Drama Queens - Work in Progress: Danae Hays

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Looking at the eclectic crowd attending a Danae Hays comedy show and - as she puts it - you don't know if it's sponsored by the NRA or GLAAD. But somehow this Alabama-born content-creator makes both the southern good ole' boys and old married lesbians laugh and even find unexpected common ground.From prank calls to sold-out shows, Danae opens up about her viral fame, coming out young, and the real stories behind her characters and punchlines. Hear how she lied her way onto the Grand Ole' Opry stage and what happened when she called her mother after a seven-year rift.Tickets for “The BUCKWILD Tour” are available at DanaeHays.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hey, everyone. It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hello, and welcome back to Work in Progress, friends. Today, we have a treat for you. A comedian that I love is here to talk about the tour she just launched and how she got here.

It may or may not involve a prank call, an absolute accident. and lying your way to the top in a good way. Today's guest is comedian musician and content creator Dene Hayes. She has built a career out of fearless honesty, nostalgic southern storytelling, and characters that feel universally human and universally hilarious. She is the kind of comedian that makes you laugh and then will break your heart in the best way.

What I love about Denae is that underneath the, pure comedy of the parody country songs and those viral prank calls and her wicked punchlines is a story that's really been shaped by forging her own path. She came out at nine years old. She grew up queer in a tiny town in the south. She had to navigate faith and family estrangement and figure out how to find her own self-acceptance. And now she does that on stage for herself and also for audiences. The people who come to see her shows span LGBTQ fans, conservative southerners, and everybody in between. And these days, that might seem like an unlikely coalition, but for Dene, it's not. We're each other's neighbors, and she holds her neighbors together with humor and empathy,

and a freaking hilarious sense of self. I can't wait to chat with her about her Buck Wild tour and everything else that's going on in her life. Let's dive in with Dine. Well, Dene, welcome to the show. I'm so excited you're here and thank you for taking the time with a new tour popping and all the things you have going on. Oh my gosh, Sophia. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Yeah, I'm so amped and I have to say my partner is such a big fan of you and I'm supposed to tell you hello. I mean, I am too, obviously, but I had specific instructions. Girl, as a former athlete, Ashlyn is the pinnacle. Like, please tell her I said that her swag is unmatched.

It's so crazy, isn't it? Yeah, it's me and my girlfriend, Jim. I was like, I feel like I need an entire new wardrobe this year. Like, I'm so sick of wearing the same stuff. And she was like, well, go to Ashland's page and like, look at her stuff. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, are you trying to tell me something, Jim? Also, just come hang out.

Let's go thrifting. I got her like so into vintage and now she's obsessed and is way better at it than me, which I'm only like marginally but hurt by. You know, thrifting for me growing up in a 1,200 person town in Alabama, thrifting was going to the Goodwill and buying like a 50 cent t-shirt. I don't know what's going on in Nashville, but I was too embarrassed to take this shirt back. So I'd go to the counter at this vintage thrift store and it's a Kimmy Rogers' 1970s tour shirt. and it's got his face on it.

Oh, hundreds of dollars. I was like, I have to have this. In my mind, I'm thinking, all right, if it's anything more than $25, I'll just put it back. And the lady, I get up to the front, she was like, oh, my God, I'm a huge fan. And I was like, oh, thank you so much. And she's like, oh, that'll be $150. And I was like, here you go. Okay.

It's not what I thought it was. that I get got sometimes too especially loving vintage because like I'll pick something up that's $19 and I'm so excited and then the next thing I pick up they're like oh this is a rare blah blah blah with a such and such and a whatever and it's like thousands of dollars and I'm like I don't think I understand what's going on here but cool yeah same no I'm not I'm like I'm crazy I'm glad we're not doing you know fast fast fashion but like at the same time like you know my 1970s t-shirt, I shouldn't be paying three times as much. So I learned my lesson on that.

Back to the goodwill I go. You always got to check. You always got to check. Okay, well, it's interesting because, like, that is a story from your childhood. You talk about how you used to be an athlete. I always like to ask people who come on the show to really take me back because, you know, people are coming to see you on tour. People follow you online.

They know you. They've known you for a while in your. persona in your career. But I'm always really curious if you could go back in time and like meet your younger self on the playground at eight or nine or 10 years old. Do you feel like you would see parts of yourself in her in that little girl? Oh yeah. Yeah. I am so much 10, 12, 14 year old, Denae. I think that's something that I've really tried to just nurture as, you know, as life goes down this train track of, like, what was it at 12 years old that made me happy?

Like, what were the things that brought me joy? And my dad always reiterated that to me as a kid. He would say, Dene, you've always been a very joyful, simple person. It's never taken much to make you happy. And he said, as you get into the entertainment world, I just want to, you know, always keep that at the forefront. your brain is that who you are is very simple and it's the things like waking up in the morning and enjoying a really tasty cup of coffee that brings joy to you. He's like, just don't get caught up

in so much of, you know, the needs and wants that really aren't the actual needs and wants for your joy. So I think I think I've done a good job of staying true to who I am as a kid, but I think I'm a lot more accepting of myself and a lot more just free. You know, I, when I've been a small town in Alabama, you know, I think we've gotten a lot better, but there were times as a kid where, you know, I expressed my sexuality, I expressed things that I wanted to do, and it was outside of the box. It was not normal. And so I think, you know, the one thing I wouldn't be able to see myself in is that I fully

expect who I am and I've been embraced who I am. That's so cool. Do you, I feel like I know so many women that, you know, are good friends of mine and and kind of women in our like career peer group that are all figuring out how to get back to parts of their childhood selves, you know, in their present, well-therapized, like, kinder to themselves, women. Do you feel like there are aspects of younger you that you referenced that you've kind of reclaimed as you've evolved, or do you think you've evolved because you've tried to hold on to

those parts of yourself? Or maybe it's a mix of both. Yeah, I think for sure a mix of both. You know, the arts were not really celebrated where I come from. It was very much sports, which is why I dove into softball, and then I later went and played softball at one of the best schools to play college softball at, which is the University of Alabama. We won a national championship there. So I did the best I could in sports. but at a young age, I was always the weird kid that wanted to make sketches and skits, and I wanted all of my classmates to play all these characters with me, and nobody really had that same desire to do that.

