Duck Call Room - Justin Martin & His Wife Tackle the Terrible Twos

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

Uncle Si has a lot in common with his new sister in Christ, Martin’s wife, Brittany. Brittany opens up about some parts of her life’s journey that led her to the baptistry recently, and Si insists he knew that she was the one for Martin the first time they met. Martin once performed a possum relocation wearing nothing but his hospital briefs after a very personal surgery, and John-David is both proud and exhausted by his son’s school antics. Si is reminded of his own delicate surgery during which he went feral on the orderlies, though the anesthesia wiped his memory.  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, welcome back to the duck call room, ladies and gentlemen. We're here. We have a special guest again with us. Size voice. Size voice is back for one. It's a special guest as opposed to last episode. You're back. You feel good.

Oh, yeah. That's great news. And my dashing bride is here to join us. So we're on a wife. So I guess in a week we'll probably have Ms. Christine back. We'll just rotate through everybody's wives. Allison's never coming back, by the way. Uh-oh.

Not a fan. She didn't enjoy it. Oh, well, she was confused. Oh, I can tell you why. Yeah. I would watch her. Okay, she was like a deer in the head life. Oh, no.

And I could actually read her mind. She said, she's staking herself. I'm here alive. Why do these people listen to this stuff? That was part of it. Oh, really? No, no, and I got the answer for that. The average human being, no, no, his life is so miserable,

or her life is so miserable. okay they're bored out of their skull okay so hey at least we let them make them laugh that could be true no i'm serious we're not dumb well no no because funny oh no i was great i always thought you was okay just being honest about it and i mean when i say y'all all the guys and me okay i was shocked they would write in a question And then I was amazed at some of the answers the guys gave. Well, we work in sales. Well, I don't know.

Bible saying. But I didn't realize, hey, there is a whole lot of smokeblowers in that commandant. In case you didn't, if you wondered about my ability to sell something. She reproduced with me. I know. Well, look. Twice. When I first met at the same time, at the same time.

They just meant we really meant it, though. What did I tell you the first time I met that young lady? He's a handful. Oh, hey, you need to marry that woman. Put a seatbelt on? That's what I told him. I said, you need to marry that woman. And here we are.

And there you go. Okay. He took my advice. Here we are still almost 10 years later. So Allison, though. She didn't know. She's never watched an episode, right? And she only hears about the stuff that I go home and tell her about,

which is normally like something cool. I don't tell her about Sasquatch or Black Panthers. Yeah, but hey, here's what you got to remember about your lovely lady. She is, she don't do nothing without plans. Yeah, that was part of the problem. She's the planter and like, what she saw here was total chaos. Yeah, she needed an outline.

No, no, yeah. So then look. Yeah. So I get home and she goes, we didn't talk about anything. I said, that's not true. Black Panthers. She goes, I only watched one episode that morning. And she watched an episode where side just ranted about who's the man.

His name is Jesus. So Allison's like, all right, weird Bible study. I'm in. Well, no. And then we only talked about Black Panthers and other stuff for an hour. And she was like, weren't we supposed to tell people about Jesus? I said, we kind of did. But we had to like entertain them first for 45 minutes.

He was like, I was weird. I have taken that to a new level. Well, that's the episode she watched. No, no, I'm serious. Okay. So she thought that's what we were doing. Well, because I've, she gave us credit for being something we ain't. There it is.

But I'm sick of sharing the gospel with people, and then they leave me with this. Well, I just can't see him. I just can't see this guy you just told me about it. So I. She hadn't answered ready for that. Well, so now, okay, and especially since I watched the blind in San Quentin,

and Phil's famous line for years when he was running with the devil, who's the man? Well, that's when, when that line come up, I said, y'all remember the line

when his friend was asking, hey, who's the man? Let's go. I said, I fixed to tell you who the man is. Bob,

boom. Hit them with it. Yeah. Hit them with a right and the left. Yeah. Oh, no, I both barrels,

reloaded, both barrels, just kept reloading in both barrels. So how quick you think before she gets back? Well, it was, I did the man.

We're at like a 15-month hiatus of Allison, and we'll probably go another 15 before we see her again. Maybe not. No, we're going to have to, we'll have to get her in here under false pretenses. Well, I fix it. Because I thoroughly enjoy it. No, not even something else. We'll have to do the pizza thing.

Oh, yeah. And we'll give her an outline for it. We'll give her, yeah. Cook, say, mix. We made you an outline today. You should see her planner. You should see her planner. don't even know how it operates.

Yeah, I bet it weighs 17 pounds. We have a calendar in the living room. I don't even, no, it's in the kitchen. I don't even know where it's at. And I'm like, I don't know what's that. Just text me at some point during the day. Let me know what I'm supposed to do that night. Yeah, let me know where I'm supposed to be.

Hey, in her defense, though, I've also never watched. I don't know. Yeah, you probably shouldn't. Hold on. Me neither. I'm not watching this. That comment makes me want to. We just solved my problem in the military.

