Drink Champs - Episode 366 w/ Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

N.O.R.E. & DJ EFN are the Drink Champs. In this episode the Champs chop it up with the one and only, Bert Kreischer!Stand-up comedian, podcaster, actor and overall funny guy, Bert Kreischer shares his story! Bert shares stories of his career, stories with Tracy Morgan, filming his new movie “The Machine” and much much more! Lots of great stories that you don’t want to miss!!Make some noise!!! 💐💐💐🏆🏆🏆 *Subscribe to Patreon NOW for exclusive content, discount codes, M&G’s + more:  🏆* https://www.patreon.com/drinkchamps *Listen and subscribe at https://www.drinkchamps.com  Follow Drink Champs: https://www.instagram.com/drinkchamps https://www.twitter.com/drinkchamps https://www.facebook.com/drinkchamps https://www.youtube.com/drinkchamps  DJ EFN https://www.crazyhood.com https://www.instagram.com/whoscrazy https://www.twitter.com/djefn https://www.facebook.com/crazyhoodproductions  N.O.R.E. https://www.instagram.com/therealnoreaga https://www.twitter.com/noreagaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. down that day. On Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage, you'll hear about these heroes and what their stories tell us about the nature of bravery. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of times big economic forces show up in our lives in small ways. Four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding. But the price has gone up. So now I only buy one. Small but important ways. From tech billionaires to the bond market to, yeah, banana pudding. If it's happening in business, our new podcast is on it. I'm Max Chastain. And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. So listen to everybody's business on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why is a soap opera Western like Yellowstone so wildly successful? The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater Podcast Network. So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to the American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be right back. You know what I mean? In the most professional, unprofessional podcast. And your number one source for drunk facts. It's Drink Champs motherfucking podcast. Where every day is New Year's Eve.

Listen, it's time for Drink Champs. Drink up, motherfucker. What it good be? Hope it is. What it soupy? This your boy N-O-R-E. What up? It's DJ E-F-N.

And this is Drink Champs Happy Hour. Make some noise. Now, I'm DJ EFN. And this is Drink Champ's Happy Hour. Make some noise! Now, I'm going to say this, because the person that we have today, I'm proud to say is one of my favorite comedians. I would say all the time, I would say, you know, one of my favorite white comedians, and that's not right, because I don't say one of my favorite, Eddie Murphy's one of my favorite black comedians, so this is one of my favorite comedians. I'm, pause, I'm so into this dude that this morning when I woke up. That you had to pause.

I said, I woke up, I woke up, and my wife said, I was so, I was like, I got Brett, and she was like, who? And you know, I don't know how to pronounce your last name. It's like, it's like, where's just the sauce? No one wants to say that. No one wants to pronounce that.

No one wants to say that. So, this is how I knew. I go, one of my favorite comedians. And she goes, who, the white guy with no shirt? And what I tell you, man, I watch all of his specials. I watch everything about this man. I follow him on Instagram. He's hands down one of the funniest people on the planet.

He's hands down my spirit drinking animal. He said a speech one day, and that's how I know all of our friends are alcoholics. Because we campaigned that speech as if it was Phil Jackson looking at Michael Jordan at fourth quarter and we all lived by this speech. So in case you don't know who the fuck I'm talking about, we're talking about the one,

the only, Brent Crischer! And now I'm ready to drink. Okay, so listen, let me just say before you start. Jamie, can you bring that? I wanted to do something special. I know they told you vodka club, soda, vodka and club that? I wanted to do something special. I know they told you vodka and club,

but I wanted to bring and drink with you. I've been holding this bottle of Pappy Van Winkle. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I've been saying this.

It's too early to take my fucking shirt off. I've been waiting to drink this. And so, I got to FaceTime my fucking dad. This is insane. Dude, dude. By the way, that's the reaction. That's what you've been holding it for. I've been holding it.

I've been singing to some of my friends. And they've been like, what is that? And I'm trying to explain to them what it is. But I don't, do you know about Pappy V? Oh, yeah. My dad, this is his whiskey. He had a friend who had some and brought him over, and he had some.

My dad talks about this whiskey non-fucking-stop. It's hard to get. It's hard to find. It's expensive as shit. Yep. Dude. Goddamn. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah. I'm going to do a glass. I'm going to do a glass. I'm going to find. It's expensive as shit. God damn it! I'm going to do a glass. I'm going to do a glass immediately. No ice. Straight up. I was wondering what I was going to drink. When I watch you guys, sometimes I'm like, are they taking shots of champagne? I was like, I don't know. Champagne gets me gassy.

I was like, I really want to drink whiskey. I'm going to sound so fucking out of touch if they're like, what do you want? Because I love Jack Daniels. No, Jack Daniels. We know that shit drink. Dude, I walked on the plane yesterday, and the two dude flight attendants were sitting there, and they had the biggest shit-eating grins on their face. And they looked at me, and they go, double Jack on the rocks, lots of rocks.

As I stepped on the fucking plane. And then they got me in the cockpit. I was fucking hammered. He's like, I was driving the plane. So let me ask you, because that's like, I got 20 things that I go to if I ever like feeling down or whatever and you have two of them.

Others are 20. The one is the motivational speech. When you say, I'm going to take care of myself just enough so I could. Wow. Can you explain that to people who just seeing that footage

yeah so I have this theory I'm very punitive so um like I wake up if I'm hungover I feel like I deserve to punish myself a little bit so that I can right the boat like this morning I was bad I was bad this morning I drank all day in Miami yesterday and then woke up this morning sweating I got scared like you ever wake up I mean I just got scared? What did you do last day? No, just scared. I don't want to be alone right now. I was like, all right, get up. Go to get on the treadmill and then bust out. I try

to put in four miles on the treadmill every day. I have a personal trainer. I shoot gear. I'm on steroids. We should talk about that. We should. I was on steroids. So we should talk about that. We should talk about that. We should. Said no one ever.

I was thinking about you today. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay. It's really good for your... My cardiologist got me on it. The steroid. It's a specific kind of steroid.

No, it's testosterone. Oh, it's like the regular workout shit? Yeah, dude. My dick's hard nonstop. I'm being serious. Those velour tracksuits, I can't wear them on planes. I wake up with a rock. My dick's hard like when we were kids.

Do you remember when we were kids and our dicks got hard all the time? You're like, I'm at my grandma's fucking funeral. My dick is hard. My lobes aren't that good. They used to be better, but who cares? I'm shooting blanks into a fucking lady on menopause. Happy Mother's Day. By the way, I'm going to just be honest with you.

I've drank a bottle of 10. I've drank a bottle of 10. I've drank a bottle... Yeah, I think I've only drank a whole bottle of 10. I've never drank a bottle of 15. It's my first time. And I'm going to try to finish the whole bottle with you. Oh, it's serious. Look at that. That hater's trying to make the whole bottle with you. Oh, it's serious. Look at that.

That hater's trying to make it. Oh, you see that? That hater. Ooh. It's good? Ooh. If Dick did it like this, I'd have bruised knees. There go the rest of the advertisers.

But let's talk about that. So I work out. So I have this feeling, feeling like if you let the dirty stuff stay inside you if you don't sweat it out or burn it out then it builds up and when it builds up that's when you start getting sick so like i just work out hard every day so i can party at night and what if i really push it and like if i have like a full day like sauna polar plunge uh hour hour and a half workout lifting weights dude i i, I get through a day great. I get up at six in the morning, I work out. And then I love the sparkle that alcohol gives you.

Like, I just love it. I love the feeling when like, I had a secret the other day. And I told my wife, I said, I got a good fucking secret. She goes, like, open a bottle of wine. And then you're like, yeah, open a bottle of wine. And then you get blankets. You go out to the fire pit outside. You bring the dogs out. And like, open a bottle of wine. And then you're like, yeah, open a bottle of wine. And then you get blankets and you go out to the fire pit outside and you bring the dogs out. And then you pour a glass of wine and you're like, alright, what's the secret? Like, that energy, I just

fucking love it. And so, I like this. I love this. I've been waiting for this drink all fucking day. And so, I never want to get rid of, I never want to be irresponsible enough that I can't do it. Because I've watched that happen to people. And you're like, fuck, you fucked it up. Like, you I've watched that happen to people and you're like fuck you fucked it up like you could especially ever talk to dudes who got sober

at like 16 and you're like oh you never even got to have margaritas like you never got the fun stuff you got sober on Cisco and bottles and jams you never had a rosey phase come on yeah I love that I love that feeling and so I try to stay healthy

enough and like do enough good stuff so that I can keep drinking. Because I love it. I do love it. But never a health scare at all? No. Never? No, when you say that, knock on fucking wood. Jesus.

By the way, you are the drinking god. I'm just being honest. Me following you on Instagram has probably been the best thing I've ever did. I love following you on Instagram. And I love your show, The Cabin Show. What is it? Oh, yeah, yeah, on Netflix. Okay.

It's funny, like, you know, Snoop's hard to get a hold of. Right. He's got, like, four phones. Yes. He only, I don't know, he never has one. His assistant got an assistant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we were doing Two Bears, One Cave one time,

and I was like, let's see if we can get a hold of Snoop, see if he wants to go fishing with us. So I called him, and he answered. He didn't say anything. And I was like, Snoop? Snoop Dogg? Snoop Doggy Dogg? Calvin?

And then all of a sudden he goes, who's this? And I went, it's Bert. And he goes, you're a bad motherfucker, Bert Kreischer. He goes, I just binge watched The Cabin. Wow. And I was like, shit, it was an accident, man.

I know I'm not supposed to talk like this, because, you know. What was the accident? The cabin? The whole fucking thing was an accident. During the pandemic?

No, no, yeah. So we sold a show to Netflix that was scripted. So it was scripted. Right. It's a series that was in Canada that this Canadian dude did, a French-speaking series.

And it was scripted. And so we were going to write scripts and cast it, but all of a sudden, It's a series that was in Canada that this Canadian dude did, a French-speaking series. And it was scripted. And so we were going to write scripts and cast it. But all of a sudden, pandemic starts showing up. And we can't get a cast. We're trying to get a cast before Christmas. We can't lock down a cast. And then all of a sudden, we're ready to start shooting.

Pandemic's starting to kick in. And we're like, fuck it. Let's just figure it out. And we just played it by ear, and we just tried to make each other laugh. And that was the, I mean, we said, the very first show, it was me and Tom processing an emu

with a chainsaw. And we were looking at each other going, are we going to get in trouble? Like, this is like, because I'm oblivious to cancel culture, and culture. I just say things and then I lay in bed and go, what the fuck's wrong? We had a scene with Donald Rollins and Bobby Lee.

You're taking my interview. That is my next question. By the way, that was the funniest shit I've ever laughed in my fucking life. Donald was offended at first. You could tell that you didn't tell him. I can tell that you said it much.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Donnell doesn't love gay shit. And he walks in as you and him, and y'all naked, right? Me and Bobby are naked on a bare skin rug. I love gay shit.

Like, all white guys love gay shit. If I could sneak around and put my dick on his shoulder, he'd be like, got me. We love, white guys love gay shit. If I could sneak around and put my dick on his shoulder, he'd be like, got me. We love, white guys love gay shit. I wasn't already decent. White guys love gay shit. We do love gay, I don't know why, man. It's like, the gayer, the funner it is for me. Like, I mean, our whole podcast, Two Bears, One Cave, is based on me and Tom fantasizing what we'd be like if we were gay.

And I'd go, I'd go, it'd be great. I'd come home and I'd chase you and hold you down and wrestle fuck you. And he'd be like, I don't think that's how it's done. I'd go, that's how I do it. And that's how he came up with Two Bears, One Cave. But yeah, man, there's a moment in the, Bobby and Donnell, now, it's hard to explain,

but like, comics, we're like brothers, you know? Even if you don't know each other. even if we don't know each other we're like brothers, we take care of each other we talk shit about each other sometimes but we love each other and you can't really offend us so there's a moment where we're doing

scream therapy and Bobby starts being I go, channel your they both lost their fathers and I go, channel your father and Bobby goes, I'll channel your father Donnell and I go, channel your father. And Bobby goes, I'll channel your father, Donnell. And I go,

I wouldn't do the accent, Bobby. And he's like, hey, Donnell. And we're all going, Bobby, Bobby, stop. And then Donnell starts going, oh, Bobby, son. And they're going back and forth.

And I'm crying, I'm crying laughing. And we are, three dudes, I'm in a robe naked. They give me a coffee enema. I'm in a robe naked. They give me a coffee enema. I shit all over Bobby's hands.

I mean, the best part, the best part is we have a psychic. Dude, at the end, a psychic. And she goes, she goes, Donnell, I'm sensing that your father wasn't around. Oh, shit. was that a Fanta yeah it's a Fanta I ain't gonna lie my bad I was eating pizza we got you pizza too we got you pizza from Jones Pizza

I'm sorry but finish it hold on she goes Donnell I'm sensing that your father wasn't around much and he goes really and she goes was he away somewhere and then I go what are you sensing from Bobby's dad and he goes really and she goes was he away somewhere and then I go what are you sensing from Bobby's dad and she goes he was really strict I go man you're just being racist

like yeah Donnell's dad was in prison and his dad was fucking Asian tell me about my dad was he a lawyer was he are you guessing no that was that whole series was fun as fuck we didn't expect it to do well and people I'm glad people found it and enjoy it and by and people I'm glad people found it and enjoy it no and by the way

Um I don't see nothing Prior to that on TV like that and then after like that was no Whatever you think you guys would be awesome on it because because it's just people Know I say reverse because I drink the saltwater Because you're pissing out your ass. I had a colonic once. When we were kids, we used to take the hose and shove it up our ass.

The hose? Yeah, and then shit on each other. Different kind of childhood. This is different. This is different. I love when you said you took your father to a scape house. Yeah, a scape room, yeah. Okay, so how did that happen? So we...

Your daughter's one of the... It's so funny because I wasn't doing it as a bit. And then Georgia called me on stage one night. She's in college. A college kid calls you, answer. Georgia's his daughter, right? Georgia's my oldest. I feel like I know your whole family.

Can I tell you, there's a golfer named David Faraday, and I'm a big fan of his. He's an announcer, and I ran into him at the Live Tournament in Adelaide. And I go, David Faraday, holy shit, a big fan of his. He's an announcer, and I ran into him at the Live Tournament in Adelaide. And I go, David Faraday. Holy shit, it's David fucking Faraday. I'm in an elevator, and he's trying to keep a profile. I go, I'm Bert.

I'm a comedian. And he turns around, and he goes, Georgia and Isla's daddy. And I went, oh, fuck. Maybe I'm talking about my kids too much. And your wife. Yeah. I was talking shit about her on K-Rock this morning. Oh, wow.

Like, yeah, saying she was older. I don't know what I was saying. She got me reading glasses, and I didn't realize when I gave her a kiss, I hadn't seen this bitch in high def in 10 fucking years. Oh, my God. And I'm on K-Rock, and she calls, where does anyone K-Rock? I'm like, oh, God, here we go. Yeah, I'm an open book.

I overshare. And I feel like I try to be as honest as I can about my feelings about my family. Because it's like, it's like, you can sit there and celebrate your wife, celebrate your kids all day, but like most of the time,

the funniest stories we share about our kids are when we're shitting on them. Right. And you're like, like she called one time, I got in trouble for shooting dice. And she called it up on two bears. And it was,

you're listening to two parents trying to parent a situation for real. Not like the Cosby show where it's like, and so that's the way I've always approached it. But yeah, we took, George and Isla wanted my dad to go to an escape room because they wanted him to lose his shit.

Because he'll spin out of control and I have a parent. They wanted him to lose his shit. That's the only reason they wanted him to go. The only reason. Because you want him to work good as a team. Because we don't work good as a team. We're like, we want to take Papa to an escape room.

I go, are you out of your fucking mind? And they're like, we want you to go too. I go, no, we don't work well together as a team. They're like, yeah, we know. And then we went, and it was, dude, it was in a dude's house. It wasn't in a mall. It was in a dude's house in a bad fucking neighborhood.

We knock on the door. Dude's already in character. In a robe. Towel around his head. Stroking a cat. Just looking at me going, have you seen my mother? My dad's like, is this fucking real? We walked in. He gets us into his mother's room. Locks the door. I'm like, I just walked my family into a serial killer's house.

And my dad's like, you dumb motherfucker. You decided to waver. We didn't give him a waiver. didn't give him a credit card, nothing, just locked into a fucking room. My dad goes, he turned his house into a fucking escape room like Jeffrey Dahmer and you walked your fucking family in, dude? Straight up. And now I'm having a real pain attack.

I'm not going to take a shit. I'm looking for a boss or something to shit in. My dad's spinning out of his troll. My mom's excited. like do you think he's gonna tie us up my mom's like shut the fuck up dude it was the fucking and i didn't remember any of it had a panic attack georgia called me on stage she was like she was like yo um are you telling the escape room story i was like what's up drink champs army ready for a staggering statistic nearly 77 percent of fathers settle for their lady's uncomfortable baby bag when they're outside with their kids that's according to your very own eyes so just look around settling is not where it's at dads deserve better no more

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No. She goes, what about it? She goes, we only brought you and Papa there so you'd lose your shit. I was like, and it gets a laugh. I go, no. She goes, yeah, remember Papa threw Nana into the wall? And I went, oh, yeah, yeah. That gets a laugh. Do you remember we got into that trap door and you took a shit in Papa's mouth? And the big pop. Because you farted, right? I farted.

And he was behind me. We were crawling. And so I farted into his mouth like the human centipede, just like right there. And he went from coach to cunt real quick. Just, cocksucker. Mother. I feel like I'm in the hole from Shaw's Anchorage. pee just right there. And he went from coach to cunt real quick. Cocksucker! Mother! I feel like I'm in the hole from Shawshank Redemption! It was, yeah,

so, but yeah, a lot of times I'm not, I'm not the, I don't, I'm not good at flagging the funny stories. Like, I'm good at, I can retell them, but I don't remember them really. Like, and then my wife will go, are you doing the bit about Isla with the thing? And I'll go, oh, no.

So you don't write it down? No, I put it in my voice text in my phone. I have a joke book I carry with me. So I'll write all the jokes with two words so that I know the list. But no, I don't write it. That's like rapper shit. You know what's so funny? Obviously, I'm a big fan of the show.

So I love listening to that of like, like dudes who can listen to a song like Jay-Z and just listen and then just go. And then there's guys that need to sit with it for a while.

I'm more of a sit with it for a while. I, I can Jay-Z a story off the top of my head on stage first time. Second time it doesn't work again. It won't work again second time. Second time, it doesn't work again. It won't work again second time.

But yeah, it's interesting. You know, Rogan asked that question a lot about how people write, and it's a fascinating way to find out what people's approach to creativity is. Right. Their process. Yeah, because I was a fucking poet for a minute in college,

and I was so bad. I was so bad. I was so bad. Like deaf poetry poet? Yeah. Poetry poet? No, like haikus and shit. It was so bad. And I would read them and make eye contact with them.

And my buddies. Oh, you thought you was good? I thought I was amazing. I thought I was fucking amazing. I thought I was amazing. You remember any of these poems? We'd love to hear one right now. No.

Dude, thank God I found comedy. Thank fucking God. God damn it. But now there's a rumor that Van Wilder is based off of your life. Well, I mean, look, it's a rumor. I've never, I talked to National Lampoon once and they qualified it. They what? They qualified it.

Okay. Oh, they said it's true. I did a dude's radio show one time for National Lampoon and I brought the executives in and I kind of like flew it by them and they were like, cut off the fucking mics. What's going on? What's going on? And I was like, no, I just want to be able to

talk about it. And then they were like, yeah, and then we were going to do Parting with the Original Van Wilder as a radio show on National Lampoon's on Sirius XM. But it never happened. But no, I had nothing to do with the movie. I didn't write the movie. I didn't star in the movie.

I had nothing to do with the movie. But they did say the movie was based on you. I mean, a few people have said that to me. Did you see it and it was like, that's my scene? I've never watched it. You never watched Van Wilder? No, I've never watched it. Holy moly.

Can I tell you something for real? And I feel like I'm close. I always wanted, when that happened Because you felt like they robbed you or something? No, no. We had a conference call with my managers and agents the day the weekend movie came out. And they were like, we should sue.

We should sue. Clearly this is adjacent to your story. I mean, it's almost identical. Because it's a journalist writing a story about a party animal. Okay. And that's what happened to me. Rolling Stone magazine

wrote a six and a half page article about me calling me the number one party animal in the country. It changed my life. It changed my life. Yeah, party, yeah. I've read it in the New York Post. It was Rolling Stone? Rolling Stone in 1997

wrote a six and a half page article about me calling me the number one party animal in the country and it changed my life. Oliver Stone's company optioned the rights to my life. I moved to New York. in 1997 wrote a six and a half page article about me, called me the number one party in the country, and it changed my life. Oliver Stone's company optioned the rights to my life. I moved to New York. Will Smith discovered me. I mean, it was like, it's like,

it really was like the best thing that ever happened to me. And so when that movie came out, they were like, hey, we should sue. And I have one manager, shout out to Barry Katz, who very wisely said, he's an interesting dude. He goes, Papa, can I interject for a second? There's two types of people in this business, people who work and people who sue.

Pick which one you want to be. And I didn't sue. And I thought to myself, I want one day, and I hope to God this happens, I want one day to be bigger than Van Wilder. I would like to be larger than that movie. I think I'm on my way and if my movie The Machine comes out

and if it does well, I'd like to get to that place where that's a footnote in my story instead of the thing. I'd love to meet Ryan Reynolds and him not go, I'd love for him to be like, dude, I'm a fan. Yeah, because that's weird to me because if it's based on you, you see how these people,

they come and they hang out with the character that's based on. Yeah, you could have been a consultant. Yeah, right. Well, you know what, the thing then, you got to remember, this is a long time ago. This is 97, 98. Best year of my life.

