Duck Call Room - Uncle Si Chooses the Winner of the Best Robertson Beard Contest

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

Uncle Si is put to the test in a ruthless game of “Would You Rather” with the boys. Godwin managed to show some impressive will power when it comes to holiday sweets, and Martin considers a potential pizza recipe that’s as intriguing as it is horrifying. John-David struggles to stick to the rules of the game, and Si chooses the Robertson with the most luxurious beard but the answer might surprise you! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you know how Eskimos build their house? Yeah, they build out of ice. Eglues it together. It's the ice palace. There you go, Galva. They do what? Igloos it together. They glues it together.

Eglues it. Oh, I get it because they're called igloos. Yeah. Eglues. That's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's.

Oh, Gawin, you got to quit on these. You got to quit on these educated. Have they got a heater or not eagle? You bet you. Have you know them people get on ice fishing in them huts and they got heaters in them? Don't they know heat melts ice? I'm going to ask you about that. That ain't, I mean, that ain't right.

Everybody keeps assing, you need to come up here ice fishing. No, I ain't doing it. I look like the Michelin man. Not anymore. You're the incredible shrinking man. Oh, I'd be the Michelin man if I got on ice. They said, oh, we drive trucks out there. I said, I know.

I see them pulling them out on the next. news. I ain't getting on no ice. No. I ain't neither. No, when it's that time of yours, that's on the season. I done that and I've checked that off my bucket list. You done it?

Yeah. That's not even on my bucket list. Not even on. That ain't even on the handle of my bucket. And not even on my bowl list, my plate list. It ain't on a list. I ain't doing it. It ain't much.

No, sir. It's up there with like skydiving. That's just something I'm not going to do. I do that. I'd do it. I'd jump out of a plane with a percy. I know it. be fun, but I just don't say that.

Without it crashing? I don't think I'll jump out of a plane. I had a parachute on, knew how to pull a car. Well, I don't think I'd jump out of a plane. I, there's a lot less oxygen. Look, if you jump from that high. Well, hey, I know, but it just to go against a grain. It's not going to be no pain to it.

Yeah, but it goes against a grain. Ain't going to be no pain to it. Yeah. You're going to fall for two minutes thinking about it. That's more painful than getting. I'm going to say, well, hitting the ground. I tried. You try.

That's two minutes to make sure you got that sinner's prayer, right? Yeah. I'd be saying every flavor of. Good night. I don't know where I'm going. I'd be hitting down every flavor. Wait, what did that other one say? Confess with the mouth.

Jesus, your Lord. You'd be hitting all the verses in the New Testament. Which would have cats? Look like doing the macarana falling out of sky. I'd be so scared. That's terrifying. Two minutes, no. Yeah, but if you shoot open, then it would really be a,

a wild trip. I'm good. I guarantee you get to see you guys. You feel like a bird. Yeah, like you get to see what ducks. Yeah. Yeah, you know what happens. They got Google Maps for that.

You know what happens to them too, don't you? They get shot. I'm out. I'm out on all those things. Hey, I'm not jumping out of a perfectly good air. No, I don't think I... Would you do that slingshot deal? No.

That ride, pulled in. I do that. Uh-huh. That sounds fun. Now, what if that thing breaks where you end up? Yeah. No. Same thing.

No, not as high. I mean, you're not as high, but you know, you're hanging from that tree and pilled by lamb and you're there for seven hours waiting on search and rescue that ain't going to make it. Yeah, that's way better than... I'm... I'm quick... I need to... Look, I can hit the ground, but I want to hit it soon.

If you fall 10 feet and hit the ground, you could die. That's right. 10 feet. Damn feet. The Brian James can dump. That thing's way over 10 feet. No idea what that means. Bunchy jump.

I did that swing on the side of the Royal Gorge. Yeah, I'd do it. Gobwin's an adrenaline. He's an adrenaline. Yeah, he's an adrenaline junk. Have you ever ridden in a boat with him? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'll take it easy. Yeah, he has the knees for speed. Oh, yeah. He's trimmed down for what? WFO. Trimmed down for what? Yeah. No.

No, we ain't trimming down. No. We're trimming up. He said he ain't trimming down. Gobwin going to porpoise before he got to front end of that boat in water. He's going to be doing this for it. That front end's in the water. I can get sure. Until you feel how that boat's sitting on that prop wide open. Hey, do you have that truck at the same way, too. He's quit. Oh, Lord, have mercy.

Flying flea boys. This is going to be an interesting episode. It is. This is a kind of a fan dedicated episode. We have people, they told me to put my computer away, but I would feel naked. I don't get to choose the questions. Are we doing what the fans are doing fine now? What are they doing? Yeah, we did some stuff on Instagram asking for, um, oh, what, this or that or something else. Oh,

would you rather? Oh, this or that or would you rather? Would you rather? I just chose rather both. I'm just not doing it. Would you rather drive in a boat with me? No. Or drive.

Well, what's my other option? Yeah. You're fast, but you are safe. Okay, wait How fast? Fast as it'll go. Why? How fast is that?

My boat won't do with 62. 62? Nope. It's slow. Nope. I ain't right to be. 602, that ain't nothing. That's too fast on water.

No, not in that big barge. He's driving. Oh, yeah, it is. You can't even fall out of my boat. Yeah, you can. No, you got to try. Yeah, you can if you hit a log. Or if a goose comes by.

Oh, yeah. It's in the face. It's 62. The face. Or a fish jump. It's in the face. Asian flying cart. That's a possibility.