You never were there. Oh. That's too. That's why I always was in trouble. They didn't like the improv. You mean the military doesn't like improv? They don't like improv. They want you to have a plan.

I finally figured out why we have so much problem. Yeah. You like to wing things. Well, I'm as best as that it I've been winging stuff my whole life I don't like to wing things But I am that person unfortunately Oh I'm at I don't want to be

But I am A schedule is merely a suggestion Don't even get one That's why I say it's just a suggestion Of how things should probably go If all things go well Which never happened Well, so you know

Why plan? Yeah Just show up Only to be let down Yeah To let me Hey you want You spent hours on your

plan and then your plan fell apart. And see, that's what happened to Allison. It's the simple truth of life. Unmet expectations caused her little grief. She had expectations of us that were up here. She needs to learn by now. Put them down here. Hey, be reasonable.

Just put them down here on the floor. Yeah, get them on the level. And we can beat the floor most days. Yeah. And then you're happy. That's it. Like, you know, you're like, man, that was actually pretty good. She's come in here all fired up on Jesus and said.

All right. Who? We all are. But also Black Panthers. But she was like, she had, she probably in her mind, like, had her versa. She's like, I'm going to get this, this. And then Jesus goes together, baby. Yeah.

That's a great question for him. Why? Why couldn't they? What did y'all talk about? Everything, just like we're doing today. That's right. Everything and nothing all at once. Yeah.

I'm asking me. My house has always been. There's nothing tabo to speak about. I remember what we talked about. Oh, no. That's why. and all the parents would say, do you really mind our kids coming over here?

I said, no, you need to reverse that. You better think about, do you mind your kids coming over here? Because we're good. I said, because trust me, if they ask me a question, oh, boy. They're going to get the Jesus fruit. That's good at least.

Okay. I can't wait to say whaling or Jackson over here. Hold on. A lot of new information. Hold on. Yeah. also just while we're here I had a lady

called me she was awesome and I answer the phone she was like is this JD I was like yes her name's Becky she was in an accident where she hit a tree going 50 miles an hour she said it really slowed her down I said no that probably made you stop

that's a sudden stop Becky's awesome either way she's really focusing on Jesus now but then she got on some thing and I don't know what she was talking about but I kind of had to pretend I did because I was confused. Have you been preaching that Adam and Eve didn't have belly buttons?

Wait, what? Thank you. Is that one of your preachers? That was not. That's what Becky was on. That seems kind of like a odd part of the anatomy to leave out. No? I was,

Becky was like, I'd never thought about it until I said it. And I was like, Becky, I ain't really thought about it till this moment right now. Wait a minute. Hey, but wait, why would they have belly buttons? because there's no

Whoa See? Who knows? So this is what Becky He's staring in the face What I would know What I would like to know Is when I've said this

I don't Apparently on this podcast We've said a lot of things No I've been here for all I don't remember none of it I ain't said nothing about Hunter You got anything

You're the one that has to listen To this multiple times Before it goes out So we're just here for this 50 minutes were here. Do you remember me saying anything about Adam and Eve not having belly buttons? I do not remember this conversation.

Maybe it may be unashamed. She called you. You probably will. We're friends now. Becky. When did he say this? Actually, what? That's not our Becky, right?

She has a tendency to run through things at 50 miles an hour too. No, that was only about 30. Yeah. Becky's from West Virginia. Yeah. That may be. Careful. You leave our Mountaineer friends out of this.

I've got a lot of friends in West Virginia, Jack. Becky's one of them. She's a big fan of your work. Country Roe's taking home. Bank Chambers is another one. That's where he's from. And it was always West Virginia by God. West by God, Virginia.

Anyway. I had to check. He was at the Army with me. It is an interesting thought, though. No, no. He was in the Army with me. He was in, when we lived in the chicken coop buildings. John Denver?

In Kentucky. Kentucky. But he's from West Virginia. He's from West Virginia. When we were stationed at, what? In Kentucky, but that's Fort Knox? Where you're at Knox? For the money's at.

Yeah. You were right to Fort Knox? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I actually got caught on the carpet about having races with M60 tanks. Oh, that's when y'all's drag racing. Yeah.

M-113 personnel carriers. Because we didn't think, hey, all that stuff's got rubber pads and we used to burn rubber on them, baby, when we was racing. And the general flies out and we were looking at all the burnt rubber. Needless to say, I got called on the carpet. Another one of those improv. Oh, yeah. Yeah, one of them improv thing.

Improbs. And I said, hey, look, you work in me 18 hours a day, seven days a week. we needed some relief. We needed the drag race. We needed to drag race to have a little fun. It makes sense to me. Is that why you haven't worked since? Because you worked 18 hours a day, seven days away?

In the military, I worked, hey, way too much. Hold on. I got to have a nap every day. At least. You had a nap every day. You worked. 24 and a half years in the military, and I imagine I managed to get a nap every day.

