Duck Call Room - Justin Martin Catches Grandpa Fever but His Wife Wants Baby #3

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

Si shares some encouragement for anyone feeling stuck in a tough season — reminding folks there's always hope for something better. Meanwhile, Martin’s already dreaming of grandkids, but Brittany���s thinking more along the lines of baby #3. Plus, John-David shares a comment from Carter that had everyone in stitches. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, welcome back to the podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Yay. We've got my wife in here with us, Brittany. You brought it up. I brought up a weird fact about weird jobs and tips whenever we were talking about that. So then that led some of our producers. I guessed. You did guess.

I mean, it was pretty easy. Dear. Sire, do you know where Brittany worked in college? Was it in college? Yes. You know where Brittany worked in college? No, I don't. Are you excited to find out?

Yeah. The list is long, actually. I was just about to say. But the first stop. This was my first stop, and I do want to preface this by saying, I didn't really have a choice. I had applied to every restaurant in the area. But one in particular saw you and said, you're a fit.

But one in particular was a first, and I was in no. To be fair, it's kind of like. speaks volumes. Yeah, you had to have a job. I had to have a job. It was actually very crucial. I didn't have help. No one was helping me at the time.

And I had just got an apartment with my best friend. And her mom, who I've known since I was very little, was the co-signer. So I was like, I'm not going to let her down. I've got to get an income. So you decided you needed to be delightfully tacky, yet unrefined. Isn't that the catchphrase? Isn't that what they put on the back of those shirts? I've only been one.

Now I can't wait. Delightfully tackful. Delightfully tacky. Si, have you ever been to a Hooters establishment here in the United States of America? No, to be honest, no, I haven't. And I'm shocked that I'm saying that. Well, good for you.

Why are you shocked you're saying that? Because I love women. Oh. Okay. I've always tried. drove by. Yeah. Okay.

Just never pulled in. Never pulled in. My grandmother went to Hooters once. For real? Yeah, it was an accident. The same one that got caught in a high-speed chase? Yes, my very Church of Christ, grandmother, and three other old ladies were on a church trip, and they were like, that looks like a nice restaurant, serves wings.

They had no idea. Serves wings and much, much more. They have not been back. They have not been back. Did they eat? I was about to say, did they stay? I don't know the full story. Yeah.

We might have to have your grandma in here one day, man. No, we need to have her on. Thelman Louise. Yeah. I mean, they got spike stripped in West Monroe. Not many people have ever done that. She's accidentally been to a hooters. That's so impressive.

Yeah. Yeah. She's always lived a lot of life. She's 92, so she's probably got some stories. Even more impressive. You don't think of stuff. Like, you know, like you needed a job. I needed a job.

I was, I hadn't. No business turning a way and income. When I'm watching Western movies, you know, they're always talking about how bad about, okay, well, she works in a slew. Hey, folks, you got to live, okay? Gotta have a job. You gotta have a job.

I even told them I could, because like I said, I had applied to every restaurant in the area, and I even told them when they called me that I couldn't start for another week. Just in case. Just in host. Just in case. Chase Chili's called.

You're like, I'm going there. Someone else was going to call me, and they didn't. And like I said, I was in no position to turn away an income. I'm not proud of it, but I had to do what I had to do. Well, and the reason this all got brought up, because apparently our friends over at Hooters are in the news because they're trying to rebrand their restaurant to a family-friendly atmosphere. Yeah.

But I read the article. According to them, like, the original owners are back involved who sold it. And they still own like 22 of them. And theirs are a much different standard. They didn't have a standards policy in place. They had no policies in place. There you go. There's somebody who worked there.

I'm pretty sure there's like a Netflix special on how unhealthy of work environment. It was pretty much one of the most toxic jobs I've ever had. How long did you work there? Four months. Four months. And then a friend of mine that I had met in college, she actually got me a job at Valvene, changing oil. So.

There you go. If you need your oil change or your tires rotated, I can also help you with that. You just, see? I have so many more questions. See? No, no.

See, that's what this, this is great. I really is. I did what I had to do. Well, no, no. That's why. And most people, you know, they don't think about,

well, wait a good grief, you know, hey, shut up. You ain't ever been in a bind where you need a job. Yeah. Well, most of them. Don't look down on me. Most would rather sit home and collect a check rather than go work something that they feel is beneath them.

Because I fucked that my whole life. Yeah. I said, wait a minute. That is not for you. Yeah. There's nothing wrong when you get off your butt, go to work. There you go. Valvillet?

Valvilline, baby. Yeah. I don't know if you were the hottest actress at Hooters, but you were definitely the hottest girl to ever work. Oh, yeah. Congratulations. I had a lot of guys looking at, but I also had some haters at Valene, too, because I'd get these guys come in

and they're big jacked up trucks. And they, she don't know what she's doing. They'd see me go down below, and they'd be like, is she the one that's about to change my oil and they throw a little fit? And my boss would always back me up. Like, she's certified, but in my head, I'm like, you wouldn't be here if you could do it yourself.

