Duck Call Room - Duck Dynasty Appears in the Epstein Files for a Bizarre Reason

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Uncle Si gets the lowdown from Jacob Mayo after he and Bella Robertson Mayo witnessed a literal murder during a trip to a neighboring city. Jacob and John-David float the idea of inviting Willie Robertson’s old friends and acquaintances onto the show to share the wild stories from his younger years. Si is later stunned by how clueless the criminal was who tried to rob John-David’s business, while Martin reflects on being grateful that his kids are fully potty trained, though he admits he’s a little nervous about the preteen years that are just around the corner. Duck Call Room episode #525 is sponsored by: https://www.tonal.com — Get $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code DUCK. https://coastpay.com/duck — Get free gas for a day when you get started with our link! https://helixsleep.com/duck — Get 27% off sitewide and make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! https://homeserve.com — Help protect your home systems and your wallet for a little as $4.99/month! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And the zebra's got a better coat. I put him to use. He's still stuck on a zebra. A zebra's got a better coat. Yeah. Than what? Then what? But imagine.

Okay. Actually, here's what we got a. Go back. But the R is there prisoners. But we got horses because we were riding around with swords stabbing people. You wouldn't want to be on a zebra when somebody else is on a horse. Yeah. Eye level.

Your mic's head out again. Why not? Why not? You got to have the high ground. Yep. Obi-1 Canobi taught us that. Thank you, Hunter. So did Josie Wells.

Yeah, you want to be, you want to stab? I don't know about that. If you're in a sword fight, you want to go down at them. You don't want to be stabbing up. No. That's how you lose arms. You're going to be stabbing the zebra or somebody's stomach instead of the person. Yeah.

Cutting the guts out of a horse. Me and you were in a sword fight. You'd rather be on a zebra and I on a horse? You're going to lose that one. No. I don't want to be. John Davis is going to be on a Clydesdale. No.

I want a gun. I don't want a sword. I was about saying, I don't like being cut. I'm going to be in a sideback. I said, we ain't going back to the Middle Ages. We're going to stick to right here. But that's got to be why they just stuck with horses. I want me,

I won't be at least a sick shooter. Well, I think they probably stuck with horses because horses are what we had. Yeah, I'm about to say that. And there's what. If there were zebras in Europe in the Middle Ages, then they would have probably tried to domesticate them. How many zebras are? Well, that's what I don't understand why the,

people of Africa didn't try to domesticate it. Because they used camels. Yeah, they had camels. They didn't have to have a zebra. There's half a million zebras in the world. They had something that would already haul the load. Desert ship. And that was a lot.

I'm assuming when I look at a camel and a zebra, a camel just seems more user-friendly. Like, I mean, you can sit between them hump. Yeah, and he seems a lot more chill. Like, he doesn't know. That one out at that safari park ain't chill. Yeah, well. Right up to you and try to take.

take your snack take it right out your hand eat the whole thing well yeah he's been trained spit on you too so there's half a million zebras in the whole world how many horses do you think there are five mil that boy well yeah there's there's 60 million horses geez yeah it's probably why they went with horses yeah way more up way more of them kind of like chicken well yeah but say why we eat it hey both of both of them are dangerous I ain't getting on no horse horses and zeal I I don't trust either one of them. No, I'm saying they're dangerous.

Yeah. You think you're in charge. And luckily the horse does too, but as soon as the horse realizes he's in charge, it's over for you. Yeah. Yeah. They made a TV show about that one time where the animals were like, wait a second, we're bigger, faster, and stronger than all these humans and started fighting back. I think it totally failed, but it's a great movie idea.

Do you all remember? It depends on the human being who's trained them. Planet of the Apes? No. Do you all remember like the... I don't know if there's a game, but there's definitely like shows and stuff where like the animals hunted the humans.

And that was like a joke back in the early 2000s. I've always said if duck shot back, it wouldn't be near as fun. No. Oh, no, no, no. Because I always said, hey, if animals hunted us like we hunt ducks, we'd be extinct.

Yeah, it was a whole TV show called Zoo. Back in 2000, it didn't make it very long. But the animals had said, what if they decided to take it back? And then they just started fighting all of us for no reason. Well, probably because we've been eating them for so long. Yeah, but until them animals get a thumb and possess a firearm, it's going to be a bad deal for them.

A lot of them animals have thones? Who? Who got a thum? Who's hunting gorillas? Yeah. Like, he's going to sneak up on you. You ever seen a gorilla? Yeah, but he ain't going to sneak up on me.

One of the best days of my life, when Carter was in the NICU, we would just, we were right beside the New Orleans Zoo. And, you know, sometimes we just had to get out of there. It was like, Carter, we'd take you, but, you know. We can't. You need all these wires right now. One day we'll go back. And I walked out there and they're like, we're going to do a demonstration with the guerrillas. And they just started throwing fruits and vegetables and suckers.

And they were just snagging them. And then, like, biting a whole head of lettuce. I was enthralled. Oh, I was hoping they'd throw them back. Oh, yeah. I wonder how fast the gorilla could throw a head of lettuce. Oh, God, pretty fast. Back at the crowd.

Well, he ain't got no arm. He could throw a, he could throw a head of lettuce, and he could throw you as far as he threw us at head of letters. I haven't been to a zoo. We used to be obsessed with a brute. And guerrillas. Silverbacked gorilla. Always my favorite point.

It's a brute. Oh, I believe it. He's like a grizzly bear. That sucker is bad as a bone. Have they ever trained a gorilla? I don't think so. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that lady, there's some lady.

