Drama Queens - Work in Progress: Uzo Aduba

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Uzo Aduba is a force on the big screen, small screen — and the stage! Now, she is crossing off one more accomplishment from her list: author. The Emmy award-winning actress opens up to Sophia about her new memoir, "The Road Is Good: How a Mother's Strength Became a Daughter's Purpose.” Uzo shares her coming-of-age story growing up Nigerian-American in a predominately white suburb, her journey to becoming an actor, and the profound life lessons she learned from her mother that helped shape who she is today as an actress, advocate, and a mother herself. Plus, both women reflect on the emotional impact of attending the DNC (lots of tears were shed). Uzo also talks about another impactful moment in her life, being on the verge of quitting acting, when she landed the role of Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' on "Orange is the New Black." She reveals how she prepared for the role, how it changed her life, and the one actress who knew it would be a hit from the start!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, everyone. It's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress. Hey, with Smarties, today we are joined by a woman that I absolutely adore, a formidable talent to be reckoned with, a three-time, Emmy Award-winning, Tony Award-nominated actress whose work spans television, film, and theater. Today's guest is none other than Uzo Adupa. She was born in Boston, Massachusetts, to parents who immigrated to this country from Nigeria. She eventually moved to New York to pursue acting and gained wide recognition for her role as Suzanne Crazy Eyes Warren on the Netflix's original series, Orange is the New Black.

She won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actress in 2014, an Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in 2015, two SAG Awards for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a comedy series. She is also one of only two actors to win an Emmy Award in both the comedy and drama categories for the same role. She is a legend. In 2020, she played Shirley Chisholm in the Hulu miniseries, Mrs. America, for which she also won an Emmy Award. And by the way, it's the coolest glimpse into the history that women have made in this country. If you haven't seen it, you must watch it immediately. I could literally spend the next three minutes reading the rest of her resume. But whether it's film, television, Broadway, Uzo Aduba is an absolute force.

Now she is producing. She has a multi-year deal with CBS Studios. She has set up over a dozen series projects. I don't know where she finds. the time. And to add to this incredible resume, she is now a first-time author. Her book, The Road Is Good, How a Mother's Strength became a daughter's purpose, is a powerful memoir about immigrant identity, the story of an unforgettable matriarch. Uzo's mom is one of a kind you feel like you get to know her in these pages. And in some way, I think her uniqueness is what will make her feel universal

to all of you. She reminded me in my own ways of my own family and our own story. It's just such a beautiful page turner about a girl grappling with a master juggling act, growing up one of one in a community and learning to take that feeling of being othered and turn it into unique beauty. This book is more than just the journey of a young woman has determined to survive young adulthood. It's the story of how an incredible mother can be such a testament to stepping into your power. It's so good that I'm going to stop talking so that we can dive in to this interview and you can hear the marvelous Uzoa Duba speak on this herself. Enjoy. Thanks for having me.

Thank you for coming. How are you feeling with the book and everything? I'm feeling a bunch of different feelings, to be honest with you. I'm feeling excited, nervous, curious. I'm happy, sometimes a little sad, but supremely. thankful at the end of the day, because I was like, oh, man, I wish my mom was here to get to, like, see it, you know, and, like, all come together, which is, like, of course, you know, a bummer, generally speaking. But at the same time, on the other side, I'm like, oh, my gosh, thank God, we got to have that time together and her to, like, pour back over me, you know, all of all of the lessons and experiences. and stories and things that we've gone through seeing together or before be reminded of her

own story with that like detail of knowing, you know, I'm really telling this to you and I needed to hold on to it. So yeah, I'm glad that I even had that opportunity, you know. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's just really striking me in real time that that is this sort of silver lining of a tragedy is when you know time is fleeting rather than it and out of the blue, you probably get to gather and be together and communicate in ways that are deeper, perhaps, than the way we can just walk through the world sometimes taking for granted a moment with someone you love or, you know? Absolutely.