That's when we met. Yes, we met. Best year of my life, yeah. So we there. Yeah. Where were you then? I was in New York City. I'm born and raised in New York City, but I live out here now. But yeah, that was the best year of my life, 1998.

I had to drop the album. N.R.E. is my first number one. First solo album. First solo album. Oh, wait. I was saying, where were you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew you, man.

Because I was in New York, too. That's when the box was big. Do you remember the box? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. The fucking box. Dude, I was telling someone York too that's when the box was big do you remember the box yeah the fucking box dude I was telling someone the other day

like I'm going to say this and he's going to say I don't know who you are but like Cameron will DM me every now and then I ran into him

in Nick's game him and Jim Jones why that when I moved to New York for me this is like how I

I grew up in Florida so for us all of hip hop was in your car. And then when I got to New York, I hadn't really heard it. No one drives cars there. So it was all in your headsets. So it was very different hip hop for me until that summer. I think it was probably 98, 99, when I remember just walking around the village and hearing hip hop in other people's cars and being like, what song is that? And then going into like, they still had Tower Records at the time, and being like, yo, what's

the, oh boy, boy, boy, boy, boy. And then they're like, okay, I'll get you, I'll help you. I remember that summer so fucking, that moving to New York. What's your first time in New York? Didn't you hang out at a gay bar? Dude. It all started there. I saw a dude fuck another dude in the ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is old school, man. They don't do it like that anymore. My first night. This is more complicated now. Dude, I got to be honest with you. It was the first time I was ever like, I saw a dude that I think about like once a month. This guy.

Hold on, hold on. Let me explain myself he had little tiny stars tattooed on his heels and they increasingly got bigger until he had two Dallas Cowboys on his ass cheeks and I looked at that guy I looked at him for an uncomfortable amount of time just staring at that artwork going that's a fucking commitment I mean a fucking I mean I go he's gotta be like 56 now like wait I wonder what he does he still has those

fucking guts I think about that guy a lot dude we went that first night in New York I go out I think was you tricked into

going to the gay bar you was gay so I didn't no no no I didn't dude I'm trying to sound like

50 year old Bert but 25 year old Bert was not very open-minded. He was from Tallahassee. I knew Cuban dudes really well because I grew up in Florida. I knew black dudes pretty good because we'll fam you. Those are here, Cuban and black dudes. As far as how my open-mindedness was, I think I was a good person but I wasn't like

comfortable in that scenario and so the first night we went out I went out with this dude there was an editor for some magazine and this chick and we lose the dude and it's me and the chick and the first place we go is a place called Mary Lou's on 13th

and I sit down and this guy's next to me and he's like oh man you're the Rolling Stone guy. I just read about you on the plane. Holy shit, I got to buy you a drink. Now, I think I'm going to be famous because I was just famous in Tallahassee. But something like, hey man, I'm trying to hang out with someone.

And he's like, okay. And I turn and the girl's like, I can't believe David Lee Roth knows who you are. I'm like, oh shit. Shut the fuck up. It's David Lee Roth. He yells down. He's like, Harvey, Ab up. It's David Lee Roth. He yells down. He's like, Harvey, Abel.

Harvey Keitel, Abel Ferrara at this bar. It is who's who's of drinking late night. And then she looks at me and she goes, let's go party. Let's go to the meatpacking district. Now, I don't know what that is. And she takes me into a straight up sucking dick and fucking gay bar in the meatpacking district. I mean, listen,

in fairness, meatpacking district is the meatpacking district. But what a convenient place to put it. I saw, you know, it's so funny. Okay,

this is a little aggressive. This is a little aggressive. I saw, so I, I thought if you fucked a dude in the ass, that he'd have to be bent over. I can't get used to this, man. He'd have to be bent over, right?

That's how I thought you'd do it. I saw a dude sitting on a dude's lap, and I couldn't understand what they were doing, and then I'm like, oh my God, they're having sex. They're having sex. Just like a man and a woman. He's sitting on her, and I was like, oh yeah, of course you can do that.

You're like straddling him? I saw, dude, that was like, I remember being like, what the? You had an awakening. I was like, they're making love. Dude, that was me. I remember that was my first night in New York. I was just telling someone about this. I didn't know anyone.

I was living with a dude who was from the Canary Islands, but he didn't speak English. Wait a minute. Tell me. Your roommate didn't speak English? It was my friend I grew up with could, I could, I could. Wait, wait, wait, tell me, your roommate didn't speak English? It was, it was my friend I grew up with's sister's ex-boyfriend. And that's your roommate?

Yeah, he goes, you can stay here. I get there the first night. You just do the randoms? Yeah, shout out to Diego. You're fucking in the violence? Let me find him, let me find him. My first night, all we did was open a map and drink and point to places we've been to. Oh, that's funny. Didn't speak.

Huh? Huh? Huh? So I was like, and it was, oh, fuck, yes. And it was a studio apartment. So I slept on the floor next to his bed like he had kicked me out. And so that night, that was my first night.

My first night going out was with those people and I stayed out all night. We stayed out all night and I came home and he was at work and so I was like, oh, that's the ticket. I just got to stay out all night. The next night,

I stayed out and I was like on, like park benches, that sounds worse than it is. I just stayed up all night in New York and you just hung out and just walked around, sat on a park bench, and I was like, this sucks. Next night, genius move, I get a bag of weed, and I meet dudes at bars, and I go, you want to get high?

Later, like, when this closes, we'll go get high. And they're like, yeah, sure. Go to their place, get high. I pass out on their couch, and then be like, bro, bro, you got to leave. Just let them fucking sleep. And then I'd wake up, and I'd spend the night. Then I'd go there to the other place, where Diego's place was. My second night of doing this, I meet a dude.

We go back to his place. We smoke weed. We listen to Tool and we watch My So-Called Life with Claire Danes. I don't know if you remember that. No, I don't. And it's a great fucking show. And I pass out on his couch. The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Recipients have done the improbable, showing immense bravery and sacrifice in the

name of something much bigger than themselves. This medal is for the men who went down that day. It's for the families of those who didn't make it. I'm J.R. Martinez. I'm a U.S. Army veteran myself. And I'm honored to tell you the stories of these heroes on the new season of Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage from Pushkin Industries and iHeart Podcast. From Robert Blake, the first black sailor to be awarded the medal, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice. These are stories about people who have distinguished themselves by acts of valor, going above and beyond the call of duty. You'll hear

about what they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways. Three or four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding. But the price has gone up, so now I only buy one. The demand curve in action. And that's just one of the things we'll be covering on Everybody's Business from Bloomberg Businessweek.

I'm Max Chavkin. And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives. But guests like Businessweek editor Brad Stone, sports reporter Randall Williams, and consumer spending expert Amanda Mull will take you inside the boardrooms, the backrooms, even the signal chats that make our economy tick. Hey, I want to learn about VeChain.

I want to buy some blockchain or whatever it is that they're doing. So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I know a lot of cops, and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. Across the country, cops called this taser the revolution. But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that taser told them.

From Lava for Good and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated. I get right back there and it's bad. It's really, really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Binge episodes 1, 2, and 3 on May 21st, and episodes 4, 5, and 6 on June 4th. Ad-free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. And the dude, his roommate wakes up, and his his roommate i just texted this guy the other day his roommate's like burt kreischer it's this guy john beamer i grew up i grew up with and i'm like shut up so i had like three homeless nights in new york and then i i stayed on their couch i moved in with john beamer and i forget the guy's name he was a music producer he was he had really diverse taste in music it was like It was like when you get really open your mind

to music and you're like because I only listened to like I was doing this I was trying to do a timeline of like what was my first intro to hip hop

as a kid. You know what I think I learned about hip hop was 2020. The show? The show 2020. They did a profile on breakdancing.

Like in the 80s? Yeah. And I was trying to remember He was in there. I was trying to remember if Mantronics was before Roxanne Chanté. Ooh.

Wow. Ooh, I was not expecting that. I was not expecting that. I ran into Roxanne Chanté on Sway's show. She was in there and I lost my shit she's a legend I banged

it's Roxanne that's right she's from Queensbridge I do I watched her movie I watched her made her daughter my daughter's watch her movie

I fucking started banging on the window showed her my tits I was like Roxanne Roxanne and I kept going I'm famous

I'm famous yeah yeah yeah the uh she didn't come out did she no no no no it's always weird when you're when cause I don't look Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't come out, did she? No. No. No.

No, no. It's always weird when you're, because I don't look like a fan of hip-hop, but I am like... But what does a fan of hip-hop look like? Especially nowadays. You can say I don't look like a fan of you, but I am.

I know, that's what... I'm one of your biggest fans, too, by the way. Dude, I ran into you when I moved to L.A. Uh-huh. This is 2000, I'm guessing, and cash money is like the biggest fucking thing. Now, I was obsessed, obsessed with juvenile and Lil Wayne. Obsessed. Like, I would argue, I mean I I would like there were lines

and I just got money I had a big truck I drove around everywhere in a Jason Williams jersey I thought life was it I ran into them at the white dude

white chocolate yeah white chocolate I ran into Juvenile and and Lil Wayne and BG in front of the

Grafton Hotel and I was like and I was like I lost my shit and I'm like, I lost my shit. And I'm buying their children at the time. I think they're like 18, 19 for sure. And I'm like,

holy shit, fuck it. And I'm reciting their lyrics back to them. I'm like, shut the fuck up. I lost my shit. And I'm like in a, like a collared shirt.

I just got done shooting. And, and they were like, I was like, I gotta get you guys on my show. I had a TV show at the time. And they're like, Oh,

okay. Call this guy. It's fucking baby's number. I'm like, shut the fuck get you guys on my show. I had a TV show at the time. And they were like, oh, okay. Call this guy. His fucking baby's number. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Are you kidding me? Yeah, dude. That was, but yeah, I don't look like I'm into hip hop. Yeah.

You know what's crazy? I like that you said that, though. What? About the look. No, but it's like, because Kevin Hart, I got to give big props to Kevin Hart. Okay. I'm a fan of the show He's our brother I watched him on it

Maybe not his best performance His wife was right there He was so hungover He had sunglasses on And he was talking about entrepreneurship But I'm gonna tell you something Kevin Hart His tequila is fucking great

And he had been promoting it all week so I think that's why. He is a game changer. He drinks. He drinks. Don't. No, I know. He drank that night.

He was on the road. He drank. Kevin Hart. So Cedric and Shaq did a comedy, a basketball comedy thing on All-Star Weekend. This is the year they did it. Now I'm not saying, I'm not putting disrespect on anyone, like shade to anyone

when I say this. I'm just telling you what I saw as a comic. D-Ray, Tommy Davidson, Aries Spears, and Kevin Hart. I might have forgotten one person. Everyone did what I would have done, which is it's an intimidating room. You're in an arena

and it's all your favorite NBA players, huge celebrities, and everyone did some crowd work, and then fucked around, made it loose. Like played it safe? Tried to be edgy,

tried to be like edgy, like, you know, talk about like chicks, and fucking chicks, and go a little harder. Kevin Hart walked out. I'm telling you when I say this changed my career.

Kevin Hart walked out, and said, I have two kids. And the place was like, yeah. And I went, oh, fuck. In my head I went, yeah. Yeah, yeah, oh, you're skipping all the lines. And you're talking about some real shit that everyone.

Relatable. Real relatable. He talked about his kids. And it was so goddamn funny. And I thought, here I am trying to be edgy as shit hoping that comics in the back of the room are like yeah did you hear the shit burke got away with last night when i was like i should just talk literally about what is going on in my life because i guarantee there's other people and i'm it is when you when i when you say that you're a fan of mine i've been

a fan of yours for a very long time so like that is the biggest compliment i could ever get but like like you know you know i'm gonna be honest with you like a lot of yours for a very long time. So, like, that is the biggest compliment I could ever get. But, like, you know, I'm going to be honest with you. Like, a lot of times I'll be in an airport and a person will come up to me and they'll just start a conversation with me. They won't say hi because they really watch me so much. They think they actually know me. And then here I am judging them. But that's what I'm doing right now. Like, I've never met you before, but I feel like I know you

because I watch your material so much. I feel like if Leigh-Anne, your wife, was to walk in, I'd be like, what's up, Leigh-Anne? And she'd be like, who is this black guy? And I'd be so happy. But here it is. Fans do that to me all the time.

And so when I'm fanning out, I love this. Like, you have no idea. My whole crew, all of these motherfuckers wanted to drink so early, and I made everyone stop. And it's like, bro, Bert's coming. You have no idea. My whole crew, all of these motherfuckers wanted to drink so early and I made everyone stop. And it's like,

we're coming. You know what I mean? I'm like, no. Let's wait till he gets here then we drink together. Because you, just because, I don't know if you know,

that's how much you mean to the people in the community. During the pandemic, the comedians saved the world. Oh, wow. And D-Nice and the DJs. And D-Nice. And the DJs.

Because I kid you not, like I was telling Eric, I was telling Eric, I said what's crazy about you is I discovered your comedy and I found out you was a drinking legend later. Like I was in love with you. What's the one-two punch? Yeah, but I did. Because, you know, sometimes, you know. Well, you know, I found this show because of you guys drinking. I was in love with What's the one-two punch? Yeah, but sometimes... I found this show because of you guys drinking. I know. The name gave it away. Can I tell you? Drink Champs is the best

fucking name for a podcast ever. By the way, the fact that you get people I think, I mean Puffy's a legend. Yeah. But Puffy drunk is my favorite Puffy in the world. The Jeffrey.

Did you see him make a Jeffrey? He put, all right. He had a chalice. I don't know. We had a chalice on the table. So we had a chalice on the table. So what it was, we had this drink called Tiger Bone, which is very horrible.

Disgusting. We don't recommend it. It's not supposed to be. It's not supposed to be. Consumed. Humanly consumed. But we was trying to do something, and we're trying to get our guests loose,

so we'll give them a shot of Tiger Bone. They start telling everything about, hey, man, I snuffed my mother one day. Like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What are you doing? But it did the job. So Puff, we had just made a deal with Puff, right?

We just made a deal, but what is it? The ink wasn't dry? Yeah, I said the check hasn't hit. The wire hasn't hit. I said the wire hasn't hit yet. So, Breakfast Club had just had Baby, and Baby walked out. That viral moment. And he walked out. I was like, fuck it, I want one of those moments. So, I looked at puff.

I wanted one of those moments. I wanted one of those moments, so I looked at puff. Those moments are fun. You can't pick those moments. Wait, don't tell me you set that moment up. I didn't text him nothing. Yes, I did. You set that up though. With Jeffrey?

No, no, no. You don't know where I'm going. So I look and I look at Puff and I say, does J-Lo fart smell like cherries? He's a black guy. His face got so red because he knows I ain't... This is Puff Daddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's looking like...

He said, is this the show we just wore? He had been like the asshole. He had been in there and said, the check ain't clear. At this very moment, Pup Daddy takes off his glasses. He holds it on.

Yeah, he holds it on. And I'm like, yo, I just need this moment. I don't care. Like, fuck it. If he going to swing, he going to swing. But we going to have the best. And he's going to stay in Pupness because we signed. So he takes off.

It's a foul shit on me, by the way. By the way, I know I'm a foul person. I do know that. But he took off his glasses And I looked at him Eye to eye And at that very moment I was like

He's either gonna snuff me And then he said I get it Yeah And then he put his glasses Back on He said I get it

And he took the chalice That's what happened And he took the chalice He said Okay y'all wanna drink with me Well we gonna drink I love when he drinks I wanna get drunk with him so bad.

Listen, listen, he changes. He's a different person when he drinks. Listen, listen, he took one cup. But by the way, I'm going to tell you his cheat code. He took one cup. Is it Coke? Yeah. No, no, no, no.

No, IV, IV. Yeah, liquid IV. I mean, not liquid IV, a real IV. A real IV. I get IVs all the time. I don't know if you're going to meet me at the hotel tomorrow. So look, he takes this one chalice and he puts tiger bone in it.

We had all kinds of bottles in it. He put everything in it. In this huge chalice. And then he put it in one glass and then he made all of us drink. He said we're all drinking. He drank first. I drank, he drank first.

I'm not going to lie. He drank first. And then when he gave it to me, I literally felt like I drank death. But I was trying to act hard. So I was like, did I drink death? And we all, it was death. That was like. I drank death. And we all.

That was disgusting. It was death. It was death. Oh, that tastes like cancer. Disgusting. But I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you something. I don't think a lot of people when they come on this show that it's the alcohol to blame.

No. I think these people want to release it anyway. They want to say things anyway. You make a very homey podcast. Like, I remember the first few episodes I watched, I think they were all Jadakiss.

That's funny. Jadakiss has been on like 18 We owe him money at some point. And then Jadakiss. Dude, the fucking can I shout out the locks talking about stabbing Mike Tyson. Oh, yeah. That's the funniest. No, the one with Eve and Mike Tyson.

When he goes, yeah, we're going to have to fight Mike Tyson. We're going to have to fight him. Someone has to poke this guy. I'm fucking, I mean, you know, I've been offered to do Mike Tyson's podcast. He's unaggressively intimidated. He's not trying to intimidate you. Listen, this is EFN.

He's one of my toughest friends, and he's a tough guy. EFN gave Mike Tyson a pre-roll. Mike Tyson took the shit, put it in his mouth, and gave EFN back the pre-roll. Gave back the empty shit, and EFN gave Mike Tyson a pre-roll Mike Tyson took this shit put it in his mouth and gave EFN back the pre-roll gave it back the empty shit EFN held it he's serious he's intense

he's a nice guy nice guy he's intense never seen him and then Shrooms he's like we did a live podcast with him in Vegas

in front of an audience and I don't do Shrooms or nothing and then the medal of honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Recipients have done the improbable,

showing immense bravery and sacrifice in the name of something much bigger than themselves. This medal is for the men who went down that day. It's for the families of those who didn't make it. I'm J.R. Martinez. I'm a U.S. Army veteran myself. And I'm honored to tell you the stories of these heroes on the new season of Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage from Pushkin Industries and I Heart Podcast. From Robert Blake, the first black sailor to be awarded the medal, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice. These are stories about people who have distinguished themselves by acts of valor, going above and beyond the call of duty.

You'll hear about what they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways. Three or four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding. But the price has gone up, so now I only buy one. The demand curve in action.

And that's just one of the things we'll be covering on Everybody's Business from Bloomberg Businessweek. I'm Max Chavkin. And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives. But guests like Businessweek editor Brad Stone, sports reporter Randall Williams, and consumer spending expert Amanda Mull will take you inside the boardrooms, the backrooms,

even the signal chats that make our economy tick. Hey, I want to learn about VeChain. I want to buy some blockchain or whatever it is that they're doing. So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I know a lot of cops, and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no.

Across the country, cops called this taser the revolution. But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that taser told them. From Lava for Good and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated. I get right back there and it's bad.

It's really, really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge episodes 1, 2, and three on May 21st and episodes four, five, and six on June 4th. Add free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. He tried to give it to me before, and then we're doing the pie,

and he takes the chocolate, and he goes, and he goes, I said it's my birthday, and he goes, here, take a thing. I was like, no, no, drink it. Oh, shit, shit. See gotta i gotta measure myself around those people because because i'll take it i'll take it i'll take it there used to be i don't know he's intimidating i don't know can you edit stuff out in case there's a bad thing to say no problem there

used to be a gang here in miami called the zo pound oh yeah they're still around yeah yeah okay cool that's sunny. You already did. Oh, cool. Never mind. It's good to see you guys. Let me know you guys are still healthy and bouncing around. Cool.

Let me know where they can donate. Hey, keep your fingers out. Yeah, yeah. And you got the shoot from home base of the Zopound.

I know. There's a little hating right there. So tell us your Zopal story We need to hear your Zopal story Nope I don't say no a lot So like We get it

I met them on DJ Laz's show Shout out to DJ Laz He's the best And then I invited them I had just seen them on DJ Laz's show. Shout out to DJ Laz. He's the best. And then I invited them. I had just seen them on like. Wait, you met the group? Because they also had a rap group.

They had a group. Rap group. Red Eyes and all these guys. I invited them to my show. And then a bunch of dudes came to my show. And they're like, hey, we're going out. Just to the, in Coconut Grove, to one of the clubs. They're like, you coming out with us?

I'm not the guy to say no. And that's, I think that's my problem in life. But we had a great time. They were very sweet gentlemen. Shout out to DJ Lass. But with guys like Mike Tyson, I can't say no. And so if I was with him, guys like Puffy. I don't say no to shit.

And so when weird shit is on the table, I said no to cocaine five times the other day, and I was so proud of myself. I don't say no to, growing up in Florida, it's rude to say no to drugs. I mean, I'm from Miami. I know the same thing.

Someone offers you something. To avoid it, to avoid it all. You're like, whoa, I'm a superhero. You get home at the end of the night, and you're like, I've never done cocaine. I've never done cocaine. You go to bed, and you put the blanket over you. Ta-da. Yeah, I said no to coke a lot recently. But it's just because I know how I feel the next day.

And it's just, fuck. I mean, here's the problem. Coke really delivers. Like, it really does. That's what I'm afraid of. That's why I never did it. You never did it? No, I never did it. Oh, come on. Because I knew I would like it. No's what I'm afraid of, that's why I never did it. You never did it? No, I never did it.

Oh, come on. Because I knew I would like it. Oh dude. No, no, I knew, I was around people that did it. You got it right once, you got it right once. No, no, no, I'm already too old for that shit. Oh my, how old are you? 47, about to be 48.

Oh my God, come on. And I got toddlers. Someone gets an eight ball, let's get this game. No, no, no, no, no, no. I got toddlers at the crib, so I'm, oh the little ones. Well you got toddlers, how old? Toddlers, they're two holding little ones. Well, you got toddlers? Toddlers. There are two and a three.

Well, about to be five, about to be four, actually. About to be five, about to be three. I remember those days. That's the best time of your life. Mine are 18 and 16. Sucks. It sucks. Fucking just dead at our house.

