Drama Queens - Work in Progress: Mayci Neeley

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

"The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives" fan favorite Mayci Neeley gets brutally honest about love, loss, and survival —stories she lays bare in her new memoir "Told Ya So." Her journey from heartbreak and abuse to resilience and rebuilding takes on new dimension as she reflects on life lessons only learned in hindsight.Brace for some fun shockers, too, as Mayci also spills the tea on "Mormon Wives" season 3 and reveals why she's not losing sleep over some of the show's wilder revelations.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. The best dates happen when someone really gets your vibe, your niche references, your hot takes, even your reality TV obsessions. That's why it's so exciting to be partnering with Bumble. Dating feels easier on Bumble with prompts that show off your personality, shared interests that help you find common ground, and verification that gives you peace of mind that you're meeting someone real. So if you're ready to meet someone who really gets you in your energy, Bumble is the perfect place to start. waiting for. Download Bumble and start your love story. Hey everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress. Hi, Wipsmarties. Today we are joined by a guest who has made some serious waves in reality TV. And I'm just so excited to talk to her. Her life has been

wild and from an exterior that could look very shiny and perfect to sharing experiences and an interior that has been anything but I really admire the way she's chosen to be so upfront about her life. Today's guest, you might know, is Macy Neely from Hulu's The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. The show has clearly taken the world by storm, but in the beginning in particular, barely scratched the surface of Macy's personal story. She became a mom at 20. She lost her son's father in a tragic car accident. She went back to college as a single mother. She's given glimpses of these challenging things that she's been through that eventually led to the show she works on with her friends. But now she's telling us everything in a memoir that honestly surprised me

with how both inspiring and darkly funny it is. She really lifts the veil. on what growing up in her culture with strict standards, with athletic prowess, and then, frankly, blowing it all up looked like. She talks about temptation and an abusive relationship and dealing with pretty dark and dangerous things. Her memoir is called Told You So. And in it, Macy captures the period from college to adulthood

that really shaped her and that made her into the woman, we met on Secret Lives. She did this with real brutal honesty and grace and humor. And I really appreciate that she offers us a real heartfelt portrayal of a woman who's finding her voice and finding her strengths by embracing her scars instead of being ashamed of them. I actually think that's a really universal thing for so many of us. So let's dive in with Macy Neely. Obviously, you know, when I sit down with somebody, they're always in the middle of something, right? Like, it's a promo thing. Your book is coming out. Someone is a movie coming out. Whatever. It's always so exciting. But I do think there's a really interesting experience as a person who lives a life in public in some way where people don't always know about your life.

before. They don't always know about your life in any real totality. It's always a peace. So I'm really curious for you, especially as a mom. I think a lot about the inner children that we carry with us. Yes. And I wonder if you could go back to before all of this and all of the sort of ups and downs of life and hang out with your younger self when you're, you know, eight or nine or 10 years old, do you feel like you'd hang out with that little girl and be like, oh my God, I see how she's me. Yeah, honestly, I think I would. I feel, the one thing I feel like is a little different is like I was a really like sensitive,

like shy child. So then part of me is like, oh, that's weird that like I do what I do now and like the public eye and stuff. But I will say she's still there though because like I still get nervous. Like I do stuff on camera or whatever. And I still sometimes, it's like, oh, like, ooh, like I get like a little nervous. in the beginning sometimes like not filming for like our show but like if it's like an interview or something every once in a while for it's like oh look at the camera and say like this and I'm like

oh like sometimes I'm like oh like I get like a little nervous still and so I think that's where like the inner me comes out but like I think yeah I would definitely still recognize that child because I think deep down I do have like a very soft sensitive side and like um I just don't show it like a ton like I think it comes out you know and you see it in the book and stuff but like like I sometimes mask it because like sometimes like I used to think that being softer sensitive was like a weakness but it's really not it's like a strength because it's like a strength for good kind of thing you know so yeah I don't know oh I totally agree and and I think I think that's a byproduct certainly of being not just living a life in public but feeling like

you're always kind of on the chopping block of public scrutiny it does teach you to withdraw a little bit. And I think, though, it's good to talk about, A, because you're right, sensitivity really is, I think, a superpower. And B, I also have to say, that never goes away, the nervousness. People will say, you know, I've been doing this for 20 years and I'll be at something getting ready to present, you know, an award to someone or give a talk. And I'll, you know, I always have that moment where I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to have, oh, my anxiety is kicking in. I feel like I have to pee, do I have to pee, do I have time to pee? Like, I panic. and people backstage at things will go, you get nervous? And I'm like, girl, I am nervous for every

event. I am nervous every time I have to do a red carpet, every time I have to do an interview, like, that doesn't go away. Yeah. So I offer that only to say. I guess that's good to know because I was like, yeah. I mean, like, it's like you get used to things, but you still get nervous. And I'll say this is the, it's like the dumbest example. But I was at this like lunch for like women business owners. And they were going around saying like, what's your name? And like, what do you do? like what's your business and like why is like as I was getting close to me like oh my gosh like what am I going to say like my nerves even in this small setting I'm like why am I anxious like in this just cozy small setting like I don't know why like so I think it still yeah like definitely hits me even in the

small situations it for sure does yeah I don't think that goes away but I do think if if you can kind of zoom out a little bit and say to yourself oh I'm just going to carry this feeling Yeah. It's just a thing you're carrying instead of your whole experience. That would be my own advice. Not to sound like I'm your mom, but you know. No, but I love that because I feel like it's like we're still just like navigating everything. And like we did our first show in Vegas like mom talk stuff and like all of us like we like we're nervous. But like at least we got to do it like all together. Wait, what was the show? We did like it was so random. It was like a Vegas kind of like variety show where we like went out there. We did like we read like confessions because I have a page called Center Sunday where I like people were. write in anonymous confessions and like we'll read them and they're usually pretty like juicy or like sometimes people just like want advice i can't believe i didn't know you did a show in Vegas yes we did like one show we'll probably do another one i don't know exactly when but like we were supposed to do i think at least two or three so we did one and yeah it was kind of like a variety show we got the chippendales there for sure like it was like it was fun just a mixture of like