Out of all the things y'all've named, that one is a real. No, no, that's possible. You've ever seen a goose that hit by a boat? Not in Louisiana. No. I disagree. A goose is probably the wrong.

A goose to get you in the boat. A coot. Yeah, a comrade, maybe. My goose. But jumping carp, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If I slime you, you can throw your shirt away.

Yeah, but. I have not working out the slam back. If you're going to six to two miles down, they do want to slap you. That's like Ray Lewis taking it out. Hey, look, here's what I tell you. If they hit me going 62 miles an hour, the good Lord said it's time for you to go, buddy.

Because the shot angle that that would take, I mean, he'd have to jump way before we got there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Which they don't do. They jump at the sound of your motor. Okay, but a goose. I ain't worried about no goose.

Okay. I have, I have faith that goblin. can out maneuver a goose. Oh, yeah. I can turn that thing on a dime. See? No, I ain't jet skiing with you in a boat. That's two dogs.

Now, I would not let Godwin pull me on an intertube. You wasn't on an intertube? No chance. No. He ain't pulling me on an intertube. Giving me ideas. Yeah, no. It's still summertime, baby.

No, I ain't about that life. No, you ain't slingshot me into somebody. You're saying them new ones where they go up in the eye? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you ain't driving me on that either. Oh, the parachute type of it? It's a, no, it's a big old flat round blow-up deal you get on, but it'll go up in the air.

I don't think it's supposed to. Oh, they make them go up there. I see it all time. This or that, I'm going with that. I don't even know what that is. How far up does this big round thing go? I can't go too high to rope ain't that long. Well, well, I fix that.

That's what I thought. Yeah. I wonder what happened if you let it go. Unclick the route You'd end up in odds Cut it Or you'd have to cut it You could unclic it

Unless you'd have to cut it That's just hateful Yeah if you just had a disconnect It could do it You got on the interview You knew what could happen You knew what could happen You knew what could happen

All right look Springtime is here It's warming up You know what that means That means more outside cook And y'all know We love to eat beef around here And that's what because of our friends over at Tritels Beef makes such a good product, baby.

Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sao Robertson would say, buy on the grill! Look, before we got Tritels, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef comes from. But with Tritale's beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Tritales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while.

Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Triedails beef.

I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. All right, we're ready to play? I have no idea. What are we playing?

This or that, or would you rather? Is there a difference in those two, by the way? What's the rules? Is there any room? there's some rules there's a little bit of a different oh this is josh no wrong answer Josh

my bad that's weird it's not hunter hunter's been sick y'all pray for hunter this is jordan aka rocky top thank you rockie top they both have j names but pray for hunter he's he's been eating too much

taco bell and he hasn't been able to make it to work so we're proud yeah i don't know hunter moved out on his own and has stayed sick so i'm not sure about where he's living I don't know if it's asbestos, mesothelioma, or any of the other... He may be entitled to compensation. Any of the other ads that run on our podcast? Have you been using Roundup?

No. Anyway. Go ahead, Josh. Tell us what we're going to. That was a joke. We're going to start off with a little bit of this or that. I only have one rule. You have to pick one of the two options.

You can't say no to one of them. There's a that. Can we get one skip? You can get one skip. Can we say yes to both of them? Sure. If you just want to be difficult, you can do that. Well, you can just add it out what we don't like anyway. Well, like if the answer's like pizza or french fries, I want both.

Okay. We're going to start off with number one here. Would you rather have John Wayne or Clint Eastwood movies? Eastwood. I'm going with the Duke. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah.

I'm an Eastwood guy. He's a... Yeah, I remember Eastwood more than John Wayne. Yeah. John Wayne's the old cowboy. Both. I'm going to say both on that. Oh, Godwin's giving us a both.

I'm on both. Breaking rules. I'm an Eastwood. Well, it's this or that. You can't do both. You know what I'm saying, little fella. You got to pick one. You got to pick one.

You got to pick one guy, go off. You got to pick one. You got to pick one. This or that. No. Hey. One or the other. Hey, son, you ain't radio.

I'm on doing both. I'm on do Eastwood because I remember most of him. There you go. Okay. I'm, Oh, little Josie, come get watched up now. I just Googled John Wayne movies. Yeah.

And now I'm Googling Clint Eastwood movies. Yep, and they got about the same. And I haven't seen any of them. Uh-oh. Really? I'd have never guessed that. Well, I'd have to knock you out just because of that. I'm 12 years old.

Somebody give John D. that DVD. Let him take it home with him, put in his PlayStation. You need to watch this. Josie Wells. Yeah, I heard it's good. It is. I don't watch a lot of movies. Hey, I almost went and saw that one.

So did you pick one? Yeah, just whoever's with me can choose. I choose popcorn. Would butter on it? How good is movie popcorn? That's a way more important to say. Hey, when we go to the picture show, Paula eats popcorn for her dinner. That's what she wants.

I do too. I get a large popcorn. But she don't put butter on it. You don't want? You don't put butter on her popcorn. That's ridiculous. Get off the popcorn. What's the next?

Clint Eastwood is 6-4. Hey, big fella. All right, all right. Next question, we got crab legs or crawfish? Got to pick one. Oh, crawfish. Crab legs are horrible. That's a...

That's a stretch. They're not horrible. They just take too much work. Not... Okay, cofish are the same. They ain't much. They ain't much. Oh, no.