I think they were probably like, man, Denae's really lonely, like Denae's a lonely kid. And my dad bought me a camcorder when I was 10, probably had like some 1980s family porn on it from a Goodwill that he picked up. He brought it home and he was like, it's like, we're just going to tape over this. Don't worry about it. Just tape right over that. He was like, today, I want you to start filming yourself and making all these sketches.

And so I think for me, just like getting back to that childlike spirit of creating without shame or fear of embarrassment or fear of failure, that's something that, I think is always, maybe it went away for a little while, but I've gotten back to that. So like when I get ready to post a video that I know is out there, it might be a little bizarre to some. I just remind myself that 10-year-old Deney we enjoy making this. So who cares what anybody else, you know, says about it. If it brings you joy, that's really what matters at the end of the day. And it's so cliche, but I think we get away from that so many times.

Yeah. It's really interesting because it's not easy to do those things, right? It's like it's not easy to go against the grain. It's not easy to feel like the thing that brings you joy is going to put you in the odd man out position. But you've also talked a lot about coming out at nine. And so when you talk about like, oh, 10-year-old me would love this, it strikes me as so incredible that in small town, Alabama, you did that. that, like, what do you remember most about that moment? Do you think, do you think you were young enough

that you weren't really afraid to say it yet? Well, my coming out story, there's kind of like different steps to it, you know? Yeah. When I was, when I was nine, I'd come home from, I think it was maybe second grade, if that's how old year in second grade. And I looked at my parents and, you know, I'm the sixth generation of Hayes to be born and raised. And I'm a, I, like, I think, you know, 1,100, 1,200, 1,000-person town. So, like, we're born there, we live there, and we die there. So a lot of things are very much ingrained from hundreds of years ago. But I'd come home and I was like, you know, I think there's something wrong with me. And my parents were like, there's nothing wrong with you. We talk about. And I was like, well, I've noticed that all

the guys in my class like all the girls and all the girls like all the guys, but I think the girls are really cute. And that was the first time I had vocalized that feeling. I didn't know what the word gay merit. We hadn't seen any gay characters on TV. We definitely didn't say the word gay where I was from. My parents, you know, I hold a lot of grace and empathy for my parents. I know that's not the case for a lot of people.

I truly believe that my parents love me unconditionally and they wanted to protect me. I think in their minds they were trying to protect. me because they knew that I would get bullied at school. That'd be the only openly gay person. And so, you know, we had a lot of private conversations of like, let's have that conversation when you get older. Let's not worry about that right now. Let's focus on just you being a kid and having fun. And I didn't really bring it up. They did take me to a counselor that at the time it wasn't labeled as conversion therapy. Like, it wasn't, we're taking, we're taking you to a conversion therapist. They were taking me to a therapist for a lot of different reasons.

I had developed obsessive compulsive disorder because of the amount of anxiety I had from internal shame and doubt and fear of why I was different than my classmates. Yeah. And then that therapist was a super religious Christian therapist and he took it upon himself without permission from my parents to start having conversations with me about how it's not a sin to think about robbing the bank. It's just a sin to go out and rob the bank. I know. I know.

It was, and that was all around the ages of 10 and 11. And so I was absorbing everything, you know. So I developed a lot of internal shame, a lot of, like, religious trauma without even knowing that I was experiencing religious trauma, but I was connecting the dots that Jesus doesn't love me if I am this way. and then I fully came out at 24 after I realized, you know, like I'm tired of dressing like

Morgan Wallin and trying to get boyfriend like this isn't working, you know? Yeah. Turns out. Yeah, turns out. I'm just gay, you know? Yeah. Turns out I'm homosexual, mom and dad. And so then that, that was more of like my traditional, quote unquote, coming out story, but it kind of had multiple. different layers to it before we got at that point. Yeah. We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a word from our sponsors. It's really interesting, you know, the way you talk about the experience in your younger years with your parents, it feels really tender, not necessarily

how it felt in the moment, but the way you speak about it. To have tenderness for people's humanity and their anxiety. And by the way, for the fear they rightfully felt, because look what happened to you in counseling. You know, it is hard to be different in a society that predicates so much of its systems on people fitting the system. And it kind of fascinates me, like, to be young enough to not have the language

is really interesting because, you know, you see all this stuff, like, you've got all these people who, I would imagine, think like your first terrible therapist that are like, you can't read books about gay penguins to kids. What do you mean? There's two dad penguins. And it's like, you guys don't think it all about the fact that the only messaging they ever have is about the prince and the princess and the rescue, and she's a damsel in distress, and she's supposed to be in love with this guy.

and like, no movie or book you saw as a kid made you straight. Just like no movie or book you could have seen as a kid would have made any of your classmates gay. It just could have given you the language and the representation that everybody else just has by default. Well, the funniest part of the school conversation is like, I remember being in middle school watching One Tree Hill. And I had the, this is, this is, this is, might be awkward, funny at the same time, but I had the biggest crush on your character. Oh, I love this for me. I can remember being in a middle school being like, like having a crush on your character. And at the same time, there was no gay, like gay representation really going on at that time.

