Drama Queens - Work in Progress: In Case You Missed it: Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

Jesse Tyler Ferguson went from being a shy kid to being a successful actor on Broadway and the big and small screen . . . and now he's a successful podcast host too! Is there anything he can't do? The actor joins Sophia to chat about his journey to becoming an actor, which started at the tender age of eight, how he feels now looking back on his "Modern Family" days, fun stories from the set, and juggling home and work life with two little ones at home!  Plus, the scoop on his podcast "Dinner's On Me," including upcoming guests and favorite restaurants you should check out!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, everyone. It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hello, friends. Today, we have a guest, who I am just so thrilled to welcome to the podcast. He is funny. He is a brilliant comedian. He is an incredible actor, producer and an incredible dad to two of the sweetest little kids around, and he also happens to be a fellow foodie. Guys, our guest today is none other than Jesse Tyler Ferguson. You likely know him from the pivotal role of Mitchell Pritchett on the ABC sitcom Modern Family. He just

received a, you know, casual five Emmy Award nominations over the run of the show. I've been lucky enough to see him on stage when he takes Broadway by storm. You might have also seen him in Taylor Swift's music video for you need to calm down or out and about raising funds for equality with his wonderful husband, Justin McKita. They got married back in 2013 and they have two children, Beckett and Sullivan, who you will hear about today. I love everything about his story from how they met and fell in love and became dads to all the way back when when Jesse grew up in Albuquerque and how he decided to go to New York, his story is inspiring, exciting, and has led him to his latest venture, his wonderful podcast, Dinner's on Me. We're going deep, we're opening up, and we're going to

laugh. Enjoy. I'm so excited to see you. How are you? I'm great. I talk about you a lot with Colton and Jordan. You do? I've been seeing a lot of them. Oh, I love that.

I want to come next time. Okay, we'll invite you next time. Yes, please. On my sweeties? They're very good. They're so good. I'm just so happy for them. Me too.

Me too. Oh. And how is your love? How are your little ones? Everybody good? everyone's great um uh uh Sullivan our youngest is 15 months now and Beckett's three and a half and um

you know we're negotiating all of that but it's really fun and um Justin's good everyone's good I'm so glad I feel like negotiating with a three year old is a little bit like negotiating with a really adorable terrorist yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and you know that the terrorist is going to win. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

My godson's two and a half. And he, I mean, he is. He just seems like a litigator now. He's like a professional button pusher and very like, but mama, auntie, why? No. No. He's just like, I don't have time for the two of you. And we're like, oh, my God, who are you?

It's funny because Justin's a lawyer and he's really good. Like, it's hard to argue with him. He like brings up like, if I can bring in, you know, Exhibit A, when you said this. I'm like, oh my God, it's terrible arguing with you because you are really like good at it. You don't forget anything. You're good at it too. And now Beckett, I think, has inherited that from

Justin and Justin's like, oh, wow, that's what I do. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Well, that is hilarious. Okay. This is actually kind of a perfect segue because I always really like to start with people and go way back because

I sit across from people like you. You're so well known. You're so talented. you know, as an actor and you're out advocating, you do all these big projects. But in the ways that you are talking about how you see Justin and your kid, in your kids and yourself, I'm sure. I'm wondering if you look back, like if we rewind to way before we all knew Mr. Jesse Tyler Ferguson, like who were you as a child? Do you see traits, you know, in your adult self when you look back? at a little version of you who was like nine or ten years old? Yeah, I do.

And also it's strange because I noticed myself talking to my kids and then I have these like moments where I flash back and I'm having core memories that I didn't even realize I had because I'm like having deja vu where like I'm the kid and I'm my parents and sometimes it's really cool and sometimes it's terrifying. but yeah i i definitely um i definitely see a lot of myself in sullivan sullivan's genetically mine and becket's genetically connected to justin we each we each uh had an embryo that we implanted so we each have one that is genetically connected to us and it's really astonishing at how closely they are

connected to us but then also what's crazy is seeing how Justin's trace influenced Sully and Sully's and, you know, mine influence Beckett. And it is definitely a case for nurture over nature. You know, you see those traits happening with your kids. I don't know. I mean, as a kid, I was very, very shy and very emotional. And I see that in Beckett. And I still feel like that is instilled in me.

and I've just learned how to navigate it better. I mean, as an actor, you can't be shy, you know? It's something you just can't do. But like if you really, if you really went into my body in one of those moments where I'm at like one of those Hollywood parties or like, you know, in an audition or something, like I am not as confident as I'm appearing to be on the outside for sure. Oh, same. I'm absolutely the same. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

I don't know. I think maybe that's a trait. you have to have a little bit of to be an artist right as you're super sensitive right and you have to pair that with being thick skinned as well and not letting small things you know bull you over which is hard it's a hard it's a hard lines of toe and you know to be um someone who allows their emotions to come to the top because that's what we need to access and then still protect it it's like you know it's like being okay with like an open wound for the day and like put up on the bandaid on it like the like i just need i need to access to this but at the same time i want to keep myself safe

so it's hard it's a hard thing to to figure out but i definitely see um i see small glimmers of that in my kids where they're like figuring out you know how to uh negotiate with us and their friends and also get the things that they need and express the things that they want to express but then also you know they have no they have no rule books for this and this is all new for them and so everything is on the surface and I don't know. It's kind of me, Justin and I'm more open to having temper tantrums.

