Dragon Friends - Special: Freezen - A Dragon Friends Christmas Musical (Act 2)

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

In an acoustically convenient cave nearby, a new villain presents himself to challenge the musical magic of the chosen ones and their burgeoning band. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Deep in a cave, dark whispers stir. dark whispers stir. I didn't have time to learn the song, but I had time to make a spider costume. Oh, shit. Those legs look like dicks.

They look like... They look like weird spider-like dicks. They do look like dicks. They look a lot like... Guys, it's Spy Dick Man. Spy Dick Man. Spy Dick Man. Friendly neighbor. Okay.

You may think I'm a very big spider with nothing but venom inside And spool upon spool of thread in my bum For my web, eight-legged and eight-eyed But that's not the sum of a spider If that's what you think, oh, for shame I was once, yes, for real, quite a very big deal And everyone knew my name

They knew my name Every year or so, a child is born Here's the theory that I am proposing They are special, I know, because I was one The gifted, the musically chosen I could harness the song in the world to my whim, twist a tune into wings and then fly. With mild hocus-pocus, write a magical opus,

that if anyone heard, they would die. They all knew my name, and they sang it in praise. And if they didn't sing my name The hell I would raise By which I mean murder Oh, but I was naive I just couldn't believe That mankind would deny themselves song

To starve me of power And be joyless and sour But they did, and they were and I was wrong My name was forgotten, my legacy rotten Erased from the hymnal of time And my name unremembered, a slow dying ember As I paid in years for my crime They forgot my name

My power was drained The end of my reign I forgot my name, my power was drained The end of my reign, though soon I'll be unchained But one day something stirred, like the chirp of a bird A new chosen child born in this plain So I twanged on my web sent vibrations beyond And as he fed I felt the music grow again And the power, yes my friend, will be mine once again

My name up in lights, well in flame As the whole world ignites with the spark of my fame And the people in chorus all sing out my name What's my name? What's my name? Andrew Lloyd Webber I am a giant spider That is an obnoxious thing to wear in a very cramped stage.

What are you talking about? It's fun! Outside, a totally different cave, players. I just want to be, I just want to assure you, this is a totally safe cave. Night draws in, and the icy winds of an approaching blizzard whip at your cloak tails. Cheeky wind. Huh? Anyone feel that cheeky wind?

Whipping at your cloak tails? Get out of it, wind. Whipping at the old coattails? Get out of it, Wint. The half-orc... How are you feeling, Alex? Are you okay? I go to drink first. That's all I'm saying, Wint.

The half-orc barbarian filled the cousins, Frojo and Friso Friisofferson, and their charge, frozen donut. A figure built of snow. As night closes in and the cave whispers, cave mouth. Guys, I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty bloody chilly in my unmentionables. And they're unmentionable because I don't know that I have them. Have a feel around.

Everything below the belly button's really just a mystery to you, isn't it? Oh, there we go. It's a dick. Huh. Hooly dooly. Anyway, it's a chilly dick, so let's go inside. Can I ask? Yeah.

As an anatomically correct snowman, did you grow that or did someone make you like that? Do you know? You built this snowman. I built it, did I? Yes. We sang it into being in the previous act, Michael. You're its dad. I gave you a dick.

Apparently you did. You look down to find that it is the frozen penis of a dead man. So I guess while building a snowman with your cousin, you decided to give me a dick. Do with that what you bloody will. Well, I guess you need to thank me for that. I don't know what I've done for you.

It is getting very chilly outside. Alright, let's go inside. Me, I don't want to catch a cold at Christmas

and we'll have to cancel at Yulmus. Let's go inside, everyone. Come on. Into the cave. Come on, freezer.

Come on, fro-yo. Into that lovely cave now. We can talk more about our band, the Seductive Nephews. Cousins. C on, Frieza. Come on, Fro. You're into that lovely cave now. We can talk more about our band, the Seductive Nephews. Cousins. Cousins.

Listen. What the fuck? What the fuck, Dave? In my defence, they are similar words except in that context. I mean... Jesus Christ. They're not. No, one has a distinctly...

Although... Although, my character is a libertarian, so... Yeah, look, we gotta have a band meeting. Me think when me book you on Triple J Drive, you're gonna be doing the talking freeze, okay? You know, we don't wanna get cancelled before we even get famous. Yeah, I just think the word seductive in our band name and the word cousins in our band name, I don't think that works for me.

