Dragon Friends - Special: He Just Really Likes Wearing Shoes with Nick Mason (Part 1)

Episode Date: November 24, 2017

The Dragon Friends try to leave their adventuring behind them and start up a detective agency in Waterdeep. Tasked with finding a missing dwarf by the name of Fungbunger, the Dragon Friends - with help from the plucky and irritating Bucky Bingo (special guest Nick Mason) - are on the case. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Since we're doing it noir, I'm gonna make it a little bit jazzy. Ooh! Now gather round my children into an alternate plane Where the story isn't canon but the bullshit's still the same Where our heroes are still heroes, they're the same old reckless guys But they've got themselves an office and they're now all privatised Our story's just beginning, our adventure never ends. The saga of the heroes and we call the dragon friends. Now the gang are all in water deep where murder counts as games.

We're red herrings on the menu and it's served by saucy dames. Yeah, the color scheme is noir-ish and the bum rap always sticks. Will our heroes fare much better Now that they're all private dicks Our story's just beginning Our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes That we call the dragon friends The saga of the heroes That we call the dragon friends In a fetid laneway

In a fetid laneway In one of the more dangerous areas of Waterdeep Above a shop that sells knives You find That's good That's good Can't ruin the flow there a little bit, Simon Above a shop that sells knives You will find the offices of Pancakes Good. It's kind of ruined the flow there a little bit, Simon.

Above a shop that sells knives, you will find the offices of Pancakes, Indrirovich, Filge and Frizo Person. That's Frizofferson? I gave him a last name. Like Chris Christopherson? Yeah, he's Frizo Frizofferson. Am I Filge Filgeson?

You're Filge Frizo, which is confusing. Private detectives. Now, business for our four adventurous-turned-PIs has, since they opened up their shop earlier this summer, been slow, and they've only barely been able to pay the rent with a few meagre cases. There was that time that you tracked down an inept blackmailer, when you ran surveillance for a crooked bookmaker, and when Filge found a missing cat and then wouldn't give it back

to the owner because it was so pretty. Bluebird is the name of the cat. The cat, whose name is Nate Bluebird, is currently rubbing itself against the enormous calves of a very, very sweaty ogre who sits at a tiny desk opposite three quarters. I'm not an ogre, I'm an orc. No, that's a different character. Okay, got it.

Keep it up, Dave. Okay. Actually, I'm a half orc. Yeah, yeah. And this is a sweaty ogre in a very cheap suit who is sitting opposite three quarters of this detective therm, Friso having been missing for several days now. Well, not so much missing as he's locked himself in a toilet and business has been much better.

So I think that's the fiction we're going to go with. Yeah, you know how to get him out, but you're just letting him think about his choices for a while. You chose not to, yeah. Yeah, it's fine. So awkwardly the ogre sits staring at you and you feel heaviness in your stomachs now he is sweating not just because of the heatwave

that besieges Waterdeep but because two weeks ago he asked for your help he asked you to discover whether his wife of over 90 years was being unfaithful and the results of your investigation are now in a manila envelope in front of you and you know without looking in this, because you assembled it in this oppressive stuffy room,

that he's not going to like the answer. For inside this envelope is a sign written, statements, affidavits from innkeepers, gin joint owners, and general water deep busybodies, answering the question in emphatic and almost pornographic detail. And you have to tear aside what you are going to tell Martin, for this is the ogre's name. Martin.

Oh. Martin, I'd just like to say that you have a very beautiful wife. And that, you know, marriages marriages relationships are tough and a marriage of 90 years is you know not me and Cynthia oh ever since the day we met smooth sailing it's been not one argument Unless you count who loves her more. Wait, no. Who loves the other one more? I got them confused. Well, we've been doing some surveillance. That means looking.

Yeah, well, it was really just a formality. I just wanted to sort of make sure you hear things around the trap, a bit of peace of mind and all that. Anyway. I thought I'd get it framed. So, what does it say? Bobby. And he turns to Bobby and he's like...

Um, sir. Listen. She's beautiful. Some might say too beautiful. Some might say too adventurous. Some might say too adventurous. Some might say dishonest. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your wife is...

Beautiful. Beautiful. If beautiful was a way of saying that she's cheating on you then yes she is the most beautiful woman in the world she has been the most beautiful world a woman in the world uh in water deep uh various satellite villages around water deep uh one time down at the docks uh she has been beautiful uh with many men. So Martin, something happens to his face where he kind of loses control of his facial expressions and he kind of starts laughing and starts

like, turns to crying for a bit and then it goes back to laughing and he's like, that was a very funny joke that you just said. And you can see his massive hands are balling into fists. And he's holding the edge of the desk, and it starts to splinter and crack.

I pour him a drink, and I go, Martin, drink this. You'll feel better. He picks up the tiny glass with his hand and tries to regain composure. Can I do a constitution saving throw? I guess. Against what? I don't know what you're doing there.

Is it a composure saving throw? Yeah, I'm trying to regain... Why don't you just do... Willpower. Yeah, willpower saving throw to not shatter the glass. So DC, 12. There's a seven. So the glass shatters in his hands

and the pain of the splinters makes it worse. Filj leaps into action. She's like, here, let me get this. And then I open the manila folder and I grab photos and I wrap them around his hand to stop the bleeding. These are incredibly saucy photos. Photos? Yes.