Justin and I got it's like a big fight and he was completely acknowledging that he was having a temper tantrum. He's like, this is me. Nothing I'm saying has any logic to it. I can't defend any of these things that I'm saying, but I am feeling them and I'm sorry you're the one who's having to deal with it,

but I'm basically having a temper tantrum. I was like, it's okay. okay, I know how to do with temperatechments now. Like, you know. Yeah. That's so interesting, actually, that seeing your kids be freer with their feelings in a way allows you to be because you're right. It's sort of this emotional whiplash is the way I talk about being an actor.

You're supposed to be completely exposed, but also completely composed at all times. Right. And the consummate professional and like a good soldier at work and all the things. And then, you know, in a moment's notice, open your whole. chest cavity up for everybody to look in. That's right. And how kind of cool that as an adult, you're getting a permission slip to have those less polished feelings from your children.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. You know, but we also just said an example. And I was like, you know, there are so many times where, like, I would normally react one way and I don't react that way because I don't want to set a bad example. And, you know, I kind of hold myself accountable. at times in ways that I wouldn't necessarily allow myself to, like, you know, react how I wanted to react. So, yeah, it's tricky. That's a lot of growth on both sides of the coin. That's so

cool. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's, it's interesting to hear you talk about you being shy as a kid. I actually, when I was prepping for today, I was reading some older articles. And I was like, oh my God, I actually didn't know. I didn't know the story of you getting into, you know, local theater is a child and you are such an embodied performer and you're so funny. I never would have guessed that you were a shy kid. So how did a shy little boy wind up wanting to sign up for theater? Like what happened? I know. It's weird. Right. My mom was so confused by that when I told her I wanted to join the Albuquerque Children's Theater. She, you know, I was a kid who was bullied a lot in school. I was very quiet. I, you know, kept myself during lunch hour because, you know, that was

sort of like when it was the Wild Wild West, the playground. And like, you know, the teachers kind of disappeared. And it was like, you know, every man for himself. And so I, you know, I was just a very quiet kid. I kind of wanted to disappear and like not, not make myself too flashy or too seem because that that probably would lead to some unwanted attention that would ultimately lead to bullying. That was just my experience. And so I was sort of always, and protection mode. And there was some, my mom took me to go see the show. And I saw kids performing for other kids in this, this company called the Apocry Children's Theater. And I immediately wanted to be on the other side of the footlights. I didn't want to be sitting in the audience.

Wow. And I asked my mom if I could get involved. And I think because I was so shy, she was just like anything that any glimmer of something. And I understand this now as a parent. You know, anytime my children show interest in anything, I'm like, do you want to explore more of that? You know, like, they tapped their foot once. I'm like, are we good? I'll be doing tap class? So, like, my mom definitely noticed that I was interested in something

and jumped in and nurtured that and helped me along. And it was one of those things where I found this group of people that understood me and that I felt at home with and I felt comfortable with. And I was not singled out as the weird one anymore. It's like we were all kind of like, kids and playing theater games. And it was all really innocent. We weren't like diving into Chekhov or Shakespeare or anything. It was just like dumb theater games. And, you know, we perform Allison Wonderland, you know, at the end of the spring. And like, that was it. It was all that it was.

But I definitely found community in a way that I hadn't before. And that community is what, you know, I guess made me feel safe to become more of who I am. And it was just also a very early seed of me realizing that I needed to, wherever I was, I need to continue to find those types of people for myself. Because, you know, my schools that I was growing up and didn't have a great arts program, it was very sports-centric. And it's just, it wasn't catered to someone like me. I was, you know, not interested in sports. I was an indoor kid. And I, yeah, I like to express to myself through other ways. And it's why, you know, when I moved to New York, I felt like, okay, I'm in the right place and I'm around the right people. But yeah, I'm glad I found that kernel of

community at a very early age. And I probably didn't even recognize that that's what it was at that age. It just felt comfortable and I felt safe, which was really lovely. That's so special. And what a cool place for you to come out of your shell and, you know, find your confidence, literally find your voice on stage. Did, once you started, were your parents just all in on supporting that for you? Like what, what did you becoming a young performer sort of do in your family dynamic? Yeah, I mean, they were, it was just like an extracurricular thing. Like, my sister would go to tap class and my brother would have basketball and I would do theater.