Oh, whoa. So I'm going to go change your oil in 15 minutes. Go ahead. With your bad self. Yeah, go ahead. you little man complex self you driving a jacket truck up in here. How long did you work at Valvalin? Oh, that was

probably almost a year. She still got scar on her arm to prove it. I do. I actually have a scar on the inside of my arm because the burn sleeves are made for men and my wrists are tiny and dainty. It's kind of like the outfit at your previous job was made

for women. Yes. Yes. A man a man wouldn't fit in that very well. A couple guys. Those orange shorts would be a little unforgiving if you will potentially they'd change from an owl to a you know camel I don't know nope nope nope

burn sleeves or a moose the burn sleeves were not made for women and the exhaust pipe was wrapped around the oil filter and I had reached up to unscrew the oil filter and I don't know what you're talking about it was hot my burn sleeve slipped down and sizzled the inside of my wrist yeah

and then hot oil proceeded to trip down. It's very traumatic. See, but that's what you got to have, man. You've got to find your woman with a work ethic, man. She worked at Hooters. She worked at Valvillin. I went back into the restaurant business after Valvill. I want to know how many people have gone from Hooters to Valvillian, just in America.

I was desperate to get out of Hooters. Well, that checks out, according to Netflix. Did you rock that blue jumpsuit? Yeah, it was all wool. Did it say Britney on it? It did. Yeah. Hey, I'm a phone.

You still have it? No. I will just fix that. I know somebody that'll give you big money for that. Yeah, Jacob Mayo probably pay your top dollar for that. He'll make me a good deal. General Vantage, baby. Alvillane woman's jumpsuit.

A navy blue wool jumpsuit. But I'm a firm believer. And I kept it in a locker at work. We have black steel toe. Yeah, all the things. Everybody needs to start at a job where your name is on your shirt. Yeah. To some level.

Right? One. My name was on my apron. I burned out of it. A blue collar job. Yeah. Like, at Tanner Peeters, I had a name tag said, Justin Martin across it. Like, everybody needs to start where your name's on your shirt where nobody knows who the crap you are. I've had a lot of job. And then figure it out. Did you have a name jacket hooters? Yes, I did.

How did you? Was it a stage name? Or did you go with your real one? Did you have to be very careful when putting the pen? It doesn't seem like a lot of extra material. Terrified. Yeah. And especially because we had to. to pay for our uniforms. So I was not trying to mess my uniform up because it's coming out of my paycheck. So did y'all had to pay for like them panty hose they were there?

Yes, there's a vending machine in the back of every hooters. It comes from a vending machine? Comes from a vending machine. You pay for your socks and your panty hose. I see where they got the tacky part now. That's tacky. What about you, they give you them orange shorts? Huh?

The orange shorts, they give you them? Yeah, they gave me the orange shorts. Well, it was awful. They gave me the orange shorts. I got my first uniform free. it's the least they could do. Yeah. There you go.

That was quite a... No. There is no evidence other than the IRS. And this podcast. And this podcast. Up until now that I worked at Hooters. I worked very hard to bury that, but I am unashamed. I have found Jesus and I am unashamed of my past.

You got a different name across your chest today. Yeah. Her shirt today says Yeshua. The king is coming, people. There you go. And look, so it was really kind of a weird moment when last year we went to Cancun for New Year. Yeah, that was cool. And with some friends, a bunch of friends, we were tired of eating out at the fancy Mexican places.

I would never get tired of that. You would. I mean, you really would. I mean, you really would. I eat Mexican every day for the rest of my life. Buddy, just trust me, you would. It was a weird deal. So we were like, national championship was coming on.

We said we're going somewhere American. Got on there, Googled American restaurant near us. There's only one. Hooters, baby, which then allowed her chance to explain to our friends face-to-face. Because he brought it up again. I was like, well, Brittany used to work here. It's a great story. And I was like, stop telling people that.

It's a great story. I'm going to tell our kids. You are not. Oh, yes, she is. Yes, I am because it's true. If you don't tell them, I'm going to tell them. I'm at least going to watch Big Daddy with them and be like, y'all want to know something about your mom? Oh, my gosh.

It's not big daddy. remind me of this. Look, I knew mom before she was mom. I've always loved that because people don't think about it. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. You know what that means. That means more outside cooking.

And y'all know we love to eat beef around here. And that's what because of our friends over at Triedale's beef makes such a good product, baby. Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sall Robertson, would say, buy on the grill. Look, before we got Tritels, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day.

And you never really know where that beef comes from. But with Tritels beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Tritels comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch. So they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door.

We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritale's beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She ain't a big meat either, folks.

Yeah. Just go to Tribalienable. beef.com slash that's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. I'm looking and it says, okay, who does it expand his family friendly restaurant? Yeah. Check out the uniform. Well, I wish them success with trying to come back modestly, okay. With not having to live in that world to be a successful restaurant. And I'm here for that because They have great wings. I love their wings.

I wasn't allowed to eat them. Well, no, they're just a business. Okay, it's a business. And, hey, yeah. Y'all. For real, that grilled cheese and curly flies, strength. They have great food. They've only been to Hooters once.

And it was because we were a state away from my parents, so I felt safe. And I had cash so they couldn't see the debit card. Wow. And my friend Luke was like, hey, give me some cash, man. I was like, no. He was like, my mom's can see Hooters on the debit card. Yeah, we have a very different lives. I said, eat it, son.

Your mom's going to see you at Hooters. You're going to get in trouble. And I was rude of me. I apologize, Luke, if you're listening. But no, the reason I'm going to tell the boys is because it proves you're not above anything, right? Like, if you need a job because you signed on the dotted line to make a commitment to pay for something, you go get that job. Whatever it is. That's what I'm saying.

It was just me. She was one of them at 18 that ran out of mom and death. Gone. I love. I'll figure that. this crap out. Yes. Right.