They ain't even close to the same. Well, they both take a lot of work. no but hey oh the work is really they're no working crowfish to you pop a thing off if you get the king crab legs here is the deal those weirdos like in Massachusetts they get like the crab legs and they bring like hammers and stuff out with them

that's foolish yeah crawfish easy question well and I like we're Louisiana so crawfish obviously makes sense but crawfish are more about to me are we getting points for the setting like you're at a crawfish bowl with friends.

We don't have crab boils down here. It'd probably be the same. And that blue crab is trash. He is way too much. He is, he is great. That soft shell. He is great table fare.

But my God, does he not want to give up his meat? Well, hey, John's right. Soft shell. Forget the blue crab, go with the soft shale. Just eat the same. Yeah, fry him. That's what I'm talking about.

We are breaking rules. There you go. That way you ate the whole time. I'm going to good. I'm real good. All right. Dang. So if you had to pick a crab, it would be a soft shell crab.

That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Soft shell. Yep. All right. Next question. With Romolo sauce.

Ooh. Extra horseradish. That's exactly right. I'm with you there. Burn your nose. Got to tickle your nose or it ain't no good. No good. All right.

Next question. We got oked. Oh, praise God for both of those. Got to pick one. No. Ocar or black-eyed peat? It ought to be again the law to grow of okra.

Godman hates okra. I hate black-eyed peas. I'm going to go with black-eyed peas color. It's the better taste than the okra. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

Can you deep-bri black eyed peas? Can you go through Captain D's drive-thru and get deep-fried black-eyed peas? No, you can't. Okra superior hands down. Captain D's proved it. Uh-oh. That dude's weird. Fried okra?

I just want to throw something at you. I know it. Me too. Praise God for that line. I know it. Yeah. Don't throw the coffee on you guys. I actually want black-eyed peas with ochre in it.

That's how much I like both of those. You will not make me choose on those. I love both of them. That hard thing catch on. they deep- Are we still talking about ochre? Side. Yeah.

I'm telling. I'm confused. Did we jump time and space here? I've heard Phil ask that same question, but it was about something totally just got little fuzzards all over. Yep. Same. I'm like,

I'm like, Bart now. Just they eat them both. Hey. They're good. Yeah, they're good. I've never had black eye piece with ochre to be fair.

We always do purple holes. Just about anything. We do purple hole peas with ochre smothered in it. Man, it's so good. Fergie's cool, though. What is? The country or the meat? No, the person that sings for the black-eyed peas.

Oh, you said fur-y. I thought you said turkey. Turkey's good. Distinct difference. All I'm saying is when you type in okra, this doesn't show up on the internet. Thank you. Nobody likes black-eyed peas.

They just sing songs. wait a minute I got a feeling back out of me point next question I have a feeling and I know where John David is going to go but you have to pick one on this one

okay we got pizza or tacos pizza I'm having tacos tonight but if somebody said you want pizza I would bail on my entire family to go eat pizza

instead of pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza there's way more we're all in one of a bigger variety of pizza than there are tacos That's what card

I mean you can put it just about anything on a people He's got endless variety With all in one accord You got just limited with tacos God went just over here Making these low-key dad jokes And it's fantastic The kind of car Jesus drove

They were all in one accord A cord A Chord Honda Accord boys All we got some more hunting Fishing directed questions here I choose loving every day. Okay, there you go. All right. Fresh or saltwater fishing?

Fresh. Fresh. There's no salt water around. Ooh. Ooh. They're both fun. I'll say. Oh, Martin's struggling. Well, yeah, I mean, I have too. Everything that swims and saltwater is better eating than like the best freshwater fish. That's what's crazy.

Well, I'd have to go saltwater because that's my favorite. If somebody else is footing the bill, saltwater. I have to pay for it. We're going fresh water fishing. Yeah. That has a lot to do with it. It takes a lot of gags to get out there. You got to be in a different tax bracket to run out there and that salt water.

I ain't there yet. The reels are even. Everything. Oh, no. Everything is more expensive. Foodishness. Yeah. Yeah.

But if somebody else is dying, let's go saltwater fishing. What are we accomplishing here? We're just letting people know our true feelings. We ain't getting no point. We're having no winner. I will give you all the points you want at the end of the episode. Oh, good. There you go.

There you go. All right. Power baits or finesse bait. What do you say? Power. Power fishing. Chatter baits, crank baits, spinner baits, that kind of stuff. Or shake a worm.

Oh. I don't know what you call power fishing and crappie fishing. The way you do it, chase them down and make them either. I guess so. Power. Oh, that pin's been at them, baby. I was about to say you brought. That little old slap curly.

Todd, what's you doing? You dragging a wacky worm or you go and throw a chatter bait down the bank? No, I'd probably go and want something fast. There you go. Devil horse and the band. Instead of the finesse. Hey, because look, it's just a numbers game.

The more throws you make, the better change if you get some more fish. I'm just putting something on top of the water and watching that. I'm just throwing something at the feast that I'm looking at. Cheater. It's not real fishing. Oh, here we go.

Hey, Pastor Ketchup. Aye, amen, buddy. Just call me when they get... Don't be talking with your mouth. You call me when they get ready. Get your pan of free fries. And you know what else? Ochre.

I'm a, ooh, fried okra's so good. I never had it. Galvin does. Hey, I remember when W.E. went on that little weight loss kick he got on. Like the light, not this one he's on now, but the one before. He had freeze, dried ochre. Yeah, he did.

And the duck blind. He was just eating pot. odds of fried, like freeze-dried ochre. And Godwin's just looking at him, just, pure disgust as he's eating his little Debbie. I'm with you on that one, Godwin. There's a lot of weight on that. Huh?