My dear, dear friend, Iris, she said it to me once as she had, her life, had been touched by cancer. And she said it, you know, just sort of just said it. She was like, you know, there's a strange, there's a strange blessing in cancer. It gives you time to say and do all the things, you know, which is true because you don't want it. And, you know, I would rather us not to have that. If those were handed out blessings, don't give me that one. You know what I mean? You're like, I would have loved to have perhaps picked a different one.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But it is that sort of fortune. And like we had started this book that had gotten, had the proposal drafted, started the proposal and was in connection with my publisher Viking before my mom was sick. So then when I sat down to write it, she was sick. So when we started diving into some of these, you know, stories in this proposal, with the proposal, that was not the book

I was setting out to write, honestly. The book that I wrote was not the book that I was setting out to write. I thought it was just going to be like, Nigeria! Her cousin are not like... Lessons! Exactly.

Lessons. Orange is the new black. Ma! You know, like, that was going to be like the book. And then it was like, oh, wait, now. Like, these lessons, I got to really hear these lessons and, like, really get her story. and like so yeah anyway wow this is incredible i have so many more questions obviously because you

you know my friend just wrote a book hello but i i i really like to go back with people before we go um to my favorite first official question to ask someone i actually have to do a a sort of in between the now and then and just rewind us like a a quick couple of weeks and say i got to recap the DNC with you because it was so special to be there. It was so special for me. It's not lost on me that I always see you in my favorite and seemingly most like spiritually or soulfully important rooms. I'm always like, yeah, of course it's here, this track. And I was saying when I got home to my partner, I was like, oh, I bawled like a baby every single night. There was like a point in the night where I'd be like, tonight I'm not going to cry. And then I would just sob. Did you have that too?

Were you in the sort of washing machine of excitement and overwhelm? Or did you, did you just like keep it together better? No, no, no, no, no. I was in, I was in the tears room. I was in the Joy Bounce House room. I was in like the college lecture lean in and listen to Professor Presidents, Barack Obama and First Lady Professor Michelle Obama. You know, I was all of those things, and then the culmination of her ascendance to the space of formal presidential nominee. That was, it was overwhelming. And yes, like, we have been in those spaces.

Even if we are to chart and track you and I in January 2017, being in Washington, D.C. You remember? It's all those women. Yes. And the response and the weight of that moment. And then to flash ourselves forward a short eight years later, seven and three quarters years later,

and here we are now again gathered in a way. But this time watching it not only happen again, but feeling the understanding of the real possibility that even that we're not going back. I mean, like to quote her directly, we're just not going back, you know, that America is determined in some capacity to push forward. because here we are trying it yet again. Well, yeah, determined in some capacity to be what we claim to be, to be for everyone. It's not supposed to be that hard, but obviously we've all studied our history and to feel really close to it. In this way, now, after where we've all been, feels, you know, I think even more magical than it did the first potential time around when we thought, we might have a president that also represents us as women, you know, and it, I don't know,

it hits me especially. I wonder if it does for you too. I mean, you obviously have the the completely different experience I can only watch, but I don't inhabit of being a black woman watching a black woman be nominated for this office. And I think about it just what it, what it means to me for women in general, and that she manages for us, you know, as people lucky, enough to reside in California, we've gotten to watch her for so long in all of these different offices to lead, you know, in small ways when not a ton of people were paying attention maybe outside of our state. And in these massive ways, you know, for all of us across the nation now. And it's, I don't know, it's like so silly. I'm obviously not her mom, but I have this very

intense sense of pride. I'm like, that's our girl. That's our attorney general. And our, our, She is. She is. And you think about it, what, like, it's like, I definitely 100% agree with you. I think of it in terms of being a woman, I think of it in terms of being a black woman, a woman of color, a first generation woman, you know, as a child of immigrants, you know, I connect. I really do see my story when I see her up there to what it takes to carve out a life.

for yourself as immigrants in America and that all you want really is just to see the American dream made possible for your own children. My mother growing up, my American dream is for you people to live your dream. That's the goal. That's the simple goal. And for her to have not only met it, but multiplied at times a thousand is just a testament to her. strength, her intelligence, her ability, her capability, her readiness, you know, somebody who has been a courtroom prosecutor, elevated to district attorney, elevated to attorney general, elevated. And by the way, when I say elevated, it's elected, really. Yes.