So it's not like it made me straight that none of the characters were gay. Right. You know? Yeah, it didn't make you straight that all your. classmates were into like Nathan or Lucas, you were just like, Brooke Davis is my bad bitch. Bye. Right. Right. I mean, I was, I was so much more like the guys. Like I wanted to like race them and peony. I wanted to like say to eat more chicken nuggets at lunchtime, you know, while the other girls are like, I just got the cutest mac concealer and like they're trying it on at the

lunch table. I'm over there scarfing down 35 chicken nuggets. Yep. So yeah. Same. There was just no way that, you know, straight characters on TV are going to make gay people straight and gay characters are going to make gay people straight. No. Yeah. So. I'm having a different experience suddenly in this group of women in my life. They're all getting divorced. Like something's really shifting for me.

And I remember my mom having this moment because the interesting thing is like I grew up in L.A. in the 80s. Like my dad's an artist. I grew up everybody, at least half my parents' friends were and are gay. And my mom was like, oh, my God, did our whole, half our community, most of our community is gay, but did we not raise you around enough lesbians? Did you just not see yourself? And there was a very interesting kind of like self-interrogation I had to do as an adult woman who has, has been going to pride marches since I was five years old, who has been on like the front lines

of fights for our community's equality, who has been like an out and proud ally forever, who was always like, I don't know, I'm like pretty by, I don't know, to be like, you know, but then to say like, what, I just get asked out by more men, like, I don't know. I don't know a lot of lesbians that are like my type. And then eventually to be like, oh, do I wait. and my girlfriend Rory was the one who was like, I think like, ding dong. I don't think you're like fluid. I think you actually really dislike men.

And I think you're like pretty deeply gay. And I was like, wait a second. Do I think I'm like in the middle of the spectrum because heteronormitivity is that powerful? And it's kind of a chicken or the egg conversation for me. Like I don't fucking know. but what I know is like my parents spent time with my partner

for the first time and my dad sidled up to me in the kitchen and goes well now I know I've hated every fucking boyfriend you've ever introduced me to and I was like okay Charles calm down like it was so sweet and you know one of my mom's friends calls her up I'm sure you went through this with your family

and oh well this just can't be true I mean your daughter's not gay and my mom goes honey, she's pretty gay and she's really happy. Right. And it's like, I don't know, maybe I didn't see enough lesbians either. We have that in common. I had the, after my divorce, I got divorced a year and a half ago. Oh my goodness, it's freshy.

It is, it is fresh. Well, I hope you're okay. I'm doing much better. Thank you so much. Okay, good. It's tough. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, let alone in public. Oh, my God.

I was literally about to say, it's the poet factor that just, kind of like sends it over the edge. But when I did get divorced, you know, I've known I was as gay as a $2 bill since I was eight. And I started having weird feelings for this guy. And I was like, oh my gosh, did this divorce like mess me up straight? Like, am I straight now? And then it got really confusing because I was like, all the guys are wondering if I'm straight. And then I have all the girls wondering if they're gay.

Like it was a very weird, it was a weird time in my life where I had straight women hitting all me and sliding into my DMs. And they were like, you make me feel something I never felt before. And then guys being like, wait, are you straight? And I'm like, I don't, I don't know. So anyways, it was the first time in my life where I had looked at a man and I was like, that might work. And then he told me he believed in Bigfoot. And I said, I'm out. You said that lasted for 0.16 seconds.

Thank you. I was like, I'm done. Like, if this is what, you know, all straight married women have to deal with, like, God bless y'all. But he went on an hour long tangent about Bigfoot. And that was when I was like, no, Danay, listen to your gut. This is not right. Not it. Just not it.

Oh, dear. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I don't. know what it is. I think what a great gift to be willing to give yourself a fresh start. You know, whether that's figuring out, you know, where you land in terms of your sexuality, whether it's on a spectrum or not, where you land in terms of what you want and giving yourself the permission to

change your mind. And I think there's real bravery in like the day you say, this is going to be really hard and it's going to be way worse because my entire internet is going to be paying attention. But like, I want to be happier, so I'm going to go ahead and course correct. Yeah, that was, you hit the nail on the head. I would say the last two years of my marriage, I just knew. I was staying because I was afraid of the public scrutiny that would come with it. and, you know, something really traumatic happened towards the end of the relationship where I felt like it was a wake-up call from God that was just like, I don't know how much more clear I can be that if you stay, you're going to lose that internal joy that you have. And I had only lost so much of it.

And I just felt like a shell of the person that I was, but I had done this thing where we had built so much of a persona. in a life on social media as a couple. And, you know, I'm now understanding how crazy fair of social relationships can actually be for people. Yeah. Like, it's, they feel so connected, you know. And that's a beautiful thing, but also it can be a very dangerous thing, especially when they don't understand the full spectrum of what the relationship is.