Well, they're very quickly etched. They're etchings. They're etchings. Okay, so you're wrapping the... Yeah, as bandages. I'm like, here, this make you feel better. And I wrap them all around him. I'm looking at my wife having sex with somebody

while my own blood seeps through. That's right, yeah. It's like a paper mache of betrayal. Okay, I hit Filge as hard as I can in the face. That's fair, right? That will throw you into combat. In the face? No, right.

Yeah, you're punching. So go surprise round because Filge thought she was helping. So that's a 13 plus 4 is 17. That's going to hit you, Filge. Your armor class is 15. So you just got punched. Some would say fairly for six hit points. And Bobby, it's up to you to defuse this now tense situation.

What's he wearing? A cheap suit and a little rumpled hat. So I clamber up his front and grab his tie and pull it tight on his neck. And I say, easy there, buddy. I like he's a horsey. I feel like... I say, whoa! And I dig my heels into the back of his neck.

Okay, dexterity check. Two. Two. All right. So suddenly Bobby lunges over the table and grabs at the ogre's tie and yanks it down, trying to get up, but the effect is that it grabs at the ogre's tie and yanks it down, trying to get up. But the effect is that it just causes the ogre

to go face first into the manila envelope so that now his face is just staring at a double spread of etchings. Next up is you, Bastogne. I would like to make an attack roll to just very gently just smooth his hair. Sorry, he just punched me in the face. And I am trying to diffuse the situation.

Make a charisma check. It's going to be hard. It's a seven. Seven. It was a seven. It was a seven. It looks like a one to me. No, but they look very similar.

They're both just one. They're adjacent. Either one fails. Correct. You don't have his. He's not buying one. They're adjacent. Either one fails. Correct. So you don't have his. He's not buying it. And Filge, you're up next. Filge grabs, like, gives him a super wedgie behind.

He's like ogre pantaloons or whatever he wears. Do ogres wear pants? This one does. Yep. And then she swings him back, like Pixar swings him back, and throws him through the closed door shouting, You should have been a better lover! Strength

check. And some real talk in there as well, so. Is there a real talk check? Um. I got a 15 on my old D20. Okay, do you know what? You grab him and you throw him. Plus four. You throw him through the door. You forget, of course, that there is stairs directly from the door,

so he tumbles down the stairs as well and takes I would say quite forget, of course, that there is stairs directly from the door, so he tumbles down the stairs as well and takes, I would say, quite a bit of damage from that. Let's say, let's call that, he takes... Yeah, you know what? He takes eight hit points of damage, and at the foot of the stairs, you can just hear a sort of voice call up to you.

Oh! I yell down, we'll send you an invoice! You forgot your photos. As the distraught husband picks himself up and wanders away, you see in the space, and yeah, you treated him pretty roughly, to be honest. He treated me roughly in the face. We take care of our own.

Yeah. Well, as he leaves the doorway, a space space is revealed and through the shimmer of the heat wave you can see a small dwarven woman in a cheap faded but once expensive in fact red coat with huge thick milk bottle style glasses who is clutching

a green purse looking up the stairs towards you horrified frankly at what she's just seen. Yeah, she like glances at the... And she's like, client are yours? And we say, yes. This is the detective agency, right? Yes, we are a detective agency.

Please. My name's Bobby Pancakes. This is Filge and this is our associate Baston Can I offer you a refreshment? Just water's fine, please And she totters up the stairs This heat! She says Tell me about it

I will! Oh, it's so hot! That's all I have to say. Oh, I was waiting for you to tell me about it. She takes off her coat and she sits down. Why is she wearing a coat in the heat? I'm not very smart. And she introduces herself as Dolores Fungbonger. Sorry, what?

Dolores Fungbonger. I'd like to hear her say that in her own voice. My name is Dolores Fungbonger. I'd like to hear her say that in her own voice. My name is Dolores Fungbonger. All right. How do you do? Look, I'm going to be very upfront with you people. I don't have a lot of money. But I have enough I've been scrimping and I've been saving for a rainy day.

And let me say, it just started raining. Oh, that should be good for hate. Wait, is it raining outside? No, I was like, they're saying you're very literal people. You get used to it. It's my brother,

Melvin. Melvin Fungbonga. He's been missing for three days. And it's not like him. He went to work in the morning three days ago, and I said goodbye, and he said goodbye. I remember it distinctly. Does he have any hobbies?

No, he mainly keeps to himself. He likes to work, and then when he comes home, we might have a little glass of something. How was your day? How was your day? Play some cards, go to bed. So you live with your brother? I do, we're very close. Don't be like that. What does he do for work?

Oh, he works at a fancy joint downtown. It's called... Misselthwaite. It's called Misselthwaite. You might have heard of it. They sell antiques and mystical objects and whatnot. Actually, Bobby, why don't you just quickly make an intelligence saving throw? You're from Waterdeep? Uh, yep.

Was that 11? Uh, yes. Yeah, that's good enough. So Missile Thwaites is, you know, is actually a quite upmarket chain of magical jewelry and sort of trinkets store. They tend to work with all the major

artificer and tinker guilds, and they are also a major hub of trading all throughout Faerun of magical, developed urban artifacts. And I don't want you to get the wrong idea. He's not a big shot there. He does little menial things here and there. He might polish a cabinet or sweep up a floor.