And work 126 hours a week. Well, hey, whatever. They did work me too hard and they run me too hard. And so you had to take a nap. You were napping on the clock, weren't you? Oh, yeah. Oh, as long as we're down with that. Absolutely.

Off the clock. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you nap off the clock? Why would you nap for free? Why would you nap for free? Why would you nap for free? You got to get paid, son.

You got to get paid, son. Unbelievable. Well, see, there you go. But this doesn't bother her. She's free will. Well, see, Becky. Becky and her friend. apparently they Zoom call and Bible study about what we talk about.

That's dangerous. I know. We're guessing, by the way. Because scholars, we are not. I'd call us all common sense Christians. That verse in the Bible that says leaders will be held more accountable. I'm out on that one. I want regular accountability.

I'm not admitted I am an uneducated country bunker. Yeah. Common sense, common sense Christianity. One thing for me. I've got a lot of common sense. A bunch of. bunch of it all of it all of it

he imprimes it and I improv it all the time and look it's becoming a rare commodity human race boy ain't that's true I'm serious hey well sigh got something he needed to tell you anyway

I don't know if he even remember this or not but I know he was curious in it we shared with sigh about your baptism and he told me to tell you that he loved you and now but now he's not

He can say it yourself. I've always loved you anyway. Yeah. Now I can love you at my sister. Yeah, brother. See? Brother. Wow, we just had a Kurt Lively mother.

Oh, no, Jesus. Yeah, brother. She hung out with Pentecostals for three weeks and she just sounds like one all of a sudden. Yeah, brother. Hey, and this is all a Gopi love. Okay. Yes. A goppy?

Of course. No, proppy. He said Cropi, didn't? He said that girl at Goppy love. I didn't say Cropi. We do love fish too, though. Praise God. I did.

It was wonderful. Didn't invite me and Martin either. No. No, sent me home with a kid. It was very spur of the moment. Which is how I wanted it to be. Well, it wasn't spur of the moment. It'd been eating at you.

Yeah. For a hot minute. That is true. It was available. I've been praying about it for a while. Yeah. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up.

You know what that means? That means. more outside cooking and y'all know we love to eat beef around here and that's what because of our friends over at tritels beef makes such a good product baby ain't it good it's so good it's our friend sall robertson would say buy on the grill look before we got tritels getting ready for a cookout man somebody had to run the grocery store do all the things grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day and you never really know where that beef come to them but with tritels beef we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Triedales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth

generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Triedails beef.

I know in size case, Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. What was the thing that got you there?

What do you mean? We've talked about this. Like looking back on your life. Well, not to like... No, I'm not talking about... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can tell you about the family. Hey, will you tell us everything you ever did wrong, please?

No, no, no. We don't have enough time for that. She told me... My testimony is way too long. She told me there's no way I would have gotten to this point in my life without God being there. But she didn't know it at the time. I had no idea. I wasn't trying to go therapist here.

No, no, no, but on the real, there were so many, so many, and I'm not being dramatic when I say that, so many situations that I quite literally probably shouldn't have made it out alive of. So when you look back, you're like, I shouldn't be here. And I shouldn't have been here multiple times. It wasn't just one thing. It was a lot of things happening throughout my life. When she's a baby, the apartment building, they was in, caught on fire.

Very first thing, I'm in a crib. My dad's actually a firefighter. I'm what got him to want to go do that. But two firefighters saved me and my cousin. It was the first night my mom had let me stay the night away from her. And it was to my aunt's house. So it wasn't even like, she was leaving it with a family member. And the whole apartment complex caught on fire.

Yeah. So many things. And I was like, it just clicked. I was like, oh my. Yeah, he's always been there. He has always been there. He has a purpose for me. And it was just so eye-opening.

I can't even explain it other than it just clicked. And then I started praying about it because I had been baptized as a kid. But I did not know Jesus. No. No, that's the same way. It was definitely out of a fear thing. Like, yeah. So it was awesome.

there you go your wife actually helped me a lot I was trying to tie it all back together I was sitting by you that Sunday at church I'm gonna say something go ahead

I was sitting between Allison and Brittany did you see me want to get up so many times I almost pushed you I know but I didn't know and I didn't want to be like

hey Britney it's your turn I was sweating bullets I was like just do it for you just do it but the preacher man that day Pastor Tom Lowe, he was just hammering on baptism.

It was really good. And in my mind, I thought, I don't know Brittany's exact story as it relates to baptism, but I can feel her wanting to jump out of this chair right now. My whole body wanted to. And I was just waiting for it. And then you did. And I was like, oh, well, we'll get her next time. And then about an hour later, I was at home.

And Martin's texting me pictures that you soaking wet with Allison standing next to you smile. And I was like, all right. I'd have done. Well, the first thing she says, she said, man, I really wish I'd have done it. I said, you still can. Yeah. It ain't going nowhere. Yeah. Because I was still walking to, I had a Bible study with Allison and that she was leading, which was really awesome. And this was like towards the end of that Bible study.