Now, my dad, I will say I want to give him a little credit because he ended up coming around, I think it was my sophomore year of college. And he, he's a veteran. So he signed over his VA benefits, which gave me a housing allowance at that time. So that was, which I still worked on top of that. But it was nice to have that little break. But at the time. Alvillane.

But at Hooters time, I was on my own. No one was helping me. And when you signed on the dotted line, you've got to do it. You've got to do it. There's no forgiveness. There's none of that. You signed up for it.

You got to do it. My home life was very toxic. I had to get out of where, I had to get out of the situation I was in. And that's something I want the boys to know. Go figure it out, man. That's a, a goal girl,

you're, oh, your story. Yeah. Okay. That's, I look at it as okay. You done that with a badge of honor. Because you got to.

Yeah. Right? We all have. I've got no, George. I've got to. I've got to take care of myself. Yeah.

Right. Nobody's helping me. And it's not like, you know, it's the best part of the story to me. We were talking before and she was telling us some stuff that was, we're not going to stay on this podcast. But the Netflix documentary is not lying. It's not lying. And, you know, it's a pretty toxic place. And then Brittany said, you know what?

Screw this. I'm going to go change oil. And as a man who goes to get his oil changed, there's not many of you in there. No. No. And if they are, they generally have the clipboard and meet you to deal before the coal chain gets. They're not the ones under the lift.

You don't have near big enough mustache to work where I go. I can rotate your tires too. There you go. I actually need that done. Yeah. I'll hop on over there. See? No, no, because, hey, my hat's off to you, darling.

Thank you. Thank you. Because, yo, you had issues, okay, you know, that, and you have it. Yes, best I could. See, that's what we're talking about. Cheers to you, Mom. No, no, I'm serious.

I'm serious. You know, my house. I'm serious. You know, my house. I'm serious. People don't think about that, okay. Hey, you have no choice in this. Yeah.

And I was not going to let. I've got to provide food and lodging and all this for myself. How am I going to do it? Well, you do have a choice. And you can either lay there and wallow in it, yeah, poor me. Or you can get out there. Or you can get out of it.

Yeah, you can put your breeches on. Put your shoes on and go to work. Sling wings, sling old, sling something. Slang something. What's you sling? You sling. Fertilizer. Fertilizer and Quick Creek, buddy.

When I started at TP Outdoors, my first one, I worked in the warehouse. And I learned. Y'all that don't know, that's 50-pound bags. That quick, that quick, that quick, creed 80. Well, okay. We all of sold 80. I was about to complain about pumpkins and watermelons, but that's not quite as heavy. But that's, I never forget.

That first October, I worked in a grocery store and all of them pumpkins and showed up. I said, what am I supposed to do with those? And Rick Cody looked at me and said, move him. And I was like, because my mother told me this when I was a teenager. Okay, and it stood the test of time. Don't you ever look down on nobody? No.

Yeah. I actually love that job, too. Like, I got to talk to a bunch of people. Got to help up. The best part was loading the stuff for the old people. No, no. Yeah. Because I was a kid, right?

I was 17, 18. So, like, you got to help out your grandparents every day. I mean, pretty much. You were putting stuff. You were putting bags of quick creet and stuff. like a Lincoln Continental. Like, because you know they's about to go home and grind over burying a post, you know. But still, nothing make you more irrationally angry than that bag of quick creep being busted

and then you end up with concrete all in your shoes. That's not irrationally angry. That is certified anger. That's valid. You can't get it out. Yeah. And that's, I mean, but it taught me a lot about like, it taught me what I didn't want to do for the rest of my life.

Like, I didn't want to load fertilizer for the rest of my life. I didn't want to, I didn't want to thread, I didn't want to thread gas pipe for the rest of my life. for the rest of my life because we did that too. Like we cut pipe and threaded it and all that. But it's a cool skill to learn. Like, this ain't what I want to do. And my dad, who was a member of the plumber and pipe fitters union,

that's all he ever did was that kind of stuff. And I was like, yeah, no, this, I don't think your boy wants to do that. I decided I'm going to figure out a way to work with my brain. Oh, that's real work. You know? Yeah, that's real physical work. Yeah.

That's tough work too, man. But I'm thankful for my time there. And I was in the warehouse for a few years. and then I ended up at the gun counter slinging guns, you know. So I work my way up, man. I mean, Hooters paid my rent for four months, and that was a necessity. And I'm thankful for Vaville. Like you said, how many women do you know that can do that?

Not Allison. I'll see her. No, you won't. Mama worked on B-17 bombers. That's awesome. Well, she was a Riveter, Rosie the Riveter. That's awesome. And then look at you, you ended up riveting duck call read.

Genetic. Family history, man. And look, she was the first one that won't on television. Yeah. Well, she was a pioneer all the way. Yeah. She ever put one through her finger like you did? Oh, gosh.

Probably. I would not doubt it. I would not doubt it. Those were some bigger rivets. Yeah, then was bigger. That was a lot more. It was a lot tougher. But, no, you do what you got to do in the moment, man.

You figure it out and you do what you got to do. And I'm thankful that my kids come from that kind of stop. I was a waiter for two weeks. Two weeks. Yeah, I couldn't be. Ten years. It was right behind Hooters is the funny part. I was just past them.