It's great because it makes you horny and then you think about family, which you also love. Yeah, he's not talking. He's not doing the interviews, okay? He's not even doing the banter, you know? No, no. All right, everyone make a perception check. I rolled a natural one.

As did I. I got an 18. Oh, 18. Big old three. Oh, very good. Frojo, you and you alone get the sense that you hear from the echoes that the size of the room that you were... You're walking through a passage and now it feels like you're in a much larger space.

But it is very dark. Well, goodnight. Wait, is Phil to like a bird? You put a blanket over the cave and she falls asleep? Yeah. Instantly like... I'm going to... If they're sleeping, I'm going to explore deeper into the cave.

Into the cave you go. Tra-la-la. Dave, tra-la-la indeed. Tra-la-la indeed. Foreboding much? No? All right, I'll go on and perhaps try to increase the foreboding. Maybe don't say tra-la-la next time.

How far can you see, Dave? I believe as a high elf, I have 30 foot dark vision. Oh, you didn't even look at your character sheet, Dave? I give you one chance to have a character. I don't know. I have 60 feet. You get the sense of a tiny twinkle above you, and please make a dexterity shock.

Sorry, this show is baffling enough. A dexterity check. Dexterity. Thanks, enough. A dexterity check. Dexterity check. Thanks, Dave. A dexterity check. I got a 21. 21. You managed to duck out of the way as a chandelier.

In a cage? Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And during a production of El Muto? Yes. Falls down from the ceiling. Oh, no. I think this is...

And crashes on the floor. And you hear... And you hear... You hear the lights go on. Yeah. Because they kind of go, as sconces along the walls, flames flicker,

and a figure... I love sconces. I love sconces. And a figure stands up and says... I'm immediately at home. What's the word Dave uses for a balcony? Balustrade. Yeah, put a balustrade in it.

He'll love it. He'll just love it. He'll get a big stiffy. And a cloaked figure. Is all of this happening on a sort of dais? Yeah. A voice comes over the gantry.

Yeah. And the figure raises itself up, covering its face and says, Night time. Night time. Nighttime Nighttime It is now the nighttime So I have turned the lights on Oh, look at you A stranger from the outside

Ooh, hooky-booky. You have a strange energy about you. Yes, I felt like I had to come here. I was led by a bizarrely optimistic cadaver. But I think I have a song to sing. I think there's power inside me. Yes. Is that why I'm here?

Yes. The chosen one would come with a less impressive cousin. Do you have a cousin with you? And he's shit. Oh, really? He's no good. No good?

In what way specifically is he no good? Oh, let me, okay, let me tell you. First of all, he cannot learn how to play fucking Dungeons and Dragons to save his life. No? He's been playing it for six years. He still doesn't understand the difference between a bonus action and a reaction. And it fucking shits me. Well, maybe you just haven't taught him well enough.

I haven't taught him well enough. Everything comes out at Christmas. Why don't we do presents? Why don't we do presents? It's time for the talent show, everybody. Oh, no. I must summon the others to determine if you are the chosen one. Ginkgo biloba, get out here.

And a cat slinks out of the shadows. Is this like a weirdly horny cat? No. This one seems normal. Is this like a cat with a very visible asshole? But his cousin, horny big arsehole, slinks out and is like and rubs himself everywhere.

And he says, oh, we got a chosen one here. Oh, chosen one. Yeah, chosen one. Hey, maybe we should see if the others, what the others think of him. Those, the rollers. We should get the rollers in here. Summon the rollers.

Are these steam powered or electric rollers? Oh, hello there. It's me, your train. Chuff, chuff. Oh, my boilers. Boiling hard today Oh, I've fallen off the tracks again Oh, the Isle of Sodor

So many rail mishaps Oh, boy, oh, boy I'm just a stupid kid in roller skates Rolling around in a cave Because nobody wanted me on the outside world So sad Sorry, sorry I did another season

And then I think the Beatles did a new album Yes I, um, uh Do not care for any of this So sad. Sorry, sorry. I did another season, and then I think the Beatles did a new album. Yes. I do not care for any of this. But just to decipher what joke you're trying to do, is it that Dave was a virgin throughout high school, so I was really into Starlight Express, and so you tempted him with trains, but now you're doing Thomas the Tank Engine as

voiced by Ringo Starr. Fucking hell, why would anyone listen to this fucking podcast? The thing is, Hing, I tried to do research. I looked at clips of Starlight Express and it is so fucking terrible that I got like

30 seconds in and I like threw my computer out the window. You know what, Simon? Let's just take this after the show, all right? Let's just do the show now. We can have this conversation later. We're not watching Starlight Express for our Dragon Friends Christmas party. We've gone through this.

