Duck Call Room - Uncle Si Finds His DREAM Job

Episode Date: May 20, 2021

A literal dream job falls into Si's lap, but he's not sure they appreciate his unparalleled talents. Phillip asks Si whether there will be game wardens in heaven. Si starts preaching and John-David is here for it. Martin wonders if there's more chocolate on peanut M&M's or regular M&M's. Si remembers his pet squirrel ... and what his mom did after it tore up her couch. JD shares the story of his mom's mail-order monkey. And the boys decide 8% of people have lost it, ostriches do NOT play around, and there's one superpower that's better than all others. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the show. If you could decide how you would die, how would you die? What? How's that? If you could pick the way to exit this earth, how would you exit in a chariot of fire, Elisha style? Pop that answer. What about just flying straight up?

The fire chariot? Yeah. Hey, well, that'd be pretty good way. I don't like fire, though. That'd be the last thing I'd choose. is go out and fire. Well, I'm not going out and fire. I'm riding the fire.

Oh, okay. I mean, only one guy's done it so far. Thanks for clarification, because, hey, when you say fire, that means you're burning. That's true statement. I don't want to do that. Yeah, I got a few ways that I'd like not to go. I don't know if I have a way I want to go.

Great White Shark off the coast of South Africa. If a Great White Shark is going to get me, one or two things are going to have to happen. That boat's going to have to blow up and I'm floating aimlessly at sea or he's going to have to get on. it because I ain't getting in there with him. He's not a type of person that likes to swim as sharks. Mm-mm.

Okay. I don't, if I'm right there with him. If I'm being honest, I don't care to swim, period. I love waiting. I love being able to touch the bottom, but I have much on. Feel that mud oozing through your toes. Amen. Between your toes.

So you have a way you want to go? How do you want to go? No, no, I was just staying. It just hit me, you know, if you had your choice. You know, the reason I asked it, because my great-grandmother, she just had cooked this real fine meal we was up visiting and i think it was peas and cornbread and fresh festivals and all it was in the summertime i'll do it straight out the garden yeah like corn holtob peas you know probably fresh maiters uh and it was

the fried cornbread oh hot water hot water corn bread yeah yeah but anyway which just you know oh man you always had a plate of that now. That's how you want to go out. She just had fed us, and then when it was late at night, we'd played Domino's for a while. She got up, said, Honey,

it's a good Lord's willing. I'm going to go to bed, and it's a good Lord's willing, and I'll see y'all in the morning. Well, she went to bed, went to sleep, and, hey, next morning, one of her daughters went in and found her, and this was the kind of funny part.

She said, y'all are going to think I'm crazy, but Mama had a big smile on her face when I walked in and found her, you know, dead. But that's a good way to go. Amen. You go to sleep, you don't wake up. Because Bridget Tatum,

one of my ex-band member, used to ask, who woke you up this morning? And the answer is, Jesus woke you up this morning. But I like the answer. Because how did you wake up? Did the alarm clock really wake up? No.

Jesus allowed you to wake up. If it wasn't for Jesus, that alarm clock could still be going off. That don't matter. That's right. Philip, you got anything to add to that? You got a way you want to go? Like out on a bowl? No, I don't know that I want to go out that way.

But when we went to visit my wife's great-grandfather in New Mexico, Bryson was a baby, my oldest son, and we were talking to him. He was born in 1904. and he was telling us about baseball before they had gloves. He said, boy, you had to be tough to be a catcher. He said, hey, he said, Phil right here, I still got a scar where I got a foul ball caught me in the neck. It's like, good grief. But we had visited with him and talked with him, and we gave him an LSU hat,

and we were getting ready to leave, and Bryson was telling him by. He said, we'll see you next year when we come back. He said, no, son, I ain't going to be here next year. He said, I don't live long enough. He said, y'all ain't going to see me again. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. And I just thought, wow.

Yeah. I mean, that was the truth. They was, you know, them, didn't that, you know, they was, they was, that's the reason they was called Iron Men. Back in them days, you know, them boys had, you know, know, I think of the movie True Grit. Them boys were full of grit. Tough don't even begin to describe it.

No, no, because that's why there's the greatest generation. I always think about it this way. You know, we had a lot of people when the war broke out, World War II broke out. They went to the draft board, raised their hand, took the oath, got on ships, anything that would float and went to fight for somebody that never met to free them. Mm-hmm. You know, and I remember in our neighborhood and the surrounding general area,

people would give you shirt off their backs. And like all of them, the whole community. You know, it wasn't just one, it was everybody. That's the way they thought. You know, that was their mindset. It was selfless instead of selfish. No, no. It was everything was, how can I help you?

Love your neighbor was still a thing, but. No, no, no. Big thing. It wouldn't compete with your neighbor like it is now. It was a big thing. Because if something happened, like a house burned down, what the next thing is up? The whole neighborhood is out there and then building one.

In a week. I mean, in a week's time, they'd throw up a house frame, do all the stuff. And then everybody was talking about, well, how much do it? How can I repay you? And he said, hey, don't worry about it. He said, maybe if something like this happens to me, then you can help out.

You'd be over there with a hammer and nails. You'd be over at the hammering nails. and do your part. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how I grew up. That's why this nation, okay, was the greatest nation ever, ever.