But I was like, I don't fit in here, gang. Like, I can't do this. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I don't think the service industry is not one that would fit my personality. Because if you want to get lippy with me, then I'm just going to get lippy right back. If you think you want to work in retail, you got to go work at a grocery store first. Because nobody wants to buy their groceries and their mass. And then you go somewhere where they want to buy stuff,

like guns and fishing stuff, and it's way easier. Yeah. If you mess with the public in any. In any capacity. All right. You've got a tough one. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mind my retail.

You can never please them. I liked serving more than retail. Where'd you work at retail? Huh? Home goods. I was opening up boxes in the back. I was actually my very first job. Home goods.

Home goods. Yep. And then I also worked at Opryland at a place that was kind of like for clubbing clothes. Whoa, journeys? No, gosh, I cannot remember the name. Express back then? It was kind of like an express, but not as nice as an express.

It was like a city train. Was it like delightfully tacky? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know fine. Yeah. But then actually from that job, that was the first. time I ever went on unemployment because a big flood happened in Nashville in 2010 and Aubrey land got flooded and I didn't have a job.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's why I was almost scared to come on and talk about it, but at the same time, I shouldn't be ashamed of it because I had to do it and have one person. It was worse coming to and telling it. Yeah. And it led me here in this seat right now. Like the Furprees burrows were I met in the duck call room, VIII. at Hooters.

No. You're the only person that can say that. Allison ended up here because of Red Lobster. You know what I'm saying? I ended up in the Duck Hall room via Old Chicago. Y'all were most slanging biscuits. Look at there. Yolly.

Unbelievable. Look at there. What year was that? What year were you at Hooters? At 2011? No. It was towards the end of 2010 beginning of 2011. 100%.

Allison was at Red Lobster at the same time. Cheddar Bay Biscuits. I hate those things. We ate them every. home like six of them every night yeah i remember man leftovers that was a big deal back then yeah when i met brittany she was at what is that old chicago pizza joint by the grace of god there i go for real though the next thing you know hunter's gonna have a really interesting time one day telling his kids about the time he worked with four crazy rednecks up in this duck car room they're gonna go can i watch it well just not

one episode yeah where i had a giant hickey on my neck how is north carolina i'm just Oh, you are back from your tree up, Hunter. How was your trip to visit your woman? Oh, it was awesome. Was it? Yeah. How was your time at Mellow Mushroom? Oh, I love Mellow Mushroom.

I didn't get to go. You know what? Yes. Good for you, man. A win for the pizza people. Yeah. I don't go to no chain. I wanted to try it.

Mellow Mushroom's good. It's fine. It looked fun. We just ran out of time. Yeah. Well, you're supposed to start with the pizza, Hunter. Yeah. I'm not giving you any advice.

You start with pizza. You always, when you're having fun, you always run out of time. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever were you doing to run out of time. No, I'm kidding. It's a family show, man. I'm kidding.

It's a family show. We're talking about who to be out. We're talking about it. It is a family show because, well, and that is. We're talking about all things that make a family. The clean, the dirty, the messy. It doesn't matter. And there's somebody listening to this that is right now driving to a job that they hate.

That they hate. There's a way out. And there's. I'm sitting there going, I'm going to this, I hate it, the boss is a jerk. It might even be probably in your kid. You would say that that job was a little demeaning. Yeah. Probably more than a little.

Let me tell you, we had to stand, and I can only speak for my hooters. I don't know about all the rest of the hooters, but. Netflix will speak for you. When we would get there at the beginning of our shift, we all had to stand in a line, and our manager would come one by one and make us do a spin to make sure that we were up to par. for the shift as far as looks are concerned. Mama, you want to stand up and take a spin? Stop it, Martin.

I wore this big old baggy shirt. I'm like, no, I'm not going to. Go ahead. Yeah, so, but there's somebody that's a job they hate. Yeah. And I mean, your story is one of, hey, you might have to go change oil

instead of do that job, and it's coming, that opportunity. And then how do you like that now? Yeah, but that was an upgrade. Yeah. Yeah, it was an upgrade. It really was. Okay.

No, no. Yeah, you went from no clothes to a full wool suit. And you said, I'll take this. Yes, and a heartbeat. Boy, that'll tell you something right there. Golly, go from wearing nothing. I don't want to be naked. I come up quick.

Well, I mean, just think, in Tennessee is hot in the summertime. I was just about to say that. You hop up under them things in a wool sweater. You want to talk about hot. And when you're under the bay, you have these giant fans, like, back underneath the bay that are pointing towards you when you're under a vehicle. But it is blowing nothing but hot air on you. It's hot air.

And then you have the hot from the engine. Somebody just pulled in there with a 240-degree vehicle up underneath everything. And it's getting sucked down in there. And you're wearing a wool jumpsuit. And that's still better than slinging wings. Yes. Because...

That's hard to figure, ain't it? I had... Like I said, I can't talk about everything that... I experienced there, but that was a hundred times better at Vivalene than what I was experiencing at Hooters. But just like you're talking about, like our friend Josie Wales, man, endeavor to persevere. Reservoir! I wasn't giving up.

To persevere, man. Just keep on pushing through, because you are, you're listening to this. You're driving somewhere, most likely. And you're either loving where you're headed or you're hating where you're headed or you're indifferent about where you're headed. But where you're headed ain't going to be where you would. bend up. Jeremiah 29,

1st 11. God speaking, you have no idea the plans I have for you. Yeah. Declares the Lord. Not to harm you, but to give you hope

and to give you a future. Yeah. And look at my future. And everybody's sitting in my future. So that's what I'm saying. Just, yeah. You're going to have trials and tribulations on this planet.

