Dragon Friends - One Shot: The End of the World RPG (Part 1)

Episode Date: February 22, 2019

2018 is over! We did it! It can't hurt us anymore. New year means a brand new season of Dragon Friends - but first we're going back to basics with a couple of one shots. First cab off the ranks is a special zombie-themed runthrough of The End of the World RPG by Fantasy Flight Games - the Game Where You Play Yourself And Murder Your Friends Because You Have Trouble Expressing Affection. Note: Alex and Ben are away for these first two episodes because they both had children over the break (!!!). Instead, this episode features Victoria Zerbst and Jenna Owen from Freudian Nip! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, welcome to Dragon Friends Season 5. If you don't know what Dragon Friends is, it's, um, well let's see, there's dragons in it and there's dungeons in it. It's usually played by people who have a better chance of fighting a dragon than they have of losing their virginity. But that's a whole other story. Anyway, it's Dragon Friends Season 5. It began like any other show. From the distant corners of Sydney, the dragon friends assembled. Simon from his leafy Enmore hideaway. David from the distant township of Campsey.

Eden from his mum's house. and Hing from the dank and mysterious innards of the SBS. Together they descended on the Giant Dwarf Theatre, a spacious 290-seat art deco comedy house in Redfern, Sydney, New South Wales. Available for rent for your

event or function. But almost immediately it was clear that something was wrong. Ben and Alex were notably absent and the energy seemed off. Indeed, it seems as if some kind of torpor has seeped into the entire city of Sydney. Radio talkback and blogs chatter of the unseasonal flu epidemic that has seemed to sweep the city overnight. But it can't just be that. There's something off about this town, this show, and this night.

And yet the show must go on. Dave hastily explains that while Ben isn't coming, he has all the notes and is fine to run the session alone. Backstage, you find yourself wondering if his eyes see more bloodshed than normal. That's bloodshot, that's bloodshot. Oh, well done, Dave, well done. Sounded like you were bleeding from the eyes, Dave.

Or if his manner, more manic, but who can say? This flu is clearly going around. Even over the pre-shown music, you could hear coughing throughout the audience. The music plays, the dragos are introduced, and in the audiences, as their expectoration recedes to an acceptable background level, Dave puts up a hand, and for a moment the room is silent. Then suddenly his eyes roll back in his head,

and he collapses on the desk. Something is very wrong, and welcome to the end of the world RPG. I am now going to hand out character sheets written for each of you by Ben and Alex who could not be with us. These character sheets represent you in real life, not forget Bobby, forget Bastogne, forget Friso. This was Ben and Alex's best attempt to capture you on paper, so there you go. Do I want high or low scores?

A five is Olympic. A one is barely catatonic. What the fuck? I have one charisma? This is bullshit. These fucking lazy ass parents have given me one for charisma and one for empathy. I ought to...

Oh, they're going to fucking hear from me. Oh, I'm going to fucking text these idiots. You'll notice, so the way End of the World works as well, there are stats for physical, mental and social features. And you've been given some positive and negative features in those categories. Dave, just to clarify there, why is there a negative next to dad bod? to clarify there, why is there a negative next to dad bod? Because I would say that dad bod will give me

a bonus in like repetitive action and like lifting. Like slowly jiggling a baby. Slowly jiggling, yeah. Padding, so very strong wrists. Getting a stitch. Man, when you become a dad, you'll know. I think you'll find that they offset dad bod by giving you

the positive social feature of dad voice, which is natural authority and calmness. Anyone else? I'm strong in social. I've got four charisma and four empathy. So just follow my social cues, Michael. What does that mean?

I don't understand what you're saying. Fucking bullshit. Okay, if you are much more antagonistic at the beginning of this, I'm docking you some social points. I'm sorry. Well, behave. Modest mixologist in my mental skills. Yep.

What does that mean? I'm a modest mixologist. I'm not a good one. I'm modest. He knows the ingredients for a Manhattan, but it's not very good. Hey, I can... Well, we'll see, won't we? I only have one dexterity. You said that was catatonic, Dave.

Yep. I walk around. I went to... I used to be somebody. I will say that it's possible that Ben and Alex don't know some secret skills that you have. So I'm happy... They do know about my plus four artist's fingers, though. Gross.

Yeah. Somehow they've written that I have classical piano, open brackets, 13 years, close brackets. I studied piano for at least 14 years. That's a positive. Do you have artist's fingers as well? And then the negative on that features list there for physical is I have a very weird dick.