Okay. I heard of. It's because we actually... I heard a past tense in there. Well, no, no, hold on. We've spiraled a long way down. Don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of good people out there.

But we've gone, we've, in my home opinion, our moral compass, It's gone. It's a bad need of repair. It's about a quarter plum off a true north thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is skewed.

That was a way better way to say. I was trying to talk to our fans. They understand what a quarter plumb is. But I don't know. I don't know how I don't even think I want to choose how I would go out. I don't know. Rather be in the dark about it. Here's what I tell you.

It happens. It happens. Here's what I tell you. It's going to be a surprise. I did think, well, I did think that there were several times I thought we might die when we were riding in airplanes. You know, and that's all true stories. I mean, but. Here's the coolest part, okay, really, about having a relationship with Jesus Christ.

You don't have to worry about that. No. You really don't. And if you had asked me this when I was a young kid. Okay, when, you know, I wouldn't have ever been able to give you the answer that I give you today. Okay. Because, you know, death used to just scare me to death, okay, literally. Yeah.

Now? No. When you're in law. I'm going to, with the men, feel, the last members of our family. Okay. And I was like this with my mother. I was a baby's boy. I mean, a big baby's boy.

Okay. because me and mama was like this and I thought it would tear me apart when she died didn't even phase me because of two things. I know where she went and I know who she's with and she's surrounded by love

all what I call the good stuff. The fruit of the Holy Spirit. All of that. That'll preach right there. Well, there's a big difference in your life when you change from going to thinking of it is death versus thinking of it as birth.

Change of address. Yeah. That's all it is going to be for me. I'm going to leave this little ball we live on, and I'm going to go to some place that I can't even imagine how fine it's going to be, okay, because this is the creator of the universe's palace. So, yeah. It's going to be fine.

Oh, yeah. It's going to, I'm excited about it. So how are you going to see any game wardens when you get up there? That'll be up to the almighty. As far as my opinion goes, there won't be a one in heaven, but hey, the Almighty might have said, no, we got a few coming. Oh, there's several good ones. That probably will be.

Oh, they may ease in. Because, hey, you know, I'm just easing in by the skin of my, you know. I should say I'm easing in by the skin of it. His teeth. But you can bet they'll be incognito. They ain't going to let you know. They're not going to be proud of it. They'll have to have a different job.

They'll be doing something different in heaven. Yeah, they'll be building duck blind forests instead of trying to ride a ticket to them. Oh, okay. All right. Well, look, if you haven't guessed it now, we're back in the duck call room. So I went to preaching to start off. Yeah, what a way to start, right? I'm going to say it.

I liked it. I just sat here and listen to that. I can listen to you all day. I thought-provoking conversation is a good thing. And I mean, just, it is a good thing. But look, you're here, duck call room. We've reached the 40,000, so you don't have to hear that annoying announcement anymore.

But I am going to remind you that we are no longer on the Duck Commander channel. It will only be on the Duck Call Room channel. That's YouTube.com slash duck call room, all one word. And check us out on Apple, Spotify, whatever, wherever you listen to podcast that leave us a nice little rating and review subscribe if you haven't all that good housekeeping stuff and with that we're going to roll into our first break and we'll be right back after this look we're at the first break so i don't even have his his earphones on he don't need them he doesn't become a grizzled veteran i heard y'all good enough he don't eat them

well it's a little better though hey it's a little better sigh you can take them off now we're at break now we're at break now we're at all right look springtime is here it's warming up you know what that means, that means more outside cooking. And y'all know, we love to eat beef around here. And that's what, because of our friends over at Triedells Beef, makes such a good product, ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sall Robertson would say, buy on the grill. Look, before we got Triedells, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef come to them. But with Triedale's beef, we skipped the

grocery store and do it a different way. Triedales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch. So they've been at it for a while. Now look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their stakes are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season,

go check out Tritails Beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She ain't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash. Dock.

Support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. Well, speaking of sleep, look, Sire. I sent it to you, didn't I? What did you send to me? the deal where you can get paid to sleep. Didn't I send you that link? That's the kind of job I should have found years ago. I think you did.

You did find it. Hold on. I was actually good at it, too. I know. You sent me like a picture of a TV in an airport, didn't you? Yeah, it was on one of the news channel, somebody posted where you can. I'm pulling it up. Here we go.

I want to know who's paying someone. Well, listen, John David will tell you how much it is. Okay. Here's the job description for you, Uncle Sy. Take a nap for 30 straight days. Do you think you can do it? I can handle it. Right about your experience.

Can you do it? I can handle it. Are you at least 18 years old? I can handle that about five times. They will pay you. Yeah, we've got the multiplication going on here, boys. Five times that, 18. What's that coming up to?

All right. 72. Hey, that was close, boys. Five would be nine. Oh, yeah, my bad. All right. I was giving you too much credit. You just bad as I am.

And they will pay you $1,500 a month. No. Yeah. You're going to have to up that, baby. My sleep is worth more than that. So you're saying you're worth more asleep than you are awake? Oh, yeah. Hey, yeah.

I'd pay it. Now, that bike just fall asleep and do it just constantly. Every day. Every day. That's a commitment. Look, they can even say, okay, you have to sleep for two hours. or three or four. They just said take a nap.