He all lost a lot of weight. He still broke the seat he was sitting on. Well, I know. He lost a lot of weight, and we had to go, not the this time, the time before. Yeah, he's, he's, he kind of like stock market. Up or down. Well, anytime your weight loss plan is,

eating freeze-dried okra you're gonna smash little debby's after that buddy that that okra no that was no that was me smashing the little debby can't do that no more either no it you should get you some freeze-dried okra oh look i ate a donut the other day did you i did how was it it was awesome when i was at the mississippi river monsters deal you tell paula yeah i told her what's you say He said, you better be careful. I said, I didn't eat but one. Yeah, poor. I couldn't get out of him.

I had to walk away. Donuts are good. But my blood sugar was low. I had to keyed it up. That's healthy. Yeah, you're just trying to live. Oh, yeah. Healthy choices.

Oh. What's next? John David's homemade pizza for Godwin's mustard flour crappy. Ooh. Gosh, the minding. You're the only one that's ever had. even a question. He made it funny over.

Fried fish. Martin's only person's ever had both, so I'm gonna say, this ain't fair. I haven't had you pizza, so I'm going with the fried cropping. I'm fine with that. This ain't fair. I ain't had here, so I'm gonna go with a fry. You're going to have to be.

I've already used my both answer on ochre and blackout peas. Talk about, can I go back and just use ochre? No. Hey, I'll answer. I make pizza all the time. I'm going to Godwin's house and eating croppy. Well, that's because you make.

Copy. But see, as a guest on both of those occasions, wow. I've never had it. Can we... You're going to bail me one. I had never had your... I want to throw a suggestion out to y'all. Is there anything against having mustard-fried croppy on top of a pizza?

No. No? I'm in on that. No? I'm in on that. Can we make that a topping? We can actually do that. Yeah, let me...

I need to talk to Allison. Have pizza with French fries. I got it. Oh, I got it. got it. Like a cocktail sauce. Oh, you don't like horseradish.

We're going to go with cocktail sauce as a base. Ooh. Uh-huh. We're going to put. A lot for you. Uh-huh. And we're going to put

cheese. Hold up. We're going to put a little French fries on there too. Okay. Yeah, I'm feeling it. Okay. Then we're going to get.

Armijon. Okay. I think a little pot. Boom. You know what you know what I think we should do? I think we should have the world's first taste in this room on the show. Great. I got a good one of a man on that.

He said I can't do it until. Praise God. I said, I got to go catch some fish first. You got to go catch her first. I gave Joe Hannah my lag to fish. I know there's a fish always is, sir. Hmm. Man, just the thought, that just blew my mind thinking about it.

That's going to be good. Collier crust. Because you put them in that pizza oven so then like the crispy crunch. The crispy fish are going to get even crispier. Oh, yeah. Gosh, the mighty. in. You know what, though?

Chicken squat. There's nothing, yeah, there's nothing stopping us. You can put, like, even, if you wanted to, you could, like, chop up some deal pickle and put on there to, get your little acid in there. Make up some salve to dip it in. That sweep the swamp pizza at Jones. Oh, he's done that with the sauce he was put on there. Oh, what if your sauce was like at your face?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are we stopping? What sauce did you say you was going to put on it? I was cocktail. He said cocktail, but I'm like, yeah, if you just like. Oh, go. Oh, we keep adding stuff to it. Oh, no.

This is, this has become a Willie Robertson pizza, and I'm ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm interested. Everything, it's worth trying once. Worst case, you still just have pizzas and fried fish, which I will put on the same plate together, separate and apart and eat them. Hush puppies on top of it.

It's going down at the same, you know, same place anyway. Yeah. Oh, man. That's good. That's right there on like death row meals. How about that? That's it. How many?

How many? about that jacks, Pratt. How many main courses do we get to choose here, y'all? It's anything? Okay, bring Gobbin in, bring Johnny D.N. If you end up on death row, I ain't making you a pizza, you've done turns, sir. There's still forgiveness and repentance. I'll make you a pizza.

Yeah. All right. That's it. All right. Next up, cornbread or biscuits? Cornbread. Wow. What kind of cornbread?

Who's cornbread? The best you can think of. Leasteless. Cornbread. Lisa's. I'm going to go cornbread. Pizza. I said, no, Lisa.

Oh, yeah. It's cornbread. Yeah. Cornbread. It's cornbread. Hands down. Mexican cornbread. He's been eating biscuits, his whole life.

Boy, boy. Well, I look like a pop can of biscuits. So, yeah, I mean, like, gosh, almighty. Hey, have you had that cornbread, that Mexican cornbread up there, an iron cactus? Uh-huh. Oh, that's a slob of it. Let me tell you, it's like a. It's all you can eat by yourself.

It's good. Me? It's got all kinds of stuff on. I guarantee you. I want some. Mexican cornbread and... I'm going to be the... I'm going to go biscuits, even though, man, I love both of them.

Well, I can't eat jelly no more. Yeah. I can't eat jelly no more, so... You thinking of a specific person when you think of the biscuits? All of them. All of them. I don't know that I've had a bad one. Mm, Bojangles.

That biscuit's no good. I said it. Bojangled biscuits ain't no good. I've had one of life. I've had a bad batch. Wasn't a good biscuit. Popeyes forever. All right, moving on.

You've never said anything to offend me more. Than that right there. In the hierarchy of biscuits, Popeyes is trash compared to Bojangles. You! Uh-oh. Oh. Oh, uh-oh.