Just no life. Just some old lady. This is what retirement's going to be like. This is your wife talking to you? Look, I love her. I love her. I love her. Get the eight ball then.

No, my wife never done. I told her to talk about this on Razzle Dazzle. She told my kids I did coke and did not consult me. Like, they were like, have you guys ever done drugs? And my wife goes, I smoked weed a couple times. I didn't like it.

I didn't like it very much. It made me throw up. Your daddy's done cocaine. And I go, what the fuck? I go, hey, that's my choice to tell. You don't get to tell them. Like, what the fuck? She's like, you got to be honest with them girls.

Go tell them. Go tell them. And my daughters are like, now they're looking at me, you did cocaine, dad? And I was like, you got to be honest with them girls. Go tell them. Go tell them. And my daughters are like, you did cocaine, Dad? And I was like, yeah, once. Yesterday? I didn't like it very much. Made me throw up. Never did it again.

And she's like, that's a lie. Your dad has done cocaine a lot. And then I was like, okay. Well, your mom lost her virginity when she was 13. Tell them that story. She was a whore. There we go, everyone. Let's tell secrets.

Yeah. And then she goes, first. Let's tell secrets. Yeah. And then she goes, first of all, I was almost 14. And shit ain't nothing to do in my hometown but fuck, fight, and race. I'm like, who did I marry? Ricky Bobby? Fucking that woman. If you ain't, what is it? If you ain't first, then you're last.

Ricky Bobby. If you ain't first, then you're last. Yeah. She's a fucking. You instinctively call her a redneck, but I don't think she's a redneck, she, yeah, she's a fucking. You instinctively call her a redneck, but I don't think she's a redneck, right?

No, she is, I mean, her hometown, her hometown's. His kids are cousins? Buddy. What state is this? Alabama?

They have a, I'm not even fucking around. They have a saying in their hometown, shit, they kin, but they ain't around. They have a saying in their hometown. Shit. They kin, but they ain't blood. They kin, but they ain't blood. Meaning, they can fuck.

They're related. They can fuck. It's not like they're brother and sister. They kin. She is too relevant. I shouldn't even go too deep into this. We were a family union. We met two people.

Two people that were related that were married. And I looked at me and goes, how does that happen? And Leanne goes, well, you can't pick who you fall in love with. I was like, no, you're fucking cats. You're fucking cats. You 100% can. You 100% go. Wait a minute.

So tell me. You're telling me that they knew they was cousins and they sued it? Man, I'm going to get in trouble. I'm going to get in trouble. I'm going to get in trouble. I'm going to have to call my wife right now. Am I what? Okay, all right. Just everyone be clear.

Mark this moment. If Leanne wants this taken out, we'll take it out. She was at a family reunion and saw her boyfriend when she was in high school and was like, shit, you a d***. And he's like, oh, shit, you a d***. I just found out. This is, Hang on. Now, by the way, if you're in small-town America, this shit, like 1,200 people, of course, somehow you're going to be related.

They weren't. And her dad said to her, oh, you can, but you ain't blood. And Leanne's like, oh, I don't give a fuck. I'm out. Like, she didn't. They were just dating or whatever. They were children. I met the two that were related. She goes, oh, they can, but they ain't blood. I met their whatever. They were children. I met the two that were related.

She goes, oh, they can, but they ain't blood. I met their kid. They fucking blood. They blood. This is a window-licking ninny. Like, just the dumbest kid you've ever met. They blood. They shook night blood.

They blood. Oh, my God. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a small town, like a small small town like a small town I swear to God I swear to God on our marriage license I won't say the names I know everyone be upset if I say this is you can't know it said are you blood relatives was the third question question and I said the lady what do I put for three? She goes, well, is ya? I go, I don't think we is. She goes, well,

then put down my name. See, I go, I'm not writing names. That means we is. Yeah, yeah, it's a small town

in Georgia and there's a lot of them. I met, you know, Country Wayne? Yeah, so. Country Wayne.

Country Wayne's from a small town like that and I told, he hears those stories and he goes. He's a fucking his cousin's dude? No, Country Wayne's a fucking his cousin.

Country Wayne, come out, you caught. No, no, no. Country way doesn't fuck his cousins. Country way, come out, you caught? No, no, no, but they're from like same small towns where like, no one has houses.

You have like the house that they pull up. But where's this at in America? In Georgia. Oh, this is Georgia. Oh shit. Small town in Georgia. Next town over.

Yeah, small town in Georgia. I mean, she was embarrassed when we first started dating because I came from Tampa. My dad was a lawyer. My mom was a teacher. I'm not saying we didn't. We definitely have white privilege, but not like rich people.

But like I didn't want for anything or at least I didn't know I wanted for it. And so when I first went to her house, she was like, I'm nervous. You're not going to like my like it's not like your family. And I was like, okay. And her dad was living in a convenience store in the freezer. He was living in there? He had built off, Leanne's going to kill me because I'm not saying this right. He had built a bedroom in the back of the convenience store.

And at first I was like. Like an efficiency? Yeah. But it was like attached to the freezer.. And at first I was like. Like an efficiency? Like, yeah. But it was like attached to the freezer. So it was cold as fucking shit. No windows. AC was popping. AC was awesome, dude.

If you want to talk about a guy who likes to get drunk and pass out, pass out in a fucking convenience store freezer. Dude, and I'd wake up. Talk about convenience. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and I'd just go like, oh, Reese's peanut butter cups. Fucking getting sick on those. I'm drinking Tall Boys. I loved it. You'd wake up, come out in the morning, small town in Georgia.

Everyone shows up and has their biscuits and coffee at the convenience store. And it was like you were holding court. It was all – I loved it. I got bummed when he sold that place. So he owned the convenience store. He owned the convenience store. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.

See, that's where I'm going to speak. I will tell you the whole thing. By the way, this is how you know this is some good whiskey. I just burped and I wanted to sip it back in. You took a shot after you burped. I wanted to go back in. It smells so beautiful. You don't want that?

I'm good. I'm good. I'm not trying to say it anyway. Is that Moana? Yeah. My Moana. Dude, they make that in the tub in Kendall. Don't listen to him. Really?

Yes. Can I tell you, growing up in Florida, I feel like it's my city. Even Miami is not my city at all. You grew up in Tallahassee. Tallahassee, Tampa. You grew up in Tampa, right? And then I come down to Miami all the time. And I mean, doing stand-up in Miami.

Miami, dude, you. Did you ever go to the Miami Improv? And then I come down to Miami all the time. And I mean, doing stand-up in Miami. Miami, dude, you, did you ever go to the Miami Improv? Yes, I have. Have you got a new one in Doral? No, I don't go.

I don't do, yeah, I don't. You're too big. I just do arenas now. The, uh... I ain't letting you go. We'll go have a drink there or something.

Yes. No, dude, you want to talk about, can you, when we used to do, I've told this story before, so stop me if you've heard it. Okay.

But so the Miami Improv was crazy. Like there were times. That was in the Grove back in. Back in Coconut Grove. And underground. There were times where you would do stand up and not, and 80% of the room did not speak English.

80% of the room. And cocaine English. 80% of the room. And cocaine cowboys time. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is 2000, 2001, 2004. I don't even know if it was around back then. No, no, I don't think so. Okay.

And so I, one time go on stage, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm headlining and the, the girl in front of me comes off. She's a host and she's like, we have two hecklers in the front. I said, how do I remove? The feature's on. I go to the manager. I go, hey, there's two hecklers. Can you move them?

And she says, he goes, I think they're gang members. So I think I'm going to just let them stay. And I go, but they're ruining the show. And he goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure they have weapons on them. So like, hey, don't talk with them. And I'm like, okay. So I go, but they're ruining the show. And he goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure they have weapons on them. So like, hey, don't fuck with them. And I'm like, okay. So I go on stage. One dude just regular looking black dude. Nothing special with his hair. Other dude, light skin

black dude, tattoos on his face and dreads. Did you say tattoos? Tattoos. I say it differently. Yeah. Tattoos. I've never heard tattoos. Continue there. Tattoos. Tattoos. The dark skinned dude's name's Ray. And by the way-

You got it on a first-name basis? Because I think he did some stuff for Bang Bus. Okay. I think if I remember- Yeah, someone might know this guy. I mean- Oh, I know. Yeah, I know.

He's Cuban. That's Cuban. The guy, Ray, that did the Bang Bus. The pornos? Yeah, the skinny dude. Skinny dude. Hold on, hold on. So we might have, okay, now, Ray, I may be, look, I tell a lot of stories out of school. So this isn't you.

That's totally cool. But this is 2004, 2006, right around then. So I start, I do this thing. There's a thing you can do in stand-up where you ask people the setup to your joke. So I go, you good at eating pussy? I already have a good pussy eating joke. So then I get you to to your joke. So I go, you good at eating pussy? I already have a good pussy eating joke, so then I get you to say your thing. I said to Ray, I said,

you good at eating pussy? He goes, you know what you do? I said, what? And he goes, you put your lips real close to her clit and you go, and so then now he said something silly, so I get to make a joke out of that, and then I go, no, Ray, what I do is I put my lips around her entirely and go, oh! And so now we've said two jokes, right? So it's a way to deal with a heckler. It's a cheat code. It's not the best Ray, what I do is I put my lips around her entirely and go, oh. And so now we've said two jokes, right?

So it's a way to deal with a heckler. It's a cheat code. It's not the best comedy. But I do that. It's like defusing them. It defuses them. It lets them be a part of the show. Right.

So I do that for like 29 minutes. And I realize I haven't really told a joke. Now, I've told a bunch of jokes. But you handle it in the heck list. I'm handling the heck list. Yes, okay. And so I had a joke at the time about black dudes' cocks.

Okay. You think black is a slimming color until you see a black dude's cock. You're like, well, shouldn't it be the white ones that look big? Like a lighthouse in the fog or a flashlight in a haunted house.

What are you kids doing in here? So I had told that. I had told that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if there was a black chick, I go, you ever have sex with a white guy? And she goes, no.

I go, you should do it. It's like getting your ears pierced. You feel a little prick and it's over. And so, like, it was all crowd work stuff that you have in your pocket. So I told that already. So I turned to the other side of the audience because I realized I haven't really, like, told a joke. I've just been fucking with these guys. And Ray jumps up on stage and he goes.

The gang member. Yeah, from Bang Brothers. I think. Look, I'm sorry, Ray, goes... The gang member. Yeah. From Bang Brothers. I think. Look, I'm sorry, Ray, if it's not you. I'm sorry. And he goes, this is a real motherfucker. And the room's like, yeah. Now he's on stage with me. He goes, you know what real motherfuckers get in the 305?

And everyone's like, please don't say stabbed. And he takes his pants off and he shows his dick and his dick is tremendous. It's a nice, it's there. It's there, and now there's 250 people going, holy fuck, we're staring at a dude's dick, and it's big, and they're like, and it's like kind of ready. Everyone's like, holy shit.

So I go, hey, Ray, I'm going to give you a heads up. They're calling the cops right now. I go, if I were you, I would leave. I would definitely leave. But thank you so much for the respect. And he starts going, show your shit, son! And I'm like, I'm definitely not. Not after that! Not after that!

Before that I would have, but not after I've seen that thing! Jesus, I'm calling J-Lo an ice cube! These are different kind of stories! So, yeah, is this a different type of during chance? Do you think Jadakiss will a different type of drink, James? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Do you think Jadakiss will hear this and be like, what?

So, I am gay shit. So, Ray gets off stage, and he goes, good looking out, and he goes to the bar. Now, Ray's with a light-skinned dude with dreads with tattoos on his face. And I said, I got to be dead honest with you, man. I go, between you and Ray, you're the one I'd want to look at. He has a joke, and he slowly stands up. Everyone's like, holy shit.

Now, this gets better. He slowly stands up, gets on stage, and he goes, you're funny. And I was like, oh, thank you. He goes, and you're a real motherfucker. I go, I think I know where this is going. He goes, you know what real motherfuckers get in the 305? And everyone's like like show your dick

and he fucking drops his pants and he has like more of like a grayer like but it's just as big and it's just as impressive the place goes fucking bananas I tell him brother I don't know your name but they are definitely called the cops now you might be able to catch

up with Ray if you go quick they are sitting he looks at me he Ray If you go quick They are sitting He looks at me, he's like, good looking out They are sitting, I swear on my children's life With a hairless albino A hairless albino And I said, I gotta be dead honest Sir, out of all the dicks in this room

The only one I wanted to see is yours He pushes his chair back And the place is like Gets on stage. It looks like a fucking lighthouse. It's white. It's blinking. Sailors are like,

go that way. It is no hair. I drop the mic. I go, that's my show. Thank you so much. That was Stand Up in Miami. God damn it. Okay.

Before we get into the quick time with slime. Give me some flowers, man. God damn it. Okay. Before we get into the quick time with slime. Give us flowers, man. Oh, yeah. Our show is about giving people their flowers. We want to give you your flowers

to your face. Thank you. Everybody thought it was going to be Gary Owens. No. It's Brett. God damn it.

It's Bert. Bert. I'm high as hell andens. No. It's Brad. God damn it. It's Bert. Bert. I'm high as hell. And drunk. Yo, that's your flowers, my brother. Snoop Dogg said it's like a Grammy because he's kept them for your people. We wanted to tell you how important you are to us,

how important you are to life, how important you are to everything, man. You keep on us laughing, and that's very important in life, man. You know what I'm saying? Because life is so short. Life is so fucked up. Life is so,

we can't, we have to laugh, man. We have to enjoy ourselves. We have to drink. And again, that is, what? We have to drink.

We have to drink. I mean, according to you, listen, by the way, you are now the dry Bible. You know what that is? No. The drunk Bible. Oh. Oh. You, by the way, you are now the dry Bible. You know what that is?

The drunk Bible. You are now the Jesus of the drunk Bible. I love that. And the Bible starts off with, can we play it? Who got it on the group chat? Who got it on the group chat? Hold on. Come on. His speech?

Yeah, his speech. Hold on. I got it. I got it. I got it. Put it on the mic. Dude, let me tell you something. So now my phone go. I ain't going to lie.

I got a bootleg phone. You got a bootleg phone? I will always make sure that I can keep my body healthy enough so that I can always drink. I love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail, seeing a sunset with a cocktail, having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine, getting on a plane. Can I get you something? Double jack on the rocks. Lots of rocks. Lots of rocks. I love the moment someone says, hey, we should get a drink.

And you're not supposed to. That feeling. It's like a first kiss. You don't get a first kiss. You only get a drink and you and you're not supposed to feeling it's like first kiss You only get a first kiss once yes You get your first drink every day Actually, we have bottomless witnesses Yeah, that is When we play the real episode we we're going to play the... I mean, that is like...

It's Phil Jackson shit, bro. You know, it's funny. It goes back to that Kevin Hart thing. You can only speak about the shit you know, right? Like, you can't... You can try to be... Me and you. I wouldn't be shocked if it happened.

This is my dream. I held this bottle... How long I held this bottle, Eric? Almost three years. I got to FaceTime my dad. Almost three years. I had to buy another one today. Jamie, can you bring the bottle? I need another occasion. And I had to buy another one today. Jamie, can you bring the bottle? Yes.

FaceTime my dad. Yeah, because I need another occasion. But I said, man. Yeah. Yes. My dad, my dad. My dad talks about this fucking whiskey. Now I feel like I should have brought two bottles.

Ooh, I look red. The 15 and 10. I don't know what my blood pressure is. Hey. Big guy. Yeah. Hey, I'm hanging out with some and 10. I don't know what my blood pressure is. Hey. Big guy. Yeah. Hey, I'm hanging out with some of my buddies. How you doing?

What's going on? How you doing, boss? Hey. I'm in Miami. I'm in Miami right now. You have friends. Yeah. But more importantly, we're doing a podcast in Miami, and we're drinking a bottle of Poppy Van Winkle.

Oh, my buddy. He brought it out, and I freaked out. How many years has that been? 15 years. A 23 is a bit better. I can't find a 23. Yo, you know what? I can't find a 23. He's correct. He is correct. I got two. Yep. He's better. I can't find a 23. Yo, you know what? I can't find a 23.

He's correct. He is correct. Okay, okay. I got two. Yep, he's correct. He's correct. I love you. Hey, I love you.

I love you. I love you. You need to find a bar that has 23, bud. Yeah. Thank you. Have a good time. All right. I love you.

At 23, that's how you know his father's rich. Because 23 starts at like 7,000. Oh, yeah. When I started making money, my dad was like, we should get a bottle of Pappy. And we just couldn't. You can't find it in LA. You can't find it. Have you ever thought about starting your own liquor?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, okay, continue. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, so this is my idea. We have a game called Quick Time of Slime, right? Mm-hmm. So, when we take shots, I'll give you a question.

You take a shot. Would you want to keep the shots as Pappy, or would you want to mess with me and do some Japanese whiskey? Let's do Japanese whiskey. I knew he would not disappoint. Line it up, baby. Go grab the Habiki.

Whiz, whiz. Oh, you got it? Okay. I watched you guys were doing, I forget who you were doing the show with, and you were talking about strip clubs, but I thought you were talking about something else, and I didn't realize. It was just recent.

Who was it recent? Who did you, oh, it was Rick Ross. Good. What? Yeah, well, yeah, I thought you were talking about watches. Oh, no. I thought you were talking about watches, and I was like, oh, man, I'm with Rick Ross, yeah. I'm like, and I was like, oh man, I'm with Rick Ross.

I'm like, yeah, my Rolex is more traditional. It's like the plastic. And I was like, well, I got to hear this new watch though. I've never heard of it.

And I'm Googling it and going like, what? And then I go, are they talking about fucking strip clubs? Hold on. Can we talk about

Trick Daddy for a second? Yes. Eat a booty game? Hold on. Yes. Can I tell you, okay, this is why, this is why you guys have the best podcast in the world. Goddamn, make some noise. When you get, you're getting people that are unfiltered.

So much of America, including myself, I'm sure I'm guilty of it, is that you filter yourself because you don't want to get in trouble. You don't want to deal with it. Quite honestly, I don't talk about politics or anything like this. I don't want to deal with it. Quite honestly, I don't talk about politics or anything like this. I don't want to deal with it. I just don't like, it's not on my radar. It's not what I catch.

When you get like brilliant dudes, like Trick Daddy is, he's, you can't deny that his brain, his brain was set up to make money.

The guy does it at a different level, right? Yes. But he's so different level, right? Yes. But he's so fucking unfiltered. I remember someone, and I could be wrong about this, but someone was talking about him. He had some disease, and they were like,

you putting on medication? He was like, yeah, I just started putting coke in my weed, and I'm so much better. And then you're like, more of that. Did you ever hear my, I mean, your DMX, your DMX interviews are the fucking best. Yo, he stood right here. That was.

Dude, he was. Dude. You don't understand. I could cry talking about him. And the first one was really. The first one was really. I didn't cry talking about two men. For real. Who?

Steve Harvey and DMX. I'll cry talking about Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey? Tell us. Why, why? Dude, I got into a, Stylebender and I, the middleweight champ, we almost got into a,

we tried, we picked a fight with everyone at the bar in New Zealand. We were fucked up and we stood back to back and we challenged everyone to a fight. He was challenging the dudes.

I was making eye contact with the women. But like, but we had a fucking night and I thought he was doing a Steve Harvey bit. Have you ever heard Steve Harvey talk about his wife Marjorie? No.

Bro, just pivot. I'm not going to cry on this podcast. You Google it. No, no, tell us. Tell us. Tell us. We got time, so tell us. We got to see this.

Because it's how I feel about – look, I shit on my wife a lot, right? That's what I do. Well, we know you love her. I love her. I love her. My wife sent me a thing. She's a good wife. She's a lot, right? That's what I do. Well, we know you love her. I love her. My wife sent me a thing. She's a good wife. She's a good mom. Better than, yeah. He has a clip where he talks about Marjorie.

They play a song, and he goes, I'm having myself a moment. He goes, that's our song. She's mine right there, and I'm hers. I'll kill every motherfucker in this room over that woman. God, you see that? Dude And I'm hers. I'll kill every motherfucker in this room over that woman. God, but you've seen that.

I dude, I get emotional. If I watch that clip, I cry. Cause I go, I know that feeling. Do we did a family feud with Steve Harvey and he came up and you know, it killed me.

It killed me. He came up right up to me on the DL. I was like, I'm a fan. And I was like, dude, you're a fuck. My, my wife's our first like hangout at her house date. She put on Kings of comedy. She was like, dude, you're a fuck. My wife's, our first hangout at her house date,

she put on Kings of Comedy. She was like, because we were trying to figure out what we both laughed at. And she put on Kings of Comedy and I had not really sat through and watched Kings of Comedy. I had not watched any comedy, so I was doing comedy. And my wife was like, Bernie Mac and Steve Harvey are my two favorites. Like that's, because I was doing comedy. Right. And my wife was like, Bernie Mac and Steve Harvey

are my two favorites. Like, that's, you need to like them. Wow. If you like them, and Bernie Mac, I mean, Bernie Mac's, Bernie Mac,

I mean, you've seen his Def Jam set. Yes. You ain't scared of you motherfuckers. You know, Patrice showed that to me. Patrice O'Neal? Yeah.

Oh, my rest in peace. That's my man. Patrice explained hip hop to me. Really? Patrice O'Neal? That was my man. Rest in peace. Yeah, rest in peace. Yes. He was an awesome dude. He was also one of the funniestrice explained hip hop to me. Really? Patrice O'Neal. That was my man. Rest in peace. Rest in peace.

He was an awesome dude. He was also one of the funniest people on the planet to me. Yes. I'm talking about on camera and off camera. Dude. Yeah. He could also be an unruly bully. Really?