everything like i love it i guess you can go back in time and think of like the ellen show of like something similar to that where it's kind of like just random I guess and like a mixture like we played games with people and like we brought people on stage and stuff and like made like a twirking contest and so it was really fun actually I love that a really good time so great okay wait wait wait before we get too far because I'm like wait we're already back in the present I have my young life questions yeah so when we think about that you know sweet sensitive little girl I know you were a tennis player you got a tennis scholarship to BYU. And obviously, that's when everything really shifted in your life. When you were preparing for

that and growing up in sport, like, as a young woman, what did you think your future would look like? Because I would imagine you didn't think it would be this. No, no, no. I thought, okay, so in my head, I guess my life goal, like growing up was like, okay, I'm going to get a tennis scholarship, I'm going to go to BYU kind of thing. It's like the Mormon thing to do. I'm going to meet the husband, have the kids, but I was like, if I have a career, which I wasn't planning on doing growing up, because I was just like, you know, my mom was a stay-at-home mom. So it's just kind of like one to fall on those footsteps, you know? I was like, if I have a career, it's going to be, like, I want to be like a pro tennis player. Like, it's what I was thinking of doing. And then,

you know, when I got a little bit older, I thought it'd be fun to do, like, in news or, like, be like a broadcaster, like a sports broadcaster. Like, it was along the lines of those if I did have a career. But, like, part of me was just like, I'll just want to be like a stay-at-home mom, you know, which is fine, you know, but like that was what I thought I was going to do. And so, like, I never thought I'd be sitting here doing all I'm doing for sure, which is super exciting. But like, yeah, no, I never pictured myself having like a career outside of being a mom. Wow. Yeah. So then what was your experience like, you know, you go to college, you're thinking eventually you'll be a parent, maybe, maybe, you know, you'll be an athlete,

and then life shifts. You get pregnant. You go through tragedy. Like, can you walk me through kind of from the start of your freshman year to everything shifting? What was that timeline like? It was all, like, really fast, I guess. So, like, I met my abusive boyfriend when I was a senior in high school. So, like, I did him through, like, my senior year of high school and through, like,

the first half of my freshman year. So I was going through that, it's going through an abusive relationship. That was, like, very toxic, like, very, I just felt, like, very trapped. Like, I didn't put, like, I could. get out until he physically left the state and that's what I decided like okay I can like finally pull the plug and be done and at this point if he did try to retaliate like and try to get me in trouble whatever I was like I don't even care because I'm not miserable that if I see in this relationship like I don't want to be here kind of thing like it was that bad can you what do you mean

by that like if he tried to get you in trouble yeah because the BYU you honor code and since I wasn't following it he kept blackmailing me so he was like okay well I have pictures of you drinking and I'm going to send it to them and they're going to kick you out you know so like i was stuck oh my god like of that you know like i i tried to break up with him so many times and i did and i went back partially because of like is it like stockholm syndrome i can go back to your abuser and like that but also because like i was blackmailed for a lot of the times that i like tried to get out so like i feel like i was stuck until like he physically was leaving the state and i was like this is my shot um right almost like the shift in geography gave you the the the

the mental and emotional space you needed. Yes. I mean, what a crazy thing, like, not to be the nerdiest person you've ever talked to, but when you consider the fact that, because I think about all the insane shit that happened to me in my early 20s, this is the reason I'm

thinking about this. One of the things I'll always say when reflecting is like, well, you know, our frontal lobes aren't even developed until we're 26. And it's sort of my gallows humor for what I went through. but it's also so crazy to think about you were a literal teenage girl yes and you were going through

all of this and it's like nobody I don't know I don't think I think now the conversations around abusive relationships are a little more pervasive and especially you know how to look out for those signs of emotional abuse narcissistic abuse yes but at least when I was 21 no Nobody was having those conversations. Yeah. And I remember the aha moment of sitting down with an adult who handed me a literal pamphlet. Yes. And was like, I don't remember if it was like 12 things or 15 things.

But let's say it was 12. It was like there's 12 things on this checklist and I can check 10 out of 12 for you. Like there were only two that this adult old enough to be my parent couldn't check off for me. And I was like, wait, what? And it did something for me. Seeing it and writing did something for me. Did you have a moment like that that coincided with the geographic distance? Or was it really just he got far enough away from you that you could see it?

What's so bizarre about you saying that is like it's pretty much the same thing that happened to me. Except for mine, I googled it. Like so I was like, I didn't even know I was being abused. Like it was so bad. But I was like, this seems like this is like weird. Like something is off. Because he just kept saying like manipulating me and being like, well, you've never been a real. girlfriend before it's like you don't know and so i finally googled like what are like signs of

abuse and like i could check off like pretty much every single one this list it was like this long list on google this like website and it was like the dv hotline whatever it was and i was like oh my gosh again that's when it like really hit me i'm like i am like being abused and i think i already kind of you know subconscious of like something's not right you know yeah but like seeing it there and i'm like okay i'm not crazy like this is like really happening yes and it's also funny too because you talk about the brain i say that all the time because my dad told me growing up like, you know, I was, like, kind of making those decisions. He's like, well, once your brain's developed, like, come talk. Like, you'll, you'll understand. Yeah. You're so dumb. And then, like,

once I, like, got older, I was like, wait, like, I don't know. He's so right. Like, you're like, is a moment where I actually admit to my dad that he was right or am I going to regret saying that and I'll take it to the grave. And it is so true, though, because, like, the decisions or, like, things that you think are, like, a good decision or like, oh, it's just fun. Like, back then, I'm like, oh, my gosh, like the fact that I thought this was good or this was okay. You know, it's just crazy what you do when you're younger compared to now. Girl, same. I'm like, we have some stories we need to tell them not on this podcast.