Now, I was under the impression that we were leaving our Dungeons & Dragons characters behind. We are. Yeah, we all did. I think you'll find that Free... I think what you're getting confused there is that Freezo has a deeply wrong chongus, whereas you have a very weird dick.

There's a distinction. You've got some other stuff, though. You have the mental deficiency knows less than nothing about animals. But they've also been quite nice because you have the positive mental logic ability of freak brain. Yeah, and then I'm very punctual, but they've also called me an enormous coward. So, I mean, none of this is good. Do you understand? These are the skills and features that will guide you through the game.

If you think that they've missed one, let me know, but I will probably make you come up with a negative feature if you add a positive one. Also notice this stress tracker. You have nine stress points in physical, mental, and social. If you get to nine points of stress damage in any category, you die, you tap out, you're done. Oh.

Now, as I said, the game has just begun. I put my hand up and the room has gone silent and then suddenly Dave's eyes roll back in his head. I'm going to do this in the third person because otherwise it feels deeply uncomfortable. Yeah. Now who's the enormous coward? His eyes roll back in his head and he collapses. Dave's drunk too much white wine without eating again. It's been known to happen. Head first on the table.

Talking of which if you could just... Top up young Dave. Dave. Yeah. Dave. Now I'm the dungeon master. No I'm in character but in the character I'm saying Dave. Dave. He I'm the dungeon master. No, I'm in character. But in the character, I'm saying, Dave, Dave. He doesn't give you a response. I push him a little bit. You're going to push him? Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. I yell for Shaq.

Which is a day's wife. What's wrong with him? Shaq isn't here. Shaq didn't come because he was busy holidaying overseas. Oh. Then who's at the merch table? Shaq isn't here Shaq didn't come because he was busy holidaying overseas oh then who's at the merch table yeah

um along with all of our loved ones let's just say because otherwise this could get quite nasty I push Dave's head

to the side put him in the recovery position right I need you to make for me an end of the world dexterity test the way this works

is you get I've got dexterity one Dave these white dice are positive features okay yeah so how positive am I you're gonna get one for this you're gonna go one for good lighting yep and you're gonna get one more because pushing someone is quite easy and because you okay are hyper aware that something seems wrong so you're paying attention yeah yeah I am but you are also far too trusting. So using your negative social... Oh, so I'm trusting that Dave, it's just Dave and not anything else.

Now what you do is you cancel negatives, cancel positives. If they're rolling the same, I'll do it for you. I got one. I passed. You did. You got one. But I take one stress. You take one point of physical stress.

And the reason that you do that is you touch Dave's shoulder. It's so weird. You touch my shoulder. And at that moment with preternatural quickness I suddenly grab your wrist and you realize that my hand is icy cold and I suddenly jerk upright and my eyes

are white. And you've got a stronger grip than I ever thought. So far yeah I'm holding you down. Okay, so, okay. Do any of you else, you can all do something if you want. I leave the stage, probably. I'm gonna back down away from the stage. Impossible to understand why you have enormous coward, yep.

No, that's, that's not, I'm not cowardly. I'm just being aware that there's a flu epidemic. This is germs. Eden was a fucking idiot to touch the... He's clearly infected. Have you never seen our movie? So you're playing the stage. Where are you going?

You are here. You are in the theatre. Yeah, I'll go into the crowd to be with the people. Because I am a man of the people. So is it clear that something is dangerously wrong? My eyes are white and I'm grabbing, but I'm conscious again, and I'm grabbing Eden's wrist. And Eden, you're panicking? No, well, Dave, can I like push you? Dave, Dave, can I like... I think you give a little shriek, but that's all that's happened so far.

I grab the bottle of three quarters full white wine and just club you over the head with it. What the fuck? That's how long it takes you? Are you upset because... I've seen a lot of movies. You're getting a lot of wine on your laptop? I've known you for over a decade.

Can I say that's also great because the alcohol will probably disinfect Dave's pores. I think that's a really smart move, Simon. I'm furious about that. But okay, great. Make a dexterity attack for me. You get your base one and you can have another one because I'm coming from the ground and I'm an Eden sort of helping.

