Duck Call Room - This Is Why Uncle Si Sleeps with a Night-Light

Episode Date: July 26, 2022

Si shocks the room when he confesses one of his deepest, darkest fears and reveals the thing that gives him nightmares. John-David caught screen time on the local news and made the weather girl die laughing. Si gets a crash course on "Stranger Things" from John-David and Martin. Martin chased Si with a snake, and the response was classic Uncle Si. Phillip reveals what Si asked for in his snake-rodeo contract. A crazy mix-up leaves John-David almost naked outside his hotel room at 3 a.m. And the boys give advice on how to handle controlling mothers-in-law. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are y'all really going to meet the pioneer lady? Yes, I will get her to make a video for you. Futuristic part. Ooh. If you get her to send me a video that says, Hey, John David and Allison, thanks for eating my food every night. We both love her so much. Done.

We literally had her food two nights in a row this week. Hey, do you want, hey, can I text you beforehand and then we'll FaceTime you? Say, get ready to FaceTime? I don't want FaceTime. I'd be nervous. I tell you I'm on the news tomorrow. Huh? You're on the news tomorrow. They finally caught you.

I'm on the news. What did you do? They finally got the tater. They finally got that tater. I don't even know what that means. All right, what happened? Now my dad's out of town, and he does the Honeyhole Insider Local Fishing Report with David Owen, but I got to do it this week.

And I was nervous. And he was nervous. For the local news? The camera's in there way bigger. Bigger, boys. And I didn't look at the right one. And then I made a judge. about the weather man.

Uh-oh, that's bad. And the weather girls started laughing. Uh-oh. It only took me three takes, though. Have you ever done the local news? No. I don't know why. It was scary.

They don't want to talk to me. I'm going to be on there tomorrow. Local news, baby. Tune in. You can find out how to catch fish on the Wash-Tall River. How much do y'all pay for that? That's what I don't know. My dad's call.

I was just wondering what the marketing budget was on getting the fishing report on the local news. Oh, no. Well, I was like, how long do I have to go? They were like 90 seconds, but however long you want, you're paying for it. I was like, okay, cool. But I did my whole spiel that I had practiced. What time does this air? Six a.m. tomorrow and nine p.m. I'm going to catch the late. So did you just memorize? You already wanted it. I memorized it. And then when I was done, I still had one minute to go. It went way faster. So what are they biting on Lake Clavering? I didn't tell people that. Come on.

Oh, never mind. That's tough. That's tough. I don't. Then what kind of fishing report is this? It's a 90-second mission report. You got to cover the orclamist. I did. So I fired him. I fixed you got to cover the arclamist. I told everybody, hey, guess what?

It's hot outside. We're sunscreen. Thank you. Catch them in the mouth. And stay hydrated. Drink plenty of liquid. But yeah, my dad's on his first. Then you used the wacky worm.

We get in the middle and throw it up on the edge of the bank. That's it. You could do the fishing report. Will you come with me next for thirsty? No. I don't have to do that stupid fishing report. Hey, that would be. the best one.

Oh, that would be fantastic. It'd have to be longer 90 seconds. Hey, okay, let me tell you stupid this, stupid that, throw it out there on the stupid thing. A piece of junk.

No, no, hey. Trash, boys. No, no. It's been a while, though. We've all been out. Yeah. Back and forth. Got the band back together.

The band is back together. I'm back, boys. There's going to be people in the comment section that are not okay with this. We want visitors here. You always got the naysayers. That's funny.

But Martin, you were gone. Then I went to the beach, which turns out the itchiest place in the whole wide states of America. Itchy. I came back on fire. Well, hey, it's a bunch of fleas in the sand. Yeah, that may be true. You may have got some kind of sand fleas. There was seaweed.

I didn't even know they had ocean fleas. Yeah, like lice. It's almost like. People told me I had sea lice. That's what it is. Might still have it. I have no idea. The ocean fleas.

Big. No, they weren't big. They're about the size of a quarter. That's not one you. dig up. He would know that. That's what I'm talking about. Ocean,

ocean, what? Fleas. Sand fleas. Sand fleas. Ocean, sand fleas. But I got back. If they're good bait, it's what I've been told.

That is true. Well, hey, I'm just going on what people are talking. Hey, fishing report. He report. Hey, me and Phil do not go to the beach. Okay. I'm with you now. That's hell on earth.

Excuse me, my French. I used to be a beach guy until you are a beach bump. You look like it too. I'm sorry, sir. Welcome back, J.D. I'll miss you, buddy. I miss you. I ain't been able to make fun of the person sitting next to him for a couple of weeks. He ain't hit nobody in a month.

Hey, that's it. It's all screwed up. Pint up anger. Oh, man. No, I was itchy, though. I couldn't sleep. I was itching. So then I tried to wear clothes on the beach and still get in the water.

And then that, you know. Yeah, that's not. That'll rub sensitive areas on your chest raw, son. Oh, I was going somewhere else. We're wearing a shirt in the ocean. Oh, it's, I don't think I'm for the beach anymore. He's off the beach, boy, he's a zoo man. We went to a zoo all right.

I finally had to call it timeout. We went and found some rhinos. No, they, they had, hey. Rino had died on us. There were more rhinos at the beach than anywhere we'd see. Oh, they had fun. Rhinos, boys, at their beach. Sea rhinos.

Ocean rhinos. Rhinos. Those are walruses. That's that. Walthamish is, boys. But the, but we did, we did do the thing. We went to the Buckees. We went to the Buckees.

On, right past Mobile. How much money did you spend? I couldn't spend, there were two, I'm not Jay Stone by any means. I like people, but there were, there were too many people there. That's wild during the day. You got to hit that one at like 10, 30, 11 o'clock at night. That was the craziest thing we ever seen in my life. We sat off.