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah. I love Patrice. But you earned a relationship with Patrice. You didn't just get one. He explained Jay-Z's he was watching me

listen to Jay-Z and he goes what words are you saying? I said I don't know. I don't know what he's saying. I just say words that are close to it. And he goes hold on. Hang on. You're just saying like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, front in my car and it's beep beep and I'm picking them up. Let them play with the dick in the truck. I'll let them play with the dick in the truck. We were in Scotland. And I was like,

that's pretty cool. I was like, wow, that's really cool. And Mobb Deep, he had this big thing. I have a weird thing talking about people who pass because they can't contest it. He was explaining to me how

white guys don't fuck with Mobb Deep and Mobb Deep is the real shit. He was obsessed with Mobb Deep. He's a really brilliant dude. He told me a lot. I remember he's a very pivotal dude in my life. Very, very pivotal dude. I miss

that guy. I miss that guy. I didn't go to his funeral because I knew he wouldn't have gone to mine. Oh, shit. So I just thought, out of respect, I go, I'm not going to show up at your fucking funeral because I know that if I told you, if Patrice was alive, if he had faked his death

and he had saw me at his funeral, he'd be like, what the fuck are you doing here? Oh, my God. I wouldn't have gone to yours. That's Patrice, though. Yeah. That is some comedy shit right there.

I've never heard of no shit like that. Did Tracy Morgan get you high on PCP? Fuck. On PCP? I wish that story had never gotten out.

I wish that story had never, it's a good fucking story. It's one of the best stories in the world. Because you still don't know whether he did or not. I'll say this

on Tracy's behalf because I know he does not like the story. First of all, Tracy, I am the biggest fan. Yes. You are a fucking legend. I'll say this on Tracy's behalf because I know he does not like the story. First of all, Tracy, I am the biggest fan. You are a fucking legend. I'm sorry that this is how we're introduced. I met you one time.

I met you one time. I thought it was two times. Did he skip out on a bill? That was the same night. Oh, PCP and the dinner. No, hang on. Just so we're clear. Tracy Morgan does not smoke PCP. You're going to get me in fucking trouble. He does not smoke PCP. the demo. No, no, hang on, hang on. Jesus, relax, relax. Tracy Morgan does not smoke PCP. You're going to get me in fucking trouble. I definitely didn't say that.

He does not smoke PCP. I will tell you this. Okay. I think he made me believe at the time, because I was being this nervous white kid who was working the door at the Boston Comedy Club. And by the way, this was 98? I turned 26.

I just turned 26 26 whatever year that was Tony Woods shout out to Tony Woods one of the best fucking best comics that has ever done stand up he was there that night so like

just so we're clear I wasn't the only person there right so Tony Woods got high too yeah and so no no no it was just me and Tracy

it was just me and Tracy it was just me and Tracy it was just me and Tracy and by the way I know Tracy didn't like this story so I'm fucking sorry I'm doing it already. But I'm fucking drunk, Tracy. God, you remember when you used to drink? Yeah.

Because the story goes, you guys went out back, you smoked a blunt. Smoked, yeah. You said, hey, man, this tastes a little crazy. And he said, because it's that wet. And you said, wet? And he said, PCPP like Denzel Washington in training day. Like training day. Just like training day. That's how I visualized it. And now, I

freaked out. I freaked out. I never tell this story. And I sincerely apologize, Tracy. And you didn't want to go home? No, no, no. I went back to Tony. I went back to Tony and I said, I think I just smoked PCP with Tracy Morgan. And he goes, he started laughing. He goes, you did not. And I said, what? And he goes, Tracy doesn't smoke PCP. I said, for Morgan. And he goes, he started laughing, he goes, you did not. And I said,

well, and he goes, Tracy doesn't smoke PCP. I said, for real? And he goes, maybe. He goes,

maybe. He goes, listen, what you, hey, here's the deal. I know the man, he's not a guy

that's going to give someone PCP, but if you go home, you'll believe you're on PCP and you'll jump out of a fucking window. He's like, come out with us, hang out with us tonight. Trust me, you're not on PCP and you'll jump out of a fucking window. He's like, come out with us. Hang out with us tonight.

Trust me, you're not on PCP. And so we went out to a club called Madam X. And we had one of the best nights of my life. I can't express this enough. It bums me out that Tracy may not like me for even sharing this story again because I fucking idolize that guy. That guy is like the biggest. He was such an unbridled talent.

At times, the things he'd do on just regular interviews, I fucking love that guy. And my night with him was amazing. It was the funniest night. I'm sitting with Tracy and like 20 black dudes, and we're all drinking champagne. Tracy's taking, everyone's got a bottle of champagne. And when a girl walks by, he's giving her a bottle of champagne and saying something outrageous.

This is before the Walmart. Oh, wait. Wait, wait. Once again, I feel, I just want Tracy to know I, whatever. He's a comedian. He gets it. I think he does. He didn't like this story.

I heard that he didn't like this story or that he said it never happened, which is, he's totally allowed to say. He's totally allowed to say. Right. But if it, yeah,

but I'd have to be the best storyteller in the goddamn world to tell this fucking story. And to this day, do you know, was it? Nah, for the record,

it probably wasn't. It wasn't, it wasn't. He was fucking with me. I'm going to fuck with somebody like that. It's like when you tell, and I already had opium. I always say all the time, someone believes wasn't. It wasn't. He was fucking with me. I'm going to fuck with somebody like that. It's like when you tell and I already had opium. I always say all the time

someone believes me it's not true. There's a list of stories of Tracy just fucking with the opening comics. Just busting their balls. Was it opening white comics? Because that's what I heard.

It was a lot of opening white comics. White comics. There's a couple white comics that are all like I have a Tracy Morgan story. And you're like for real? Is that common?

You know what I mean? Yeah. I think you fuck with the opening comics I have a Tracy Morgan story. And you're like, for real? Is that common? Yeah, I think you fuck with the opening comics is the funnest thing to do. And Tracy's a genius. I mean, he's a fucking... I can't say that enough. You go online, he's got a Doug Flutie story that's like the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life about his high school coach

telling... Tracy's the fucking best. And so I'm bummed that like if I ever run into him he won't he won't be like I'm a big fan nah but whatever you know listen you shit happens to you you tell your truth as much as you can right and you and and as a comic you tell a story but the best part of the story is at the end of the night, the white waitress comes up and gives me the bill. Gives you the bill. Because I'm the one white guy there. And Tracy's like, what the fuck is that?

She's like, it's the bill. I'm the richest y'all. Y'all, I'm the in here. I'm the richest one in here. And Tracy Morgan's like, no. And then he's like, that's fucking racism. And then she slides him the bill. And he's like, oh, now I got money?

Now I got money? And he takes his shirt off, and he throws it at her. And two bouncers, Tony corrected me on this, ex-NFL bouncers. They're ex-NFL guards. They're like, yo, my man. And Tracy just smiles, and he goes, ah, shit, I ain't your man. The biggest fight I've ever been in in my life breaks out, right? Crazy, crazy. I? Crazy. Crazy. I'm on PTP.

Or at least I think I am. I walk outside. I walk. I leave. I'm a white guy. I grab my backpack. I leave. I'm like, see you guys.

Good luck, guys. I walk outside, and I'm just watching. I'm like, wait, Tony Woods comes out, and he's like, shit's going off, man. Shit's going off. We need to go back in there. And I was like, I'm not, wait, Tony Woods comes out, and he's like, shit's going off, man. Shit's going off, we need to go back in there. And I was like, I'm not going back in. The doors kick open. Tracy Volk.

I know Tracy, doors kick open, and he comes flying, two bouncers fly him up, up a flight of stairs. You know in New York, where those bars are downstairs? Yeah. They throw him up a flight of stairs. He lands on his shirt. Doors kick back open.

His shirt comes out end over end like a cartoon. Lands on his back. I'm looking at Tony Woods going, what are we doing with a dead Tracy Morgan? Tracy Morgan stands up, snaps his shirt, looks me in the eyes. He goes, no, that's how you get out of paying a check. Dude. I literally, I literally, Tony and him were like, we're going this way towards West Broadway. I go, I'm going home.

I think I'm done. I walked home and I literally was like, you know when a car just misses you? Yeah. And you're like, am I fucking still alive? Yeah. I remember I ran into a dude named Eddie Yift and I was like, he was like, hey, how was your night tonight? And I go, I just had the most amazing things just happen to me. I go, I just hung out with Tracy Morgan.

He's the funniest fucking human being I've ever met in my entire life. I love the dude. I fucking love him. I'm bummed that, but whatever. It's going to work out. Thank you. It's going to work out. So you want to explain to him the game? Yeah, we're going to give you two choices.

You pick one, and nobody drinks. You pick two or neither. So, the politically correct answer. I know the game. What are we talking about? If you drink, we drink with you. We drink with you. We ain't leaving you out there.

And we drink at... Unfortunately, the shots is Deleon. Yeah. I might need something else to put inside my mouth. Is there like a... Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Wait a minute. No, wait a minute. Think about me. Hey, slow down big guy. Your man Ray's going to come through the door. I haven't seen you in 20 years. All right, you ready? Oh shit, my bad.

I thought that was my pappy man. Oh my god. Can you guys, are you guys going to have more comics coming out? Yeah, I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out.

I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I'm going to have more comics coming out. I thought that was my pappy man. Are you guys going to have more comics on? Yes. Whatever you tell us to have on, we're going to follow your lead. You got to get cigar. I'm going to be honest.

Your man Tom, when I found out he was Peruvian, I was hurt. Why? Really? Because I wanted him to be white. Oh, yeah. I thought I liked it. And then it was my, I liked it. And then he's Peruvian like you. He's a wrestler.

Yeah. He's a wrestler. He's a Peruvian wrestler. Yeah. He came in on a llama. Yeah, just a real. Tom's like, Tom's. He lost weight.

He's going in. Like, I don't like this. I want him to go back. Like, I like... Like, no disrespect. I like drug addict Eminem. That's my favorite. Oh, my God.

Drug addict Eminem is my... Like, I'm just... Drug addict Eminem. Drug addict Eminem is the best Eminem there was. I'm not saying I want Eminem to do drugs. I'll go with drug addict Ben Affleck. Alcoholic Ben Affleck is my favorite Ben Affleck. Because I don't know what this Ben Affleck is.

You seen the chivalry? I don't know if this Benaflex is. You seen the shivery? I don't know if that was shivery or... Oh, that's not shivery. He was pissed. He was pissed. He was like, I got to open the fucking door. Get your ass in the car. Get your ear. God damn it.

Hey. You're cool. I didn't think that was shivery at all. Dude, it was shivery, but he was pissed. It was piss shivery? Can you have piss shivery? Yeah, yeah. He was still like, I'm still going to open the goddamn door.

You could be shivery and pissed at the same time. And it works. Benaflex is one of my favorite dudes alive. I love how you say his name. I know. I'm like, is that the Benifer? I think Benaflex. You may use his name on French.

Benaflex. Those, I want everyone to fall off the wagon. Like, I like when people, that should be, should we do a, oh! I got a show for us. I'm into that. I don't believe in the word addict. I don't believe in the word addict. I don't believe in the word addict. I don't believe in it either.

I don't believe in it. God damn it! I got it. I got you. I do it. I do it. Holy shit! Holy shit!

Dude, benefit from the best one. There are addicts out there, guys. He would be the best one to fall through. I mean, listen. Oh, so he's supposed to not drink? No, he doesn't do anything. Oh, I love when people stop drinking And they come around me And I say take a shot

Oh dude And then they take it And I be like I don't give a fuck I'm the devil I don't care Cause I don't believe This is the devil

I believe How you use it Can be the devil I think if you're unhappy It becomes the devil Yes If you're unhappy If you're happy

Like I bet Ben Affleck probably drinks Around J-Lo Cause he's happy He's happy. Listen, I have to say, if we're talking about one of my other favorite things in the world, is Jennifer Garner taking him to rehab. Like, I love a woman.

Okay, who's Jennifer Garner? She's his ex-wife. Oh, that was his ex-wife? What movie is she from? Fucking Daredevil. Fucking the thing with the thing with the girl that could do the things. I don't know. I like a ride-or-die woman who will take a dude to rehab.

I also like the woman that makes you happy, that allows you to drink. Listen, there's probably out of 100 women, there's 95 that would tell me I would have to stop drinking. My wife's in that quick 5% that goes, hey, I got you. I'll keep an eye on you. I'll make sure you're healthy. I'll make sure you can do it. You're achieving things.

Let's ride. Let's go. And that's happiness too. That's my wife right there too. Let's go. And that's happiness, too. And I just... That's my wife right there, too. Where's your wife? Right there. She's the one.

Did you meet her in Miami? Yes. I did not have to describe you. Is that crazy Florida shit? I go, that's not New York. No, she's from Jersey, though. She's from Jersey? Yes.

But the crazy thing is, like I said earlier, I just said, one of my favorite comedians. I did not have to describe you at all. I just said, one of my favorite comedians, I did not have to describe you at all, I said, one of my favorite comedians, and she said, I know exactly who you're talking about, the white guy who always takes his shirt off. It's good branding. I didn't mean for it to. So hold on, we're going to play a quick time.

Let's go, let's do it. Come on, because they sent a new one. They sent a new one? Yeah. By the way, I love your team. Listen, by the way, we just want you to know. I love you. Hey, by the way, I love your team listen, by the way, we just want you to know Right now right now that Victoria is part of my team right now We got you alright so we just want you to know that's our Dominican producer and our Colombian producer.

Yes, there's a lot of cocaine over there. There's a lot of cocaine over there. And they come up with these questions. Look at his eyes. His eyes are beautiful. They analyze you and then they come up with the questions. He's got beautiful eyes, right?

Que bueno, so. Watch out. Which one? This one or the Colombian? Watch out. You might put a stick or the Columbia? Watch out, Haz. You might put a stick right here on you. Mike, what up? He's Columbia.

Those are your girls. All right, you set it off, EFN. All right. Snoop or Jay-Z? Snoop. Without a doubt. Snoop, without a doubt. Snoop's my guy.

I love Snoop. Snoop was there the day I found out Georgia smoked marijuana. My oldest daughter smoked marijuana. I was with Snoop Dogg. That's crazy. You're going way too fast. Hold on, hold on. So your daughter just admitted it, or she was with Snoop?

No, no. Dad, I want to introduce you to Snoop. I'm like, oh, shut the fuck up. That would be the perfect time for her to tell you with him around. No, my wife texted me. I was having lunch with Snoop. And my wife texted me. And she said, we need to talk, whatever, Georgia. I caught her smoking weed and drinking.

And I was kind of fucked up about it. I know that you shouldn't be. Whatever. I don't know how you're supposed to act as a parent. And I was down. And Snoop was like, what's going on? And I was like, fucking my daughter's smoking weed. And he was like, how old? I said, 15.

He goes, okay. He goes, how old were you? I said, 14. And he goes, can I give you some advice? One daddy to another daddy. And I said, yeah. And he goes,

don't be such a bitch. I said, by the way, there's so much more to that story. There's so much fucking more to that story. There's so much more to that story there's so much fucking more to that story there's so much more he invited me to cause he knew I was down

he invited me to his trailer to do a shot but I thought he said shower so I thought showed up thinking we were gonna shower and I was like I was like

I was shirt off I was like so are we doing it together and he was like he's like huh he's like yeah of course we do it together right

of course we do it together and I? Of course you do it together. And I was like, sweet. But like, okay. And I start walking to the bathroom. He goes, where the fuck are you going? I go, the shower. And he's like, what? There's a lot more to that story.

Dude, his body, I said it. I swear to God. I swear to God. I said it to his bodyguards. Wall and fucking Big Papa. I think I'm saying the right names. And Papa and Wall. Big Wall Big Papa. I think I'm saying the right names. And Papa and Wall. Big Wall and Papa.

And I said, hey, boss man invited me in for a shower. And they just went, uh-huh. And I went, okay. And it happened. I remember saying to him, and he was like, no shit, your daughter smokes weed. So you came over here to shower? I was like, you invited me. He's like, no, I fucking didn't.

Yeah, Snoop, Snoop. It's Snoop, it's Snoop. You probably get passes that nobody else would get. Yes, he does. Donnell Rollins. Rollins. You know, I'm dyslexic. Or Charlie Murphy.

Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm Oh. Wow. I'm not going to. No, no, no, no. I'm going to have to say it. I'm going to have to say it. And I love Donnell to death.

But without a doubt, Charlie Murphy. Charlie Murphy has one of the best. Charlie Murphy gave me so much joy. When I had, we had George, I was doing the road, just doing the road as a feature act. And I'd come home, and on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I would watch Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn and the Dave Chappelle show, the Chappelle show. I would watch them all. I had them all saved.

And I'd sit down and watch those with Georgia. You know when you have a baby and you cross your legs, you put them in your lap, you have your coffee, and you play them. And Charlie Murphy brought me so much joy with just the Charlie Murphy stories. The best story he ever told,

and this is the one that is my favorite. Did you ever hear the story about when him, he was telling a story to Snoop on his Snoop show, and he was talking about when he got out of the Marines or the Navy, and he came home, and he was like, I didn't have any clothes, I just had military outfits. You heard this story? It's the best fucking story. And he goes, so my brother Eddie Murphy was like,

hey, wear one of my jackets out to the club tonight. We're going to Club Century. And so he goes, it was like a busboy jacket, like sparkles and everything. And he goes, I walked into the club, and everyone's like, oh, shit. That's Eddie Murphy. That's Eddie Murphy.

Yo, who that dude with him? And they go, I think that's his brother. I think he's a magician. That story killed me. I remember laughing so fucking hard. And I love you to death, Donnell. But I'm going Charlie Murphy. Charlie fucking Murphy. All right. you to death Donnell. But I'm going Charlie Murphy.

Charlie fucking Murphy. All right, all right. Eddie Murphy or Richard Pryor? Take a shot. Take a shot. Take a shot. Fucking take a shot. Salo, salo.

God damn, that's a tough one. Salo. I can't beat that either. I'm going to need more wit at the end of the day. No, we good. We got you. We got you. We got you planned. We've been we go. No, we good. We got you. We got a shit plan.

We've been trying to get you drunk for years. This is premeditated, sir. Can I start? I'm a really good third mic. Can I start texting you guys when you guys bring people on? Yeah, yeah. And lie down private. And then while you guys are all back private. I was trying to get you on the phone.

You don't have to be private. I remember when you first texted me or DMed me, I was like, shut the fuck. I lost my shit. I lost my fucking shit. No, listen, I was trying to get you on the phone today because they kept saying vodka club soda or tequila, and I'm like, yo. Yes, they were telling us.

I want to keep them happy. No, you know me better than my wife. Yes. Thank you, though. You're welcome. You're welcome to my wife. You want the next one? Yeah.

Chris Rock or Martin Lawrence? The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Recipients have done the improbable, showing immense bravery and sacrifice in the name of something much bigger than themselves. This medal is for the men who went down that day. It's for the families of those who didn't make it. I'm J.R. Martinez. I'm a U.S. Army veteran myself, and I'm honored to tell you the stories of these heroes on the new season of Medal of Honor Stories of Courage from Pushkin Industries and iHeart Podcast. From Robert Blake,

the first Black sailor to be awarded the medal, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice. These are stories about people who have distinguished themselves by acts of valor, going above and beyond the call of duty. You'll hear about what they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways. Three or four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding. But the price has gone up, so now I only buy one.

The demand curve in action. And that's just one of the things we'll be covering on Everybody's Business from Bloomberg Businessweek. I'm Max Chavkin. And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives. But guests like Businessweek editor Brad Stone, sports reporter Randall Williams, and consumer spending expert Amanda Mull will take you inside the boardrooms, the backrooms, even the signal chats that make our economy tick. Hey, I want to learn about VeChain. I want to buy some blockchain or whatever it is that they're doing. So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I know a lot of cops, and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. Across the country, cops called this taser the revolution. But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that taser told them. From Lava for Good

and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated. I get right back there and it's bad. It's really, really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge episodes 1, 2, and 3 on May 21st and episodes 4, 5, and 6 on June 4th.

Add free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Hey, guys. It's good being here. Yes. Chris Rock's the reason I got into stand-up. When I saw Bring the Pain, I was floored at how, I've said this, I have not said this,

I don't think I've ever met Chris Rock. Oh, I met him one time. Chappelle and Rock are tough to meet. Like, they're just not, I mean, I've said this, I have not said this, I don't think I've ever met Chris Rock. Oh, I met him one time. Chappelle and Rock are tough to meet. They're just not, I mean, I don't know. You gotta be a part of their thing to be a part of their thing. I met Chappelle once, too. I mean, he's like a great white shark. He comes through, he came

through one time at the comedy club I was in Dayton, and he just stepped into the green, I was getting paid, and Chappelle walked in, and a party's like, no one's supposed to be in the room when you're paid, and I was like, who the, and I was in Dayton, and he just stepped into the green, into the, while I was getting paid. And Chappelle walked in. And a party is like, you know, you're not supposed, no one's supposed to be in the room when you get paid. And I was like, who the, and I was like, oh shit, it's Dave Chappelle. It really is. And I swam with Great White Sharks a couple times out of the cage.

When they show up, they move with intention. And they're very confident. Great White Sharks are very confident. And Dave Chappelle's a Great White fucking shark. And so is Chris Rock. His, dude, I fucking love Chris Rock. I'll give you a Chris Rock story real quick. Oh, I fucking love this shit.

Me and Chris, you know, we've been in the same boat from New York. But one time I was in L.A. and I'm in a Soho house. And I'm getting money, you know, I'm feeling great about myself. So I just say to the waitress, I say, yo, send Chris Rock a bottle. I fucking love this shit. No one does this shit anymore. No one does this shit. Here's what's fucking wrong. Here's what's wrong.

Everyone's so fucking worried about getting lit up on social media, being the guy that goes, you know, can I tell you something? I'm sorry that I'm changing something. Private jets. Let's talk about private jets for a second. God damn it, let's go. So I follow private jets a lot. And I always videotape. I always post pictures.