All right. That's two fives. No, you miss this. You miss. You miss. So you smash the bottle and it becomes, it's smashed and it's now a Bristol Dagger, but you've missed my head. Write that down, but also at this moment, I want you, all three of you to write down

everything that you physically have on you at the moment. This is your equipment that you're going to start the adventure with. Wallet, keys. You have a wallet? Does Simon get his bag? Simon's bag was under the table, that's allowed. Your bag's not under the table. Oh, hang on, hang on, wait, wait, I gotta go get something. Okay. Wallet, keys. Alright, so hang on. No, write it specifically. So you have ten Panadol, you have, is that Tide brand lip balm? No, it's a Tide brand stain stick. Stain stick.

So you can take stain stick. Stain stick. You have an access pass for... PWC. PW, PricewaterhouseCoopers. Yep. And you have an empty backpack. No, I've got some pawpaw.

I've got my car keys. Nice. Okay. Write it all down. What do you have? I've got wallet, keys. How much money? No, tell the audience how much money you have on you.

In my wallet, in actual cash? Cards aren't going to be any good in the zombie apocalypse. Zero dollars. I have zero dollars in my wallet. And you know what actually? It's a Castle Society tape. I actually have my wallet at home today. You don't have any wallet.

And I've got my water bottle for hydration. Can you write 80% full water bottle? I've got a customised notepad and and a phone and a summer outfit You have a phone with 62% battery life Oh yeah, I've got a phone

62% battery 80% water bottle Can you guys write that down? Just take your time What have you got in your bag, Hing? So in the back of my car, I keep a Go bag. Just with... Is that your gym stuff?

Well, that's part of the Go. So there's a couple of shoes. Just classic things. Passport, umbrella, screwdriver. Some gloves. I think of butane, just some garbage bags and a hammer. But I remember like two years ago I told you that I kept a go bag and you called me an insane person. Is that your only passport? Is that where you keep your passport? Unless I'm traveling without my go bag, which is never obviously.

And I've just got some water and some shears and a lighter and some, just some AAA batteries. Just in case your remote control runs out? And a lighter and some AAA batteries. Just in case your remote control runs out? Yeah. It's my TV remote if the end of the world occurs. You can write down go bag and anything that's in that bag can be used. You are a deeply wrong person. We don't have time to argue this, Dave. So to remind you, you are trapped with me, you're holding a Bristol dagger and... Oh yeah, cool.

Nice. Picnic knife, fork and spoon. And a camping spatula. And you've run to get your go bag, presumably. Yeah, so I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah. That works in the game. I return from my car with my go bag. And you're still, you're unconscious, right? I know, I'm now conscious again.

But you're attacking Eden. That's right. And we're back to your turn, Eden. Um... Actually, no, it's my... It's actually me first. I actually get to go next. So, I'm holding with one hand,

and then suddenly my other hand forms into claws, and I slash at you. No, stop that, Dave, I say. Dave, put your claws away. I get two good dice. Get some grooming habits. One for zombie. You filthy animal.

One for unyielding. What the fuck is that? You ever heard of nail clippers? Okay, what's your... My dexterity is one. I miss you. You miss me. You have two camping spatulas.

They join together so that you can have a knife and a fork, or a knife and a fork and a spoon. So if you extend them all, I've got a spike in the middle, which I think is some sort of... There's a corkscrew. It's got a corkscrew, a knife and a spoon on either end. Fork can open a tiny spoon. So these are my punches.

Wow. Okay, there you go. That counts as a one bonus dice So these are my punches. Wow. Okay, there you go. That counts as a one bonus dice plus two stress damage weapon. Nice. Wow. I've got my notepad. Ready? Okay, so you missed me, Dave.

I missed you. You're next. With your ganky, like, nails. Incredibly well-groomed nails. I want to grab your nail hand, and I want to shove it into your own face. So you stab yourself in the face with talons. Make a dexterity attack for me. So I've got one. One.

No one is helping you because Simon is. Are you helping, Simon? Oh, yeah. Or that will use up your turn. Can I have an extra? Oh, you're all bitten. Can I have an extra dice because of my physical superiority to you? physical superiority to you?

I'm just saying you have dexterity one. Yeah. But dexterity is different to like strength. Yeah, what's the difference, Dave? I'm not going to... Arm wrestle, Dave. I became the host of a Dungeons & Dragons podcast, so I wouldn't have to be arm wrestled, thank you very much. Okay, two dice.

You can have it for this one. You can have it for this one. I'm not going to let you do it again. Okay, great. But you do lose one. Yeah, because you're going to beat it to a pulp. You lose one because you have the physical feature of cuddliness. It's a plus.