No, no, look, there's some lady that. lived with them. He called Jane Goodall. That's what he's talking about. Yeah, she lived with them and interacted with them. She braver than me. I watched one episode of that TV show, Zool. I said, I'm out.

As soon as they figure it out, man. I just looked at a grizzly bear. I mean, I'm not, oh. That's like 1992 if you were there. That's like, that's Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a redneck. Yeah. We're doing the whole separate conversation thing again.

No, it's about animals hunting. It's deer sitting by the fireplace with a human over the fireplace. Oh, they used to sell that at that big dog store. Exactly, exactly. That's what I said, early 90s humor. Jacob, do you sell any big dog t-shirts? I have, yeah. Do you remember them things?

Yeah. If you can't run with the big dogs. Say you're on the porch. Yeah. I had a buddy. You know, you know Jake Humble? He hunts out there all around y'all. Is it?

Ike on. Yeah, he on the south side of it. Yeah. We on a north side. But that sucker used to wear a big dog t-shirt every day to the third and fourth quick. I miss the no fear stuff. Yeah. Like all the no fear stickers and fear this and all that stuff.

Like that was always, it was always made me giggily. There's a bunch of shirts like that where there'll be like a guy sitting on a tree with a gun and he's asleep and there'll be the deer or in hunting clothes coming after to get him. Whatever happened that old boy that peed on everything. You remember him? Somebody finally whooped his butt. Did he? Peed on everything.

No, you know, the stuff. not old enough for that? Are you talking about like the same, what's the hot rod, the movie where he pulls up the tattoo and it's like the guys, the kids peeing. It was Calvin. Oh, that's Calvin and Hobbs. Yeah, they remade him and he was always peeing on Ford's on the back of Chevy. He was peeing on the back of Ford's.

I'm like, can't we all just buy a truck for the right price and get along? We need to bring him back. Let's start peeing on stuff again. I'm really against that. That's gross. We could. I says it all the time. Piss on it.

I mean, we might as well. Let's redo it with. eye peeing on something. It's freaking. Make him a miniature person like Calvin? Yeah, makes a little miniature bearded man peeing. Oh, dirt.

I bet ChatGPT can do a, we could tell it to make a mini Cy Robertson peeing on whatever we wanted to. You don't like a piss on it. Look, this was on the back. And we're not even talking about the Epstein files. That was,

or the R. Kelly files. That was on the back, you can't say that. That was on the back of every Chevrolet. laying this town road. We can make that a sign. He's like peeing on deer hunting and then has a duck hunting hat on or something. Yeah. See, that's what I'm talking about.

Why did we do that? I don't know. Why did it go away? I don't know. Very good. Sitting on a limb of the oak tree and the deer walks on when he looks up, you pisses in the back. See? I mean, peeing on stuff like as a little, I mean, I just see my boys.

They like peeing on stuff. So I get it. You saw the pictures I kept sending you over the list. Yeah. I wrote your initials in the snow. So I, well, we were out of water. So when it iced, I went to the same place to pee every time. And I carved a deep JD in the eyes.

It was good looking. Yeah, that's why I said it was a concerning color too. Yeah, we got to the mud. Are you okay? I was like, yeah, I'm good. I thought he may have been in kidney failure or something. I didn't know what the color that was about. That was just the rocks underneath bleeding through.

I was like, oh, man, that does not look good. I literally, I was like, I got nothing better to do. I'm just going to at least make some art out of this. Mark your channel. Look at that, Cy. Hey, Jay D. He wrote his name. I wrote my name.

It was something. They don't teach you that in grade school. With the ice. It was something about school. You need to go to the doctor. Why? It is a weird color. You're a color ain't right.

That's the mud from underneath. You're color ain't right. What color is it? It was clear. It's kind of a brownish. But I get it if it's the dirt underneath. It's the dirt. That's how often I had to go.

You got dirt underneath? I was getting mud. my haircut this morning. He goes, how'd you make it? I said, well, I was so cold every morning. And I'd seen so many movies about our friends from Wisconsin. I said, I'm just going to try this diet their own. Yeah.

It worked. I lost seven pounds in seven days over that. Why did you lose weight when it was, do you lose weight when it's cold outside? Yeah, when it's cold or your body burns more calories trying to keep up with your body temperature. I always thought it would be better for this hot outside. No, sweat's a myth. Well, both.

Both. Both. I, both of them. But it's not a myth. Well, I just mean it doesn't equate to Cali. I would bet that both of them equal to a loss in water weight. Because like when you're sitting there not doing anything, you're not drinking water either because you're not,

you're not thinking I need to stay hydrated through this. I'm back down, baby. I was trying to get down. What would be worse? He's or cold. What are you talking about? Just in general? Like over time?

I think being cold over time would maybe be worse. Yeah. Maybe ain't no thinking. Ain't no doubt. Yeah, but I'm showing your body montalibulism. but you'd be way more hungry. Okay, because you're losing water. Right.

And then when you're cold, I don't know what you're. You're losing water too because you don't think to drink it because you're not doing anything. If you don't have any fuel when you're cold, your body is going to run out of carbohydrates and fats to heat your body up. That water was too cold to drink anyway. Everything I had was freezing. No, it was on the back of my porch.

I would rather, you know, well, no, I can't say that. I had that weird deal, you know, like, Went duck. You're going to say he'd rather have a heat stroke. I would. Or like, I just know if I was in a building and like he was on fire. Yeah.