But he's very good. When did you murder him? I'm sorry? Here's your water. Thank you. I didn't murder him. You have to understand, everyone is a suspect.

I understand that. I haven't seen him in three days, everyone is a suspect. I understand that. I haven't seen him in three days, let alone murdered him. What's your game here, Aidan? Just being suspicious. Yep, Baston, he thinks that in situations like this, it pays to be suspicious. Can Filch have a typewriter? Yes, Filch has a typewriter.

It's not going to use it. I just want to know that she has one. Yeah, you have one. Well, listen, honestly, in these sort of situations. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. In this situation, noisily making notes. But she does it like this. You know how boomers type?

She's like. Oh, yeah, the tapping. She's making that with her mouth. Let's be clear. Yeah, she's like, a tap, a tap, a tap, a tap, a tap. Yes. In cases such as these, usually the missing person comes back within a day or so.

Three days isn't unusual. He's probably on a bender. That's the thing. He's not like that. Not Melvin. Melvin's always home. He's probably on a bender. That's the thing. He's not like that. Not Melvin. Melvin's always home. He's very, very careful. If he's not home, there's something wrong. Alright, Mrs. Gumpthumper.

It's Fungbunga. Fungbunga will take your case. Dolores Fungbunga. Gumpthumper it is. Where can we find you if we find him? Because otherwise, if we find him, then we'll just have him here and we'll have no way of contacting you.

Very good. We can strap him to Tree. You can check Tree every day and if he's on Tree, you know we found him. She writes an address down, which is in one of the... She's actually in Gumboot Lane, which is part of the more adorable gnome district of Waterdeep. What's it called? Gumboot Lane.

It's very cute. It's a sort of indigent population. But she's a dwarf living in the gnome section? Oh, is she a dwarf or a gnome? Is she a Dolores? She's a dwarf. Sorry, I'm sorry. That was incredibly culturally insensitive of me.

So she lives in an anorak way, which is part of the dwarf district. Why is it so ghettoised in Wado D? Yeah. We're a very racist people. There's a bit of gentrification, though. Like, you're starting to see a few Gumboot Lane cafes popping up in an anorak way. Where's the humans move in and everything just goes to shit

and all the great eating disappears? Now, look, I wish I could give you more information, but all I can say is that I knew he went to two places, home and work, and he's not at home. You checked work? I assume he hasn't been at work for three days. We don't assume in this business. You know what they say about assuming?

What do they say? It's better to be suspicious. So you take the case? Yeah, we'll take it. She pays you a pitiful five silver pieces, swearing up and down that it is all that she can afford? Hey, lady, if we find Melvin, we get to pick anything in antique store.

Deal? But that's not how... That's how it works. And she knows that that's nothing that can be enforced, but she wants her brother back. So she says, yeah, of course, yeah. And we nod happily to each other. Great, so you have your first lead, which is obviously Miss Lothwaite.

It sounds like I'm trying to interpret what you guys are saying. So you head downstairs. And Miss Lothwaite, as you know, is in Uptown and it's a quick journey there. Even in this heat, it won't take you very long. However, as you step out into the square underneath the knife store, you see a familiar wretched sight, which is a... Freezo. No, no, you actually just hear tapping on the door as you sort of leave.

I don't think he heard very much of what was going on, and he's worried and scared now, and he's been in that bathroom for a few days. I put a slice of bread under the door and keep walking. He doesn't deserve that. So as you are in the square, you see a wretched sight of a ridiculously cheerful street urchin in ragged clothes under a huge floppy felt cap with a feather that is broken in two different places. It's like kunk-kunk.

Yeah, that's good. Also, I'm imagining a sea urchin. And he looks up at you as you pass. You recognise this as Bucky Bingo, which you're not sure if that's his name but that's what you've been calling him and he lives in the square. Hey Bucky, what's the news?

I go back and I open the door in a very small way the door where Friso is and I grab the piece of bread out of Friso's hand and I close it again and then I go and I give the remains of the bread to Bucky.

And to play that recently breaded street urchin please welcome to the stage Nick Mason! Woo! Hello mate! Mason! Oh my god, bread! God, fellas, thanks so much, fellas.

Oh, I haven't had bread in days. Hey, Mr Pancakes, Mr Pancakes, I found the key. I found the key that's locking Friso in the toilet. Mr Pancakes, I saw you outside. You were near the sewer grate and you threw it. You threw it. You dropped it down the sewer grate. Excellent.

I can give it here, thanks. No, no, but it took me so long to find it. I had to find the outflow to the sewer grate. Bucky, give it here. Thanks. No, no, but it took me so long to find it. I had to find the outflow to the sewer grate. I had to swim through for hours and hours, but I found it. I purse his lips together with my hands and say, you already got your bread. So as you know... Don't touch him.

If you touch street urchins, they bond with you. So as you know, since you started your detective agency early in the summer, Bucky Bingo has been hounding you. Why am I DMing all of a sudden? Sorry, go. No, so yeah, Bucky Bingo has formed an attachment to the three of you, sensing something he sees in you that he hopes to one day see in himself.

