Dreamscapes Podcasts - Dreamscapes Episode 147: Stay of Execution

Episode Date: November 18, 2023

Jessica Marie ~ https://jessicamariestep.com/

Greetings friends and welcome back to another episode of Dreamscapes. Today we have our friend Jessica Marie and I completely forgot to ask where you're out in the world. Is it okay to say or? Yeah, I'm in Dallas, Texas. Dallas, Texas. There we go. She is a life coach, mentor, women's retreat host and her specialty is guiding others to fulfillment and success by following their hearts desires and that's a great way to,

that's a great way to do it in my estimation. You can find her at Jessica Marie step.com or on Instagram at Jessica Marie step.com or on Esk of Marie Step. We're going to get right back to her in two seconds. Would you kindly like to share, subscribe, tell your friends, always need more volunteer dreamers, viewers for my video game streams. Yeah, I play video games too. 16, currently available works of historical dream literature. The most recent dreams and their meanings by Horace G. Hutchinson, all this and more at Benjamin the Dream Wizard.com, a complete list of all the books. Downloadable MP3 versions of this dream interpretation podcast, as well as if you'll head on over to Benjamin the Dream Wizard. dot locals.com building a community there. That's where I hope to source more of my future dreams, you know, people that are really

interested and motivated to, to participate. So that's enough of the shilling. Jessica, thank you for being here. Appreciate your time. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Good deal. So I do absolutely no pre-interviews with people. I mean, we talk for a minute beforehand.

So, there goes my, there goes my alarm. That'll copyright strike the channel. Not that I'm making any money yet. that's okay. I do this for fun and, uh, um, in my own edification as much as as education. Um, so how'd you get into life coaching and what is it that you, you do? What's what's up with the women's retreats, et cetera? Yeah. So it started when I opened my own fitness business back in 2019. I left corporate America and then I had a spiritual awakening that shook everything for me in 2020. And that really gave me a perspective shift of how I could be helping people on a deeper level. And of course,

before I could help other people, at least in my ethics, I have to go through everything myself. So I started to do my own inner work, hired a coach, been doing a lot of like healing through plant medicine and just really getting to find myself on a deeper level. And then I felt the call to shift my business into helping people emotionally transform, which therefore, if we can rewire our subconscious mind, we can really do anything that we want, right? Because it's the programming and the limited beliefs that hold us back. So absolutely. I mean, this goes back as far as Socrates, that idea of know thyself, you know.

And you talk about people say inner work. And I don't think a lot of people understand how deep that can go. Yeah. Yeah, that there's really having a look at ourselves and why we believe what we believe and why and especially those self-limiting beliefs, I'm not capable of that or that's not possible. And sometimes you've got to look at those and challenge them and say, wait a minute, is that true? Am I holding myself back? What's the real situation here?

Yeah, for sure. Well, you mentioned like a spiritual awakening. I don't know if you want to talk about that a bit and say what it was and how it hit you. Yeah. So when I was working as a health coach on my online. business, the pandemic hit. I was living in Los Angeles at the time and everything and anything was shut down. We were kind of locked inside of our apartments. It was really challenging for me to say the least, I'm such an extroverted person. And so I think for me, I was in a relationship at the time

and that was bringing up some childhood things. And my whole entire life, I've always been the very hyper self-aware, but I didn't have the context to take it deeper than just being aware and curious why I thought the way that I thought. And so with that being said, with the pandemic, it almost felt like time stopped. And the universe led me to a breathwork session, which was really like a really out-of-body experience for me. And I kind of tabled that.

I was like, okay, that was powerful. Not sure what that meant, but like, wow. And so from there, when the pandemic hit and I felt like time stopped, it was an opportunity to kind of dive deeper into this. I said at the time spiritual stuff. And I did this like virtual retreat on, on Zoom, basically. And it helped me, I guess, unlock these emotions I never knew I had inside myself. And it really got me curious about what else was there.