And someone hit me up and they're like, hey man, you shouldn't do that. It's not relatable. And I go, yeah, it's the most relatable thing

you could ever do is that I'm on a private jet. What the fuck do you think everyone else does when they're on a fucking private jet? They go, I'm on a fucking private jet.

When did, when did, the fact that you're hype about it, when did hiding your money become relatable? That's not relatable. You get money, you buy a fucking Rolex, a fucking panda,

and you fucking live large. You have gold bottles of champagne. You do big dog shit. That's what the fuck is fun about getting money. Why would you work so hard to get money if you don't get your goddamn fucking power? Fuck those guys. Fuck those guys.

I don't want to hear that shit. We're drinking fucking, we're drinking 15-year-old whiskey. God damn it. Getting fucking, that's the thing. That's just the fucking thing. With a white man on there, I'm pretty sure it was racist. Hands down, he would.

I need help. I need help. I just spit Batman Wig on my eyes. I need help. It feels so good. It feels so good. Oh, my God. Is this what racism feels like?

Is rude something? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is this what it feels like? It hurts so bad? Oh my God. Oh my God. Is this what it feels like? I'm so sorry. Now, if the boy look at him, I'm like, you are spitting heavy metal in my eye.

Now, the boy look at him on the bottom, I'm like, I'm not sure I would be invited to this dinner. Well, you'd be there, but... wouldn't be as where I wanted to be. Finish the story with Chris Rock. Hold on. Wait, that is over the fact that Pappy Van Winkle was probably a racist? Let's see him. Let's see him.

Zoom. Someone bring the camera. I spit it in my eye. Bring the camera. Oh, my God. Either he was a racist or the best dentist in Alabama. Okay, so let me tell you. So, hey, Pabby Van Winkle, here we go.

Pabby Van Winkle, where's my camera? Pabby Van Winkle, if you stand against racism, send one bottle of 23-year-old whiskey for every episode they do. Because stand with us in alliance. That's right. Black Lives Matters. That's right. That's right. And then, just checking.

Yes. Pappy Van Winkle. Everyone hit up Pappy Van Winkle and let them know we're big fans. And I bet you're big fans of Drink Champs. Yes. So please start sending these bottles and we'll drink it every episode. And hey, listen, we love you, Papi Van. God damn.

God damn. Racist son of a bitch. Okay. Okay. So I'm at Soho House. Chris Rock is all the way over there. I tell the waitress to go send him a bottle. Chris Rock thinks this is funny.

Chris Rock goes and says, all right, cool. He's going to walk over there, but he tells the waitress, don't send him the bottle. Don't send him the bottle until after I take the picture with Nori. So he walks over. I walk over and say, Chris, man, how you doing, man? Good to see you. I'm like, can I take a picture? He goes, no problem. So I don't know if you know Soho House. You can't take the picture

in the main room. You have to go in the balconies. And they let women in there. Yeah. So we went on the balcony. I take the picture. And then I come back. And the waitress brings me the bill. So I'm looking.

The shit was $85,000. Wait, what? I look. And then as soon as I look up, Chris talks like, ah! It was a joke. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. My card is on file, so I'm like, wait a minute. Did Chris Rock just order 80? First of all, I didn't even know there was a bottle that exists, $85,000. And they sent it to me. Because you told him to get whatever he wanted, right? I said, whatever Chris Rock wanted. You know, at the time, him to get whatever he wanted, right? I said whatever Chris Rock wanted. You know, at the time, I'm thinking I'm getting money.

Then I realized, wait a minute. You ain't just $85,000 for no reason. Okay. All right. Moving on. All right. Next one. I'm sweating thinking about it now.

I'm sweating thinking about it right now. I ate sushi with Ralphie May one time. We ate a dolphin. Legit. I love it. Everyone's like, wait, you can eat dolphins? The fish, guys. The fish. You remember Ralphie May? In Miami, you can't say eating a dolphin. They're like, you eating my team?

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. No, man. Good. George Carlin or Robin Williams? Robin Williams, without a doubt. He's very racist. He was fucking... And they, he was, Robin Williams. And they're both geniuses. Both geniuses. It's what you connect with.

I like the frenetic energy that Robin had. I love his career as an actor. He was an amazing actor. George Carlin, I met him walking down the street. I used to bark at the Boston Comedy Club at the door. The Boston Comedy Club is in New York? It was in New York. It was on West 3rd in between Thompson and Sullivan.

I can't believe we allowed a Boston name. I know, right? Yeah, that was, I'll stop a lot. One of the hardest I've ever laughed. Puerto Rican couple

comes up to the door. Now, mind you, I'm from Florida, so I'm a little bit oblivious to New York. And Puerto Rican couple comes up to the door and they go,

hey, what's going on inside tonight? And I go, it's a comedy show. It's really fun, but I don't think it's right for you guys. And they said, really? And I said, well, yeah, she's pregnant. And the guy goes, in the best Puerto Rican reaction, oh.

And I go, is she not pregnant? And he goes, oh, this is gonna be fun! And she lit me up. She was be fun. And she lit me up. She was not pregnant. And she lit me up. I'll never forget. Like, those are those moments in New York where you're like, oh, fuck, number.

Ask anyone if they're pregnant. Yeah, yeah. And you fucked that one up for sure. Yeah, I fucked that bad. You got it? No, I don't know who these people are. Bobby Lee. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, Bobby Lee? Okay. Or T.O. Vaughn. Or is it Theo? It's Theo. Okay. After the Bobby Lee, I felt T.O. was a movie. No, I'm going to drink.

Is it Theo? He was on MTV, right? In Road Rules or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Real World? Road Rules. He's fucking brilliant. No, no, no.

I've seen his shit. He's funny as fuck. He's like, like. No. Oh, he is. He's Guatem've seen his shit. He's funny as fuck. He's like, like. It's his man at Oxford. No. Oh, he is. He's Guatemalan, I think. He is funny as shit. Look, Bobby is like podcast gold.

If Bobby drank still, I'm telling you. Bobby, you could bring Bobby down here and not drink. Yo, Bobby was a Korean. Korean, Korean. Okay, okay. My bad. My bad. My bad.

Nope, nope, nope. My bad. You're allowed to guess. Korean. I apologize. But Theo is is man, he is all in my algorithm. He is the funniest dude.

He's really bizarre. He's fucking just brilliant, man. I love that guy. I've seen some of his shit. He's so funny. Was he doing comedy back then? Is this like a reinvention of himself? No, I think he started right after doing Road Rules. I shouldn't speak at all to it because I don't know any of it,

but I think he started doing it after that, like right after that. But he is, I'm telling you, man, he's one of the best comics in the game. He's got a huge tour right now. Everyone's got, dude, shout out to fucking Rogan. Everyone's got fucking big tours right now. Rogan killed the game. Dude, Rogan. If his name's not on that list, I'm fucking telling you right now,

it's Joe Rogan. Whatever the fuck it is. We got to get Joe Rogan on If his name's not on that list, I'm fucking telling you right now, it's Joe Rogan. Whatever the fuck it is. We got to get Joe Rogan on here, too. Dude. And we need to go to his joint in Austin. Yeah, we got to get invited. You know how fucking fun that would be? You know how fun that would be? Show off.

Hey, man. He mentioned Drink Chance a couple times. I'm making my invite for your show. Are you being serious? Yeah, man. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you who I am. If my next door neighbor had a party and didn't remind me, I won't go.

I'm that guy. You have to. I have to feel special. I'm a special person. Yeah. I was in resource room and special education. And dyslexic. I was dyslexic.

Yeah, I know. I know. That's why I keep bringing it up. I was really dyslexic, yeah. I keep bringing it up. That's my homie. That's my homie. I told you.

I know her. She said to me, she goes, hey, outlawed adoption in Mississippi? I go, that says abortion. And she goes, oh, they want orphans. Yeah, she's, yeah, hardcore. Okay, so Nas or Biggie Smalls? Biggie Smalls. I got to be honest with you, okay?

So, like, this is not going to sound really great, but, like, Biggie was super accessible to all of us in college. It was just super accessible. We got it. His first album, I'm not speaking for all frat boy white dudes, but it was not the one we got. But when Puffy collaborated

with him and really, that next one that happened in like... You're talking about Biggie? No, no, no, but the second one when he really was you could really feel the sprinkle of him okay of like uh like uh it it man biggie was like next level for us i didn't discover naz until later do you remember he did like a documentary that maybe he did like a thing on uh i'm so sorry naz i'm saying it i'm the only way i can explain it he did a like a documentary maybe he did like a thing on I'm so sorry Nas I'm saying it there's only way

I can explain it he did a like a Life 360 thing with MTV and he was on the tour bus and he wasn't wearing his shirt a lot of the time

it's the only way I remember it yeah yeah yeah you got your idea to take off your shirt no no no Nas gave you the idea it's all about

hip hop baby Nas gave me the idea but like I didn't discover Nas until much later and I'm I'll get you the idea. It's all about hip hop, baby. No, I was getting the idea. But like, I didn't discover Nas until much later. And I'm being honest in that Biggie was just accessible. Like, it was more, I don't know. And I don't know, honestly, I don't know if it was because of the Tupac shit. Tupac was the entry.

He was the gateway drug. Tupac was the gateway drug for us in college. And then, I mean, we came late to the game to Snoop. We came late to the game to Dre. It's amazing if you did. I would love to see a documentary about how white people found hip-hop. Because The Chronic was like, I remember The Chronic came out, and everyone's like, N.W.A. was the game-changer.

N.W.A. was the game-changer. N.W.A. was the fucking game-changer. Ice Cube breaking away and all of that. Dude, and so in a weird way, we all love those dudes because like, what was Ice Cube had a separate group? Lince Mob? Lince Mob. The Lince Mob. I mean, we followed.

Because you ended up signing up for these guys, it's all about fandom. The way fandom works. I had someone explain this to me. I know I'm re-saying this again, but the way fandom works is I had a guy who was in Fort Lauderdale doing a show, and the guy's like a white dude, redneck, shirtless,

not that big of a guy, kind of drunk, doesn't look like a winner. And he just goes, hey man, I need to explain to you I'm a fan. And I went, okay. Like going like,

let's just get through this. And he goes, no, no, I need you to pay attention. He goes, I don't have much in my life, but I got you. I'm not fan. And I went, okay. Like going like, let's just get through this. And he goes, no, no, I need you to pay attention. He goes, I don't have much in my life, but I got you. I don't, I'm not a sports, I'm not an athlete, but I got you. I follow you. I love you, man. And I love when you succeed.

When you succeed, it feels like I succeeded because now I feel like I made the right decision. I picked the right guy. I love when I introduce you to people and then they go, oh, I love that guy. So, dude, keep killing it, because I'll always be a fan. That's how it is with hip-hop, is like when, or being a fan, just being a fan in general, is you discover someone like N.W.A., right?

And then you fall in love with all those dudes. And then you go, these are my guys. These are my guys. They're set up to be my guys for the rest of my life. Dude, Ice Cube's been my guy forever. I watch his movies. Like, Ice Cube, when they introduce Snoop to me, I go, Snoop's my guy. Eminem's my guy.

Like, that's how fandom works is, like, I trust my guys to give me good guys. Right. And I will say this wholeheartedly. Joe Rogan has shared that privilege with us beyond measure. Like, Joe Rogan, his guys, dude, we're all doing arenas. Right. We're all doing theaters and arenas. And if you're not doing arenas and theaters, you're selling out clubs clean.

Like, that cool shit, you know? And I know sometimes in hip-hop, it's not always done. I know I've heard stories of, like, people signing people to deals so they could hide their records because they wanted their record to come out. But, like, that cool shit, that never gets forgotten. Ever, ever, ever. Let's make some noise for that. You got the next one?

Oh, I got this one. Macallan or Habiki? Macallan. Yeah. No, but... Which one? Macall Habiki? McAllen. Yeah. No, but. Which one? McAllen 21. Yeah.

No. So we did. I came late to Scott. So I'm a big fan and I would love for you guys to celebrate with me next year. And if you're interested, I can make it happen. What? Let us know. So I do.

I celebrate Winston Churchill's the day he died every year. And that's the cigarette guy? No, man. That was the. I love you so. And that's the cigarette guy? No, man. That was the Prime Minister. Who? Of England, of the UK, of England. During World War II and all that. That ain't Winston Salem?

That's not the same guy? Nope, not the same guy. My bad, my bad. I apologize. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much.

And I'm so honest. I loved your honesty in that moment. I really thought it was Winston Churchill. Why do you celebrate his birthday? So Winston Churchill did it like a gangster. Every morning he woke up and he had a soft scotch. Every morning. Every morning.

Every morning. He had a soft scotch. He's already my hero. Had a cigar, a cup of coffee, a glass of orange juice, two eggs sunny side up, bacon, ham, jam, toast. And he might have a second scotch. Then he'd get into his bathtub for three hours and he'd drink champagne.

And then he would go on to run the country. And at lunch, he'd have another bottle of champagne. And at dinner, he'd start drinking scotch and whiskey. And he would go to sleep

with a nice brandy at the end of the night. Every fucking day. So I talked about... That's your spirit animal. Dude, let me tell you something. So me and Bill Burr, we had a podcast called Bill Burr.

Fucking funnest fucking podcast. And I talked about his daily program and I said, I'm doing it this year. I'm going to do his full day on the day he died. I'm going to celebrate him and I did it. And you can find them online

and I'm sure your producers can find them. Dude, you got the one that my wife did for me, and then the one I just did in Amsterdam. But you celebrate Winston Churchill Day, living the way he lived his life. Wake up with a scotch. Soft scotch. What is a soft scotch?

Soft scotch is scotch with soda water and ice. It's nice. It tastes like a little vanilla. It's kind of like what I'm drinking with the rum. Yeah, it's a little vanilla in your mouth. It's nice. And it slowly, with a cigar.'s kind of like what I'm drinking with the rum. Yeah, it's a little vanilla in your mouth. It's nice. And it slowly... I'm not shouting out the vanilla in my mouth, sir.

Shout out to Eminem. Wait, were we supposed to drink? No, you were supposed to drink. I need another one. Did you ever go to the bar, the Churchill bar, the pub in Little Haiti? It was like a historical spot. I think they tore it down. There's a few historical figures that I'm obsessed with.

Winston Churchill is one of them. I'm going to look this up. Okay. Radio or podcast? Podcast. Okay. Podcast. Podcast.

Look at this. Look at this. This wouldn't have happened without radio. I can be shitty And I can be honest Yeah What This It's not this

That's right You know I mean you know It's not this I mean like I love those guys Those are our guys They're all our guys

They always put us over Right For the longest time But I think they wish it was this It's this It's fucking this It's this Yeah cause radio guys

They can't really curse They can't really But podcasts Are like a smoke weed Can you imagine But even Even like if you guys Set up in the radio world

Your brain would've changed And you would've done Different things And you would've said Absolutely It's part of the corporate shit Corporate space Right

Yeah yeah This is your thing It's why it's beautiful You know what's crazy And they tried to get us To go to iHeart Studios At one point I don't know if you remember

But when we went to CBS Studios. Right. We were signed to CBS at one point. The beginning. The beginning. When we launched. Yeah, when we launched. And we went.

And this is crazy. This is the reason why we never went back. Well, I don't know. Not to record there. Yeah, not to record there. So what happened was we were breaking up the weed. We were breaking up the weed. We never smoked in there.

I don't know if you remember. We smoked on the balcony. Right. We were drinking in there. We were drinking. We were breaking up the room. We never smoked in there. I don't know if you remember. We smoked on the balcony. Right. We were drinking in there. We was drinking. And I remember after we used the studio, the white guy sent me an email that Elliot Wilson sent to him. And was like, is this how it's going to be? This guy's going to be here drinking and smoking all day.

Because, I mean, we spilled alcohol. So the whole studio smacked with alcohol. We were a little disrespectful. Yeah, we were a little disrespectful. But I remember that. And I said, nah, let's go get our own shit. Dude, this is the fucking setup. Yeah, let's do it this way.

But okay, come on. Let's go on, because I got, come on. Yeah, you can do the next one, EFN. Tupac or DMX? No, we asked that. You didn't, you didn't, you didn't. Okay. That fucks me up.

That fucks me up. Definite shot. Definite shot. Cool, cool. Definite shot. Have you got the beat either? No. No.

I never met Tupac. I met DMX. He was my friend. DMX was a fucking... He was so good at telling stories. Oh, he's a legend. Do you ever hear him on Breakfast Club talk about... He talked about pulling that Asian dude over?

Oh, that's the FBI? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude's driving mad, mad slow, so I pulled him over. And they're like, huh? I hit him up. I lit him up. And he's not respecting my authority.

And DJ Envy's like, but wait, you're not a cop, right? He goes, no, but you don't know that. I remember at one point DJ Envy says, are you, do you, so do you still drive? He goes, yeah. And they're like, do you have a license? He's like, no,

catch me if you can. All right, by the way, let me just tell you something. We did the podcast. We go to the show. After we did, this is the first time he did it. I was about to say,

we could do a documentary off of the first DMX interview. DMX, so DMX, it could be a documentary. He's in the ghost. He's in the wife beater and he's just going off. What is it? The fandom? It's the ghost, right?

He's in the ghost. So he's like, yo, Nori has to ride with me. So I'm like, alright, cool. I get in the front and see DMX. By the way, I'm being honest with you. He's my man. I love him. Probably the worst driver ever in history. Because he does not care.

You can drive here, by the way. I can drive now. I have improved, sir. I got a license. I really did. He goes, I have improved. I got a license. I got a license.

No, you're already as restricted. Let's be honest. But DMX, I got a license. I got a license. No, you already got it restricted. Let's be honest. But DMX, I kid you not, this has been numerous amount of times. He does not respect a red light or a stop sign. So I'm sitting there literally like, I'm so drunk that I can't really like, he's like, you good, right? I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, Kenny, you pulled over. I'm like, let me get out of the car. But DMX, he was a daredevil to the end.

He, man, he was, he, I, it's. You got to meet DMX, you said. No, no, no, no, I never got to meet anyone. Neither one. No, it's a, DMX, Tupac, I mean, Tupac, yeah, I shouldn't talk, yeah, keep going. No, no, no, come on. No, they're the fucking best, man. You met Tupac? No, I never met Tupac. No. I never met Tupac's, yeah, I shouldn't talk. Yeah, keep going. No, no, no, come on. They're the fucking best, man. You met Tupac?

No, I never met Tupac. I never met Tupac. I once was outside a club that fucking, OPP, who are you down with? Not even an answer. I think they shot up. Excuse me? Well, whatever. No, they were down with Tupac.

They did it together. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, trash us down with them. I know, I know. I was outside a club that apparently Tupac was in that they shot up. Oh, nobody shot anything up. Nobody shot anything up. No, no one shot anything up.

It never happened. No, no, no, no. That was not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Jim, this is a very racist question about the Dominicans and Colombians over there, but Jim Carrey or Jerry Seinfeld? Wow, I did not expect this. Jim Carrey this Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey Yeah yeah His Jerry Seinfeld Killed the sitcom game Like I mean No one will ever do Did you ever realize

That Jerry Seinfeld Is a whore Is a whore He had a girlfriend A different girlfriend Every episode On the show So did Elaine

Elaine never dated the same person. They were whores. And it went over our head. It just flew by right by. Yeah, they were straight up dirty whores. They were dirty fucking whores. Yeah, I mean, and they're not, they never once referenced condoms.

No, no, sweetheart. They're just fucking raw dogs. And it was the heyday of AIDS, too. I bet they have AIDS. This was mad dead. Those characters have AIDS. I'm going to take a shot for AIDS. They are straight bulldogs and bulldogs.

No, listen. I swear to God. I'm not taking a shot for AIDS, though, guys. No, no, no. No, they can give you a shot for AIDS now. No, I recently looked at it, and I was like, I said, okay,

Elaine has a boyfriend this episode, and said, okay, Elaine has a boyfriend this episode. And then next episode she has a different boyfriend. And by the way, by the way, go watch it yourself. Because her and Seinfeld

dated each other at first. Yeah, yeah. So it's still like a little bit of jealousy. So he always asks her, did you sleep with the guy yet? And she'll always be like, she was talking about using the sponge.

The sponge! The sponge! That's verb control. Dude, that means you blow loads in someone. Do you ever fuck with a sponge? No, listen, listen. Do you ever fuck with a sponge? Wait, wait, wait.

Do you remember that episode? Did you ever fuck with a sponge? No, I never fucked with a sponge. I did. Do you remember that episode? Listen. It was weird. They ain't got to have it.

Listen, this is how it is. They want to fuck with a sponge in their pussy. That's just wacky. It did. But you remember that episode? Listen. It was weird. They got to have it. Listen, this is how much they want to fucking smoke in their pussy. That's just wacky. It feels like you're going like this to someone. Listen, listen. You fuck with a sponge.

It's terrible. It's terrible. You're like, what the fuck is going on? And then we get like, Sun T? Yeah, but listen, listen, listen. You had to run it on the go.

Listen, listen, listen. Listen, listen. This is how much Elaine was getting it in. She goes to buy the sponge. Yeah. The guy goes, how many you want? You want six? She the sponge. The guy goes, the guy goes, how many you want? You want six? She goes, give me 12. And the guy goes, okay, I'm

give you 12. He goes, give me 20. And then she goes, well, you want 20? And she goes, give me 30. And then he goes, you want 30? She goes, how much is the whole thing? He goes, 60. She goes, give me the whole thing. That is a sloor if I've never. The sponge. I'm sorry. She was living her life, man. I have not thought about fucking with a sponge in a long time. Yeah, I don't really know what a sponge is. They got rid of them, right? Is it called a sponge though? It was a sponge. Isn't it something else? It was like a, it was like a, it was a baby's fist. Diaphragm. It was a baby's fist of a sponge.