God only knows what. Having a house? Having a complete unbroken feather in one's hand. Oh, a feather. I'll tell you what, Bingo. That fucking feather pisses me off. Every time I see your broken fucking feather, I think, fucking Bucky Bingo better fix that fucking feather.

But it looks, it's so unique. Shut up. It's so unique. Oh, Baston. He's such a rogue. I love him. Bucky is human, yes. Oh, a human boy. Bucky is about nine years old.

He's human. He's poor. He's filthy. He has a cough. And a very big beard. And he's a bit taller than Bobby. Since you started the detective agency, he has been hounding you for a job. He wants to work. He wants to become a detective agency, he has been hounding you for a job. He wants to work.

He wants to become a detective one day, and he wants to work for your agency. And every time you see him, he's asking you for work. He's asking if he can help, if he can be your eyes on the street. I know the streets, guys. I know the streets. I was down in the city square. I was down in the city square. I saw a kobold.

He was grabbing some apples. He was putting them in his pockets. And I thought, what would the dragon friends do? And I said, hey, buddy, those don't belong to you. You get out of here. And he set fire to the apple cart. But I know he ain't coming back. So I got the stuff you need, guys.

That is what the dragon friends would do. Yeah, that's actually, we're very impressed. We look at each other and go, hmm. Hey, so I feel the eyes you need, guys. That is what the Dragon Prince would do. Yeah, that's actually, we're very impressed. We look at each other and go, hmm. Hey, so I feel the eyes on the street. You know a guy called Melvin Fungbonger? Well, I know he works down at, he works down Nislethwaite's, but I don't think they've seen him for a couple of days. Maybe, look, I can show you where that is.

I know all these streets. We live here. Yeah, but you suck. You've only been here for a few days A few months But you're very bad at it Bobby, you know the place You know what it is I've been here my whole life Since I was found in a basket

Alright, Bucky Bingo You can accompany us on one condition Anything, I'll do anything for you, Baston. Carry my parasol. I mean, you're very tall and I'd have to... That's not my problem. You're right. It's my problem. I'll take it. Alright. And he pops it. Baston pops his parasol up

and hands it to Bucky Bingo and then bends down to get underneath. I mean, my feather's getting away a little. I'd have to throw away my beloved broken feather. Well, look, if you do... Hmm... Listen.

Keep it for now, and if you do well, I'll give you a whole feather from a seagull. The finest bird I've ever seen on these streets. All right, so you're taking the orphan with you? Yes, I guess so.

All right, so he's skipping and hopping ahead of you, which is making it very difficult for you, Baston, to stay under the parasol. But I'm not getting sunburned. You make your way up towards Uptown, and you soon find yourselves outside of Missilthwaite, which is guarded by a sort of quite bored-looking security guard, an elven security guard.

Is that the voice? That was the ogre, actually, just walking past. How's he doing? Did he see us and just, like, jumped out of the way? He doesn't see you. He's deep in thought and he's, like, really grappling with some shit. Did he get back with his wife? You don't know that from looking at him.

Yeah. You see an Elvish security guard and the otherwise it looks like it's closed for business at the moment. It's quite early in the morning still. Well, let's go back to the office. Yeah. Nothing we can do about it here. Wait. It pays to be suspicious. No. Yeah, nothing we can do about it here. Wait, it pays to be suspicious. And if I'm suspicious correctly,

an elf is a strange choice for a security guard. Much too skinny. The elf hears this, and without saying anything, puts you in a headlock. A powerful headlock. No. A powerful headlock. Surrender.

And then he twists your arm and it hurts quite a lot. Oh, why? Keep your stinking paws off Mr Bastard. Keep them off. I take a swing at him with the parasol. God, that's a very valuable parasol. I'm committed to the swing I'm sorry Mr Baston So you're attacking the security guard

The elf like drops Baston And like stands upright And just looks at Bucky It's a five You miss and swing adorably and wild Does he do the thing Where he puts his hand on Bucky's head And Bucky's like swinging but he can't reach

because his arms are too short? No, he turns his hand like that and it starts to glow with a terrifying and dark energy. Has the elf said anything yet? He hasn't said a single thing. Let's see where this goes. I'm interested in this energy.

You're not going to step in? Can I grab the parasol and poke the ball of dark energy? You can try. I'd do that. Ben, you've started this entire diversion. Alright, what happens, Ben? I'm like, I poke. Poke, poke, poke.

Alright, no, I'm going to make you go into combat So the first one up is The elf starts casting the spell Which is this one here And the Filge You're initiative, I've got pre-prepared initiative orders Which I always use So Bobby, you're going to go up first

What do you want to do? I am going to use My cunning To come up with a plan. It was a lot of drinks. What's that? It was a lot of drinks into us. It's Greek last night. Yeah.

What I do is I use Mage Hand to slap him across the face to distract him. Okay, so you're just going to attack him? Yep. All right, you've got Mage Hand because you're an Arcane Trickster, so you don't need to roll for that. That's fine. You're not trying to do anything dexterous. So you grab his attention, and now he's distracted.

Next up is you, Bastogne. I'm going to punch him in the face. All right, fine. Pew, pew. 14. 14 plus. That will do it. All right, so you hit him

But just with your hand So that's 3 points of damage Yeah Next up is you Bucky Bingo Oh let's see I have a stick Yep I'm going to take a swing

With a stick Alright 19 19 will do it That's actually You're doing better than the others Minus 1 however Because you have no strength

So that's only 3 hit points of damage And Phil you're up I'm going to grab my grappling hook Okay Minus one, however, because you have no strength. So that's only three hit points of damage. And Phil, you're up. I'm going to grab my grappling hook. Okay. That's like a hook on a rope, right? Yes.

