first, so I want to know how you two react. You've just felt that a mutant has puppeteered you to blast someone and then potentially the same mutant has then puppeteered

your poor friend, Boffcon, into throwing grenades at Beetle because both of you are for no reason attacking your loyalty officer. Do we know if someone's going cuckoo bananas that it means that they've used mutant powers? Not in a moment

of chaos like this, no. You know what? If we like talk to them? You want a check? So make for me a brains and psychology check. Oh, bumholes.

Did you say bumholes? Yeah. So I've got to do one and then a negative one. Mm-hmm. That's a neutral and then computer. No, no-hmm. That's a neutral.

And then computer. No, no, computer. Two fails, which means that you are now sure that both of you are being controlled by a puppeteer and because you know that everyone else is dead in the room, you suddenly realise that Clancy or... You know Firebrand's mutant power,

so you realise that Clancy must be a mutant in cahoots with Scion because they are using the puppeteer ability to make both of you attack the loyalty officer. Now, as your leader, I understand that... There are explosions everywhere. A bulk has clashed. I need a really quick reaction from you. Otherwise, it's going to go to Clancy. Okay, I am going to electrify her, but not lethally with my power gauntlets. You activate your power gauntlets, hit the tactile switches, and you race towards Clancy.

Can you roll for me very quickly? Violence. This time, violence operate. Violence operate? Great. Clancy, how do you react? I'm going to stab him with some happiness juice. One success. Can I try and do that as my defense?

Because I can tell he seemed very angry at me, and I think he would be less angry at me if he was very happy. No, you just need to beat the amount of successes that were there. So if you can get two successes or more, you will successfully inject... Who are you injecting with clear oxen? Cheer oxen? Him.

All right, great. What is my... Sorry, what am I rolling for that? You're going to roll... It's science and violent... No, it'll be violence and science. Violence, silence, science. Violence, silence, science. Yeah, violence, science. Ooh, just one

little dice. That's my roller derby name. A little bit of violence, science. You can re-roll it if you spend some moxie. Alright. And you can get bonus dice if you spend some moxie. Let's all go fucking crazy. Don't mind if I do. You just don't want to be the last person that's not crazy. Nope, let's try one more time.

Can I do go again? All right, but just don't get a gambler's attitude about it. You're burning a lot of moxie very, very quickly. Look, I've got a two out of six. This is one third chance, and this is my third chance. All right. Snake eye. All right, fumbling with her legs, waddling crazily.

Clancy tries, grabs into a pocket, tries to pull out a syringe, and at that moment gets punched in the face by a full power of an electroshock, non-lethal blast, firing you back. Non-lethal is two. You did one success, actually. So are you hurt already? Yes. All right, now you're injured as you stagger back.

Oh, no, I'm injured already. All right, now you're maimed. And in fact, as soon as it hits you, he hits you in the hip and the mechanical exoskeleton underneath your legs spasms, recoils and flexes as electric current surges through its dormant things and you kick forward, kicking at the person that's attacking you automatically. You stagger forward, you get hurt as well. And in all of this chaos, the most gallant of all of you, the figure of Buffconn, can

get another action because nobody stopped you from losing it. Alright. What would be the next most gallant thing to do, Hing? Oh, I've lost my mind, haven't I? Well, I think, am I sane enough to realise

that the box is still here? No, no, so now, this supersedes all. I was going to say that, okay. As soon as you die and, you know, that could happen,

depending on what you decide to do, that could happen at any moment, you won't have any of this when you come back with your clone. Because what I was going to say is the most gallant thing is that I know that we need to save all the mutants that are living here. But I also know the most gallant thing I can do right now

is try and save the mutants who are living here. But that will mean... If you can manifest that in a way that is chaotic and doesn't help the party, that just serves your chaos, go for it. This actually gives Buffcon a chance for one more action. What do you do? Well, I think Buffcon has just lost all ability to kind of keep all the secrets in because he's lost his mind.