It's a positive. And your natural empathy means you can't bear to hurt me, your best friend, Dave Harmon. All right. I don't have that natural I'm only eating it. Here we go. You did it. One, I stab your claws

into your own face, Dave. Okay, you claw, one of my eyes falls out and you rake long lines in my face. You suffer a point of social damage because of the horror of it. And you realize as well that where I touched your hand,

it's ice cold and in fact it's starting to go really black. Oh, no. And it looks really, really bad. Next up was you, Hing. But you're outside trying to make your way back into the theatre. So I've run back into the theatre with my go bag. I know what I've got in my bag. And I see...

LAUGHTER Mm-hm. Make of my way... In many ways, you are making your way down, too. Yeah, I make my way down stage to my friend who's sitting alone at the desk and I grab my crusty hammer. Holding a hammer in your hand, you stalk your way through the dark.

But trying to get to your friend Eden, who seems to be grappling with your best friend Dave So what I'm gonna do is no I'm just gonna say but you can't get all the way up there I'll give you this this can represent. You know what Hammers good You can have that good two dice plus three stress But you can't make your way to do that You have to cross past the tech desk and the tech for the show is being done by Nathan. Okay. I like Nathan.

We like each other. We've said hello several times. You call out to him, but you can't help it that he's not noticing you. He seems to be rocking back and forward and coughing. Spasms wracking his chest. I take back what I said about liking Nathan. Oh, goodness. Well, as I have...

Nathan, are you here? You're teching tonight. Yep. Yep. Yep. What have you got on you? Half a pack of chewing gum and a Leatherman. Ooh, Leatherman.

You can't help but notice a Leatherman grasping his hand, the blade out. And he seems to be chewing some chewing gum. I turn to Nathan and go, ah, what have you got there, a Leatherman? That's cool, isn't it? And I turn... back towards the stage. Yeah, I sort of begin to stalk back towards the stage. He sort of groans and shifts in the queue,

like in this space between... By the way, everyone's panicking. There's a bit of a riot, but there's a bit of space towards the stage. You can get through an aisle, and he's now in your way again. Fuck. Okay, well, just...

Look, I know this is like real life and stuff, so I'm going to sort of say that everyone in the audience is the kinds of people who would come to our show. Yep. And so I yell out... Oh, what's that? David Tennant's holding a Leatherman.

And then I run... It gets dark. No one's going to know. So you think that if you yell out in the middle, like, they're just panicking because Simon grabbed a bottle and then just completely, for no reason, attacked Dave. I missed. And everyone's panicked about that.

They might have thought it was a bit... You think if you yell out, oh, look, David Tennant's holding a Leatherman in the dark, just play out for me how this goes in your head. Look, there's probably 150 people here, maybe two, I don't know, at least one of them is going to be like, oh, what?

Because David Tennant's Holding a Leatherman in the Dark is the beginning to a lot of classic Doctor Who episodes. Fanfic. Erotic fanfic. Is he in front of me? Are you going to make me kill Nathan, Dave? All right. I killed Dave, Michael.

Come on. Look, I'd like to, real life Michael Hing would like to apologize to Nathan our tech but in game Michael Hing will take this hammer which I think is that blood that's upsetting what is that red shit what do you reckon that is I don't want to know don't look at me and I've written on the hammer and named it I'm gonna brandish it and then if if, I'm gonna ready myself, so if Nathan comes towards me, I'm gonna like swing it. He's coming towards you. Okay, I'm swinging it at his head, oh goodness.

No, no empathy, all right. Three, suck it up, Hing. Three positive dice, one for his Leatherman, one for the Dark. All right, one, two. Cancel, cancel. And you roll a one and a two, so that succeeds. You take a point of stress damage. He slashes you

in the ribs and you start to bleed, but you cave his head in. Oh boy. Now which sort of attribute did I take the stress? Was it physical, mental, or social? That was in the ribs. That's physical. Okay, I'll take one. In your physical ribs. Simon. Okay, I'll take one. In your physical ribs. Simon. Okay, I am going to grab this mic stand.

I might just take a second to say that at the moment, the panic seems to have a weirder quality to it. Other people are falling over. There's coughing, and you start seeing strange fights breaking out in the audience. Okay, I'm going to grab this mic stand. Ruining the acoustic integrity of the show. Yeah, but there's no sound tech anyway, so it's fine. I grab this mic.