It was that or she accidentally left the tampon in there. You had to run it underwater and squeeze it a couple times. But you're the one doing this? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. She was like, I'm not 50, okay?

Take a look at me. Oh, my God. All right, you got the next one? Yeah. Seth Rogen or Jonah Hill? Jonah Hill. It's Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill's the, like, I never wanted to be an actor at all.

I never wanted to be an actor at all. I had no interest. And I just wanted to do stand-up and podcasting. And then I did the movie, and I loved it. I loved it so much. I had so much fucking fun. Which movie? My movie, The Machine.

Oh, okay. Coming out on Monday weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then immediately I thought, like, who would be cool to work with? Like, the first thought was, like, I want to watch people, good actors. I worked with Mark Hamill from Star Wars. Luke Skywalker plays my dad. And I was like, oh, yeah.

Luke plays your dad? Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, it's a big fucking $30 million movie. It's like a fucking legit movie. On your birthday. Yeah. Is it? May 28th.

Dude, let me buy you a ticket to your... Let me buy out a theater for you. I ain't going to lie. Let me buy a theater for you. Let me buy a theater for to your, let me buy out a theater for you. I ain't going to lie. Let me buy a theater for you. You want to buy me the theater? I'll buy you the theater. You can invite 100 people. Let's do it.

Let's do it. I'm in. I'm in. I didn't invite you myself. I'm in. I'm in. But as soon as I did the movie, I was like,

yo, there's a lot of people I would like to watch act that I like watching act. Like, I like Kevin Hart. I would like to watch act that I like watching act. I like Kevin Hart. I would love to watch him act. I would love to work with him to see what he's like, how he does it. But Jonah Hill's the number one.

Jonah Hill is just fucking, he's like the improv king. You saw his shit with the therapist? Yeah, I saw that. That shit was pretty good. That was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. He's a good dude. You didn't like it? I didn't like it.

Nah, I fucked with it.'t like it Nah I fucked with it It was different I fucked with it though No I'm like one of those guys No I understand I'm gonna be into it

Cause I think it's kinda Well you kinda did it on the show On the show you did You did On Marist Bukit Yeah yeah You kinda did a little bit Yeah I loved it

I loved it I loved it The first time I did therapy I was like I was like I said to the lady I was like, you have a mortgage? She was like, does this matter?

And I said, yeah, because I pay you money every week. So if you have a mortgage, I'm going to have problems, it looks like. And she was like, I don't see that as important. She wasn't that attractive. And I was like, yeah, but I was I was like so like you're probably attracted to me right right Tony Soprano and she was like she was like no and I was like you are like be honest we're in therapy right now yeah and it would be fun like if you had a hot if you were a therapist you had a hot chick you'd be like oh she's got so many fucked up problems we should do twice a week

right that's how my brain works. And so, yeah. So I stopped doing therapy with her. I'm still in therapy. Shout out to therapy. Shout out to therapy. That's the first shout out for therapy. Shout out to AIDS. Shout out to Snoop.

Shout out to therapy. No, you took a shot for AIDS. Yeah, that's true. I did take a shot for AIDS. Yeah, you want to go? I got this one. Go ahead. Oh, no, I'm skipping. Damn, fuck. No, no, no. Okay, take a shopper aid. Yeah, you want to go? I got this one. Go ahead. Oh, no, I'm skipping.

Damn, fuck. No, no, no. Okay, Mobb Deep or The Lox? Oh, yeah. The Lox. The Lox, The Lox, The Lox. Dude, that's my moment of moving to New York. That's my moment.

That's my moment. Listening to The Lox? Yeah. That was my... And it's fun because you know i hope this sounds respectful but like you have a moment where you know all the names like like uh like big puns a great example of like a guy who passed who meant so much to you in the time maybe you don't listen to him all the time but then what's cool about your podcast is

all of a sudden the locks show up or jay theiss shows up. People show up and you go, fuck, man, I forgot. Like the dip set shows up and you're like, oh, I forgot about this fucking music that I love. And then you drive across the hill and you listen to them. It's still just as good. And it's just as good. It reminds you of how great it was when you were young. You didn't know about death. You were like, I'm going to live forever.

Right. God, man, yeah. I got to go to the office. So Chris Folley or Jim Belushi? Take a shot? Yeah. Because I live down the barrel of both of those guys. By the way,

I just want to just tell y'all, I am mixing whiskey with whiskey. Yeah, I know. I feel like we're eating a cheeseburger with sliders. Yes, yes, yes. That's exactly what we're doing. By the way, I ain't got a lot.

I'm just thinking about it because I can't get up right now. If I get up, that's why I try not to use the bathroom doing this shit. I use the bathroom. When I get up, the shots hit me.

And it's like, oh my God. I got to get on a plane tonight. You got to get on a plane? Yeah, I have a press tour tomorrow with Mark Hamill. I have an IV doctor meeting me at the hotel in the morning. You're a professional. Yeah, you should have told me.

I would have had the IV guy. You could have had the IV. You got the piece of it. My neighbor's an IV. I'm a hardcore IV guy. Yeah, what a damn. Chevy Chase or Steve Martin? I want to tell you, because I watch this show, and I don't like when people take shots.

So I go, I know what I picked. You know? Like, I know what I picked. All right, so which one did you pick? It's Chevy Chase. Okay. And I know, and by the way. Steve Martin's amazing, too. Well, hold on.

Hold on. Steve Martin's the cool guy. Like, if Steve Martin's watching Ring Champs right now, which I'm amazing too. Hold on, hold on. Steve Martin's the cool guy. Like if Steve Martin's watching Rick Champs right now, which I'm sure he's not. He's not. I'm sure he's not. But if he is,

that's dope too. Then he would be like, why would you pick Chevy Chase? And if Chevy Chase would never watch his show, and he's not a great guy, no one likes him. No one likes Chevy Chase.

No one likes Chevy Chase. That sucks, bro. He's a horrible dude. He seems like he would be a likable guy. Yeah, no, he's not. He's not. But my personality was defined by Caddyshack.

Chevy Chase, you burned by all those movies that he made. You create, what movies did you see growing up going, I want to be that guy? Like John Belushi, Chris Farley, Chevy Chase, those were my guys. Coming to America is mine. Yeah, because they shouted up the block for my guys. Coming to America is mine. Yeah. Because they shouted up the block for my hood.

I'm from Lafrax City in Queens. How fucking great was the moment? The hardest I've ever laughed in a movie is when they're all shooting and Arsenio Hall pops up. Pop, pop, pop. Yep, yep. That's Harlem Nights. That's Harlem Nights.

Send it to me too, though. A lot of people say Harlem Nights is Coming to America Part 2. Or I don't believe that. I mean, Harlem Nights is dope because the all-star cast is good. Vampire Brooklyn is good. Harlem Nights is coming to America part two. I don't believe that. Harlem Nights is dope because the all-star cast is dope. Vampire Brooklyn is good. Life is coming. Life is supposed to be Harlem Nights part two.

Yeah, the second part. Which I never, I can't see the correlation. I can't see it. Dude, life is supposed to be the part two of Harlem Nights. Yes. You just got to remember. That makes sense. I mean, Martin is not in it, but you got all these comedians.

No, Martin's not in Harlem Nights. He's in life, yes. You remember at the end of Coming to America when the two old guys, and it's a play. It's not a play. It's going back to Trading Places. Oh, yeah. Remember the rich guys? Now they were the bums on the street and coming to America at the end.

Wait, can I ask you a weird question? Was there more representation back when Eddie Murphy was a movie star than today? I don't know if I can answer that question properly, but I can tell you this. I have never seen, when a comedian was at the top of the list, like when Eddie Murphy movie came out back then, like my community got dipped to see the, I'm talking about, they put on leather. It was an event. I would go to the movie theaters and it would be like Apollo. It would be like a concert.

And since then, like I say, Kevin's my friend. You know, me and him have business together, and we speak a lot. And Kevin's come very, very close, but I have never seen, like, Eddie Murphy, that type of impact when he dropped a movie. No, Eddie Murphy was a game. Yeah, he was out of here.

Listen, I remember Beverly Hills Cop No one at this time No one at this time Never even know What Beverly Hills is The soundtrack is ill to me Like I wanted to be Beverly Hills

Yeah We was from New York I learned how to play it On the piano I learned how to play On the piano Like dude Eddie Murphy

Was I mean just a movie star. Back when you could have movie stars. Back when, fuck the, whatever, the woke fucking, I can't say the certain things. He was a movie star. He was a movie star. He was bigger than them. He was bigger than everyone.

That's what, I don't give a fuck about being an actor. I don't care about the craft. I don't give a fuck about that shit actor. I don't care about the craft. I don't give a fuck about that shit. I want to be a movie star. Like drive down the red carpet on a motorcycle with a cigar in your mouth. But I don't think that exists anymore. I'll bring it back. Fuck it.

I don't give a fuck. I'll bring it back. Because movies aren't the same the way that it was consumed. If I can do one more successful tour, I'll be clean, right? One more successful tour, I'm clean with money. I don't have to worry about money. And then I'll just be reckless as fuck. Like Tupac.

Yeah, you want it. You're going to go out like Tupac. That's what we love. Come on, man. We love the guys, and then we're not being the guys we loved. Why the fuck? I worked out with Arnold Schwarzenegger the other day, and he was the fucking movie star.

He's everything you wanted. No, no, no. He didn't shoot me up. But we worked out. But you watched him be a movie star. He's not an actor. He'll be back. But he's here. But this is the thing about Tupac. I would be glad

to not see Tupac with all those antics to still be here today because I think he would have been even greater. Okay, okay, okay. He got deep. That's a great conversation. all those antics to still be here today because I think he would have been even greater. Okay, okay, okay. He got deep, he got deep, he got deep. Hold on. He got deep.

That's a great conversation because that's a great conversation that's probably super dangerous to have right now. Yeah. Because I'm fucking hammered. Dave Chappelle. He's just saying that. Yeah, yeah, let's get out of here. Dave Chappelle or Jamie Foxx?

Fuck. Just take a shot? Dude, fucking, well, I mean, God, I mean, you're separating two bodies of work. Exactly. You're talking about

two guys in the same field. You know who I can see of the full episode with him. Oh, you don't, oh, hold on, hold on. Would you like to access? Did you ever watch,

would you like to access? Hold on, hold on. Did you watch the, of course I did. Okay, let's take this shot. Of course I did. When it got taken down? Yes, yes.

And then all of a sudden put back up and I was like, oh, let's do the taken down version? Yes. That did happen. I like that, yes. That did happen. Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx doesn't get his roses enough. No, yeah, and we're going to wish Jamie Foxx a recovery.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Even though I heard he's home already. I heard he's already playing. I heard he's playing pickleball. Pickleball. We don't know what's going on. I heard he's already playing. Pick a ball. We don't know what's going on. But I tell you,

you don't got to talk about the D.A. Sheffields, do we? You can talk about D.A. Sheffields. Would you like to? D.A. Sheffields has my favorite joke I've ever seen in stand-up. Kick her in the pussy. It's my favorite joke I've ever seen in stand-up. It's my favorite joke. And look, I can like complex jokes.

I can like simple jokes. It's just a great joke because he got me. He got me. And Dave Chappelle is a fucking gangster. When he goes on stage, he's flawless, man. I'm a ride or die for him. Whatever the fuck he... I love that dude.

Me too. We love you, Dave Chappelle. We had a pleasure at his compound. We had a pleasure. He was a great host. Maybe y'all know Drink Chance wants to give flowers while people are here to receive them. Giving flowers and celebrating our legends while they can still smell them. We have partnered with What The Flower to create this movement where everyone can give flowers to the legends in their lives.

You can now order a custom flower box for the someone you want to show appreciation to by visiting www.wtflower.com and place your orders now. That's love and a baby right there, man. I appreciate it. You know, this means more than any award that you can get on some real shit because it means that you're appreciated by your peers. You're appreciated by the people that you do it for. And I accept my flowers with love. God damn it! So, you want to go to the next one? Uh-huh.

Oh, no, no, I got this one. Jack Daniels or Blue Label? Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels every single day. So that's your everyday drink, Jack Daniels? I'll tell you what, it's my commuter drink like the drink that I that I know that'll get me from point A to point B It's my bus. It's my train It's my helicopter. It gets me to where I need to be it tastes pretty nice and

Is it with ice not that bad? I don't like coke in it You know, I can have no no no no no coke. no. Jack and Coke. They're not going to have Jamo. They're not going to have your tequila. They're not going to have your vodka. When you say Jamo, you talking about Jameson? Jameson. They're not going to have Jameson. You're saying the average spot.

Everywhere, wherever you go. They're going to have Jack. They will have Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels is a reliable. Jack Daniels is a chick that shows up to your house with no panties on. Jack Daniels. a chick that shows up to your house with no panties on. Jack Daniels. And the sponge? Jack Daniels sucks your dick before you fuck and then puts

a sponge in. Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels is out of bed before you wake up and you go, wait, I wonder where she went. Jack Daniels is the drink you're texting before you go to the bar going like, so wait, just what are you up to tonight? Jack Daniels is there for you're texting before you go to the bar going like, so wait, just what are you up to tonight? Jack Daniels is there for you.

She's your ride or die. She's your midnight. Want to meet? Fuck. Dos amigos or dos casas amigos. Casas amigos. Fuck them. That's the fucking chick that wears panties and wants to see you in the panties and bra together

because it's a matching set. I don't want to see that. I just want to fuck. And Jack Daniels fucks. Jack Daniels fucks. That's an ad they'll never use. They might use it. Jack Daniels will put a finger in your ass and you go,

whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. All right. Let's see how it works. More rocks, though. Play with the rocks a little bit. You want to go? This is definitely a racist question. Wait, what? It's going to be a racist question.

No, it's not. Eminem or Jack Harlow? Huh? Eminem or Jack Harlow? I don't know. I don't know who Jack Harlow is. I know he's a thing, but I don't know. I don't know.

I know that he goes to Kentucky Derby and stuff, but I don't know. With Drake. know that he like goes to Kentucky Derby and stuff, but like I don't know I don't like what Drake He goes to Kentucky Derby. Yeah Apologize if I'm fucking canceling myself Mike Epps or Chris Tucker whoo The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Recipients have done the improbable, showing immense bravery and sacrifice in the name of something

much bigger than themselves. This medal is for the men who went down that day. It's for the families of those who didn't make it. I'm J.R. Martinez. I'm a U.S. Army veteran myself, and I'm honored to tell you the stories of these heroes on the new season of Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage from Pushkin

Industries and iHeart Podcast. From Robert Blake, the first Black sailor to be awarded the medal, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice. These are stories about people who have distinguished themselves by acts of valor, going above and beyond the call of duty. You'll hear about what they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways.

Three or four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding. But the price has gone up, so now I only buy one. The demand curve in action. And that's just one of the things we'll be covering on Everybody's Business from Bloomberg Businessweek. I'm Max Chavkin. And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives. But guests like Businessweek editor Brad Stone, sports reporter Randall Williams, and consumer spending expert Amanda Mull will take you inside the boardrooms, the backrooms,

even the signal chats that make our economy tick. Hey, I want to learn about VeChain. I want to buy some blockchain or whatever it is that they're doing. So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I know a lot of cops, and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. Across the country, cops called this taser the revolution.

But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that taser told them. From Lava for Good and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated. I get right back there and it's bad. It's really,

really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge episodes 1, 2, and three on May 21st and episodes four, five, and six on June 4th.

Ad-free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Man, I want to tell a story right now. Let's go. Please. No, no, no, no. Oh, come on, man. Come on. If you think Tracy Morgan hates me, Mike Epps will fucking hate me. Wait, wait.

What happened? Dude, I used to legit party with Mike Epps. Wow. He was a fun. Dude, he is the. By the way, back in the day, before Mike Epps, when I watched Mike Epps on stage, Mike Epps is, I think, from Atlanta via Ohio maybe. Yeah, Ohio, I think. Indiana.

Indiana. I think he spent time in Atlanta. We all fucked up. Mike Epps was the dude that he was cool. Like he was a cool fucking guy. And he would hang out with you and he would just talk. He was not like, I met him in 98, 99. So he wasn't anything at the time, but he was just super talented.

He did a bit about selling candy bars as a young kid to white people. That was one of the funniest bits I've ever, I've never laughed harder in my entire fucking life than Mike Epps. And we used to legit hang out and legit party. I'm sure he doesn't remember me because I was just some young opening of my comic. But man, that guy is the coolest dude in, the coolest dude. So you're not telling us the story,

is basically what you're telling us. I'm not going to say what we did. Right, right, because you're just, You want to say it though. So badly, so badly. You just put a sponge in this motherfucker. Hey Mike, Mike, because you're just... You want to say it, though. So badly. So badly. You just put a sponge in this motherfucker. Hey, Mike, Mike, you're welcome. I love you, brother.

Your secrets are safe with me. Where did you guys meet? New York. Okay. New York. Comedy club? Yeah, Boston Comedy Club. We would hang out at the Bagot Inn,

and he was just the most awesome dude. Yeah, I regret ever telling any story about Tracy Morgan it's the reason I don't tell stories about Mike Epps he's a fucking badass dude he was in your that's right Mike Epps

yeah back in the day that's right fuck yeah dude and did you watch his drink champs his drink champs is hilarious yeah his drink champs is hilarious no

and when he tells the trunk story I think it was was it the first time he told that story no he told it somewhere else oh it was hilarious it the first time He told that story? No he told it Somewhere else Oh it was hilarious Where he killed it

Where he said he got kidnapped And the When he knew he was funny When he knew When he knew he was funny He said he got kidnapped The drug dealers Put him in the trunk

And as they was driving off The drug dealers They was playing a song And then the song went off And he said Hey play that again You gotta watch this episode of Dream Business. Mike Asch is the fucking best.

Like, you kidnapped, you telling them, you're requesting a song. He said it way funnier. Yeah, he said it way, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe I'm here. Like, this is crazy. Thanks for being here, bro.

Rakim or KRS-One? Rakim. Rakim, without a doubt. I used to listen to him every single day I drove to high school. This is, without a doubt. I used to listen to him every single day I drove to high school. This is a journey into sound. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Eric B. and Rock Kim. I mean, that every day, my sophomore year. Eric B. and Rock Kim. Isn't that 50 sample that for Candy Shop? Oh, yeah. a lot of people sample that yeah yeah dude they got the 52 my my my my high school goes it's gotta go uh dj jazzy jeff

and fresh prince whoo i know man i he gets a lot of shit right now i fucking love that guy i'm arrived we'll fucking we'll smith we'd love to have him on Drink Champs. You know the story about when I thought he wanted to fuck me in the ass, right? Tell us. I've heard something about it, but go ahead. Never mind. No, no, no. Listen, man.

You can't throw out these stories and then reel them back. Okay, hold on. I'm going to be honest because we've had a lot of guests here. You've heard this story, right? I've actually never heard this story, but I'm so into it. I mean, obviously. Can you please tell us? Will Smith tried to fuck you in the ass? Oh, wait.'m so into it. I mean, obviously, this is not true. Will Smith tried to fuck you in the eye?

Oh, wait, you thought, you thought. Oh, I did. The movie theater shit. So like, It's a good story. It's a good story. So,

I'm doing stand up in New York and I, and his team sees me do stand up and they're like, yo, I think we can do a deal with you, like a development deal. You got to meet Will.

So I was like, fuck yeah. Now, I'm a big Will Smith fan. I am. We watched Fresh Prince on Monday nights, me and my dad. His music, I got to be honest with you, people shit on his music. I love Nightmare on My Street. It's one of my favorite rap songs. Good storytelling

They're legends. Yeah, he's a legend. So I meet Will at, it's up in Upper West Side. It's a beat factory, a hit factory. And- The studio.

Studio, yeah. He's doing Millennium. And we, they set up two folding chairs in a dance studio. And they're like, Will's going to be in in a second. So I sit down in one of the dance chairs in the dance studio. He comes in.

He's a ball of personality. You know, he's just like, all I remember him saying is one love, and I was off to the races. I'm going to get this guy to like me so I can get a development deal. I'm like, first of all, I love hip-hop. I love you.

I love black people. You're black. I'm like, I'm off to the fucking races. Have you heard this story? No. This story is hilarious. You got to pay attention. And so, I thought I knew every one of your stories.

This story is hilarious. I talked to him for 30 minutes. And at the end, he goes, I like you. I go, I like you. He goes, what are you doing tonight? I said, nothing. And he goes, let's go to the movies. I go, great.

And he goes, cool. And then he walks out. It's getting weird. And he goes, I'll meet you at, I I go, great. And he goes, cool. And then he walks out. It's getting weird. And he goes, I'll meet you at Planet Hollywood at 7 o'clock. And I was like, cool. L.A.? New York. New York. New York, okay.

And so I get in the car. I call my dad. My dad goes, how did it go? I go, it went good. And he goes, really? I said, we're going to the movies. Yeah, my dad goes, huh? I said, yeah, I'm going to movies with him.

He goes, on a date? I go, no, it's Will Smith. And he goes, oh, buddy, I'm so sorry. He goes, this is called the casting couch. Like a lot of these celebrities, they're so tired of pussy that the only thing that turns them on is the look in a boy's eyes when they turn them. That's what he's doing with you. And I said, hold on, Dad. That's impossible.

I said, I just spent an hour with this man in a dance studio. My dad goes, a dance studio? I go, hold on. And my dad says to me, buddy, what's more likely? That you're so talented, the biggest movie star in the world wants to make a sitcom with you as you as a star or that he's tired of pussy.

And I went, oh, fuck. I'm getting fucked in the ass. I go, shit, what do I do? My dad goes, show up. Show up. Eat shit. Cash checks, buddy. I could be wrong. I could be wrong, but I need you. You're my only son. I need you to give you a heads up.

So I show up to Planet Hollywood. Which you didn't even know there was a theater. I didn't even know. I walked in. I tell her, I'm supposed to see a movie with Will Smith. She's like, huh? I go, Will Smith? She goes, he's in the back.