We're having a pool party at Tom's house. Friso and Phil, do you hear a commotion? The whispering of cats and the rolling... And some locomotion. Yeah, the rolling of roller skates. We rush over towards Froyo with our weapons drawn. We heard something boring that I don't care about. A whole bunch of cats slink in beside you and just start pawing at you.

Why is the fur on these cats so matted and weird? Why did they spend so much on animating the fur? They don't want us on the outside world. They don't want our song. We are here near the master waiting for the chosen one

to arrive. Oh this sucks. I've seen like four things in my whole life. And this is the worst thing I've ever seen. The one who is made of cum. What? Yes, it is said that the chosen one

and his less impressive cousin will arrive with a man made of cum. Hang on, what? Who said that? It is... Yeah, Eden, who said that? We did not discuss this. Eden, wait, Eden, Eden. What? Can you just quickly do a wisdom saving throw for me?

Yes. DC 22? That's a three, baby. Three, it was a three. Three. Oh, well, unfortunately, Eden, that fails, and you were overcome by, I guess, a sense of energy brewing up inside of you.

Yeah. Which character is this? What? The cat? The cat. The cat. No, just Eden Lacey, the man. I don't fucking...

Eden Lacey, the man, is overcome with a sense of energy, a doubt. Was this an okay joke to make about a snowman made of cum? Was that okay? And you begin to sing about, I guess, the choices you've made in your life and how you feel about them as a man in his thirties. We all make mistakes. Some are

good. Some are great. Moving to a foreign land. Taking my penis in hand. Mistakes. Mistakes. Sitting here in a great big theater Mistakes

My mother said I do not want to see you there Mistakes Alone in my mind People looking at me like candles in the darkness I've made a terrible mistake Mistakes I've made a terrible mistake Mistakes I've made a terrible mistake Mistakes

I thought cause Ben said come all the time I should make him do it again I thought they would support me But they are not my friends I said I would do it Come Joe, but it backfired on me Mistakes And now I've got the come on me

Yeah Truly I have sunk to your level And it is dirty down here Boy oh boy Well, that was a charming interlude, says the phantom of the cave. One of the cats approaches

the party and says, what are your names? I'm Frozen Donut. I'm Freezer, this is Field. No, no, no. Not your real names. Your Jellicle names. Oh, get fucked. Jambastram.

I'm Jambastram. That was real quick, dude. It's a name I just, it's a name I invented it. It's Jambastram. And if you go to Jellicle.org and you check my name, you'll find that is actually my Jellicle name. Wait, is that something that assigns you a name or you register your own Jellicle name?

Like a sex offender. Also, those lists, they're the same. Control A, at the end of the day, somebody goes, Control A, Chief, we found an uncanny correlation between Jellicle names and sex offenders. It is unbelievable. Round them up, boys.

It's a sting. We got him. We got him. Hi, my name's Chris Hansen. I feel really stupid for inviting Andrew Lloyd Webber tonight. I feel like I made a stink. Boy, oh boy. What do you mean?

A jellicle name? A jellicle name? Yeah, jellicle's not even a word. Yeah, Filch is a good name. If someone finds it one day six years ago on a D&D name generator and they stick with it, that's a good, honest way to get a name.

You know, a jellicle name like Rough Tough Taint. Alright, I'll take that one. I'll take Rough Tough Taint. Or Hubblog Jugger. No, I'm Rough Tough Taint.

You know, you can do it. Search your... reach inside you, reach inside your Jellicle insides and pull out a Jellicle name. Why is Michael Egan googling? Alright, a Jellicle... but what does it mean? Is it some... It can't mean anything, that's the point. It must be the purest of nonsense. Yes, like rough, tough taint. But me don't have nonsense. Everything in me means something. Something like incontinence, the railway cat, or... This guy's called Horny MacArthur, so that should give you an idea.