Like you said, the inner work and what that actually meant. And to me, that's when I started to see everything in color, if you will. And the universe was kind of like, everything's happening for you, not to you. And that was the first time I ever fully understood that. And yeah, just kind of, I wouldn't say rest is history. But I just started to kind of be more myself advocate and ambitious to kind of figure out what that looked like for me. Very cool. Yeah.

This is an interesting, synchronistic theme, I'd say, that's come up lately just in the past week or two in my life. In general, is this concept, the broader concept of opening the third eye. I mean, I say I go online. and what I'm trying to do in a lot of senses, in almost a channeling the spirit of the mischief maker, the trickster is, you know, poke people in their third eye so that they realize they have one. And there's a lot of people who they lead into that

from the, say, Hindu, seven chakras, mystic tradition. And then there's a lot of people that don't that are very skeptical of it. They might be, those in my estimation seem to fall into two camps of explicitly religious people who say maybe Christians who are like, that's, that's devil worship talk or that's letting evil spirits into your body, something like that. And then there's the other flip side of it, which is we're living in a very, like the zeitgeist of the world for a while now has been very materialist. It's like the only things that are real is what you can touch with

your hands. And in my estimation, it's not that those things aren't real. It's that other things are also real. And that kind of, that's how I would conceptualize the, you know, opening or awakening of the third eye is realizing there is more to the world than just our physical experience and that we connect to that, yeah, through our emotions and intuitions in a lot of ways. And that if you're not open to it, you're kind of missing a lot, I would say. Yeah. So having, having that is experience.

What I'm trying to offer, offer to you in the audience is like that concept of a spiritual awakening is when that was what I conceptualize. is the third eye opening and you're like, wait, there's more. And it really hits you. You get almost a visceral zing type of sensation. Yeah. And I feel when we talk about an awakening, you know, they say like coming to Jesus moment. To me, that's the same thing.

Absolutely. It's like normally when we hit a rock bottom is really when we're looking to our faith, looking to God, looking to universe, whatever you call it. And I think that's where we have those awakenings. And I mean, I can go in my own, you know, conspiracy of like what the pandemic was. But I think collectively we, a lot of us woke up during that time. And I think we were meant to awaken ourselves into our life and what was important. And like you said, things were surpassing them materialistic.

And there was so much more to explore. I feel like I've been asleep my whole life until the last three years. Yeah. No, for sure. And that's an interesting concept, too, the idea of our things. meant to happen or are things random. And in some ways, I think it's impossible to tell, you know, but we have a choice to make. We can, we can choose either one of those options. And I think a lot of times it's healthier or better for us to choose meaning, to choose to see

things from a framework of, of an offered opportunity versus a passive affliction in a way. one is one seems to me to be more empowering you know we treat it as if whether we can prove it or not i mean i can't measure meaning with a with a ruler or or or a scale it's just you're not going to find and that's that that idea of the the spiritual versus the versus the material in those ways it's like yeah and that yeah and that once you as we say awaken to the possibility of meaning then you start looking for it you start looking for new opportunities purpose yeah Yeah, exactly. That's interesting stuff lately that I've been getting into as well.

It's like we seem to have a physical body that is designed to move us in the direction of purpose. We have the whole dopamine reward system, basically. And it seems to respond not as much to achieving a goal, but to the pursuit of a goal. Because very often we get to the end of a goal and we're like, okay, now what? And we try and choose another goal. It's like, well, I'm not dead yet. What else am I doing here? Yeah.

So, so resonate with that. I feel like we are spiritual beings having a human experience. And I didn't really understand that again until I kind of had to choose. It was like, do I sit in my pity and do I be victim to my circumstances? Or do I shift and see why this was happening for me? And when I look back at the last three plus years ago and all the things that happened with my job and with my business and the pandemic and all these different relationships and whatnot. And I'm like, to get to where I'm at here, it's like I had to move through all of those things to be where I'm at.

And I feel when you start to look at your life with that lens, you start to be the victor of your life. You start to shift and you can take control of your reality. And it's great that those words are so close to each other, Victor and Victim. You know, one thing, the doer, the other thing, the done too, in a sense there. A phrase popped into my head, or two phrases, you know, internal versus external locus of control. And honestly, there is a physical world. We have limitations. We're human.