And I don't care how many stories up before I would burn death. Hey, I just swaned out. Hold on. We're talking like Fahrenheit. I ain't going to burn up. No, we're just talking about sitting in that.

Burning up would be. We're talking 10 degrees. Perce 100 degrees. I think I'd rather, yeah. All there are people that keep saying you can put on more layers let me tell you something. That ain't true. Hey, I'll tell you this, though. I don't believe it. If you freeze to death, at least I know I'm going to be numb at a certain point. You know what? I'd actually go to the gym if you didn't have to go to the gym. And that's where

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I was way, I'll just say this, I was way more comfortable when the hurricanes come through and ripped us apart and we were without for like a week than I was with the cold. I sweat with the best of them. Yeah, because like eventually, you know, you could just hide in the shade. I mean, you weren't comfortable, but you were okay.

Yeah, you have better options. Yeah, there's. They really do. Yeah. With the heat. Right. You get in the water and cool off a little bit. I'm a little worried, too, though.

Well, the other way, if you're freezing. You know how you get those ads? You can't run. You can't hide from it. It's freezing. Yeah, you're freezing. Yeah. But you know how you get those ads that, like, how do they know?

I got an ad for building the house in a neighborhood just outside of Orlando the other day. I was like, how you know I've been thinking this for a week? All my ads are just straight generators, like, generate. I mean, you name it. I have gotten an ad on social media for every generator company. Most of them I ain't ever even heard of. Mine's just realtors and other things to move south. They're like, you don't belong that far north.

I-20's not even safe anymore. Global warming has put us in such a bad spot. I got to move south like a duck. Oh, man. Whatever happened to global warming, by the way. It's a myth. I think it won't. I still watch what you name?

I think it's a myth. I can't remember who was pushing at. He was wonderful. Al Gore. Al Gore. Remember when he invented the internet? Al Gore? Did he?

I bet he had them five. Yeah, Al Gore. That's who. You got to stop with the files, man. I mean, they're out. The only thing in the files that made me laugh, apparently, old boy, watched Duck Dynasty once or twice,

and somebody just ripped Shreveport a new one. So now I'm off the hook with my good Shreveport people because they said far worse things. Oh, man. You don't want any Shreport? I can't talk about it anymore. No. I tell you about my Shreveport experience?

I love to hear it. They're talking about that I watched somebody get shot in the parking lot of a Goodwill. Straight up. I didn't tell you all that? No. It's like four, four or three years ago.

I went to a Goodwill. There's a goodwill out there that's like, there's a thing called Goodwill bins. And essentially like all the discarded stuff are overstock of stuff. They'll put it in a bin and then you buy it per pound, like out of Goodwill. They have one in Shreveport. And when we were doing the blind, we filmed it in Shreeport.

I was out there a lot. And so I met some friends that were in the vintage business. and they went there a lot. So I would go there on a regular basis. What opens at 10 o'clock? I got there at 10 o'clock. And when I walked in the door, literally walked in the door,

all you hear is like, it sounded like something falling off the back of an 18. Well, it was just like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And we turned around and everybody was running into the building, and I watched a dude run across the parking lot and right, like, 50 yards from my truck just fall over. And we had to, like, stay in there. And the dude died.

You know, zebras were more fun to talk about. No, I'm just saying. Wow, that took a turn. It took a... I thought we were like got shot by a flesh wound. I don't know. Oh, wow. Pop, pop, pop, wow.

Yeah, he passed away in that parking lot a couple hours later. That is a rough story. Well, I thought we were talking about streetport. What's that got to do? I shouldn't laugh. Father, forgive me. No, I mean... I don't know how to come back.

You can cut that. I just thought you said you had a bad experience of streetport. Well, I was like, I got one, too. Mine was like a dirty bathroom. Oh, my was... I was for real. Oh. I don't go to those. parts of town.

Yeah. AKA all of it. I'm just kidding. I'm sorry. Hey, but you know what we do like about Shreveport? Superior. I love it.

Greatest Mexican restaurant in the world. I'll say that. In Shreveport, Louisiana. It's a good one. It is up there. You go to, hey, you go there. It makes me happy when I'm sad.

Yeah. You go to Superior, and then you go to a little concert at the Brookshers Arena. There you go. Make Shreepard a little better. The last time we were there, we just went and saw Mr.

Chris at the theater downtown, which I didn't know existed. What is Mr. Chris? John. John Chris. Oh, John. Friend of the podcast.

Yeah. Friend of the podcast. Personal friend of mine. Yeah. He hadn't fired off in the group tech lately. He wedding planning. Yeah. Does he get married?

Leave him alone. Does he like Shreveport? Yeah. I guess. He seemed to. But he made fun of it. Like all comedians. Comedians are allowed to make fun of towns.

Podcasters aren't. That's what we learned. Probably because we went. Southern made donut. Well, they got that too. Yeah. They got a lot of good thing. I lived in Bojure for a year.

Allison, Noel Watson. They, they, created her and I'm appreciative of that place. You just don't want to go back. Yeah, I rescued her, so. A refugee. Hey, I wish I'll say this. Last week, I wish my butt was in Streetport.

Yeah, they had, Bauer. I would have been there and be like, hi, Monroe, suck it. Yeah, suck on that. Y'all always talking about us. Does Streetport have a zoo or is that just us? Sure. I would think so. Right.