Like, oh, my God. Yes. We'll be back in just a minute. But here's a word from our sponsors. Okay, so you have your aha moment looking at your computer. And then what? Like, what were your steps? how did you cut it off, go back home, like, what did that look like for you?

And I ask only because, I mean, I obviously don't want you to have to relive a very traumatic moment. But I think sometimes when we talk about these things, other people that are going through it who maybe haven't been handed the pamphlet or looked at the website can go like, oh, that's my story. Or, oh, maybe I could call my parents and ask to come home. Or maybe I could tell a friend, you know? Like, how did you start to make sense of it? yeah so so when he left because we were in Utah and he was from California just like I was and so he went back to California I'm still in Utah I have like about almost two months left of school before the semester ends and so I feel like yeah like the the change of him leaving was very helpful for me because he's not physically here so I don't have to worry about him um but I think too like even after he left it's like you are so manipulated and like brainwash that I was like I think I texted him like you're such a great person like part of it was because I don't want to have to retaliates was like it was two reasons second of all I was like I started believing it I was like oh my gosh because he's always saying like you'll never get any better than me no one's gonna want you and like all these things and like and like when he left it's like a full week of like I didn't go out with friends like stayed in my dorm room I was like sad like all the things right and then it's like I met my son's father right after that so it was like back to back like I met different guys I feel like was able to kind of move on from that relationship because I met someone different but also because it was like I just started going on having fun like this is what life is about like

I was so I felt like a captive like I feel like I was like in prison when I was like dating him and once he left I started going out with friends I'm like wait like this is so fun like this is what I was missing and then shortly after I met my son's father and so we weren't in a relationship but we started like dating and I was like this is like what it should feel like it should feel fun like I shouldn't have to worry about like what I'm wearing and like all the different things that I would get in trouble for like everything well that's the crazy thing when you're in a relationship where you're getting in trouble yeah i remember the shift for me of getting out of my version of this situation and the person i eventually started dating like we were going out with friends and

he stopped me to be like you look so beautiful and i i caught myself kind of jump because i was i was waiting for the butt and i remember he looked at me and i was like and he goes what and I said you're not going to like tell me to change my clothes or that I shouldn't wear this out of the house and he goes why would I ever do that I'm so proud to go out with you exactly and it was this shift of like oh I'm not supposed to be demeaned I'm not supposed to be demeaned for the things that attracted you to me yeah that you have me it's like it's such a bait and switch it is and I think it's really amazing that you could even identify that you know obviously now but at the time and realize, oh, I deserve to feel light in the presence of someone instead of

scared. Yes, no, exactly. And I was like, wait, like, I should be having fun. Like, I shouldn't feel this, like, guilt, even when I was doing nothing wrong. Because, like, I would feel that because I would get in trouble for, like, everything. Like, I'd be at a tennis practice and, like, my laptop was at his apartment and he would go through, like, all my texts from before I met him. And then he would send me screenshots and be like, F you. And I'm like, this is before I even knew who you. And I'm like, this is before I even knew who you work like just the craziest stuff that like I can't like when I see out a lot I'm like was that not so obvious but like when you're 18 and you're young you're just like and you're so manipulated you're you just don't even know any better honestly it also doesn't start there it's like when I've

spoken to other people about this I think it's important to remember the dynamic is very much like you know the classic cartoon snowball it starts really small and as it rolls down the hill As time passes, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Yep. But you're not really tracking how big the snowball is from here to here. You only really see how giant it is when you compare it, like, where it started to where it ends. And I think people who haven't been through it miss that it is a slow build. And by the time you can't ignore it anymore and you feel like a prisoner in your own home or in your own body or both.

Yep. you can't even fathom how it got that bad yeah because if it started there you'd be like you psycho get away from me exactly you bail on this like crazy stranger but it doesn't start there and like that's what's so smart to talk about is because people sometimes don't understand it unless they've been through it because they're like well like why don't you just get out and I'm like if you only knew like they just don't understand like and it's so obvious on the outside looking in but when you're in it you don't realize it until it's like too late or until like it hits you like a ton of bricks.

It really draws a parallel for me because you've talked on a few, you've talked in a few interviews about how Told You So, which for our friends at home is the title of the new memoir, has actually been 10 years in the making. Yes. And I think about that, you know, it's sort of similar. Like, told you so is your snowball. Yeah.

It's complete. But it took 10 years for you to get there. Yep. So obviously we're, we're hinging on this big life. altering moment but your story is so much larger than that yeah I would imagine a lot of people assume that this event at 19 um is is where the story starts but where do you feel like it really begins I feel like the story begins like I mean I touch on my childhood a little bit in the book not a ton because like I know people want to hear like the juicy stuff or the interesting

stuff that like really like impacted my life you know but I think like I read a little bit about the childhood, but that's where I feel like my story starts because people watch the show, right? The Secret Lives More Wives and they see us and stuff, but they have no idea that like my whole life was like tennis. Like, ingrained in me is like tennis. Like that is like my upbringing. I tell people like I never got grounded growing up for, I didn't do anything bad, never snuck out, like nothing. It was only for tennis. Like if I played maybe like really bad or like had a bad attitude, whatever, get grounded and stuff like that. But like I was just like a chill kid. Like and then tennis was just like ingrained in me and it's like I have a very competitive nature and it doesn't

really come out like his career wise I don't I I'm always against like the competitive side it's like don't compete like we like when you want to celebrate people's opportunities and like no like have an abundance mindset that like whatever it'll all come back to you you know like and share people on so I feel like I don't like saying like oh we're really competitive like but yeah but not in my career like that's different you know yeah I'm like of course I want to succeed but it is different from sports where you feel that there's just like the drive like the I love the feeling of like sweating and like going home and getting my bed like with sore muscles and I actually haven't had that feeling in a long time and I like kind of miss it.