It's just, you know, they would have to come see this thing that I was performing. you know once or twice a year and it was always you know let's be honest not great and so i think for my entire family was kind of like oh theater is this thing that's kind of boring and not you know super exciting and we sort of have to like endure it for a certain amount of time but i was like well you know is it's been's basketball game anymore exciting they're just kids like they barely know how to play basketball like i was like none of these events that were going to my sister's tap class isn't anything super exciting it's not river dance like you know so um yeah but they were very very supportive. And, you know, we were all encouraged to support our siblings in their different,

you know, ventures. And, but I definitely was, I felt like, my sister understood the arts a little bit because she was very involved in dance, but definitely like my, my dad and my brother. And maybe sometimes my mom, just like they didn't really fully understand, like, where the joy in theater was. You know. Well, yeah, they weren't in rehearsals in the circus troupe with you. Right. Right. exactly you know they were just uh they weren't there for the fun stuff but um i always felt very very supported by them you know to follow that that's really special was it a total culture shock for you to move from albuquerque to new york and did you go for theater or a job or to find a job like what motivated the move um i always knew that i wanted to move to new york even when i didn't know

what New York was I my exposure to New York was like from the films from uh watching you know Broadway shows on the the Tony Awards and um you know like just like kids books kids books in New York you know I had this very like idyllic like idea of what New York was and I went to New York for the first time on a high school tour with um my my local theater company and And I was the youngest person on this tour by like 30 years. It was mostly like blue hairs in me. And I just fell in love with the city. I saw like, you know, eight shows in five days.

And so I knew that was my first exposure to New York. And I just knew I had to find my way back there as soon as I could. And after high school, I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York City, which I had been accepted to. And my dad drove me there. across the country and loaded up things in, you know, the back of his suburban car. And, you know, watching a man with a suburban from New Mexico drive through the streets of New York City is terrifying. You know, we were just a massive car from the Midwest and just, you know, he was terrified to drive in all these one-way streets. It was a mess.

But he got me there safely. And, yeah, I just felt, I couldn't believe that I actually had a bed in the city that I had always wanted to. live in. It was so I think like it was a culture shock in ways and that I felt like the world was open to me, but I wasn't, it wasn't a shock that scared me. It was a shock that was really super exciting. Well, and especially to to go into the city and go right into, you know, an academy of the arts. I bet just felt like the next sort of evolutionary step in that community where you found yourself in the first place. Yeah. And it was a safety net too. I mean, for me, it was mostly about being in New York City. And I didn't really care how I was going to find a way to be there.

But the Academy of Dramatic Arts definitely gave me a safe landing spot. And, you know, obviously it was wonderful being in acting classes and meeting other aspiring actors from, you know, different places. But for me, I think I really just needed to find a way to get to New York. And that was sort of my ticket to the city I wanted to live in. Yeah. We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a word from our sponsors. I love the image of you and your dad in the suburban trying to navigate Manhattan. It's so sweet.

And the way that you talk about him and your relationship, I also, I've laughed hearing you talk about how you had to come out to your dad three times. Yeah. Like, it feels like an amazing, it feels like a movie. It feels like a scene in a, a comedy that you would watch, which I imagine it probably was much more emotional and different, you know, IRL. Right. I like that it exists because it's a fun, like, quirky thing

to talk about when you're talking about your coming out experience. And I'm still going to sort of make fun of my dad for it because, you know, obviously he knows now. Like, he's, it's all clear. He was at my wedding. He's seen, you know, he loves his grand kid. Yeah, he's caught up. Right, right, right. But it is fun to sort of hold that over his head. for sure. Was that a conversation you were having when you were still at home or did you need the buffer of New York to feel like you could talk to him about who you are? I don't know if you've heard this, Sophia, but I sort of, I feel like I came out,

I came out in my eyes officially when I was caught stealing gay pornography from Hastings books when I was 16 years old. For me, I feel like that was a pretty clear coming out. Right. You know, I was stealing gay porn. right the writing's on the wall or in the magazine literally and so for me I was always like okay well at least I don't have to come out to my parents like it was awful because I was being punished for shoplifting but I was like well you know also I got to sort of kill two birds with one

stone I shoplifted for the first time and got caught doing what I shouldn't have done but also like they know I'm gay now and then it didn't seem like that was enough and so my my mom when I went to school, she wrote me a letter. We still hadn't talked in person about this, but we had sort of talked around it, but not directly at it. And she wrote me a letter saying, you know, I, this was after she came to visit me for a week in New York. And she met my roommate who I was sort of dating at the time. And I think, you know, anyone probably with two eyes could have seen what was happening. Right. And so she's saying, I know that you're gay and you're probably together with your friend and your roommate. And I just want to let you know that I'm here if you want to talk about it.

And so it was very sweet. And she told my dad, you know, that she had that conversation with me through a letter. And so I was like, okay, good. Now my dad actually, you know, he really knows. And then later he came to visit me in New York. And he asked if I had a girlfriend. And I was like, okay, dad. What are we not getting here? So that's when I kind of verbally, officially came out to him. That's so sweet. Yeah, yeah. It was a little bit rocky.

I wonder if, I wonder if he was like, well, if he hasn't told me, maybe I need to ask better questions. Maybe I should poke around and see if he'll say it to me. He said it to his mom. Yeah, it totally tracks with, like, who my dad is. And I love that. He, like, kind of is, he's a bit vulnerable at times and, like, can be a bit, a bit, um, what's the word I'm looking for?