Who wants that little dance hockey puck? I am. Compared to the light, fluffy. goodness that are our neighbors now. Because it's butter. All of it. Because it's seven up. That's so good.

Right. Anyway. Yeah. All right. Moving on. Willie's beard or Jason's beard? Colored or uncolored. Oh, both of them.

Ooh. Yeah. What kind of question is that? Neither. Which one do you like better? I'm on neither. I'm going to go with Phil's beard. I'm going to go with John David.

I'm going to have my own right-in category. I'm taking Phil Robertson's beard. I'm going to take mine. If we had to cheat. If we had to cheat. Shave my face and get a job at a bank. Willie signs my paycheck. Willie Robertson.

He's going with his boss. I haven't looked at them lately. I reckon so. I mean, I arguably have to spend more time with Jace, but Willie still signs his paycheck too. So Willie Robertson. Here you go.

All right. Well, just being honest. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Let the uncle weigh in. Willie's got the best-looking beer. There you go. There you go.

Willie uses product. And J-Sues his color. It's all weird. Y'all didn't know that, did you? Well, no, I'm just there. Right. Fun facts. Looking at both of them,

right, Willie Woods. There you go. Actually, out of all the brothers, Jips, is probably the best beer. There you go. Low-key. 100. No, they're not even low-key.

Yeah. All right. Squirrel stew or rabbit stew? Willie's beard does more job, though. It covers up more. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel.

That's the finest. I don't know that Johnny Dees are going to be a fan of either one of those quadrupeds. Yeah, you know, they make this bird. It's called chicken. Chicken better. Well, what about the squirrel? I would, I would dream rat. I would go with squirrel if I had, if there was both of them sitting there, be like,

give me the squirrel, and I'd take a no thank you portion. Oh, hey, you're catching on to how the game works. Oh, when you took a no thank you portion, it would turn into more. You'd probably hit that squirrel again. Squirrel was actually hit it. I've had squirrel. It's just not my thing. Yeah, but I didn't cook it right.

Now, how do you cook it right? I've never been a big fan of rabbit. I mean, it's all right. Yeah, it's just not a musty. Hey. I mean. Damedame rabbit. Some animals we just don't need to eat.

they're good they tender pork pork it's better all right Mountain dew or mellow yellow what

Mountain dick neither I don't drink soda if I had to choose which of those acidic sugary things are going to kill me first I'll go with water

no I'm just kidding I have no idea I don't think I've ever had a mellow yellow mellow yellow and mountain dew Dude, the dude, one of them being okay. Yeah, if they're, if... I got on a diet Mountain Dew kick in my early 20s.

I just, I mean, I sip those citrusy things, and I didn't like none of them. I don't... I shouldn't strike in this. If the question, if the question is Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb. Well, one of them doesn't even have a degree. Yeah. That goes a D.

Yeah. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. I do like them, even though I don't drink sodas. I could drink them things like people drink. beer, buddy. Hello, yellow.

Next up, a hole in your waiters or a bunch of gnats in your waiters. Who's asking these questions? I am. I know you are, but who sent that in? I don't got usernames. I don't got...

Why would gnats in your waiters matter? It don't. I'd much rather be dry. Yeah. Bees? Oh, well, then that's going to hurt. Wow. I'll be wet.

All right, bears in your waiters. I'd rather be wet than be stung, but I mean, Nats are just Nats, think. Yeah. Purple tail wards. Oh, purple tail, ooh. No, thank you. Yeah, give me the hole.

Give me the hole. I'd rather, I'd rather freeze than. All right, whole it is. All right, hot dogs or cheeseburgers? Cheeseburger. Oh, man. Cheeseburger. But if it's a cup.

contest on who can eat the most. Now, if it's a gourmet hot dough. But then it makes it a gourmet hamburger. No, he didn't say gourmet hamburger. But he didn't say gourmet hot dog. He did. No, I didn't. Well, that's what I thought he said.

If you get a cheeseburger or a hot dog, you've got to take the cheeseburger. Hot dog. It really depends. Right? But my hot dog would have to be a chili cheese dog. That's right. I'm not one of those people that he's a hot dog. Well, I like ketchup.

You grate the cheese. You've got to be grated cheese. A fabulous. Top you up some purple onions. I'm just a regular one. Get some chili on it. You know what? I'll say this.

I've never had a bad hot dog. I've had some bad cheeseburgers. Uh-oh. Very consistent. A hot dog is just a dirty old hot dog no matter what. Even if you boiled it in water, it's still going to taste pretty similar. You know what you're getting into. You order a hamburger someplace?

It might be fantastic. it might be like soybean. Well, I can eat, here's what I'll make this decision on. I can eat five or six cheeseburgers with everything on them. I can only eat three hot dogs. I can testify. I don't know about the hot dogs,

but I know you can eat cheeseburgers tell they run out of meat. I'll tell you. A good cheeseburger is better than a good hot dog, but a bad hot dog's better than a bad cheeseburger. Well, I just never have, since I only have my cheeseburgers or field cheeseburgers, and they ain't no such thing as bad. Well, what are you calling a bad hot dog?

Because you eat about eight of them. There's not one. Very consistent. No such thing as a bad hot dog. Very consistent. Even them red ones are good. Oh, no, I eat a lot of hot dogs. They're better.

I eat a lot of hot dog. They pop when you can. Yeah. Yeah, if you're talking about that now, I may have to, yeah. You never thought hot dog versus a hamburger. And then you like, get nuts and, like, get a link of boo-d-d-d-law and put it in a bun? That's a hot dog.