So like that's why I'm like probably so passionate about it right now. Um, and I actually just put a pickleball court in my backyard. So like I'm like I gotta get out there and just release some endorphins. But um, I feel like that's kind of where my story starts is like the upbringing of just like my family and like yeah, that's why I went to BYU and like a full ride tennis scholarship is because like that's what I was working for my whole life. And that's why going through that abusive relationship was so impactful and, like, everything I went through because I felt like I was losing everything with my tennis career. It's just a big part of my identity.

It's like the competitive side and, like, the athlete in me, I guess. Yeah, well, also how regimented you can be. And, you know, not for nothing, athletes grow up being raised to be coachable. Yeah. Which I think is such a skill, but also can be a hindrance. in terms of a person who wants to control you in a negative way. Yeah. Like, I think a lot about it.

There's, I've learned because my partner was a professional athlete. And in the time that we've been together, I've learned so much about that, like, perform at all costs thing that athletes have, which also actors have. Yeah. When you are a performance athlete or a performance artist, and so many people's jobs and schedules ride on your ability to do what you're told when you're told to do it, it's a gift, but it also can really make you lose yourself.

Yeah, no, 100%. You really can, you can be so good at performing that you forget to check in with how you actually feel. Yeah. And I think there's something really interesting about that, especially, it makes me especially curious for you because not only did you grow up in the, in the athletic arena of performance, but now being on your show, you know, at least when I'm on a show, I'm playing somebody else. Yeah.

Like, it makes me feel so uncomfortable that when I actually go out and have to promote my work, people want to talk to me about my life. I'm like, can't we just talk about the work? Like, oh, okay. And like, every time I've ever talked about my life, I'm like, do I regret this? I don't like this. You know, it really triggers all my anxiety. So I'm sort of fascinated for you because I've heard that especially in, you know,

the world of reality, like people who do it obviously love it, but that it can also be hard because the way the shows are produced, everyone kind of gets given a role. Yeah. So how much of yourself do you feel is properly or authentically represented on the show? Like does the show make you feel more like you can be yourself or has being on a show where you get clipped and edited made you a little more nervous to be yourself yeah i think it goes both ways i think i was more nervous for the first season because i was like i don't know how this is edited i don't know what it looks like i thought that everything we filmed was like in the show and so i think there's some times where i'd go home at night and i'd be like i couldn't sleep because i'm like what if like it looks like this or what if like

i don't get like so stressed about it and then once i saw how much was cut out i was like oh like we're chilling like i like wasn't that worried anymore but um oh that's nice to know so like yes and no because I feel like I'm always myself like when I film but like obviously so much gets cut then I'm like wait like you cut my humor here like the funny things like so that's the only thing that I sometimes get annoyed about because I'm like wait like because we get criticism the line and be like they're all mean girls and that's not like well it's because the fun stuff gets cut like I can't control that edit you know um and it does scare me honestly like putting my life out there and so I got like got a little more cautious about like what I share on social

media now because my life is getting like more public right and I do actually value privacy like I'm someone who like in Utah is like a dumb comparison but like these houses don't come with fences you have to like pay for your own fences like it's not part of the house and then like no one has hedges it's like hey neighbor and I being in California I hate that I do not want to see my neighbors that to be rude they're great but like I love privacy like in my own home too and like and it's becoming more like that in my life now that it's more public um and so I think it's yeah it's like a hard balance like for the most part I think that's what works for me is just being myself and most of my parents watch the show and they're like, well, I think the reason why people like you is because, like, you just yourself. Like, that's who you are. Like, it's how to describe you as like how you are in the show. Like, obviously there are moments that like, yeah, maybe are edited like a different context. There's like a couple here and there. But like for the most part, I feel like it's great sure to like who I am. Yeah. That could change. My perception could change season to season. You never know what's going to happen. Um, but yeah, for the most part.

Yeah. Yeah. I am not too worried about it now. In the beginning I was and now it's a little more chill. I'm glad. I'm glad that it feels easier. Yeah. You know, you mentioned social media, and I think that's, I think it's all really related because only a fraction of you is going to get shown to an audience on TV. Yeah. And we show such a fraction of our lives on social media, and let's be real, most people are sharing the great moments.

Yeah. You know, they're not sharing like the worst day or when things are insane at home or, you know, whatever. you've talked about you know how how social media is obviously a part of your life with the show but i thought it was really i just thought it was really special that in the book you admit that there's there's been there at least was a time when you were concealing a lot of pain and struggling with depression behind this instagram that looked so positive how have you do you think that the show has helped you navigate showing up with a little more of the hard stuff publicly or or did you have to learn to exercise that muscle

even to prepare to be on the show in the first place yeah i think it was the lather of the two i just i like that's kind of how i built my platform before i joined mom talk before the show was based off of like telling parts of my story because i never saw it before i was like everyone online is so perfect and then these perfect families and like the cute house and the dog it's like perfect and i just felt like this like loser and I was like this and I like I know that like I like I can't think this for everyone but I was going through it that's how I felt and so once I kind of started like I'm like once I was a little bit happier and like started talking about my life online I was like no I want to share the bad stuff because I know that other people go through it too and that's kind of how I actually built my whole platform to even like join mom talk was through sharing like my story and like the very low lows and obviously like the highs and stuff and I I think I'm someone who tries not to show polished life because it's not real and like so I'm like so I tried to show that like even by accident like I think um it was right before I gave birth like my whole house was upside down because we decided we were going to redo all the flooring like a week before I get birth don't ask me why and like so like you were nesting it's okay like literally and so my