naive he's very in a really sweet way um so yeah i i'm not super surprised now that i've kind of watched him operate as an adult that that's sort of like where he was at um it's also you know when we sort of were talking about this being my dad i remember him at one point because we've had bumps even after that where he sort of asked me questions that like you know why do you play some of gay roles or um you know why is it so important for you to you know always talk about you know you being out and a lot of times it was just him sort of being inquisitive but it felt like he was sort of um berating me a little bit or not like fully he wasn't fully on board with like my my life and my choices so it caused some friction between us

and i know that at one point he said you know this is i was raised a very different way and um i these are things that i just i have a hard time sort of unprogramming from myself and i can totally understand that because you know we've all been raised in certain ways and we all have trauma and baggage that we carry through from from childhood and from the way we were raised and sometimes it's great and sometimes it's not great and you know i told my dad as like look you were at this time of his life he was probably in his early 60s and i was like you know you have so many more lot so many more years ahead of you it's just such a disservice to you as a person to say i'm done growing and like I can't continue to to see the other side of things and I'm I'm I'm a fully

formed completed human beings sketched in stone like that doesn't make any sense to me like we are all capable of change and growth and why just because you're over the age of 50 do you feel like you can't grow yeah and he I think he heard that and he started going to P flag meetings and which is um an organization that is in support of of parents who who have gay kids. It's like he loves a support group, my dad. So, you know, he, he sort of dove all in and was a great, was a really great advocate. So I'm really proud of him. And I think also that growth for me is beautiful. Like I love that he had that and I love that he experienced that with my encouragement. And I, you know, when I look at modern family and I look at the

relationship that they wrote for me and Ed O'Neill, who played my dad on TV. He also had a very tricky time, you know, accepting his gay son on, on the show. And I've loved that that's the story they told because I think it's obviously very real. And it's, um, it's something I think that a lot of people can relate to. And I think that struggle is part of, you know, is also part of a beautiful thing. Yeah. Well, and what I love about the way you're sharing this with me is that you're talking about loving someone through their imperfections, through their fears. You know, I know so many parents who fear anything that might make it harder for their kid to have an easy life. Right. And that doesn't mean the fear is right. It doesn't mean anyone

should act out of it. But you being willing to speak to your dad in that way where you were clear and encouraging, but also, like, willing to stand in front of him and challenge him to grow more, love more. Like, I think that's how we journey together. And what a beautiful thing you got to do in your own life. And to your point, you got to set an example of on screen, it wouldn't have been as interesting to watch a story where everybody was just perfectly on board with everybody from the beginning.

Like, then there's no comedy, there's no drama. There's nothing to watch. But to model loving people through their friction, meeting them where they are and helping them grow for the days where it's good and the days where it's bad, like I think that's the best of us and how beautiful that you got to do it in your family. And also like sort of sparkly, I hate to be like, feels like fate and sound like the most L.A. person in the world.

But it feels sort of faded that you got to represent that story on the show. Yeah. No, for sure. And, you know, I think a lot of that was sparked from me telling stories about my dad. And I told the writers that I did sort of have to come out to him three times. And they thought that was hilarious. And so, you know, I think a lot of, you know, in the pilot episode, they had sort of already laid groundwork down that that Jay is sort of, you know, cautiously, you know, he's cautious around his son. And, you know, he basically knocks every time he walks into a room because he thinks they're going to be, like, naked and making out. But, uh, he's, It was fun to sort of offer them some sort of nuances to that, that idea, that trope of a father who's still growing. Yeah. What do you feel like, I mean, you had so many incredible seasons. You brought us all so much joy for so long. What do you feel like in hindsight when you look back at it, you learned about yourself playing Mitchell? Like what is being part of a show like that when you really have digested it?

sat with it on the other end? Yeah, I mean, it's, I continue to remind myself that when I was growing up, I didn't have that example of someone on television. I didn't have an aspirational pop culture figure to sort of look toward. And I can confidently say that that exists now and that I'm not the only one who makes that exist. There's, I think a lot of people held the door open for me and I've certainly hope that I'm holding the door open for others, but I think there's so much more representation on television now than there was, you know, even just yesterday. I mean, but I think we're all constantly getting better and there's still so much much work to be done. But I, you know, when you're when you're in it, and you know this from just being, you know, a professional

actress yourself. Like when you're in it, it's like you have to, you have to sort of shut out the noise of like of the things that are you know influencing your work and especially if it's cultural things like i i never wanted to feel like eric and i were under pressure to represent an entire community with these characters like i just i needed we needed just to make them real and we needed to need it to make them um relatable and we wanted people to fall in love with them that was sort of what our work was we sort of have to shut it out and through shutting it out through shutting out the cultural noise of the importance of these characters or the importance of the show, you know, I think we sometimes weren't allowed to let ourselves really breathe in the moment when it was happening. And I kept telling myself, like, we have to really enjoy this. We have to really enjoy this because this isn't going to last forever. But at the same time, we had a job to do. So it was, it was sort of impossible to separate yourself too far from it. But now there's a whole new generation of kids, like discovering modern family for the first time. And I meet these people and I'm like, oh, you were, you were not born when the pilot air.

Like, you are discovering this now on Netflix or wherever it's airing. And we have a whole new fan base, which is really exciting. So now when I'm meeting those people, I definitely allow myself to get swept up into sort of how much of a privilege it was to be able to play those roles. Yeah. For sure. I love that. It's funny. I kind of feel the same way about One Tree Hill now.

Yeah. Like, you know, we did it for nine years. It, some of our experiences were great and some were not so great. Yeah. And when we first finished, it was like, don't talk to me about it. And we all felt this. All of us were like, we're done. We're moving on.