Ain't no doubt. Okay. It's how you, you can only control one thing, what you do. Yeah. And, okay, and I, hey, I don't wish what happened to this young lady. It happened to nobody. Okay, I only want the best for all of you. But the reality is it's going to happen.

Yeah. Yeah, but it's going to happen. You can make it out. Yeah. And then, hey, here's what it is. Life goes on. Yeah. Life hits you.

What are you going to do with it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, life hit me a few times. Oh, no. And now look at you. You're one of them women at church with a big white SUV and the twins and go eat Mexico. Who knew?

And we go get chips and queso. And I'm an orthodontist assistant now. If you need braces, I can also help you out with that. Change your tires, get your new beer, and change your braces, all in one. Swiss Army knife, if you will. I'm a Renaissance woman. That's what I like to call myself. Uh-oh.

Oh, boy. Boy, there's a story about that. Yeah, we got, a Renaissance man used to work here. But the point of the deal is, is don't get stuck in your hooters, whatever that is. They should put that on a t-shirt. Yeah, don't get stuck in your hooters. Don't, that'll preach, Martin. That will preach.

Whatever it is, don't get stuck there. Don't ever give up your dream. Yeah, keep stepping. Keep pushing. Keep persevering. Okay. Because guess what? The Lord doesn't tell you.

All right. I got some plan for you. Yeah. And it might not even be your dream. Like, you don't know. I don't want to speak for Brittany, but I don't think Britney's dream in life

was to be a mom of twin boys living in West Monroe, Louisiana, being an orthodontic system. Coming from Nashville. But look at you now. But now you would say, yeah. Come on over here, girl.

Yeah. Quit getting hansy. I'm trying to be like Gawin and Paula. Hey, right. I told you when I met this lady, hey, don't let her go get away. I guarantee. They sometimes in there I was like, why not? No, no.

I said, hey, look, don't let this. And now we've been together, what, 12 years? 12 total, 10 married? Yeah, it'll be 12 in September, 10 married and a month. All the anniversary is in May, huh? Yeah, at the end of May. So neither one of y'all knew it, but God knew it. Oh, didn't he?

And he laughed the whole time. Oh, no, I'm serious, that's what. God does about three things a lot. He laughs a lot, he cries a lot, because, hey, he loves the human race so much that he gave his only one son for you. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we just got through celebrating all that, man. Yeah.

Yeah, and that was just past. Yeah. It just, you know, that's why I, you know. Yeah, Easter hit different for me this year, for sure, because I just kind of. Yeah, which, by the way, on Easter, we, we, we, we, did the Saturday night thing with y'all yeah we went all together Saturday you know what you know what his son told me who Carter oh it it is no telling let me tell you what Carter I'm gonna start calling him Carter the literal that's because that's what he is he's very literal you don't know how to

figure if he looked at me at church and he said oh hey Martin I didn't recognize you look different and I was like oh well I'm not wearing camouflage he said no there's nothing on top of your head because you're missing a lot of hair he realized he was bald Carter's like going through his head going he's always had hair no he's just always had a hat it's all an illusion

I got so tickled because I mean the bald jokes of fat jokes I've heard them all like they don't bother me but to see it but to see it coming from Carter I got so freaking because he didn't even think about it no it was just

it was from brain to mouth what no evil intended No. It was just factual. Just factual. And then we went and had... How the mouths of babes. And then we went to Javi P's and had a dance party.

Allie D's kids taught my kids how to dance. So, you know, in the middle of the Mexican restaurant. And my shoes took a salsa bath. I got them clean if y'all were wondering. By the next service, we were... Glad they were safe. By Sunday, we were the same shoes. Time out.

We do have to bring something up, Sire. Oh, what? About these two's marriage. I'm around the table. Well... No, so after church on Saturday, we went to Saturday night service together. I was like, hey, we're going to hobby peas if y'all want to join. Martin was less than enthused about going with five kids to a Mexican restaurant.

Yeah, I had to convince him. And Brittany goes, you never let me do anything fun, Martin, Justin. She calls him Justin. I call him Justin. You never let me do anything fun, Justin. And I had to call a time out. Because just the last week alone, I believe two times. They were out to about 10.30.

the moms club. Some sort of moms, they call it a Bible study. It's a Bible study. But they eat and then they bring home leftovers and then they sit there and talk till 10.30 at night, but they don't ever get to do nothing fun. That was such a fun conversation that I was like, what in the world.

Yeah, she said, we never do anything. Then we all did go eat Mexican food. Yeah. I meant just because he doesn't like to like, I don't think he's comfortable yet taking the boys out places because it is. It's a lot. I saw him.

They told everybody in the restaurant hello and threw something at each one. Yes. Well, and it's not only that. I just don't want to be the people. That may be somebody's one night to go eat out or go do something. And I don't want my kids to be the one that ruined their night out. You know, because like if everybody in the world thought my kids were as cute as they think they are, this wouldn't be a problem. Right.

But because in their world, they're so, they're two and they're still extremely selfish because you can't teach them nothing else that the whole, the whole world is theirs and nobody else's. So that's why I am like I am. It ain't like I don't, I mean, it ain't like I don't want to hang out with y'all. Like, your kids are hilarious, but, you know, and I can't wait until mine get to that age. But, like, it was just, I don't want to ruin that for somebody. If it's their one time or they've been trying to plan this. We've ruined plenty of other people's things. Yeah, I know.