Elected to the office of the U.S. senator, which is in itself as a black woman is underrepresented. And then finally elected to the office of vice president and are now seeking the vote. votes and election president, you know, in a space where that just has not been done. It hasn't happened. There has never been a female president yet. And that she has all of these high, high elevated marks on her resume and experience as compared to the other side. I think also women

that resonates with a lot of women as well how hard you have to work to even be seen that you get 19,000 points of experience on your resume and still be questioned. Yes. Oh, well,

I mean, I think today we're, what, 50 days out on the day of recording together, so let's keep our feet on the gas America. So it's a perfect kind of transition point because the usual first question I like to ask people is this and we're talking about in your answer to the last question some of the way that you grew up and I think about this a lot because I get to sit down with people when you're so known for something

or so many things as you are and I like to know who you were before we all knew you and I wonder if you could, you know, jump into the space-time continuum and sit down with your eight-year-old self, would you see this version of yourself in her? Or did everything following the path of your life wind up surprising you? Or is it maybe a little bit of both?

I would say a little bit of both. I am thankfully a lot calmer than I was at eight. anyone would tell you my siblings any person I was very precocious wild imagination but that part I think is still true you know I've always thought anything is possible anything I still think that and maybe that's dangerous I don't know but I think anything is possible and so I'm glad that part of myself still exists but oh man when I was a kid And I was, like, ripping it. I was like, come on, you know what I mean?

All of those ideas, I was like, let's drive them off. You know, like, let's make a parachute out of our bed sheets and jump off the roof. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, you know, that actually doesn't work, little girl. You know, like, that's what I'm talking about, you know. A little bit of like, what is it, Ramona Quimby. If you ever read those books, they're really crazy. Ramona Quimby.

I had a lot of Ramona Quimby in me when I was little. And, but yeah, but I also believed anything was possible, something that was told to me by my mom and examples to me by her as well. That right over here, you can't quite see it, but like this little piece of wood that's back there is a little quote of hers. is a quote of hers that she used to say to my siblings and I our whole lives and it was I've never heard of nothing coming from hard work and she was the living breathing example of that to me and it stuck with all of my siblings and when she said it to me before I moved to New York when I first started out it really stuck like gum to my bones like I've seen this woman do this

and I'm just going to have to work harder than I've ever worked before to try and make this happen if I'm serious because I think she knows what she's talking about. And I think I would say that is like something that's always been a part of me. Like just like, let's get down and dirty and work for this. Yeah. We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a word from our sponsors. Well, and I imagine that that is so indicative of who she was and her spirit.

And also, as you mentioned earlier, part of a thing that I think any child of immigrants goes, oh yeah, that kind of work ethic, that willingness to do what it takes and then some is something I think so many people who come here share. And I wonder what for you growing up in, you know, before you moved to New York and your Massachusetts suburb was like, you know, I know you talk in the book about how there weren't many people who looked like you where you grew up and probably not a lot of people who came from where your parents came from. And were you always aware of that experience of being an immigrant family in your community? Yeah, definitely so. always aware. I remember, and I'm still friends with one of my neighbors, Karen Lung, she lives there in L.A. too. And her, she was first gen. She is first gen two. Her family's from China. And she lived

around the corner. And my best friend Simmy, who was this girl right here. Oh. Also first gen. Her family from India, we've been friends since 13. And that was it in our town. Maybe immiged, I should say. That was. it. I have one more girl, and that was it, you know, like very, very, very small few spatterings and none of them, African, none of them Nigerian, you know. And so it was, it was, you are aware as you're unpacking your lunch and everybody's like, what's that? You know, and you're like, it's chelof rice and it's delicious, you know? It's amazing. It's delicious. It's delicious. It's delicious.

You know, and you really just want like P.B and J, like everybody else. You know, it's from, it's that wide to then getting more granular to quite literally, you know, something as mundane as wanting to talk about hair. Or, you know, there's, you remember Disney used to have, like, on Sunday, like Disney movies, like made for Sunday night, I forget what it's called. and Wonder World World of Disney or something like this and, you know, everybody would watch all the Disney things and then this one that came out called Polly that was like an all black adaptation of Pollyanna that I watched and only family watched

and you come to school and you're like, did you guys watch Polly last night? And they're like, no, what's that? And you're just curious why one tuned in to watch that one but tuned in to the four before that, you know, to then as real as the experiences that we talk about today in culture, you know, just your family is walking in the neighborhood. You have an honor uncle visiting and people aren't familiar with who they are.

And then all of a sudden the police show up and, you know, things like this, you know. So you have alerts that are making you aware along the way. I'm different for some people here. but also then some amazing people who are celebrating you in that difference also, which is something that I'm also grateful for that there were some people in our community and in my life, friends of mine as well, who saw that difference, celebrated it and really were, you know, protectors for my parents and me and my siblings. to help us sort of shuttle through and get through at points.