We're going to the next thing. We don't want to talk about it, dwell on it, whatever. And now, you know, I'll meet, I meet these young girls that are in college who've just discovered the show. And they're like, Brooke Davis taught me to never settle for a man. who doesn't deserve me, and she taught me, and they, like, they give me these life lessons from this character, and I'm, and I'm obsessed. Yeah, it's pretty great.

I am in love with it, and I am, like, in love with this person that I played in a way. Yeah. Now that I couldn't have been when we were doing it, nor could I even have been, I think, in the immediate years after we were done. And now I'm just like, oh, I'm obsessed with her. Like, you think you're her biggest fan? No, I'm her biggest fan. You know, it's so funny.

Does it feel to you? Because sometimes for me, it feels like another lifetime. Like, I don't know who that person is because, I mean, when I was doing the show, I didn't have kids. Like, there was just so much that was different then. My life was so different. I'm living in a house that I didn't live in when I was doing the show. Like, it just feels like this weird sort of alternate universe that I inhabited for a little while.

Well, the only way I know how to describe it to people is that it's a very strange experience of temporary permanence. Season to season, you have no idea if you're going to get picked up. It takes your whole entire life, but also you're supposed to maintain your real life outside of the thing. I think for us it was even trickier

because we were on location. So I would live in North Carolina for 10 months out of the year. And no matter what, I always sort of felt like I couldn't hold everything up. I was like spinning a few too many plates. Right. and it is really weird it feels because it kind of feels like a time warp you're like that was my

whole life but it also wasn't my real life and it's both and it's the i don't know i'm like is is being on a show like the shows we were on for as long as we were is that the schrodinger's cat of being an actor like i don't know is it alive or dead it's both it's nothing right right right right right i know i know it's it's a it's a wild wild job i mean time of roll and I would sometimes just burst into laughter because we couldn't believe that this was a job that a grown person would do. Yeah. Like, you know, memorizing words that you didn't write and putting, pretending to be someone else. Like, we would just sometimes get the giggles because, like, we would catch each other doing the, doing the job, like, doing this ridiculous thing

that we're supposed to do is the character. And then, like, catching the eye of one another, be like, that this is ridiculous that. Like, what are we doing? To do this. Yeah. No, it's so crazy. Yeah. And now a word from our our sponsors who make this show possible. It's so all-encompassing being on something like that and a schedule like that. How did you manage to figure out how to carve out time for your other passions? Because to your point, you know, you didn't have kids yet when you were on the show, but you'd met your now husband.

you know, you were building a life and then you'd go and do amazing theater. I mean, my God, I got to come and see your one-man show that, like, knocked my socks off. It was so fun. How did you figure out how to make room for your

life inside of a project that basically took up your whole life? Yeah. I mean, I started to feel a little bit of security with modern family after, you know, I mean, we won an Emmy right out of the gate for Best Comedy, but, you know, again, like, so did the rest of development, and that also was canceled after

a few seasons. So it was after a few years, I sort of felt like, okay, this thing is definitely going to stick around for a little while. So I was able to relax a bit and really sort of let myself go and fall into other projects when I had a hiatus. But also, I mean, theater never, for me, never took a backseat to doing film and television. I always, that's where my first love is. And doing TV was this like weird thing that I sort of fell into. And I love doing it. And I love the job. And I love the job security gave me. But I sort of also was grateful that then it allowed me to go do, you know, Shakespeare in the park for, you know, six weeks in the summer and not get paid a ton, but still be okay to like, you know, pay the bills at the end of the summer

because I was had saved enough so I it sort of gave me freedom to to do other things and you know in in terms of that one-man show that you saw I was playing 40 different characters and working with a dialect coach yeah it's crazy wait will you tell the listeners at home a little bit about it because I'm still not over it and it's been years it's so funny I it's a show called fully committed it's a one-man show and it's about a reservationist uh who works at a very very high-end restaurant and his co-worker has not shown up for that day's work and so he's just slammed when the lines open for the restaurant taking reservations and the whole play takes place over the phone so he plays not only himself but he plays all the people trying on the other end of the

line trying to get reservations to this restaurant he plays a chef he plays the matri d he plays the hostess he plays the restaurant critic who's trying to get in he plays his father you know he's also on the phone with throughout the day um and you know it's it's uh it's a really challenging piece and every actor who sort of tackles it know it's going to be a challenging piece so i knew going into it this was the first broadway revival of it had only been off broadwood before when i was offered this and so i i think i started working on it about a year before actually started official rehearsals just memorizing the play wow working with a dialect coach on my own time trying to figure out what these different characters sound like.

You know, she also worked at Juilliard, so she would sometimes have her students who are from different places record them saying the line so that I could maybe sort of, you know, imitate them to sort of get the authenticity down. But then again, it's a play where there are 40 characters and they're snapping between, you know, between themselves really quickly. And you're basically in dialogue with yourself. So there was also this job of like not being too subtle and too real with anything. because these people need to be immediately recognizable.