OK. Maybe you could say something that's nonsense, but it means something to you. This guy's called Horny McArthel, so that should give you an idea. Okay. Maybe you could say something that's nonsense, but it means something to you. Okay, what about... Jorts, jorts, jorts. Now you're getting it. All right, then. Me, guess me. Jorts, jorts, jorts.

You could call me Jorts. Just the word jorts three times? Are there exclamations? Can you tell me what jorts are? No, it's nonsense. Exactly. Because I'm just thinking, in the couple of hours that I've been alive, I've seen jeans.

Go on. And I've seen jeans. Go on. And I've seen shorts. And? No, just an observation. Well, me, jorts, jorts, jorts, and you, rough, tough, taint. Rough, tough, tough, taint. And jambastramp.

Jambastramp. What about you, less impressive cousin? Well, I've just done a quick name generator on the internet. And my name... Put something of yourself in it, fucking. No, I put in my details. What details is that for? Details have gone into the algorithm.

What kind of personality profile does it have? Can I be honest? It was fucking insufferable. I had to say what my favourite animal was, and I had to say what my dreams were, and I had to say who my best friends were. Hope you're okay. Anyway, my name is

fucking hell. You're building this up. This is a terrible name. And the power of music starts to take over you. My name is Kariah the Wonder Baker. Hey, can you just roll a quick wisdom saving throw? What's the roll here?

I rolled a 17. 17. Ooh, what's your wisdom? My wisdom is plus two. Okay. You fail. You absolutely Okay. You fail. You absolutely fail. You fail, man.

DC 20, baby. Kariah the Wonderbaker. What am I singing about, eh? You just introduced yourself, Kariah the Wonderbaker, as a Jellicle cat. Have you not seen the musical, guys? No. All right. My name is Kariah the Wonder Baker

My name was given to me by a generator I found online I am a lion That's the type of online I am a lion That's the type of cat I am It's a big-ass cat So many cats nuzzle you. Oh, God, why are you all so horny? The phantom

says, yes, yes, now you all have jellicle names. You may meet the master. And he leads you as more sconces light up to reveal a huge

throne room. And at the end of the throne room, a set of stairs leading up to a dais with a throne on top of it. The Chosen... Oh, fuck, Webber! No! Everyone got it.

Everyone. Really, Ben? Yeah. I was like, that's neat. He's a spider. Spider. My hat off to you. Mark, hat off to you.

So the phantom ascends the stairs and says, the chosen one must sit. And Phil says, hey, is it okay if we get this on Instagram live? We're trying to build a bit of a profile, trying to get played on unearthed So that cool? What is the name of your band? I know instantly if you will be a success or not Okay

Our name is I love it Monastic Oh you've got to stick with it It's Seductive Cousins No it's Monastic Seductive Cousins Pay no attention to Friso it's seductive cousins no it's I already got the t-shirt seductive cousins

pay no attention to Friso it's seductive cousins it's seductive cousins all the cats rear back and go like I mean they're perverts so if we really

I mean if they don't like it it's too late now I got the t-shirts printed that's why you're such a great manager slash bass player which I've got the t-shirts printed That's why you're such a great manager slash bass player I've already made a lot of what I assume are t-shirts What's he holding?

He's holding just a big thing of mud T-shirts He has t-shirts in your eye But which of you is chosen? Now I look at you, I cannot tell which is the least impressive. Okay, band huddle? Yes, yes, very good. Okay, this is awkward, but obviously the strange phantom man with his horny cat is talking about me.

What makes you think you're the chosen one? Well, I sang and it brought the snowman to life and then I... Sorry, it's just that generally speaking, Dragon Friends has sort of... It's been a Friezo vehicle mostly, so... LAUGHTER Like, especially, like, most of this year has been building up to his return and now he's back

and everyone's really... He's a bit of a cat face. Yeah, I mean, me for, like, Friezo friso like wasn't there for a whole season and it was actually it was a good season it's weird it's like was friso gone because i did not notice oh burn what did you want to talk about in this huddle what i was was suggesting is what if I ascend the throne and then you get it on Instagram live and you sell the, was it a t-shirt? Yeah, I think it's a t-shirt. There's some worms in it, so that sounds good.