No, their aquariums actually legit. Is it Southern Made or Taco Bell about, Y'all bound to heard the story. Time out. Those two things don't go in the same. They're not in the same. It's a story. I'm not trying to tell the story wrong,

but I feel like y'all would know this story about Willie with Randy Kirby in the car getting Southern Made or Taco Bell and he didn't let them eat it in the car. And so for a long time he had beef because he made him ride the whole car and not eat his food in the car. But I thought it was Southern Made in Shreveport. They were coming back from somewhere. You actually just gave me maybe the greatest segment of all time.

idea. Well, here we are. We invite people that knew Willie when he was 18 to 25 to come tell the truth about Willie Roberts. That would be a great deal. Because Randy wouldn't let him eat in his truck. Big Dave shot a nail gun at him. Johnny tried to run him all the way out of town. Oh, Ron Howard. He punched him in the face. Willie punched Ron Howard in the face. Yeah, when he was like 17. Like when Willie and, when Corey and Willie just got married at like a Thanksgiving. They're like playing basketball and he got a little rough and supposedly he just, he didn't punch him in the face, punched him in the chest. Oh, yeah, that's a true story.

Yeah, that's my cousin. Yeah, you should have been there. Willie, I was a kid, man. Willie had some crazy stories. Have you ever heard of, he didn't really fit in to the neighborhood for a while? No, did he sound like a menace to society? You know, one time he shoved gravel in Gimber's mouth? Yep.

Like when he's like a little kid? Gember, it might shove gravel in my mouth. I'd be pretty upset. Well, Gimber cut all of Willie's baseball cards in half, and Willie ran. him down the road, crackled him, and started shoving dirt and rocks into his mouth. Think about that. That is just awful punishment. Gimber, my hat's off to you for cutting the baseball card today. Oh, no. We could, there could be a whole podcast on people. You probably have some wild

Willie stories from when he was, well, were you in the army back when Willie was just a menace to society? Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah, he wasn't around. I wasn't around. I would, I mean, Willie was the kind of guy. You know who you could get in here on that? Too, Mama. Oh, she'd have some. She has some stories about Willie. Why?

Why would Randy not let him eat in his car? Have you seen him eat? Yeah. It looks like me when he eats. Yeah. If somebody wouldn't let me eat in their car, I'd be like, I get it. But it's just funny because he like, you know how Willie used to hold grudges or stuff like that. Used to?

I mean, I don't. Yeah, used to. Okay, he could still do it. I'm not, I'm not personally on that level to tell you. Johnny D about canceling lobster. Willie never. He never forgets. Yeah.

He's like an elephant. Short term, short term memory, not great. Long term memory? Fantastic. Nominal. That should be a scientific study

on those sheets. We should bring in Johnny, Big Dave. Oh, yeah. Everybody. Everybody. Anybody that ever. We need to find his youth group.

Ooh. Zach Steven. Who is his closest friend when he was young? He didn't have any. Himself. He'd have rocks in people's mouth. I mean, I don't know.

I'm just kidding. Himself. I don't know. I didn't know if he was, like, close to anybody. Nothing I remember. My dad literally shot a nail gun at him. Zach Dash had some pretty funny stories, really. Multiple times.

Back in them days, it was, it was, uh, it was so many pranks. Yeah. Everybody pulled so many pranks. Yeah. Pranks were vicious. My mother, my mother used to, grandpa would go out and check his garden every morning. Right. And he wore old big leather boots he slipped on.

And after he would check the garden, my mom would go out and steal one of his watermelons. And he couldn't figure out how she was doing it. Well, he'd go take a nap. She'd slip in there, get his boots, slip them on, and walk in his footstep as he checked the garden, thumping watermelon till she found the right one she wanted to eat. and still go eat it

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In the snow? In the ice. Yeah. We ain't got no snow. I refuse to call any of it. this snow. Snow's fun. But I was like, who was down here? Who's down there? Who was?

I don't know. I couldn't follow the tracks long enough. And then Detective Johnny Deere. I was like, that's actually be kind of cool to live up north for a couple days. Just follow people around. Well, sets of traps. Yeah. Yeah, tracking stuff and that got pretty easy. It's set when it got real hard, like, I noticed when Jude would go out, she wouldn't even

leave a trace. You wouldn't even know where she was. Once it was an ice rake, yeah. They're just running on it. It's hard of cement. You still got ice? Yeah, yeah. Even after the rain. I thought the rain would get rid of all of it. Nope. It's not. And like under the pine straw and the flower bed is still rock hard. Like it's incredible. It's like the ground is frozen.

And people live in that. I choose to live in it. And I know they're saying, well, y'all choose to live in 110. Absolutely. There's Canadians in this world. And I just don't get it. Yeah. I don't. Like people that live in Minnesota. Don't get it. That's why they're all so mad. They're just. cold.

Yeah, I would be mad too. Yeah. Just walk out, pissed off every day. Yeah. Why do you think they're so mad? I belong with Jimmy Buffett's lifestyle. I truly believe that. I was made to live that life.

He's an island boy. Yeah. Give me some water, boat. Just let me cheer. You forgot a Margarita. You want to be a beach bump. Not necessarily a beach bump. Yeah, yeah, that's what Jimmy Bucket was.

Well, yeah, but I could skip the whole beach part. Like, just put me on the dock over. over the water and I'm good I don't need the sand I don't like sand even I don't either yeah you're good except for once every two or three years what one of them hurricane

everybody headed to the beach in the summertime and asked Phil to go Phil says you lost your mind going down there Phil now Phil would say sand in every orifice in your body and my boys love sitting on a sand

Not for me, boys. Sand pile and playing. I don't get it. I don't even like cleaning it off of them. Just the grit of sand. I'm like, oh, this. Hodes them down. Speak it off.