But, yeah, I think every kid just wants to fit in supremely, whatever your difference is, you know, and you're just trying to find your space in the world. But I'm thankful that I did discover and learn that, you know, my differences are important. And I'm really grateful that I was taught, like, to hold on to them, whether that's my name, whether that's my Gap, you know, all these things. Yeah.

I think about that a lot when you smile. And, like, friends of mine who have the most arrestingly beautiful facial characteristic, like, your gap. And I think, like, God, I'm so relieved that not everyone's been convinced to erase their uniqueness. I didn't get a cool gap. I had to get braces because my canine teeth came in up here. I'll find you a photo sometimes. Deeply not cute. Deeply needed to be fixed. But I just like, I don't know. I was always struck. Lauren Hutton said this thing a long time ago. Was it her or was it Jamie Lee Curtis? One of them said something about how they were afraid that given the sort of culture we find ourselves in with everybody getting so much done to themselves. They said, you know, I think we're erasing a whole generation. of beauty. Oh, yes. To be given the ability to cherish who you are in your uniqueness, I think is so important when you're young, because everyone gets picked on for whatever reason they might be

different when we're young, because kids are amazing and they're also so mean. And it's like you grow up and the thing you get picked on for is the thing that becomes the most beautiful and celebrated about you. And I don't know, I love that, I love hearing about the kind of household you grew up in where you were, yes, of course, you were aware, but it seems like you really were given an awareness of the whole spectrum of experience from what was hard to what was beautiful. And you were always taught to hold on to yourself in it. And that's so cool. Yeah, you know, I think, I mean, it's like, not to talk so much about her, but like, I mean, I'm happy to talk about my mom all the time. But like, you know, she was coming from a place where a gap is a sign of beauty in

Africa. So she was not getting my issue, you know. And I was, I was begging her for braces. And my teeth are perfectly fine. You know, like, there's, there's nothing there except that I have a gap. And she'd be like, Ozu, don't you know that in Nigeria, a gap is a sign of beauty? And I was like, we live in Medfield, Massachusetts. We don't know what I mean? Like, mom. Exactly. Then, like, look there. You know what I mean? Like, that kind of a thing. but thank God she was like really insistent on it because she would go on and she's like everyone in our family my family has what she coined aniocou which is her maiden name gap everyone has it and I don't have it and I wish I had it and it's like thank God I didn't because I grew up and I fell in love with my smiles I even have a hard time now so they honestly like

on the carpet sometimes when it's like giving fierce face like because for so much many years. I'm not joking for so many years when I was a kid, I would not smile. A close-mouth smile like this. Yeah. I'm like face like that. Just because I didn't like it. And then just because of a photographer for my senior high school pictures said, I think you have a beautiful smile. It changed my whole world to the point. I started smiling all the time. And Now when I'm on carpets and I'm trying to give like a fierce face, I can't because I love to smile now. I feel like I'm making up for lost smiles, you know, like features of just not doing it. That I'm like, I love my smile now.

And I'm so thankful that she didn't let my insecurity, let my difference dictate the woman I would become. She was like, no, you're standing that. and you're going to fall in love with yourself. That's so special. And I think about what that gives you, too, you know, as you begin to shift your experience and then you're going to leave home and you do, as you said, move to New York to try to do this thing. And, you know, you were working as an actress in the theater. I know that, and I love these stories that right before you booked Orange is the New Black

after the full journey, you were like this close to quitting. and then you booked the show, were you, did you book that in New York? Had you moved to L.A.? Like, how did we get from this aha moment at the end of high school to you almost left the industry and here we are today? Right. I booked it in New York. I had been a play, and the manager I was working with at the time, she, I had always,

let me start with, I had always wanted to do film and television, but I just had never again. And I had not seen anyone like myself in that space. So I didn't, I didn't feel invited to the table in a way that made me feel like it was even worth giving it a go. And in the theater space, I felt like I saw more, a little bit more of myself. So I was comfortable with me there. So anyway, so I started working with a manager who saw me in the play I was doing at the time. And she was from Hollywood. And she said that she thought I should give it a try to do film and television.