And he had told me that in the parking lot. I helped him take the boys back to the car before I go to that Bible study. And he was like, you still can. And when he said that, I was like, okay, if something happens and something organically happens in this Bible study that leads to that, let's go. And it did. There was another girl that was struggling with being baptized and kind of going back and forth.

And she kind of gave me the courage to just go ahead and do it. And we went and did it together, and it was great. Most people don't realize he was telling me how the preacher was hammering on baptism. Most people don't realize what's going down. Okay, they don't understand that you're reenacting Jesus's death, peril, and resurrection. Absolutely. That's where you come in. When you're buried, the old sinful woman's buried or the old sinful man is buried.

You notice I'm doing my hand. That water represents a grave. That's why you push them completely under. Mm-hmm. They're buried. They might be hold that first. Yeah, yeah. I felt like I needed to be held over.

See, there, there they go. Look. Yeah. But anyway, y'all. He's the best. Yo. There's a burial that happens. I said you're the best if you're watching.

Then when you come up out of the water, okay, God says it's this way and I love it. He's a creator. He created all this. When you come up out of that water, when you're reenacting. Jesus is death, barrel, and resurrection. When you emerge from the water, God says,

I have cleaned you up, Jesus speaking. I've cleaned you. My blood has cleaned you, washed you as white as snow. And now, because of that, you are a new creation. And I felt new. No, no. It was immediate. No, no. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's like, it's like, you know, you've been carrying a, you know, a buffalo on your shoulder. Mm. No, no. I'm serious. That's a big animal. That's the way I felt. She used to tote me around.

And now he's offspring. Yeah. Oh, I agree. I tell everybody whenever we go, when I go speak at them places, I'm like, for the first time I ever, it's the best night of sleep I ever got. Because I didn't care if I woke up or not. Because I knew where I was going was better than where I'm at. No matter how good things are here. No matter how good they are.

No, because that's why I said, guys, hey, you're looking at it wrong. I said, death is nothing but a change of address for me. Oh, yeah. None of us rushing to do it. No, no, I'm not in no hurry. I don't want to speed up the process per se. Try to slow it down. I know, because people ask me, me and my mom was like this.

And I said, well, what are you going to do when she died? I said, well, if you had asked me that when I was younger, I couldn't give you an answer. I said, but now I can give you an answer. it's the good thing I know where she's at I know who she's with I know she's surrounded by love

and the good stuff yeah the good stuff folks is the fruit of the Holy Spirit you need to read that in Galatians what 325 something like that somewhere in there yeah

love joy peace patience kindness goodness yeah what's a lot self control yeah self-control there's some other ones in there too I was singing the song

so hey if you got that if you know who she's with you know she's surrounded by love and she you know everybody you know well she's living a good life yeah absolutely she wouldn't come back even if you if you asked her no because we have examples of people saying hey let me go back and tell he said no you're not going back yeah i've said you're the prophets i've seen you're you my son. Yeah, there's enough. It won't do any good. If you haven't listened to them,

hey, they're hard-edged. What else they're going to do? We're all hard-headed. But, yeah, so that was awesome. That was awesome. That was a cool text to get whenever you're putting your kids down for a nap too on a Sunday.

Yeah, that's all right. Because, you know, I got, well, actually the first person that texted me was Willie, which was bizarre, because he wasn't even there. Yeah, because Sadie had. The news just walked in. Yeah, news travel fast.

Which was really weird, though, because the second service had already started. Sadie was laid to church, that's not weird. She gets that from her mother. She just so happened to walk in that door. That's a woman's prerogative. Yeah, that's genetic. It's not a big deal. It ain't a big deal.

Ain't no big surprise. But no, it was great. I was jumproping when I got a text. I was all sweaty. And I kid you not, I thought, yep, I'm getting the text. Brittany's getting baptized. I've got to go back up to the church and I'm disgusting. And instead it was just, ah, no, we just cut you and Martin out the deal.

Yeah, sorry. It's over. We're done. Well, I couldn't do anything anyway. I had them boys. Yeah. You know. That's awesome.

Again, I wish that y'all had been there. I wish the boys had been there. They ain't going to remember it. I am too. I'm just glad Allison was there. She had been with me on that journey, so. The decision was between you and the good Lord and that's the only two that mattered in that decision.

Yes. I was happy to have gotten the distraction of our children out of the way, which are about to be two. Two-year-old children. Yeah, two-year-old. We're about to have two-year-olds. Ewhis, sounds aggressive. Mom, you think we'd ever make it here? How time flies.

Ain't it? Been two years? It will be in about three weeks, yeah. We'll have two-year-olds, little punks. Who are being two-year-olds. They are. they've started early on that. Yeah, but there's no such thing.

Enjoy it. If they start early, is that mean they finish it? Enjoy it. You should have heard the fight. It might be leaving home before you know it. Oh, yeah, we got a video somewhere. I showed it to stall them because, you know, he does that jujitsu, all that jujitsu stuff.