What? Are we past, well, I was giving you advice a few months ago. Like, poop their pants, just hose them down. Oh,

they still do it from time to time. But for the most part, I mean, it's not like. I haven't checked in on you later. No, it's not intentional anymore. It's not just a willful disobedience to the potty.

Just sometimes when they're playing, they don't stop. Hey, me too. It's like just crap your pants and go, man. I mean, that happens to everybody. Yeah. So you're out of the diaper phase. For the most, yeah, they don't wear diaper.

They just wear a diaper at night, like to get through the night. What a magical time. Oh, yeah. Now a box of diapers last us like two, three months. You're rich now. Oh, well, it's just been real. The funds have just been moved. That's not that you still spend the same amount of money.

I ain't noticed to drop off in money because now they eat twice as much. I was about to say, you're on food. side of things now. Yeah, now they just smash every grocery you put in front of them. Carter is, I'm concerned. It's that for vegetables. What's the deal? He's eating more food than any human beings should eat ever.

Well, he's a giant. Wait till they get about 15? Yeah. I'm nervous. Then they stink too, right? Oh, I remember that. Is he wear theodorant yet? And ate.

He started them early, so hopefully he missed. My kids were in for Thanksgiving? Yeah. I have a whole bunch of pickles. Yeah. three or four, five jars. Hey, that's gone in a day. Why y'all eat so many vinegared things like you?

No, look at him. I know. You're pickled. My wife, I went in and I said, where's the pickles? He said, hey, the boys. The boys ate the pickles. I said, hey, you had five stupid quarts. He said, hey, the boys, they're growing.

He buys them big jars. Is that the, is that a, I got a big jar right before the ice storm. Oh, it ain't nothing better to clutchy deal pickle. I do love a deal pickle. And my wife won't him touch it. I'm the odd one now. You eat the slices or the little whole?

No, no, slices. Yeah. Spears. Oh, he's a spear. Yeah. Okay.

I like the little baby gherkins. Well, no, they were good. No, you just throw them in. Yeah. Throw them in.

Forget about it. Oh, I'm a big fan of gas station. I do that like I do raisels. I'll open a box of raisin and just throw it. I'll have a wide. a water. It looks like you in the back.

Oh. I hate a raisin. I don't like. The little red boxes of turd. I love them. I'm telling you, I look like a dog tick. I cram it as much as I can get in my mouth.

And then after crushing it, get it one, like a big charred in the backer. There's nothing worse than grabbing a handful of trail mixing. Right in the middle of it's a big old raisin. Briggin' dog tick. Oh, what you know? I hate a raisin.

Really? I do not. They need a lot of raisin brand. That's the only cookies that are good. It's raisin. I don't mind raisin. Hold. Oatmeal raisin.

Did you just say the only good cookie? Oh, that's the only good cookie. Y'all hate oatmeal raisin cookies? Well, I don't hate them, but they are not. I don't even know that they crack my top five. When I'm telling you, if I was on my back porch last week and I had oatmeal raising cookies, I'd be like, here goes another three pounds. No, it's rated cookies.

That's just like. Top five cookies. The best sandwich, okay, is a Jimmy Dean hot sausage and then cut you a thick slice of a... What? What are you talking about microwavable biscuit? No, you don't microwave. Fried in an iron skillet. Okay.

What else you put on there? Then I'm trying to think of the name of the onion. Vidalia onion? Yeah, Vidalia. Vidal, yeah. Not all a quarter inch stick. Vidal. Yeah, yeah.

That's best sandwich in the world. That sandwiched. But you want to... It's a hot sausage with a slice of onion on it and then... You want to rank the top cookies in the world. Like I'm not saying specific. But he just said the only good cookie is oatmeal raisins. But that's his personal opinion.

There's three other people. You know what I mean? I agree, but like if we... I'm just saying style. You don't even like chocolate chip? Yeah. No. I know you'd eat one.

Pinniful. What? Yeah. That's crazy talk. No, that's crazy. We can't rank anything. in here. The only chocolate is good is chocolate almonds.

Chocolate almonds. I mean... Chocolate covered almonds. There's a good. You don't like chocolate peanuts? We were talking about cookies, so I got on Crumbles app just because I haven't been on there in a minute. I was just thinking like Snickerdoodle, Macadamian, you know, chocolate chip. Favorite cookie? Yeah, chocolate chip. What you do is you get a chocolate chip cookie and then you get another one and you put vanilla ice cream all in the middle of it. That's the best good one. A little

double-dusy ice cream, actually. I mean, you, that's so much better. That's so much better. than a raisin it ain't even oh no yeah that's like comparing no next time you do that those little ice cream machine forget the chocolate chip get you a couple of raiser cookies and puts the ice cream on milk

we'll throw some Tabasco on there while we're at it we're just mixing things that don't make sense if you like Tabasco can do that oh I don't think we can rank cookie Hey make it a hot

raisins It's a little cookie. I'm more of a brownie man myself anyway. A brownie? Oh, man. I mean, what's wrong with the Oreo? Gift of the week, boy. Way better than oatmeal raisin.

Yeah, what's wrong with Oreo? You don't like Oreos? Oreos. It's a cookie. Yeah, you put ice cream on Oreos, it ain't bad. Yeah. You don't even need ice cream. That's what I call ringnecks.