She sends me one of the mannequins. I go, no, no, like real Will Smith. She goes, movie stars don't go to Planet Hollywood. So I'm like, can I wait for him? And she goes, yeah, knock yourself out. So I sit in the lobby, and dude comes out, 6'7", big dude and he's like, you Bert? Name's Charlie Mack. I go, Charlie Mack, he's been on Dream Chef.

He goes, you Bert? I said, yeah. And he goes, downstairs. I'm like, oh my God, I gotta fuck this guy too? Like, this is gonna be a long fucking night. Will Smith and him. He takes me downstairs. There's 10 black dudes in a room with a folding table in the middle. No Will Smith.

Curtains all around. And I'm like, okay, 13 black dudes because you know he's bringing Jazzy Jeff. So it's going to be Charlie Mack, Jazzy Jeff, these 10 black. I don't make eye contact with anyone. I just sit there and look at my feet. And then Will Smith shows up, I swear to God, with Jazzy Jeff. I swear to God. I swear to God.

And he's got the fucking glasses on. And I'm like, oh, my God, here we go. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, I'll start sucking their cocks. All of a sudden, the curtains open behind us, and there's a legit movie theater. And Will's like, yo, grab us two seats. What do you want? And I was like, what are you getting? He was like, Long Island iced tea. And it's shrimp. And I was like, yo, grab us two seats. What do you want? And I was like, what are you getting? He was like, Long Island iced tea and shrimp.

And I was like, cool. And then we got shrimp and we ate, drank drinks. And then at the end of the movie, we watched American Pie. And at the end of the movie, he goes, leans in, he goes, what did you think? I said, what do you mean? He goes, what did you think about the room? I was like, it's nice. He's like, the people.

I go, they're black. Is that what you man he goes no you said you were a hip-hop fan look around the room that's cool modi that's his marquee that's Big Daddy Kane I'm like I could have fucked cool I mean it was like the coolest fucking experience and he was the I and I say this to the day I die was like the coolest fucking experience. And I say this to the day I die. He was the coolest fucking dude I'd ever hung with. I saw his dick. Like, yeah.

What? We took a piss. This is the best. Come on, man. Okay, all right, all right, all right. Come on. One more Will Smith story. In Spanish, we have a saying, te pasa.

Te pasa. We go into ABC to pitch it first TV. This isn't your worst press, Will. I mean, this isn't what is going to break his career. We go into ABC to sell a show to a lady named Jamie Tarsus. And I've never sold any show. I've never been in a Hollywood meeting at all. I'm so nervous. I'm 25 years old. I'm terrified. 26 years old. And I have to sold any show. I've never been in a Hollywood meeting at all. I'm so nervous.

I'm 25 years old. I'm terrified. 26 years old. And I have to take a piss. And Will Smith says, I got to take a piss. I'll go in the bathroom with you. So we go stall to stall, right next to each other. He gets right on me.

Elbow to elbow? Elbow to elbow. And Will Smith unleashes a fucking tsunami of piss. You ever know when someone pisses and it's loud as fuck? You're like, how big is that guy's dick? I mean, it's so loud. You know, you never heard someone else piss when you were like 10, and you're like, I need to cock like that.

It's so loud, I cannot focus on pissing, and I get gunshot. Have you ever gotten gunshot pissing? You can't piss, and I can gunshot. Have you ever gotten gunshot pissing? You can't piss and I can't piss. And Will Smith proceeds to tell me the secret of Hollywood. He goes, here's what you need to know. And all I'm thinking is, start pissing, start pissing, start pissing.

I can't piss. Finally I get to a place where I go, alright, if I can't piss next to this guy, I can't sell a TV show next to this guy. So I was like, fuck it. You better learn how to piss. And I start pissing, and all I hear from Will Smith is just be yourself. That's all I heard. That's all

I heard. And then we went in and we sold like fucking three sitcoms. Oh, but he wasn't talking about you be yourself so you could piss. No, no, no. He was just giving me Hollywood advice. He was the fucking best, man. He was the best. I love that dude. Are we making noise for Will Smith? Yeah.

And my boy, Charlie Mack. Charlie Mack and all the legends that you were around. Charlie Mack called me when I'm the drunkest. I don't know why. Whenever I'm the drunkest in my life, Charlie Mack just calls me, hey, what's up, man? I would imagine. Is he disappointed? I don't know.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I can't call this. No, he's a legend. Charlie Mack's a legend. You got the next one? Donnie Chigel. All right.

National Lampoon or Christmas Vacation? I think it's the same thing. It's National Lampoon, Christmas Vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess they're just meaning not Christmas Vacation. Come on, man. They fucking write that shit. It does say that.

It does say National Apple, Christmas vacation, or summer vacation. Oh, man. Come on, man. We're not reading three lines down. I'm not going to lie. You guys are fucked up. All right. So Christmas vacation or summer vacation?

You guys sound like David Letterman interviewing Lil Wayne. So how do you come up with your hip-hop rhymes? So how do you come up with those hip-hop rhymes? You taking a shot of that? Fuck yeah, my brother. I feel like you should take a shot of that. I am fucking hammered. Yeah, yeah.

What time is it? What time is our flight? Solid. You fly private. Your flight is whatever. We're not today. Yeah, yeah. What time is it? What time is our flight? Solid. You fly private. Your flight is whatever. We're not today. Fucking JetBlue. So no pictures today, huh?

I'll do it. What is it? JetBlue got mint? Mint? What is it? Mint? JetBlue? Mint?

Mint? Yeah. I ain't going to lie. I don't fuck with you, JetBlue. Oh, yeah. They got sleeper beds. I've never had. Cheap.

I couldn't. What is that? That's a monster drink? I have no. I've never had. Cheap. I couldn't. What is that? That's a monster drink? I have no idea. Yeah, bro. Come on. We provided it. Shout out to our sponsor, Monster.

Shout out to our sponsor, Monster. What is that? A fucking monster drink? Hell yeah. Shout out to Monster. Hell yeah. Shout out to Monster. And I love his core rehab.

Eh? Oh, yeah. His is rehab. Rehab. I gave him a special one. Okay. I would love. I would love.

You want a monster to you? Hold on. Can I? A rehab. Oh, my God. This is the greatest. I would love, I would love. You want a monster beer? Oh my god, this is the greatest idea I've ever heard in my life. Can we open a rehab together where we show people how to drink? Hold on. It's the opposite. Let's do three pitches over our rehabs, okay? I'm going to give you my rehab. I have two

rehabs because I think of one. I would like a nice white wine marijuana rehab. Ooh, that sounds like a rehab. Right? Fuck yeah. You can nice white wine marijuana rehab. Ooh, that sounds like a rehab. Right? Fuck yeah. You can have white wine up until the sun sets and then smoke marijuana. Or edibles if you don't smoke.

Or edibles. Or edibles. You have white wine up until the sun sets and then marijuana after sunset until you go to bed. And that's your rehab. Or what about a rehab where it's all doctor administered and they bring you in and it's for sober people who just want the sparkle one more time. One more time. So you bring them in and they're like, yo. It's controlled like drunkenness.

How about we bring them in there and we just shotgun them to death? No, you're ruining it, bro. No, we get like, you want cocaine? Yeah, they're going to get high. We tested this cocaine. There's no fentanyl in it. Clean cocaine. Clean cocaine.

It's ice clean. Ice clean. In a sponge room. Dude. With a masseuse. I would love. I fantasize about rehab because how much fun it would be just to dive into yourself. I love doing a couple days not drinking.

But I also want the tap out. I want the tap out of going like, hey, man, today's sunset is too beautiful. I'm drinking. And then them to go, yeah, you're in. Like a Xanax rehab. You ever take Xanax? Nah, my friend takes Xanax too much. Not me.

It's so good. Yeah, I ain't going to lie. He left his book bag over my house, and I went into it. I was like, this white phobia is real. He had every pill I've ever had. You should see my fucking backpack. Oh, my God. I immediately was like, close it back up.

My backpack looks like fucking Texas Buyers Club it's bad I got steroids I got vitamins I got you guys need to get on steroids have you done ayahuasca let's all go to ayahuasca in the jungle

what is that you got a package bro just look at pork I want to know what it is someone You got a package, bro. Just look at Port. I want to know what it is. This is all he's got. Mushrooms. He definitely got mushrooms. You want mushrooms?

You got them. No, I got to fly tonight. I got to be on camera with Mark Hamill at 7 in the morning. I mean, mushroom with fucking Luke Skywalker. Mark, let's eat mushrooms. No, I'm supposed to be a grown-up tomorrow. This is a treat for me. I know this is part is a... You know, this is a treat for me. Like, I know this is part of my press tour,

but this is a treat for me. No, this is a treat for us. I enjoy this so much. Thank you, man. This is a treat for us. You are... Just so you know, you are the drinking god.

This is ridiculous. Did I do this? Nope. Look, look, look. Pretty much, because this is mine. What the fuck are we doing? Yes, this is mine. You know, if my wife saw this, she'd be like, we need to have a conversation. Leanne? Oh, look. Pretty much, because this is mine. What the fuck are we doing? You know, if my wife saw this, she'd be like,

we need to have a conversation. Leanne? Oh, fuck. Let's big up Leanne. Shout out to Leanne. I got nude pictures of her. She looks awesome. I do, I do.

She never let me take any nude pictures of her, and she let me the other night where it shutters, and I did. She looks so fucking good. I want to show someone, just so someone goes like, I know that's not how it works, but I want to show someone. Just so someone goes like, I know that's not how it works. That's not the way it works. But I want to show someone.

Definitely don't show. I'm not going to show anyone, but I do want you to be like, I want you to be like, ooh. All right, look, show Boris, and that's it. He's Peruvian. He's like Tom. Are we trying to finish? Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler? Adam Sandler. Bill Burr? No, Bill Ferrell or Adam Sandler? Adam Sandler.

Bill Burr? No, Bill Burr or Bill Hader. I probably said that one wrong too. I'm going to go with Bill Burr. Tracy Morgan or Steve Harvey? Oh, fuck off. That just got added. No, no, no, no, it's in the middle.

Are you serious? I drink on that one Those are the motherfuckers right there I need another one Scarface Scarface or who? You know, Leigh-Anne and I first fucked Scarface's The Fix

What? Damn Trick Daddy and The Fix came out at the same time. Trick Daddy's first album? Trick Daddy's album, Thug Holiday, and Scarface's The Fix came out at the same time. You should have done Trick Daddy's food show while you were here. Word, man, word.

At some point, I'm going to grab a piece. Those were our two love songs. Tell the DJ to play another classic. Back it up if the drums ain't black. He's a wild boy. Three bitches in the... I already took the shot. So you said Scarface then?

Well, I know. Come on, I drink, I drink, I drink. I already drank. I already drank. I wasn't even listening. Scarface or Ice Cube? Oh, fucking Scarface. Okay.

By drink. Yeah. NWA or Wu-Tang? Oh, fucking drink. All right. Dale get the wedding. Dale get the wedding. We only got a couple more left, and then we're going to finish it up.

Ye or Pharrell? Kanye or me? Bro. Shout out for Kanye. Shout out for Kanye. So, Dr. Dre or Puff Daddy? Dr. Dre. Okay.

Dr. Dre. I'm sorry, Puff. I want to party with you so bad. You get the next one Jack Black or Danny McBride Oh fuck That sucks that Jack Black just started following me on Instagram God damn it

God damn it God damn it It's Danny McBride All fucking day Danny McBride He unleashed a thing in crazy white dudes that we all were like, fuck yeah. And he bring the mullet back.

Brother. He bring the mullet back. You're taking a shot for it? Jack Black's a gangster, but Danny McBride all fucking day. Yeah, no, no. He bring the mullet back. I'm a fan of the mullet.

You should do it just for fuck. I like your shot. You've been waiting to get one back at me the whole time. I like it. I like it. I've been waiting for it.

It's cool. You've been waiting for the mullet? Yeah, the black mullet. You want me to do the black mullet? I'm Puerto Rican too, so mama. No, you get a Puerto Rican mullet. Listen, when I grow my hair,

I'm half black, half Puerto Rican. When I grow my hair out, my hair get curly. You can get a mullet. You can do a mullet. A curly mullet? You can do it.ullet. A curly mullet can do it. I'm a little out of it.

One season of trick chance. I hate to break their heart. I think a Puerto Rican mullet's called legal. Suave. Suave. Legal. Legal. Suave.

That dude, I bet he's still Fox. But he's Mexican though. Oh, he's Mexican? Yeah, I believe so. Toronto's Mexican. He's Mexican? Yeah, I believe so. Gerardo's Mexican. He's Mexican? Yeah, I believe so. Ah, same, same.

In Living Color or Mad TV? Oh, In Living Color, without a doubt. Okay. In Living Color. Okay. I like that. Okay, this is the last one for this part of the segment. Then we're going to switch it up a little bit.

For two more hours of just us drinking. No, no, no, not too much. We're just playing with you. We know you got to catch the flag. This is the only on this list that I feel like is not a trick. All the other ones was tricks. Not tricks. In my opinion.

Loyalty or respect? You know, I've heard you ask this before. And I've answered it in the shower. Like, I've heard you ask this before, and I've answered it in the shower. Like, I've been like, I know. The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Recipients have done the improbable, showing immense bravery and sacrifice in the name of something much bigger than themselves. This medal is for the men who went down that day. It's for the families of those who didn't make it.

I'm J.R. Martinez. I'm a U.S. Army veteran myself. And I'm honored to tell you the stories of these heroes on the new season of Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage from Pushkin Industries and iHeart Podcast. From Robert Blake, the first black sailor to be awarded the medal, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice. These are stories about people who have distinguished themselves by acts of valor, going above and beyond the call of duty. You'll hear about what they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways. Three or four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding, but the price has gone up, so now I only buy one. The demand curve in action, and that's just one of the things we'll be covering on Everybody's Business from Bloomberg Businessweek.

I'm Max Chavkin. And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives. But guests like Business Week editor Brad Stone,

sports reporter Randall Williams, and consumer spending expert Amanda Mull will take you inside the boardrooms, the backrooms, even the signal chats that make our economy tick. Hey, I want to learn about VeChain. I want to buy some blockchain or whatever it is that they're doing. So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the

MeatEater Podcast Network, hosted by me, writer and historian Dan Flores, and brought to you by Velvet Buck. This podcast looks at a West available nowhere else. Each episode, I'll be diving into some of the lesser-known histories of the West. I'll then be joined in conversation by guests such as Western historian Dr. Randall Williams and best-selling author and meat-eater founder Stephen Rinella. I'll correct my kids now and then where they'll say when cave people were here. And I'll say it seems like the Ice Age people that were here didn't have a real affinity for caves. So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. No, I just remember I heard you answer. I like to put you guys on. I leave you guys on. So I'll just walk on my phone with you guys playing. Loyalty, respect. my phone with you guys playing uh loyalty respect so the answer my answer is look is is respect because uh no one's loyal no one's ever loyal they all they all turn on you everyone turns on you you have a handful of ride or dies that you can trust for the rest of your life and uh and

even then you're gonna have people in your team that fuck with them. They try to get you to not trust them. So you can't ever trust loyalty. You just can't. You just, just can't. Respect is a big fucking deal. When people respect you, they treat you different. I've seen it.

You remember what it was like to not be someone? And then all of a sudden you were someone? Yes. And then all of a sudden, like, people you didn't know treated you nicer, and you were like, wow, this is really cool. I've never experienced this. I would love to sit here on this podcast and say that I care about loyalty. I will be as loyal to, like, a handful of people in my life that I love.

Ultimately, you fire people that you love. You're fucked up. I mean, dude, yeah, respect's the thing. I've heard you ask this question before, and I got in the shower, and I literally thought about it in the shower. I was like, yeah, weird place to ask. Think about it. But I was like, loyalty, respect.

It's got to be respect. I'm not going to lie to you. You kind of changed my perspective because I've had situations too where it's people where I really showed loyalty to that didn't show me respect. Dude, I've been fucked by friends, by good friends. I've been fucked by them. The guys that you are like, we don't need to sign a contract. We're buddies.

Handshakes, right? Yeah, handshakes. And then all of a sudden money shows up and then things get weird and you're like, oh, maybe if you respected me more, you would have treated me differently. Cause I know that that's how they treated other people. So it kind of fucking sucks. I'll tell you this, like fucking Rogan's a dude. I can't say this enough about the guy, but like, he's a guy that is respect-based. If he respects you, he fucks with you.

If he doesn't respect you, he doesn't fuck with you. It's a weird thing because you practice to maintain that respect. You don't talk shit about him. You're careful with your words. I can talk shit about any of my friends, but I know he's my guy. Every one of his friends is fucking killing it. Anyone he fucks with kills it. Right.

God, man, I'm fucking wasted. But let me ask you. Shoot. Shoot. I'm wasted, but let me ask you. Let me see. Which one I'm going to go with. I want to be you guys and not fly tonight.

We do. Yeah. Okay, so you said asshole, dick, and balls is the Middle East? Yeah. Yeah. What does that mean? The Middle East. The Middle East is the asshole, dick, and balls.

Is that Middle East of the anatomy? First of all, it's a, I might be too stupid to say this, the double entendre. Right, double. It's the birthplace of the world, right? In reality. In reality. It's the breadbasket of the world. Yeah, the breadbasket of the world is where the world started.

Asshole dick and balls. I should have said pussy, but it's the fucking place that created the world that is Mesopotamia right North Africa right yeah but I also imagine

I've been I've never been there but I imagine it doesn't smell the best I'm sure yeah there's places that smell

just fine oh no there's not there's a lot of places that smell really bad have you traveled a lot I have okay tell me places

you've been. Vietnam, Colombia, South Africa. Did it smell great? Vietnam's like a weird smelling place. It smelled different. It smelled bad. It smelled different. No, no, Vietnam smells crazy.

It's like so many flavors coming at you. It's different herbs. And everyone's energy is like. I love Vietnam. My dad fought in the war, so I went to literally where he fought. Have you been to Japan? No, I haven't. Okay, so then you go to Japan. It's I love Vietnam. My dad fought in the war, so I went to literally where he fought. Have you been to Japan? No, I haven't. Okay, so you go to Japan.

It's opposite of Vietnam. For sure. When you travel around the world... By the way, that's the first time I've been in Japan. I've seen cleaning crew three times.

Well, I've been to Japan in a layover. It's the cleanest, cleanest, cleanest. In Japan, no one speaks on the subways. They all hold hands and they just don't speak.

Then you go to Vietnam and it's fucking... People are putting fingers in your mouth. They're hold hands and they just don't speak. Then you go to Vietnam and it's fucking, people are putting fingers in your mouth. They're the Cubans of Southeast Asia for sure. There's an analogy to me. For sure,

they're loud. Did you say Cuban? They're the Cubans. I'm Cuban. I can say that. All my best friends are Cuban. So like, I'm really good at like,

so then, all right, let's not do this. No, go ahead. Go ahead. No. Go ahead. So then what are the Mexicans?

Because when we moved to L.A., my best friend was Cuban, and he did not like being... I was born in L.A., so I was raised around some Mexicans. So then, because this is not stuff white guys should be saying out loud. But one of the things is, when Cubans step foot on this country, they're American citizens. When Mexicans step foot on this country, they're not American citizens. Even though they're stepping foot in old Mexico, which is wild. Which is wild. Wild.

And my buddy was super privy. Like he witnessed the difference. Like he would say to me, I've never seen more people speak in Spanish. Like in Miami, people speak Spanish. Hialeah is only Spanish. Yeah, yeah. But in Florida, Cubans don't speak Spanish in front of, like, they always speak English. Unless you're in Hialeah, they don't know English.

In Hialeah and Miami, it's different. Right, right. But in, like, Tampa. Oh, yeah, yeah, no. The Cubans, when they graduate to being American, they start moving north. By the way, this shit amazes me more than anything. Like, I love talking about this because it's so fascinating. He was like, when we moved to LA, he was like, dude, Mexicans speak Spanish like we're in Miami.

They'll speak Spanish in front of white people. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. But what do you think the Mexican dudes, what's their country in the world? In Asia. I don't know, bro. Cambodia. I don't know.

I really don't know. I have to think about that. Let me ask you. So Oliver Stone bought your life, right? Yeah. The segue is amazing. And did he try to get you high of cocaine? And you thought that they tried to get you high of cocaine to die?

So you have an Indian story? Yeah, yeah. Is this true? Oliver Stone is a wild pony. It actually was a good segue from Vietnam to Oliver Stone, to be honest with you. That actually connects. It connects really good. I was a journalist?

That's a really good story. So we ended up with one of the- At Beverly Hilton? The- No, no, no. The Carlisle. Cocaine everywhere. A pile of cocaine in a penthouse suite.

And I was sitting with one of the writers. And he was like, so what's your story? How does this end? And I was like, I don't know. He's like, what's the end of the story? And I was like, I have no fucking idea. And he's like, we should do more cocaine. And so we kept doing cocaine.

To get an idea. And he's like, we should do more cocaine. And so we kept doing cocaine. To get an idea. And I had just seen the premiere of the movie Magnolia with Tom Cruise. And I'm sitting in this, the Argyle is the name of the hotel, the Argyle. And we're doing cocaine in the penthouse. And I end up in the bathroom.

And there was a private entrance from the elevator to the lobby. And so I was like i need to get the fuck out of here i go i think they're trying to kill me i think they're trying to kill me to get the end of the story is that i die in a hotel in hollywood and i as so many hollywood actors it happens yeah yeah so i got in the hotel i got in the elevator i hit the elevator i got down to the floor i'm high as fuckers on cocaine. I start walking down Sunset Boulevard and I walk past

Marky Mark. From the Fat Boys. No. No. No. Mark Wahlberg. I don't call him Marky Mark. And the Fat Boy's not Marky Mark. It's Prince Marky D. I don't call him Marky Mark. I think you got here and our hip hop went away.