I mean, it happened. That's why I'm like, I get that side, but at the same time, I'm like, we got to get them experiencing things like that. It happens, but I also knew Sunday was coming too. So, like, and I knew we had a full day plan. So I was like, man, we need to be in bed by 7. You never let us do anything fun. Never lets us do anything fun. Well, we did it.

We did. And we did. And he put on, he didn't eat, but he put on a. Well, no, there's no chance to eat. There's no chance both of us eat one to go to a place. Talk about how fast I eat. Now you know what it is. It's just I got kids.

I'm about to see how fast I can shove this down my throat. Yeah. And then I'll be ready. And then you get to play defense. It's all defense. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. We kind of lucked out though.

When our kids, the boys were that stage, the world shut down for reasons you don't want to say on YouTube. Yeah. They'll flag you. They'll flag you in. They'll be like, oh, this is a suit easy. Anyway. So we never went to restaurants.

Then we took them at like, the next. year like 2021 and it was like nope I'm never going anywhere again see that's what I want to try to avoid I want to get them used to it so that when we do take them out places that they won't be spaghetti on the walls yeah instead they were just driving concrete trucks down the middle aisle as long as you give them a truck or a monster truck or something they your kids are cute other people's aren't that's the truest thing then everybody thinks their own kids are cute I'm just telling you, there's somebody out there that thinks your kid's ugly.

If you're listening to this, your kids might be ugly. My kid might be ugly. I don't know. Yeah. And then that's what, everything was fine until Ben's got up started dancing. And then the boys were like, oh, I'm getting off this table. I'm getting off his little seat where I've been confined and we about to have a dance party. Yeah, that was on me.

Yeah. It ain't on you. Like, I thought it was hilarious. And then Whalen decided he wouldn't like do the worm or something and crawl on the floor of the restaurant. I was like, come on, son, get up. We were in the dead center. I got to talk to you. Y'all chose the seats.

We're corner people. You got to corner them. Well, at the time when we first walked in, there weren't corner seats available. Yeah, we went for the biggest, longest avenue for them to drive those trucks. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we didn't want to be around. It wasn't about us.

It was about how can we keep these kids contained? Yeah. How can we give them the biggest space to drive these concrete trucks while she tries to eat? And then whaling ate a little bit, which is surprising. Jackson, nothing. And then as soon as we close the door. You want something to eat? No, no.

We closed the door on the car. Snacks? Snacks? Snacks. I was like. Snack? We were just in a place that had everything that you would have wanted. And no, I just want to drive my truck.

And then we close the door on the truck on her car and snacks? Snacks? Like, oh my gosh. All right, dude. Whatever. I don't know. I don't know how the kid's going to survive. They do that.

I don't know how. When do they start eating? They don't. Yeah. I don't. I legitimately don't think my middle. child bins consumes more than a roll and maybe a fruit gummy a day. Allison and I talk about that.

She really makes me feel better about this situation. How are you still alive? Well, what's weird is they will go five days where it feels like they don't eat 500 calories. And then on day six, they're eating everything. They will eat everything that you put in front of them. And then you're like, oh, cool, man. And they'll even try new things. Yeah, they'll eat this now.

And then you give them something the next thing. I don't like it. I can't like it. That's their favorite. That's their favorite. I don't like it or I can't like that. I can't like that. Gosh,

I hear it in my sleep. I'm like, and now the new ones, help me. Help me. I'm like, oh my gosh. Waylon will drop his car, be standing there looking at,

help me. I'm like, uh-uh, bend down and pick it up. I feel like they're getting that from your mom though because she loves those boys so much. she'll, she does everything for them. She picks up all their stuff. She. That's Grandmama.

Yeah. And they've been staying with her for two days a week while I work. Which is fine, but I just look at it. He's on the right. Oh, yeah. Hey, man. I'm ready. Oh, she's absolutely earned the right. Look, I love them kids, but I'm kind of ready to be a grandpa.

Like, I get to say the stuff she gets away with. Oh, no. Hold on. Hold up. No, I'm just saying. Hey, that's just, hey, that's part of it. Yeah. You just, you put in the work with them and then you get to do that.

And I'm fixed to show you Yeah What I went through Yeah And then you But before you can be a grandpa You might have to have another one Another what

Another who? What are you saying? We're not in agreeance on that No we're in agreeance You sent me to the urologist We are in agreeance I am not I've taken us down a road

You're welcome fans It can be Hey it can be reconnected No, it cannot. I'm going to let these two talk, just as John David's signing off. Go ahead, Ritney. Listen, if it is in God's will, it can be done. I would absolutely carry another baby.

I wouldn't prefer to have two babies. I'd like to just experience one. That's where this gets crazy. But when he went and got that done, nip snaps. When he got that done, I was like, I know a guy. Uh-oh. I was in the thick.

of taking care of twins. I was, I don't even remember the first year. I was surviving in the worst way possible. So I was like, you're not touching me. You will not touch me until that is snipped. And now we're two and a half years in and I can breathe and the darkness is like, subsided. And now I'm like, I can do it again.

Martin. Not with me. Ain't that? One more. I'm not your cowboy. I want a girl. I don't know. You know who the problem is.

Your wife? Lottie. Yeah. Well, Lottie's the rudest kid on her. I promise. Let me send her over. Lottie,

well. Nope, one of these. So y'all started with two boys, right, then had a little girl. Very close together. Our friends. About two and a half years later had a little princess.