And honestly, I genuinely believe it's because she was from Hollywood that I was like, she must know something. Like that made me get just like an inch more confidence. So I started auditioning for film and television that summer. She said we're not going to audition for any place, just film and television. And at that point in my career, I was making. a living, doing theater, not a fancy living or anything, but my living, you know, like the whole thing. So I was watching my nose for all of my additions go up and my bank account

going down. And I was really doubting. Like, I just did not think, I thought it was right, honestly. I thought it was right in not trying, having tried. Like, this is exactly how I I thought it was going to go, and this is how it's going. And, you know, I had reached the point where I was like, it's time to get off this boat, off this ship and try something else. In tears, I prayed up and said I was going to go to law school and become a lawyer because that's what I thought I was going to do my whole life anyway. And I thought I was going to be a lobbyist because I love political science.

I was going to move to D.C. and be a lobbyist. I had no idea of a lobbyist. And then I got home, ordered sushi, ordered wine, told my sister to come over because I was going to tell her first when I was going to quit. It was a Friday. On Monday, I was going to call my manager and my agent at the time and tell them that I was done. And then 5.43 p.m. exactly.

I'll never forget it on that Friday in September. My phone rang and I got the job for Orange is New Black. Wow. My life has never been the same, frankly. We'll be back in just a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors. I had to really think about this because we forget that this was one of the first shows on Netflix. It wasn't this streaming juggernaut yet. You know, it was the company that started.

with DVDs they would mail you of movies you could watch and now now I think we we almost take for granted how much content is available and and you ladies I mean you blew open the world of television of who got to be on TV of what kinds of stories got to be told on TV it it was so of color it was so queer it was so it was so like I can't even explain it Like, the breath of fresh air, I felt beginning to watch you all on that show. And I was like, oh, the things that feel the most sacred as a storyteller really can happen. Was it incredible? Did you have any idea how big it would be?

Or was the sort of explosion of it a shock to you as well? Oh, it was total shock. A total shock. And you have to know this, too, right? In your own experience that it's like you can't. You make the thing and you don't know what it's going to be or not be. And I mean, at this point, like, to your point, it's like, Netflix wasn't, I thought it was a web series if you're asking me.

You thought it was a good short film on YouTube? Yeah, exactly. I was like YouTube. Like people were asking me, I was like, I don't know where it's going to be at YouTube. You know, like that sort of thing. So I had no idea whatsoever. I only one of my castmates, can I recall. Salinas Leva, who called it early, she called it early.

She was like, I think this is going to be good. And I remember sitting here and being like, why? What makes you think that? She was like, I don't know. I just have a feeling? Yeah. She was like, it's just have a feeling. And I was like, okay, we're going to be massive on YouTube.

You know, like this is going to be great. Cool. No idea. But I did know that I had never seen, done anything like this. or seen stories like these told. Like I had never been in an experience before where I had seen so many different groups of women, types of women from eyes to shades to shades, to energy, to identity, to gender, all of it.

Like, I had never seen it. And that felt, and totally. through stories that were exciting and inspiring as an actor. I had never had that before. And that was pretty cool. And I was just happy to be there. You know, honestly, we all were, frankly. We all were just really into it and stoked

and to see like the full 360 view of what it used to be a woman. That it's like a narrow way we'd seen stories told. to watch it like wide and you know for another group yeah was awesome and how did you this is just a nerdy actor-to-actor question I'm like how did you prepare for that role you know what was it like to try to figure out how to crack Suzanne yeah you know for me when I read the script originally um and she's introduced I remember I just thought it was a little story. I wasn't so focused on, okay, she's crazy. So now, like, let's play crazy. I was like,

well, what does that even mean? You know, like, because the description of her was like, she's almost like, you know, she's, she's, what is like, like a child. Like she had like a child like element about her as I remember was something in it, the description. And I remember latching on to that. and that to me felt like innocence is pure and that means all of her reactions are they are not the reactions of an adult and maybe that might come across like different or crazy and I just remember thinking that was my anchor that she would do anything for love and that was all I was concentrating on. The rest, I was like, however it comes out, it will come out. But what she's trying to communicate is she does not play with the people she loves. She wants anything to protect