Do you feel like, obviously it was painful and obviously, you know, you're a very dangerous thing, you know, you're doing the therapy side, but you also get to turn so many things into humor, and it really feels like laughter is an equalizer, like it is, as they say, the best medicine. You know, has your humor, has your comedy kind of helped you get through that bit and find your happiness again? And I don't just mean in your work, but like for you as an individual person in your life? Absolutely. I filed for divorce, and then two weeks later, I had to go on my first ever comedy tour and make people laugh every weekend. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I feel like that might be stage one of purgatory, I'm not sure, but that might look like what hell should be like. Because I kind of felt like Dance Monkey Dance on the stage where, you know, my first show back was in Tampa, in Tampa, Florida in front of like 12 or 13. hundred people. And when I first walked out on stage, I could just feel my legs shaking because it was like the elephant in the room. Is she going to address, is she going to address what just happened two weeks ago, or is she just going to compartmentalize and act like none of this actually went down? And I did the latter. I chose to separate my work from my personal life because I need, like you said, I needed an outlet. I needed a place to heal. And now I look at that tour. It was 30, I want to say maybe 36 show dates.

It was 36 opportunities for me to prove to myself that my God-giving gift is comedy. And it was a thing that brought me into a really good time. And it was a thing that brought me out of a really bad time. So it was very healing. But the first couple of shows were very disorienting because I just was like, this they're all they're all waiting it's just they're all waiting to know what I'm going to say and yeah that was hard sophia that was that was really hard i get it but you know what now that i know everything about you uh for the last 28 minutes no seriously like

what what touches me so deeply about it and like having been through my own version of it is what I hear you saying is that you cared about yourself enough to give yourself the time to figure out what you wanted to say, not what other people wanted to hear you say. Thank you for saying that, because that is something I'm very passionate about. I had people that are in business, and I had people that were friends that, without coming out and just wording it this way, they were like, you should capitalize on your divorce, share your story. it's so powerful, it's going to change people's lives, it's going to get it out of the dark time.

They had no idea what you were dealing with behind closed doors. I bet if you share it today, you'd wake up with a million more followers tomorrow. And human, I'm human, it was tempting. It was like, yeah, I know that my story is powerful. I know that there's things that are going to be earth-shattering when people hear about my story, but I didn't want to share hurt.

without sharing hope. I needed to have some hope at the end of it. So I decided that I'm not just going to share the hurt. I'm not just going to share the tragedy. I'm going to also, when the time is right, I'm going to use it as a way when I'm healed, that somebody can listen to my story and can offer some sort of insight

of how they can get out of a bad situation. And so that was really tempting, and it taught me a lot about who to keep in your, your inner circle because some people, they don't understand the magnitude of mental help that comes with sharing something like that. And so I was like, I'm not ready for that. I can't go out in the medical life every weekend while also having them look at me as broken.

So the time will come, but I'm really, I don't say this awesome about myself because I probably have some work to do in therapy, but I am very proud of myself for how I handled that because there's tempting to go in a different direction. Oh, I get it. And especially for somebody like you who, like you, you already are setting examples for people. Like, you've built this fan base that, yes, is you've got a big LGBTQ audience, but you have a big Southern audience. You have a big conservative Southern audience. Like, you're, you're bridging the gap. we need to be bridging. And like for you to have this experience in that big melting pot of the people you get to talk to, I think is really a big fucking deal.

That is my pride and joy right there. Yeah. When I'm on stage and I look out and I can see a good old boy from, you know, Southern Kentucky with his wife. And he's got a plaid shirt on tucked in and some wranglers and some boots. and then right next to him is two six-year-old lesbians that have been married for 40 years. And I'm like, that's the audience I want because that's the type of person I am. I welcome everybody at my table. And, you know, it's, I always joke and say that my show is like,

it's the show for the good old boys and the gays. You don't know if it's sponsored by the NRA or Glad. And it's just a melting pot. And I hope that, you know, when people will. my shows that I think because I've struggled with my sexuality for so long I've always I've always identified as gay dene like it's always been the thing that has has been such a divisive thing for me in relationships in my life whether that being with me and my mom or me and a classmate or me and Jesus like it's always felt like the word gay was the one thing that kept me from always

having an intimate relationship with somebody and so I think I know there's a a thousand ways to cut the pie. For me, I try my best to make my brand, if you will, or my personality just dengue. Yeah. Because I want somebody, like that good old boy from Kentucky, I want him to come to my show, and maybe his wife brought him there. He doesn't really know who I am. And I get into, you know, a 10-minute long bit in my show about what it was like coming out, throwing up in Alabama. And that's the first time he realizes, oh, this is a gay comment.

But he loves what I'm doing, and that becomes kind of an afterthought for him. So I do get a lot of pushback, funny enough for that. I've seen some stuff where I get pushback for that on social media. People want me to be more of an ally. And I'm like, there's so many ways to be an ally. For me, I've struggled with this. I was taking a conversion therapy.

I lost my relationship with my mom for seven years, and now we've rekindled. It has called so much hurt. So for me, my way of being an ally is to show somebody that maybe gay is the fourth or fifth adjective they use for me and not the first one anymore. I just want to show that 10-year-old that is growing up in a little bitty town in Alabama that even though other people have tried to make that your only personality trait or your only thing that people know you for, it actually can be a little bit further down from the top than the top thing, you know? Yeah. Well, because straight people don't, their entire existence isn't defined by their straightness. Right. It's like, it's not even a conversation piece. And so it's a really interesting duality.