whole couch like everything was kind of like a pile of like you should have seen how like you walk it was that messy and I think it took a story of my cat like sitting in the middle of it but I honestly didn't even realize it was that messy because I was just living in it and people are like thank you so much for showing this and I was like oh I didn't even like realized like that was a big deal like the amount of DMs I got that were like so positive like thank you for showing this because like people don't show this and we just feel like we're like bad moms because our houses are perfect and I'm like no like so it's almost going to be sad because I'm like people like think like no you're doing great yeah exactly we're

all trying our best and so I do try to show those authentic moments but there are times where the show did help I guess like in season two I went to my son's father's crash site where he died and like that yeah i like i i i never had been before right and so i didn't want to go but like part of me knew i needed to at some point like to help me feel on like faced my trauma and to like to even write the book and i will say that that was a moment where like yeah the show did help with that because it's like i had that extra push of them being like hey like producers be like this would be so impactful for your audience to see and help people who are going through some more things get through this too and i was like oh like you're right like that was like the hardest thing

have to do like especially on camera like and i'm someone who like does not like crying on camera like i don't know like it's hard it's vulnerable like i don't know it's also a really interesting thing i mean what you point out so often especially because of the way things are in our world today social media all of it when you're going through something especially as a public person you go through it privately until the last moment yeah and you share when you like have something to share when you have thoughts like whatever and it's it's a pretty wild thing to process in real time with strangers yeah but i also think you know it can lead to it can lead to bravery it can lead to vulnerability in a way and and it can really help people yeah you know when you

tell your story it's like I built this sort of picture perfect life for myself and then it wasn't yeah and it was really hard to have to go through that publicly but when I was able to reflect on it and share about it and write about it and publish a piece about it like the number of people who said thank you so much for yeah sharing this like I feel this I have felt this I've been too scared to say I made what I thought was the right decision and it was the wrong one for me And I didn't want to go through that publicly. Yeah. Like I was going through it privately in my little cocoon, like walking around,

pretending things were fine. Like everybody does wearing the wedding ring through like all the nightmare of what's going on behind the scenes. I was so scared for that little cocoon to break. Yeah. You know, I was so scared for everyone to know. But weirdly when everyone knew it made it easier. Yeah, because it's almost like a weight is like lifted off your shoulders or something. And knowing that it's impacting other people and helping it.

other people because you don't want them to feel how you did it like it's yeah it just yeah it's a lot like like I feel like it makes it makes sense because sometimes when you go through these horrible things you're like why like I don't get like why you know and so sometimes when I look at the bigger picture and the purpose I'm like well maybe this is why this had to happen to me not that it makes it okay but then I can help so many more people if I had to go through this one these things maybe this me taking this sacrifice can help some of people to prevent it from even happening to them to begin with. I don't know. Like, I don't know. Like, I just try to make sense of it sometimes. And, like, I think maybe I had to go through it to help other people. I don't know.

Yeah. We'll be back in just a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors. When you reflect on that now, especially, you know, just having visited the site on the last season of the show, you mentioned earlier. You know, we were talking about getting out of something abusive, how hard that is. Yeah. And then you met your son's father, you said really soon after. Yeah. And things were just starting to get serious and you got pregnant and, you know, there are those sorts of things you're not planning, but they feel like probably were pretty exciting when they set in. And then this car crash happens.

Like, how did you, that is so much to process. the emotional whiplash of all of those things happening in the same year. Yeah. How did you deal with that? I just honestly, I don't even know if I really did deal with it. I just like had to survive. Like I literally just had to wake up in the morning because that's how like severely depressed I was, especially being pregnant. Like it was hard to like want to do anything.

Like I'm really grateful for my parents because like my mom was the one who's like she'd come in my room. but I thought obviously thought she was like so annoying. Like I'm like young and she's like opening my shutter. Like good morning. Like we're going to go do that. Like she was very good like getting me out of the house and like distracting me. Making you breathe fresh air. Yes, exactly.

Like you touch grass basically. So like I feel like I'm very grateful for my parents because I'm like, I don't know. Like and then obviously like my son like that's what kept me going and that's how my book is dedicated to him is because I'm like he like saved me like I don't know if I would be here. Like if it wasn't for him. And then also just like the way he changed my life. I went from kind of just like coasting in life like to like I obviously now I'm a mom like I had to knew I had to be a provider like I needed to really focus and like it helped my motivation

my drive like I became a better person a lot more empathetic and understanding of other people's struggles and like he changed my life like for the better I can't even I don't know who I'd be if that didn't happen honestly it's crazy that's so special yeah is it is it sort of surreal to look back now because clearly such a hard time but yeah your son was such a gift and you've just had another baby yes and you are remarried you know how i i i know that it's a really specific um experience that you wouldn't you wouldn't wish on another person but it is profoundly uh capable of growing your heart yes to lose someone that you love and then have to figure out how to how to grieve and hold space for that

person and make space for a new person and integrate those experiences for yourself and for your new person yeah so what was it like meeting jacob you know what do you think had really made you equipped for something that i mean at least from outside seems so lovely and healthy and yeah how did you let yourself lean into this kind of love I think and I think I said this before but it's like and this is a thing that people say all the time but it's like you accept the love that you feel like you deserve right and so I feel like for me he was coming around in the beginning and I kind of just kept pushing him off after a while because I was like oh like I don't know like he likes me too much like he was too much of a green flag where I was like he's too