people she loves, anything, even if that seems off the rails to the outsider. Makes a perfect sense to her. I love that. And that gives you something too, especially in the world of TV where no matter what is in the next script that you had no idea of was coming you have a kind of ground zero for her no matter what for yourself yes wow and then you go I guess I'm just thinking my brain is you know giving me this sort of um montage of scenes from that show and then scenes from in treatment and thinking about this completely different person you know that you got to play and and what a cool thing in a way to have to get inside, you know, the mind of someone like Suzanne, and then to literally flip in the other direction and play the therapist who might treat someone like her. Yeah, exactly. Like, to do that, are you just binge watching Esther Perel and Dr. Tama? Or are you reading,

like, the body keeps the score? How do you get into that headspace? That book, yes. The body. That book, yes, right? The book, yes. The body keeps the score. and myself also being in therapy although I was not using my therapy sessions let me be clear for character study but your therapist is like

she's like you're watching me exactly no for that I kind of thought of Brooke Taylor my character and entreeman I was like as a container

her job is too hold. Everybody's going to come in here and they're going to pour whatever, whatever is in their cup into you. And what, because I've often wondered what a hard job that must be to hold people's stuff. And we do it as actors, but short-lived for each character. There's a time It's going to, we're going to cut and then we get to put it down and move away from it when we, you know, use our tools to do that. But that's also borne out of imagination versus really needing a person who is pouring into you, their stuff. And so for me, it became an exercise of coming in first with like a teacup to a jug to a jug to a,

the Stanley Cup, you know, like sometimes it just kept getting bigger and bigger of the cup. Wow. And it will work of what it must be to hold, be the container for other people's stuff while also going through your own, which she was at the time. She had her own stuff. And if it was just a strong reminder and one that I needed at that point in my life because I went into to that job just after my mom moved to heaven, right after she moved to heaven, that you got to deal with your stuff

before you start trying to tackle anything else. Because, and that's not to say that I did it right then, because I certainly didn't and I'm still moving through, but you gotta deal with your stuff and make sure you have your broom and try and sweep up as much as you can on your side of the street or else this is going to be like

a total mess. And I feel that even now, more strongly now, having had my daughter, that it's like, yeah, that it's like all of the stuff, like you, I don't want to give her my stuff. Yeah, I think especially for women, you know, I don't think you can do all the big research on all the feelings and the therapy without coming across these incredible, you know,

stories and proofs of this idea of generational inheritance, right? And what we passed down, and particularly this matrilineal wine. And I think so much about the way you talk about your mother's effect and impact on your life and the impact that then you have had for so long with these characters. you play, you know, you've put yourself into these shows that become part of the zeitgeist, that represent people in situations and places we haven't seen before, that are inherently, you could say pushing the envelope, creating progress, you could say political, in simply existing. And I think about the ways that you use your platform to speak out for people.

and you were doing all of this before you had your daughter who you knew you were going to pass the world to and I wonder if does it all make sense to you now like oh of course it was always for her or does it make you want to double down on who you are and how brave you are and the person you are out in the world because of her oh it makes me want to double down it makes sense but it makes me want to double down

Especially now, you know, we open this conversation. We're talking about, like, DNC. When I think about, like, the world and the world as it exists today and the world that could potentially exist once I moved to have it, God willing, please take me to him. I moved out, let me in, everybody. When I'm not here with her anymore, it's like, what am I going to leave her? Because I was left with a lot.

And I do not want to leave her with less than I was given. Yeah. You know, Maya Angelou has a quote from her poem, has a line in her poem on the dusk of, on the dawn of morning, dusk of morning, excuse me, and the line says that our passages have been paid for. And my passage was paid for. and I want to do everything in my power to fight for the things that I believe in, to stand up to the people or ideas that counter the good of my child

to ensure that her path was paid for as well. I'm ferocious about that, and I don't know that I knew that how ferocious I was. And I didn't need to be a mom to be that. let me be clear. We all have that. Any person who has passion for the life of another person, but it has made me want to just make sure that I pour into her as I was poured into. And now for our sponsors. So when you think about that, you know, and you said earlier, the book that you thought you were going to write changed. In between deciding what the book was about and beginning to write it, your mom was diagnosed, when you think about then having to set out to pour into these pages to make the road is good, which is also the meaning of your name, it feels really emotional, just as a person talking to you about it, how did you begin to kind of,