That t-shirt. Here's my fear though. You can ascend the throne and look, we can vote as a band to see if Frohje was the one who does that. Do I get a vote in this war? Do you know what a vote is? I believe it's some sort of twig. You get a vote. Yeah, have as many twigs as you want.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. As your hackles are raised, as you two cousins argue, close family, though you get on each other's nerves, you feel the magic coursing through you. Please both roll a D20. Oh, I got a 65 million?

That's so good that he got it. Dave, come on. Take it seriously. You got a 14, the piece of shit. 14. What did you get, Hing? I rolled, is it wisdom? Yes.

I rolled an 11. So wait, so who got higher? I wasn't paying attention. I got a 14. Dave. For real. For real, though? Yeah. I witnessed it.

You reach out and touch the throne and feel its power course through your veins. You've never felt something quite like this before. The potential that lies inside you as you burst into song. inside you as you burst into song. When I was young, it was hard to watch you go away. Left on a benchtop, all alone outside a temple. But I knew someday the two of us would be together.

What? But not in a sexual way. It's a friend way. What the fuck is wrong with you? What's wrong with me? You're the one who keeps singing about how you and I are destined to be together. Oh, it's birds

of a feather. I told you it's Christmas. It's a matter of going down on the thinking. You and me I told you it's Christmas. It's a matter of time before you think it. You and me since that magical drinker. The necklace they left with you because you were the less fortunate one. Would anybody like a t-shirt? Thank you. and mental health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Everyone make a perception check it's a big hot six 19 friso you get the inkling that something is moving above you as you raise your eyes to see eight more looking down at you. As a giant spider unspools its thread, lowering its body towards the throne. Hello, darling. You look like some sort of eight-legged pervert. Well... Yes.

Well Yes I mean my hands look like penises What can I say? Who are you? Why I'm Andrew Lloyd Webber Oh I get that I am a giant spider

And I am a giant spider. And I am a chosen one, too. I possess the power of music. Or I did, until they locked me away and stopped the song in the land. But you boys have brought it back, haven't you? Haven't you, my darling musical little wonders? What is that voice? It's musical theater voice, Dave. Don't you know anything?

Didn't you learn it when you went to NIDA? Hang on, what's the voice, Simon? Can you give me the voice? Didn't you learn it when you went to NIDA? Yes, I did. There. Maybe he is the chosen one. I

like musical theater. Now he's getting it. There's that one about the town where all the water is replaced by piss. Now is that not... Oh, we've all seen the music, man, yes.

I'm sure I'm sure I saw it once. Never played the West End, love. With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for piss. I'm sorry. I'm sure I saw it once. Never played the West End, love. With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for piss. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen, all communication does actually have to go through me. So, yeah.

Sorry, this is our manager, Phil. She takes care of all of our affairs. I don't know why he's talking like that. Well, if you could direct them into the green room in my mouth. In your pot, boys. Got a good meeting opportunity here. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. All right, Filch.

I don't know about this. As he rears up his fangs and strikes who? Friso, because he's got the musical theatre voice. All right, initiative. You have several attacks. I rolled an 11. Okay. 17. I've pre-rolled it because that I rolled an 11. Okay. 17.

I've pre-rolled it because that's what Dave does. Okay. I did what Dave did. Look, I'm trying to keep the energy up. It's a musical show. All right. Always keep them on their toes. Ba-ba-ba-ba.

Andrew Lloyd Webber strikes. Roll to attack Freezo. 14. Freezo, what is your hammer class? Yeah, that'll hit. Roll to... Roll damage. It's a d8. You can roll to sign me. Oh, I could... Guys, just... Okay. Yes.

4 damage. Okay. Cool, cool, cool. Freezo's looking very, very bad. Okay. He looks really unwell. Okay. He looks... unwell. Okay. How does he have so few hit points? I didn't start off with many, and I took quite a lot of damage from the policeman. Oh, policeman, yeah.

That's true. Classic cops, always picking on the people of colour. You also have a hypnotic, magical gaze, Andrew Lloyd Webber. Who would you like to direct your gaze towards? Filch. Filch, please make a wisdom saving throw. I got a seven. Oh, that's not good, dude.