So he's going to out loud say... So he's going to out loud articulate how he can do the most gallant thing, which is try and save all of the mutants in here. He's going to say... How is he going to do that? The thing is, these mutant lives that we're trying to save, they are being foiled by this box. If I can destroy that box, then maybe we can save the mutants.

He's going to lunge. He's going to find the office where the box is hidden. The bulkhead is receding now that it's protected you like an airbag from the blast. And an insane completely lost it figure of Boffcon starts lurching

his way through the corridor. Who's standing by the way? Are you standing in the room? I'm injured, but I can still follow him, presumably. We got an action in a second, but are you standing by the door, the window or the table? I guess I was kicked back, so it's wherever you kick me back. You're back by the door. Are you by the window or the sorry, the cabinet? I guess I was kicked back, so it's wherever you kick me back. You're back by the door. You're by the window or the...

Sorry, the cabinet. The cabinet. All right, which is good, because nobody's standing near the window, and at that moment there's a pneumatic, and suddenly the entire wall is demolished as a capsule fired by a pneumatic gun from several miles away fires what looks like a canister into the room.

The canister, a little spiral opens up, a gushing amniotic gel everywhere and a very very naked figure of beetle clutching a cling wrapped pack with a red uniform staggers out right what the shit guys now as i've said the figure of buffcon's already raced away and you can already hear alarm and this fire and some slugs starting to be fired outside as someone is going on a very personalized rampage for the betterment of all mutant kind just a few doors away you know what's crazy is the reason i did all this was to prove to those two guys that

i was a mutant yeah what's happened is i've somehow proved that clancy's a mutant and i killed those two guys yeah yeah and now you're under your own very specialised rampage. So, quickly. Now, if we do not get him, this is not going to look good for me or for you. Buff Con is that way. Let's go. Yeah, let's hit it. All right, you grab the two of you and you waddling, trying to keep up with them. Can I administer some med kit on myself?

Yeah, absolutely, Brains of Science. Every success is a level of healing to yourself. So, you're going to be a little bit behind them and also waddling around with these little legs. The two of you are racing, racing through. And you race into a room where you can see the figure of Bofcon who is just throwing equipment, any sort of equipment that he has, his laser packs, his ammo packs to mutants, crying for them to defend themselves,

hitting them in the heads, hitting them as they sort of turn around, some of them behind the bar. And they've kicked a table over and are starting to shoot back at him, but miraculously every shot so far has missed him as he's starting to sort of tear his jacket off and throw it over the bar at them as well. You're saying that he's

trying to save every mutant around here? Uh, yeah, but he is. Yes. So we either have to bring him in or help him out. Okay. Bofcon.

And I just shout relax, which is a one word command. All of you hear it. It comes through about three different levels of harmonics. You feel it inside your souls and in your backs. And all of you for a second feel nothing else to do except relax, relax, relax. Let's do it. Do you think they might poo themselves? Oh, should they roll to see if they poo themselves?

I think so. It doesn't say that on the card. No, but I appreciate my world building here. How many points of moxie are you using? It depends. Well, okay, so just to be clear with this, I have tone of command, which means I can project my voice in a way

that makes people obey a one-word command you give them without thinking, well, it's for a few seconds, actually. That's right. So is there any, okay. You can use up to five points, and that will determine the strength. If you get it too weak,

it won't do anything. But if you get it too strong, there is a chance that one of them will shit themselves. I would be in that moment, Tom. I would be less relaxed. Yeah, okay. I'm going to use two Moxie points.

All right, two Moxie points. Try and get it. Don't get three... Well, you can't get three successes, I guess. So try and get a success. I might just... I roll two dice. Moxie does kind of sound like a laxative name.

It does, doesn't it? Maybe. You can use... Do I need a roll for this or is that just use two more? No, no, no. So the amount of points you use is the chance. Do you want to use more Moxie points

so you understand? Yeah, I do. All right. I'll do two more. Oh, shit. This is what we're here for, you know? Yay. One success.