Yeah, good. And I'm going to lasso it around his hand that has the spell and lasso it to the doorway. Okay, he's distracted, so you might be able to do something like this. I'm going to grapple it. Essentially, this is a grapple. Essentially, yes. So what I want you to do is quickly make a strength check for me. Yep.

So that's an eight. Okay. So that's not going to do it. He's pushed back and the spell fizzles, but he easily evades your clumsy paws and slams into the door. And as he slams into it, it flies ajar and you see a figure very, very thin with a kind of irritating beard. Like it's shaved in a really obnoxious way.

Like a neck beard? No, it's like. Oh, it's like too intricate? It's like that Hunger Games guy. Like a magician. Yeah, like a magician. He looks like a magician. Yuck. Have you based a character. He looks like a magician. Yuck.

Have you based a character on me from a couple of years ago? Maybe. And he frowns at you and the guards and sweeps you all with an imperious glance. Oh, what? No one looks at Bastogne imperiously. Stop that.

Stop it. Please, we're closed. Okay, not very imperious at all, it turns out. But go on. We're closed. Please. I put a guard out the front for this very reason. So we're here on official business.

We're here on a very important matter. So if you'll let us in, we have some things to discuss with you. Let us in. Let the dragon friends in. All of us. All us dragon friends. Come on, man. Yes.

And also let in Bucky. Yeah. Yeah, that too. He like kind of shrugs his shoulders and is like, sorry, he's like crestfallen. He's like, Jeremy, let them in. It's fine. And Jeremy, the elf. Who's never said a word.

No, just nods and then leaves, closes the door behind him. All right, so you find yourselves inside Misselthwaites, which is clearly getting ready to open. There are sort of scribes and cleaners moving about and they'll be probably open in about an hour's time. This character leads you into the back rooms, into his own office. Opens, pulls out a key, opens it and brings you inside.

Guys, look, I really do want to help you, but you need to be very, very quick. I've got to open the shop. When did you murder Fung Bunga? Wait, is this about Fung Bunga? Is it? Have you found him? Have you?

Well, I saw him three days ago when he came to work. I grab a glass from his shelf and I just smash it on the ground just to get his attention. Is that like... Sorry, is that stock? Yeah. Okay. No, it's like something...

It's his office. It's a really nice crystal tumbler and it's just smashed. Oh, that's my dad's. I say, not anymore. You're dad next if you don't answer our questions. This feels really illegal. I say, hey, listen, buddy, you really don't want to get her angry. I'm a good cop.

Oh, you guys are playing... I'm a cop too, guys. I'm a cop. You're playing good cop, bad cop, bad'm a good cop. Oh, you guys are playing... I'm a cop too, guys. I'm a cop. You're playing good cop, bad cop, bad cop, bad cop. Well, can I get some names, please, at least? Hey, we're asking the questions here. Okay. What was Fung Bunga doing the last time you saw him?

Working for my father and I. And what was the nature of this so-called work? Well, he cleaned cabinets and would talk to customers. I mean, look, he wasn't exceptionally bright, but he was good. What did he have for lunch on the day he went missing? Some figs. Where did he get those from? I don't know. He brought them in a cloth.

What level of ripeness were they? Did they look tasty? They seemed pretty ripe to me, actually. Not at this time of year. Hey, are you just hungry? Quite. Do you have anything I could snack on? Did he go missing before or after he ate lunch? Well, I left him to close up the shop, I suppose.

I slam my fist on the desk and I say, listen. I write down figs in my notebook. It sounds like this guy seemed a bit dispensable to you. Seems like the kind of guy you might send on a mission. What have you done with him? Where did you send him? What kind of task? Guys, I'm going to have to come clean.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come clean. I'm not really sure where Fung Bunga is, but I'd really like it if you could find him. Because the day that he went missing,

so did a very, very, very valuable item in our shop. Was it this, I say, and I knock something else off the shelf? It's a power play. This is her style of detecting. I say, no, it wasn't that, but that's also broken now. Look. A very valuable crystal decanter now lies in pieces on the floor. That's a shame.

Had a spell in it, didn't it, Dave? Just brandy. Just very expensive, impossible to obtain anymore brandy. Do you know what he does, though, which I quite like? Absent-mindedly, he's like, oh, and he goes to, like, a bit of the shop and opens one of the glass cabinets and takes out an item that is for sale. And then, like, it's like maybe a little disky thing

that he holds in his hand and it kind of glows a little bit and he holds it over the shattered glass and the shattered decanter and they both reform. And he's like, would you please not do that again? And then puts that thing back. Oh, Baston's got to go in and knock that shit off the shelf straight away. Does he do that? Absolutely.

He goes, I'll clean that up later. Just quietly, because I'm a magic thief or whatever I am, I'm going to use my invisible magic pickpocket hand to steal that disc when he puts it back on the... Okay, sure. So he's talking to you guys. So quickly just make a sleight of hand check. It's got to be DC...