Well, they were in the crib at school the other day, and they just start wrestling. They don't know nothing about it. But next thing you know, it looks like Waylon's been doing Jiu-Jitsu his whole life. He gets on Jackson's back and puts his arm around his neck and Jackson just like. But did you see what Jackson react? He literally, it looked like he was down and Whalen had him beat. But then he just all of a sudden just stood straight up with Waylon on his back.

Whalen fell off and I was like, oh no. He just found out you can't whip me, kid. Burley pull that move on stone. Gosh. Yeah, he stood up. up and Waylon was then just hanging on for dear life. I was like, oh, boy. And they're not even too yet, y'all.

I'm a little bit of air. They keep fighting. Yeah. What's crazy is they're so kind to other people. Oh, yeah. Oh, the angels. But to their brothers. People think I have good kids and they're not.

People think Lottie is a sweet child and she's not. No, no. No, no. Hey, that's mine. I remember mine would go somewhere. and then they'd come back and they'd say you've got the nicest kids I said you got me confused with something yeah so they just go feral when they get home hey hey I'm serious it must be I'm serious they're a terror at the house yes amen I'm sorry I'm just surviving

these days they're in Mother's Day out twice a week for a few hours and that that's about all I got other than that angels there angels everybody talks about how sweet they are, they come hug people. Send you all the pictures. They're all. She's in. And then they get home and immediately somebody's getting punched in the mouth. I mean.

Seek and destroy. Yeah, they haven't like started to just show enough punching yet. But there's some, there's some slaps. A lot of, a lot of grabs. Oh, it's coming. There's a lot of stealing each other's stuff too. Yep. That doesn't change.

I'm going to take this because I know that you really like it. Yeah, Jackson's a worse at that. Really bad. He'll walk and just intentionally, Waylon will be chilling, doing something else. He will walk and go grab one of the toys that he knows is Waylon's favorite. Oh, no.

And he will walk slowly by him holding it in front of and making sure that he sees him. Unreal. Then Whalen will squeal and then Jackson takes off running. That's exactly what they're doing. He knows exactly what he's doing. And they're not even two yet. So I'm just sitting here thinking to myself,

what am I going to do? Some of my roughest time with my kids was, they would say something back to the mother or do something. And I'd go in and I said, both of you sit down. You can do anything you want to and get away with it, probably, with dad. I said, but the next time I see you do that, I'm going to hurt you. So did you, I just got a question. And did you ever do anything like that to feel, remember?

You know, he was older. We fall all the time. I know it was normally it was really them doing it to me yeah okay because I'm the younger brother you aren't the punk though because the youngest in my house is the terrorist well hey like she she's doing stuff on purpose

my father used to warn my brothers because they'd be picking on me he said y'all y'all better leave him alone with one of them days you're going to turn your back on him he's going to beat your brains out with a baseball bat good Lord instead you waited 60-something years to get your revenge on all of them

you became an international superstar it's the old deal about how you can push somebody so far but once you cross the line with him you're in dangerous territory son oh yeah that's true And I'm one of the hardest people you ever, to make me mad at you, you've really got to overdo it.

You just had to have a snake. Well, like this one. No, he don't. See, he's still, he's still, me. He never got mad at me. He just threatened to shoot him. Oh, no, because Martin, you know, and I ain't anything said it,

but I actually pointed a shotgun to him. Wait, what? It wasn't loaded. Well, I know, but still, I know better than the pointed. I know. How have we been together for almost 12 years and I don't know that? I don't like to paint the man in a negative law. He never tells me anything.

Well, no, no, because I felt bad after I done it. Okay. This was long, this was before you. This was pre-you. This was back when I would point guns at me. I was about to say, I feel like that's a fun story, though. No, this was like. That doesn't sound fun.

No, this was teal season. Okay. He don't play. Homie don't play that. That's what I found out. Don't come up with a snake in your hand. Yeah, don't do that. That's what you did.

It was teal season of like 2009 or 2010. We moved the boat. When we moved the boat, there was a water snake up under the boat. I don't like you either right now. So side, I'm not going to shoot you. So side took off high stepping away from it. And me, of course, I went right there after. I grabbed him.

I said, look, he's not that bad. And I was walking towards him. Of course, he's, you know, we're going hunting. But it's dark. It's in the dark. Yeah. And I just walking out, he said, you better stop. Better stop.

And then he just kind of slid. I said, I'm stopping. I am stopping. He just, you warned him. Yeah. Well, no, no. That's why I'm saying. I always thought, you know, people are like, oh, I'm so scared of this.

I thought it was about half made up, you know. But then I actually looked for a second. Actually, the gun didn't have a whole lot to do with it. When I stopped to look at his face and what his face truly said, I said, oh, no, he's terrified. Like, this is not, this is not a foot on. No, this is like. The real deal.

This is like years of therapy and some kind of aggressive therapy to get rid of this. Big T trauma. Yeah. Yeah. This is a bad deal. This is deep inside. Yeah. This is an irrational fear.