of make sense of, oh, these are the things I have to write down. These are the stories I know I want to preserve. Because of course it's for the reader, but it's also for you. Yeah. You know, I think for me, how I started to get the sense of what to write down and to include was first starting to think about what we're going to stay with this like road metaphor, right? What were the intersections in the road where my mother's story crossed with mine in terms of when she was a kid my age and my experiences, those overlaps. And then where were those forks in the road where my life diverged from hers or where I could clearly see like, no, if I had done this way, life would have been totally different in a trip, but I went this way. And so I want to include those points

in the story. And then I think the final piece was thinking about my name and its meaning. My name means the road is good, but what it, it's slightly more nuanced and it means like the journey was worth it. Like if you were to come to my house and we were supposed to meet at three, but you got a flat tire, and then torrential rain came. down and oh man there's an accident on the side of the road and 50 car pile up and you ran out of gas because you were in traffic so long and now you're here at 430 an hour and a half late but the sun suddenly came out and it's beautiful and i would say to kemako oh so how was that was the trip the journey and you would say ohza maka it was hard but it's worth it because i'm

here now with you is what it means the journey here wasn't easy it wasn't paved the road is muddy and has potholes and in and you know it has gravel sometimes but all of that was worth it because it brought me here and that's why my parents named me that you know my mom you can you'll read it people read in the book it's like she survived polio my mother survived the bachron civil war against her people which she like worked in like crazy capacity you know like for the government and for writers she had been through a lot you know had been through a lot and she said it she was widowed at 36 you know and then she still had me and was like it was all worth it because

Yeah. I actually, it's funny, I took a, I went back through my notes and I, I was looking at really, I guess it's the preface of the book where you're explaining this. And the thing that I really love about it when you talk about the fact that it's so much more nuanced than all of it being good, right? Is that you're, you actually carry gratitude in the response, which is your name for the whole journey. Yeah. And I think to be able to see the purpose in the pain and be grateful for the joy and all of it, you know, it's really everything you've ever been through that has brought you to this point that you are in your life. And I think when you can resoundingly lean into the gratitude for your journey and not be so mad about what was tough, everything changes. Yes. And it, that, that I believe, is.

a magical experience as a human, and that's what this book feels like, for me as a reader. Like your whole book, your story and your mother's story are so incredibly unique, obviously. I've never lived through a civil war nor had polio. But, like, I see myself in this book, this, this, like, beautiful, real muddy humanness. And it's, I don't know, it's really, you know, I'm a nerd who likes to read, and this is, it's really so tremendously special. I just really thank you for sharing it in the way that you have. Thank you. Thank you.

And it wasn't easy, you know, it's not easy. Thank you for that, seriously. It wasn't easy because, you know, you get uncomfortable wondering, like, oh, am I going to be saying these things out loud. It's so open. Sharing it with the world. but yeah, so open, and I'm not, I share with my circle, but I'm not like a world share typically. And it's been, which is probably why I have nerves going into its relief.

Because I'm like, is it possible to like not, you know, it's done already. No, but it's like it gave me such a release and a relief. to put some of these things down on paper and to tell my truth in that way and to and what also like what a I didn't know it when it was happening but like what a gift and like what a conversations and time gave me but also gave her to get to just talk about her life. And did getting to have these conversations with her, you know, whether you talk about how for her, your teeth are such a mark of beauty, you talk in the book about how for such a long time you wanted to change your name, you know, to Zoe, because easy American assimilation story.

And then there's so much about how, in whatever way you felt that you wanted to blend in, you've really taken up the mantle of standing out and being exactly who you are. That, I know, is a life's work, but in having these conversations with her, do you feel like you got that sort of confidence and purpose and sense of like just high dose like mainline into the veins like oh my god this is why I'm here and this is my this is my whole destiny to be here and I'm I'm seeing it in myself because of her yes absolutely you know like I feel like I've arrived now you know like I think I didn't even realize whether it's like quitting with orange whether it's my gap whether it's my name whether it's being the only, you know, Nigerians in our hometown, all of these things,

whether it's here, no, you know, all of these things were the walk along the road that were making it hard, including having to figure out how to live without her. But all of that was worth it because I'm here now. And it would not be where I am right now in this space, in this moment, in my life, able to hold my head up high, proudly say that my name is Uza, I'makawana, Aduba, with the fully open gap inside my mouth, splintering my two front teeth,