Like your whole world is shaped and I think enriched by queerness and you don't want that to be people's only focus. And I would actually say like, look, everybody has an opinion about everything. and everybody's entitled to their opinion. And I get, especially in this landscape, why people feel very hurt by folks that aren't inclusive. I would also suggest that, like, one of the most important things for us to do is like, yeah, maybe, you know, somebody who's laughing at what's going on in our country today,

or somebody who thinks people like us don't, deserve to exist or families like ours don't deserve to exist. Maybe that's not the person you're trying to court. But that guy who's coming to your show with his wife, he might be a guy that people would assume wouldn't respect you, but he's sitting in the audience at your show and bought a ticket. And like, those are the people we want to welcome into our world. Absolutely. So yeah, like if you're a flag-flying Nazi, like storming cities right now, I'm not interested. I'm not interested. in like meeting you in the middle. But your neighbor, like so many of the people I live down the street from in North Carolina

for 10 years, so many, like so many people who, because I'm always upset about injustice on social media, like my audience wouldn't think I'd be willing to have a conversation with. Those are some of the first people I want to have a conversation with because they're the people we have to remind that we're all neighbors, I think. Absolutely. Yeah. And I try my best to, you know, obviously there's extremes. And like you said, we're not trying to court those people.

But that good old boy that comes to my show that, you know, has got a big old Copenhagen grin in his lip, I try not to judge him just based off appearance the way that I wouldn't want to be judged myself. And I've been like pleasantly surprised at how many people that maybe I did like a first glance. to be like, oh, he's about to say something stupid to me. Like, I can just feel it in a meet and greet line. And then he ends up being like, tonight, I just want to tell you, my son, he came out in high school, you know, we didn't like it. We didn't like it one bit.

And then my wife turned me on to your stuff, and I started following you. And I thought, well, hell, she can live a happy, healthy life, so can my boy, you know. And, like, it's just, it's a beautiful thing. It's, I really, that's like my pride and joy right there is just creating a place for everybody that wants to come to my show. And, well, it's been, it's been a really beautiful thing, because my audience is, I wish I could pinpoint what my audience is, but it's just so diverse, which is awesome. Yeah. God, that is so cool. And that's exactly what you want, right? Like, it's so great. We'll be back in just a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors.

Things are heightening, right? And yet we still want to believe. believe in each other, how do you think that you make that positive difference, not just with the people you get to meet, but like, do you think about it differently as you watch the rhetoric turn up? Do you think about, oh, I want to be, I want to make more content about this, or I'm going to try to pepper non-obvious stuff, you know, non-obviously queer stuff in with that stuff so that Maybe I can reach more of these people who might need an example like me to look at their kid differently. Or are you trying not to let your work be affected by it? This might seem like too simple of an answer, but I'm just so, like nobody's just one-dimensional.

You know, like I'm sure some people probably try to put me in a box, but I'm just so much more than one thing. And so I just, through my content, through my work, I'm just truly all of me. And I believe there's a little piece for everybody. You know, it may be that that guy saw 20 of my videos in a six-month span. And it was one video of me, prank phone calling somebody. The taxidermist. Yeah, you know? Maybe that was it.

He was like, oh, my God, she is so funny. and her sense of humor is just like mine. And then the next video, he watches it, and it's me and my girlfriend, Jen. And he's like, well, I'll be damn. She's gay. And then the next video comes up, and it's me pulling a prank on one of my friends.

I'll be dating, and that girl is so funny. And then slowly, but surely, me being gay is no longer even concerning to him. He just has fallen in love with me as a person. So, yeah, I try to just create content. of little pieces of every little part of my personality, hoping that some part of it resonates with somebody and sticking around for a longer period of time.

Right. What was it like when you made that video? I have to ask, like, we're in the present moment, but yes, I have to go a little bit back. Like, because to have something like that go so viral and really, you know, change the trajectory of your life, like, did you have a clue that that was going to hit that way? What was the inspiration?

Like, I need you to set the scene for me. Like it's like it's masterpiece theater. So from a time I was 10 years old, that was my party trick. My parents would holler at me from the basement where I was playing video games or riding the bike or whatever. And they'd be like, tonight, come up here and prank phone call for the group. And they'd be up there playing bunco with their friends. And then I would be 10. And I would have them in the palm of my hand for as long as I wanted to prank phone call.

They thought it was the funniest thing they've ever seen. Incredible. And then I went to college and played softball and all of my teammates wanted me to prank phone call. Well, in 2021, I was actually working, I cannot believe I'm about to disclose this. There's a golden nugget for you, Sophia. Oh, my God. I was working in a pyramid scheme. What?

Yes, my ex-wife had gotten me. She was doing it and doing very well at it. and it was selling fitness programs. And I was like, well, I'm selling real estate in my hometown, like selling 80,000 and $90,000 houses. I was like, it's not very fun. So, yeah, I'll give it a whirl. And I saw that she was doing really great at it.

So I started doing that. I hated it. I loved helping people get fit, but I hated the idea of having to sign up a million people, you know, the whole bad part of it. So one night during the pandemic, I'm sitting at my kitchen counter. I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to, I'm going to prank phone call somebody, and I'm going to film it. And it was, I was like, that might have been the best prank phone call I've ever done in my life. I was like, I need people to see this. Meanwhile, I'm like 28 years old and harassing people who are trying to make a living during a global pandemic. And I posted it on TikTok, and I woke up the next day with 250,000 followers. And I was like, what? Whoa. I was like, I've never, ever had that many followers in my life.

I was like, I'm going to post another one tonight. So I called Dairy Queen and asked them if I could lather my husband up with their hot fudge, with burning or not. And she was like, I don't know, it might. And I posted it. And then it just kept exploding, exploding. And I was like, you know what? Like, this is an opportunity.

of a lifetime. Like, I've got people's attention on social media. They think I'm the funny girl that does prank phone calls. I'm going to squeeze the prank phone call for everything it's worth. I bet I posted 50 prank phone calls until nobody cared anymore. Right. And then I was like, well, it's time to do something different. So then I started doing characters on social media and then characters came into sketches and bits. And had I not decided to post that video of harassing that four taxederminus, which by the way, He got $7,000 worth of business from that frank phone call because his customer service was so good. That's amazing.