I know, but they can even put the time limit on me. And baby, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, hey, I hit it every time. You say four hours, I don't need no clock, no long clock. I'll wake up four hours from now. That's true because if I applied to this, I wouldn't be able to take a nap. I can't. I don't nap well. I mean, I nap after about 30 days of duck season, I can finally take a nap.

But other than that, I can't just, like, crawl on the couch and go to sleep. I don't know how you do it. No, no, no, no, look. Hey, well, no, that's what I'm. First, clear your mind of everything. Well, no, no, hey, first you got to have something in your mind. Okay, now. I don't have to clear nothing.

Okay, but you got to understand. That's why I said, no, $500 a month, hey, anybody that can sleep like I sleep with the consistency that I have achieved, you're going to have to pay me for this talent, son, because this is a talent. For the average man, that's pretty good pay, though, I would say. Well, for the average man. It's $18,000 a year to sleep.

Yeah, but hey, look, every day. I'm not average. I guess the only problem is you. We can't afford you, sign. Well, that's what I'm talking about. I'm up at the top of the ladder here, boys. The only problem is you have to work weekends, apparently, if you got to do it 30 days. So you can't even take weekends.

No, no. Hey, hey. Look, where sleep is concerned, there ain't no days. or nights. Okay? This is just a thing that happens. I can tell you what I know to be a fact

after the way today has started. Si had a really good nap before he got it. Wait, we just all over it again. The map, that is. Well, normally we're talking about be like Kit Katz or M&Ms better,

but hey, this week we've covered some serious things. Just so we're clear, peanut M&Ms. Yeah, that's right. Kit Katz kind of aren't good. Yeah, where are? of the M&Ms. They're gone when I got up there.

They ain't been here in. I took them home when I had about a half a jar. That's what we like to. Bad move. That's what we like to call. Your wife ate them? Oh yeah. No, no.

Bad move. We had half a jar. I come back in there a little later and tell me that. Oh. There's all. Ain't nothing but clear plastic in that jug. That's what you start putting nuts and bolts in. That's good for holding nuts and bolts.

It ain't going to hold no peanuts. Not for long. Not for long. I hold nuts and bolts way longer than I hold the peanut in a minute. Nuts and bolts will stay there, but the peanuts, nope, they're gone. Didn't you have an ant or something that would not eat the peanuts but only like to suck the chocolate off? They make regular em and eat.

Well, I had so many crazy ants. She'd leave a big pile of peanuts inside go and eat them. He has some many. No, no, no, because look. He didn't know. Hey. Well, hey, the family's weird. Okay.

and all the Kenvokes She sucked the chocolate off the peanut And then put the peanut back And then you ate them Were they still wet? No, they were dry They're dry out That makes it better I guess

They're dry That's right Didn't hurt a thing You didn't know Didn't hurt him in any kind of way I don't yeah And John David's argument Sometimes we agree

Sometimes we don't I got to support you They make plain M&M. You don't have to have the peanut. Yeah, but they couldn't afford them. They couldn't afford them. The plain ones are cheaper. In theory.

Not back in that day. Oh, no, you got to have the big ones. The big peanuts. They felt like they was getting a value, didn't they? Well, that's a bigger piece of candy for the same price. Oh, yeah, same price, boys. They didn't realize it's actually less chocolate. Oh, yeah.

Get the big one. Somebody needs to do that research. Is there more chocolate on a plain M&M or a peanut? I think you just need a... You just have to bowl up. a box of matches and two sales? No, there's more in the plain M&M. There's more chocolate.

There's more chocolate in the plain M&M than the ones that got peanuts there. What do you mean? You don't know. I mean, there's the common fence. It's going to be close. No, it ain't going to be close. I think the peanut is going to win. If you take a plain M&M, okay, melt it down and take one with the coated of peanut.

But one is smaller than the other for sure. Like the big bulky peanut M&M is bigger. than the little. Well, I'm just saying, there's going to be more chocolate in the plain M&M. Beside, which one weighs more? A pound M&Ms or a pound of feathers?

They weighs the same, dummy. It's the pound. In your face. Boom, Jimmy. I like it. I wasn't born yesterday. Boom, roasted. I wasn't born yesterday, Doc.

He fell off the banana truck, but not yesterday. Yesterday. I like it. Well, that's enough. We'll weigh me a feather of real life. I've actually seen people do that Wait a minute, wait a minute, what do you say? Well, duh, the chocolate, because they're heavier.

No, time out. Time out. I love that. Hey, for real, though, we're not going to do that, but someone do it. Go melt it and figure out. I would suspect. Hello at duckcallroom.com. Email me the results, and your name and your location of residence will get shared here

in the dark call room. I would suspect they're. really close to the same. Oh, hey, I just got to throw this in it, because it just hit me when you said residents. I got a letter from a fan. Okay. And guess what he enclosed with the letter?

$100 bill. No. A pitcher. Now, I'll help you all. What would a fan be sending a picture? And then he was telling, he in the letter saying, hey, tell him it is with you, the non-believers. Oh, here we go.

Oh, yeah. I've seen it. I saw it. Black Panther. That's right. He had a picture. And look, he said, now, hey, I don't know where. I'm sorry, it's not in color.