All right, you get a success. And the figure of, all of you sort of relax a little bit, but you sort of keep marching forward, but no one relaxes quite as much as the figure of Boffcon, who suddenly snops through and has a moment of lucidity where you realize where you are, semi-naked, mostly without your equipment, in the middle of a room. Yeah, you're right. I don't need to destroy this box. I just need to give it to the friendly computer.

Pop! And then a shot goes through his head and he goes flying backwards as his jaw disconnects and his body smashes against the wall. Boffcon does, because he's still under fire by all these guys behind the bar.

Who's behind the bar? The room is full of mutants that were having all of the equipment thrown at them by Boffcon. Where is Firebrand at the moment? It's aofcon. Where is Firebrand at the moment? It's a good question. Where is Firebrand at the moment? Firebrand is...

I think he's kind of paralyzed with indecision here. A lot's happening. A lot's happening. He's snuck away into the back. I think he's trying to inflict non-lethal damage on the mutants. Right. So to be really, really clear, you guys have broken through the corridors

and you found yourself in a sort of bar common area of the zone, which is this Scion safe house. There were about three or four mutants in here and Boffcon had burst through the door and started just throwing equipment at them and they were returning fire when he relaxed

and then got shot in the head. So the rest of you are in there and now that he's shot, there's a sudden ringing crack and it stops the panic for a second as the mutants creep out over the bar. And they go, who are you? Who is he? What the fuck's going on?

Well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Pikachu. Pika Pika. I am a fellow mutant. And I have brought you the double agent that you know as Sykes. He's in the other room

and we are here to talk rebellion. And he looks at you for a second, cocks his eye and then he stands up as more and more figures stand up and you realize

that you are very much surrounded. There are all measure of strange mutants here. You see some with tentacles for hands, one with two heads, strange lizard-headed figures. They look at you and try to make a decision for themselves if they can believe you, if it's true, if their leader that they believed was dead is back, what this might mean for the mutant, what this might mean for the mission. And even if it's true, why they were only seconds ago, rocketed by multiple explosions

when a half-naked operative ran in and began throwing boots at them to find out what they decide to do. For the glory of Scion, for the glory of mutantkind, and for the glory of Alpha Complex, tune in to our second last episode of Paranoia. Ba-ba-ba-ba-bo, ba-ba-bo, ba-ba-bo. The cast of this week's episode of OK Computer

is Alex Lee Simon Greiner Michael Hing and Tom Carty our dungeon master and friend computer is Dave Harlan the NPC voices

provided by Ben Jenkins and music provided by Tom Carty Shakira Khan is our producer and the podcast is edited mixed and mastered

by me Hugh Guest OK Computer is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon who get early access

to ad-free episodes as well as other exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. Here's the fact that's going to blow your mind. Would you like to know how many episodes of Mr Bean, like not movies or anything like that, exist? Nine. Yeah, it's about nine.

Oh, wow. I was going to say, I reckon it was four. It's so few It came out like one a year Was it one season Or was it just I think it's one season of Bean And then maybe a Christmas special

It's that weird BBC thing as well Where they're like Three episodes And they're like That's a season That'll do Yeah Wow

So like the one where he goes to the pool The one where he goes to the fate And the one you know Where he gets his car crushed by the tank The one where he goes to the life drawing class That's all the same episode, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, right. Crazy.

Nothing but bangers, wall to wall. It's an obvious thing as well, but I always forget the really important contextualisation thing of Mr Bean, that it starts by explicitly saying that he's an alien from outer space. Or an angel sent down from heaven. Oh, okay. I guess that's fair enough.

I think I got into a very long Twitter argument about two years ago about somebody was like, they don't make good comedy sci-fi. And I was being a little... Being a real Ben Jenkins. I was being a little stinker. Yeah, a little stinker. And I was like, well, actually, Mr Bean is comedy sci-fi

because he's an alien. And boy, did that set things off. How was that?