Oh, is it a... Yeah, you're going to need to be DC 15 for that because it's obviously... Oh, I get 15. Six plus eight. All right. All right, you find... Just before he can close it while he's distracted,

your sort of psychic hand... What? Wait, what was that? What happened? That's not what six plus eight is at all! It's 14, guys. Your psychic hand slips into the cabinet, but at that moment, he slams it shut with a click,

and you feel a psychic feedback pulse that makes you scream like a girl. Oh, we've got such a smart audience. Smarter than us, anyway. Good at adding. So he goes, look, again, I hope he's okay, but to be honest, look, just putting two and two together I think he may have robbed us But what did he steal?

Did he steal this? Oh my god I'm saying I just grabbed the disc You just take it out of the thing? Yeah It's mine now Are you just robbing him?

No, it's a down payment on finding his missing employee I'd really, okay. That's how we do business. I mean, look, none of it matters. If I don't get the stone back, we're all ruined anyway. A stone, you say? A rune, you say? Okay, so first of all, Phil, you can add to your items, I guess,

by being a bully, a magical rune stone. Wait, is that the fixing disc? The disc, that's it, yeah. Separate to the stone that he's... What's the official name of it? For you, it's a magical runestone. Wait, is that the fixing disc? The disc, that's it. Separate to the stone that he's... What's the official name of it? For you, it's a magical runestone. For everyone else? If you showed it to a real wizard, maybe you'd know more.

Guys, just a little bit behind the curtain, while Alex is writing notes, if I look across at her notes, a lot of them are drawings of birds. There's one drawing of a bird and it was probably important. I've also written Hercule Moose. Okay, so the Gooch. Oh yeah, you don't know my name. It's Gooch Thistlethwaite.

Well, Missile Thwaite. Gooch. Gooch Missile Thwaite. Gooch. Gooch. Gooch. Gooch. Gooch Missile Thwaite takes you over to the sort of lockers and he indicates to one of them that has a sort of a sigil that is a sort of M, an intricate M, and he knocks on it and it opens and he indicates to you.

This is where we kept it. No, this is Misselthwaite's locker. Oh, yeah, right. This is where we kept it. We... No, no, this is this is Miss Lathwaite's locker. Oh, yeah, right. This is gym gear. He's like, I don't know if this is helpful to you, but this was this was Melvin's locker. He just disappeared. His stuff's all there if you want to have a look

at it. Fungbung is locked. Nah, says Phil, she slams it shut. I want to look in there and see if there's any stuff. Yeah, I could doams it shut. I want to look in there and see if there's any stuff. Yeah, I could do an investigation check. I'm investigating too. Okay. I refuse.

I'm going to investigate because these guys are investigating. I think maybe some of the investigations will rub off on me. Why don't you do some investigating?

And one thing that we forgot to mention about Bucky Bingo, the most useless character on the planet, is that he actually has one incredible skill which he gets advantage

on all his perception checks. Yeah, I've given you've given you plus six so despite being extremely annoying and a massive liability he's actually quite good to have around for the dragon friends and so bucky actually you so you go through and you've quickly done an inventory and you can see work boots uh what looks like a diary like a work journal and also a small bag of figs. Figs and a diary. Can Bucky read? Yeah, you can, but you have to adorably spell out each word. Oh, OK, got it. I'm going to check out that diary.

All right, it's three hours later and Bucky has found the work journal of Melvin Fungbonga. And it's basically just a list of his day-to-day work. He seems like a very lonely person. If you open up and you read an entry at random. The entry's like more work today.

Had a lovely breakfast with Dolores. Then came to work. Gooch is being very kind to me. And while I don't want to jinx it, I think we might become firm friends. You flip forward to the last journal entry. Wow, imagine having breakfast and a job.

Is this guy a king? The last journal entry? Yep. I can't wait to eat my figs. I can't wait to eat my figs. I can't wait to eat my figs. How can you tell it's a song? Because he's drawn little musical notes around it. And then, in fact, actually one more perception check for me.

Oh, an 18. Okay. And you also notice that that is the last entry. It seems like there might have been something written on the next page, but it's been torn out. Guys, there's a missing page, a missing page. Is the missing page just in the locker? Check.

I'm going to look for it. It's like, well, maybe he just... While you do that, I get a crayon and I do a rubbing on the page behind it to see the imprint of any previous writing. All right. You're going to do a rubbing? Yeah.

I just said it. Okay. Do you have a crayon? Yep. Show me. I use, well, when I say crayon, I mean I use a coloured candle because that's a common item that I definitely have. Yeah, you do have candles. Alright, okay, excellent. Yeah, it's very hard

to read but you can make out a couple of words in it here and there. You can see what seems to look like the symbol of the House of the Artificers which is a guild that you guys already know of in Waterdeep that seems to have been drawn on a margin.

You can see the words gemstone, and you can also see the word Gunderson as well. Is there anything else? That was for you, Ben. No, no, no. Yeah. Hey, guys, I'm really sorry to be a nagging Nancy, but I really do need to open this shop up.

One more thing before we go. Does the name Gunderson mean anything to you? He kind of like, his back kind of stiffens, and he's like, yes, obviously, Gunder, what is it? Gunder, Gunderson. Gunder and Son and Gunderson. Gunder and Son and Gunderson are our Gunder and son and Gunderson

as you well know are our rivals across town so what is this some kind of joke did they put you up to this because I'm very busy and I'm not in the mood

no that's just a clue that we found why are you getting so why would you be why so emotional no need to be rude hey Gooch. Chill out.