A bood-down. We're talking something entirely different. Alapini cheese, sausage in a bun? Hot dog. Uh-oh. I once went to a restaurant that only had hot dogs. And one of them was a piece of fried fish. You get an entirely different.

That ain't just a hot dog. Sure it is. It's a tubular meat inside of a bun. No, you're getting into the sausage part of that. And that's an entirely different ballgame. Well, is a hot dog weenie not sausage? Well, hey, I'm just saying. Come on.

Oh, come on. No. No. No. When you say sausage, you got away from hot dogs. So is a Vianna sausage in a blanket? Oh, that'd be good. Oh, you're disgusting.

Is that a hot dog? That. No, that's a Vianna sausage. Cut back to the Godwin slurp of the Vianna. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, sir Oh, that was nasty No, well, you're talking hot dogs

and sausage. That's a new different thing. It can't be beat right there. Because I'd have to go with a real good sausage. I'll go with a sausage every time. Throw the hot dog out the door. I once had a hot dog that was fish.

A long piece of fish and put it in a hot dog bun. It was delicious. See? It was at a hot dog store. Tubular meat. Called the fish dog or something. A fish dog, boss. You can do anything with a hot dog.

You know there is a fish cat, right? A catfish? No, a cat that fishes. This is a catfish. I'm serious. It's a cat, a feline, and he actually is, that's what he does.

He, he gets got from a hot dog. PBS, baby. BBS, boys. What kind of cat? Baby. Just a catfish.

The tabby cat. He's a catfish. Hey, he, I say, it's diet. he's in the marsh and he eats fish. Fishing cats. Fishing cat, I told you. Spotted cats, leopard cats, pelas cats. We learned something.

Because a tiger probably eats fish. That's an ugly cat. You're okay over there? No, no, because tigers love water. They love fish, too. Well, I imagine they do. Martin, look how ugly this cat is that he's fish. No, hey, that ain't...

Wow. That one's at the Columbus Zoo. Hey, that thing is beautiful. that's a link that thing look like it belongs in size recliner

they got it in a whole zoo oh I'd like to have one like that a pet you should why's that in a zoo that ain't nothing makes me more angry

and going to a zoo and they just got like some regular old animal you know what makes me you know what makes me so angry what next

I fished at cats I fished at cats okay he's a he's a fish cat. I don't know how we got here, but... I'm glad we did.

I've enjoyed the journey. Help us, help us. Here's a really easy one. Chocolate or vanilla. How is that easy? That's the most impossible question you've asked so far. Wow.

Chocolate or vanilla. Ice cream cake. Oh, chocolate or vanilla. I think. That's impossible. That's answer. That is one that cannot be answered. That's crazy.

If it's ice cream, I'm choosing vanilla. Oh, yeah. and then putting chocolate on top. Chocolate sauce. Yeah, but... It's got to be the kind that you dip it in there and it sticks to the outside. No, but chocolate people are chocolate people.

I think I'm a vanilla man. Yeah, I think I would classify me as vanilla, but chocolate curious. I'm saying, you're thinking of all the chocolate bar and ice cream more than I eat. I mean, I just, I don't. Well, they couldn't be. I've always wondered how I did it.

There cannot be an ice cream salad without chocolate and vanilla. That's right. It's both. I'm a vanilla guy, but I'm chocolate curious. I might have gone off on that, boys. I think you might have just started like a small group at church or something. Yeah. People that are vanilla guys, but chocolate curious.

No, because it ain't nothing better than having a vanilla ice cream bar and you dip it in chocolate. Yeah. and let it freeze. Exactly. I was called a dip cone. They've been doing that at Dairy Queen for years. Last time I went to Dairy Queen. I ate about four boxes a week.

So good. How's that? My daughter just wanted to keep turning that thing upside down. It was fun. Then we ate it. Oh, man. It was vanilla, but there was chocolate inside of it. See, chocolate curious.

I'm going with chocolate curious. Oh, boy. Okay. You didn't think of that, did you? I did not. I terrified of vanilla. chocolate. Pineapple pizza.

No, get out. No, you can, no, you can say walk on beds of coals but naked

with a whole crowd of people watching and that's the next answer. There's no way I'm not using whatever you say.

Food on a page. Yeah. Whatever you say next was right. Pineapple pizza. Yep. Or candy corn. Oh gosh.

Candy corn. Who of the worst things ever made? I really didn't think think you could get worse. And he did. Whoever sent this in, I want to, I want you to email in because we need to talk to you, because someone hurts you.

And a very unpopular opinion, I'm going with pineapple pizza because by God, it's still pizza and candy corn is always going to be trash. I really didn't think, like, unless you pulled out jalapeno and a sausage, that was the only thing that was in my mind that could be worse than. Except candy corn. No, I'll face it. Are those little freaking orange pumpkins. I'll eat a pineapple, but the candy,

I can pick the pineapple off the pizza. Yeah. And I just still got a piece of pizza. I need to apologize. You still got the juice on it. For my reaction to the fruit on pizza crowd. Godwin, do you like candy corn? No.

You can admit it. I mean, that's cool. This is the same place, Garland. Before I eat fruit on a pizza. The fruit on pizza crowd, you're terrible. You're a very low form of human. Uh-oh. But you're better than the candy corn crowd.

Okay. I'll give you that. My favorite thing is our Canadian friends. and here apparently is majorly in love with Hawaiian-style pizza. They couldn't be further apart. Canada and Hawaii. Maui-Wa-Wi. You're the person that keeps that on Johnny's menu?