No. His eyes spin in yours and the power of music overtakes you. You lose your next action. Okay? In lieu of a song. Okay. So I get to sing and I don't get to fight. Exactly. Fantastic. What, uh, what am I singing about? Whatever I want. Um, about, uh, how hard it is to manage a band.

how hard it is to manage a band. They said get into the business. They said go behind the scenes. They didn't say that the business is full of people who are mean. Oh, no. When you've got talent, but you're trying to make other people famous You see spiders have got talents

And that's not very good Bass solo Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow In the business, life is hard You're always picking other people's shit up In the business, life is hard You're always getting up in other people's business In the business

Bro-Yo, it is your turn in the business. Froyo, it is your turn. Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to want to quickly use Font of Magic to manifest my three sorcery points. I'm going to make a quickened spell out of Spider Climb, my second level spell, to launch myself up the walls to attack the spider. And I imagine what is the weak spot,

which is probably the spinneret. Is this another rap? Yes, you can make an attack roll. And that is a quicken spell, so I believe I still have an action. Is that correct? Whatever you say, Dave. Until I don't like it. In which case, what I'm going to do is I'm going to quickly pull out my dagger,

and I'm going to cut the spider silk to make Andrew Lloyd Webber fall to the ground. Oh, okay. Make an attack roll. All right. I did, and I rolled a 17. Yes, that is enough to slice his web as he falls with a thud to the ground, but he's a spider, so he— Mine! Very good.

Dave, what are you hanging on to? The ceiling The end of the Oh, so now you're the spider Yes, I guess Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow I like it Amazing And maybe the god of musical theatre?

Probably not Frozen Donut, you are up next Yeah, so I think having heard the spider's song And having heard what he has to say about the world, I realised something about myself in that I was born to serve him. Oh.

Yeah, I think that he has a much more cogent vision than these jerks. I mean, say what you want, at least it's an ethos. Is this because we ratted you out to that cop? I mean, it's part of it! But also I feel like because Frozen Nerd is totally driven by his love of song, I think he's going to side with the magical song guy

who is confident in himself. And you have a choice now, Ben. To attack or to be overcome by the power of... I'll attack. I'll attack Dave killing him. Dave, okay, you're going to attack Dave. How's he going to get me? I'm up in the spider web.

Oh, that's a good point. So I'll attack Friso. Yeah. You can throw a... Okay, attack Friso. Sure, absolutely do. You do have a snowball. Just remember, Friso's looking pretty grim.

You can attack Frodo with your snowball. Yeah, no, no, no. Because Friso looks like dog shit. So I'm going to attack him. You're going to try and kill him? He's looking really sick. Yeah, it would be so bad to kill someone who was sick or dead. Imagine someone doing that.

All right, make an attack roll. I'm going to hurl a snowball at him. What you should do is you should use your unusual nature benefit because then you get two more attacks. Great, I'll do that. Yeah, do that. Okay, you're going to roll two attacks. What's your armor class, Friso?

Armor class? It's 40. It's 14. So it's 14. It's 14. So both of them hit. Two. Oh.

Well, get the third attack. You get another attack. Nah, that's a natural one. Two snowballs whiz past Friso's head as he survives one more round. And next is Friso. Oh, well, Friso runs away. Just runs? This is like, oh, yeah, this is not for me.

I'm more of a pros kind of guy. And he just, he runs away from the cave. The cats block his Ooh and it's the cats attack. Simon, please. Claw.

Three pissy little claws. What is your armour class? 14. Three cats fucking miss you like the useless dicks they are.

But an English train chugs past you. Oh, watch out, coming through. Oh, and hits choo-choo, chugga-chugga-chugga, and does one damage to your toe. Yeah, no, Friso begins to die. There is no more humiliating way to die than be killed by Ringo Starr.

Friezo. Friezo. In the... No, wait. Who is next? Is Andrew Lloyd Webber. I reach out and grab Friezo's soul. What?