I don't know if you understand the severity of the situation. The Artificers Guild asked us to appraise their gemstone for them. We don't even own it. They asked us to just appraise it. My father's very good at that stuff. He was coming home. He's on a trip from Neverwinter. He's coming home soon.

And we had it in our safe and now it's gone and now we're ruined. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm very hungry. I give him a fig. I'd love a fig too, guys. No. Fruit is bad for children. It was nice to see someone

else eat a fig though, so that was good. Maybe one day. You make your way out, but you have to leave now. And where do you want to go to next? Back home. Nah, let's go to Gundersons and Gundersons. Before we go, can I just tap a mistletoe on the shoulder? I'm like, you put up a good fight, buddy,

but you just got interrogated by us, the dragon friends. Parasol up. And then I said, oh god, it really didn't seem like you were part of the crew though. It seemed like you were kind of an adjacent Anyway, I've got bigger things to worry about. And as the store

opens, the four of you leave, you make your way across town and in fact it's only really across a square. It's very close. And you find yourselves in front of the dwarven trading emporium, Gundur and Son and Gunderson, which is now open and bustling. And there is a jovial looking dwarf in a jewel-less smock apron who is standing by the counter.

Yep. I didn't think about what he'd sound like. Didn't you? No. I forgot that he existed. Okay. So we're going to have to do this one on the fly, Ben, because he's here. Hold on, wait, no, wait.

No, no, give it a go. Lean into it. Goodness me. As I live and breathe, it's the dragon friends. I've heard tell of your adventures. Well, our adventuring days are behind us. We're detectives now. Who are you?

Who said that? I hate it. It's me, Bucky Bingo, the prince of the streets. And he just goes, ugh. What could I do to you? I just put my hand over his whole face. I think if you just push the parasol firmly and slowly, he'll fall over. Yeah.

And he says, well, three wonderful adventurers such as yourself, can I introduce you to my whales? Only the finest whales. I say, you got all dwarfs working here. You are all dwarf establishment. Well, I'd have to

check out books, but I think we'll find a few dwarves working here. Ah, that's not true. We also had a werewolf once. Good. I say, questions finished. And then I turn to the others. I go, why Snugglepuss, what's his name? Snuckle. Fungbunga.

Fungbunga. Why Fungbunga is dwarf not working at Gundersen's? Are you familiar with Mr Fung Bunga? Well, I should think not. Oh, no, wait, wasn't he the chap that the Misslethwaite's were hiring? Lovely little man. Well, as I say, man. It's not little, it's relative.

Can anyone understand what Ben's saying? Because I can't. I'm catching about one word in three. Well, one in three words. You don't remember? He's Missile Thwaites, boy. Why? We are dealers, and I do a really big wink at everyone else,

but of course it's just a blink because she doesn't know how to wink. She's like, we, dealers looking to buy magical stone. Well, I've got plenty of magical stones. This one here will make your hair grow very long. Fuck.

What about that one? This one? Yeah. This one gives you the power of piss. What about these other ten I one? Yeah. This one gives you the power of piss. What about these other ten, I say, pointing to the wall? Yeah, there are ten stones on that desk. Each of them with a different magical power. This one here? Wait, wait, wait.

The second one's the power of piss. I thought I'd get away with that. This one is a ruby that turns you invisible. This one right here, this will make you into a bat. This one will if you are a bat, it will make you not a bat again. I suggest buying both.

This one here, ah, this is a true favorite of mine. This one is shoes. If you tap it, it turns into shoes. Why not just buy shoes? That's their slogan. This one is really nice looking and smells of lilac.

How many? That's six. No, it's eight. Eight, all right. Three more. This one here is? That's six. No, it's eight. Eight, all right. Three more. This one here, this one here is so shiny and wonderful, it'll make your teeth bigger. It's so unpleasant.

Three more. This one's for being fast, this one's for being slow, and this one makes you cum. Don't clap that. Filch hands over some money. He very, very quickly then locks up the cabinet and triple locks it so that Filch can't steal them from him. What if I want to buy one?

Which one would you buy? The second one. Which one? The second one. The power of piss? Do you know what? Because he's a fan, he gives her the one that has the power of piss. Okay.

So that's a second. Don't get them confused, Alex, that you have two identical looking magical rune stones. Can I get any more information about, like, is it in the handbook, the power of piss rune stone? You activate rune stones. These are a certain type of dwarvish magic, and you activate them by squeezing

them really tightly in your hand. That wouldn't be a problem. And then he says, look, I always love to meet people, but I've got a very busy day, so unless you have a question, I... One more thing. I am a little bit peckish. Where would you

short, small people, I'm not sure about the correct term, but where would one go, small people, I'm not sure about the correct term, but where would one go for a drink, say, after work, say if someone had gone missing for three days, where would they go? We tend to go to Moira's Tavern, I suppose. Moira's Tavern? Moira's Tavern.

Moira's Tavern. Then he turns into a bat. Then he turns into a bat and flaps away away and then he turns back into a person. With shoes on. And then he comes. He didn't use the stone, he just really likes wearing shoes. Gunderson. Gunderson. Gunderson.