Oreos. Look at him. Black head, white lot of white rodeo. Right there. Just like a Oreo. My mind's blown away. You mean you ain't never had an orio malt? I love Oreos.

Yeah. But you're still, I'm hung up on how much you love a raisin cookie. Open your bag of Oreo. You don't like a snick or dizzled cookies? You know, dairy queen. Say, hey, give me a, you. Big cup of vanilla. There's a better place than D.

D.C. A bunch of Oreos in it. Mike, yeah. Drake Queen is not even actually ice cream. It's not. I learned that. A frozen treat. I haven't ate it in a long time when Bella told me that. What is it?

It's a frozen treat. Like it's too... It doesn't have the ingredients of ice cream and it's like frozen. By FDA rules, you can't call it ice cream. You know what else it is? Freaking awesome. It is right. Because you can order it, they can dump it over.

It doesn't go anywhere and then you can eat the whole thing and you're instantly happier. You know what the worst part of that storm was? Not being able to sleep in my own bed for six nights, but I tell you, what when I got back on that Helix sleep mattress. Taylor made just for me. I've never been happy. Yeah, how you know?

94. Yeah, sleep score, baby. 94 last night. We got back in the Helix mattress, the Moonlight Lucks made just for me after the two-minute quiz. Look, we've had them for four years now. Yeah. This ain't new.

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No, it don't move. I just like the dip cones when I used to eat them. That's what me and my papal used to get all. After a baseball game as a kid. We're going to Dairy Queen. There was no better, there was no better announcement in the world than after a baseball game on Green Road. You're all standing there and one kid's parents say, hey, we're going to Dairy Queen.

Now you're going to get either a burger and fries or chicken strips and fries and a blizzard. I was getting all of it. That's what I'm saying. Together. It was either one of the two. You were getting burger chicken and? Dang, son, I'd hate to have your bill. Yeah.

Hey, we played good. Hey, you wanted to be on his team. I'm telling you. We played hard. We're eating. Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned diner like that? What, Dairy Queen? You called Dairy Queen?

No, now the Dairy Queen's like all modern The old Dairy Queen back in the... Yeah, had outside seating. Yeah. You could do all the... It felt way cooler back then. And you know you were really popping if you had a Dairy Queen birthday cake.

You know what I mean? You used to be a hangout. Remember that? Yeah, y'all used to hang out and eat ice cream all the time. Dairy Queen before we hang out. And what happened? Yeah, why did we lose Dairy Queen when I was a kid? Y'all remember that?

We had Dairy Queen right here off Well Road and one in Monroe, and then they just went out of business. Well, then they built another one and it was so popular we had police garden traffic. Yeah, wasn't that wild? That was crazy. The day, the Dairy Queen opened back up. Oh, it was crazy. The day.

It was insanity. The weeks. Yeah. For weeks in West Monroe, Louisiana, there was a cop directing traffic to get into the Dairy Queen. I'm telling you. It really says a lot about us. I make a lot of street court jokes, but I mean, that one's on us. Like to drive him.

But now there's nobody there. Of course, Dairy Queen don't got so expensive. Last time I went there and got a blizzard. it was like seven bucks i said i now like this can't afford ice cream anymore you can you can go to the store and get two gallons for seven dollars yeah that's that's that's just this is got a little ridiculous on the price yeah they they lost the you hear that go to eskimos i might go to eskimos by myself tonight hey i'll come with you go for lunch then there's no proof of it just slide over there right now no one's checking the charge at lunch from eskimos what said no one's checking a charge at lunch from

Eskimos. That's true. They run out of a hamburger meat. Who? You can call that in as fraud, that charge. They ran out of hamburger made. Philip wants to give some food. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I ordered cheeseburger and he come back. It was chicken sandwiches. From where? That's all you had. They run out of hamburger. Where are that? Dairy queen.

Dairy queen. Huh. Hmm. That's Terry. Well, all the trucks weren't. You couldn't get a truck to your, you saw what you had. You couldn't get a truck on the well road ramps. So it was like.

We were stuck with whatever we had here in town for. I remember the first time I went out in that deal and I went to that roundabout and there were just like four 18 wheelers in various states of problem. Yeah. They didn't make it to go around. They were just kind of weaved in all with a different problem. I will say, that's a bad deal there, man.

That's tough there. As the most pro roundabout person in town, like best thing that ever happened to this town was roundabouts. Yeah. When the ice happened. When the ice happened, I was like, okay, now we're in a different situation here. Yeah, when the ice happens, the last thing you want to be doing is a circle. It became a merry-go-round-down.

No, because nobody knows how to drive. We got it down now. Yeah. I feel like. Yeah, but it took them two years. It did. And every once in a while you see somebody don't know what they're doing. You know, they pull up and stop.

Have you ever seen where we rank nationally education wise? And they freeze. This shouldn't be a surprise. You blow the horn and scare them. and then they don't know what to do. Well, my favorite part is working a four-way stop during the storm because it's proof that nobody still understands how four-way stops work. When the red lights aren't working, it's just the wild freaking west.

Oh, it is. Nobody understands. Just ease out until everybody else stops. Everybody take a turn. Like, no, can't do it. Can't do it. When this one goes, that one behind is like, I got to get out of it. You just really see how selfish people are.

Yeah, white S-10 on Thomas Road, Tuesday. Stay at about 1130. I saw you do that. They freeze up. No, they don't freeze up. They just, they're like, well, it's my turn now. They don't even think about the other three sides of it. It's a wild lot of west out there.