What? I don't see... What? And traps it in song soul. What? What? I don't see... What? What? And traps it in song form. What? Alright, you're on your own, buddy. Sorry, are you going to sing about being Friso? No, no, no. I'm going to trap

Friso. The only way he can affect change from here on in is through song. Oh, what the fuck, man? Okay, the you can... Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yes. Recognizing the inherent power in this soul,

you have the option to save him with song. So, Andrew Lloyd Webber, I'm going to need to make you, because you feel the magical power too of these beings, these chosen ones, make a wisdom saving throw. You fail, my boy. Andrew Lloyd Webber, you've never felt anything like this before. Two boys, magic as each other. Magic as each other As magic as each other

Oh two boys as magic as each other As magic as each other The song is strong in one of them The song is strong in the other Are they cousins? They're not brothers't they cousins? They're not brothers. Are they lovers? No,

they're not lovers. The band name's confusing. But they should be never split apart. Their force together could bring this world down. They should not be split apart. Bring that friso back. Bring them back down to the ground

They belong together Their magic is a wonderful thing Friso Froyo Both of you slay king Andrew Lloyd Webber has wasted his turn Resurrecting Friso on one hit point Filch, it is your action Andrew Lloyd Webber has wasted his turn resurrecting Friso on one hit point. Filj, it is your action.

I am going to charge at Andrew Lloyd Webber and poke at one of his many eyes with my javelin. I am in a rage at being forced to sing when I am clearly a behind-the-scenes kind of manager. And I attack twice. Both of them hit. And I do, oh, of them hit. And I do... Oh, very... Four damage.

Four? From two attacks? Oh, and another attack. And another four. Eight damage. All right, all right. Very, very good. You'll have to do better than that, my dear.

Frozen Donut, you're up. I'm going to run... Who am I close to? Friso's still. Froyo is directly above you. I close to? Friso still Froyo is directly above you Still Where's Friso? Friso

Friso's body is being carried back by the cats I have lost no hit points I've never felt better I'm going to have another stab at Friso Okay, go for it This feels good You might hit some cats You get an automatic death save

So that is a 15. Yes, definitely a hit. Definitely a hit. Roll D6. Ooh, 2D6 plus 2 cold damage. That is a lot. Yeah, well, I die from the cold damage. That is a 9.

9 damage. Freezo, not even the power of a song can save you. Please roll a death check. No, Freezo, you brought him back to life, so now he dies again. Okay, fair enough. You're lucky, Michael. All right. It's like double jeopardy.

Friso starts to die, and we are back on Friso. It's your turn. You can't do anything. Hey, do you want to do anything, cats, or are they just rubbing assholes? Just rubbing and licking. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Froyo, we're back on you. Okay, Froyo, we're realizing that Friso is trying to protect the family and probably out of a misplaced sense of duty that he is struggling to not eroticize, he jumps down off the rope and casts Cure Wounds on his cousin, curing 12 hit points of damage. Oh, Friso, you are back to life.

Very heroic, Froyo. I think we're back on Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, Freezo, you are back to life. Very heroic, Froyo. I think we're back on Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, right. Well, I'm going to attack Filch. Yeah. That's a two and a five. You miss Filch. Freezo, you're back to life.

What do you want to do, buddy? Freezo is going to, I guess, attack the spider. Yeah, do it. He casts a Witch Ball, which is 17 plus 5 is guess, attack the spider. Yeah, do it. He casts a witch bolt, which is 17 plus 5 is 22. That'll hit. That'll do it. And he does 15 damage.

Oh, Andrew Lloyd Webber rears up in pain. Oh, dear. Very upset. The reviews are in. They do not like it. Phil, it is your turn. I am going to go into yet another rage and attacking with my maul this time. I get like a 23 and a 15.

Yeah, they both hit, dude. Great. And then I get a do five and then I do a seven. Oh, that's 12. Andrew Lloyd Webber is not looking great. Frozen Donut, your master is dying. What do you do? Can I...

Freezo, the man you've tried to kill twice, is back alive again. You're not doing a very good job. Can I talk to the spider? Yeah, you can. That's a free action. Listen, I'm kind of new to this. If you're victorious, what happens? Why, I'll go out into

the world and spread song once again. That sounds pretty good. I'll go for free, though. That's a 14. That's another hit, another 2d6 damage Yep, yep He's looking real upset That is a

8, Freezo you begin to die again I believe We're really doing our best out here The cats are still just horny, horny, horny Froyo, it's you Froyo looks up at the throne. Is it within reach?