It, you know, came to me in color. Yeah. He said, but I had to take a photograph of it, and it was black and white. So you received a black and white photo of a photo. Of a color. Of a photo. Yeah, of a photo. So a man got a stamp and put that on a letter.

Yeah, and Jason would say, okay, that's a photo chop. Has this guy never heard of CVS or Walgreens? Well, no, no, but I'm just saying it. Let's just say anywhere. No, no, he just, he apologized for it being in black and white. Friends. Cy calls me over to his house to pick up some stuff. He's got to sign for an event we're doing.

He says, I got to tell you something. I was like, what is it? He's like, I got something to show you. I mean, this is like he's in a... And it wasn't as Tommy John. No, it wasn't his Tommy John. But that's a good thing. I had him on, but it wasn't a Tommy John.

He opens it up, and he's like, look at this. Here's the black guy. pant there. Now we got proof. That's right. That's a picture of a picture. I said, I've seen that picture a million times. No, you hadn't. No, you hadn't because look. See, this is

the real thing here. And he's got other pictures too. Size's building the case. No, no, what it looked like was South America Jaguar. Jaguar. Yeah. Because you could actually tell probably what it was. It's what it was.

It had dots in it, you know, where you You can see. Here's what I know to be true. The only thing more elusive than the Black Panther is our next break. Let's take that. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Mark. We'll be right back.

Well, here's what I'm going to say. And I'm leaving it at this. Are we recording? No, but it doesn't matter because they're not going to believe me anyway. Are there large black cats? Yes. Absolutely. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Everywhere. Potentially somebody's got one as a pet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, potentially.

Living wild. Maybe, maybe not. Statistically improbable. Now, see. However, that large black cat is not a mountain lion. He could be. He's a panther. Which is the synonym for mountain lion.

He could be a jaguar. He could be a leopard. I'm totally fine with that. No, no, no, no. This is a. this is the educational part of the people. He is not a mountain line slash cougar slash panther. That's a whole different one.

Yeah. But there could be a black jaguar or a black leopard that somebody had as a pet that got out. Yeah. Now how in the world he's the only critter in the state of Louisiana that continuously shows himself and doesn't get shot? I'll never know. Because anything else around here, anything else around here is up on the spit. I was just fixing right. The boys got a valid, and I mean a real good, valid point.

Okay. With a bunch of Lucianine or rednecks, because if they saw him, oh, about probably 99.5, maybe 0.75% would blast that sucker. So, you told me that tastes like bald eagle. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. No. You go to jail for eating ball eagle.

No, he's way better than an eagle, but not quite as good as an owl. That's right. An owl has got him beat. Okay, and on a real note, just so we're aware of the controversy we have caused over the Black Panther. In the past... How did you pronounce that? Controversy. That's for our fans across the pond and the United Kingdom.

I knew you did it on purpose. Major controversy. Anyway, I've gotten three emails in the past two days. Kansas, Tennessee, South Carolina. the man in Tennessee said Martin you're full of it like he's mad at you for even doubt he must know Martin

again I'm just trying to add a little clarity on which cat he's got a big good point valid point now but hey North Carolina South Carolina I know but hey North Carolina okay I deer hunted in North Carolina

on Fort Bragg and I've seen a trail going through the woods I got on my hands and knees and tried to I said if I I can get in there where it opens up and put me a stand, I kill a big buck here. I only got about 100 yards, okay. I've done been just, just,

it looked like I've been in a fight with a bobwire fence. Okay, it's ripped my hunting coat. It's ripped the red vest off of me, the orange vest off of me. It's shred. Okay, and I had to literally back out of there. It was so thick. So North Carolina got a tip, trust me.

too thick there you go I don't even know where to go so many sides of the way I do know where to go from here since we're talking about large black cat domesticated animals that we may or may not have seen

by the Dollar General in Arkansas road but I for sure did the tiger in Houston what about it he's been found he's been apprehended he's apprehended it took him a week there was a tiger

so Houston is safe from the tiger from the tiger yes Houston is... You still got to fight the population, no, boys. Okay? The population? Hey, you're not safe.

Okay, you got humans living in Houston. Anywhere there's humans living, no one's safe. And allegedly, the guy who owned the tiger, more dangerous... More dangerous than the tiger. Alleged. Alleged. This is not confirmed, boys. It hasn't been proved.

A court of law will decide that at a later date. But the nine-month-old... It had a name, India. Clever. Is now at the Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch, an animal sanctuary southeast of Dallas, where there's three other tigers. And I really want to go to this ranch.

Because it sounds like there's a lot of cool animals that people just shouldn't have had. Texas is big on exotic animals. That's cool. So, I mean, we've covered that the last three episodes. So I felt like it's something. point we had to discuss the fact that the tiger has been apprehended india the nine-month-old male is living his days out in a wildlife rescue yep i can appreciate that which has got to be better

than somebody's house then the suburban area of yeah the suburbs of houston yeah that's awesome good for india man that's awesome so in case you are only keeping up with the houston tiger's story and if you're not as interested in it as we are that's on you because that's the most interesting thing I've ever heard. He said. He was like a reporter boy. He was on top of that tiger. I've been,

I've been Googling Houston Tiger every day. That tiger, I mean, that's a cool deal. But it's not cool like when you think, like, for a week, there was a tiger

in people's backyard. It just shows me how situationally unaware most people are. Because that tiger watch people, like, walk by him. Oh, my God.