Did something happen? I don't know. It made you think like when he was two or three or something, feel like put a snake down his diaper or something. Well, no. Boy, he couldn't have because he was naked. Oh, they. Willie threw a snake in the shower, Corey. I'll tell you this.

I remember once, okay. My sister, Judy, okay, she's the oldest. Well, she was in college at the time. And in her room, she's got double doors with windows. Well, they was always putting pranks on her. Don't fail time in them. So they had called a grass snake. Tommy took that grass snake and wrapped it in between his fingers.

And if you squeezed it just right, it would turn green and purple and look like he had. So he comes running in, we've always boxed him. So they was boxing and Bill ducked and Tommy hit the wall. Y'all like, you know, like, you know, yeah, I think I crushed my hand. Judy coming in and let me look at it. You know, he stuck it up around when she looked at it. He just opened his middle finger and that snake head popped up. I would have.

Yeah, so then they tied it on her door and all this crap. That's terrible. That may have been what did it. Well, no, no. Wait till the boys do that to you. Absolutely. Wait till they start. Yeah, wait till they do that to me.

Yeah. Wait till they do that to me. That reminds me my fifth grade teacher, Redhead. And that is where it started. Ladies and gentlemen, therapy was Sy. This teacher is where the obsession began. Take it away, Cy. She was such a cool teacher.

Yep, I bet. Okay. You know, she was such a cool teacher. kids would bring her all kinds of junk. What was her name? Miss Smith. Christine Smith? No.

No. I can't remember her first name. But anyway, somebody brought her a garter snake. Mm-hmm. You know, the white and green. Oh, yeah. You know, and they kind of made a little roll up a piece of paper and put it inside it and set it in her desk roll.

Well, the first thing she would do, she'd always get out the rollbook out of her drawer. Well, soon as she opened it up, well, he's crawling around. And she said, oh, look here. Oh. Someone had brought me a little president. Then she gets up, starts walking around the room with, I said, uh-oh, this ain't good.

Yeah. So I get up, starts going towards the door. And she said, uh, side, where are you going? I said, well, you got a snake in your hand. I'm going to, until you get rid of that, I'm going to go outside. She said, I said, no, there ain't no weight. Yeah.

Peace. I'm out. I said, I'm out till you get rid of that stupid snake. I don't like them. I'm not a fan of them. She said, well, hey, look at anybody but none of the guard's day. I said, hey, I don't care what it is. It's a snake.

It crawls on its belly, and I don't like it. And I ain't going to stay in here in this room with you, with it in your hand. Because you're fixed to go around showing it to the king. This kid don't sit, okay, so I'm gone. This kid's out. Yeah, I'm out of. Oh, man. What do you do one day you go home and Miss Christine, you know, was it Pet Mart and went rogue on you?

There's a corn snake or something for a pet sitting on the counter. No, no, no, she knows. I don't get that. I was just about to say, I think she knows better. She knows better. You'll love you. This was in Alabama. Okay, we're in an old house, okay.

and in the bathroom, right when you sit down in front of the cabot, there's a loose board that you can just pick it up, and there's the ground on the house. Oh, yeah, because it wasn't on slab. It was off the ground. She got out of bed running there and she said, oh, by the way, you need to go get that rat out of the bathroom. Y'all, and I said, go get what?

She said, a rat. He said, you know, he came in through that little board. He just pushed you out of the way. he's in the bathroom. Why go on there, it ain't a rat. It's a full grown possum. Oh. Possum.

Did you see what happened? Yes, with Corey. She sits down and uses a restroom watching this stupid possum. It comes back in and says how you need to get that rat out. That's better than Dan to Butler. He swore it was a monkey. Well, no, no, yeah. Started my kid's friend Franklin.

No. My kid's friend Franklin came around the corner. He goes, Mr. John David, there's a monkey. There's a monkey. And I was like, huh? And I got excited. Yeah. Obviously.

I'm about to have a pet monkey. Yeah, this is going to be cool. We'll catch this. That is a possum. It was a posse. Did you see Corey? You on Instagram? Huh?

Yeah, he spends a lot. He spends a lot of time on iTunes. I don't go there. Corey had a possum in her house for three days. Wait, it was there for three days. Yeah, it had been there for like the weekend. Yeah. Because she saw first signs of it like three days prior to that.

But thought it was the dog. Then she saw the footprint and realized, oh, no, we have a possum in the house. It was on their dinner plates. Yes. Have we? Like sleeping. I don't know that I've ever divulged mine and Brittany's posse's story in this podcast. We also have a possum story.

And it's kind of crazy. Tell it, Brittany. Yeah, this one's wild here. Well, he had had a surgery done. You can explain that part. There's two surgeries that we could be referred to. The first one. when it got that big.

Both same areas. Ladies and gentlemen, for those driving down the road, grapefruit, I tell you. Grapefruit testicles. Great fruit is what he's holding up. And when I tell you,

can confirm, I can confirm. He literally came out of the shower one morning and said, this isn't the possum store. Well, he had just got that removed. And I was on my way to work.