It is within reach. You'll have to drop down off your stinky... I think I already dropped down to cross Cure Wounds. Well, yes, you are directly next to the throne. All right, I walk over to it quickly while the others are fighting, and I very carefully put my hands on the arms, and I sit down on the throne. And you feel eldritch power course through you.

Is it tessellating? Okay. Yes. It's tessellating. Does it throb? Rippling, thromming like nephews and cousins. So powerful. Your next action.

You're clapping that too much. That's no good. Your next action, if it hits, will deal critical damage. Well, in that case, I'm going to use my last spell slot and I'm going to fire a chromatic orb that is an empowered orb using the last of my sorcery points. You go, orb! Thank you.

It's shell, and I'm going to fire it at Andrew Lloyd Webber And I rolled a 17 Which hits Alright in that case It is 3d8 Fuck Yeah it's a big

It's a big one Is that an AOE attack Or is it just a regular attack It is I'm sorry I didn't want to bring this up But it is an AOE attack So it is going to hit you as well

Just be cool about it Do you need another D8, Dave? I'd love some D8s, thank you. You need more? Yep. I mean, we all know the shorthand, but maybe musical comedy doesn't know the shorthand. Eight-sided dice?

And I rolled 15 points of damage. 15 points of damage. Goodness gracious me. Does that kill you again, Freeza? I mean, he's real dead. But it's also enough to kill Andrew Lloyd Webber, who lets out a squall of pain.

Oh! Phil stabs him in the mouth. Phil stabs him in the mouth. And as you do that... It's like fucking Circus or Layup in here. Baston slams the player's handbook shut as you've all been playing your annual game of accountants and actuaries around the Yulmus fire. your annual game of accountants and actuaries.

Around the Yulmus fire, Yulmus toddles, I mean, Baston toddles into the kitchen and lays down a fat Yulmus goose on the table, carves it up and serves you and says, Alright, before

we eat our Yulmus feast, we've all got to say what we're thankful for this Yulmus. Friso, what are you thankful for? Me? I guess I'm just thankful for, um, coming back to this group after having to carry a Twitch stream for two years.

Well, that's... If that's how you see it, that's fine. Oh, how about you, Bobson? Get out from under the table, you fucking freako Come on, sit up with us Oh, thanks, guys, that is like the scraps I'm thankful for my real nice friends Who are they?

How about you, Filch? Oh, me just thankful for the food on this table and for being warm and in some sort of time frame that I understand. Oh, and me can read. So me reading a lot of Christmas tales. You guys ever read the Bible? That's a goodie. How about you, Bobby P?

I'm grateful that the dreams have stopped. But what about you, Baston? What do you want for Yulmus? Who, me? Yes, you. And you see, nobody saw this, but he's sitting beside a piano. Oh, boy. What am I thankful for?

Better yet, what do I want? I don't want a lot for you, Miss There is just one Thing I need I don't care about the bloodshed Underneath the Yulmus tree I don't want a nice crossbow Or a divination globe

Make my wish come true All I want for you, my Is you is you I don't want a lot for you There is just one thing I need I don't care about the chaos. I don't want to turn and flee. I don't need to

hang my scabbard. Did I say I died in space? You almost can't get Seth my asshole. We kill him with thunder's wake. I just want my friends around. That warm and familiar crowd.

Freezos colored blue, all I want for you, Miss, is you. Ooh, dragon friends, the dragon friends are Michael Hing, Alex Lee, Ben Jenkins, Dungeon Daddy David Harmon. This episode was DM'd by Simon Greiner and me, Eden Lacey. Music by Mr. Tom Carty. Give it up for our wonderful producer, Shakira Khan. This podcast is mixed and edited by Hugh Guest. This show was recorded live at the Comedy Store in Sydney, Australia. Finally...

A remix? We just... Yeah, alright, okay, I'm feeling it, brother. A very special thank you to you for listening. A very happy holidays from the Dragon Friends family to yours. Everybody stay safe out there and as this exceptionally shitty year draws to a close it's just it's important that we remember one thing none of this was canon Anyone can see None of this was canon

None of this was canon To me Freeze, oh still an asshole Thank you, good night! Merry Christmas everyone! Give it up again for Mr. Tom Cotty on the case! Yay! See y'all next year. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.

That's sunrisechallenge.ca.