It's wild. We tried to get off the interstate to go to a gas station for 15 minutes. And it's always that way. Yeah. That one is. During the day. No, no, I'm serious. Yeah.

Yeah. The one we always went by that day in Texas? Mm-hmm. Yeah. You couldn't get to it. Nope, we tried. You could not get to it for all the cars trying to go into it. There was a line to go in the bathroom.

The parking lot was slam full. And, hey, this is not a small parking lot. That's huge. By any means, okay? Oh, it was the craziest thing. They've done it. Congratulations to them. My hat's off to them.

They pulled it off. Hey, you can buy, you can buy, I think you can find anything you want, Buckees. I bought three bags of beef jerky and ate them all on the beach. Can you find fried chicken chips? Because whoever mailed these in today, by the way, by the way, there's no note. You get a thumb up? No. Is there a return address?

No, that's just straight. It's from the company. Hey, what do you get? This or this? No, it's from a warehouse, so they, like, ordered them off of Amazon. A thumbs up? Oh, they're going to get a thumbs up. Oh, these things here?

Yeah. It's a thumbs up? Both of them. Oh, good grief. You need both of them. Don't put up one of them, but both of them. Double thumbing, boy. I don't know what.

It tasted like a chicken wing out of a bag. Yeah. It was wonderful. Oh, that's fantastic. I feel fatter. I did gain, like, six pounds at the beach, though. Did you? Yeah, that was bad.

That's what Tim Sandfleas to do for you. Once you start itching, you just sitting. And you just sit in the room and eat snack. So I can't get off the sand fleas, boys. Ocean sand fleas, boys. Which beach do y'all go to? Navarre. Navar.

Which used to, there was no one at Navar. But they don't run out of room down there. Yeah, and so now I felt like stone. I went down the beach and there's just humans everywhere. And I'm like, this is supposed to be vacation. Yeah. I did go fish off that pier. Did you catch any?

No. Nothing? But I saw a dolphin. So fishing report is. Don't fish off that pier. It's a short report. Well, I bought a catfish rod and a bass jig. I was like, we're just going to try something.

No, that ain't going to work. You need a minute down there. Well, all of them dudes were looking at me, it was like, calm down, everybody. I know I'm not a place here, but I'm just seeing if I can do something. You should have put you a Sanofly on it. Should have. Yeah. Just flying fish.

Hey, I'm telling you, Sandfly, our flying fish. But there was a big old turtle out there, which was cool. Sea turtle? Oh, a huge one. That's awesome. That's what happened to me in Maui. Maui. Maui, Wai.

He'd come up right to me. I'm competing. Did you ever finish Stranger Things? Mm-hmm. You've been gone? Mm-hmm. So you got to the end of that. Oh, we finished that.

Yeah. That was weird. Weird. Not talking about Maui-Wowie made me think of it. That was a weird show, everybody. Oh, Argya, the Pizza Man. So that's why I was like, huh. Well, see, Stranger Things that used to all be about fun in the 80s, and then it was

like, a little bit scary. And then this season, they said, we're going to scare you and not let you sleep. And there's not going to be any fun. And Metallica. Yeah. The end. Yeah, the Metallica, I think, was the fun. Yeah, they were like, bann-a-na-h.

And I was like, oh, that was cool. And then I was like, okay, now I'm scared to go to sleep. Cy, you know what they're talking about? No. You need to watch it. You would enjoy it. Metallica is a metal band in it. That's right.

Yeah, but the show is strange. And all they do is make a bunch of racket on a guitar. That's exactly why they used them because they needed to make racket. It's heavy metal. They had to create a diversion. Hunter, do you watch it? I never was in the heavy metal. It's a lot of streaked.

I've never even heard of it. It's all the weird sounds that you can get a guitar. How have you been? How have you been alive the past six years and not heard of strangers? It's a cultural phenomenon. Have you been to Walmart? Yeah. Well, everything in Walmart right now has stranger things on it.

Stranger? Stranger? Stranger things. Stranger things. What is this? It's a new show? It is. It's an old show.

It's a old show, but they just released a new season. Okay, another season of it. If you have young children. They're coming in with more stranger stuff, right? Oh, it's strange. It's strange, all right. They keep you guessing. It'll make you want to live right.

That's like PBS. what I watch all the time. Now, Sa is on PBS. Every time I go over there. Hey, double thumbs up on PBS, baby. They got some good stuff. Carter would agree. Oh, no.

Hey, the green planet was excellent. And then Martin looked it up while he was on the podcast that day, and he said, you must have watched the water green planet? Uh-huh. I'm telling you. Because I did. Everything was, hey, we got all these wild flowers, okay, that grow underwater.

Yeah. But then guess what they do? They telescope up like a submarine when they need to, you know, bloom out. When they have to bloom up, they telescope to the top of the water, bust out with a flower onto it. All the bees and the birds and all that junk happens with the pollination deal, and then they close up and go back on the water. There you go.

And it's really beautiful on the water. I bet it is. Especially when it's just solid flowers. We should go to a zoo together. Oh, no, no, no. Road trip. I like zoos. I do, too.

No, no, I like zoos. Martin, you drive us. The best part of that whole thing, water plant was, was the gigantic lily pad. That was like 50 feet across. You could sit on that. Look, and it comes up, it comes up like a, it reminds me of, what's the sweet cereal? Honeynut Cheerios. Frost or flakes?

No, it's a nice crispy. Lucky charm. Go. Fruit lids. The name of it. Cinnamon to Joe Scrunch. Cheerios. No, it's like a head of a grain, like wheat.

Raisin bread? No, but anyway, when it pops open, and that's just the way that thing does. It was like this, and it was about, it looked like it was about that back around. Shredded wheat. And it come up. Frosted wheat? No. Not one shredded wheat.