There's a lot that is external to us that narrows some choices. But it does seem to be, and this again, leaning in that direction of intentionally seeking meaning and purpose that it's almost always better to assume an internal local. of control that there's something you can do by default, you know, and then sometimes you'll run up against a wall where it's like, man, I've done everything. I can't think of anything else. I tried my best and still everything went to shit or it didn't work. You know, terrible things happened. Tragedies is very real. But the alternative is nothing is within my control. That as a default position. And I lean very much in the other direction. It's making the best of a bad situation sometimes is the best you can do. But very often there's something you can do. Yeah. Yeah. And I, like I said,

for me, I'm always looking at to reframe things. And, you know, it's not that I don't allow myself to be upset or be angry in the moment, but it's like, I'll have my pity party. And then I'm like, okay, let's because I've realized over my experience that what is the use of like sitting and dwelling versus saying, okay, this is happening to me. Allow myself to feel it. Give myself the validation for it and then let's move forward. Absolutely. And it's just been my team and been my inner voice, if you will, through everything that I do and everything I've been through.

And it's just made me stronger. It's made me more resilient and, um, made me more capable of moving through obstacles. Yeah. I think that's too. It's, uh, it's kind of a success generates more success type of thing. Like once you get like getting that ball rolling and then once it's rolling, you get the inertia on your side. And, and contraryly, you, when you're, when you're.

stuck in a place and you don't push hard enough to get the ball rolling. Inertial will keep you there. You know, you can yield, yield either way. So, well, I'm keeping an eye on the clock for you. I know you have a short on time.

I have a feeling we can talk for like another hour on all of these great, great subjects. We'll have to have you back when you have more time. But I do want to give you a good, dream interpretation experience and not short change you on that with the, with the time we have, we got about a half an hour left here. So,

poor the poor cat he's sleeping you're going to have to get up bobo I need come he is he is getting to be an old man um okay so as per my usual process let me actually make a little note of the time here Benjamin the dream wizard wants to help you pierce the veil of night and shine the light of understanding upon the mystery of dreams every episode of his dreamscapes program features real dreamers gifted with rare insight into their nocturnal visions. New DreamScape's episodes appear every week on YouTube, Rumble, Odyssey, and other video

hosting platforms, as well as free audiobooks, highlighting the psychological principles which inform our dream experience and much, much more. To join The Wizard as a guest, reach out across more than a dozen social media platforms, and through the contact page at Benjamin the Dream Wizard.com, where you will also find the wizard's growing catalog of historical dream literature available on Amazon, featuring the wisdom and wonder of exploration into the world of dreams over the past 2,000 years. That's Benjamin the Dream Wizard on YouTube and at Benjamin the Dream Wizard.com.

I'm going to first shut up and listen. Our friend Jessica is going to tell me our dream experience as a little brief narrative. Then we'll go back through it again and see what we can pull out together and make some meaning of it. So I'm ready when you are. Okay. It's kind of dark, but I had a dream where I was preparing with a group of people that knew everyone. I was preparing somebody that was going on death row. And she and I, and I, like, again, like I'm speaking through like what I knew at that time in my dream.

she was taking the fault for me for something. And as we were all helping her, prepping her for her execution, which is so crazy, it was like the day before and I finally spoke up and saying, actually, this was my fault, not hers. They let her go and they let me go. But I still had to prepare for my death row experience, like my execution, if you will.

And I remember in the dream, we were all like no one was mad at each other of course um in the dream but we're all in a car and i just remember looking out the window with my with my legs crossed being like wow i'm about to die i'm about to die how does that feel that i'm so close to death and that was basically what um i woke up to um i did have some spirit guides come through with some messaging but i i'm curious if you'd like me to hold back just to hear your thoughts first before I give you their interpretation of that. Yeah. There are two ways to go with that.

I do relish, I think the challenge of saying, okay, let's see if I can offer suggestions that align with the intuitive understanding that kind of came to you with that. So I think maybe we'll try that first. You can always correct me. Oh, and I have a little bit more information. I just forgot. Sure, sure. So while I'm sitting there, you know, looking out the window, being like, oh, my God, I'm about to die.