I'm going to take the lead that's attached to it and pull it out. I'm going to say, guys, backdoor now and head for that backdoor. The backdoor leading out into James Street. Yes. Okay, so we all scurry out. Let's get out. Can you make for me quickly just a social charisma check just to make sure that you're heard?

And as I push you... Two positive. You get a bonus one because of your dad voice. Congratulations. You even get another bonus one because you're grumpy. But you lose one because of Eden screaming and another one just for the general noise. I'm like bearing it stoically.

So those cancel out. You roll a one, you succeed, and you take one point. It costs you one point of social, but everybody hears you, and you all rush towards the door. And I think I'll be like, yeah, that's our show. We'll see you next time. Same time next month for the next episode of Dragon Friends. Okay, I'm still there?

Oh, wait, are you dead, though? Well, not dead, but... I have shoved the claws that came out of your hand into your face. Yeah, I'm screaming. Best friend, Dave. Miss you. Bye. And the last thing you see is you burst open the doors

and make your way out into the cold streets of Redfern. The incredibly warm, summery streets of Redfern is a group of fans now racked up in double seeming to climb up onto the stage and me screaming shrilly as i'm dragged into the audience in about four different ways and torn apart oh no and let that be on your conscience but you are now out on the streets remember your hand um it feels like it's burning and you're bleeding from the ribs okay we should probably go to a hospital i think hospital so

let's run around the front of the theater and get in my car. No, no, no. My car is closer. My car is literally just around the corner. You got your car? Yeah. Okay, cool. Let's go, can we just go and go to like, there's a chemist on Redfern Street. Don't go to a fucking hospital in a fucking apocalypse. That's where every sick person

is going to be. Okay, okay. The chemist is like, we can get in the car and do a drive-by okay um the thing is there's two children's seats in the back so somebody's just gonna squeeze their little bond okay okay fine here a map of the inner west guys can we get dice cam up do we want to go and my car is in the area I've got a case of Red Bull in the back. Do we want...

I was at a party and people were throwing it away. I didn't want it to go to waste, so I just put it in my car. That's where it lives now. No, dude. That's not bad for you. Is this your car that famously almost didn't pass its registration? But yeah, the active word is almost didn't pass rego. Okay?

But it did pass rego. It's fine. Okay, so you're here at Giant Dwarf and you're going to make your way over to Redfern Street to the chemist on Wells Street. Yes, okay. Yeah, Wells. Okay, what are you going to get from the chemist? The streets, by the

way, seem almost empty. You can hear sirens blaring. Again, the air is hot and oppressive and you think you can smell almost the taint of decay on the streets, But you're not sure yet. Firstly, if this is just red fern. You smelling

that taint, Dave? Yeah. The taint. I know, but you just emphasised it so hard that it couldn't be anything but yeah. Anyway. And you make your way way now the streets are deserted for now you're bleeding and but you're still up and your adrenaline is keeping you

together and your hand seems to be going numb but you still have some control over it is it like a burn or has the skin been broken it's like a burn it's the skin has not been broken okay okay and as you make your way down the street you find yourself at Redfern chem, just next to that lovely antique place. Oh, yeah. There's a giraffe neck in there. I saw one time. It's really nice.

It's got some of them Tennessee Williams chairs. Yeah, always one-on-one. And the doors, however, of this seem to be barricaded shut. There is a sign on the door that simply says, go away. But you can see the lights are on inside. And it's all glass on the outside, right? Yeah. It's a glass door. It's a glass door. You've got a hammer, don't you, Daddy the lights are on inside. And it's all glass on the outside, right? Yeah, the door. It's a glass door.

You've got a hammer, don't you, Daddy? I have a... Sorry, I won't call you that again. Yeah, I've got a trusty hammer. I guess we're going to... Civilisation is hard fought for and easily lost. Yeah, look. A closed sign I would respect.

Go away is clearly some charlatan. Yeah, I'm going to try and smash open a window with my hammer. And this is a good example of the fact that we're not playing superheroes. We're not playing fantasy people. So I need you to make a dexterity test, because this is tricky to do without hurting yourself. I have dexterity three. Because this is something Michael Hing, as Michael Hing,

would plausibly fail at and damage himself to. Although I reckon he'd be really good at it for some reason. I don't know why. You have an extra one for your hammer. Is there anything else that gives you benefits? Dexterity three. Do I not get three dice for that? Oh, you get an extra one for your hammer.