So it was a really tough line to figure out when it comes to tone. And just the brevity of like, not brevity, levity. I mean, we think brevity when I think levity, just the exact opposite. The levity of like, you know, the just having to learn a huge, you know, 90-minute play that no one else is speaking in. It was a lot. I mean, it was breathtaking. I have rarely been so entertained and also at the end of the play, I was exhausted for you.

Like when you actually greeted everyone backstage, I was like, are you okay? Why are you hugging us? Go home. Like, does someone have an ice bag for you? Yeah. I mean, it was really astonishing. It's so cool to hear that you had the sort of wherewithal to say, oh, I'm going to spend a year prepping even before rehearsal because this is such a big thing. There was no way. But I did drive my modern family cast members crazy because I would test out accents. I think

actually Sophia was even like there's an opportunity at the end of the play for a little cameo of someone who just picks up the phone. It's a celebrity and I think of the original version of like Wineth Paltrow or something. But I did Sophia instead. That's so funny. It's my little cameo. So she even made it into the

play. Oh, that's so cutie. How, I mean, you have such a work ethic and obviously such passion for what you do and you're a producer and you are, you're working in film and television, you're doing incredible theater, you're keeping that beautiful, you know, industry going. How do you and Justin navigate the intensity of your work lives and how much you both love what you do now that you have two little kids? Do you sort of have to trade off at certain times? Or do you, do you sort of have to trade off at certain times or do you just have a village that helps when you're both slammed a little bit of all of it? A little bit of both. I mean, it's tricky because, you know, as an actor, you get these opportunities

and sometimes it take you away for a few weeks and we have to sort of way about, you know, before I would just do everything that I wanted to do and not have to like really think about so I need to be away for six weeks or two months. And Justin's been very good about stepping in when he needs to um but you know when i i was doing the play last i was doing a play last year on broadway and our son was born during that time so i came home for the birth i was here for a few days and then i had to go back to new york to finish the run and so i would go back occasionally you know for my days off but i was home for like maybe 23 hours and having to turn around go back to new york so it was a lot and i know that during that time it was really taxing on justin so you know

I knew that when I came back not only was I going to be like hitting the ground running with the kids but like I needed to carve out time for him to get away and spend time with his friends and sort of turn off a bit because he had definitely picked up the slack so he definitely earned that you know that that time alone but I try and like be very cognizant of the fact that when I do go away you know it's a lot on him right he's also been very good about reminding himself that when I go away, I am working. It's not like I'm just, I love what I do so much. I'm so lucky that like my job brings me so much joy. But it is, you know, it's a, it's a full time thing when you're when you're in work mode. And you have to really take care of yourself and you have to go to bed early. And like even if you have a long day on set where there's like big breaks in the day, like you're not just resting. You're trying to always like be prepared for when you're being called to set. And so it's exhausting. And so he, he's

reminded that, you know, I also am not on vacation when I'm doing this fun thing that I love doing. Right. I just, I'm lucky that I got to be enjoying my job. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's so cool. And the, and the things that it enables you to do, I mean, even you guys, you know, launching tie the knot, you know, creating an organization that is near and dear to your heart is something that you get to go out and talk about because you have this great big platform. Right, right. That was very important to us for sure. Yeah. Can you tell our listeners a little bit about it? Sure. Yeah. I mean, Justin's always been an activist. He's been very politically active. When I met him, he was graduating from law school and was working on the Proposition 8 case, which was, that was, that was, it took away marriage rights for same sex couples here in California back in like 2011 or something. And we formed Tie the Knot, which was an organization that raised money for the people in the trenches fighting for marriage equality.

Specifically, we were kind of fighting for Prop 8 to get overturned. And then from there, we were obviously looking toward full federal marriage equality across the United States. But we are founded, we raised money basically by selling bow ties, which was, you know, a kind of funny, quirky, interesting light. hearted way of nodding to a marriage. And then, you know, we've sold a lot of other products as well. But I've always been the type of activist who doesn't really use a bullhorn. Like, I don't really need to be arrested on the steps of city hall. Like, I like to, I like to definitely use my voice and make myself heard. But I find that doing it through more a light heart away and to comedy and through, you know, just being more authentically who I am is just a better thing for

me. So this foundation really felt, it felt, um, it felt unique and it felt very, um, I don't know, it felt personal and it felt, uh, it felt like it was very, it came from our hearts. Like we really, you know, were able to raise money doing something that felt, um, like it was authentically us. So we raised over a million dollars of the course of the type of knot. And then we recently rebranded the tie the knot to pronoun. So we're still, um, we're still raising money for the LGBTQ community, but it's a bit of a broader scope that we're raising money for is no longer marriage equality, which we now have achieved. But, you know, LGBTQ rights and trans rights and all that good stuff. Yeah, and the larger umbrella of equality that, you know, so many people

unfortunately are trying to chip away at year after year. I can't remember. Did I ever send you the picture I wore? One of your bow ties was like, sort of like a burgundy chocolate with little owls on it and the little owls are like in blue and yellow and I wore it with a navy tuxedo that I have. Yes, I remember that. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good. I was like, wait, do you have that photo? I'm obsessed. I do. You've always been such a supporter of us. Oh, well, I just adore you guys. And you know, you've, you've always just been so kind and wonderful and, you know, I'm a fan of what you both do, but I'm a fan of you guys as humans. Thank you. That's nice to your You, cutie.