And so I remember that I turned to the people that we were with. And I said, there was like that part of me that was like, no, it's not going to happen. It's like it's, I'm going to be able to get out of it. And I remember saying like, oh, my mom will be able to get me a really great lawyer. She'll spend all the money that she needs to get me out of this. And it was like this sense of like, it won't happen. And but then the other part of me was like, wow, well, wait, this actually could happen. Like I might die.

So there was like that added layer of that too, which was really interesting. Very cool. Well, we're going to try and go quickly. So, I mean, I've gone as long as four and a half hours on some of these. And it's that's, that's with one where imagine a dream that had like literally five parts that were each as long as this. And they all, whoops, and I throw my pen. Sorry. Sorry, buddy.

Okay. So you're with a group preparing a death row inmate. Where are you? Are you in the prison or some other location? Yeah, we were like cafeteria, like indoor. I would say prison. But it wasn't, it was like so casual. Like we just picked her up, taking her to the jail, getting her ready.

It wasn't like a big deal. But then for me it was because I knew that she was taking the fault for me. And you described yourself being with a group of people that it felt like they all knew each other, but you didn't know them? Yeah, like it was her, like it was like her friends and family and then me, which I was a friend of hers. And there was almost, what I wrote down is that my shorthand was, it seemed very casual. You said, no big deal. It's like everyone was very zen with the whole thing. There wasn't a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth, you know, no, no, no grand emotional displays.

very interesting so there's a there's a group um the key words that are jumping out of me the idea of this group was was absolutely like in a place of acceptance of what was happening um yes yeah and you were you were a friend but it felt like the other people were related closer to her than you were yes yeah okay and so you uh You were in initially a prison cafeteria when you all gathered. And that's what I'm envisioning. Yeah, like a. The bolted down benches and whatnot.

Yeah. Yeah. And then you went to pick her up from her cell or she was, she walked in. We picked her up like to put her in the car to take her to the jail cell to get her ready for the being on death row. Interesting. So he actually took her out of the prison to take her to the jail cell.

took her out of her house. Oh, got you gotcha, gotcha. So you actually brought her to the prison. Yeah. From home. Interesting. What manner of preparations did it feel like you were making? Or did you see yourselves doing something physical in the dream to prepare or any kind of ritual?

I think just like, I think the act of just picking her up. taking her to the jail to like change maybe and like fill out paperwork type of thing. Oh, man. It's interesting. Those things come to mind and they might be more meaningful than you think. There's always a, that is its own kind of ritual. Well, there's always paperwork that's got to be filled out. And you might have to change clothes so you're in the appropriate attire for the ceremony,

which, you know, an execution is its own kind of kind of, kind of, ceremony in a way it's a yeah um okay um at what point did you speak up what was happening when you decided you finally needed to say something i mean was she filling out paperwork was she changing clothes speaking of those things i think she was like i almost feel like she was about to go into the room to be executed and then i was like wait like i was like boiling up inside of me and then I finally was like, wait, no, like she's taking the fault for me. Okay. So almost at the last possible moment when it was unavoidable, when it was when it was almost too

late to stop what was happening, the last chance to make it right, you did. Yes. Okay. Yes. Yeah. That's that's descriptive of a lot of scenarios in life where we hope and hope and hope and hope. And then this is happening. And then we got to do something about it.

Or not or let it go. And for whatever reason, you're like this, I'm going to do the right thing here in this scenario. I'm not going to let someone else suffer in my place. And then you said they let her go and they let you go. So were you engaged in any kind of a scenario or discussion with the people at the prison who, you know, any of like an authority? Yeah, I had to like fill out. They gave me the paperwork to fill out. And then they all sent us on our way.

we were all laughing in the car. Like it's like I had a like I was like they're like okay like we'll set your date for one week from now or something. So just come back then type of thing. Right. Because everyone just goes home and comes back voluntarily for an execution, right? Yeah. So you're all in the car.