and say that proudly, and say too that I am proud to be Nanya Aduba's daughter. That all of that had to happen for me to be able to say and do that. That's so beautiful. From this place, you know, this fullness, I know there's nerves, obviously, about the book because it's you and your life and it's about to be out in the world. Do you look around and immediately have a next drive, you know, some next motivation, or are you really trying to just be present and relish in? this moment and this feeling or are you you know ever the accomplished woman that you are multitasking and doing it all the same time i'm doing other things but i am it's i'm love that

question i really do like i am really trying to stay in the presence of this mostly because i think even still um it's it's easier to to to push it away and specifically to this book, to not sit in it and memorialize all the parts of it because of the discomfort that it might bring up that point, the nerves, all these things, sadness, all these things. But it's like, I want to stay in that. I want to give my life, my mom's life the honor and respect in time that they both

that they deserve to stay in it but I have things going in the background you know still you know like I'm producing now that we you and I mutually are team angel city go see

we have things always going but I do want to like stand in celebration of this moment because I've never done anything like this before. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of incredible. You look around at your life and you think, God, I've achieved all of these things.

And in a way, every time something happens. And then the next thing requires a new start. You know, it's a neat. I always joke that it's like the coolest and the most stressful part of what we do for a living. Yes. But it is beautiful and it's very cool to. to get to watch you in this moment. It's really, for me, always something I cherish when I can palpably feel the joy of people that I really adore. I'm like, God, this is nice. Good for you.

I'm so happy for you. Thank you. In this moment, you know, as you try to hold all of it, and there's all sorts of things going on, what feels like you're working? progress? Is it as a mom? Is it personal? Is it professional? Is it kind of a mix of all things? I mean, definitely motherhood is a for sure work in progress. Just I think I'm constantly defining, redefining, having no definition of the type of the type of mother I want to. to be, not because of what I think I should be, but like she's 10 months and I'm so clear that she's already paying attention.

And what she is paying attention to, I don't know, hopefully. But I am aware that she's awake. And I want to be sure that what she's taking in to the best of my ability are things that I want her to hold on to like in for them to be true things not like things that she saw me do that aren't true or

you know that like now she thinks like you can't you must wear makeup every day or you must you know whatever you know little things like that I don't want her to not that I wear her makeup every day but you know I mean like I just don't want

to adopt things as truth that now start to define her. And that's been interesting because it's like, I almost think motherhood is teaching me a lot about me too in that capacity. Like my words, because I know she's listening, I'm like, are you really going to say that about yourself? Yourself. She's listening. Do you know what I'm saying?

That's what I mean about truth. Yeah. So that's definitely like a work in progress, which I guess in turn means that I'm just like in progress for myself too in some ways. And I guess also I'm a little bit of work in progress. Like I see it at my baby. Patient. Not a super patient person. I always am like, when, when, when, when, you know.

And I can see my daughter, I'm like, she might be getting that from me. Like, she's like, I'm like, no, you got, I got to work on my patients to teach her patients. Yeah. And by that, I mean, like, to not question. That's like to wonder beyond this moment right here. Like, it will come when it's meant to come. Oh, it's so hard. especially I think when you have as you were saying earlier that kind of ferocious love for other people

for community for justice like God patience is so tough but I think there's it's not an accident that we're having this conversation about you and your daughter and we've also been having this conversation about you and your mother because I have to remind myself when I hope for a quick solution or when, when, when, as you're saying, I remind myself that we're in this generational project together and that each generation has its work to do. And that's the one thing that sort of helps me slow down. So you're giving me a very nice reminder of that today by talking about the generations of your own family. So thank you. Thank you for that. Well, the baby taught it to us both.

Listen, babies are magical. Yes, indeed. Well, I know we're just coming up on time, and I want to make sure I get you out on time. Thank you for today. I just, yeah, I said it earlier. You're one of my favorite people to be within a room, and I love getting to sit and just digitally hug on you today. Thank you. Thank you for making me a part of this podcast.

I think it's such a wildly awesome. cool show, you know, like, especially bringing, like, so many people together to talk about the thing, the version of ourselves that people maybe think they know and then see the stuff that's going on underneath and allowing the space to sort of explore that, dig in. Yeah. And, and, you know, like you already said it in some form earlier where it's like the mess and the you know like is what is actually the imperfection is what is making us all beautiful and yeah yeah it's just great i think you have a great show thank you thank you so much that means a lot

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