good and it feels weird to me like to have that kind of love and so I pushed him off and pushed him off until I was like he like is by far the best person I've dated like he cares so much for me cares for my child and I think like I had to really like learn how to love myself to accept his love too you know like you have to be able to love yourself and feel like you deserve that so I was like maybe I was pushing him off so much because I didn't feel like I fully deserved it and I also feel like I I mean I also like wanted to date like I had boyfriend after boyfriend like during that time and so I wanted to like know for sure what I wanted you know like you kind of make sure I like I want to make getting mistakes again like I was like I want to have me one and that is the one I'm going to be with and I don't want it to like change. And so I was also like cautious. But yeah, again, I think I had to learn how to love myself. I don't think when I met him was heels by any means, you know, because I needed had some work to do. And I talk about in the book about it was like we were engaged and I was like kind of having mental breakdowns and like what's happened. And I'm like, what's happening. It's because the trauma was still like hitting me years later because I rushed it under the rug thinking like oh like it's been a couple years like it's gone and like

it definitely just doesn't go away. So like went to therapy and that definitely helped and stuff and like pointing me in the right direction. But like he even now like he's just like my rock like my biggest supporter like obviously next my parents are always like my number one fans but like my husband is like he makes everything go round in this world for me. Like I don't think I could pursue this career and all these things without his support because it's like having the kids and like all the things like the to do list is like this long. So it's like he helps everything work. Right. And he's just like so supportive and always has been. And I just I can't be more grateful that it all worked out. You know. Yeah. I love that. I think I think when the right love finds you. Especially when you've had all sorts of versions of the wrong one. Like yeah. It doesn't just give you love. It really. really does heal you in a way. Yeah. No, it does for sure. And I think that's what happened. It was like, I don't want to be like, I didn't need therapy because I always say did. I still do. But like, we all do. Yeah, I know. I'm like, in this world we live in. But like I think

when you have like someone just like love and like I also feel like positive energy. Like I, like I'm a true believer in like those who you surround yourself with is like how you're going to be like you need that positive energy. And like I yeah, like I feel like again like even going through what I went through like you didn't have like the positive energy you're being like it will get better like just hold on you know you know like yeah like you have to stay positive or else it's like it's just the life will just drain out of you and I think that's like he's always just been a happy go lucky like guy and like that's like kind of what I needed so nice need a balance you know yeah do you think that desire to focus on the positive even when it's hard was a motivator to share your IVF journey

because IVF is so hard. It's the hardest most awful thing. And I feel like only in the last like two or three years does anyone even really want to talk about it out in the world. Yeah. I think it like I feel like people don't want to talk about it harshly too because it's very vulnerable. And it's like hard to be like, oh, like I'm doing this like to have a kid. And then you get criticism because even when I was doing it, I get people being like, why don't you adopt? And I'm like, well, okay, hello.

I'm telling you all, like doing this. and now you're saying like do that and I'm like and I don't think people realize too it is hard to adopt kids like it's not easy like and it's very expensive and people don't realize that they think it's like oh I can just go to the store and adopt a kid that's not how it works and like people are just kind of uneducated on all like the whole process right and so I mean I think it's hard to share but I again like I built my platform off of sharing things that are uncomfortable and like hard because I know they can help other people and like and I think it is because when you're going through IVF it's lonely too like it really is it's hard because it's like

I didn't realize how much of a mental battle it would be. I thought it would be a physical battle. I was like, it's going to be so painful. And I'm like, the pain, the physical pain, I feel like compared to the mental pain is like very different. Like the hormones, right? Like the hormones make you change. Like you're moody. You don't feel good.

Like you're nauseous. Like it's even going through my last, um, because I did the IVF process like the first half game the eggs and stuff a couple years like two and a half years ago. And like because it took such a mental toll on me, I was like I'm not transferring this embryo. until I'm like mentally okay and that took a while. Like that's why I might have a pretty big age gap again and because I needed time and even doing that process like doing the hormones to do the transfer. Like I was doing it while filming and I was like I was having migraines from this one medication

I was on. I think it was like Leupron. I was put on for five days. I was like my head is killing me. I don't think I've ever had a headache this bad of my entire life and like it's just kind like, oh, whatever. Like that's just the process. People are like, deal with it.

Yeah. And I feel like it's not. like if it was men going through it, they'd be like, oh my gosh, let's like put you in a coma for this process. They would never. It like makes me, okay, it makes me so mad. Like sometimes, I love my husband, but I'm like, what do we have men for? Like, I genuinely sometimes, like, don't understand. I'm like, because we have babies, like we do all this. I'm like, you guys don't have, you don't have periods. You don't have, like, anything. They don't have to do anything. It's very, I'm very salty about it, actually. I think you can't have been through that process and not be

a little salty about it, especially because the medical double standard, like, they don't include us in research. They don't care about women's pain. They don't take women's pain seriously. And then, like, you know, suddenly these ding-dongs who don't even have medical degrees are telling pregnant women not to take Tylenol. And I'm like, guess what? Tylenol is not dangerous, but a fever could kill your baby. No, literally. Please stop telling women to tough it out. You could literally never. And it's horrible, too, because then it's like they say so, like that and then you feel guilt. Like, wait, I did treat Tylenol. Like, like, I'm sorry. I took Tylenol my first pregnancy almost every night and like sue me. I took Tylenol PM because I couldn't sleep.

So like I. And by the way, that's okay. And my son's fine. So I'm like, I don't, whatever. Like, everybody needs to take a breath and just like leave women. Not only leave women alone, like actually offer women a little bit of support. Yeah, no, exactly. It's honestly so crazy to me like that. Yeah. It just goes me like, where is the male birth control too? Like, please be for real right now. They couldn't take it because it made them nauseous. Yeah, there was a study, right? And they're like, it made them sick. I'm like, oh, I feel so bad.