I always like to say that. Yeah. You joke that you were harassing the taxidermis, but really, you were a business bump. Truly. I always like to say that because I'm like, it makes me feel a little less bad about wasting his time. Oh, but it's just so funny. It's so funny. And like to think about just trusting your gut there

and then you fast forward and you're performing at the Grand Ole Opry. Like were you just having an out of body experience when you realized, oh, I was doing the funny thing I like to do and now I'm on this literal like literal sacred ground for so many people. Was it crazy? That was the most nervous I've ever been.

I go back and watch video footage of me standing side stage. I bet I wore a hole in the ground how many times I paced the side stage. But I always like to joke and say, because it's true, I lied my way to the opery. When I started doing really well on social media, my agents at CAA reached out, and they were like, we'd like to make a meeting with you. We really are interested in signing you as a client. So I went and I met with like 18 guys at this boardroom and they all were just looking at me. And one of the guys goes, so do you do stand up?

And I was like, Dana, you're not going to lose this opportunity. So I looked at all of them and I go, I sure do. And they're like, awesome. How long have you been doing it? And I was like, oh, for a while now. And they're like, oh, we'd love to see some of your clips. And I was like, I just don't record any of my stand up. I was like, but I could do another show and report it.

And I'm thinking, oh, my God, I've got to actually go do stand-up. So they're looking at me and they're like, well, I tell you what, to see if we want to sign you, we're going to book seven comedy clubs and see how the tickets go. And I was like, oh, okay, so like, how long would my set be like 10, 15 minutes? And they're like, no, you're headlining. It'll be an hour. And I was like, oh, absolutely, sorry. I was like, absolutely, I could be that.

it just sounded like you were, this was like a test thing. Yeah, yeah, I thought we were doing like, you know, like just going to perform from front of some executives, but I was like, okay, cool. Oh, my God. So I had two months to write an hour worth of material when I had never even done 30 seconds of stand up.

What did you do? I prayed. So I had two months. By the way, if that's now the evidence that God loves, the games. Come on. And I get an amen. So the worst part is that all seven shows sold out in two days

and I was like, oh my God. I was hoping nobody would come. I had to go in front of seven sold out audiences and learn how to do stand-up and do it for an hour straight. Oh my God. So it was definitely bad to. by fire. And I loved it and I was addicted to it and it went great. So I got signed by CAA,

which is ultimately led to like 120 shows in the past two years, the Grand Ole Op. So I do like to say I lied my way to the Grand Ole Opry. Great. We love that. We love that. Oh my goodness. I'm just like two months to write an hour of standout. Like, You watch the documentaries of the greats, like bopping around the country for six months workshopping an hour of material. Right. I am just like, holy shit. But I get what you mean.

It's like there is something about, well, I've got to do it. And it's coming up. And so you just, you do. Right. Yeah. I do believe that like when you are just meant for something, that it will come with ease. Like when you were in alignment with your purpose in life, there is an element of ease that happens with it. Not to say that there's not going to be pushback or it's not going to be

hard, but any time that I felt like I was truly in alignment, do the things I was meant to be doing, it just happened with ease at the beginning. And that's one thing that I can talk for hours about this, but the power of visualization and the power of like truly seeing yourself do the things that you want to do so that when you actually do them, it feels like deja vu. I feel like that's my superpower, but it's a superpower that we can all have. I just really enjoy setting goals and then visually seeing them. Like I spend so much of my time just imagining what it's going to smell like when I'm standing at the operating.

Like what are the audience members, like what are their facial reactions look like while I'm up there so that when it did happen and I felt like I shot out like a cannonball under the stage. Once I was out there, it felt like I'd already been there before. So I think a lot of that happened at the beginning too whenever I was doing those first seven shows. I just imagined it for so long that when the opportunity came, I was like, oh, I'm ready for this.

The universe is plopping this in my lap. Right. Does that come from sports psychology for you? For sure. And I was a terrible, I was a terrible hitter. And so my coach was always booking me with these sports psychologists. And I'm like, dude, I still suck at hitting. Like, I'm a great defensive player.

But thank God that he sent me to all of those sports psychologists because I feel like I learned so much of that that's now translated into comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's something that I learn it by proxy from Ashland. And it's really interesting because I think the thing that really blew her mind, you know we knew each other for so long but it's like you don't get into the like depths of how you work or where your fears come from until you like are really in it with somebody and she was like wait a second

what do you mean you just go to set and like nobody helps you they don't connect you to anybody wait what do you mean they don't make there there's no like prep for your body what do you mean there's no prep for your brain what do you mean and i was like wow yeah it actually is sort of completely insane. We are supposed to do all of this alone, and I've learned so much about just how athletes prepare and gone like, damn,

if I'd known this shit in the beginning of my career, I can't even imagine. Like, it's just, it's like, it's a crazy thing to have something, you know, dawn on you and have it be the most obvious thing to the person you're having a conversation with. It's really cool. that you've had that in your back pocket.

Yeah, there's a study that I read. I want to say it was from the Indiana basketball program in the 80s, and I could be getting the numbers wrong, but I want to say they took 30 people and classified them in group A, and 30 people in classified them in group B, and they sat all 60 down in the gymnasium, and they taught them how to shoot a free throw. They didn't actually let them shoot the ball.