Not removed. Right? Well, yeah. I mean, it is removed. Drain. Let the air out of it. Yeah. Deflated.

It sounded like one of those balloons. 13 ounces of fluid. You can imagine a full... That's a water bottle, son. A full soft drink. A full can soft drink of fluid on my left. That's that one. Now, get back to the possum.

It all ties in. It ties in. It does tie in because he is in recovery. This is the very next day after that surgery. And he's wearing these, like... I had to wear these surgical underwear that are like... These things are like really keep you high and tight. These were some kind of specials that they didn't give me these after the second surgery.

The second one was like, yeah, good luck to you. But on that one, they gave like, I guess they were basically like prescription underwear. So I'm laying on a couch in them. And then she comes in just flipping her lid. Listen, I was on my way to work and we live in a cul-de-sac that goes up a hill. I've never thrown a car in park and escaped from the door so fast. It was like still moving before it actually came to a complete stop because I was driving up and I had something that I needed to put in my glove box. So I'm driving up the hill looking at the road.

Who puts anything in a glove box? It was her pistol. Actually, I was going to say, I'm pretty sure it was a gun. So I'm like, that shouldn't be out in the air. So I grabbed it and I'm putting it. And I hear something hiss at me when I go to put my gun in the, because I'm not looking at it. I'm looking at the road. And I swiped my hand back so fast.

Something hissed at you from the glove box? I opened my glove box. And we have a video of it. I'll have to find it. Yeah. And it was a possum in my glove box almost bit me when I put my hand. It hissed at me. And I literally, it happened so quick.

I dropped the gun. I fled from the vehicle. It was still moving. Because it was in the car. That had been so gay. Yeah. That kind of would have been, though. In fairness.

If the story ended with, so I shot it, going down the road. Sorry to the neighbor's mailbox. No. In fairness, this is a baby possum. A possum. No, no, no, no. I'm not limiting the fear factor or whatever. I'm just saying this wasn't like a full-grown possum in a glove box.

This was the appropriate size posse for the location it was in. But then she come in there, so I'm still laid up. I ain't even supposed to walk except for to go to the bathroom and back. And she's coming there freaking out. And I'm like, what a disguise. And I'm like, I'm looking around, I'm like, uh, uh, well, I mean, what do you want me to do? Yeah, what are you going to do? I'm kind of disabled. I want you to walk outside and go get the So there I went hobbling down the driveway in my medicated underwear. That's it, buddy.

And he had to walk all the way to my car because mind you, I parked it on the hill. I didn't even drive it back up the driveway. I wasn't going to. No, it was out there in the middle of the road. It was out there in the middle of the road. It was out there. Door open down the hill. Door open and everything. door open. It's out there the middle of the road with door open. Well, it's funny.

So there I go waddling, you know, and then I get up in your underwear? In my, and that's it. Just in my drawers. And your neighbor's a preacher. He is.

I'm sure he prayed for us after that. Brother Mixing. It was a lot. And I look in there and my man is, my man is just, my man is just in that glove back.

He was about to attack. Oh, yeah. Hold on. And they got a mouth full of me. Actually, they got the most teeth of any mammal in North America. Oh, yeah. Hashtag fun facts for Martin. But the, uh, but I, so I,

that's disgusting. So I grabbed him out of there and just let him. With an umbrella. Oh, I had on a glove. Well, glove and he like pinned him with a number. Yeah, well, yeah, because I'd hit him on him turn around bite. I didn't know if my gloves were safe or not. So I held him, held him like, I grabbed him behind a head and then it was all good.

But here, so here I am waddling. I took him over there to the trees and I said, all right, little buddy. get out of here well then the next night he came back he done got used to it that turdhead ends up on the back patio

knocking everything off I'm still in recovery mode except it felt personal at that point I must say that after he did that the rest in peace possum

I could have no more no more chances of tomfoolery of you hanging by the tail right into a tree I didn't ask questions he was just gone the next day oh yeah

trashy hey but to tell about that when I was stationed at Fort Devons I had a cyst removed okay and I've told this I've told this on the podcast have you? Oh yeah

so look I go into surgery y'all and all this I hate to have removing so I leave y'all and about oh a week later I'm walking on post and I'm on sidewalk and I'm going and here comes

the guy in scrubs you don't come toward me and the closer we get he starts varying off the sidewalk. And his eyes are looking squirrely. The possums? No, this guy. He's getting off the sidewalk and he's even getting further.

Well, about when we start to pass each other, he just jumped up and said, that's the guy that bit me. Did him? No, no. So, hey, he's done draw the crowd. They all around me, and I said, wait a minute,

Wait, me, I've never seen you in my life. He said, oh, yes, you have. You bit me through like three days ago. What? And look, he shows his arm, and this full set of teeth rings on his arm. That proves it wasn't you. Yeah. And I said, hey, I've never seen you, dude.