It's crazy. And when you're sitting there in a side-by-side, it's not a very good feeling. You're like, uh. Side swipe. Like, just, it into people pulling out in front of like power trucks. I'm like, come on, guys. Like, these are the guys working. Let them go, man.

Give them plenty of space. But, nope, couldn't do it. Had to get to John. for it run out for their limited menu right. Johnny Johnny's. Oh, shoot, man. Do we have any good emails? Where are we on that?

Nothing. It's been a minute. Well, the problem is we kind of, we were behind people, so we've really been burning through a podcast here. We've done three days in a row. So if you're like, hey, why are they talking about zebras again? Well, there's a reason, yeah. It's what we got on our mind.

Nothing's really happened in our life since. Yeah, it's just kind of everybody's status. That's quo now. I really wish I would have read this before. Mitch from Lake Erie. Well, he's cold. He's a farmer 30 miles off of Lake Erie. Yeah, he's cold.

He gave us a big list of to do things about, you know, week ago. Yeah. Mitch, just now reading this. I appreciate your effort. I was a little late. Yeah, so, but I mean, that guy. To get ready for it? Yeah, he would have been like laughing his butt off at all of us.

Yeah. Well. Good for them, man. I'm glad some people know how to survive in that. But there's a reason we still live down here, because overall you don't have to do that. But I do think we should start a fun and get like a snowplow. Can we just,

can our 10th of a cent millage that we approved last year go for a snowplow? One. What's you going to do with a snowplow? At least you got one. I ain't saying it's going to solve anything, but we got none. They were out there running motor graders at the speed of smell

trying to clear roads. A motor grader is a lot of things. It's not fast. It is not quick. At least a truck with something on the front of it will do. You can at least go 20 miles an hour, 30 miles an hour, like clearing stuff. A little 20. But a motor grader just going to.

So I drove one for a long time. All they do when they use it is just tap the road. Yeah. Then they, the motor grader cuts big chunks in the road, you know. They don't know how to use it. Well, because then you're in a panic, too, trying to clear everything, you know. I don't know what you do about that, but you think at some level now that this crap keeps coming,

it seems like every year we'd be a little more prepared. And I hope these limb companies are out there cutting limbs all summer long. It's going to be a while. We either need to cut limbs or we need to dig ditches and bury that stuff. One of the two, I don't care which one. You need to do one of the other. Control burn. The limbs away from the lines are buried on the ground.

Or bury it all underground. One of the two. I don't. These don't get a grader. a motor grab in an army mobile flamethrower oh okay melt the crap

yeah there you go melt it yeah just melt it there you go you have a tank with a flamethrall just just burning the road burning down uh legit burn it on the back of it

right put it on the back of the tank drive forward and me spraying uh that'd be a hay palm spray napalm behind it Thanks to Home Surfer sponsoring this episode. Look, owning a home is awesome until it isn't like during the middle of winter storm.

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That's homeserve.com. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between $499 to $11.99 a month. Your first year terms apply on covered repairs. All right. These are the emails we're looking for, Martin. Go ahead. You remember a couple weeks ago? we were talking about crazy police officer stories. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, my good friend John, lieutenant in Dooley County over in Georgia. Okay. Georgia. It's a law enforcement for 27 years. Yeah. And he's a second generation officer.

Mm-hmm. This guy knows the ropes. Yeah. He ain't no rookie or anything by that stretch of the imagination. Yeah. Almost 19 years ago, he was working somewhere else. he was talking to a friend of mine, police officer. There were just two cops, you know, chatting up.

Lady ran up to us, tell us she needs the police. So they're ready to spring into action. She had been tricked, Martin. Into what? They calmed the lady down, and she said that she was sold fake drugs, and she wanted that guy to be locked up. Uh-oh. There's literally stories in the news about it.

Oh, no. She wanted the guy to get in trouble. Hey, I bought some fake drugs. And she wanted her money back from fake cocaine. Justice for the cocaine. And she went to the police about it. Did they arrest her or what's the deal? Well, if it was fake.

Yeah, no, I just want her. I don't know if you get. I don't know if that's. She didn't have drugs. Yeah, do you get arrested for intent? Hey, she got sold powdered sugar. Yeah. What did she turn in?

The powdered sugar. distributor? So she didn't get high, she just got diabetes. There you go. There you go. She's on those end-pick. Sugar, so, some, some, kid. Yeah, snort and powdered sugar. I do it every time I ate a bignet. It ain't great. It hurts a little bit. I do it every time I ate. Burn your nose hairs out. That's actually really funny that somebody would be that silly.

Although there was a guy yesterday going all around town writing hot checks at every any business that sold anything to do with fish in, he tried to write a hot check to him. Really? Do y'all take checks? Not anymore. Unless I know you really well. Really? Yeah. Hot check. He hit up like five different places. What was he trying to buy? Did he Teleto Tackle? He was there and our buddies over at Toledo Tackle called my dad. My dad was on the phone and he was like, oh man, this dude just wrote us a hot check and just be on the lookout for him. Dude was in the store. Heard my dad talking, bolted. Gone. That's great. But then I got pictures of him and then the other he got a trolling motor off of somebody went and got a new set of tires

all off a stolen checkbook that's crazy work oh and then he went to get a live scope yesterday and they were waiting on it I was waiting I just don't understand your plan you get a whole paper trail you know what I mean very large paper trail all in the same industry like none of us talk like it's stupid like everyone every everything to do with fish and he tried to hit up he was going get a whole setup. That's Monroe for you. Yeah. Oh, man. He's in jail. That's a toughie. Who did he tried to buy the lifestyle?