Sorry, yeah, you have three dice. And I would normally give moral compulsion as a negative to be the first person to start a riot, but I'm not going to give that to you. I stand beside him and say, don't fuck this up, Hing. Wait, don't I get three dice for dexterity and then a four? No, you have to get

under three now, three or under. Oh, okay. Four, six, and one. Smash goes the glass as the fluoro light bursts forward, and for a moment, silhouettes Hing against the night, glass forming a beautiful corona around him, but seemingly missing him. For a moment, he looks almost majestic.

And then as your eyes adjust, you are able to make your way into the chemist. I want pseudoephedrine. The moment the three of you make your way into the chemist, you realize that you are not alone. There are two figures crouched behind the counter having a muttered fierce conversation and to play those two figures welcome to the stage from Freddie and Nip Victoria Zerbst and Jenna Owen hello hello we mixed it up a little here. I let you make, recommend for each other and for yourselves.

You made your own characters. Yes. Yeah, I wish they weren't so personal now. They're very true to life. Yeah. Any features you want to talk about? Yeah. Well, Jenna's got here.

She's got one empathy. One got one empathy, problem with tone. High five, dude. It's a tough world out there. I've got a tone problem. But she has a huge wingspan. I've got a big wingspan. Which is actually true. What exactly do you mean by that?

Comparatively on my body, my arms are quiet. If I put my, we tried this, I put my arm out and then Jenna puts her arm out. It's quite long. What do you mean by tone problem? Why don't you shut up? Yeah, some things that are menace compliments come out in a different way, which I thought could be interesting if we had to converse with the monsters. Anyway, I've also got parent charmer.

She charms parents. Yeah. And I also put my very personal thing, which is that I'm a perverted sleepwalker. What's perverted about... You know, it doesn't matter. I don't want to know. Yeah, which I guess could...

Yeah, something that could be fun when darkness falls. Awesome. I'm so excited for that to happen. Victoria, do you have a comparatively, is yours more or less normal than Jenna's? I'd say it's more normal. Yeah. I have an excellent grasp of text, which I feel will come in handy if we ever have to grasp text.

You have a mental feature of incredible grasp of do you mean like dramatic text dramatic text dramaturgy dramaturgy is one of my skills yeah script analysis analysis all right all right that's so kind thank you all right but i again i only gave you one so i feel like you wasted it but yeah oh no can I also talk about my incredible singing voice? I have an incredible singing voice. Yeah. Can I get an applause for that as well?

Yeah. Yeah. You were also, I noticed when I gave out the character sheets, you were the only person who noticed that there's a section for traumas, which is something you're meant to develop in the game. And then you asked if you could start with some traumas. Yeah, I put down... So you gave yourself two traumas?

One is a short-term trauma of a bleeding ass. Which I experienced before the show started. Which we did... Rowan helped me figure it out, because I was like, I think I'm bleeding out my my ass and he's like is it of anal fissure Is one of your traits oversharing? I think it's because my ass is dry. That was the immediate one but then I also have an intergenerational Jewish diaspora trauma. Thank you.

That goes back generations. So I hope that actually will help me. You've also written sprinkle of freckles. Now that's a true physical trait. It's adorable. The two of them are muttering it with each other at the counter. Yeah. Yeah.

So what's happened is. Oh, yeah. Should we just do it? Our day. Yeah, Yeah. So what's happened is... Oh, yeah. Should we talk about our day? Yeah, yeah. That we've had so far? So Vic and I started... They might ask you in a bit what your day was like. Okay.

But for now, just show us the conversation. I'm having a panic attack. Yeah, I'm also so anxious at this point. Because, first of all, we're pretty anxious all the time. Yeah, yeah. And our hearts are beating so fast right now. We're both anxious. There's no rock.

No one's the rock to each other because we're both anxious. So we're both feeling. Because Jenna thought it'd be funny, or actually helpful because she had in her rucksack. Is this what you're saying to each other? Yeah. Are you recanting your days live? Okay.

Jenna, I'm anxious. Yeah, dude, I'm freaking out. We shouldn't have taken those pingas. We shouldn't have taken those pingas. That were in your rucksack. I can't believe I had three pingas in my rucksack and we decided to take them. But we did because we thought it would make us more agile. More agile.