No, no, no. I love you so much. Mark Wahlberg's my friend. I think you got here. Our hip-hop went away. No, no, no, no, no. I love you so much. Mark Wahlberg is my friend. You are killing it right now. This is in my book. Mark Wahlberg is my friend. No, no, no. Marky Mark was a bad boy.

I call him Mark. The bad boys are back. I don't call Eminem Mark Trudeau. I don't call LL Cool J Todd. I call them the real names. Mark Wahlberg is my friend. He plugged me in with Paddock. Philippe, even though they didn't

give me a watch yet. Philippe's a hard watch to get. It's a hard watch. I got the Paco Ron Constantino. I don't know if you know. Overseas, Tourbillon, you know what I'm saying?

I don't know. I don't know if you know. No, I heard you got the Paco Ron Constantino. Listen, listen. He got the panda on. I ordered that because I got the panda car

right outside. You know what I mean? So I tried to get that. I wasn't successful. No, I saw Mark Wahlberg On the street In a V-neck White

T-shirt This is after you thought You were being murdered After I thought I was being murdered And I was I'm not good with celebrities And I just

I was high as fuck I was like Marky Mark Help me You didn't call him Marky Mark I called him Marky Mark If I see him tomorrow I call him Marky Mark You think I'm going to call him Mark

He doesn't like you right You think I'm going to call him I don't give a fuck I'm calling him Mr. Mark Wahlberg Yes Ohy Mark. You think I'm going to call him Mark? He doesn't like it, right? You think I'm going to call him? I don't give a fuck. I'm calling him Mr. Mark Warburg. Yes. Oh, you are? Yes, I am. I'm a respecter.

I mean, I'm Marky Mark. Dude, let me tell you something. I see the rock, I call him the rock. I see Marky Mark, I call him Marky Mark. Do you sing Good Vibrations when you see him? Good Vibrations. Come on, come on. I'm not a part of this.

I'm not a part of this. I know where my pants and my ankles and show them my underwear. That's a good song, bro. That was a good song. Dude, he's a fucking... Dude, he's a legend. He's Dirk Diggler. True.

If he doesn't respect the game he's put out, then he's not enjoying it the way he should. He has a great tequila as well. Yeah, he does. What's his tequila? See, that's where we're fucked. That's where I think, can I tell you,

our brand needs to be recovery. Yes. Because we do this show every fucking day. We party every fucking day. These guys don't drink every day. That's right. They don't drink every day. That's right.

Yeah, we need to be in recovery. That's right. We need to be doing IVs and fucking vitamins and juice and proteins. Mushrooms, whatever the fuck our thing needs to be is our thing.

And ayahuasca too. If you could give me a low-grade ayahuasca. A low-grade. In my coffee. Like a tea. I want to take you to the jungle in Peru. And let's do a documentary with us three doing ayahuasca with a shaman.

And Tom. Let's do it. And then we do a podcast as we're tripping on ayahuasca. I'm not sure about that. But I mean, I mean, I mean,

I mean, I mean, before and after. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't know what this shit is. It's actually very therapeutic to be honest.

I heard. I heard. That's how people get up heroin. It is. I know people. Yeah, that's how people get up heroin, right? Until you do it and you're sitting on a mud hut. I'm scared, honest. I heard. That's how people get up heroin. It is. I know people. That's how people get up heroin, right? Until you do it.

And you're sitting on a mud hut. I'm scared, actually. I'm terrified. Because my boy said he saw a big-ass cobra trying to kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we're tied up for right now. I'm going to be honest. I'm in.

I'm in, though. Let's go. I'm going to be honest. One time I took a mess tab, and I was on a seesaw by myself. I didn't know how I went up and down. I just. Can I just tell you? I would. I would. I didn't know how I went up and down. I just... Can I tell you, I would... I would not...

I do not want to do ayahuasca. Come on, bro. I'll sign up with you guys. Let's go. By the way, I don't want to do ayahuasca. I don't want to do ayahuasca, but I just want to have an experience that I can say, holy moly, guacamole, we did it, and let's go home. Hang on, hang on. I love that you say that. But say, holy moly, guacamole, we did it. And let's go home. Hang on, hang on.

I love that you say that. But let me ask you something, because this is crazy. Go, go, go, go. Your daughter got her teeth done, and you cried on Whitney. No, hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let me tell you the story. What do you mean she got her teeth done? She got a grill? Let me tell you the story. And then you tell me when we have to get out of here. Let me tell you the story. I think she's been saying it. What?

10 minutes. 10 minutes. You cried on Whitney. Hold on. You're doing what my wife does get out of here. Yeah. Let me tell you the story. I think she's been saying it. What? 10 minutes. 10 minutes. You crying? Hold on. You're doing what my wife does. Okay, I'm sorry. You're telling the story. I told you. I know you are.

I know you. You're telling the story. Yes, I told you. So Georgia, my oldest, tripped in a pair of Crocs. Don't ever wear Crocs. They're bad shoes. Trust me, I don't. Broke her jaw, all the teeth, and the top and bottom.

Leanne calls me. It's bad fucking news. We need to go into a surgeon. We have a meeting on Monday morning. They think they can do it. We got to put her under. It's super dangerous because it's a baby. Oh, she's a baby.

Oh, she's a baby. She's like three years old, four years old. Oh, my God, bro. And so I'm a mess. I'm a mess. Leanne tells me, take a Xanax before you even go in, because I don't want to do it with you. Your wife is ill, dude.

Bro, bro, right? I mean, like, I'll shit on her all day long, but she's a fucking bad bitch. Yes, yes. So I take a Xanax. I go in. I'm not good. It's 6 in the morning.

It's like before they even open. So bring Georgia in. They're like, girl, we're going to have to put her under. They's 6 in the morning. It's before they even open. So bring Georgia in. They're like, girl, we're going to have to put her under. They can't find a vein. When they say put her under, that means under anesthesia. They can't find a vein. They're going in and in and in, and it's not finding one. So they say to me, hey, listen, we're going to need to give her gas,

but we need her breathing evenly. So we need you to talk to her. You need to get her breathing evenly so that we can put the need to give her gas, but we need her breathing evenly. So like, can we need you to talk to her? You need to get her breathing evenly so that we can put the gas mask on her. Jesus. And I'm like, I'm like, Hey man, I'm not super trained for this.

Like I'm an alcoholic. I, I just took a Xanax. Like this isn't my strong suit. And they're like, Hey, I remember the lady going, be a daddy,

be a daddy. And I'm like, okay, okay. So I line up. I'm like, all right, George,

it's, everything's going to be be fine we're going to fix your mouth it's totally fine what we're going to do is we're going to but she's knocked out nope no they need to knock her out knock her out

but we need to mask on her and she needs to breathe the gas evenly yeah so so I go it's okay I need you to just take deep breaths with me

we're going to breathe together and then you're going to go to sleep and then she looks at me and she goes what if I don't wake up and I go it's's okay. I need you to just take deep breaths with me. We're going to breathe together. And then you're going to go to sleep. And then she looks at me and she goes, what if I don't wake up? And I go, it's a great question. Hold on. Hey, guys, if she doesn't wake up, what happens? Do we take the body with us? And I'm like, oh, this is, I'm starting to fucking flip out now.

Okay, okay. I go, hold on, hold on. And then they just, we breathe, we put the mask on her, and she goes out. And I start sobbing uncontrollably. Uncontrollably. So bad that they moved me out of the room, put me in the bathroom. I'm crying in the bathroom so bad. I'm in there for like five minutes, and I'm just laughing at how vulnerable I am. I never thought as a man that the woman I would pick would put me in this situation.

Because now I'm fucking all out there. I go into the fucking waiting room and now it's full. It's like the room's open. I'm crying uncontrollably. My wife's next to me. She's crying. There's a kid in there. He's looking at his dad like,

I thought you said it wasn't going to be that bad. There's a black chick and she's looking at me and she's trying to calm me down. You've seen The Matrix. You know how a black chick can calm a white dude down? Yes. Like, get a chocolate chip cookie. You're going to be fine.

What the fuck? Yeah. Been there. Yeah, yeah. It's a deep dive. It's a deep dive. So you go, what the fuck? I'm not having it.

I'm crying so bad. My vision's blurry. I'm a mess. We are in the waiting room with me and my wife crying uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. And then they come out and they're like, your daughter's blurry. I'm a mess. We are in the waiting room with me and my wife crying uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. And then they come out and they're like, your daughter's out. The room applauds.

They're like, thank God. We go back. Of course, you're hysterical. That's the reason why they applauded. They're like, thank God. They're fine. Okay. We go back to the receiving room, which is like a leather couch and a curtain.

It's an expensive dentist in Beverly Hills. And we sit down with Georgia and she has got gauze on her mouth. It's crazy. All of a sudden, the curtain opens and it's the black chick,

Whitney Houston. You knew it was Whitney at the time? I did not. I did not. She puts her arm on me and she goes, it's tough being a daddy.

And I'm like, it's Whitney fucking Houston. Leanne drops Georgia on the ground. It's like, Whitney fucking Houston. She sits down with Georgia and Leanne and strokes Georgia's hair and talks to her about being a mom, about how hard it is being a mom. They never grow up. They never grow up for you. They're always your babies. And we sat with her for like five fucking minutes and then when we heard the the doctor go mrs houston she's like

all right i'm going in the reason we got the anesthesiologist is because whitney houston wanted the anesthesiologist and so and then yeah and then we go to pay for the anesthesiologist it's paid for when you used to cover it at all we didn't pay for we would go to pay for the anesthesiologist. It's paid for. Whitney Houston covered it all. We didn't pay for it. We didn't pay for it. Yeah. And then the anesthesiologist goes, where's Mr. Costner these days? And I hear Whitney Houston go, put me the fuck under.

Because the bodyguard. She was over that. Oh, I get it. That went over my head. Did we finish the bottle? No, we almost finished. We almost finished. We got to finish the bottle.

I got another rehab if you need it. I'm drinking. Yeah, yeah. No, Whitney Houston was a very sweet lady. Her teeth look beautiful. She looked perfect. She looked perfect. This is when Georgia must have been three

so whenever that was. But yeah. Must have been tough. Yeah. One thing I noticed about you is predominantly you know blacks and Latinos we stick to one drink.

Do whiskey. That's it. Yeah. Do champagne. That's it. One thing Do champagne. That's it. One thing I know about you, you can mix it up. Yeah. So you can, if I was to bust this champagne open, you could get down the champagne?

Fuck yeah. I'm a UN of alcoholism. UN. I like it all. I like it all. Beer. Shit bank. Love a cold beer.

You want a cold beer? I got one for you. I love a cold beer You want a cold beer I got one for you I love a cold beer Okay I love a champagne I love a rosé I never said no to a rosé How about a Jägermeister

That's interesting We're introducing the Nazis Into this Oh I got a Jäger You know my favorite little show Fireball I got fireballs

I love fireballs I used to think Fireball wasn't a drink Cause I It was a breath freshener I was like yeah It was a breath So we used to do That's what I say all the time Let me be honest with you guys I used to think Fireball wasn't a drink because I It was a breath freshener. I was like, yeah, it was a breath freshener. So we used to do

That's an ice nail. Let me be honest with you guys. I want to be honest with you both. That's some real alcoholic shit. Yeah. I was like, I thought that was a shot. No, it's great for your breath.

Dude, I remember this girl was like at my club, at the club I was doing and we used to do tops off shots. So if you had your top off, you could do shots

for like half off. So everyone was naked. Everyone was naked. Oh, used to do tops off shots. So if you had your top off, you could do shots for like half off. So everyone was naked. Everyone was naked. Oh, your top off. Top off. I thought you meant tops off. Top off. I wish I could show you the picture.

You'd be like, okay, okay. We good. And she's like, I'm going to drink the machine under the table tonight. And I was like, oh, you don't know anything about me. I haven't started drinking. I don't drink on stage. I barely drink on stage. I noticed that.

Didn't I say that? Didn't I say that? Didn't I say that? And so I drank her under the table, and they carried her out shirtless in the snow. And I walked out to her as they were bringing her out to the car, and I was like, I whispered in her ear, I go, are you okay? She goes, I'm fine. I said, did you have a good time tonight? She goes, I did. Thank you so much.

I said, hey, don't ever fucking forget. I'm the fucking machine. You want a beer Soon as we They said Nori he's gonna challenge you To drink And I said

I'm not I'm not that guy With drinking Like I like to drink I like This has been I mean The best case scenario

I've ever been in my entire life So let me just tell you something This is my friend right here Yeah And I had the drink champ's title For so long And he used to come to my house on Christmas. On Christmas.

Look, look, look. On Christmas. On Thanksgiving. And he'll come and try to battle me in drinking. I had to make him hurl out his nose. I had to make him, like, he wanted to battle me. And I drank with him. And I made him hurl out his nose.

Carbone's gone. Yes, yes, yes. He wanted to bottle me and I drank with him and I made him Earl out his nose. Carbones gone. Yes, yes, yes. They can't fuck with me. You guys need to grow up, bro. Yes, they can't fuck with me. Dude. And by the way, they can't fuck with me because you the R God.

Oh, man, put that to the universe right now. You R God, we're making the Drunkle. What is it called? The Drunkle Awards? The Drunkle, the Drunk Bible. The Drunkle Awards? The Drunkle. The Drunk Bible. The Drunkle Awards. The Drunkle Awards. Don't overthink it.

Don't overthink it. Don't overthink it. The Drunkle Awards. This is the Drunkle Awards. And we do an ayahuasca in the jungle. I can't wait. You're the only one

pushing this? I think we hit up celebrities when they fall out the wagon and me and you go find them and then take them on the ultimate party. Ooh. Y'all got to do that.

We're like, yo, we're going to... Get your ass back. Listen, I said it earlier because I don't want to offend nobody who actually really thinks they have an addiction. I just don't believe being an addict is a real world. I think that if you're in control of your life, you can actually

do whatever the fuck you want. That's not fair to addicts. It's a real addict. No, no, no. You know what it is? We're like skinny people talking to fat people. We don't have a problem with it. As a fat person,

I go, yeah, how the fuck am I losing weight? Yeah, your skinny friend is the same as you and they're skinny. You're fat. I don't listen to people who's never been married giving me marriage advice. Yeah. So I'm not going to listen to people who never

really got drunk. Oh, well, that's different. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's different. That's not different. That is the same. No, that is different. Like, people who've never...

I'm just saying, you're saying there's no such thing as addiction. Of course there is. No, I don't... That's why I'm careful of saying that because what I mean is

I feel like you're in control. If you're a real man... No, that's because that's because we are. That's because we are. That's because I'm careful of saying that because what I mean is I feel like you're in control. If you're a real man... No, that's because we are. We are. That's because we are. That's because we are. No, he's saying because you are. I know, I know.

Are you saying us in particular? Those people aren't. I've seen the people that aren't. I've seen people that addiction is actually a disease. Yeah. I've seen them... It's because we are.

It's a crazy thing is that we are and I cannot understand it when people lose control. I don't get it. I go, don't you think about your family? Or don't you think about work? Even tonight, I've been fairly measured with the way I drink. I know I have a press junket in the

morning. I know I have a flight tonight. I know I won't drink probably much on the flight tonight. That's because we are. We got super fucking lucky. We got really lucky in that we get to enjoy our shit. And if you're lucky, enjoy your luck. Try to understand those people that are lucky. But at the same time, I get exactly what you're fucking saying.

Because you know what? Like I said, I feel like I know you, right? Even though this is my first time. I feel like I know you. I've listened to so much of you guys. Leanne, right, who is your wife, reminds me of Nary, who is my you, right? Even though I've, this is my first time. I feel like I know you. I've listened to so much of you guys. Leanne, right? Who is your wife? Reminds me of Neri, who is my wife, right?

Neri doesn't let me get away with nothing. But she supports the shit that she doesn't agree with. Fucking strip clubs. Fuck yeah. No, no, no. You went too far. Is that what we're talking about? You went too far.

No, but what I'm saying went too far. Is that what we're talking about? Is that what we're talking about? No, you went too far. You went too far. You went too far. No, but what I'm saying is she supports my dumb ideas, my genius ideas, and that's kind of all we want. And it's like, I love that. I love that I have a supportive wife. So is that, you think, a part of it? Oh, without a doubt. My wife realized she wasn't going to change me. She was going to fall in love with me.

And she fell in love with me and I'm a broken dude. Like I grew up in Florida. Strip clubs are different in Florida than they are in the rest of the world. Yeah. And so like,

so like Leanne, for us, for us, the strip clubs, yeah, strip clubs are like an event. You go to a strip club at the end of the night.

That's how you close your night. It's like church. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a church and a strip club. People go to eat dinner at a strip club. It's part of the culture. Leanne just didn't question it. She went, okay, cool.

You don't cheat, right? I was like, nope. You get a lap dance, and it's cool, right? I was like, yeah, it's all about board. We're all cool. Sometimes in Florida, they get a little dicey. You know. Will Smith is in there. You don't bend it over.

She'll let you cheat with a dude. My daughter said that the other day. My daughter goes, hey, if you ever cheat on mom, I'll never speak to you again. And I go, okay. I go, what if mom cheated on me? She goes, I'd get it. I went, for real?

She goes, yeah. She goes, you if mom cheated on me? She goes, I'd get it. I went, for real? She goes, yeah. And then she goes, you know, she works really hard. She goes, I would. She goes, I'd get it if you cheated with a dude. And I went, for real? And she goes, yeah, you're a little gay. That's my daughter. That's my daughter.

Hey, your daughter's in stand-up already? No, fuck her. Yeah, fuck her. She, but yeah, like Leanne gets me. She gets my lifestyle. She, shit. But yeah, like Leanne gets me. She gets my lifestyle. She gets everything. Everything. Man, that woman trusts me, and I trust her.

It's like when you know. You know, I got cheated on before, and it sucks. It's not good. Right. But then you meet the chick where you go, that chick doesn't do that. Right. And then if that chick cheats on you, you're fucked forever. Oh, yeah.

Leanne's that chick. Like, if she ever cheated on me, I'd have to- One, two that chick. Like, if she ever cheated on me, I'd have to... One, two, three. Oh. If she ever cheated on me, I'd have to murder her. All right. And my whole family.

All right, Slim Shady. And the dogs. And the dogs. There we go. Oh. One, two, three. Oh. Poor dogs.

I honestly believe her. I love... Man. Yeah. I'll fucking murder that woman. Yeah. That's love. Yeah. I'll fucking murder that woman. Yes. That's love. Yeah, put that if I fucking love her too much.

Yes, that's love. This will be used against you. This will be used against me. I'm fucking wasted. Yes. I got to get on a JetBlue flight. Are we leaving? No, no, listen.

You just got to do pitches and drops, and that's it. That's it. You're done. Listen. Hold on. Hold on. Let me read you a flower. Hold on.

This has been the coolest thing I've ever done. No. Like, you got to remember, I did Rogan back in the day when it didn't matter. Yeah. Like, this matters to me. Like, you guys, I watch you guys so much. Thank you, man. You have such.

But hold on. I'll try to give you a flower. Please. Let me just tell you. I have never seen my crew this excited. No. You know what I said to them? I said, no one will be in there because I'm not fucking DMX or Jada Pinkett or Shaq.

I said, no one will be in there. You said Jada Pinkett. You're not Jada Pinkett? Jada Pinkett. Jada Pinkett. Let me just give you a prop, sir. You are absolutely wrong. I have never seen my crew show up early.

They showed up early and they all sitting there. Everybody got a bottle. And we're like, chill. Because I can't start. I can't drink before it. Because I fucked this interview up if I was drinking before it. So I can't drink. But boy, was I.

My friend Mike Booth. Gumbo's here, oh my God, everyone, Sonny D, Sonny D came with the, I'm sitting back, and I'm like, no, we can't, we can't drink till he gets here, and we, and by the way, not only you delivered, you went above and beyond, we really appreciate your energy, your existence, your life, everything that you're doing, your family, sharing your family stories,

the secrets, everything. We really appreciate you, man. And I'm being honest with you. Like I said, I fell in love with you as a drinker afterwards. I fell in love with you as a comedian first. You know what I'm saying? I'm saying that straight up. Like I said, my wife said to me,

I didn't have to describe you. I said, one of my favorite comedians. And she goes, oh, the white guy with no shirt. Yeah, he was excited, man. Listen, listen, and I'll be honest with you. You delivered. You did everything we wanted to do. I so much appreciate you.

I so much appreciate what you do. I want you to continue to do it. Continue to go out there with a Rolex on with no shirt. Keep making us laugh. A Daytona, a Presidential. You do whatever the fuck you want to do. Keep that watch on because you got to let the motherfuckers know you out here. Fuck yeah.

You out here. You are out here. And in case you don't know, you a legend. You a here. You are out here. And in case you don't know, you a legend. You a icon. These people right here is your fucking tribe. And to us,

you are the drink God. So in our drink Bible, that speech is the very first song. That's the Genesis. Just take a picture and some drops will be there. Here, let's finish this thing. Let's finish this drink. Let's finish the drink.

Finish the drink. Finish the drink. That's how comfortable I was. Drink Champs is a Drink Champs LLC production in association with Interval Presents. Hosts and executive producers, NORE and DJ EFN. From Interval Presents, executive producers, Alan Coy and Jake Kleinberg. Listen to Drink Champs on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Drink Champs, hosted by yours truly, DJ EFN and NORE. Please make sure to follow us on all our socials. That's at Drink Champs across all platforms, at TheRealNoriega on IG, at Noriega on Twitter. Mine is at Who's Crazy on IG, at DJEFN on Twitter.

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and what their stories tell us about the nature of bravery. Listen to Medal of Honor on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of times, big economic forces show up in our lives in small ways. Four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding. But the price has gone up, so now I only buy one. Small but important ways. From tech billionaires to the bond market to yeah, banana pudding. If it's happening in business, our new podcast is on it. I'm Max

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