Like, are you kidding? Like, I mean, I could talk about this all day. I cannot handle it. Like, it makes me so salty. Like, even being pregnant out of like marriage, right? And like getting pregnant and going home, it's like, no one's looking at the man being like, oh my gosh. Like, he's so bad.

It's like, biggest get off Scott-free. And I'm over here and you're looking at you like, oh, like, what a hell. Like, she's pregnant. Like, you know, like. You're like, I didn't. do this to myself. Exactly. It's like the double standard there that like kills me. It's like the hypocrisy. I just can't handle. I'm also like if anyone deserves the judgment, it's them. You're literally making a human. You should be being worshipped. It's like fully inverted. It's so

crazy. I'm like we can't get ourselves pregnant over here. Like hello? Hello. I love it. See, this is why the people are like she is America's sweetheart. I'm like, yes. I'm trying. No, it's so good though. I think it's like such a sweet. thing to see in the you know in the overarching feedback of the show yeah and now for our sponsors obviously the negative feedback on social media is really hard it's the worst i mean the internet is successful everyone just wants to be mean all the time but does the does the really positive stuff ever make you nervous because you're like oh is that going to is that going to make the mean people meaner? How do, like, how do you kind of cope with viewer opinions, whether they're

good or bad? I feel like if it's really good, sometimes I worry because I'm like, oh, they have this certain expectation now for me. And if I have a bad moment, are they like, why you weren't who I thought you were? So I think that sometimes worries me a little bit because like, yeah, I have like, obviously the reputation of being very kind at all these things. And like, that's, that is who I am. But that doesn't mean that we don't have like moments. They're also human though. Yeah. Exactly. And it's like, I think it's because in season three, I'm like a little worried because I was pregnant. And like, I was like, for sure, a little bitchy, okay? Like, give me a break. And like, episode one, I like definitely was like, I was like pissed at Layla and it. And I like, like, I wasn't like that mean. But like, there was definitely some looks. She was like, whoa, that's like a little off brand for her.

But I'm like, I had a moment, okay? So sometimes I'm like, oh, are they going to watch that and be like, oh, like, she was hiding behind that. You know what I just like that? But at the same time, like, I don't care because like you can think what you want. Like I am who I am. So sometimes I go back and forth that and be like, wait, are they going to think I'm like mean? Because I'm not mean. Like, you know, so.

But overall, like, negative comments don't really affect me a ton. Like, I think if it's like, it's just like not accurate at all, then I'm like, that's wrong. But like, there's been so many times where I start writing your response and I have it. And then I like. Yes. I almost feels good to, like, write it out, even if you don't send it. So, like, you write it, and then I'll, like, backspace. I'm like, okay, it's fine.

I do it all the time. I'm like, this is everything I want to say. And then I have to remember that this is not worth my time. But I got to get it out. Otherwise, it's in. Yeah, so it's nice to do that sometimes. And my husband's like, don't, like, if I ever, like, complain about it. He's like, don't worry about it.

Like, don't respond to them. Like, he always gets, like, not like it's like, he'd is like, don't worry about. Like, who cares? And I'm like, easy for you to say because. You're like, well, it's not you that it's incoming at. Yeah, exactly. But I think it's honestly good. Like, he's honestly the greatest.

We've balanced each other out so much where I've, like, I think he's made me a more understanding and kind person as well. So I'm grateful for him because I have those moments of weakness. I'm like, no, I want to say this. And you're not going to stop me. And then he's like, look at the bigger picture here. He's like, maybe stop yourself. Exactly.

So I feel like I've been pretty good at like not letting it get to me. But yet, the backspace trick works great for me. just like writing it out. I'm like, and then you, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, just to leave it. It's great. What, um, aside from, you know, the, the shenanes of pregnancy, what, what can we expect from next season?

I'm like, what do, what does everyone have in store? Um, I would say I'm definitely, at least for me, I'm a little bit bitchier, for sure, because, you know, pregnancy hormones be raging. You probably will see me stuffing my face all season as well, but, um, good for you. So that's like the lighthearted part of it, I would say. um i will say there's more moments where they do keep the some of the more like funny stuff in it that they normally cut off the like i feel like there is more some light heard moments and i think that it needs that because there's a lot of heavy topics like michaela talks about her story which is really

impactful so like hearing that was really awesome because like great like we're leaving in the stuff that like matters you know it's not just like the drama it's like the real stuff you know i love that um and then obviously you're to hear about jessey like it's left on a cliffhanger so everyone's gonna get answers to exactly what happened like and I mean like you will get exactly what happened like everything is a nurse um people when the show first started they're like they didn't even like talk all about the swinging drama like they tease it too much they didn't tell it like whatever this you're gonna get all that and more oh my goodness and I think there is a lot of like iPhone footage in certain parts and like that's how you know it's like real because like producers weren't even there and

sometimes shit is going down and so like you had to you have random people filming on iPhones so maybe we're there so it's like you have moments like that like that are sometimes that like can't believe that's happening and like there's been a couple times even with this this last season where I was saying my husband like I went home at night and I was like I don't know if I'm cut out for this like I don't know well you know because like I'm not I have opinions right but like sometimes I'm like keep the peace it's worth keeping the piece just for my own personal gain to just be peaceful but there's times where the girls are like shut the eff up to each other and like pissed and I'm like, whoa, whoa, like, this is, this is like a little bit much, you know? Yeah. And that sometimes

there are those moments where I'm like, ooh, I don't know. Like, am I made for this world there? Like, I'm just in the sense of like, oh, it just makes me feel sad inside, you know? Sometimes when like it's just like the hostility, like it's not fun anymore. If it was like us yelling at the men or the men yelling each other, I'm like, yeah, get the popcorn, let's go, you know? Like, it was like our friend group? I'm like, ooh, like, I don't know. I don't like this. You're like, guys, this is actually sort of hard for me emotionally. Yeah, I'm like, wait, this is sad. But then, like, again, luckily, like, it's not directly involving me.