And then open up, and then it just started. I think it's named every cereal. No, it's sugar. I'm telling you. It's sweet. And it's like a grain, one grain of wheat, and it pops open in the middle. Count Chocula? No.

No. Let's pop into our first break. We'll be back right after that. I got them stuck, baby. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. You know what that means? That means more outside cooking.

And y'all know, we love to eat beef around here. And that's what because of our friends over at Triedale beef makes such a good product, baby. Ain't it good? It's so good. our friend, Sao Robertson would say, buy on the grill. Look, before we got Tritels, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store,

do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef comes from. But with Tritels beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Tritails comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch. So they've been at it for a while.

Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle. the same way their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference.

The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritale's beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. They need to make an aqua zoo.

I need to show you the water. It's called an aquarium. Yeah. Si. No, no. Sorry, well, I need to take you to. I need to take you to stream for it. No, I ain't talking about with fish.

I'm talking about with all the other wild creatures. Like alligators, crocodiles, turtles. You just said an aqua zoo. Well, hey. I don't think we're rolling because he's laughing too hard But that means we need to roll No we wouldn't it wasn't wrong It just hit me

They need to make it He said it's called an aquarium I think we're going to have to tell the people you said that Well hey It's called an aquarium That reminds me Yeah that's just one of them statements Hey I'd want him unfiltered statement

One filter I need to make an aqua is it well yeah Well I'm gonna tell me But you said fish. Nobody's ever thought of that. Yeah, but you just said fish. Wait until you hear about New Orleans. Hey, I want all of them.

You can walk under the water. Yeah, I want hippos and aggregators. Tell me what you want to call this. What is it called? The aqua. An aqua zoo. That's what he said in the break. An aqua zoo.

An aqua zoo. An aqua zoo. Otherwise, as Martin pointed out, what's that called? Martin? But hey, hey, the aquarium. The aquarium just got fish. I want everything. Oh, aquarium's got everything.

They got, like, penguins and, like, they've got all kinds of stuff in them deals. The aquarium in your house probably just got fish in it. Well, I'm just saying. Most aquariums are fish. I mean. But I want all the wild life. But if you get an aqua zoo,

Aqua zoo is something a little different. Yeah. Especially the big old, big old, big old water. What's the snakes that crush everything, rolled up and crush them? Boa constrictors. Yeah, boa constrictors. and up.

Anacondos. The anaconda. Oh, yeah, that's one of talking about, big anaconda. Yeah. And aquas. Oh, hey, they've become. We're going to be ripped. You wouldn't go look at no anaconda if your life depended on it.

You'd be high stepping out of there. I know. I don't care if there was a piece of glass in between you and here. I wouldn't go there. Would you go to the Monroe Zoo? They got a snake house? No, I don't see. No, I don't want to go to snake house.

Let's go. No, I, right. When we go to South Louisiana, you always pass and we'll have joints that's got all the No, I ain't going there. I ain't going there. Plus, they've caused the problem. Because right now, down there in the Everglades, they got all the wildlife people

are trying to chase down all these endocondas and all these... Python's. We got endocondas in America? Oh, no. Oh, hey, it's going to ramp it. Do you have an infestation? Yeah.

This week, I'm serious. I'm serious. The wildlife people have got people that, hey, they got patrols down there. there when they're in the breeding season. John Anacotta is overrun the Everglades. Hey, they're there. Yeah, they overrun it.

Because if what they buy, they buy them one in little bitty ones at that snake place on the side of the road. You can buy an anaconda on the side of a road? Yes. And then guess what happens? America's awesome, but sometimes we do things. They feed them rats and all this. Well, they start to grow. They like babies, okay.

Hey, they come out babies, but then they start growing and become adults. Well, guess what they do when they get big? eat people. They go throw them away. You don't want one. In the wild. And they go out live you. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. What's the lifespan? If you're out there fishing, they may eat. They get old. I know. They get older and you want to fool with it. Oh, what are you doing about? And get big, too.

Mm. I always think what, to a Treasure Island. What? The movie. Where the two boys go checking that out and O'Anda Conner gets one of them. And the other one has to chop him off of him with a machete. No. Yeah.

Are you talking about the movie that came out in 1950? Oh, yeah, long time ago. He scarred for life. Why don't you think he hates snakes? He played a detective on Jack Lord's book, him, Dano. What? So I've heard that, Cy, you've told me for years how afraid you are of snakes, but you told me that Martin chased you around with a snake every time,

and you almost killed him. Oh, no, and I had a piece of metal in my hand. And then he backed off. Yeah, you know what that piece of metal was? A shotgun. Yeah. That's not even a joke. And I said, Martin.

It wasn't loaded. I said, don't. But he had a shell in his hand. Yeah, I had a sail in my hand. I said, hey, if you make me load this, I'm fixed to shoot you and the snake. I said, look, man, he ain't going to hurt you. And I said, I found a little bitty one on my porch other morning. I sat there and played with him for about 20 minutes.

What is wrong with you? Well, it was an earth snake, man. He was just chilling. He was out there trying to catch him some bugs. But how do you know? You got to know. Hey, before you play with them, you better know. Now, I made that mistake one time.

Hey, he's a biologist, okay. Hey, he studies things like that. I made that mistake once. Yeah. I've been much more careful since I found myself holding a pygmy rattlesnake, didn't know what to do then. Oh, that reminds me. Me and Phil dug a little tunnel out of our shed.

Of course you did. Oh, no. Where were you going? We were just hiding from people. Running shine. How old were you? How old were you? 60.

No, no. No, no. No, this was what he was like. 10 and I was 8. Oh, I love it. Okay, we, the old mama got mad with fixing whoopers or something, so we said, hey, you know, take it off.

So we run to the shed, go in it, open the strap door, and Phil jumps in with just his head. And I was already on top of him trying to go in it. And he said, listen, listen. And I didn't hear nothing. He said, shh.