And where were you sitting in the car? I'm sitting in. I think I was sitting on the rear passenger window. I remember looking out at the skyline, like New York vibes, but I don't know if it was in New York, but it was just like, you know, like city. Is that your, we would say natural habitat? Is that kind of a downtown or urban area like that? No, I lived in New York before, but I don't know if it was New York, but it just gave me New York energy of just like a lot of buildings, dark out.

You could see all the buildings, you know, from outside of your winter. Yeah. Interesting too there that, you know, you look out the window and you're not seeing your current environment, whatever that is, you know, suburbia or country, country living. Yeah. You're very much throwing yourself back to another time in your life when you did live in the big city. The biggest in a lot of people's minds. Dallas City. So I live in the city, but I'm not like downtown. Yeah.

Yeah. And still, even the Dallas downtown, I'd imagine is it's not New York. that has its own vibe. Yeah, well, how old were you when you were living in New York? How many years ago if it's okay to say or? I was, I was just about to graduate college. So I think I was like 21. I was 21, 22, 21, 22.

Okay. And I'm 31. Interesting time in life. Another period of transition. Yeah. You know, definitely heavily the theme of death in this one, an execution. I mean, the death,

execution is a death that is not voluntary. It's kind of, it's a death that's forced on you. And then I look at it as, I don't think it's literal death. I'm thinking metaphor for, uh, endings and new beginnings.

Definitely transitions. Uh, so you've got this visual representation out the window of another time in your life when you're on the cusp of a new transition. I'm going from, well, I was in college. I was a college student.

Now I'm about to become something else. Um, another, interesting inflection point there. You did mention sitting with my legs crossed. Was that unusual for you? Is that I usually sit in the car? Was it crowded? Yeah, I know.

Okay. I don't know that it has a lot of meaning. Most people just blurt things out and it's actually kind of profound. But if it's just how you normally sit, then that might not be a big deal. I think it was just like visceral. Like I remember like looking at the window being like, I'm about to die. Yeah. And just the feeling that came over me of like knowing I was going to die. Is there any word you would, or a set of words or description you'd give to that feeling? I mean, what did that feel like?

The worst feeling you could ever feel, I think. Like just so, like you just witnessed someone getting murdered. just so shocking, so like, oh, okay. So that kind of intense pit of the stomach. Yes, pit of the stomach like, butt wrenching. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah, because you got you could have had a very different experience of it. You're like, well, I guess I'm going to die and laida, you know, but, but it wasn't.

It was like, this is, this is the feeling of something consequential. This is not, this is not nothing. Right. Yeah. And you turned to the people to say something. And what you were communicating to them was, wait a minute, my mom could save me by getting a good lawyer.

Did you phrase it any particular? Yeah, actually, like this is, I think something like, you know, holding up the papers being like, yeah,

but my mom's going to get me out of this. Like, she's going to just get a really great lawyer. And it wasn't even my fault. And, It wasn't that big. Like I was almost like I was trying to manipulate the true story of what happened, which I don't know what happened.

Yeah. In my dream. But it was like, oh, yeah, maybe I didn't do that for that long. Or like, maybe I didn't do like what they're saying is like not fully true. So it's okay. Like I'm going to be able to get out of this type of thing. For sure. And then that kind of concluded.

After that you woke up. Yes. I pretty much woke up from there. Sometimes the dreams, the dreams just. fade out and it's like well i don't know how long after i woke up i might have had other dreams but this one was woke up pretty soon after it or that was as you were waking up to woke up in the fear like i woke up with the heart with the gut wrench like was like fuck that sucked and i need to get up and go get some water i need to come back to like what just happened because i go back

to state yeah very cool very intense so the idea of um sometimes we go voluntarily to death in terms of like well, this has to, the old me has to die and it's okay. Or even if I'm scared. But this is more of a, it feels to me like a forced change. Like a change you're not in control of and you're not even really happy about. Yeah, definitely the vibe of execution to me says, I wish this wasn't happening. I don't want this to happen.