So, again, like, if I couldn't sleep at night, there'd be a different story. I'm like, I'm good. So, like, as long as that is working out for me, then, like, I think I'm okay. Because I don't want to, like, go to bed and feel, like, anxious or, like, you know, I don't want to have that feeling, you know? And I luckily, like, right now I don't. And I did a little bit sharing my story on the last season just because I'm like, it is very vulnerable and scary you know and it's like just stuff that you don't want to do or you want to

avoid but again I knew it was more impactful to share it so yeah um those of those moments that are hard I'm like I'm not doing that again um and I watched the season I'm like I watched it once and I will not be watching that again it's just too much it's heavy for me you know it's like reliving it all over again especially seeing it you know so totally but this season I feel like I lose my opinion because I have seen it is probably my favorite one so far, but who knows? I get to it every season, and I just wouldn't know. But I feel like so far, it has been my favorite willing to watch.

You want that to be the goal. Every year you do it, you don't like it more. It's interesting to see how across, you know, the group of your castmates people are branching out into all these other spaces. Yeah. You've written your book. Jen and Whitney are going on Dancing with the Stars. Taylor's going to be the new Bachelorette.

Like, how does that feel? What are your expectations for the things they're going out to do? like are you excited for them yes oh my gosh i'm so excited i feel like we went to dancing with the stores opening night and i literally had like tears i was like i just like feel like a proud mother like it's the weirdest thing like seeing your friends like accomplish their goals and their dreams it's just like not only so powerful but like impactful it's just like so special and like i'm obviously so excited to watch bachelorette i am a little worried for taylor just because i'm like let's pick a good one scares me yeah i'm like bring me on to help you out because we

aren't the best at catching the red flag so let me help you out there i think she's probably learned from her experiences though and she's obviously better now um than she was in the past at you know sniffing out the bad ones but um no it's honestly just so crazy to see and it still blows my mind though that like the show has been this successful because i'm like when it's your normal life once it's just what you're living it doesn't seem you know any different like how is this like entertaining you know like i think it we were all shocked at how well it's done like how many opportunities we're getting from it like it's actually crazy like it's the show has been out for like one year and like now we have dancing with the stars bachelorette like i've written a book like it's just

crazy you know it's incredible yeah very grateful it's obviously so much to reflect on and you've done so much and i'm not going to be the person who asks you what's next by any means because you're in the middle of what is now yeah but when you look sort of at the landscape of where you've been and you know how good things feel what what in your your life, whether it's a personal goal or a professional goal, like, what feels like your big work in progress? I think it's kind of discovering, like, what I want to do, you know? Like, I think I, if you asked me like five years ago and I said I was going on a reality show, I would have thought you were lying. Like, I never in my life of, like, wanted to do reality TV. Yeah. It kind of just

so happened that way. Um, so I think it's just like for me, like, kind of discovering more of like what Macy wants and who she wants to be. Like, what are my passions, like, now, you know? Because I think when you become a mommy sometimes lose yourself in motherhood a bit and it's like for me it's like the passions were tennis right and then once that's over it's like what now and I feel like you a lot of athletes go to like identity crisis when they're done with their sport because it's like well what do I do now like what do I have to look forward to how do I feel that feeling of like winning you know and like succeeding and that's one thing I that's why I do have a lot of drive it comes from the athlete side where it's like I need to constantly be like winning or having like wins in my

life right and so I think it's like I just want to kind of discover like what I'm passionate about like in like a new project that I want to do or a new business like things like that but also like I want to just chill out too and like be a mom and like enjoy it and like soak it in and not just be like working on my phone while I'm with my kids and I've been a lot better at that in the last year um because in the past it's like why have to work and I have these things and like I feel like now I've been very good at prioritizing like no I'm not filming because I have my son's baseball game and I'm not missing it I'm sorry like it's just not happening like I've been very good about that and like good for you

You know, they've asked to film stuff like that, like the baseball games of my kids. And I'm like, no, like I'm trying to get my kids out of it. And I want to just have that private and have that. I want my kids to have a normal childhood too. You know, I don't want them to be like, oh, my mom was like working all the time. You know, so I think I'm very cautious about that. So I think I'm just navigating it all. So like, I think she's going to be work in progress is what it's going to be. I love it. I love it. I get it. I think if you're not careful about your time, all your time goes. to work kids, things, admin, and then the work keeps encroaching. And I don't know. I think it's really important just to block time for you, time for your family. Like, it's just as worthy as anything. And I think, at least for me, I feel like the balance of it all is constantly an in-progress thing as well. But I can feel when I'm getting it more right because I feel like. Yeah. And that's a nice feeling. Yeah, I just want to feel like that relaxed feeling where it's like, yes, like this is what, you know, because I have a baby and I'm like, this is like, I truly like this is what I was made for. Like I have my daughter and I'm like, I just want to be a mom and I have those like moments, you know? But I want the current. I want, you know what? You always want it all. So like I think I just want to learn how to balance that and just pursue things. And I'm also passionate out like outside of like the show and like motherhood, you know, just like for me, you know? So yeah, I'm still working on it. I guess we'll find out.

I love that for you. Well, congratulations on everything. The book is beautiful. Thank you so much. I can't wait to see how it all goes this year. Thank you. This is an I-Heart podcast. Thank you.