And they never even, you know, India was just like, hey, you throw me a ball. That's spooky. You got a scratch pad? Yeah, that's spooky there. When you say that, tell me, well, I'm, you know, in the streets of Houston, in the dark, in the park. In the dark in the park. Hey, there's a tiger laying up there on that limb, and he's right.

Just watching him. And he's just watching me. He did. Hey, look at it. He's swiggling his tail. Why are he doing it? Just. So people of Houston, residents of Houston, last week, if you had that feeling like something was watching you?

It probably was. It probably was. And now, hey, kids are safe to go on the playground. That's right. Yeah. I love it. Big cats are cool. They scare me to death.

I like them at zoos. Yes. That's where they belong. Or animal sanctuary. I like them on that geo. Martin. Like roaming wild and free, catching gazelle. Oh, no, no.

Tell me what kind of cat got out of the zoo in New Orleans or was it Baton Rouge. I have no idea. This was been several years ago. But it broke out. And then it attacked other animals in the zoo and got away and they finally caught it. Yeah. I think you're talking about the new Jurassic world. No, no, no, no.

That was the Indominious Racks. No, no, I remember. I think it was a leopard. I think it was. It was a leopard. And look, the leopard actually killed two other animals in the zoo. Well, that's what leopards do. Yeah.

I mean, they haunt stuff. Well, that's why, hey, that's why when you fool with wildlife. When you go to make them tame, that's a big deal. When you try to make a wild animal. A pet. You're just asking for trouble. The same can be said for something as innocent as a squirrel. A pet squirrel or a pet squirrel.

That will bite you too. A pet squirrel? Yeah. Oh, we had a pet cat squirrel when I was growing up. My mom had a pet monkey. Oh, no. Hey, look, mom bought a brand new cat. Whoa, whoa, you can't just met time.

A pet monkey? Yeah. So my mom said the monkey wasn't mean. Its name was Yoko. Yoko. Yoko. Wait. Yoko boy

Yoko monkey And they would hold it like with a towel around it They stayed in their house What are they scared They're going to catch the disease or something off of them Probably that was like crap that's pants or something I don't know I wasn't there

Did they get rid of when I'm out The 70s were a lot cooler than Now that You could just have whatever pet you wanted I wonder if that was like payment Somebody bought her to your pepaw Because they couldn't come up with cash Like hey but I got a pet monkey

Well hey His name is Yoka His name is Yoko. Back to how a few days we had a pet cat's squirrel, mom had just went down to the furniture store and bought a brand new couch, which was pink in color. Okay, well, a cat's squirrel got under the couch,

pulled a bunch of cotton out of the couch, out of the springs, made him a nice little round nest, soft cotton. And when you sit down in the spring, was sticky in the behind because he's done pulled all the cotton out I guess what you know we had squirrel for supper that night

because mom caught that sucker and skin him out and fried him up some of you say I don't you don't buy a new cat oh yeah you don't buy a brand new cow than let the pet cat squirrel welcome to the Robertsons welcome to the Robertson

hey my goodness you become you become supper when you put a stunt like that oh man oh well let's Let's take another break. I found his cat, too. The one he was talking about a few years ago. It was a leopard, right? It was a leopard.

But it did not get outside of the zoo. No, no, no. But it killed two animals inside the zoo. Nine. Oh, nine? Oh, I don't remember it was a couple. Hey, this boy went on to kill this priest. I tell you.

Hey, you've been locked up for that long. You'd be locked up for that long as a whole premise of Jurassic World. Hey, no, no. Hey. Let me out. I ain't heard nobody. This was a convicted criminal, okay? Like somebody, hey, he gets loose anywhere, boys.

Somebody figured to die. No people were hurt, though. I'm trying to people. Does it list what animals he got? No, that's what I was looking for. It's curious. Nope, no, yes, it does. Oh, what do he take out?

Tell it. I don't even like reading this. Monkey? I've been to this zoo, and it's a great zoo. An alpaca and a fox died the first day. then four alpacas alpacas What's an alpaca

He looked like a llama One emu And another fox He got an email too So he went for big birds He went on a hunting spree side A few alpacas That's what it was

And a few foxes Which that fox tried to take out my dogs I got that jaguar's buck Yeah that's an alpaca Yeah Pretty much Yeah So they actually

They actually sure of them things Is sell the wool right That's that jacket you got. Oh, is that what that is? Uh-huh. That Willie bought you. They must live for it's real, real cold. Because, hey, the wind does not cut that thing.

Uh-uh. I don't care. A hundred mile and I win. It just goes to show you. You don't even know it. That leopard, you can't take the wild out of it. No. So, you think he had a hit list like you and Stone do down at Fieldsland?

He's been watching. No, he just, hey. He's like. Hey, no, no. You just made the list. No, no. He doesn't told that alpaca. You spent on somebody else one more time.

Watch it. I'm watching you. Hey, back to the laying on the limb. He's been chewing on that cable like the Shawshank Reddish. His list is, okay, if you walk by that limb, you're on the list. They said if you foxes you up one more time, I swear if I get out of this, I'm going to tear you off. Oh, I will get out. And when I do, it's going to be a reckoning.