Somebody hooked up down there. Ah, I got them. There was a police officer there when he did it. And they were like, hey, that's that guy that y'all were looking for you. Santos was he there getting his stuff worked on? That's crazy. Although he patrols that street a lot. Oh, man.

The criminals really aren't that smart. No. Be easier to get a job. The ones that are you don't hear about them. Yeah, where did they get the checkbook at? It was stolen. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Something riff-raf. Something stupid. During the power outage. It was like a business is checkbook or something. Oh, good. Yeah, they won't ever check that, right? Yeah, it was a dumb move. Oh, man.

I thought he's got a couple jig poles to his name. From Toledo Tagum? Yeah. They ain't get nothing from y'all? No. Luckily, Nick called us and was like, hey, be on the lookout for this guy. My dad was like, a man wrote you a hot check, and the guy was like, did he run out?

No, he just walked out. Just quickly. Yeah, he'd done removed out. And I was like, I'm about to get his license plate. He was smart enough to take that off. But a vehicle probably stolen. And I'm not going to put his picture up, although I want to. Well, he's, it's a-

Because if you're going to commit a crime. It's a matter of public record now, so you can. Well, if you're going to commit a crime, friends, do not wear the ugliest shirt that anybody has ever worn in this entire town. Okay, well, blur out his face and I want to see the shirt. Is it an affliction shirt? Oh, no, it's worse than that. No, the affliction guy's got way more style than this.

Really? Is he wearing rock revivals? No, it's worse than that? No, you don't sell this at your store. Hold on, I'm going to send it to my computer. Yeah, we can blur a face. I need to see the shirt now. The shirt?

I'm way more interested in the shirt than the face. If you're going to steal from this many people, why not make sure that that's not the shirt you're wearing? Only one guy in town even owns that. They call that ambre. Like, what girls just do their hair,

Ombray? That's what he wore? To commit crime all over town. Wow. Hunter, don't put that up on YouTube. If he gets out of jail, I don't want him come to tackle me. Well, you can just cover the face up,

but you can show the shirt. That shirt. He's the only person on God's Earth that ever went into Dillards and bought that thing. That thing's ugly. You share that? He was like, you know what I want?

I think white on top, blue on bottom. They're like white shirt, blue jeans. No, just the shirt. I need white to navy. Oh, man. You know his pants for what? I was like, that's an interesting get up, man. But then I was like, well, he'll be easy to find on camera.

Only one wearing that today. Oh, man. That's terrible. What a shirt. He said, look at me. That's terrible. He called that shirt. So, would you wear that shirt?

No. No. Well, I mean, he would for the right price. Don't get him. Yeah, you would. somebody slid tian at you to do that you with a smile you'd wear that to poker night make it seven digits i might do it seven digits hey if you make that shirt i'll be i'll cut you a deal i'll wear it for a lot cheaper than seven digits i'd do it for a hundred bucks i mean yeah like

go on now don't do it jacob go buy that shirt and he's selling yeah i wouldn't sell that to nobody that's a bunch of crap but i'd wear it for the right amount of money i don't care that was my favorite part though they were like here's what he looks like on their cameras i said i'm gonna find i got quick on hard yeah that won't be hard oh my man he was just trying to get to bussey man the bussy trying to go live scope him some crappie up there on bussey he took the wrong exit on 165 and ended up in a different place yeah he went to head north he went south down to the occ yeah he went to 165 south yeah the washtal correctional center man i'm on i guess in place hey by the way Huh?

You ever thought about the power being out five days in jail? That's what I was about to say, I bet they got backup generators, so biggins. Yeah, we actually talked to a guy that worked there. Do they? He said, no, it got real quiet once the power went out there. Ain't nobody trying to step out of line or nothing. You don't want to get, you don't be in jail in the dark. Yeah, the last place you want to be is in jail, but also then be in the hole.

Like, I mean, you end up in solitary on that deal. Yeah. Mm-mm-mm-mm. Yeah, big, oh, man. What a winding road we took today. always well you want to send us out of here what's the good Lord say about theft I've done that too many he didn't get me today but he got a lot of our friends so I'm just putting the word out we will find you oh man fishing industry tight in this town I just feel bad for whoever's checkbook it was he stole because now they got to start over

like their account wise and all that's annoying and that's just that's dumb that's how did they know it was hot that quick that he was a little he got nervous It seems like, I need to call this one in and see. And then as soon as he did, he was like, dead comment. Okay, there you go. Yeah, that's what, okay. I was like, man, that was a quick. Of course, I don't, I'm not in that side of taking money,

so I didn't know a fair's a deal now where you just like scan the check and it tells you. You can, but you can try and just deposit it on your phone. But he just went ahead and called the bank because he's like, this seems sketch. Okay. There you go. Well, yeah. But yeah, he got, he got, you know. My man coming there and pay with a hair salon check.

Or live scope I don't know about this He don't like somebody on a hair salon I don't maybe It was weird Oh good grief Is this the verse from yesterday It feels like the verse for yesterday

What? I don't think it is Psalm 18 1 and 2 I love you Oh Lord my strength The Lord is my rock My fortress and my deliverer My God is my rock

In whom I take refuge He is my shield And the horn of my salvation My stronghold There you go That one just speaks for itself. Amen, buddy. All right.

We'll see y'all next time right here in the duck call room. We're out.