They just showed them the correct form. and they had group B go in every single day for 30 days and practice physically on shooting the free throw. And then they had group B never touch a ball, but just visualize what it would be like to make all of those free throws. And at the end of 30 days, you would think the group that physically touched the ball and practice would have better results,

but their results were exactly the same. And so that was when it clicked with me that the power of visualizing versus actually doing, they hold the same weight. So if you could practice physically and then spend your off time visualizing, you're getting double to practice. Wow. That was, I was like, oh. That is so cool. Yeah. That's so cool. Do you think that knowing things like that and, you know, having that athletic training in your background, does it give you a little more permission to just dive in? Because I think about, you know even like you writing fuck it it feels like a declaration it feels really brave do you think

you're more fearless because of that background yeah yeah i i think standing up at the plate hitting in softball in front of you know five 10 000 people and they're all all their eyes are on you like that's a lot of pressure so i think i was just conditioned to like seeing pressure as a privilege Like what a privilege it is to be able to have all eyes on me at this moment. Yeah. So, yeah, I do, I like that you said that, because I've never really thought about that before. But I think all those years playing softball has given me the ability to be like,

okay, I don't care what people think about me. I'm not for everybody. I'm for myself. So, yeah, I do. How do I, how did I just now have this epiphany at 32 years old? Oh, yeah. No, softball helped me become a better. What?

How am I? Just not thinking of that. It's a full circle experience here. For sure. It's exciting. It's really, really cool. And now for our sponsors. You know, you touched on it and that can be it.

But if you want to talk about it, I want to give you the space. You mentioned there's so much that's great. And there's been experience in being who you are that's come at a cost. and you just reconnected with your mom after this seven-year stint. Has, I mean, whether you want to discuss or not, if you do, how has that been? And I wonder, again, as a person who has a personal life but a public persona, has that experience shifted the way you talk about family in public or on stage? Does it make you feel more or less permission to say whatever you want to say,

whatever you want to say. Yeah, no, I don't mind talking about this at all. This seven years is a long time. I think we all crave the love of our mother and go in seven years about hearing her voice or being able to call her after a tough day or a day to celebrate. I feel like I was just stripped and robbed of that.

And it all transpired where a lot of hurt happened seven years ago. And I was also in a relationship that, you know, without going too into depth about that, I was in a relationship where it needed my undivided attention. And so when some hurtful things were said by my mother, I felt very pulled to pull away from that and align myself with my partner. I didn't think at the time that seven years would ever be the case. I thought, you know, it might be like a month until like our hothead.

schooled off and then we'd be fine and come and have a meeting of the mind. But it didn't go that way. It went seven years. And so I just kept feeling this urge that my mom had been on this vacation and that I have had it in my calendar for seven years. Like today's the day she comes back and I've got to go pick her up from the airport. Like I was very expectant and I'd never had that feeling before. And it just felt very spiritual.

It felt like this thing had dropped in my spirit and that I needed to be expecting that something good was going to happen in a relationship with a lot of trust and a lot of honesty is going to blossom. And so I was driving down the road with my girlfriend and I looked at her and said, Jen, I think I want to call my mom right now. And she loves me so much. She said, then do it, baby. call her. She goes, and if it goes good, we'll celebrate. And if it doesn't go good, me and you will have the most unconditional love

and we move beyond it knowing that you gave it your best shot. That was all I needed to hear, so I picked the phone up and I called her one night. And she answered, and we were both just shocked, listening to each other's voices, and we just cried and we cried, and there's so many apologies

from both ends. And my mom reassured me that she loves me unconditionally and she's sorry that she struggled with my sexuality and that she's sorry that she allowed it to be a wedge between us and we met two weeks later when we had a face-to-face meeting and I told her I was like I want this to be the most honest relationship you have in your life outside of your marriage I want everything that we say to each other to be honest and if something hurts I want us to be able to say that in the moment and instead of resenting each other for it.

And so we brought up things that, you know, were really, really painful and really hurtful just to just to hash it out. And it went beautifully. And then the next week I got to meet up with my sister as well. And when I tell you, it's been the most wonderful, we're feeling moment to just have my family back in my life and show each other grace.

And I told them both. I said, for all of us, I don't want our relationship to be about perfection. I don't want it to be about we have to say the perfect thing. I want it to be about grace, where if one of us can't see eye to eye with the other person, we let them know that and we try to figure out a way to bridge that gap. So for a while there, I'd always thought that a great relationship was based off just being perfect. And I now know that we're all humans with different human experiences and that molds us and shapes us into who we are. And we may not see things the same way.

But if you love somebody unconditionally and you trust them, that eventually that love overcomes that disagreement. And so it's been a wonderful thing. And yeah, it's been the highlight, the highlight of the last decade for me. Oh, that's so cool. I love that. do you feel because it's a fresher thing like do you feel a little protective of it or are you like oh I love you and also I'm going to make fun of you on stage like I'm going to tell jokes about our family like since being back with them like the amount of content I have gotten from my family like I

jokingly told them I was like look I was running a little dry on content so I kind of had to welcome you back. I'm sorry. They aren't some of the funniest people I've ever been around. I love that. My mom has shaped a lot of my sense of humor. So they're definitely getting ragged on at my shows. You know what? It feels right.

That's real familial love, you know? That's right. And how is it going? Because you just kicked off the Buck Wild tour. It's running through mid-May, you know. How is it? Tell us about this tour. How's it different from the last ones?