That's right. I'm going to get you. And at Emu, everybody loves chicken. Everybody loves chicken Andy Dufrein The Leopard from New Orleans All right, we're out We'll be back after this

Hey get him going boy Oh anyways So I don't know where we are we at Do we have good news? I well I mean I found something on the internet That's worth talking about Also my mom just texted me

And this is the coolest thing I've ever heard of in my life Because she's not as quick on the text as I needed her To be in the last segment Well she's working She's also at work The way they found the monkey is my aunt saw an advertisement in a magazine, and they ordered a monkey through a magazine. No way.

That's fantastic. I want to go back in time, too, Si, because you sound way. Seriously, and Robuck, boys. Order your own pet monkey. So, Yoko the monkey. Yoko the monkey is going to your town. Via magazine. But I found an article on the internet.

Someone did a survey. I want to pet the elephant. Oh, cow. It has to do with elephants. He just showed the elephant. What? All right. So they surveyed a bunch of Americans, and the question was, which animal do you think you could beat in a fight?

And you check, yes, I can beat this animal in a fight, or no, I can't. Eight percent of Americans in this survey think they can beat a gorilla in a fight. Nope. That's that eight percent of insanity. These are the 8% you know where they live? In the insane asylum. Okay, because they think they can whoop a gorilla. Yeah, and 8% the silverback gorilla.

Those same three people, 8% of people said they could beat a lion and an elephant in a fight too. Now, 6% say they could beat a grizzly bear in a. a fight. I'm going to go out on a limb and say, you got a better chance first the grizzly bear than you do a gorilla. Tell them to put their money where their mouth is. No, I think those are equally you end up dead. Well, yeah, the chance is zero.

Speaking of going out how you want to go out in death, that would be I mean, I would think you could now you're not going to, no, you're not going to, just a straight up like fist fight. I don't know, it's just a fight. Like, no weapons, no, like,

if it says. Like this versus that. Oh, I got one that, you know, I put it this way. I will become Las Vegas. Las Vegas. And I will cover all of your pets on this. So you don't think there's a single

person in this country that would beat a gorilla in a fight. A true wild gorilla that you got upset. You're not going to beat a silverback gorilla. Okay? Not without a weapon. This is something that swings to the vines of trees.

Okay, and if he gets bad, he don't swing. He yanks the trees out by the roots and tosses his aside. I'm going to be honest with you. There ain't many wild animals I'd pick me over in just a straight-up fistful. No. All right. Oh, the best one would be a kangaroo from Australia. You think you could beat a kangaroo?

A kangaroo could whip out of the state. Okay, 14% of people think they can be to kangaroo also in the study. Hey, put it this way. A kangaroo would whip out of it. Lee. All right, bald eagle. Balled eagle. You're not beating a bald eagle in a fight? No, because he'd pick you up, get up at about a thousand feet, drop you, and you're dead.

He ain't going to pick me up, but he got the element of surprise. Hey, you're going to become a bomb. So 30% of people. He's going to drop the bomb, baby. Think they would beat a bald eagle in a fight. 61% of people think they would beat a goose in a fight. I mean, you could probably be the goose or a dog. You can grab him by the fan.

You might have a whoop a goose. And his claws ain't sharp. He doesn't really have a, you know. This one disturbs me, though. Doesn't have a defense mechanism. Is this monkey on a rope? Only 72% of people think they could beat a mouse. What are these other 28% of people doing that they can't beat up a mouse?

The field mouse is fast. It ain't going to hurt you. They're probably thinking about mighty mouse. That's why I'm serious. The problem with a mouse is catching him. Like he hit and ruin you. Bop, go on. I'm eventually going to win.

No, well, you may not. Because, hey, the mangoose. Or mongoose. He whoops a cobra. And he ain't nothing but just a big bouse. Okay. I'm serious. But what if that mouse has rabies?

He slips up, bites you one time on an ankle, and you die before. Then he wins a fight. He wins. Actually, it was only a picture. This is technically a rat is what was asked. Ew. So. I mean, really the only sure thing I'm going with for me is that goose.

I take him. Yeah. I would fight a goose, okay. I want to see sigh fighting a goose. Maybe a whip him, okay, but all the rest of it. But even with that goose, you don't know he was there. This is one of them things. There's an alert at the front.

and back. Talking about, do not do this at home. Mm-hmm. Well, there's more animals, but some of them are domesticated and that could just get you.

So you were talking about there going up against a grizzly bear? Hamster. No, like a medium dog to a large dog. Tear you up. Here's the thing. You said something

about somebody fighting a grizzly bear and wouldn't it? No. Folks, a grizzly bear can slap a moose with his paw. Moose slap. And break his neck

and cut it. about halfway off. All those things. All the above. A moose slap. Somebody got moose slap. Well, that's all I got from that ridiculous article. That was a ridiculous article.