Gunderson chooses this moment. Shut up a second, Dave. Let us keep laughing at that. Gunderson chooses this moment for some reason to ask you why you're asking all these questions. Yeah, so he's just a couple of feet from me. That's all just happened. And then he's like, actually, it occurs to me...

Actually, it occurs to me. Why do you want to know anyway? Guys, I'll field this one. There's a missing Fung Bunga. We're looking for him. That's what we're doing. He's missing? Yeah.

Oh, well, that's no good. Anything else? Why? What do you care about Fung Bunga? Well, I don't really care about Fung Bunga. It's a profession of curiosity. I mean, the miscellaneous weights are in, shall we say, a bit of trouble. Word on the grapevine.

Financially, losing a staff member like that might be a problem. Are you a competitor of theirs? Well, yeah. Surely this would go to your advantage. Well, of course, as you see, I'm doing very well. I don't really care. Competition's good for business. Turns into a bat again.

It flies around. Getting down again. I say, you're a lonely man, Mr Gunderson. No, I'm not particularly lonely. I live with my... What if me can promise you a date with one of the hottest dwarves in... No, no, no. Anorak Way. I'm pretty happily married no, no. Where is it? Anorak Way. I'm pretty happily married.

So no. That's a big old no. What if your wife was, how we say, dead? What? What if me promise you this? You give us information and if you are ever widowed, me set you up on a date with a hot dwarf.

I do, I do, I do. Get out, get out of my store. And he kicks you out, slams the door, triple bars them. Yeah, you've been banned for life but from Gunderson and Gunderson. We really wanted to buy more runestones. Okay, so you're

seemingly stuck on the cobblestones with nowhere to go. The dragon friends are in trouble. The trail seems to have gone cold and they're...

What about Moira's Haven? Oh, so you have somewhere to go. Yeah. We're not idiots. We can go wherever we want. That son's been doing some good detecting. All right, so you're going to head up to Moira's Tavern? Yep.

All right, as you head towards Moira's Tavern, all of you quickly make a perception check. Ooh. 14, 12. Oh, crack. One sec. 12. Four.

All right, so whistling to yourself, yep, 14, 12. Oh, crack, one sec. 12. Four. All right, so whistling to yourself, Bobby, you are the one that is most caught out, but suddenly there is a shift of energies and a parasol bobs up once or twice and then a complicated sort of ranger hand signal emanates from Bucky Bingo that you don't recognise. Ooh. What does it look like?

Bucky Bingo's doing a hand signal. A little something like that. Keep that parasol over my head. I will not be burned. My muscles are so weak. We're being followed, guys. Guys. Oh.

Oh. Guys, what's the protocol for this? Hide. Okay. So we all hide under the parasol except Bucky who we make go as lookout. You are enormous. It's substantial. It's a human-sized parasol.

Yeah. We all hide underneath it and Bucky sits on top. And a parasol is normally smaller than an umbrella. So it's like a small umbrella. Anywhere you get spotted. Worth a shot. Well, who is it? Who's following us?

Well, actually, so you're standing in an alleyway. I guess the four of you hugging each other underneath a parasol next to a street urchin. And three figures seem to sort of fall out of the shadows. And they look like no-nonsense sort of ruffians. Three? Three of them. As opposed to those nonsense ruffians. Yeah, they're like, those ones, but not these ones.

These guys are like, well, well, well, what do we got here? Looks like we got some, I'm just taking stock with a half-orc. It's hard to answer

my own question, but a half-orc, a halfling, a human, and a little boy. So that's that answered. Yep. And we'll be on our way. I'm a little boy. So that's that. Answered. Yep. And we'll be on our way.

I'm a skit. Meh. See? Meh. This isn't Bastion, of course. This is Aiden, who sometimes helps us out

with the secondary character. I'm also a ruffian who's about to ruff you up real ruff-like. And then the other one's like, well, secondary character. I'm also a ruffian who's about to ruff you up real ruff like. And then the other one's like, well I suppose I could be called a ruffian, yes. I'm more of a scallywag. Yeah, it's funny isn't it? Company one keeps. Anywho

and he takes out a flick knife. In fact, all of them take out knives. Yes, we've all got knives. We've all got knives. Fun story, we all went to this charming little knife shop. Waterdeep is, of course, a town where crime is no stranger to its citizenry, but in a world where even in the outdoors, in uptown,

in the middle of the day, when crime can go unanswered, we know that dark times are ahead and indeed it seems now that you are being mugged still far away from the answers to the questions you seek with a sister in dire need of your help and a man who even now well i say a man possibly a dwarf could be dead somewhere on um his his death unanswered, it is only up to the three of you. Where am I going with this? Help me out here, man. It is up to the three of you and Bucky

to unravel this mystery once and for all, which we will do when we return for the second half of The Dragon Friends. Awesome. Sometimes, sometimes they just get away from me. This special episode of Dragon Friends was recorded live in Melbourne at the Bella Union Bar in Trades Hall and featured the voices of Simon Greiner, Ben Jenkins, Eden Lacey, Alex Lee

and our very special guest Nick Mason as Bucky. Our Dungeon Master as always was David Harmon, music and editing by me, Benny Davis and our website is designed by Shakira Khan.