Yeah, I would say this store, I'm not going to say it's cleaner. I had a goal to write a cleaner set this year. And then as I started writing it, I was like, you know what? No. I was like, good. I was like, I would say this year is more, even more lighthearted because the first store I was actively going through a really awful divorce. So I just feel, I feel lighter.

I feel more creative. I don't feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over my head. So it's been a really awesome experience so far. And it just feels fun. You know, it just like we're getting back to having fun. Oh, that's so great. Well, great. Where can our listeners, if they're living under a rock and don't have their tickets yet,

where can people go to find out where the next show near them is happening? Yeah. So the best price tickets are going to be at my website, Dene Hayes. Hayes without an E, H-A-Y-S-O-S-com. So forget third-party scalpers, like, go to my website and we'll get them for the best price. I love that. I have to ask you a question that actually was asked of me. Normally on the show, I kick off the new year and I just do like a, you know, straight to

mic, me and a prep doc of questions that come in from our listeners and try to have like a little one-on-one time with the community. And this question came in before you and I booked our recording. So like talk about something spiritual being in the air. A listener asked, she wrote in and said, do you have any advice for a 20-year-old closeted queer woman in South Alabama in the current political climate? And, you know, my immediate, the thing that

came to me right away was I'm so sorry you have to ask me this question because it tells me you're afraid. I hope we can get to the day one day where it's not even a fear, you know. The first thing I thought about was like when I was coming out, what was the thing that helped me the most? I think it's finding that one person that you feel very trusting of and that understand you. being able to have an open line of communication with them. For me, at the time, I had a friend named April. She was in her 50s at the time, and I was so scared to come out to her before I had come out to my family. And I remember I called her, and I told her, and her reaction was beautiful.

It was, baby, I don't care what you are. I love you, and that does not matter to me. And so she created a very safe space for me. And she was also a lot older than I was. So I felt very nurturing. So my first thing is to find whoever that is for you, whether that's a sibling or a best friend, a classmate, somebody that you work with,

somebody that you know. Because the reason I chose her is because I knew in my heart that she was going to accept me. She had just displayed that. So I would say find that first line of defense where when you do come out to somebody else, you know you can always go back to a safe space. Because we all crave a home, a home of just acceptance and safety and trustworthiness.

So that would be my first thing. And then when you do come out to your family, try your best to not set expectations for it. Because chances are those expectations, even if it goes well, that expectations might still look a little different. But I think once you've created that safe space with a friend or a coworker, it'll make you feel a lot better of how your friends and family's reaction will be. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a tough question. I hate that it's 2026 and people still feel that way. It's so crazy to me. And it's like, you know, the data estimate is one in five people are gay. It's like, what are we, hello? Right. Like everywhere on earth, what are, what, how is this a conversation we're still having? But it is.

And so we have to figure out how to help people have it and how to give them to your point, safe spaces, safe friendships. You know, and sometimes they're next door and sometimes they're halfway around the world. But like, you know, I always think especially for. you know, really young people, people in their teens and in their 20s, it's like, if you haven't found your people yet, that's okay, you will. I love that you said that because my teens and my 20s, that was a tough, that was a tough time to find, like, my inner circle. Yeah. Those are tough ages. Yeah. It's really hard. Yeah. I mean, there's even times now where I'm in my 30s now, And like I would say there's three people that I consider like life or friends that I could call right now and pick it up.

But we've always been taught that it needs to be like 10 people, you know. And that's just that's not realistic. Yeah. I also just think everybody figures out their life at their own pace. Like I've always been a really late bloomer. I'm a, you know, it takes me time to figure things. out in every realm and i you know i even think about the fact that like i met i met my best friend in the world when we were 27 and like okay i've made some of my closest

friends in the last 10 years in the last five years it's like it it just happens when it happens and i think especially for young people they feel this pressure like they're supposed to have it all figured out and if we can help alleviate some of that it feels exciting well I mean, there's really like, you know, 24, I was a part of a pyramid scheme because I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life, you know? I mean, I think about that now eight years ago and how much my life has evolved. And I'm like, I didn't know what I wanted to do at 24. I had done pharmaceutical sales, real estate, sports broadcasting, fitness, softball camps, all before I stumbled into into what I actually love, which is comedy. And I didn't stumble into this until I was 30.

So it takes time. Yeah, and that I think is actually, when that realization hits you, it kind of flips everything on its head, right? Like when you realize how time is really what it takes, suddenly everything gets more fun. Aging is more fun, like thinking about the future, because who knows what's going to happen next year? You know, it's so cool. When you think about it, and, you know, obviously you're focused on the present. You're literally on tour. you're very busy. But when you think about that bigger picture stuff, is there something that

feels like a work in progress for you? Well, yeah, I, um, it's acting for me. Acting has always been just since I was a little girl. I just, I've never watched movies through the lens of like enjoyment. I've watched them through the lens of which character would I play. Oh my gosh. And so I taking acting classes and I booked my first role two years ago. It just came out in 20205. And so that's like the work in progress for me

is I would love to be able to be in comedy movies and be able to kind of bring back that element of like the Eddie Murphy, the Robin Williams, where they get to play a character that's similar to themselves but then also a character like the Nutty Professor. So they're kind of playing a dual persona. Yeah. I just love that 1990s comedy scene. So that's that is my work in You too. Listen, there's something in the air. I said last year all I want to do is rom-coms. I want I want 90s

rom-coms and I'm literally at the end of last year and right now in Cape Town back to back. What's go? Old school nostalgia like 90s era rom-coms. So yes, let's speak this shit into existence. I love it. Amen, sister. This is an I-Heart podcast, guaranteed human.