It just worked. We've been talking about the wild animal kingdom. I said, well, let's drop ourselves into it. Somebody got paid to come up with that study. And what does it mean? I think it means that Americans are getting dumb. No, no. it means okay they're wasting a lot of money

on a stupid study that don't mean nothing to begin with it's nonsense I'm not going oh wait I think I just found more of it oh he just found he how could there be more of that right yeah oh wow this is a bigger study I clicked something and it just got wild is it a fight to the finish yeah now it's a fight to the finish between other animals

the goose wins 14% of the time Against what? Every other animal. Grass. An unarmed human is ranked right below an ostrich and right above a goose. Ooh. My, my... Whoa, whoa, whoa, what time out.

They're saying an ostrich, Kate whoop a goose? No, no, no. So the ranking system here, there's about 30 of them. We're going to put goose at number 30, human at 29, ostrich at 28. Okay, because I saw a man, a very good friend of mine, taken out by an ostrich who also ran me into the truck prior to weapon him.

He chased him back to the truck. And if it hadn't been for a 20-gay shotgun, that ostrich would have won said fight. That's it. Well, my aunt who ordered the monkey from the magazine, she lived on an ostrich farm for a while, and then things were scary. That was mean.

I was just saying, because you're an uncle. Mac. Owens had an old ostrich farm. One of them ostrichs jumped up and put back on his back. You know the old deal about Mike is back? Hey, I don't know she jumped up and hit him one of them here because they got three big claws on their feet. He just jumped up and just boom.

Like that right there in his chest and hey, he looked like he had a rope tied to him like they're doing the movies. They had a lot of ostrich. Yank him back. Look, when it comes to me in an ostrich and fight or flight, your boy flew. He flew. Your boy flew into the back of his truck and crawled over the top to get into the cab of it

where his shotgun was going. Yeah, where he's getting the weapon. I was like, I'm not, then he had to go back and tell the rancher on something, hey, you know that officer? I didn't.

He killed him. I made him tell it. I didn't kill him. It was self-defense, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He said, you know that orchards you warned us about? There's a problem.

We had to kill him. I wish I had. He gone. A few times I did not have a video camera. That buddy, I wish I would have. When Mack told us about getting stomp by that orchards, We all wanted something. Did you get it on film?

Oh, man. Sorry that happened, Mac. But did you get it on film? He said, no, but he raised his t-shirt up and said, but look at these three print. Oh, he left on my chest. That one kicked Miller into binoculars. That's the only thing that saved his chest.

He had his binoculars on his lap. Oh, it cut back. Yeah, it broke his binoculars in half. It was funny. It cut him. Speaking of my uncle, Mac, you told a story a few weeks ago about, like, the sun falling from the sky before a duck hunt,

you and Godwin and Mac were there. I texted that. Yeah, out of New Mexico. He don't remember. He don't remember his son falling. So now I'm like 95%? No, no, no, no. Look, that day, it was 17 different falling stars, shooting stars, whatever you want to call them.

UFOs. UFOs, whatever. We sit there for about 45 minutes throwing out decoys and we're looking across the sky. That's awesome. Watch his stuff. And look, one of them, Look as big as the sun come across on fire and then broke up right above us. And big ball of fire and then a little ball of fire trading it.

That actually happened. I would put my hand on a Bible and swear to that. I'll check back with that. I was real. I'll tell him to watch this episode. This was not a story. Okay. This was fact.

Well. Because it was amazing to watch it because Phil looked up and said, boys, y'all don't realize something. That big ball of fire that we're looking at going across the sky is a big, big planet that we have no idea where it comes from and we have no idea where it's going. Because you've got to think about this. Where is this crap falling? Are we falling? It's falling somewhere.

If you can find it, it's worth a lot of money. Yeah. Where is it falling? Hey, I'm talking about 17 different deals. Are we currently falling? Spending. We're moving. negative 9.8 meters per second square.

Did you know, J.D., that 20, from January 1, 2020 to January 1, 2021, I travel over 5 million miles. Okay. And look, and most of it, guess where I was at when I... Asleep on your couch. I was neither in my recliner or in my bed. And I'm telling you, folks, I don't remember going five million something miles. I don't know, but I should be platinum.

Okay. Anyway, let's take our... That's pretty cool. That is cool. But let's take our last break, and we're going to come back and get in that hello at duck call room. Don't go away. Hello. Hello.

Don't go away. Johnny Dee, hello at duck call room. What's up in there? Well, once again, there's pictures of black cats from all over America. Hey, it is. But we got one. We went serious earlier on this episode, so we're going to go much lighter. But once again, hey, whatever you need.

You have a silly question. Ask it at hello at Duck Call Room. You need life advice from Si? Ask it at Duck Call Room. We helped some people out last week. Oh, yeah. I believe they've. That was good advice.

They're probably engaged now. Yeah. Beats me if they are. We haven't heard back. All that could be happy married. Cody. Well, that's really quick. I hope they're not married.

yet. I hope they're engaged. But Cody from Richmond, Kentucky, he's an avid listener, and he's got a question, what would you be if you could be a superhero? Ooh. I guess. Hey, that's a good question. Or maybe, like, which super power

you would have, but his exact question. I can't wait to hear this. Yeah. If you could be a superhero, who would you be? I don't, I don't care who I am. I just want to fly, baby. I want the power of flight. You want flight, huh? Yeah, I like that.

That's awesome. But, like, there's different types that, like, Spider-Man? No, he's not flying. He's just falling. He's dangling. Nah, that's too much work. He dangles. Superman's just zipping around.