He said, what's that? Tick, tick, tick. And I said, I don't hear it. He said, yeah, it is. And then he looked through the right there. And there was one of them pigmy rattlers like he was talking about, and he was on the tube before right above the tunnel. You know, Phil's head was like this, you know, when he turned around his eye, that.

I jumped off a tractor to catch that one. I did. I bailed off of it. I saw him going across there. I was like, oh, man, that's a cool snake. And I jumped off and had him in my hand. And I was like, nope, he ain't cool. You had a great weapon, a tractor.

Yeah, but I was just sitting there holding him like, yes, he's cool. It's hard to kill him. Put him in my ice chest on a tractor. It's hard to kill one with the tractor, especially when you got the box blade on the back. Yeah. Hey, so I got a question. All the times that y'all are cleaning out duck blinds and doing things like that and you're around all these snakes. You may want to ask somebody that actually does that.

Yep, not me. Well, I mean, but, sign, you know. Oh, no, no, no, no. Has anybody ever been bit by a snake? No, no. Like Phil. Has he still not been bit? I've seen so many times Phil Robertson in front of me, put his foot down.

Okay. and then all you see right beside it is a white spot. Hi. I mean. This is a big black coals and then a white spot right in the middle of it. And Fields already moved and it closes. Oh, Billy the exterminator and friend got them a mouthful of it whenever they come down. I saw that episode.

That's the only one that usually normally in their show. It's about, okay, there's no thing, nothing was harmed in this. We took them and released them in the wood somewhere else. This one was Mission Aborted. That's true, Steve. Okay, hi, because look, they run into Perpetale walls, which one of the guys was allergic to him. He got stung like eight or ten times.

In the face. Yeah, in the face and come out looking like the elephant man. Dang. I'm serious. They had to rush him to the hospital because he was allergic to it. Me and Phil was sitting on the four-way that just died. No, no, yeah. They was given, what was funny about it,

they was giving a play-by-play for it. Yeah, because they know what's in there. Oh, no, yeah, because Phil said, right now they're walking where we parked a boat. And there was a yell, and Phil said, they just run up on one of them big congos. And he's probably slithered under the big log. That's the blinds on.

Then he said, I sure hope when they're going, and it sounds like they're going in the kitchen now. That's where we get into it. He said, it sounds like they're going in the kitchen area. And he said, boy, I sure hope they don't hit it, hit a two before the scout one of them big old puppet-tailed wash nest on. about that time it was and everybody

come running out and the tummy yeah yeah that's a true statement Phil said bad moving Phil said yep he hit one of them

so that they aborted right then they aborted the mission because Phil said hey wait minute this is only the first blind I got 30 more you need to go do yeah old boy's head got the size of T jug there no no I'm serious and hey he looked like the elephant man

I ain't no joke it looked rough He was in pain. But it was so funny, they took him to the hospital? Yeah. It was so funny because I sitting there with Phil, he said, bad move. He said, he said, now they're distracted by the snakes. He said, one of them purple-tailed was going to get them here in a minute. And show them up.

He hadn't said it. He hadn't said it. And there was a bunch of yelling and screaming and everybody comes running out of the blind, you know, swatting it everything around them. Yeah. Oh, it was funny. Oh, they ate them up. Yeah. They ate them up.

Yeah. Phil said, hey, hey, come back. I got 30 more. Yeah. He said, No, Mission aborted, work home,

and we ain't calling you. I found me a good one another day, that was a good one. Up inside my air conditioning unit. What? Oh, speaking of that and snakes.

What? In the old house I used to live in before, I got these, you know, plate the homes. I come in one day, turned on the air conditioner as hot as I'll get out sometime.

And the first thing I did, when I was turned on, I said, whoa, Snake. I could smell him You know? Smelling?

Yeah Yeah Because they got an odor about it But anyway I said goodness It's a snake you know I was looking around on the board You know

That night I had a nightmare They wouldn't get out of bed Because the lights were out No no serious So hey Why were the lights out? The air conditioning Because he was sleeping

Oh The lights were off Hey It's a side peed in the bed that night No no look That's about truth Okay I'm serious Because hey I wouldn't get up

Because I had nightmares about it. I'm going to get the snakebed. So look, the air conditioner goes out. I call the guy, him and his son come up there. Okay. So we go out, pull the air conditioner out of the holder, okay, and carry it to the truck, all three of us. Yeah.

So go back in the house. Okay, look, his son goes out to get something. Okay, and he says, hey, y'all need to come out and look at what I just killed. So we go back. he's got a big rattlesnake in the pickup truck bed that he's beat to death with a hammer. Okay, big as my arm in about four foot long, okay, and had about ten rattles on it. And just beat it on the ham. So I'm looking, and I can't tell you, I was wise as a sheet.

Okay, because they said, you're all right? And I said, no, not really. I said, I just had that stupid thing in my hand. And that was size first visit with a heart doctor. Yo, and I said, and that sucker was. was in the air conditioner. Well, yeah, he was hot. Yeah, but here's the thing.

He's trying to cool off. No, no. Makes sense. You blame him? Here's the thing. What? That air conditioning unit was like five feet off the ground in a window. Oh, yeah.

How did the sucker get into it? He'd come inside with you first. No. That night you was asleep. He was up under your bed. Now I'm not going to sleep. He may have been. but I'm telling you, hey, you just don't ever know.

Hey, look. No. Hey, suckers got in an airplane. You ain't ever seen that movie? They can get anywhere. Well, they were playing. Yeah. They get anywhere.

Look, I already have bad nightmares in my house. Okay, no, this is a true story. In a stupid plane. Well, good. Let's talk about it when we get back from our next press. I can't wait. Martin said, we got you a break. It's high.