Okay, and as if you don't do enough things with all of your activism and theater and film and television and being a dad, you have a podcast. Talk to us about dinners on me. I'm obsessed with it, mostly because all I want to do is eat. And I just, I love it. I have so many questions. Tell the people what you're up to. Yes. So I have this podcast that I started, I guess, about a year ago.

I mean, my career has always been a series of things that I didn't expect to do that I've been. and give an opportunity to do and then I end up enjoying. So I, when these jobs come to me that I'm like, I never imagine myself as that I really take a beat and I think, okay, but is it something that I might have fun doing? And this was certainly one of those opportunities. I never wanted to have a podcast. I had been on a million of them, you know, it just seemed like an extra job that I would have to do. But I didn't know. I was like, I'm not going to know if I, if I enjoy doing this unless I actually do it. So I accepted the offer to host this podcast. And The producers knew I was a big foodie, and they had this idea of sort of combining my love of food and eating at a restaurant with a conversation.

And, you know, I feel like the best conversations happen over a really great meal. So the first season was a huge success, and we started off with Julie Bowen. I took her to a restaurant called Republic here in California. It's so good. During an atmospheric river, much like we're having today. and it launched off a really great season of episodes. And I went to restaurants in New York and in Los Angeles and had everyone on from Padma Lakshmi and Chelsea Clinton to Sarah Highland

and Isaac Mizrahi and some great chefs were on last season. And I just launched my second season. And the second season starts with a really great episode with Ed O'Neill, who played my father, a modern family for 11 years. We have another modern family cast member coming up. And I can't say who it is, but it's going to be exciting. We have conversations with Danielle Brooks, who's fresh off of an Oscar nomination for the color purple. We have her coming on.

So happy for her. I love her so much, and she's worked so hard. I'm so happy we got her on. Dax Shepard, who is the host of Armchair Expert, comes on. So it's really fun to have him on as a guest rather than a host. I kind of get to hear about the trajectory of armchair expert. I was especially nervous for that episode because he's such a great, you know, hosts himself. I was like, oh, gosh, this is going to be nerve-wracking, but it was lovely.

So we have really great people coming up this year. That's so cool. Okay, I have a technical question because I just think about this from the production side. I know. I don't know what you're going to ask. You're going to restaurants. Yeah. Like, are they opening an hour early for you?

I feel like there's no way you could do this in public and not be like stopped by fans and have something clatter to the floor and ruin the sound. Like, how are you achieving this? All those things actually happen and I kind of love it because I really want people, I want the listeners to feel like a fly on the wall. So we keep all the ambient sounds. There are times when we go to a restaurant and they haven't been open. They're not opened yet and we get the entire place to ourselves.

And those are actually, I don't like those as much because I really like that ambient sound. It really sort of gives this feeling of like you over hearing a conversation. When you hear the waiter come to the table and tell us the specials, you hear us order to the chagrin of many people. You might hear us eating a little bit, which is also some people have a real big problem with that. I promise it's not a ton of mouse sounds. We're pretty good about editing around it. But I love like, you know, when you hear the glass crashed in the background, I have a running gag on my podcast where anytime I hear one of those, I go, oh, my earring. like I mean just fell off.

So I actually look forward to sounds like that. I love it. To add a little comedy. But it's, you know, every restaurant's completely different. Sometimes we're there. And I like,

I went with Isaac Muzrahi to pastis on a Sunday brunch day. And that was, you know, totally packed and crowded. And we were just at a little table by ourselves. And you can hear that we're in a crowded restaurant. And I kind of just, I love that we can do that and achieve that.

And I think our listeners really respond to that sort of fly on the wall. Verite, you know, conversation. Yeah. I also feel like that's so indicative of your love of living in New York. Because when you talk about it, I'm like, yeah, like, we're New York people. The hustle, bustle and the car horns honking and the sounds. It's like, it's part of what makes you feel like home. So I love that that's really happening and it's not a sound design thing. I took Nisi Nash out for, for dinner, for the podcast and we were at we had beat outside and it was during trash day so that really they were they were emptying like you know massive dumpsters of trash you could hear the the trash trucks coming i was like

this is just what it is we weren't we weren't sitting amongst trash but there were definitely the sounds of trash trucks you're like here we are during the podcast yeah oh my god have you seen nisi in origin yeah i i'm still not over it it's been weeks i i keep going back to it she is just I'm obsessed with Nisi She's everything She really is Did the idea from the podcast And I mean, because you know

I'm also a foodie So I just really need to know Did it really just come from You thinking like How can I do a job Where I get to eat At all my favorite restaurants? That was definitely part of it

Yeah Like when you launched it I had three different friends text me and go The fact that you didn't do this Is so weird And I was like honestly I'm flabbergasted

I have no idea how I missed the mark Right right right well what you were saying is you know it's definitely complicated too to record live in a restaurant but um it's so funny because when you you were speaking early about my one-man show fully committed and my producers um uh they said well we're going to do some research we're going to go out to a few of these like michelin star restaurants so we can like kind of see the infrastructure and like we got to go back afterwards and like see the reservation room but like we ate at these restaurants and it was the best research i've ever done i think they took me to like four or five different

Michelin star restaurants and then the producers are like okay that's enough we've done enough like you know because it's expensive yeah and I was like this is the great I was like we could fit in a few more of these before you know the show goes up but I was like I think I need to do a little bit bit more research but it's just need to do a little more homework yeah yeah but yeah it's it's so fun to go out and now a word from our sponsors Is there anywhere new you've discovered that you hadn't been, that now you want to go all the time? Oh, yeah. There's a place in Brooklyn called Kaffar, which is Mediterranean.