I had it the other day. My sister was like, oh, you're going to love it. Because you know what I do love? Pineapple. You know what else I love? Well-documented pizza. Yeah. But not together.

Not at the same time. I would just say there's a reason as a guy who I don't frequent Johnny's buffet, but I go enough. Oh, praise the Lord for it. You don't ever see Maui-Wa out there. You know why? Because they'd have to throw it away. Hey, what's wrong with making a pizza and then handing somebody a nice thing of cut up fresh pineapple?

Yeah. Now, that would be a way to go. That's the way to go. Why not just make a pizza and put cheese and meat on? They get a side dish. Yeah. Yeah. So I have a question.

Pineapple rules. Just keep it away. I have a question. If it's all going to the same place, why does it matter? Okay. Well, to answer that it really doesn't. Now we get into technical. Okay.

We're not just making turretsy, though. We're trying to enjoy life. Yeah. At the end of the day, all we really are. Hawaiian pizza goes in the trash. Even though I am, I'm pretty sure, like, I'm not to the age. I'm getting close to the age, like next year or something where I had to go get that colonoscopy. I bet they find candy corn.

Yeah. That's been there since I was a child. 100%. My last one, like, this sucks, my man. Yeah. It don't die, James. I got to tell that to my wife. She loves orange sherburts.

She come in there one other night. She said, I've got to quit eating orange herbert for a few days. And I said, why that? She said, because my poop is orange. Orange poop. Orange poop. Got to quit. Look, this woman sits down and ate a half gallon of orange herbert every night.

I thought that's because she's red-hitty. Just when I thought the road from hot dog to fish cat. was as wild as we could get. We just went from candy corn to orange poop. Orange poop. I couldn't ever myself. I know y'all said this one was to be aired anytime, but we need to do this one next.

Unbelievable. Okay. You are what you eat. That was what I'm getting out here. It don't make any difference. That's not true. I have never looked back here and seen a pizza. One time.

We're really working on the rest of it. Oh, boy. Let's cut to an 18-1. I hope you're proud of yourself. What else you got? And now word from our sponsor. How is candy corn still a thing? It shouldn't be.

Candy corn has died, evil death. You know those frosted sugar cookies? Betts on the show, y'all. Like the animal? No, no, no. Like in Walmart or bookchers and wherever. It comes in a dozen. Yeah, yeah.

So there's some that have like a dark blue icing. Guys. Change your poop color? The combination that that makes in the whatever, you think there's something wrong, but it's really just the blue icing. Well, it's like when you drink a...

Ben's telling on herself. Well, when you drink like a great sports drink or something, I mean, it changes the color. Like there's whatever that dye is to make blue and purple turn stuff back there like green. Man, I guess I'm eating pretty healthy. That's standard Rick Brown pretty much. This is weird.

Moving on. You also go. Thanks for the update. You also go more often. Yeah, there you go. I'm regular. I drink my vitamins every morning. I'm regular.

Hey, baby, this is what the color is. I don't think three times a day is regular. Yes, it is. I think I would call that hyperactive. Yeah. I think once a day is regular. Let me Google it. Yeah.

I find out what's regular. I'd say once a day. Johnny D's pretty much, If there's an entrance, there's an exit. Yeah. It's healthy to use the restroom between three times a day and three times a week. I would explode. Oh, I'd die.

I mean, the thing that would come out of me could have been shot in a civil war. Like, but I guarantee you'd have that candy corn in it. You know, them people are like, I hadn't been in five days. I went out of town. I'm like, I passed an airport. We're probably going to have to do like a duck call room from the colonoscis. if he's in or something. I went a week.

I look like I was pregnant. If I went two days, I'm going to see somebody. Yeah. If I go the afternoon, I'm going to be worried. I'm at least going to say a prayer. Or eat tomorrow. Hey. Or have another.

Hey, bring me another helping. Yeah. Yeah, I got to push you so now. All right, we're going back to Johnny's boys. But back. Yeah. Johnny D texts me. All right.

If Johnny D. If Johnny D. ever text, you won't go buffet, you know, he's in desperate need of a clean-out. All right. Anyway. Wow. What a life. Jordan, what's next? All right.

Really controversial this one. America, over Canada, every time. Got it again. It's a fun joke I do. Oh, this day, I'd really have to compare sheets. Hunting or fishing. Got to choose one. Fishing.

Fishing. Did you really? Absolutely. You can do it 365 days a year. Hunting? they tell me exactly when I can and when I can't. I'm going fishing. Yeah, I would be with Martin.

It's always open. Win one for the fishing side of things. I love hunting. Yeah. But I can't do it in July. No. Unless I'm in a different tax bracket and I fly to the southern hemisphere. Argentineer.

I ain't. I'm in Louisiana. I work. I go fishing. I go to Washah River. Amen. You thought that was going to be tough. didn't you, Beth?

I did not expect the sweep. The sweep. Everybody go fishing. Yeah. Or you're wearing a whole hat. I go fishing every day. We're thinking about our best spots. Okay, this or that?

Milk or juice? Milk. I'm going with juice. You can do more stuff with juice. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, juices are a better type. But milk probably makes you stronger. If you drink a gallon of it, you get out of school.

Well, I don't know if that's true or not. Then juice? Merrill keep it on. Say, oh. Think of all the juices you got to drink. Pineapple juice, apple juice. You started with pineapple. You know, grape juice.