And ready to fight. But it's just made us so anxious. I'm really anxious because I also take Zola. I'm so anxious. Wait, what's that noise? They turn around and they see the three of you. So we overheard them talking about pingas? Yep. I'm going to go and look for

Valium to help with their inevitable calm down. And I'm going to get some antihistamines because apparently that counteracts. Which leaves, unfortunately, you've decided to leave Hing as the group's diplomat. With a hammer in his hand. I need you guys to test. So can you, as a modern mixologist, as a modest mixologist, tempted by vices, you actually get a bonus for that, for this one. Because you know your way around a pharmacy.

Plus one because of Simon's support. Minus one for unfamiliar terrain. You make that roll. See if you can find something that will calm them down. You do not. Logic. Three. Three.

Oh, you do. Congratulations. You take a point of logic damage. No, it cancels. Yes, yes. Oh, congratulations. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. You find some... I've got so many drugs. I've got all of the drugs. Give me a bag, Simon. I've just taken some of everything. You never know what you might need. You fill your pockets with useful...

You can put pockets full of useful drugs. And while you do that, Hing, it is up to you to talk to these two, who I believe you know in real life. Yeah, so, like, because we're playing ourselves, so I'll be like, Vic, Janet, did you guys take pingas? Yeah. Oh, my God, Hing, it's so good to see you.

Oh, we love you. We're obsessed with you. We love you so much. Oh, my God. I hate this. Can I do this? One of our favourite colleagues, Hing. Okay, you're a mentor, like, truly.

Truly, you've supported us our whole career. You've supported us so much. Okay, we actually wouldn't say that about many people, but you've never made us feel alienated in an industry that's really hard. And you've been a rock for us, and we're just so happy to see you. It's actually fucked.

I don't even know what's going on anymore. Jenna was like, take these fingers off. I was like, okay. Wait, what did you... Can I just check? Because again, we're playing ourselves today. You were all at work 45 minutes ago. So this has all happened in the last 45 minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What thing wasn't at work? Wait, wait. So I heard there was three pingas. What did you take? Yeah. Well, we've taken them because we've had a creative difference with you at work king so we've been really stressed about that so we've reacted poorly to that we've taken three we've taken one i only took one you took one i took one i took two i took two

i've got two i've had two and why have you broken into and barricaded yourself inside a chemist well pharmacies are usually like feminist safe spaces. Yeah. There's a lot of tampons and a lot of pads. We felt safe. I'm really sorry for our act of aggression. That's okay. And you smashed it with a hammer.

I know. Which I feel is like a phallus in this safe feminist paradise. Do you guys have an idea of what our creative difference was at work? Yeah. It was a creative difference you had at work today. No, but I don't know. Hing keeps writing these scenes in which he's in a shower. It's actually true.

Yeah. And then you were like, no, I don't like that anymore. And I pushed back and was like, no think it should be cool that yeah yeah the only thing you say when you're on set is don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me Simon do you think this is our least accessible episode I don't know We've had a few Alright so At that point Eden and Simon Rush forward

And cupped in his hands Is a handful Of decanted pills Why would I decant them Dave? I'm a survivalist No no no You took them from behind the counter You took them from the pharmacy section

Do they run bottles yo? No they They put them in bottles Oh Wait He's saying they just like To them from the pharmacy section. Do they're in bottles, yo? No, they put them in bottles. Oh. Wait, he's saying they're just like buckets of pills behind the counter? I don't know if you guys go to the pharmacies I go to, but a pharmacist decants your pills out of bulk purchases into smaller bottles based on your prescription.

But not the ones in the pot packs. What are you getting? Are you getting just easy, no, you're not going to get them anything that doesn't need a script? Yeah, no. No, but all the stuff

that needs a script is behind the counter. You just go in there and get that Valium box. In wholesale quantities. You go to compounding pharmacies, Dave. I do go to compounding pharmacies. Okay, case closed.

They go to the mortar and the pestle and they get the ragwort and they put it in a silver basin and they cry once a week. I wantle, and they get the ragwort, and they put it in a silver basin. All right, fine. You come with your thing of fentanyl. I want valium. I want fentanyl.

I want pseudoephedrine. I want antihistamine. Yes, brother. Bandages. Bandages. Bandages. Yeah, bandages. I want, there'll probably be like a pair of scissors or something I can grab.