I feel like an old man. Every day I wake up and like, is it going to rain? That's all I'm worried about. Is it going to rain? Especially if you got to do anything outside. No, I'm over that. Do that at night. Get over it, boy.

Do that mess at night. Then fish and fish fight at night, too. Why do you say you're on your weight of 400 pounds? Because people keep sending chicken skins. I thought you were maybe adding some weight, you know, sympathy weight with your wife. No, uh-uh, no, no, no. I have successfully avoided that so far, according to the scale. Yeah, I have, uh,

I'm on a diet. I gained a lot of weight when my wife got pregnant. It would be easy to do, but I'm just like, no, get away from me. I don't want that. I don't want that mess. But then you'll eat it right here. Well, I had to try that. I ain't ever had chicken skins, fried chicken skins, but I'm a fan.

I will eat them again, I can assure you. We do have some cookies in my office, too, from... Cookies? Yeah, young ladies' email I read last week while you were out, said if you read my email, I'll send you all my... famous cookies. Wow. They're in my office.

Let's go check them outside. I knew I left the email in good hands. Yeah. I went through and read like the lighthearted ones. I know you like to go through and find some serious ones. It's heavy ones. I stay pretty. I read about 150 of them this morning, catch on.

Yeah, there's a bunch of them. Our fans are great. They are good people. Absolutely. Good, good fans. Y'all's parking lot was full when I got here, too. It's been that way for the past month. Here at Duck, come on.

Well, I'm going to tell you, there's a baseball tournament. Yeah, they're like. like World Series baseball tournament in town or something. We had about... We had about 40 people come through Cy's house earlier in the week. Really? Yeah. He said, just bring them all in the same time.

So... That's so nice. Si's so nice. You're incredible. And I was playing like I was asleep. If they come to my house right now, they're going to get put to work sanding boards and and putting cock around and trim. Take them over and tell them all right, boys.

Here's the deal. And hey, grab that sand her over and let's go, boys. Yeah. Grab that piece of sandpaper. We've got some work to do, son. We're going to work. It'd be like showing up down in the fields. All right, what's up?

All right, grab a hand over here. Phil's famous. Tell me, hey, come on go with me. It'll take about 15 minutes. Yeah. Then you stay over all day long. You get to leave when it's dark. The one question you don't ask.

Do I need boots? Yeah. Because he's going to say no. No, you don't need them. And you need them. Every time. Yeah. Waterproof boots.

If you wear tennis shoes, just plan on throwing them away. Go ahead and get online and order your new. pair maybe they'll be there by the time you get home but the food's good used to be oh oh shots fired they're old and it's just them two down there so they don't cook much anymore oh it's still good oh it's still good it's still good but that's what i'm saying it's still good they just don't do it like they used to don't cook it now oh yeah used to they cook lunch for us every day so look let me tell y'all my snake story uh-oh i was at a buddy's hunting camp no you aren't yes and well well Were you invited back?

Hush. I'm just asking, because I feel like you should have been. What kind of a night? No, no. Something was in the toilet, and we didn't know what it was. It was in the toilet, and you could see just something. And it was cooling up. Coming up in the toilet.

So look, we got a broom and a rope, a piece of string, tied it. And when that thing came back out again, we snagged it and pulled it up, and it was about a seven-foot snake, black snake. I guess it came up from the... Chicken. Yeah. Pulled it out of the toilet. Oh, yeah.

You're talking about bad dreams. Hey. I would never go to the bathroom again. Well, you have a bidet. You're used to it. I'll tell you what I'm saying. They didn't have one. You fell into that.

That's a true story, though. I vote for them. Snike. Snike. Snike's in a toilet. Snike. Snike. Snike.

they can get anywhere. Why are we talking about snakes again? I love it. I wanted to tell my story. I hate them. Phil said, I just wanted to tell them. I like the story,

but now I'm not going to be able to go to the bathroom without doing a four-point in space. Oh, I'll tell you another one. Jordan Summit, our friendly producer sent me a picture the other day of a coral snake. I ain't seen one in them in a hot minute. At Chioca? At his house.

Really? Yeah. Jay slumming it. That's rare. Yeah. You don't see them much? No, he's cool. A little old little old.

Little old bitty thing. Yeah, he wasn't very big. Very, very, very, very venomous. Oh, there's the right word. Yeah, but you got to have a series of unfortunate events happen for one of them. He's got to get you like in little. Oh, they're too small. And he got a rear fang, so he got to get it all the way.

It's in the back. But now if he gets you, hey, it's bad news. You're in trouble. If he gets you. What is it about red on black or something like that? Red on black. Hey, Jack. Red on black friend of Jack, red on yellow, kill a fella.

Red on yellow. Red on yellow. I don't know he just take a month. Size, you're going to mix all that up, aren't you? No. I'm going to blow his head off. I ain't worried about what color is. Red on, boom!

That's it. Hey, I don't worry about what color is. I ain't saying that saying. He just taking care of it. He's going to try to say it, and then he's going to go and shoot. If he lives on his belly, no. That's in Genesis. It's a bad deal.

That's Old Testament. That's all the Old Testament. I still treat him like Old Testament. That's right. That's why you got to go back. Eye for an eye, boys. Ten Commandment style. You ain't got to worry about you putting one on those staff?

On that one, I'm guilty. He said guilty. Guilty of thou shalt not kill. Well, you know, Sine was already nervous when we went to the snake rodeo. He had an event at the snake rodeo he was doing it. Oh, I had it written in the contract. Yeah, he said I'll kill anybody that brings a snake. I have the right to kill you if you come up and play with a snake.

But the first... That was in the contract? Yes. I had the right to murder. Oh, no, no. It was written in the contract. Because the guy that was... I don't think that's going to hold up.