They have bereckas, and it's really, really delicious. I guess that would be Greenpoint, Brooklyn. I really, really love it. And I actually, last time I was in New York, made a special trip out there to get some breakfast. So that's one of my new favorite places. And then here in L.A., I just recently took Danielle to Superbo, which I love. I've never been to before.

So, yes. And it's nice that we finally got one on our side of town. Yes, I know. Oh, I just love it. What a fun project. Yeah, no, it's been really great. But do you, I mean, I still have a tad bit of anxiety before every single one of my interviews. Because I guess there's a bit of imposter syndrome just because it's not a world that I have ever.

you know, anticipated being in. It was a job that was sort of brought to me and people are trusting me to do a good job with this. Yeah. I definitely get like anxious before every single, you know, podcast. Oh, I totally do too. Still, and I'm years in. I get anxious before every podcast, every speaking engagement.

Like, you know, because I look around and I just go like, well, what, but what am I doing here? Right. Right. Like me, I'm going to be the one who asks the questions. right you know and i get especially nervous i think because i have such a reverence for comedy and my favorite like my favorite things that i've done work-wise have been the sort of more comedic things i just i so enjoy the energy on a set when it's funny rather than you know sobbing or everyone's dying and i i always get a little nervous when i'm going to interview a comedian

that i love because i'm like are they going to think i'm funny am i going to be funny today or am i going to be What if I'm weird? What if I get nervous and then I'm I'm tightened? I don't make any jokes like I spin in that way too. I get it. I get it for sure. But you know, look at us rolling along. We're rolling along. I definitely feel like if I'm scared of something, it's a good thing that I'm doing it. I find the stuff that I'm not super intimidated by is stuff that doesn't actually ultimately be doesn't ultimately end up being very gratifying. Yeah. So. you know, I guess the fear, that feeling of needing to poop and make diarrhea and throw up is a good thing. It's good. It's good that you're feeling that. Yeah, it's phenomenal that you need to take a pepto. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, with all of this, you know, this big, beautiful sphere of the things that you've built in work and in home and with your family, when you look toward this year, what feels like you're work in progress right now? I mean, I kind of feel like I myself am the work in progress for me. I mean, I, you know, for 11 years, I had this like really steady thing happening. And then there was a pandemic. And then I had kids.

And I feel like there was not a lot of like transitional time for me. But in that from one thing to the other. And so I feel like I've lost a little bit of like what I need right now. and Justin and I are both really good about going to therapy for ourselves we do talk therapy we don't get together but you know are very open to that

and I'm just really trying to like I cut back on drinking a lot I did I'm trying to eat healthier I've lost a little bit of weight trying not to stress out so much about work I mean all these you know we also have had a really bumpy few years between the pandemic and then writer strikes and then actor strikes

And I just realized, like, I have so little control over some of these things. I could certainly fight for better contracts. But, like, at the end of the day, like, I have to let people do the jobs that are going to do the jobs. And I can't worry about it. So I have really tried hard to sort of rewire my thinking and, you know, find ways to reduce my anxiety. And that's been my big. And I'm really proud of the work that I've done on myself. And that's been one of the main things for me is just trying to,

flow through life with a little less anxiety and nerve. I love that. I think that's so important. And it's a thing, you're really just like making all the bells ding for me, because it has been such a destabilizing time, you know, for so many people. And I think one of the things that I'm really working on remembering, particularly over the course of the last year,

is I believe at my core and I try to remind myself every day that things are not happening to me, they're happening for me. And when I look at my life in that way, I see what I get from every experience. And to your point, like maybe there's a job that doesn't go

because it felt a little easy and I want to be more challenged. Or maybe there's a big aha moment in life that I really didn't see coming, but it changes everything for the better. And yeah, it feels like a little bit of a rewiring, but it's definitely helping with, you know, my anxiety and certainly with the pressure I put on myself. Right, right. And it's hard to like say, you know, don't, I mean, I've been told so many times to just like

relax and not stress out. Which only makes you stress out more. Exactly, exactly. Um, but there are times when I tell myself that, too, I'm like, just relax. It's okay. You got to breathe. Um, and I just am learning to listen to myself a little bit more. That feels like a good work in progress, my friend. Yeah, Pilates too. Oh, a little fitness moment for 2024. Sure, sure. Yeah. We love it. Yeah. Oh, well, thank you so much. I just love talking to you. It's like in the way that you were talking about you and Ty being like, I can't believe this is our job. I feel that every week. I I'm like, I literally can't believe I turned asking people I adore questions into a job. I love this.

Yeah, I know. I know. We're very lucky. Yeah. I'm so glad you asked me to do this. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming. Yes.

Oh. This is an I-Heart podcast. Thank you.