This is not by my choice. and I can't avoid it. What I was, the situation I was in is going to be forcibly ended against my will. Does that feel right to you? Yeah, I feel like it was actually around like a lot of patterns that I have around money. Oh. Yeah. And so that was a lot of what came up like with the guidance that came up after it.

But in just a high level, like just patterns that I. I know need to stop, but I keep allowing them to perpetuate. And it was like, how much longer are you going to allow to do that because it's literally hurting you, not physically, but like financially or metaphysically or just not in integrity with you. So how much longer are you going to allow that to keep going? Gotcha. Yeah, for sure.

And there's some situations we look at like, if this continues, it will harm me. It may actually put an end to. me. And financials is a big deal because that is our ability to provide the necessities of life, food, shelter, all the things that literally keep us alive. And so, yeah, yeah, putting those things at risk through behavioral choice, however compulsive it may feel is still, yeah, we're going to do that inner work, as you were saying, the idea of, well, how much of this is in my control? Am I doing this to myself? Have I sentenced to myself? So I'm, okay, so in a lot of dreams, every person in the dream is you and in a lot of dreams none of the people are you you're you're

completely looking at things separated from yourself i'm thinking we're leaning towards a lot of these i think we're leaning toward the situation where it's more like all of these people are you you are the girl on death row and you are you the friend and you are the friends and family uh in a sense half and half and half with those in in my estimation um those might be a representation of your actual friends and family or people around you who are observing you as these two people at the same time. Yeah. Yeah.

So, you know, since you are the girl on death row and you are the girl who can save herself from death row, you're also surrounded by supportive friends and family. I mean, in real life, who you could rely on and they would be there for you. Looks like that might be part of what's. happening there. I think the, what it feels like to me is that at the moment when it's almost too late to turn back, that part of you that wants to save yourself from making a terrible mistake speaks up and says, wait a minute, I, I, the observer, watching myself make a mistake,

have the power to put a stop to this and take that responsibility onto me. now yeah yeah so you uh you almost merge yourself with her in that way because as far as i know for the rest of the dream you don't mention her at all like she's like she's gone uh was she yeah she just like tone in the car like no one's upset she like cool yeah let's go home like i remember i think she was in the front seat everyone's laughing and i'm out the window like oh my god i'm about to die okay interesting so i had actually had it wrong in terms of like i did imagine a merger because you didn't mention her anymore and i'm like you just became one person.

Oh, but, but, but you're still in the same car, even if you're seeing her as a separate person. The car would also be you, like your, your,

your, your general physical form inside of which are all these ideas and concepts of, of people and how you see yourself and, you know, am I the person who makes terrible mistakes because I can't avoid it? Or am I the person who saves herself from a mistake?

Because I have the, you know, guts and willpower to do so. Um, where else are we going here? Uh, And then it seems like you have a bit of a, you know what the right thing to do is.

So you have this experience of like, whoa, I have the power to put a stop to this and I should. I am compelled to who I am says, don't let this happen. And, but then it really sinks in of like, shit,

now I'm responsible. Now I, the consequences are going to fall on me. Damn. And that real pit of the sun, you know, that the execution now, isn't going to happen to someone I can separate myself from like a sense of

that's happening to someone else but like really that uh I've got to accept that this is happening to me but then that that hope or I hesitate to say it's denial because it I don't think it is necessarily we can look at it from from from two sides because both both thoughts occurred to me on the denial side it would be like well it isn't really that bad I can get out of this. I think there was a little bit of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because maybe both. That part of like, oh, my mom's going to get me out of this. She'll spend all the money she needs to get that good lawyer. Like, it's fine. I kept trying to, um, um, um, soften, I guess the sentence and be like, oh, I didn't really do that. Oh, did they actually have proof I did that type of thing. Like,

maybe their evidence is false type of thing. Yeah. That there might be a way to kind of wiggle out of it, that it isn't as bad as it seems. Um, and that is one time. I'm not. I think that's, and maybe it's both at the same time. The other side is that you're bringing in, you know, you didn't mention a friend. You didn't mention, um, your father. You know, it was specifically your mother. So there may be a, a reality to the idea that your mother can save you through legal, legalese or a legal maneuver.