He said, hey, Philip, do we really need to do this? And he said, hey, the man said put it in there because, hey, he wants to make sure you understand. I will blow your head off if you fool with the snake around me. Has anybody ever got you, like, put a rubber snake in your glove box or your console of your truck? You're risking getting killed. if you do it. Okay, because I'm serious. There ain't no thought process that's involved in this.

I'm scared of snake. Like, if somebody slid out there right now and put one in his console, the next time he went. Drive off the road. That due forward would have a sunroof so fast and make your heads fit. Oh, no, hey, you don't want to do it. You don't want to do it. You don't want to do it.

Oh, I'm not going to do it. You'll either get me killed or get someone killed. It's just a panic attack. So when we're pulling up, there is an ambulance with lights on passing us up. And so I said, good grief. What happened? The guy said, well, him and his buddy were down there, and he thought it was a non-poisoned snake, and he threw it to his friend. What?

No, no. Jumped in the lake, grabbed it. True. And threw it on his friend and it bit his friend. Yeah. And it wasn't a, you know, it was a Congo, which is a common mouth. Which is venomous. do not play games with snakes you idiot

there you go john david i'm i'm on side 100% on i'm off the snakes now i can't stand them let's get on the spiders no i don't like them either i don't like spiders and snakes i don't care about i don't care for spiders love me well they got some bad they got some bad ones as them too oh they hide man they lurking yeah they always lurking yeah snake kind of right out there front of you. What's the first part? He's pretty slick too. He just told you there was one in his toilet.

That's true. Take that for what it is. That's the true story. I'm telling you. Everywhere. He's been running around with this mask along. I don't know what's fact and what's fixing. Oh, I knew what it was.

When he said seven foot, because I've been chased with my uncle when he had found one in the hen house full of eggs. Yeah. And then, hey, then the whip come out. Okay. Like a almond candy. Hey, off his head off his head off. And here comes the egg. Let's leave that long.

Take a break. Yeah, we'll be back. We're going down another bad road. Oh, that ain't a bad road. It was fun. You sleep with a light on? But, huh? No, no, no.

Yeah, because something might get him. No, no. My wife has got all of these. He's got a night light? No, no. Always. Oh, yeah. No, no.

Hey, he won't go to sleep without a light on. No, no. My wife, they're fragrant stains. That you plug into the wall. Yeah, a nightlight. And it's a light, but it's a nice aroma. It's a glade plug-in. I know what it is.

Yeah, okay. But it's a night light. Oh, yeah, and look, she's got them all over the house. She lives with you. No, no, she's got them all over the house. Okay, now I don't mind getting up at night. Okay, you can actually see. So you just go to bed with lights on.

Yeah. I can sleep now. Well, I've seen you be passed out somewhere in this office. I can sleep anywhere. You learn that when you're in the military. But no, forget that. Let's do. Go back.

Are you scared of the dark? Yeah. I've always been scared to the dark. Are you really? No, no. I'm serious. I've always been serious to the dark. I told you.

Really? I've got a vivid imagination. Yeah. Really? There's too many lights in here. I was going to see if I could turn them all off. You're scared of the dark. Yeah.

Really? Forever since you were a kid? No, it's all in your mind. Yeah, it's all in your mind. Well, no. It's mine. But hey, you shouldn't watch Stranger Things. I've got a very scary mind.

I take back what I said about Stranger Things. That's not for you, dog. Sigh. Hold on. Now, I wouldn't yell because I... No, Vecna, kind of look like Sye. I never have seen the attraction to all these horror movies. Me either.

I won't watch them. No scary movies. Like what? Halloween 13 or whatever. See, I don't like that. Halloween 13, baby. Coming soon. Do a theater.

It's October hit. I don't like any of any spooky little kids or nothing like that. You know, like little girls in white dresses. The ring? Yeah, no, I'm out on that. But crawling after you at the TV? But like. So I could not burn it out of his mind.

No, no. I never knew you were scared of the dark. Oh, no, no, no. That's what's up. No, no. I'm only scared of the dark and I ain't scared to dark. It's what's in the dark. Oh, no.

Like, when I go to Wyoming, I get, I don't. like being in the pitch black dark because they got them big cats up there that bothers me oh no no no not on that they got them big cats and then big old rattlesnakes well i ain't worried about him i'm worried about both of me and that cat is one and a eight we ain't jeahing but there's a white cyrubbertson america's favorite uncle is scared oh no no i don't like darkness okay i always that's biblical right no no i like this is funny but whenever we go and stay somewhere at the hotel Of course, we get separate rooms because, you know, if I don't fall asleep before, Si, I will not go to sleep.

But hey, every time I check his room, I'm like, let me make sure the temperature is right. You got an extra blanket. He's got his ice. He's got his tea. He's good to go. Sae, what do you want me to do? I'll leave that light on over there. Oh, no.

You just look like the, like the, like the lamp or like the light? Like a light somewhere, like a bathroom light. The bathroom light is always on when I'm in the motel. Now, if I'm in a hotel, I do leave like the bathroom light on and close the door so the light will come out for money. I'm in an unfamiliar place. And if I need to pee, I ain't trying to break my toe. I got you a story.

I don't really thump my toe and then be howling like a wood. Oh, yeah. I got you at one. What? Yeah, that's a good idea. That happened to you? Oh, oh, worse. Worse than you can imagine.

Worse than Sam fleas? You cannot imagine the panic and sheer terror that happened to me. It was a weird hotel and the door to the outside and the door to the bathroom were like right beside each other because it was kind of been a, corner. Oh no, you peed in the hall. Nope, but I almost had to. I wake up. I have full of that stunt.

I woke up in the middle of the night, 3 a.m. or something like that. I heard a song. I woke up in the middle of the night. I walk. You know, it's dark. I got, you know, sleeping eyes. I go in the bathroom. The door closes behind me. I look around and I'm just looking at some elevators in the hallway.