Our friends, the Holman's. Yeah, same situation. Same way. And the rooster is the coolest little kid. She's a cool little girl. For now. Yeah.

Like, you know, the problem with girls, no offense, I love you, dear. I know, we're crazy. But hormones are coming. Yeah. Like, at least with boys, you know what's coming? Stink. Yeah. Like, they just going to stink.

Hormones are a wild ride. It's a dragon that you've got to learn how to ride. Especially for females. Like, that's a different deal. And I just, they're all crazy. It's just a different. Yeah. A crazy that we don't necessarily have control.

Well, no, no. Don't have a night. I can't help it. Let me tell you something. When we were told. My ovaries right now. Well, we were told. That's the most precious thing I've ever seen.

Look at her little dress. You're not going to find a guy that was, I was so cool with being a boy and girl father when we were told it was a boy and a girl. I was like, all right, cool, man. And I think that's why I'm holding on to it because up until the anatomy scan, we were actually supposed to have a boy and a girl. Yeah, they scanned it. And you look.

there was Wayland's penis, you know? And so like, you know, it's like, well, that ain't a girl. Hold on. Quick question for y'all, though. The first time y'all only haven't won, right? Yeah, the first ultrasound was just one baby. One baby, two babies, boy girl, two penises. Every time we went into the office.

I told him quit saying anything. Yeah. Hey, look, we're done. A guy came up to me that we all know, I'm not going to announce their baby for them, so we're going to leave names out of it. And he said, on Easter, he was like, hey, man, going to be a dad. I was like, man, congrats. You've been to the doctor and everything?

He's like, yeah, had our first one. I said, well, Martin had his first one, and there was only one. Because he literally said, it's only one, though. And I was like, that's a weird thing to say. Don't count them chickens, bud. Wait till the second. I said, there might be two. He's like, no, there's only one.

I said, that's how it was for Martin. And he goes, and then he went to tell Allison, and he goes, but we're not sure if it's one or two years. Well, that's true. She told me that story. I said, I'm going to put the finger at him. I still have the picture of us from the first ultrasound of us holding the ultrasound and it was just... I remember vividly we walked out of that office and said, we beat it.

I'm a boy mom, though. I just felt like I wouldn't know the first thing about having a girl. Yeah, you and a girl would be really cool until she got about eight. And then we would have beef. Then y'all would be... Well, no, no. Yeah. Because there's always that it's crazy.

Mighty got beef at six. But it is. It is crazy. No, no, it is. So... No, because they both love each other, okay? but you're talking about some knocked down dragout but i see it too now like when you're in the thick of that stuff like the boys are a lot of fun right now yeah like they're a lot and they like

each other most of the time i mean they they still do what kids well they they fight over the stupidest thing you'll see some of that as they get older yeah that hey big brother or little brother whichever way they look at it you know hey don't mess don't mess with him oh that's coming yeah Right now it's monkey see monkey do with them. Like if one of them gets to doing something and the other one ain't doing nothing, then they just go do the exact same. Which is where a lot of the fights come from. Right.

I witnessed a fight this morning. Did you? Yeah, Lottie came and set her breakfast down beneath the couch and backed into Benz's feet and goes, Daddy kicked me. And I was like, no, he didn't. So then he did kick her. So he'd be like, now I didn't. I'm like, hey!

What are we doing? It's 6.15 in the morning. Have kids, they say. That's what Jackson will do. Jackson hates being yelled out. Again, loud things. He's just not a big fan of it. So Waylon will just yell at him.

He'll get up right in his face and go, ah. Yeah, it just, and then he'll turn to us like we're supposed to do so. I'm like, son, he didn't do anything to you. You just got to quit. But Waylon knows what he's doing. He's like, I know that I'm not physically touching him. Hold on, but he's pushing the button. Oh, yeah.

He knows what he pushed the button. Oh, yeah. And Jackson does the same thing. He knows he's faster than Waylon. He's way faster. He'll take a toy that Waylon likes and he'll just hold it out in front of him. And then take off running. And then boom, zoom, zoom, take off running.

That's good. Yeah. I mean, he's like, yeah, catch me. He just wants to be chased all the time for some reason. I don't know. It's weird because he's chunky, so you wouldn't think that'd be the normal thing. No, he's faster than he looked. But, yeah, he's...

In my house, you'll look up and Carter's running from Lottie. Like, she'll be chasing him with something. And he's like, make her stop. I said, you're twice her size, man. You can make her stop. I said, you can end this right now. But he's just not a violent kid.

He's like, I ain't fighting nobody. Yeah, that seems to be Jackson's emo right now. He's a lover, not a fighter. He submits. If, like, Waylon wants to come grab a toy out of his, he might resist for a second, but then he'll be like, all right, here. Here, I don't want you to yell at me. He doesn't like being yelled at.

Yeah. But it's a lot of fun right now. So I get where you could be talked into having another one. But I think we're a good, we're a good family right now. We're good. We still ain't figured this out yet. Neither have we. Yeah.

Just had another one. Yeah. Just keep on, huh? Just one more. Did you, whenever you went to that doctor, did he explain to, did you go to the guy that looks like Santa Claus? No, I went to a young guy. Okay.

Yeah, I went to a young guy. You explained to me, there is a pretty easy process. No. To get it undone? He said, consider. Yeah, just reconnected. He said. No, no, no, you don't reconnected at this point.

No, he said, consider it permanent. That's what he told me. He said, you can do something. He said, but just trust me, you don't want to. And I was like, okay, whatever. Let's do this.