I'm going to get the shotgun from behind the counter. All right, you get all of that. You get the shotgun from behind the counter. All right, you get all of that you get the shotgun Medical supplies, okay in Australia. Let's go. All right. Let's go to my mom's house Why? Because she's got a really high fence and it's surrounded on all sides and there's enough stuff in my mom's house to rebuild civilization from and it's surrounded on all sides and there's enough stuff in my mum's house to rebuild civilisation from. Your mum's house is like Leichhardt. Like in a valley in Leichhardt, in a dip.

No, no, it's on a hill, yo. What, are you worried about rising sea levels now? No, no, no. Both of you are calming down as the downers take effect. Okay. And Hing's there? Hing's just trying to explain the shower stuff. Mentoring.

Okay, yeah. Okay, my idea is to go to the hotel above the Paramount Cafe, the Paramount Hotel in Redfern, because it's near a park, so there's open space you can see around it. Interesting. You can be up high. There's a cafe, so there's food. There's a restaurant.

There's a hotel, so there'll be, like, towels, like, utilities, all that sort of stuff. Very interesting. What's your idea, Hing? I think I'll go along with the... You can come up with your own one. No, no, I'll go along with Eden Oh, let's go. Let's go. Look. I just think what is our plan? Are we getting okay? So this this I've been waiting for this day, honestly You guys don't have doomsday scenarios in your head. Okay. No, I'm just gonna go back Okay, so so we want to go we want to get supplies for a long haul really uh

society's going to break down power stations are going to fail and the first thing that's going to fail when power fails is water okay so i've got friends they've got a property down in kangaroo valley which uh the water the water is fed by uh a stream so the water level will fail there's kangaroos there there's cows that we can kill and there's a cattle grid at the water level will fail. There's kangaroos there, there's cows that we can kill, and there's a cattle grid at the front of the policy, which surely will be enough to stop any zombies crossing it,

because it's difficult to cross. Okay, can I make an alternate suggestion? Yes. How about the restaurant at the top of Centrepoint Tower? I've never been there before. Okay, it rotates, and from what I know about zombies,

they struggle on uneven ground. And I think if it's slowly rotating, that could really throw them. Point it. Water will be an issue. Because at a certain point, water won't be able to get up high. Power's going to shut down within a few days. I feel like they might have lots of bottles of Pellegrino.

Yeah, they've got a beautiful menu. I actually have always wanted to go. This is interesting. What can I say? This is interesting. We have three different plans here, and it's really going to come down to the person with the highest charisma. So I want you all to make, not you, you don't have an idea,

to make for me a charisma check. Now, for everybody, that is one of these good dice with the white pips. And then anybody who has a positive, persuasive... I have the power of positivity. Great. Gets a bonus dice. I'm a parent charmer, which is for Simon, right? He is the dad.

So I get a negative? So that's a negative for me. Yeah, one negative for you and one positive for Pug. I get two. Great. I have an incredible singing voice. Are you on my centre point? Do you have an idea? Are you supporting me? Oh one positive. I get two. Yeah, one for you. Great. I have an incredible singing voice. Are you on my centre point plan? Did you have an idea?

Are you supporting me? Oh, no, I support Jenna. Yeah, so I get another vote. You get one bonus dice. That's right. I also want to support Jenna because I want to go to the centre point tower. I know. I actually think we could have a lovely time, all things considered.

Because you think yourselves. One more dice. All right, one more for me. It's in Sydney, but you never go. Exactly. I think it would be nice to be tourists in our own city. Everybody roll and tell me who has the most ones. Oh, no.

I don't have any ones. Who has the most twos? I have a two. I've got two. Two twos. One two. We're going to Centrepoint Town. Fuck yeah!

And as the sun sets on a city doomed by a pathogen that has already begun to rip society asunder as the smell of loot and the end of empires is in the air, five unlucky souls make their ways through the desolate streets of Redfern coming down from the worst pingers high imaginable. Their pockets filled with unmentionable drugs, some pawpaw, camping equipment,

and a can of butane. But how can five such as these make their way through a world that not 28 days later, but 28 minutes later, has already come asunder? For the answer to questions such as these, tune in to the next week's episode

of Dragon Prince. Thank you! The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, Eden Lacey, and Simon Greiner and are DM'd by me, Dave Harmon, with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins. Shakira Khan designs our website. Guests this week were Jenna Owen and Victoria Zerps.

The podcast is mixed and mastered by Beth McMullen and recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre with live music this episode by Rowan Thumper.