And I was only in my underwear, so I didn't have. I didn't have my key with. me. That's right. No key. And I always wondered what that phone was right beside the elevator's four and I found out that night. So I go over there and I'm like, there's people. I go hide behind a wall because I'm just, I'm basically naked and I'm just hiding behind like a plant and I was just sheer panicked. So it's a good idea to leave a light on in a bathroom and a hotel. That is. Because I had to call a guy and say, hey man, I'm about to pee my pants first off. And I'm basically naked in your hallway on the eighth floor. I locked myself out of my room. And then,

And then he had the nerve. He came up there and he goes, do you have any ID on you? And I was like, I'm in my underwear. And I said, if you open the door, I'll get you one. And so I had to go in my room, come back. Like, here's my ID. Thank you. Bye-bye.

And I left the light on from then on. Hey, that's the oldest trick in the book. You go walking in the hotel in your drawers and start you get in the people's room. I mean, got it. You got that. Hold on. You have a related story? Yes.

That happened just this morning. I had to go to the hospital this morning. What? Yeah. So I had to do an x-ray today, okay. So when I get through, okay, they take, you know, x-ray and I leave. I'm walking to my truck. Security guys are out in the parking lot.

Oh, they think you're stealing something. No, no. Look at you. So when I walk up and hit the button on my truck to unlock it, you know, I'm getting in. He said, by the way, sir, have you seen anyone walking in a gown out here today? So they had lost somebody, okay? Someone had got away from them in a gown, and they're looking for it in Glenwood.

I feel bad. So no, no. So I said, no, I ain't seen nobody. I just come out of the hospital myself, you know, but I ain't in an old robe, y'all, no gown. What'd you do with the gown? No, I didn't. But I just thought that was funny.

I'll tell you what. about that. It was somebody on the fourth day in the COVID ward that felt better like I did and said, I'm out, boys. And they were trying to find out. You ain't got your clothes. I'm not going to clothes. Why?

I just got my gown then. I don't like hospitals, I don't know. So there's somebody walking around Westmore and a hospital gown at this very moment? No, no. It may be. I don't know if they found him or not. They didn't find him when I was leaving because I was watching.

I figured I might run over him when I don't come out of the parking lot. I was watching. You know. Anesthesia does weird stuff. Oh, no, hey. Maybe they just went to Chick-fil-A to get lunch. Oh, yeah. They're headed back.

Grab some lunch. I didn't think of that. I should have looked when I went back. He may have been standing in line. In his gal. What's the dude behind the third car doing? He's in line. He wants the chicken filet.

Where's he going to put it under his skirt? Them gowns ain't got no back either, so you don't want to have. getting lying behind up. Hey, put it on my bill. I'm always through here anyway. I just said he wanted the chicken fillet. Hey, you know, hey.

That's God's chicken. That's the Lord chicken filet or something like that. That's amazing. So that's a true story? Missing person at Glenwood. That actually happened. And they're asking side. We're praying for you.

Sir. Can you tell us something? If you're still wandering around out there. And listening to our podcast. security, y'all, may they find you? If he makes it to the time this podcast airs, that sucker is evasive. That's right. I'll give him that.

Evasive maneuvers. He's like, I didn't even know they were looking for me until I watched the podcast. I figured I'd come back. I didn't even realize it. Can I check back in? I said, hey, can I eat my chick-fil-A anyway? Oh, Lord. That's crazy.

Uncle Si is on the case and he's scared of the dark. You better find him in the daylight. Like, because you ain't going to find him at night. Oh, no, you don't want to do. And look. Private investigator. Yeah. You don't want to be coming up on me at night.

No. No, because you told me about some of the guys that middle of the night, they're driving bikes down the road cutting across in front of you. Oh, no, no, no, no. Look, you don't want to be out in the wee hours of the morning. No. In West Monroe or south going south. Or north, or west or east.

No, no, no. I'm telling you, I've seen some. strange things, okay, at night. When I'm getting up to go chucking at 4.30 a.m. in the morning. Sigh. I need you, Sigh. Yeah. Running up that hill.

If Sire lifts out that chair right now, it's going to be wild. Your boy is gone if that happened. No, you better turn that music on, son. Save him. That's his job. Yeah. I can't even begin to. to express how glad I am here back, Johnny D.

Because I was getting me and that inbox along with a day job, that's hard to keep up with. It is hard. I mean, even kidding. But you got to do it while you're on the toilet. But I got questions for you, sir. Why didn't you just go in a row? You'd like read 10, skip 15, read 10.

I just read the comment. I read the subject line that interested me. Like the ones that said, this is for Martin. I read all those. Those are always funny. I try and forward you those. Okay, I have one, though. I definitely want to read.

missed a couple episodes and I drive five minutes. I'm not a podcast guy, but I'm on one. Advice for controlling future mother-in-law. I didn't start that because I needed any advice. My mother-in-laws are great, by the way. Yeah, mine too. Mine too.

She's just going to cover all our bases here. Ain't no way my mother-in-law listens to this. So we're good. Robert. I might have just got you in trouble, Robert from Lima, Ohio, but Bobby from Lima, Ohio emails in. He needs some advice about his future mother-in-law. Him and his girlfriend been together

over three years, recently got engaged at Disney World. That's big time. They're both towards the end of college, about to transition the next phase of life, but her mother is controlling everything. For instance, she has decided when we are to get married, when we're supposed to have kids, and she has even given me conditions on moving out

of my house by myself. I'm confused about that. It wasn't as bad early in the relationship, but now that we're entering a stage of life she is starting to dictate me as well. That's why I started. Anyways, there's some more stuff here. Anyways, I'm looking for some way to approach this situation to get it resolved. Hey, they end up resolving to it.