What, like the reversal process? No, you never get it reversed. No, reverse. You can go get it drawn. You can, there's. Yes, and then you and then it's lamb. Yeah. That's aggressive.

It's not near as fun as the original way they intended. They got intended. So I'm considering it permanent. I'm not going to lie. In some of my prayers at night, I'm like, Lord, if it is your will, you have the power. Yeah. And he does. He does, and he does, and he can, and he may.

But that's up to him. He's got that, that's sure. I have made mine. Mine is, my bed is made. But go ahead. If you're going to do it, do it because I'm about to be 34. And I don't want that. Oh, you poor thing.

I know you You poor thing Old 40 over here That's your heart Yeah you poor thing You poor thing We did have someone Asked a little heart

Midlife crisis is going to be And I hope it's a little girl now Because that would just make me die like Could you imagine I just don't want to go back I just gave me a look I don't want to go back through Some of them early stages

But I mean like now If they pop out of like two and a half That'd be cool But just think about just how easy It would be if we just had one Are you forgetting about the other two that we still have to take care of. They'll be more self-sufficient.

Like when we had the boys, it was two infants that literally could do nothing for themselves. They won't even go pee on the grass. And you're calling them self-sufficient. They're not going to be self-sufficient from another three years. But they're getting there.

Carter can't make up. Oh, boy. Hey, there you go. Self-sufficient. Look, Lindsay's kid here yesterday, if you wonder why the office smells weird, Finley is a great child.

I 10 out of 10 recommend if you got a daughter. She's been on the pot. She's been. Oh, yeah, Finley's been here. I forgot about that. You consider herself sufficient, right? She's 12 probably, maybe a little older. Or somewhere around there, 10, 12, something.

I'm going to say a year too older than Carter. Yeah. She's made ramen noodles up here before. She makes ramen noodles yesterday. She burned them. She didn't put any water in. Oh, you can blow up a microwave to it. So when you consider self-sufficient, let's consider the sources here.

That microwave has been in danger before. Back whenever I first started Stone's oldest, Carly, at about eight or nine, walked into the store, looked at me and goes, there's a fire. Walked out and I said, what? And I ran in and there was just a fire coming out of the microwave because she put a mustard packet in it and hit start. Oh, there you go. Yeah, see, that's what I mean like, yeah.

Self-sufficient enough that we could have another baby. Yeah, and it'll probably be of the canine variety. The next child. I ain't doing no dogs. I'd have another kid before I had another dog. Listen. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Another kid before the dog because I'm drowning in dog here,

and I love our dog so much. She was our first child, but. Yeah, we've already had a girl. Yeah. Her name's Jude. She'll be 11. this year. So our time's running thin, I'm sure. It is. Don't say that. That's a dark turn.

No, I'm just saying that's the problem with the dog is most of them you're going to outlive. Oh, yeah. That's the problem. If we go down the dog route, I might cry, but I've. I'll definitely cry out. We're not going. We talked about it recently, and I have made my peace. I'm good on dogs. I'm good on dogs. I'm good on dogs like Martin's good on kids. I don't need another one. I mean, I could be talked into a turtle. Nope. You know? I don't want anything. He loves turtles, dude. Unless it's like Michelangelo, I'm out on turtles.

Well, I mean, I would go for a box turtle over one of them that requires like a water deal. But like, I just don't. They smell them. I've reached the self-sufficient stage where like if I want to leave town, I ain't got to worry about no dog. I don't like a box turtle's friends. Oh, I had one growing up. Box turtle? Yeah, yeah.

Our house used to be infested with centipedes. Nope. I would. Yeah. It earned its keep because it would go through eating the centipedes in our house. You just had it. You just had a turtle that roam free? Yeah.

He's a free range. Where's he going to go? Yeah. We gave him water. He just ate the centipedes. He ain't going to run out the door on you. Was he house train? Johnny Dee, turtle poop.

You wouldn't ever even notice that. In your home? A little box turtle, yeah. You're not going to notice that. All right on your own. But I would say right now, with the boy's current obsession, we're trending towards some sort of lizard. Yeah, they're obsessed with lizards, which I'm not excited about.

If you want an animal, the Monroe Zoo is available, and those are basically house cats in him. They love catching lizards right now. They just look at you and go, go catch a lizard? Or. And then you watch them, they like sneak up. Like they want to be like a baby cheetah, but, you know, then they don't know what to do once they get there.

And the lizard's like, I braw me. Yeah, then they look at dad and they're like, pick this up. Yeah, can you catch him for me and let me pet him, and then we'll put him back. That was a great episode, and I think side nailed it on the Bible verse. We're going to call it our Hooters verse. Oh, Jeremiah 2911, for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Don't get stuck in your hooters. Is that the tagline?

Yeah, don't get stuck in your hooters. And if Hooters Management read this and y'all put that verse on a shirt, we just want some credit. That's all we're saying. Don't get stuck in your hooters. Yeah. Don't get stuck in the hooters. Believe it's now called Hoots. Hoots.

I was just about to say, I just don't see how they can be family friendly and still be called Hooters. I think they're switching to hooters. There you go. Like toots. Well, it's just modestly dressed and face. Yeah. I'm here for it because it, I'm here for it. Let the imagination take over.

Yeah. Absolutely. You go Hooters. Yeah. I'm serious. Yeah. I'm going to Wingstack. Yeah.

We'll see y'all next time right here in the duck call room. We're out.