There's, there's an idea to the law being, um, what am I trying to say? And I should probably ask you more. I'm doing more talking to you than, than eliciting. responses. I'm trying to be, you know, keep keeping an eye on the time and whatnot. But there's something about the law where it is, it is, it is a, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a, not a superpower, but a power in a way. It's, um, it's using it's a tool. Is, is where I'm going with that. So there may be a way that the spirit of your mother in a sense of emulating her example could act as a salvifif.

or a salvational force to mitigate the consequences that something, where am I going with that? The idea that if I don't know what to do, maybe I think of what my dad would do and what the examples he taught me about how to handle difficult situations. And I would say maybe that would work for me and I give it a try. I follow his example. So there may be a bit of both on there, of like, you may be honestly in denial because the situation's happening anyway. There will be a metaphysical death of one thing transitioning into another. But it also might be mitigated by what was it that Jordan Peterson would say, you know, saving your father from the underworld, that kind of thing, resurrecting the spirit of your mother, taking it into you and using her

example as a path forward. I'm going to stop there and just let you say what you think about those ideas. Well, you know, my mom has always been my number one supporter with everything. And I feel like there was a time where she was financially supporting me. And when things kind of got hard last year. She definitely did financially support me quite a bit. So I think that there, and I've also been personally working through a lot of my financial issues. And my mom shows her support, I think, through food and money. Ah, yeah. So I resonate with the, um, the, like, emulation of her trying to be my savior that no matter what happens, I'm still good. Like, I can make really whatever mistake because it's not that serious because she can help me get out of it, whatever it is, you know? And I think that

I've been going through quite, like I said, financials have been a big thing for me the past couple of years. And last year I made so many, I don't want to say mistakes, but I wasn't thinking through every investment or spending thing. And now it's like, okay, well, well, then I have to lay in my bed and I don't want to. Yeah, for sure. Excuse me. So I think there is an element of both. There's the wishful thinking that maybe you can escape the execution entirely.

And then kind of on the other side of it is, I think a genuine belief and a true belief that you can weather it using that example. In a way, you become your mother caretaking. yourself. You personally take on that role of I'm not going to externalize that support. I'm going to be that support for myself. I'm going to change the way I engage with the world. And that is going to be my salvation. That's going to be the legal maneuvering that solves the problem and keeps me from the literal execution of, I don't have a place to live anymore because, you know, I don't have any money. Yeah. And so I don't know if we've got anywhere close to where you were saying with the spirit guide stuff. Was it just the money angle?

Like, oh, this is about my finances. Or was there more to it? Yeah. There was, it was almost like this voice saying, like, stop mindlessly spending, feeling guilty in shame on spending, stop saying things that are out of your integrity. Mm. Yeah. So that was interesting.

Yeah, it was just kind of like a, like a kind of harsh, like, just stop with the pattern. Like, just stop doing the pattern. Gotcha. I'm trying to not reframe those. but conceptualize them bigger. So there's a, it's going to sound kind of gross, but there's a kind of financial incontinence sometimes that comes with it. And we think of that, and it's intentionally gross.

There's also the concept of, say, sexual incontinence, where we should make better decisions on who we sleep with. Or, and then, of course, literal, say, pepical or urinary incontinence. We're not in control of our body and more so our mind and our choices. So the idea of getting a handle on, it seems like this dream is saying, you know, if you don't get a handle on this, it's going to be the death of you. You're going to sentence yourself to a kind of execution. But at the same time, it gets a wonderful, wonderful mixture of layers too. It's like you're killing me here, you know, and you're talking to yourself.

You're literally sentencing me to death. But also, this is going to be a death one way or another. you're going to literally die or it's going to be the death of old habits. You need to choose which you can choose which to execute yourself or bad patterns. And I think it's definitely the girl you're saving is yourself. So you're saving yourself from a literal execution, but you're taking on to yourself the responsibility to endure the execution of those bad, bad habits. So something's got to give is what it seems like.