And he said, hey, I'm telling you. He said, let me explain. He said, you see I'm in scrubs? I said, yeah. He said, I'm in recovery. and they said when we brought you out of surgery oh you went nuts

no no that when you brought you out of surgery within two hours we've got to wake you up and he said I couldn't wake you up he said I mean hey I don't grab you

your by your gown and shook you and couldn't wake you up so here's what I did and as soon as he said I said, you screwed up. He said, I gently had you by your shirt and lift you up and slapped you back twice. Then you went full posse. He said, and then you did like a cotton mouth.

You just, ka! First reaction, bite. Yeah. And I said, well, I said, you screwed up. I said, my mama don't even slap me. It was his fault. So that's the cause. I said, y'all, and I said, now.

You should have been started jumping and pointing. him that's the one that slapped me well no no he's what i hate to wake you up i said hey you better find another way get some cold water yeah you better do something besides slap me i said because you slap me i don't think he's ever going to have to wake you up again is the good news well johnny do we've run through leave us a voicemail yeah voice mail i didn't get to i did someday i think have i ever told the story about my uh my friend from mobile Alabama the uber driver from west virginia Oh, yeah. With the possum head cheese?

Mm-hmm. All right, I won't tell it then. Yeah. You made hoghead cheese with possum. No, I remember him. Look, and also, before we get into emails and all that stuff, look, leave us a rating or review wherever you listen to your podcast, help your friends find us all the things. Five stars. Five stars, please.

But you can be honest. We don't really. Carter would probably give us one star. Did you see his homework the other day? By the way, throw that up there, please. Oh, my gosh. I hasn't seen this. Yeah, there ain't a way.

I'm not going to get to emails. No, funny. No emails today. We're going to talk about Carter getting in trouble at school for using foul language. This is one of the best. Uh-oh. Foul language. How do you do anything but get the boy in A, though?

You know how hard it is to go get onto a child that wrote something like this and... What would you even say? Not start laughing? Yeah. All right, Cy, this is Carter's homework. In what way did Andrew Jackson not do right? He broke a treaty and stole land from the Indians. Andrew Jackson sucks, exclamation point.

Trump's better. One star. That is my child. One star, Andrew Jack. That's his review of the man on the $20 bill. One star. He literally is his new thing. There's some guy named Ryan Trehan on YouTube that's safe for kids because he's on the

Dude Perfect app, which is the only thing my kids watch. Shout out to the Dude Perfect app, by the way, while we're here. One star. He reviews everything. Ryan Treyhan gives everybody five stars. Carter gets everybody one stars. Very negative. Very negative.

But Andrew Jackson sucks, Trump's better, one star. Yeah, when I got to Andrew Jackson sucks, I just, I started laughing. I had to go back and reread it because I never even made it to Trump sucks. Trump's better. Trump's better. I mean, Andrew Jackson sucks, and I just, I lost it. So we had a big long talk about not writing sucks on a formal document to be given to teachers. It probably ain't best to compare presidents 200 years apart.

Here we go. That's bold right there. Abusing our youth who is stating what they think. Hey, freedom of speech ain't lost on that boy. Hey, my daughter has the same problem. Lord have mercy. Andrew Jackson stinks. It now says stinks, which luckily that one wasn't to be turned in.

Oh, that was practice? I guess. I don't know what it was. Somebody saw him working on it and asked us about it. And so I said, hey, can you go get me here study guide? And I opened it up. And that's actually the toughest part of parenting is trying not to laugh when something's like, this needs correcting, but also kind of funny. That one would have taken dad a minute, this dad. This dad. I don't. I didn't tell you this story. The other day Carter got in trouble. He didn't do his homework and he's watching Dude Perfect or Trahan or somebody. And I'm like, oh, boy. And I hear Allison, Allison done got mad. And I like to, you know, walk in and show support. Like, we're on a team. Well, Lottie's got this thing called the copycat, which is a stuffed cat that copies everything you say. So Allison's going, Carter, I told you.

And all of a sudden I hear, Carter, I told you. You are not going to skip out on your homework. And it's copying everything. I'm about to walk in the room and I just have to sit down. And I'm just giggling on the other side of the wall because she's just ripping this kid. and everything she said is getting copied by a little cat. It was hilarious. We got one of those two.

He's called Whalen. Yes. He is, he will repeat everything. Oh, my favorite thing is. Don't get him a copycat. That thing's annoying.

My favorite thing is the other night, I was looking for Jackson because he had kind of went M. I just hollered his name. You know, Jackson. Well, Buddy. Whalen now gives it his all hollered.

Jackson. Jackson! And he'll look at him. And he goes and looks for him. And he's like... Where are you? So then last night I threw him for a loop, I hollered whalen. Well, then he went...

A-lan! And then started going. Pointed out of itself. Yeah. Yeah, they are officially a copycat. But we're going to wrap it up. Mama's got to go get the kids. Hey, leave us a voicemail.

318, 215, 6, 559. You could be featured on the duck call room. Romans 6-4. We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

Amen. All I enjoyed it, dear. That was fun, Britney. Thanks for having me on, y'all. Yeah, we'll see you next time. Right here in the duck car. Quack.