Okay, here's the deal. If you're going to marry the woman, okay, you marry the woman and then you put up with the mother-in-law. That's just part of it Okay What was our boy's name from a dodge ball Pappy O Daniels? Papio Daniels

Pappio Daniels You can dodge rinse, you can dodge ball Yeah My advice to him is to Duck, Dive, Dip, Dodge Dodge, Duck and Dive Dodge Duck and Dive Or something like that

Five D's a Dodge Ball Yeah Um Dodge Well I don't It's hard man It's a tough one Put your mother in her all like a queen

and you won't have no problem. That's also true. Hey, go give her a hug every time you see her. That's what I do. I'm just like, hey, good to see you. And then buy her some chicken schemes. The Bible says, kill them with kindness. Does the Bible say that?

Yeah. In doing so, you pour heaping coals on their hands. There it is. That's part of that. Yeah, but I mean, I don't think there's a problem with saying, like, hey, we're getting married. This is our wedding. Like, if she's saying, like, when the wedding is,

like, you got a, you and your fiancé. Be firm and put your foot down. And look, here's, this is, you're going to establish a new relationship with your soon-to-be mother-in-law. Yeah. And so it's not the same relationship. It's going to be a new one. So you need to address that with her. You need to set some good boundaries, some reasonable things, you know, and just communicate with his future.

And why is that, Phil? What? Why does that need to happen? Established goals. What are you supposed to do? No, I was giving you a chance for your line, Phil. You're lying that you stole from. It's manageable.

There you go. But I didn't put it up on a T anymore for you. Well, and... I thought you had something for me. I was nervous, too. Well, because you got to remember, this is, your mother-in-law is probably baby girl, or, you know, she's scared.

Yeah. The mother-in-law is just scared, and so she's... I think a lot of mothers want to fix everything for their babies. They become controlling in an effort to try and make things. things good or safe or whatever.

She thinks she's helping out. Yeah. And so you got to remember that too. She ain't trying to be rude. Why do you have a knife out, sir? Get him, Si. No, I ain't a sticky. Again.

I appreciate that. But I mean, your mother-in-law probably thinks she's helping out. But you just got to say, hey, look, we got this. And I think everything will probably work out. And let her be involved? Martin's nervous to answer this. No, I'm just glad. I don't have it.

I think he's got a sign he's fixing to hold up. No. conquer does everything. There you go. When you marry somebody, you marry their whole family. And so start that new relationship. Talk to her. Let her know your intentions.

And I think if you guys will have a relationship, not through your wife, but just you and the mother-in-law have a relationship where you can talk. Yeah, be respectful. Things are going to be a lot better. Be respectful, bring it up. That's fine. Put them all out there on the table, but you can do so. I like that. You can do so with gentleness and respect.

Do your cards face up and then go from there. Because what is known is manageable. What else you got, Sean? Oh, did you do the one that subject is God? I don't think so. It's pretty heavy. That doesn't sound like something I do. We're going to answer it fast.

Hey, JD and the boys. I have a question. I was brought up Roman Catholic and believe in God and church, etc. Is there any difference in my religion and the way you practice there in Louisiana? I mean, you and I believe in God, but does me being Catholic make us different in our belief? beliefs in the way we practice our religion. Either way, God bless you, Steve, from Weathersville, Connecticut. Is C.T. Connecticut? Yeah. I like... Yeah, I remember reading that now. I like Hebrews, where it says, in the past, God spoke to our forefathers through various times in many ways, but in these last days,

he has spoken to us through his son, whom he appointed heir of all things. So to us, it's Jesus, he's everything, he's more powerful than the angels, he's greater than anything that comes up in the book of Hebrews so Jesus being God in the flesh that is who we worship who we pray to and all and only to him we go directly to the source right there so that may be a little bit of difference but we're putting our faith in God and in Christ just like they would be the doctrine is the only thing a little bit different and we do stuff the man needs to really get over that I always say this They ask me, okay, who do you run with? I run with the father, the son, the Holy Spirit.

Baby. Who do I run with? If you run with him too, then guess what? You're part of the family. We're on the same team. We're on the same team. That's the reason I started, because I was like, well, as long as we're, as long as you have a personal relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, it doesn't matter

what you put in front of it. The name. It doesn't matter the traditions you may practice, in my opinion. It's all about the relationship that you have with our father. And as long as that relationship is solid, do it however you feel needs to be done. I'm not one to say getting spritz with water is a bad thing or getting, you know, speaking in tongues or whatever that relationship is for you and brings that home and makes you feel closer. I'm for it. Like, as long as it's biblical.

Yeah. As long as it's biblical, we're cool. The essential things that I'll never back off are these. God became flesh. He made his dwelling among us. He died. He was buried and he was raised to forgive our sins. Now, we're all in the same boat.

We all need forgiveness. And he's at the right hand of the father mediating on our behalf of those of us who believe in him. So, yeah. Yeah, I mean. Awesome. Agreed. You want to send us out? I got us about worse that kind of is along the lines of, you know, denominations and all that fun stuff.

You know, we said, side puts it the best way. Who's he run with? Father's something, the Holy Spirit. And here's what the son said. There was a weird moment. They asked him, teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in your names, but we told him stop because he ain't one of us. He ain't in our circle, basically. And Jesus said, do not stop him for no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me. For whoever is not against us is for us.

Truly, I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward. To me, that verse Jesus is saying, we're all on the same team. So Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, Church of Christ, whatever your flavor is, I'm with you. So I said it best. He said, I wish a big strong wind would come through and blow every sign down. Let's let us all come together. Amen. They come together.

Yeah. Good one. Get rid of the signs. Yeah. Get rid of the signs. The name. Love it. The name that's important is Jesus Christ.

There you go. Amen. Perfect. All right. That's good. We'll see y'all next time. See y'all. We're out.