Yeah, but tell you got on, I know where he's talking about. Flight would be the coolest thing ever. Okay, and one day I'm going to do it. That's right. I'm serious. How? At the resurrection. At the resurrection.

At the resurrection, when I'm at Jesus in the sky. I fly away, son. Okay, and hey, I'm going to be using Jesus power, okay? Amen. I'm kind of ashamed that I didn't, I wasn't ready. No, no, no, you got to understand. I'm with you on that. What would you want if you would be a superhero?

What power? I want to fly, baby. I think, yeah. You got to think about it. Every time I look at a bunch of ducks and they're so high, they look like mosquitoes, okay? And then three seconds you hear, and then they're backpedaling in front of you

over the decoys and you, I'd just love to get up there and fly with them. No, no, no. Like get in formation with them. I mean, I like to think I'd be a little smarter, be like, no, hammer, that's a duck blind. You don't want to go there. You don't want to go there.

I've got a question since you're an educated man, how does 1,000 green wing teal? You've asked me this. Come over and make a banking maneuver. Okay, I'm talking about all the way in the same instant. And they're flying like a foot apart. Martin's answer last time is you're going to have to do that flying maneuver you were speaking of earlier, and you're going to have to ask Jesus on that.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. But I don't know that one. I'm looking forward to that. I will fly just like an eagle does one knee's date. But my deal would be, I would reckon they do that out of necessity, because if they don't change course like the rest of them, they're about to run into somebody.

Or run into trees. Or trees or ground or something. They're actually just dodging each other. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but they're moving. Look, I'm in water up to my chest, okay. Here comes a wood duck.

Okay, I'll raise up. And I see the tree coming out of my peripheral vision. Okay, there's a, I didn't see it, but there's a hole in this tree. I'm fixing to shoot him out as well. I'll just pop him as he goes behind, you know, comes out behind the tree. That's a good call. Well, hey, I just go past the tree and I'm waiting for the duck. He don't come out.

Then I walk around there, look, there's a hole in the tree up there. Look, I've seen it on film, people filming them. That wood duck was flying. I'll be easy. At least 60. Good grief. Okay, he's going 60 miles an hour at least, and he does this. Poop, poop, twice, and then lands on the edge of the hole and down the hole.

Down the tree you go. So he went from 60 to nesting to down the hole. Just that quick. Now that's a superpower. No, no, because I had a guy showed it, but he had to do it, okay. He's coming at a time and saying full speed, you know, just. fast camera. You see it,

you got a way bit. So he just runs it back, turns it on slow motion, and he comes in there, hey, he comes up to tree and it looks like he's fixed, just explode, and he hits two wing beats like this.

Okay, then lands and is down the hole. There you go. So, Sye, for a superpower, just wants to be a wood duck. Oh, I would love to be. Worse ducks to be, that's for sure. No, no.

He goes through timber. Okay, you got to understand something. And he's done been shot at. So he's done kicked in the afterburners. He's running about at least 75 now. And look, and this is a thick forest. And he, Fee, Pee, Pee, Pee, Pee, Pee, Foo.

Soom. Never hit nothing. Johnny D, you didn't say what your superpower would be. Yeah, what were you at? Yeah. He was big man, Spider-Man. Stick in the wall. Batman.

the coolest superhero. Oh, Batman, boy. But he's not really a superhero. He's just a guy that's got cool. He got cool toys. Really cool toys. He's got a deep voice. Johnny D.

But that or I'd either like... Annie was loaded. Well, that's cool. Would you like to drive the Batmobile? Yeah, no, that would be fun. Or like laser eyeballs. Okay. Yeah.

But, yeah, that's all I got. Just cut through that steel beam. over you. But yeah, no, Batman's the coolest of all the superheroes, hands down.

I agree. Superman's not that cool, even though. But Batman can fall with style. Like, he can't fly, but he can drop out of something. He glide.

So that's me. He's a driver, boy. Anybody else before we kick it to this Bible? I'm not flying. I'm flying with Martin. So y'all are all flying. I'm just buying cool stuff.

You got to actually think about that. Up in the sky. with no attachments. Anytime Morgan Freeman's your assistant, that's pretty awesome. That's way cooler than Willie's assistant. I'll give Batman that. Got a better voice too. All right, we got a Bible.

You know what? I had the Bible verse, and it's the perfect verse for what we talked about earlier, but now we got another verse, so I'm going to go fast. First, Thessalonians 417. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be hot up together with them in the clouds and meet the Lord in the air. air so we will be with the Lord forever.

That's for you three right there because you can't fly yet, but one day you're going to. And then we hit on some a little heavier stuff at the beginning and I find it very important to read this. So I'm going to slow down for this one. Mark 1228, they were coming at Jesus again trying to trip him up and ask him questions. And they said, one of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating, noticing that Jesus had giving them a good answer, he asked him, of all the commandments, which is the most important? The most important one answered Jesus is this.

Here, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And the second is this. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. And all I can say that is one day, I'm going to be doing a hundred. 125 miles an hour on a downhill cell,

and I'm just going to let my toes drag the top of the water as I go skyward. And the reason he's going to do that is because he loved his neighbor, baby. There you go. All right. We'll see y'all next time right here in the duck call room. We're out. Oh, I love it.