Well, I'm just saying there's so many options. That is true. With milk, you stuff. And hey, thank you. The other way. When you go to the restroom, you got all kinds of colors coming out. But you're forgetting chocolate milk. That's not what you have.

I'm not a child. I know. But it's a variant of milk. Chocolate milk is awesome. That's what I'm saying. That one that's on the fair life. Oh, that chocolate milk good,

y'all. Got some protein in it. I think it's a strong. Better choice. Is lemonade considered juice? No. Well, why wouldn't lemonade be considered juice?

Got lemon juice. I don't have an answer for you. He's got lemon juice in it. That's fair. That's fair. What is tea? We're going to move on. Is tea juice?

That's the one of them. Wait a minute now. Is tea juice. You got a squeeze leaves to get it. Oh, you ball. You're really breaking berries out here. I like juice.

But I also like milk every morning and I drink juice every night. How am I to? Oh, you got to choose one or the other. Can't do it. Quit doing both. You can't do both. Coke is zero. Maybe you can pick one of these pancakes or waffles.

That is the easiest question of all time. Where are you going? It's obvious. Waffle? Thank you. Okay. I've got waffles. No, pancakes are just waffles that you can't make stuff stay on.

Yeah, I know. But waffles has got all that, look, you can, you can slop that butter and feel every square. Waffles better taste. Have you ever been to a restaurant where they were like, hey, would you like some pancakes and chicken? No, that would be stud dumb. Do you want to see what my niece got my dad to cook for us other night, Martin?

It was her birthday. I got to find it. I got to find it. I'm going fast. I'm slowed down. Actually, the plus to the waffle is the crunch, right? I mean, it's the texture. Pancake is just soft.

The plus would be the pockets. But they're the same batter for the most part, right? Pacan. The shape difference. Here's what I'll tell you. Out of the two restaurants name for both, the one that's a house with waffles is significantly greater than the one's a house of pancake. And that one's all over the world, and it stinks.

It's international. which is a lie. Here's the deal. You can't do that with pancakes. What is that? Is that squeeze butter on top of fried chicken? That is squeeze butter on top of fried chicken, on top of syrup,

on top of a waffle. And my niece had the best birthday party I've ever been to. Yeah, she had a bad day next day. Big Dave made that. You want to know how you lose weight and eat that? You can't eat for three days before or after. I can understand the after.

That was so good. You ain't doing that with pancake. When you eat chicken and waffles, you don't spread the butter and stir up on your chicken? You're going to have to do that with dude wipes. I don't never eat chicken and waffles. Oh, man, chicken and waffles is awesome. Okay. I guess it works.

Martin, you not in? No, I'm in. He's that easy. I'm mesmerized of why I've never put squeezed butter on chicken. Thank you. You got to have a waffle. I'm trying to figure out how your niece whooped me on this one. Like, out of all the things I've ever done.

I've never said. Let me put some squeeze butter on that fried chicken, but... Man, it was good. Yeah. Big Dave did all that from scratch. Two more. Two more. Two more.

French fries or onion rings. French fries. French fries. French fries. Yeah. Onion rings. Onion rings are very specific. You got to be...

You can eat a French fry every day. You got to be able to be able to be able. But onion ain't even the best version of a fried onion. Yeah, it is. No, not. You're talking about a blooming onion? is the best version. The bloomin onion.

And you got to go all the way to Australia. I didn't answer. Oh, no. Onion. I go with French fries. Oh. Yeah. I like my onions.

Don't cook them. Okay. Raw. What about popcorn or chips? Didn't we already discuss this? No. No. Popcorn or chips?

Or chips. I chose popcorn over John Wayne and what's his face. Yeah, but that wasn't. But chips wasn't legal. You broke a roof. Chips, the food, not the TV show. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm still choosing popcorn. over chips You know how much popcorn my son Carter eats What kind of chip? Navis Doritos Cool ranks I guess you have that option Your favorite chip

Versus your favorite thing of popcorn Kettlecorn's trash Yep Yep Yep You said he's got chips We got chips I can do more stuff for that

I can cover chips Oh no Again I can cover chips And chili and cheese And jalapinos I mean you can cover popcorn Put them on you. Yeah, but you don't.

You lose the structural integrity that is popcorn. And nachos just through a wrench in my answer. Yeah. That's what I thought. You can crunch it up and put it on your battery on your feet. I'm going to remove nacho. If we, if nachos wins, but then just plain chips first playing popcorn, we're going popcorn. I would consider nachos a form of chip.

There you go. Yeah. There you go. I can go put filet mignon on. You got me walking them, them nachos at traps that's Seafood. Yeah, they're good. Yeah, that's not a chip, though.

That's a whole different animal. But there's chips under there. What's the main vehicle of the nacho? The fork. It's a... Yeah, you can't grab him. I would even argue maybe the spoon. Yeah.

It turns... The middle turns into more of a soup on those. Yeah. Do we want to end it in any way? All right. Now, if you're wondering about whether you're next this or that, Jesus or the world, Johnny, these is going to help you figure that out.

Top 10 Bible verses about choices. This or that? That's staying in the episode. This or that. Sodom or Gormor, which one would you have been in? Not either. Either.

All right. I got it. You got it. Pretty standard rig here. Because, you know, everybody's got choices. Either this or that. Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways, submit to him. and he will make your path straight. So to the people that put pineapple on pizza or eat candy corn, pray about it. Jesus loves you. And Jesus still loves you. He loves us all. They died for you too. Oh, my goodness.

It's surprising. Jesus loves you all.