Yeah. Yeah. And then the idea of integrity, too, is like, you know there's a genuine you on the inside. And you know there's demands placed on you by circumstances. And that's, I mean, you personally, me personally, the broader, you know, royal you, we've all got to decide how to respond to things. And sometimes we do things that feel wrong on the inside. It's like, this is not what I really want, not what I feel is good.

but it seems like what others expected me. It seems like the best way to get through a situation. Yeah. What am I trying to say? I don't know if you could say it better. You know what I'm getting at. No, that sounds, yeah. That sounds like, yeah.

And it's like a lot of some of the times we go with what we think we should do versus what we know we should do. Yeah, definitely. And I'm trying to conceptualize it because there's a lot of situations in life where there's nothing wrong with doing exactly as you please because it's not hurting you or anyone else and fine you want to get an ice cream get an ice cream um and there's some some situations where it's extremely consequential and you have to balance let's say if following my integrity means i offer us i endure some kind of harm it's very difficult to make those kind of situations

because we have to balance the needs of survival with the needs of being true to ourselves in in that regard and there's very few people who are willing to stare say the death of an entire career and their financial stability in in the face and say I will tell the truth regardless and just throw themselves on that sword not a lot of us do that not not not people have not many people have that kind of integrity it's a big ask to tell people that they should you should be willing to sacrifice everything your life your children nothing's more important than the truth and it's like yeah but sometimes no you know sometimes the truth isn't worth it and you just swallow your pride and say you know I didn't have it's it's not worth it then

lining up with when is it worth it? That can be a lifelong process of trying to find, find that line and where you need to ride it. So at least you woke up saying, maybe what I've been doing so far isn't writing the line properly. Maybe I need to move myself closer to where that line really is. And that's a personal thing. And it's not even a judgmental thing.

It's like, I don't know you. I don't know any choices you've made. So I'm not saying you ever did anything wrong. But it seems at least from your perspective, you're questioning that and you're like i need to i need to change how i'm doing things i mean it seems broadly in financial terms uh that was one one message um get closer to an uh authentic expression of who you are and yeah living living real yes yeah good deal um well do you have more questions about the story itself like you do you remember any parts of it

we're like well i just remember the thing what does that mean why i want to take a little you want take a second look at anything. No, I honestly, I, I think it was very introspective, you sharing that like all these, all these people in the stream are me. And being able to see myself, like you said, the execution of the mistakes I've been making, allowing the patterns running me dead, so to speak, versus allowing the death of these patterns to stop. So yeah, that was, that was really powerful. All right. Very cool. Thank, thank you for sharing. A lot of people come with dreams. Like, I'm sorry, it's so short and it's

not very interesting. They are all fascinating to me. They're all this cool little puzzle. I want to imagine myself a Dr. House type type person without the opium, opioid addiction. But, you know, that's in my own. That's my own self-aggrandizement. But I love the puzzle of it. And hopefully, then the validation is, did you? get anything useful out of it? Does this sound reasonable to you? Does it, does it help you see yourself and your life situation better? And if we, if we gave you anything of value, I'm happy. Yeah, no, it was very valuable. That was awesome. Thank you so much. Very cool. Well, we're going to get you out of here on time. That is the most amazing thing that I'm proudest of. So by way of, I'm sorry,

wrapping things up. And you said it was Dallas, Texas? Yeah. Okay, this has been our friend, Jessica Marie from Dallas, Texas. She is a life coach, mentor, women's retreat host, guiding others to fulfillment and success by following their heart's desire. You can find her at Jessicamariestep.com and on Instagram at Jessica Marie Step. And for my part, I'll just say, would you kindly, like, share, subscribe, tell your friends, 16 currently available works of historical dream literature, the most recent dreams and their meanings by Horace G. Hutchinson, all this and more at Benjamin the DreamWizard.com, including MP3 versions of this very podcast. Please also head on over to Benjamin thedreamwizard.locals.com trying to build a community there.

And the last thing to say is, once again, Jessica, thank you for being here. I appreciate your time. Thank you so much. I appreciate your time, too. Good deal. And for everybody out there, thanks for listening.